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At the beginning of quarantine, it was painfully obvious that our house was lacking in art supplies. My excuse was that my son was constantly doing craft projects, art, and coloring at daycare/preschool — if you don’t believe me, check my garbage. (Kidding. Kind of.) I never felt like he needed to do more of that on the weekends. However, now that we’re home, I need to stock up on things for him to do. I like the idea of ordering everything at once, like this “creativity kit.” I like that it even comes with paper, because I realized we don’t have any except for our printer paper, and that’s being used by the adults in the house at the moment. The kit is $22.49 at Kohl’s. Crayola Jumbo Art Creativity Kit
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Cb says
I’m trying not to buy too much stuff so have been using scraps and bits of things. We made a tree out of a large scrap of paper and have been adding leaves (made from a cut up magazine) to mark the passage of time, which was a cheerier alternative to carving numbers into the wall, prison style.
We’re getting loads of mileage out of one large flat box (used to deliver picture frames), a smaller flat box, and various bits of card. I’ve drawn an airport, a construction site, a train track, roads, police and fire stations, a bus depot, and a farm. My son will happily drive his cars around those for ages. Sorting cars by colour is also a hit – construction paper laid out on the floors.
Also, outdoor, a large rubbermaid box with sand and construction vehicle. He played for an hour while I weeded the garden and turned the compost bin this am, and he’s not a play by his self kid.
AnonATL says
I love the tree idea. I was just joking with my husband that we’d have to start carving the number of days into a walls somewhere in our house.
It could be cute to do a flower per week, and then add 7 petals for each day of that week.
We are at day 31 here since we last went left the house for anything other than critical grocery trips… good grief.
Anon says
I hear you – I am at day 28 of not having left the house at all (walks around the neighborhood excluded). DH has left a few times to take toddler for a car ride (nap, mama’s last nerve, etc.), but that’s it. We’ve managed to get everything else delivered.
TheElms says
I have not left the house since 3/13 except to walk the dog/kiddo around the neighborhood (DH has gone to the grocery twice in that time). I am definitely over it.
Pogo says
Same, 3/13 was my last day out in the world. It’s getting old.
AnonATL says
My last OB appointment was 3/12 which felt like the last day of “normal” around here. Our state majorly lagged on rules past that point, but we started following SIP guidelines much earlier thanks to the baby.
Anon says
I’m impressed you’re not buying much. My strategy has been to give my 2 year old a new book or toy almost every day because a new toy is the only way to buy some independent playtime. I know it’s horrible and I was a total minimalist before this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
CPA Lady says
The comment yesterday about the kid wanting to dye Easter eggs rather than go camping got me thinking– what were your favorite memories of being a kid? Did they involve big events or special vacations or were they more mundane?
I grew up in rural Alabama and my favorite memories are:
– playing unsupervised with my sister at the shallow creek and in the woods on our property. we would take our barbies to the creek and pretend it was a hair salon.
– playing unsupervised in our barn across the road from our house (we rented it to a farmer who used one of the pastures to grow hay, which he would bale and store in the barn, and we would jump down from the loft onto the hay bales below)
– picking blackberries in the back yard
– going to sleep away summer camp for a week each summer
None of these involved anything elaborate on my mom’s part. I didn’t really enjoy family vacations. But we only ever went on vacations that were “educational” — like back to back museums all day every day. I am thankful for some of them in retrospect, like the one where we drove across the whole country and back, stopping at lots of major national parks, but they were not my “favorite memories” and were not particularly enjoyable in the moment. How about you?
Cb says
I spent after school and summer days at my Nana’s house, which had no television and no local kids. But I had the most amazing adventures – I’d help her with things, hide in the garden, dress up the dog, do science experiments in the kitchen, sew random things together, go to the library. I never said I was bored because being bored was a good way to be assigned a tedious chore.
I also had an experience in my 20s which informs my approach as a parent today. My dad had picked me up from BART and we were driving to my hometown when I asked about something we could see from the freeway (Concord naval weapons for Bay Areas folks). My dad said ‘let’s go look!’ And I try to do that as much as I can with my son. If he asks about something and we have time, we go and have a look.
Anonymous says
So I grew up in Hershey, Pennsylvania so my childhood memories reflect that…also my grandparents provided the childcare for my parents. I had a very good childhood TBH
– Going to Hersheypark multiple days a week in the summer. I loved going in the evening with my grandparents and when we were old enough they would let me and my cousins go off by ourselves.
– Riding bikes in my neighborhood, going to the neighborhood playground, playing with kids. My parents would let me do this alone from about age 7 as long as I got home by dark.
– climbing trees in my grandparents yard.
– going to the Amish market
– Sledding!!! We had a very small hill in my backyard, hills at the local playground, and then a killer sledding hill we could drive to
– Sometimes after school my grandfather would take me to Chocolate World (in the winter when it was empty) or McDonalds after school. The one on one time with him was a treat. He’d also take me fishing in the summer, or we would hunt for worms in the dark on golf courses (yes this was trespassing)
– Thanksgiving. About 30-40 people would come over and I loved having all the family together. Now that I’ve hosted thanksgiving myself I have no idea how my mom did it every year
– Disney World vacations. My family enjoys Disney. We aren’t diehard Disney people but go fairly regularly and know how to enjoy it without getting exhausted.
–
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cbackson says
Ha, I, too, come from a family that looooooved an educational family vacation. We never passed a Civil War battlefield we didn’t stop at.
Many of my best childhood memories centered around church stuff – playing with friends after church, picking blackberries/muscadines on the church property (it was on an old farm), potlucks, singing hymns around the piano on Wednesday nights, the Christmas pageant, VBS. It was great and little of it involved my parents although some adult was typically at least loosely supervising.
My other great childhood memories are walking to the neighborhood pool in the summer to swim, and unstructured playtime in the yard.
Anonymous says
Honestly, just playing in the woods as a kid (grew up in small town New England). There was a creek (really just a wash out) behind a lot of houses in the neighborhood where I grew p and I could spend all day back there just having adventures – either with the other kids in the neighborhood or just by myself.
Pogo says
+1 playing in the woods near the creek or riding bikes around with other kids. We have a little creek in our backyard woods and I hope our kids have the same fun with it.
Anonymous says
When I was younger and lived in a semi urban neighborhoood (sort of like Queens- a nice of small single families and duplexes with apartments mixed in, walkable neighborhood markets), my neighborhood friend and I would make secret forts in the yard. Our yard was like maybe 20×20 and I’m pretty sure we hid behind a half dead forsythia bush but man we thought we were sneaky. At her house, we climbed up into an evergreen tree and hubby out in the branches for HOURS. We were probably 4’ off the ground but it felt rebellious. I also liked walking around the block to the “candy store” Ie neighborhood convenience store where I spent my allowance on push pops.
When I was older (middle school) we moved to a true suburb and I just roamed the streets with my dog or my siblings or a pack of friends. We didn’t get into trouble. Just went to a local playground to swing/hang out, went for walks around the lake, etc.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Such an interesting question, CPA Lady. I had to think about this for a bit because to be honest, I remember a lot of loneliness and trying to fit in as a kid because we moved around a lot and I’m an only child. My happiest memories are probably of making friends with people and feeling like I fit in, at least a little bit. What we did mattered less than how I felt being around them. This makes it sound like I had a miserable childhood, I didn’t, but I really am truly happier now as an adult, mostly due to finding my people. I think my kids will grow up pretty differently than me, and while I’m sure they’ll have their struggles too, I really see the value in connections and growing up in a consistent place.
FVNC says
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, too, as my daughter is now six and a half and is making memories now that will stay with her. Thinking back on my own childhood, there are some moments of pure joy that stand out — that heart-burstingly happy feeling that I think comes from being an innocent, carefree kid. As a parent, it’s a little sad for me to realize that those moments don’t involve my own parents, although they do involve my older sister.
Anyway, my favorite memories mostly involve being part of a pack of kids playing in the creek near our house, playing with our next door neighbors in our backyards (anyone else remember calling on a landline, asking “can [kid] come outside to play?”), and spending long summer days at our neighborhood pool/tennis courts. My family also took a a few really memorable, big-deal-to-us vacations including to Hawaii when I was nine or ten, and several ski trips out west. But roaming around the neighborhood with a pack of kids…that’s what still stands out the most.
Spirograph says
We had a big yard and woods behind my house, so there was a lot of adventuring alone or with neighbors and my siblings. We also had a big, awesome, swingset my dad built — we made sand cities for our gerbils in the sandbox, jumped off swings, and the forts were whatever our imagination cooked up that day. In the winter, we built snow forts, knocked icicles off the roof with snowballs, and sledded down the deck steps. Indoors, we rollerskated in the basement, and also built fort cities there.
In middle school we moved and there was a neighborhood pond that had been stocked with little fish, and siblings and I would fish off the giant drainage pipe. My best friend and I would bike to the candy store, then sit on a rock just off the bike trail, eat way too much sugar, and write stories and poems.
My mom was a SAHM, and we did a ton of hiking and biking in the summer, plus camping in a pop-up camper, and long road trips. I hated the long drives, but have very fond memories of the Rockies and Mackinaw Island. (Now that I think of it, I do not remember family vacations to Disney World at all, but I know we went twice.) Also, all holidays. I am really, really sad to be missing Easter church festivities this weekend.
Midwest is best says
There was one house in our neighborhood with a huge undenied front yard. In the summer, about a dozen of the neighborhood kids would get together after dinner to play there until it was dark – tag, catching lightning bugs, kickball, whatever. It was magical.
Anon says
My favorite childhood memories are mostly low key stuff like pretend play with friends and baking with my mom, although I did really love some of the bigger things, like going to Space Camp, our family vacations and our annual visit to my grandparents house at the beach. My mom was not a SAHM but she worked part time and had summers off for most of my childhood, so we spent a lot of time together and I definitely have fond memories of that.
Annonn says
I’m about 4 months post partum from my second kid. I’ve lost all but 10lbs and I’m ok with that, it seems to be coming off slowly but steady. However, my stomach is still round and poufy. My natural waist is 5 inches more than it was pre-pregnancy. It’s not a FUPA, its mostly at or above my belly button. Are there exercises that would target this area specifically to lose some inches?
Anonymous says
My postpartum weight was less than my pre-pregnancy weight, and my waist was still thick for a couple of years after the baby arrived. Weight loss and exercise aren’t enough to solve it. It just takes time for everything to tighten up and settle into the new normal.
Go for it says
Regular planks & plank Hip dips HARDCORE help strengthen that area.
Pilates lengthening movements too. Poke around utube. I like Mari Windsor & Ana Caban.
Anonymommy says
Look up Hab-it by Tasha mulligan. She has a pelvic floor safe cardio routine. You don’t want to do anything high impact or that could harm your pelvic floor. She’s got a lot of good info on postpartum and is really encouraging.
Anon says
I just bought new clothes. But my kid is 2.5 and there hasn’t been a marked difference since about 1 year PP.
anne-on says
I had this too, lost weight, and now have a small area of saggy skin there instead of a pooch. Not entirely sure which option is better…
Your body may be different but for the majority of my mom friends, once the weight is gone (if it goes) you still get stuck with some saggy stretched out skin. Some people do ‘snap back’ but that seems to be a combo of youth (under 30), really good genes (luck), or surgery (have had friends admit to the fat freezing treatment or lasers – a small area doesn’t really respond well to a full tummy tuck apparently).
Anonanonanon says
^This. bounced back after my first. I was 22. (not planned).
After my second, I finally lost the weight and have lovely saggy skin to show for it (was 30). If I stand up straight you don’t notice it, but the second i bend over there is suddenly a wrinkly grocery sack. it is what it is.
I found the Melissa Wood Health workouts online to be good. I loved that I could choose anything from just a 7 minute one targeting a specific area to a 20 or 30 minute full body. She has post partum specific ones, too. Also, as a former (professional) ballet dancer, her “long lean lines” pilates-meets-yoga approach really spoke to me. Also, she is just very calming. Reminds you to breathe etc.
anne-on says
Ha! ‘Wrinkly grocery sack’ is pretty much it. The joys of motherhood ;)
Anonymous says
I realize I’m very late to the party, but my husband was furloughed and then, miraculously, UNfurloughed last night. We are THRILLED but need to figure out all the tricks and tips for managing the impossible task of caring for our almost-2 and almost-4 year olds while working two full time jobs. Mine involves a lot of calls, some of which I can control in terms of timing, some of which I can’t. Thank you for anything you can share from your weeks of experience!
Anonymous says
Communicate well. Trade off as you can. Look at all of your waking hours as a time when you can do anything that needs to be done. Work early, do chores during the day with the kids, etc. Schedule your life for efficiency not to conform to a particular “should be” schedule.
Anonymous says
Adding that sometimes you’ll have to say no or “make choices” at work. That’s okay.
anne-on says
Schedule time to sit down on a Friday night or over the weekend (stick the kids in front of a screen or something along those lines). Schedule chunks of time when each of you is ‘on’ – update each other real time when something changes or gets swapped. If you have a proper office with a door, whoever needs to be on calls should take it, (written paper schedule taped to the door helped here for us). Train the kids that if the door is closed you leave that parent alone.
It is hard, but having uninterrupted chunks of time to work helps a lot. Also set the expectation NOW that as much as possible the person who is ‘on’ with the kids should also be starting or swapping over a load of laundry, running or unloading the dishwasher, wiping down counters, or prepping a meal. No, you can’t clean the house top to bottom and watch the kids, but you can do bits and pieces of stuff that help keep the household chugging along. All too often women are able to multi-task and do that on their time with the kids and men seem unable/unwilling to.
AnotherAnon says
+1 to all this.
Emily S. says
DH and I are both working from home and I have a 2.5 year old and almost 5 year old. We’ve been home for 4 weeks, and the first 2 weeks were rough, but the good news is, it gets better (more bearable?) as time goes on and starts to feel normal-ish.
What really helped is making a schedule so the kids have expectations and after a few days, they learned what came next and stopped asking to watch TV all the time. Our sample schedule: morning meeting at 8:00 where we discuss weather, month/day/year, what’s for lunch, when Mom and Dad need quiet time, etc.. Dad works 8-12:30; Zoom with pre-k at 10; snack at 10:30, lunch at 12:30, Little Sister nap from 1:30-3:30; Big Sister does worksheets/hangs out with Dad (in reality, barges in on me working at 2:30); Mom works from 1:30-5; snack at 3:30; outside time 3:30-5/inside art or reading; TV from 5-6 while one parent makes dinner; dinner at 6, and then play/bath/bed.
It helps that they have each other to play with and Little Sister is content to play by herself for 30 minutes at a clip. I dole out new toys or books about every few days and am encouraging as much free play/play with your sister/help me with chores.
The struggle is real, but it is just a period of time in a long life. Good luck!
Cb says
We have a similar schedule with a 2.5 year old. One thing we’ve prioritized, in a small apartment, is quiet work times for both of us. My son and I go and play outside from 10:30-12:00 so my husband gets quiet work in, and I get naptime and send them back outside if they both need to focus.
Anon says
On calls – noise cancelling headphones and a quick finger for the mute button. Most of my clients these days have child or dog noise in the background, so as long as no ones screaming right next to you, it’s probably OK.
Pogo says
If it’s internal, I do my best to control the screaming but my coworkers are very understanding. I’ve definitely been on calls where others were talking to their kids to get them to stop doing something or calm down. We’re all just doing our best.
I haven’t had to present externally though.
Anon says
Look at the latest blog post from Kids Eat in Color for some helpful tips.
BabyMom says
As someone who is working full time and whose husband is unavailable for childcare 3-4 days a week, I suggest you get comfortable with providing only essential supervision to your kids – don’t worry about entertaining them (might be an adjustment), take calls from the backyard, when it makes sense, get comfortable with adequate, not exemplary, performance at work, provide lots of snacks and find a streaming TV show your kids will watch when all else fails. Also, set aside a little extra time to clean up well (including maybe vacuuming) at the end of the day, because your playroom/office will be destroyed and a little bit of order makes it easier to come back the next day. Save things like clean yogurt containers and empty TP rolls as “new toys.” Don’t kill yourself working when the kids are asleep for the night because you need rest and time for yourself, too. Also, know that what you’re doing is actually impossible! For reference my kids are 2.5 years, 1.5 years and 7 months. Good luck!
Anon says
+1
Anonanonanon says
This. Step out back and have them make silly faces at you through the window or door while you make a phone call. You can make silly faces back while the other person talks without making noise and you know they’re alive. Take a key with you so they don’t lock you out.
I know running out to the grocery store isn’t exactly an option right now, but popsicles will buy you some time too. Tell them they only get to eat popsicles if they stay on the specific spot (door mat) while you-you guessed it- step outside and take a call. Could maybe work with some other treats too. Though, the two year old is likely to quickly figure out that you can’t actually do anything if they stray from the designated spot with their treat (because you’ll be on a call so what can you really do). May need to fake some calls one day this weekend to test compliance and actually come in and take the treat if they don’t follow the rules. I don’t know.
Will the two year old nap in the car? Or enjoy music? I’ve counted on luck and a prayer to take calls while my 2 yo napped on a drive before (haven’t during quarantine yet) and just pulled over and stepped outside of the car if she started making noise. I would use my other phone to play music or something she liked and give her a drink and a snack and make faces at her through the car window, but she was at least contained and safe and I had some quiet. would the 4 yo stay quiet with earphones and tablet that has a show they like?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree on figuring out a schedule where you each are responsible for the kids while the other works, and vice versa. Try your very best to stick to it every day (more for your sanity). If you have a lot of calls, try to block off your calendar for your kid times so that they’re not scheduled then. Treat your childcare tasks as focused just on that and don’t try to sneak in work (granted, this may be easier if you have older kids – we have a 1.5 year old and a 4 year old so I’m not trying to work and watch them). Get outdoor time if you can. Screens are your friend when it gets to be a lot.
AwayEmily says
Say “thank you” to each other a LOT. And be flexible — sometimes you’ll be able to trade off for 3-hour chunks, sometimes the kids will be disasters and it will be easier to do 45-minute chunks.
I have a 2yo and a 4yo and we have a much less rigid schedule than it seems like most people do. For our kids, screen time works best when it is predictable. We do a show while they get dressed, one pre-lunch, and one pre-dinner. But the most important parts are a big block of outdoor time in the morning (one parent takes them on a hike or to a field) and another big block after nap (the other parent takes them). Other than that it’s pretty flexible and the general rule is “if they are occupied, don’t disturb them.” We are doing nothing officially “educational.” No workbooks, no letters, no numbers. And after some disastrous attempts at crafts early on, now we pretty much just do (1) coloring and (2) painting rocks. That’s it. Lots and lots of free play, with one parent actively supervising.
We’ve also deliberately given up our weekday evenings in order to make daytime more bearable. What I mean is that we really only get about 4 hours each of work done during the day, and then get another 3 hours at night. Which means that we don’t really cook nice dinners, do only the minimum housework, and during the week just don’t see each other at all in the evening.
Anon says
Yay! If you can swing it, have one person give the kids focused attention and outdooor exercise from wake up until like 10 or 1030 — for us that has helped fill the well of wanting attention and also somewhat tired from running, biking, etc. Plus then you can get by in alternating 2-hour blocks for rest of day – movie from 10;30-12:30 while you both work, a parent breaks to make them lunch, then nap/quiet time while you both work, then a parent half pays attention while they do art/legos/whatever, then a parent breaks to do dinner and bedtime.
OP says
Thank you SO much. Just reading this now, and they are comforting and very helpful. The struggle is so so real. Good luck to all of you as well!
Ifiknew says
I have a 10 month old who’s always grabbing at 2 yr 10 month Olds toys, tablet, hair etc. Basically he’s obsessed with her and she can’t do much in peace. She’s been very sweet to him till now, how do I cope? Do I buy large gates to wall off area in living room and keep her seperated from him? I’m solo parenting these two in the quarantine and it’s been trying.
Clementine says
I did for the big kid exactly what I had done to protect the little one from ‘too much sibling love’.
I say to little, ‘I see that you really want X of big siblings, but they need a little space’. I actively use physical separation (aka the baby corral) to give each kid space. Yes, there’s some screaming in the beginning but it lessens. I’ve also introduced the ‘big’ kid to the beauty of watching a tablet or playing with big kid toys in a bedroom while the baby is in the main living space.
Also, during conference calls – wear the baby. On your back.
CCLA says
Second the advice re: getting big kid to like her room if she has her own. Recently 3.5 yo is very into elaborate setups of her toys and doesn’t like when 18 mos little sis comes and takes one or knocks it over (duh). She now mostly remembers that if she wants to play without letting little sis participate, she can do her setups in her own room instead of living area, which she voluntarily does at some point most days. Also, the other day DH and I were both prepping dinner in the kitchen and just sort of let them argue/whine for a few minutes, and then it stopped and they found an equilibrium for the next half hour just playing together. Made me realize how often I intervene and has convinced me to try to let them work through it on their own more often.
Anonymous says
I’d like to invest in some outdoor toys and games for my 6 and 11 kids to use in our backyard. Backyard is maybe 18’x24′ so things that require a lot of space like a stomp rocket are out. Ideally, items are easy to store and can be played with by both kids. Suggestions?
anne-on says
Frisbees and frisbee goal posts have been an unexpected hit for us. Slack lines? Corn hole, and ladder gold I can see being a hit too if you have room to store them.
anne-on says
Ugh ladder GOLF, not gold. Also kan jam is a HUGE hit at my son’s school.
Clementine says
Orange cones are a big hit in my house. They become many, many things. With kids that age, I would go for the yard games anne-on mentions. I would also think about something like badminton or koosh ball tennis.
Actually, with kids that old… bocce ball?
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
My girls (5 and 8) have gotten a TON of mileage out of their hammocks. We hang them from a tree or from the deck and they can play out there for hours.
Anon says
Do you have a stretch of sidewalk or less-busy street by you? My 5yo and 7yo are super into learning to skate and skateboard right now. For things in the yard, orange cones, two hula hoops, a jump rope, and two soccer balls have led to a ton of imaginative games. I like the bocce ball idea above, and there’s a similar game with wooden pegs called molkky or something, as those could also be something my partner and I do in the evenings.
Baby name Elliot? says
I’m pregnant and expecting a boy in less than a month. The only name so far that husband and I have liked is Elliot/t but we’re worried that it would constantly be misspelled. Also, there don’t seem to be any natural nicknames for it. Leo won’t work as a nickname since that’s our pet’s name. Does anyone have an Elliot? How do you or would you spell it? Are you constantly correcting the spelling? We’re leaning toward the double LL, one T spelling because the middle name also has a double consonant in the middle and because two Ts seems cluttered/unnecessary. For reference, our other son has a very classic name that truly can’t be misspelled and has several nicknames (like James or Andrew or William). Thanks!
Anon says
I don’t have an Elliot but I wouldn’t worry about the alternative spellings. I have a kid with a name that has two popular spellings, and it’s no big deal. People frequently use the wrong form but would only bother me if I hated the other spelling, which I don’t. I think Eli can be a nickname so if you hate that I would probably avoid it, but I don’t think it’s a big deal to use a name with no natural nicknames.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t worry about it, because there is really no way to avoid spelling problems. My child has a common name with only one standard spelling, and people still misspell it all the time.
Anon says
+1 each year there are new spellings of names. Even if you choose a name with only “one” spelling, who knows whether three other spellings will pop up in a few years.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
I would go with it if you like the name. I think two ls, one t is by far the most common spelling. And I think the lack of nickname is fine. My daughter has a three syllable name with no obvious nicknames and we came up with a few nicknames.
AnotherAnon says
I don’t have an Elliot so feel free to ignore, but if you love the name I think you should just go with it and spell it how you want. My name is unusual, but not made up (think city in Australia), and it is constantly misspelled. Constantly. By people who have emailed me hundreds of times and where my name is spelled correctly on the signature line of the email they’re replying to. Or people change my name to a completely different name. Honestly at this point I find it amusing more than anything. I tell the Starbucks ppl to spell it however they want and I get some very funny/creative spellings. God I miss the Starbucks people.
Anon says
Adelaide?! That’s my daughter’s middle name.
AnotherAnon says
What a gorgeous name! But mine is even more basic than that; it’s actually a super common name now. The one with the opera house. :)
Anonymous says
Hey Sydneigh
Anon says
Oh I don’t even think of the opera house city as an unusual name! But it’s pretty too!
Anon says
You didn’t ask for other options, but Oliver and Everett are classic names that both have a similar feel to Elliot and have more obvious nickname options (Ollie, Rhett). I do like Elliot a lot and I bet eventual nicknames would be something like Eli or Lee or EJ depending on the middle/ last initial. I doubt anyone will try Ellie for a boy.
AnonToday says
We are naming our little boy (due this summer) Everett. Everyone has asked what his nickname is going to be. I imagine it will be something like Ev, but Rhett could fly too. Or you know, just use the full dang name..
Everett is another name that people are going to mess up the spelling for sure. I have a super common name with a few different spelling iterations. It never hurt my feelings when people swapped letters. It happens to everyone.
Anonymous says
The Everett we know (and love) gets called Ev, but never Rhett. We’re in NYC and I just can’t imagine Rhett.
My father misspelled my name once. You can’t win.
Clementine says
Re: Misspelling names – when our oldest was born, a grandparent (without our knowledge or permission) announced all over social media that their grandson “Daniel” had just been born.
…except his name wasn’t Daniel. It was “David”. Soooo now our kid is preschool aged… and I don’t know if it’s a mandala effect thing or what, but he has actually gotten Christmas gifts (from a DIFFERENT grandparent) addressed to “Daniel”.
I mean… you really can’t win.
Anon says
I like the nickname Rhett. But agreed, when I say Everett out loud I think the parent would almost have to push the nickname Rhett (which is fine) as phonetically it doesn’t seem obvious.
Meg says
I have a friend with two boys: Oliver and Elliot. They are adorable tweens (imagine that! Polite too!) and have never complained about their names. If you want a nickname/alternative to Elliot, Eli is also in a similar vibe.
Nephew Elliot says
My sister has an Elliot. It was a family name but hadn’t been used in two generations. Initially I had to constantly double check if it’s one T or two, but after a while it stuck. He’s 2.5 y/o now and it’s easy. Any teacher might struggle for the first month of school but they’re used to this kind of thing. There are so many hard to spell names and so many names that can be spelled multiple ways. I say if you really love the name, go for it!
Boston Legal Eagle says
FWIW, I would go with the most common spelling of the name, which I think yours is. My husband has a less common spelling of a super common name and it’s constantly misspelled. He’s generally fine with it for random Starbucks, etc., but it’s annoying when we have to correct official paperwork.
People will probably follow your lead on nicknames, if you do any. We call our first by his full name while our second gets the nickname version of his name.
Anon says
Neither of my kid’s names have natural nicknames and I actually like that. We spent so much time agonizing over the names, that’s what I want them to be called! :)
Anonymous says
Just use the name. Don’t worry about the spelling. I am an Allison from the 80s and my name is constantly misspelled as one of the many variations (Alison, Allyson, etc) but it’s really a non issue in the grand scheme of things.
Anon for this says
Really late so not sure if you’ll see this, but I have an Elliot (spelled not that way, actually) and use and love the nickname Eli, though I also love the sound of Elliot. Our other son has a very classic name like the ones you listed and I think they go together nicely. We have good friends who also named their son Elliot; they happily use the nickname Ellie. If you love the name, go for it! Of my three kids, it’s the name that “stuck” for me the fastest even though it was the one that took us the longest to pick!
octagon says
Any families with kids and 2 working parents exploring adding help? One of my friends in another town mentioned that she has joined forces with another family (after 2 weeks of social distancing) and the adults each take turns watching the kids one day (Fridays are kind of a free for all). It sounded pretty appealing. Another friend contacted a local schoolteacher and they have agreed to wait 2 more weeks with extreme distancing and then the teacher will come babysit during the day.
So Anon says
Yes. I am a single parent, and I cannot hold down my job without some form of help for the next 3-6 months. My usual college babysitter’s family and I had a tough conversation about what each family is doing, and I anticipate having her at my house in a few weeks.
Anon says
A couple I know that are both lawyers is trading off care with another family with kids of similar ages. Each of the four parents takes a day off to homeschool the four kids and they keep rotating, so they all get many days in of focused work. I think more families need to do this kind of thing if you have truly demanding jobs. It’s too much to try to do it all alone when shelter in place could last months. The risks are still minimal compared to having your kids attend school.
Realist says
Not yet, but I’ve thought of having someone come this summer to live in our spare bedroom and help with childcare. I don’t really think I would trust someone coming in. We appear to be taking social distancing a lot more seriously than many people. On the flip side, it may he hard to find someone that is willing to follow it as strictly as we do, so it may not work out. The idea of childcare is so appealing, but I’m worried it will cause a lot of stress to everyone to add another person to the household.
Anon says
Our house is small already. Trying to bring in a babysitter/teacher will only add to the noise and chaos, particularly if it’s rainy or bad weather. We don’t have a “separate area” where they could play and not disturb the parents (shutting a bedroom door is the only true option, and it’s not very sound proof). I feel like it would only frustrate the kids AND the sitter, especially when we get to summer time and they’re stuck inside and pools are closed.
Anonymous says
We’ve been sharing outdoor kid supervision responsibility with the family next door, and I got flamed as selfish for it here last week.
Anonymous says
I may be crazy but I wonder if some of the Anonymous flamers are Russians attempting to sew disagreement. Same of the main site. It seems like there is an uptick in trolling.
In terms of the actual question, I appreciate the flexibility my job is giving me, so we aren’t doing anything at this point. But I don’t see a problem with it. I am also someone who said they’d watch a friend’s kids if they were COVID+, so maybe I am too risky (but I don’t think so).
Anon for this says
Hoping I don’t get attacked for admitting this — But we are adding a babysitter starting next week for a few hours a day. It’s not ideal and I do worry about exposure as I can’t control the situation the way I’ve been able to until now — but it has gotten to the point where it is either that or one of us quits our job, which seems like a bad idea in this economy.
I’m pregnant which makes it more concerning but also means I don’t qualify for FMLA twice so that isn’t an option.
Anon for this says
I should add that this is permitted under the rules where I live (we are not in shelter in place).
Anon says
My parents are coming in mid-May and probably not leaving. It’s not ideal since they’re high risk based on their ages (65+)and my dad is overweight and has big blood pressure, but at that point it will have been almost two months since anyone in my nuclear family left the house except for outdoor exercise, and my family is social distancing better than my parents (we get grocery pickup and only eat restaurant food through no contact delivery, while my parents still go grocery shopping and get regular takeout) so having them here will actually reduce their exposure to the outside world. And we desperately need the childcare help.
So Anon says
A month in and my company is realizing how hard this is for their working parents of little kids. They are exploring ways that they can help support parents for the next 3-6 months. So give me your best ideas. In an ideal world, what would you ask your company for right now to support you?
Anonymous says
Set up a private grocery delivery service that actually has slots available. The company could pick one or two major grocery chains that let people make shopping lists on line (for in-store shopping, not for delivery or curbside pickup–the “my list” feature), then hire its own shoppers to buy and deliver the groceries and handle payment through something like Venmo or Paypal. Shoppers should be paid well and provided with PPE.
Cut down on video meetings. Audio-only calls are easier to handle with kids around. Reduce the number of meetings in general.
Allow people to set their own schedules and block unavailable times on their calendars.
Anonanonanon says
I agree with the calendar blocking. Our calls largely involve multiple external partners that are difficult to get in one place, or large calls scheduled by outside agencies, but I still wish we could block off “I’d prefer to not be on the phone with external partners” times on our calendars without judgement. In a male-dominated field that does not look upon family obligations kindly, and now is not the time to be the change I wish to see in the world, so I can’t make that happen right now. I have not heard a single child in the background of any call I’ve been on yet. Must be nice to have a wife.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1 for the shopping service (or meal delivery or something). That’s what almost broke me mentally last week.
Cb says
Ability to take special leave. My husband can allocate his time where he can’t work due to childcare as ‘special paid leave’ which is a huge stress reducer.
anon says
+1, my gov’t agency gave us one month fully paid leave (separate from regular paid time off) for childcare or to care for an ill family member due to COVID. I haven’t had to use it yet, but I’m super happy that it’s there for me.
octagon says
That’s amazing. What level government?
I would love to be able to take leave like this intermittently — a half-day here and there without judgment would make a huge difference.
Anon says
My company hasn’t officially changed its work from home policy (no watching kids while working from home), has just said “do your best.” I’d love some kind of formal announcement that it’s been relaxed given the crisis. Similarly, I’d love an acknowledgment similar to the one from Ask A Manager saying it’s not reasonable to ask for the same levels of productivity before.
The hardest part for me is that I feel like I’m never resting, but failing at being a parent and failing at being an employee. Some sort of recognition that this is normal and EXPECTED and okay would go a long way toward helping with that.
Also, I’d love some extra mental health days. I don’t think this is limited to those with kids, so mandating every employee take two no-contact personal days in the next 30 days (or one every month we are doing this, or whatever) would be great. I could maybe focus on my kids all day, or spend half a day getting sunshine, or whatever. And I think that would also help my coworkers who are clearly burnt out and showing some really unhealthy behaviors like workaholism or anxiety spirals, which also helps me.
Anonymous says
My friend’s company added a benefit of $100/day for childcare. This will depend on your region and guidance around staying home. In her case, she is using it to pay her brother (who is furloughed) the money. He moved in with them.
anne-on says
Can you cancel or postpone any yearly employee evaluations this quarter? My firm announced no layoffs but also no bonuses as they’re re-allocating the pool to keeping everyone employed. Not having to worry about meeting goals around hours/projects would be amazing.
Anonymous says
When did your baby drop to one nap? My 8-month old is increasingly resistant to naps and my husband thinks he should drop to one nap, but I don’t think we can get enough work done if he only takes one nap. Any suggestions?
Anonymous says
It is futile to attempt to fight a baby’s natural sleep schedule.
If he drops to one nap, that one nap is likely to be longer.
Anon says
I agree you can’t fight their natural schedule but 8 months is incredibly early to drop to 1 nap. I suspect it’s a nap regression and not a true need to drop a nap.
NYCer says
+1. I would be surprised if many babies are ready for one nap at 8 months. FWIW, my daughter is 13 months and still takes two.
Anonymous says
Mine did at 13-14 months which is on the early side. Normal is 16-18 months. Which nap is he fighting? Maybe morning nap needs moved back 30 mins? It’s probably more the change in routine than needing to drop a nap.
Anon says
My kiddo dropped to one nap between 10-12 months. I knew it was real and not a nap regression because she was doing 5 hours awake on either side of any nap. So she was awake 6-11, nap 20 minutes, wake up starving for lunch then awake until 5:30 and then not want to go down until 10. It was when it started screwing up night sleep that we knew it was real.
After a week or two of this, we pushed lunch to 11:30a and worked to keep her up just a bit more (we’d do lunch at the park for example) and then she’d sleep from maybe 12:15-3/3:30 and be ready for bed at 6/6:30.
But she also only slept about 17 hours when we brought her home from the hospital. She’s never been a high sleep need kid. (Unlike her mother.)
Anonymous says
First child, 18 months, when we forced it due to a daycare change. Second child, 12 months, also forced due to daycare change. 8 months seems really early (both of mine still on 3 naps at that age). Could be possible but I’d still keep trying for 2 naps – could very easily be teething or a new milestone temporarily affecting nap.
Anonymous says
All 3 of mine dropped to one nap around their 1st birthday. +/- 11 months. Keep in mind that one long afternoon nap is about the same about of time as two shorter naps.
Anon says
DD had been taking two 1.5 hour naps, which gradually shifted to one 2.5-3 hour nap around 14-15 months. She started daycare at almost 16 months and at daycare they only got one 1.5 hour nap. She made up for the lost nap time by going to bed earlier and waking up later, frequently sleeping 13-14 hours at night.
gutters says
What’s the going rate to have your gutters cleaned out? I’m in a two story colonial in the north east. Pretty standard rectangle box. I know it totally depends on how many gutters/size of house but just a ballpark? Are we talking $250 or $1,500?
Anonymous says
2,000-sf two-story in the southeast, $125-ish.
Anon says
2,000 SF two-story, DC suburbs – $100 (but we don’t have gutter guards – a lot more if you have gutter guards, assuming you can find someone to do it – aka why we took ours off, because they weren’t actually working and no one would clean them)
Anonymous says
$200-300. Boston suburb.
Anonanonanon says
1,500 sq ft 3 story townhome dc suburbs- I think around 75 or 100? They come by and leave a piece of paper saying when they’ll be in the neighborhood and what it will cost, and you just leave it on the door with a check.
OP says
Thank you!!
Anon says
Is anyone else getting a “Meet Arab Women” dating site ad? Intriguing… Not really my thing and surprised to see it here.
Anonanonanon says
Lol no all of the ads I get here seem to be based on cookies and are related to sites I have recently visited…. Do you share the computer? Ruh Roh.
Anon says
Yeah sorry but your ads are personalized based on your own search history.
Anonymous says
The ad algorithm thinks I am a plus-sized drug addict who speaks Spanish. None of these things is true.
EB says
My husband wants to go to his ranch with his friend and our son this weekend. We have been arguing about it all morning, and I am at a loss. I put my foot down, and said I am not ok with it and he cannot go, and I hate that he made me do that.
I also don’t understand it. For the entire time this has been going on, he has been excessively listening to podcasts, reading models, and analysis of the virus and knows FAR more than me about social distancing, predictions, etc. etc. His position is that they’re driving out there in their own cars and will maintain at least 6 feet distance from each other at all times. The vehicle out there is an open air jeep, they’ll spend most of the evening outside, disinfectant, blah blah. In his mind, the risk is so low that it’s ok. I disagree and to me, it’s not about an evaluation of the risk because he’s not special and doesn’t get to do that. Everyone should do their part and stay home, etc. So even though this is objectively a pretty low risk situation, I just don’t care and don’t think they should do it. To me, it is just an affront to the people putting their lives on the line to provide medical care, essential services, etc. and to him, it’s just such low risk that he doesn’t see it that way.
So, he has agreed not to bring his friend, but of course, now I feel terrible. And he isn’t making me feel any better, claiming that well, now he just won’t go at all because he was so excited to have some social interaction and now he can’t it’s going to be a giant bummer.
Also, by way of background – he’s normally a fantastic partner. He watches the kids 90% of the time, shares home tasks, and has been social distancing in every other way possible. He’s really not a jerk anymore than I am or anyone else is, we just have a philosophical difference on this. I almost wasn’t going to say this part because I am annoyed with him and want you all to flame him, but figured you wouldn’t have the whole story then.
I’m doing the right thing though, right? Is anyone getting together with one friend and doing outdoorsy things while taking every precaution? Please make me feel better, or tell me if I am the one being an ass.
Eek says
You’re in the right here. Socializing with just one person is kind of like telling an interesting secret to just one person. They tell just one, who tells just one, and so on and so on.
I’m not one of the people yelling at others about this issue and I think in some instances it is necessary to see someone outside your household, whether for child care reasons or as a welfare check, etc. But hanging with a friend for the fun of it needs to wait.
Anonymous says
I don’t think either of you is being an ass, really. What’s helped me work through similar conflicts with my husband during this time is first remembering that everyone, including him, is having a really hard time right now, and giving him credit for trying to do his best just like I’m doing. I also try to remember that I can’t really control what another adult does, though I’m more willing to insist when it’s on a topic that relates to our kid. Finally, I do try to talk, with him, about his plans, my comfort with them, and whether he’s doing the lowest-impact thing that gets his actual needs met (and he’s very willing to engage in that with me).
Sort of applying my family’s dynamics to your scenario, that would probably end up looking like me being OK with him going out to the ranch, assuming (1) he planned to visit no stores, gas stations, etc while there and (2) this travel seems really important to his mental health/well-being; maybe being OK with him taking the kid (I think this would turn partially on whether the kid is old enough to be learning lessons from what you guys do); and not being OK with the friend going (it’s not the same, but he can talk to this guy over zoom/whatever. If in-person is somehow crucial for your particular husband, I’d probably still want them to downgrade from a full weekend trip to like…walking to the other’s house and talking from 10 feet away, or something). If I wasn’t comfortable with the thing he actually ended up doing, I’d try to let go of my “He shouldn’t” heartburn and move to “He did. Does this change how I think about my husband?” which I think is all that’s really available to you at that point.
Anonymous says
You are 100% in the right here. In addition to potential viral exposure, it sounds as if the proposed outdoor activities carry a risk of injury. My family is not even riding bikes right now, as this is not a good time to visit the emergency room.
I wouldn’t trust him to go “alone” and not invite the friend up at the last minute, either. It would be so easy for him to make a spontaneous decision to call the friend on the way out to the ranch and not tell you until after the fact because “it’s no big deal.” If he went without your child and met his friend, you could insist he stay at the ranch for the duration of the stay-home order, but that won’t work if the child is there.
Anonymous says
If your stay-home order is anything like ours, it’s not just that he shouldn’t be meeting up with a friend. He shouldn’t be traveling out to the ranch, period, unless he needs to take care of livestock or something like that.
Anon says
I put my foot down about no social interaction in our house at all. My husband wanted to have one Saturday “off” from isolation for a friend’s birthday party. His take was they are all essential workers anyway but to me it is different to bring people with various levels of exposure into our house. I don’t know how good these other people are with their PPE.
However, I have no problem having our neighbors in our backyard more than 6 feet apart while we have a drink and our dogs run which sounds like what your husband proposed. If our neighbors have to pee, they go home. They bring their own drinks and chairs and we don’t touch anything of the others.
Anonymous says
All of these things are bad! You aren’t special! No neighbors!!!
Anon says
We live on an acre. Being on opposite ends of my yard while a dogs run is a lot further away than most people physically live from each other in the city. It’s also actively promoted by our governor as acceptable social distancing so we are just fine. My governor is promoting “block parties” where people sit at the end of their driveways with drinks and talk to each other. And I live in a state with one of the stricter stay at home orders.
Anonymous says
Is this ranch one house where they’ll both be eating and sleeping, or just an open air day trip? I don’t think it counts to stay 6 feet apart when you’re sharing a house, because you’re touching all the same surfaces, etc. I haven’t gotten together with anyone to do an outdoorsy thing in a month, but if I were going to do it, it would be more like a walk/hike or where we wouldn’t necessarily need to be in close contact or touching the same things at all.
In any case, I agree you’re in the right here. I can’t say I would have done the same, but it is objectively the right thing to do.
Anonymous says
Ugh my kid screamed from 10:30 to 2 today. WHYYY
Anonymous says
I would be screaming right now too if I could.