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We are all using our computer webcams more than ever nowadays. It has got me thinking about webcam security, and the ability of hackers to turn on your webcam without your knowledge.
A while ago, my husband bought these and went around sticking them on our laptop cameras. I never really thought about it until I started using my camera almost daily and have to move the little square back and forth from in front of the camera to a little off to the side.
I like how these don’t leave any sort of sticky residue and that I can move the cover back and forth every day without it losing stickiness. The cover also doesn’t get in the way of closing my laptop. (By the way, the image they have of the hacker watching you while wearing a ski mask is cracking me up.)
A 6-pack of these webcam covers is $5.99 at Amazon. Webcam Covers
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Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
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- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
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- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
DLC says
Ok, funny, slightly TMI story about these (but I guess parents do talk about poop a lot, so….). A couple of years ago, I noticed that my husband had put a piece of electrical tape over the camera of the family iPad mini. And I finally got around to asking him about it and it turns out that the mini is his reading device of choice while on the toilet and he was paranoid about hackers capturing images of him taking a dump. He also just uses a Post It on his own computer.
Anon says
Ha! It’s not a crazy fear. I work in IT and everyone keeps their webcams covered when not in use. The sliding covers featured in the post are a super common conference swag item (back when we had conferences).
Anonymous says
last week I found a stash of 5 webcam covers in my box of stuff from my office and replaced all the band-aids and post-its that we’d been using. They are the best most useful conference swag by far.
I work in IT security, and + a million you should cover your webcam when not in use. I wish there were a better way to do it on phones
Anon says
Not that long ago, someone was arrested for having spied on people through web cams for many years before he was caught. I noticed because it felt like an urban legend had been confirmed!
Anon says
(And I guess “web cams” is misleading… The people he was spying on had no idea that their cameras were on or that data was being transmitted.) I tried looking this up and found it’s happened several times. So it’s not a made-up concern.
Anonanonanon says
Love these slidey covers, highly recommend! Gives me peace of mind that my camera isn’t accidentally on during meetings when I don’t want it to be haha
Anonymous says
For those of you who had planned on trying to conceive this year, are you delaying your plans? Changing them altogether? We were hoping to have a third baby, but are planning to use donor eggs, which means that while I’m older (41), egg quality isn’t the issue so much as the fact that I’d be that much older physically (which can mean a harder pregnancy, older mom, etc) and the age gap would be a bit bigger. I was inclined to wait a bit but am worried that there’s no end in sight. On the other hand, what if there’s a vaccine and I’m ineligible because I’m pregnant and we all have to lock down for an extra 9 months because of it. Or what if this goes on forever and we have THREE kids to parent full time at home while working in a pandemic?
Anon says
Pregnant women will almost certainly get vaccinated before kids so I don’t see how being pregnant would delay your family’s ability to re-enter the world, unless you’re blasé about your kids getting Covid, which most people aren’t (it was quite a bummer when I realized summer ‘21 travel is off the table, because even in a best case scenario in which DH and I can get vaccinated by then, our kid definitely can’t).
If the pandemic were, g-d forbid, going to last forever or even for many years, I would want more kids not fewer, because I think the nuclear family would be so much more important without all of our normal social and educational structures. But I only have one and I realize 1 vs 2 is a different decision than 2 vs 3.
Pogo says
Personally I want as many children as possible to help work the land and hunt when society collapses and we have to fend for ourselves! Kidding. sort of, feeling v dark today.
Anon. says
Bahaha! Thank you for this.
Mathy says
Howling at this. You’re so right!
Anonanonanon says
Feeling dark lately as well. Channeling the anxiety in weird ways. I am obsessively hoarding chocolate chips (???) because for some reason, in my mind, if I can make my kids chocolate chip cookies this fall/winter, everything will be fine.
Luckily, we got a chest freezer, so I’m looking forward to stocking it and hunkering down for the fall and winter I suppose. Of course, the second we stock it we’ll get a huge power outage, because ain’t that the way. (knock on wood aka particle board ikea desk)
Anon IVF says
So I can’t answer your first question because, while I am pregnant this year (had a successful IVF transfer in late January), our plans were already in motion pre-COVID. And honestly, knowing what we know now, even if I’d had a mid-March transfer scheduled, I would have gone ahead with it. I know our IVF clinic was closed from mid-March to mid-July which obviously impacted a lot of people’s fertility journeys, so that is something for you to consider. Clinics are open now – will they be open in 6 months? In one year? No one can predict. Would you be kicking yourself later if you didn’t move forward now and then had to delay?
I can say personally that we do plan to have more children (I’m also 40, but we have enough frozen euploid embryos that we can complete our family without having to do more retrievals, and *****knocking all the wood**** I’ve had an easy pregnancy so far so not terribly worried about more pregnancies in early-mid 40s. And we will continue to move forward iwth these plans regardless of what COVID throws at us.
Anon says
No, but we’ve been trying (with an interim miscarriage plus recovery from that) for about 18 months, except we put off this month because I’ve billed 80 hours this past week (which is my fertile window) – sleep wins out over babymaking this month, boo.
Go for it says
I just had a baby, but if I hadn’t this wouldn’t stop me from TTC. My husband and I plan to start trying for #2 when our first is a year old. We’ve already discussed that depending on vaccine timing, etc. we may end up with two pandemic babies and we’re fine with that. As for parenting multiple kids during a pandemic, we’ll figure that out. I’ll be in my mid-30s, so time is a bit of a factor, and we want multiple kids badly enough that we aren’t going to let this get in the way. We are fortunate to have some family support nearby, and we are in a good position financially. If I were in my 20s or less financially secure maybe I’d feel differently about waiting out the pandemic.
Anon says
I went ahead with my pregnancy plans and am glad I did. I am an older mom and don’t want to wait and postpone any longer. I feel like I’ve spent so much of my life trying to build a foundation for a positive family life – get married, support my spouse in his education, find stable jobs, move to a neighborhood with good schools and close to family, etc. I want to actually fulfill my dreams now and not let outside circumstances derail my opportunity when we finally have the pieces together.
Anon2 says
I purposely got pregnant last month (also with #3). We cannot know how long this is going to go on, and I did not want to put my plans on hold forever. I am in NY and things seem at least like controlled chaos right now, and I am hopeful the spring will be relatively okay here (but not naive). I am, however, considering homeschooling my oldest to limit our family’s exposure as much as possible – I am more worried about catching it while pregnant than about the after logistics of having three in an ongoing pandemic. (I also think I would not get vaccinated during pregnancy, because I am really skeptical of the complete lack of any long term data).
I did delay until now, because spring here in NY was nuts, but when I look a year down the road, I know I will wish I had gone ahead and grown our family. Time is a bit of the essence when it comes to TTC, to me, in terms of my ability to handle pregnancy, the age gap of our children, and the amount of time I have with my child over our lives.
I also agree with above posters that the pandemic has reinforced my feelings on the value of siblings and a close family – if you want more kids after half a year of isolation, I’d say you feel similar and should go for it. There is never a perfect time, even absent a pandemic…
Anon says
I’ll be the dissenter. I’m one of the posters who said I can’t have kids naturally. I had to decide whether to pursue more IVF attempts, adopt or give up. The pandemic was the push I needed to throw in the towel. We can’t imagine parenting through the pandemic and it made us appreciate our child free status in a way that I didn’t before. Before I was focused on what I didn’t have, now I’m focused on what I do have.
Anon says
I’m having a full-blown moment of “am I the unreasonable one?” this morning regarding social distancing and a family member. Basically, after having a scare in the last couple of weeks, I received a negative COVID test early this week, and it appears I am battling a sinus infection/cold. This has caused my husband and I to reevaluate our social distancing.
I live with my husband (both early 30s) and 11-month old daughter in a rural area without many cases, but they are on the rise. My dad (late 60s) lives nearby. We have been visiting with him during the pandemic, but I have become increasingly frustrated and stressed over his lack of social distancing. He still goes to church services (wears masks in but takes off when seated, seated somewhat apart), attends his board meetings and other activities indoors, goes golfing and shares rides to and from the golf course with various friends, and goes to cookouts and other gatherings. However, I am feeling somewhat hypocritical. My husband owns his own construction company and only has direct contact with one other employee. I am an attorney and have been in the office some (small office, own office with door, masking, social distancing, and sanitizing procedures in place) and seeing some clients with safety measures in place. My daughter is in daycare, and they have very strict policies that make us feel more comfortable. I have attended two in-person board meetings with masking and social distancing, but I plan to try to cut this out. We did attend two small outdoor family gatherings with my dad present. However, we regretted it afterwards.
After my scare this week, my husband and I have decided to reevaluate our boundaries. We decided to postpone in person activities with my dad. He feels like he is being careful and we are being unreasonable. Has anyone dealt with taking a step back like this? Any tips appreciated.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi. I think telling your Dad why you’re uncomfortable is very reasonable. Not seeing his grandchild may result in him being more careful so that he can. I’m in a hotspot, and MANY of the cases of transmission are from the “light socializing” that people think is okay without precautions of mask/distancing.
Not the exact same thing, but my MIL was being safe but social in the ways you mention – no church but meeting with small groups of friends/family unmasked, going out to eat a few times, etc. She’s 2 states away in a state that does not have the massive, dense cities, so wasn’t hit as hard, but cases are on the rise. She went to go stay with my SIL for a weekend, and we knew SIL and her family were NOT taking a ton of precautions (July 4th, they carried on with plans with SIL’s husband side of the family, no distancing, no masking, definitely not a “pod” or “bubble” of about 15+ folks). It is disheartening especially because my SIL is a front-line clinician, not seeing COVID+ patients but still in a hospital setting, and her husband also works a job where he has to go in and be around folks. We asked my MIL to take a COVID test before coming to stay with us. She agreed, but eyerolled a little. She took the precautions, tested negative, and all is fine.
Anonanonanon says
I would maybe frame it as a favour to him. “Hey dad, while I’m COVID-negative, I have an awful cold and I clearly caught it somewhere out in the world, which has made us realize that we have not been as careful as we should. While we work to adjust and limit our external contacts, we’re going to put a pause on seeing your in person for a while. I just couldn’t live with myself if we got you sick!”
Anon says
I don’t think this is a good way to frame it, because he’ll just say “I’m willing to take the risk to see my grandchild, don’t worry about me.” She’s taking the precautions to keep her family safe, not to keep him safe. She should be direct about that.
Anonanonanon says
“I hear you dad, but that’s not something I’M ok with, so we’re going to take this approach for now”
Ashley says
We are dealing with this with my grandparents, so kiddo’s great grandparents. They think they are being “careful” because they aren’t gathering in big groups or socializing as much as they did before. But are still eating indoors at restaurants and getting their nails done (without masks). I think my answer is going to be something like, I know you are being more careful than you would have been in pre-COVID times. But given the rate of spread right now, we are not comfortable seeing anyone without true social distancing (6 ft) and masking. If we can all agree to fully self isolate, which would mean no (spell out risky activities they are doing) for 14 days, then I would be comfortable getting together. Good luck to you! I know my people are not going to take it well. Truthfully I am concerned for both us and them. If they get COVID, they are not likely to live through it due to age and underlying health conditions.
Anon says
I have been thinking about whether and when to have children lately which has led me to my childhood. While there were some good parts, the more I think about it and talk to my parents today, the more I realize that all of the qualities of my parents, especially my mother, which I complained about when I was younger, are still alive and well and are actually pretty damaging (i.e., I wasn’t wrong when I was 12 and thought that certain situations seemed so irrational). One of my stresses about potentially having a child is the interactions with my family, and my in-laws, both with respect to how I am raising the child, and also how they might interact with my kid. For example, my mother is a huge blame shifter, did it when we were kids, and she just did it to me yesterday (“this thing I was responsible screwed up because you did something wrong!”). Other issues include being bad at resolving conflict (fighting/yelling, again never taking responsbility), lack of empathy (which leads to prejudicial comments), and general narcissistic traits, I guess. When I read posts about narcissist mothers a lightbulb goes off in my head.
For those in this situation, how did you navigate it? Did it affect your choice to have a kid or not? I can’t just cut them out completely, I like my father a lot, so my mother comes with the package lol. But sometimes I just want to live far far away and never have to deal with them again.
anon says
I think it’s good to be aware of these issues, but they wouldn’t stop me from having children if I wanted children. Therapy can be helpful in setting boundaries to protect your children. You can also develop scripts for pointing out problematic behavior to your children when they observe but aren’t directly affected.
Also, DH and I have noticed that some of the things we grew up (yelling, poor conflict resolution) with become patterns we repeat in our own family, especially because having a child upends life in many ways and can be stressful. We’re working on those things now, but I wish we’d made a greater effort to resolve some of these issues in therapy before having kids. They didn’t seem like a huge deal then because they only flared up occasionally.
Anonymous says
This. I yell less than my mom, but more than I want to. I work hard at doing it less. I agree that it is good to be aware of these things and work on them sooner. The pandemic stress brought out traits I would have told you I didn’t have.
Anon says
I don’t have a narcissist mother, but I will say that becoming a parent makes you realize how hard raising a family really is, and you gain more appreciation for what your parents did for you – even basic things like keeping you fed and clothed and cared for – and perhaps gain some empathy for how your parents are fallible. I’m sure you will need to set boundaries, but maybe you could open to the possibility of trying to understand your mom from a different perspective too.
Anon says
I normally would ignore this comment, but i think it’s important to note that his comment seems to discount what I have said as “you will see how hard it is to raise kids”. I am far from naive on that point. I guess I did not go through every detail as to how my mother is narcissistic, but please if you encounter someone in my scenario in real life understand that these words can be damaging as it discounts our experience which is the very thing a narcissist does to continue the manipulation (“I was the perfect mother. What are you talking about?”). For example, my mother is an alcoholic (i don’t recall the last time I saw her not drink in a day, literally…ever? A lot of narcissists have substance abuse issues). She was violent with my sister (I largely escaped that because I was “good”). She has told my sister and I we are bad people and will never be liked by anyone. My mother pretends these things never happened.
Anon says
Yep, therapy highly recommended.
Anon says
Is it so bad to suggest that parenting could help you understand your mom from a different perspective? I don’t think this discounts your experience or implies she was a great mom, only that she is still human.
Anon says
It’s hard to explain how much you sound like someone who doesn’t “get it.” It’s not exactly that you’re wrong that her mom is human, but you’re pushing in the wrong direction. The children of narcissists need help seeing the ways in which their parents are UNLIKE other humans, and need to be LESS understanding of their behavior and choices.
OP says
+ 1 I am the OP (so i didn’t write this Anon comment directly above), and this is exactly why this comment is problematic.
I have learned from her behavior for sure. I had learned bad behavior that I am working to unlearn. I’m working on fixing my false perceptions due to how i was raised. I am glad to hear a lot of people have managed to overcome this, and my mother shouldn’t be a factor in my child decision especially if I’m willing to distance/protect my kid if necessary (which I am).
No Face says
I don’t have any tips, just encouragement. My husband and I grew up in dysfunctional homes, with different types of dysfunction. I’m proud to say that our marriage is nothing like our parents’ relationships and our parenting is nothing like how we were raised. We aren’t perfect obviously, but we have a happy, peaceful home. I can see that reflected in our children. It is so wonderful and healing. My childhood is not who I am. My relationship to my parents pales in comparison to my relationship with my kids.
I do have one tip! Get to a good place with yourself and with your partner before you have kids. Learn how to care less about what your parents think of your choices. I don’t care what our parents think about our family choices. They can comply or see the kids less; their choice. Managing their feelings about it or convincing them is not my goal or responsibility.
OP says
Thank you so much. I absolutely want to break the narc cycle. glad to hear you have.
Anonymous says
If you want to be a parent, don’t let your parents stop you. Move away if necessary.
I had one terrible parent and one less terrible in-law. We cut off my parent completely and carefully managed contact with the in-law, which was easier because we lived 1000+ miles away.
The bigger issue will be how your history affects your own parenting. It can be difficult, but I wasn’t about to let the person who ruined my childhood stop me from having kids too.
Anonanonanon says
My dad was the damaging parent and, I have to say, he has been nothing but wonderful to and in front of my children, much to my surprise. He is an alcoholic and, last time we visited, he did not drink for the almost two weeks we were there. We got in an argument after my kids were in bed and he said some very mean things to me and was very mad at me, but he did NOT act inappropriate, sulky, mad at me, etc. in front of my children. We cut our trip early and left to prevent it, but it is what it is. He never could have held it together like that when I was a kid. I love my mother, she is a wonderful, selfless, amazing mother and grandmother. My dad also knows she will literally stab him in his sleep if he stands between her and her grandkids, and he acts accordingly. So it really depends, does your dad ever go against your mother or defend you? Do you think he would for your kids?
Overall, my parents behave much better with grandkids than they did with us. They know access to grandkids can be removed much easier than access to your own children.
My in-laws, on the other hand, were the same old same old. My husband made the choice to not speak to him when they gave him the silent treatment as “punishment” last time, he understands how horrible that is to do to a child now that he has his own. As a consequence, we haven’t spoken to them in over 2 years. So, worst case scenario, you just don’t deal with them.
All that to say, plenty of people with horrible parents have children. Also, you CAN live far far away from them if you want. Maybe a long distance grandparent relationship is the best option in your scenario, and that’s ok!
Anonymous says
Thanks for this. I agree with other posters it’s good to resolve these issues before having kids in therapy or otherwise. That’s why I have thought about this now, because I am thinking how would I like to manage xyz if we had kids, before we decide to do so. Including and especially conflict resolution. Maybe I should see if there are any books on these issues.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think most people would benefit from therapy to explore their own childhoods and how they want to be similar or different from how they grew up, and particularly the triggers and the tough parts. Therapy can also give you tools on accepting that your parents may never change, and on how to set boundaries. It may mean accepting that the vision that gets shown of a happy family with all grandparents nearby and helping out always may not be your reality and coming to terms with that, while still allowing some sort of relationship on your terms.
Anonymous says
Can someone repost the link to that quiz about how you and your partner split the chore load? I told a friend about it but can’t find it.
Anon says
I don’t know the quiz, but I’ve heard the Tody app praised in this context.
Realist says
Here is the link to the quiz:
https://quiz.thirdshift.co.uk/
Like others on here, our split ended up being 55/45 (with me doing more). Both DH and I got nearly identical results, which was validating in that neither one of us seemed to be over- or under-valuing our own contributions.
Anonymous says
Thank you! Yes I thought it was really neat. My split came out with my husband doing slightly more (48 me/52 him), which I thought was fairly accurate.
Realist says
I don’t think I read through all the comments, but I think that puts you as the first woman in a hetero relationship that came out slightly below your husband, so that is interesting. But so close as to probably be the right balance for you, and one I am sure you have both worked hard on. For us, the quiz was fun, but didn’t lead to any changes. In our current nightmare of a pandemic situation, we both felt we got the same amount of leisure time (never enough), and that the balance of work (paid and unpaid) was the best we can get for our family given our current, limited options.
Anon says
I didn’t take the quiz because I didn’t feel like giving that app all my data, but I’m in a hetero relationship and my husband definitely does more than 50%.
Anonymous says
Haha maybe. He’s always been great about doing his fair share, and it was interesting taking it because it made me think maybe I should do more dishes. But I’m not sure the app adequately captures the mental load of the childcare side, and I think I probably come out ahead on that. Fun to see though and made me feel good about our partnership.
No Face says
Just did this for the first time. It was 51 me/ 49 him. I’m very impressed with us.
Katarina says
It came out 44/56, with DH doing more.
Anonanonanon says
I was around 52 me 48 him the first time I took it, but I just started part-time law school so when I added in my school/study/work hours (so around 65-70 a week) it tipped it way in my favour. It makes sense on paper, but I definitely don’t view it that way, because going to school was a choice for me and I’m very happy he is supporting it. I don’t feel like I have a right to complain about work I applied to do!
That being said, it did highlight what I’m going to have scale back in my area, which is food responsibilities. It estimates I spend 8.3 hours a week on food and that seemed high at first but I think it’s currently accurate. That obviously won’t be sustainable going forward. We were already planning to outsource (we’re going to have an evening helper in addition to a full-time nanny) but this helped highlight how important that’s going to be.
Anonymous says
Yeah my husband works way longer hours than I do, but it’s by choice. He loves his job and is passionate about it, which is great! But I shouldn’t be penalized for the fact that he regularly chooses work over reading or watching TV in the evenings when we are both done with chores and kid stuff. That quiz would say I should do virtually everything around the house to accommodate the fact that he spends so much time on his work and yeah, no.
avocado says
Law school is not a hobby, it’s an investment in your family’s future. My husband and I made the decision that I would attend law/grad school, including the type of program and the school, together. That decision had a downstream effect on many other decisions we made, including where we bought our house and when we had our child. While I was in school, my husband did most of the household chores. My responsibilities were to survive school, turn my part-time job into a post-graduation job, keep the baby alive, and buy groceries. He did the rest. I still sometimes say that “we” went to school.
Anon says
At what age/size/stage did you upgrade your child from one of those low little kid tables to a regular sized desk for homework/art? Mine is entering K in the fall and will have some homework, but if there’s another lockdown she’ll be doing schoolwork from home full time. We’re in private school in an area where the virus is currently under control so the expectation is 5 days a week school to start and then we’ll see.
Anon says
This is probably so dependent on size etc but we just put a regular desk in our incoming 1st grader’s bedroom to do his 100% virtual schooling. He is very small for his age.
At the end of his K year he did the virtual from the dining room table.
anon says
Sometime in early elementary? But we already had the desk and didn’t buy anything special. For kindergarteners and first graders (and even into second grade), I find it much easier to use the kitchen table. They can’t read directions on their own yet and often need parental supervision to complete homework, so do what’s most comfortable for you as a parent. I like having pencils, markers, etc. in a little caddy that we can bring out when it’s homework time.
Anonymous says
When they are old enough and tall enough to sit still in a regular-sized chair. Some little kids focus better in kid-sized chairs because they can put their feet on the floor.
EB0220 says
My rising 1st grader still likes the small table for her work. The 3rd grader uses a regular height table.
H13 says
For those of you that have sent your kids back to daycare, how long was the adjustment period? We sent my 3yo back to school this week and every morning is awful. Drop off is awful. The time at home before we leave is awful. He is, of course, fine when he gets there.
I am trying to remember what a huge adjustment this is for him. He was home for a very, very long time. He is essentially a different kid now. But… It’s just a really hard way to start each day.
Reassurances or commiseration?
Boston Legal Eagle says
The first week that I dropped my kids (4 and 21 months) off was pretty bad, with lots of tears from the younger one and the older one clinging to me and not wanting me to go. Now (about a month after they started back), the older one holds the younger one’s hand and they both walk in together, fairly happily (younger one has some tears sometimes but not as much) and it’s pretty smooth. I would say give it 2-3 weeks and your kid should adjust.
lsw says
Commiseration! I just posted about this a few weeks ago. My 4yo (he turned 4 in July) has never had a problem with daycare drop off in his life. I truly think because he now knows that being home with Mom and Dad is a thing that can happen, he struggles with daycare. It has finally, finally gotten better (I’m sorry to say he’s been back since late May) but he still says he doesn’t want to go to school, and he talks about missing me a lot (Like, when we are both home – he will just say, “I miss you!” and make a sad face). His teachers say he talks about missing Mom at school, too. It has definitely improved but I’m not sure it will ever go back 100%. Hang in there!
Anon says
That’s so hard! I’m sorry. My daughter is a year and a half old, and it took her a week or so to adjust.
Anon says
I’ve been surprised how much talking things through can help my 2.5 year old. Like I still think of her as a baby but she’s actually a kid who is able to process what we tell her pretty well. We did a lot of talking about the logistics of drop-off beforehand, and we let her know that it was normal to be sad and miss us (and we would miss her too!) but it was better for all of us to go back to the routine of school and work. I also like to ask her questions in the morning about what she’ll do at school that day, like “do you think you’ll eat lunch with friends today? Do you think you’ll play outside with your class?” I keep it vague because I don’t really know what they’re going to do of course, but even having something that general to look forward to seems to help her get excited about the day. She also seems to really enjoy telling us about her school day so we really hype that up in the evenings and make a big deal about how much fun it sounds and how she’s so lucky she got to do X (even if X is very mundane like throw a ball with a friend…).
FVNC says
+1. Talking through the change really helped my 3 year old. We pulled him out of his old daycare in March, then relocated to a new area in mid-June where he started a new daycare. We talked and talked and talked about this change and his new school, watched a lot of Daniel Tiger, and talked some more. We’re fortunate that our new daycare is wonderful, especially compared to his last school, and we really didn’t have trouble beyond a couple clingy days. Now he zips into his classroom without looking back.
H13 says
Thank you for the input everyone. The idea of talking about it more was something my husband and I discussed today. We’ve been hesitant because we think there will be inevitable whining, but maybe we’ve been doing him a disservice by not giving the space and time to process.
This is just a brutal week in general. It is really helpful to know that I can come here for support!
Pogo says
It’s a lot for parents, kids, everybody. Mine (3yo) is totally fine once he gets there, and behaves really well for his provider, but he still asks every day if it’s a [provider] day or a Mommy & Daddy day. We have to remind him that Mommy and Daddy are working, so even if he’s home we can’t play with him. We talk about how many days til the weekend and what we’re going to do together.
I agree with others who’ve said that prior to this I don’t think kids imagined there was anything other than going to daycare every day and Mommy & Daddy going to work. Now that they know we are home, and we’ve been indulging them for roughly 5 months, it’s not a huge surprise that there are some adjustments. Hugs.
Anne says
We had the reverse – the first week was pure bliss – she was SOOOOOOOOO happy to be out of the house lol. Since then it’s been a lot of meltdowns and tears. She wants to go to school, so it’s not that, but she’s just a mess many evenings. So commiseration. It’s rough.
Anon says
Earlier bedtime? My kid is also an extrovert who loves school, but it exhausts her in a way being home does not. We’ve been putting her to bed a full hour earlier since we resumed daycare.
lambert says
It took my 2yo a week of very rough drop offs. Hang in there! I think a lot of it depends on what’s going on with the kid developmentally. (When Jr. moved from the infant to toddler room it was more like 3 weeks of teary farewells.)
Anonanonanon says
This was a question on the main page a week or so ago (I almost never go there so I’m surprised I saw it) but I thought it would be interesting from our perspective.
Kiddie Pools, Sidewalk Chalk, etc. became gold this Spring/Summer as people stayed home more. Flour and yeast were almost impossible to get as everyone, for some reason, started baking bread. What do we think will be the “hot” quarantine items this Fall/Winter?
Sleds are always really hard to find in our area when snow is in the forecast, so maybe those? Is it time to stock back up on play doh, puzzles, craft supplies, etc. to prepare for more indoor time when it gets cold?
Anon says
I experienced the flour and yeast shortage, but I never noticed any shortages in kid art supplies, toys or books. We bought a kiddie pool and a large outdoor play structure in June when it became clear daycare was going to stay closed all summer. Also in most of the country, late fall is actually a much nicer time to be outside than the peak of summer (give me 50 degrees over 90 degrees any time) so I don’t anticipate much indoor time until at least January or so. And even then we will probably put on snow gear and try to make the best of it. I will shop for snow gear early-ish but that’s more because daycare likes to have it by October (assuming they’re still open then).
Redux says
Fire pits, and anything else that might help people socialize outdoors in the cold weather.
anon says
yes! eyeing a patio heater myself.
ElisaR says
outdoor heater? (for patios/decks…. not really kid related)
Lily says
So, our 20 month old has been back in daycare for one month, and it was going swell. And then she got a very, very mild cought and a leeetle congestion (not even a runny nose, no fever, no other symptoms) and we decided to be honest and tell daycare, and they said she couldn’t come in. We did a telehealth visit and they are not concerned and won’t test for COVID. Hopefully we will find out more from daycare later about what they expect us to do but…. WTH? I don’t know how to handle this. Even if we keep her home for 14 days (which would be impossible with work), and she goes back, she will probably just get another cough within days of going back because that is what happens to kids in daycare.
Is our daycare being unreasonable or are they just following the rules?
AnotherAnon says
This is going to be brutal in the Fall/Winter for all the working parents who have littles, but I don’t think your day care is being unreasonable. My kiddo (3) was back for six weeks and we’re currently on week 2 of closure due to a kid getting the virus. I’m planning for multiple day care closures this Fall. Going to WFH with kiddo as best I can. I’m really sorry. This sucks.
Redux says
Getting A virus or getting THE virus? These are very different things!
Anonymous says
Hopefully the rules result in less sickness at daycares overall and your kiddo won’t be sick as often. (Sounds like a lot of coughing anyway)
Anonymous says
I think your healthcare professional is being unreasonable. You need to tell them that you need a negative Covid test to go back to daycare and ask them to schedule one. I assume kiddo can go back with a negative test if she meets the other criteria?
Anon says
You can walk in for tests at most urgent cares (at least near me). But the results may not come back for a week or longer even still
Lily says
Right, and I really don’t want to put my toddler through it (I’ve had a test and it was very unpleasant!)
Anonymous says
Then you can keep your toddler home! That’s how this works. So what you assume isn’t Covid doesn’t actually infect everyone.
Anon says
I disagree with the above poster. I think it’s reasonable to exclude kids who have a fever or exposure to a known or suspected Covid case (and yes plan for lots of sick days this fall and winter for all the random bugs kids get) but not for just a runny nose or congestion, especially when an MD says a Covid test is not necessary. A fever, even if it’s not Covid, is clearly an infectious disease and kids shouldn’t be at school while sick. Runny noses/congestion have so many common non-infectious causes, including allergies and teething, that I don’t think it’s reasonable or practical to keep kids out for them. Are you sure they require a 14 day quarantine or a negative Covid test? They may very well be satisfied with a doctor’s note saying kid does not need to be tested. Trusting a doctor is quite different than trusting a parent ;)
Lily says
I’m not sure if our doctor will order a test if we insist on one (we didn’t insist at the morning visit). And, our daycare hasn’t told us yet what they will require to come back; but I have no reason to think my daughter’s cough will magically go away by tomorrow or even Monday. When I say “cough,” I mean she woke up with a wet-sounding cough and is currently coughing once every few minutes or so. Maybe we should have just lied, which I assume other parents are doing because there is no way she is the only kid in her daycare who has a cold.
Anonymous says
Or you should keep her home because there’s a plague happening! Why do you feel entitled to not follow the rules?!?!
Lily says
We did follow the rules… someone needs to take a chill pill!
Anonymous says
Yeah those are the rules.
Anonymous says
Our daycare has a list of symptoms (fever and cough are on it; sneezing and runny nose are not). If you have a symptom on the list you have to stay home from school until you’ve been symptom free for 72 hours. In addition, if your symptoms continue for more than 48 hours, you need to get a doctor’s note before you can return to school. I’m satisfied with that policy. I think it strikes a good balance between preventing illness and allowing school to operate mostly as normal. I also discussed it with my pediatrician who agreed it seemed sensible. At least in my area, no daycare requires children to be home for a full 14 days unless someone in their family has tested positive or they have recent travel to a hotspot, so I would be surprised if that’s their policy, but you won’t know until you ask.
Anon. says
We have a similar list of symptoms – includes fever and cough, does not include runny nose. If anyone in the house has a symptom, the family is excluded for 14 days unless you have a doctor’s attestation that it is not COVID.
I am both thankful for the caution and terrified that my kids are going to spend a LOT of time home this fall/winter. Trying to be optimistic that all of the COVID preventative measures will also help reduce the regular cold/flu incidence.
Anon says
My friend’s 2 year old was sent home from daycare today for a slight runny nose. It is going to be a looooong winter.
And this is at an essential workers daycare so now one of the two essential worker parents must stay home. Now that they are letting the non-essential worker kids back, they have tightened the restrictions but are applying them equally to everyone, essential or non.
Not sure who will be working in the hospitals if every child with a runny nose must be kept home. In the winter, kids’ noses run from just being outside in the cold.
Anonanonanon says
I’m working through this problem at work right now regarding elementary kids. Trying to help healthcare facilities ID how they can help staff whose kids now all have distance learning. Trying to see if learning pods can be set up in conference rooms etc. (but then you have to look into liability and if they need social services to license it or not… it gets complicated fast) A decent amount of daycares and karate studios who do before/after school care are doing virtual learning camps now to help with this, but I imagine they are going to shut down as much as everything else. No good answers for anyone. To your point, how are doctors and nurses (and, more realistically, CNAs who barely make a living wage) going to work through this
Anonymous says
I’m really worried there is going to be another shortage of tests once we hit major cold/flu season becuase I see a lot of (1) folks wanting negative tests for their kids so they can return to school (where school is happening), and (2) entire classrooms wanting/needing tests based on exposure.
Redux says
In NY we do not have a shortage of tests, but we do have a shortage of labs that run the tests. It’s taking a week or more to get results back. We need a better strategy because this one does not scale up.
Anon311 says
Our daycare (which has never closed) requires 3 days symptom free and a note from the doctor that the child can return. Since those rules went into place this spring, we’ve had two weeks at home due to illness. Both times the pediatrician was not willing to test for COVID (one included a trip to the ER due to a febrile seizure for a fever of 101.7 with no other cold symptoms; ended up being positive for rhinovirus) and daycare did not require it because the pediatrician didn’t require it. We are in an area with a very, very low rate of cases if that matters. I think that all of this (the rules) is unreasonable and unrealistic for working families unless they have additional backup help available this winter.
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