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For someone with a desk job that involves a lot of computer work, it is hard to accessorize with bold bracelets. Either they get in the way of typing, or every time you reach for your keyboard you hear a “clunk” sound as the bracelet hits the wrist rest. However, with all of the bracelet- or three-quarter-length sleeves that are popular now, it’s nice to accentuate that flattering area of your body with some jewelry. (Who’s ever seen a bad wrist? Not me!). I love these delicate sets of bracelets from Club Monaco. These look pretty and decorative without getting in the way of work activities, and the price is right at $35.50. Charm Bracelet Set This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon says
One of my coworkers who I’ve become close with recently had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I’d like to get her a little something to say “I’m here for you/I’m so sorry you’re going thru this.” Any suggestions?
rosie says
This is very kind. I suggest sending a card (if you’re comfortable doing so–I would say light sympathy, that is, no extensive prewritten message, or thinking of you). Meal delivery or other food (like a gift basket of snacks) would also be appreciated, I’m sure. So many people don’t acknowledge miscarriage or treat it as a loss, so any act (that doesn’t include “at least you can get pregnant” or similar terrible things people say) would be so nice.
anonymous says
A lot of helpful info here:
https://pinchofyum.com/category/afton
https://pinchofyum.com/what-to-do-when-your-friend-loses-a-baby
rosie says
I also like this website if you are looking for resources to help you understand what might be helpful https://verilymag.com/search?query=miscarriage (note, I did not receive any flowers after my losses and would not have wanted them, as I am from a culture that doesn’t send flowers for deaths & it wouldn’t have felt right)
anon. says
Just went through this. Best thing was texts from friends saying “This sucks. I’m thinking of you. You don’t need to reply to this” Or something along these lines. If you want to do more (which I really don’t think is necessary and some people don’t like it, so know your audience), the best thing is consumables. Candies from Candy Club are good or if you want something you can buy in person, World Market has a fun selection of unique candy.
Anonymous says
Fun candy is not appropriate
anon says
But chocolate might be.
Anonymous says
Somber candy only?
rosie says
A post-m/c food gift was how we discovered Effie’s Oatcakes, so I guess fun cookies but somber candy?
anon. says
I mean, I literally miscarried two weeks ago and loved the fun candy I got as gifts. So I guess to each their own. But that was – harsh.
rosie says
Sorry for your loss. And surprised that someone felt the need to respond in that way.
Anonymous says
I liked card + plant/flowers (or just card). I had two m/cs and it was weird to get “miscarriage presents” and spa sets.
Redux says
My boss got me flowers when I m/c at 13 weeks. I was so grateful for the gesture– and the acknowledgment, really. So many people don’t know to treat it as a loss. They brightened up my office when I was feeling really low.
anonymous says
My comment is in moderation, but search for “pinch of yum pregnancy loss”. I found lots of helpful tips there.
Anonymous says
As a counterpoint, Lindsey gave birth to her son and he died a day later. I think there’s a pretty big difference and I would personally be mortified and feel very awkward if someone acted like I’d lost a child when I suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It’s sad and it’s definitely a loss, but it’s not the same.
Anonymous says
Yeah completely different.
A card. Flowers. Classics for a reason.
rosie says
I posted another website above that is more geared towards first tri losses that I think may be more helpful.
anon says
There was a discussion on here about this recently. I think it varies based on your coworker’s personality. A friend sent white flowers, which I appreciated very much after miscarriage, but not everyone will want that.
anon says
I did this last year for a friend. I went to whole foods and picked up a few things – tea, chocolate, bath bomb, hand lotion, candle, things like that.
KateMiddletown says
Thanks, ya’ll. Great ideas all around.
Anon says
I was surprised by the discussion yesterday about celebrating your nanny’s birthday. Is this really expected? I like to think I’m a good nanny employer, but to me being a good employer means paying good salary and benefits and being easy to work for and communicate with about expectations and performance. I don’t really make chitchat with our nanny. I’m sure she’s a lovely person, but I spend a grand total of 10 minutes a day in her presence and in that time I’m trying to hand off baby, communicate info about baby’s needs, pick up baby and get an update from nanny about how the day has gone. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for nonessential conversation, and I don’t even think I know when her birthday is. Am I out of line here?
GCA says
I don’t think it’s required, and you certainly are a competent and benevolent employer, but there is room in the world for small kindnesses, I think, and no one should be discouraged from celebrating their nanny’s birthday if they want to. We’ve never had a nanny for my kids, but I was effectively raised by a series of them, and my parents are still in touch with them though they have long since returned home/ retired.
Anonymous says
Sure, but the line between “small kindnesses” and “unnecessary emotional labor” is blurry. This is a controversial opinion, but I feel like most women who complain about unfairly doing all the emotional labor are making things unnecessarily hard on themselves by deciding they have to do things like this
AIMS says
I think some of this also just depends on your personality. I have someone come clean every two weeks. I’d like to think I am a good employer, pay well, communicate clear and reasonable expectations, am friendly and we get along well. But I honestly don’t know much about the person who cleans my house beyond the basics and he doesn’t know much about me beyond what I am sure he naturally observes (I.e., we don’t have heart to hearts). My mom, on the other hand, has been at my place a handful of times when our housekeeper was here and she knows so much about his past, present and future; they discuss career paths, dating, travel, music… and she’s like that with everyone. For me, it just doesn’t naturally come up.
Cb says
It is totally personality based, isn’t it? I’ll get someone’s life story in the course of a short bus ride while my husband doesn’t know anything about his boss. Incidentally, it’s a occupational asset – I’m doing elite interviewing as part of my current project and people just open up to me in a way they wouldn’t do with some of my colleagues. I think these politicians find it therapeutic.
Anonymous says
And personality based on your nanny! My nanny is a huge birthday person– she brings gifts for me and my husband on *our* birthdays. I think she’d be really hurt if we didn’t so something for her. It takes me half an hour and $50 to find her a birthday present and another ten minutes to hang a birthday banner in our house before she arrives– not a lot of sacrifice for someone who deals with my kids all day.
nanny bday says
I was the person who asked, and I do really appreciate the variety of feedback, both yesterday and yours now. Last year we didn’t know when it was and I felt a little bad. Then, we invited our nanny to our child’s bday party and she didn’t come, but gave a very thoughtful gift (not super $$, but cute clothes from a store that she knows I shop at because…she does my kid’s laundry). So I would like to do a little something to acknowledge, but definitely do not view this on holiday bonus level. But I don’t think failure to do anything makes anyone a bad employer by a long shot.
Pogo says
I think it really depends – I would definitely acknowledge it if you know the date, maybe a card? My boss gives his employees a card on their birthday.
Anonymous says
I’ve had several different bosses, all of whom I would describe as good managers and nice people, and none of them has ever acknowledged my birthday. And I spend far more time with my boss than I do with our nanny.
Anonymous says
I think this could evolve as baby grows up. Kids love any reason to celebrate. When kiddo is old enough to participate in the fun — make a card, help hang a decoration or two, etc., you might feel differently. Birthdays in our house are now much more significant because kiddo (3.5) gets so excited about them.
Wow says
I have never had a nanny but have had a variety of mother’s helpers over the years who work for about 3 hours a day. I don’t go out of my way to ask their birthday, but if it comes up in conversation I make a note of it, buy cupcakes that day, a card, and a $50 gift card. You don’t have to do that of course but considering these young women are taking care of my kids day in and day out, I also think it’s a nice and thoughtful gesture.
I view this very differently than my boss at work remembering my birthday. I don’t expect that at all but somehow when a childcare provider is in my home, it feels more personal.
I also know many families who view their nanny as an extension of their family, esp. if nanny has worked with them for several years. They would find it unthinkable not to celebrate a nanny’s birthday.
Hmm says
+ 1 different from my boss acknowledging my birthday, which he doesn’t and it doesn’t bother me at all.
Although your nanny is an employee, she is an employee who is caring for your children and in your house 40-50 hours a week. And my nanny is indispensable and I am so utterly reliant on her. And I want to do everything to keep her, so yes we celebrate her birthday. It seems odd to not acknowledge her birthday with even a token gift. I think doing so would go a long way.
Anon says
OP here, it’s not that I’m opposed to doing something nice to acknowledge her birthday. I guess I’m just surprised that people even have the kind of relationship where you’re making enough conversation to get to know each other that way. Are you leaving work earlier so you can catch up with her in a more relaxed fashion? I have a less demanding job than most people here, but I’m still all business with my nanny because we spend at most 5-10 minutes together each day, and in that time I’m rushing out the door or just arriving home and we’re trying to do a kid hand off and download of info about the kid. There’s just no time for conversation beyond “Good morning” or “have a nice weekend!” She cares for my child and spends a lot of time in my home, but I spend almost no time with her myself and really don’t know her that well on a personal level. I spend way more time talking to, for example, our financial advisor, and it wouldn’t occur to me to get her a birthday gift.
Hmm says
That’s a good point. I think in some cases I have learned about a sitter’s birthday through my kids actually, she happened to mention it to them and they told me. Or sometimes I will ask the sitter — do you have plans for this weekend? and she then responded that she’s planning to celebrate her birthday with friends. So then I had a little belated celebration for her at home the week after.
Assuming you’re paying her on the books, you should have her birthday information anyways since it will be on her paperwork.
anon says
I do not by any means think it’s necessary, and that whether or not your nanny expects it and/or would appreciate it is completely based on your nanny’s personality. I would keep in mind that it is somewhat likely that your nanny is a bit more of a “feeler” than many of us on this board–simply by nature of one’s chosen profession. (I fully acknowledge this is a stereotype, but I do think it *tends* to be true.) And, IMO, feelers are much more interested in celebrating their birthdays, however small of a celebration that may be. If running an extra errand is too much (picking up a gift) then add a bonus to her check and tell her happy birthday. Yes, it’s a bit of emotional labor–and I agree that women often take on unnecessary emotional labor–but I think it’s labor that’s likely to yield positive results.
Vanderbilt scales -- "relationships with peers" says
I have a daughter that we got evaluated for ADHD in K. Now she is in 4th and, for the first time, struggling academically in school. We’re doing the evaluation/screening tests again just to have a current pass through things with a professional. I know her teachers have to refocus her attention in school and she can blurt out things in class.
I was surprised that she got the lowest grade for “relationships with peers” on the scale. I know this usually screens for bad peer relationships b/c of bullying, etc. She’s not like that — she is very much a loner at school with a couple of close friends (both boys, who are at an age where cross-gender friendships seem to be rarer and rarer and invite teasing). She does complain that she has no friends (but is friendly and will interact with kids, just not if she feels that kids are already playing together and she would be interrupting and she’s not on the same BFF level with them that they “must” be with each other).
What, if anything, should I do? I don’t want her to be unhappy and from being the new kid at school a few times when I was younger, it can be rough to feel that you have no friends. I also don’t want her to feel like she’s failing my expectations b/c she’s not the bubbly outgoing sort. She’s fine as she is.
I’ll see if I can bring up with her teachers (who have never mentioned this to me, just on their scale answers) and the psychologist. But what should I be doing in the meantime? [I expect that the evaluation will probably be completed as the school year is winding down, so that feels like a long time from now.]
TheElms says
I don’t have kids yet, but I was sort of like this myself as a child. I had one good friend through elementary school and that was it. We weren’t always in the same class and even when we were she had lots of other friends so I can recall not wanting to join in when she was playing with her other friends already. I don’t think my parents ever understood how lonely I was or how left out I felt. (I don’t think I could have explain it to them at that age.) I think some acknowledgment from my parents that it was harder for me to make friends, but that was ok, would have helped a lot. At least it would have made me feel less weird about it all — because I was smart enough to know that I was not like most of the other kids when it came to making friends.
My parents weren’t a terribly kid friendly family, but it might have helped if they had tried occasionally to set up a low key play date. Like a movie and ice cream — something where I didn’t necessarily have to talk to/play with the other kid the whole time but would spend some time with them so I might have felt more comfortable going up to them at school during recess. Or sending me to a sports camp (I played rec soccer and liked to swim – but we never did anything with those people outside of practice/games) with kids from my rec teams probably would have accomplished the same thing.
I didn’t need a ton of friends, but having 1-2 more friends so I had someone to sit with at lunch or play with at recess at least once a week (I tended to read a book or swing on the swings by myself or talk to a teacher) probably would have helped a lot.
That said I wouldn’t worry too much, it got less hard to make friends as I got older and by college I managed to make a group of 3 very good friends that I’m still friends with today and have a similar number of very good friends from grad school, and a couple of good friends from the past decade of work. I’m not lonely now and if I want to do something with a friend I generally have no trouble organizing that (other than the perpetual trouble of coordinating schedules).
Anonymous says
Thanks — this is helpful for advice and perspective
anon says
I don’t have anything helpful to add, but I think it’s kind and wise of you to focus on this. I still remember (with pain) that I was on the outside of the closest friendships in my class in 4th grade. I wonder if it’s something about that age in particular. Give her hugs from me (and tell her it will get better).
Sarabeth says
I’m late to this, but we’ve had a great experience with a social skills group for my ADHD daughter. Found it through a referral from her therapist.
Patty Mayonnaise says
We’re expecting baby #2 in a couple months and friends with a similarly aged kiddo have offered to keep an eye on our 2 year old. (We don’t have family close by) anyone have tips for making this as smooth as possible? I’m a planner by nature so the uncertainty is killing me. (Middle of the night- would we wake toddler up?, during the day, weekend or weekday!?) plus while the kids are friends, they don’t go to the same daycare so trying to figure those logistics out as well. I’d really appreciate any advice!!
Anonymous says
You need to just chill. You can’t plan this. Back a bag with a change of clothes, trust they’ll figure it out. As long as they have your phone numbers and day care’s address they’ll be fine.
shortperson says
the one thing i’d advise is to start preparing your 2 year old for it a bit. just start telling low-key stories: when the baby comes, you’ll go to X’s house and play and sleep there, and then daddy will come get you and you’ll meet your baby! etc.
Redux says
My #2 came in the middle of the night and our friend came to our house so that we wouldn’t have to wake and transfer #1 (honestly we would not have had time for that!). So, #1 woke up in her own bed in her own house and was thoroughly freaked out to find our friend there instead of us, but all went smoothly after that. If #1 goes to daycare, I would recommend having your friend take her to daycare so that her day is otherwise normal (and you don’t have to worry about how she’s adjusting).
EB0220 says
One thing that made me feel better was hiring a doula. I knew I’d have someone with me if my husband had to step out to deal with our toddler for a little while. In the end it was a non-issue but it made me feel better to have backup on the L&D side of things.
Pogo says
This is a great point.
Anonymous says
+1
This is part of why we hired one as well. DH was able to focus on #1 and give me some space so I didn’t have to worry about #1 seeing me in pain etc. as labor started.
H13 says
+1 This is pretty much the only reason I hired a doula for #2
lawsuited says
This was our approach but sans doula. My husband left the hospital to oversee lunch/put down for nap and then dinner/bedtime for our toddler. I didn’t feel like I needed him there to help me labour and felt much more relaxed knowing that our toddler would be calmer/happier with his dad running his normal routine.
AwayEmily says
In contrast to Anonymous at 10:13, it made me feel a LOT better to actually plan all of it, and write out different scenarios (if the baby came at night, if it was during daycare, etc). I’m sure that my mom would have “figured it out” but it was more about my mental health than anything else. I just felt much more confident knowing that all the different options had been accounted for.
octagon says
No advice, but several of my friends have scheduled an induction so they can arrange child care to coincide (and luckily the babies have not come earlier!).
AIMS says
It may happen that way anyway? Both my kids had to be prodded out of the womb. I had some mild worries about it with baby no. 2, thinking about what we would do if it was the middle of the night or if I was alone with her at the time. My plan was basically, if I’m alone, I bring her to the hospital with me and Mr. AIMS meets us there with whoever will come take care of her also going to the hospital or, depending on time, to our place and he brings her back. For middle of the night, we tentatively decided that if I should go to the hospital right away, then I would go alone while he deals with kid no. 1 getting situated and otherwise have someone come to our place because we figured that would be the least disruptive and worked for our situation. But ultimately baby no. 2 had no interest in coming out so we just woke up one day, had a nice family breakfast and went to an induction while my mom watched our kiddo at home.
Redux says
And the opposite might happen anyway! I had an induction scheduled for #2 (and an associated plan for care for #1) but he came 3 weeks early and so fast I would never have been able to drive myself to the hospital! We barely made it in time as it was, so it was a good thing our friend came to our house to be with #1. I mean– otherwise we would’ve just brought #1 with us. Not ideal, but truly it would have been fine.
Anon says
Some (most?) hospitals don’t allow children in the delivery room. Your husband and #1 could have waited in the waiting room/family room, but then you would have been alone in L&D.
Redux says
Yes, that is what would have happened. Not ideal, but there is only so much you can control!
Walnut says
One thing to do now is file the daycare forms for your kid to be picked up from daycare by your friend and her husband. Also having daycare put a note in your file about your due date and care plan might be helpful.
anon says
i’ve been seeing a therapist for my PPA/PPD. It is definitely helpful, but the problem is she has been giving me all of these exercises to do outside of our sessions. I am ideally supposed to spend 4-5 hours/week on one exercise and 1-2 hours a week on a different one. I have 7 month old twins and it is really hard to find that much time to devote to this each week and honestly not exactly what i want to spend my limited free time doing. any tips for how to make this more part of my routine? the exercises are helpful, but i have such little “me” time as is.
Anonymous says
That’s a lot. I don’t know too many moms of infants that could easily find an extra 5-7 hours/week. And they aren’t twin moms. Can you ask your therapist about the time issue and see what her advice is on how to make time for this? Is there any way you can spend a little time on them at work, like maybe while you’re eating lunch at your desk?
Anonymous says
+1. I would push back.
Anonymous says
That seems to be insane — I don’t have twins, yet along infant twins, and I don’t have that much time for anything in a week.
Lana Del Raygun says
I’m guessing this is something like CBT — can you multitask any of it? I used to practice CBT stuff in the shower and on the train, although I realize a lot of infant care requires more concentration than either of those.
If you just don’t have time, explain that to your therapist and ask her to pare it down to the essentials.
rosie says
Disclaimer that I have been in therapy but haven’t had this kind of structured assignment as part of therapy (vs, “next time this happens, could you do xyz to reframe your thinking” kind of practice outside of sessions). I would be candid about the additional burden this is on you. It’s not working for you. Your therapist needs to meet you where you are, whether that’s reducing this ask to make it manageable or talking through strategies to accomplish what she’s asking.
anon says
100% agree. And if your therapist won’t/can’t meet you where you are, look for another therapist. It is completely okay to “therapist shop”–it is a very personal relationship and not every pair will be productive.
KateMiddletown says
My therapist was not CBT exclusively, but going for a walk or lighting a candle or having a cup of special tea were things that she suggested. It sounds like you might want to talk to your therapist about how this “homework” is causing you more stress than help.
AnotherTwinMom says
No advice, but hugs from a mom of 8 month old twins!! I know its hard! Between work and taking care of babies, I can’t imagine finding 5-7 free hours a week.
fallen says
We are doing final round in-person nanny interviews this weekend. We have four candidates with great references who seem amazing based on phone interviews and their resumes. Any advice on what we could ask them to help us make our decision? I read the park slope parents nanny hiring website which was helpful.
Ideally, I would do a trial day as well, but it will be hard to do a trial day because we are moving to a new city and the kids will be in our current city until we move (I guess we could bring them in for a trial day, but not sure if it’s worth it?)
Also, what’s the consensus on home security cameras? It would make me feel better to have them but I know some nannies hate them. I think if we get them I would like to disclose during the interview and be upfront about it, but I am not sure how nannies would react to it.
Pogo says
Re: cameras, we have one in our driveway for security and one in our son’s room which we use as the monitor. We are upfront about both to anyone who is working in our house (cleaners or babysitter). I like it because we know when people are coming and going, but I don’t watch the footage to see what they were doing.
Anonymous says
You mean a nanny cam? We have a home security system camera, but it just monitors the outside of our house and doesn’t spy on the nanny. I mentioned it to our nanny but I can’t imagine anyone having a problem with it, since it’s there to deter burglars, not monitor the nanny. A nanny cam is a different story. I didn’t want one, mostly because I know I’d be glued to it at work and not doing my work.
For choosing the nanny, it really depends on your priorities. If you have demanding jobs, reliability is huge and I’d really try to drill down on that with references (how many sick days, how many family emergencies, how many times was she late or had to leave early, etc). I work 9-5 with the ability to WFH and DH has a super flexible schedule and basically sets his own hours so reliability wasn’t very important to us. We focused on making sure she’d be really attentive to our kid, so we talked about what she did with kids she’s watched and how she would react in certain situations, as well as some of our expectations (personal device use was fine while baby was napping but not when she’s awake, doing household chores was a bonus but we wanted her focus to be on the child even if it meant no chores got done, etc).
Anon says
We also had the new city = new nanny problem, so doing a trial day was out of the question for us too. Reference checks really helped me finalize the hiring decision. I was already strongly leaning towards one of our candidates, and then her glowing references sealed the deal.
Anonymous says
Maybe this is obvious, but I would ask the references how they found the nanny and whether they had any relationship with her before they hired her. I hired someone based on glowing references and she really didn’t live up to expectations (she wasn’t horrible but definitely not great). It turns out the references were basically close family friends of hers – I don’t think anyone lied to me, she had worked for them and presumably they genuinely liked her, but they certainly weren’t viewing her work objectively and it wasn’t a normal employer/employee relationship.
anon says
Re the cameras: I think it is completely okay to have one in baby’s room, and would be surprised if any nanny cares (at least cares very much). If it is your baby monitor, though, consider how your nanny will be able to use it without your phone (you’ve probably already solved that problem!). Outside cameras are security cameras, also no big deal.
Inside living area cameras, I think can be touchy and each nanny will have a different opinion. I would make your decision before you start interviews and certainly disclose it during the interview if you decide to go with one. I was a short-term nanny in a house with a camera in the living area and it generally didn’t bother me but I did occasionally make a point to get out/stay out of it’s view (going to the park, playing in the upstairs playroom, whatever). It just feels a bit “big brother” to not know if/when you’re being watched. (Side note: I think it may be legally required to disclose it’s presence in certain states.) Thinking a bit deeper about it, as a nanny, the more I felt like it was there as a general household security camera and less as a camera to watch me, the less I would feel “watched.”
Anon says
You can set some to alert when you are watching. We have a security camera for security, not as a nanny cam and when we turn it on, the shutter opens and a light turns on. That kind of camera could allow you the occasional check in for a wave without the nanny feeling like she’s under constant vigilance.
anon says
I am anon at 12:18 pm and would have been perfectly comfortable with that set up. It was something about not knowing whether one or both parents were watching (and how often/how long) that was unnerving. Sort of like someone walking into your house when you’re not expecting it. Might be totally okay but may also cause you to jump out of your skin!
Pogo says
“If it is your baby monitor, though, consider how your nanny will be able to use it without your phone (you’ve probably already solved that problem!).” <- we have a separate iPad for this that sitters use. I guess theoretically they could do something sinister like change our account password while logged in, but they could also steal my pearls and diamonds. At some point you have to trust people.
anon says
That is the solution most families use, especially those with a ‘spare’ (old) iPad sitting around not in use because so many people now default to phone or laptop but not the iPad.
rosie says
It sounds like you haven’t met any candidates yet — I think you’ll learn a lot based on meeting them. I would ask about relevant age-specific experience, like for an infant, talk about their experience introducing solids. Ask about what other tasks the nanny would be willing to do–kid laundry, meal prep for kid, etc. Put together the contract you plan to use, and you can walk through certain provisions to make sure you’re on the same page (for example: flu shot & tdap must be up to date; no posting picts of our kid on social media; vacation & leave policies; screen time policy).
We don’t have a nanny cam, but one of us is often working from home (not because we don’t trust our nanny, but just because of the nature of our jobs). I would not have been ok w/a nanny who was not comfortable having a parent working from home, so you could ask about that.
It sounds like you already checked references, but I’ll just add that I found it useful to ask how the prior employer found the nanny, if the nanny was reliable & on-time, what a typical day was like (did the nanny take initiative to find activities?), an example of a difficult situation & how the nanny handled it (separation anxiety, kiddo injured, etc.). Also I suggest asking an open-ended question, like “anything else you think I should know about this person” and see what you get.
Anon says
Is it hard to find a teenaged mother’s helper to work on the books? We’re looking for one for this summer (DH is a professor and will be at home, but wants to be mostly working) and I don’t want to alienate all the neighborhood teenagers by insisting on withholding income taxes. But I’m pretty sure we will hit the $2,100 annual income threshold that requires you to pay taxes.
Anonymous says
Can you split it between two mother’s helpers to avoid this issue? Might also be easier to find a teenager willing to commit to part time instead of full time hours.
Anon says
We are looking to hire two people for probably 20 hours each, but even that still puts us above the limit (20 hours/week * $10/hour * 12 week summer = $2400 and we will probably have to pay more than $10/hour).
Anonymous says
If you don’t have to pay more than $10/hr, that’s so close to the threshold. I’d probably see if you could arrange alternate care (grandparents, mix of you/DH, vacation, all of the above) just to avoid it.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t have cared as long as I made the going rate. So, pay more.
anon says
The way to fix this is to gross up. Run the numbers backwards so that if the going rate is $15/hr, the teenager takes home $15/hr.
KateMiddletown says
Popping in to plug Target’s new bra line Paramour – they are not listed as such but that’s what the tags say. They have nursing bras that go up to G (fit my Freya/Bravado G/H cups) for 27.99. Highly recommend since I like to have a bunch and don’t need them to last forever (or cost $80 a pop.)
HSAL says
Oooh, this is a solid tip. I’m not loving my old nursing bras but haven’t wanted to commit to buying more since I’ll only be nursing for a few more months.
Anon says
Amazing – will have to try this for #2, although last time I went up to I, so sad.
Lana Del Raygun says
Man, Target is really killing it with their new brands. Thanks for the tip!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi ladies. DH is going to be on travel for a long weekend, and for the first time, I’ve decided to get “mother’s helper” type support sometime during the weekend. It will likely either be a family friend that is in HS. With DH gone, our household is me, DS (16 months), and our pup. I know I’ll appreciate the help, but now drawing a blank on how to structure/use the help apart from dog walking. Please advise on how y’all who use this type of support end up structuring it when solo parenting. TIA!
OP says
Eek – thinking faster than I type.
*It will either be a family friend that is in HS, or a former nanny of a friend who does babysitting on weekends.
Lawyermom says
Our nanny comes over for four to five hours once a week on a day when my husband is off work (and I am at work) and she will just take care of the baby so he can clean the house, meal prep, go to the gym/grocery store/take a nap (depending upon what he prefers). The goal is to enable you to get things done you need to get done while the helper is taking care of the baby or you can have the helper unload/load the dishwasher, take out trash, do basic meal prep – cutting veggies, ect. Personally, we prefer to just have her entertain the baby so my husband can get a break from the baby.
Anon says
No real advice on the mother’s helper, but we always send the dog to a (trusted) dog sitter when DH is out of town and it makes life a lot more manageable. Just something else to consider. People laugh when I say my dog is higher maintenance than my toddler, but it’s true…
OP says
Funny you mention this – the HS girl’s family usually takes care of our pup (we drop off to their home) when we travel! DH and I kicked around this idea, especially since we live in a big apartment building which means 4 walks/day for the pup with no ability to “let him out” in a backyard, but I’d like to keep pup around, plus having mother’s helper type support for a few hours is less money than him staying somewhere overnight.
Anonymous says
I think start by figuring out how long you want someone there. For me, if I were setting this up, I would probably have someone come around the end of naptime and stay through bathtime. Have them play with the LP after nap while I did housework or otherwise relaxed (think putting in laundry, running the dishwasher, getting a shower, etc.). It is ok in my opinion to relax while the MH is there. She’s there to help you and if taking a physical and mental break is what you need in that situation, take it.
SC says
Keep the structure/schedule your toddler has on a normal day. I’d ask the mother’s helper to stick with the toddler’s schedule and help with simple meals. During activity/free time, I’d also ask him/her to take your toddler outside, weather permitting. No need to overthink it though!
anon says
I’d target either (1) the times that you tend to feel the most overwhelmed or (2) the times you think it would yield the highest results. So, if end of nap through bath time is hardest for you, then have her come then (and extend before with small chores if you need to get the hours up to fourish). Alternatively, she could come at the beginning of nap time. You can leave to do whatever feels good to you (take the dog to the park, run errands, just get out of the house) while she stays home to tidy up, meal prep, run/fold laundry, and whatnot, and then give kiddo a snack and play in the yard till you get home. Bottom line: figure out what would relieve your burden and target that!
anne-on says
I echo the comments to figure out what time/days are worst for you and target those. When our son was small we used a mother’s helper 3days wk for about 3 hours at a time? They’d meet me at the house after daycare pickup and stay through to bed. It was SO helpful to have another set of hands. At that time the focus was more feed the baby/clean up toys/repack daycare bag/run or fold a load of kid laundry/set up bedroom for night/help with pet chores/etc. Basically, replacing another adult in the house. I felt SO much calmer and happier on those nights! I would also not hesitate to have them stay another hour to ‘watch the monitor’ after bed if it lets you run an errand or two without kid in tow or get in a quick gym trip.