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How could I not buy this absolutely adorable and clever hard boiled egg holder? My daughter loves hard-boiled eggs, and we never have enough around.
This clever contraption eliminates cracked eggs and goes from pot to fridge to table. Large eggs fit in the penguins’ tummies easily, and you could probably squeeze in extra-large ones. (I don’t think jumbo eggs would fit.)
The only other thing to note is that in order to accommodate the height of the handle, I used a domed lid for our standard 3-quart pot. (A taller pot would work as well.)
The egg holder is $19.99 at Amazon. If you’re not into penguins, there is also an equally cute bear version. 3-in-1 Egg Holder
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Around what age to kids outgrow play kitchens? I’m trying to decide whether we should let ours go soon. Thanks!
Tea/Coffee says
We finally just got rid of ours… kids are 9 and 5. The 5YO probably would have continued to play with it on his own but most kitchen play was directed by older sister lol.
We did keep some of the play food – that continues to get used on a regular basis.
anon says
Same situation here. We sold the kitchen a week ago, which made me a little sad. That was the first “big” toy we bought our older kiddo.
Anonymous says
Our 6 year old twins and their 9 year old sister are still into theirs. We actually upgraded to a bigger one last Christmas. They do a lot of pretend play generally.
Anon says
I think it depends on the kid? I feel like I played with mine until at least age 8 or 9 or so, but I was a quiet, introverted “indoor kid” who was very into pretend play. I know a lot of super active kids, boys especially, who lost interest much more quickly.
Cb says
I thought my 3.5 year old had lost interest but it’s come back in a big way the last few weeks. On mornings where we are at home, I can curl up on his bed and drink my tea while he makes me breakfast.
avocado says
My daughter didn’t use her play kitchen alone much after age 6 or so, but it was a big hit for group play all the way through fourth grade. If in doubt, I’d keep it for a while longer unless your kids are all over age 10.
OP says
Thanks, all. Kiddo is 5. She got hers for Christmas at 2. Admittedly it was pretty geared toward younger kids. I knew that going in. I just feel like it blends into the background now. I agree that we use the food/plates/etc. way more than the actual kitchen. I might consider selling the one we have and putting the money toward something smaller and more older kid feeling. Any recommendations?
anon says
My twins are 4 and we just moved our play kitchen into the basement because they weren’t playing with it much. We kept out the play food and utensils which are often pulled into their games and figure we’ll bring out the kitchen again in 6 months when we need something “new” to occupy them. If you have the storage space, you could do something similar.
Anonymous says
if you want to de-clutter, you are not ruining your older preschooler (4/5)’s life by removing it. That said, my kids are 2/4/7 and even the 7 year old still plays with the kitchen if the little ones are doing something.
I would say the prime years for the kitchen are 2-4, but it could be used long after. We have a second one that we keep in our yard and it’s a “mud kitchen” that gets tons of use by all 3 kids.
Anon says
yes, this was going to be my suggestion. put it in the yard and make it a mud kitchen or in winter a snow kitchen
CCLA says
Thanks for this reminder that it won’t ruin their life. We have a small space and the beautiful PB kitchen we got the kids for xmas last year gets used like max 1 hour a week. The main reason I’ve kept it is b/c I keep thinking it’s an integral part of childhood that they can’t do without, but we’re moving and I’m 99% sure it’s getting purged (we live in the city so it has to really earn that space)!
SC says
My 5 year old seems to have lost interest in the play kitchen, but he was never really into pretend/imaginative play. We’re also thinking about removing it–maybe we’ll put it in the garage and see how it goes.
EB0220 says
We got rid of ours when we moved earlier this year – kids are 6 and 8.
Anon says
[removed at request of commenter]
Cb says
Oh my gosh, that is awful. I think just a nice note, I don’t know if there is anything you can “do” in such a devastating situation.
Anon says
How tragic, I’m so sorry.
Anonymous says
So I totally get your feelings and they come from a great place, but you aren’t close and this is a time to stick to tradition. Write a condolence note. Attend any virtual memorial service. Make a donation in her memory. Support whatever work organizes. That’s what is appropriate from a work acquaintance you don’t directly work with or know well. I’ll be keeping the family in my prayers.
Anon says
omg. that is beyond beyond terrible. i cannot even imagine. and to all those saying it doesn’t effect kids…
does she have other kids as well? is she religious? do you know what religion she is? the only reason i ask is bc i’m jewish and so when someone passes away the custom is to send a card and then to make a donation in their name and send food. i’m honestly sitting here crying reading this. i just cannot even fathom.
Anon says
i’m replying to my own post, but did she have any underlying conditions? this is just so so sad and so so scary
Anon op says
Yes she had underlying conditions.
Realist says
Anon, I can understand why you would ask this and I know you did not intend it this way, but please know that it can come off as ableist and rude to ask about preconditions. Even if the preschooler has underlying conditions, which apparently they did, they and their family did not deserve this. This death is just as tragic, scary, sad, and undeserved regardless of the child’s medical history. It may make some people to feel safer to think ‘well, my child doesn’t have underlying conditions so this particular horror could never happen to us’ but it really isn’t any protection for you to distinguish a child in this way. The horribleness of the situation is not diminished by whatever conditions. The child had that made them more vulnerable. No harm done here since the family didn’t read this and your intentions seem good, just something to think about in the future.
anon says
Plus a million.
Anonymous says
Agreed
Anon says
I am the Anon you are replying to and I appreciate your response, but this is also why I asked this anonymously on the internet and would never ever in a million years ask this to anyone non-anonymously. My heart breaks for the family just the same and I can only imagine how scary it must be to have a child with underlying conditions who is at a higher risk for Covid and the child’s death is most certainly just as tragic. Whether a child has preexisting conditions that make them more susceptible to Covid is no one’s fault. I don’t think that myself or anyone in my family is immune to tragedy (trust me, we’ve dealt with plenty of our own, though fortunately never the death of a child which i truly cannot imagine) and we are taking the virus extremely seriously (have not gathered with anyone indoors since the start of the pandemic, have only done a handful of outdoor socially distanced get togethers, and don’t even go to playgrounds despite my children begging because we don’t have great mask compliance where we live).
Anony says
i don’t think the poster intended to diminish the horribleness of the tragedy and i think many people ask or say things on this site that they would likely never say in-person. aren’t all of us on here every day stressed about making covid related decisions doing the risk/benefit analysis for our families, trying to take into account whatever information is available about covid risks? or arguing that schools should open because kids are generally low risk? whether people (kids or adults) who die or have suffered serious long-term effects from covid had a preexisting condition is relevant to that calculus.
Anon for this says
I understand why it is an offensive question and I hate when I hear people ask or say things like this. I’m embarrassed to admit that it is also the first thing I wondered, and I was both horrified and relieved that someone asked. Regardless, this is all just so completely terrible and just too much.
Anon says
There are sixteen kids who have died of COVID-19 who are between the ages of 1 and 4. (One in 200 deaths of that age group are from COVID.) There are 44 between the ages of 5 and 14, representing 1% of the total deaths of those groups.
The death rates are so low that someone with enough time on their hands could identify the poster’s law partner based solely on the fact that her young child died of COVID-19 this week.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/vsrr/covid_weekly/index.htm
Anon says
@Anon at 5:08 I was going to say the same thing. Virtually every pediatric Covid death has been heavily reported in the media, ie., I know about the 1 year old who just died in Maryland despite not living there. I’m sorry for OP’s loss but I really hope some facts were fudged, because this person is very identifiable to anyone who cares to check the news for the next few days.
Pogo says
+1 to finding out what religious tradition she is and then asking a friend from that religion what is customary. Even things like the color of the flowers you send can be relevant and mean a lot to the person.
Anonymous says
Yes to this, and I’m so sorry for your colleague and her family. How awful
I know your question was about supporting your colleague, but also let yourself have time and space to process this. The son of one of my friends died recently. Rationally, it isn’t my tragedy and this friend and her son were not part of my daily life and routines, but death of a child is just devastating in a way that, as a parent, distracted me and made me teary at inappropriate times for a good while (and now, again).
I also agree with TheElms below to reach out occasionally after a few months have passed. It can be really comforting for people to know that their loved ones are remembered by people outside their own family.
Anon says
I had a friend lose a teenage child (who I had met only a couple of times). It was very sad for me, too, and still is. I agree about reaching out later, especially around holidays. Just a nice note letting them know you’re thinking of them.
Anonymous says
Oh my gosh. I can’t even imagine. How heartbreaking. I’d do whatever you can to make her life easier, especially if she has other kids. Food, gift cards for take out, other logistical help. And a kind note/card.
anon says
Ugh. This is a gut punch to read. I would contribute to what the firm is doing now, send a meal in a couple of weeks along with a nice handwritten note, sharing any memories or warm thoughts. I’ve found people appreciate those things a little bit more after all the chaos has subsided.
TheElms says
This is so tragic. I am so sorry for your law partner and for you. It is hard to see people we care about (even if they are only work colleagues) go through the worst of times. Perhaps a donation to the hospital / nursing staff that would have cared for her daughter, made in her daughter’s name or the family’s name, would be meaningful to her?
My guess is she will get a lot of support right now and support in a month or three months down the road could also be really meaningful.
Anonymous says
I think in addition to all the great suggestions above, you can ensure you and your family are 110% complying with all public health guidelines and making it known to your team that you are. It sounds like you are also a partner and therefore in a great position to be a role model. I’ve pushed my husband, who is in the C-suite at his company, to do the same at his firm. He’s following all the rules but until my suggestion didn’t make it a topic of general conversation. Recently, though, on a team call he mentioned something like “oh well I spent the weekend with my kids who were all annoyed with me because we wouldn’t let them attend an indoor birthday party. Crazy that it was even happening to begin with!” or “Am on the phone with you from the line to get my daughter with the sniffles COVID tested again.” I am in no way suggesting you are NOT complying, just that it helps to see people in positions of power following the rules.
Anon says
This feels performative and tone deaf. if I’d had a child die from Covid (or anything really) the last thing I would want to hear is someone talking about their kids having to miss a birthday party.
Anonymous says
I don’t read it as doing that in front of the colleague who lost a child, but more to just be part of the solution in general. To me, it’s important for leaders to lead by example and g-d knows there’s been an epic failure of that at the very top in this country. In the work environment, it’s important to give people the top cover to know that their actions (potentially affecting their time in the office) to take covid seriously are not going to be sideyed or scoffed at.
Anonymous says
It was my suggestion and OMG no i did not mean in front of the colleague who just lost their child! I meant as a general comment to a senior level person at the company to help normalize public health compliance.
rosie says
These examples seem a little performative, but I think, more importantly, ask what can OP do as an employer. The firm needs to make sure they are treating their employees right with sick leave, health insurance, not making people come into the office for frivolous reasons, etc.
Anon says
I agree with this. I am senior at a company that takes COVID very seriously and everyone talks about it because that’s the norm.
The conversations this week have all been: “What did you do for Thanksgiving?” “Enjoyed time with just my family.” A big part of that is because that is the expectation.
anon says
Oh, how awful. That poor family. I would send a card and maybe a restaurant gift card for ordering takeout.
Anon says
this is just terrible. and right before the holidays. my heart breaks for them. even if you aren’t super close, set a reminder on your calendar for the anniversary date and reach out to this person next year. as someone who just passed the first year anniversary of a relative’s death, this is so so so meaningful. also- to all of you still contemplating holiday plans, eating in restaurants, gathering indoors, etc. —- just stay home. your behavior is an FU to parents like these and to all those with high risk conditions and those who are parents of children with high risk conditions. just stay home!
Anon says
Oh man, I’m really against unnecessary gadgets but my penguin-obsessed 3 year old would love this.
Anon says
i was reading that in the new year they will start testing the vaccine on young children. DH and I were talking and while i know this is totally hypocritical and selfish, we will be grateful when it is safe to vaccinate our kids, but can’t imagine signing our kids up for a trial. are we being unreasonable? would you sign your kid up for a trial?
anon says
Yes, absolutely. I also volunteered myself for the phase I trial of a frontier-of-science genetic treatment for an ultrarare disease. Ended up not being selected, but I learned a lot about the trial process in the meantime. So a phase III trial? Sure, no question.
NYCer says
I would not. I do think is a very personal decision with no right/wrong answer, as evidenced the previous poster who would enthusiastically do it!
AnotherAnon says
This. I’m comfortable with everyone making different choices based on their risk tolerance.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, agreed. I would do it but I also think it’s totally reasonable to not want to do it.
Anon says
No, I would never sign my kids up for a vaccine trial. Honestly, while I’m eager for the vaccine myself, I’m hesitant to get it for my kids even after the trial. I assume daycare will eventually require it and then I will comply, but I want to delay it as long as possible. Even though I’m “low risk” as a 35 year old compared to the elderly, Covid is significantly more deadly than flu in my age group and much more likely to give me serious long term complications, so it’s really something I want to avoid even if it means taking a new and not fully proven vaccine. But for kids it’s a totally different story. I just don’t think the risks of an unknown vaccine outweigh the benefits in children, especially kids under the age of 10.
Anon says
I don’t think the benefits outweigh the risks, I mean…
Anonymous says
Good. More vaccine for the rest of us!
Anon says
By the time the vaccine gets approved in kids (likely 2022), there won’t be any shortages. I’m taking it for myself as soon as I can get my hands on it.
Anonymous says
I am a woman of science, and a pubic health professional, and I agree with this. Adults and anyone that is high risk should absolutely be vaccinated. but the science on young otherwise low risk young children and pregnant women isn’t there yet.
I have spoken to my ped about one of my children who is slightly more at risk when it comes to COVID. Daughter has a history of colds turning into chest infections and when she was younger she had often required a nebulizer when she got chest colds–they think it was a long term impact of RSV she contracted as a baby. Ped said that for all 3 of my kids, including the one with a hx of breathing trouble, there is no reason to “rush to vaccination” but that DH and I should both get it when it becomes available to the general public.
Anonymous says
My ped said the same thing that we should get it ourselves ASAP but wait on our kid. She’s in no hurry to vaccinate her kids either.
Anon says
That’s…. insane. Not signing up for a trial is one thing. But there’s evidence of serious long term heart and blood vessel damage. Which could result in a lifetime increase for strokes, heart attacks, aneurisms, vascular disease, possibly lung cancer…
And “untested vaccine?” That’s some anti-vaxxer normalizing nonsense right there. Variolation has been practiced for LONGER THAN AGRICULTURE. Vaccines use a remarkably straightforward, pre-exisiting, honed over millions of years, biological process. The vaccine is nothing. The immune system is everything. The vaccine is the smallest amount of biological material to get an immune response. The fact that they can code it in a computer instead of breaking the virus with gamma rays and chemo drugs is the only thing different about this vaccine and all others.
What if someone refused your services as a lawyer because you used a computer search instead of a law library? What if someone refused your services as an accountant because you you used Excel instead of a ledger?
Anon says
Hi, I’m the Anon at 9:57. I’m a scientist myself. I’m confident I understand mRNA vaccine technology better than you. I’m not scared of the new technology, on the contrary I think mRNA vaccines are the way of the future. If the efficacy rates are anything close to what the trials suggest, these vaccines will save millions of lives and the development of them will go down as one of the greatest scientific achievements in human history. I have several friends who were at least tangentially involved in the vaccine development and I’m bursting with pride and gratitude for them. Like I said, I will get the vaccine for myself as soon as I can, and I will feel an enormous sense of relief once my elderly parents have been vaccinated, which I sincerely hope will be in just a month or two.
But here’s the thing – everything in life and medicine is a risk-benefit analysis, and the benefits of a vaccine for young kids are much smaller than they are for older adults and even young adults. Tragic anecdotes aside, Covid is statistically an extremely mild illness in children, much less severe than influenza. There have been 45,000 confirmed Covid cases in kids and teens in my state. The real number is likely 5-10 times higher than that, given the lack of random testing in kids and how hard it is for mildly symptomatic children to get a test. There have been three pediatric deaths, all in children over 10. That’s a <.007% death rate in all kids and a 0% death rate in young kids, even before you factor in the many unconfirmed cases. These statistics are not unique to my state; it's a similar story all across the country (although I acknowledge there have been a handful of deaths in children under 10 nationwide). I know death is not the only metric that matters, but there's also been no such thing as "long haul Covid" documented in children. Even kids who were in ICU with MIS-C seem to fare much better than many adults who had mild/moderate Covid and were never hospitalized when it comes to long term issues like myocarditis.
I never said the vaccines were untested. I said they were unknown, in the sense that they've been used in orders of magnitude fewer people than all the currently approved vaccines we give our kids like MMR and flu. The record for vaccine development before this was four years. The Covid vaccines will be injected into arms about 9 months after development on them began. Again, this is not to diminish the incredible scientific feat that is and how life-saving it will be *for the people that need it* but children are not the people that need it, and it is simply fact that it is not as safe as a vaccine that has been used in hundreds of millions of people for years. There are many documented instances in history of hurried vaccines causing life-threatening illness or death, and a lot of smart people feel the benefit simply isn't there when the illness the vaccine is trying to prevent is as mild as Covid is in children. Again, for anyone over 18, and possibly even for teens or children with certain risk factors, the risk-benefit analysis is very different and supports immediate vaccine use. But the data just isn't there for healthy children under 10 to support the use of a vaccine that might have even a 1 in 10,000 chance of causing a life-threatening adverse event.
If you think that makes me insane and anti-vax, that's your prerogative. I'm confident in my choices and the vast majority of the MDs and scientists I know agree with me.
Anonymous says
I was in a flu vaccine trial 13ish years ago. I felt completely safe, but it has honestly been a pain afterwards. I have to disclose it whenever I give blood, with new doctors, etc. And as common as it seems, I feel like I am constantly treated like I have something unsafe in my body. Still.
Pogo says
+1 to this. Would totally depend on the level of aggravation to participate tbh. Otherwise we will all get vaccinated as our doctors recommend based on our various conditions. Kids are the healthiest, though our oldest has seasonal allergies he has never had breathing issues. I have asthma and allergies and husband is immune compromised so I suspect we’ll be on the earlier side of healthy adults being recommended to have it, so we’ll go ahead and get it first.
DH participated in a trial once years and years ago and it was mildly inconvenient but he did need to stay in the hospital monitored for 48 hours. Would you want to do that with a small kid? Plus all the paperwork and follow up? It’s great that there are people who have the time and want to, it’s important. But not on my list of things to do.
Anon says
Asthma isn’t on the list of high risk conditions unless it’s “moderate to severe” and allergies don’t make you high risk at all.
Anonymous says
I’m actually in the Moderna trial now and it’s really not that inconvenient. I haven’t had to disclose it that much (I already can’t give blood) but maybe it follows me in the future? I don’t know if I would enroll my child in any old medication/vaccine trial that comes along, but I would consider specific research studies.
10:06 AM says
Mine has totally followed me. Yours might be easier, because you can say “I was in the Moderna Covid trial”, and everyone will know what you were talking about. But other less notable trials seem to follow you like you have alien guts floating around in your blood for at least 13 years.
Jeffiner says
I posted this on the main page, too, but I just wanted to share this article about how tourism is spreading covid to small towns. My family had to cancel our trip to Big Bend earlier this year, and I’ve been eager to reschedule it, but now I’ll just wait. If you’re planning on going to a national park or a ski resort or some other remote location, please don’t.
https://www.texastribune.org/2020/12/02/coronavirus-west-texas-big-bend-marfa/
AwayEmily says
We were planning on renting a cabin in the Adirondacks this summer and the owner canceled because she didn’t want tourists spreading COVID to the small town where the cabin was located. I was sad (we could have used the vacation!) but I also think it was a kind, thoughtful decision (especially since she doesn’t even live in that town).
anon says
I said this on the main board, and I’ll say it again: Please, please stop looking for travel loopholes, people. Stay home until we’re in a better situation. It’s a freaking pandemic, and you never know who and what you may be encountering. Even if you don’t get sick, that’s no guarantee you won’t pass it along to someone else.
AwayEmily says
I get your point, but I think this is similar to the abstinence metaphor someone brought up recently re: sleeping in a crib. Yes, one should generally avoid travel. But sometimes, people DO have to travel and it’s worth thinking of how to do it safely. My toddler goddaughter has been living in a small city apartment with her parents and older brother for ~6 months and they have barely left. Over the holidays they are getting an AirBnB upstate for a week, driving their own car, bringing their own groceries. I don’t think this is a “loophole,” I think they are preserving their sanity. Similarly, a friend just quarantined and then drove to North Carolina to care for her aunt after surgery. Is it travel? Yes! Is she going to just “stay home until we’re in a better situation”? No, her aunt needs her.
Anonymous says
+ 1 – harm reduction needs to be discussed more. Not all travel is created the same.
Anon says
Agreed. We’ve collectively decided to label travel as “bad,” but the reality is that safe travel (by which I mean driving to the destination, staying in a motel or private house, getting groceries or restaurant food delivered, and spending time outdoors) is actually safer than many things we’ve collectively deemed acceptable (like meeting friends outdoors with masks on) and is extremely unlikely to spread disease to the area even if you were sick. Of course, many people who travel are not doing it safely, I’m not denying that. I’ve had friends fly to attend large weddings during this pandemic. I even had a friend sneak into Europe against the rules. I’m not condoning these irresponsible and in some cases illegal behaviors. But I don’t think it’s useful to label all travel as bad as if it’s all created equal, because it’s definitely not.
Full disclosure, I traveled over the summer and am traveling again at the holidays because the way we travel (described above) is extremely low risk and when you look at the totality of our behavior we’re doing more to slow the spread of Covid than almost anyone I know.
anon says
I’m not saying there aren’t legitimate reasons to travel, but the amount of justifying people are doing for absolutely nonessential travel makes me insane. Living through a pandemic s*cks, I get it. I have canceled several of my own much-anticipated trips this year. But in most circumstances, it is just really not necessary and is a luxury, not a need.
Anon says
But pretty much everything we do except going to work, purchasing groceries and seeking medical treatment is a luxury. I don’t understand why travel is objectively worse than, say, seeing friends. Both are non-essential activities that have a lot of mental health and happiness benefits and both can be done safely or unsafely.
Anon says
Ah this hits home. I’ve been wanting to go to Big Bend with my family (we’re in Houston – fellow Texan?)
Just made the call that we won’t be driving to Colorado at Christmas for this reason.
Jeffiner says
Fort Worth!
Pogo says
Thanks to whoever suggested snapping a picture of your kids’ art before you toss it and then making it into a photo book. It assuages all my mom guilt about getting rid of the mountains of crafts, and I seriously do think I’ll enjoy looking back to see what they did at various ages. I got cutesy and made a little “about the artist page” and am thinking I’ll do this every year to note down some things about kiddo that year too (what school, grade, etc).
Anonymous says
Talk to me about 529s/college savings. I have 3 kids that will go to college 2 years apart from eachother (assuming normal timelines). Oldest is in 1st grade.
Right now we have 2 529s, with Oldest and Middle as the beneficiaries. We plan to pay for undergrad for all three.
Right now, we are aiming to have 50-75% of the cost of private college saved for Oldest and Middle by the time they go to school in the 529. We are planning to have cash in other accounts to cover college and/or will very likely inherit money that will be earmarked for college.
We don’t have an account explicitly for Youngest, which feels so weird. But in reality, we can/would bankroll college for her through savings and income when the time comes, and it is very likely that some of the monies from the 2 529 accounts will be used for her.
Are there any downsides to this plan of not having an account specifically earmarked for our third? We can set one up but honestly it’s just more work at this point and another account to manage.
Pogo says
DH told me that you don’t need to have specific accounts for each kid? Is that wrong? I pretty much trusted that he had researched it. All I did when we set it up was read through the descriptions of each state’s plan and pick the one that was best, and we did that and our own state because there is a (very small) tax incentive. I admit I did not read about what happens when you have multiple kids…since then he’s managed the investing and additional research.
Pogo says
ok I just looked it up. You’d just have to change the beneficiary, so technically it’s fine, but there are some advantages (like tax incentives and limits on gifts) that could be better with separate accounts.
With gifts so far our in-laws have kept the money in their own, separate account, because supposedly their advisor told them that was better than gifting. I haven’t pushed back on that at all, but I assume it’ll still be a gift whenever they disperse the funds, unless they pay the school directly?
Clearly I should do some research on this. Or just keep up my running joke that they both need athletic scholarships.
anon says
you got it Pogo! you can change the beneficiary. G-oarents can gift the money later or avoid it as a gift by paying school directly.
Anon says
YMMV but that seems like over-saving to me, especially with other cash on hand and the expectation of inheriting money. I’d be hesitant to save 2x private in a 529 because what if 2 or more kids go public or get big scholarships? In state tuition at our flagship public schools is only about $10k (much less than daycare!) so I can see a lot of money going to waste if you’ve saved based on a $60k/year private school bill. We only use a 529 for the tax benefits for now, but my parents are also putting money aside and we could pretty much cover college out of current income if we temporarily cut back on fun stuff and retirement savings.
Anonymous says
OP here. 1) our public flagship is not that great [eg. it’s not a top 10 state school] 2) it’s 30k/year for room and board. So even in state is going to run $150k/year by the time they get there.
Anon says
Less than 10 states have top 10 public schools. Lots of flagship state schools are still a really high-quality experiences and so are many other doctoral/regional colleges.
anon says
It’s a bad plan if you live in a state that gives you a tax deduction per account. I.e. if you are going to be saving for third kid anyway in one of your existing 529’s, you are leaving money on the table if you can take a $5k tax deduction per account per year and you have two accounts for three people instead of three accounts. Not all states give a deduction though. Also, you would have a pretty big problem if one of your older kids does not stick to the normal timeline and you end up with 3 in undergrad at once but only two accounts/beneficiaries — then you would be forced to use non 529 dollars even if you have the money for third kid in one of the two accounts.
Saving 3/4 of the cost of 2 privates is probably plenty — more than enough, possibly — but it may be better to spread that amount among three accounts.
Anon says
My state gives a tax credit but it’s per family up to a max dollar amount. If you have two or more kids there’s no advantage to opening additional 529 accounts. Agree you should double check though.
Anonymous says
OP here. This isn’t an issue in our state. Here, the deduction is a flat rate across any/all accounts.
Where we are landing generally is that it’s going to easily cost $1M to send our 3 kids to college. DH and I both went to snooty expensive private liberal arts college, full freight. If we have money left over because someone goes to public school or gets a full ride, or there is inherited money, well, great! We can pay more for another kid or give them the gift of grad school.
We don’t want to have *too* much money tied up in 529s, so the thinking is if we know it’s going to cost $1m+, then having $350-500k in a 529 and another $200k earmarked in a bank for college [that could be used for other stuff if inheritance shows up] and then bankrolling the rest [or pulling from other savings accounts if/as needed] seems like it could cover all our bases. And if we end up coming up short, they can take out loans or whatever.
My question was a bit more about the 3 accounts vs 2. It feels weird to put money in accounts with kids names on it and NOT have one for #3, even though we fully intend to pay for her college, too!
Blueberries says
I’m on team separate, equitable account for each kid. It’s cleaner for each kid to have their own pot in case I die, or have financial trouble such that I can’t smooth things out.
Also, it’s been awhile since I checked, but I believe there’s some caselaw saying that if a kid contributes their own money (gifts, earnings, etc) the account becomes theirs—they can kick the adult owner off the account and become the owner at 18, in addition to being the beneficiary.
Spirograph says
I don’t see any downsides per se, but I also would feel weird about having accounts for 2 out of 3 kids. I have 3 kids with the same age gap, and we have an account for each of them. We don’t have the specific goal to cover full undergrad tuition, or any savings target the way you do, we’re just maxing contributions each year for tax benefits. They’ll get what they get, and we’ll shuffle beneficiaries when the time comes, if needed. We have other investments and savings vehicles if we want to supplement what’s in the 529s. My dad has also opened a separate 529 for each of them, also for tax benefits.
It’s really not much work to set up or manage — it’s mostly target date or a mix of index funds, right? — so I don’t think that’s a good reason not to do it :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
I agree that it’s not much work to manage these. We have a 529 for each kid and I really don’t do anything to manage these other than look at the balances on mint every now and then. Monthly deposits are on auto and grandparents contribute whenever they want to/can. Seems easier to just have the third kid’s account set up and earmarking the money there.
Anon says
My suggestion is that if you are going to only have two 529 plans, have one for the oldest and the youngest, i.e. change the beneficiary from your middle to your youngest. Your youngest will be tapping the 529 up through about the year 2039 or 2040, so keep the tax-free growth going for longer.
Such a nag says
This is part vent/ part solicitation for advice. My husband works in back office for a securities brokerage, I’m a biglaw associate. We are trying to open our first investment account. Any investment account will require my husband’s job to sign a compliance certificate.
I have asked him. And asked him. And printed out the form. And filled out the form. And asked him again. He says he’s submitted a request through his job’s HR “portal” (it is a truly massive company), hasn’t heard back, and then he just lets it slide until I nag him again. This is a pattern with him, where anything that requires initiative or paperwork or multiple steps just doesn’t get done until I finally give in and do it myself– but this is his company, I literally can’t do this for him. I’m at the end of my rope. This is our toddler’s education fund. He knows intellectually it’s important, but he just gets this crippling anxiety around paperwork or any kind of interaction with a “customer service” type entity, he procrastinates until kingdom come. (Yes, I know this is a larger problem, but right now I just need this freaking form to get signed). Help? Commiseration?
TheElms says
Send him a calendar invite. Call him at the time of the calendar invite, have him call HR once you are on the line and follow up on the status of the request. Repeat monthly until you get what you need.
Anon says
this sounds like my husband. it drives me bananas.
Anon says
I hear you, the dynamic between my husband and I is similar. What has helped us is having Monday night “meetings” after the kids go to bed. We check in on any money things we need to do, upcoming dr appointment, project timelines for house projects, etc. We keep a running list in a shared account on Google keep.
During our meeting, we dole out responsibilities and set due dates or go through a task together.
By doing so, if I have to nag, it’s limited to 1 day/week and I often find he magically gets stuff done on Fridays and Mondays because he knows the meeting is coming.
anon says
I am the anon below and I think I am going to try this. Thank you.
OP says
Thank you, I’m also going to try this!
anon says
I have no ideas for help but interested in suggestions from others, because I am in the same situation. I feel like I can never take a single item off my to do list because I can never trust that he will do a task that we’ve discussed and allocated to him. All of “his” tasks have to stay on my lists so that I can keep reminding.
I feel like my husband has two settings, do it right now or just never do it. So basically my reminders have to be perfectly lined up with the moment in which the circumstances are right to do the task, or else it won’t happen. But I don’t feel like I should have to go through all the effort to continually send reminders. What I would like to be able to do is ask once, have him put it on his own list, and then never think about it again. We are both biglaw associates.
It is actually becoming a major problem for us because I am full of so much bitterness and resentment. The mental load is wearing me down. Ugh.
Anon says
Is it possible to just leave your husband off the account? If it’s a 529, can you be the owner alone?
Anonymous says
That probably won’t help bc usually the form applies for accounts held by family members too. Also, sometimes 529s don’t need to be declared if they aren’t true brokerage accounts (ie you can only buy index funds, not individual securities). You’ll have to check the company’s form.
Anon says
That probably won’t help bc usually the form applies for accounts held by family members too. Also, sometimes 529s don’t need to be declared if they aren’t true brokerage accounts (ie you can only buy index funds, not individual securities). You’ll have to check the company’s form.
anon says
This got way way way way better in my marriage once spouse got tested for ADHD/executive disfunction and then got low-dose medication. It was a truly miraculous change.
Yes, high-achieving professionals can also have this issue — spouse is a highly-respected and (shockingly to me) detail-oriented database programmer. But can’t, say, complete a task that needs to be done every three months without literally dozens of reminders.
Anon says
Could you offer to sit with him while he does it? That is basically the only way to get my father to do anything.
Anon says
Our 6 and 7 year old daughters really, really want a dog. I love the idea, but haven’t owned a dog before and worry about adding more responsibilities on top of work and home. We plan continue to consider it over the next few months. Any tips on working through this huge decision or resources that might be a good place to start?
Anonymous says
I recommend finding a few rescue organizations in your area and reaching out to foster a dog. Keep in mind while puppies are cute they are A LOT more work than an older dog, so that’s really something to consider. A rescue will usually try to match you with a dog that might be a good fit, and it’s a good way to see how a dog might fit into your life without the huge commitment (although of course the risk is your daughters will fall in love and be very sad when you have to give it up- but it’s a lot easier to frame giving up a dog to a forever family vs. returning to a shelter because you can’t handle it). Rescue organizations, especially now, are pretty slammed, so don’t be discouraged if it takes awhile.
And thank you for considering this thoughtfully- I still hold a grudge against my BIL and SIL who adopted a puppy, didn’t bother training it, then gave a large, totally untrained wild dog back to the shelter after a year. Then, when the pandemic started, got ANOTHER dog, and then gave that one back too (at least after a shorter period than a year).
Anonymous says
I’ll just give you my experience – don’t get a dog. If you’re worried about adding additional responsibilities to you’re plate, you are right. Someone (probably you) needs to walk the dog DAILY (even small dogs have migration instincts), someone has to pick up the poop from the backyard, at some point the dog will puke or have an accident on carpet. There’s additional cleaning with the dog hair and muddy paws. Ok, and I’m a dog person!!! I had dogs growing up, and I owned a dog in my 20s/early 30s who passed away a year and a half ago. But having a dog while having the responsibilities of children is not great in my opinion. After we had 1 kid the dog just turned into one more thing to take care of. She passed before my second was born and it sounds awful but we were honestly a bit…relieved. Because our second baby was a hard baby (who is now a delightful toddler). But I couldn’t have managed two kids and the dog. And while your kids will love and play with the dog, my life experience is that kids don’t do THAT much in terms of caring for the dog.
avocado says
+1, especially since part of the solution for nearly all dog behavior issues is more walks. Our sweet, gentle, calm, older Golden Retriever is still an absolute lunatic if she doesn’t get walked for at least 1.5 hours every day. We couldn’t have managed that with two jobs and younger kid(s).
anon says
I am not a dog owner, but I have an elderly cat and … same. I love him to pieces and had him long before my kids were born. For about a 3- to 4-year period, he absolutely was “one more living thing” to take care of. When our kitty passes, I do not see myself getting another pet for a very long time.
octagon says
+1. I love my 12-year-old dog that we got as a tiny puppy, but so much of the work falls to me. And we have a low-maintenance dog! I do love the excuse to walk him twice a day, but there have been occasions where an emergency vet appointment caused a major wrinkle in work. And the travel considerations are real — we probably have a few more years with this dog but I fantasize about being able to just pick up and leave without having to wrangle dogsitting.
Separately — if people in your house are currently home all the time but at some point will be back to work and school full-time, you will need to plan for that transition for the dog. It would be a big change for a dog to suddenly be alone for hours at a stretch.
SC says
I would wait until your kids are a little older and more capable of taking on legit dog-related responsibilities. Yes, they can be responsible for feeding the dog right now, but only if you remind them 3 times, which is more work than feeding the dog yourself. Depending on where you live, they might be more capable of taking the dog out for a walk and picking up poop when they’re 8 and 9 or even 9 and 10.
avocado says
In my experience, 12 is the perfect age to get a dog. That’s when I got my dog and when we got our daughter her dog. A 12-year-old is old enough to take real responsibility for walking, training, and grooming the dog herself, and the turbulent early teen years are when a kid most needs a canine companion.
Anonymous says
Here’s what I have learned from owning two amazing dogs and one horrible demon dog.
1. Adopt an adult dog in the range of 2 – 4 years old. You’ll have a better idea of its temperament than with a puppy.
2. Do not go to a shelter or a random “rescue” run out of someone’s backyard. Work with a reputable rescue group that won’t lie about the dog’s history or conceal behavior problems in order to get the dog adopted out.
3. If possible, try to get a foster-to-adpot arrangement.
4. Be patient and wait for the right dog. It took us nearly a year to adopt our current dog through a breed rescue, and the pandemic has only increased demand.
5. Avoid small dogs, hounds, and other hyper breeds that don’t really care about pleasing people. These dogs tend to be annoying and yappy and are not the cuddly companions a 6-year-old is looking for.
6. Get the dog into basic obedience training right away. Be clear and consistent with your house rules–if the dog is not allowed on the couch, it can’t come up on the couch “just this once.” Make the dog “work” for everything–you must sit before you get a treat or your dinner, sit to have your leash put on for a walk, etc.
7. Before applying to adopt, see if a friend or neighbor will let you and your daughters practice caring for their dog–walking, brushing, dog-sitting, etc. Experience with dogs will help your daughters appear more comfortable when you meet adoptable dogs, and will show commitment to learning how to be a responsible dog owner that will make your application more attractive. This may also help you find references who can speak to your ability to care for a dog.
FVNC says
Exciting! And this is a fun age for kids to have their first pup.
One specific consideration — in normal times, how much do you travel during high-travel times (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, Labor Day)? Our 14 yr old four-legged baby died this summer, and while it’s sad of course, I just realized what a relief it is not to have to find a petsitter if/when we ever travel again. For example, I’m planning to take the kids for an extended stay at my parents’ home across the country next summer while my husband is away for work. This would have been both inconvenient and really, really expensive if we still had our dog (we typically paid house sitters $30-25 per day to stay with our old man).
Anonymous says
+1 our high needs dog was high maintenance so when we traveled we had to pay $75/night for her to stay at a luxury pet hotel (DC area). No joke.
Anon says
+1 we’ve easily spent thousands of dollars and many hours on Rover. We traveled a lot in before times and it is a lot of time and money to find pet sitters every time.
Anonanonanon says
This is why we don’t have one. It’s practically a child in terms of logistical considerations. Taking off work for planned/unplanned vet appointments, rushing to “activities” aka obedience training, grooming appointments, cleaning up after them, arranging for pet care if you travel or work long hours, the mental oad of making sure you have enough dog food, finding time in your day to engage with them, etc. At least my kids pee inside
anon says
I think this is a time when you need to know your limits. My kids want a dog, but we don’t have the bandwidth. Instead, I’ve offered to dog sit for friends and family so we have dog visitors on occasion. This seems to scratch their itch, but doesn’t have the same commitment.
Anonymous says
We’re in the same spot and honestly I can’t see it happening in the next year. DH and I love dogs, but it’s additional complexity we just don’t need in our lives right now. I have not owned a dog as an adult, but my family always had one when I was growing up starting when I was 6 (youngest sibling was 1, my mom was a SAHM), and I spent an awful lot of time caring for a roommate’s dog in my 20s because he couldn’t be bothered. Dogs are wonderful, but they are a lot of work and they put major constraints on your schedule if you work outside the home: no running straight from work to kid pickup to kid activity, you must come home and let the dog out. If you can’t do that, be sure to price out a dog walker. Regardless, make sure you look at kennel or dog-sitter fees, unless you plan to take only dog-friendly trips for the next 10+ years.
1. Research rescue organizations, and know that adopting a dog can be a long process depending on where you live. There are significant wait times in my area for all dogs except pitbull mixes (due in part to BSL that massively reduces eligible adoptive families). You probably don’t want puppy as a first time dog owner, so you need to make sure you work with an organization that will give you good info on the dog’s personality, behavior, and any potential traumas in its past. Ideally, you want a dog that has been fostered or otherwise tested with young elementary kids. If you have a cat or other pets, it would be good to know how the dog has interacted with other animals, too.
2. Research breeds. Even if you’re getting a mix, it will give you a hint of what to expect. Some breeds are better for first time owners than others. You do not want to start with a border collie, for example.
3. Take a very clear-eyed look at how much time and energy you have to devote to a dog. Do not get a young, high-energy dog if you cannot absolutely commit to daily or twice-daily walks, or have a large fenced yard. Similar with grooming requirements (and vacuuming requirements)
4. Food and vet bills add up. Annual check-ups are not optional. Heartworm prophalaxis is not optional. etc etc. Be aware of common health issues for relevant breeds and cost of treatment. Both my siblings have dogs that needed at least one knee surgery!
5. You need a plan to socialize and train your dog, whether through formal obedience training (probably good for first-time dog owners) or on your own. This is also not optional.
Anonymous says
Research the topic with your children. See if your friends who have dogs will let you dog sit.
I did not grow up around dogs. I was extremely reluctant to have a dog but was ultimately convinced by my husband. The dog quickly became MY dog. I know some people find a dog too much work but I found the right breed for my circumstances. The breed can make all the difference.
If you decide to get a dog, please commit to training or having the dog trained.
layered bob says
everyone else has given more insightful advice here, I will just say… I grew up with dogs, I love them, and now that I live in the city I cannot imagine myself getting a dog while I have youngish children… sooo much work. Growing up we lived in the sticks and our dogs were all sturdy mixes that never came indoors – we took good care of them (as far as socializing/training, vets, feeding, grooming, etc.) but those were all very intermittent responsibilities and mostly they just ran around our farm all the time and could be left alone for days. The concept of having a dog, with all their hair and slobber, living in my house, and then needing to deal with their poop, and so on… for me, that is a giant nope and I will wait until my kids are much older for sure, and probably until we move back out to the country where I could have an outdoor dog.
Anon. says
This is why we don’t have dogs. My husband and I both grew up this way too. We had dogs that were well cared for, but lived exclusively outside.
Anonymous says
I grew up with an outdoor dog too, and having an indoor dog was something of an adjustment. I don’t think it’s socially acceptable to have an outdoor dog these days. Certainly no rescue group will adopt a dog to a family that intends to keep it outdoors.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure how socially acceptable it was then, either! At least outside of rural areas, where it’s still perfectly normal. I remember finding it really, really wrong that one of my friends had an outdoor-only dog. She had a doghouse, but was never allowed inside. This was suburban midwest, and I was always worried that Lady would be too hot or cold. (She wasn’t. She was a gsd and very well-loved, well-trained and perfectly happy.)
anon says
Agreed. Having outdoor dogs and pets was MUCH more common than having indoor pets where I grew up (farm country). The animals were cared for very well and loved by their families, but they were more like … livestock with personalities? My parents had the happiest outdoor rat terrier. He gave it he!! all day in the yard, then slept in the pet bed my dad arranged in his shed. In the winter, there was a heating lap to keep the pup nice and toasty.
I truly do not think I could handle an indoor dog.
Anon says
F*ck Gavin Newsom for closing playgrounds but allowing non-essential indoor businesses to remain open. Kids are worthless because they don’t spend money, got it. But Newsom can celebrate his staffer’s birthday with a crowded, maskless gathering at The French Laundry. I despise this man.
Anon says
My parents got me a dog when I was 7 with the understanding that I was supposed to take care of it. My mom ended taking care of it. If you get a dog now, I would go into with eyes wide open that you or your spouse will be the primary caregivers. I would wait at least a few more years (3?) if you want your children to have significant responsibility for the dog.
Anon says
F*ck Gavin Newsom for closing playgrounds but allowing non-essential indoor businesses to remain open. Kids are worthless because they don’t spend money, got it. But Newsom can celebrate his staffer’s birthday with a crowded, maskless gathering at The French Laundry. I despise this man.
Anonymous says
We haven’t had open playgrounds since March where I am. But bars were open for a time! And fans can go to football games! F$ all of it