This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
The shoe section at Old Navy can be very hit or miss. I usually like most of their styles, but a lot of them are pretty obviously made from crappy material. Sometimes though, you hit a sweet spot of a cute style that doesn’t require a lot of fake leather or obviously plastic soles. These sandals, I think, are a good example. They’re not overly trendy, but still current, and they easily could pass for being more expensive. My preference is for the multicolored version for a fun weekend look, but I also like that the neutral has some gold thread as an accent. For the price, why not just get both? They were $26.99 full price and are now on sale for $15–$17. Wrapped Thread Slingback Sandals This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
If you wanted to be a SAHM and weren’t able to, how did you cope? I had no problem returning to work with my first but now with my second I wish I could stay at home with the kids. My second just turned one and the last 9 months going back to work have been brutal emotionally. I cry a few times a week in my office and I am much more anxious and on edge than usual. I am an attorney and while work is busy it is not objectively overwhelming – my anxiety level is as high as if I made a huge mistake during an important deal but that’s not happened! The kids are currently watched by my MIL but she is older and while she loves them a lot, I think they could really benefit more from having me home. Financially we just can’t swing it, so I really need to learn to cope here. Has anyone else experienced this? I don’t think I have postpartum depression, but maybe some sort of separation anxiety? When I am with the kids after work or on the weekends, the sadness and anxiety completely dissipates. We have a vacation lined up and my son starts preschool in September (I’m hoping that will help with the feeling of thinking they would be better off if I was at home with them vs. grandma).
Anon in NYC says
Are your skills translatable to hanging your own shingle? Do you have a network that could serve as a launching off point for a solo practice? A friend just left her job to go work for herself. She has some work coming in from former colleagues who need some extra help, so it’s a soft transition. And her prior work experience could result in some interesting opportunities. Eventually she’s hoping to be a part time lawyer and a part time SAHM.
Or, alternatively, can you afford to cut back some of your hours at work and maybe work 4 days a week?
Anonymous says
FWIW, my hormonal issues didn’t manifest themselves in any typical way I associated with depression or the timetable for PPD. That’s not to say that what you feel is hormonal only but I think crying a few times a week is a bit of a red flag here. Your kids are with grandma! You are giving them a great gift here. I get that you may genuinely wish you could be home but something here feels a bit off to me.
Either way, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sucks to feel like that. I guess you need to work on being okay with this. Maybe also try to figure out some compromise? Can you afford to do a part time schedule? Compressed workweek? New job? If this is just about spending more time with them, there may be ways to do that w/o staying home completely.
Anonymous says
Get some therapy for that anxiety! And to help you accept your life.
BeenThatGuy says
+1 to this. And I say with kindness, maybe it’s time to readjust what you want out of life. Sometimes, we have a plan of how we think our life should be and reality doesn’t line up. So you have to adjust your wants and needs. You clearly want to be home with your children more but you said you can’t afford it. I believe if you truly want to be home more, there are adjustments that can be made.
NewMomAnon says
+1 – the line “my anxiety level is as high as if I made a huge mistake during an important deal but that’s not happened” sounds so much like my anxiety. Just because it goes away when you’re at home, doesn’t mean it’s rational or necessary. It’s worth hashing that out in therapy, or even getting medication to see if it evens out.
Anon says
I don’t think you all are completely wrong but I wonder what advice a man would get in this situation. I don’t think it would be “figure out how to cope”, I think it would be “figure out how to make your desired life happen”. I mean honestly, the way you can make that happen is to become unemployed and go on social support and that is a completely legitimate option (since our society does not offer any support for in-betweeners). That said – I agree with poster above that crying a few times a week because kids are with grandma and not with you seems kind of off and warrants at least a conversation with GP.
Anonymous says
Couple of thoughts:
– if you have to/want to work, does it have to be THIS job? Could you do something with a more family friendly atmosphere?
– could you schedule vacation time as “home with the kids” time? Meaning, take. One Friday a month off or something. Or flex your hours/schedule so you WFH a few days a week or reduced hours a couple days a week. I didn’t work Mondays for a while and it was *awesome.*. Aside from the fact that Monday is the most common holiday for daycare, it game me a day to recover from the weekend, hand out with my kid/get errands and appointments done, yet still work full time. My arrangement was essentially that I’d do my weekly team standup early on Mondays when’s dH was still home, then I’d be available for any crises by email but otherwise out of office on Mondays. I worked like 60+ hour weeks so I more than made up for blocking out 9:30-5pm every Monday.
If neither applies and you are stuck in your current slog, plan and take vacations/family time. You can alternate with DH if you feel more parent time > while family time.
I will tell you- I’ve been a mostly-SAHM (working like 10 hours/week) and I’ve been wa working FT mom. The best was working 3 days a week with the kids in care for 3.5 days/week.
DLC says
The Best of Both Worlds Podcast just did a show on “mom guilt”. While I didn’t love Laura Vanderkam’s tough love approach (she was pretty unempathetic and essentially said that one doesn’t need to feel guilt, but I don’t think she realizes that guilt is an emotion, and not necessarily something you can regulate rationally), they did talk about ways you can reframe your thinking and look at your life so that you realize that you are indeed being the best parent you can. One thing they talk about is tracking your time and seeing that you are probably spending a lot more quality time with your kid than you think. While I really don’t like the term “mom guilt”, the episode is, I hink, worth listening to.
FTMinFL says
I didn’t listen to the podcast, but I am generally a Laura Vanderkam fan and what you said about tracking your time is spot on. Tracking my time for a week every so often gives me the opportunity to pat myself on the back for the amazing things I am doing for/with my kids and the ability to pinpoint places where I could maximize the quality time I spend with them. I think it was “I Know How She Does It” that pointed out that Family Dinner is this weird societal imperative that you don’t need to buy into which freed me to think, “duh, why don’t we do family breakfast instead of making everyone crazy in the evening (when everyone is cranky and tired anyway)?!” Her latest book, “Off the Clock”, discusses the idea that time seems to pass more slowly when it is savored, and knowing where your opportunities for savoring time are is priceless. This is absolutely not a solution to the longing to be home all the time, but it certainly makes me feel like I am proactively knocking quality time with my kids out of the park. Hugs to you, OP. I hope you find a balance that brings you joy.
Spirograph says
I’m sorry, that is really tough. I have pangs of wanting to be a SAHM, but they usually come and go over a few weeks, and usually coincide with particularly frustrating times at work, or busy times at work and home when I just feel stretched way too thin, so I recognize that I’m viewing it as an escape rather than something I want to do for its own merits. Can you identify any “triggers” that make you acutely feel that you want/need to be at home? That might be helpful in matching a coping strategy.
It sounds like your kids are objectively well cared for, but you can’t help how you feel. Have you considered talking to a therapist or a doctor about this? You don’t need to accept crying a few times a week and feeling consistently anxious as your normal. If push comes to shove, what would it take to make the financials work? Moving to a new house? Moving to a different city? Radical lifestyle changes? Unless you are a single parent or your partner is unemployed, I’m sure there is a way. It might be helpful to reframe as a choice between making those changes and continuing to work, rather than a straight “I can’t.”
lala says
The only times I have actually wanted to be a SAHM were the first few months going back to work after maternity leave. Otherwise I love working and have no desire to stay home, so my advise comes from the angle. That being said, I think there are a few things going on here:
1) I know you do not think you have PPD/A, but what you have described are classic symptoms of that (and similar to those that I felt when I was finally diagnosed when my second was 15 months.) Medication (Zoloft) has made a huge difference for me, but so has therapy. I would recommend at least discussing with your PCP.
2) I think if you truly cannot afford to stay home, you are going to have to work to reframe your thoughts. I got through those times of wanting to stay home by reminding myself of all of the benefits that my kids were receiving by the fact that I was working.
3) Take away any outside voices that are making you feel like you should stay home. Friends that think staying home is “best”, parents that make off handed comments. I started to pull away from friends like that and shut down family members in order to help with my internal thinking.
Good luck, I hope you find what you need to get through this.
anon says
My daughter’s daycare has a camera in her room and I keep it up on my second monitor all day long. It helps me feel connected to her, and eases my anxiety so very much. I can see that her teachers really love her, and are taking good care of her, and that she’s having a great time. Would your MIL be open to something like that? not like everywhere, but maybe just in their main play area or the kitchen? Maybe seeing that she’s happy and content throughout the day would ease your anxiety a bit too?
Anon for this says
I don’t have a lot of advice, just commiseration. Just like you, I had no problem going back to work after my first was born. My second also just turned one, and it’s been so much harder. It’s just so much more fun having two, and I really feel like I’m missing out.
I am big law and up for partner next year. I have all sorts of second thoughts about my decision to make a run for partner — a decision that I made before I realized how different it is with two kids at home. But because my salary is really high, I’ve thrown a ridiculous amount of money at household help. I now have a housekeeper who comes every day and does all the random stuff that might take me away from my kids on the weekend. It means that I can spend the early morning playing with the kids instead of doing loads of laundry or breakfast dishes. I know my financial situation is exceptional, but throwing it out there in case it applies to you too.
Carine says
I did experience this after my second – intensely wanting to quit my job and stay home in a way I didn’t with my first. While I had no issues with daycare for my first and had a great experience with that environment for that child, I just knew (in my heart, in my gut, just knew!) that my second would do better at home with me, which made it harder. I told myself I couldn’t make any drastic changes until I put 6 months in back at work, and then 6 months came and it was just a little bit easier so I decided to stick it out for a little longer…but I also knew we really couldn’t afford for me to stay home so it probably wasn’t actually an option.
Anyway, in my case, it continued to get better, though I would still be struck intermittently with guilt and sadness and anxiety about not staying home with them. It got a lot better at the 12-18 months mark when my kid started to obviously thrive at daycare, and then I got a good project at work, which also helped me feel reconnected to the importance of my career and its value, not just for me but for the family and my kids. It just took time. I recently had my third and couldn’t wait to get back to work – I actually returned from leave early and haven’t questioned at all whether I’m doing the right thing, which I would never, ever have believed was possible two years ago.
Of course your experience may be different and those feelings could persist. When it was bad, some things that helped me get through the day were: thinking about the stories of women profiled in The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennetts, who quit their jobs to stay home with their kids and regretted it; seeking out and reading about research showing the benefits for kids with working mothers, especially boys; talking to other working moms; reading I Know How She Does It; using my time off!! I would take an afternoon off to stay home with the kids or a full day if I could swing it. Finally, as others mentioned, I made an effort to take care of myself too, recognizing that I was not coping well and that my mental health was suffering. My first step was getting active and the exercise made such a difference that I never ended up going to the doctor, but I was prepared to get on meds if I needed to.
Good luck. It’s so hard. I hope it gets easier and you feel better soon.
Formerly ANon, Now IHeartBacon says
I’m chiming in late, but hopefully you’ll see this response. I second what everyone has already said, but I’ll also add that if you can make it work to take one day off during the week, I would recommend taking Wednesdays instead of Mondays or Fridays. It really helps to break up the week because you are home two days (Sat & Sun) then at work two days (Mon & Tues) then home one day (Wed) and then at work two days (Thurs & Frid), and then it’s the weekend again. Three-day weekends are great, but they’re only followed by four straight days of work.
Redux says
Anyone have summer interns in your office? We just said goodbye to this summer’s group and, while I think I was a better supervisor this year than last, I still think I have room to grow. I’d love to know: what are your tips for a successful summer internship experience? Here are mine:
– Share the love. Supervising an intern is a lot of work! I like to build in a few assignments from other people in my group who do not have interns themselves so that when I have a busy week or run out of things to give them, I can kick that week’s assignment and supervision and feedback to a colleague.
– Write it down. At least for the first assignment, I like to give the intern a memo outlining the project and the first assignment. I also schedule a check-in at the end of the day to give them a chance to clarify the assignment and ask questions. I’ve also moved away from writing assignments because it draws me into editing/ writing coaching (which takes a lot of work), and instead give them narrower questions with 3-4 sentence answers, or task them with sourcing material to support a thesis I am working on.
– Showcase. A successful event we did this summer was a roundtable of all the interns in our group to showcase what they had been working on so far. We mostly do research/ writing, so they were brief presentations outlining the research topics. My colleagues asked a few (softball) questions to give the interns a chance to respond and clarify. It was low-stakes public speaking practice, gave them a chance to hear about the other projects and interact with the other people in the office, and gave me a chance to see how well they understood the assignments and implications.
– Socialize. Our interns this year were natural socializers but my colleagues are pretty introverted at work. We organized a few outings over the course of the summer to get interns and staff to mix– a few lunches and a couple field trips gave the interns and my colleagues the chance to talk about non-work things.
And for a very targeted question I answered for myself yesterday: do you write your interns a thank you note? My office got them gifts, and I had the impulse to write them a thank you note but ultimately decided against it. If anything, they should write me one (right? I always did when I was an intern). And, I figure I will write them a letter of recommendation sometime in the future and that is better than a thank you note.
AIMS says
One thing I always appreciated is when someone explicitly told me they would be happy to write a letter of recommendation. It’s always so awkward to ask for one that it was a great gift when someone volunteered.
Anonymous says
My organization has a pretty structured year-round internship program – interns work full-time, are paid (still somewhat rare in my field), and we have one every semester. So some of this may not work for everyone, but things that help us are:
Having an intern manual outlining the basic tasks they need to do. The genius part of this is that it is the intern’s job to update it at the end of their internship. Each intern position has it’s own manual; this isn’t a company-wide document, and it covers everything from dress code and lunch breaks to how to update our database. They also get an orientation as a group from the intern program coordinator.
We do something called Intern Seminar – each week, all the interns gather for 1.5 hours to learn about the work in a different department. Typically a different department head (or a senior deputy) leads it each week and talks about what their department does, in addition to giving some information about their own career path, how they got where they are, what makes someone good at this job, etc. This gives interns a much more holistic look at our organization, which is otherwise a bit siloed.
We have pre-arranged check-in/evaluation meetings – one at the mid-point and one at the end of the semester – for supervisors to offer feedback.
Interns are also now theoretically assigned mentors–someone other than their supervisor but in the same department, usually the department head–and meet with them at least 2x/semester. (This is new and not sure how well it is working out).
My department likes to gather for treats frequently, so we often gather to say farewell and thanks to each intern in our dept. at the end of their tenure and have cookies or something. We often do a card that everyone signs. I generally take my direct report, and our intern (who is supervised by my direct report) out to lunch – but this is intended to try to keep direct report happy as much as to thank the intern though.
Anonymous says
PS – at any given time there are 12-14 interns working at our organization, so we have a critical mass for seminars, etc. They tend to bond with each other.
GCA says
Thanks for this! My very small company has started to engage a couple of summer interns (this is only our 2nd year doing so for people who apply and don’t have some sort of personal connection to the co-founders), and we’re actually talking with them to figure out what helps and what doesn’t.
Anonymous says
I just posted this on AAM because I realized it’s great timing for the Friday open thread!
lsw says
Picking up my SD from her first week of sleepaway camp today and I’m so excited! I can’t wait to hear about it. A conversation on this board reminded me how much I loved it as a kid and inspired me to find what looks like a great camp near us. She’s in middle school and having a tough time with some mean girls in her school so I’m really hopeful she made some new friends at camp. I never thought part of parenthood would be vicarious excitement like this, haha.
Mrs. Jones says
I also love hearing from my son about new experiences. so fun!
Cb says
So we finally have a nursery start date – not because he seems any closer to settling but because I’ve convinced the director to let us just rip the bandaid off. He’s so happy there when we are there, so I’m not worried about it being a bad fit. We are all just going to have to tough it out.
Pogo says
Hugs. This age is so hard with the fear of strangers – I had to take LO to the ped the other day and he absolutely lost it whenever the nurse had to hold him to do something. Like, full on sobbing. And I was right there!
What I would tell yourself and the nursery is this: fear of new people is developmentally appropriate at this age and the only way for it to get better is for him to have consistency and get used to his caregivers. I don’t think dragging it out will help at all.
Anecdotally, LO also had to be with a neighbor the other day due to an emergency, and while he had met her before he had never been cared for by her. He definitely cried at first, but within a half hour he had calmed down and let her change his diaper! I talked to her on the phone and he was babbling and giggling in the background. It just sounds like they are being tortured at first when they do they full-on sobbing, and it’s heartbreaking – but they will adjust!
Cbs says
Thanks! Yeah, he is so so sociable but definitely wants us around. He gets really excited when we arrive so I think it’ll just be a few weeks of transition.
Ella says
What a saga! Good luck!
Anonymous says
I can’t believe this saga is still going on
Cbs says
Me neither but it’s one of the perils of a really overstretched childcare market – your ability to push back is quite limited.
Anonymous says
The featured sandal reminded me of one I bought last year that is holding up well and bargain priced: https://smile.amazon.com/Naturalizer-Womens-Wendy-Huarache-Sandal/dp/B00N9L1BL4/
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thought I would ask the group – does anyone have any recommendations for a good prenatal massage place? Maybe a massage chain that you would recommend, or even better, if you are in the Boston area, somewhere local? I typically have massages at a small place near where we live but I don’t think they do prenatal. Would I be served well at a place that specializes in physical therapy/massage for injuries?
Anon says
Not sure exactly which ‘burbs you are near…but the Bella Sante in Lexington has the special prenatal pillow so that you can lay on your belly for part of the massage! It’s pricey but they can really get to your back that way…
CCLA says
YES! I much prefer the places with the special table. While I enjoyed the one I had with the side-lying hugging pillow approach, it was basically sleep inducing – even though I kept asking for more pressure, at some point the angles don’t really permit that when you’re lying on your side. Wherever you go, I’d ask ahead of time what their set-up is. Not in Boston, but I’ve had the best luck with the spas at luxury hotels.
Same Anon... says
Also, do you know Stanley?
Pogo says
I would ask – they might not have “prenatal” on the menu but if the therapist is certified they can do prenatal massage. I kept seeing my regular person, and she didn’t use the special pillow – she had me hug a pillow and kinda turn on my side.
I saw a couple people at the Pyara in Burlington during pregnancy/PP as well who were great – that’s my goto for a “spa day” (as opposed to my normal massage therapist which more like.. tough love, work out the knots, usually coupled with a chiro adjustment at the same place).
lawsuited says
I just want to gripe about how exhausting it is to be working a more-than-full-time job and caring for a toddler and growing a baby all at the same time. Sometimes trying to be a superwoman majorly whomps.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Major sympathies. Hence my request above for prenatal massage places! Third trimester is really tough with a toddler.
Anonymous says
Ditto my friend. My toddler has also taken to waking up before dawn most mornings. And it’s 90 bajillion degrees outside. My (counterfactual) fantasies about pre motherhood life are extra vivid today.
Marshmallow says
I’m doing two of those three things (no toddler) and I cannot fathom how anybody does this with another kiddo at home. All the hats off to you.
CCLA says
Just chiming in as another passenger on that struggle bus. I keep reminding myself I’m never going to be preg again after this (#2 is def our last), which helps, but good grief, this is HARD.
lawsuited says
“This is the last time. I will never be pregnant again.” is my mantra. And it helps with the mental game, but not the sciatica.
shortperson says
it totally sucks. i was there last year. more than full time job + toddler + baby is easier in some ways but harder in others, so it’s definitely a marathon. i hear it gets easier at some point? at least you can hire someone to help with a baby.
Tired, burned out mom seeking advice says
Reposting from main page.
In my mid year review, just started crying out of sheer exhaustion and burnout, not because review was bad. Review was actually positive. Context – manager and I have worked together for 6 years, have very good and open and candid relationship. First half of 2017 included SIGNIFICANT personal and professional change and stress. Can’t get into everything here but please believe it was stressful and emotional for all. I had to take on another person’s responsibilities as he was on FMLA so was doing almost two jobs on top of this change. I also just got back from 5 weeks of international and domestic work travel (5 cities, 5 different time zones) so I am physically exhausted.
VP level, 17 years work ex. 2 young kids, DH in equally stressful job. I know it wasn’t great to cry during my review. It was definitely my tiredness and jet lag expressing itself. I want to write my manager an acknowledgement/apology note. What do I say?
Anon in NYC says
I’d keep it really light.
“Hi Manager, I just wanted to apologize for crying during our meeting. I think the exhaustion and jet lag from traveling for so many weeks finally caught up to me! Hopefully my kids will let me sleep in this weekend.”
Anon in NYC says
Also, I once cried in a meeting where someone was nice to me. I was working round the clock and exhausted and he was nice and I just cried. It happens.
lawsuited says
My preference would be to stop by your boss’ office to make a quick, light apology rather than sending a note.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I agree with this. Maybe with the script above keeping it light. Also, you’re amazing. I can’t imagine all you’re going through. I’m sure your manager realizes that now more than ever – it is clear you have tons going on and are still killing it and getting good reviews. Great work.
Anonymous says
Does anyone have any advice re: negotiating disagreements with your partner around screentime (or other issues)? The context is that my husband, a teacher, is taking care of our son during most of the summer. I know he needs a break in the summer, and I am all for us sending our son to camp at least part of the time, but my husband prefers to save the money. (He did go to day camp for a week, and another 2.5 weeks will be consumed by travel). Our son is 6. I think my husband is routinely letting him use the tablet for longer than I am comfortable with – maybe a 4-6 hours a day. On the one hand, our son is academically ahead in school, has good social skills and no behavioral problems, and does not appear to be at imminent risk of serious harm by this. He’s primarily using the PBS Kids and Nick Jr. apps, and admittedly learns a lot from these (he has an insane memory for factoids). On the other, I think they both need more exercise and that this much screen time can’t be good for him. But I’m not the one doing the labor. My husband is extremely resistant to any kind of critical feedback I give him about parenting. I’m probably doing it poorly, but he does not take direction well under any circumstances. He’s someone who feels like he should be an expert at everything, so it threatens his self esteem to admit he isn’t. While my son is using the tablet, my husband is doing projects around the house, chores, etc., not just vegging out, or at least not exclusively. Should I just let this go? Has anyone found a good way to navigate this kind of conflict?
Siprograph says
My husband has a year round job, otherwise I would definitely be having this same issue with him. We have a fundamentally different idea of how much outdoor time vs screen time kids should have.
I think you have a few options here:
1. Let it go
2. Say nothing about the tablet, but hype up some other activities to your kid (maybe start him on a big puzzle or lego-building project) in hopes of distracting him.
3. Again, say nothing about the table, If you have any neighbors or friends with similar-age kids home during the day, float the idea of some regular play dates.
4. Offer to do some mental labor to find and/or coordinate activities outside the house for both of them.
I don’t think you can really push it with your husband. It sounds like he reacts similarly to mine when presented with alternative parenting options, and that conversation is likely to take a defensive turn that will not be constructive.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
Thanks! I already said something, by phone, which did not go well, as you might anticipate. I have a tendency towards anxiety, and my anxiety is fixating on this issue and a fear that my husband is getting unhealthy fat (he’s older than me and about to turn 50, and suddenly I’m worried about loosing him), and that my son is getting chubby (I have struggled with my weight and eating issues and various points in my life). So a lot of this is probably about my issues. It’s just hard for me to tune out my anxiety and keep sight of what is reasonable because I can latch on to a fairly mainstream, reasonable concern about the volume of screen time.
We also live in NYC and have no outdoor space, so he can’t just send our son outside to play, and he has been organizing playdates and such. And he’s taking our son to the children’s museum this afternoon. Now I feel like a jerk.
lawsuited says
4-6 hours on the tablet probably is too much, and it’s worth trying to change. Maybe the screen time could be reduced by having your son help your husband with chores and house projects (I seriously LOVED helping my dad with house projects when I was a kid, but it’s a really important life lesson for your son regardless of how much he enjoys it) and them taking up an activity together, like swimming or biking. Both your husband and your son need a break from the regular grind, and spending time together takes full advantage of the fact that your husband and son have the opportunity to have low-key fun together in a way so many parents don’t.
And you definitely, absolutely, positively need to talk to your husband about this in person, and in the kind, encouraging way you would want to receive negative feedback about your own parenting.
Anonymous says
This. I also think giving your husband some ideas on including your child in his household work is the way to go. Some people just aren’t good at this. My husband is awesome at finding a way to include our toddler in his daily chores. I totally suck at it and would definitely welcome the suggestions if I was in his position. (Although being a teacher, your husband is probably much better than me!)