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So. Many. Snacks. Here’s a set of cute snack containers that might make the most practical stocking stuffer of all time.
Get ready to ditch plastic baggies — these sealable, self-standing silicone snack containers are freezer-, microwave-, and dishwasher-safe. Perfect for the road or school, their wide openings make it easy for kids to each right out of the container. You can even use them for small arts and crafts supplies or toys.
A set of four (including a bear, pig, dog, and cat) is $34.99 at The Container Store.
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Breast Pump Question says
Due with our second child in January.
With the first, I nursed and pumped (so nanny and her father could give her bottles). Used a Spectra2 (the pink one) and had no complaints. Stopped nursing/pumping at 13 months, so I haven’t pumped since November 2021.
I can get a new pump through insurance. Even though I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with my old Spectra2, I should just go ahead and get a brand new one because everything with a motor starts to wear out with time, right?
Clementine says
Many friends got a second and kept one at work and one at home.
Breast Pump Question says
Ah, context I neglected to include – I am full time WFH and was pre-pandemic, it won’t change unless I take a different job (which I’m unlikely to do).
anonmi says
Yes, I would. It’s bee a lot of years since I was in pumping mode, but I remember the pumps that were made for home use not having the longest life. You used your existing pump a lot, so there’s a good chance it will fail over the year of use with the second baby. If you end up never needing the second pump, you can always give it away to someone who needs it.
Anon says
I don’t think there’s any urgency to get it now if you want to use the same one. If you have two kids, it might be nice to look into a portable option. I had the pink Spectra with my first kid and got the Elvie Stride with my second. It was nice to have because it was more comfortable and I could get up and do things while pumping, important if you have an active older kid.
Anon says
yes, get a new one. breast pumps are only made to last for so long for obvious reasons, so a new one may prove to be more efficient than the old one.
I did the same thing with my second and found it helpful to have one downstairs, one upstairs…
AwayEmily says
Me too. I actually had 3 pumps with this last baby — my old one, a hand-me-down one from someone else, and my new one. I kept one upstairs, one downstairs, and one at work. I felt very spoiled but it was really nice. Pumping is the worst, so anything that makes it easier is great.
Anon says
I would go for the new one. If I were in this boat, I think I’d also take a look at what your local preferred box store (ex. target) carries for replacement pump parts (valves, tubes, etc.). Ex. I know Medela has changed to a new variant of pump they are pushing. So my local target is only caring parts for the new version.
DLC says
I found that in the two years between my 2nd an 3rd child, pumping technology had improved and there were lots of other pump options out there. My original Spectra was great so I got a wearable pump with my third. The Spectra I used for every day pumping, and the Freemie was really helpful to be able to pump while making lunches/handling morning chaos, etc. You don’t have to replace the spectra per se, but another kind of pump might be useful to have.
Anonymous says
In the Before Times I would have said find out how long after the birth you have to order a pump so you don’t miss the window, then wait and see how your old one holds up, what type of new one you might want, etc. In these times of supply chain disruptions, I would be afraid that the old one would break at some point and the new model you preferred would be unavailable, so I’d go ahead and order the replacement you want while it’s still available.
Source: Have had this scenario play out multiple times in the past few months with appliances, etc.
PT says
Recs on structuring a part-time schedule? I’m able to switch to 15-20 hours a week, and the nature of my work is such that I won’t be dealing with many emergencies or meetings. I know I can fill the time easily with home and child stuff but am trying to decide when and how to work most efficiently. Three days a week?
Anonymous says
I work T/W/TH. Works well as people are more inclined to take a M/F if they takeaway three day weekend so at least in my job it works well for meetings. I will often send something out on a Thursday afternoon vs a Thursday morning so I am not getting same day responses with an expectation to deal with it. Also try to have work product out the door before noon on Tuesdays. Like draft Thursday afternoon and send out Tuesday morning. Depends a lot on how your work flows and how you are. I need full days off. I would be garbage about logging off at 2pm everyday
Anonymous says
This would be my ideal! I have a ton of time off banked so I’ve been quietly taking random mondays and fridays off, and it really helps my mental health. I am so much more productive on my work days when I have 3 days off — one for errands/home stuff, one for fun activities, one for downtime. If I only have 2 days, usually the downtime gets skipped and I go into the week feeling exhausted, or the errands/home stuff, and I go into it feeling unprepared and behind. Working 3 days a week so I could add a day for personal projects would be the dream.
AnonM says
I think it depends a lot on your boss/job/nature of work. I tried doing 3 days/week as a ramp-up to FT after mat leave (also ended up being when Covid lockdowns began), and with a job where clients still call daily, it was stressful and I never felt like I could tell clients “ok, can I get back to this 5 days later?” So, then I was taking calls with the kids home. It didn’t help me as much as I thought it would. That said, if you are better at drawing boundaries and your job will respect that, 3 days a week could be nice. My kids go 4 days/week to daycare, 1 day with my mom, and they really love that “off” day. Unlike the weekends, there’s usually a social obligation or errands to run, so they have a lot of fun playing pretend together. If you can swing a day off for that calm time, it could be really amazing.
anonM says
Also, maybe try to go into it with a built-in “revaluate” time frame– agree with boss to revisit the schedule in 6 mo so we can all make sure it is working, but give enough time to really test first.
Anon says
i think it varies so much by the type of your work. i work 24 hours a week and work 8:30-2:30 M-Th and have no problem logging off at 2:30, but my role is more analogous to that of a physical therapist or someone who meets 1:1 with patients
NYCer says
I think it is dependent on your circumstances. How old are your kids? Do they go to school? Do you have full time child care, or will you be the primary care taker when you’re not working? Do you want to be done by the time the get home from school every day? Would you prefer fewer, longer days, or to spread out the hours and have shorter days? I am 70% in a biglaw firm so I work more than 15-20 hours, and I also don’t have a set schedule, but I generally work every day just starting later and finishing earlier. That is what works best for me with preschool and elementary aged kids. I will occasionally take a day off on an as needed basis. I have a friend who works 20 hours a week (not in a law firm), and she does 5 hours, 4 days a week, so she is done by 2pm everyday and can hang with her kids in the afternoon and has all of Friday off.
Nyc as well says
Hi! I’m considering going to a 70% or 85% schedule after my second child is born this spring. Do you find with a 70% schedule that you’re able to do more “fun” activities with your kids? My main aim for going part time is to have more quality time with my kids (eg going to the park, museum, play date during the week). I would keep my nanny for 45 hours a week given the unpredictability of work. Curious if this is realistic or you have any tips!
NYCer says
It has made a big difference for me. I think I have a somewhat unique situation (I do T&E, so admittedly my hours are very predictable, and have a very cool/understanding partner who I primarily work for), but the reduced schedule definitely gives me a lot more flexibility. I can basically take off an afternoon whenever I want (within reason of course ). I can stay home later in the mornings to help my preschooler get out the door without worrying about work or making up the hours. I can leave earlier and go watch one of the girl’s dance classes, help at school, etc etc. I am not sure if you’re a lawyer, but it is also nice to have very little to zero stress about hours. Our nanny still does most of the heavy lifting with afternoon activities, but I like having the ability to join when I want to and can without then thinking that I will have to make up my hours another time.
I will say that I think I am a lot less ambitious than many on this board, and certainly less ambitious than many people at my law firm. I was “coasting” somewhat even before officially going on a reduced schedule. For example, I am happily in a senior counsel role, with no desire to make partner. But I have loved the reduced schedule even more than I thought I would.
Nyc as well says
I’m glad it’s working so well for you, and appreciate your perspective! I’m also in a specialist group at a biglaw firm, and on a similar trajectory in terms of reduced ambitions. Being able to take time off during the day without having to log in after bedtime sounds like the dream!
Nyc as well says
I’m so glad it’s working well for you, and appreciate your response. I’m also in a specialist biglaw group and sounds like I’m a few years behind you in terms of seniority/kids ages. While you may be an anonymous stranger, your story still inspires me that more flexibility is possible. Thanks!
Anon says
I work 10-3 and prefer it to a three day a week schedule.
Ifiknew says
I agree with this if you are a doctor or something with fixed hours, the 3 days makes sense. However I work part time in finance and work 9-2 and it helps to not respond to emails etc when I know I can get to it the next day. Also, I like picking my kids up from elementary school etc. Issue is mainly that I have no downtime without work or childcare but it’s what I want in this season of life.
Anon says
Yeah, same. I have less free time but I have more kid time and that’s what I want right now. I really like doing school pickups and being home in the afternoons.
Pogo says
This would be my ideal if I could be part time.
Anon says
Agree this is sooooo dependent on your field/current schedule/coverage etc. I have a very client facing role and do 24 hours of client time (and then probably about 6 hours of outside work) per week. I do 8 hour days M, W, F. It works very well for me because I can log completely off on TuTh without issue. I like being able to recharge in between my stressful days. I like TuTh still feeling like the weekday and weekends feeling different.
If I had a very different job and worked from home, I could also see the benefits of working 3-4 hours per day. Doing the morning routine, settling my kids at daycare/school, getting a work out in, working, a quick errand and then pick up would be a very nice schedule in theory. That would really require being able to hard out without issue.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? I work ~8-2 M-Th.
Mine are on the bus at 7:15, and the youngest goes to preschool at 9 but DH takes her. She gets picked up at either 1 or 3 depending on my work schedule. Some times I’ll pick her up at 1 (eg one day she has gymnastics @ 1:15)m, or I have an errand to run anyway so she comes with me), some days DH will, or one of us grabs her at 3. I don’t work Fridays and my youngest does not go to PK on Fridays. Older kids get off the bus at 3.
Next year all 3 will be in elem.
Anonymous says
If your kids are in elementary school I’d do something like 8 – 3 four days a week so you can avoid dealing with aftercare, then take Fridays off for chores, errands, etc. without kids.
Anonymous says
Yup, that’s what I do. I went skiing by myself last Friday :).
Anonymous says
If my kids found out I did that I would never live it down!
EDAnon says
My 4yo gets car sick and doesn’t want to sit by the window on the plane. He usually has to die to his carseat. He is about 36 inches and weighs 35lbs. What are the best options for the plane ride?
He will have a tablet and headphones. The flight is direct and only 2.5 hours. He should be okay but I wanted to try to honor his request for no window seat. Also, my husband and I are pretty Safety conscious hence him still flying in a car seat
Anon says
Is this because you want to bring your car seat to you destination?
Otherwise, my 4.5 year old is still rear facing in the car but if we were flying I would just do lap belt, because plane crashes are a different safety situation to me.
There’s also the cares harness as a middle ground.
Anon says
You can only use car seats in the window seat. You will have to not use a car seat or have him in the window. Flight attendants enforce this strictly.
Anonymous says
I don’t think you can put a car seat on a middle or aisle seat for safety reasons (I.e. in case of evacuation). We are very safety conscious as well but I’d just go with a CARES harness for the middle / aisle seat.
Anonymous says
He doesn’t need to fly in a car seat. Your best option is to let him not.
Anon says
+1 it’s really different than a car. Car crashes are frequent and survivable. Plane crashes are very rare and much more likely to be fatal. Plus the forces are totally different, it’s not even clear a car seat would do more good than harm in a plane crash. They’re designed and tested for cars.
The main risk on a plane is turbulence and a lap belt will prevent a kid from becoming a projectile.
Anon says
+1. Biggest risk on a flight is turbulence. You mitigate that risk with use of the lap belt, or if you are very safety conscious, a CARES harness, which you can use in middle or aisle seat. If you want your car seat at your destination, you can check the carseat for free.
Anon says
+1. Biggest mitigable risk on a flight is turbulence. You mitigate that risk with use of the lap belt, or if you are very safety conscious, a CARES harness, which you can use in middle or aisle seat. If you want your car seat at your destination, you can check the carseat for free.
Pogo says
I do want to point out that turbulence can be VERY dangerous – sometimes I think people on here have never been in ‘real’ turbulence when they talk about kids flying lap infant etc. In serious turbulence, a kid too small would bounce right out of their seat and could suffer a head injury by hitting the ceiling. So it’s not like a car seat has no place on a plane because they wouldn’t help a kid survive a plane crash; they could help a kid survive turbulence (or avoid a skill fracture, concussion, etc).
That said, by the age/size you are talking about, we switched to lap belt for our oldest because when worn correctly, it would prevent those injuries.
Anon says
What is the problem with the window seat? If it’s motion sickness wouldn’t closing the window shade solve the problem? I thought being able to see outside was generally good for motion sickness though.
NYCer says
Tbh I can’t imagine putting a 4yo in a car seat on a plane. I think your best option is to just let him sit in the middle sit without a car seat.
Anon says
Yeah we fly a lot and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kid over about 2 in a car seat on a plane.
anon says
Agree with the above – I can be a little nuts about safety and research things to death, and the CARES harness is the answer here. A car seat can only go in the window seat. Also, have you recently flown with this kid in a car seat? I wouldn’t put my 10th percentile 4.5 year old in a car seat on a plane as it would be nearly impossible for her not to constantly kick the seat in front of her due to her (short) height and the boost of the seat. We fly a lot, and we’ve done the CARES harness for a couple of years now.
anon says
If you want to bring a carseat on the plane and the no window request is only due to car sickness, I’d try talking to him about how lowering the window shade should make a difference.
Otherwise, we switched to the plane belt when my kids were 5 and about 35 lbs and while it’s not great (they would totally still slide under in a runway accident or extreme turbulance), it’s close enough that I’m okay with it. There is also the CARES harness, but it doesn’t make the lab belt any safer for small kids.
Anon says
“There is also the CARES harness, but it doesn’t make the lab belt any safer for small kids.”
I thought the whole point of the CARES harness was to make the lap belt safer for small kids? Otherwise why do people use it??
Anonymous says
I don’t use it with my 4 year old, who is too large (our was something like up to 40”, 22-44lb) but I did use it specifically to keep my then very large 2.5 year old from intentionally unbuckling himself or intentionally sliding out of the lap belt.
Anon says
Screaming into the void. I’m due with baby2 next week and was almost done wrapping up stuff at work…and of course someone in son’s daycare class is covid positive and he gets sent home for a low grade fever and runny nose and DH showing symptoms of the flu. Oh, and we survived a bout of covid 5 weeks ago so I really am hanging on by a thread here.
Anon says
oh no, hang in there. good luck!!! hope delivery goes smoothly
Pogo says
hugs. Between flu, RSV, COVID and a million other germs, it is brutal out there right now. I was just thinking I am glad I’m not pregnant because I would be major struggle bussing it. you’re doing great!! Put some Daniel Tiger on for that kiddo and do what you need to do, then take a nap when he does!
Sick kid says
I posted yesterday about kid being home sick without my husband and I second this. We have watched a ridiculous amount of cartoons on pbs. Like it practically runs all day even if he’s playing legos or coloring. We have had days home almost every other week the past two months with illness.
Do what ya gotta do.
anon says
My MIL just gave us 3 years of matching Christmas pajamas. Sized up for as the baby grows. Says it’s ok if it’s “just for photos!” Because yes forcing my toddler into various outfits to take photos on Christmas morning is exactly what I want to do. Whyyyyyy
Anon says
Can’t you take the photos on a day that’s lot Christmas? I’m Jewish so maybe I don’t get this but I thought Christmas PJs were for the season not just the exact day.
Anon says
*day that’s NOT Christmas
Anon says
Yeah, I’ve never taken a “first day of school” picture on the first day. Emotions are high and people are stressed, but I get happy, smiling “first day” pictures on week 2 every year.
Lil says
Yep this. Put the kid in the pair that fits sometime this week and pose in front of the tree. Let them wear
same special pj Christmas Eve and take another photo. My kids wear the Christmas PJs all year. At least it is a practical gift?
Anonymous says
You can just not do this. Don’t discuss it. Just don’t do it. Let your husband/wife organize it if they care.
anon says
This is going to be my approach and why on earth didn’t I think of that sooner?? MIL wants staged holiday outfit photos for pretty much every holiday. A year in and I’m over it. Husband can do it. Problem solved
Aunt Jamesina says
Yup, this has been my MO with in-laws since my husband and I started living together. Gifts, party planning logistics, etc are his deal, not mine.
Anon says
Wouldn’t they only wear the one set that fits them and sleep in them so there’s no need to change? That might be her line of thought, that it shouldn’t be a hassle? Unless maybe you want them to wear other pj’s.
Anon says
I wouldn’t worry about it because the problem may solve itself. Our 25 month old is almost in 5T clothes, and I’m really glad that I wasn’t one of those people that tried to shop sales for the next year’s seasonable wardrobes because literally nothing I would have bought would fit her. Kids aren’t always the size/don’t always grow at the rate you expect.
Also my MIL would totally do this and I would just put the damn PJs on in mid-December and snap a few photos and send a “So cute, we just couldn’t wait!” text. Sometimes you gotta let the Wookie win.
Anon says
Yeah I think the odds the kids fit the clothes are not great. I also had a 2 yo in 5T.
Anonymous says
+1. My 2-year-old was just growing into 2T on her second birthday and was solidly 3T 2 months later.
anon says
My kids wear X-mas PJs all year, so the size wouldn’t matter. When they fit, they should wear them!
Vicky Austin says
“let the Wookie win” hahahaha, an excellent framing of the situation.
Anonymous says
I don’t get what is bad about this. You have free pyjamas. If you find your kid hates them you don’t have to use them, but most likely they won’t care and they can be used all winter; you don’t have to change clothes on Christmas morning. (I may be an outlier but I did not make my son wear a fresh set of PJs every night; we would change a couple times a week or if they were dirty). Pack the ones that don’t fit away with your Christmas decorations and you can try them next year.
Anon says
Yeah, on the scale of bad MIL gifts this is not that bad. At least it’s useful?
anon says
I’d be annoyed by the expectation that I put my child in the pajamas and take photos, not just one year, but for three years in a row, on a specific day. My kids have no interest in being models who put on special clothes for photos and it’d really take joy out of Christmas for all of us if I had to cajole them into doing so.
If I could easily persuade my kids to wear certain clothes on certain days, I’d want to be the one picking out somethign adorable.
Anon says
Yeah, I’d kind of love this. We always need PJs – and we wear holiday pjs year round. This is a great MIL gift! I would probably break them out now so kid can wear them through the holidays.
Also my kids don’t like to pose for photos, but the pajamas element means they totally will in holiday pjs! They love them too.
Pogo says
sorry but this made me LOL at the ridiculousness of it. It is so random and hilarious and unnecessary.
ElisaR says
we are taking the pictures with grandma’s purchased pajamas on sunday. over and done with.
Anonymous says
These kinds of comments–it’s so burdensome that MIL gave my kid pajamas!–make me reluctant to give gifts to my relatives, although I know there would also be resentment if I didn’t. (Of course I do not have any expectations about photos, the gifts’ actually being used, etc.) People here seem to expect that their relatives will give them amazing perfect gifts but also resent being asked for suggestions, or they resent all gifts because they want to carefully curate all of their children’s possessions and to get credit as the source of all of them. As evidenced by another post today, there is even resentment against Santa Claus on these grounds. Maybe it’s time for the world just to give up on holiday gifts outside of the nuclear family? Everyone would be happier and there would be less waste.
Anon says
People here are weird about gifts. I know people will get upset about that, but it’s true. I don’t know anyone in real life who would be upset about pajamas, or resents a relative for asking for gift suggestions (is it annoying to have to put together the list? yes…but I don’t begrudge the person asking at all. They’re asking so they can get the right thing!). I have a friend who was upset her MIL gave her a giant bounce house because they have no space and her kids didn’t want her to deflate it. And I roll my eyes (inwardly) at gifts that require extensive parental involvement, like a complicated art kit for little kids – just send them paint sticks or markers so they can draw without my supervision. But I think if you send a gift that is physically small and doesn’t require a ton of parental involvement, most people are going to be grateful and not resentful. We feel very loved and grateful for all the gifts our kids receive at the holidays.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think it’s based on the relationship people have with family, outside of just the gifts. For instance, I wrote about my in-laws asking for a list, but then buying outside of the list anyway. I get it, they want a list, but then if we spend our time making it, use it! I also am annoyed that a lot of their actions (one parent mostly) IS about just the photos – they don’t really interact with their grandkids but use them for photo opportunities while we do all the caregiving work. Which is not my parents’ approach – they watch their grandkids, and when they ask for a Christmas list, it’s fine, they want to help us more than just seeing the kids open it and ooh and aah.
anon says
This is the situation that drives me batty – someone pesters for a list, I spend time and effort throughout the year adding things to said list, then they critique the list and/or go off the list and then are grumbly that we have whatever they got outside of the list, kids don’t like it for some reason, or I’m not willing to facilitate the complicated project. So it ends up being the worst of both worlds in a way? If you pester me for a list and I put the time and effort in, then use it! If you’re going to do your own thing, also fine! But don’t pester me for the list, and don’t get all offended when everything you buy isn’t a big hit!
anon says
This, exactly. It is grating when the relationship is so-so to begin with and when you KNOW there are a bunch of unspoken expectations.
Aunt Jamesina says
I dislike most gifts because I’m obnoxiously picky and I just don’t like stuff. But I absolutely promise that I would be 0% disappointed if you didn’t get me or my kid a gift! And while people may vent here about annoying gifts, I bet most are relieved graciously. I’m always grateful that someone thought of me or my kid even if the item is going straight into the donation pile.
I do think that (at least for people who are financially stable) most of us are overburdened by our stuff and that’s why we struggle with gift giving or receiving. Cheap goods have made luxuries into everyday treats, so nothing feels special anymore.
Spirograph says
all of this. I receive gifts graciously but I don’t want more stuff for me or for my kids, and I resent the homework of giving everyone “ideas” of what to gift us. Frankly, the only things I want are more free time, more sleep, and more mental energy. The best Christmas present anyone could give me is letting me nope out of making christmas lists, buying gifts and dealing with the influx of stuff from receiving them. I feel like a Scrooge, but there it is.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“Frankly, the only things I want are more free time, more sleep, and more mental energy.” – yes, this 100%!!
Honestly, all I want from grandparents is to watch the kids and give us a break. My in-laws aren’t as good at this, but ask for gift suggestions and photos, while my parents do watch them so I feel differently when they ask for a list! I think love languages comes into play here too – I am way more into acts of service/quality time v. gifts, so giving my kids a bunch of toys isn’t as meaningful as spending some time actually getting to know them. But I know gifts are a big deal for lots of people.
FWIW, my husband does handle his relationship with his parents so it’s not really like I feel it’s on me, it’s more that I feel annoyed for him (even if he isn’t as annoyed).
Anon says
“Frankly, the only things I want are more free time, more sleep, and more mental energy”
I don’t get this. I mean, I want those things too. But the person is getting your kid a gift, not you. Your kid wants a toy (presumably?). So what is wrong with them wanting to get the kid a toy, even if it’s not what you want?
Spirograph says
@anon at 2:59, My parents (especially my dad) also solicit gift ideas for me and for my husband. I had a very frustrating conversation with him earlier this week to this effect and I need to let it go. But yes, EXACTLY, there is nothing wrong with them getting my kids a toy, even if it’s not the one I want for them. So just get one. Don’t pester me for ideas. You know my kid’s ages; if you don’t know them well enough to know what they like, then just google “gift ideas for 10 year old boy” and pick something at random.
and your point about love languages is spot on, BLE.
Anon says
Comparing your gifts that you are now reluctant to give even though you don’t expect people to take pictures etc vs gifts given that people do expect pictures at specific times years down the road is like comparing apples and oranges. It is the giving someone a task part that I think most would find universally annoying, although some at a different scale of annoyance than others.
anon says
OP here. It’s not the pajamas. It’s the expectation that goes along with it. It’s a gift that gives me extra work because it requires me to do a certain task that I would not otherwise do. Husband works many holidays and can do the photo this year but not the next two. It has to be on Christmas because she insists that child be in front of the presents under the tree. So doing it early isn’t an option.
anon says
You know, I think you conveniently “forget” next year, or just do it early and your MIL can either be happy that she’s getting her photo. Or not. I agree that this is a very extra request. Gifts with strings attached, ugh.
Anonymous says
Ah, the request does sound extra. I always take pictures of my son opening presents in his PJs, but they are generally terrible. Maybe you can do that an provide them to her with a big smile.
Anonymous says
Hi all, what do you do when there is a family that wants to be friends with you but you are just not interested? Our kids don’t go to the same school anymore, they don’t live near us, I was ready for the friendship to die a natural death, but the parents won’t let it! I put them off with regard to plans but they continue to follow-up. Our kids get along fine, but not amazing, and we don’t have that much fun hanging out with the parents either. A blunt “we’re just not that into you” seems unwarranted and too harsh when we may cross paths down the road.
Anonymous says
Can’t you just not plan with them? If they keep texting, say something like “we are swamped with sporting events/birthday parties/travel until the spring” or whatever and either they’ll stop reaching out or they won’t, but you’ll only get pinged once a quarter.
NYCer says
I thought I replied earlier, but must not have his send. This is what I would do too. Just keep putting them off and hope they eventually get the hint.
Anon says
just a vent into the universe. twin A got sick sunday night so i was up with her all night, and again monday night. DH left on Tuesday for a work trip. on Tuesday twin B got sick, twin A is still sick. thank goodness we have a nanny, but that doesn’t help in the middle of the night and the kids just really want mommy when sick. also – DH’s work trip involves skiing and a holiday party, and i know networking is important in the business world, but i’m a bit bitter at the moment. recentlyish there was a post discussing the involvement of the spouse who is away for work and while obviously DH cannot do anything when the kids are sick and he is out of town, it annoys me that he doesn’t check in more via text to see how they are feeling and how I am holding up.
Anon says
Have you told him that? He may be not texting because he doesn’t want to bother you. I think telling him you want him to check in more over text is a good idea.
OP says
i have told him, multiple times. hence the frustration. and i am just so tired
Anon says
That sucks, I’m sorry.
Pogo says
I’m sorry. There is plenty that can be done remotely, and I think you need to push back on this in the future. I will put together a whole foods order or make sure to order more diapers/wipes when travelling; I will also do mental load stuff like signing kindergartener up for sports camp on the next random day off, or coordinating babysitter help. Maybe try specific suggestions? again, in the future, after this particular trip has passed since it sounds like he’s not being super responsive. Sorry, this sucks.
Clementine says
Ugh, this sucks. As soon as my husband left, everyone got RSV. It’s the rule of spousal travel. It’s hard to be empathetic about ‘how hot’ it was when he’s someplace sunny and I’m freezing and negotiating toddlers into car seats.
Highly recommend ordering takeout and watching crappy TV with AirPods in, plus planning a solo trip when he stays with the kids.
I have never actually taken this solo trip, but I still plan them.
anon says
If it helps, I might think of this as giving him a mental break from the kids. He’s using this time to entirely check out. Everyone needs that at some point. Now look at the calendar and book your own break, whether it’s a spa day with friends, night at a hotel, or whatever.
Anon says
I agree with this, although a work trip (even if it includes parties) isn’t entirely relaxing. OP, I totally get that you’re frustrated – it really sucks. I also think that you are totally justified in asking for more frequent check-ins since that’s really not a lot to ask. However, I’d draw the line at asking your husband to actively participate in this or take on other mental labor duties from afar (like some of the other comments are suggesting). To me, that sounds like a recipe for resentment on all sides. Plan your break/spa day/ski trip for a few weeks from now and leave your husband all the work then!
OP says
yea i dont need him to do anything, other than text and ask how the kids are feeling, if i got any sleep last night, how i’m holding in etc. i don’t think him doing mental labor from afar is helpful
Anon says
If someone here had a husband who compared his wife’s work trip to a spa day, people would go ballistic. Just saying. I empathize with OP, and I have dealt with my own resentment about my traveling spouse who is an academic and regularly gets to go to places that are on top of many people’s bucket lists (and there is always time for tourism built into the conference, so it really is more vacation-like than a lot of work trips). But to compare it to a spa day or girls trip is not fair.
Anonymous says
I would usually agree with this, but skiing?!? What kind of business trip is that? That is a straight-up vacation.
Anon says
Corporate retreats? A friend’s firm all went to Tahoe every year. lt also wouldn’t be out of place at many academic conferences. My DH has never gone skiing I don’t think, but he has had multiple conferences where there was organized hiking, snorkeling or surfing. Again, not disagreeing that it’s hard for the spouse who gets left behind. Going snorkeling in Hawaii or hiking in the Alps or skiing in Tahoe is definitely different than going to a conference room in Milwaukee, which is what my business travel always was. But it’s not a straight up vacation if you have to be “on” with colleagues all day, and for a lot of people it involves fun in the day and actual work at night.
Anon says
He’s gone a week, skiing, and sleeping through the night. She’s home with sick twins and not sleeping. She should get a break. We’re not talking her leaving for a week herself because he left for a week, but some break is warranted. An afternoon off or a morning to sleep in isn’t crazy at all. Nor is a whole night’s sleep at a local hotel.
Anon says
Solidarity from another twin mom whose husband is often unavailable for middle of the night issues. The back to back illnesses are brutal (yesterday was the first day that everyone has been healthy in 2.5 weeks!).
Anonymous says
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. This is really unfair to you, and even though it’s not your spouse’s fault, I think it’s ok for you to be frustrated. I’m also a twin mom and I really believe it takes 3 adults to survive with twins. Is there any chance your nanny could do an overnight for you? Or call in some family? I’m right there with you: took one to the ENT today hoping for a long term solution to not sleeping. I hope your kids get better ASAP.
Anon says
That sucks, I’m sorry.
Cb says
Just came back from the Christmas nativity at my son’s school. 95 5 year olds, total delightful chaos. One kid did a runner, most shouted unintelligible words into the microphone, the kid in charge of the big drum went rogue. My son delivered his line and blew me a kiss. Then he looked at the squirrely children around him and looked at me and rolled his eyes dramatically. Looks just like daddy, but the attitude is all mine.
Anonymous says
This is delightful and I hope you got it on video.
Cb says
I wish, my husband took my phone into the office to get the battery replaced and I had a 2006 Nokia. Got a mom to take a photo of us at the end and share it with the WhatsApp group through.
Anonymous says
This is a silly problem but y’all always have creative solutions. I dropped the ball on Santa last year. I wanted credit for the “big” gift, so kiddo thinks Santa brings “lame” stuff in your stocking like candy and crayons. So this year he’s asked Santa for a power wheels jeep. Like, unbeknownst to me he, wrote a letter to Santa and put it in the mail. He is not getting a power wheels jeep, so is there any way I can salvage Santa for him? He also mentioned that he wanted Santa to bring him a light saber, which I ordered. He also requested a microscope, and a telescope. He’s getting the microscope. Basically, he keeps changing his mind and I’m not sure how to find a happy medium between getting him a good gift and attributing it to Santa. Maybe Santa can write him back that he got him a light saber and talk to mom about a power wheels tor his birthday?
avocado says
I had the opposite problem. My kid fervently believed that Santa had magical powers to bring gifts that were expensive or impossible for mom and dad to find. When she suddenly decided on Black Friday that she wanted the hottest toy of the year and we told her it was already sold out, she declared that it wasn’t a problem because she was going to ask Santa for it. Santa Claus spent a lot of evenings in a hotel room during a business trip the next week repeatedly refreshing browser windows and was finally able to get hold of one when restocks were posted. Another year Santa Claus used his magic to snag tickets to the hottest show on Broadway. It was magical and also very stressful.
We did have luck telling our kid that Santa wouldn’t bring toys that the parents didn’t approve of. You could tell kiddo that Santa knows you don’t have room for Power Wheels.
Cb says
My son thinks Santa has the elves mine or farm the presents. Thanks for that, Tom Fletcher (author of the Christmassaurus).
Anon says
I read this as Tom Perotta (who has a book called Mrs. Fletcher) and was very confused/scared about what his children’s books would be like.
Mary Moo Cow says
How old is he? I ask because my 4 year old changed her mind a few times, gave Santa a long list, and was totally, presently surprised when she got a few things from the list: she genuinely seemed like she didn’t remember what she had asked for and was amazed Santa made some good guesses. Maybe this will happen for you?! Or can you make time for a visit to Santa or a telephone call from Santa and then get at least one thing off that list? A reply letter from Santa is good, too, and through USPS, you can get it stamped from the North Pole.
DLC says
“Santa’s got a lot on his plate trying to keep up with all the toy requests. I’m sure he’ll do the best that he can for all the kids in the world.”
My Husband and i are totally with you on wanting credit for the big present. I mean Santa’s great and all, but I’m the one who wipes the kid’s butt and there is only so far I’m willing to go to maintain the Santa illusion and definitely not to my own detriment.
Also – I don’t think you’re dropping the ball at all!!! Santa shouldn’t be this stressful!
Anonymous says
I don’t understand wanting credit for the big gift. I try to make Santa as magical as possible because magic is just so much fun. In a few years you’ll get lifelong credit for the Santa magic anyway. And I don’t think kids really appreciate things their parents give them as much as things other people give them, because they are hard-wired to take their parents for granted. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
Anon says
there are a lot of articles i’ve seen floating around the internet saying that parents should take credit for the big gift bc then kids whose parents can’t afford big gifts, don’t think they are “bad” bc they don’t get big gifts from Santa. I’m Jewish so i have no stake in the game
Anon says
This is how I feel. Little kids don’t have a great sense of value so I don’t know if it matters that much for preschoolers. But when you get into the elementary school years I think it starts being a legit concern.
anon says
Yeah, some Santas bring needs rather than big gifts – so when kids are comparing it’s like why would Santa bring you a nintendo switch and me undies and a toothbrush. IDK if kids put this together but I would bet some do
Anonymous says
Same. Mom and dad get the big presents. Santa gets stuff that mom and dad don’t always approve of and it’s often a surprise: a practical joke kit, glitter tattoos, that sort of thing. One year he did get the big deal resent, a climbing done, because we had a crazy elaborate way of the kids opening it in Christmas morning- the kids still talk about it 4 years later! Santa made a huge mess tracking dirt around the house and set it up outside. He pointed our telescope out the window and put a giant bow on the scope. The dime was wrapped (!!) in a giant sheet with a bow on top, fully assembled.
This year Santa is bringing an air hockey table that came from our local buy nothing group and it’s for the whole family. Mom and dad bought the Fitbit, light up roller blades, big Lego set etc.
Lizard says
+1. I feel like my kids enjoy the stuff they get, but even on their birthday where clearly the gifts are from mom and dad, I don’t feel like they care or are thankful to US SPECIFICALLY. They’re grateful and excited for the gift, but I think as young elementary schoolers, their needs are just met and good things just appear in their lives. I don’t know that they should do the emotional labor of being grateful to their parents for how hard we work in our careers and how that translates to money for the family. As tweens and teens, sure, but by then they’re probably up to speed on the whole Santa issue.
Pogo says
Idk about Santa writing back, I feel like that opens you to more requests for communication with Santa? I think the light saber and microscope is pretty solid!
I sympathize. Last year LO was all set with some specific Lego set he wanted (done, ordered, all set). THEN at school they wrote letters to Santa and he said he wanted “a remote control impact hammer with treads”. This was VERY close to Christmas, like the 19th or something. So I had to find a remote control impact impact hammer with treads that could be delivered in like, 2 days. WHICH I FOUND AND PROCURED. However, it was tiny, and apparently he wanted one that was like 16″ tall. So this year when he asked Santa for a remote control snowcat I was like, “make sure you tell Santa how big! I think he just got confused last year!” But of course reality was the only remote control impact hammer with treads I could find was 5″ tall.
SC says
I wouldn’t worry too much. It sounds like Santa is doing great this year, and I think he’ll be excited about the light saber and microscope and not worry about what he doesn’t have. If not, it’s an opportunity to grow. My son has asked for 2 specific things from Santa and says that’s all he wants. One of them, my mom bought back in September, but he won’t open it until we see my parents several days after Christmas. The other is out of Santa’s and everyone else’s price range.
Anon says
paging mom looking for gift for 6 year old traveling to Egypt – get your daughter a camera to take pics on the trip, and maybe a photo album to put them in after? luggage for the trip? or you mentioned she is an adventurous eater, so maybe a cooking class or i think there is a monthly subscription box that sends cooking stuff.
as an aside – am i the only one who cannot imagine traveling to Japan or Egypt or Europe with kids. I struggle enough with time differences when I travel, not sure I want to also deal with my jet lagged kiddos
Anonymous says
Do an instaMax! My 9 y/o has one and my 6 y/o is super jealous.
Anon says
Not at all! I don’t even want to drive to the other side of the state with my toddler, let alone fly to another continent. Maybe when the toddler is like 9 years old we’ll consider it.
Cb says
My son has an old digital camera and loves it. He took some amazing photos in London.
Anon says
Great idea. I would highly recommend an old pint and shoot digital camera. You can probably get a new one for around $100 if you don’t have an old one. The “kids” cameras we’ve bought were all total POS and my 4 year old has no problems using the adult camera.
Anon says
And on the jet lag front, my kid actually handles it way better than I do. But we’ve only done Europe and Hawaii. Japan and especially Egypt are another level of adventure for sure.
Ifiknew says
We went somewhere with 12 time zones and my 3.5 year old took 12 days to adjust and we left on day 14. My 5.5 year old did great but man I will not be attempting more than 3 time zones until he’s 5+
Anon says
I think it’s quite person-dependent, so I’m not sure your younger one will grow out of it (sorry!)
ifiknew says
Fair, but he was also insisting on watching tv at 2 am and we stayed with family and couldnt really force him to sleep, nor could we wake him from naps and have him be pseudo reasonable. I agree with your comment if he was 10, but not at 3.5.
Anon says
I’ve honestly been amazed by how well my toddlers adjusted to time zones when we took them to Europe. We’ve had no problems on the Europe end at all. The worst experience was the one time they woke up a 4am the night we got back to the US so we were all up from then on, but the second night they were back to their normal routine.
Anon says
Yeah, we’re east coast US and I know west cost is substantially harder. But I don’t feel like Europe is that bad. We fly on a redeye, get pretty minimal sleep on the plane (normally 2-4 hours, maybe 5-6 hours if we’re *very* lucky), get to the hotel usually sometime between 10 am and 2 pm, check in, take a nap, get up, go out to explore a bit and get something to eat, come home and go to sleep, sleep through until the next morning and then are on Europe time.
Coming home we get home between 6-9 pm local time and my kid has always just gone straight to sleep and slept through until at least 7 am the next morning. The travel is exhausting so she never wakes up crazy early.
We’ve actually had a harder time going East Coast to West Coast US because without the exhaustion of longhaul travel she wakes up really early for several days and can get very cranky. It’s not unmanageable, but some of our trips to California have been a lot worse than Europe.
GCA says
We were adventurous travelers pre-kids and would love to take the kids to interesting places! I like the camera idea. We’re taking my 2nd grader out of school a week early to go see family in Asia and his teacher suggested he journal about the trip, since he loves to draw and write.
Also, my family lives 12/13 time zones away depending on the time of year, so we are obliged / privileged to deal with massively jet lagged kids in both directions every couple of years. If anyone needs further help with ultra-long-haul travel or combating jet lag, AMA :)
Anon says
We’re planning Australia (from eastern time) in spring 2024 with a then 6 year old. She’s a good traveler in general and easily entertained by screens and we’re going to cash in alllllll our points and fly business so we can actually sleep on the airplane, which I hope will help a lot. But if you have any other ultralonghaul tips I’m all ears!
Anon says
a frequent comment on this board is to just let DH manage his family. well maybe i should’ve just done that from the get go, but whenever anything is left to DH – coordinating holidays, visits, gifts, etc. it would either not get done, get done last minute, etc. and everyone would end up mad at me. how do you avoid this? do you just not care if your family in law doesnt like you? growing up my mom had a pretty good relationship with her SIL and BIL’s wife through my dad, and so that was the model I had growing up, so i sort of assumed i was supposed to manage all that stuff too.
Colorado says
I just accept that I’m better at managing that stuff and people expect me to manage it. So I do. My husband does plenty of other things that I don’t want to do!
Anonymous says
Same. We do have one relative who tries to arrange things with my husband without looping me in, and I find it irksome because he forgets to mention things to me or doesn’t look at the calendar before agreeing. Having one person in charge of the schedule is much easier.
anonM says
Hmmm…I don’t know about what you’re “supposed” to do but I do not follow “your family your problem” philosophy. Life just isn’t 50/50. My perspective is also shaped by the fact that my only other immediate family in state is my mom — sister is out of state, my dad passed away. DH was very much there for not just me, but my mom and sister when my dad died suddenly. DH now helps my mom a lot – with technology issues, fixing stuff at her house, etc. Do I do most of the Christmas shopping for both sides? Yes. But does he do things for my mom that would be a real hassle for me? Also yes. But, if DH didn’t do his share around the house plus other things that make up for some of the calendar/gift/planning, I would feel more resentful. (And, tbh my MIL is someone I enjoy being around, so I don’t necessarily hate doing the planning stuff, but YMMV!). Obviously, some in-laws really are toxic people, etc., but if they’re decent, I do think you often get what you put in to relationships. And, I would not want to face our aging parents in the light of “your family your problem” because that is hard enough to deal with without your partner not being helpful. Not sure my point, but if my DH told me “your mom your problem” I’d be lividddddd so I don’t do it to him either.
Anon says
In our case, people don’t expect me to be better at managing stuff by default, but I’m the far better planner and that extends to Christmas gifts (for me personally, having my MIL feel forgotten and alone over Christmas is far more damaging than any negative effect I could feel from having this be my task – I love her too and want her to have a wonderful day!). My husband picks up the slack in a million other areas instead and I don’t think either of us feels unappreciated or overburdened. He’s a bad planner at work and at home so I also don’t feel like it’s any weaponized incompetence.
Anon says
Same, except I wouldn’t say people expect me to manage it. I want to. I do all the logistical planning and coordinating, shopping for gifts, etc. Someone here said this was “patriarchy” but I really don’t think it is. We’re just dividing tasks based on what we like and are good at. My husband does more than his share of household stuff, including almost all the cooking, which I hate. I would soooo much rather online shop from Target for my nieces and nephews than cook dinner, lol.
Cb says
I don’t care if my MILs get rubbish presents. If I have a great idea, I’ll share it but otherwise… they buy me a box of chocolates I can’t eat every year, so…They know it’s on my husband to call, coordinate calls, etc.
Anonymous says
My husband’s family has solved this problem by barely speaking to each other, let alone me, so I’m blissfully unaware if they are unhappy about anything.
Anonymous says
I do what I want and leave the rest. My husband has managed to figure out things like getting his parents gifts, coordinating travel to visit them, etc because it’s important to him. If it’s not important to your husband that you all coordinate and visit with his family, why should it be important to you?
Anonymous says
How old is he? Can you get him pumped about whatever it is you DID get him?
My 4 year old wants something new each week. Grandma got her a magic mixie which she didn’t know what it was until I was like ooooh look at that, I wonder what it is! Hey look I found it on YouTube, wow, cool! Guess what’s on the top of her list now, replacing the “real dinosaur”?
Anon says
I know this is a threading fail, but it’s really funny if you read it as applying to husbands.
Anon says
I just make it very clear that DH is in charge (which is he is very aware of) in a very lighthearted manner. MIL texts me a question? “I don’t know. Let me have DH get back to you!” SIL makes a passive aggressive comment about a ball getting dropped? “Oh, I’d mention it to DH since he’s in charge of that.” Niece loves their birthday gift and we get a nice text about it? “That was all Uncle DH!”
It took about a year and it’s still an issue occasionally but they’ve all accepted this and now just text him about everything.
Huge caveat is my husband is totally aware and on board with the “my family, my responsibility, your family, your responsibility” division of labor. If this is a new thing it may be beneficial for your husband to send out a text outright stating that you guys are changing up your routine and he’s the new point person on all family activities.
another anon says
This is a great approach and wonderful advice! I do something similar.
Anonymous says
I just let it go. There was one Christmas where DH’s parents did not get gifts. I was just too busy buying for everyone- including his parents who require about $200 of gift ideas per kid per year, plus DH and me. I told him he was I. Charge and he just didn’t do it. He got them a wine club membership or something for New Years.
I made sure it was clear it wasn’t me but also didn’t throw him under the bus. “MIL, what’s SIL’s address? I have to get the box out for the kids. DH should be sending out his gifts to you soon but I’m not really sure when.”
Anonymous says
I just say “excuse me? Unclear why you are mad at me. You raised him.”
Anon says
I talk up how my husband really loves to pick out gifts for everyone, etc. I don’t have time for drama.
Anony says
I just let it go. We both make it clear that my husband is in charge of those things, and now they get mad at him if something doesn’t happen, I guess? They probably get mad at me too without saying it, but they don’t say it, and I definitely do not have the time or mental space to interpret things left unsaid.
I should say – I’m just not a Holiday Season person. I am extra about lots of things, but this isn’t one of them, so it doesn’t bother me at all if things don’t get done, and there is next to zero chance that I’ve planned something else that would conflict with something my husband might plan with his family (if I do, he definitely knows about it because he’s like “oh wow” haha). If we were a family with a super-busy holiday schedule, I could definitely see the benefit of making one person sort of the manager of the social calendar/spreadsheets.
OP says
I realize in my post i made it sound like just about the holidays, but i mean everything with in-laws -from we (as in in-laws) want to visit in October, what dates work, to making the time to FaceTime with the kids, inviting for grandparents day at school etc. Like we were supposed to go away with in-laws in March for my MiL’s bday and they are treating us to the trip which is super generous, but they screwed something up with the planning (which honestly neither DH nor I are surprised about), so original trip is canceled and we are potentially going on a diff trip- well if we aren’t, I’d like to plan something else, but i feel rude asking, even though of course they coordinated with me when setting dates for the initial trip…
Anonymous says
I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of not caring what my in-laws think. Their problems are self- inflicted, petty, or both. I don’t have the time or energy to manage their feelings.
Lizard says
Yea I mean, if the choice truly is between either doing it, or them being mad at you, you have to make that decision. You can’t MAKE your husband step up, and you can’t MAKE your in-laws not blame you (though it’s crummy that they do). All you can control is your own actions. I can’t tell you which to choose, since fortunately my in-laws don’t really care what we do, so I’m pretty hands off and they are fine with it/me.
SC says
DH manages sensitive topics with his family. For example, when we decided not to allow our toddler in the same room with their dog who had already bitten someone, DH was the messenger. And if I feel like someone in his family is being extra, and I’m getting overwhelmed by it, I pass the buck to DH. But I’m fine with handling some logistics and coordinating holiday plans. His parents often text both of us, or we’re on large group texts with DH’s siblings and their spouses, so one or both of us respond as we have time.
I buy all gifts, with some minimal input or approval from DH. He has some great qualities, but choosing gifts is not a strength of his. He waits until the last minute and makes some questionable choices that just make me feel like we’re wasting money. (The year I took over, several of his family members approached me, asked if I’d chosen the gifts, and said thank you for taking over that role.)
DH’s family is local, and we see and talk to them pretty frequently. It would be a little strange if I only communicated with them through DH.
CCLA says
Any recs for onboarding a new nanny/family assistant? We have someone starting next week, I’m thrilled but also overwhelmed and a little nervous about having someone in my space but think it’ll be worth it for the help. Kids are in prek/K so she’ll spend the first half of the day doing errands, grocery shopping, meal prep, light tidying, and second half on kid duty. I’m dealing with all the insurance and payroll admin stuff and have a handle on that (I think, it’s been a while…going to outsource). The kids have met her because we did trial days with a few candidates. Already planning to get her onto the school pickup list. I eventually plan to just stay out of her way, but do plan to spend some time initially showing her around and going over expectations. We have contract. Thanks for any tips!
Anon says
We’ve had the same nanny for years now (thank goodness) but when she first started, I created an “onboarding guide” for her with key information: family schedules, important contacts and phone numbers, where to find random items in the house (clean kids sheets, toys for the park, spare house key, etc.), medication and dosage information (we have food allergies), and our general philosophies on house rules/screentime/snacks/etc.
We reviewed it together on her first day and I noticed she had it handy for her first few weeks. I also verbally discussed with her things she might wonder about but might be nervous to ask initially (i.e. – she can just let herself in the morning, she can eat whatever she wants in the house, it’s okay to take a break vs. feeling like she has to do chores when the kids nap, etc.).
Anon says
I truly don’t care if it then doesn’t get done. They raised him. There is no reason it should be on me and not on him. And if they were more mad at me than him for this stuff, I would just think that says more about them than me and mentally move on.
I find the relentless gift prethought and buying all year long for all the birthdays and holidays that I AM in charge of exhausting, so to add on his family too, I just can’t. My mental health matters more to me.
To your point though, we have been together for years and years and years from such a young age that it almost would have been weird for me at that time to take over buying his family gifts, and this has been my stance from day 1, so I can appreciate it would be hard to go cold turkey and probably require some balls to be dropped to teach, which we didn’t go through.
Anon says
Nesting fail, obviously about letting DH take care of his family.
Anon says
I recently found out I’m pregnant! Best book recommendations? I’m the first in my friend group to get pregnant and don’t feel like I know what to expect. Also, suggestions on where to look to figure out what I will need to buy in preparation?
anonM says
Congrats! The book I wish I’d found sooner is Hunt Gather Parent. I also like How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. Neither are baby specific though. I think an infant/child CPR class would be good, and maybe sign up for a birthing class so you can know what to expect there (I’d suggest seeing if you can find one that covers breastfeeding basics if that is your preference, as well as some basic pregnancy exercises for pelvic floor strength, etc.) You don’t have to buy much yet, and if you’re feeling physically well enjoy this moment.
Anon says
I liked Hunt Gather Parent but wouldn’t recommend reading it while pregnant. It’s really about kids ages 2 and up, so I think it will be a little too abstract for someone who hasn’t even given birth yet.
I liked the Mayo Clinic book for pregnancy and Heading Home with Your Newborn for infant basics. Personally, I found the classes very useless and the breastfeeding class at my hospital was incredibly judgmental towards anyone who was open to using formula but YMMV.
Vicky Austin says
+1 to Mayo Clinic and Heading Home with Your Newborn, and also Emily Oster.
I’m just a few months ahead of you, OP, and I still have no idea what to buy, but Lucie’s List has been helpful in terms of at least beginning to get my head around it! Congratulations <3
Anon. says
Congratulations! I liked the Mayo Clinic book for the medical info and Emily Oster’s Expecting Better.
OOO says
+ 1 on the Mayo Clinic and Expecting Better books. I’ll add Baby Bargains for planning your baby registry, and Balance is a Crock, Sleep is for the Weak. Congrats!
anan says
Congrats!
I liked Angela Garbes’ book Like A Mother for an honest layperson view of pregnancy and motherhood and the culture of parenthood. She’s a journalist/writer, so not a medical expert, but I liked that she wrote about c-sections, something which I don’t think Expecting Better really did.
Someone gave us a copy of Baby Bargains when I was first pregnant twelve years ago, and I thought it had a pretty comprehensive look at baby gear.
anonn says
Counterpoint I didn’t like the Mayo book, I wanted to be more pro-active. I liked Dr. Sears’ Healthy Pregnancy Book, a little crunchy and old-fashioned at times but was helpful in things I could do to manage symptoms, prepare for a healthy birth and also a healthy newborn. I also liked Ina May Gaskin’s “Ina May’s guide to childbirth” but just the 2nd half. The first is too woo-woo for my taste. It was amazing for getting me from afraid to excited about child birth.