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I originally bought these bras after I had my son, when I wasn’t sure what size I was going to return to and I couldn’t fathom putting on underwire. They’re coming in handy again right now. I found that they weren’t enough support or gave enough shape in my everyday life, but for the current moment they’re exactly what I need and want. They come in sizes S to 2XL, so no need to worry about the standard bra sizes. The material is super soft, it doesn’t suffocate me, and there’s no underwire. The price is also so right. The bra is $15.99 at Target. Hanes Smoothtec Foam Wireless Bra
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Sales of note for 5.21.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 40% off sale, including new markdowns
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off your purchase
- Eloquii – 50-60% off select styles; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off your purchase
- Nordstrom: Designer clearance, up to 40% off; Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 30% off everything else
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Memorial Day sale, up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off clearance with code
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off kids’ summer styles; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50% off all shorts, tees, tanks & swim
- Target – 20% off Sun Squad items; up to 50% off patio & garden
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon. says
Who has hired childcare and how are you making it work? My husband and I are arguing all the time and it has to stop. We are in a hotspot and have been so diligent about shopping 1x a week or less, not going anywhere, no one coming into our house, etc. After almost 6 weeks, we are losing it and both of us feel like our work is suffering. Thanks for any feedback you can provide. (Our situation is a baby and 3 YO)
Anon says
We haven’t done this personally, but I think the key is being very upfront about your social distancing requirements and finding a nanny who is willing to do the same things you are (only shopping once per week, etc) and ideally also lives alone, to minimize exposure to all of you.
Anon says
We do. From 9-1, which is naptime, and then we have until 2:30/3, depending on the day. The last few hours of the day are a struggle but 3 hours of juggling is way better than a full workday. DS is 2.5 years old and we are in a hotspot.
Babysitter is a daycare teacher we already knew, loved and trusted. We didn’t have any sort of over the top conversation about social distancing – we did address it once and let it be. We go to the grocery store, and know that she has to, too. We’ve settled on the fact there is no zero-risk situation, but we’re willing to accept this low level of risk. I imagine the conversation would have been different and more explicit if I we hired someone we didn’t know previously.
I would encourage you to hire someone. To me, mental health is just as important as physical health and due to DD’s age, the nature of both of our jobs, we knew we had to do this from day one in order to preserve that and be functioning for DS.
Cb says
Not the OP but thanks for this. We’re hanging in there at the moment with a split shift but I think we’ll need childcare for the summer, especially if my husband (essential) has to go back in before I do and my son drops his naps.
Katy says
this is exactly our schedule – especially as I am called into the office periodically to deal with board stuff etc. Our babysitter is a cousin who was laid off as an education assistant. We didn’t have a big social distancing conversation in terms of rules but we know she and her hubby are careful. It helps that she can drive her own car to our house so no public transit concerns. After nap we use a combo of netflix, colouring 6 inches away from mom and a walk before dinner if I can log off early.
I would highly highly encourage you to hire someone. I don’t know if our marriage or sanity would be surviving otherwise. [Given her background in education in find the activities a little disappointing but the LO loves her].
To find someone you could try looking for college kids that no longer have jobs in summer camps. My coworker did that. His wife is in admin at the local college and got access to names of willing sitters that way.
Pogo says
Also same schedule. We are utilizing local grandparents and had extensive social distancing conversations with them, mostly about limiting unnecessary grocery trips and about my mom still wanting to go pray in church (I get that the church is empty, but like… why, not necessary). My mom is now taking it very seriously and only goes shopping every 1-2 weeks and at low volume times though she refuses to go at the 6am “old people hour” as she calls it (that is really early, so I get it). Instead she drives further to a less populated but well stocked store. We also look out for each other on TP, tissues and other other demand items so I think we actually minimize shopping/interactions. My father does not leave the house at all, besides walks around the neighborhood. In our house, it’s DH who does a shopping trip every 9-12 days. I basically don’t leave the house.
I know grandparent involvement is a hot button issue, but I felt more comfortable with family who I really knew and could count on to social distance, and plus since it’s literally just my mom leaving, that’s 1 variable of potential contact vs a babysitter in a home of 4 people who might all leave the house occasionally.
Since the closures are now til June 29th at the earliest in MA we are considering having our in-laws move in for the month of June. It’s a lot to ask my mom to keep doing the bulk of childcare, and our in-laws are (just like my parents) bored of our their minds with all their regular stuff cancelled. I thought my cabin fever was bad, but a retired person who can’t golf, go to book club or pray in their church is not a happy camper either, believe me.
Leatty says
We started doing this last week, because working full-time and trading off childcare was not working. Since our daughter is still in a crib and takes naps, we are having a sitter come from 9-1 Monday-Friday. Before the sitter leaves, she puts our daughter down for a nap, and my daughter stays in her bed until 3:30/4. She doesn’t nap the entire time, but she will generally play quietly in her bed during that time. DH and I trade off mornings and afternoons – for example, today I watched her until the sitter got here, and DH will care for her this afternoon after her nap while I work into the evening. Tomorrow we will switch. We usually do some work while watching her in the afternoon (while she watches TV) or log on again after she goes to bed. It’s not ideal, but it is SO much better than it was before. My daughter is a lot happier because she gets the sitters full attention for 4 hours in the morning, and we are happier because we can actually hear ourselves think.
TheElms says
We did. We are in a hotspot. We went through an agency that screened candidates for both the normal qualifications and special Covid-19 social distancing because we didn’t have a preexisting relationship. We also explicitly discussed our expectations. While I can’t know for sure that our new nanny is doing everything she says she is, I have no reason to doubt her. The nanny is here 8am-4pm 5 days a week.
Extra anon for this says
We put info about taking social distancing seriously, having a high-risk household member, etc. in the job posting. My husband did the interviews, but he asked “tell me about the social distancing measures you are taking” as a pretty open-ended question rather than asking leading questions. We chose someone who has no children, is married, her husband teleworks full-time, etc. We screened out someone who had teenage children because we did not trust they (the children) would be social distancing. The roaming packs of teens in my neighborhood are probably a good indication. Honestly, I think she feels better knowing we take it seriously, as well! Fwiw, we’re not in what I would consider to be a national-news-worthy hot spot, and childcare isn’t officially closed in our state.
Pogo says
I had the same concern about teenagers/college students after hearing about them hanging out in groups of 5-10 after they got sent home from college. One of the big reasons we went with a family caregiver. I love our normal babysitters but they are still 19-22 years old and their brains aren’t fully formed yet. I know the stupid stuff I did at that age NOT during a global pandemic lol.
Cb says
Yes, definitely. I thought about hiring a neighbour kid as a mother’s helper but just saw loads of them hanging out in the woods.
anon says
My kids are the same ages. They are normally in a daycare. My niece is coming for 2.5 hours a day, which is no where near enough. We have had a lot of difficulty finding other care through our usual sitters or resources. Now that the semester is ending, we have another sitter who is going to give us two afternoon shifts starting next week. I think the childcare issue is going to keep getting harder because people are relaxing their social distancing (there’s been a lot of discussion on this board this week of people broadening their circles, seeing more people, etc. – which means everyone is going to do it and everyone’s exposure goes up). If this goes on much longer or depending on how things play out, we may consider a nanny.
Anonymous says
We have continued to have our nanny come to care for our three children all under 8. Her husband works in a warehouse, but my husband is an ICU doctor treating COVID patients. So, we all have some work related exposure, but we are all otherwise socially distancing. Monday she showed up sick, and so, I sent her home. My husband has been in the ICU this week, and I am working a full time demanding job. It has been tough. Let’s just say there has been no homeschooling this week. I really miss the childcare and so do my children. Having been on both sides, I say do it.
anon says
We combined households with my mother so that she could provide childcare. Spouse is essential and working all the time. We have two toddlers. Here’s how a typical weekday goes:
6:30: Kids up! They do free play while the adults take turns eating, showering, and dressing so that everyone feels human by start of day at 9.
9-12: Grandma daycare. I usually do back to back calls.
12-1: I help grandma give the kids lunch and put them down for a nap.
1-3: Nap time. I do a combination of work on my laptop and calls.
3-4: Screen time. I either prep dinner or sit with the kids and answer work emails from my phone.
4-8: Free play, dinner, bath, bed time. I do not even attempt to work anymore.
8-?: I catch up on any urgent work (or crash super early and wake up at 5 the next day).
shortperson says
we’ve all been sick with fever/coughs for over a month so we can’t hire childcare. and we are drowning.
Clementine says
Yesterday, it was just an all around great day. Kids were lovely, it only took me 9.5 hours to work a full workday (many days, I’m working 6A-midnight just to get 8 hours in). Work was good and productive and smooth, I was an enriching Instagrammable parent, it was awesome.
Today, I have to call in a prescription refill and the second I pick up the phone, everyone in my house starts screaming/whining/needing me to immediately fix a Lego crisis.
Also, love my kid’s teacher and get that we’re trying to optimize the Zoom class… but I’m now being encouraged to make sure no siblings are around during the video conference… which means I’m gonna have to basically lock the toddler in the baby corral (you know, that plastic octagon that you hate but can be a lifesaver) and hope they don’t scream too much.
The only way out is through, eh?
avocado says
Lego crises are no joke, and the bigger the kit the more frustrating they get. One of my favorites is the “missing” piece that got stuck in the plastic bag when it was dumped out (for this reason, we never throw out the bags until the entire kit is assembled). Another is when the kid puts two pieces together slightly wrong or doesn’t press them tightly together but doesn’t discover the error until 27 steps later when she tries to connect the whole section to another section. The very best is when the kid gets frustrated but refuses to take a break until she solves the problem and basically destroys the whole thing by trying to fix it while sobbing.
Signed,
Pretty sure the 1,969-piece* Saturn V rocket taking up 3 feet of shelf space in our rec room is not assembled correctly
*Very clever, Lego
GCA says
Lego crises! I’m pretty sure my last internal call was interrupted 58 times to help take apart pieces that were too tightly stuck together. I feel so seen.
Pogo says
omg, the Lego crises are never ending.
Anonymous says
Ignore the teacher. Srsly. Just don’t.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This. That’s an unreasonable ask right now. I think your kids are young anyway, yes? Personally pre elementary school and even K-1, I don’t see the point of “academic” learning right now.
avocado says
+1. I have an eighth-grader and have told her straight-up that the only classes that really matter this spring are math and foreign language, since next year’s courses build on the material she learns this year. The rest of her middle school courses are useless busywork. They don’t really start serious learning until high school. Little kids will learn more from reading, writing stories or journals, cooking, and doing science activities at home than they learn in real school and certainly from Zoom school.
Anonanonanon says
^This.
anon says
Yeah, I agree that this is an unreasonable ask right now. Parents have too much on their plates already.
Pogo says
If my toddler can be on my work conference calls, yours can be on your elementary kiddo’s. Though I got reprimanded for talking during Daniel Tiger yesterday (my colleagues thought it was hilarious when I unmuted to say something and LO turns to me and is like “NO TALKING MOMMY!”).
SC says
Omg, the Lego crises. My son turns 5 today. He is receiving 2 Lego train sets, which he will want to play with immediately and all day long until they are completely assembled.
The one thing we do to cut down on Lego crises is implement regular breaks. When he starts doing Lego, he has to set a timer for 20 minutes. At the end of 20 minutes, wherever he is, he has to take a 5-minute break. If he fights the break, the Legos get put away.
Jessamyn says
I’m sure there’s a distinction from “sibling in the room and audible” versus “sibling actively poking head into the video and wanting to participate in the class,” and it’s likely the latter they’re trying to deter, which is way more disruptive.
Anon says
Can you opt out of the Zoom call? Your son is 4, right? So is mine, and the teacher holds weekly calls but there’s no requirement to join. I would respect the teacher’s ask (as much as possible; I agree a toddler quietly walking by isn’t a dealbreaker) and not join on crazy days.
Clementine says
Afternoon update: Thank you guys, you all honestly just made me feel… better.
So I put the toddler in the corral… but at the 4 year old’s suggestion, I also put a ton of pillows in there, along with a big stack of books. Turns out the toddler HATES the corral… UNLESS they can’t see me (which is key) AND have basically a giant nest of pillows to read in. Conference calls just got easier.
And… turns out my kid gets more out of these Zoom meetings when they’re not attempting to shove a toddler out of the way.
Anon says
Last night we FaceTimed with my in-laws who live in northern NJ (we live elsewhere) and they had dinner guests! Yes, social distancing isn’t fun, but you live in a hot spot and are 60+ – is it really that hard
Realist says
It is sooooo disappointing to see people not taking this seriously enough. We are being graded as a group! You have to do your part!
blueberries says
Gah! That’s so frustrating. Shelter in place is an extreme hardship on many, not to mention the devastation of the disease, the least the rest of us can do is fully comply with our local orders to limit the spread.
IHeartBacon says
Ugh. That is so frustrating and I’m sure it was worse for you witnessing it. The only thing worse than not being able to do what you want is watching someone else do it instead.
cbackson says
Suggestions on how to choose a diaper bag? There are so many and I can’t even figure out what features are truly useful and which aren’t.
Cb says
Honestly, I don’t really have one. I’d just toss the Skiphop diaper clutch, wet bag, and nappies in my Fjallraven backpack. I wore my son a lot so I didn’t want a strap that would interfere with him and found it easier to use a lightweight bag that wouldn’t get weighed down. I’d also just throw it under the buggy. We’d keep a change of clothes and nappies in the car as well. Now we use a small IKEA shoulder bag.
Anonymous says
+1 – I used my old Northface backpack from law school, but same idea. Caveat that if I hadn’t been breastfeeding, I’d probably have wanted something specifically designed to accommodate formula preparation and bottle storage.
Anon says
I use a Vineyard Vines tote bag with my college logo in silk o the top. It’s old and not in great shape, but works fine as a diaper bag. The four interior pockets are great.
Anonymous says
I had a diaper bag with my first (excited registry purchase!). We switched to a backpack pretty quickly and I only used the backpack when our second came along.
Anon says
Step 1: Decide if you are a backpack person or a tote person (I am a tote person).
Step 2: Determine if you are sharing said diaper bag with your spouse or if they will get a separate one. If sharing, incorporate their preferences accordingly.
Step 3: Get a skiphop diaper changing station – the thing is plastic, wipes off everything and is going to be way better (and more portable) than whatever mat comes with your bag.
Step 4: Pick a bag you like and wouldn’t despise carrying for the first 9 months or so (after that we just used the skiphop thing a “wristlet”).
Anon says
And if you drive a lot and it’s in the budget, recommend an extra skip hop filled with a small packet of wipes and 2 extra diapers that just lives in each car (remember to switch the diapers each time you move up in size, but even a small diaper is better than no diaper). Saved us so many times when I thought DH had the diaper bag and he thought I had it and we had a blowout. I also suggest keeping an extra wetbag or gallon ziploc in each car – handy for blowouts, spitup, car sickness, etc.
asdf says
+1 on diaper changing station. We got the skiphop duo signature bag, which came with a small changing pad. However, it turns out that there are many times when we change a diaper on the floor (changing tables in public restrooms not nearly as widespread as I thought). A huge changing pad makes that feel much better. Also, I would do a backpack if I did it again.
Anonymous says
Opinions will be all over on this. I had close to the smallest one I could find. It was a black messenger Skip Hop bag. We would stock it and keep it in the car and didn’t really take it inside places too often, especially after kiddo turned one. At that point, we used a diaper clutch, that I often put in my larger tote-style purse if we didn’t have the stroller. We live in the Midwest so were always taking our car instead of public transit. We were always fine with the idea that if something crazy happened, we could run back to the car quick and that was better than constantly carrying another heavy bag, the contents of which were 90% for “just in case”.
mascot says
What I wanted in a bag changed over time. First bag was a Coach baby tote (from the outlet). Coated fabric so lightweight and easy to clean, lots of interior pockets, more of a purse style which at the time helped with not feeling so baby-centric. Around a year or so, we didn’t feel the need to pack for every contingency so we moved to a smaller nylon messenger bag style. I was also comfortable leaving it in the bottom of the stroller at zoos, museums, etc because I needed my hands to deal with the mobile kid. By late toddler years, we just used a small backpack for change of clothes, water bottle, and a couple of diapers and small pack of wipes.
My husband didn’t care about looking manly or people thinking he had a purse so he was fine with whatever worked for me.
CPA Lady says
Think about your lifestyle. And potential number of kids.
For me, just being honest, I knew I was not going to be doing anything particularly adventurous. I also live in a place where you have to drive everywhere. So for me, a tote bag worked great. I also knew I was only going to have one kid, so I wanted something relatively inexpensive. And I wanted something machine washable, which shockingly few diaper bags seem to be.
So I got the skip hop forma pack & go diaper tote. It was lightweight, machine washable, had good compartments, fit everything I need. It had clips to clip onto a stroller handle. I think it’s discontinued, but you can look around online to get an idea of what I’m talking about.
I kept a second set of stuff (extra clothes, diapers, wipes) in my trunk too, so I wasn’t hauling around a ton of stuff in my diaper bag all the time. I think you live in Atlanta, so I’m guessing you drive everywhere too.
Anonymous says
How many kids you’re having is a good point. I am the 9:33 Anon. I have one child, and my diaper bag situation is much different than friends with 3 children. They carry most things times three.
Clementine says
Counterpoint: 3 kids aged 4 and under and I keep it really streamlined. One diaper clutch, one ziploc of feeding stuff, wet bag of spare clothes, everyone can share the few amusements I have in there. Everything fits in a fjallraven.
Anonymous says
+1, I definitely did not carry anything in triplicate when I had 3 kids under 4. Diaper clutch, snacks, change of clothes only for the baby, extra paci and a teething-appropriate toy during that time, but no other amusements. The whole point of multiple kids is for them to entertain each other!
Anonanonanon says
I got a black Kate Spade tote and got the life in play diaper bag insert. I wanted to buy something I would use once diaper bag year was over. Also, vs. when I was a stay at home mom for a year or two with my first, I very rarely carried a diaper bag with my second. My husband actually maintained a stocked messenger bag that we put in the bottom of the stroller when we went out as a family, and I kept diaper stuff in my car. Other than that, I rarely needed a diaper bag.
AnotherAnon says
It’s not fashionable, but I adore my Skiphop nylon backpack. For a utilitarian like me, the essentials were: is a backpack, comes with a changing pad and is washable. Bonus features: insulated bag for bottles or snacks and a mesh bag for an extra set of clothes or to sequester dirty clothes.
Leatty says
When my daughter was born, I started off with a Kate Spade diaper tote. It worked fine, but I switched to a diaper backpack (skip hop I believe), and it is SO much better. Now I can wrangle a toddler, carry more stuff, and the weight is evenly distributed.
Anon says
I am 100% team backpack. The tote is all fine and good while strolling around a sleeping infant assuming you can affix it to the stroller, but the minute your kid is running around a public place, running with a tote after them is just not happening for me. To be fair, I live in an urban area where you do not just leave a bag in a stroller for long and expect it to be there when you get back; but also I used my backpack on outings long after we grew out of the stroller so either way not being able to just leave the bag in a stroller while you chase after them came up eventually.
Mrs. Jones says
+1 for a backpack!
AwayEmily says
+1 for backpack, esp one you can throw in the wash. I had a Baggu canvas backpack. Very simple, unisex, and easy to wash after the inevitable spilled milk.
Anon says
I never had one. Since I was b-feeding I didn’t need bottles. I would just toss a few diapers and a pack of wipes into whatever tote bag I felt like using (and eventually all my totes had diapers and wipes in them). Infants are so fascinated by the world around them that I never needed toys or anything. I actually needed a lot more “stuff” for a toddler (solid food snacks, plus more entertainment) although I just continued packing it into a tote bag I already owned.
Anonymous says
We had a PacaPod one which worked really well for the first year for our purposes (bottle-fed, cloth-diapered twins). For us, the insulated pod was great because we could fit an ice pack and 4 bottles, plus we liked the diaper pod as a smaller thing to grab to bring to the bathroom when changing a baby.
Anonymous says
Oh, and once they started walking ~16 months we switched to using a backpack, because it’s easier when chasing mobile toddlers, as mentioned above.
Spirograph says
It depends on lots of things, but some key questions are whether you’re formula or breast-feeding, how long you’ll be out of the house, and whether you mostly drive places or use public transit. First-time parents tend to go overboard, and I feel like I can tell how many kids someone has by the size of their diaper bag. When my first was <6 months old, I carried everything and the kitchen sink in my bag. After that, and for all subsequent kids, I used a diaper wallet with baggies and an extra onesie tucked inside, and kept a full change of clothes and a few extra diapers in the car just in case. If you're formula feeding, you'll need space for bottles, of course, but otherwise diapers are all you really need. Maybe a snack for toddlers, but nothing bigger than would fit in a normal purse.
Anon says
Ha, I only have one and always carried a normal purse (or backpack when traveling).I feel like my friends with 3+ have leaned into diaper bags much more.
Anonymous says
+1. when I had my first I had a giant tote bag. When I got to my 3rd, you’d think I’d have an even bigger bag. Nope. I had a medium sized purse that held a travel sized pack of wipes, two diapers, a pair of spare underwear for my toddler, a shortsleeve onesie and a pair of leggings in a 2T. Infant could have a blowout and be put in the onesie OR the leggings (yeah they were big). Toddler could have an accident and have spare undies and pants.
I did have back up diapers, wipes, and clothes in our car at all times, as well as misc snacks (applesauce pouches and fruit baby food pouches that I let anyone complaining eat).
anon. says
after a LOT of looking and buying, after kid 2 was born we settled on the Patagonia Ultralight Tote Pack. It’s a convertible tote and backpack, and weighs nothing by itself which is a big concern for most diaper bags. I have been so happy with it.
Marilla says
Backpack + an extra Skip Hop diaper clutch.
anon says
I carried a giant bag at first with my first, and that was silly. I eventually switched to the skip hop backpack which I like. I now keep that backpack in the car since we live in surburbs and just use a large crossbody stuffed with diapers, wipes, maybe an outfit or two with our second. I’m rarely without quick access to our car so I always figure I can run out to it if I need something more.
Anonymous says
I hated my tote. It had a magnetic flap closure and never actually closed. Every time I set it down it fell over and stuff spilled out. Get one with a zipper! I used it very infrequently, since I used daycare. No nanny ever used it. So I hated it and never replaced it.
Anonymous says
I used a hiking backpack I already owned. It was nice that it unzips from the bottom so I could easily grab stuff instead of digging. I stuck one of those diaper clutches inside.
Anonymous says
Small is better, zipper is better. We have an 8×10 ish rectangular crosses body bag from ikea of all places that has held up for 5+ years. It may be designed as a diaper bag or lunch because it has an insulated outside pocket. We didn’t bother to use that for bottles because we would keep the formula powder and water separate. Keep about 3 diapers, an old receiving blanket as a changing pad, wipes, diaper cream, a plastic bag or two, hand sanitizer, an extra onesie, and in infant stages an extra adult shirt. Bottles in the infant stage. And now that kids are bigger it’s mostly full of food (multiple bananas…).
Anonymous says
twelvelittle isn’t a brand I see talked about much, but we love ours from them. We have like a navy and gray crossbody because husband is primarily the one with her. It fits our skip hop clutch and everything we need.
anonn says
make sure it has a pocket to hold a water bottle for you, My stupid, yet adorable, Skip Hop cross body style had all sort of useless pockets/spaces, but nothing I could use to easily access my water bottle. And man was I thirsty!
Doing hair says
Is there an age where girls who prefer long hair actually have the skills and ability to take care of it? I was super into doing my long hair as a kid and could wrangle ponytails and braids. I later mastered french and dutch braiding. In high school, I did other people’s hair (school athletics mandated no barrettes for sports teams, so I did tons of hair before morning classes — mainly dutch braids because somehow I do those better on others and my hands could do french better on me). I remember they had to bring their own brushes and elastics.
At any rate, my girls could have rats nests and not care, but also prefer their hair to be long. And I can’t even just mandate short bobs for the summer now that salons are cut (bobs are problematic though because it gets hard to tie back).
Time for a flowbee.
anne-on says
I was never much good at doing hair (still am not) but my mom had a rule that I use with my kiddo – you are allowed to have long hair/nails BUT they must be clean (no crud under nails, filed, hair washed regularly) brushed daily (by yourself or by asking for help), and tied out of your face when necessary (eating, playing, etc.).
If they don’t care enough to do those things they don’t get to have long hair/nails and they’d be cut. I think my mom chopped my hair into a bob once before I got with the program since I wanted long hair for dance classes and recitals (long hair=fancy updos for performances).
Anonymous says
Same rules here. I hating getting mine brushed, and my mom chopped it off.
Anonymous says
My 6.5 y/o has long thick hair. Our deal is she has it be able to brush it (and she does). She
does her own ponytails; I help with the harder stuff.
RR says
My 12 year old is actually horrible, but she really loves her long hair. I don’t mind helping her brush it–it is long, thick, and wavy, so tangle prone, but she has a very sensitive scalp and screams like I’m torturing her no matter how gentle I try to be. I told her the last time that I was never doing it again–she either brushes it twice a day on her own to keep the tangles at bay, or we cut it to a bob.
My 6 year old has a chin-length bob and wants basically a pixie like one of her classmates because it’s more practical. She legit does not want to be bothered.
Anonymous says
I love your 6yo. We all need the confidence to say “nah, not for me”
Cb says
I know there are some SHUBox readers here. She challenged Cal Newport’s ‘this is a time for deep work’ narrative in a really thoughtful way. I’ve been getting a bit down on my lack of focus and it was nice to remember how many of our productivity narratives come from people without the same caring responsibilities.
GCA says
YES. I would really love to hear Jennifer Petriglieri (Couples That Work) interview (like, qualitative-research interview-guide interview) Cal Newport and his wife on how they think about dual careers and productivity and care responsibilities.
A girl can dream…
anne-on says
Ha! Yes. And one of the comments was so spot on – I bet he logs the kids in to one Zoom call and feels smug for the rest of the day…
Cb says
Yes, me too! I loved Jennifer Petrilieri, I think Cal Newport needs some scrutiny from academics who work on this stuff.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I read yesterday’s and caught up on the response today. I’m glad I’m not married to this guy because if my husband said nonsense like this while kids are home and we’re trying to work while in a pandemic, I’d be pissed. This is a time for survival. I wish more leaders and those in power had to balance caregiving responsibilities, but of course, that’s not who gets promoted to the top where they are expected to devote the bulk of their time to work…
Realist says
Can anyone link this article? I tried to find it and could not. Thanks
AnonFirstTimeMama says
How did you find your nanny? When did you start looking?
I’m currently 16w with our first child (plan is to have 2-3). NYC burbs. We originally wanted an au pair, but our current house (renting) is not suitable – we have the space, but the layout is awkward for another person and there is ZERO internal insulation, so you can hear everything from everywhere in the home. So new plan is au pair for the first 12-18 months until we buy, and then au pair.
How did you find your nanny? Agency? Word of mouth? I’m an attorney so want to make sure we’re paying on the books, etc. I’m full-time WFH even when there isn’t a pandemic, and my husband is full-time but out of the house.
Also – anyone have night nurses when one of you is traveling for work?
Anon says
found ours through a Facebook group. we love her! we had a night nurse help us for a while in the beginning as we had twins and no local family. DH did have to take a number of work trips within the first 9 weeks of their life (when we still had the nurse) and then we got luck because one twin started sleeping from 10:30pm-7am, so I really only had to get up in the middle of the night with one baby when DH was out of town. i might be wrong, but given the pandemic, i think that over the next year people who can find a way to afford it will choose to go the nanny route rather than daycare and that some might also keep their nannies for longer than initially planned bc they are concerned about schools closing again
anon says
+1, not in NYC, but found mine through my city’s FB moms group. I also posted an ad on care.com and got some good candidates that way.
NYCer says
Our nanny is a friend of our night nurse. I found our night nurse through an agency of sorts.
Also, there are very active NYC area moms boards on Facebook, and there are lots of posts on those boards about moms trying to find new homes for their nannies (because of aging out of having a nanny, moving, etc.).
Quail says
Agency. We tried through our city’s parents discussion board (which has a childcare classified-type section) and care.com but got a lot of mass responses who clearly had not read our job description (nanny share, on the books, bilingual in a particular language). In the end, it was worth it to pay the agency fee to not have to weed through the people who were obviously not fits, and also to have the “on the books” conversation.
I also reached out to some nannies who had come recommended by friends whose kids had outgrown nanny-needing, but they were not interested in our position.
So Anon says
My apologies if this topic was covered on a day that I wasn’t around: how are you all handling family members who are super anxious right now and eager to hand their anxiety off to you? For example, family members who are obsessively reading the news and then want to discuss it? I am trying to limit my intake of media right now, and a close family member just called with a “Have you heard the issue about cats?!! What are you going to do with your cats?! You can’t let your dog sniff other dogs right now!” I think one sentence that I can repeat to shut it down would be good, but I’m struggling with what to say. This family member is also taking things very personally right now, and is hyper critical of everyone. I cannot and do not want to shut this person out of my life, but I need a bit of thought on how to maintain boundaries during this time in this regard. I’m off to see if Captain Awkward has said anything about this.
Anonymous says
There is no magic one-liner that will “shut it down.” You have to define your boundary and then enforce it. “Mom, I can’t talk about the pandemic because it stresses me out.” When she persists, “Got to go now! Bye!”
octagon says
Well, it happened. 4 yo asked last night at dinner where babies come from and is totally unsatisfied with the “mommy’s tummy” answer. Any good book recs to help us navigate this? We want to be honest but age-appropriate.
Jeffiner says
We have “It’s Not the Stork!” book for my 5 yo daughter. It really goes into anatomy and differences in boys and girls and how babies grow and bodies change, but the p-in-v part is glossed over in a couple of sentences.
Anonymous says
We have It’s Not the Stork, worked for my then 5 and 7 year olds (now 6 and 8). I think the author has a younger and older version.
CPA Lady says
There’s a kid’s book from the ’70s called “how babies are made” by Stephen Schepp with paper cut out illustrations that I have waiting in the wings. You can google to see if the pictures are too graphic for you. It starts with plants to show the concept of fertilization, then moves onto animals, then people. That’s what I’m planning to show my kid when she asks.
Anonanonanon says
We used It’s Not the Stork! as well
Anonanonanon says
Although there is a photo of the couple with blankets over them in it’s not the stork and the lady is on top, and one time my son (8 at the time) walked past the tv and we were like “look away!” and he said “I KNOW they’re not having ___, because he’s on top. The lady has to be on top for that, or she’ll get squished.” we asked where that knowledge came from and he said the picture in the book
Anonymous says
“What Makes a Baby”
Pogo says
Related – at what age do you try to correct this perception about babies just appearing in bellies? My 2yo has been insisting that he has a baby in his belly now, too, because mommy does. I just say “Only mommies can have babies, remember? Your baby is make believe!” Should I just roll with it because he’s too young anyway? No matter how many times I correct him, he keeps going with it.
Ashley says
Maybe just me, but I would 1000% just roll with it for now.
Anonymous says
This does not seem like the kind of thing to be concerned about accuracy with at age 2.
Anonymous says
In our house, we answer questions to satisfy, but don’t volunteer additional information. So my littles (around 3 or 4) knew it took part of mom and part of dad to make a baby, but in pretty sure they thought that was mixed in a bowl in the kitchen and somehow made its way into the mom. And they didn’t ask too much about that step and we didn’t volunteer until they were older.
anon says
Sounds like you should also pick up “Everything you Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex.” Also, “V@ginas and Periods 101” is a great pop up book, although just focused on ovulation/menstruation.
A Room of One's Own says
We are moving into a house with a master bedroom at one end of the house, and all the other bedrooms down the hall at the other end. At what point did you move your child into their own room?
Anon says
Depends how big your master bedroom is and how well your kid/you sleep when sharing space. My first kid we moved at six months and second at 10 months, and we have a smallish room. The “official” recommendation is one year.
Anonymous says
The first night home. We had a baby monitor, babies were fine. I figured the husband needed to sleep more than I needed baby in our room. But that’s very much up to your family unit. Do what works for you, and change it when you feel it’s not working.
Anonymous says
Ha–in our family, I was the one who needed sleep and my husband was the one who wanted the baby in his room. The bassinet went on his side of the bed.
Redux says
I slept in the guest bedroom and DH slept with the baby in the bassinet next to him. Mostly because I am a crap sleeper and baby snorted like a little guinea pig all night long. It was the only way I could get any sleep!
Anonymous says
Oops, meant “our room.” That is why the bassinet was on husband’s side.
anne-on says
We lasted for 3 nights. I woke up immediately any time the baby made a sound/moved/etc. I was about ready to lose it after the last night. My husband sent me for a long nap and then once I was rested broached the idea of the baby sleeping in his room, which we did from then on.
Anon says
6 months, because SIDS risk dramatically decreases then, and by that point my child was more alert and it was getting impossible to sneak into the room without waking her. She was also a noisy sleeper who woke us up constantly, so even though space was not an issue (master bedroom is huge) we were all pretty miserable with room sharing. The transition to her crib was no big deal (she’d always napped there) and we were all so much happier in separate rooms. Fwiw, my ped approved, and said 6 months is better than 1 year because they have less separation anxiety then.
Mrs. Jones says
1 week old.
SC says
We moved Kiddo into his own room around 5 months old (and he was a preemie, so he was more like a 4-month-old developmentally). Our pediatrician recommended it before sleep training. This was before the official recommendation was 1 year. None of us slept well in the same room together. Every time anyone turned over or breathed funny, we all woke up. At the time, baby’s room was pretty close to ours, and none of the doors of the apartment closed all the way because the wood was warped. We had no trouble hearing him when he woke up, but he was pretty much sleeping through the night.
I know it’s impossible to really say how you’d act in a hypothetical situation, but if I had a baby now, I highly doubt I’d keep him or her in my room for 1 year. I’d be comfortable moving the baby to the other side of the house, with a baby monitor, by 6 months.
AnotherAnon says
+1 to all this. I had a foster preemie whom I was determined to keep in our room for a full year. At 5 months we moved him to his own room (albeit, next to ours) and we ALL slept much better after that.
AnonLaywer says
4 months. I figured there was a decrease in SIDS risk then and we were both ready. I know the AAP recommendation is 1 year but I don’t know anyone who made that without bed sharing. It seems completely out of sync with how actual people function.
Anon says
Around 6-8 weeks. This was before peds officially recommended like a year or whatever it is now, which I think is nuts but I’m not a doctor so don’t follow my advice.
I personally wanted big transitions like that done as much as possible before 1) they were really aware of what was going on and 2) before I went back to work. Also, as noted, I think I just slept worse with the baby in the room and at some point that has to be taken into account.
Anon says
5.5 months, 4.5 months adjusted. We waited until they were consistently not waking up at night, because their room was down a flight of stairs and we didn’t want to navigate that multiple times a night.
anon says
For my first, we had a twin bed in the nursery and we would take turns sleeping in there for night duty. (I nursed so hubby would bring baby to me for night feedings on his nights). We did that for one year.
My second is the World’s Noisiest Baby asleep or awake, so we stopped that after a couple of months. We had an audio-only monitor set to the lowest sensitivity level for night feedings. We did extinction night training at five months and now we are all done with that.
anon says
5 months. We did it because we had just moved into a new house and had a lot more space, but it turned out that he hated sleeping in his bassinet and much preferred the crib. He started sleeping through the night almost immediately.
Anon says
Day 4, which is when we came home from the hospital. Caveat that bedrooms are very close together and we keep the doors open.
SIDS does scare me, but I had awful insomnia throughout my pregnancy and am still recovering from that. My cognitive function was a complete joke by the time I gave birth, and I’m honestly more worried about doing something in a sleep-deprived state than I am about SIDS.
Anon says
Yup. Everything’s a trade off and it’s totally valid to decide the risks of sleep-deprivation are greater than the risks of SIDS.
Doodles says
Around 7 weeks. Same bedroom setup. He was a loud sleeper and I think was actually being woken up by us. By 8 weeks, I think not coincidentally, he started sleeping 10-12 hours straight so I never had to sleep train. But for the first 7 weeks, he always napped at least once or twice per day in the crib and I always fed at night in his room (friends thought I was crazy to walk across the house and not to just feed in our bedroom for those first 7 weeks, but I think it helped him be comfortable in his own room at night even when he wasn’t sleeping in it yet). Baby #2 is coming in a few weeks and my plan is the same.
Anonymous says
We’re at 8 months and still sharing, though we will probably transition soon. Same issue with the bedroom space and it’s just so much easier to not have to trek down there. He sleeps in his own crib, I just scoop him up and feed him in bed if necessary. I feel like I’d get less sleep if he were in his own room. I’d also have to buy a chair or something to feed him in, which seems like a waste of money and space.
SC says
Everyone’s space is different, but I bought a Pottery Barn chair that is still in my kid’s playroom. He is 5. It’s the only place to sit in there–the rest of the room is covered in train tracks. When he wants an adult with him, it’s nice to have a piece of grown-up furniture to sit in. It’s navy, so theoretically, it can be moved to another room when he’s old enough that it’s no longer necessary (unless he just wants his own reading chair or something).
OP says
Thanks, everyone!
Anonymous says
We did a year for both. We have a big master and didn’t mind until they got old enough to be distracted by us being in there.
Boston Legal Eagle says
6 weeks for the first and around 5 months for the second – would have been earlier but our space wasn’t big enough for each to have their own rooms at the time. I had big babies and wasn’t too concerned with SIDS and was more concerned with our sleep, but YMMV.
Anon says
Is it a thing that big babies are less likely to die of SIDS? I’ve never heard that before.
Ashley says
We did around 3-4 months, whenever baby was about to outgrow the bassinet length-wise and was showing signs of rolling. He would roll halfway in the bassinet and get upset at being “stuck” on the bassinet wall. At that point I figured he needed more room to roll around, and we had no room for a full sized crib in the room.
Jeffiner says
My 5 yo daughter has started complaining about stomach aches. This has happened maybe 3 times in the past week, and its not before bedtime or bathtime or something she’s trying to get out of. She can be distracted momentarily, but its generally at least half an hour before she stops complaining of it. We’ve given her pepto for it, although she hasn’t been sick. Google tells me its kind of normal for kids to get stomach aches, has anyone else’s kid had this?
Anonanonanon says
Very interesting, because my 2 year old is suddenly saying “my tummy hurts” at least once a day, and pointing right to where her actual stomach is. It’s usually when she’s doing something she enjoys, so I think it’s legitimate, but absent other symptoms I don’t really know what’s to be done about it. We had never even discussed the concept of a tummy ache before, so I think it’s legitimate. She even seemed surprised by it, the first time she said it she said “my tummy hurt. I not fall down, though.” and looked confused.
I’m sure given the varying grocery availability and efforts to avoid the store etc. we’ve all changed our kids’ diets in some way that could have an impact we didn’t realize
Anonanonanon says
Now that I think about it, she is definitely snacking more than she ever has in her life and she’s not used to that, I wonder if that is the cause.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
This happens to my oldest sometimes. When it does we usually try to ramp down milk and ramp up water/fruit/veggies. Also I just saw on the NYT Parenting Instagram that stomachaches are a way that stress can show up in kids.
AnotherAnon says
Stomach complaints can be a manifestation of anxiety. I don’t have specific suggestions, but maybe look up strategies to cope with stress or anxiety? I’ve been following a lot of trauma informed people on Insta, and they have helpful strategies. A good friend of mine is also a therapist and she’s giving me good strategies to use on myself. My 3 y/o is showing a lot of signs of disregulation and we’re coping with that as best we can – for him it involves routine a lot of physical touch.
Ashley says
Came here to say this ^
Anon says
I hesitate to post this because I don’t want to scare you, but a friend’s daughter’s persistent, inexplicable stomach aches were the only sign of her cancer. I think it’s *extremely* unlikely your daughter is seriously ill (pediatric cancer is statistically so rare) but personally this is the kind of thing I would at least call the pediatrician about because I would want to rule out the more serious causes before I felt comfortable just ignoring it. That’s assuming there isn’t an obvious cause like constipation, etc. I agree that with the current situation a change in diet is likely the culprit so I would first see if Miralax can resolve it.
Anonymous says
I posted above about my kid with functional abdominal pain. One of the things they did was a blood draw to rule out issues (inc but not limited to cancer).
Anonymous says
Ugh, my 6.5 y/o has been battling this since about age 4.5. Working is the ever useful “functional abdominal pain.”
Check her diet. She may be constipated, esp if she’s less active and has a less varied diet these days.
Anonymous says
I know I had a lot of stomach aches at that age. Some of it can be stress related. For me – and I can see this in my 5 year old as well – some of it is just feeling your digestion and getting used to that feeling. Drinking more water can help if there are any constipation issues. I also know for me that a lot was gas, and no one every figured that out until I was in my 20s. For me as a kid and even young adult, going too long between meals and then eating caused excruciating gas stomach aches. Might be worth exploring.
Anon says
When my 5 year old’s stomach hurts, it is almost always because he has to go #2.
Anon says
Try to up the veggies for a few days and see if that helps. We have definitely reduced veggie consumption in last few weeks with fewer grocery trips, and I didn’t really notice it happening
Anonymous says
What age did you stop using baby shampoo and switch to shampoo/ conditioner? 2YO’s hair feels dry, and I only wash it 1-2x per week (when it gets gross). Any recommendations?
Anonymous says
I use baby shampoo and a little conditioner every once in awhile when his hair feels dry.
Anon says
Around 2. We switched to various J&J for kids tear free formulations – no more tangles, curl defining, ultra hydrating. We are currently using no more tangles shampoo with the ultra hydrating conditioner, but I think we will switch to the curl defining shampoo once that runs out (but keep the hydrating conditioner, which has been doing wonders for the frizz in her curls).
Ashley says
Honest Company makes baby hair conditioner. Around 1 yr we started using their shampoo/body wash on hair/body plus conditioner on hair.
Anon says
Still using it on my almost five-year-old (boy). It still gets in his eyes because he moves his head too much, so we are sticking with the gentle stuff. Add some conditioner at the end if you want.
Anon says
Around 2.5 we started using a combo tear-free shampoo/conditions. Before that we just used J&J baby wash for hair and body. (We also only bathe our kids every 7-10 days… In theory it’s weekly, but it’s not at all uncommon to us to realize it’s been a week and a half.)
Nomad mats says
Does anyone have one of these? Just discovered them today looking at a registry guide. Seems like a clever product, especially if you have lots of rolling toys on a hardwood floor.
Anon says
A lot of influencers shill them. Rolling toys have never damaged our hardwood floors (and once your kids are mobile you couldn’t keep them confined to a mat anyway) so I never saw the point.
Anon says
we have one! i love the look of it. some of the corners peeled fairly quickly, which really annoyed me, but the company had amazing customer service and sent me two free mats after i sent them pictures. for me it is less about the rolling toys and more so to make it more comfortable to sit on the hard floor. we live in an apartment and our main room is all fake wood and i wanted something softer for my twins to roll around on/lie on. It also helps my knees. we gated it once they got mobile which worked well for a while. now they are 2 and we no longer have the gates, but they still stay on the mat a lot bc that is where their toys are. A lot of companies make different mats though. The skip hop gray and white one is thicker and more comfortable to sit on than little nomad, but i like the aesthetic of little nomad since it is in our main room
Anon says
Yeah, they’re not really for rolling toys on hardwoods as much as a softer, wipeable place for kids to play on.
I liked them a LOT more than the primary colored alphabet ones that you usually see, and I needed something for my small main floor living room, so I almost bought one. But then I found and bought some solid color foam mat tiles from Amazon for 1/4 of the price that gave me a similar look. They don’t have the ones I bought anymore or I’d link to them, but they have similar ones. Tip: Get the 24×24 inch tiles instead of the 12×12 – a cleaner look and less for kid to rip apart.
Pogo says
We had a cheaper playmat that looks to be of the same material for use when kiddo was <1 year. I think these are basically just fancy playmats?
Anonymous says
I used something similar for when the baby is learning to sit/crawl, so they don’t bonk their head on the hard floor. It’s not really for rolling toys.
Anon says
We just bought a Softtiles playmat, but it hasn’t been delivered yet so I can’t comment on quality/durability. It came highly rated though.