Accessory Tuesday: Kori Block Heel Bootie

The funny thing about being a mom (at least for me) is that the practical side of my personality has ratcheted way up — and the fun, cool side has ratcheted way down. If you’re looking for accessories to connect to your cooler side — but still be able to keep up with your kid when he makes a run for it — then I’m currently drooling over these Alexander Wang boots, which look dramatic and kind of rockstar like — but still walkable. They’re $595 at Nordstrom, available in several different iterations. Alexander Wang Kori Bootie

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  1. Newly Preggers says:

    Hi ladies, I’m about 5 weeks pregnant. Any advice for dealing with and minimizing body changes? Like what are the best creams/oils to use for preventing stretch marks and do I apply to just my stomach and b00bs? Anywhere else and how many times a day do I apply? What’s the best bra to get to keep them in shape and to prevent sagging? Any other tips? Thanks ladies!

    • Edna Mazur says:


      Sorry that is probably what you want to hear, but stretch marks and sagging are inevitable for some people and no magic cream or bra will prevent that if you are genetically predisposed to those things.

      • Cornellian says:

        Agreed. To the extent you can keep weight gain gradual, that helps, said my midwife.

      • CPA Lady says:

        Yep. Sorry.

        I used some burts bees “mama bee” stuff on my tummy, but it was more for comfort than anything, because my skin got itchy when it was getting stretched.

        Same thing postpartum. You might drop all the weight in two weeks or hold onto it for months or years. Your feet may or may not get bigger. Your bone structure may or may not change permanently. You might or might not get a ton of stretch marks. Your boobs will sag no matter what, because that’s gravity and even childless women have saggy boobs eventually. Your body is going to do its own thing. It’s normal to be worried, and if it makes you feel better, you can “do” stuff like put on lotion, but in the end, it’s pretty much genetics.

      • Mama Llama says:

        Yep. Sorry.

    • Yeah, I used bio oil but I don’t know that that did anything.

      I’ve never heard of a bra to keep them in shape. I don’t think that’s a thing that exists and most of the sagging will be after the baby comes anyways.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says:

      I used that Belli belly cream throughout the end of my pregnancy – not sure if it actually prevented stretch marks, but it made my skin feel nice and smooth as it was being stretched out.

      But honestly, you’re growing a human – that is incredible. Yes, your body will probably change to no longer fit society’s “ideal” for women but that is ok and you should work on accepting that. Generally exercise and eat more or less healthy and learn to love your body for what it can do and the journeys it has taken you on. I get it – I have more fat around my belly now and don’t love it, but I try to remind myself of this great thing that my body did in growing my son.

      • I also used the Belli oil and it at least felt nice!

        I didn’t get stretch marks til really late (36w maybe?). I thought I had escaped them but… no. Agree that it’s mostly genetics. Your skin tone matters too – I’m very light skinned and I think that helps.

        • bluefield says:

          I was about to say the opposite – I’m dark (for a white person) and I thought that having dark skin helped.

          • ha! I was just thinking in comparison to my non-white friends who complain that theirs are worse. Who knows, it’s all a [email protected] and I definitely think we judge ourselves harder than anyone else would ever judge us. I have never seen a mom at the pool and thought, OH GOD HER STRETCH MARKS!

          • NewMomAnon says:

            I have seen a mom at the pool with wild stretch marks, and my first instinct was “yeah! you go girl!” Because I have a giant surgical scar right down my stomach, and the first thing a nurse said to me after surgery was, “Well, you probably won’t be wearing any more bikinis, but it’s a very clean scar.” And I was like, “Anyone offended by my scar can find a different place to swim. If my bikini fits, I’m wearing it.” But it’s still kind of nice to not be the only brave one baring my un-photoshopped body at the pool.

      • That’s a really good point – whether this stuff prevents stretch marks or not, if your skin is like mine, it might get kind of itchy and tingly while it is being stretched. Keeping everything very well moisturized really minimized the itching for me.

    • BioOil. I slathered that sh*t all over my belly and butt while I was pregnant, and it was awesome. I do believe genetics plays a big role, as a previous poster noted. But that stuff is seriously amazing. I’m still hooked on it for a winter moisturizer for my legs and backs of my arms/elbows. It will sink in faster if you layer lotion over it. When I was pregnant, I layered the Palmers stretch mark stuff over it. Now Jergens. Buy it on Amazon – much cheaper than in the stores.

      • Legally Brunette says:

        I used Bio Oil as well and have zero stretch marks. I’m sure it’s genetics but the Bio Oil certainly can’t hurt.

      • Also, I wish I’d put it on my thighs too. My butt got stretch marks, but they’ve faded really well, and I’ve been prone to them there all my life. A little on my thighs too. None on my stomach/sides/back.

    • bluefield says:

      Stretch marks are genetic. I never used a cream and I have no stretch marks after two pregnancies.

      Sagging is going to happen. Save your $$ for a postpartum bra that keeps them up.

    • I have a sample size of one pregnancy – I used some kind of cream (Spoiled Mama? I think?), gained 60 lbs, had a 10 lb baby, and have no stretch marks. My br*asts swelled to the size of watermelons during pregnancy and only got bigger afterwards while nursing – no stretch marks, but they are definitely more tired than they used to be. I bf for a year and they changed sizes throughout the day during the entirety of that year.

      FWIW I lost the weight quickly (I deserve no independent credit, all I did to lose it was BF). My feet didn’t change sizes and most stuff went back to its original shape / location. My mom had most of the same responses, but she did get stretch marks after two back-to-back pregnancies (babies 13-mo apart.)

      It’s genetics. Buy the creams / bras if you want to, but part of pregnancy is giving up control of how your body looks and what it does. It’s like watching a science experiment on yourself.

    • Anonymous says:

      I have stretch marks (on knees/thighs/back) from a growth spurt in third grade. I did not get any stretch marks from pregnancy. The difference was probably because I no longer live in the Arizona desert and swam a TON during pregnancy.

      So move to the East Coast, don’t be very pregnant in the winter, get a pool membership and also I used Mederma Stretch Mark therapy, except then I got heat rash and quit using it because it itched. Also, don’t get heat rash.

    • Newly Preggers says:

      Thanks ladies! It’s helpful to know it’s primarily genetics but I’ll try some of the things mentioned just in case it helps and get good bras for after pregnancy. And thanks also for giving me perspective on what really matters. You are all the best!

    • Congrats! I agree that it’s 99% genetics and luck. But that said -any rich cream that you like is good for your belly, to keep your skin from feeling itchy, if nothing else. Even that though – I did that with my 1st and didn’t get stretch marks, didn’t do it with this second one, and still haven’t gotten stretch marks (2-3 weeks to go so we’ll see).
      Other advice: re: boobs – if you are concerned, get a stretchy wireless bra to sleep in if your chest becomes too much for you to be comfortable. Amazon has a ton of inexpensive ones in basic colors that you can also use if you nurse and that are great for the first week or so post-partum while your chest size adjusts to milk (if you are nursing, that is). Wear a nursing bra when you are nursing, after. I basically lived in some kind of bra or another for the year I nursed. You can get comfy bras for this, but it really helps. Also: nurse lying down as much as possible – this also helps.
      Exercise! I seriously cannot stress this enough. Not so much an actual gym program but just do what you can to stay active. Pre natal yoga is also great for this – it’s low key enough but studies show that it helps speed up labor time and generally I found it helped with back problems, etc. Obviously check with your doctor before doing anything new, but do go for walks, move around, stretch, etc. I am at the tail end of my 2nd pregnancy right now and the biggest difference from my first is that I didn’t get to do as much of all this with this one because I just don’t have the time between work and a toddler and I feel so much worse than I did the first time. Like my body feels creaky. Use the time you have now to set up good habits that will serve you well. This goes with food, too. I feel a lot better when I eat wholesome, nutritious things vs. when I say, “eh, I’m pregnant, let me eat a pint of ice cream.”

    • Congratulations! Alas, the visible changes are going to be mostly genetics. I had a nice dark linea nigra that didn’t go away for half a year after my son was born. (I still went to the pool in my bikini anyway.) There’s only so much you can do*, so don’t worry about it till afterwards! For now – and this will become imperative really soon as you get deeper into the first trimester sluggishness/ nausea – do things that make you feel good. Nice sheet masks. A rich lotion that smells nice (I’m partial to a shea-butter-and-honey one). Pedicures** while you still have free time to schedule pedicures (sigh)).

      * see discussion of br*ast lifts below. There *are* some things you can do.

      ** what is the point of pedicures in winter, you ask? So you can still see your toes.

      • NewMomAnon says:

        Oh, there is a better reason for pedicures in winter while pregnant – to have someone else do the hard work of cutting your nails when your belly interferes with bending over.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yep, stretch marks are genetic. Although apparently older skin is less likely to show marks (counter-intuitive to me, but I read that in several books) — I have oodles of stretch marks on my thighs and hips from puberty and when I gained the freshman 15 in college, but I’m now 33 years old and 36 weeks pregnant and still nothing that I can see on my belly. BUT I know a lot of people who only got stretch marks right at the end and a few who actually had stretch marks appear for the first time after delivery, so I definitely don’t think I’m out of the woods yet. My weight gain has been on the low side and relatively steady (not because of any particular effort to eat healthy, I just haven’t had much appetite since the end of the second trimester).

  2. Edna Mazur says:

    I don’t think I’m cool enough for these booties. Would they sink down when you took a step? If you are chasing your kids at the playground would rocks get stuck in them. They look kind of broken.

    • avocado says:

      At first I thought Kat was describing these booties as a practical item for moms, until I got to the part about the heel cutout and took a closer look at the photo.

    • +1. I am clearly not cool enough to pull these off. On me, they would look like I am too frazzled to notice I’m wearing broken boots.

    • bluefield says:

      If it makes you feel better, I bought these a while ago and they were wildly uncomfortable.

  3. Has anyone’s kid had or been to a birthday party at Build-A-Bear? Mine was invited to one. We have a conflict that day, but I’m trying to gauge whether it’s worth moving things around, or if I’ll end up having to spend a fortune on toys for someone else’s party. Thanks!

    • avocado says:

      The way it worked when my daughter went to one of those parties was that the bear-building was the party activity paid for by the party host. I didn’t have to pay for the bear. Although your kid will probably try to get you to buy all the other junk in the store after the party ends.

      • Anonymous says:

        Same, we went to one last year and each party guest got a bear (they got to choose between two bears and some other animal) and an article of clothing for the bear. We didn’t buy anything additional but my son was also only 15 mos. at the time. It was pretty fun.

    • Thanks!

  4. Anonymous says:

    About stretch marks…yes it’s genetics. Gaining weight gradually helps, but there’s only so much of that you can control. I lost 5lbs in the first trimester, gained 10 in the second, 15 in the third. I didn’t get stretch marks until 37 weeks. If it’s any consolation they’ve faded really well. And for the ladies up top – they sag after pregnancy because of their expansion and weight gain during pregnancy. You gain like 2lbs in just your b**bs during pregnancy. Breastfeeding does not make them sag more. So basically it is what it is, but you’ll probably be so distracted by the new baby you won’t care!

  5. Can someone talk to me about uterine polyps? I am about to start the process of trying to become pregnant with a donor – I’m about to turn 39 and this feels like my last chance, so it looks like I am going to do it alone (definitely not how I had pictured it, but I will mourn that ghost ship and move on). I know from a previous ultrasound that I have a uterine polyp (never bothered me, it’s just there). I have heard that those can interfere with getting pregnant. Should I try to have it removed before I even start trying. Again, this is not a situation where I can “try for a bit” with a partner to see if it would work with the polyp still in. Has anyone here had a successful pregnancy with a polyp in place? (I know I will talk to my doctor about it – I am just trying to plan out my year as best I can and trying to figure out if I have to factor in surgery.)

    • PinkKeyboard says:

      Could you consult and RE? I feel like they would be best suited to give you odds on which would be the best choice.

    • Anon for this says:

      Sample size of 1, but I had (pre-pregnancy, I don’t think I’ve had any since) a tendency towards polyps. I was TTC w/ my H (so the ‘traditional’ method) for ~ 7 months, and then had one right at my cervix removed, even though my gyn said it wouldn’t stop me from getting pregnant and was pregnant the next month.

      If removal wouldn’t cause any harm, it seems the most efficient thing to do would be to get it removed. But, my removal process was in the office, and even though it was painful, there wasn’t a real scheduling issue. I just took the rest of the day off.

      • Anon for this says:

        Also, I was 38 at that point, but was also following TCOYF and monitoring ovulation for a few months before removal.

  6. Cloth diaper mamas –

    What do you do about daycare and poo? I bought a diaper sprayer at home but have not hooked the thing up yet. So far just had one poo that needed to be scraped out into the toilet (I just used a wipe.. classy. But if you’ve picked up dog poo, it’s the exact same thing imo). LO eats only a tiny bit of solid food once a day, but obviously, the next few months he’ll eat more and more and his poo will become more of an issue.

    But daycare presumably won’t be spraying or scraping it out. Does it work to spray at the time of washing or is it too crusted on by then? I wash them every other day.

    I’m assuming also that once he’s an actual toddler eating real food his poo will get to the shakeable phase and I totally expect daycare to shake it into the toilet. I just feel weird asking them to do anything more right now, since it’s above and beyond what they do for disposables.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I would ask the school. A daycare that does a lot of cloth diapering probably has a sprayer or a protocol. A daycare that doesn’t do it a lot might not. My daughter’s school had probably 2-3 out of 15 babies in cloth diapers, and they had a sprayer.

      • Good point. It’s an in-home actually and from what she’s said she’s only had 1 other kid in cloth in recent years. But she’s been great about it so far so I’ve been nervous to ask for anything ‘extra’!

    • You can buy these really lightweight disposable liners for cloth diapers online (a m a z o n) that will let liquid down to the diaper, but keep poop on top so poop can be disposed of. You could use it just at daycare.

      • Also a good point!

      • Redux says:

        We use these for home and like them. Our daycare prefers to just shake/wipe the diaper out (and sometimes we do second-duty shaking at home before laundering). We wash only once a week and don’t have a problem with the poop being too old to shake/wipe out. If anything it helps!

    • Our daycare did accommodate cloth diapers (sadly, we decided that *that* many diapers was just beyond either our budget financially or time-wise – it was either buy a lot more all-in-ones or do laundry every day…so we just switched to disposables during the week). I think they told us they would spray and chuck in the wet bag, but it’s a large corporate daycare with a fairly crunchy upper-middle-class clientele. If it’s a small in-home daycare, they might be even more accommodating. Would disposable liners make it easier on them?

    • I worried about this, but it really became a non-issue even though we never asked our daycare to do anything special. It’s a small commerical daycare so they have had a handful of cloth diaper kids over the years (currently 3 out of 17 kids), but they don’t have any sort of spray system set up. What ended up happening is that when the poop will easily plop off into the trash can with the disposable diapers, they do that. The more smeary diapers get put in a separate plastic bag inside the wetbag and we spray them when we get home, before they go in our larger diaper pail.

      Spraying them 8 hours later is not a problem at all–in many cases they’ve sort of dried enough that they’ll peel off more easily than if you tried when it was fresh. We don’t wait until washing time because we only wash twice a week, but if you’re doing it every other day I suspect that would be fine. (FWIW, at 11 months 90% of poops are easily plop-able, so the period of having to spray a bunch of diapers every night was fairly short).

      We thought about liners, but that would mean one extra step for daycare (we use prefolds and covers) and I didn’t feel like asking them to do that, but I know people who use pockets/AIOs will prep all the daycare diapers with a liner in them ahead of time.

    • Our daycares that have allowed cloth diapers simply put the entire thing into a bag, poop and all. Even when it was at the “shake into the toilet” stage. It’s gross, but (1) the diaper changing stations aren’t typically in a bathroom- they’re out in the classroom. So for disposable diapers, everything gets rolled into the diaper and thrown in the trash. There’s no toilet to dump into (2) our state regs have policies on this, and policy is to put the entire thing in the bag to send home.

      FWIW, most people I know that cloth diapered gave it up once their kids were toddlers and moved to disposables. I don’t really know why, but I know a LOT of people with cloth diapered infants and 0 people with cloth diapered toddlers. I also know a lot of people that were cloth at home, disposable at daycare, because washing 7-10 bags of poop filled diapers at the end of the day was too much.

      • Yep I didn’t cloth diaper, but all 3 of my sisters/sisters-in-law all switched to total disposable around the 18 month mark (and 2 of the 3 went to disposable at daycare, cloth at home, by 6 months). My working-mom-friends all were total disposable by a year. My daycare was disposable only, so I didn’t even try cloth. But it’s my understanding that as the kid gets more active and starts to pee/poop more, there are a lot more leaks with cloth, especially overnight. Plus yes the mess from toddler-size poops…

      • Redux says:

        We cloth diapered through toddler age until potty training!

  7. PregLawyer says:

    On the sagging issue raised above, I’m about 75% sure that I want to get a lift after I’m done nursing my second. Has anyone done this? Any tips or suggestions? I’m curious about the process, recovery, longevity, etc.

    • Cornellian says:

      No advice, but related question: wondering if repeat moms can advise as to whether sagging gets worse after 2, 3, etc.

      • PinkKeyboard says:

        Mine are more saggy after my second but I didn’t br**stfeed either. So I’m not sure if that would make a difference. I would like them done but my husband is militantly against implants or lifts and I know they are mine but it seems strange to get a cosmetic procedure that he will actively dislike.

    • I am also curious about this. I’ve always thought I’d want augmentation, too, being relatively small chested most of my life, but pregnancy and nursing makes me totally cool with my old 34Cs. I miss them.

    • Following, because I barely fill a br*lette.

    • I always thought I would want to do this as I got older/was done having kids because I’ve always had “nice breasts” (at least superficially, in a top; I think we all have our own insecurities in the buff) and I kind of feel/felt attached to that, but the idea of undergoing an elective surgery scares me too much now, I think. Maybe that will pass when I’m less hormonal. But right now I’ll find myself thinking about it and even the tiny risk associated with it is enough to make me not want to do it. Like I just can’t imagine if something went wrong and my kid(s) life was altered over an elective cosmetic procedure.

      But like I said, I am very much super hormonal now, so no idea if I will feel this way in a couple of years or if my more rational self will be back.

      • My kids are 5 and 3, and I still feel this way. I was really into a tummy tuck/ b**b lift, but after going through emergency and scheduled c sections, I still can’t sign up for an elective surgery. I still want them in theory, but I’m working on trying to love myself “as is” first because the risks just seem too great for the potential impact on my kids’ lives.

      • Redux says:

        Yeah, my SIL developed sepsis after her implant surgery and could have died. She was hospitalized for days, they took the implants out and thankfully she survived, but could you even imagine leaving 3 kids behind after such a surgery?

  8. NewMomAnon says:

    OMG, my mom just tried to guilt me into taking a bunch of her junk so she doesn’t have to throw it away and I said no! I know that seems like a nothing, but it’s a huge step for me.

    Also – I just realized that she is both the reason I have so much stuff and the reason I feel guilty about having so much stuff. Sigh. What weird hang ups am I going to pass down to my kid?

    • mascot says:

      I wish I did a better job of this. Some of it has been a real benefit in the form of furniture and home stuff that would be expensive to buy and isn’t a priority. But then I get the guilt lines of “don’t get rid of such and such piece”

      • avocado says:

        Never, ever, ever accept furniture from your parents. An entire room in our house is filled with an heirloom bedroom set that we can’t get rid of to make way for a home office with much smaller guest bed, which means I can’t turn our current home office into a rec room, which means I can’t move the Legos out of what is supposed to be my dining room but is currently being used as a playroom, which means I can’t get a dining table and have people over like a normal adult.

        • Do you have a basement or crawl space? Does someone you know have a storage shed or a basement or a half-full garage? Can you rent a tiny storage locker? Store it there and use your house the way you need it to. Right now, you’re paying for square footage that you can’t use effectively.

          My mom tries to dump things on me every time I see her. Literally, she never comes over (or lets me leave) empty handed. I finally had to remind myself that my house is NOT my mother’s storage shed. We had to have A Talk where I said “Mom, if you give me these things, know that they become DH’s and mine. And if we end up throwing them out because they don’t work for BOTH of us, you have to be okay with that. If you’re not, you’re better off keeping it at your place.” Now, any time she gives me something and says it’s an heirloom or whatever, I say “Oh then you better keep it. DH is on a purging kick lately.”

          • avocado says:

            My in-laws definitely dumped this furniture on us so they wouldn’t have to deal with the idea of letting it leave the family.

        • Sabba says:

          I’m sure every situation is different, but it was so freeing when I just got over feeling like I had to keep all the things. My current view is that if it was given to me as a gift, I get to decide what to do with it, including giving it away or getting rid of it or selling it if that works for me. If it is a piece someone else in the family might want, I try to go that route first. But I refuse to be ruled by “stuff.” I know I have made other family members angry and maybe they are less likely to give me things that I might actually want, but life goes on and I am happy.

          • avocado says:

            It’s from my husband’s family so unfortunately I don’t have the final say. He has a strong emotional attachment to any piece of old junk that was in his parents’ house when he was growing up. This furniture is not junk, but it is a burden that no longer serves a practical purpose for us and if it were mine I’d let it go. He does not feel the same way and could not understand why I KonMari’d my stuff, took photos of some childhood mementos that had been taking up space in our tiny closets for years, thanked the stuff for its service, and threw it out.

    • Oh my gosh, I know a woman who does this to me. She looks at me like I’m crazy for saying no (which I’ve been good at – we’re not close so I don’t feel guilty), but she doesn’t want the stuff so why would I want it???

  9. Diaper bag recommendations? Bag, backpack, etc? Also any other first time mom must haves? I am starting to make my registries and it is all so overwhelming.

    • I think the consensus I found from reading here and talking to others is that it doesn’t really matter. It’s nice to have a black or grey bag so that it’s gender neutral and doesn’t obviously scream BABY. You really don’t need a “diaper” specific bag.

      One piece of advice I would give is if you plan to fly at all, your diaper bag doesn’t count as far as carry on baggage allowance. So it’s nice to have something large enough that you can pack some of LOs things in there and not take up space in your own suitcase.

    • Momanonn says:

      I think it’s been said a few times around here – Lucie’s List!! But specifically diaper bags – skip hop duo for me

      • Yes to Lucie’s List and yes to SkipHop for diaper bags.

        I have never ever met a parent who LOVED their diaper bag. You’re not going to LOVE yours either. So get whatever seems functional enough for you, at a price point where you won’t feel terrible if you hate it and get a new one in six months, and call that good enough.

        Although I do have friends who registered for two diaper bags. They told everyone it was one for mom, one for dad, but in practice they were both gender-neutral and they served different purposes – one for stroller type trips and one for baby wearing/toddler trips.

    • I like having a backpack so that I can wear DS in front and carry the backpack on my back, instead of having a bag swinging on my arm. Also I think nylon or some other wipe-able material is a must for random spills and stains. Otherwise, I don’t think it matters much.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      If I had to do it all over again, I’d get a backpack, hands down. If/when I ever have a second, I will be getting a backpack. I really like having both of my hands free, I hate the feeling of having something slipping off my shoulder, it’s easier than most other scenarios if you plan to babywear at all, etc.

      The Miracle Blanket was a godsend. It was the one swaddle that my daughter liked / didn’t break out of.

    • I’m pregnant with my 3rd. We use a backpack that isn’t made anymore (it was made by Tomee Tipee ~2011) as the true diaper bag. It holds a million things, has holsters for bottles, easy-access side zippers and a wipe-dispenser on the bottom. It’s the best. Once the babies are out of true baby phase and onto toddlerdom, they just need snacks + wipes and diapers + occasionally things like toddler spoons, toys, sunscreen, water bottle, etc. I use a Le Pliage tote for that stuff + my wristlet, unless it’s an all day affair involving bathing suits/outfit changes/etc in which case we load up the backpack.

    • Cornellian says:

      I wouldn’t even put a diaper bag on there, honestly. It will depend so much on how much you end up wearing baby vs. using a stroller vs. using a car. you can use a duffel bag while you figure it out. I would get one of those portable diaper changing pads that fold up like a clutch, though.

    • skip hop forma backpack

    • AwayEmily says:

      I heartily endorse the “non-gendered backpack” route. Ours was $40 from Baggu and is super simple (and machine washable, which turned out to be a HUGE plus because bottles leak and children are disgusting) but really any backpack could work. Agreed with Cornellian that the clutch changing pad thing is key. We got one as a hand me down that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen (brown and hot pink flowers?? in what world do those go together??) but we used it all the time and I didn’t even know they existed when I put together my registry.

    • Leatty says:

      I splurged on a Kate Spade diaper bag during one of their surprise sales. It has worked pretty well for me during the last 7 months – it has room for plenty of diapers, changing pad, bottles, wipes, etc., and it has plenty of pockets. It isn’t as practical as a backpack, but it makes me feel like I haven’t fully given up on my identity as something other than a mother.

    • I had a Skip Hop diaper bag when Kiddo was an infant. It was good–it worked well, had outside pockets for a bottle or teething toys, and was vinyl inside so leaks were easy to clean up. At some point between 1 and 2 years old, we used a backpack as a diaper bag on a family vacation, and we never switched back. The backpack is more comfortable to walk around with for a long time, which mattered more once Kiddo stopped using his stroller and we couldn’t stash the diaper bag on the bottom.

    • Anonymous says:

      For the newborn months, I just kept diapers and wipes in a couple of my tote bags and a blanket in the car that I could swaddle her in in case of a diaper blowout. We didn’t go out all that much and a nursing infant really doesn’t need anything except the occasional diaper change. Once baby starts on finger food and wants some toys to play with, you will have a little bit more gear but we still just use a tote bag that wasn’t intended to be a diaper bag. We live in suburbia and are rarely far from our car, so we keep a lot of extra baby stuff in there. I wouldn’t register for a diaper bag personally.

    • Anonymous says:

      If you have a walking lifestyle and are going to be using the City Mini a lot I would recommend getting a small Le Sport Sac (I think mine is 7x12x4). Regular size diaper bags take up the whole under stroller basket. Eddie Bower makes the smallest changing pad and you can get four diapers, a change of clothes and a few necessities in there. It does mean I use extra bags for special activities, but the Le Sport Sac fits inside a JanSport backpack, so I sometimes treat it like a packing cube.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I like these!

    I am venting/getting this out, and I can’t do it anywhere in real life. I have two boys, 4 and 6. And they are freaking AWESOME. They play really well together, they are kind, and they can occupy themselves for hours at a time. Over the weekend, I read a book, baked a ton, and took a nap, while they alternatively colored, engaged in massive imaginative play, and watched movies. They can get ready for bed on their own . They can get dressed on their own. Life is increasingly getting easier. My husband – who is a real introvert in an extrovert’s job – gets his very valued alone time without me needing to take over an inequitable amount of childcare. They travel well, and they are just fun to be with. Usual caveats apply – they get grumpy, they fight, etc. etc. but it’s just so much easier than it was for several years — I think my hormones are finally balanced two years after stopping nursing, and my husband and I are in a great place (baby years are hard for us, we love kid years).

    But. Of course, I can’t get the idea of another one out of my brain. We’ve been not preventing, so “trying” for about six months and no babies. The age split would be pretty big at this point. I am a sick pregnant person, and I know I’d be a [email protected] mom to the kids while older/in the throes of a new baby. I can’t imagine pumping again, or high chairs, etc. etc. But I read the posts on pregnancy and I get sad. I can’t bring myself to take down the crib in our unused nursery. I see pregnant people, and I get sad. I have no right to be sad — really, I don’t, and if I did get pregnant, I’d probably freak out…But I can’t help it. My husband likes where we are, so while he’s fine not preventing it, he definitely isn’t interested in taking more serious measures to get pregnant (we used IVF for our first). I also think about how lucky we are, and I’m mad that I can’t just be happy with our current set-up. I know my post-partum hormones increase my anxiety, and my kids are old enough to realize it, so some part of me feels like I should just call it done and enjoy my kids. But it’s always kind of there in the back of my mind.

    Not looking for anything, just feeling a little bummed at the onset of another month without the caboose baby on board

    • I’m sorry you’re going through this. You sound very insightful and self aware, which is wonderful but I think can sometimes make it harder to deal with feelings that you’ve decided are somehow irrational or unwarranted.

      I think a lot of this ambivalence is natural. Maybe you are in some ways grieving for your alternative self. I tend to get a bit like this whenever it feels like I am between two paths. Give yourself permission to have all these feelings. And if you still feed sad about it in a few months and you haven’t gotten pregnant, maybe talk to someone. Sometimes just saying this stuff out loud helps.

      • Anonymous says:

        Thanks – I appreciate being heard! Our history notwithstanding, I think I expected that we’d get pregnant quickly, and be able to approach it with a sense of “this is totally unexpected! but it’s where we are, so let’s go with it!”

        That it hasn’t happened is probably making me confront what life will really look like more than if it just happened and was a very gut instinct sort of decision. My very logical side is happy to point out all the ways it would make life harder, and wondering whether we should move to a permanent prevention to take it off the table completely/stop wondering about it.

    • CPA Lady says:

      It’s okay to be sad. And it’s okay to be frustrated by ambivalence or not knowing how it’s going to turn out.

      FWIW, my husband was 100% unwaveringly one and done. Still is. Has never doubted himself. Got the snip six months ago. I envy his surety.

      I’m pretty happy with our life but still kind of bummed when I see all my friends who had their first kid when I had mine are now giving birth to their second. I don’t regret our decision, but It’s sad to close a door like that even when it’s a door worth closing. I also try to remember not to mistake nostalgia for regret.

      • Pigpen's Mama says:

        +1 this sums up my feelings on being one and done –I know it’s the right decision, but it’s also a bit melancholy

  11. Rakma says:

    I would pay through the nose for clearly labeled prefilled syringes of Motrin or Tylenol. Twice in the last month I have misdosed my kids by reading a [email protected]&$ dosing chart wrong. I felt like complete crap as the doctor on the phone (who was of course not our usual one) was making sure I wrote down the correct dosage for next time.

    In related news, one kid is teething, the other has an ear ache, and no one slept well last night. I need a nap.

    • PinkKeyboard says:

      As a plus… when I called about this they said I could give them the entire bottle of motrin and it wouldn’t actually hurt them. I got the younger doctor with 3 kids so there was a lot of solidarity in that call.

    • Anonymous says:

      I put a note on the inside of our medicine cabinet to combat middle of the night medication errors. I also put a sticker on the bottle that matches the color of the highlighter I used on the text. So Motrin has a pink sticker and the dosing is highlighted on the note in pink. It says in large letters:


      • Anonymous says:

        In case my comment didn’t sound empathetic, I only did this after making a dosing mistake on Benedryl. Turned out not to be dangerous but I almost gave myself a heart attack.

      • Another Anon says:


        The liquid medication drives me nuts — there are two different concentrations for the same drug (infant vs children) so you REALLY have to pay attention. I’m a chemist and have experience in drug formulations and it was still so confusing and easy for me to mix up. I ended up putting a post-it inside the medicine cabinet that has the dosing (one kid) after I almost messed it up.

        • CPA Lady says:

          Yeah, this is why I only buy the infant one even though I have a 3 year old– it’s twice as strong as children’s Motrin, so I can use half as much liquid. Which is a blessing when you’re trying to cram medicine into an unwilling child’s mouth.

      • Sabba says:

        Similar. The first two years of my child’s life, I wrote the dose in black permanent marker on the bottle itself (if it fit) or on an index card under the bottle. It was for me, my husband, and the nanny so that we would all have the dose right there without having to read those darn charts. Definitely was worth it when I was in a sleep deprived haze.

        ALSO, please be aware that it is critical to dose Tylenol correctly. The other medicines have a bit of an error margin, but Tylenol can be very dangerous in an overdose situation. So if you don’t get the Tylenol correct, it is worth a call to the doctor or poison control or even a visit to the ER. We don’t keep Tylenol in the house and I have always preferred Motrin or Advil for this reason.

        • Anonymous says:

          + 1 to the caution on tylenol. I keep it in the house but I only use it when I can’t break the fever with advil alone.

        • Katala says:

          I didn’t know this! Thanks for the heads up. Tylenol doesn’t seem to do much compared to motrin/advil so this is even more reason not to have it in the house, or to keep away from the other meds.

    • Jeffiner says:

      I once called the pharmacy to complain that they didn’t give me enough antibiotics for my daughter’s strep. I had been giving her the doses twice a day. Turns out she was only supposed to get it once a day.

  12. Estate Planning says:

    DH and I need to do some estate planning, so I have started the process of searching for a lawyer we could use. I just received a flat-fee quote of $4,000, which would cover the will, trust, power of attorney, etc. The lawyers would also help us prepare the documents to fund the trust. This amount seems high, but I have no real frame of reference. How much did you all pay to have this work done? We are in a MCOL city and don’t have a complicated financial situation.

    • That seems high to me. When we went through this 3 or 4 yrs ago, also MCOL city, I think we paid closer to $1000, and certainly not more than $2k. But, we also don’t have a funded trust, so paperwork for that would be an additional cost (although I’d be surprised if it were several thousand more).

    • Anon in NYC says:

      We have a basic estate, and definitely identified trustees to manage distributions, etc. but didn’t actually fund any sort of trust. It cost us $750. From what I have seen that seems a little on the low side, but in the $1,000 – $2,000 range is about average.

    • We are in a HCOL area and have a sort of complicated situation – we expect there to be a fairly significant estate, but not significant enough for active tax planning, if that makes sense. We also have a fairly complicated proposal on guardianship. For wills, trust documentation (pour-over) as well as 2 deeds to move our house to tenants by the entirety (we weren’t married when we bought) and then move the house into the trust currently to avoid probate, plus all the medical POAs and directives, we got quoted $6K. My husband does simple estate planning and he was expecting to hear closer to 4-5K as the market rate, but as I said we aren’t proposing terribly simple mechanisms, particularly in the event that we both kick the bucket together or if us and our daughter all die together (presumably in a fiery explosion or horrific car crash).

    • Anonymous says:

      That seems high. We paid about $1,200 for will, trust, power of attorney, etc.

    • Anonymous says:

      Echoing the others that that seems high. We paid 1200 for a middle-of-the-road in complexity set up including several kinds of trusts, and this was in DC about 5 years ago.

    • Anonymous says:

      This seems incredibly high to me. We are in a MCOL city in the Midwest and we paid $850 for all these documents and two appointments with the lawyer (one to go over what we wanted and one to review and sign all the paperwork). The lawyer we used was a junior partner at a firm with about 30 attorneys.

    • Lorelai Gilmore says:

      I looked for quotes on this in the Bay Area about three years ago and the going rate was $3000.

  13. Moms Solo says:

    My searching of old threads is not going well so afresh — looking for recommendations for the following:

    daycare meals for 1 yr old (no heating at school)
    lunch box
    bath toys/slip mat/faucet cover (basically what do I need to bathe a toddler — I’m still using the newborn bath)


    • Anon in NYC says:

      Foogo thermos is great for hot meals. When we send a hot entree I send other components of the meal (fruit, cheese) in small snack containers (nothing fancy – I have the Munchkin Love A Bowls, which I like, but the Gerber Graduates Bunch a Bowls look good too. I like PlanetBox (the smallest one) for an actual lunchbox for cold meals.

      Re the tub. Be prepared for your kid to possibly freak out about being in the tub. It’s also just a prime age for hating baths, so it was a rough few months for a while. I didn’t use a slip mat for baths in the tub. I planned to, and bought one, but my daughter freaked out about it. I had a faucet cover that could also tell you the temperature of the water, which was super helpful. But I went through 2 in 2 years, so now we just use a thermometer/our wrists. My kid was not inclined to touch the faucet, so in hindsight, it wasn’t really useful for us other than the thermometer feature. As for toys – the biggest hits so far have been measuring cups for scooping, and a cup (like the Munchkin take and toss one).

      As for lunches: for entrees we send mostly sandwiches or hot meals that we know she likes (beans, chickpeas, pasta, meatballs) + a vegetable. We always send fruit, and usually cheese (either cubed or a stick).

      • +1 on the tub. My daughter always liked baths so it didn’t occur to me that there would be any issues transitioning to the regular tub and what a f—-ing disaster. In retrospect we should have tried to prepare her for it more. It took seriously months to get back into a normal routine and we ended up having to revert to a bigger small tub to get there.

    • No heating is tough! My unheated go tos are – leftover quiche, hard boiled eggs, applesauce, yogurt with frozen fruit in it (thaws enough by lunchtime), animal crackers, goldfish crackers, pouches with veggies, bananas, clementines, berries, leftover beans and/or rice, cheese – I just throw a big variety in the bag and see what he eats. I don’t use a designated lunch bag, it’s one of those free cloth totes you get as giveaways. They have a fridge at school so it doesn’t matter that it’s not insulated.

      For bath, we just bathe right in the tub now and have since before a year old. Seems to go okay with the occasional slippage. We have the draining stacking toy boats (oxo? can’t remember the brand) but a big favorite is a giant empty yogurt tub to fill and pour. We also use occasional kitchen implements in the tub.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      For school lunches, I send small servings of 5 things: 2 protein or dairy, 2 fruit or veggies, and one starch. I use the silicone muffin cups, and consider a “serving” of fruit to be a completely full cup, a serving of grain or protein to be a cup 1/2 to 2/3 full.

      My go-to items; cut-up grapes, clementines, apples or pears cut into small pieces, dried fruit (kiddo loves dried cherries), frozen veggies heated and refrigerated (carrot coins are a hit), meatballs, leftover meat from dinner diced or shredded into small pieces, leftover pasta from dinner (sometimes heated in a thermos, sometimes cold), deli meat rolled up around a string cheese/pear slice/melon slice and cut into smaller pieces, couscous, and cold cereal.

      I use the Amazons Basics 3 compartment plastic storage containers.

  14. Rakma says:

    Thanks all for the medicine dosing empathy and tips. DH is picking up kids Motrin for the bigger one, and I’m going to mark each bottle with the dosage. I’m also going to rubber band the syringe to the bottle and save myself some trouble.
    Thankfully both times the error was with Motrin (and the first error was underdosing, poor teething baby)

    • Pigpen's Mama says:

      The eldest old enough for the chewables? It’s now dosed for 2 and up. My LO won’t take the liquid but we can kind of convince her to do the chewables.

  15. @ anon who is thinking about a 3rd says:

    It’s so hard. We went into true baby/shock with #2, because our oldest was almost 3,!’ Had been potty trained for a year, done with naps, had slept through the night since 6 months old and easy… *so easy*. We were shell shocked by having both a baby and also, a kind of fussy baby at that. I may have had PPD, or honestly just PTSD. Not to be flippant but that baby knocked me on my @ss in a way was totally not expecting.

    We thought we might want 3 and immediately pulled the goalie once our second turned one because I knew if we got out of the baby stage again we’d never go back. I got pregnant pretty quickly given how long the others took and #3 is arriving when #2 is 23 months. It’s going to be a grueling year, but then I’m setting my maternity clothes on fire, putting all my baby gear on the curb and I will be freeeeeee.

    I truely can’t imagine going back with a 4 and 6 year old. Although, there are parts that are easier! Your two oldest are going to be in school. You’ll be back to naps and diapers but….with just one? The third is typically pretty portable, and all 3rd and 4th babies I know sleep well, and anywhere.

  16. Transition to Bath says:

    Move the baby tub into your real tub as a transition. Fill water into the plastic tub only. We did that for awhile before getting rid of the baby tub.

    Toy-wise, old quart yogurt containers, stacking cups toy, the plastic scoop/paddle from our rice maker have all be hits! Basically anything that pours water. I hate rubber ducks and other floating/squirting toys because they get moldy inside no matter how diligent you are. I’ve been too lazy to try the Pinterest hot glue over the hole trick, but YMMV

  17. Bean74 says:

    We’ve been using a plastic laundry basket in the big tub since our little guy was 6 months old. It’s worked out great and it keeps all his toys contained and able to dry out a bit better than they do in the toy bags.

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