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This kids’ suitcase is the product of a collaboration between Target and blogger Naomi Davis, who writes about her family’s life at love Taza. They have three kids (and twin newborns!) and they often travel as a family, which is well documented on their blog. It makes sense then that they would collaborate to make matching suitcases and travel accessories for both kids and adults. Whatever your thoughts on their blog (if any), their collection is pretty adorable. I especially like this kids’ suitcase because it recognizes that even though your kid will want to pack it and wheel it for a while, eventually they’re going to give up and you’re going to be stuck with it. The best feature is the strap on the back that lets it slip over the handles of an adult’s suitcase so that they can then carry it. Pretty brilliant! The suitcase is $39.99 at Target, where it’s getting great reviews. Love Taza 18” Kids’ Suitcase
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Anon says
What happens at your first pregnancy appt? I am 6 weeks and see the doctor next week. Should my partner come? He is excited but I don’t know what happens during this appointment – is there any reason he should be there?
AwayEmily says
Congrats! Can you ask if they are going to do an ultrasound? (a lot of doctors do one around then to date the pregnancy but I think it’s usually at more like 8 weeks). If they are going to do an ultrasound then I’d say yes but otherwise maybe not? But it definitely wouldn’t be weird if he came — I think doctors are used to excited husbands!
AwayEmily says
Or excited wives, or excited grandfathers, or excited big sisters/brothers. :-)
Anon says
Good idea, I will ask. I assume not because last week we thought I had an ectopic pregnancy so I spent hours in the ER sorting that out (and all ended up being fine), but part of the process was an ultrasound which confirmed it wasn’t ectopic and gave accurate dating.
Anonymous says
Yeah, it’s definitely not weird to bring him if either of you wants him there!
CPA Lady says
Yeah, he’ll probably want to come. At mine they did a trans-v ultrasound and I got to hear the baby’s heartbeat. They also did a full health history and my doctor asked me a bunch of questions that seemed really weirdly early– whether I planned to b-feed, whether I wanted to take birth classes, if I wanted an epidural– I don’t know if these questions are common, or if she was just asking to get an idea of what kind of “vision” I had for myself and my pregnancy. They also drew a lot of blood and gave me a goody bag full of coupons, vitamin samples, a bottle, a diaper, etc.
KateMiddletown says
Wow! My doctor has never done that kind of thing. We did at the 10-week appt meet with the nurse who went over the “folder” which is all the things you can do and can’t (medications are not intuitive so it’s definitely important.) My doctor saw me as soon as I suspected, and then we did the 10 week dating the pregnancy ultrasound (intravaginal, I think it’s called.)
Cb says
Aww, congrats! We do appointments much later in the UK (I think mine was 12 weeks) but my husband came along and it was really nice. They did have him leave the room when they asked about domestic violence etc which would have surprised me if I hadn’t known it was coming.
Anonymous says
WOW I was going crazy waiting until 8 weeks for my first visit… I can’t imagine 12!
Anonymous says
I’m in the US and my doctor doesn’t see people until 12 weeks unless you’re having pain or something that would suggest ectopic pregnancy or another serious complication. I asked the doctor why and she basically said because such a significant number of pregnancies end in early miscarriage and they want to make sure the pregnancy is sticking before they spend time seeing you (she said it more gently than that, but that was the gist).
Anonymous says
They are supposed to be uneventful / happy, so good reason to have a partner there.
But in the event it is eventful, it is vv good to have a partner there.
Anonymous says
Also, I’m rH-, so they wanted to know if my husband was rH+ or not. Of course, he had no idea.
Knope says
I just want to flag how important this is. For some reason, my midwives did not test my blood type (I didn’t know what it was) until I was 32 weeks pregnant. I found out only then that I was rH- and that Rhogam was a thing and I needed it. Ideally I would have had it well before that. If your doctor does not ask about this, bring it up yourself if it might be an issue for you.
Lana Del Raygun says
Congratulations!
At mine, they took my vitals (and a urine sample), gave me an overview of what the rest of prenatal care would be like (including various tests), wrote the referrals for my ultrasounds, and let me ask questions. I said I didn’t care about genetic testing but I wanted all the ultrasounds because I wanted to see the baby as much as possible, so they wheeled in their mini-ultrasound and did one right then and there! My husband was really glad he was there for that — we didn’t hear the heartbeat but we could see it (baby’s heart is just hanging out the front of his/her chest at that point, which is pretty metal imo). He also wanted to be there to ask questions about nutrition because he does the cooking, and just to be there.
Anonymous says
Are you in the US?
I am in the SEUS and my OB did the US at my appt but referred us to a high-risk OB for a more detailed scan at 11 weeks b/c I was >35. We did some talking about how there would be genetic testing available there and also what the options were for other types of screenings (due to my age / Trisomy 18+21 risks).
Lana Del Raygun says
Yeah, I’m in the US. I’m getting my regular care from midwives, and they referred me to the perinatal center (in the same hospital) for a more detailed nuchal translucency and dating scan at 11-13 weeks, and an 18-22 week anatomy scan (next week! ahh!), both of which are standard at this practice afaik although I could’ve turned them down if I’d wanted. They offered me genetic screening at the NT scan, and I think they’ll offer more at the next US.
mascot says
I can’t remember if it was the first or second appot where we went through a pretty extensive set of questions for health history and genetic testing preparation so having a partner there is helpful. My husband went to the first couple of appts, the big ultrasound around 20 weeks, and maybe an appt towards the end where we were talking about delivery details. Your doctor’s office should be able to tell you what to expect as far as routine/more involved appts.
LH says
Yeah, I would ask. At my practice, the only standard ultrasound is the 20 week anatomy scan. Dating ultrasounds are not done, unless there’s a reason to be unsure about your dates. The first appt is at 10 weeks and they will use a Doppler to detect the heartbeat. At my appointment, they couldn’t hear the heartbeat with a Doppler (which I understand is fairly common that early, but was still nerve-wracking) so they sent me for an ultrasound. An early ultrasound will most likely be vaginal, and I found it pretty uncomfortable, especially when they went digging for my ovaries after seeing the baby.
You will have the most comprehensive urine analysis done at the first appointment to get a baseline, so make sure you’re well-hydrated. I wasn’t and got yelled at by the nurses because apparently being dehydrated threw off all my numbers.
My husband went to the first appointment and the 20 week anatomy scan, and then I got sent for an ultrasound at 34 weeks because I was measuring small so he came in for that (everything was fine, and fwiw the baby was really big at birth – 9 lbs!). Non-ultrasound appointments were really boring – just a urine sample, weight and blood pressure check and then the doctor would listen to the heartbeat with the Doppler. They literally took 10 minutes max.
No one ever discussed genetic testing with us but we don’t have a family history of any genetic diseases.
Anon in NYC says
Congrats! My husband went to mine. There’s no specific reason why your partner needs to go unless if he wants to! And I agree that if, god forbid, it turns out that there is something wrong I think it would be nice to have the support. My husband didn’t go to all of them – just the big ones.
anon says
My husband came to almost all of my appointments. This is something we were in together. Most were uneventful, but obviously hearing the heartbeat and seeing the sonogram is.
Anonymous says
They tell you if it’s a baby or a garden gnome
lawsuited says
At 6 weeks, you do a urine test to confirm pregnancy, blood work, and you can ask any questions you have about what to avoid/not avoid during pregnancy. You’d only do an ultrasound at 6 weeks if there was a concern about ectopic pregnancy.
Anonymous says
So for my first pregnancy, I went alone to the first appointment at 7.5 weeks, which was a dating ultrasound, and found out we would likely miscarry and there was no heartbeat… and I wish I hadn’t been alone for that. Second pregnancy, husband was there every time. Which meant he got to find out it was twins at the same time I did! Future pregnancies, making him come every time on the off chance there is ever bad news. Plus I shouldn’t be the only one burning up sick leave!
Patty Mayonnaise says
+1 – Unfortunately, I’ve been there too. First u/s revealed that I had a silent/missed miscarriage. Of course, I wholeheartedly hope that you (and every other woman, frankly) never has to be in this position, but I would lean towards having someone there just in case. Best of luck and congratulations!
PregAnon says
I know this has been discussed on here a bunch (and there’s also useful info on the internet), but any tips for what to ask/look for when visiting daycares? I’m pregnant and we have our first tour this afternoon, at a home daycare.
I’m crossing my fingers that this place is going to work, because it’s literally two houses down from ours, and would be so convenient. We live in a low-SES neighborhood and I know this daycare place is very low-frills, but I’m hoping it is safe and stimulating. Our baby will be 7 months when she starts, and she’s our first so this is all new to us. Any non-obvious questions?
I work from home usually twice a week, so something I’m hoping is that they’ll let me come next door and BF her (assuming I’m still BFing) on those days.
Cb says
Illness policy, settling in process, where your baby will be in the age distribution.
Anonymous says
Settling in process is only an issue at your absolutely bonkers day care :). Just leave your baby and go!
Anonymous says
Disagree. I’m in the US and most of the daycares in our area want people to do some sort of ‘setting in’ schedule. Ours recommended that both parents come the first day and only leave the baby for two hours, then mom comes and does a half day, then dad comes and does a half day, and then the baby can go for a full day. It’s not as complicated as Cb’s situation and they definitely let you eventually leave the baby, even if s/he’s upset, but there was a recommend settling in program.
Anon says
I think it would be a big red flag if they wouldn’t let you come breastfeed. A few of my friends have sent their kids to daycares that won’t let parents visit during the day, but that’s always seemed really sketchy to me. If they won’t let you drop in unexpectedly, I’d wonder what’s happening that they don’t want you to see.
Lana Del Raygun says
I dunno, in my experience nothing makes it harder to take care of a fussy child than a parent coming in intermittently!
avocado says
+1 on red flag if they won’t let you visit during the day. I BF’d at day care a total of four times a day (drop-off, twice during the day, and pick-up), which was soooo much easier than pumping at work. After that I avoided visiting during the day except for required “volunteer” activities because my kid would complain when I left afterwards, but visits were always permitted.
GCA says
Agree on no drop-ins being a bit of a red flag. Ultimately, though, I stopped BFing at lunchtime when baby got to be around 7 or 8 months because he would be fussier when I left.
lawsuited says
I think there’s a difference between “won’t let you visit”, which is sketchy, and “encourage you not to visit because it’s disruptive to the kid(s)”, which is very sensible.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’d ask about coverage back-up in case the main provider(s) is out and their policy on vacations and snow/bad weather days. The nice thing about larger centers is that they tend to always be open and only close in the event of a city-wide weather emergency. You’ll also want to plan ahead in case they take off random weeks in the middle of the year for holidays or school vacation. I’d also check on their sick day policy – typically you’ll have to keep your kid home and bring them back after they’ve been fever-free for 24hrs. Not sure if it’s different with a home daycare.
I’d also check on whether there will kids of other ages there and what the general caregiver:child ratio will be. The needs of a baby are pretty different than the needs of a toddler, so I’d ask about the various activities they do to keep them all engaged if it’s a mixed group.
Spirograph says
The main thing I would look for (other than any safety issues) is how you interact with the owner. If you’re not comfortable with her, nothing else matters. Trust your gut with childcare providers; if everything is objectively fine but something feels off, there’s probably a reason.
I agree that age distribution is important. My son was one of the youngest when he was at an in-home center. He and one other girl were 1, and there were a few kids 2-3, and later a couple of infants. That worked really well.
How many backup teachers are there in case the primary caregiver(s) are unavailable? Who are they?
Schedule — are there any weeks when the center is closed (owner’s vacation, etc) and how much notice will you get about that? What holidays are observed? What’s the policy on payment during your vacations? For my large center, it’s full tuition the first week but 1/2 tuition the second and any subsequent week of consecutive vacation. At the in-home center, the owner was a lot more flexible, and discounted the first week as well.
Pogo says
Aside from everything already suggested:
– Are they licensed by the state, and can they provide you the name of their auditor? Then you can call the auditor and make sure they are up to date on CPR and other continuing education, and to confirm they have never had any findings on inspections.
– References. Then you can call and ask whatever is on your mind, plus get a sense from other parents how they felt about the provider.
Would also ask for written policy so you can review ahead of time and then ask any questions – our written policy spells out all the vacation, days off, sick policy, snow, owner illness, etc etc.
If possible, visit to see the provider interacting with kids. Larger centers did not always do this, but all the in-homes I toured did.
Anonymous says
Do they use the TV
CCLA says
And for the very littles , do they stick them in a bouncer or similar containment device, and if so what is the time limit on that. Some places don’t use those at all, while others may rely too heavily (imo) on them.
ElisaR says
i would definitely be concerned if they don’t allow drop – ins. I did do that intermittently with both my sons (stop in to BF). It turned out to be too difficult for me to drop everything at work and do it regularly, but that was my call not because the daycare didn’t allow it.
The biggest thing for me visiting daycares was just the vibe I got. I visited like 5 and I couldn’t necessarily put my finger on it, but when I walked into our current place I just knew it was the right one. Talking to the teachers and director, I just felt comfortable with them. So my advice would be to visit a few and go with your gut.
Aly says
Gut feel. When you walk in, how are the other kids acting? Would you like to spend the day there? I would stay for at least one meal to get the vibe. What other adults have access to your kid (caregiver’s husband? etc?)? Call other parents who have their kids there. I asked for any disagreements between them and how these were resolved.
Ultimately, gut feel mattered most to me. I was comfortable and so was my kid almost from the moment we walked in. The other kids were excited to see a “baby” and tell me about the fun things they did every day. I still followed up on police checks, calling other parents, etc.
lawsuited says
Questions to ask:
– Sickness policy
– Lateness policy
– Staff turnover
– Staff holidays (my sister’s daycare is closed for a week at a time twice a year so all staff can take their holidays, so now that’s also when her family has to take holiday)
– Age of other kids that would be in LO’s room
– Ability to accommodate food allergies/preferences and breastmilk
– Ability to accommodate napping schedules
– Approach to outdoor play
– Approach to indoor play
I agree with commenters that gut feel is the way to make your decision though. I chose my daycare because of all the places I visited I thought I would be the least sad to leave my LO there.
KateMiddletown says
I cut and pasted a note someone left on here which I’ll post below. (Thanks to whoever did it!)
KateMiddletown says
1. When are the transitions? Our center transitions at 15 months from infant to toddler, so we held off starting my second until she was 15 months so that she didn’t have to make multiple adjustments.
2. Snacks- who brings them, what are they if they are center provided (and if you don’t like their snacks, do they allow you to BYO?)
3. Milk- provided by the center or BYO? If you want a specific kind of milk, can you bring a half gallon each week?
4. Check out any enrichment type offerings (music, visiting animal groups, whatever)- are they included? Optional?
5. Ask about potty training. They’ll probably all say “we do it when the child is ready,” but press on this. Some centers won’t move kids up to the next room until they are potty trained. Some centers 99% train the kids and parents only adapt; some centers have parents do the leading.
6. Ratios- this is obvious but you should ask anyway. Know your state mandate and ask how they compare. My center, for example, schedules to the state mandate but I have almost never seen it full–meaning while yes, there might be a max during a break, the vast majority of the time the ratio is 2:6 or 2:5 for infants when the state requires 2:7.
7. Hours and scheduling- what are the options, how hard/easy is it to change?
8. Understand their calendar- some schools have weeks they are closed and you should factor that into the price/appeal.
9. Time outside- we’ve always chosen to go with centers that prioritize getting the kids out. We know of places where they go out 1-2x day for 30-45 minutes, but our kid spends half the day outside, even when it’s snowy/rainy (they don’t go out when it’s really cold, and they always have the right gear on).
10. policy/protocol on things like: biting, diapering, medication, when kids have to stay home sick, etc.
11. Exercise/physical activity- how do they get kids to run out their energy? Our place has a “jumpy room” for bad weather and is adjacent to a town walking trail in good weather, in addition to their playground.
12. field trips- do they do them? if so, what kind of parental oversight is required? (one preschool/daycare in down does a field trip every month. Awesome for parents who have schedules where chaperoning 2-3x a year is possible, terrible fit for parents that can’t swing it).
13. Preschool- your kid is only 1, but in a year and a half, you’ll be looking at preschool options. Does your daycare have a good one? We send our kids to separate schools because while our daycare is great, its preschool component is lacking compared to other options in town.
14. Parents/demographics- where do the majority of the kids in the center live? This is important if you want to set up playdates/have relationships form that carry into school. Some centers are very popular for parents that work nearby so most of the kids aren’t “local,” while other centers have all “local” kids.
15. What time and how long is nap time/how do they nap? On nap mats? Does school provide or do you?
16. For milk, are bottles okay or only sippy cups? Do they help with that transition (if that’s an issue for you)?
17. How do they communicate with you about your kid’s day (written daily reports, an app, pictures, talk to the teachers at the end of the day, etc.)?
18. What do they do for security? Do you punch a code to get in, assign designated authorized people to pick up your child etc. Have they had any “breaches”? Seems obvious but still good to ask about.
Lana Del Raygun says
I am expecting my first and need advice about strollers! How much do you use your stroller, and at what ages? Do you think it makes sense to buy one in advance, or should we wait and see if we wish we had one?
We don’t have a car so we walk a fair amount (we walk to church every week; dh shops and runs most errands on foot; we’re only considering strollers with largo cargo baskets), although we also have decent public transit and you can only take strollers on the bus if they’re folded (anything goes on the subway). We have idyllic fantasies about taking family walks to the farmers’ market with baby in a charming pram, but we don’t currently take walks at all so who knows (and they’d probably have to wait for warmer weather anyway, since baby is due in November). Also we’re planning to do some amount of babywearing, but don’t want to babywear all summer because it’s frickin humid around here.
Anonymous says
What is babywearing? Is it tucking them into your coat? Or just using something like a baby bjorn?
I had a kelty and found it to make short me very unbalanced.
Lana Del Raygun says
Oh, sorry, yeah, like a baby bjorn or something like that.
Anonymous says
My kids were find with the baby bjorn but loathed the very cute sling that I bought.
anon says
I did a lot of Ergo-wearing. DD didn’t really love her stroller, so I’d often have her in the ergo and the groceries in the stroller. (or my older ones in the stroller).
LH says
Our babe is 5 months and the only stroller we have is the caddy for our infant carseat (the Chicco Keyfit 30). We’re in suburbia, so we don’t use the stroller much, except for short walks around the neighborhood and family walks to the farmer’s market. The baby was born in the winter, and the first couple months we took the stroller to to the mall to walk around because it was too cold outside. I like that it’s super easy to fold and unfold and doesn’t take much space in the car.
We have an infant carrier, but mostly use that around the house, not outside, because I’m paranoid about sun exposure and we can keep her covered up better in the stroller.
I think we’re going to get a jogging stroller soon (I think the minimum age for that is 6 months), but for normal use the caddy has served us just fine so far.
Anonymous says
Minimum age for jogging stroller is actually baby specific and depends on head control– our pediatrician ok’d it at 4 mo by which point baby could sit up without assistance.
LH says
Ok good to know. Our baby can’t really sit up at all (unless we hold her torso) so it’s still a ways off for us.
Anonymous says
Many jogging strollers convert now to carseat transport systems (anything Chicco.) You just don’t want to actually JOG in them.
Cb says
I agonized about this choice and then used it (city mini gt) 5-6 times in the first 6 months (although everyone else used the pram). I was more comfortable getting on and off the bus and into shops and cafes with baby in a sling (boba and tula). Baby is 11 months and I use the pram more now as he won’t sleep as well being worn but I still have a strong sling preference.
In the ideal world, with unlimited budget and storage space, I’d get a Yoyozen for town and a baby jogger for country walks / more uneven terrain.
Anon in NYC says
I used our stroller on a daily basis from the day we brought our daughter home. We live in a city and don’t use a car/taxi that often. We mostly walk or take public transit. For the first two years of my daughter’s life she went to a daycare that was a little over a mile from our home. We walked there and back most days, except in the deep winter when we used the Ergo 360 and took public transit (TBH, I was so freaking sweaty when I wore her that I could only do it when it was freezing outside. And I still sweat a ton).
I was glad to have had a bigger “travel” stroller (Bugaboo Bee), even though the stroller was relatively small compared to, say, the Vista, which we initially were going to get. We switched to a local preschool at age 2, and still used the Bee / used a really small umbrella stroller (GB Pockit) pretty consistently.
I know that some kids hate to sit in the stroller once they can walk, but my daughter loved it and never wanted to walk. Now that my daughter is 3 she walks or rides her scooter more often than she rides in the stroller on a daily basis, but she still likes the stroller and we use the stroller a lot on weekends when we walk longer distances.
Anonymous says
Also in NYC, and we used a snap and go frame (used, free) + carseat for a few months, then mostly a Britax B-Agile (used sometimes when he was tiny too). We also had a very beat up used Maclaren Volo we used for travel mostly when he was about 1-3. We walked to/from daycare and then walked/took subway/bus to preschool. For daycare we used the B-Agile and sometimes a carrier (easier in deep snow); for preschool we used a scooter mostly, occasionally the Maclaren. We had a Becco Gemini carrier we used some when my son was really small, but it wasn’t an everyday thing due to his size/weight – my back hurt quickly – and it pressed on my bladder, exacerbating post-partum stress incontinence. I did use it for travel when he was under 1. Some of this is really hard to predict.
Anonymous says
And +1 to baby wearing making me so hot/sweaty – I found it miserable for my summer baby, not at all what I dreamed it would be (especially with the whole peeing myself situation)!
Anon says
My husband and I are both tall and we ended up with the Chicco Bravo for two reasons: 1) it was the tallest handle we could find that was compatible out of the box (no adapters, whatever) with our Chicco car seat and 2) the handle is an actual hard plastic hand when it folds up, so I could lift the folded stroller one-handed (a lot of the others we looked at had cloth loops or straps, and I just couldn’t get a good enough grip to do it one handed). We have a MacLaren umbrella stroller that was gifted to us I haven’t even taken out of the box yet at 11 months, but it’s on the to-do list, one day. On the Chicco Bravo, I also liked that I could take the seat out so it was just a frame for the first few months, and now that she’s bigger, we put the seat back in and almost never use it with the car seat. We are in surburbia though, so we mostly use it for the car to places, in large spaces (mall, shopping, etc.) or on paved neighborhood streets. I think I would want a jogging stroller if we were anywhere with more uneven streets or sidewalks.
On carriers, I love my Lillebaby (particularly the part where I can zip down the front – I think we have the allseason one). We started with the baby k’tan until about 3 months because the wrap (that actually isn’t a wrap) was easier for me when she was little.
Anonymous says
You definitely needs stroller.
ginger hb says
You will want a stroller. I don’t live in the city but my city-bound friends all seem to like the cruz or vista because of its big basket. We have a cruz and love it – especially for the early months, you can just pop in the uppababy car seat (or you can get adapters for other seats).
ginger hb says
And also some kids just don’t like babywearing. I had many idyllic fantasies about wearing my baby out and about and she just would not have it no matter how many dang carriers we tried…
GCA says
We’re in a city and have but rarely use the car. Our setup is jogging stroller + baby carrier
Up to about 1 year (I am short, kid is tall, ymmv!):
– For getting from point A to point B, such as home to daycare, I preferred to wear baby in a soft carrier (the Beco Gemini).
– For going to a destination, such as taking tiny baby to a cafe while on maternity leave, I didn’t have but would have liked a carseat-compatible stroller. I found it hard to sit down comfortably while wearing a rather tall baby (and then trying not to drop crumbs or coffee on his head…). Also, a stroller with carseat or bassinet might at least provide a place to change a diaper in a pinch – not all my regular destinations had this.
– For mobile naps: carrier all the way. Maybe a little uncomfortable for me, but not terrible as long as I was walking. He napped well in the carrier for a long time.
– For running errands with baby – definitely stroller with large basket. We used the jogging stroller for this; I would stash a wrap or carrier in the stroller just in case.
GGFM says
Our daughter is 2.5 and we didn’t have a car for most of the time, so have used the stroller almost daily since she came home from the hospital. No plans to quit yet. As a newborn we used a carseat + adapter in the normal stroller rather than a pram, which allowed use to transfer her from stroller to house without waking her up. LO was born in the winter so we invested in carseat bunting, which seemed to work for even low-double-digits temps. She went through a few stages where she wouldn’t tolerate sitting in a stroller and so I also used either a chest carrier or hiking backpack.
We bought the stroller (bumbleride) ahead of time and are glad we did because it was useful even in the first few days. But as a result we hadn’t considered what features may make life easier for us once the kid was actually there. The stroller had some of them (large canopy to block the sun, ample storage, lays all the way flat), which was lucky. But it’s a pain to fold compared to the CityMini, which has a 1 handed mechanism – worth considering if your housing situation requires you to schlep the thing upstairs every day, or if you use transit daily. Like Cb I’ve found it much easier to just wear the kid on public transit. If we will need a stroller on the other end we bring an easier to fold/carry umbrella stroller, though it’s less pleasant to push than our regular one.
Pogo says
+1 to carseat bunting! We used that plus a swaddle draped over the carseat and LO definitely slept through a snowstorm in the stroller many times (not walking like two miles, but still).
Anonymous says
A friend gifted us a City Elite, we’ve loved it, and has lasted through 5.5 years and 3 kids. (We got the carseat adapter attachment as well, for convenience, but sounds unnecessary in your case.) It’s large, but if you intend to mostly use it outside as transportation, it’s pretty great. It’s also a decent running stroller for a casual jogger, if you lock the front wheel. I know a lot of people like the City Minis, too. Both are good for infants because they recline. We also have an umbrella stroller that we liked for indoor use — eg, for going to a museum, etc. Those are best for babies 3+ months, though. Before that, babies are just too floppy.
I like baby-wearing in cooler weather, but definitely not in the DC summer.
Anonymous says
Oh quick follow-up to that. How do you intend to store your stroller? Think about how often you’ll need to fold it up / unfold it, and try it at the store. The City brand really touts it’s one-handed easy fold technology, and I have found it to be as good as advertised. We fold up the stroller after every use, and obviously to get it into the car, so this was an important feature for us. If you’re going to leave the stroller open all the time, it may not be as big of a deal.
I find the big stroller really useful up through age 3 or so. After that (esp since we have multiple kids), the kid needs to walk. But even my 5 year old can still fit in it comfortably if he really needed to. The smaller umbrella strollers get cramped around age 3, I wouldn’t try to put my oldest in one of those anymore.
Lana Del Raygun says
Ughhhh I don’t even know how we’re going to store it. We’ve got our hearts set on a vintage Emmaljunga like my mother had, but it’s sooo big and I don’t know where we’ll put it.
Anonymous says
That’s absurd. Stop being silly. You are preparing for real life not a movie montage.
Lana Del Raygun says
Dude, chill out. It has many real-life features that we really want besides the aesthetics. Basically every stroller we’ve considered is bulky.
Anonymous says
Also consider where it will need to be stored at daycare, if applicable.
Anonymous says
And whether it will fit in stores for running errands – a real issue at least in NYC
Anonymous says
If all the strollers you are considering are bulky you’re doing this wrong.
GGFM says
Ooh, that’s a nice option! If you have an elevator building, first floor stroller storage, or live on the first floor then any of the bulkier strollers are probably fine, and you’d just want some sort of alternative carrier for public transit. I might reconsider if I needed to carry it up a flight of stairs since the logistics are complicated – do you take the baby out, bring him/her upstairs, put in a crib, then go back downstairs and carry the thing up? It gets old really fast. We got sick of carrying ours up a flight of stairs and now store it under an outdoor stairwell, partially exposed to the elements. As a result of that + daily use for 2+ years it’s filthy and banged up. Stroller works fine, but it was mid priced. I might have felt worse about leaving a more expensive stroller outside in the elements, plus it’s resale would go to zero (on the bright side, I don’t think anybody is going to steal our unsecured stroller from the yard since it’s so beaten up).
Sarabeth says
With our first kid, we barely touched the stroller before six months. All babywearing all the time; she was happier that way and it was easier not to have to navigate a stroller in stores.
Gently: if you live in a city where you have to fold a stroller to get on the bus, I really doubt that a pram-style stroller is for you. Maybe one with a pram attachment, definitely one with lay-flat capacity. But the one you posted seems wildly impractical for the lifestyle you’re describing. You can’t take that stroller into most restaurants, and it’s going to be too big for smaller stores in any city I’ve lived in. Unless you think you’ll babywear enough of the time that you only need the stroller for the farmer’s market, I’d go with something more compact, but then you’re spending a lot of money for something that you won’t be using very often. Uppababy vista or or cruz if you want to splurge, or a city mini gt for a more moderate price point.
CPA Lady says
I had a graco infant carseat and loved having a frame on wheels to snap it onto to use as a stroller at first, especially when she was little enough to fall asleep in the car all the time. I also thought I would baby-wear, but my kid hated it, plus she was heavy and I had a c-section and a stroller just ended up being better.
I don’t remember if it was the snugrider elite, but you can look on amazon for examples. It was not that expensive, and it got me far enough into our daily life with a baby that I knew what I wanted and would use when it was time to get a “real” stroller.
My kid is almost 4 and we still have the graco literider that I got as our real stroller after she outgrew her carseat stroller. It’s a lightweight umbrella stroller and I like it a lot. We’ll take it to go visit The Mouse this winter, and then probably retire it permanently. If you end up doing a ton of outings and walking around and jogging and all that, you’d probably want something better. But we were never particularly ambitious with outings, and my kid liked walking, so it has served us well.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have the UppaBaby Cruz and it’s been great so far. We live in a suburb very close to the city and walked to daycare everyday with our son in the stroller. We also walked around our nearby pond, the zoo and other local places on the weekends, and during the day on our parental leaves. It’s nice because at first you can use the UB car seat for tiny babies, and then the main stroller seat which can face you or face out, and can recline as needed. The storage under the stroller is also great. I’d highly recommend this or the Vista for anyone in the city or who expects to use a stroller pretty frequently.
I’d say we used our stroller the most from ages 0-18 months (pretty much everyday), then we still used it pretty frequently but our son now likes to walk and we’ve been driving to our new daycare. I plan to continue using it with baby#2 during my leave, and am now trying to figure out a possible double stroller for longer outings with both kids on the weekends. A tip I’ve learned here is that the Vista rumble seat (for older kid) only goes up to 35lbs so that’s not going to work for us for very long as our son is already 30lbs – just something to keep in mind if you go with the Vista and are thinking of more than 1 kid.
We also have the ergo carrier and the k’tan (I think) which we didn’t really use for long walks or anything beyond wearing around the house because our son was a pretty big baby and also didn’t really like being carried in it when he was little. I’m hoping #2 likes it a little more!
Anonymous says
Also had the Cruz for #1 and loved it, although wish we’d gotten the Vista from the get go. We had #2 sooner than expected and had to upgrade.
Pogo says
I used the stroller frame + carseat exclusively for the first 5 months, because baby slept so much it was super easy to just transfer him from car to stroller back inside.
Then I used the jogging stroller for walking/jogging around the neighborhood. I also have a hand me down stroller that I have never used. The jogger is super nice and the big wheels are KEY if you live anywhere with crappy sidewalks or cobblestones etc, so I use it not just for jogging.
I also babywear a lot, like when out and about at a farmer’s market, at church, at the store, etc – anywhere there are tons of people to navigate through.
LH says
Which jogger do you have? I’m looking to get one that will work as a normal stroller.
Pogo says
Thule Urban Glide. I know a lot of people who use the BOB as a normal stroller too.
lsw says
I am ride or die with the Uppababy Vista. My husband and I are both very tall and it’s so comfortable. I freaked out about how much I paid for a used one ($275) and if I had to do it all over I’d go back and spend the $900 for a new one if there weren’t any used ones – I love it just that much. We live in a city and have used it almost daily for basically the past two years.
We also bought a light umbrella stroller that we use more rarely, but it’s nice to have an alternate when we don’t want to drag the big honking Vista somewhere (it’s big and heavy). I can’t imagine not having a stroller, but we’re big walkers.
We still baby-wear my toddler. We used the k’tan for the first few months (it was my husband’s thing to wear our baby and take him out for walks in it – never worked quite as well for me), and then the Lillebaby. We have the all season one. I still wear my son (super tall, 30 lbs, 2 years old) in the Lillebaby as a backpack. My mom has a baby bjorn and liked carrying him in that for the first year or so. Easy to find used.
lawsuited says
You can definitely wait to buy one until after baby comes. We used our stroller a lot (we also baby wear but I don’t find it takes the place of a stroller) between birth and 1 year, but use it a little less now because LO can walk for short errands or the the park, and sit happily in a shopping cart for a longer errand like grocery shopping. If we are going to a public event or taking transit, we usually baby wear – we used an Ergobaby 360 until about 1 year and now use a Phil & Ted Metro carrier.
You can certainly wait until the baby arrives to get your stroller – we carried LO around in his infant car seat for the first 4 weeks or so. The only caution is that having a stroller that is compatible with your infant car seat so that you can transfer your sleeping baby from car to stroller without waking them is cluch.
CCLA says
You didn’t specifically ask this, but if you’re in a city where you will be taking the stroller out the front door a lot (vs transferring from car), I LOVED having the bassinet feature. Yes, it’s bulky, and yes, they outgrow it after a few short months, but man was it nice to just pop her in there when she was a little squish and I was exhausted. No buckles, straps, etc. Everything I read ahead of time said don’t bother, but I got it anyway and loved it. We have the Nuna Mixx (and a few other strollers now…) and were happy with it.
Lana Del Raygun says
Thanks! I don’t think I will ever be putting the stroller in a car, except maybe for out-of-state travel.
KateMiddletown says
For my first, I registered for a carseat caddy type stroller, which I liked for convenience and weight. You pop the carseat in and push it around. Then we transitioned to a used $40 graco I bought from Once upon a baby. It was a sturdy piece of plastic and had a huge basket below and a tray for eating, which were the major features I found I needed. I also had (still have) a MacLaren umbrella stroller which we used all the time, but wasn’t the best for going on walks – it was the keep in the back of the car stroller.
I’m preg w/ #2 now and I’m still anti-travel system (too complicated and pricey unless you’re getting gifted) and very pro-craigslist and once upon a child. I really like the ease of being able to click in a carseat (pumpkin seat not convertible), so I’m looking for something like that again. My ideal self wants to jog with the baby, so I’m looking at a jogger, but I might just wait until the weather warms up and buy one used. (We’re due in October and I don’t think I’ll be jogging mid-winter.)
TLDR don’t overspend (unless you’re receiving as a gift) and stay flexible b/c your needs will change over time and you’ll have a whole fleet of strollers.
KateMiddletown says
Oh, and as far as carriers go, I had a maya wrap (ring sling) while she was still tiny, then got a baby k’tan which I loved and still have, and then got a used Ergo Baby (also very prevalent on the resale market!)
(We were super poor with baby #1 and even though we’re much more comfortable now, I’m all about handmedowns and secondhand gear.)
BigLaw Sr Assoc says
We took a different approach than most people. We just did baby wearing until kiddos were big enough for umbrella strollers (i.e., the <$40, super lightweight foldable ones you can buy at target). We are in a city, but a drive-able city, so drive most places. My car isn't well-designed to take car seats in and out (very low to the ground sports coupe), so the travel systems were not appealing. I liked either having no stroller or an easily foldable one because most places we go to eat or shop or whatever are pretty cramped.
Anonymous says
I’m late to the game, but I really suggest a snap-n-go or similar for the first few weeks or months till you determine what you really want. A used one should be $15 or less. I expected to use a stroller a lot, as we lived in an urban area and rarely drove, but our baby would not sleep in a stroller and it turns out I found them cumbersome and annoying in any case. We also did a lot of running pre baby so assumed we’d get a lot of use out of a jogging stroller, but… I ended up with injuries that prevented running for several years (PSA: jump roping is not a good form of postpartum exercise) and since baby wouldn’t sleep in the stroller my spouse has hardly ever run with him either. We used a baby ktan until baby was around 12-15 lb and an ergo 360 after that , then a toddler kinderpack for hiking (the most comfortable by far). Expecting #2 now and assuming things could be very different if he’ll sleep in a stroller or if I have a C-section.
college helpers says
I hope we will be getting a college student (or two) for help after school this year.
If you do this, what do you do in December (when they go home) and January and then in May / June?
My friend lucked out and her helper lives in our city, so is always available. Maybe they help find friends? My work is always super busy b/w when the kids get out for Christmas and NYE, so I feel like I am always very desperate (even day camps only go to 4, which doesn’t cut it).
Lana Del Raygun says
Ask your friend’s helper to recommend a local friend for breaks!
Anonymous says
No way — people hoard sitters and sitters friends. It’s like asking for family recipes. No one ever really gets back to you on that.
ElisaR says
but the helper might have a friend who is looking for work – can’t hurt to ask!
Anonymous says
This isn’t always true. There’s always a glut of underemployed college kids who are happy to take cash for work.
Anonymous says
You hire full time staff if that’s what you really need.
anne-on says
+1. We had a college student for a few days a week mother’s helper style, but it really didn’t work out well for summers/school breaks/and the dreaded snow days. Maybe you have family that can pitch in, but if not I think you may have to accept that you’ll need to pay for either a nanny or au pair.
Ironically, it was easier/cheaper to find an au pair, NOBODY in our town wanted ‘only’ 20 hours a week of nanny hours…and we were paying above market rates too. Sigh.
Anonymous says
Truthfully, most people I know in that situation just make do without help. My opinion is that you should be pretty generous with time at Christmas (which I know is hard for you) and other actual holidays, but that you can make it a requirement that they’re available other times of the year (May/June). Many college kids live off campus and would rather stay in their college town over the summer anyway. You’ll just probably be limited to students who aren’t yet far enough along for internships in their chosen field over the summer.
anon says
We specifically don’t hire college students because of this. One of our local colleges is off the entire month of January, and I couldn’t make that work.
Anon in NYC says
Two wholly unrelated questions –
1) Any recommendations for G rated movies for kids who are easily scared? My daughter got scared during Moana (had to shut it off!) and Ratatouille. We would love to have an at-home movie day soon, but when I looked up movies that were G rated I remember being traumatized by some of them when I was a kid!
2) My daughter is going to be a flower girl in a few months. She is currently very anti-dresses, but I can sometimes get her to wear one if I put shorts/leggings on her underneath the dress. This is fine with the bride. Any recommendations of sources for fancier leggings? Her clothes are typically very simple.
J says
No advice on number 2. But for number 1, SING!!! It is our family favorite and we can watch it over and over again. There is a scene where a very large aquarium breaks and everyone is pushed out of the building by the water. We often fast forward through that, but not always. The rest of the move is so, so, so fabulous. The cast is amazing!
anne-on says
Uh, one word of caution on Sing, we had to ban it at our house after our son took up the charming habit of singing ‘oh my gosh, look at her butt!” after hearing the cute rabbits do it. Some of the songs they sing are hilarious but NOT something I wanted my 5-yr old singing.
We’ve really like Mary Poppins, Shaun the Sheep, and Over the Hedge recently.
Anonymous says
My 6 year old has learned that line from his friend who saw Sing. Is it terrible that I’m tempted to introduce him to Sir Mix-A-Lot? Sometimes I’m just as juvenile as he is.
CPA Lady says
My kid discovered that her glitter slime makes “tooting” noises when she is pushing it back into its container. We both laugh *hysterically* at it while my husband looks on in mock disapproval. Being juvenile is fun sometimes.
Spirograph says
ha! My kids also learned it from friends. I haven’t seen SING, so until another parent tipped me off, I just assumed the teachers at daycare had played Sir Mix-a-lot, and I was OK with that.
J says
Interesting. That never even occurred to me. And I don’t think it would bother me all that much unless it was truly constant. I probably wouldn’t be able to contain my laughter at first.
CPA Lady says
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is the least scary movie ever. Mary Poppins is a good one too. Robin Hood was one of my favorites growing up. It has a couple of scary moments, but more like “the bad guys are chasing the good guys”, not like “there’s a giant screaming lava monster”.
Anonymous says
+1 Mary Poppins
Spirograph says
+1 more for Mary Poppins. Also Sound of Music, especially if you turn it off at the intermission before the Nazis show up. Those two, Robin Hood, Sword in the Stone, and Moana are the favorites in our house. My son gets scared by Brave, Dumbo, and basically anything else where a mom is in danger, which is pretty adorable.
Rainbow Hair says
How much can you hype being a flower girl? My kid and I practiced a ton (like I had a basket full of leaves and we practiced walking slowly and putting the leaves on the ground) and watched some youtube videos of flower girls and showed off her flower girl walk to visitors etc. etc. I found that having the whole thing hyped up made her notice, less, that her clothes weren’t that comfy (for her the issue was shoes).
anon says
+1 to Sing. Curious George is good (we’ve only seen the 1st and 3rd ones). Nemo is good, but skip the first scene, and maybe the shark scene if your child was scared during Moana.
SC says
My kid is also easily scared–we’ve struck out with Moana, Frozen, and Nemo. He likes Curious George, all 3 Toy Story movies, and Cars.
JTX says
The animated movies that my easily scared kiddo likes are: Peter Pan, the Aristocats, Robin Hood, Finding Nemo (we skip the first five minutes with the barracuda), Cars, Planes, Bolt and Wreck It Ralph (we fast-forward through the cybugs).
Most of the Disney movies are scarier than I remember though! I mean, the Rescuers, geez!
anon says
Would she be willing to wear tights? Thicker tights are kind of like leggings. You could get footless dance tights (I think Target sells them) if that would make her happier.
KateMiddletown says
Footless tights! Hanna Andersson
Anonymous says
Thanks, all! I will check out these movies!
And I will check out footless tights – she might like them! She knows she’s going to be a flower girl, but I think we’ll need to start watching some videos soon so that she actually understands what she’s supposed to do!
Very Anon says
Does anyone have 4 kids and a demanding job and is able to handle it all? I’m a big law senior associate with three kids, ages 5, 3 and 18 months. I am finally just starting to feel like myself again, have started traveling for work a bit, started losing some baby weight, and generally have a little more time/sanity. We are done, DONE having kids. And I just found out that I am pregnant. I was on the pill and this is very, very unplanned. I am devastated and don’t know what to do.
After initially completely freaking out, my husband would be ok with whatever I ultimately decide, but I know that he thinks having another baby is going to be a huge stressor on our family, and would prefer not continuing the pregnancy. There are many, many logistical issues that would need to be figured out, and while I know we could survive, I don’t think we would be thriving for a long time. He also has a demanding job, our current childcare situation is complicated and expensive, and would be even more so, etc. On top of that, I’m almost 39 and just tired of trying to keep most balls in the air on any given day, and adding another baby on top of that seems impossible.
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here, but the only other person who knows is my sister, and she’s currently 10 weeks pregnant with her third and struggling with major morning sickness. While she’s supportive either way, I don’t want to burden her with even more. I know what the rational decision is, but I’m very torn about what the “right” decision is. Thanks for reading.
lsw says
Hugs as you navigate this tough decision. Know that you and your husband will make the right call for your family and trust that either way, life will be full and happy. I don’t know how recently you found out, but I hope you can take a day or two to feel all your feelings with no judgment.
Anon for this says
Big, big hugs. Have you talked to your doctor? It depends on your relationship but my OB is amazing and very concerned about my mental health, and it sounds like for you that would suffer by continuing this pregnancy. It also sounds like you have concerns about your physical health at 39 and after 3 pregnancies.
I would also chat with a therapist if you have one, because this is such an emotional decision. I don’t think anyone can tell you what to do, and you have to just do what you think is right for you health/sanity and for your family.
I do have one friend who had a 3rd unexpectedly when they thought they were done (she had an IUD) and it was very stressful. Her father moved in with them to help while she travelled when the youngest was still an infant. I don’t know what her whole thought process was around continuing the pregnancy, but it was very much a shock. So, it happens and you can survive, even thrive – but I know it’s not easy.
Be kind to yourself.
Anonymous says
I know working moms (both couples are in health care, no local family, so a lot of 24/7 schedules) with 4 kids, all about your spacing. I know another with 4. You haven’t lost momentum yet (would be different if your next youngest was in school and you had no kid stuff).
You are probably GOOD at having babies and little ones. IMO, once you have >1, 2 working parents will always be tough. Going from 2-3 is tough (b/w my husband and I, we have 3 kids and 2 household schedules to deal with). I think I believe my friends with 4 (who work) when they say that from 3 to 4 is not as hard as going from 2 to 3.
AND YET you will still have a tough life, even with 3. So at some point you may have big decisions to make: PT work, au pair, move closer to family.
Anonymous says
The difference between 3 and 4 isn’t actually as much as you would think… certainly it’s much less than the difference between 2 and 3. I actually think 4 is mildly easier because then the kids pair off as they get older.
Whatever you do, it’ll work out.
Anonymous says
+1 this is a good point!
Anonymous says
A very, very wise, older coworker of mine says that the odds are hard and the evens are easy. So 1 and 3 are hard, but 2 and 4 are a lot easier. So maybe try to compare #4 to how much your life changed with #2.
Anonymous says
I have 3: 5.5, 2.5 and 1. For us, 3 was easier than 2- our second was a tough baby.
For what it’s worth, everyone I know that had had a surprise baby has made it work, and doesn’t regret it. Of course it’s a skewed sample because preumably some elected not tomhabe the baby’s but still. You can do what I did when I got My surprise 3rd- take a breath and say “in 2 years, we’ll be be past the worst of it.” We’re almost there!
Anon in NYC says
How stressful. I don’t know what I would do in your shoes. Hugs.
FWIW, a friend who is a big law partner (and whose spouse is also a biglaw partner) has 4 kids, although spaced out a little farther apart than yours. I think they have 2 nannies. Another friend who has 3 under 3 has an au pair + a part-time nanny, plus some family help. I think both of them would readily admit that they’re deeply happy but that it is hard af, expensive, and a logistical challenge.
Would you be able to call your OB and ask him or her to refer you to a therapist for the limited purpose of talking to someone about your options?
Anonymous says
Oh, I like this suggestion. I’m in almost exactly the same place as you kid and career wise, and I honestly don’t know what I’d do. But a set of confidential, non-judgmental ears would surely help.
Lana Del Raygun says
This is so rough and I’m sorry! I do know women with demanding jobs and 4 kids, including a single mom who works some kind of high-stakes finance job that I don’t understand. It’s hard but they wouldn’t trade their kids in for anything. Can you simplify your childcare by getting an au pair or something? What reinforcements can you call in? Believe in yourself and know that you can thrive, and that you deserve support <3
Anonymous says
Don’t have this baby. You don’t want it and you know that and you don’t have to.
Anonymous says
the op has clearly stated that she’s torn
Knope says
The “right” decision is whatever feels right to you and your husband. You don’t need to conclude that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to have 4 to decide not to have the baby. You also don’t need to figure out everything in advance if you do want to have it. You have my permission to not feel guilty no matter what you choose.
Hugs.
Anonymous says
I feel like there are a lot of people telling you you can make it work with four, and I think that’s absolutely true if that’s what you decide you want. But I want to add that I have two, and would terminate if I accidentally got pregnant with a third, and my job is much lower stress and lower hours than Big Law. If you decide that three kids is the right family size, you should feel absolutely no guilt about ending the pregnancy.
NYCer says
I know I am super late to this thread, but this is exactly what I was going to say. You should feel absolutely zero guilt if you decide not to have this baby.
Anon says
Hugs. the “right” decision is whatever you decide.
Maybe Kat can put you in touch this this Mom from a prior Day in the Life series? Doctor mom of 4. (But just because someone else did it doesn’t mean you can or have to.)
http://corporettemoms.com/nyc-doctor-mom/
Spirograph says
Hugs. I have three about the same ages as yours, and while I am still open to a 4th, I absolutely understand how you don’t want to go back to an infant once you get to the other side of the first year of a third. Adding #3 was just so difficult for the first year+, for so many reasons. Like you, 18-24 months postpartum is when I’ve really started to feel like myself again for the first time in SIX YEARS since the other pregnancies were so close, so I can imagine it’s a particularly upsetting time to have everything unexpectedly upended.
I agree with the anons above that 3 to 4 (to me) seems like an easier adjustment than 2 to 3, but dividing your time and financial resources further to parent another child will definitely have an impact on your marriage and your children. It’s a big decision, and I wish you all the support you need to make it.
avocado says
Hugs. Give yourself some time and space to “try on” each option mentally. Pretend you have decided one way and sit with it for a while. What does your life look like going forward? How do you feel? Then pretend you’ve made the opposite decision and ask yourself the same questions.
Above all, if you’ve got a strong gut feeling, don’t ignore it. I have learned through experience that my gut is almost always right.
Whatever you choose, know that no matter what happens, you have made the best choice you possibly could given the information you had at the time. That is all that anyone could ever ask of you, including yourself.
Aly says
This is a tough decision. Laura Vanderkam is an author/time management expert has a blog (just google her) and she has 4 kids. She talks about having that many kids and how it goes. She hires out a ton of help, but both her and her husband have big jobs. Might be worth looking at. Whatever decision you make will be the right one.
OP says
I really want to thank you all for your replies. I know it’s a decision that only my husband and I can make, but your thoughts are very appreciated. I found out over a week ago, and need to make a decision either way very soon. I think I will see if I can speak with a therapist next week. Childcare is complicated because my husband’s mother lives with us, and we pay her to watch the youngest while the others go to daycare. She cannot and does not want to handle more than one at a time. She was very disgruntled when we had our third because she didn’t want to watch another baby and my relationship with her right now is pretty bad. Unfortunately she has absolutely no where to go and no way to support herself, so the situation is what it is for now. She is definitely not a deciding factor here, but it’s a consideration. Aside from that, there are just so many other factors to consider. I wish I was sure which way I want to go, but it literally changes every other hour and it’s making me crazy. Thank you all again.
ElisaR says
i just want to give you a big internet hug. Sending you love!
lawsuited says
Either decision would be a good decision, for different reasons, so maybe that takes the pressure of trying to get it “right”?
octagon says
Hugs, this is a decision where there is no clear right or wrong answer. Trust your gut, talk to your partner, talk to a therapist.
I would also advise thinking about the factors that (before now) led you to say that you are done, DONE with kids — have any of them changed? It’s easier to think about it in the abstract, but also try to honor your past self’s goals and reflect on whether you are the same person who made that decision, or a different person.
ginger hb says
I agree with others that whatever you decide is your right decision. In midlaw, so not biglaw, but a former partner of mine had 4 kids and while his wife had a very demanding job. They always made it seem easy with less outside help than I expected. I will also second what others have said – my sister and some friends have said 4 was no different than 3 (and in some ways easier). Hugs.
Anonymous says
I don’t have 4 myself, I have 2 steps and 1 and 1 on the way (ages 18-0). My good friend has 4 under 8, #4 being unplanned (now age 1.) She is a pediatrician and her husband is a professor. His schedule is relatively flexible with classes, etc but he was not tenured until after #4 was born. She was working 3.5 days a week as a pediatrician and has recently adjusted her schedule to 2 days a week. Luckily she has the flexiblity to do this, and when she is ready to up it again (when another kid goes to school) she will have no problem picking up extra hours/right back where she left off.
Four Kids says
Oh hi, I am a biglaw senior associate with four kids. My situation was different than yours, although also insane. We unexpectedly became the guardians of my husband’s sisters’ kids (tweens at the time), and less than a week later found out I was pregnant with twins. I was 47 and had an IUD, and we never planned to have children – we specifically planned no kids. It is doable, and we also considered whether or not to continue my pregnancy, but after much consideration decided to do it. I can totally see coming out the other way on that. One piece of advice I have is that there are many ways to keep costs down – we live in a 3BR condo, my kids go to public school, we drive old cars, etc.
OP says
Oh my! I cannot even imagine going from 0 to 4 unexpectedly. Thank you for commenting. Your story and previous comments give me some hope that it’s something I might be able to handle after all. Definitely not how I planned spending the next two years, but life is funny that way.
Did you take maternity leave and go back to work full time or have another work arrangement? Coming back after #3 was much harder for me than after the first two, but staying home is not an option (and I don’t really want to). My group is generally great, but it’s still big law.
Walnut says
Not your same situation, but I’m unexpectedly 7 weeks pregnant and about to join the 3 under 3.5 club. We also just moved halfway across the country so I could take an awesome job that made me the breadwinner. The timing literally couldn’t be worse. Ugh.
All the best in whatever course of action you decide.
Anon says
Just need some words of encouragement that babies get easier and that I’ll survive on my own for the next 4 weeks.. I have 8 week old twins, DH works long hours and have no family nearby. I’ve had some help until now but now I’m on my own until I go back to work. I totally did not expect this to be easy and expected it would feel impossible (which it does), but not sure I anticipated all the post partum hormones or how hard it is to live in 3 hour increments.
Anon says
It will absolutely get easier! I have five-year-old twins and when I was walking them around our neighborhood in a stroller when they were tiny, one of my neighbors with older twins shouted to me unsolicited from her window, “Don’t worry-it gets easier!” That’s how true it is! You can do it!
If you happen to be in NY, I’ll come do your dishes.
Anonymous says
Oh honey, it definitely gets easier. I remember 8 weeks being a really hard time – my son stopped napping for more than 45 minutes at a time. And I only had 1 baby! Just take it 3 hours at a time for now and plot your revenge for when they are in college and trying to sleep in Sunday mornings.
Pogo says
That time is SO SO hard. It definitely gets easier. I also remember knowing that babies had to eat every 2 hours but did not realize that by the time you got done feeding it was basically time for the next feeding… ugh.
I definitely recommend you find a new mom’s group – that saved me in those early days. I started going at 4 weeks and it was my first time taking the baby out by myself. Some of the women I met in that group are still my friends today! It was put on by a local hospital.
AwayEmily says
YES! I was just thinking last night as I put my 5-month-old to sleep about how deeply awful the first couple of months were. He hated being soothed and would SCREAM until he passed out. I was leaking milk everywhere, constantly, and just felt disgusting. My older kid would cry plaintively every time I nursed him.
Now he is a happy, chill baby. It’s nothing we did — he just got older, and now he eats every 3 hours for 15 minutes, my milk has regulated, his naps are longer, he sleeps through the night. This will happen to you too! And in a few months you will be looking at your sweet little babies who can hold up their own heads and smile constantly and think “oh my god the newborn stage was terrible; I like you so much better now.” IT GETS BETTER.
Rainbow Hair says
HUGS. It’s so surreal, looking back on those weeks. (I had a single baby, only!) Like the cumulative effects of not sleeping, recovering from childbirth, learning how to br3astfeed… it’s such a huge toll. You’ll get through it! You’re doing great!
M says
Mom of twins here. It gets soooooo much better and easier. Baby twins are no joke. I’d suggest looking into a mother’s helper or something similar if your budget allows.
Anonymous says
Another mom of twins, I don’t know why my earlier comment disappeared into the ether. This 2-months time is the worst and it is all downhill from here. We had to wake ours up every 3 hours for four months to feed them and it. was. murder.
Here is my advice to you: you don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE. I pumped, washed bottle parts, slept, fed and cuddled babies, did like one load of baby laundry per week and organized them via the “dump in baskets” system, played Candy Crush, caught up on missed seasons of Top Chef. Do not sweep. Do not vacuum. Do not, for the love of God, read the news. Do not cook. We also had no family nearby and few close friends so my husband ran out like once per day to Arby’s and brought it back and we ate one huge meal and snacked occasionally. I recommend showering, but I hung out in my pumping bra and maternity leggings the whole time. It’s hard enough. You can clean the toilets in another 8 weeks, nobody’s going to die.
lawsuited says
The first 3 months are the hardest, the first 6 months are still pretty hard, and then things get much easier after that.
You have 8 week old twins. Which means you’ve survived 8 weeks with twins! You’re already a totally awe-inspiring amazing mom! Call in every favour for the next 4 weeks. Try some mom groups (online or in person) to build your support network. I did grocery pick-up for a few months for a friend of a co-worker when she had twins and her husband was travelling for work. One day a week I stop by to visit a friend of a friend who had a baby recently to take care of one feed/burp/change cycle so she can nap. I’m completely happy to do it and I bet there are people in your life who would do it too.
Anon says
OP here. Thank you all! It is so hard when they both cry at once, i feel like the worst mom ever that one of my kids is screaming and hope they aren’t incurring permanent brain damage. We’ve decided we are throwing fiscal responsibility to the wind for the next 6-12 months and doing what we need to survive and will go from there, so I think I will hire help. And thank you for permission not to read the news – I realize that a lot has happened in the past week, SCOTUS decisions, midterms, Kennedy resigning, etc. and feel totally uneducated and self absorbed for not knowing what is going on in the world
btw- all of you sound like absolutely amazing friends to your friends and friends of friends. I was hoping to go to a new moms group through the hospital, but aside from the fact it feels too hard to take two out of the house, they were premies and the doc doesn’t really want them out and about so much. I’m sure I’ll be back posting here in a couple of weeks for some additional friendly words :-)
Anon says
As someone who survived 5 months of colic with 8+ hours of non-stop screaming every single day, I can assure you that my now 11 month old does not appear to have any permanent brain damage and is hitting (and exceeding most of) her milestones. My hearing my never be the same again, but hers appears to be just fine!
Anonymous says
I have four year old twins. It does get easier. I consider that I “lost” the first four months. It was just a total fog and I was. so. tired. You are not a bad mom if they cry. You can always put them down in a safe space when you need a break. They will be ok.
My twins were premies as well and we weren’t supposed to take them out either to risk them getting sick. I would just go to the Starbucks drive through when I needed to get out so all I was doing was putting them in and out of their car seat. It was a good way to “practice” taking them out. I started with the twin group at the local hospital around five months. That was a much easier time and it was good to meet the other twin moms.
It’s early days. The NICU is traumatic. Do what you need to to make it through this time. You can do this.
ANon says
I know this is very late in the day, but I hope the OP is still reading.
Something that I read on here once really helped me during those times when Baby wouldn’t stop crying, and nothing I did seemed to console him, and I started to feel like I was doing a bad job at being a mother. After you tried everything else (feeding, changing, moving, rocking, cooing, singing, walking, talking, breakdancing, and running around clucking like a chicken) and NOTHING works, just hold your Baby and let him cry in your arms. Because crying in someone’s arms is better than crying alone in a crib. When I reminded myself of that, it felt like I was accomplishing something after all.
ANon says
Also, check out the Wonder Weeks app. It gives you a head’s up on when you can expect stormy periods based on your babies’ leaps in mental development. I found Baby to follow the timeline pretty closely. When he was in a stormy phase, it REALLY helped to know that it was a normal, expected phase.
Anonymous says
Yes, all the stuff about brain damage is in babies who cry for hours without any attention (like the refugees at the boarder). Some babies just need to cry and crying in a parents arms is not bad for them at all.
Anonymous says
If it’s just for a short period of time, can you use sitters through an agency? We have local sitter placement groups here in my large SEUS city – you couldn’t use them for every single day of the year, but you could as a fill-in when you need extra coverage around the holidays.
For May/June you may just need to find another person, like a college student who is home for the summer rather than someone attending the local college.
Anonymous says
Sorry, for college helpers.
anne-on says
+1 – we have an agency here that does this and it has been a LIFESAVER. All the sitters (a mix of college kids, moms with older kids, and grandmas) are prescreened and CPR trained. You pay a yearly fee for access but the sitter rates themselves were very reasonable and I felt so much better knowing an agency had screened them. And they would supply sitters with like 4 hours notice in a ‘my kid woke up sick but I still need to crank out some work’ type of emergency. Win!
Anonymous says
Which SEUS city? Crossing my fingers it is CLT not ATL.
Anonymous says
Sorry, I am ATL. But the Google led me here – I obviously haven’t used them but maybe an option? https://www.babysittersofcharlotte.com/
Room & Board sectional? says
We have a five year old Crate & Barrel couch that frankly, I hate. I don’t find it comfortable no matter how I try to arrange myself and no more than two people can really fit on it (we bought it when we lived in a very small apt). I’m trying to convince my husband that one of the Room & Board small sectionals would be a good investment. We need something comfortable, that will hold up to kids and dog, and our style tends to be like R&B. Can anyone share reviews or recommendations? TIA!
Anonymous says
I haven’t purchased this yet, but I’m leaning heavily towards buying the York sectional from Room and Board. It’s super comfortable (sat on it in the store) and exactly what we need. The smallest size might be a teeny bit too big for my space, but I’m hoping that I could shoehorn it in.
GGFM says
We have the York sectional and love it! Comfortable, easy to spot clean (thanks, toddler), looks nice. My only concern is that it has (down) cushions rather than a flat back, and I’m worried the cushions may start to show their wear earlier than a couch that didn’t have any. Have had the York for less than a year so it’s way too soon to tell.
LB says
I feel you! It is so hard to convince my husband that we need to upgrade to something above Ikea-level. Saw this house tour a while ago and loved their room and board couch: https://cupofjo.com/2018/01/anna-bond-rifle-paper-house-tour/. good luck and let us know how it goes!
KateMiddletown says
I have house envy now. Love the serenity.
shortperson says
we looked at room and board and could not stomach the price of what we liked with young kids. we went with the west elm urban sectional when it was on a steep sale and are treating it as a couch for the next 6 years or so. jumping on the couch is encouraged. its pillows are perfect for fort building, although mainly my kid pretends it’s a pool for some reason. and it’s super comfy.
CCLA says
We have quite a bit of R&B furniture. Literally everything we have from that store has held up for the few years we have had the pieces and looks good as new, you can tell it’s all well made, and the customer service is top notch. Our current couch is from somewhere else but once its time is up, to R&B we will go to replace it. If you can swing the price and find something you like there, do it!
S says
We absolutely love our room and board sofa. We’ve had it for several years and it is so sturdy and comfy and has almost no signs of wear.
dc anon says
Do you give your kids gummi vitamins? We use it as an incentive to move things along in the morning. Is there a brand you like? We have been doing the Flintsones gummis, but I just noticed that there is a whole world of them including ones with omega-3, fiber, and probiotics. Those seem like a good idea, since kiddo seems to have constipation symptoms. Is there one you really like?
Clementine says
It’s the ‘treat’ for getting buckled into our carseat without a fight. We just do generic target brand.
Anonymous says
We do Flintstones gummies, too. Kiddo has it after dinner as a “dessert”. So we don’t have any of the extras. I’d hesitate with probiotics for constipation. My ped’s office told me that probiotics/yogurt are really for diarrhea and not constipation.
Anon says
The whole family uses the Smarty Pants brand of gummies. They taste good and they’re on Amazon Subscribe & Save. I like that they include folate and omega-3 since my kids won’t eat much fish or spinach.
Note – the adult seems to be the exact same as the kids version, just 6 vs 4 gummies serving size. I just buy the adult ones and we all take the same ones, so it’s only one bottle on the countertop. We split the serving size up so give 2 (or 3 for adults) at breakfast and the remaining 2 (3) at dinner.
Anonymous says
The Smarty Pants version went over well with my daughter. We’re using a Target generic one right now and also fine. But the SP ones are tastier and better texture-wise. (But also more expensive…)
Anonymous says
I buy the target ones b/c vitamins are kind of an “extra” according to our doctor.
Anonymous says
My twins are two now. You are IN THE THICK OF IT. It is all downhill, or at least it was for us, from about three months on. We had a severely IUGR twin and had to wake them up every three hours to force them to eat for the first four months and it was unspeakably rough. Plus we weren’t allowed to take them outside so they wouldn’t get sick.
Here is my advice for you: you do not have to do anything else. ANYTHING. ELSE. I did shower every day, just because my husband took just as much parental leave as I did. I pumped, played Candy Crush, washed bottle parts, snuggled/fed babies, watched Top Chef, occasionally texted baby pictures to grandparents, and slept. NOTHING ELSE. I did not sweep. I did not cook– one of us each day made an Arby’s run or something and we ate one huge meal and snacked occasionally. I did not clean the toilets. I did not put on real clothes unless someone was visiting that day and “real clothes” meant one of my t-shirt maternity dresses.
Smiley babies are way better than newborns. Crawling babies are better. Toddlers are even better. You can definitely do this! Just know this is the hardest part and it’s limited in duration.
Flora Poste says
I need some patterned t-shirts to wear around the house on weekends and days I don’t work. My baby is 4 months and a messy nurser. All of my summer Ts are solid colors but I need something patterned to conceal the milk stains. Would prefer Old Navy or Target price range, but both of those only seem to have solids or stripes this year. Any ideas? Also I live in a small town so will need to buy online.
lsw says
Uniqlo? They had some fun Marimekko prints earlier this year.
AwayEmily says
I just went to Target and they had some t-shirts (the “a new day” brand) that were floral-patterned. And bonus, the v-necks are stretchy enough that you can pull down to nurse.