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I saw this top a while back at Zara and almost bought it, but I hesitated. I recently saw a photo of a friend wearing it and looking great, which is making me reconsider. I really like the combination of the flowy cut and tailored aspect of the bows on the sleeves. I also like that the piping outlines the neckline and the bows and that the line down the middle connects it all. (While in the store, I saw that it also comes in navy blue with white piping, but I can’t find it on the website.) The top is $39.90 and comes in sizes XS–XL. Top with Contrasting Bows Calvin Klein has an option in plus sizes, which Zappos currently has in 0X and 2X and Last Call has in 2X and 3X. (It isn’t labeled as machine washable, unfortunately, but it’s not dry clean only, either.) Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Native Jefferson shoes says
Has anyone tried the Native Jefferson shoes for their kid as water shoes/beach shoes? I want a water shoe that is a bit more transitional that the scuba version so they can be worn for walking as well. I’m worried that they’ll rub my kid’s feet raw.
EB0220 says
My sister’s kids (1 and 3) wear them frequently. They’re super cute and seem comfortable, but I haven’t gotten her full opinion.
Anon in NYC says
My kid has them and wearing them without socks gave her a blister. But, other kids in her preschool wear them without socks and have no problems. This is definitely specific to your kid.
anon says
We used them for two summers and really liked them. They were kiddo’s everyday shoes and she had zero issues with rubbing or blisters.
lsw says
Same. I did think they ran a bit small compared to some other shoes so I would size up. They are great for the splash park etc.
anon says
And best of all, kiddo could actually put them on by herself. Not the case for the Keens we bought this year, even though I love how well they’re holding up to the wear-and-tear of daycare.
lala says
We tried them on when looking for summer shoes and my kid did not like them. When he walked in them he said “my feet are slipping too much’. He also could not get them on by himself, which I did not like. We ended up going with the Plae sandals with a closed toe, and have really liked them.
SC says
My 3-year-old has a pair and really likes them, but they’re also his favorite color, so it’s hard to tell if they’re comfortable. They’re the only shoes he has that he can get on by himself, so that’s a plus. We’ve only had them a few weeks, and he hasn’t worn them walking/playing all day, so I don’t know if they’d give him blisters with long wear, but so far, so good.
JTX says
My kid does not like them, but he is VERY particular about what shoes he will wear. He does like the Crocs Swiftwater shoe, though, which is made of a soft neoprene material and has a reinforced rubber toe.
KateMiddletown says
Nursery decor/safety question: I’m 31 weeks and at the very beginning stages of setting up the nursery (hello 2nd child), and we have a fairly old crib (still within safety standards, thanks.) The plastic rail guards have become yellowed with time so I want to hide/change that – I was planning to purchase new plastic ones but apparently there’s a whole world of crib bedding options I haven’t considered. Are these fabric crib rail guards safe? Is there any problem with getting one from Et$y that matches our decor, or could we have my MIL make one?
FWIW we’re keeping decor simple, mostly white and blue gingham. Purchasing a few new sheets (Burts Bees look amazing) but will keep the old ones since who even cares when you just want something clean on the bed.
lawsuited says
I think padded crib bumpers are considered a suffocation hazard. I know moms that use them because of the cute designs, but we ended up using the breathable mesh ones instead because that was more our comfort level.
Anonymous says
She’s talking about rail guards (top of the crib rails), not bumpers (around the bottom interior of the crib rails.
I don’t know the answer to your question, OP. Seems like something at the top of the crib wouldn’t be a hazard to a young infant unless it comes untied/falls into the crib. But who knows.
Anonymous says
My doctor said no bumpers or rail guards. Rail guards are really more to protect the crib from baby’s teeth not to protect the baby and she said it’s better for the crib to get chewed on and for the baby to be completely safe.
Mommy Wine Culture says
Does this bother anyone else? Does it seem to be escalating, or am I just noticing it more? I watched some video the other night that was talking about how problem drinking used to be more of a man’s issue, but that it’s become about equal between men and women, since a lot of marketing is targeting women. Add to that the additional pressures on women to be perfect mothers and a lot of women are quietly drinking a lot at home in a “mothers little helper” way like they used to take valium in the 60s.
anon says
I definitely think mommy wine culture is a thing, and that it’s possibly getting out of hand. I have a few friends who have a nightly glass of wine, and it’s not a small portion. They have to be close to meeting the criteria for binge drinking (four drinks in a two-hour sitting, or nine total over the course of a week). I’m not judging them, because life as a working mom is really stressful and we all need an outlet, but I do worry that it’s becoming an unhealthy a habit for some. They’re not so impaired that they can’t parent their kids or get to work in the morning, but that doesn’t mean it’s A-OK.
All the “moms drink wine, yay!” memes, videos, and the likes are starting to get on my nerves. It’s becoming a tired cliche, and not a very funny one at that. I’ll admit that I’m pretty sensitive to this, because I do have some family history of alcoholism. So even though I enjoy a glass of wine or beer on the weekends, I don’t want to let myself go there (drinking wine on the regular to deal with stress).
anon says
To continue on my earlier thoughts … there are quite a few misconceptions about serving size. A serving of wine is 5 ounces, which is really not that much. I’d say 8 ounces is more typical for most people. If you go back for a second glass, well, you’re technically drinking a lot more than two servings of wine.
Lyssa says
ITA agree about it being a tired cliche.
Anonymous says
For women, “low risk drinking” is no more than 7 drinks a week not 9. Also a “drink” is a serving of wine, which is small. A typical glass of wine has 1.5-2 servings so these people are really having more like 10-14 drinks per week.
rosie says
Yes for sure. I personally drink but try to be careful to do it as something I am deliberately choosing as a social activity, to go with my food, etc. and not as a way to cope with stressful things in my life. All the “mommy juice” products really rub me the wrong way.
lawsuited says
I think there is strong “women love/need wine” culture, and the women I know who joked or talked about drinking a ton of wine before they were pregnant still do the same thing now that they are moms. I don’t personally know anyone who was not into wine before being a mom who now drinks a lot of wine because they are a mom.
I only drink wine socially, so I can’t relate to the image of getting home from work and cracking a bottle of wine to drink at the kitchen island.
govtattorneymom says
I’ve seen several posters mention that they only drink wine “socially.” I totally get that distinction, but want to note that there isn’t anything inherently concerning about “nonsocial” drinking. As a mom with a toddler, I rarely have the opportunity to be “social.” I’ve replaced drinking a glass of wine at happy hours and parties with drinking a glass of wine while watching Netflix with my husband. I used to fear drinking wine outside of social situations (thinking it was a sign of a ‘problem’), but I’ve learned that it’s ok to enjoy a good glass of wine at my own home. The distinction is whether you are enjoying as a fun activity or routinely self-medicating.
SC says
I view having a glass of wine with my husband as “social,” as long as we’re having dinner or a conversation or watching TV together or otherwise interacting. If we’re in separate rooms doing separate activities, not so much. But I also have no problem pouring myself a glass of wine to read with a book when I’m the only one home with Toddler. I rarely make it through a full glass (or a full book chapter) before falling asleep.
govtattorneymom says
I can completely relate to pouring a glass but falling asleep before finishing it! I will also look forward to watching a movie with my hubby only to fall asleep within 15 minutes of starting it. I’m so tired!!!!
Anonymous says
Right, I still count that as social. My husband and I will occasionally have a drink together at home while playing a board game, watching TV. To me, that’s still me having a drink *with* someone, which is distinct from drinking while I cook dinner, or day drinking on a weekend as the kids are playing. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with either of those activities, of course, or with drinking alone in general. I just don’t do it very often.
anon for this says
Women who are mothers who have a nightly glass of wine do not bother me. The commercialization of “wine culture” and normalization of binge drinking bothers me. Replace wine with coffee and you’ll see plenty of other t-shirts and crap products that tout the benefits/necessity for moms. Or better, replace “wine” with “beer” and notice how juvenile the celebration of drinking looks. (Decorating with liquor bottles, homer simpson t-shirts, etc.) Wine sales are up in this country, and younger people in particular drink more wine than they/we ever have before (compared to beer/liquor), and sassy lady products are way more prevalent at Target and on Pinterest. Bad Moms is basically The Hangover specifically for women.
I haven’t had a glass of wine in a while due to pregnancy, but I dearly miss the ritual of being able to unwind while watching a show after dinner. I’ll be the first to admit my pours were usually over 5 oz, and I’m kind of nervous about getting back into a habit of drinking wine with a new baby. Pregnancy has been a great reason to abstain altogether from alcohol, and so I’m curious about how my habits will develop afterwards.
Betty says
Yes, it bothers me. There is a history of alcoholism in my family and in my husband’s. Growing up, my mom had her nightly gin and tonic or glass of wine (or two….), and I thought nothing of it. Now, however, I see that while it may still be a source of pleasure for my mom, it has also become a need. She also pushes wine on me when we are together as a presumptive way for me to handle stress. I will have a very occasional glass of wine or a beer, but due to personal history, I deliberately choose not to drink often. I want to have beer on a Friday night because it tastes good and not as a way to numb my stress or feelings. I think the message to women, and especially moms, that alcohol is a way to handle stress and kids is not healthy. My mom buys into that message, and it places me on the outside with her and at other social events to decline.
EB0220 says
It bothers me, too. Motherhood + wine is such a thing. I always chuckled about that stuff, but when I started really thinking about it I realized that I HATE the way I parent when I’ve had a drink. I’m much less patient, and much shorter with everyone. It wears away the thin veneer of patience and control that I have with the kids and exposes what is beneath, which I am not always totally proud of. I really hated it, so I quit drinking completely during the week and limit myself to a max of 2 drinks on the weekend. It totally broke my dependency on the ritual of having a glass of wine to unwind at night. Now I usually have tea instead, which fulfills the ritual but keeps me feeling like myself.
Anonanonanon says
I’m the opposite, I have a drink and I am sooo patient, and kind, and understanding with my children. Which I feel like makes it way more dangerous, because it would be easy for it to become by “go-to” to deal with whatever is making me snappy/tired/impatient the rest of the time. Due to family history I try not to keep it in the house unless we plan on having company over soon. If I want it, I have to make a special trip to buy it, and since I abhor errands this basically never happens.
Knope says
I think the origin of the “moms like wine, woo!” thing was probably well-intentioned in that it was a backlash to the “Moms must be completely selfless and perfect and focus 100% on the kids” attitude that pervaded society for a while. But then mommy bloggers looking to gain attention and marketers playing off of that trend kind of took it too far, in my opinion. I don’t think drinking a glass of wine every day necessarily makes you an alcoholic or not a good mom or something, but I don’t think it should be seen as being completely OK/necessary. It’s more akin to smoking a cigarette a day – probably won’t kill you but it’s definitely not great for you either.
anon for this says
I totally agree with the backlash portion, and I totally agree with one glass of wine being fine. I think our CDC has a very teetotaling view of drinking (see: women who aren’t on birth control shouldn’t drink at all). Compared to say, France, it’s very backwards, but compared to countries where alcohol isn’t part of the culture at all, say Saudi Arabia, it’s more moderate.
Anonymous says
I agree with this, and also with those that say it annoys them. But I don’t drink alcohol or coffee for a really boring reason–I never learned to like the taste of either–so I always feel a bit left out of this aspect of grown up life. (I’m in my 40s). I have less healthy coping mechanisms of course–orange snack foods, sweets, etc–but they lack a certain glamour. And I also wish Moms were allowed to like cheap beer or something less refined.
GCA says
I totally agree with the backlash part, and also with the immediate, demeaning association of motherhood with wine. I like a glass of wine as much as the next person. But you know what would really help this mommy? More affordable childcare, affordable healthcare, greater workplace flexibility, less of a gender pay gap, and more progressive attitudes among men towards parenting. In the absence of those things, I can totally see why women might be driven to drink.
GCA says
*also with those who are annoyed by the immediate, demeaning association of motherhood with wine**.
** Coffee, on the other hand… ^ case in point.
Anon says
I have two thoughts on this.
One, I do like the acknowledgement that parenting is HARD. Working mothers in particular are expected to be good at everything and be happy while doing it. Admitting that you had a glass of wine is the socially acceptable way of saying “I was frustrated at my job and I didn’t want to be at yet another birthday party and I couldn’t stand the whining about dinner and my husband asking me where his toothbrush is. Instead of screaming at everyone, I had a glass and zoned out for 20 minutes and then felt better able to cope.” There’s a certain backlash to this idea that you must enjoy every second of being with your kid, and you’re just this awful monster if you’re drinking to get through a 3 year old soccer game. (Which is certainly torture.)
But two, wine isn’t the only or best solution. As GCA says, we need societal change to make life easier for parents. That clearly isn’t going to happen, and I like the idea of wine as something you’re allowed to do for yourself, but we clearly need more ways for parents to handle stress that take little preparation and can be done at home. (Those suggestions like “take up rock climbing!” or “go for a walk!” are hard to implement when you’re the only parent home at 9pm with kids going to bed. Or when you just need 10 minutes to breathe before starting dinner.)
I feel like the other option that people take more often is staring at their phones, scrolling through Facebook or “working”. I think that’s just as unhealthy of an addiction but isn’t quite as meme-worthy, at least not yet. But just like the article below about the kid who is sad mommy has to drink to be with her, there are articles about kids who are sad daddy can’t take his eyes off his phone long enough to watch them score a goal.
Anon says
Yep. I’ll be the first to admit using alcohol to self-medicate on a nightly basis. It’s not social. It’s coping. Yes, I wish I didn’t feel compelled to drink and some nights I’m happy and relaxed and don’t have to. But most nights I’m exhausted from work and whatever kid activity and can’t relax because I constantly feel like I have to police the time or the kid will go to sleep at midnight and be a cranky a-hole in the morning, so I need the coping. I bet I’d be way more chill if I had a stay-at-home wife who took care of everything :p
Anonymous says
I really like this blog post, to your point. http://katiebickell.com/moms-tell-drink/
anon says
Wow. That was a fantastic read.
Anonymous says
+1. Thanks for sharing.
KateMiddletown says
Phew. I’m crying at my desk.
Anon for this says
Sober mama, regular reader/commenter here. Thank you for posting this. It’s so, so good and so true.
EB0220 says
That is really, really good. Thank you for sharing!
Anonymous says
These kind of thoughts have crossed my mind before. I enjoy wine but I try to limit my drinking to meals out and social occasions (usually adults only ones when the kids are home with a babysitter), so my kids don’t feel like I need alcohol to cope with them.
NewMomAnon says
Great article. Thanks.
AnonToday says
Wow, this was powerful. The paragraph about parenting hungover was so spot on for me–it sums up why I really limit drinking these days. I want to really be in the moment, and I don’t want my kiddo to have to feel the fallout of my less-than-responsible decisions.
Anonymous says
I honestly was unaware this was A Thing. Maybe I don’t have enough girlfriends? I do have one friend who has made a heroic effort to cut her nightly glass or two of wine to relax from her life, and I’m happy for her, but now I realize that may be more typical than I thought. I occasionally make jokes about needing a drink after a rough night herding my kids to bed, but I almost never drink alone. I enjoy wine socially, and I don’t have a problem with anyone drinking responsibly (my husband and most of his old world European family have a drink every night), but I find it pretty juvenile to talk about it. It reminds me of 21 year olds who need to mention their alcohol consumption constantly to remind everyone that they’re a grown up, now.
Like EB0220, I’m an evening tea drinker, mostly to keep empty calories under control. Tea is much more relaxing than wine, for me. I feel like a square. :)
Anonymous says
Yep. I don’t drink (personal choice, not an alcoholic) and I’ve really struggled to make mom friends because all people want to do is drink wine. I’d be fine hanging out while they drink but drinkers usually feel uncomfortable with a totally sober person around.
AwayEmily says
It’s really interesting to hear everyone’s different experiences, especially socially. I often drink a beer while I am cooking dinner but rarely wine. I am very familiar with the “mommy juice” internet memes but have never experienced it with the real-life moms I hang out with — mostly people drink enormous amounts of seltzer (myself included). Maybe a glass of wine after the kids go to bed, but even that is not super common, because people have to work in the morning.
anon says
I feel like this is a thing on fb and instagram but I don’t see it much in my life among my mom friends. Maybe it’s that drinking culture in general is growing. I see and get a lot of “work hard, play hard” in the legal profession – so many happy hours, people having bourbon in their offices on Fridays. I’m someone who partakes but I think there’s a bit too much focus on it all around.
KateMiddletown says
+1 to this too. It’s definitely more glamorized than I see it being a thing in real life, but the glamorization/commercialization (XL wine glasses, tank tops that say mom needs wine, etc.) makes it “okay” to binge. It’s totally the Beer T-Shirt thing from college, I agree.
And @AwayEmily my husband and I are totally binge seltzer drinkers. Everyone has their vices! (Come to think of it my grandmother’s was like 10 Diet Pepsi’s and a half a pack of cigarettes per day, so health-wise that’s no better than wine.)
NewMomAnon says
I have several mom friends who have recently told me they need to stop drinking. I wouldn’t have pegged any of them as “alcoholics” but I can see how they probably got there, and I am watching how hard they struggle to maintain sobriety. Many of them were the ones posting “mommy needs a drink” posts, or sighing about how much they needed a glass of wine at daycare pickup. It offers an easy cover and excuse for problem drinking. I think it also made it harder for those women to figure out they had a problem; just like FB makes it look like everyone is taking exotic vacations and has perfectly dressed, clean kiddos, social media representations make it seem like most moms drink to relieve stress. Which isn’t true.
Anonanonanon says
This was VERY prevalent when I was a SAHM for two years with my first. Women get together, let the kids play, and day drink! We live in an area with a lot of kid-friendly wineries so that was a big thing too. I think all of the memes and facebook posts and “look you can hide wine in your br@/purse/diaper bag/bracelet tee hee” products are just… not funny? It’s very tired and overdone. How many “I’m hiding in the pantry drinking wine while my kids look for me motherhood amirite?” videos do there have to be?
Now that I work full-time and have for years it is MUCH less prevalent among the women/mothers I interact with. I guess it’s not as appealing when you have to be at work the next day? (not that being a SAHM isn’t difficult because honestly for me it was MUCH more difficult than working full-time). My real-life experience now is much more similar to what AwayEmily mentioned, but I still see it all the time on the social media feeds of people I know who are still SAHMs
SC says
As a counterpoint, I am a working mother and enjoy a glass of wine or cocktail several times a week. I have no problem having a drink or two and getting up in the morning. DH and I usually don’t drink at all until after Kiddo goes to bed, and these habits, good or bad, predated parenthood. We get together with friends who have kids on weekends and drink a couple of bottles of wine with them, but we did that before becoming parents. We don’t really talk about how much or how often we drink–it isn’t appropriate work conversation, and it’s rarely interesting conversation. I’d guess that many working mothers drink as often as SAHMs, but SAHMs might be more immersed in the “mommy wine” culture that OP references.
Anonymous says
This. I associate my evening glass of wine or beer with the stress of being an attorney, not the stress of my kids. I drank in the evenings a couple of nights a week (usually the nights I didn’t work out) pre-kids and do the same post-kids. I have a glass of wine to unwind from a stressful deposition while I’m cooking dinner, not because I’m a mom.
Emily S. says
I have privately wondered/complained about this often and it is so nice to see that I’m not alone in raising an eyebrow. I chose not to drink while TTC, pregnant, or nursing, so with 2 kids in 3 years, I haven’t drunk in a while. The memes and merch really irk me, but what really concerns me is when other moms assume I am in on the culture — “let’s get together, with wine of course! Wink!” It’s like a flashback to high school.
anon says
I have a hard time knowing what is going on in real life with other moms vs how much of it is just something on social media, in the birthday card aisle, and in the decor section of tj maxx. I feel like I know a lot of people who only socialize by drinking. All of the parents at my kid’s daycare class were drinking at the last kids birthday party I went to. I have no idea what they do behind closed doors.
It’s like drinking has such a strong level of cultural protectiveness surrounding it, like if you even discuss it or question what you are doing that means you are an Alcoholic with a Big Problem. It’s not like I sit around with my mom friends talking about whether or not they are worried about how they drink half a bottle of wine a night, the same way we might agonize over refined carbs, sugar, BPA in water bottles, or whatever other topic of the day. It’s an odd thing to think about. That Katie Bickell post was really good. I’d never even thought about how this comes across to kids.
Anon in NYC says
I get annoyed about it in the abstract – the kitschy merchandise promoting drinking because you’re a parent, the memes, etc. – but this never comes up in my real life. Then again, I have no problem serving alcohol at a kids party or drinking around my kid. I just don’t drink to excess in most settings (with maybe a few exceptions per year). Even around my friends who drink the most (pre or post-kids), there’s no pressure to drink.
SBJ says
Help. Apologies for the novel, but we are drowning.
Toddler bedtime has gone out of control in our house. We have long had an excellent sleeper and a firm bedtime routine-bath, story, song, goodnight kiss and done. It worked for 2.5 years. This spring, kiddo had started to take a long time to fall asleep, but happily chatting w/out requiring parental intervention. Then we had a string of disruptions starting in June–we moved, we traveled cross country, we traveled again for 48 hrs, and it’s been a slide into h#ll. We still try to stick to the bath, story, song routine but then it all goes off the rails. Kiddo runs around the room, comes out of the room, screams, cries… We try literally everything to keep things on track, but last night sleep didn’t happen until 11, then up again at 3:30 (unsurprising).
How do we get back to a good place? Do we need a total reset where we help by staying in the room and everyone re-learns how to fall asleep calmly and then apply the sleep lady shuffle? I know this can happen-a babysitter did successful bedtime on Sunday in 15 min! I also know CIO won’t work (kiddo is a tension increaser and can also leave the room independently and will), so that’s out. Any other suggestions? Our 5 month old is a breeze sleepwise but the toddler is killing us. Help!
Anonanonanon says
Every child is different and of course just because this worked for mine doesn’t mean it will for yours, BUT
when my child was around that age we hit a similar bump. I told him he didn’t have to go to sleep, but he had to stay in his room. I would sit outside of his door with my kindle and watch a show or read a book, and redirect him back into his room every time he tried to come out (without engaging too much). After a couple of nights, he realized I meant it and stopped trying to come out. However, I was dealing more with boundary-pushing than him actually getting upset/crying in there, so your situation and the solution may be quite different.
Spirograph says
This is what I recommend, too. Sit in or just outside the room, make it clear that sleep is not required but staying quietly in bed is. Redirect without engaging too much, and don’t let it become a game for the kid. We had similar issues with each of my older kids around 3. The fact that the babysitter had an easy time really makes me think it’s pushing boundaries, not something specific to bedtimes.
Good luck. As far as expectations for success: we had a rough couple of weeks resetting on this, and it didn’t “stick” so we had to go through a couple of rounds. They might have just outgrown it, now that I think about it!
Anonymous says
This happened to us (a few months later- just over 3) and the only solution that worked was to drop the nap. He was not napping regularly at preschool anyway; at home would still do a good 2 hours but wouldn’t fall asleep till 2 or later. On nap days bedtime took 2+ hours or we had to start at 9 pm. The “free” evening time was really important to us, as well as a consistent routine that wasn’t possible with inconsistent napping. Dropping nap gave us a smooth bedtime and he’s out between 7 and 7:45 every night, falling asleep within 5-10 min of lights out. Downside is that we lost any flexibility to push bedtime later for things like parties, summer evening walks, etc. because he’s exhausted and loses it/demands to go to sleep.
Anonymous says
+1 to thinking about whether it is time to drop or shorten the nap. When my son was 3 he napped on the days we was at daycare, but wouldn’t fall asleep until 9 or 10. On preschool days, no nap, asleep by 7:30.
lawsuited says
I’d check out Craig Canapari’s sleep training blog – I haven’t dealt with your exact issue, but I’ve found his advice really helpful and practical for other sleep issues I’ve come up against.
https://drcraigcanapari.com/the-never-ending-bedtime-a-concrete-plan-for-addressing-bedtime-resistance/
SC says
Kiddo was a good sleeper as a baby, and it all went off the rails around 2.5, when we switched from a crib to a toddler bed (he was climbing out) and also after a series of disruptions like you describe. Our son is also a tension increaser, to the point where he hurts himself if we let him CIO. Here’s what we did, with the advice of a child psychologist/sleep expert (family friend).
– Remove all toys from the bedroom.
– Remove stimuli like noise machines, lullaby music, and night lights from the room.
– Keep the whole evening/after daycare routine (not just bedtime) consistent.
– Move bedtime earlier.
– Keep story/song time very short. (We did “3 books,” which at the time was about 10 minutes, but she suggested shorter.)
– Have just one parent, preferably the one he’s less attached to, handle any redirections back to bed.
– Lead Kiddo back to bed each time he gets out and keep conversation/interaction to a minimum–just “goodnight” or “stay in bed.” (We actually used something more like a Ferber method at first, going in after 2/5/8/10 minutes, because Kiddo turned it into a game, climbing out of bed before we even left the room.)
– Stay absolutely calm and stone-faced when you redirect. Don’t show any frustration or anger because that’s stimulating and fun too.
– If your kid can hear you around the house, take a quiet break while he’s falling asleep. We learned that unloading the dishwasher, talking loudly, watching TV caused some major FOMO with our kid.
SBJ says
Thanks, everyone, for the advice! It helps to hear others have gone through it and come out the other side. I completely agree that we need less napping–daycare naps run 2 hours and we’re working with them to cut it off at closer to an hour (completely dropping isn’t an option at school though). SC, I feel like you’re describing my kiddo exactly–turning things into a game getting out of bed before you even leave the room, getting amped up because of our frustration… Ugh. We’ll try some of these strategies. I think the idea of keeping the post-daycare routine consistent, not just bedtime, could be really helpful for him, especially given all the transitions recently.
SC says
Good luck! We made it through, and Kiddo is doing well now. We’ve added 2-3 “potty” trips to our nightly bedtime routine (ugh!), but at least we’re on a predictable schedule. (For the Daniel Tiger fans, Kiddo will get up and say, “I need to go potty. I need to stop and go right away.” We can’t argue with Daniel Tiger.)
SBJ says
Haha, yes, Daniel Tiger is how we get kiddo to flush and wash hands. “What do you do after you use potty?” “Flush and wash and be on our way!” Unfortunately when I try to use “remember what Daniel says, maybe yes maybe no, try and go” technique, it is not met with such enthusiasm… I don’t know how I’d parent without Daniel Tiger, though!
Tick Help says
We live in a very urban, non-tick-ish environment, but are going away for a the weekend to a tick-heavy area. I am trying to figure out how to prepare. So far, based on g00gle, I have bought: permethrin 0.5% spray for non-clothing non-body stuff, a bug spray that covers ticks and mosquitoes, and one of those tick tweezer things. We will try to have the kids (ages 2 and 4) wear close-toed shoes, tall socks and long pants, in light colors, although not sure how practical it will be given the weather and planned activities. We will do am and pm checks. What else should be on our radar, if anything? Thanks!
GCA says
All of that sounds sensible. What about some sort of tape (Scotch tape, duct tape) for disposing of the little buggers?
NewMomAnon says
I recently did some research on the bug repellent clothes. Apparently, they are meant to be worn with bug spray (not in lieu of it) and they work by actually killing or stunning the bugs before they bite, not by repelling them. I got a treated shirt for myself and kiddo anyway, but I think using a good bug spray (with a high concentration of DEET!) is the way to go.
We also had a tick scare recently, and learned that covering up (tuck pants legs into sock tops, tuck shirts into pants, etc) and removing ticks quickly (within 12-24 hours) is the best prevention for lymes disease.
LH says
Kind of a random question, but does anyone know if there’s a way to donate old pump parts and storage bottles? Or is that not sanitary? My insurance sends me a full replacement kit very month, but the old parts still work completely fine and I don’t need 30+ storage bottles. If it’s an option, I would love to do something useful with them rather than just throwing them out.
AwayEmily says
I would ask around on any parenting groups you’re in…I ended up donating a bunch of mine to a mom of a preemie who was exclusively pumping and actually needed a million extra storage bottles.
What insurance do you have? That is kind of amazing.
LH says
I have a high-deductible health plan with Anthem Blue Cross. It’s generally decent but not amazing insurance. I have no idea why they’re being so generous with the pump parts (maybe because I hit my out of pocket max for the year already due to childbirth?)
In House Lobbyist says
I gave away/sold at a huge discount lots of pump parts on local Facebook Buy/Sell Pages. I sold a tub of bottles, parts and an old pump to a mom for $20 and she was so grateful because she didn’t have insurance and even sent me baby pictures later saying thanks again. I think lots of people will buy/take the flanges, bottles, etc. and people like having a second pump.
KateMiddletown says
What? Your insurance sends you a full replacement kit every month? That’s amazing. I don’t know about the parts (if you’re replacing them so frequently it’s b/c it’s not a closed system, right?) but for the bottles, maybe you can donate them to a women’s shelter? (Or find someone else with the same pump and give them away – I would have killed for a few extras so I didn’t have to transfer milk all the time.)
rosie says
Can you donate the new ones you receive if your old ones are fine for you to keep using? I do know plenty of people who are ok w/using someone else’s pump parts (I assume they sterilize them first), but if you want to give them to a shelter, the new ones would probably be more welcome. Maybe see if the diaper bank in your area collects things like this?
October says
Can you donate the new ones? If the “old” set works completely fine, just keep using those ones. You’ll have a lot more takers for new things.
Anonanonanon says
Montreal with kids… thoughts?
We live in the DC area so it’s driving distance for us (we’re frequent road trippers) and would be a great opportunity for my older child to experience being somewhere “foreign” with different money/culture/language without trekking to Europe. However, being from the DC area, museums don’t interest us much unless there’s something truly awesome. The Biodome looks cool but is closed until next summer. Has anyone been to Montreal with kids and what would you recommend?
Also I used to live in Canada and went to Montreal once as a teenager and had a tough time of it due to my very limited French (couldn’t communicate to the hotel shuttle driver WHICH delta hotel I wanted, or even figure out for awhile that that was what he was asking me). Are the more touristy areas pretty bilingual?
LH says
No kid recs, but I do think knowing French really helps. I have friends who’ve gone to Montreal who don’t speak French at all and they swore they were fine but when I went in college I had to use my broken high school French a lot. I was surprised how difficult it was to communicate with only English. I’ve been to Paris and several other parts of France and I didn’t feel like you needed French as much there as you do in Montreal.
Anonanonanon says
That’s my concern. And I’ve always heard that at least ATTEMPTING French in France is appreciated, but from my time living in Canada I don’t have the impression that Quebec would be impressed with Americans attempting awful French at them
Anonymous says
No….in French and Quebec, if you attempt French, they will speak English back at you.
It’s important to remember that Quebec, unlike the rest of Canada, is not bilingual. There is only one language: French.
Anonymous says
We’ve been to Montreal twice in the past two years from DC. Always stayed in the central city, during non-peak season, and have never had a problem without knowing French. We’ve found all touristy areas to be easily bilingual, and never had any real issue communicating in any restaurant, with our air bnb host, etc. Our son is pretty young, and our trips have been during the winter, but we’ve enjoyed Old Montreal and the waterfront areas. There’s also hiking/outdoorsy stuff on Mount Royal. The Biodome was cool — too bad it’s closed — but it looked like there were other things to do in the same area depending on kids’ ages.
LMMP says
I just spent 2 weeks in Montreal with my toddler. I grew up there and speak French but found that most people in tourist areas would first interact with me in English. Many of my friends who visited in the past few years and spoke no French had no issues getting around. If you get outside of the city that’s another story but in general, people in Montreal speak good English. In terms of what to do, I was also bummed that the Biodome is closed but the Insectarium and the Botanical Garden were a success. La Ronde and the Parc Aquatique Jean Drapeau are fun. There’s a ton of public parks with indoor or outdoor pools that are free and well maintained.
BPS says
Hi there – also in the DC area! DH and I have gone to Quebec City or Montreal almost every year for 6 years, with this year being the exception (we went to Toronto with our now 8 month old back in May). In Montreal, we typically rent the same AirB*B flat, same neighborhood, and English is fine. In Quebec City, English is also fine but French is clearly preferred. It is Canada, though, so the stereotype of folks being kind and accommodating has always held true in our experience.
MBAFishOutOfWater says
Has anyone else experienced that therapists (even those that only accept private pay) don’t call new patients back? I’m trying to set up marriage counseling for me and my husband and having a heck of a time getting ANYONE to call me back.
KateMiddletown says
Yes. Therapists are awesome, but most work alone w/ no support staff so it’s a PIA to get in. Good luck! (And psychology today is a great resource for listings.)
Anonymous says
This is the time of year when all therapists seem to go on vacation, so maybe that is part of it? But yes, had that experience with psychiatrists, and it sucks.
LMMP says
Talk to me about your experience weaning a toddler. I’m down to two sessions/day and she turned 2 this weekend. I’m ready to stop but my daughter doesn’t seem to. We started talking about how she’s a big girl now but haven’t gone further. I feel guilty of taking this away from her since she enjoys it so much. On the other hand I’m ready to get my body back and travel more than just an overnight trip. So far it just seems that the emotional effort to put in stopping is greater than to keep the status quo. So many conflicting emotions… I made to two years, YAY!
Anonymous says
Honestly, I thought it would be more of a deal than it was. We were down to morning/ sometimes evening nursing and one day I just decided to stop and offered ‘special mommy snuggles’ instead.
I think he asked again maybe twice? And then was pretty happy to just read a book and snuggle. I had a little pressure a couple times which I relieved with hand expression but no issues.
He asked again when we had been around a lot of nursing moms and he saw me undressing. It was sweet, his narrative was, ‘You feed me when I was a baby with your body? And now you feed me blueberries! But you no feed me with your body?’ And I told him he was right and then he basically was like, cool, can I have a cookie? babies can’t have cookies but I can!
Anonymous says
In case it is encouraging: I stopped around age 2. We were only usually doing it at bedtime, but I thought my son was really into it. But one day I gathered my courage and explained to him how we weren’t going to do that anymore, but we would still do songs and snuggles without mama milk. He didn’t react much. That night, he asked about it, and I reminded him of the new plan. And he was like, oh right, okay, and never asked again. No drama. No tears. He DGAF. I was shocked. Hopefully your experience will be similar! I had no noticeable engorgement or anything, so I don’t think he was getting much milk at that point. I had also been ending our nursing sessions rather than waiting for him to for quite some time (ahem, maybe over a year – I was an impatient nurser).
Anonymous says
Congrats! I did a tiered approach for quitting when kiddo was ~20 months old. First we implemented “only nursing while I sing” using “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (both sides). Then we only nursed one side while singing. Then we went to snuggles only unless kiddo asked for it. Eventually it stopped (21-22 months).
Anonymous says
Just stop.
NewMomAnon says
I made the transition abruptly at age 2 – I told kiddo that tonight was the last night, and tomorrow we were going to wave “bye bye” to nursing and not do it anymore. I think I bought her a new cup that she could have with milk in it? Then we switched the bedtime routine to her bed (we had done it in the rocking chair). But when she asked about nursing, I reminded her, “Remember? We waved bye bye to nursing and now it’s all gone!”