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After letting my nail care slide over the winter, I’m looking forward to a much needed mani/pedi. The colors from this new-to-me brand are perfect for spring and beyond.
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Ten Over Ten’s nail polish is $11.99 at Target and comes in more colors than I can list here.
Sales of note for 3.26.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off all workwear
- J.Crew – Annual Spring Event: 40% off sitewide; extra 40% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off Lou & Grey; 30% off new arrivals
- Nordstrom: Spring Sale: Up to 50% off
- Talbots – 25% off your purchase, including markdowns
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything; extra 10% off your purchase with code
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 30% off swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 40% off sale; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% kitchen & dining; up to 25% off TVs; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family; $100 off select Apple products
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
NLD in NYC says
Hope everyone had a good weekend. Does anyone in the NYC area have any suggestions for nearby (max 3 hour drive) vacation spots with a 2 year old? We’ve done an AirBnBs in Poconos area, but felt like there wasn’t much to do. Thanks for any suggestions.
Lily says
Mohonk Mountain House, if you have the budget!
NLD in NYC says
A girl can dream… : )
Anonymous says
Mystic. The aquarium is fun.
Anon says
Lake George area upstate? Jersey shore? Philly? What kinds of things do you like to do and how long are you hoping to get away for?
Anonymous says
In the summer, we like the north fork of LI – lots of agritourism and calm bay beaches.
anon says
Kartrite is an indoor waterpark 2 hours away.
There’s also legoland.
Anonymous says
I think for a two year old, I would pick something cheaper/smaller than Legoland – that is going to be lost on a toddler.
Realist says
A Tiny House resort is not everyone’s thing but it might be yours. They have a pool and you can look at the chickens and walk around. If you’re looking for more to do, I don’t know if it is a great option. We just spent a weekend there and I don’t know the area well.
NYCer says
These are all beach centric, but a few places we have enjoyed:
Northport
Sag Harbor
Watch Hill / Westerly, RI
Newport, RI
Nantucket (longer drive)
NLD in NYC says
Thanks all for the suggestions! I should have mentioned looking to do a long weekend but some of the options might be good if we’re brave enough to do a longer time.
anon says
I am seriously considering a social media break. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I think it’s contributing to some of my negative feelings about parenting. From articles telling me how to parent, to friends who seem to be having a better time than we are. There are a couple of friends in particular who have close-to-perfect kids. Well behaved, super smart, good at everything they try. They live two houses down and our families spend a lot of time together, so I feel confident in saying they really are wonderful kids. Her photos of her kids’ latest triumphs (athletics! speech team! honor roll!) are frankly making me feel like crap. It’s not her fault, but I am not in a great place with parenting at the moment. Our challenges with one of our kids are very overwhelming, and professionals are involved. He has not found his place in his peer group. He’s frankly hard to be around sometimes, and it affects our whole family. The same goes with my sisters, who post pictures of their beautiful babies, toddlers, and preschoolers doing adorable things, and I find myself wishing things were that simple. Not easy, but straightforward. Anyway, the comparisons have become too much, or maybe I’m just too sensitive right now. Has anyone else had to step back for these reasons? I don’t think this is specific to social media, exactly, but it’s certainly not helping.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Social media presents a very limited, curated view of peoples’ lives and pretends that it’s their full lives. People tend to only post the highlight reels. So while it may be true that these kids take cute pics or win some awards, there is so much more to the life of raising kids that I’m sure the parents don’t post about. I try to keep that in mind when looking at FB or Instagram but honestly I’ve limited a lot of my social media scrolling too. I’ve curated my follow list to a few good friends who post more vulnerable posts and I like some of my FB moms’ groups.
Anonymous says
Do it! You will be so much happier.
I unfriended one of my mom friends on social media for similar reasons. I would drop social media entirely, except that I get a lot of information about what’s going on around town from following various arts and community organizations that use FB as their primary means of outreach.
Spirograph says
Yeah, this is the one thing I kinda regret about not being on facebook. My neighborhood association’s public presence is primarily on facebook, and various community organizations’ stuff too… I debated re-creating a bare bones account only to follow these things, but ultimately I decided that I so distrust Meta as a company to be a good steward of my personal data or be a force for good in the world that I don’t to contribute in even the tiniest way to their business.
Anonymous says
This is the main reason I’m still on FB.
Anonymous says
Quit. Bookmark those sites and check them instead of scrolling through other people’s lives. It sounds harsh but I made the change and feel freer.
Anonymous says
I’m the person who hid so many people my feed is mostly animal rescues, so it honestly doesn’t bother me. :) It’s easier for me to have one place to check if I want to see if anything interest is coming up.
Pogo says
My local mom’s group is almost entirely FB. I joined the ‘official’ forum/scheduling app they use and NO one is on it. It’s literally just a mechanism for them to charge you the dues. You’re not getting a recommendation for a good pediatric allergist on there.
It is pretty much the only place I go on FB, but it does keep me from deleting entirely.
EDAnon says
I quit Facebook a long time ago and never looked back. My friends that are still on tell me if there is something critical (and one awesome friend offers to buy/sell things on Facebook Marketplace for me). I highly recommend quitting.
Minimally, delete the apps. That helped me check a lot less.
Anonymous says
Honestly just do it. Social media is completely unnecessary if it’s making you feel bad you don’t need pages of justification to quit.
Anonymous says
You could try muting the perfect moms for a month.
Cb says
Do it. I left Instagram last year and twitter for New Year’s (and haven’t been on fb since 2016) and I am so much happier. The momfluencers/Dr Becky was making me feel bad about myself.
anon says
Such a double-edged sword. I’ve gotten really good advice and actionable steps from Dr. Becky and other parenting influencers. But it also makes me feel worse when I inevitably screw up or if the advice just seems really contrary to my personality. Like, I can’t do a 10-minute download and affirmation of a kid every time they don’t get their way.
Mary Moo Cow says
Oh, I’m so glad to hear someone say this! I was all in on Dr. Becky for a while but it started to turn and make me feel badly about myself and my parenting. I’ve gotten in the habit of scrolling past her videos and I’m feeling better. Same with the Home Edit. I love the Netflix show; the content was too much for me.
Cb says
Yeah, I listened to her podcast on occasion and found myself eyerolling?? The gendered nature of the content, the assumption that you as the “mom” were responsible for the child’s happiness, the absence of the broader community around your child.
I felt like the content didn’t resonate with as a full-time working mom with an equal partner?
Pogo says
Dr Becky rubs me the wrong way. I mostly just scroll by, she doesn’t seem as active or IG’s algo’s have figured out I can’t stand her :P
Someone on here rec’d Mothercould and I like her the most for honesty in terms of momfluencers. I do think Lindsay Gurk is funny even if her fully beige life is ridic; then you can follow SadBeigeToys for an lol.
Instead I’ve tried to only follow real friends who I am interested in seeing their updates and “for me” hobbies/content, not parenting stuff.
Anonymous says
I haven’t deactivated my account or anything, but I’ve unfollowed/hidden enough people that my feed is pretty much all animal rescues, cute zoo animals, and a handful of friends who reliably post funny or useful things. I don’t think you’re being too sensitive.
Spirograph says
Do it! I quit social media about 6 years ago and have never looked back. I started out with disabling my facebook account, but full on deleted it after a year. I never got started on twitter, instagram, tik tok, or any of the others. Sometimes I google particular twitter topics or click through to a particular instagram post if I hear about it elsewhere, but I don’t have accounts on any of them and I am convinced my life is better for it.
Anon says
Mothering in the age of social media is hard. I also get jealous of the people I follow who just seem to have the perfect house and kids. Recently, I’ve tried prioritizing reading books over social media. Both with paper copies and downloaded books on my phone from the library. It’s a nice way of replacing social media and I get the benefit of finally tackling my to-read list.
Anon says
totally quit if you want to. i feel like i ‘need’ facebook bc i find out so much about what is going on with events around town, but you can also mute or hide certain people. also personally i am not a huge poster, but i dont get why your neighbor friend needs to post pictures of their kids doing all of these things. also, yes- babies and toddlers and preschoolers can be adorable but they are still little, who knows what is in store for them for the future. also as a reminder that social media is not real life, in the past week i had two instances where i thought things were all perfect in two different friend’s lives and it turns out they are not. one id left a voicemail for a few weeks ago to say hi and she texted me saying she is sorry she hasnt gotten back to me, but has been completely overwhelmed by work and has been having a rough time lately. another, has been posting so many cute pics of her kids, but has been a bit distant, so i checked in with her to make sure i hadn’t done anything to upset her, and turns out she is still suffering from PPD/PPA and is completely overwhelmed with parenting two kids, whereas seeing her pictures, i kept thinking that things look so fun for her and her family all the time
Anon says
I quit Instagram about 4 years ago. I’m on Facebook but mostly to post things to my neighborhood group (things to give away, etc) and have really cut down my friend list to less than 30 ppl. You wouldn’t know I have kids from my profile.
It’s great, highly recommend! I spend my phone time reading books on the Kindle app.
HSAL says
I’m an aggressive people-hider/muter on social media and it makes my experience so much better. There are people who I adore in person and hate online (and the reverse). If you otherwise get value out of social media I’d try that first.
anonM says
I have been on a break, which I now do pretty much every year sort of for Lent (mainly to give it structure/remind me to do it) and it helps me keep it in check and reassess which things I miss and don’t miss at all. When I get back on/if I do, I’ve already got a few things in mind to delete/mute. These sites are designed to be addictive in any way possible, and I need the reset to stop the mindless scrolling. Whenever I get back on, I’m totally underwhelmed, and it has very rarely ever come up as an issue — any relevant engagements/pregnancies I eventually hear about, and DH shows me the pictures MIL posts or she texts me the pictures.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
So reasonable. I go through phases with IG like this – I realize it is time for a break when I get triggered by normal social media stuff (e.g. humble bragging, selfies, influencers shilling). I love IG for many reasons (following restaurants/things to do in my city, celebrity gossip, fashion, beauty, etc.) but need to take a break from time to time. Right now I’m on a break and hope to stay off of it at least until Memorial day.
FB I visit very sporadically, I just don’t have a ton of use for it now but I understand that may change once kids hit elementary for school/PTO groups.
Anonymous says
I deleted it for lent because it was a huge time suck for me. It’s going well. I do rely on it to get useful information on kid centric events and a specific lifestyle thing my family follows, and there isn’t a non-FB alternative to this. Obviously there’s plenty of studies that point to the fact that social media is addictive and bad for our self-esteem and contributes to anxiety/depression.
Anon says
We have four kids, oldest is seven. She’s generally a great kid but she still throws tantrums semi-frequently (a couple times a week? Sometimes less, sometimes more) They’re really frustrating and disruptive and the type where she’s jus completely out of control and apoplectic. I know that she’s not too old for tantrums, but on the other hand I feel like we’ve been white knuckling it until she outgrows them and she’s just… not. She’ll also be embarrassed about it and then refuse to go where people might see she’s been crying and it’s a whole thing that really throws off the schedule for everyone. (We’re not trying to rush her or anything but she threw one the other morning and we missed younger son’s school drop off because of it and he was upset for example).
I haven’t really talked to the ped, partially because she’s always there and partially because I’m not sure what to say or what I’m looking for. Previously they’ve said they start to worry when they hear reports of behavior from school, and she’s perfect at school and with friends. It just feels like at a certain point we might need help with this. At a younger age we thought about doing some sort of therapy but they suggested play therapy and she’s never had an issue with her peers, just at home. It didn’t feel like a good use of two working parents’ time. Any interventions you all have done that have been successful? We’re kind of at the end of our ropes here. I already follow every parenting ig known to man and we try to follow the scripts and such.
Anon says
can you send the ped a message? once my twins turned 3 i started sending our pediatrician message in advance letting her know things that were going on that i didn’t exactly want to say in front of my kids. play therapy also is not just for issues with peers, it can also be for issues or challenges at home. you say that these happen semi-regularly, can you try to track them and notice if there are any particular triggers? like certain time of day? before/after certain things? too much time between meals? after a night she went to bed later or had less down time? more frequently after interactions with a certain sibling, etc.
Anon says
These are all good points. I do sometimes track them – I think a lot of it is being tired, but it’s starting to be hard to avoid as she gets older (we can’t let her sleep in in the morning and bedtime’s already 7:30 to 8:00). I also think sometimes she’s triggered by not getting enough attention but we have four kids. And we take her on outings by herself and have focused one on one time with her regularly. So not sure I can flex that up. She also looooves being a big sister, so I don’t feel bad about it. But it’s inconvenient.
I think I am going to message her pediatrician, that’s a good idea.
Anonymous says
Could the answer be more attention, less sleep? Maybe you need to set aside some 1:1 time after siblings go to bed. Or if you have family nearby, could she do solo sleepovers once a week with grandma and that kind of thing?
Jolene says
https://corporettemoms.com/8-free-vegan-cruelty-free-nail-polish/#comment-312811
Regarding the attention issue, in addition to the 1:1 time (how frequent is that) can you get childcare help so that you’re not spread so thin as a baseline? Would having a babysitter come over on the weekends to handle the younger kids while you’re all at home just so you have more bandwidth to listen to those random questions, have a short conversation, look at the drawing quickly, etc. be a possible solution to the attention issue?
Anonymous says
What sets off the tantrums? Have you tried leaving her alone instead of following one of the parenting influencer methods? Many kids calm down faster if you give them some space.
I would not allow her to make a sibling late. Carry her to the car if necessary.
OP says
We actually have moved to leaving her alone – it just takes her a while to calm down. I can sort of carry her but it’s getting awkward now that she’s seven? I’m only 5’1″ and she’s over four feet. That’s one reason why I’m wondering if we need professional help at this point – it feels weird to physically move her at this age! And I can’t really do it!
Same when she disobeys – it’s easy to tell a seven year old you want them to take a time out. It’s a lot harder when they refuse to go and they’re getting to be really quite tall and grown up! We tend to punish with immediate consequences, but sometimes I’d also like these tantrums to just occur in a quiet space. This is making it seem more of an issue than it is – it’s not always that frequent – but I am angry that she’s taking a disproportionate share of focus and that her meltdowns are more than the other three admittedly pretty chill kids combined.
Mary Moo Cow says
Not me, but my sibling. They sought occupational/behavioral therapy for their son (who is now 7) for angry outbursts, frustration, and similar behavior to what you describe. Things seem better now, after a few years of therapy (progress is slow, but it’s progress.)
I feel like I’ve read the books and follow the experts and try the scripts, and they don’t always work (and my parenting challenges are not on par with what I observed my sibling’s family’s challenges.) I have sought help from counselors with specific, real-life “here’s what happened this weekend” examples to better effect, and I think that may helpful in your situation, too.
OP says
I like that. We’ve also sat down with her and gone over what happened and how to better deal with it next time. But she’s generally in full tantrum mode and doesn’t listen next time. Yesterday she told me she’s making a new years resolution starting April 12 not to throw more – so clearly she’s trying!
I hate that therapy might be the answer with slow progress since we both work and have four kids but i think getting her under control more would improve life for all of us!
A says
I could have written this. My daughter is almost 8, very bright and social and mature in so many ways and still has giant, physical tantrums that take over our household. My husband and I are meeting with a child therapist this week to hopefully get some insight, mostly because I have no idea how to parent my way through this. I don’t have any great advice, but know you’re not alone and if you’re considering therapy, there’s no harm in trying it out again.
OP says
Thank you, A!!! Um, will you report back? I will too! Let’s figure this out together!
A says
Yes, for sure!! I’ll try to update later in the week.
Anonymous says
We did play therapy with my son. We found it helpful. Not sure about your sentence – “At a younger age we thought about doing some sort of therapy but they suggested play therapy and she’s never had an issue with her peers, just at home.” Play therapy is not about interactions with peers. It’s a method used with kids because talk therapy isn’t as productive for younger kids. For us it helped our kid better express his emotions and learn emotional regulation.
It IS a big time commitment for parents. However, for us I feel like the benefit we received from that time commitment has been worth it. Our kid still has some issues with getting upset – but he can calm himself down, and more importantly afterwards he can discuss what happened with us and talk about it. From my experience it sounds like play therapy could be helpful. You may have intended something else with that sentence. But if it is an option you have dismissed because you think it is only for dealing with peer interactions, I would encourage you to look again.
For the time commitment, we were able to get an 8 am appointment. This ultimately translated into about 30-60 minutes of missed work/ school time a week (plus I lost some sleep because it threw our mornings off that day). It was a bigger commitment for me – because our therapist encouraged the same parent to consistently be at each appointment. For us it was not an option for both parents to come to therapy. Based on our son’s improvements we discontinued therapy after a year. And took a lot of time for that year and during that year I wondered if it was worth it. With the benefit of hindsight, I totally think it was worth it.
Anonymous says
Mine is almost 6, and isn’t so much tantruming as much as what we call “Sundowning.” It only ever happens when she’s tired, but she becomes an absolute monster. It is truly like another being takes over.
It was bad when she was 4 and leaked right before she started K this fall. Due to the pandemic and her age, we’d been on a waitlist for therapy for ages. We finally gave up. We worked hard at home and we’ve seen a lot of improvement. Now that she’s in elem we may try to get into therapy again but I’ve done so much reading at this point that I’m not sure how worth it it will be.
She’s our middle not the oldest so the dynamic is different but we do carve out 1:1 time. We also are complete zealots about bedtime and sleep. We also try to make the 1:1 time very focused on her and not “come grocery shopping with me and I’ll buy you a treat” which I’d previously been counting as 1:1 time.
Anonymous says
“Peaked” not leaked!
Anonymous says
Re: not wanting to discuss with ped in front of the child – ours has started doing some virtual visits due to the pandemic, and a private video chat for me + ped was the perfect forum to discuss some concerns I had about my son that I didn’t want him hearing. They will take more time than they will on the phone as they are billing for the time, it is convenient, and you have privacy.
Anonymous says
Similar 7 year old. Has been in talk therapy for maybe 6 months. He is gradually improving but who is to say if it’s that or just getting older/getting through first grade. Helpful for us is understanding it really is an “out of control” time for him and helping him learn how to stay in control is what we are going for, not punishing the behavior. Punishing or sharing the behavior significantly backfires. Staying extremely calm ourselves and as reassuring as possible that we know he can figure out how to manage and trust he can figure it out is best. For our kiddo there is some body awareness/sensory type triggers (hungry, tired, cold, need to use bathroom etc- usually will not voice these feelings but just totally lose it) so we do a lot of work on trying to notice these things, notice how much better he feels after drinking some water, etc. I had to laugh though because he is so out of it during a meltdown I don’t think he’s ever voluntarily followed a direction to eg go to his room in his life if the direction is given mid meltdown. I guess I’m glad I’m tall because I still carry him at well over 4 feet and over 55 lb.
Anokha says
Honestly, this is why I mute people. I still find value in social media in keeping up with loose connections (e.g., friends in other countries). But I make a concerted effort to mute people who make me feel bad about myself (even if I like them in real life!)
Anokha says
Threading fail! This was meant for the above post re: social media
anon says
Is it bad to be muting a couple of your closest friends and your own sister? Because that’s what makes me (OP) feel like I’m the real problem here.
Anon says
nope, not at all. also- to me, those are not the people im on social media to see. you already know what is going on in their lives. i like social media bc i live so far away from so many friends/family and it is nice to see pics of my friends’ kids growing up. most of my friends are also not huge sharers. there are no rules of who you have to follow/not follow
Anonymous says
This. Social media is for keeping up with distant acquaintances. You don’t need it for people with whom you interact regularly in real life.
Anonymous says
No, it’s not bad at all. Your real-life relationships will be stronger if you aren’t constantly irked by the garbage they post. If they ask why you didn’t see or like one of their posts, you can blame it on the FB algorithm.
Anon says
My sister and I are great friends in real life, but we have very different parenting styles (as well as sharing-on-social-media styles), and I find myself feeling irked and petty about her posts (do you really need to post a boomerang every time your kid goes down a slide?). I was also getting pretty snarky in family texts!
I think sibling relationships, especially sister relationships, can be fraught, even if you get along really well (I’d call her my best friend). I did make a resolution to try to focus on the positives of her texts and only text back kind/encouraging words, and to “like” the inane things she posts (they weren’t offensive, just made me feel jealous for a variety of reasons) and it did help. But muting is also a totally valid option.
All that to say…there is no clear-cut “right” thing. Do what you need to.
(Also, I’ve started checking Facebook only at night. I can’t sit there and scroll mindlessly or engage in spiraling comment threads that way, and it’s really helped!)
Anon says
I de-friended my SIL. Her negative posts throughout COVID just made me feel worse. She probably knows. We don’t acknowledge it. I don’t care.
Anon says
You can unfollow without de-friending. That seems kinder to someone you will have to continue to see IRL.
Potty training says
Low stakes question – recs for good potty training toilets for small bathrooms? We’re still a ways away from actually starting, but since LO has become very interested in bathrooms lately, we figure it’s time to start slowly introducing the idea.
Anon says
I definitely recommend starting with an potty seat that goes on the real toilet. I had a very anxious kid so we had to start with a little potty chair (because she couldn’t even look at the real toilet without crying), and then we had to do another whole process to switch from the potty chair to the toilet seat. Also cleaning poop out of a potty chair is disgusting – way, way grosser than changing a diaper IMO. Best to skip that step if you can and let the waste go directly into the toilet so you can just flush. We have this one and like it: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08TBD6MTL/
anonM says
Potette by Kalencom Plus Potty- small, fits right over toilet seat. I’m not a big fan of the separate potty seats, but to each their own. If you have a small bathroom, maybe just try the over the seat first. Not what I have, but this looks easier to clean and has a hook to hang — BABYBJÖRN TOILET TRAINING SEAT. (If you do opt for the separate seat, the babyjorn’s smart potty is small and simple to clean. They also sell bundles.)
Anonymous says
I recommend one of the toilet seats with a flip-down kid seat. They are so much easier to use and clean than a separate kid seat or a little potty, and you don’t have to mess with the transition from little potty to real toilet. Get a stepstool for kiddo’s feet, plastic for easy cleaning.
NYCer says
+1. Just use the actual toilet! So much easier.
anonM says
Oh, and for stepstool re anon at 1:42- yes, think of easy cleaning! The baby bjorn stepstool is kind of hard to clean on top because it’s so nonslip, so unfortunately I’d say non-slip on bottom, easy to wipe top is better. (Or at least get the grey top not the white).
Anonymous says
Thanks, all! And thanks especially for confirming that I don’t want to deal with cleaning one of those small potty chairs. I was starting to wonder if I was unreasonably squeamish!
Anonymous says
It’s not that hard. You add water from the bath, then pour everything in the toilet. Then wipe with cleaning wipe.
What are you people doing that’s difficult?
Anon says
I’m the one who made the comment about the poop being super gross to clean out of the potty seat. TMI answer but here goes…My daughter was on laxatives for constipation when we started poop training, so it resulted in a lot of very soft stools. Not like diarrhea, but like the consistency of soft serve ice cream but…messier. I did my best to get as much of it into the toilet with toilet paper as I could, but there was a lot left beyond to wipe out. It was definitely not a situation where you could add water, and dump it out in one fell swoop. Things have firmed up since then so it would probably not be as big a deal now. But I still maintain that it’s more “hands on” than changing a diaper, which I could do with my eyes closed at this point so I barely had to even look at what was inside. YMMV, of course. The “what are you people doing?” remark is kind of rude.
Cb says
Two-city lifestyle update: the second semester is done and we’ve survived! I’ll probably only be away for 6-7 days each month for the next 5 months, so it’ll be nice to focus on home routines a bit. I think I’ve become a bit of a Disney Dad, swooping in for fun stuff, so I’m looking forward to doing the school run, and cooking normal meals again.
A few lessons learned:
We have calls on kiddo’s terms. He can call me on the Show when he wants me but we don’t force a nightly call.
No running commentary on what happens when I’m away. My husband’s running the show.
Jury is out on visitors when I’m home or away. My preference would be when I’m away (avoiding the in-laws + I feel a bit sad and distant when grandparents are there and kiddo ignores me) but T finds it a bit sad when I leave and then they leave?
Pogo says
ha, I wouldn’t characterize my job as two city but even I’m away 7 workdays this month! I find keeping calls REALLY short is key – since the only time on weekdays is the morning rush and evening rush.
I like updates from home on cute stuff they’ve done, but agree don’t need a play by play and I don’t get one.
Do you find behavior is worse when you get home – like he was an angel while you were gone and then acts up? Don’t know what that’s about but I’m seeing it with both kids. Also the younger one has resorted to yelling “DADAAAA” for anything, even if I am right there. We can’t tell if he forgot how to say Mama or he just thinks I’m unreliable since I disappear.
Cb says
I think behaviour is best when it’s just Daddy or just me? We’ve had a string of visitors which I think has upset the routine a bit. He had an epic, completely uncharacteristic tantrum when my dad was here and there was a change of plans – they were supposed to go for Chinese and instead were eating at home. But honestly, if I had been looking forward to spring rolls all day, I’d have been grouchy too. I think some of the tiredness is related by tiredness, by Friday afternoon he is DONE.
He does this incredible “muuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaa” whenever he gets hurt. He’ll go to whoever is closer to comfort but it is accompanied by this call for mumma.
Pogo says
Yeah that is generally true they are better whenever it’s just one of us – maybe they are competing for attention when we’re both there?
Clementine says
You guys would get this. I thought I had lost my mind. I was super organized and had my toddler’s backpack packed with new nap bedding on Sunday morning. I had it hanging next to Big Kid’s backpack. Go me! Way to be so together.
This morning, I realize that it’s not on the hook. Did I forget? Where did I put it? Whatever, here’s another setup kid.
I’m WFH today and about 10 minutes ago I’m on a call and realize: the backpack is in my kid’s playhouse in the backyard. Little one must have brought it out when the kids were playing yesterday. I immediately feel so much better.
Cb says
Pre-kids, we packed up our work backpacks, with snacks etc the night before. And then we got burgled, so basically everything wwas packed up nicely for the burglars.
We had a phase where anything valuable – keys, remotes, wallets, ended up in my son’s play kitchen.
anonM says
Oh my gosh not just me?! Ha. I also have had to keep bags out of kid reach/sight when they go through smuggling-toys-and-tools-to-school phase. (No joke, DS loves sneaking his toy wrench to school. He comes out of class at pick up SO proud of his clever trick. Sometimes it is hard not laugh because he did this despite me checking his backpack before getting into the car!)
Anonymous says
Mine has been smuggling toys in the other direction. I’ve opened her bag in the evenings to find small daycare toys stashed in there. No clue when it happens!
Pogo says
Whenever something is missing the first place I look is the storage compartment of The Alphabet Train. Keys, errant sippy cups, my husband’s work badge… toddler goes shopping around the house and throws anything of value in.
Mary Moo Cow says
Haha! Yes! This morning I had the backpacks, lunches, water bottles, and treats for school-wide Seder all packed and lined up by the back door and what did I forget? My lunch. Because it was still on the kitchen counter.
Anon says
How do you handle it when your kid’s friends’ parents show no interest in getting the kids together outside of school? My daughter is 4 and over the last couple of months has developed her first real friendship with a girl in her class. Based on what I’ve observed, it seems like a very mutual friendship and we get tons of photos and updates of them playing together. My daughter really wants this girl to come to our house so I texted the mom about having a playdate and she ignored me. I know I have the right phone number for her. My kid keeps asking about when this friend will come over and I don’t know what to say. My daughter also really wants this girl at her birthday party in a few months and I don’t know what to do about that either. I feel really weird reaching out to the mom again when she didn’t even reply to my previous message, but my daughter is old enough now that I can’t just say “Hey let’s invite Billy over instead!” because Billy isn’t a substitute for Jane.
Clementine says
Don’t feel weird and try again.
Um, I’m the other mom in this scenario. What you see that happened: she ignored your text. What actually happened: I saw your text, but then we had some really rough family stuff, then it was a holiday, then the kids were sick, then we were out of town, and then I forgot about it… and now it’s been a weird amount of time and I remember at 11PM that I should text her back.
Which reminds me… I should go text other kid’s mom to set that playdate up…
Clementine says
wow, that first line doesn’t read right.
I mean: Don’t feel weird! Go for it and text her again!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 I would be the Mom who forgot to text back.
Spirograph says
same. I see texts all the time but need to think / check calendar /whatever to reply in a meaningful way…and then I get distracted in the 5 minutes that I was on my way to do that.
Sleep says
Agreed, try again! This happened to a friend of mine. A friend of a friend reached out because their kids go to the same school and they live in the same area. My friend meant to email back but it kept slipping and then she felt more and more awkward about responding after so much time had passed. MONTHS later she finally did respond, and now the kids have had at least one playdate!
Anon. says
Yes – this would be my assumption too. I am also guilty of responding to text in my head and then checking it off my mental to do list without actually responding in real life.
Definitely try again. And agreed on below that even if they’re not big on playdates, birthday party is different.
Anonymous says
Maybe she’s blocked unknown numbers? Or maybe she’s exhausted and doesn’t have bandwidth for playdates? If they see each other every day at preschool, do they really need a playdate?
anonM says
+1. Maybe there’s a new addition in the family. Maybe they have tons of cousins in the area. Maybe kiddo needs lots of downtime all weekend so playdates would take up the limited socializing that parents can plan. (Honestly, a neighbor keeps wanting to do playdates and I’m postponing because I haven’t seen some of my close friends in a while and want to do that first. It’s nothing personal about neighbors or kids, but when DH travels I have really limited bandwidth for anything else but sticking to a basic routine.)
Birthday party is different – I’d text the parent something like “Here’s the invite for DD’s party. Really hope Jane can make it — DD calls her her “best friend. So cute.” I don’t love having lots of plans with school friends, but would make an extra effort if I knew our kids were buddies there vs. generic whole class invite.
NYCer says
+1 to all of this. I will also add…don’t take it personally! We are busy, and preschooler playdates are not always at the top of my list. It definitely doesn’t mean I have anything against the other mom or child. But I figure the kids see each other at school, and in our case at least, the kids will likely end up going to different elementary schools, so I don’t spend a lot of weekend free time fostering these relationships (written out that makes me sound like such a mean mom, but I swear I am not!). I do really try to respond to text messages though, so in your case, it could be that the other mom just was busy when you sent it and forgot to respond.
And I agree that birthday parties are different and also second the language that anonM suggested.
Anonymous says
+1, I just got a new phone, and it had automatically blocked unknown numbers. Took me a couple weeks to figure this out.
Jolene says
Agreed re: playdates for preschool friends. It’s fun if both parties are into it, but when the kids are too young to do dropoff playdates, it’s a huge lift as a parent, esp. an introvert. I think it’s fine to try again, but I think if it doesn’t work out in that case, just let it go with respect to this particular family at this time. And to echo other posters, you might try reaching out by email as an alternative if the school provides a list of parent emails – sometimes it’s easier for people to check their calendars and compose a thoughtful response to an email rather than a text.
Cb says
Do you have an only? I do (he’s almost 5) and I find that only parents are much more invested/up for playdates than parents with multiples are. I think it’s a scheduling thing or a sense of why have playdates when you have two kids at home to play together.
Tell your daughter “tell Jane to ask her mummy to message me!” I also feel like birthdays are something parents are more likely to show up for.
Sometimes I pick my son and his bestie up at school finish time (his bestie finishes at 3, my son stays til 5) and we’ll have a playdate then, as I know his family is quite busy at the weekend.
Anon says
I thought about telling my kid to ask the other kid to ask her mom, but I wasn’t sure if that would be considered manipulative by the parents if they’re anti-playdate. My husband swears he was arranging his own playdates at 5 but I’m a little skeptical of that.
She is an only child and I’ve heard the same thing from other people about families with more than one kid not being as interested in playdates. Unfortunately we live in an area where it’s very strange to have an only child and we don’t know any other families that only have one child. But in this case I’m not sure it would make a difference because she really wants to play with this specific kid. There are other kids in the class we’ve had playdates with before, but she isn’t as interested in them right now.
Anonymous says
You’re being too dramatic about this
Anonymous says
In my experience, parents of young kids tend to plan playdates mainly as an excuse to socialize with their own friends. When the kids get older they have sleepovers, but drop-off playdates are not really a thing around here.
Cb says
Oh no! I love a dropoff playdate. We do park playdates with new friends, but drop off playdates with his best pal and it’s amazing. We really like the mom and dad so hanging out is fun too, but dropoff playdates mean the host parents can do household projects or just chill with a vague ear out for any mischief.
Anonymous says
No playdates even in elementary school? I understand why people don’t prioritize it in daycare because the school day is basically one long playdate. But once kids are in K the opportunities to play with school are so much limited and playdates seem important for maintaining friendships.
Anon says
do you have the mom’s email address or can you try to text once more? also, i have multiple children, but in our area the challenge with playdates is that everyone else seems to have their entire extended family within a ten minute drive, so there is always a family gathering for something, which then leaves little time for playdates with those of us who dont have a built-in community
Anon says
Yeah OP here and honestly it’s hard for us to find weekend time too. We travel a lot and my parents spend a lot of time here, so that knocks out well over half the weekends. I’m hoping it will be easier in elementary when after school playdates can (hopefully?) be a thing? I work from home with a flexible schedule so would be able to supervise kids at our house pretty easily. But right now the kids are in daycare until 5 or 5:30 and they’re little and have early bedtimes so getting together with people on a weeknight doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. We’re going to try to spend more time in the neighborhood park on weeknights as the weather warms up and the days get longer.
Jolene says
The point of telling your daughter to tell her friend to ask her mom isn’t really that the friend will actually do it. It’s a way to respond to your daughter. “Mommy, I want a playdate with Jane!” “I sent a message to Jane’s mom but haven’t heard back – you could try to ask Jane to ask her mommy if she can come over.” It’s teaching her some autonomy and ownership over her own social schedule.
Pogo says
I would try again. It’s hard in this scenario because you don’t know the mom and I swear I get the same feeling of being in high school and thinking all the popular kids were hanging out without me. But I think there are so many legitimate reasons she may have just forgotten to text back.. I would try again.
Mary Moo Cow says
I would invite her to the party and hope that you can make some small talk at the party and tentatively set up a playdate. If you don’t want to wait that long, perhaps ask the teacher if she can pass on a note to the other family: this is what I had to do because we didn’t have a school-wide directory. Something short and sweet, like “I love these pictures of Suzy Q and Jane playing together! Would you like to meet a park to let them play together outside of school?” Also seconding that sometimes numbers get blocked or returning texts fall to the bottom of the list.
Other than that, patience. Some families just don’t want to socialize outside of school, and while that has been hard on my kids in the past, lots of reassurance that it is nothing to do with your kid and redirection over time can soften the blow. At 6, my kid doesn’t really remember the BFF she had at 4 who we only saw a few times outside of school.
anon says
I just got back from walking my dog and baby. Dog is not kid-friendly with strange children. We passed by a woman with a boy who was 4-5 years old. I put my dog on the side of the stroller so we could squeeze by without incident. We passed them again later on. She said to the boy- loudly so I could hear- “oh that woman is very unfriendly. That’s not nice, is it.” Once we were a safe distance away so dog wasn’t near them, I told her that my dog is not friendly and that I was merely trying to keep her child safe. She made a comment that I was unfriendly and I could have said hello. FWIW she never said hello. Moms, is this a thing? My daughter is a baby so we haven’t had any “manners” talks but is this how people teach kids? I was pretty irate as I was clearly struggling with a stroller and dog, and she had the nerve to berate me for being “unfriendly.”
Anonymous says
Nah, the other lady is weird.
Anonymous says
I probably would have made a similar comment to my dog so she could hear it.
anonM says
No, this is silly and rude of this woman. Sounds like the type who will call your kid “rude” for not wanting to hug them, ick. Also, I doubt very much she would have called man unfriendly for…walking??? I’d do my best to let it go and hope you don’t see her much. If you do, I’d be superficially pleasant but not try to argue — there is no “winning” with people like that.
anon says
Thank you for these responses! I’m feeling better now.
Anonymous says
She sounds nuts. I live in a big city and I can’t imagine having to acknowledge every single stranger I pass by all day every day. Related, I would not dream of saying something negative about a passerby to my son if I thought the passerby could hear it – that’s a recipe for getting assaulted. I do sometimes loudly correct MY CHILD if I want a stranger to hear me saying something like, “when you bump someone you say ‘excuse me” or “keep on the right side so people can pass.” I also apologize directly if he does something really egregious.
Anonymous says
+1 to all of this.
Also, I am from SoCal, so the whole “say hello to strangers on the street” thing still weirds me out even though I have been is the SEUS for over a decade now. Where I come from you don’t even make eye contact with other people on the street.
Pogo says
that is WEIRD. Even when I think people are “unfriendly” I try not to pass that judgement on to my kids since it is just that, a judgement, not a fact.
Example – we had a weird incident where I had previously met our new-ish neighbors and introduced myself and the kids. Twice with the mom, at least once with the husband. I explained how our properties connected in the back and our older son likes exploring the woods, they seemed chill with that. One day I finally worked up the courage to ask if we could cut through to our property, since it save like 20min of walking on a much busier street, and the husband said yes. We did it, no issues. Then just the other day, I tried to cut through from our side and the husband came out as soon as I put like one toe on their property (not even kidding) and yelled “can I help you?” and I started to explain who I was, and that we’d spoken before and he cut me off and said, “Yeah I don’t want you coming through here.” I was a bit startled, but I just said brightly to my kids, “OK, guess we’ll take the long way!” and I tried not to get the notion into their head that our neighbor was rude/mean, even though I kinda felt that way!
Anon says
Dude. That lady is crazy, I’m sorry that she lives in your neighborhood. You were right.
Anonymous says
That woman was rude, which is worse than being unfriendly. But where I grew up in the Midwest, and also in the South it is hella unfriendly to pass someone on a sidewalk or a biketrail without at least a friendly smile-and-nod, preference for a verbal greeting. I’ve noticed this is not as common in the DC area or Northeast, and my husband is also from CA and thinks it’s weird when strangers are friendly. Maybe she’s a recent transplant.
EDAnon says
That’s funny, I grew up in the south and people often said hi when you passed. However, in my Midwestern city, no one says hi or waves or anything. If I do, they act like I am weird.
Anonymous says
Maybe it’s a city vs suburb thing? I lived in the burbs, and bike trails weren’t thoroughfares, so you were really only passing someone every few minutes at most. It is impractical to greet everyone on a busy city sidewalk, for sure!
I still remember being intensely uncomfortable when I went to college in the Northeast and people would actively avert their eyes (before cell phones, so they’d have to become intensely interested in their fingernails or bag straps or something) while walking toward me on campus. It was a cultural difference I was not expecting or prepared for!
Momofthree says
Good for you for protecting the child from the dog (and the dog from the child :)
Her response is totally bizarre. I generally ask people if my kids can touch other people’s dogs and totally respect if they say “No, they’re not kid friendly”. Also some people will take their dogs away when they see kids coming, and I may go “hmm” in my head, but I would never accuse that person of being rude.
I also like saying hello to other people while walking, but understand if people are busy and again, would never tell my child that person was being rude.
Anonymous says
yeah, especially with the dog involved, I feel like there is no limit to protecting kid and dog from each other.
anonM says
This thread is so funny to me! We moved during covid and I thought our neighborhood was a little cold because no one waved or said hi ever when walking past. (However, I did not loudly accuse them of being rude lol.) But now that covid is much better, people say hi or do a quick nod/wave. Midwest.
So Anon says
I know this is late in the day but I’m hoping for some career advice: Last year, my boss submitted me for a promotion to reflect that I have taken on new and more substantial responsibilities. My boss isn’t great with crafting these type of submissions. Our organization needs metrics and quantifiable data, which is not a language that my boss speaks. Personally, I did not feel as though the timing was right on the promotion. I thought it would be better to submit it this year, but I was not consulted. I have taken on a huge amount of responsibilities and deliverables for our organization, especially over the last 6 months. I have learned that I did not receive the promotion, and that the reason is that the department is facing budgetary pressures (my promotion would come with a sizeable raise and we are top heavy with VPs). A couple of questions: Is the “budgetary pressures” thing actually a reason that they will not promote someone who is otherwise qualified and deserving? Should I take this as a sign to look for a new job? Any other advice?
Clementine says
I had something similar happen.
I mean… correlation is not causation, but me directly asking my boss to be a reference because I understood promotion was not going to happen so I was applying elsewhere happened on like a Thursday and I was told I was getting promoted the next week. From the Finance side: yeah, top heavy is a thing.
FWIW, I was 100% ready to leave and I think that really was important.
EDAnon says
I second this. I told my boss I was thinking. Of leaving when my pay was low and I got a raise in less than 5 days. I would have been willing to leave if it hadn’t happened.
EDAnon says
Finances are a real thing, but if they wanted to make it happen, they could. People leave all the time with new folks coming in and making less or whatever other changes. It may be that your boss didn’t spell it out well, though.
Momofthree says
Have you seen the promotion recommendation that your boss provided? Did they, in fact, not include the details that you think are relevant? Does this reflect the work you’ve done in the past six months?
Does this preclude you from applying for the promotion next year?
If you feel better qualified this year and you still don’t get promoted after another year, then it may be time to look for a new role. If you’re otherwise happy in your job, feel fairly compensated and this situation is an outlier, I’d say don’t make any major decisions, but keep it in mind if other things come up.
Anonymous says
Of course budget is a reason to not promote someone. If there’s no budget for the salary you can’t have the position. None of us know if that’s what is happening for you! I say of course look for a new job.
Anonymous says
My middle child, a kindergarten girl, seems to have very little interest in making friends. She’s friendly and outgoing, and will play with other kids but doesn’t have the same friendships that my older daughter or my younger daughter has. I would attribute this to the pandemic isolation, but it seems like other kids are emerging from isolation and forming friendships. We have playdates over, she goes to other kids’ houses, but a lot of the time she just wants to play by herself. Eventually, the friend/playdate stops having fun with her because, well, they don’t get played with! A family we are friends with has a daughter the same age and our girls went to preschool together. We recently dropped our kiddo off and when we picked her up, it turns out she spent the playdate playing with the family dog, not her friend (who felt frustrated because she thought she was having a playdate!).
DH and I are trying to figure out how much of this is her personality vs needing more practice socializing. We don’t want to force her to make friends with people and she doesn’t seem unhappy, so do we just let things play out? Do we get more involved in playdates, like I would with a 3 year old (all of us play together, then me slowly step out and only be there to referee things?). FWIW, she does play differently (ie “normally” or “more engaged in cooperative play”) when it’s with her siblings. She also does play more “normally” when my older daughter has friends over and they invite her to play with them (eg let’s go build a fort in the woods. You be the monster and we’ll set traps for you! or “let’s make a racetrack in the driveway and race all the scooters”).
Anonymous says
She could just be more introverted and prefer the company of family to friends? Which is plenty of adults. She may just not have found her person yet. I wouldn’t be like “you have to make more friends” but frame it as manners…like going to someone’s house to play you should play because no one likes being ignored. So maybe this is more about teaching manners/social skills?
Anonymous says
Yeah. I would also ask yourself whether you’re scheduling too many playdates for her. My kid is super extroverted and if it were up to her she would have a playdate every single day. But not every kid is like that, and it’s ok. I’m very introverted and needed lots of down time to myself as a kid and sounds like your child is the same.
Anonymous says
That’s exactly what we are trying to tease out. DH is an introvert- but he’s also not sure if we should just let her be or coach her a bit.
I love the idea of manners vs socializing. I think that’s helpful and spot-on. And, of course, keeping an eye to make sure we are not forcing socialization she doesn’t want.
Momofthree says
She may also just not like one on one play- it sounds like she does better with multiple kids/ as part of a group. Does she have the same issue when you have a family over with multiple kids? How does she fare at birthday parties?
I wouldn’t push it too hard- you can always ask if she has a certain friend she’d like to have a playdate with, but I’d otherwise let it go.
My oldest is in K and we still mostly do group playdates- it’d be really difficult for us as family to manage individual playdates for each of the kids
Anon says
I’m curious about what groups playdates means? Having your younger kids play with the siblings of your oldest kid’s friends?
Anon says
Does she ask for the play dates? I agree it sounds like a lot of extracurricular socializing, and maybe she’d rather be home or playing with siblings. I have three kids and the middle is actually the “best” at playing with other kids (he’s 4.5 and very thoughtful and kind), but the only play dates he’s had outside of school have been the spontaneous kind at a playground. We’ll start to do a little more this spring because he’s asking.
SF says
What do you do with your kindergarteners when school ends? Our elementary school offers a free after school program but requires the child stays until 6 every day. My son is in preschool from 9-5/530 now, but 8:15-6 (plus required!) seems tough. And finding a part-time nanny seems difficult and expensive. WWYD?
Anonymous says
They go to after-school programs. I have never heard of an after-school program that required kids to stay until closing time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same. Our onsite aftercare programs allow you to pick up the kids whenever, and that’s the same as the other off site options. Why are they required to stay until 6?
Spirograph says
Same. My son was not required to stay until 6, but the price was the same irrespective of when I picked him up, and he did get upset with me if I tried to pick him up too early. It is a long day for a kindergartener, but aftercare was the main redeeming feature of K for my son.
Allie says
A different after school program? My town at least has private organizations offering two core ones, and several specialty ones (outdoor, arts, etc.) to choose from.
Anon says
Not an option everywhere, unfortunately. Our only option is the on-site ones.
Anon says
I would never sign my child up for an aftercare program that required attendance until 6 every day. I have a flexible schedule and early pickups are such a treat for us both.
I have just had my K-er home with me this year, mainly because our aftercare is bad quality. It’s gone a lot better than I thought it would. I take a break in the afternoon to get her from school, make a snack and hang out with her for about 30 minutes but then I’m usually able to do another hour or so of work while she entertains herself. My job is not as intense as many here though. If your job won’t allow for this, I would vote for a nanny.
Anonymous says
Aftercare because wolves aren’t an option
Mary Moo Cow says
I want my own Good Dog Carl so I can live my best life and not have to pay a babysitter.
Anonymous says
You may have to pay until 6, but can you take them out early?
GCA says
That seems…odd. What is the rationale for requiring they stay till 6? And, this sort of depends on your kid. I was quite happy as a first-grader to come home at 2.30, have a snack, and hang out at home to read/ watch tv with my little sister and grandparents till 5pm (grandparents were busy looking after little sister and making dinner, no one was going to entertain me). My first-grader is an extremely high-energy extrovert who needs social interaction, and he’s much happier in afterschool than he would be at home with us in the afternoons.
Mary Moo Cow says
DH and I were both working from home when our oldest was in Kindergarten. Because school started earlier than daycare, I was able to shift my working day from 9-5 to 8:30-4:30. DH picked kid up and they got home around 3:30. When he got home, I took a break to get her unpacked and make a snack and chit-chat then set her up for an hour or so of independent play (or, honestly, often TV.) DH got back to work when he got home and I logged on to keep an eye on email, etc. for the last hour of the work day. Is this an option for you? After care with an early pick up would be my second choice and a neighborhood high school/college student would be my third option. (I know lots of people chime in to say students these days are so busy with extracurriculars they aren’t free afterschool, but I know some in my area who would like and be free for afternoon babysitting at least a few days a week.)
SF says
OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. Why is 6pm required? Because Los Angeles Unified is mostly terrible but I’m trying to make it work – the costs are covered because of some sort of grant, so my guess is they have to show it’s fully utilized. I think I’ll start by using the care and taking him out when I want to, until I get kicked out of the program (or learn that it’s actually fine).
Anonymous says
If it’s grant-funded in an urban district, I would suspect that they need to demonstrate some kind of outcome (higher test scores, etc.) and want to make sure the kids participate in all the programming.
I find it very hard to believe that there are no other after-school options in L.A. Even when I was growing up there in the 1980s, there were YMCA programs.