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I like that this pencil skirt has a “ruffle” in the back to balance it out a little more than a traditional pencil. I think “ruffle” is a bit of a misnomer, however, as it’s not overly folded or frilly, but a nice waved shape. I like that it’s available in both ivory and navy and that the material is a “bi-stretch cotton.” It is machine washable but still looks formal. This skirt is $98 at J.Crew and comes in three size ranges: classic (00–16), petite (00–12), and tall (2–16). Ruffle-Back Pencil Skirt Lord & Taylor has a pencil skirt that comes in both white and turquoise in sizes 14W–24W and is on sale for $47.99 Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
avocado says
I would call this “mermaid-back,” not “ruffle-back.”
Mrs. Jones says
or a back pleat?
Anonymous says
I’m having a baby shower in a different city from where I live (many friends and are family there). How do I politely convey that I’d prefer people not bring big gifts to the party itself? I don’t want to be wrangling things on the plane ride home, especially at 30 weeks pregnant. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Talk to the host about it and let her spread the word, and see if she can coordinate shipping.
Anonymous says
If you’re registered for this stuff, they should be able to ship it to your home pretty easily, and often for free (especially since a lot of the big items are expensive). I agree that asking the host to remind guests that the items can be shipped and you’re flying is a good way to go.
Anonymous says
Most showers I’ve been to recently we haven’t opened gifts there and about half the guests have had gifts delivered instead of bringing them to the party. Is that an option?
Or if opening gifts there is a must, can guests have them shipped to where you live and bring a photo of what they bought?
Anon says
Baby number 2 is due in a month and we’re unsure what to do with DD. DH’s mom is willing to watch DD but she lives two hours away. DH thinks after visiting in the hospital DD should go stay with his mom for a few days but I’m nervous about changing her routine and wonder if it’s better that his mom stay at our house for a few days? For what it’s worth, I’m currently scheduled for a repeat c section on a Friday so if all goes according to plan, the first few days would be over the weekend rather than her normal daycare schedule.
Anonymous says
I would agree with having DH’s mom stay with her in your home if possible. DH will be home overnight anyway and that will be reassuring to DD.
AwayEmily says
Is there any way you can schedule your c section for mid-week? Seems like that could make the transition easier. Our second was conveniently born on a Wednesday evening, so my mom stayed with my daughter overnight on Wed/Thurs/Fri but my husband went home each day for the 1.5 hours before daycare and the 3 hours after daycare.
But yes I definitely agree that having your MIL come to you will be easier/less disruptive.
Emily S. says
I was in a similar position. I stretched my c-section to Wednesday instead of Friday so DD would be in daycare the whole time I was in the hospital. My parents stayed in our house, starting the night before (7 am surgery), the 3 nights I was in the hospital, and 2 days after I got home. In-laws offered to have DD stay at their house, but at 2.5, I didn’t want her away from home for more than one night. So, if your OB will let you have a few more days, I agree with AwayEmily that it might be easier to have a mid-week surgery. Good luck with the delivery!
Anonymous says
If she lived closer I would say stay with grandma, but probably more reassuring at your house if possible. If she’s really familiar with grandna’s House, though, I think it’d be fine. We had our 3 year old stay with grandparents 3 nights and it was really the best. I had an induction that started at midnight (the worst) and lasted 26 hours, but then only needed to stay in the hospital one additional night . I would really have struggled to not have my spouse there the whole time — even after labor and delivery was not able to safely care for baby alone at all due to exhaustion (up something like 55 hours straight. Ymmv though as you know it won’t be a long labor.
FP says
Cosign on the midweek c-section. It was much easier for my husband to go home and take our 2 year old to daycare, and then my mom picked him up, brought him home and did dinner/bedtime, and stayed with him for the two nights I was in the hospital. She stayed with us for about a week total, which was great because we were all home and she could help me with the infant while my husband focused on toddler care.
Em says
I need advice on renting a car in Europe with a kid who still needs a car seat. I was leaning toward bringing a car seat so we would have it on the plane and then just using it for the rental car, which we are going to have for 8 out of 11 days of our trip. However, I am concerned that using a US car seat is illegal in Europe, although I question if this is actually enforced or if a law enforcement officer would be able to tell if a car seat was from the US or the EU. I have also heard horror stories about renting a car seat from a car rental place, so I am leery about going that route. What does everyone else do in this situation? If it makes a difference, kid will be 3 1/2 and right around 40 lbs at the time, and the country we are visiting is Italy.
Anonymous says
We’ve been to Italy three times with the kids and always bring our own seats. We actually use Clek seats which aren’t registered in Europe but we’ve never had a traffic stop and I highly doubt an regular police officer would be familiar enough to know they aren’t registered. We use our own seats because DH is comfortable with the install and we need to fit three across. Which seat to you have? Many Maxi Cosi, Britax and Diono seats are registered in EU and USA. There may be a sticker on your seat that identifies the registration or you can check online. YMMV but we always check our seats vs. bring them on the plane.
Em says
I was considering buying the Cosco Finale, because our personal seats are behemoths. They are Britax, though, so maybe it is worth hauling one along.
Anonymous says
I’d just use the Cosco Finale. Not sure if it’s dual certified but I googled and it looks basically the same as European seats so I highly doubt it would attract attention as a non-EU seat.
Anonymous says
One caveat about the Finale is that you have to use a top-tether with it because it’s so light (required by Cosco, whereas most other US forward-facing seats just say recommended) and those are less common in Europe. If you’re getting a rental car it may be fine because they’re usually newer, but I wouldn’t count on being able to safely use the Finale in a European taxi or older car.
Anonymous says
You’ll almost definitely have a top tether in a rental car. I’ve been to Europe 5 out of the last 7 years and usually at least two rental cars per trip because we visited multiple countries, and we’ve never had a rental without a top tether.
Anonymous says
I’ve done this a few times and recommend bringing your car seat if you can. We had trouble with the rental carseat in Italy on our first trip with baby and had to run out and buy another, which was even more of a pain. I honestly never thought that aUS carseat could be illegal there — I would not worry about that.
Redux says
Are you sure that using a US carseat in the EU is illegal? Or only that EU manufacturers have different standards such that US manufacturers have to sell different versions in the EU? It’s possible that it would be illegal for a manufacturer to sell a US car seat in the EU, but that the end-use is not unlawful.
I don’t know a lot about this, but when we rented a car and carseat in Spain I was surprised that the carseat didn’t have a chest clip. I learned that carseats in the EU have to made so that they can be released in a single motion, so they don’t have chest clips. I also learned that chest clips in the US don’t serve a restraint function, they operate to keep the chest straps positioned properly. Our Spanish carseat had rubber guides at the top that served that function instead.
Anonymous says
You can’t use an American certified car seat in Europe or an European one in the USA unless it is dual certified. We used our Cleks anyway as we felt a correct install in our usual seats was the most important and felt it was highly unlikely that we’d have a traffic stop with a police officer checking the seats. “A US car seat, certified FMVSS, can not be used legally in Europe. Vice versa, a European car seat, certified ECE R44, can’t be used legally in US. Those are the two most common standards.” – https://www.carseat.se/travel-tips/foreign-car-seat-laws/
Redux says
Thank you for explaining this!
Anonymous says
Yes it’s technically illegal, but everyone I’ve ever talked to about it says that tourists are exempt in practice, if not in actual legality. I’ve brought US carseats to Europe twice and installed them in a variety of rental cars, taxis, and minibuses and never had a problem.
Jeffiner says
We always opt to use our own carseat, so we can have it on the plane and so we know how to install it. The people at the rental car center never asked if it was approved for Europe, and we’ve never been stopped by police. One thing, the seatbelts don’t seem to “lock” on some European cars like they do on American cars. We have to use the little metal clasp to secure the seatbelt. The clasp came with our bucket seat, but we had to buy it separately when we transitioned to a forward facing seat.
Anonymous says
I don’t tend to use the seatbelt install as most European rental cars will have the ISOFIX system which is essentially identical to the Latch install on North American cars. I usually google the rental model in advance so I know where to look for the isofix placements. Usually the back seats in a midsized car will have at least two.
Anonymous says
Yeah, if I can I prefer to use ISOFIX because I hate messing with locking clips, but I also always bring the clips in case I end up in a car without ISOFIX.
Jeffiner says
I’ve actually never used Latch on my cars here, we’ve always done seatbelt. We only have one kid, so we centered her in the back seat, and the center seat didn’t have Latch.
Redux says
For those of you with faraway parents and fewer, longer visits: do you take time off of work/daycare/school when your relative comes to visit for a week? I’m trying to decide how much PTO to cash in when my mom is here for her annual week-long visit. In the past I’ve taken the whole week, kept the kids home, and treated it like a staycation, which is always fun. This time around I’m wondering if I should come in to work half-days and save some of my PTO for when we go visit them (usually 10 day trip). What do you do and why?
avocado says
For a week-long visit, I usually work about three days to let my mom have one-on-one time with the kid and conserve PTO, then take about two days off for family time. I do not find working half-days to be relaxing enough to be worthwhile.
Anonymous says
Depending on when MIL arrives, we usually do some combination of half days and full days. Usually one full day and three half days. Often she and DH will be off in the morning and do an outing with the kids. Then DH drops them to daycare for 3-4 hours while his mom rests. I often go into work early and leave a bit early to pick them up and take them home. Usually at least one full day off for us all during the week and on the day that DH works all day, MIL has them home with her in the morning and I stop home at lunchtime to bring them to daycare for the afternoon. She can’t handle a full day at home with the kids or a half day outing unless DH or I are available to go with her.
Anonymous says
I usually don’t take any time off. And I let the grandparents decide which days they would like the kids out of school. I try to save up my PTO days as much as possible for when we really need them.
Emily S. says
This is a thing between my mom and me. I might take a half day when she arrives and a full day while she’s here, but I’m stingy with my vacation and still slowly earning PTO (two maternity leaves and an unexpected surgery in 4 years will do that). She won’t come to visit unless I can take time off, so we usually schedule a visit around a holiday (and I’m lucky that in state government, there are plenty.) Ideally, I would take off 2 full days around a weekend. I like the idea of half-day, if you can swing it; maybe meet them for lunch? Would it work if you frame it as, I want to give you time with the grands without me hovering?
Redux says
I would love to do that (and it would make her visit actually helpful!) but she is the primary caregiver for my nephew, so her taking this week to visit us is kindof her week “off” of her (uncompensated, underappreciated [but I digress]) job. I hate to make her do more of her job when she is on vacation. Instead I would send them to daycare half-day, and go to work myself half-day, giving her the time to read and relax. I will ask her though– she might like that even less!
avocado says
Definitely ask your mom what she’d prefer. We have a similar situation, and my mom has never minded being left alone with my kid during her “vacation” because being grandma is totally different from being the everyday caregiver. I will often hand her a wad of cash and a listing of what’s going on around town, and she and kiddo just go putter around and do whatever they feel like. She doesn’t even have to make lunch if she doesn’t want to–they can go out. Much different from her everyday routine of getting the kids out the door to school, etc., and she is not “on” in the early morning or the evening when we’re home. My kid is older, but it’s been this way ever since she was in day care.
SC says
I usually don’t take time off when my parents visit. I don’t have a lot of vacation (12 days), and I take 5 days every year for our family to visit or travel with my parents. I have an extremely short commute, so if I’m not busy at work when they visit, I meet them for lunch and go home at 5. Last year, my parents visited at the end of December through beginning of January. I realized that I had an extra vacation day and (combined with the company’s half-day on NYE and the holiday) was able to be off from Friday at noon through Tuesday, which was really, really nice.
Legally Brunette says
My parents and inlaws stay much longer (ranging from 3 weeks to several months) so it’s obviously not possible to take all that time off. I always aim to take a few days off. For a week long visit, I would probably take 2 days off. Usually on one of those days, I will leave the kids at school and do something just with her (museum, manicure, fancy lunch, etc.).
Anonymous says
Does anyone have recommendations for a specific backpack diaper bag that can hold a laptop/ mom travel stuff and enough for a 14 month old? Flying solo with little one in a few weeks and was planning to bring backpack for my stuff and her diaper bag, but wondering if I can combine them. We’re checking a bag, so it really just needs to hold enough for airport plus 3 hour flight.
AnotherAnon says
I love our SkipHop Forma diaperbag backpack for everyday use, but I especially appreciate it when traveling. We take it on planes with us as our kid’s personal item. For short flights I sometimes dump my purse contents into it, but usually I just keep them separate. It fits: at least four diapers, a full pack of wipes, snacks, a change of clothes for our kid, crayons, paper, silly putty, a sippy cup, toiletries, etc. I have stuffed a change of clothes/pjs/jacket for myself into it before also. DH also puts his macbook in it, so every time we travel with it I make a mental note to buy him a macbook air because his laoptop is HEAVY. It’s washable, so I usually wash it after taking it on the plane.
Ducky36 says
I use a Kelty daypack. I like that it’s a well-balanced backpack and it has a dedicated laptop compartment. They don’t make the one I have anymore because I bought it years ago, but you might check this one out: https://www.kelty.com/ardent/.
AwayEmily says
love that backpack.
anon says
DH and I both bought Osprey back packs for this specific purpose. They are not specifically diaper bags, but have enough space for laptop + changing pad + kid stuff. we have twins so we have to bring lots and lots of stuff with us
Lily says
One of my friends who lives on the other side of the country from me is pregnant and suffering from severe amxiety and depression. I didn’t realize the extent of the problem until recently when I spoke with her on the phone and learned that she was hospitalized for having suicidal thoughts. She has been seeing a therapist and is on medication but as a friend, I am at a loss as to how I support our help her. I call regularly and listen to her and try to alleviate her anxiety about just normal stuff – child birth, raising a kid, finding work (I heard she lost her contract type job). I didn’t know that prenatal depression exists, and now I worry if she will also suffer from post partum depression. Any advice, resources, may be for the husband to help deal with the situation? I’d totally visit her but it’s not an option because I have a baby, and very limited vacation days left. Thank you in advance for reading!
Mama Llama says
I’m sorry, that’s so tough for both you and your friend. I really like Captain Awkward’s advice here about reaching out to a depressed friend “in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company.” Perhaps you can apply some of this to your long-distance communication. https://captainawkward.com/2014/08/12/613-how-do-i-reach-out-to-my-friends-who-have-depression/
Emily S. says
What about mailing some small surprises periodically? Reading material, sweet treats she likes, etc.? Also, my friend and I really like the Voxer app for short messages throughout the day; it makes us feel more connected with short bursts of what’s happening day to day instead of a long catch-up phone call. I think the best thing you can do is keep trying. Sending good vibes to you both!
anon says
even just mailing a card with a nice note can make a person feel good. i had pretty bad ppd/ppa and my close friends sent me cards at random, which was always a nice surprise and not expensive to do. or honestly, even an e-card. i do not know the level of your friendship or how much you are looking to spend, but prenatal massage? maybe a gift card for uber eats or something similar?
OP says
Thank you all. I will check in everyday with her, and may be send little gifts and prenatal massage sounds like a great idea. They are on one income now, so their budget may be tight. She’s one of my closest friends, since high school, and thinking about it just makes me feel sad. I also reached out to her husband.
I also found this article really helpful. I’m Embarrassed by My Prenatal Depression. Here’s Why I Talk About It Anyway. From nytimes.
Anyway thank you everyone.
Fashion help says
Fashion help! My firm is sponsoring a big business awards event in our market and there’s a promotional video as part of it. I’ve been asked to be in the video with our firm pres. Definitely a great opportunity but what do I wear? The shoot is in 2 weeks and I’ll be 30 weeks pregnant, normally wear a cusp size when not preggo.
Emily S. says
DH does a lot of this for his work, so FWIW, here’s what I’ve observed: Whatever you choose, do the mirror test: if you’re asked to lean over, is your shirt too low cut that you’re exposing something? If you feel comfortable with the length of your dress when you’re standing, does it ride up and make you fidget when you sit, in case you are asked to sit?
Solids work best on camera, and statement jewelry can add polish and color and make you stand out. Perhaps a solid dress and blazer with some of your favorite earrings or necklace? For a business awards event, and with the firm president, I would go with a jacket instead of a cardigan.
Anonymous says
I was in a firm video at a similar point. I wore a patterned maternity dress (black and cobalt) with a black non-maternity blazer, unbuttoned. I was seated at a desk/table, but the camera kind of swung around, so you could definitely tell what I was wearing (it didn’t just look like a shirt and blazer behind a desk is what I’m trying to say). Interestingly, as big as I was, you could barely tell I was pregnant at the angle. My boss (50-something male who is a snappy, conservative dresser) asked me to be in it, and I told him that I wasn’t buying a maternity suit just for that, so if that was a problem, I had no problem sitting this one out. He thought what I had planned was just fine.
Anonymous says
This is a silly question, but when can kids start taking showers? Asking because we’re looking for a new place to live (renting) and some places oddly only have showers and no tubs. I have an 18 month old. I am guessing we need a tub, but wanted some internet confirmation before I threw all these no-tub places out.
FVNC says
Our 2 yr old takes showers, and it works really well with the hand-held nozzle (he loves that it tickles him!). We tried showers when he went through his “I hate baths” stage, and it’s been great. The shower we use for this is tub-size, and one of us gets in there with him. Not sure if this would work well in a more standard sized shower.
Anon Lawyer says
Landlords deliberately don’t install tubs as a way to discourage families from renting. That’s illegal obviously, but you might ultimately find them unfriendly in more ways than one.
Anonymous says
This. I usually take a lack of tub to mean that the building is not child friendly.
Anonymous says
I hadn’t even thought of that but it makes sense. Ridiculous, but I don’t want to deal with a building that is not kid-friendly.
octagon says
We started showering kiddo around 2.5. One of us is in the shower with him. We got a good non-stick mat for the floor and a handheld sprayer. It’s SO MUCH FASTER than a bath – get in, spray off, soap and shampoo, rinse. I don’t expect he’ll be able to do it alone until he’s at least 4, though.
AnotherAnon says
Our 2 y/o hates baths (has from day 1 – sensory challenges) and we started showering him around 18 months. He tolerates showers, so that’s often how he is bathed. I wouldn’t throw these places out completely. That being said – be sure to evaluate how much *you* would use a tub – we don’t have one currently and I really miss my after-kid’s-bedtime soak!
Mrs. Jones says
I think our son started showering at age 3.
rosie says
We started showers when she was refusing baths (around 18 months or a little before) — we have a shower that is the same size as a tub in one bathroom w/a showerhead that is on a hose. I don’t think it would work well for us with a stall shower, since one of us goes in with her, & it’s helpful to be able to move the water around rather than only have it overhead. Now we offer both and see what she is in the mood for. I like having the option of either.
K says
We showered our kids starting at around 6 months — you just have to hold them, it’s not a big deal. Certainly any kid who can stand up can be showered, obviously with mom or dad helping.
Jeffiner says
I am far too lazy to clean the tub often enough, so we’ve only used baths as splashy-playtime since our daughter was able to sit up in the shower, around 7-8 months. A wand is really helpful, but you can install that yourself if needed. Sometimes she showers with us, sometimes we just stand outside and help.
Anonymous says
We moved when our son was 16 months to a house with no bathtub and he’s been 100 percent showers for the last 2.5 years. He was at 50 percent showers before that too. My spouse usually showers with him, although he’s able to do it alone now (with help for hair washing) — just still prefers to be with dad.
Anonymous says
Thanks everyone! I feel more confident about it now. I might try a shower at our current home just to see how it goes first. Sounds like a detachable shower head is key.
Baby Showers says
Huh. I never thought of a tub as a necessity. We have two kids and have never had a tub. We bought a condo that doesn’t have any tubs in the bathroom, and preferred it that way – tubs take up a lot of space. We bathed our kids in the sink, or in the bottom of our walk-in showers – we don’t have a detachable shower head, so I’d point the spray away from her and use a plastic cup to rinse her. This seems easier on the back than bending over a tub? They were taking showers with me or my husband at about 2.
anon says
my husband is pushing me to move to boston for work opportunities for him. he would be in brookline, and i would likely end up downtown (i’m a lawyer but would need to find a new job.) we both lived in boston for college so have some general familiarity but have been in california ever since.
as i am considering i’m trying to figure out where we would live. we have a 1 and 4 year old so getting close to school age but still will need preschool for the little one. personally i would strongly prefer to live somewhere walkable with less space than in a remote suburb. but i’d still want a 3 bedroom and somewhere to park a car (in my dreams, this would be an indoor spot.) our budget would be about $1.5M.
any recs? and any guidance on how the public school system works — is it by burb? also i am completely freaked out by having children in cold weather — what do you do with them all winter? it’s so foreign to me.
Boston says
I could have written your post a few years ago. We lived in Boston for 4 years, moved to another city, and then my husband was pushing me to move back to Boston because of his professional opportunities. Ended up putting my foot down because I don’t like Boston, and we’re now in sunny CA. :)
I had the same parameters you did (good schools, 3 bed, walkable) and we were learning toward Brookline. Downside is that it is a trek to downtown on the green line (around 45 minutes). But, it is a super cute, walkable city with great public schools and lots of preschools for your little one. Ton of kids and strollers everywhere. Restaurants galore. For $1.5, you can get a nice place.
The problem with living in the city of Boston proper is that public schools are on a lottery system so there is no guarantee of getting into a good school. We have some friends who live in Charlestown (an area of Boston) and they lucked out with a good school. Elliot school in the North End is supposed to be excellent but again, it depends on whether you get in through the lottery. And the North End is way too congested for me to live there.
What to do in the winter: Children’s Museum, Science Museum, indoor gym…but yeah, it’s a looooong and dreary winter. On the up side, the summer is glorious. Good luck!
Curious says
Not the OP, but why did you not like Boston? We may be moving there as well next year for work.
Anonymous says
Not the Boston OP, but for the people I know who didn’t like living there it was mostly weather-related (winter just drags on for ages) combined with feeling like the Boston-area is too insular/smug to outsiders.
Redux says
Also not the OP but we moved away from Boston because it was too expensive. But, OP has more money to spend on housing than we had, so YMMV.
anon says
i am the OP and the weather is the only thing i didnt like about living there in college. but it mattered to me a lot. every day felt like a miserable unnecessary battle.
Anonymous says
Not OP, but we left Boston because we were just sick of the daily struggle of living in a big metropolitan area. Crazy prices for nasty old houses that were falling apart, horrible commutes, Target and the mall looked like Black Friday every day of the year, etc. My husband also couldn’t handle the long, dark winters, although I had no problem with the cold and enjoyed being able to go skiing at the little local mountain whenever I pleased.
Boston says
Actually the main reason I didn’t like Boston was not because of the weather (although yes, it sucks big time) but because I found it to have the most unfriendly and downright rude people I have ever met. I’ve lived in 6 major cities including NYC and Boston was by far the most unfriendly. Just daily interactions would get to me — taxi drivers not saying hello, wait staff at restaurants being surly, etc. It’s also not diverse at all (we lived in the city proper) and felt very provincial.
My best friend still lives there and hates the winter. She gets through it by taking her kids skiing often and other winter activities like ice skating.
Anonymous says
Ha–We moved from Boston to the south, and I much prefer the Bostonian straightforward “rudeness” to the southern passive aggression and fake politeness. People in the south are actually super rude, they just pretend not to be, which makes it worse.
Pogo says
I love Boston, but I 100% agree that everyone is rude and miserable most of the time. It’s something I’ve had to adjust myself so that when I travel I’m not looking surly and overly RBF-y.
The weather is miserable, and in most of the city proper in close suburbs, the housing is very old for what you pay. $1.5 is a decent budget but you still might get something from 1904 with a stone basement (what we found looking at Arlington/West Medford/Winchester).
Legally Brunette says
+ 1 Boston is the rudest city ever. Even my mom, who has never met a stranger in her life, asked me once — what is wrong with these people?
Redux says
We lived in Cambridge and I worked in Boston for many years and I definitely think there is a cultural difference between the east coast cities and the midwest (where we’re from) but I don’t think Boston is particularly rude. I grew to appreciate the culture there– even the directness with which people speak to each other, and the shared sense of privacy in public spaces (e.g., you don’t chat up strangers at the grocery store, coffee shop, T, etc.). We moved a few years ago to a semi-rural area in the northeast and I find this place much harder to crack.
Check out Cambridge to check the boxes you are looking for. It’s walkable, accessible by T, very family friendly, and 1.5m might get you a three bedroom.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“For $1.5, you can get a nice place.” – This probably sounds crazy to most of you in lower cost of living areas, but that won’t get you very far in Brookline, actually. Maybe a condo, but if you’re looking for a single family, you’re going to have to move further out.
We live in Brookline at the moment, actually, renting, but we can’t afford to buy here. If we could, I would absolutely stay as it’s got the convenience of city life with the easily accessible public transit, and also the surburban feel and excellent schools.
For your budget and where you’d be working, OP, I’d recommend Newton or Needham. Particularly Newton is close enough to the city to have several public transit options, and both of those cities have top notch schools. Definitely wealthy neighborhoods, with the wealthy feel among the residents, but Newton has a bit more diversity than the rest of the Boston burbs, IMHO (not as much as CA…)
This will probably out me to those who know me, but we actually used to live in CA as well so we’re very familiar with the move from one coast to the other. As for winter, you just get used to it and wear the appropriate clothing. Snow is pretty fun for kids and fall here is gorgeous. I don’t mind the cold at all – the biggest drawbacks for me here, compared to CA, is the lack of diversity. And the very HCOL area, but we had that in CA as well, so not much difference there. I haven’t found people to be particularly rude, but I’m not someone who likes to make small talk with strangers.
If you want to post a burner email, I’d be happy to give you more thoughts!
Boston says
Needham and Newton are very suburban though. If you want a walkable city, you won’t find that there. I would sooner live in a condo in Brookline with my kids and have everything within a short walk, but everyone has different needs.
This is a duplex which looks lovely and is within OP’s price range. Walk score of 94.
https://www.redfin.com/MA/Brookline/19-Harris-St-02446/unit-2/home/39997625
Anonymous says
I also came to Boston from CA, and I am puzzled when people say Boston is particularly rude.
Anonymous says
Winter with kids is so fun! Sliding, building snowmen, skiing (cross country or downhill), snowshoeing. REI, The North Face and Helly Hansen all make great kids outdoor clothes. A great snowsuit and warm boots are key. Plus more freedom from coating them in sunscreen! I can’t wait until mine are old enough to reliably do their own sunscreen.
GCA says
I can’t speak to Brookline specifically as we’re in Cambridge, but in terms of what to do with kids all winter: on the worst winter days, indoor playspaces/ trampoline park, Museum of Science, library, gym with childcare, other people’s houses (I have a list of neighbors who might also be wanting snow day playdates to occupy their children so we can sort of take turns working)…
OP says
thanks, this is all super helpful. especially the brookline and newton info. i think a three bedroom condo in brookline would be more to my taste than a single-family in a driving suburb.
i did go to college in cambridge and dont remember it being particualrly family-friendly but obv was not paying attention to these things –where do people live (nearish to a T stop) and not feel overrun by college students?
personally i like the MO of people in boston. i definitely have RBF and people always think i’m from NYC even though i’m from teh southwest originally and live in CA. but oh would i miss our weather.
and i’d love to hear more from anyone! you can reach me at coldbrewwithmilk @ gmail
Also lived in Boston says
I really like Cambridge but I would look at the schools there, my understanding is that the public schools are not great. If you’re ok with a condo or duplex, I would definitely live in Brookline because of the great schools and walkability factor. I really didn’t think the winter was that all that terrible, you just layer up and get on with it. Agree with others that doing some winter sports like skiing gives you something to look forward to on weekends. good luck.
Anonymous says
You could get something 3 BR with covered/garage parking in Arlington, Newton, Winchester or Wellesley for $1.5, what you get will vary by town (condition). Wellesley isn’t quite as totally walkable as Brookline, but commuter rail is great and downtown and some areas are extremely walkable. Same with the “downtown” areas in the various villages in Newton. Newton & Wellesley are better for a Brookline commute than the other 2.
Anonymous says
Archie?
Cb says
Haha, there are 3 archies at my son’s Scottish nursery but it’s a strange name to my American ears.
Anonymous says
Honestly I’m surprised because it sounds like such a California hipster name. Like all the old ‘unusual’ names that the parents think are so unique and cool until there are 4 in the same kindergarten class.
anne-on says
I like it, but do think it is part of a trend of ‘old man names’ as my husband calls them. There are SO many Hanks, Henry’s, Jack’s, Emerson’s (boy and girls), Finn’s, etc. etc. in my son’s school. In fact I’m pretty sure there are a couple Archie’s as well!
Anon says
I think it’s so cute!
Anonymous says
I think Archie is an adorable nickname for a little boy, but I’m shocked his real name isn’t Archer or Archibald. Archie sounds so juvenile!
anon says
Blech, I really don’t like it!
anon says
do you give your nanny a card for mother’s day? she has a daughter of her own and i don’t want to be stepping on any toes or anything like that, but i guess she is another caregiver in my kids’ life? what is the etiquette around this?
Blueberries says
Nope! I’m firmly on team “Mother’s Day is only for your own mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, and mother of your children.” I hate getting wished a happy Mother’s Day by well-meaning people who are not my children/spouse.
A nanny is an important part of your child’s life but is not the mother and definitely shouldn’t be treated as such (unless you have an unusual arrangement where the nanny is more like a mother—like in the Crown?—I have no idea the etiquette for that).
IHeartBacon says
“I hate getting wished a happy Mother’s Day by well-meaning people who are not my children/spouse.” Interesting. I got a manicure and pedicure last weekend at my usual nail place and when I was checking out, the lady who always rings me up and knows I am a mother said she was giving me a $20 discount on my services and said, “Happy early Mother’s Day!” I was so touched by it and really appreciated it. It was such a generous thing to do.
I agree though that the OP doesn’t need to get the nanny a card for mother’s day. The nanny may be the primary caregiver – and may be an incredibly important part of the child’s life – but the nanny is still just a nanny and not the child’s mother or grandmother.
That being said, whenever someone is asking the type of question that the OP is asking because the OP wants to do something to show her appreciation, I never think it’s a bad idea to tell someone you appreciate them. If the OP is trying to come up with ideas on how to do that, I would just say it to the nanny on the last day the OP sees the nanny before Mother’s Day. For example, she could say something like, “I hope you have a relaxing day on Sunday, and by the way, I also just wanted to say that I really appreciate everything you do for him/her and for my family.”
IHeartBacon says
Correction: “I hope you have a relaxing day on Sunday, and by the way, I also just wanted to say that I really appreciate everything you do for my LO and for my family.”
Anonymous says
No. She is not your mother or your child’s mother.
rosie says
No!!!! And I did a bday gift for our nanny (if that establishes my credibility as a gift person and/or a gift overthinker).
anne-on says
Nope. I’m still annoyed that I had to buy a card and gifts for my godmother never mind my actual mother! Did she just have a baby? I’d be a little more inclined to do it if this is her first mother’s day – just a card – more like a ‘welcome to the club!’ type of feel. I did do that for my SIL and will still exchange funny/risque mother’s day cards with her.
Redux says
I wish our daycare teacher a Happy Mother’s Day. She does not have children of her own but because of her I can be the kind of mother that I am and so I think of her as part of my mama-circle. I am apparently in the minority here, but I think it’s good to recognize the many ways to be a mother.
Anonymous says
I’d hate that. Wow. She is not a mother!!!! What if she wants children and doesn’t have them? Have you thought at all about how that would feel? Please stop doing this.
Redux says
Yes, I’ve known her for 5 years so I have indeed thought a lot about this. We’re a pretty hippy dippy community though and I can imagine this wouldn’t fly in more traditional relationships.
Anonymous says
My nanny isn’t a mother, so I wouldn’t get her a card. I don’t think “beloved caregiver”is equivalent to mother. But I do get a bunch of my close girlfriends (who are moms) Mothers Day cards, and I like being wished a happy Mothers Day by friends and strangers, so I guess I’m on team “Mother’s Day is for celebrating all moms.” I certainly don’t think you have any obligation to anyone who isn’t your mom/MIL though.
rosie says
I also sent some close friends cards, and I think that’s sweet. But I definitely don’t think strangers should be wishing anyone happy mother’s day — even though they mean well, it can be very hurtful to people who may want kids and be unable to have them, may have a difficult relationship with their own mother & don’t like the reminder, etc.
Anonymous says
Yup. Oh hey fun, I’m struggling g with infertility and my mom just died so nope, it’s not a happy mother’s day for me.
rosie says
belated hugs
help! Preschooler sleep! says
Sleep question: my four year old takes forever to fall asleep. For the past 2-3 weeks, he’ll come downstairs multiple times saying he’s so tired but he can’t sleep. Bedtime starts at 7:30, lights out by 8, and he’s not asleep until 9 or later. We have to wake him up in the morning around 7:15-7:30 to get to school, and we’ve been late the last few days because we want him to sleep as much as possible. He also just seems whiny and crabby when at home (not sure about school) and wants to curl up on the couch. I’ve asked him if he’s worried about something and he says no, he just can’t sleep/the nightlight is keeping him awake (but can’t turn it off because it’s too dark) /noises are keeping him awake (we run an air filter for white noise)/ etc etc.
He’s not usually napping at preschool but sometimes he does. When he was napping regularly, it was even worse – he was up until 10 or 11 at night, so we asked the school to not let him nap. But now it seems like he’s overtired. And on weekends, when he could actually sleep in, he’s up at 6:30 for some reason. He was, prior to this, a great sleeper.
Do we just have to start bedtime sooner (which would mean basically home, dinner, bed)? Is there some trick to getting him to actually fall asleep faster?
Anon says
Maybe bedtime later? Often if we start too early, my kids lay awake for a long time and end up falling asleep later than if we’d just pushed bedtime back a half hour. Maybe he needs a little more relaxation time or connection time with you before bedtime?
mascot says
For short term periods where we are trying to reset sleep habits, we give a small dose of melatonin (1-2 mg) about 45 minutes before lights out. Added to an increased emphasis on relaxing activities before bed, it seems to do the trick. Sleep begets sleep and things are back to normal within the week. Our pediatrician was the one who suggested it when I called looking for advice about my 4 year old’s suddenly terrible sleep.
Pigpen's Mama says
My 4 year old is like this now — it’s maddening. I haven’t been able to get her to fall asleep faster, but a few things that help keep her in her room are just letting her play, as long as she’s quiet and cleans up before she’s done and/or putting on a book (chapter book) on Audible (she has an Echo Dot in her room, but you could also use an old phone, or even just a CD player and CDs from the library).
Someone here once posted about the “one pass” idea — basically they get one time to either leave their room or call for you, and after that, it’s in their room/quiet for the night. I haven’t enforced this, because I’m lazy, but really should.
Anonymous says
My 4 year old twins usually go to bed at 8pm and asleep by 8:30pm. One is up at 6:45am on his own and his brother sleeps almost an hour longer so sleep definitely can be individual. No napping and I find it much harder to get them to sleep on the days when they have not been outside at daycare. Maybe try a later bedtime and no nap plus outside time?You could also play a mediation podcast or similar for kids.
Claudette says
My four-year-old went through a phase very much like this a few months ago. She would say she didn’t know how to fall asleep and would get upset when she thought she wasn’t going to be able to sleep even though she was tired. The phase may have just ended on its own, but one thing we did (and still do) that seemed to help was an idea I got here: periodic check-ins after bedtime. We do the normal bedtime routine (book, song, lights out), and then when we tuck her in around 7:30, I tell her I’ll see her in ten minutes. When I go in at the ten-minute mark, she often wants to tell or ask me something funny, asks for help with some rearrangement (flip pillow, put on/take off nightgown), and/or brings up some other minor issue I address as quickly and quietly as possible. Then I tuck her back in and tell her I hope to see her in twenty minutes, but if not, I’ll see her in the morning. She is sometimes asleep before the twenty minutes are up. If not, I go in one more time, do whatever quiet problem-solving or question-answering is necessary, sometimes escort her to the bathroom one more time (she can go on her own but likes the company), and then tuck her in and tell her good night and I’ll see her in the morning. For a while there was the possibility of a forty-minute checkup, but that’s never necessary anymore because she’s asleep way before that. I think this may have worked initially because it helped her not feel abandoned at bedtime (while setting clear parameters for post-bedtime interactions), and now it just works because she’s used to the routine. Worth a shot!
Sleep OP says
Thanks, all! These are great suggestions. He does have a tendency to get wound up before bed, so focusing on relaxing is a good point. And I definitely think there’s something to the idea that he wants reassurance, so relaxing with us for a bit before and checking on him at set points after bedtime might give him the connection he’s looking for.
We’ve done the “one pass” idea when he was younger and getting out of bed was new and exciting. It worked then – I just feel so bad when he says he wants to go to sleep. It might help to reinforce the idea that he should stay in bed to help him sleep.
And I’m not opposed to trying melatonin either. A reset is exactly what we need. It’s like the sleep deprivation has just crept up on him.
Anon says
One more suggestion – starting at 4, our kid responded well to soothing audiobooks and podcasts. The Moshi Twilight app is designed for this specific thing.
Anonymous says
Late response but honestly our solution is to lie down with our 4 years old until he goes to sleep. We are dealing with some behavior issues at preschool and maximizing his sleep is our number one priority, so ymmv. He was taking 45 min or more to fall asleep without us and 5-25 with us — we can keep him focused on lying in bed vs playing. We also moved bedtime 20 min earlier and that somehow helped (lights off 7:10, asleep by 7:30). When he napped he would be up till 9:30 but napping was so inconsistent we likewise had to stop it altogether.
Parental Leave - Firm Holidays says
I am a Biglaw associate going on parental leave starting in October, and my firm does not add firm holidays to our standard leave benefits. Can other attorneys at law firms let me know what your firm’s policy is regarding firm holidays that happen while you are out on parental leave? I’m trying to get a sense of if this is specific to my law firm or the status quo.
Anon says
Mine does not add any additional leave for firm holidays while you are on leave. I think that’s pretty standard. Truthfully, though, no one would’ve noticed if I had just come back 1-3 days later to make up for holidays.
Anon says
I’ll add that this is not something I would’ve wanted to spend personal capital asking for. Biglaw leave is generally very generous so I think it might come across as whining to complain that you’re missing out on a day or two of vacation (when you were out anyway.)
OP says
Thanks, that is good to know. It would be more like 6-7 days and the issue has more to do with if I have to use COBRA or not for part of my leave.
rosie says
So the firm says that if you take any time beyond what is provided (and holidays are not provided), you have to pay 100% of your insurance? Do you want the outcome to be that you get the extra 6-7 days unpaid, but they keep paying their share of your health insurance? Not in biglaw, but it seems a little stingy of them not to agree to that & potentially not worth it, administratively.
mascot says
Can you not retroactively elect COBRA if you need it during that short period? That’s always been my understanding when switching jobs is that you have so many days to elect COBRA (many more than the 6 or 7 at issue here). So you wouldn’t pay for it unless something happened and you needed it. Talk to HR
Anon says
That’s totally different IMO (though I’m having a hard time figuring out why you’d need COBRA on mat leave?) But to answer your question, I do think the way your firm handles it is pretty normal.
Redux says
This was my experience, too. My org was closed for a week between Christmas and NYE but that week still counted in calculating my leave. FWIW I think this is the policy for FMLA and other leave programs.
OP says
Thanks! I’m jealous your office is closed that full week. It’s so awkward figuring out what to do for those in-between days since our office only closes on Christmas and New Years.
shortperson says
my firm does not give you extra leave for missed holidays/vacations. which makes sense bc those dont count for billables anyway. however they do provide health insurance for a few months past when the paid leave ends (i.e. you could take an extra two months of unpaid leave and only pay the copay on health insurance)