This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Oh, Melissa and Doug — I’d kiss you both if I could. My son loves the paint with water books, the puzzles, the pretend food, the art easel, etc., etc., etc. I came across this kit and thought it would be a good idea for kids in the recommended age range. I loved making friendship bracelets when I was younger with this embroidery thread. I also love how this kit comes with embellishments to jazz up the bracelets. What this really made me think of was maybe your child could mail a friendship bracelet to one of their friends that they are missing as a way of connecting from afar. How low-tech — using the USPS! The set is $6.99 at Amazon. Friendship Bracelets Craft Activity Set
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Rena says
Melissa & Doug toys (and Green Toys) are also available on bookshop.org where you can help out indie bookstores and your stuff will ship in less than a month since you’re not competing with “essential” orders
Cb says
Oh that’s a good idea – I’ll pass that along to my mom in case she needs presents. We’ve found local bookshops to be a great resource – I sent a very vague email about something to my local shop and they sent a lovely email with recommendations back.
mascot says
Yes, we have a lovely indie bookshop here that has curbside pickup. I’d ordered some dog related books from them recently and they sent a nice note letting me know that they were ready and congratulating us on our upcoming puppy (squee!). It’s a good reminder that shopping small and local matters.
Cb says
Oh that’s so good. A restaurant here has rejigged to do home delivery and every time they drop off a box, they thank us for supporting small businesses. Our invoice has a list of how many businesses we’ve supported. I really think that’s going to be a major post-crisis shift for us. We’ve basically shifted all our shopping to small businesses and I don’t think we’re going back.
Anonanonanon says
Same. We’re avoiding the store but are supporting local farmers, creameries, etc. that used to do a lot of business through the local farmer’s markets. They’re letting people do phone and email orders, pay over the phone, and do safe contactless pickup. I think we’ll keep supporting them for eggs, meat, etc. when this is over
Pogo says
This is a great tip – thank you! Had no idea this existed.
Anonymous says
Thanks for sharing this!
Nanny hiring advice? says
As if the current childcare issues aren’t bad enough, I just found out that the convenient, affordable daycare center that DD1 attended, and where we’ve been on the waitlist since I was 3 months pregnant with DD2 (now 4 weeks old) is not going to be reopening even after our local shutdown order is lifted. They lease space from a school, and the school is not renewing the lease so it can expand into the space. Because we had zero trouble getting off the waitlist last time (and in fact got offered a spot early), we weren’t on any other lists. The center is part of a local chain but the other locations are inconveniently located, and have separate waitlists, so it’s unlikely we’d get a spot by August/September, when I plan to go back to work. We got on another couple of waitlists at other (more expensive, inconveniently located) daycares, but I’m not confident we’ll get a spot – I’m hearing spring 2021.
Given all this, and the fact that we’re planning to move DD2 to the same amazing preschool as DD1 as soon as they’ll take her (fall 2021), I think our best option is hiring a nanny. I’m hoping we could even find someone whose living situation/risk tolerance would allow them to keep coming in the event of further covid-related shutdowns this fall/winter.
So how do I go about doing this? (childcare research is on my side of our very equal division of household labor). When should I start looking for someone? How do I find out what the standard pay/benefits are in my area? Any recommended payroll websites? Is there any way to offer healthcare benefits, and how would that work? Also, would proposing a schedule of 4 10-hour days (8 am – 6 pm 4 days/week) be a selling point, or would it turn off good nanny candidates? (We could cover the 5th day by both working a half day from home, and get the coverage we need for office days without paying a nanny overtime). Any advice is appreciated.
Realist says
-Call a nanny service in your area. Even if you don’t go through them, they probably have recommendations on what standard pay/benefits are in your area and possibly what the local scene looks like right now for nannies, such as when you might start looking. Things are in flux all over the country so you are going to get imperfect information no matter what, be OK with that.
-Homepay is a good payroll service. Given everything that is going on now, it may be worth it to put a Facebook call out and see if any local one-woman shops are doing payroll (if you would like to support smaller businesses).
-If you can be flexible on scheduling, try to be. You might find a great nanny that doesn’t want to put in 10-hour days (those are long days) or have other scheduling quirks. In my experience, being flexible on the things where you can be flexible is worth it for the right person.
-There are articles on how to contribute to your nanny’s healthcare, Homepay or your payroll service may also be a resource on that.
-I suggest you clarify your risk tolerance on covid right away and be very clear on your expectations as you talk to candidates. Ask very specific questions even if it is a bit uncomfortable. (Do you plan to get the vaccine when one is available? Please describe all reasons you leave your house every month. What other people besides us will you see each month?) You really want to be on the same page on this and other dealbreakers.
-If you have never been an employer before, try to see things from the nanny’s perspective. Don’t ask her to do things that you would struggle with. Be fair about time off, benefits, pay, etc. There is a learning curve, so don’t be afraid to say when you messed up.
Good luck!
OP says
Thank you for such a comprehensive answer!
anon says
We use Poppins Payroll. It’s pretty basic but also cheaper than a lot of other websites. They handle direct deposit and paystubs/W-2s.
We don’t offer health insurance. Our recruiter suggested a healthcare stipend ($x/month) as an incentive but we found someone without offering it.
Where are you based?
OP says
Philly
asdf says
Re healthcare. I have been told* that if you employ even only one non-related person then that employee is eligible for plans offered by businesses by ACA rules.
*A friend who is a sole employee in Illinois told me this. Neither of us are remotely involved in the legal side of this so I can’t vouch for correctness. Quick googling found this https://www.healthcare.gov/small-businesses/learn-more/how-aca-affects-businesses/
SC says
I’m over it today. I need my alone time in the mornings for reading, yoga, etc. Kiddo woke up early. I got up and had breakfast with him. Then I woke DH up at their normal wake up time and told them I was going outside to do my yoga video. Kiddo followed me outside and played with chalk paint while I did my yoga video (no idea what DH was doing during this time). When I was finished, Kiddo tried to follow me inside but, of course, was covered in blue chalk paint. I called for DH to get Kiddo’s hands clean and went inside to take a shower. DH grabbed a towel and whisked Kiddo inside… to give Kiddo a bath in the master bathroom.
So, no time to myself this morning. Yoga with Kiddo running around me playing. No shower. I’m grumpy. And I smell. . . not great.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry. I need my alone time too and it’s sorely lacking right now. I really long for my train ride commute and walk to the office now! Right now my “me time” looks like fitting in some podcasts or reading while the kids watch TV, early (like 5am) workouts and some extra time on the weekends when my husband watches them or my parents come.
Cb says
Argh, I just want to sit on the top deck of the bus and listen to a podcast. I feel you on this! During naptime, my husband had a call opposite my desk, turned on a livestream of parliamentary questions, and then when I finally asked him to put on headphones, proceeded to guffaw and provide a running commentary. Thanks dude, way to ruin my 2 hours of quiet working. I’m going to have to ask him from next week to either bloody do something useful during naptime or go be unhelpful in the bedroom.
Sorry, this clearly touched a nerve and I need to use my words but right now, my words would be NSFW, and my sitting room is apparently the new work.
Pogo says
so glad I’m not the only one… my DH is constantly shouting back at NPR. Not that I don’t agree with his commentary but I don’t see the point is wasting the energy or getting your blood pressure up.
Cb says
Right? I don’t need hourly BBC updates.
Katy says
You made me laugh our loud (in commiseration not @ you). THANKS.
Emily S. says
I’m sorry, SC. Commiseration.My own DH is working long hours and the kids prefer me and 5 weeks in, I’m getting tired of not having my alone time, too.
Anonymous says
This is part of why I run. I literally run away from the apartment! Son cannot catch me!
Can you at least go take a shower at some point during the day? Mine are getting longer and longer….
Anonymous says
+1 to your first paragraph. One of the few things keeping me sane right now.
Pogo says
I feel all of this. I know it’s so privileged, but yes, I miss my yoga classes and lunchtime runs with friends, showering by myself not to the tune of MOMMMMMYYYY (flings shower curtain open to check that yes, I am still there). I miss coming home before picking up kiddo from daycare on housekeeper days to an empty, immaculately clean house. I am incredibly fortunate in our current situation, and it makes me so glad for what we had before.
So Anon says
My room and bathroom are on an upper floor of the house. Unless I crawl out of a window, I cannot go anywhere without passing the kids. Why they feel the need to confirm that I have not, actually managed to escape the house multiple times a day is beyond me. I do get their need to know I’m here, but sometimes, it gets really old.
So Anon says
Solidarity. I miss doing yoga without my daughter trying to do it with me and then asking questions for the next five minutes (mommy, why is there a doggy in the video; mommy, can i have a snack; mommy, why is your mat purple; mommy, when is lunch) then getting bored and going to get a toy and setting up a my little pony village at the end of my mat. I miss listening to audiobooks on my commute.
Anon4This says
SOLIDARITY. This is so, so hard even for those of us that have it good. We just relocated cities in late December, so I was already struggling with workout routine given all the changes and a demanding new job (again, all of this by choice, but I WANT TO COMPLAIN, OK?!). I miss my OTF classes and the ability to do some online yoga after DS was down for the night. I miss extroverted DH being able to go and do something out of the house so I could have my down time.
We’re in 700 sq feet that’s not “ours” (ST furnished rental – we’re in the midst of house hunting…great timing), with a toddler and a puppy and DH and I have two intense jobs. I’m usually one to find the solutions, make a schedule but I’m so effing burned out that I haven’t. We’ve naturally settled into one but it’s taken the month that we’ve been working from home. DH and I have had PLENTY of yelling, lashing outs, etc. but they’ve gotten lesser as time has gone by, to 0 this week – small victory!
DH and I use our bedroom for conference calls as needed; sometimes DH goes to his car. Otherwise we’re 2 feet apart working on a kitchen table. I’m lucky if I get out 2-3x/week for a quick jog at this point. Honestly it’s wake up, work work work while balancing toddler, sign off at 4-5 PM for outside time, dinner/bath/bed, and then back online by 8, and usually wrap by 10. Wine, delicious food, and other herbs have become critical to survival. No idea if any clothing that’s not lounge wear will fit anymore.
Survival for us and our loved ones is the name of the game. That’s all. Not thriving, just surviving. And it’s hard, even though it could be a lot worse.
Anon says
In the same boat. I’ve been thinking about trying some online therapy but I’m not sure how it could help, i.e. “I hate this! I am miserable stuck inside with my kids and working at the same time! I have nothing to look forward to!” and what would the therapist say “true, so are well all!”? Let me know if anyone has had success going the therapy route at this time. Or trying short term antidepressants?
Anon4This says
Your drink of choice and (if you have access/it’s legal where you are/don’t get drug tested randomly) – THC. At the risk of sounding like an after school special from the 80’s – most folks we know are indulging at this time just to help manage anxiety without pharmaceuticals.
A says
I have been doing online therapy (with a therapist I had been working with previously), and it has been helpful to have an outlet and some dedicated time for myself. My therapist has acknowledged that life is hard for everyone right now, but the outside perspective helps.
Anon says
In the same boat. I’ve been thinking about trying some online therapy but I’m not sure how it could help, i.e. “I hate this! I am miserable stuck inside with my kids and working at the same time! I have nothing to look forward to!” and what would the therapist say “true, so are well all!”? Let me know if anyone has had success going the therapy route at this time. Or trying short term antidepressants?
SC says
Wow! Thanks for the solidarity, everyone!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I swear all the bread baking, “I’m bored”, home workout social media content is for people not juggling the childcare/work thing, or maybe have unicorn children and jobs.
Grass is always greener, because I have friends who have gobs of time, but a few of them are also trying for kids and having their own journey with that. I have another friend, who lives alone, and I can tell she is really struggling as well.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I definitely understand feeling bored or lonely in this situation under different circumstances – the week or so before my first was born when I was home and didn’t have much work to do and couldn’t go anywhere felt like so incredibly slow and boring. I really wish I could bottle some of this constant family time and give it to someone who is lonely (and I can take some of their alone time!)
Anonymous says
It is definitely possible to be both bored and overwhelmingly busy at the same time.
GCA says
I definitely understand and empathize with the mind-numbing anxiety-provoking boredom and loneliness, but I also cannot deal with it any more in my online environment.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Yup. Same. Multiple things can be true!
SC says
I probably have the unicorn situation–one kid, and DH is a SAHD. I work M-F, 9-5, mostly.
I feel bored with the tedium of daily tasks, and just the fact that everyday feels pretty much the same, and there’s nothing to look forward to and no new people to interact with in person.
I also miss adult conversations with just my husband. And having experiences out in the world so there is something new to talk about.
Anonanonanon says
YES to your last line.
anon says
You guys. This work-from-home situation is not working for me. The constant interruptions from my kids (especially the preschooler) are too much to handle. I cannot get into anything resembling flow and it is draining me mentally. DH seems to do fine (?) with multitasking childcare and work, but I lack the mental capacity to do it. It is so disruptive. How are you trading off duties with your spouse? Do you set aside your hours vs. his hours? DH wants to make these decisions in the moment or day by day, and that is not working for me. I also may need to move my office location to a room with a locked door, though I have no idea where. The only reasonable option would be our bedroom, which is literally my only sanctuary at the moment.
And oh my G*d, DH has GOT to stop talking to me while I’m trying to work.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, we have specific hours when we are on childcare duty or working. We try to keep them the same every day, barring any urgent calls (rare). I can’t multitask and I like knowing when I’m on and off so I can plan my day better. We have an office and I lock myself in here with headphones on so that I’m not (too) distracted by the screaming kids outside. My husband and I try hard to prevent the kids from interrupting the other one – we try to keep them in the downstairs playroom or go outside as often as we can. Obviously this is a lot more difficult if you’re in a smaller space without a backyard.
Anonymous says
No tips but all the SAME feels here. I’ve really only been getting solid work in during naps and after baby’s bedtime. Otherwise I’m trying to work and help watch the baby and tidy up and do a million other things.
Anonymous says
I work 8:30-10:30, 1-3:30 and in the evening if needed. DH works 10:30-12:30, 3:30-6pm and in the evening if needed. We’ve had to adjust hours a few times for conference calls but it’s always a direct swap. On occasion, I’ve had to take the laptop upstairs to the dining room or take call when I have the kids. Because we try to limit screen time, we can use it to basically have them be silent when it is on. If it’s busy, we’ll alternate putting the kids to bed so the other person can jump back online right after supper.
We work in the basement home office. Kids are not allowed in basement at any time during the week. Door is locked when working. They are allowed to play in basement on weekends. DH and I each have a separate desk set up.
I would lose my mind if DH tried to change it up minute by minute or if I had to work and look after the kids at the same time. Come up with a schedule and tell him when you are available. Don’t wait for him to give you permission to protect your mental health.
anon says
I have spent the past 45 minutes doing just that — coming up with a schedule. And it p!sses me off royally that I even have to do this. Here’s hoping he actually gets that this is something I need for my own well-being. Just because he’s happy hopping from task to task to childcare to whatever, doesn’t mean that I am.
Anonymous says
It’s okay to insist even if he doesn’t ‘get’ it. Just because he doesn’t understand or share your needs, he still has to accept and accommodate them. You can’t be a happy person, wife or mother if you don’t take care of your mental health.
Anonymous says
My husband does not like Making Plans, but by default we have settled into a routine where I am more on-duty in the morning while my son is homeschooling and husband is teaching from home (he’s a high school teacher so his students have mostly independent work, but he has grading, meetings, prep and fielding questions). During this time, I am at the dinner table with son, both on laptops. Husband is in our tiny office/workshop right off the dining room using yet another laptop or our desktop computer. (We borrowed the 3 laptops from his school; 2 are old and had been forgotten about in his room for years). In the afternoon, we all go to the park for a bike ride, and I spend the rest of the time working upstairs in our bedroom. It is just easier for me to work without interruption there than trying to commandeer the office. I’m sure husband wouldn’t mind, but my son would constantly bug me. Most of my meetings/calls are in the afternoon, and I try to be productive between them. He’s doing most of the cooking and meal prep. We are in a duplex apartment.
June says
This is not working all that well for me either! My husband is better at going with the flow, but I am somone that really needs to get in the zone to work efficiently. Because each day is different, my husband and I take it day by day in establishing what times each parent is on kid duty. When needed we just get up super early or work after the kid goes to bed to catch up. I also had to put my office in the master bedroom! Husband has the spare bedroom and we have no home office. When I’m on kid duty or kid is napping/playing quietly in room I work in the dining room.
TheElms says
Today just seems hard. I work up feeling that way and reading the comments it seems like lots of people here did too. I was trying to think of something to be grateful about and it was hard. What I’ve landed on is that as broken as the US is right now, with so much hatred towards one another, towards our leaders, still so many people, so many more people than I thought would, are taking social distancing seriously. And it seems to be working (albeit really really slowly). That is enormously comforting. Despite our many many many problems, we can do hard things to make things better.
anon says
I agree; it seems like this has been a hard week for almost everyone I know. We’re all hitting the wall, so to speak.
Pep talk needed says
Anyone want to make me feel better about excessive pregnancy weight gain? I’m barely 26 weeks pregnant and I’ve already gained nearly 27 pounds, including 10 in the first trimester. With my first pregnancy (less than two years ago) I was also over the recommended weight gain the entire time; it tapered off somewhat in the third trimester but I still gained 40 pounds total. I lost all but 5 pounds without much effort, though I imagine that may be harder this time with both a toddler and a newborn at home.
I’ve been exercising almost every day and eating like I normally do for the most part (quarantine has thrown that off a bit, admittedly). My doctor hasn’t expressed any concerns and I’m not worried from a medical standpoint; I’m just feeling huge and demoralized.
So Anon says
With my first pregnancy, I could not exercise in the first or third trimesters due to medical issues. I tried to eat healthy and I gained about 50 lbs. With my second pregnancy, I ran before getting pregnant and was walking 3 miles 3x per week until the day before I delivered and ate healthily. I gained 50 lbs. I am petite when I’m not pregnant, but gaining 50 lbs is what my body does when pregnant.
Clementine says
I really think that pregnancy weight gain is much more genetic than we want to acknowledge.
I mean, I ate salads and worked out 4x/week and was gaining right on track (delivered early so my total would be irrelevant). My mom also gained right in the middle of acceptable range.
My friend gained 60 pounds. Her mom had gained 60 pounds. She was totally demoralized but it came off. I think that ‘being healthy’ is the most important. If your doc isn’t concerned, don’t stress. (lol @ don’t stress… easiest thing in the world, right??)
Anonymous says
As long as you are eating somewhat healthy and staying somewhat active, don’t worry about it. You’re pregnant during a pandemic. That’s stressful AF. Focus on healthy habits for your physical and mental health, not the number on the scale.
anne-on says
Your body is doing what it needs to do. Some people just gain a lot, others very little. If your doctor isn’t worried, then you shouldn’t be. This is just how you make babies and it sounds like you do that well, so I would try not to stress too much, you got this :)
Anon says
Keep in mind lots of people gain irregularly. I lost weight in first 2 months (because you know not wanting to eat anything but toast), but then started gaining really fast to the point the doctor was monitoring it, then didn’t gain for a couple weeks without actually changing anything I was doing (e.g. I was starving to I kept eating) etc.
Anonymommy says
Hope you’re feeling ok! Show yourself even half the grace you would show a friend in your shoes! Also, for what it’s worth, I think weight gain and size can be very different after your first pregnancy. With my second I showed much much sooner but then it kind of tapered more at the end. Plus, you will certainly be forced to move a lot more after delivery with #2 because of #1. Solidarity.
AnonATL says
My weight has been all over the place this pregnancy. First trimester, I was down 5. Basically as soon as I hit my second trimester, I was up 10 from my usual (so net 15 from first tri). That’s been holding steady through the end of my second trimester, but that initial spike was terrifying.
This is my first, so I don’t have any context of what is normal for me. I am not paying much attention to the scale anymore. I just eat what is healthy and I try to move every day. Our bodies do what they want during incubation, and if the doctor isn’t worried I won’t be either.
Anonymous says
I gained almost exactly the same amount of weight in all 3 of my pregnancies and was active and ate pretty well each time. I think you just keep on being healthy and let your body do what it’s gonna do. If your doc is okay, then I wouldn’t worry (which is always easier said than done).
GCA says
If you’re active and eating well, I wouldn’t worry. I did just that and gained ~40lbs each pregnancy, midwives were not concerned. And pregnancy weight gain is definitely nonlinear – I put on nothing in the first trimester, much more in the second & early third trimester, and stalled out a bit towards the end. Give yourself grace, and let your body do what it needs to!
Anonanonanon says
I gained so much my second one. some retained fluid, some just actual weight gain. it was probably 60 or 70 lbs at the end thanks to some pitting edema. The OB told me at my visit right before Thanksgiving that I needed to slow down the weight gain (I was, gasp, a size 4 in maternity jeans! EFF HER) I sobbed and sobbed after that appointment. Had an almost 10 lb baby. First thing I heard when they got her out was “oh my god, that’s a huge baby! are you sure the mother wasn’t diabetic?” from the corner of the room. I was not, and the baby’s blood sugar was fine.
my daughter is 2 and I now weigh less than before I got pregnant, back to being size 0/2 without crazy diets or crazy exercise. My body just did what it needed to do at the time. She is >99th percentile in height and a low percentile in weight, she’s a tall string bean.
ElisaR says
late to the game here but that darn second pregnancy will get you! sorry, just lots of commiseration! my first, no problem. second….. still fighting the weight over 2 years now.
Anonanonanon says
Because having your child go back and forth between homes during a pandemic isn’t stressful enough already…
My ex-husband’s grandmother died in a faraway state. He is traveling home to be with family. I assume this means he will be flying. I can also almost guarantee they do not follow any social distancing recommendations in his family of origin and that they will have more than 10 people gathering, and way more than that coming in and out of their home. The area he is traveling to is one of the hot spots in the national news.
I know I don’t have any standing to ask him to not see his kid for 14 days after returning, but I hate this.
Anonymous says
There is a reported surge in motions for modification of custody in joint custody situations where one parent works in health care. This seems like a similar change in circumstances. You certainly have standing to raise the issue with your ex.
Anon New Yorker says
Raise the issue. I’m also sharing custody and my ex immediately brought up that if one of us is sick, there will be a 14 day quarantine period after symptoms end before they can get the kid back. Yes it will suck for him not to see his kid that long and for you to solo parent that long with no help, but it needs to happen.
Anonanonanon says
I’ve been remarried for years and he travels for months at a time with little notice very frequently, so won’t be any kind of burden to solo parent at all (he only has him every other weekend anyway), which is part of what makes it so frustrating, if I asked him about it he would refuse to just switch weekends.
I went kind of low, and before he came to tell our son the news and that he was leaving town I said “I told (son) that you are going somewhere with a lot of COVID and that you will take care of yourself and be OK, but that you can’t see him for 14 days after to help keep him safe. I told him we would find fun ways for you guys to spend time together over the phone and computer” and he didn’t argue, at least not then, so we’ll see. Figured now was a time to tell not ask. Can’t take me to court when the courts are closed! (kidding, sort of)
So Anon says
You can ask your ex to wait 14 days upon his return to see his kid. That is a reasonable request.
My ex is an essential worker who works with the public every day. Our son has an auto-immune disease and our pediatrician recommended that the ex not see the kids. The ex agreed that the kids would stay with me all of the time right now, which means that it has been over a month since he has seen the kids in person. He facetimes them every day. When we return to something approaching normal, I will happily comply with whatever he wants to do to make-up his lost time.
Anonymommy says
Im four weeks back from my second maternity leave, and already discouraged. (Went back the day of my state’s stay home order.) Boss is frustrated with my work and billables, rude opposing counsel, etc. And I’m already on a reduced schedule. I know everyone is stressed but it’s hard not to take personally. What’s the pep talk or mantras you use to keep yourself motivated? Advice?
So Anon says
This is not going to last forever. All of the “this” – having a young baby, being in a pandemic, this stage of life. We may not know when it will end, but all of the “this” will change.
Realist says
Today is the day to love yourself, respect yourself, admire yourself, forgive yourself, accept yourself, nurture yourself. But I don’t think trite mantras will totally make things better. First, you are dealing with really hard things. It is OK that it is hard. Try not to beat yourself up. Second, it took your body 9 months to make a baby. It will take at least that long for you to adjust to the baby being on the other side. This idea that moms are still the same people and can just go back to work so quick and still be the same is so ridiculous. European countries don’t offer 1 year maternity leave as a luxurious perk. They recognize the need for adjustment. Give yourself grace. I’m sorry you have to deal with this all right now OP.