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There are far too few cute plus-size maternity tops (at least that I’ve seen), so I’m going to feature this lovely one from Destination Maternity. I like the simple navy, the bit of bling at the collar, and the kind of peplum/tunic shape it has going on. I’d wear it with pencil skirts and ankle pants, perhaps with a bright shoe if possible (I’m loving burgundy heels right now). The top is $40, available in sizes 1x-3x. Destination Maternity Plus Size Short Sleeve Scoop Neck Beaded Detail Maternity Top Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. (L-2)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
kes says
Happy Monday everyone! Immediate TJ – I had a c section with my first and am now pregnant with my second. My doctor has asked me to start thinking about the VBAC thing and I’m having trouble finding useful information/resources – everything she gave me is really general and all I can find in books/online seems to have an agenda. I guess I’m looking for an “Expecting Better”-type thing – i.e., more specifics re: the real issues and the risk numbers than the hospital pamphlets give you, and without a bias one direction or the other. So frustrating that these things are so hard to find. Thanks y’all!
Carine says
I’m in the same situation and I’ve not done a great deal of research yet, but I can recommend the latest ACOG (American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) Practice Bulletin on VBAC. You can find the full text here: http://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Practice-Bulletins/Committee-on-Practice-Bulletins-Obstetrics/Vaginal-Birth-After-Previous-Cesarean-Delivery
It’s intended for practicing OB/GYNs, but I didn’t find it too difficult to understand, and it might give you some information to better guide your research or questions to your doctor. That’s my plan for now!
Carine says
I replied with a link to the ACOG Practice Bulletin on this topic but my comment is in moderation. If you go to their site, it should be fairly easy to find.
K. says
There is closed group on facebook called VBAC and Birth After a Caesarian Evidence Based Support. They have a lot of documents that are very research-based that they will share with you if you ask. Personally, I have found some in the group to have a very abrupt and almost rude tone and some seem a bit too negative toward home-birth (even in non-VBAC situations–I completely understand the dangers of home-birth for VBACs, I just don’t get that particular group’s focus and railing against ALL homebirths) and all-natural health practices.
BUT…overall, the group is a great resource for actual research and not just “trust your body rather than doctors” type of advice you can often find online that is not knowledgeable in statistics on risks and benefits.. Also, most of the people on there really are kind and good-natured, but when I first joined it was those couple people on there that almost turned me off to them altogether, so I thought I’d mention it to you so you know!
kes says
Thank you both! These are great recs. Much appreciated!
Ciao, pues says
I need some collective mama support. Dropped off my toddler at a new daycare center today and she played happily while I was there but when I said goodbye she screamed bloody murder. I could hear her down the hallway as I was filling out paperwork. Then, went to the car and her caregiver was holding her while she frantically screamed MAMA! out the window. My heart breaks :(
CPA Lady says
If it makes you feel any better (it wont), my daughter’s daycare class is the one all the little toddlers go to if they get there before their teachers arrive. I’ve watched parents drop off their toddlers, and listened to the toddler scream bloody murder, and literally less than one minute after the parent leaves the toddler is totally fine, playing happily. If she found fun stuff to play with right away, I bet she’s going to be doing just fine today.
That said, my daughter is moving up into the next class next week and I’m already nervous about it, even though I know it will be totally fine.
TK says
Those screams are tough – but as CPA Lady says, they adjust quickly. The teachers see it all the time, and are masters at redirecting the sadness and rage into something fun.
My kid started in the new, bigger toddler room a couple of weeks ago and was similarly distraught the first couple of days, but he’s already to the point now where he whines when I get there to pick him up and doesn’t want to leave.
She’ll be okay – hang in there!
TBK says
I hear you. Both of mine now scream when I walk out the door every morning (even though Daddy is RIGHT. THERE.) I remember crying every morning when my mom left me off at preschool when I was 3, but I also have very fond memories of that preschool. I think the other commenters are right that they are totally fine just a few minutes later. If it helps, can you ask the daycare how she’s doing later in the day?
Tunnel says
A tunic with a pencil skirt? That cannot look good. On anyone.
KJ says
I wore that combination a lot when I was pregnant.
JJ says
If you’re 6′ tall and pregnant, maternity tunics are the only way to find shirts that are long enough to actually cover everything. So I wore those with pencil skirts all the time.
Tunnel says
I suspect it doesn’t look like a tunic if you are 6′ tall.
Jdubs says
Favorite work maternity pants with a full panel? I am having a hard time finding ones that look professional and aren’t giant bootcut style.
HSAL says
I can’t find the exact style, but I have been super impressed by two pair that I got from Motherhood.
The ones I got were pretty straight-legged (though I’m a bootcut fan) and I was surprised at how pleased I was with the sizing, given that they’re S-M-L-XL. I’ve worn them once a week for the last three months, washing every other wear, and they’re holding up nicely and will definitely last my until my due date next month.
I also got a pair from Loft that I loved early on, but by 6 months the area below the panel really dug in under my belly and they were too uncomfortable to wear.
AIMS says
I just got two pairs from Loft that I am happy with. This is one pair and I’ll post the second separately to avoid moderation: http://www.loft.com/maternity-essential-skinny-ankle-pants/380328?skuId=19375311&defaultColor=&colorExplode=true&catid=catl000045&priceSort=DESC
The sizes seem to come and go frequently so if you don’t see yours, check back. Also, FWIW, I’m on the cusp of regular and petite, ordered petite and they were plenty long enough. Very comfortable and flattering. My one criticism is the panel is flesh toned instead of pant colored. Seems like a cheap oversight, but easily remedies with a long camisole.
AIMS says
These are the other ones, I think: http://www.loft.com/maternity-essential-skinny-ankle-pants/380329?skuId=19375175&defaultColor=&colorExplode=true&catid=catl000045&priceSort=DESC
Looks like same style but in navy. Size wise, I ordered the same size as other pants I’ve worn at Loft.
AIMS says
PS: I waited till they had a 40% off promo to buy these. I’m not sure they’re worth full price.
B says
Agree – Loft are by far my favorite maternity work pants and their full panel is really good quality. still working for me @38 weeks, whereas I had to retire my Gap pants at around 30 weeks.
Pigpen's Mama says
Any tips for traveling away from the little one?
First (work) overnight trip without the little one is coming up. Husband and tot are coming with me for the weekend before, then heading back home and I’m staying for another four days.
I thought I was okay with this when I planned the trip — I was actually looking forward to it. Now I’m starting to get nervous, mostly because I’m going to miss her like crazy. Her dad will do just fine with her, but he’s apprehensive.
mascot says
Are there any parts of the daily routine that your husband isn’t comfortable with because you generally handle them? I’d go over those. Any errands that need doing before you leave, go ahead and do. For us, this means making sure grocery basics and kids supplies are stocked to prevent we are out of milk and the kid is hangry and I am too tired to go to the store. Otherwise, everyone is going to be just fine.
FWIW, I don’t facetime my kid when I am gone or really talk to him on the phone if it is just a couple of days. It seems to get him a little out of sorts to do so. (Plus, little kids are hard to understand on the phone). Do whatever works for your family though.
Anonymama says
Instead of thinking about how you are leaving the little one, try to think of it as you giving your husband and baby time to bond on their own, and your husband to get that experience of being the primary parent. I think it really helped my husband come into his own in terms of really knowing he could handle everything kid-related and be fine.
Pigpen's Mama says
Thanks to you both! I was originally focusing on the positives — giving my husband a chance to do the daily routine solo, giving me a few mornings to not be on call right away. Then the OMG, I’m going to miss her, hit.
layered bob says
I am 2 weeks post-c-section, and missing my old exercise routine. I know it’s too early to start anything strenuous, but I’m researching some ideas. So –
MuTu system: discuss.
K. says
I got it and love it! I had a csection and started a couple weeks post-partum. Very helpful! I just got the Focus, because I didn’t need to lose weight, but needed to strengthen my abs, but people that have both seem to like it. They also include a really helpful closed facebook group membership when you join. Goodness…I am really outing all my facebook groups today!
Butter says
Ok, I’m at the halfway point and think I’m ready to bite the bullet on some kind of pillow, as various little aches and pains are now popping up in the night. I know there are a ton of recommendations for the Snoogle, but wanted to see if everyone here agrees and/or recommends something else. I’m slightly afraid of the Snoogle because of it’s size, but am open to pretty much anything.
anon says
I spent $90 on some magical pillow when I was pregnant with twins and found that 5 different regular pillows of varying thickness worked better for me than the pregnancy pillows.
meme says
I agree. I started off with a fairly thick pillow between my knees and later ended up using another for back support. A friend let me borrow her giant pregnancy pillow during my third trimester but I found I liked my smaller, more adjustable pillows better.
JJ says
I had the Snoogle with my second pregnancy. It helped, but I always felt like trying to roll over in bed during the night with that pillow was like wrestling with a giant, limp snake.
The best option for me was just using a standard body pillow from Bed Bath and Beyond. That way I could put it between my knees, but it wasn’t so long that it disturbed using my pillow under my head.
Ciao, pues says
I LOVED the snoogle, but they’re super expensive considering they don’t work for everyone and they take up a ton of space. For that reason they’re pretty easy to find gently used, which is what I did– I paid like $15 for mine.
MDMom says
I also had and loved the snoogle. My husband bought it as a gift (based on recs from women he works with) and I was so mad at how much he spent on it…but then I loved it. And now he uses it.
(was) due in june says
I loved my snoogle. I referred to it as “my precious.”
B says
I have the Boppy pillow. It comes in three parts and TBH, the part that I really use is the curved leg pillow. It took some practice to learn to roll over WITH the leg pillow, but once I got the hang of that, it was awesome. I’ve machine washed it with no trouble. Agree with the other girls that at some point you just start adding more regular pillows.
anon says
I used first one, then two, long body pillows that are about $10 at target. Very helpful. Eventually had one on each side!
SC says
What I wanted/needed to sleep with changed frequently when I was pregnant. Some weeks, I used the Snoogle. Some weeks, I just used a small body pillow just between my knees. Some weeks, I made a fortress of five different pillows. Nothing worked all the time, so I was thankful to have all the options available. Also, I tend to roll around a lot and end up on my back part of the night, and that did not change until I was about 7 months pregnant and it hurt to lay on my back.
NewMomAnon says
I got a cheap body pillow and then bought a wedge pillow to put under my belly at night. I also often stuck a regular pillow behind my back, and built a little mountain of pillows to keep my head propped. At one point I wished I had two body pillows so I didn’t have to roll it over with me. Pros of a multi-pillow system: flexibility, low cost. Cons: hot, cumbersome, hard to share a bed with anyone but a very patient spouse, and getting in and out of bed was a process (which was fun with the multiple bathroom trips each night).
TBK says
I had horrific hip pain pretty much from 8 weeks on. Snoogle was the only way to go for me. It was like having a giant floppy snake/worm/grub thing in the bed, but it was totally necessary.
Butter says
Thanks all! Love the descriptions of the snoogle as a giant limp, floppy snakeworm. So great! I’m going to start with some smaller pillows and see if I can’t find one lightly used as Ciao, pues recommends.
Lorelai Gilmore says
Thank you so much, Kat, for posting something in the plus-sized maternity category. Plus-sized maternity clothes are just a nightmare in general, especially business-appropriate plus-sized maternity clothes (and that’s if you can even find them!). Thanks for speaking to this readership.
Meg Murry says
+1000. Glad I don’t need them anymore, but plus sized maternity clothes are pretty much the worst things to try to find. I’m glad that while I often prefer tall sized shirts, I don’t absolutely need them, and I don’t need plus sized tall pants or skirts – I have friends that are plus sized and tall, and they basically had to find one thing that fit and then order a week’s worth of the same thing in order to have anything to wear at all – and at the end they pretty much were resorting to wearing leggings (thick, almost pants ones, not tights) under dresses that were shorter that they would have liked or maxi dresses, because that is all that fit and was remotely acceptable to wear to work.
I got lucky and there is a consignment shop near where I work that specializes in plus sizes, and they had a maternity section. Someone who was close to my size must have unloaded her entire work wardrobe there, and I bought almost all of it.
Anonymous says
Out of my circle of friends with babies two of us were terminated without cause from our jobs right after returning from maternity leave. One voluntarily decided not to return and taken alternative employment. Another two are extending maternity leave with support of their companies. Is there a blog anywhere about maternity leave and professional women? Just wondering how unusual or usually experiences have been.
Anonymous says
I am an employment lawyer. IME, all of the situations you describe are common among professional women, particularly in states that offer broader protections than FMLA.
Just Venting says
Went home over lunch today (20 mins per direction) and stopped at the store to pick up milk so the hubs who is a SAHD wouldn’t have to lug the toddler and baby to the store. As I sat down to nurse the baby I said, “Would you like to heat me up some leftovers?” He said, “Not really.” I then was more explicit, “Would you please heat me up some leftovers? I have to return to work as soon as baby is done nursing.” He gave me a side eye and his butt didn’t move from the couch.
I think my blood pressure is still elevated.
Anonymous says
Poor you. I empathize!
Anon says
WOW. If you ever calm down (it would take me a week) I would have a very, very, very, explicit conversation with him. You are clearly being part of a team (helping him run errands, nursing baby, covering the cost of his SAHD-ness) and that was not teamwork in any way.
Tell him that if he’s not part of the caring for each other so we can care for the baby team, then he should consider going back to work and paying for child care out of his paycheck.
This strikes me as being very much a power play on his part (I’m a stay at home dad, not a 1950s housewife!) but your request was totally reasonable given that you were doing a favor for him, feeding the baby and on a tight schedule.
But personally, I’d have a hard time not screaming at him that he was a selfish horrible man and why did I have a baby with him.
Jax says
Seriously!?! I’m angry for you!
Anon says
Do you say something to a friend and her husband that are often careless with their children? Examples:
– routinely leaves their baby unattended on changing table (i.e. walk to kitchen from nursery to grab something, not turn around to grab something in nursery…although neither are a good idea, the former is really bad.)
– allows 16 month old to play in the back yard by himself (it’s a 1/4 acre fenced yard but there are things he could get into at his age…the grill, yard tools, he could injure himself on the rocks, etc.)
– she mentioned the other day that she found a steak knife in her 16 month olds toy box and wasn’t sure how it got there. She thought it was funny.
These are just some examples of the things I’ve witnessed. Her 9 month old fell off the changing table last week and hit her head on the wood floor and immediately started vomiting. She thought she was vomiting because she was crying hysterically…could be that or a head injury. She took her to the ER after waiting an hour for the on call pediatrician to call her back. She called me in the interim and I told her “I’d take her to the ER immediately if she’s vomiting”. They did a scan and found that she was just fine.
These were great childhood friends of ours before we all had children. Now I’m always on edge around them due to their parenting. Do I just keep my mouth shut? What do you do in this situation?
Meg Murry says
She has a 16 month old and a 9 month old? Any chance she has PPD or is just completely exhausted and overwhelmed? Any chance she’s acting more scattered than usual, because she hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep in almost 2 years?
Does she have much of a support system? Could you start with gently asking if she is ok? She might be in over her head and need some support, or if she is a SAHM, help asking her husband for more support, either from him, family members or in the form of an occasional babysitter or mother’s helper.
I was very overwhelmed at the shift from one kid to 2, even with a lot of support from my husband and family, and with a bigger age gap, and it took anti-depressants plus far more sleep than I had been getting to snap out of it. Luckily, I never got the point where my kids were endangered, but I fear it could have gone there.
MDMom says
This is such a tough situation. I agree with prior poster that the best thing may be to just express concern about how she is doing and see if she’ll open up. Then you can encourage her to take whatever steps might be appropriate- therapy, doctor, building up support system, etc.
In terms of keeping your mouth shut… I wouldn’t if not saying anything will weigh on you. You can approach it delicately though. I think a good way is to say, in regards to the unattended playing incident for example, “oh my god make sure you keep an eye on [child]. When [your child] was that age, I left him alone in the yard once when I went to get the phone and I found him [doing some horrible dangerous thing.] I never let him out there alone again!” The incident involving your child can be completely made up or at least exaggerated. The idea being to keep her from getting defensive by saying “learn from my mistakes!” instead of “wtf are you thinking?!?!”
rdresq says
Daycare center question for all of you: I am an expecting first-time mom looking at daycare centers. I recently visited a place that seems like a potentially good fit (decent price, good hours, policies I agree with, etc.), but when I toured the facility with the director, the infant teachers weren’t speaking to the infants at all. It is so important for their development for infants and young children to hear words, and as a result, this really worried me. One teacher was feeding some of the infants, but not really interacting or speaking with them besides giving them food, and another teacher was playing with them on the ground, but once again, was essentially silent. I wonder if this was perhaps due to the time of my visit, end of the day on Friday, but I wanted to see how much weight you all think I should give this?
Also, the director said all of their teachers had been at the center for years, and that parents have access to a video feed of the kids during the day as well as an open door drop-in policy. This makes me think that if silent teachers were really a problem, some parent would have complained already, but all the comments I have seen on this facility on local listservs have been positive.
Thoughts?
mascot says
So one thing that I tried to keep in mind with all things daycare is that my child won’t spend all their time there and what I do with him and what I feed him when he is not there counts for something too. This helped me keep perspective when I didn’t love what he was eating for lunch every day (5 meals out of 21 in a week isn’t the end of the world). Kids are sponges. So even if a baby is listening to people talk to each other but not directly to baby, that’s still exposure. The child being fed could be easily distracted so having a quiet feeding is necessary. Could also be that after a week of infants, they were tired. Or the kids were already overstimulated and were happier playing quietly. I wouldn’t write this place off yet if you like everything else.
rdresq says
Thanks, Mascot, you’re so right – there are absolutely explanations for the quiet time, and I didn’t think about exposure to other conversations. Since my future baby will likely be at daycare for 9+ hours per day 5 days per week, and awake with me and my husband for far fewer hours, I don’t want to give this too little importance, but I certainly think the daycare is good enough to warrant a follow-up visit. Ugh – wish this was an easier process! It doesn’t help that there are so few daycare centers around with hours that work for me and my husband.
MDMom says
Agree with mascot. You might try visiting again at a different time of day. Also, is it possible they were quieter because you were in the room (presumable with the director talking to you)?
MDMom says
Just wanted to clarify- I don’t mean to excuse a potentially bad fit and I think you should definitely trust your instincts. But go back more than once if you’re unsure, especially if this is one of the first places you’ve toured in person. It takes a while to feel confident in your judgment about these things (to the extent you ever can). Good luck- it can be a really overwhelming and stressful process.
rdresq says
Right, I had already thought I would visit at another time of day. It’s also a good point that they may have been quiet because the director was trying to talk to us.
When I call their references, I think will ask about this specifically. This is only the second place I have toured, and I’m afraid that I want to pick the other more expensive, more organized/corporate daycare, and that this issue is something I’m latching onto to justify the additional expense of the other daycare. It’s so tough! If anyone lives in the Boston area and has recommendations for the Watertown/Belmont area with good hours (open before 8am and close after 6pm), I’m open to suggestions!
Jen says
We had a kid in daycare south of the city and further west so nothing specific to your location…but I’m assuming Big Corporate is B.H. I did not find them to be worth the extra sticker price in either of the areas I have lived.
MDMom says
To continue the daycare theme of today’s comments… had my first day back at work today and my 4 month old’s first day at daycare (a half day). I cried at drop off as expected and also in the car on the way to work, but once I got to work, it was ok. He did fine. I think the dread was worse than the reality. It really helps that this daycare is convenient to my regular commute and also super warm and friendly. The lead teacher gave me a hug when I left this morning. They took picture of my baby having a good time playing. I’m so relieved to have the first day over. Just an update for those who gave me advice last week when I was worried about the transition!
CHJ says
Thanks for following up – I’ve been thinking about you! The anticipation is definitely worse than the reality. I hope the first week goes by smoothly!
Carine says
Yes, thank you for letting us know how it’s going! Congrats on getting through the first day–and here’s to a good week for both of you!
Anon says
My mother watches our nine month old daughter two days a week. I need opinions on two things that are annoying me, but I recognize I might be being ridiculous about:
1. Lately, my aunts seem to be dropping by ALL the time to visit when she’s there. Once in awhile I thought it was cute. Now I find it annoying that they think they unlimited access to my kid when I’m not there. It’s not that I think anything bad will happen, but it seems unfair to hubby’s relatives who don’t have that opportunity and quite frankly I get a little jealous they are all having a grand old time when I’m at work. Again, once in a while I didn’t mind, but it’s a weekly thing now it seems. On the other hand, maybe this is a control freak problem of mind I need to let got.
2. my parents are digging up old toys of my 28 year old sister for my baby to play with! I’m talking Fisher Price little people house, etc. I checked and it was never subject to a recall (earlier, smaller little people sets were). My mother think it’s fine b/c she wiped it down with antibacterial wipes first. Meanwhile I’m worried aobut recalls, lead paint, BPA, etc concerns which probably never entered her mind.
Am I being crazy to want to say something about either issue?
CHJ says
I’d let go of #1 but not #2.
For #1, I can see why that would bother you, but I can also see it being easier for your mom to pass the day with her sisters around. My mom is lovely and a wonderful grandma, but she does get a bit bored watching DS all day. Plus extra trustworthy adults isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as our moms are getting older (frankly). That said, if you do have care concerns or think that having company is making your mom ignore your baby, or your aunts aren’t people you want to have visiting your daughter, then that would be a different story.
For #2, my MIL does this all the time, and she gets her feelings hurt whenever we tell her not to use old toys. I think she gets a thrill out of seeing an old baby toy from DS’s childhood being used again. But a lot of the toys are broken, peeling, dirty, or generally unsafe. We’ve had to set a blanket “no old toys” rule. She argues this point all the time, but nevertheless, that’s our rule and we stick to it.
Meg Murry says
Does she watch the baby at her house or your own? If your house, I could see being annoyed if your aunts are judgy types who will comment on the state of cleanliness (or not) of your house, or if they are tracking in mud or eating all your food, or if they don’t understand modern safe baby practices (back sleeping, no choking hazard foods), or if they are trying to undermine your parenting or your mother’s caregiving. But if it’s at her house, or they aren’t that type of person, I say it’s actually a good thing, for a few reasons:
1) It meant you don’t have to give up all your weekends making the obligatory rounds to every family event, because “they haven’t seen the baby in sooooo long”. Doubly so if you don’t actually like spending time around your aunts very much, and it means you don’t have to spend time trying to entertain a toddler in a non-childproofed house full of breakables, like some of my aunts (and great aunts) houses.
2) If you trust your aunts, it opens up your circle of possible babysitters if your mom got sick or had an emergency. My mother had to rush my father to the hospital one day when she was watching my kids, and she was able to call my aunt to come watch the kids until I could get home. Kids knew and trusted my aunt, so it worked out ok. My mother has done the same for my aunt when aunt was watching her granddaughter but had an emergency and had to leave ASAP. My aunt is now on my list of emergency contacts to pick up my kids from daycare, etc as well, which we did have to use once, since she is retired and my mother was not at the time.
3) If it keeps your mother happy, she is more likely to keep babysitting. Honestly, being at home all day with a 9 month old can be kind of boring, so having another adult over is preferable to her getting bored of babysitting and leaving you high and dry.
Anon says
When you have a family member watch your kid, it’s never free- you just pay in non-monetary ways. First, let me say that you are totally entitled to feel however you feel, but you just have to weigh the cost/benefit of saying something.
To me, item 1 is kind of an ‘eh, as long as the aunts are safe with her and aren’t like chainsmoking or driving around without carseats, I would let it go.’ This is what happens when one grandparent watches the kid- they and their family get to see the kid more. It’s sorta part of the deal and for me, as long as the grandparent isn’t bringing them around individuals that I would consider ‘dangerous’ to my kid (which you can interpret ‘danger’ however you want), it’s not a battle worth fighting.
Item 2 is where I would say something, but let most of it go. My in-laws held on to EVERYTHING. Like, EVERYTHINGGGG for grandbabies. I am not this type of a person. Some of it is really nice- the lovely unfinished wooden blocks are a classic that never goes out of style- but the endless bits of brittle plastic are concerning.
I framed it as ‘hey, I just want to make sure that babe can’t choke on any of those pieces’ and sent them an article with the ‘can it fit down a toilet paper tube’ test. Other than that, I just let some of my concerns go. I do still watch for the lead paint thing- I keep a close eye out on new toys that have entered the rotation- but I have just let some of my BPA concerns go. That’s what works for me.
Anon says
Also, if these two things are causing you major concern/anxiety, maybe it’s worth it to consider alternative childcare arrangements, like a structured daycare.
Jax says
“When you have a family member watch your kid, it’s never free- you just pay in non-monetary ways.”
YES. When I focus on how my in-laws spend their days with my kids (baking treats, swimming, horse back riding, library visits) while I’m stuck sitting at this desk, I get jealous. Let #1 go. I re-frame the grand old times my MIL has as her reward for putting her dues in. She worked full-time and didn’t get to do this with her son, so I shouldn’t begrudge her time now that she’s retired. She also isn’t a Nanny–she’s Grandma–and I can’t tell her I want her to keep the TV off, read aloud, etc. I’m not in charge of her. She’s doing me a huge favor.
#2 – I wouldn’t fuss about the old toys unless they are filthy or not age appropriate (choking). Grandma is going to need more toys than what’s in the diaper bag and she’ll probably move on from your sister’s old toys to garage sale finds. I’m chuckling at this one because I went through exactly this. At 9 months this all feels like a Really Big Deal, but now that my girls are 9 and 5 I’m just like, “Are they alive? Are the happy? Great. Toss them in the car. I still have to make dinner and I’m exhausted.”
MSJ says
Unless you are working from home or have safety concerns, I’d let the first one slide. More people to love, entertain and interact with your baby! Plus, if they are comfortable with your kid and you with them, more potential baby sitters if your mom is away. And caregiving is a lonely job so I am sure your mom appreciates the company. If she’s having fun, the longer she is likely to keep up her babysitting gig!
I see your point on the second issue though and I think you can bring it up in a non judgemental way that shouldn’t ruffle any feathers. Safety standards evolve all the time and it’s one thing if it’s a toy for an older child but babies put everything in their mouths (at least mine do!)
Anon says
I think you are overreacting on #1 (I get it, though. My baby isn’t here and I already have these thoughts about my in-laws). Number 2 I agree with you on, although if there is no risk on a specific toy that you can research, I may let it go. My in-laws have been thrift/antique shopping and bought all these super sketchy old toys for my baby. I’m really looking forward to the battles that are going to ensue on that one, but I will cross that bridge when we get there.
Jen says
I would let go of both things. If #1 bothers you, you might just let her know and ask that she doesn’t overshare with you in a way that makes you feel worse (eg “oh, aunty was here and we snuggled baby together ALL DAY LONG look at all these cute pics!”). I don’ thave any family close by and see this interaction as way more positive than negative.
For #2, same goes. let her know wha tyour concerns are, and that if they are up for neurotically googling the toys, then it’s fine to play. You can also assure her that this is mostly a concern while the baby is of putting-stuff-in-mouth age.
Lorelai Gilmore says
Yes, you are being crazy. As long as your mom is providing loving, competent care for your daughter, that is enough. Let it go.