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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Bris 101 says
Anyone here plan a bris? Attend a bris? Having a kiddo and if it’s a boy we will have one or a naming ceremony for a girl. But neither my husband or I have ever been to one…
Who usually gets invited? It seems like a big ask to have people fly in because you can’t really plan what day it will be (8 days after birth).
Where did you hold it?
Basically give me all the tips. The idea of hosting an event 8 days after giving birth sounds dreadful.
anon. says
First of all – I was also worried about this, it ended up being no big stress at all and very very special. If it helps from an internet stranger, try not to stress and I promise it will fall together. I can’t speak to the actual bris part of it, so hopefully someone else will chime in on that.
Location/Guests – I really recommend holding it at your parents’ home or inlaws’ home if at all possible/ if they are local. It’s easier than hosting yourself. I’d try to keep it very small – immediate family and closest friends. That said, our kid’s naming ended up being like 60 people because we did it about 3 weeks after the birth and had a little time. I didn’t talk to everyone, didn’t try to, and it didn’t matter.
Food – HIGHLY recommend ordering food from a local grocery store, because it can be done like 48 hours before, don’t need to do advance planning. We ordered platters and specified nothing with forks to make things easier and cut down on our own choices. So, finger sandwiches, cheese, desserts basically. My mother (who is NOT local) ordered and picked it all up for us so we didn’t have to do that. I never saw the menu or consulted at all in it and just didn’t care. Definitely recommend that route!
We didn’t do a single decoration other than some flowers we already had from people sending them.
For what it’s worth, no one is expecting the party of the century. They want to be there to celebrate this life cycle event and welcome your child to the world. Really. HAVE FUN and delegate picture taking to a few friends.
anon. says
Just saw your comment below about space. Talk to your synagogue – I can’t imagine they’d be anything less than totally willing to help with that. Tell them you’ll pay whatever the clean up fee is and make a small donation to the synagogue. I’ve been to so many at synagogues and they are VERY VERY used to it and can probably hook you up with help too!
Anonymous says
As a counterpoint, we decided not to have one because I was nervous about hosting family 8 days after giving birth and that was absolutely the right call. I tore a lot and at 8 days Iwas just starting to get out of bed and walk around. And I was trying to breastfeed so my boobs were always out and leaking. Taking care of me and baby was close to a full time job for my husband. Our son was born in January and we hosted a seder in April and that was lovely. But I could not have hosted a week after giving birth.
k\ says
I did a bris for each of two boys. My parents attended, but planned to visit the new baby anyway.
Anonymous says
Usually immediate families, grandparents, great grandparents, and anyone else particularly important. You get it catered and hire a house cleaner, or your moms do that for you. People come if they can! Are your families Jewish? If so, they get it.
OP says
I converted so my family is not Jewish and is totally excited to attend but equally as clueless. Husband’s family is nonexistent. We have too tiny of an apartment so will either have to rent a space or use our synagogue.
Anonymous says
Gotcha. Definitely use the synagogue!
Anon says
There are no rules. We also planned one but ended up having a girl. You can literally have it be just you and DH and the mohel. Typically there is at least one or two other people because there is someone else who holds the baby for the actual circumsicion but ask the mohel. If we had a boy, both sets of grandparents were planning on flying in and we were going to do it in our apartment bc we are newish in town and don’t have a ton of friends to invite. Another friend did hers at around 5:30pm so people could come after work and just ordered some platters from the supermarket and rented the party room in her apartment building. Mazel Tov!
Anonymouse says
We just did this. Friends offered to host it as they knew our home was too small. We were able to borrow chairs from the synagogue. One issue you may have if you have it at the synagogue is then a requirement to use a kosher caterer, which can be very expensive. If you can, second the recommendation to use grocery catering – they are used to short turnarounds. Or even Panerra or similar if you end up with a morning timeframe. Suggest reading the Anita Diamont baby books as her overview of the ceremony was very helpful. Also – if you do have family coming in, hire a photographer to capture everyone with the new baby! This is something to ask the synagogue – there is likely someone within your Jewish community who is used to doing bris ceremonies and thus understands you’ll only have a week’s notice. One thing to be prepared for – traditionally the ceremony is all about dad and his son – I was surprised that my husband had prayers to read but I was not to participate. As others have noted, you may be asked to have someone hold the baby (traditionally the grandfather(s). You also may have “escorts” to walk you and the baby into the room. And you may need to provide a tallit and a pillow (which you carry the baby on – not easy one week post!). If you can, ask your mom to be prepared to buy you a cheap pair of shoes a size or two up (my feet were much more swollen post than during pregnancy) and a dress – ideally have a couple of options from a place that takes returns.
rosie says
Definitely look into the synagogue. They will probably have suggestions for food (caterer or in house) as well, so all you have to do is say when/where and pay. The ones I have been to are pretty short, just the actual circumcision and then the parents say a few words about the name. I think it’s also totally fine for you to have a private bris & then schedule a naming at the synagogue a little further out (I guess it may be synagogue dependent).
If you’re interested in resources, I thought the Anita Diamant book (The New Jewish Baby, I think) was useful and presented good options for various rituals for boy & girl babies.
SF says
It can be whatever you want it to be. We used a pediatric urologist from a top hospital in town who was also a mohel because a very religious ceremony wasn’t right for us. I got his name from a local mommy facebook group. Our family was in town for the birth (and yes, that means that they slightly overstayed their welcome but I had made clear no one was allowed to stay in our apartment which helped). Food was bagels that was delivered. We also invited a small group of friends and I had a very strict limit on how many could come. I think it was about ten. Everyone went around in a circle and talked about their dreams for our son and what they wished for him. I felt supported and loved by my community at a time when I felt very lonely and confused and overwhelmed as a new mom. Decide what you’re comfortable with, ask for help, and always know you and the baby can escape into another room if you want.
Third child? says
I know this is not a new discussion but I’m having trouble locating it in the archives…I’d welcome thoughts from those who did and didn’t decide on a third child. We have a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old and I thought that was it for us, but lately I’ve been thinking about a potential third. On the “nope” side, I’m 38, we have a small house, my husband travels for work 2-3 days a week, and we are both untenured (as of yet) academics who are under a lot of pressure. On the “sure” side, we both really love parenting, we have flexible schedules, we are in a LCOL area. I don’t know. I guess I’m especially interested in hearing from people who considered having a third but then opted not to. Do you have regrets or did you come to terms with it pretty quickly?
My partner is about in the same place as I am…if our work situation was different we would definitely go for it but as it is, we both worry it will just put too much stress on our home/marriage.
Anonymous says
I have 3. They are 3.5 months, 2 years, and almost 5 (preschooler). I’m now 35, but I had my 3rd just shy of my 35th birthday.
Life is chaos, but going from 2–>3 was way easier for us than going from 1->2. I think each family is different but for us, 1–>2 was the hardest. Our second was the toughest baby, and when she was born, my oldest was already way out of diapers and sleeping through the night for years. On the other hand, my second didn’t start sleeping through the night for real until about 2 months ago.
When we decided to go for 3, we had a little too much wine and were like “my god our kids are awesome, we are doing the world a favor by having a third. How much harder could it be?” And the decision was made, and we conceived two months later. Our 3rd is such an easy baby. Her only issue is a blocked tear duct (see my post below!). Honestly, her personality is like every day she wakes up and thanks us for deciding to have her. She’s so chill, so quiet, so happy. Frankly…the polar opposite of my wild, crazy and cranky toddler :).
Our life is chaos. College will be expensive. I have all girls so I didn’t have to buy a thing for the 3rd. I hated being pregnant just like always, but my 3rd was my easiest labor. We were on the fence after our second about a third but my maternity clothes have been donated to goodwill and I am counting down to when I’m able to throw my breast pump off a cliff onto rocks to shatter in a million pieces.
We didn’t need a new car, though a mini van sure would be useful by now. My oldest can not only care for herself (get up, dressed, eat breakfast, get herself into the car, pack her own lunch at night), but also help out with the other little ones– she can give a bottle, can buckle the baby into her carrier (if I place her in there), can help Toddler with her shoes, etc. The 3rd baby really forced everyone to step up and pull their own weight in the house (DH included).
Childcare is its own special hell in terms of logistics and costs…but DH and I have somewhat flexible jobs and figured we’ve spent money on dumber things. We live in a suburb with excellent public schools. If our kids have to take out some loans for private college, so be it. We are planning to pay for at minimum state school, and ideally whatever school they want. But when we decided to go for 3, we talked about the fact that they may not go to a private college fully on our dime, and that we had to be OK with that. But we’ll see where we are in a couple years.
I have no regrets but I recognize we are lucky to have gotten an easy 3rd :)
Anon says
I love these topics!
We decided to stop at 2, in terms of my husband took the measure to make it permanent. As of now, I have no regrets but mine are 3 and 1. For us, it was completely a logical thing. We were too worried about the money, time, stress, not getting as lucky in terms of disposition with a 3rd baby as we did with our first 2, etc. We had an easy transition from 1 to 2. We found 0 to 1 to be harder. We worried that 3 would be pressing our luck and that it would be the breaking point for us in more ways than one.
I was so excited to know that I could get rid of my maternity clothes, that my body was mine again, etc. There is a spiritual aspect to this for me, too, which might just be making it easier for me to accept, but I fully believe that if we are meant to have another child, it will happen. Right around when we made the deicison, we heard 3-4 different stories about men who had the surgery and then had subsequent children.
Anon says
Stopped at 2, mine are now 5 and 3. No regrets so far, and in fact as they get older, we see how a third really would have been our breaking point. We are good parents with the two we have, and we have enough time/ money/ patience to do “extras” that make us really enjoy parenting. A third kid would have meant fewer extras, and I can see now how that would be really rough for me, especially.
To us, “extras” are things like babysitters more than once a month, swim lessons, weekend day trips, biweekly cleaners, and regular impromptu get-togethers with friends and their kids. All those things make our extroverted hearts happy (DH, me, and the kids too) and having to skip things that cost money but allow time with friends and family would be rougher on all of us. I solo parent fairly often, and those extra couple babysitter sessions really allow me to breathe and stay patient through the trying three-nager phase.
I’m sure we would have made a third work, but I really like our life now and I’m happy with our choices that got us here.
Anonymous says
Not quite the same since I have 3 and am working on coming to terms with not having a 4th because of the same worry that it will put too much stress on home/marriage and we will not be able to give as much time as we’d like to any of the kids due to work situations. He wasn’t keen on the idea of a 4th to begin with, but I am sad. Getting over it, but sad.
FWIW, zero regrets about having a 3rd. We have a smaller house (3BR/2BA, ~1300sqft), 40-45 hr/week jobs, and DH is about 15% non-local travel. life certainly requires some creative logistics at times, and the first year especially was really tough. But now that the youngest is 2, we’re doing OK.
anon says
We thought about it briefly, though not terribly seriously. Opted not to, and DH had a vasectomy, so the option is off the table now unless nature intervenes.
I am 95% happy with the decision. Our kids are awesome, but very high-energy. One in particular has extra emotional/social/behavioral needs. I don’t know how we’d handle a third as energetic as the first two. The logistics of having three scared us, too. Once the kids are school age and all into activities, it’s constant running and managing schedules, from what I can see. Some people really thrive on that and love the go-go-go, but I know that’s not us. Logistics are already an issue; adding another kiddo would be a breaking point.
But there is that 5% that romanticizes having a bigger family and how much fun it would be, especially as the kids get older. My younger sister had her 3rd a few weeks ago, and surprisingly, I’ve been having Feelings about that … sort of mourning what won’t be.
That said, the kids are old enough now that I really wouldn’t want to start over. I’m happy with the family we have.
ANP says
This is the kind of thing where I don’t think there’s a wrong answer — just two different paths — if that helps you frame it up.
We have a third — mine are 8, 5, and 3. Life is crazy but so, so fun — they fight, but they also truly love each other and look out for their siblings. Our #3 has been an easy kid, too — she goes with the flow and comes along to the bigger kids’ sporting events and school activities. She thinks she’s older than she is because all of their friends know her and dote on her, which is pretty sweet.
It might also be useful to know that we purposefully downsized to a smaller house earlier this year. We had three kids in 3600 sqft and moved to 2600 sqft — and we don’t miss that big house one bit! So I wouldn’t sweat not having a huge house. Heck, we still have each kid in their own room and they have “sleepovers” most nights of the week.
Also, with our eldest being 8 already, it’s a reminder that the super-stressful baby/toddler years are fleeting. The eldest is pretty dang self-sufficient, and while your kids will always need you it evolves and they need you in different ways.
We both have big, crazy jobs but make it work with some babysitting help. There are tradeoffs in terms of time (i.e. each kid has to pick 1-2 extracurriculars, not 3+ apiece — which we wouldn’t do anyway!) and money, plus the world is made for groups of four (hotel rooms, restaurant reservations, sedans) — but those things have not been a big issue for us. Three kids feels just right for our family and keeps life interesting.
NYCer says
I have no thoughts on the original question, but it made me laugh that you said 2600 is a smaller house / downsize!! A 2600 square foot house/apartment in NYC would feel enormous! :)
Just different baselines depending on where you live….
Anonymous says
A 2600 sq foot house is enormous anywhere. It really shows the privilege on this site that people refer to a 2600 sq foot house as “small.” I grew up in the Midwest in a 900 sq foot home, and we currently have a 2700 foot house in a very suburban area, and our house is large even for this area.
Anonymous says
We went from 1 to 3. It was hard. We are both from families with 2 kids so we weren’t prepared for some of the challenges.
Pros – kids are so cute together, it actually made me want a 4th but DH is done
Cons – sheer chaos all the time – small things like a trip to the grocery store are harder – only two seats in the cart, this means other parent has to come or one kids stays home, because of this – less ‘breaks’ or ‘time off’ from parenting on the weekends.
– less help from family – my parents can manage any 2/3 but 3/3 is too much. This means we rely on paid sitters for date nights
– you need a minivan or larger suv – it’s hard to fit three across comfortably in most vehicles – especially once they are all in booster seats. Infant/rear facing actually allowed more combinations
– finances – vacations are more expensive because most hotels/packages are set up for 2 parents and 2 kids. Even many air BnBs have only two beds in the kids room; saving for college is also a challenge – at a minimum I would try to space them so you don’t have three in college at the same time.
Anonymous says
I think you get more financial aid if kids overlap in college though? My sister and I are 4 years apart and I remember my parents venting that the aid packages would have been so much better if we were twins or only 1 yr apart.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it would be likely to get enough financial aid to make that much of a difference but I could be wrong.
Unsure says
To the OP, thank you for posting this– I am you! I’ve been meaning to post this same question and can’t work up the guts to do it, mostly because I’m afraid of actually deciding. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. In theory I really want a third. I’m 34 and would want to do it soon. I love love love the idea of a bigger family especially when they are older. But the baby/toddler years have been really hard… the 1 year old still is not a great sleeper. The older one is easy now but was a very difficult baby. My point with that is I’d LOVE to have three in the end, but I’m not sure I can get through another Baby Year. But when I put it that way, it seems so short….
DH wants to stop now. I think he would have a third if I really really wanted to. But he’s clear that he’d like to be done. He’s 41. He says he doesn’t want to be going to high school football games (or whatever they’re into) when he’s in his 60s. And I get that! He’s an equal partner and does as much as I do to care for our kids, but I know he feels stretched and would want me to consider going part time if we had a third. I love my job but would actually like to be home a little more when the kids are school age. Like I’d love to be able to pick them up from school, do homework, make dinner, etc. So maybe I can pick up that slack if we had a third? DH travels about 20% of the time, and it’s kind of rough when he’s out of town, though much easier now than when the 2nd baby was new.
I’m rambling… but I greatly fear that when I’m 60, I will deeply regret the third baby I never had. I also greatly fear a third baby will put a strain on our marriage (we argue a lot during Baby Year, unfortunately). I would feel so bad if I convinced DH to have a third and then we were miserable. But if I don’t have a third, I might also be miserable. Sigh.
Anonymous says
I think for regret, it’s the same as any life choice. You make the best decisions you can and forgive yourself.
lsw says
We’ve been going around and around on this for a year. Our son is 2 and my SD is 12. He was a great baby, but is wild, high-energy, and spirited now (even for a toddler). My SD apparently had a terrible first year, with colic and crying nonstop. The idea of starting over is definitely scary. We’re both 38 so it’s something I want to figure out in the next year or so. I’m leaning more yes and he’s leaning more no. Both options sound both wrong and right!
Sarabeth says
I’m an academic. Where you are you in the tenure process? Is there any possibility of waiting until you get tenure? I have two and am untenured and don’t think I could maintain the pace of work I need for tenure while having a third. Not saying that would be true of you, but for me the stress of adding a third while not knowing if I am going to get tenure is part of what pushes me into the firm no category. We miiiight revisit the idea if/when I get tenure, but I’ll be at least 39 then, so probably not.
AwayEmily says
It depends on if I decide to go up…this is my third job (my DH is an academic too so it’s been a process of getting closer together). The soonest I could go up is probably two years from now but realistically it’ll be more like four (ie when I will be 41). Yeah, the tenure thing is really the biggest issue here.
AwayEmily says
Oops, that was me, the OP. there goes my anonymity!
GCA says
Oh no, you’re doing the semi-long-distance-commuting thing – that must be hell, I’m sorry! (Being the non-academic trailing spouse of an academic is a different but also special kind of hell, lol.)
LH says
GCA, I’m also a trailing spouse! I think we need a C-moms support group for academics and trailing spouses. It can be SO hard.
Anonymous says
Liklihood of twins increases with age as does the risk of autism if the dad is over 40. Depending on your/DH’s family history, those may be relevant factors to consider.
OP says
Yes, this is a serious consideration for us as well. Thank you for the reminder.
anon says
Mine are 5, 7 and 9. My youngest is a girl, and my older two are boys. I really really wanted a third, went off birth control for a month, decided that we were way too busy with two kids to try for a baby and that I was going to go back on birth control as soon as I got my period…that day…which never came. My younger two are almost exactly two years apart. (My husband wanted to try for a girl but I could probably have convinced him to stick with two.)
Life was really chaotic for about three years. Really, really chaotic. I found everything harder with three, especially getting some solo down time (it’s much harder for one parent to manage three than two, I feel like). Also, my third is relatively difficult (I suspect that she’s not actually that difficult, but compared to her brothers she is). One problem is that my boys are very close, and we basically treat them as a unit because they are always together/doing the same thing, and that leaves her out. Also, she is very social and wants someone to play with all the time, so that means it’s up to us to be with her most of the time. In my experience, kids tend to pair up, so with three, there’s always an odd one out (and it’s almost always her). Also, nothing is set up for families of 5. You need a bigger car, a bigger table at a restaurant, a bigger hotel room, an extra ticket, etc. etc.
Having said all of that, I do kind of wish we had a fourth (ideally a girl), because I think it would have helped if DD had her own playmate, but not enough to actually try for one.
Anon says
The “2 boys are a unit” thing is exactly why I recently changed my mind on sticking with 2 vs having 3 (husband is done at 2, also). I have 2 boys, 4 and 2, and they are super close and love each other like crazy and do everything together. This makes my life so much easier and having to manage an additional “set” of kids (even if it was a set of 1) would be hard.
Yes says
Same situation, , except we’re trying to decide if we should adopt a third child. We have two biological kids now and have always discussed adoption. I’m really pushing for it, husband thinks we are stretched too thin (not financially but in terms of time) to manage 3, particularly one who is adopted and might come with various physical/emotional issues. I think about it a lot though. Like, every day. I feel that we will really regret if we don’t, and that any short term chaos will pay off in the end when we look back at our happy, chaotic family.
Anonymous says
I’ll be the dissenter, but I wouldn’t have a third in your situation. This (“we both worry it will just put too much stress on our home/marriage”) is really important – your existing children and your marriage are far more important than any hypothetical future babies, and having happy, less stressed parents in a solid marriage will do a lot of good for your kids. (Not trying to shame anyone who’s been divorced – I realize it’s inevitable in certain situations, but it’s something I would do my best to try to avoid.)
OP says
This is useful advice and well-taken, thank you. And I think especially important to keep in mind for my husband…he is prone to anxiety.
Anonymous says
My husband is scheduling his procedure for next month. We’ve had lots of conversations about it, and where I’ve landed is that the long-term impact from him feeling stretched too thin (and me, too, I just believe it would be “worth it”) is more net negative for all of us than the long-term impact on me of feeling that maybe my family is not quite complete. Just putting that out there in case it’s a useful way for you to think about it.
Anonymous says
For what it’s worth, DH and I were a no… and then we got a surprise. (The supposed conception date matches no date of activity if that makes sense.) We are similar in age to you, had the same feelings you both do – we both love being parents, but sort of wanted our lives to be settled again – and our kids are about the same age as yours. When we first got the news, I cried. My husband had to take the day off work. Now I’m 6 months pregnant and we’re both really happy and looking forward to the new arrival.
Anonymous says
This is exactly my story but my best surprise ever (in hindsight of course!) is almost 3 years old. Big sibs are almost 8 & 10.
I’m also an academic although DH is a non-academic trailing spouse so much easier in that respect. I’m embarrassed (ashamed?) to admit that in the early days of finding out about #3 DH even suggested that we didn’t have to have it. That was a non-starter for me – and helped me to reframe the “accident” as an exciting surprise. For me, since the baby was conceived in love, with 2 parents who are decent parents to existing kids, with plenty of resources (with enough $ to buy time & help), and we had originally wanted 3, we couldn’t not see it as a blessing.
I was mid-way through my tenure process and honestly that was my #1 fear. I was terrified of telling my department. But eventually I had to and it’s been fantastic. I am in an institution that is very family-friendly. I got a ton of leave that I used as intended – to focus on my baby and my research. I was incredibly productive during that year and in a great place for tenure. I would say that if you are in a place that has a decent leave policy (like not teaching for 1-2 semesters) then you can’t find a better job to have child care.
Other things that helped are that this baby was by FAR the easiest one, and that the older siblings were older and able to help themselves. I love anon at 1:25’s comment – that’s been so much our experience.
I was 40 when #3 was born and DH almost 50, so I was also terrified of all the scary things that are scary about being pregnant older. But once we embraced the idea that we were going for it we just decided there was nothing we could do so we’d worry when we knew there was something to worry about.
DH is a substantially equal parent and was also not excited about being such an old dad, but again, nothing we can do about that, and honestly? I think having young kids keeps him (us) young too.
The other thing is the relationship issues. Having a baby is hard. I was terrified that 3 would push us over the edge. And yes, the 1st year was hard (sleep deprivation). But – and this is so cheesy – having this perfect little sweet baby whose cuteness we can obsess over together has brought us closer together in a way that the other 2 kids didn’t, just because we don’t have time to be worried about how to parent. We definitely have this confidence in parenting that we didn’t with #1 & 2 and in hindsight of course didn’t feel like we enjoyed the early years as much. We’re getting kind of a do-over with #3 and it is a blast.
Of course no one can tell you what is right for you, but I think sharing experiences is useful, and especially in academia, where having >2 kids is really unusual, I like to share positive stories. Good luck!
OP says
Thank you for these incredibly thoughtful replies. I really adore this community. I feel like any other place, I would just get a lot of black-and-white responses like “omg do it babies are great!” or “god no, it’s such a huge hassle to have three.” But here, you all took the time to write out your experiences and thought processes with nuance and kindness. You quite honestly brought up a lot of issues I hadn’t even considered, on both the pro and con side. We’re early on in the decision process but I feel, weirdly, happier about EITHER direction after reading all of these comments.
EB says
I put some white clothes in the washer with bleach yesterday and they came out with brown/yellowish splotches! I googled quickly and apparently it can happen with polyester. I had no idea. Any tips for saving them?
AwayEmily says
Don’t have firsthand experience but oxyclean is my solution to everything. maybe worth a try?
Anonymous says
Also — overnight soak in hot water / borax (or non-chlorine bleach).
Blocked tear duct says
My kiddo was born in June with a blocked tear duct. Ped said no big deal, should clear up by 6 months. Anyone deal with this? She’s 3.5 months and still as gunky as ever.
My other kids had their fair share of newborn issues-but not this :-).
To be 100% transparent, I’m trying to figure out when to book holiday photos and want to know if I wait it out if it’s likely to be cleared up by early Nov or if I should just do it in October, goobery eye or not. Fair yes, I can and do clean it, but it’s pretty constantly leaking.
Clementine says
Yeah, my kid had this. It cleared up around 4 months if I recall.
Best thing that cleared it out was to squirt some B milk in his eye and kind of massage it into the tear duct area. Blah blah hippie talk about enzymes and anti-bad stuff action blah blah. Whatever, it was easy and it worked.
IHeartBacon says
Yep. B-milk worked for us too.
anne-on says
FYI – My kiddo had this, it did not clear appropriately, and at 12-13 months (or so? it was a while ago) we had it cleared under anesthesia with a local ENT. The procedure was super quick, but just something to be aware of as a possibility as I recall being very ‘woe is us’ about being the like 3% of children who have to have surgery to have it resolve.
anon says
Like anne-on, my kid’s blocked tear duct didn’t clear up. Unlike hers, mine didn’t need surgery, just a prescription ointment. But in retrospect I wish we had pushed for the prescription sooner. It was scary for her to wake from naps with her eye stuck shut, and I hate hate hate seeing the gunk in photos from that time. :/
Anon says
Favorite comfy business casual shoes that got you through pregnancy?
Anonymous says
Don’t know if I’d call them “favorite” as much as “only and got the job done”, but I got some cheap ballet flats at Target.
Redux says
Clogs! As comfortable as sneakers, but conservative enough for work, and bonus: they slip on for when that belly gets big. I found them to be much more supportive than ballet flats, which were impossible for me at that stage. I even passed them on to a friend for her late pregnancy.
Annie says
Yes – these: https://www.payless.com/womens-dexflex-comfort-claire-scrunch-flat-shoe/70092.html?dwvar_70092_color=black#start=10&cgid=brands-premium-dexflex. So comfortable and so affordable to size up on when needed.
IHeartBacon says
Ditto to Dexflex from Payless. I was able to get a couple during their BOGO sale
Anonymous says
Cole Haan 1-2″ wedges.
I think the ones from the “outlet” are actually comfier.
KateMiddletown says
Dankso clogs in my previous career, but J Crew Cece flats, Cole Haan wedges, and in the last few weeks Birkenstocks under my desk (totally inappropriate but the only thing that my swollen feet could stand.)
Ranon says
Birks were the only thing I could stand. I wore them for the last 6 weeks every day. I kept nice shoes under my desk for the times when I had to present or have a meeting with someone who cared
Anonymous says
I have some Steve Madden flats that are unbelievably comfortable. They have a pointed toe so that it doesn’t make my legs look too chunky. If you can find some, nab them! I have been trying to find a replacement pair of my leopard print ones because they have carried me through 3 pregnancies!
Anonymous says
What are recommendations for fall jackets for preschool age kids? I feel like everything is either a sweatshirt or a winter coat. I’d like something for the 50 degree days. In the past we’ve done Columbia fleece and the Land’s End shearling-lined hoodie. I was really hoping to find something that’s better at blocking the wind this year. Recommendations?
Anonymous says
Maybe look for a softshell type jacket? Those tend to stand up to the wind better than regular fleece. I’ve found them at various places- the outdoors stores and even TJmaxx for a lesser name brand.
lsw says
I picked up a jersey-lined raincoat from Boden last year on sale and I’ve been happy with it as a fall jacket.
Anonymous says
We’ve had mostly hand me downs but I often end up using a cheap winter coat – we had a thin Champion puffer (from Target?) my son liked. There is also a 3 in 1 winter coat from The Children’s Place that has a fleece liner and a lightly insulated shell. The shell on its own would work for fall/spring. In a pinch I also use sweatshirt/fleece + raincoat to add a wind blocking layer.
GCA says
Uniqlo puffers are pretty lightweight – we use them for kiddo over a long-sleeved shirt when temps are in the 40s and 50s, and over t-shirt + hoodie when temps are in the 30s. A lined rain jacket over a long-sleeved shirt also works for 50-60 degree days, especially when they’re staying warm by running around.
anon says
The North Face thermoball is really good for this, albeit pricey. Lands End has a more reasonably priced option, too.
Wind is such a huge factor where I live, even more so than temperature. I am a fan of the Columbia fleece jackets, but they’re best for temps in the 50s-60s. My son has a Thermoball that’s awesome for 30s-50s.
ANP says
Yes! You are me and I just bought a round of fleece-lined LL Bean rain jackets for my three kids ages 8, 5, and 3. They are perfect for this use and – bonus! – are also waterproof.
Anon says
Gap has a jersey lined windbuster – my 2T wearing 1 year old was out yesterday in it in the wind and rain in 50 degree weather and it was perfect. Her other fall jacket is classic denim (also gap); I feel like you can’t go wrong with that, but it’s not wind or waterproof. I’ve been known to layer the windbuster on top of the denim if it’s really chilly.
Anon4this says
I’m very early in my pregnancy, so haven’t told work (senior associate BigLaw), and I have very few symptoms for which I am very grateful. I do however have one symptom that is making life at work pretty hard — insomnia. I’m awake most nights for 2-4 hours typically in the 2am-5am range. I am sooo tired. Everything is very foggy and its hard to concentrate. I can barely remember anything that happened in the morning let alone last week on any of my cases. I’m trying to go to bed early (9:30-10pm) but that is hard because it is busy and typically people would expect me to respond until at least 11pm and possibly later given how busy it is. I take a power nap in the early afternoon which helps. Any other suggestions? (I have my first doctor’s appointment later this week so I’ll raise it then).
Knope says
Obviously consult your doctor to confirm, but I was told the sleep aid Unisom was safe during pregnancy (and in fact some doctors prescribe unisom + b6 for nausea during pregnancy). As long as you allow yourself enough time to get rest (i.e., don’t take it if you will only be able to sleep less than 7 hrs), it’s a godsend.
Anon says
I tried the Unisom + b6 and ended up on Diclegis instead for nausea because the extended release didn’t make me so sleepy. The Unisom knocked me out cold for 12 hours straight every time I took it, and as I am also a biglaw senior associate, that didn’t work for me because at most I have 6-7 hours I can go without responding to email, but not 12, even if pregnant.
Pogo says
I took Unisom + B6 for nausea, and I think it helped sleep a little.
I made an “insomnia kit” in a spare bedroom with my headphones, a book or magazine, and a bottle of water. I would go in there when I couldn’t sleep and try to read or listen to music/white noise/meditation apps.
Anon4this says
Hmm, I could be unavailable for 12 hours at a time over the weekend (and maybe a couple nights during the week if folks new it was coming.) At least that way there would be some days I’m getting enough sleep. I was hoping to wait until 20 weeks to tell people ( mostly due to concerns about people refusing to staff me on cases) but I don’t think destroying my work reputation to achieve that goal is worth it. Also we’re busy enough that there are not viable alternatives to staffing me on matters, so that might help mitigate that risk.
Anonymous says
Be easy on yourself is my only suggestion. 1st trimester can be hard. 3rd trimester can be hard. Coming back to work after with an infant that wakes up a couple times a night can be hard. I stick post-it notes everywhere. Send myself a lot of emails. Ask people to remind me of things. And just ratchet down my expectations of myself. Motherhood has been a humbling experience for me, but one in which I’ve learned to love myself and prioritize my health.
Anonymous says
I started working in the wee hours when I couldn’t sleep anyway and then sleeping in and coming into the office later. So my typical schedule was bed at 9/10pm, awake at 2-4am, working, go back to sleep at 5/6am, in the office at 10am. I was completely incapable of working in the evenings after work during the first trimester (I would get home at 6/7pm and fall asleep on the couch immediately then wake up for dinner) so it sort of made up for that.
CCLA says
+1 to the split schedule. I did a lot of sleeping in, early evening naps, and working late-ish. Probably not doable to be offline until 10am if you’re mid-deal or mid-trial, but for the most part it worked well and I expect since you’re senior you have enough visibility into what’s happening on your matters to make a schedule like that work. I also drank 1-2 cups of coffee (or equivalent caffeine when the coffee aversion started), which helped. Unisom or dicelgis were both good for sleep and considered super safe.
Anonanonanon says
^This. I’m not in law, but I had a job that did NOT have scheduling flexibility. When I found myself awake from 2-5 am every night for about a month, I would get work done, draft emails, etc. Then I’d show up to the office on time and close my office door and just hit send on all the emails I’d drafted, and basically nap.
I let a lot more calls roll to voicemail during that time, because that gave me time to prep to answer peoples’ questions so I sounded more on top of things.
Too much drama! says
My 5-year-old daughter’s daycare recently started offering a drama class taught by an external provider. It’s not mandatory, but we signed her up for it as it seemed like it would be fun for her. Turns out she hates it – she told me that she doesn’t enjoy class at all, it’s just too hard and she’s not learning anything and she’s just too scared to perform. This is news to me – she has been in her daycare’s annual concert since she was 3, has had 2 ballet recitals with no sign of stage fright. Her teachers seem to think she’s doing fine, so I’m not sure what’s going on. She really wants me to get her out of class – every time we talk about it, she ends up traumatized and in tears, and it is just so heartbreaking. However, I am worried that this will set a bad precedent and she will just give up whenever things get hard. What would you do?
Anonymous says
Of course you take her out of it! How is this even a question?! This isn’t “giving up when things get hard”, it’s not forcing her to do an extracurricular that she hates!
Anonymous says
Take her out of the class. She’s a five year old not a Supreme Court case, you don’t need to worry about precedent setting.
avocado says
Did you sign her up for a “session” of a set number of classes, or for the entire year? If you signed her up for like 8 classes, I’d make her stick it out until the end of the session. If it’s for the whole year, I would tell her she needs to try it for a certain amount of time, maybe 4 more classes. If she still doesn’t like it, then she can be done.
Anonymous says
This seems really unfair to a 3 year old who didn’t request to sign up for the activity. I agree that if a 6 year old tells you they want to do dance and then decides they hate it, they need to finish the session the parents paid for so they learn the consequences of saying they want to do something. But 3 is awfully young to learn that kind of cause and effect and the mom chose the activity, not the kid. It seems cruel to make her continue just because the mom thinks she should enjoy it because she did ballet recitals in the past. She clearly hates it and doesn’t want to keep going, even though the mom thinks she “should” like it.
Sarabeth says
I think the kid is 5 now, but otherwise I agree.
Anonymous says
Ah misread the OP and didn’t realize her daughter was 5. I still think you should let a kid quit something you signed them up for without them asking to do it.
Anonanonanon says
I think “cruel” is a really strong word for avocado’s suggestion! Maybe this is a “know your kid”-type thing, because I agree with avocado’s suggestion.
SC says
If you haven’t already, I would explore with your daughter and teacher whether there’s a particular aspect that she hates, or if it’s the whole class. My 3-year-old will have a great time in an activity but only tell us about the one thing at the end that made him sad (sometimes it’s having to stop the activity). If there’s only one part of the class that she hates, I would ask the teacher if she could skip participating in that part and just watch, if your daughter thinks she would enjoy the class with that accommodation.
If it’s the whole class, I’d let her quit. It sounds like she’s been to several classes and is really upset about it. I wouldn’t worry about the precedent around quitting “when things get hard.” It’s not like this is an activity she loves but it’s too hard. She doesn’t like it. The more important precedents are (1) she has parents who will listen to her and support her when something makes her upset, and (2) she tried a new activity and found out it’s not for her and was able to recognize and express that.
Anonymous says
My 7 month old recently dropped to 1 nap – I think she gets enough total sleep (14-15 hours total usually) but it seems so early to be only taking one nap! Anyone else’s kiddo do this?
Pogo says
I would keep trying and see if it’s just a phase. My 14mo started refusing his morning nap randomly in like the 10-11 month window, but we kept up. He refuses it more frequently now, but not enough for me to say he’s truly “dropped” it.
What does daycare think about it? Mine still enforces “morning quiet time” regardless of whether anybody naps. I would think in the infant room they would still do that, and it will give LO a chance to go back to the morning nap if she’s really not ready to drop it yet.
Anonymous says
Not in daycare, she’s home with a nanny. She normally sleeps 8 to 8 or even 9 (always a been a night owl). Then she’ll go down for a nap 2-3 hours after waking up and normally naps for about 2 hours, but she’s normally up for the day by 1-2 pm. We can sometimes get her to take a catnap around 5-6 pm, but that interferes with her 8 pm bedtime, so we’ve just started putting her down more like 7 on the days she seems sleepy and that seems to be working fine – she slept 7-9 last night!
Anonymous says
If the total hours of sleep are about right and she’s happy and doing well, I’d let it go. If you really want 2 naps I would try waking her up earlier in the morning, like by 7, and then eventually putting her to bed earlier. Or cut the first nap shorter – wake up after 1 hour – so she’ll be able to take a second nap. My son would default to a long morning nap, and that sometimes caused problems with his afternoon nap. But it seems like it ain’t broke. When she starts being more mobile – if she isn’t already crawling – she may get more physically tired, and she may need more frequent naps.
Pogo says
Sounds like she has a slightly untraditional schedule and it’s working and total hours of sleep are fine, so I wouldn’t worry. You could still do a ‘quiet hour’ from 4-5 but you’re right, you don’t want her sleeping past 5.
Anon. says
This was my kid. I’m not sure when we dropped the second nap at daycare but it was a very long time ago. (He’s 14 months old now). We were able to force a second (very short) nap on weekends for quite a while longer, but it has become clear that is gone now as well.
CCLA says
My DD dropped to one nap most days around 8 months. They reported at daycare that once in awhile in the morning, she would lie down on a little mat in the corner and cat nap for 20-30 minutes, so she had the option if she needed it before the midday nap (most kids in that room were 12+ mos so she was the outlier). Weekends we were often out running in the morning so she’d frequently doze off for a bit in the stroller, but many days she was just doing one 2-2.5 hour nap midday. It was great and predictable and didn’t seem to affect her overall sleep in any negative way, and I’d absolutely prefer a predictably longer midday nap than a second short one. She slept 12 hours at night and that was still within the total recommended sleep by age (link to follow with those recommendations).
CCLA says
Total hours of sleep recs by age: https://www.sleepfoundation.org/press-release/national-sleep-foundation-recommends-new-sleep-times/page/0/1
Anonymous says
Hi all, embarking upon a 4 month maternity leave for my second kid and can already feel my brain going a little crazy (spending too long thinking about perceived slights from people, getting obsessed with my calendar, spending a lot of time organizing and reorganizing the house, etc). Other than binge-watching shows and reading, did any of you do any projects to keep yourself sane during maternity leave? I don’t want to go back early, but I also don’t want to drive myself and my husband crazy. I’m going to try to make myself get out of the house more for lunches and museum trips when I’m fully recovered, but I’m not there yet.
Pogo says
I definitely did not do any projects. I totally unplugged. Once you feel up to it, I recommend stroller walks and trips to the coffee shop. I mostly worked on our family to-do list (dealing with insurance, calling vendors for home repairs/improvement stuff, online shopping for things we needed, writing thank you notes for baby gifts, planning trips, getting the car inspected – that kind of thing) if I wanted to be productive.
Spirograph says
This. I read a lot of books and binged watched TV series, took long walks, and caught up on home maintenance.
One thing I wish I’d done was make photo albums. Alas, still have boxes of photos everywhere, and now my kids are old enough that they’ll grab and disorganize them if I ever try to do that when they’re awake, so they’ll probably keep accumulating in boxes for a few more years.
Knope says
I got REALLY into cooking/baking during maternity leave. I’ve always been a decent cook but I had a limited repertoire of go-to recipes. I used the time to explore new recipes, bookmark a ton of things on Pinterest, and practice my technique. It’s been very helpful now that my LO is eating solid food too!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m going to be there soon – I hear you on feeling stir crazy. I felt like my first leave was both physically exhausting and mentally boring, and I was dealing with looking for a new job then, so I imagine I will have even less to do this time (beyond caring for a baby of course). So far, my only plans are to binge watch lots of Netflix and get out of the house while the weather is still reasonable.
If you are into this, could you get a head start on your family photo album? It always takes us a while to put together in December, so maybe you can have some extra time this year to spend on it. Along the same lines, maybe you could plan a family photo session that could double as holiday photos.
With the holidays coming up, it might be nice to plan to get out of the house and see the festivities around town during the week when it’s hopefully less hectic than on the weekends when everyone goes, once you feel up to it.
Anonymous says
Get involved with a mom’s group and spend time with the other moms!
GCA says
Hi and congratulations! First, take advantage of those super sleepy newborn days and catch up on all your shows :) My list of stuff to do on maternity leave includes:
– Administrative tasks such as setting baby up with a savings account, a 529, and a passport
– Postnatal (‘babies welcome’) yoga classes once a week and/ or postpartum PT (the goal is to regain core stability to be able to run again – currently at 7 weeks pp I’m starting to walk/run)
– Lunch dates with husband
– Cooking projects: Harvesting grapes and making grape jam; going apple picking and making applesauce/ apple pie (with older kid help as a way to spend some quality time with him)
– Getting out to local moms-group meetups
– Reading fiction that actually requires sustained focus (Gravity’s Rainbow, book in another language)
I’m also not opposed to leaving baby and bottle with husband for an hour or two and dashing out to coffee or talks with contacts, because my brain is also going a little stir-crazy.
LH says
Reading these comments makes me feel like such a blob. I did nothing on mat leave except sleep, read and watch TV. And I had a good sleeper and no older kids at home.
Anon says
Same here. Granted I had twins, but I was SOOO tired all the time, barely left the house and barely had enough energy to make a sandwich let alone cook or bake or something like that and barely had enough energy to catch up on a tv show/follow a plot.
GCA says
Oh gosh – rereading my comment above makes it sound super ambitious, when really it’s more like ‘here is a list of things I’d like to do. Baby is sleeping, what can I do in the next 5 minutes?’ Every morning my to-do list starts with ‘take vitamins’ and ‘finish cup of coffee’ so I can feel slightly more accomplished by checking them off. Also, my first was a terrible sleeper whereas kid 2…I put her in the bouncy seat for 2 minutes to microwave my lunch and she dozed off again for the 3rd time today.
EB says
I tried to get out of the house at least once per day for something – coffee with a friend, groceries, take baby on a walk, etc. I did a little networking while I was out – went to some events that were already on my calendar. I also undertook to scan and organize all of our receipts and files, but actually did not finish the project. I kept busy until about 3 months, and then I was ready to go back to work! I see you mentioned you aren’t recovered enough to get out of the house much, but I really think that was the key for me keeping busy. Can you get out a little bit at least? It really added some structure to my day to go out because there was so much preparation involved!
SC says
After I was cleared for exercise, around 6 weeks, I started taking Baby to a mommy-and-me yoga class, which I really enjoyed. After I went back to work, I kept going on Saturdays. I often combined yoga with a visit with family who lived nearby and picking up quiche for dinner from a nearby bakery.
Mostly, I remember that I fed the baby. He was a preemie, so I had to nurse, bottle feed, then pump every session for a while. By the time that was over, it was almost time to start nursing again. I watched tv shows or read while I pumped, but I didn’t have time or energy to do much else.
lawsuited says
Woah, I did not do any projects. Once I had a handle on day-to-day childcare tasks, I spent my free time socializing more than a usually have time for and homemaking more than I usually have time for (baking, cooking more interesting meals, organizing the garage, etc.) I think being able to be more spontaneous (“the baby is sleeping so long today – maybe I’ll make banana bread”) made me feel great about getting a little more done than usual on the days I was able to do that. I think having a project hanging over my head during that time which I may or may not have completed would have made me feel worse rather than better.
DLC says
Things I did that helped my sanity:
– post natal yoga classes
– volunteered at the local diaper bank
– mom’s group at my local hospital
– read
– took up watercolor painting, mostly thank you cards
– lots of walks and hikes
Anonymous says
I’ve been melting down lately and seriously wondering if I have depression. In-house at a company that has been going through a lot of reorganization. My boss quit last month due to work stress, so I have a new boss. Of the team that I work with day to day (6 people), 3 of them are going to be gone next month due to one of our major offices closing – part of the reorganization. One of the positions is not going to be backfilled, one has been backfilled locally, and one is a question mark. Of the team I support, half of those people have left out of fear of being reorganized. I’m currently pregnant with my third child, and have a 2 and a half year old and one year old at home. I make a little more than double what my husband makes and his income is irregular. This lead to a giant sobfest this weekend and waking up at 4am every night the past week with anxiety. I thought that perhaps I am just stressed by the situation at hand, but my meltdown this weekend surprised me at how intense and debilitating it was. I will definitely talk to my doctor at my visit this week. Thoughts and advice?
Rainbow Hair says
Hugs. You can be experiencing legitimately stressful situations (you ARE experiencing one) but still not like the way you’re reacting, or feel like your reactions aren’t helpful/healthy.
Do you see a therapist? I know from experience how hard *adding* something to your schedule can feel, but if you can talk to someone good who will give you strategies to deal with the feelings swirling around all this stuff, it’ll really help.
<3 you've got this.
Anonymous says
I went through something similar, but pre-kids. Now that I’ve been pregnant and have kids I can only imagine the added layer of stress that would add. Like you, I began having sobbing meltdowns with increasing frequency (especially in the car on the way to work), looking at my phone and work laptop gave me heart palpitations, and I couldn’t sleep at night so could usually be found standing in the shower crying at 2am. After a massive meltdown (I broke much of the contents of my kitchen) one night, I went to see my doctor. I was diagnosed with acute adjustment disorder and episodic depression. I started attending counselling twice a week, taking a prescription sleeping medication, and things improved for me pretty quickly. The counselling helped me focus on the parts of my life that were most important (like your precious children), and the sleeping medication helped me have enough energy and resources to withstand the stress during the day. Things only really improved once I left that organization, which will be difficult for you given that you’re pregnant, but until that happened I focused on my job being a (much-needed) paycheque and that no one was paying me for the extra stress I was feeling, and changing my perspective really did help.
anon says
It is definitely possible for an awful work situation to spiral into depression. It happened to me a year ago, after enduring 2 years of stressful transitions and insufficient staffing, which put additional pressure on me. I was crying regularly and having panic attacks in the middle of the night. Medication and counseling helped. I’m through the worst of it now, but I’m much more aware of how toxic work stress can be. Definitely treat the depression, but do consider whether staying in this job is the right choice for you. It might be, given maternity leave benefits. I made the choice to stay at my job for a few years longer, but I’ve had to work hard to disengage from the chaos and not let the job affect my mental health. Which is sort of exhausting, frankly, and I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it.
Good luck. You are shouldering a lot and deserve to feel good.
Anon says
What is your bedroom routine with a baby and a toddler? My toddler is almost 4, gets home from daycare, and pushing his bedtime until really late – 9:30 or 10 PM (mainly because he still takes a nap at daycare, we think). Baby is almost 1 month. I’m curious to hear what works for other people… Do both still get a bath? How do you get dinner in?
Anonymous says
2 and a half year old and 1 year old. We have dinner as soon as I pick up from daycare around 6pm. They both get a bath around 8 or 8:30. Baby goes down between 8:30 or 9 and sleeps through the night. Toddler stays up like a junior teenager until about 11 and goes to bed at the same time as the adults. I hear about a lot of families that have a single bedtime for everyone around 8 and I’m totally jealous. Hoping that once the little one gets older, we can get them all down at once.
Anon says
Mine are 3 and 1. I solo parent in the evenings almost 50% of the time.
We eat dinner shortly after 5 once I get home. After dinner, we play or go for a walk. 6:30ish we start an evening snack and/or milk, 6:45ish is bath for both at the same time. Around 7:15, my 3YO is watching a show while I read and put my 1 YO down. He’s usually down by 7:30 and then it’s the 3YOs turn for books and bed. Everyone is in bed by 8PM. All times subject to change within about 15 minutes.
I’d love to cut the TV time out but I don’t know how to otherwise occupy him and keep him from interrupting the baby’s routine.
Sarabeth says
At that age, my baby never got a bath, and the toddler got a bath 2-3 times/week. Dinner was ready by the time toddler got home – I cooked in spurts through the day when on maternity leave, and my husband cooked while I picked kids up from daycare after I went back to work. If that didn’t happen, we got delivery.
Doing bedtime with both of them along was basically impossible until sleep training happened at 5 months. If I really had to do it, I put the baby in a wrap while doing toddler’s bedtime, and prayed that the baby would sleep. But I tried very very hard to avoid it, including getting a babysitter to come in and help if my husband had to work late.
Redux says
My kids are 1.5 and 4.5. Kids and DH get home around 5:30. DH makes dinner while kids play/whine/destroy the house. I get home at 6:30. We eat dinner. Both kids get a bath together at 7. We read one book together, then the 1.5 yo goes to bed at 7:30. The 4.5 yo gets another book or two then is in bed at 8.
It’s pretty condensed, but we all thrive on routine and I find I really need that post-bedtime time to clean up and wind down. I don’t know how people handle parenting all the way til 10pm.
Anonanonanon says
baby and elementary-schooler in my house.
Both get a bath (or shower) every night. Baby gets fed while older one is eating so I can talk to him about his day. Then baby gets a bath while older one puts away his plate etc. from dinner, picks out his clothes for school the next day, goes through his backpack to make sure there weren’t any forms I need to see, gathers his supplies if he has practice the next day. Then, older kid takes a shower while I diaper, PJ, and feed baby. Older one plays in the shower for a long time and this is VERY helpful. Baby goes down about 7:30, elementary-schooler goes down at 8.
I’m with Redux, I can’t imagine parenting past 8 pm. I’m DONE then.
Anon says
Due to scheduling I end up having a month off of work before our baby is due and am making a list of things to accomplish that month that will make our life easier for those first few months newborn chaos:
1) Replacing our duvet/shams with the ones we have that require either drycleaning or careful washing/airdrying with ones that can go both in the washer/dryer so if the baby spits up on the bed its not an end of the world thing.
2) Sharpening all our knives
3) Finally making a wedding photo album (3 years later…)
4) Having someone come in and help me organize closets/kitchen drawers and donate all things that are extra
5) Hire someone to deep clean our place because I will be too big to want to do that
6) Plan everything about the birth announcement and gather all the addresses so all I have to do is input the picture and name and press order
7) Stock the freezer with food
Anything else I should do?
Anonymous says
No advice, but I’m super jealous! I’m 7 months pregnant and would love a month off to get ready for this baby. Your list looks great.
Aly says
Go to a movie solo during the day! Enjoy.
Anon says
I am so envious! I worked up until the day before my induction, and looking back, I’m like, “Why?!”.
Don’t forget to take some time for yourself, too. The biggest thing I miss about pre-baby life was my virtually uninterrupted stretches of “me time”. Go to all of the movies, enjoy leisurely brunches, read a good book in one sitting.
I would also stock up on household essentials (toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc.). I did a massive Target/Amazon order with 2-3 months worth of those items right before I gave birth and it was so nice to have to think about whether or not we needed paper towels again in that initial sleep-deprived haze. I also ordered and wrapped all birthday/Christmas gifts that fell within those first 90 days of my due date, just to take things off of my plate.
Also, if you’re not already, read some baby sleep books. I was NOT PREPARED for how bad the sleep deprivation was going to be and trying to learn about baby sleep while already sleep deprived was rough. Having consumed most baby sleep resources by this point, I like Taking Cara Babies and Precious Little Sleep the best.
anon says
+1 Read the sleep books! I also really liked Precious Little Sleep. I was like, la la la, if baby won’t sleep well, I’ll figure it out then. News flash: almost all babies are horrible at sleeping.
Anonanonanon says
A few things that have made my life easier with a newborn:
-Investigate the grocery delivery services in your area, and go ahead and choose one
-Investigate clothing rental options (I tried both ann taylor infinite style and rent the runway unlimited.) Having clothes that fit my changing body and that I didn’t have to launder was super helpful. Having a new outfit to wear to meet a work friend at lunch, for example, would really boost my spirits.
-Look in to tv shows/books you want to consume while you’re home with baby. I had the energy to watch shows and read with a newborn, but not to research new books or shows
-stock up on trash bags, paper towels, toilet paper, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, etc. Minimizing those “oh sh**” moments that cause you to have to run out to the store is crucial.
DLC says
I second the idea of self care- get out into nature and enjoy the fall.
Also like to add:
– date nights with partner or friends
– start interviewing sitters, so date/ladies night can continue after baby
– install the car seat
Anonymous says
Ooooh I love your post because I love lists and love planning. You’re really lucky to get this time off to get ready! As a mom of two, here’s what I would have put on my list:
– make a home management binder with everyone’s insurance information at the ready and benefits contact information. Hospital and doctor bills are about to rain into your mailbox.
– second stocking the freezer, and also stock up on supplies like toilet paper, paper towel and other household supplies
– get shelving and closet organizers installed – those pull-out pantry organizers or closet systems are a dream. I had my closet done with the knockoff version of California Closets and the difference between organization in my husband’s closet and mine is night and day. We’re about to do his now too.
– make a little nook for you and baby – stocked with water, snacks, pillows, burp cloth, a lamp, tv remote or book
– get your hair done with an easy cut and/or color that will tide you over for a couple months
– SLEEP :-) Enjoy!
Mrs. Jones says
I can’t tell when your baby is due, but I’d add buy/wrap holiday gifts, if it’s around that time. Your list is great!
First time mom says
Going to be a first time mom…and I don’t know “when” I should be doing any of this stuff:
When does one get a pediatrician for a baby? Before the baby is born right?
When does one book newborn photos?
If you have childcare taken are of for the first 10 months. When would you look for daycares?
Do anything else I could be forgetting.
Anonymous says
1. I don’t think you have to have a ped in advance, but most people do. You might get randomly assigned one at the hospital if you don’t have one selected. We met with a grand total of two pediatricians, didn’t get a good vibe from the first and really liked the second so we went with her. It wasn’t some intensive interview process like some people describe. These meetings lasted 15 minutes and were very informal. Fwiw, I didn’t think of this in advance but I’m happy we ended up with a woman because she helped me a ton with breastfeeding in the beginning (waaay more than any lactation consultant) and I’m not sure a male pediatrician would have been as eager to get up close and personal with my boobs.
2. We never did newborn photos – I wasn’t keen to be photographed at that stage. But I’m a decent amateur photographer and took lots of photos of our newborn daughter with a DSLR. We did family photos when our daughter was 3 months. But if you want them, I think 10-14 days post birth is the normal time. You book them well in advance (I’d say be second trimester if you want a popular photographer) and the photographer will be “on call” and then schedule the exact date and time once you deliver.
3. We were in a very similar boat. I’d say you should still get on at least one or two waitlists, but tell them your preferred start date. Daycare lists are crazy in my area though, and we got on some lists in summer 2017 and they won’t have a spot for us in until summer 2019.
CCLA says
Pedi – I think we did ours around 8 mos preg? Definitely line up before baby is born.
We didn’t do photos, not sure on that one.
I’d look at childcare now, esp if you’re in a competitive area and you don’t expect to be moving between now and when you need care. The shortest waitlist I found in LA for a place that had hours to reasonably accommodate two working parents was 6 months.
Other stuff…if you don’t have family nearby, I recommend locating contact info for a sitter or nanny agency in case the need arises. Purge your house to get rid of clutter – baby will likely result in so much extra stuff so it’s nice to start from a cleaner slate. Enjoy time with spouse on weekend trips, nights out, etc.
Anon says
You interview pediatricians and choose one before baby is born, because they come to the hospital to check on baby after the birth. My OB gave me a list of her recommendations for pediatricians when I was around the 5-6 month mark, so that gave me plenty of time to look them up, interview, check insurance, and choose. I also booked our newborn photos pretty early out (maybe 5-ish months pregnant?), but that’s only because I was having a December baby and photographers were booking up because of the holidays. You could probably get away with doing it later, though.
I can’t comment on childcare because we use family for ours, though I do know that it’s probably better to start sooner because a lot of places have waiting lists.
Anonymous says
It’s going to vary based on your area and requirements:
1. Pediatricians – I was told at the hospital tour to interview about a month before the baby was born. I called some offices and they found this really weird. All hospitals in our area have staff pediatricians and almost no pediatricians come to the hospital, you go to them for your first visit post hospital release. We have a lot of pediatricians in my area, so it was no issue to wait until baby was born, and then book the first visit.
2. Newborn photos – will depend on the schedule of the photographer you want. The best baby photographer in our area you need to book about 6 months in advance. Others you could book a month before the baby was born, or even right after. The magic window for snuggly newborn photos is in the first week… yes, this surprised me too. I missed the window with my first and pictures are nice, but not the same as those ones you see all over Pinterest. It was way easier to find a pediatrician than it was to find a newborn photographer.
3. Daycare – will also vary on your area. With my first, there were only two reputable daycares in the area, and only one spot left at one of them, the other was waitlist only. I didn’t start looking until a month before I went back to work. Now 6 new daycares have opened up by me, and there are spots available everywhere. In the hipper parts of town where some of my friends live, the waitlist is long and you should go on it as soon as possible.
Pogo says
Conversely, our ped office does round at the hospital they are affiliated with, which was not where I gave birth. So the ped on call took care of my son at the hospital and then transferred his files (or not – I remember despite asking about this a million times that they didn’t have some of his bloodwork and it had to be redone… in any case, we all survived).
But if I’d given birth at the affiliated hospital, my ped practice would have sent whoever was on call that day at the hospital to round on my son. A GCA says below, it’s more about picking the practice than the provider as you’ll likely see so many in the first weeks and months with illnesses etc.
Anonymous says
Hmm, not sure I agree that it’s about picking the practice more than the provider. My daughter is 13 months – I think we’ve seen her official doctor seven times and two different doctors once each (one illness, once when the regular doctor’s schedule wasn’t convenient for a well visit). Obviously we’re not going to see our doctor *every* time but we see her a lot more than any other doctor in the practice and I’m glad she’s someone I like and trust.
GCA says
You can line up a pediatrician before baby arrives, but we just had the on-duty ped at the hospital for the baby, and then we had so many dr visits for jaundice in the weeks after we got home that we saw every single pedi in our practice. (We did pick the practice ahead of time, obviously.)
Even if you already have childcare for the better part of a year, I’d say start checking out daycares now. Depends on your area, but daycare waitlists are crazy around here!
Anon says
I called my family practice to confirm that the office’s pediatrician was accepting new patients about 2 months before my due date. Was told yes, just call once she is born (from the hospital) and we’ll get you in for the 1-3 day visit. My doctor’s office doesn’t do hospital visits, so we just saw the on-call peds at the hospital when we were there. It wasn’t a big deal. FWIW, I love, love, love having a family practice where all of us are patients. Makes it so much easier to coordinate care and I feel like the doctors actually get to know us as a family.
I was not planning on doing newborn photos, but when the hospital offered to send up a photographer before we left (with a $99 digital album package as one of the options), I said yes and I’m so glad I did. Caveat that I absolutely did not want to be in her newborn photos, so it didn’t much matter that I was still in a gown. So, depending on how particular you are about photos (and whether you want to be in them), that may work for you too.
lawsuited says
I found a daycare when I was 6 months pregnant (LO started daycare at 9 months), found a paediatrician when I was 7 months pregnant, and booked newborn photos when I was 8 months pregnant (we scheduled it for 10 days after my due date). Setting up the nursery was a work in progress that started when I was 6 months pregnant and ended when LO was 3 months old.
Pogo says
For photos – I booked the photog super early (by 6month preg?) but we were flexible on the exact dates because of course we didn’t know when baby would be born. After baby was born I emailed her and we figured out a time that worked. I really love our newborn photos! I can’t believe LO was ever that tiny and squishy.
Ranon says
I have a spreadsheet that helped me. It is organized week by week. Ill send it to you if you would like.
jobefam613 at google mail
Anonymous says
My experience with pediatricians has been a little different. I called the office where I want to take our daughter when she’s born and was told to just call back when we’re being discharged from the hospital.
I scheduled newborn photos toward the beginning of my third trimester. I am using the same photographer who did our wedding and she is a little off the beaten track, so maybe that made my scheduling easier.
Child care in my area is a total mess. I would definitely get on a waitlist now, but that’s based on the craziness of my area (Cap Hill DC).
Other things you should do earlier than you might think:
-book child birth/child care classes if you’re interested in them. I waited too late for this and now am taking these classes at 36/37 weeks pregnant, which is later than I would have preferred.
-research/tour the hospital where you think you want to give birth. I wish I would have toured more than one before I felt I was too late in my pregnancy to switch doctors.
-look into what steps you have to take with your insurance to get a free breast pump. I had to jump through some hoops.
Anonymous says
I have my first appointment with an RE on Friday. Can anyone tell me what to expect? Does the doctor do an ultrasound or any testing or is it just a chat? FWIW, I’m in D.C. and seeing the GW fertility center.
Anon says
My first appt (in DC, but not at GW) was just a medical history, chat, and coming up with a treatment plan. However, I already had some preliminary bloodwork done at my primary care doc’s office before I arrived, so if you don’t have that already they might do a blood draw on the first visit.
Pogo says
+1 They get your full history and review any results you already have from your primary and then you go from there. They usually monitor you for one cycle to check your levels, including at least one ultrasound to look at follicle count etc, and then you do the hysteroscopy and that fun stuff to make sure you’re anatomically OK. After that you have another visit where you come up with a plan based on your test results.
good luck!
Anonymous says
Totally depends! I had a trans vag ultrasound and they drew tons of blood.
Anonymous says
Did this not too long ago at GW. It was just a chat. Both my husband and I left with orders for tests. Once all the tests are done, there will be a follow up visit to review the results. Tests can be done at GW’s lab or at various LabCorp locations, aside from the HSG, which is done at one of two radiology centers. If you are at the right time of the month, you could probably do testing same day. Blood tests are cycle day 2, 3, or 4 and HSG is cycle day 6 to 11 (I think, may be off on this one). There is also an ultrasound, but I can’t remember the timing on that one.
EB0220 says
Does anyone have a bed with storage underneath that they really like? Anything I should be thinking of outside of Ikea? Looking for something for my guest bedroom (queen), kids rooms (twin) or both!
Anon says
We have the Malm storage bed from ikea that lifts up and the whole space underneath is storage. Its AMAZING. We don’t have a ton of space and this is adds basically another closet to the room. Suitcases, out of season clothes, extra bedding, rarely used craft supplies, sleeping bags etc all live under there.
EB0220 says
Thank you! I didn’t realize that there is a version of the Malm that lifts up until you mentioned it! It’s not very clear on the product listing.
Anon says
I love the flexibility it gives because with drawers you need to be able to get it to fit in that drawer, or have space to pull the drawers between the bed and the wall. This bed you don’t have to have any more footprint for drawers to pull out or be worried about rugs getting in the way and it fits sooo much stuff. I would go check it in out in the store to see if you like how it opens but I have been really happy with it. I honestly have no idea what we would do in our tiny apartment without it.
SC says
We have the Pottery Barn Stratton storage platform bed. We bought it 10 years ago, and it still seems new–there’s a little wear and tear on the baskets, but less than I’d expect, considering the drawers have been used daily since we bought it. The platform comes apart into 3 pieces, so it’s very easy to take apart, move, and put back together. Definitely worth the $$.
EB0220 says
Ooo that looks lovely. Thank you!
Anon says
We have a standard “twin storage platform bed” with three drawers underneath for both of our (young) kids. I can’t remember but pretty sure we bought it from a place like Target or Home Depot.
It’s been great! At first I wasn’t sure what to put there, but since they share a room and closet space was at a premium, we ended up doing:
Drawer 1 – daycare/school shirts
Drawer 2 – daycare/school shorts/pants
Drawer 3 with a divider – half underwear and socks, half pajamas
We switch those out each season, but they can dress themselves with whatever is in the drawers. We keep fancier clothes or off-season clothes in the closet. Not having a dresser in their room means we actually have room for a bookshelf headboard for each bed, where they can keep their favorite books and trinkets. We also keep small storage ottomans at the foot of their beds for special toys.
We anticipate we will move to a bigger house in the next few years, and hope to be able to give them their own rooms. We like this setup so much we’ll likely keep it and just add a desk for homework. Dressers take up so much space!!!
Anonymous says
We have an IKEA Mandal one and like it just fine.
BC says
I got two twin beds at a wood furniture store in my area that isn’t affiliated with any particular brand– it was way more affordable than the kids furniture stores and I didn’t need to assemble them. The ones with the drawers underneath are called captains beds. I called ahead of time to ask if they had any before I wasted time going to look.
Anonymous says
This is great mascara! Really does’t smudge! Really.