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OK, so this one makes me cringe just having to recommend it, but I am assuming that those reading this site either have had kids, are about to have kids, or are considering having kids. We are all in this together, so here goes: I am recommending a sitz bath for those postpartum days. For those who don’t have a bathtub, or for those like me who have one but didn’t have the time to fully fill a tub and get in it as much as I needed to, this really came in handy. For those who have never had the pleasure of using one, it fits over your toilet and you fill the baggie with warm water and sit on it — like a mini bathtub for your sensitive areas. The baggie drains the warm water into the tub portion and you can fill and refill as the water cools. Soaking in warm water was, for me, what helped ease the pain and made me feel like I was recovering. It lives in the back of a secondary closet now, and when I happen to glance at it, the memories come flooding back. Childbirth is truly glamorous, right? This is $12.13 at Amazon and is eligible for Prime. Sitz Bath This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Thank you for recommending stuff like this. Otherwise women are relying on word of mouth from friends and relatives to relieve the pain AFTER childbirth, which is not talked about nearly as much as the pain of childbirth. So then you end up evangelizing “get the blue numbing spray!” Or “tucks pads!!” To everyone you know who just had a baby.
GCA says
Truth! (Or freezing padsicles, etc.) Although, before running out and buying a sitz bath, check with the hospital. I delivered at the same hospital twice and they were just handing them out, to the point where I had one in the maternity ward room and they gave me another right before we left. (With kid 2, I was too overwhelmed at that point to say ‘I’ve got one at home’!)
Anonymous says
Honestly, I learned all I know from a drunk and oversharing labor & delivery nurse:
the hospital panties made out of stretch webbing
how you layer the ice-backs and the grande-sized maxipads in them
use the d*mn squeeze bottle
the first time you pee will be excruciating
take the stool softener
use preparation H
and the sitz bath (my hospital hands them out per delivery)
Every boy and girl should see this stuff no later than middle school — it will buck them up to how tough their mothers are and maybe help them realize that if they make adult choices, these are the adult consequences.
OTOH, the second kid just slid out and I can remember jumping and running (to the bathroom) within a day or two.
ElisaR says
TAKE THE STOOL SOFTENER. Sorry was I yelling?
Anon says
True story: Colace makes some small but non-trivial percentage of people more backed up. Life was so much better after I switched to Metamucil and tons of water.
ElisaR says
I didn’t realize that! I did eventually have to use Miralax for more success.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Re: Stool Softener — WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THIS?!?! Thought something was wrong when I felt like I was passing glass (while putting screaming DS on boppy mid-nurse, right outside the bathroom so I could grab him if needed, whilst door was open and I was crying for multiple reasons). Ended up using Metamucil as well, but didn’t know this was normal for women until just a few months ago!
And +1 on the Sitz bath. My mom was a BIG proponent of making sure I did this. Even if you don’t use the bag, and just sit in it over the toilet it is a slice of heaven in those recovery days. I wish I had done it more!
Wish I had known about padsicles, prep H, etc. Will definitely take my recovery more seriously and be gentler with myself if/when there’s a next time.
Anonymous says
IDK if having a baby slows the system down, but I definitely didn’t want to be pushing anything else out of my body for a while. And of course, I had a poop that I think was breach a few weeks later.
Ugh.
Anonymous says
Haaaaaa I’m dying at “a poop that I think was breach.” SAME EXACT thing happened to me. Not my very first postpartum one, but a few weeks later had one that was harder to get out than the baby.
Pogo says
My hospital gives you the exact sitz bath pictured here. It was incredibly helpful and I tried to do it at least once a day for the first 2-3 weeks.
I think it’s good to be overprepared, but know that everyone’s experience is different and not everyone likes every recommendation. Worst case you return the pack of giant overnight pads for some regular always with wings (in my case, I really only needed the giant pads for like two days). I also never made the padsicles, but did use some witch hazel in the sitz bath and I thought that helped.
EB0220 says
Yes, I love this recommendation. Postpartum is so rough and there’s nothing about it. Guess it’s not as exciting as the hospital bag!
Anonymous says
Eh I had really bad tearing and I never used a lot of the stuff that’s recommended here – numbing spray, sitz bath, adult diapers, frozen pads. I just did what the hospital nurses told me to do and used the ice packs for the first day or so and then the mesh underwear and giant pad, and used the squirt bottle instead of toilet paper for a week or so. It wasn’t that bad, and I definitely don’t think I’m especially tough.
Anon says
eh, then maybe your tearing wasn’t actually “really bad” and you should consider yourself lucky :) I had a tear from here to holy “sh!t” and all of this stuff was required for me to keep the region clean and the pain somewhat tolerable.
Anon says
I had 4 hrs of pushing and a forceps delivery which lead to terrible tear. I couldn’t sit without pain until 3 weeks post delivery. I wasn’t “normal” down there probably for 45 days. It was GOD AWFUL. Worse than the delivery. I used every trick in the book and probably should invest in that spray company at this point.
Anonymous says
It was third degree from hole to hole. I mean, it wasn’t anything they hadn’t seen before, but most of the nurses gave me the impression that I was unlucky and tore worse than most first time moms so I think ‘really bad tearing’ is a fair characterization of it.
Anon says
my point was simply that just because you didn’t find this stuff necessary, that doesn’t mean that someone else won’t. Your comment sort of suggests that it’s not possible that this stuff is necessary because you had a bad one and didn’t need it
anne-on says
I will never thank the woman enough who suggested I bring my OWN towel to the hospital along with my preferred soap/shampoo/etc. That first post-birth shower was soo needed and the hospital towels were so tiny and scratchy!
I also made it a point to put together a hospital bag for my SIL with the ‘real’ stuff you needed – big pads, gel n*pple pads, tucks, etc. and she was kind of put off at first and then SO grateful afterwards. Thank god there were lots of younger mothers among my cousins at my shower, they got REAL about post-partum care and advice. I think we scarred the newlyweds in the room but it was so helpful!
Anonymous says
I never used a site bath but always wanted to try one. The Fourth Trimester highly recommends them and there are herbal soaks you can buy to put in them (like tea for your toosh). I just used the squirty bottle.
KateMiddletown says
All of this crap was given to me at the hospital. Don’t buy a peri bottle or a sitz bath, just ask the nurse! (Speaking as someone who met their out of pocket max as soon as the baby popped out.)
rosie says
Me, too. Plus numbing spray, tuck’s, mesh undies, giant pads, big ice packs. And I just asked for more so I had plenty to take home. The only thing I used that I didn’t get from the hospital were some pads frozen with witch hazel & earth mama bottom spray (just alternated that with the numbing spray for whatever reason). And then I switched to thinner pads pretty quickly instead of the beasts from the hospital.
Anon says
I’ll add cortisone cream to this – I used it along with the other items mentioned (smeared in a pad).
Anonymous says
My hospital is stingy! They only provide 3 pairs of mesh undies
Anonymous says
Mine too. All I got to take home was the squeeze bottle.
lsw says
Same. Zero mesh undies and just got a squeeze bottle.
Anonymous says
Just had my third and hospital undies have improved or I was at a better hospital this time. Instead of mesh undies I got some that were sort of a microfiber-y cloth. Much more cover, and less like a bag that you bought your onions in.
rosie says
I’ve heard of a hospital in my area that charges for everything — like if you want the receiving blanket your baby is first wrapped in, you have to have paid for it first. So if you deliver somewhere like that, all bets are off.
Edna Mazur says
I thought all hospitals HAD to do that. If something was opened/used on your behalf they couldn’t reuse it and had to charge it. Our nurses made sure that we brought home all diapers, pads, mesh undies, spray bottles, nose bulb thingies, hats, bed pads from the open pack, wipes, vasalines, boxes of tissues (etc.) since they would have to throw away any that were unused.
CCLA says
My hospital provided most of the recommended stuff, but not all (the dermaplast I had to bring myself, and they didn’t offer sitz baths), so I’d definitely confirm with your hospital sometime in the third tri and then if funds allow, over-prepare. I ended up returning or donating a bunch of post partum care stuff I thankfully didn’t end up needing, but I was super glad to have it all available. Also ask for or purchase extras of some things – I kept a peri bottle and earth mama spray in every in every bathroom for a while.
Related, my two cents is to consider depends (or actually the always brand, but same idea) for use in the first few days…I think I used them for about a week or so. Much easier IMO than working with the mesh panties and changing pads.
Anon says
I haven’t had a baby yet but I do have a medical condition that leads to wounds on my labia/rectal areas. FUN. Here’s a tip to make peeing less painful. Designate a big plastic cup as your pee cup. Sit on the toilet but hold the cup against the edge of your urethra so that the pee drizzles in the cup instead of down your labia and past your butt. It will keep the pee of your injured parts and then you can just dump the pee cup into the toilet and leave it there for next time. Weird but it works!
Cb says
You guys, you were right. Berlin is a toddler paradise. We had such a great time, amazing food, super accessible city, great playparks.
Pogo says
yay!! So glad it was a fun trip.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Was hoping to hear back about this! Thank you for sharing – putting it on the (mental) list for a potential destination this fall. Glad it was a good trip for all :)
AK says
Hooray! Glad you had a blast!
ITLady says
Ooo that is great to hear! We have been tossing around the idea of Berlin in year or two to visit my friend once she has her baby. We did an exchange program together in high school and have kept up over the years but the flight over has me nervous. How was the flight for you all and how old is your LO?
It depends says
Looks like we are being real about the post partum phase today!
Currently pregnant with number two. I think I’d like to wear adult diapers after giving birth instead of giant pads. Any recommendations?
Anonymous says
I don’t like the stink. I think if I froze a large housebreaking pad, I could just sit on that and drain and change them often. Everything needs to air out (it is hot and humid already where I live).
lsw says
I, frankly, loved adult diapers for post partum. It was just so easy. I think I used Depends and ordered from the river store. I never used giant pads.
Pogo says
Same, though one pack was sufficient. I really liked them for when I was laboring – my water broke and trickled out for the entirety of my labor. The Depends were clutch. What I didn’t like about the hospital mesh panties + pad was that everything slides around – mine didn’t have any type of adhesive. The Depends are all one piece, so easy to get on and off.
Anon says
I did this! Nothing else to add, but I liked not having bulk. I layered Tucks pads and cortisone cream inside and was very comfortable without having to arrange everything just so.
Anonymous says
I also preferred big pads with mesh undies and changing them often. I actually might order the mesh underwear online this time to wear it longer.
CPA Lady says
Silhouette ones from depends. Word to the wise — if you don’t want to get depends coupons for the next year straight, buy them somewhere other than target.
Another word to the wise, if your hospital give you a package of those large bed pads keep them for when your toddler gets the stomach bug. They make excellent bed covers in case of night time barfing.
ElisaR says
i used the silhouette ones too…..
also I used the giant depends for when my water broke 3 wks early and i was walking around my house packing my bag for the hospital and then put on a fresh one for sitting in the car to the hospital. They were awesome.
Em says
+1 to silhouette depends. They made me feel like a semi-normal human.
KW says
Yep. I used these after having baby #2 6 months ago, and they were so easy and less messy than trying to keep those giant pads in place. Highly, highly recommend.
Lana Del Raygun says
I had knockoff Depends (I think from Target) and they worked great.
AwayEmily says
+1 I also got knockoff Depends for #2 and was very happy about it. Less bulk/sliding around. Best part was when my then-2yo asked “Mama, why you wearin’ a diaper?”
Anon says
I totally went the depends route after #2. I felt like that was just so much easier, and for me I felt more secure with the coverage.
KateMiddletown says
I bought a pack of fancy Lisa Rinna pull ups but I had a half a pack leftover b/c I didn’t bleed heavily enough for them. FWIW I think they gave me a rash from having all the moisture trapped in.
CCLA says
I noted this above before I saw this comment, but I loved the always brand. Brought a stack to the hospital even for #2. I ordered depends silhouettes as well but didn’t like the fit as much.
When do you get a potty?? says
Should I get my 16-month daughter a potty? We’re not really interested in potty training this early but as a result of her predisposition to diaper rash we give her a lot of diaper free time every day and she’s learned to not pee or poop while she doesn’t have her diaper on – though not through anything we’ve done consciously. I think she gets stressed when she doesn’t have a diaper on but has to pee and while we always quickly put on a diaper when she indicates she has to go, I was thinking that having a potty she could use during diaper-free time might be less stressful for her. Anyone have any experience with this?
Anonymous says
Why not? You’ll use it eventually even if it doesn’t work now.
EB0220 says
Sure, I wouldn’t expect any regular use but it’s not a bad thing. I got one of the little Baby Bjorn floor potties when my kids were maybe 1.5 mostly to entertain them while I was using the bathroom.
Anon says
Not an answer to your exact question, but I think I remember reading that putting a little potty out for your toddler well before you potty train is a good thing, so they have time to ask about it and get used to it. That way it’s not the weekend of pulling the plug and being like, here’s this new weird thing you’ve never seen before! Now pee in it!
AwayEmily says
The Oh Crap book strongly discourages putting the potty out before you’re ready to start potty training for real but I don’t remember what her reasoning was.
ElisaR says
her reasoning was that it’s too casual… she said you put it out when they are actually going to use it. Otherwise it becomes a toy and optional as opposed to the place to pee/p**p.
Anonymous says
So, we trained using the Oh Crap method, but also had a little potty for her to practice in for a couple months. It actually worked really well doing it both ways- she got a chance to get used to sitting on it, and then a week before we were ready to start training her, we hid it, and when she asked we would say, “it’s coming out this weekend and you’ll get to use it like a big girl!” So she was excited to see it and use it when we brought it out again.
anon says
You do you, but I was a big fan of the toilet seat with the smaller insert instead of using a floor potty. I had zero interest in cleaning a floor potty so we trained our LO right off the bat to sit on the big potty.
Anonymous says
Same. Floor potty was way grosser than diapers to me. But we trained close to 3 and our kid is tall for her age, so using the real toilet was never an issue.
AwayEmily says
We tried going right to the potty insert but it ended up not working because during potty training our toddler was very independent and wanted to go to the potty BY HERSELF. But by the time she climbed up the stool, turned around, and got situated on the potty, it would be…too late. so after a day of peeing in various places VERY CLOSE to the potty but not quite in it, we got a floor potty and that solved the problem.
that being said I think with a different kid (or maybe if she was older and more physically capable of using the stool) it would have worked great! and I agree, cleaning out a floor potty is gross.
Edna Mazur says
I swore we wouldn’t use a little potty, and I agree about dumping them out, but on day three or so, caved, bought one and it worked better. Our transition to the big potty was never that bad but both kiddos needed the little potty to start.
Anonymous says
It can’t hurt. My daughter started saying poo poo around 18 months when she had to go, so we got excited that she could potty train early. We got the Elmo potty for her. She would just sit on it, but nothing happened. She’s now 21 months and still doesn’t go potty in it. Now she yells Elmo when she has to go number two, but still doesn’t actually go in the potty. Her and her 3 year old brother store toys in it though. For diaper rash, have you tried doing a mix of Monistat, antibacterial ointment and diaper cream? Our kids were diaper rash prone and putting this mix on them was a game changer. We mix it up in a big paste and put it in a Tupperware by the change pad.
Anon says
The Elmo story made me laugh!
Baby clothes says
What are your favorite places to shop for baby (in my case boy) clothes? LO is 8 months old and pretty much lived in gifts and hand-me downs until recently.
Anonymous says
H&M!!!
Anon says
Target
buffybot says
Seconding H&M. I also really like Zara, especially for boys when they get a bit bigger – really cute stuff. I also find great stuff at Gap (they are always having 40% off or more sales, so no need to pay full price).
anon. says
Do you have a consignment store in your town? Even a franchise one, like Once Upon a Child? At some point my kid needed so. many. clothes. Just do to spills, stains, etc., it was nice to go buy like 5 shirts for $10 or whatever. It really is my favorite place to get kid clothes.
AwayEmily says
Not the OP but we have a Once Upon a Child here and it is SO EXPENSIVE. A $7 Target t-shirt will be priced at $5.50, and higher-quality stuff (Hanna, Boden, etc) is often $15 or so. I think it must vary by region because other people I know say it’s a great deal in their area.
I often go to the Salvation Army instead — more crap to sort through but far more reasonably priced.
rosie says
H&M, Target, Old Navy
Anonymous says
Hanna Andersson, Boden, Tea Collection (all on sale)
Primary, Baby Gap, Old Navy, Target
lsw says
I love buying kids clothes through ThredUp. I also think you hit a brand or two that just fits your kid really well. For me, that’s BabyGap. We also like Hanna Andersson pajamas and I buy some of their other random stuff when they have the big sales.
Walnut says
Old Navy!
Baby clothes? says
What are your favorite places to shop for baby (in my case boy) clothes? LO is 8 months old and pretty much lived in gifts and hand-me downs until recently.
Anon says
Can’t speak to the boy part, but I don’t know why it would be different. I shop the sales at gap and hanna andersson, mostly because they fit my top of the percentile kiddo best (seriously, we’re in 4T at 20 months) and the quality seems like it will stand up to multiple kiddos, and fill in with cheaper stuff from Target (Cat Jack) – usually have to size up.
Anon. says
Just cracking up at how different kids are. My 22 mo-old 50th percentile kiddo is still wearing 18-month pants.
Anonymous says
I buy a lot from Carters/Oshkosh and Target and Walmart with some Gap, Old Navy and Children’s Place thrown in. My son flew through sizes and I could barely keep up.
Anon says
Any unique or particularity fun/cool/low key activities you have seen done at a baby shower recently? I’m throwing one for a friend in a few weeks at a restaurant. I don’t want to get tooooooo “game-y” but do feel like I should do a thing or two to make it special. Thanks in advance!
ElisaR says
we played “guess the name” at my shower and it was fun…. I read the suggestions outloud. Our gender was unknown so we did 2 for each person. The fun part for me was that my aunt guessed the first and middle name we wound up with! And my 89 year old grandmother-in-law made a funny joke about marijuana and naming the baby after it which had the whole party in hysterics. Those are the best 2 memories of my shower.
Mama Llama says
I think you could make a fun baby shower game based off the concept in this article: https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/01/dear-mother-goose-advice-column-childrens-book-characters.html
You could write your own and have people provide advice and guess the book.
Jeffiner says
I had pictures of celebrities who had had a child in the past year, and you got points for guessing the name of the baby and the parents.
Anon says
We decorated wooden blocks and onesies, which doesn’t seem like it would translate well to a restaurant. We also played a “guess how many peanuts in the jar” (elephant theme) and a fill in the blank nursery rhyme game (hand out sheets, most right wins a prize – in our case the former preschool teacher got 10 out of 10).
Anonymous says
If it’s a girl…I just saw make your own headband station for the baby. They had stretchy baby headbands with tons of bows and then hot glue guns. Depends on how crafty you are but I thought this was so cute
DLC says
My favorite thing at my shower was that friends wrote messages with markers on diapers. They filled a box of diapers for us to use with these. It really made me smile at those 4am diaper changes to pull out a diaper and read their funny/ kind/ encouraging words.
lsw says
We did this too. My mom did a whole spiel about how when I was born, there were no disposable diapers, and how her mom (my grandmother, who was there but has since passed away) had to do cloth diapers for 8 children, and how now cloth diapers are back and how my husband I and were doing a combo of cloth and disposable. My grandmother listened to this whole intro, then wrote on the diaper, “Use paper diapers.” I kept that one.
ITLady says
I did this too at my shower and also enjoyed reading them at 4AM! Plus it wouldn’t take up too much room at a restaurant I feel like.
Anon says
OP here: I love this idea! I don’t think I’ve ever done it before at a shower. Thanks!
Pogo says
My mom ordered cards that were either “advice for mom” or “I wish for baby…” and had people fill them out if they wanted. I read them all out loud at the party, which was really cute/fun (so many ‘awwwws’). Also zero work for her in either prep or execution of the “game”.
Anon says
I’ve been to showers where guests bring baby pictures of themselves and everyone tries to guess who they are. It’s actually really cute and fun and not gross at all.
Anonymous says
+1 This is my favorite baby shower game.
ElisaR says
yes me too this is a fun one
anon says
Baby shower gift bingo. Makes opening presents way more bearable. We did full-size candy and mini liquor bottles for prizes for the first five or so bingos.
OP says
Thank you all! I’m definitely going to use a couple of these ideas.
AwayEmily says
My just-turned-3yo is really into coloring with markers, which makes me think maybe I should invest in some other art-related supplies/activities. What does your kid like to do? Bonus points for “things that I do not need to assist with.”
KW says
Have you tried the Color Wonder markers? Still markers, but because the color only shows up on the paper, you don’t have to worry about getting marker on the carpet, table, etc. Also, those little coloring books where you fill the marker with water are fairly mess-free as well
octagon says
Giant roll of craft paper (ours is from Ikea) – stretch out a 10-foot piece to make a fun banner. Or trace hands. Or draw a map. We have a zillion crayons and coloring books but kiddo really seems to prefer the big paper.
Finger paints – for special occasions, but really fun. Freezer paper makes an excellent canvas and prevents seepage through to the other side.
Sidewalk chalk, now that it’s getting warm.
Mama Llama says
My kid has always loved her Dot-to-Dot paint things. They are basically bingo stampers for kids, and they aren’t messy.
Anonymous says
Scissors. Stickers (and/or washi tape), finger paints, washable paint.
Save your amazon boxes and let the kid go to town.
FWIW I am not wild on color wonder because it doesn’t teach “color only on paper.” It teaches “if you color on the table mom won’t notice.”
anon says
+1 on washable paints and giant roll of paper from Ikea. I buy the Crayola paint in jars, and a set of palettes from the dollar store so I can dispense paint in reasonable quantities. The IKEA paper is a little narrow, but we had a wider roll once and the kids had super fun when I traced their outline and they could decorate themselves. Also, Melissa and Doug makes some watercolor pads where the paint is on the paper, and you add water and paint the page. My kids love those.
I wasn’t wild on color wonder because it only works if everything you own is color wonder. Otherwise, it’s two sets of everything, one that works on the special paper and one that doesn’t.
farrleybear says
I love the crayola washable paint. We’ve done the big paper rolls, and DS has loved painting rocks and random stuff in the yard too (bricks, old buckets, etc.). As he’s gotten older and a lit less messy, I’ve started buying mini canvasses from Michaels that are pretty cheap but easier to hold onto for a special artwork:)
No Frump and No Rothy's says
Ladies – Suggestions for slip on-and-off commuting shoes? I typically drive to work, and a few times a month I take public transport to offsite meetings.
Details: Looking for something cute, comfortable, and can be statementy. Getting tired of wearing sneakers (especially as it warms). Have used Soludos in the past, which I loved, but I did find they frayed quickly so probably need something more hardy. I’m open with spending some money, but Rothy’s prices seem overblown to me, feel like I can get something in the low-end designer realm for the same cash. Have also used Tom’s in the past, and really liked them but open to something different.
Anon says
I can’t speak to this because I just switched to Rothy’s and I love them because they are so comfortable and now probably wear them 3-4x a week. But prior to that (and let’s be real, these are my all day shoes because I’m just over heels with my knees and back) I wore a lot of lands end and LL bean ballet flats (the arch support was excellent), cole haan penny loafers (I have the pinch weekender in a hot pink leather which is my fun summer jeans Friday shoe – recently saw a rose gold version that was lovely), dansko booties (actually cute, not like the clogs, although IMHO, better for long days standing at events rather than walking for me) and sofft low (like 1 inch) wedge sandals.
AwayEmily says
I am currently wearing the “Micah pointy toe loafers” from Target and they are comfy and super cute and very, very cheap. Good color selection, too. I wouldn’t walk for miles in them but they are great commuting shoes.
Pogo says
Sperry’s. There are some different variations w/ fun prints etc if you want to go statement. I found Tom’s to get worn on the bottom quickly and I almost ate it on a wet subway platform one time. Sperry’s, made to actually walk on a wet boat deck supposedly, were much more functional for commuting.
avocado says
I love my Rothys in the office, but never wear them to drive. The sole is too flexible.
Anonymous says
Hi All. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here, advice I think, but also maybe just a reality check on whether this is normal. My kiddo is 3.5. We have a neighbor kiddo who is 4.5. Now that the weather is nicer and my kiddo is more into playing with other kids, she has sort of discovered neighbor kiddo. They’ve played together 2-3 times over the last few weeks as the weather has gotten nicer. Neighbor family is good, so no concerns there. Anyway, my problem is that I don’t love the dynamic between the kids. The age difference seems really exaggerated, but it could be personality differences too, I don’t know. My child is an only child, and neighbor kiddo is the youngest of many kids. In addition, my child has had more experience in groups with other kids (daycare vs. nanny who doesn’t take them out too much). Anyway, I feel like the other child tends to put my child down. I don’t think she necessarily means to; I think she is just 4.5. For example, my child drew “a city” on the driveway with sidewalk chalk over the weekend. She showed it to neighbor kiddo yesterday who said “that’s just scribbles.” In another example, they were kicking around balls “playing” soccer, and my child would say stuff and neighbor kiddo said “I know, you don’t have to explain it to me.” My kiddo tends to be sensitive to kids who are mean, so I’m hoping if this continues, it’ll work itself out (although it hasn’t bothered her yet). I plan to encourage playing with a couple other kids in the neighborhood instead (one is a friend from daycare/preschool a little further down the street), so kiddo maybe latches onto the problematic neighbor kiddo less. Any advice or thoughts? Are neighbor kiddo’s comments typical? Ideas on activities where the age difference might matter less? Thanks!
AnoninTX says
Honestly this sounds like the typical stuff my oldest (5 yo) says to his younger brother (3 yo) all the time. I try to gently redirect but I wouldn’t worry about it if your kid is not bothered by it.
Anonymous says
This is completely normal and how children function.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
Spirograph says
I vote typical. I don’t think these are really put-downs, just blunt kid talk. If you child is upset by it, reassure her that you think her chalk drawings are treat. Keep an eye on things, but I don’t think you need to intervene here. Your child either isn’t as bothered as you are, or will break with the neighbor, herself, if she doesn’t like the dynamic.
Anonymous says
This sounds really typical and I would not worry about this at all if it’s not bothering your daughter. I say this gently , as a fellow only child mom, but I think parents of only children do tend to overreact about this kind of stuff. If your daughter had a sibling, she would be hearing far worse from the sibling. Kids who play together a lot at a young age often develop kind of a sibling-like relationship, so some meanness is totally normal (and this doesn’t even sound all that mean to me, honestly).
Anonymous says
Who is supervising the play?
I think there is nothing wrong with what you describe, but I’d probably be within earshot and say something like “neighbor, remember Faughjter is only 3. I bet when you were 3 your drawings looked a lot like that, huh?”
“I know, you don’t have to explain it.” Is just rude sassy preschoolers (I have two…).
Anyhoo, I think this is how kids figure stuff out. But being in the general area to overhear unkind things and intervene is good. For example, one of my daugter’s Preschool friends came to school with a sort of princess-leia-esq hairdo yesterday. She was super jazzed about t because her big sister did it. She sat down at the play dough table and another girl said “wow, look at Kid’s hair. It’s SO WEIRD. Right?!” Now these are all 5 y/o girls. They are BFFs. What she meant was “woah that is some crazy hair, I dig it!” But her vocabulary was “so weird” and it hurt the other girl’s feelings. I happened to be right there so just helped them talk through it.
Anyway, lean into neighborhood playmates.
ElisaR says
it sounds typical to me as well. Not sure if this is helpful but it reminds me of myself. I was a year younger than the neighborhood girls. Now as an adult my mom will say “they were so mean to you when you were little!” but I don’t remember that. They are my best friends now 40 years later. We grew up together. The interactions you have with other kids are little life lessons and I tend to leave my kids to figure it out themselves without me interfering.
OP says
That’s great to hear. I was the opposite – the older one in our neighborhood. Looking back I can see how I wasn’t always that nice about it. I like to think that I am a better person now ;)
Anonymous says
I think this sounds normal. Some kids are sort of sassy, bossy, or think they’re little grown ups. It may not be the age difference, it may be just that child’s personality.
anon says
Hahaa my brothers said MUCH worse things to me hundreds of times a day when I was growing up, and I could not escape them. I wish my parents had been as concerned as you are. I think your kid will be fine, but if she seems upset by this, encourage her to play with someone else. I’m sure she will encounter this kind of behavior at school too. Sounds like life, not anything crazy.
OP says
Thanks, everyone! It is so great to have a place I can go for an objective, yet kind, reality check on these things.
To respond to some of the comments, I’ve supervised twice, and the other parents have supervised once. I haven’t said anything to neighbor kiddo because even though the comments rubbed me the wrong way, I didn’t want to overstep or make a big deal out of something that didn’t upset my kiddo. I’m sure it’s all part of just getting to know each other, and similar things probably happen at daycare. As you all know, it’s just tough to hear things that could make your child feel bad. I’m not going to discourage this friendship, but am actively working on bringing some other neighborhood kids into the mix.
IHeartBacon says
Ladies, thank you to everybody who chimed in yesterday about the work opportunity that I was struggling with. I really appreciated all the comments, both the positive comments and the reality-check comments. I also really appreciated the book recommendation. I picked it up on my way home and started to read it. I already feel like the book is going to help me reevaluate how I feel about the whole opportunity.
Now that I have slept on the opportunity for a few days, I’m going to go for it. Worst case scenario, I realize I can’t handle it all and step back. I would hate to have the regret of passing up the opportunity without even trying .
Anonymous says
Congrats!!
partner says
Awesome, good for you! I just posted on yesterday’s post, in case you didn’t check it today.
IHeartBacon says
I just went back and read your comment and I have to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Everything you wrote is exactly what was motivating me to take on the role. I was hoping someone would say exactly what you wrote because it is exactly how I feel. Your words inspire me and make me feel like I am taking the right path.
Partner says
I’m so glad, that warms my heart :) best of luck and keep us updated!
Anon Associate says
I would love to hear updates on how this goes and what you change / how you organize your time. Also, as an associate, I would encourage you to make it very clear to a few star junior partners or associates that you are going to be maxed out and relying more heavily on them in the next year – it’s a chance for them to step into more leadership and help you succeed. I love helping the partners that I really believe in be successful (especially the moms) and would be delighted to support their billable or non-billable needs under these circumstances. It feels essential to my own future success – I need to know this is possible and there is a path, so I want you to succeed so I can, too, one day.
Also think about getting a career coach or good therapist – it’s hard to add another thing to do but you may need the support. Last, if you are in a big city there may be an on-call personal assistant business. Sounds like you are very outsourced but there may be additional tasks you can get off your plate that come up sporadically (like buying gifts, booking family vacation travel, dealing with house or pet emergencies). Good luck!!!
39 weeks says
I’ve got 2 days left to my due date. I honestly feel OK, not great, but OK. My induction is scheduled for next week and I plan to work until my due date. My coworkers (well-meaning ladies) keep giving me shocked raised eyebrows and exclamations of “you’re still here!” Getting a bit old, but I just say cheerily “Yep, two more days!” or I say sadly “I know!! Why??” This morning one coworker was really getting worked up over it, and its annoying because I know my body and I know I’m OK to be here right now. I have a desk job and its not like I can’t leave if things start picking up. UGG people just leave the preggo ladies alone!
Anonymous says
That’s so annoying. I worked until I had my baby because duh I didn’t want to use up my leave. As long as you aren’t in active hard labor at work it’s no ones businesd
Anonymous says
Super annoying, but also super common. I worked up until I had my first, and the last two weeks were spent with my coworkers making jabs about how far away I was from the hospital and whether they would or would not be willing to drive me. They were also really freaked out that my water was going to break at the office. None of it was appropriate, and I just wanted to be left alone, but I kept reminding myself that I’d have a break from them soon enough!
Pogo says
+1 this was exactly my experience. did not appreciate the old guys being like “wow are we gonna have to learn how to deliver a baby? harhar” But, such is life.
Anonymous says
I would take “you’re still here?!?” as an expression of sympathy. As in, “gosh, I know you must be sick of waiting for this baby to show up.”
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, file this under yet another annoying thing people say to pregnant women because they don’t know what else to say.
And I know this is probably different if you’re seriously uncomfortable, have complications or have a more active job, but with my first, I stopped working at 41 weeks and then still had to wait a few more days after that for my induction and I was SO BORED doing nothing at home. At least work can take your mind off of things, even if it’s pretty uncomfortable by then. I can’t even imagine what I would have done if I had taken more time off before, I would have gone crazy. There are only so many (short) walks around the block I could do.
ElisaR says
that’s irritating. I try to remind myself people like that are trying to be nice and don’t realize how annoying/condescending/nosy it is. Hang in there! (I also worked right up until delivery!)
Anon says
I always used that time to remind people how f’ed up this country is with respect to maternity leave.
“You’re still here?”
“I only get 12 weeks of FMLA. If I take a day off now, it’s one day less with the baby.”
People need to understand the system. Maybe we will do something about it when people see what it means.
Anonymous says
Yup this is what I did. I worked until the day before my induction (at 41w1d) and when people expressed shock I said “I only get 12 weeks of leave and I can’t imagine having any less than that with my baby.” Definitely shut people up!
lsw says
+1, I said the same.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. Worked until COB Thursday, was induced Friday. I haaaated the “You should take off, already!” comments.
My other least favorite thing about Mat Leave comments? My company, which is known in the industry and even outside as a very progressive workplace (and generally is) has NO MAT LEAVE POLICY. Whenever I bring this up – pre-pregnancy as a manager, during my pregnancy, and then after my return, it’s cringing how many older gen colleagues respond “Well, you can use your PTO, right?”
Anonymous says
I felt annoyed by comments like these when I had my first baby. I kept thinking, I feel great, I don’t know why everyone is so concerned. Well, lo and behold, my water broke at work and my coworker had to drive me to the hospital… ugh! By the time baby #2 and #3 rolled around, I was glad to duck out early and was glad I did (labor tends to, not always, but tends to go faster with each birth). Good luck with the delivery mama!!
CPA Lady says
Can we have a thread of hilarious things your kid(s) have said recently?
We were having Easter lunch with friends, and the following interchange happened at the kids table:
Friend’s son (age 4) kept putting food in his mouth, spitting it back onto his plate, laughing hysterically.
My kid (age 4): *staring at him in mild disgust*
Boy : “ITS FUNNY!!!”
My kid, completely deadpan: I am not laughing, am I?
It was just perfect, hilarious, blunt, socially unaware 4 year old, yet also seemed like it would be so relevant at age 35 in an inappropriate joke situation.
Also, husband and kid were driving in the car, kid was eating a trail mix with nuts in it, husband called her a nut.
Kiddo: “Chapter one, I am not a nut! Chapter two, you are a nut!”
I have no idea where she got the chapter 1 and chapter 2 bit, but I thought it was hilarious.
lsw says
OMG, I am in love with “Chapter one”! That is hilarious.
My husband was telling my son (2.5) a bedtime story about Star Wars, and my son kept “helping.” My husband: “And R2D2 went to eat his oatmeal.” Son: “No, R2 eats cereal.” Husband: “And he asked for milk” Son: “No, R2 drinks water.” Related: all the “Star Wars thing” aka lightsaber sounds my son makes.
One of my favorite stories of when my stepdaughter was younger: “Today, I learned in science class that you should never put hanitizer on a cut.” “Oh, did you learn that there is something special in hand sanitizer?” “No, I cut myself and put hanitizer on it and it hurt.”
So Anon says
Not sure if it was a typo, but my kids totally call it “hanitizer” too!!
lsw says
It’s so funny but also easier to say! We all call it that now.
Lyssa says
Oh, I’ve got a good one (though gross, sorry) – my almost 4 year old can wipe after she potties, but she still wants me to do it. After I’d told her that she can do it and should try first, and I’ll help her after, she said “Mom, do you like wiping my butt?” I said “Well, no, I don’t.” She pointed out “But you get to spend more time with me.”
Anonymous says
Ha, that’s so funny and also adorable.
Redux says
Hahaha this made me LOL!
Anonymous says
We have a new-ish pastor at our church. To put it kindly, he can get rather passionate at times. 4-6 weeks ago during our sermon, my daughter looked up at me, kind of scared, and said “Why is he yelling at us?” It was awesome and so true.
Anon says
Bahahaha. I love this.
Anonymous says
Breakfast with my 2-year-old twins today, one looks at the other and says “We’re not different people, I’m you!”
anon in brooklyn says
My inlaws Y has a great zero entry kid pool with a little slide. Daughter (2.5) always wants to do all slides on her belly (feet first). The lifeguard told us that she had to slide sitting up, so I was telling her she had to. She said “Mom, the water wants me to slide on my belly”. Guess she’s watched a little too much Moana.
Cb says
We were at the zoo and my 20 month old son declared that he wanted to ‘stay with zebras ALL DAY LONG!’ So funny!
Emily S. says
When we walked into church on Sunday, as we passed the baptismal fountain, DD #1 (who is almost 4) said, “Oh! I know where we are! This is where DD#2 got her hair washed!” It took us a minute to realize she was talking about her little sister’s baptism, but then it made perfect sense.
Pogo says
My kid calls all animals that are not a cat, “doggie”. We showed him there was a family of deer in the backyard the other day and he yelled ‘HI DOGGIE!’ at them.
Not my kid but his best daycare buddy (age 2) is going to be a big sister any day. I asked her if she was excited for the baby. She looked at me and said seriously, “Babies poo-poo.” I mean, she’s not wrong.
avocado says
12-year-old: Is it okay if I watch the Mueller Report?
Me: You mean you want to watch the news coverage? Sure, I guess. Or you could just read about it on a news site or listen to NPR.
12-year-old: No, I mean the actual report. Like when he gives his report and it’s on TV or streaming.
Me: No, The Mueller Report is not a TV show. It is a written report that’s like 400 pages long. You can find it on the internet and read it.
12-year-old: Oh. Never mind.
Anon says
I’m impressed he was interested and wanted to watch it! And with the Colbert Report et al, I get the confusion! Ha.
ElisaR says
this is so great
GCA says
We offered DS (3.5) some pomelo the other day. Him (without trying it) “I don’t like grapefruit. I wasn’t made for that.” (we convince him to try a piece – it’s not grapefruit! it’s pomelo!) After eating it: “I like it! I *was* made for that!”
Anonymous says
My 4-year-old keeps telling me, “crabs must think fish are flying!” I think he got it from a video our au pair showed him, but it’s pretty profound :)
Also, he refuses to get out of bed until his 16-month-old brother climbs into (or is dropped into) his bed for a cuddle. He lies there and says, “bring be the baby!”
Anon says
Oh my gosh that is so cute
GCA says
For anyone who remembers my question a couple of weeks back about the yellow fever vaccine vs nursing: the travel clinic nurse did a bit more research and we figured out, based on baby’s age, that I could get the vaccination, pump and dump for about 2 weeks and then resume nursing. So I craftily scheduled my vaccination appointment for today, right before I leave on a (different) work trip, and now I don’t have to worry about storing and transporting the milk home, and then I just pump and dump for about a week after I get back. Best of both worlds indeed!
Pogo says
Yay, I’m so happy for you! that is the best of both worlds.
Jeffiner says
Hooray! Thanks for the update, I was wondering about it.
Anonymous says
That’s great! I’m so glad it worked out.
Lana Del Raygun says
Whoa that’s awesome! I’m so happy for you :)