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I’m an attorney in the Midwest without much of a book of business. I’m considering the possibility of hiring a business development coach to help me grow my business. Thoughts? Recommendations? Referrals? May cross-post to the main site later. Happy to provide more information. Thanks!
Hi, fellow Midwest attorney here. A few ideas. Caroline Dowd-Higgins is really positive and helpful. She was in our school’s career office, and think she would be worth considering as a career coach. Not sure of your practice area, but I’d also recommend making sure you are using state bar options, like signing up as a mentor, etc. And, make sure your contacts know you are looking to expand, especially colleagues in related legal specialties where they could refer to you. Even if it was just an acquaintance, I’d be more likely to refer to them if I know they’re looking for more work, as a few times I’ve referred to others and then those people don’t even bother getting back to the person. Good luck!
1st grader’s last week of school is next week and will be off for a week and a half before summer camp starts. 3 year old has year round daycare, with just a few days of school closure before the official start of summer. Last year the younger one didn’t care or realize that his older sister was staying home while he went to daycare. This year he will definitely notice and throw a fit about it. We don’t want to keep him home because we can keep his older sister entertained and still work from home, but that’s impossible with the 3 year old. Advice on how to approach this? I don’t really want to lie to the 3 year old but I also don’t want to deal with the meltdown every morning if he thinks his sister gets to stay home with us while he goes to daycare.
I have this with a 5 year old and his older sister and we just explain that it isn’t going to be a “fun” day and mom and dad have to work, but then I usually offer to pick him up a little early and do something fun all together like go to the park or get ice cream. That seems to do the trick. I also try to find out why they are doing in daycare and if there is anything fun, I highlight that – like “ooh you have pizza Friday!” to make it more fun to go.
I mean, I think those are your choices – lie or deal with the meltdown. I would deal with the meltdown, but for us age 3 had so many meltdowns every day we barely would have noticed one more.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree on picking him up early if you can. It’s ok that he’s upset about this, and it’s also ok that he has to go to daycare that week. Acknowledge his sadness and let him know he’ll get some extra special treats at the end of the day (if you can).
This is what we do. I also remind the you get that he has days off that older son doesn’t.
I use bribery in these situations. Usually oreos.
I think you let him have his feelings and throw the fit. Your decision makes sense but I wouldn’t expect a 3-year-old to get it, at all.
Maybe he will surprise you! My kids are reasonably prone to jealousy/rivalry but seem fairly okay with it when this type of asymmetry inevitably happens. +1 to the “special treat” for the daycare-attending kid (we often do it in the morning — the parent who brings them stops with them at a cafe on the way to school). That being said,I think being pretty matter-of-fact about it (yup, this is what’s happening) can help mitigate the big feelings.
Anyone have recommendations for athletic (ie with a bit of padding) ankle/no-show socks that stay up, are comfy, and MAYBE EVEN come in cute colors? Willing to spend some money since I wear sneakers for most of the summer (after a long sneaker quest I just got some peachy pink Sauconys that I adore). I don’t need true no-shows — it’s fine if they peek out a little. The staying up is the most important part, I hate when socks fall into my shoes.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have ones similar to these: https://bombas.com/products/womens-tri-block-marl-ankle-sock-6-pack?variant=mixed&size=m
They are really worth it? I had a pair YEARS ago when they first came out and was annoyed when they got holes at the same rate as my Hanes socks. But perhaps their sock tech has improved.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Mine are holding up so far – this will be my third summer with these. I usually wear a pair every day in the summer.
Mine also have held up very well. Almost daily wear in the winter for a set, and comparatively heavy athletic use for another set, and no holes after several years of wear.
Ugh following. Bombas have some cute colors but I prefer the wool blend and they’re sold out. Plus they don’t hold up: all six pairs developed holes in less than a year. I don’t wear them daily. I just ordered some pink Stance ones. They’re cotton, definitely not no show but they get the job done. I found them on Amazon if that’s helpful. I wish smartwool would bring their old ones back.
They are not quite no-show, but my favorite socks ever are my Balega Hidden Comfort socks. They fit better and last much longer than Bombas. I have several pairs that have been worn and washed weekly for more than a decade and have never gotten holes. And they come in fun colors.
Ha. I didn’t see this, but just posted the same rec below. These are by far my favorite!
Costco has some thin Sketchers and thicker Puma low socks that I love. I am very sensitive to sick slippage and so far these have stayed up. I’m not sure they’ll last forever (though I’m pretty rough on socks) but they are cheap enough to replace each year
Try Balega Hidden Comfort No-Show Running Socks. They are sold on Amazon. I definitely prefer them to Bombas (I get holes in the toes of Bombas so quickly).
Try Margaux. Just FYI they’re thicker than typical no-show socks.
I’ve had good luck with Fox River and Darn Tough socks (almost-weekly wear for ~5+years now), but really what I mostly do is buy a lot of Old Navy performance ankle socks and cycle through them.
I’ve been wearing variations of these Puma low cut socks for years. They never slip down on me and hold up well. https://a.co/d/2lL4v67
Highly recommend smartwool running socks. Looks like there are some on zulily today, you can also check sites like backcountry dot com and sierra trading post for deals, although full price on the smartwool website is probably best for finding cute colors. I wear them year round with sneakers or chelsea boots. No slouching.
Thank you! just ordered a pair of the Balega and also the Puma multi-pack. if those don’t work, it’s onto Smartwool.
Omg someone I work with just became a grandparent at age 36. I had kids in diapers when I was 36!
I got married at 29 and had a kid at 32, and got treated like a child bride at work (academia), and an aged crone in the community. When we went to the school intro session, my husband whispered “are we the oldest parents here?” I replied “not quite but definitely top quartile!” You have to be careful about your assumptions at the school gate, the older mum might actually be a young grandma.
This. Met DH at 23, married at 27, first child at 31. You wouldn’t know but I was a child bride and teen mom based on a few of the reactions I got around the office. Married early thirties and kids in mid to late thirties seems much more common.
It’s fascinating how much this changes with subculture and socio economic groups. I was just noticing that, at ages 41 (me) and 39 (husband), we are actually one of the youngest sets of parents in my kid’s second grade class. And even on the younger side for my other kid’s preschool class.
Yup I was in the corporate world in NOVA, got married at 27, had my first at 29/almost 30, and one of my coworkers says “so…do a lot of your friends have kids? Because you’re really young” (yes, my friends had kids too).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – When I lived in the DMV and had DS #1 at 34, I was often considered an “older” mom.
Now in a big city/red state, I’m almost 40 with 2 kids 5 and under and it’s pretty standard. Most of my friends with kids are similar, or maybe even trying for #2 right now.
My SIL became a mom at 40+ and worked at a school-based day care for teen moms. The students would not believe that she was not her son’s grandmother.
so multiple generations of teen parents? i’d rather become a parent at 36
It’s reasonably likely that all parties involved in the situation that resulted in 36 year old grandparents also would have rather become a parent later in life… The woman who runs the nursery at my church also became a grandmother at 36. She’s in her 50s (and *not* a great-grandmother yet), but I was 36 with a 2 year old when I learned that. I wouldn’t wish teen pregnancy on anyone, and she acknowledged that there were a lot of hard years along the way, but she has a lovely family.
I was in the military, and tech-school marriages / girls marrying their newly-enlisted high school sweetheart are not uncommon (there are some slightly perverse incentives to get married early in your military career), so there are tons of 20 year-old moms in military communities. I was friendly with a few of them, and their early-20s experience was *so* different than mine, but they were traveling the country/world as a “trailing spouse” and looking forward to being empty nesters at 40 with the world as their oyster. pros and cons
My mom became a grandma at 43 because she had kids at 23 (which was young but not crazy for her generation), and my sister married someone in the military and became a mom at 21.
If she’d become a grandma when I became a mom, she would have been 56.
That should say 44 😀
It is so dependent on your area, job, and often level of income. I went to a big city going to public high school and I had classmates who got pregnant in 11th/12th grade who are now grandparents. Those of us who went on to college mostly had kids in our 30s. My friends/relatives in the armed forces predominatly got married in their early 20s and were done having kids by 30.
Yeah, it’s so dependent on geography and socioeconomic status. I got married a 25 and had my only child at 32. That was super late for my Midwestern public high school where most people went to college in-state, married high school or college sweethearts at 22 or 23, had kids before 25, and settled within a few miles of the homes where they were raised. It’s early compared to most of my college and grad school friends who moved away from home for college, mostly live in big coastal cities now and mostly got married between 30 and 35.
Oh my. At least they’ll hopefully have an energetic Grandma. My maternal grandmother was only 42 when I was born. She had my mom at 19, my mom had me at 23. I never understood why strangers assumed my grandmother was my mom growing up when we were together. But here I am 33 and pregnant, and I totally get it.
One neat part about having close age gaps between generations, it’s also likely this kid will know their great-grandparents fairly well. Which are memories I do not take for granted now.
Yep, definitely. I had a great grandmother until I was 30. My son has a great grandma, and all his grandparents (and some extra bonus ones due to lots of remarriages on my husband’s side).
Interesting. My family has kids late, so I never had living great-grandparents, but it was never something I missed or really ever thought about other than when you do those school projects where you have to make your family tree. I wasn’t even that close to my grandparents, and I imagine the great-grandparent relationship would have been even more emotionally distant.
I’m the opposite – multiple generations of having children late. My grandma was 42 when my mom was born; my mom had me at almost 37, and I had my son at 39. I barely knew my grandmother, and my son is likely to lose his grandparents when he’s very young (my mom is now 77 and my husband’s parents are 80). When I was a kid I didn’t care but now that I see the relationship my stepkids have with their grandparents, I wish my son would have been able to have that with my parents and his dad’s parents.
older parent says
yes! I’m seeing that too! My mom is not able to play with or care for my kids at all due to health and mobility issues. I’m trying to stay healthy because I know I’ll be an older grandparent, but also saving for college and early retirement so hopefully my kids won’t wait as long to make me a grandma. (if that’s their wish). we delayed buying a house and having kids due to significant student loan debt, and the costs of child care.
I just had a baby at 45 and I keep joking that my grandmother had four grandchildren at my age. Wild.
I kind of love a big age spread in moms. There are just so many different experiences.
Truth! I had my first when I was 28 and I’m one of the young ones in my DC burb — our closest friends with kids similar ages are all 5-10 years older than my husband and me. We were hanging out with some neighbors the other day and my husband mentioned his upcoming birthday and they were shocked that we’re not 40 yet. (Now that I’m thinking about it again, I hope that’s not a commentary on how old we look!) But then I have friends from high school sharing their kids’ prom pictures…
My husband’s parents and aunts and uncles had lots of kids very widely spaced, which caused crazy generational overlap. He has a cousin who is younger than one of his nieces. My in-laws have grandchildren and great-grandchildren who are the same age.
Yes, birth order makes a huge difference. My parents are both one of four, but my mom is the oldest and my dad is 3rd. I have cousins ranging in age from 50+ to 13 — my kids are closer in age to a couple of my cousins than I am!
Do you work with Lauren Boebert?
Hahaha no but good guess.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This made me laugh. Thank you!
The recent threads on everyone being able to have family meals made me feel so guilty. It seems like everyone does family meals. We don’t because our 4 year old is so picky/ a hot mess at dinner time, the kids fight, our kids like to eat super early, and husband works late and it feels impossible to pull it together and eat with them without scarfing it down bc the youngest is losing his shit because the food is too hot/cold/burned/undercooked. I still cook as healthy as I can with their pickiness and chat with them while they eat (we have an eat-in kitchen with bar stools type set up). I really enjoy our late night after kids are in bed dinners with my husband where we can eat adult food and actually have a conversation and stay connected. I don’t know what I am looking for but to hear that there are others in this boat or that my kids will be ok and that we are not selfish for doing things this way. I hope we can change it as our oldest gets less picky, can wait until at least 7:30 for dinner, and doesn’t lose his sh*t at dinner time every other day.
Do what’s best for your family and don’t worry about anyone else! Every child and every family is different.
This! We do family dinner but that’s because it works best for our family. I am too tired and lazy to cook multiple dinners, and we have a night owl who cannot go to bed at 7:00 like many people’s kids.
I’m one of the posters who does the daily family dinner but please please please do not feel guilty or bad in the slightest! You have to do what works for your family. It’s not better or worse, just different. Connection time with your husband is important too!
If you want to move to more family meals down the road, I would make a habit of sitting at the dinner table with them and maybe munching on some veggies and having tea while they eat their dinners. It builds the habit of ‘eating’ together so that on the nights when your DH is home, it’s not a big change. Also, look at your meals and move towards a middle ground of adult and kid meals. Our kids eat the same stuff we do but just less hot sauce or spices (though 11 year old eats hotter than me now I think). Like when we do taco night, none of the 5 of us have the same combo of toppings, we have mild, medium and spicy salsa on the table as well as whatever DH’s latest inferno level find is. Rice is a great side to mitigate spicy levels in Asian cuisines.
And it does get easier. Lots of things about elementary school ages are harder but the eating is easier. At 8 and 11, our kids like to have input into the meal plan and are learning to cook and interested in family meals. Eight year old was so proud that he made me scrambled eggs for mother’s day all by himself.
I do think a 7:30pm dinner is going to be too late for a while yet. We tend to eat on the later side but we haven’t gone past 7pm regularly.
I think you’re doing great. And I envy you and your husband’s commitment to stay connected in this way. My husband and I are trying to do better at connecting just the two of us. I truly believe family dinner is a bigger issue when kids reach middle school-ish age where family dinner can serve to keep them out of trouble. If you’re really concerned, I know of families (I think on here) who make a point to have family breakfast a few times a week because that fits their schedule better and is a better time of day for the kiddos. The fact that you’re this worried proves you’re an amazing mama who is doing a great job.
Mary Moo Cow says
It doesn’t have to be dinner! It could be breakfast or lunch together works best for you. Maybe it only happens once a week, maybe Sunday lunch is your best time. Or maybe this is simply a season of life and one day you’ll look up and realize it’s 7:30 and your all sitting together and everyone is happy!
We do family dinners nightly, but I do lots of other things “wrong,” including serving my extreme picky eater a separate meal most nights, which I swore I would never ever do. Everyone has to pick and choose their priorities and it’s ok if this isn’t one for your family. Don’t beat yourself up.
We made a family deal that you have to try what’s for dinner. If you still don’t like it you may shop the fridge for dinner. What you eat must have a protein, a veg (or fruit if needed) and a starch. My kids have been really welcoming of this rule and it ended all dinner fights.
Also, I’ve started having my luckiest kid (6) cook with me. Has upped her likelihood of eating by at least 300%. We made stir fry and she tasted it at various stages for saltiness and by the end of cooking she’d eaten like half a serving. Same with chili, both foods she would NEVER eat if presented.
We don’t make super complicated meals for her, it’s basically leftovers or ready to eat things like fruit, yogurt or bagel/toast. About the most complicated thing we do is freezer chicken nuggets which isn’t a big deal for the adult to prep. But still usually the overlap between what she eats and what we eat for dinner is near zero. The one notable exception is Caesar salad, which we need to remember to have more.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids usually get a different meal than us – they’re not eating our Hello Fresh meals! Right now, we prioritize us all sitting together (for like 10 minutes, nothing crazy over here) over same food. Sometimes we have good conversation, but it’s usually not like what they show on TV (with children silently eating while parents chat… what sorcery is this?!)
this is basically exactly what we do. We eat at the same time, but rarely for more than 15 minutes, and usually mostly separate foods. For example, last night we all had some roasted sweet potatoes and broccoli, but my husband and I had ours over greens with salmon, and my kids had theirs with Pillsbury crescent rolls w/ turkey and cheese. My life has gotten SO much less stressful since I stopped believing that making kids a separate meal = failure. And when our kids were littler we would often sit with them while they ate, and then have our own meal afterwards. It was a great time to connect with my husband without anyone demanding more ketchup or crying that their toast was the wrong color.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes! Feeding your children food that they will eat is not a failure!! Food is food, whether it’s pb&j or fancy salmon and arugula, especially when it’s all made at home (we do take-out too of course).
How old are your kids? My guess is young. Don’t worry about it now. Try again when they are older.
Fwiw my youngest is not quite 5 and she has two dinners. Veg and cheese ~5, then family dinner at 6:45 where she eats mainly the protein.
We don’t do family dinners either and I’m working hard on letting go of the guilt. I’d love to but it’s just not realistic right now for our season of life with two young kids (3 & 5). My husband travels a lot or works until close to their bedtime most nights. My daughter has food allergies and I usually have to make her something separate anyway. My 3 year old is the world’s most active child and literally cannot sit at the table for more than five minutes at a time. We try to make it happen once a week but it’s usually an exercise in frustration for everyone. I’ll try to make it happen more as they get older but for right now, it just doesn’t make sense for us.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hey! Our “family dinner” is me + kids (on non-WFH days, DH gets back from the office at ~7:45 and this week is gone for travel).
2 year old is done in 10 minutes and I put on Elmo when he’s done. Then he circles back to the table to ask for more food, which I’m starting to say no to but have been saying yes so I can eat.
5 year old takes his time to eat, and thus, Elmo is part of his meal. I don’t love this.
I start cleaning up while 5 year old is done and am usually finishing my dinner while cleaning up.
We have better luck on weekends/when we go out to eat.
Oh no please don’t feel guilty! 1) I think what you’re doing counts: you’re with them while they eat and you’re interacting. 2) I would give anything to eat a grown up meal with my husband (this is what we use date night for). I’ll walk you through a typical family dinner at my house. I come down stairs from my WFH office. Greet the hubs and kids: ignore that the house is a disaster. Put kids’ lunch boxes in the dishwasher. Pour myself a beer. Start chopping onions. Oldest (6) asks what we’re having. I say tacos. He asks if he can also have grilled cheese. I’m in a good mood so I say sure but he has to prep it. He grumpily preps it. He informs me the twins (2) would also like grilled cheese. DH turns on the tv. The twins stop hanging around underfoot and go watch tv. One twin asks for a banana. DH says they’re not ripe; minor meltdown ensues. I finish making taco meat (18 minutes: a new record!) I cook kiddo’s grilled cheese and prep one for the twins. Burn the twins’ grilled cheese. Get out taco fixings. Tell DH to turn off the tv and everyone to sit down. One twin is quite pleased with the grilled cheese and shows me by smearing cheese everywhere before eating it. Other twin looks at the grilled cheese for 30 seconds and announces he is done with dinner (he does this every night). Oldest pouts about something. DH puts on music while we eat. This makes me feel overstimulated but I try to ignore. I get “done” twin down from the table and tell him to go play. Oldest leaves the table: I ask him to come back and ask to be excused. He asks to go to a friend’s house. I say no: it is dinner time. Pouting continues. Twin who is “done” tries to climb in my lap. Injures himself and cries. I comfort him and try to carry on a conversation with DH. After about 15 minutes all the kids leave the table and we turn the tv back on so DH and I can talk. I would consider this a successful dinner.
Boston Legal Eagle says
And I bet you’ll miss these crazy nights when they’re older and out of the house :) To me, what you’ve got sounds like a happy, loving family with kids comfortable enough to express themselves. Even though when you’re in it, it feels like loud chaos I’m sure (my house too).
Anyone with kids getting speech therapy in public schools who can tell me more about what that looks like? My 5 year old who is starting K in the fall currently gets an hour of weekly speech therapy for articulation issues. Her language is otherwise above grade level. I have to pick her up and drive her to the appointments in the middle of the work day, and we have to pay for them all out of pocket, so it’s expensive and inconvenient. I’ve been talking to her elementary school about speech services for her, and they said they can evaluate her for in-school speech therapy but they won’t do the evaluation until October and even if she qualifies she’ll only get 20 minutes weekly of group speech therapy. The other option is that the local university apparently screens all kindergarteners, also in October. If she qualifies for that she’d get two 15 minute sessions of individual speech therapy each week for the rest of the kindergarten year. It’s at school and free. They were very clear that you can’t do both the school screening and the university screening – you have to pick one or the other.
We’re leaning towards the university evaluation just because it’s more total time – does that seem like the right choice? But it’s still only half of what she’s getting currently. And I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do from August to October. I guess I continue picking her up to go to the private speech therapy and she misses school?
Is she improving? Is it severe? I’d be inclined to skip it from Aug-Oct unless she is severely behind and you are seeing measurable gains.
As for which to do, does one have a reputation for having a “lower bar”? If it seems certain she’d get picked for either I’d do the university; if she’s on the fence I’d do whichever takes more kids/has a lower threshold.
My K student has definite articulation issues in the opinion of myself and his pediatrician, but he has not qualified at public school for two years straight because he’s technically (on the very low end) of normal. He is improving with age, though, and I don’t care to spend tons of money so we are watching and waiting.
My understanding is that if she doesn’t qualify for the university one, then we can start the referral process through the school, but they’d get another two months to do it, so it wouldn’t happen until December or possibly January with winter break, so that’s half the year gone already.
I admit I was wondering if we can just skip a couple of months. I wouldn’t have described the issue as severe. Family and her teachers understand her almost 100% of the time and strangers understand her most of the time. But the evaluation they did at the speech therapist said she was in the 1st percentile so that seems really bad. The speech therapist does seem happy with her progress. I guess I should talk to them and see what they say.
She also has mild hearing loss due to fluid in her ears. We had to wait six months for an ENT appointment (ugh, healthcare in the US) but are finally seeing them at the end of August and the speech therapist seems to think there’s a possibility things will improve rapidly once her hearing is in the normal range. So that’s an additional reason not to be too fussed about the August-October timeframe.
Anon 12:38 says
Interesting…my K student can only be understood about 75% of the time by people outside our family and maybe 90% by me? And yet he has never qualified for anything (even as a 21-month-old with zero words…his receptive comm was too good.) Maybe I am in an area with too high demand?
I ask this honestly — do you trust the speech pathologist or could they be trying to pressure you into staying with them for $$? It seems you feel in your gut she’s doing okay and is higher than 1%.
Adding, I have another son that had fluid in his ears and mild hearing loss – tubes cleared up the hearing loss immediately.
And FWIW, my son has never had trouble with socialization and because he is a lovely, friendly kid he has lots of friends and everyone seems to like him. Kids have a superpower for understanding other kids, it seems. I would not worry/add pressure about socializing, especially if it seems like everyone CAN understand her.
Fair question, but I don’t think we’re getting scammed. The issue was first identified by a preschool teacher who has no financial stake in the matter. And people outside our family do seem to notice, although most are too polite to comment on it. My husband has a colleague from a culture that’s stereotypically more blunt than Americans and even though he can understand her he’s made several comments about how poorly she enunciates. My best friend also admitted (after I begged her to be direct) that she thinks my kid is outside the normal range. I think it’s probably one of those things where we could watch and wait and it would likely be ok, but since we can do therapy, why not do it?
The tubes thing is frustrating to me. She had non-stop ear infections as a 1 year old (like there was a sixth month period of time where she basically never not on antibiotics for an ear infection) but our ped kept putting off tubes and saying oh, it’s no big deal, she’ll grow out of the ear infections. Then Covid happened and she’s hardly been sick since, due to first masks and then having a more mature immune system. If we’d gotten the tubes years ago we likely wouldn’t be here, so I’m a bit annoyed at the ped.
One of my son’s best friends does not talk at school (selective mutism). She’s getting lots of support for it, but it has been amazing to see how successful she’s been socially even without talking at all. She’s such a fun kid. So I totally agree — especially at those younger ages, I think kids can overlook a lot that might be more of an issue for older kids.
I think you need to find a third option. Is there another private speech pathologist you can see with better office hours? Like 8am or 5pm appointments so you can go at the beginning or end of the day. Then switch to university or school options if she’s made enough progress by the fall.
Or can the issue be treated remotely so she can have her session online while you are getting ready for work? One of my friends is a speech pathologist who treats patients remotely in small towns (not all speech issues can be treated this way but for fly-in/fly out communities it’s a crucial service when you can, Cdn public health system so can’t recommend her for your situation).
Adding that articulation is important for socialization in K so I do think it’s worth putting a push on it over the summer if you can.
We’ll definitely keep an eye out for better appointment times, but when we were looking in February-March everything had crazy waiting lists. Knowing my kid, I don’t think remote therapy would work at all for her at this age. She’s only just starting to get to the point where she can engage with my parents on videochat and she knows them super well and adores them. She loves going to speech therapy, but I think it’s because the therapist does a lot of pretend play, board games, etc. with her so it’s basically a play date with a grown-up and I feel like that would be impossible to replicate over the computer and she’d just get bored and zone out.
Will keep the point about socialization in mind for sure, but she’s very social and seems to have no issues being understood by peers currently.
Summer might make it easier to nab better appointment times when other families are on vacation and not suing some of their usual times. I would call now and see if you can get a few better times over the summer so it’s not like midday appointments every week.
Wait, are you in the US? Child Find will certainly do an evaluation BEFORE she starts K and provide services at a local elementary school. I had one who received services at the school at 4 (I had to drop off/pick up). She doesn’t go to public now, but those who do get pulled out. One of my friends kids receives 45 mins/twice a week. I’m going through the process for my second and he’ll also be dropped off at a school for it, but they also provide bus transportation if u needed it.
Yes, US. I’m pretty sure the school evaluation is through Child Find but the school told me they have 60 school days from the date of the referral to get it done. Since school is almost out of the summer where we live, that puts the deadline in October. It might be done sooner than that but they couldn’t make any promises. And doing that would waive our right to the university evaluation.
They do, but mine has always been faster. Like 2-3 weeks. I’m in a DC suburb and it’s highly populated.
that’s amazing. i posted below and our school district gives you 4 sessions every 6 weeks, which is absurd to me!
i would 100% do the university one. wish that was an option for us! i have twins both getting speech. we pay out of pocket, but it is at least convenient because they go to their private preschool to see them twice a week. next year we are starting public K and i’ve been told to do it through the public school they get 4 sessions every 6 weeks, which seems like not at all enough to make progress, so now we are going to have to schlep them after school 2x/week, which i think is going to be a lot for them after a whole day of school. especially if your kid doesn’t love practicing at home, the frequency is really important. i agree with others that you should see if there are any other times available now that it is summer – schedules usually shift around. i’m also surprised your daughter can handle an hour of speech – that’s a long time for a young kiddo and it’s the frequency that helps with progress.
It’s very play-based! They do pretend play and board games and read together and things like that. It’s basically a play date. She LOVES going and is going to be devastated to leave this therapist. She does not have a great attention span and for sure could not focus on something like a worksheet for an hour.
my twins is also play based, and they love it as well. worksheets would be a total bore. it’s hard to find time for these therapies on top of other activities they’d like to try out
DC started speech therapy for articulation with a private SLP paid for out of pocket while we waited for a consultation and free services through the ELC and then her school. She was 3.5 and did not cooperate for an entire hour of therapy so we did 30-minute sessions (that were still very painful at first…) The evaluation didn’t happen until several months later but once it did, she started receiving 30 minutes of therapy a week in a group setting. At some point she switched to three five-minute individual sessions a week, which I thought was too little until I realized she would be getting more minutes of individualized attention doing this than she was in 30 minutes of group. Over the summer school break, she would see the private SLP. Overall she did about three years of speech therapy at which point she no longer needed it.
TL;DR: I like the university option and I’d see a private SLP over summer
Daycare q's says
Any advice for day care tours? I’m pregnant with our first (15 weeks) and we’re starting the crazy process of joining waitlists and touring day cares (Capitol Hill, DC). What should we be looking out for on our tours that we might not think of? Any specific questions we need to be sure to ask?
And a frustrating/funny note: my husband has been doing the initial research and setting up tours; every single center he’s spoken with has commented in on how rare/refreshing it is to have a dad be the one contacting them! So surprising, especially in our area which I think of as being much more egalitarian than most. (Our thinking is that I’m growing a human so it’s only fair that he do more than half of the research into how to care for that human!)
MOTH Anon says
Congrats! My main piece of advice is to regularly follow up with a daycare if you’re on the waitlist and really want to go there. Also, sign up for MOTH (Mothers on the Hill) if you haven’t already—there are a lot of threads about daycares. My kid goes to Board of Child Care and we’re really happy with it. It’s the only daycare nearby with some certification my spouse cared about.
daycare q's says
Thank you!! MOTH has been super helpful so far, and I really appreciate your recommending your center! We don’t have local friends in this phase of life yet, so we’re really relying on community recommendations like this.
Congrats! Not the most helpful response, I know, but a lot of it is really vibes. It’s also useful to see what the adult: child ratio is in practice vs what they say it is. Our university-run daycare has a bad ratio on paper (the state-mandated minimum) but there are so many student workers and students doing student teaching that the ratio of adults to children is way more than what they say on paper (at least in the infant room) and babies get more individual attention than they would at other daycares with lower ratios on paper.
It’s not really a question, but I would keep in mind demeanor the teachers had during the walk through. I do not regret going with the daycare where it seemed like the teachers were fairly happy to be there for the day. Versus some other daycares where the teachers gave me a vibe of being frustrated or burnt out during the walk through.
Also not a “question” but when you get closer to deciding. I also would recommend looked up job postings for your top choices. I liked getting a feel for what kind of pay range the teachers were in and what kind of benefits the owners were offering them. Ex. at our daycare they do receive PTO, they offer a 401k match, dental care, etc.
It’s been a long time since I vetted daycares but here are my main points to think about (some will be answerable outside of tours).
– staff turnover (talk to other parents, not just administrators)
– food – who provides
– how much outdoor time
– napping – scheduled or as kiddo needs (esp important for babies <6 months imo)
– trained in paced feeding breastmilk/ability to thaw and serve frozen milk
– professional development opportunities for teachers
– holidays/school breaks
– illness policy
– child containment – are babies strapped into chairs/bouncers all day or do they have a lot of free time on the floor? (Babies need time/space while awake to move and practice rolling, etc)
– general vibe – are classrooms cheery and well lit? Windows? Mirrors and other fun stuff for babies? Do staff leave kids alone and crying bc the staff are overwhelmed? Are staff engaged with kids or on their phones? You’ll know a worse place; the better ones will likely all be similar.
Also don’t discount location.
Congrats on the baby! If you do find a place you like and are on a waitlist, keep following up and showing interest. At least that’s how it works in my city.
this is a good list, we were willing to be flexible on a late due to a great location, I think that’s a pretty huge factor. Every time we’ve thought about leaving the director changed within 6 months and it got better. I’d also add – screen-time policy , -are kids given snacks/candy as rewards?- how do you get updates, do they have an app? – playground location and amount of shade (my kids are fair)
I would ask about the nap policy for older kids. If they drop their afternoon nap at age 2 or 3 or 4, do they still have to lie quietly on a cot in a dark room for 2 hours? In Virginia, they do.
Counterpoint, I have a kid who dropped her nap a month after turning 2 and at age 5 still has mandated 1.5-2 hour rest time in a quiet, dark room, but it really hasn’t been a big deal even for my loud, high energy kid. I think it’s good for preschoolers to learn to entertain themselves quietly, and to learn to be respectful of others who are trying to sleep. Plus I tend to think a mid-day rest period does most kids some good, even if they don’t actually sleep.
I would only be worried about this if the non-napping kids are denied access to books or toys. It’s one thing to expect kids to quietly play on their cot, it’s quiet another to expect them to stay on a cot in silence with nothing to do.
to reiterate what some of the other comments have been, i think it’s totally vibes. Vibes and convenience in terms of location. Don’t pick the place on the other side of town just because they have live videos and that sounds important to you now. (that’s an example of what i thought i wanted but ultimately didn’t get and i was totally fine with it). and keep on top of them if you’re on a waitlist, we were able to start a month early which i needed but they couldn’t promise initially.
My experience is pre-Covid so ymmv, but the waitlists can be really long on the Hill. We ended up going with a Bright Horizons downtown because there wasn’t a realistic possibility we were getting off a waitlist on the Hill in time and we got a preferential spot through an employer relationship at Bright Horizons. We ultimately ended up moving off the Hill (still sad about it) so being downtown was helpful. So, you might want to ask about what the likelihood is of getting off a waitlist in time, and make appropriate back up plans (whether that is thinking about a nanny or nanny share or a daycare in a different location).
Staff turnover, location, and outside time were our big three. My oldest is 11 and some of the same staff are still there from when she was there 8 years ago.
Infant weight gain says
Anyone experience a drop in growth curves for your baby’s weight and it turned out to be fine?
We had our 4 month checkup yesterday. Baby grew as expected for height (still 90 something percentile) and head circumference, but only gained about about a half a pound instead of 1+ pounds. Pediatrician wasn’t super concerned but said we should investigate. Lactation consultant doesn’t think it is a supply issue or a latch/transfer issue, so she’s having me add a dream feed and recheck in 2 weeks. (I’m also adding back mother’s milk tea and lactation cookies, but i’ll also use any excuse to eat cookies, so who knows and who cares if they work).
Baby is happy and healthy as far as I can tell – sleeping well, meeting milestones, rolling and cooing and laughing and all the fun 4 month old things. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was on a scale, I wouldn’t be worried – but now, naturally, I’m down a rabbit hole of “what if he has a rare condition that is causing nutritional malabsorption”?
Anyone deal with this?
My baby dropped from the 75th percentile for weight at maybe 2 months down to the 3rd percentile by 6 months. She learned to crawl at 4.5 months and just wouldn’t stop moving, so I attributed it partly to calorie burn. She consumed massive quantities of milk/formula and then of solids. The pediatrician was not concerned as long as she was meeting her developmental milestones, which she did. She has remained a tiny kid ever since.
We had a similar experience – down from the 48th percentile to the 4th at four months, started crawling at 4.5 months and walking at 7 months. He ended up falling off the charts completely, but his pediatrician said as long as he was gaining weight and the percentiles were explained by calorie burn, she was ok. She even pushed back on another pediatrician’s recommendation for pediasure supplementation since I had covered his diet with her pretty extensively (this was around age 1). He made it back to the 50th percentile by 1st grade due to slow and steady growth and has hung out there since. I definitely wouldn’t drive yourself crazy over one reading, though I did it to myself and completely understand! It sounds like you have a great pediatrician and you’re doing fine!
First of all, when they don’t weigh very much, minor variations in scale calibration can cause disproportionate drama. My son’s ped did mention that their scales didn’t all give exactly the same weights, which when you are looking at ounces, is kind of a big deal. I would try to just not worry about it for the next 2 weeks and see what happens. Growth isn’t linear. My son was all over his growth charts when he was tiny and is now obese, so we no longer have worries about him not gaining enough (sigh).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Give yourself permission not to worry. Please.
For me (and for many of my friends), the growth charts caused more stress than anything else. My ped with DS #1 would always be focused on progress from ages 0-1 (did they gain or not? If not, do we know why?) vs. percentiles.
The one ped I’ve had that was razor focused on the growth chart – DS #2 was a low birthweight baby and didn’t “get on” the curve fast enough for her – was terrible in many ways. He’s now a tall (I think), skinny 2.5 year old – he’s built a lot like my brother was as a kid.
Something like this happened with my eldest and it turns out he’s just organically a string bean – tall but low weight-for-height. We used to say, as long as he’s behaviorally healthy, meeting milestones and growing at least lengthwise, chances are he’s fine. He was/ is a very active kid and was nursed on demand when home w/ me. Growth is not always linear; often height or weight increases first and the other catches up.
Yes, this happened with my oldest (now 7). She gained great at 3 days and 2 weeks, then at 4 weeks she had hardly gained at all. She bounced around a bit but by 2 months she had dropped really low on the curve. Pediatrician had us add a small amount of powdered formula to her breast milk bottles, and she stabilized. She made it back up to her original curve, but then once she started on solids exclusively, she dropped back down, and has stayed there consistently. She just wanted to be tiny. Chances are high this is absolutely fine. Kids are weird.
These charts are very stressful. My baby is 90th percentile for height, was 30th percentile for weight at birth and dropped to 14th at her 6 month appointment. And she eats! She has a great appetite! The pediatrician wasn’t too concerned, but the NP we saw first was a little judgemental (“are you feeding the baby?” “Um yeah?”) and wanted us to come in for weekly weigh-ins until the ped nixed in. She’s gained some weight since then but I’m nervous to go to the next check up and see what’s up. DH is tall and skinny and eats a lot so I guess she got her dad’s genes on this (since I am neither tall nor skinny). But if your baby is otherwise happy and eating and developing well I would try not to worry.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Just putting this out there (and I hope I don’t jinx myself). I finally have gotten a draft of my resume together, made a short/initial list of folks to talk to, am starting my cover letter, and have scanned a few positions of interest. Just knowing that I’m trying to exit my current work situation is giving distance from my current job, decreasing my stress levels, and…weirdly making me happy? I realize now that my current job has impacted my health in all aspects more than I realized. I hope in the future I’m better at identifying when situations are not working for me, and flagging/asking for help, before letting things get rough. Thank you all for the good advice and vibes.
Now fingers crossed I can actually land something in this economy…
Boston Legal Eagle says
Good luck! So Anon posted here recently about finding a new position fairly quickly it seemed, so here’s hoping! A good, supportive boss makes all the difference.
Thank you so much!
Good for you for taking these steps and good luck! Sending good vibes for a new role you’re excited about and lets you exit the toxic situation soon.
I probably…. should do all of this, too. But I’m still in the denial & inertia phase.
Mom fail says
Mom fail: because I didn’t realize how early I needed to sign my daughter up for nursery school for this coming fall, everything is full :(
She’s turning 3 in October and keeps talking about school (we have a nanny). I know it’s not a huge deal to wait until Fall 2024 instead, but I feel like a terrible parent for missing the boat on something she probably would have enjoyed.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Not a fail! You don’t know what you don’t know. Are there any other classes or activities your nanny can take her to in the fall to sub in for preschool? Also, get on those waitlists – you never know when folks’ plans change.
Waitlist everywhere. Library classes, Gymboree, local music classes? I’m sure the nanny can cobble a schedule of those together that will be close enough to “school” for her.
+1 to this and don’t feel guilty. She’s 2 at the start of this school year, she really doesn’t need to be in school (though it’s fine to do it if you can afford it and think she’d enjoy it).
+2 It is a gift to give her another year of largely unstructured time at home. And there’s a lot of other things that I’m sure she’d enjoy just as much! Even one or two music or library activities…or a weekly adventure with nanny to places like the zoo, the nature center, a library in a different town, etc. Maybe nanny can even host a standing play date one morning a week if she has a little friend around?
Assuming she’ll go to K when she’s five, she’ll still have two years of preschool ahead of her — plenty!