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Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
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Emma says
Hopefully a fun request: my daughter has recently gotten really into books and we’re looking to expand our collection. What were your favorite books for ages 18 months plus? Current favourites include The Paper Bag Princess, The Going to Bed Book, and a pretty picture book about farm animals.
Anon says
My Friends by Taro Gomi
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin
Any book by Anne Rockwell
And I always recommend checking out Read Aloud Revival for their booklists. They have seasonal books, books by theme, books by age, etc. Starting around that age I would check out the monthly book list at the beginning of each month and put a bunch on hold at the library
Mary Moo Cow says
The Library Lion; all the Julia Donaldson/Axel Sheffler books; the Gilbert series by Diane DeGrout; Berenstain Bears series; Curious George series; Daniel Tiger series; Madeline; Madeline’s Rescue; the Bluey books; everything by Kevin Henkes (Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse, Wembley Worried, for starters.)
At that age, it was also fun to just browse the library and see what caught our eye. Our librarians rotated displays for different seasons or themes and I always found something fun and new to me.
Anonymous says
I got really into finding books that featured female animals or girls (so many books just default to males!). Favorites were Cindy Moo, Construction Cat, Willow, anything by Sandra Boyton
An.On. says
Mine is only a little older, so these are all fresh for us, and I’ve starred the ones I really like too:
One offs:
Honey for You, Honey for Me*
A Sick Day for Amos McGee*
Nana in the City*
Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site* (other books in the series are good but some are too long)
The Fairytale Cake
Lottie & Walter
Hair Love
Sophie’s Terrible Twos
Goodnight Gorilla*
Du iz tak?*
The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear (and there’s a Christmas sequel)
The Princess and the Pony
All the World* & Everywhere Babies (these are not a set but are illustrated by the same person)
Very Hungry Caterpillar
The Quiet Crocodile
Who’s Hiding?
My Nana’s Garden*
Hello, Hello*
Animals Go Vroom!*
Series and Collections:
Anything by Julia Donaldson*
Anything by Jane Cabrera* (illustrated kid songs like The Bear Went Over the Mountain)
Maisy series* (Lucy Cousins)
Eric Carle’s Brown Bear series
BabyBug magazine*
Little Critter (these drive me NUTS but my daughter loves them)
Hide and Seek Harry
Llama Llama Red Pajama
First 100 Words
Books by Leslie Patricelli (we have Potty, and Yummy Yucky and Baby Happy Baby Sad)
Touch and Trace Nursery Rhymes
Clifford the Big Red Dog
And mine loves any book that illustrates a song, but these are books that play music that she loves (and easy for her to press the buttons):
Cali (We have the You are my Sunshine one)
Baby Bedtime Songs (Early Bird Song Books)
Baby’s First Bedtime Songs (Cottage Door Press)
Ditty Bird
anon says
I like pete’s a pizza. It’s really silly and my 3.5 yo still thinks it’s hilarious.
Anonymous says
Red is Best
Sandra Boynton books
Elephant and Pigge books by Mo Willems
Anonymous says
Such a great question! My son is just behind her.
Biggest hits:
– Pout Pout Fish
– I Am So Brave
– Go Dog Go
– Night Cars
For story/words that he enjoys:
– The “Our World” book series about other countries – Mexico and France are a big hit
– Giraffes Can’t Dance
– Peek a Bruce
For pictures he enjoys:
– Cars and Trucks and Things that Go
– The Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
– Good Night Planes
– Any book with photos – the Lovevery books for older kids are a hit – like their Play Date book, Bed Time for Zoe, etc. Our local library has a series about places (e.g., the Library, the Grocery Store, etc.) that he loves.
Anonymous says
Feast For Ten
Bus Stops (Taro Gomi)
Anon says
Cross-post. Can anyone recommend a good OB practice in the Walnut Creek/Concord/Lafayette area? In addition to high-quality care (a given), I’m looking for a practice that has good phone access (no long phone trees/excessive wait times to speak to someone), reasonable wait times for appointments and appointments start close to on time, on-site ultrasound, and either direct experience with high-risk pregnancies or very good referral systems for dealing with them. I would prefer a female provider but would consider seeing a male. Any ideas?
Also, I previously was going with UCSF’s prenatal care at Mission Bay, but I’m on the fence about my experience. I welcome any comparisons from locals.
Anon2 says
The postpartum hair loss has begun :( I only stopped BFing 3 weeks ago. Didn’t expect it to start so soon. This too shall pass…..
anon says
I found it helpful to just embrace it and knowing that nothing likely will help, it’s just all the hair you didn’t lose during pregnancy. It’s not fun though. And the regrowth phase just led to really wild hair for me. At least it grows back!
Anon says
Navigating a tricky parenting thing that I’m almost certainly overthinking / overreacting to, please be kind.
My glitter / princess loving 3.5 year old has been insisting for about a month that she’s a “big boy” and that she’s a big strong boy like her older brother. I don’t want to overreact of underreact – after all, she’s also said recently she is going to grow up to be a unicorn. She’s not demanded any change to clothing, still loves to try on my make-up, etc.
I want to be supportive is this something bigger than a phase. But I don’t want to jump right into asking her if she wants to wear different clothing, etc. since she’s not asking for any of those changes. What’s the right balance of support / curiosity / ignoring is appropriate here?
Anon says
The right thing is to tell her that she can be big and strong as she is. Girls can do, be, and wear anything. There is no behavior or outfit or skill set that equals girl or boy. Provide her with opportunities to do whatever she wants to do.
What you are describing is universal. I have never known a child with an older sibling of the opposite sex who did NOT engage in mimicry.
Anonymous says
Yes this.
Anon says
Yup.
Cornellian says
I think it’s normal for kids to play with gender as they hit preschool years. For me, I made sure to give my kid options (we had mostly shorts and neutral/”boy” t shirts, but I also made sure he always had a couple of dresses available) and was supportive when he wanted to dress up as Elsa or try make up. I think that for most kids it’s just exploring and not that “serious”, and that you’d know in a couple years whether it’s more than curiosity. I’d probably just make sure she had a couple of less “feminine” options available and see what she gravitates towards.
FWIW my now first grader seems to have given up dresses and “girl” clothes, and doesn’t say he feels like a girl, but we spent yesterday putting glitter nail polish on and bedazzling his outer space-themed backpack. I think elementary school sort of beat some of the curiosity out of him, unfortunately, but he clearly feels comfortable enough expressing himself in less traditionally masculine ways still.
Cb says
My son at 4 liked to dress up and do Else and Anna sing-alongs.
I feel you Cornellian on the elementary school gender policing. Uniform cardigans have been rejected because the boys tease that they are for girls and he’s selective about where he wears his black and pink trainers. More worryingly, the boys wouldn’t let his long-haired bestie into the boys bathrooms because “only boys are allowed!” I hoped the kids would be more accepting, but I guess at this age, it’s coming from their parents.
Anon says
The gender messaging that happens in elementary school is wild. In the last 6 months my kindergartner has gone from loving blue and superheroes and construction stuff but also unicorns and dresses to 100% princess/pink/ultra girly. She’s even distanced herself her from Legos saying it’s a boy toy. It makes me so sad!
Anon says
I don’t think it’s kids “playing with gender” – it’s playing games and dress-up and adults are calling it “gender” and getting freaked out because of narrow views of what girls and boys can do. I’m really glad I grew up in a sweet spot in the 90s when I could be a tomboy without anyone caring, tbh.
Anonymous says
Same. My wearing pants in a different century could have been a problem.
Cornellian says
I think it’s both for some kids. I don’t think my 15 month old knows that she is “supposed” to pick the pink toy. But when my son was 3 or 4, he definitely knew he was “supposed” to pick the blue, and took the pink one anyway. He’d also say he “felt” like a girl, although I sometimes think that is because the loudest boys in his class were sort of pushy and mean and he saw that as a “male” trait.
But I agree that a lot of it is adults assigning gender to inanimate objects, and reacting to their kids’ choices. “no boy of mine will play with dolls!”, etc. I’m just trying to give my kids options and not place a lot of weight on their choices.
Anonymous says
It’s not really about adults’ assigning gender to inanimate objects. It’s about adults’ mistaking imaginative play for gender dysphoria. It’s fun to pretend to be all sorts of different characters. It doesn’t mean that the boy playing princess secretly feels that he’s a girl, or that the girl playing SpiderMan wants to be a boy. It just means that they are having fun using their imaginations.
I am also very glad I grew up in the last century when wearing jeans and climbing trees didn’t get a girl pushed into declaring an “identity.” I am still 100% a woman even though I enjoy kickboxing and am much better at home improvement than my frat boy jock husband. Even a decade ago when my now-teen daughter was in preschool the boys were allowed to dress up as princesses without anyone’s asking whether they were really girls. Now watching my daughter have to push back against the pressure to be something she’s not for the sake of being “open-minded” and “cool” is just heartbreaking. The amount of pressure on young progressive women to declare “they” pronouns or a nonbinary identity for the sake of conformity is astonishing, as is the misogyny.
Anon says
+1,0000,000 to Anonymous at 1:07 pm. We need to talk about the misogyny in this movement – the reliance on stereotypes for how girls “should” act is just the tip of the iceberg.
Anonymous says
I’m so interested in this. I’m in MA and my now 2nd grader had two kids in her kindy class: someone born female and given a female name, but who dressed as a boy and went by a boy’s name in K. In the yearbook the child was listed as Jessica(James). The other child is a boy that has long hair and wears sparkles and dresses.
I think honestly it’s been the most amazing thing. That grade is the most accepting of gender fluidity. My daughter talks about the first child as “just James” and I didn’t ask but I believe that James uses a single private bathroom at school though he has the option of the boys room or girls room.
Our school doubled down on socio-emotional learning for the grade and the parents of both children feel their kids are supported.
Anon says
All the love from the mom below. My child’s safety hinges on the awesome support of other parents out there.
Anonymous says
Agree, we have a few older elem girls who dress in “boy clothes” with “boy hair.” One has chosen to go by a more neutral name but still uses “she” pronouns. One, who goes by her birthname, “Jessica” is the older sister of my 2nd grader’s friend and wears her hair relatively short. Someone said “Why does Jessica have boy hair?” My 2nd grader stood up and was like “what makes her hair boy hair? My grandma has short hair and she’s not a boy. Plus all the hockey boys have longer hair than I do!” It was so cute and melted my heart. And also, upon fact checking this statement, boy hockey hair is no joke ;).
Anonymous says
We told my hockey son that he could grow his hair for the season, but his last tournament was this past weekend and… he still doesn’t want to cut his hair. I’m still debating whether “at least get it cut into a long STYLE rather than the grown-out version of last summer’s cut” is a hill I want to die on.
More to the original point, my 2nd grader’s friend was assigned female at birth, started going by a gender-neutral name last year, and recently started using he/him pronouns, but I still see him in a lot of “girl” clothes (like pink leggings) because… he just likes them. *shrug* We’re in a super progressive area and our elementary school has lots of teachers and parents representing the LGBTQ+ community, so from my outside-looking-in perspective, it’s barely raised eyebrows; this is just a decision the kid made and his parents communicated, and the school community seems very supportive and inclusive. It’s nice that it hasn’t turned into A Thing
Anonymous says
I can tell you how we handled it, as a parent of a child who wanted to wear dresses in kindergarten and now as a second grader is confident in the use of “they” pronouns. We didn’t do much of anything with the early questions etc. We were pretty neutral – ok, you want to wear a dress? Sure. When they later expressed some hesitation/felt like they couldn’t wear nail polish or whatever, we told them that of course they could. Overall, we just try to be neutral and supportive. Obviously that’s changed as our kid has gotten older and we’ve had to have more direct conversations with them about gender – there are great books to help with conversations with younger kids. Our kid is non-binary, but definitely not every kid who calls themselves a girl or boy or who wants to do traditionally gendered things for their non-assigned at birth gender is. But starting from a place of acceptance and support has been very helpful for us. I’m sure you’ll do great :)
Anonymous says
We went through the opposite with younger brother idolizing his sister and wishing he was a girl when he loved a lot of typically boy things. It was a phase. We did speak to a psychologist once and they were supportive of our view that here is a difference between ‘I wish I was/I want to be’ vs “i am’ especially when they position it in relation to an older sibling who has more freedom.
When referring to her older brother – use more gender neutral language and emphasize age difference. Like ‘big kid bedtime is 9pm, when you’re older you can go to bed at 9pm too’ vs. ‘big boys go to bed at 9pm but little girls have to go to bed at 8pm’ – not that you’re doing that – just a quick generic example.
Anonymous says
This. It’s probably more about age and privileges than gender. Talk about big kids and little kids, not big boys and little girls.
Anon says
Thanks to everyone for keeping this conversation supportive and kind. I will share a very high level view of my experience. I have three kids, one of whom is t r@ n s. For my t r @ n s child, it was so much deeper than mimicry, and persisted is really the important factor here. For my t r @ n s child, every self-portrait was of the opposite gender from age 3 on, every stuffed animal was the opposite gender, and my child referred to themselves as the opposite gender consistently from age 3 on. Would cry like they were being burned with fire if put into clothing associated with the birth gender from 4 on. Even so, my child did not t r @ n s i t i o n until 5th grade, under the assistance of a team of providers.
Conversely, around 4, my youngest son went through a phase where he loved Elsa, and sometimes would pretend to be a “sister” or say he’d grow up to be a girl like his older sister (my middle child is a cis girl and my two youngest are the closest of friends). Relevant for him, he had a pretty rough crew of boys in his preschool class at this time, and they often would knock over the lego towers that he’d build, so he often gravitated to playing with the girls in his class, who didn’t engage in physical play. To your point, it was during a phase where he played pretend a LOT, and definitely didn’t stick.
We never gave it much oxygen — from experience, if it’s really ingrained, you’ll know eventually, but this is likely just pretend. In your case, I would just respond to those comments, “you ARE big and strong!” or “You are perfect, exactly as you are!” As her understanding of gender evolves, my guess is that you won’t hear this anymore. Thank you for wanting to be supportive — it’s a gift to any child :)
Anonymous says
I have a tr@nsgender sibling and a 3 y/o who routinely tells me he’s a princess. :) +1 to your last paragraph. Keep it neutral and support the child. Eventually, you’ll know.
Anonymous says
My 3.5-yo went through a phase a couple months ago where she’d keep saying she wants to be a boy when she grows up. We tried variations on “you can be anything you want to be,” but I eventually asked why she was saying she wanted to be a boy. Her answer? “Boy clothes have bigger pockets.”
So, I wouldn’t read too much into it at this stage. Let her choose what she wants to wear (within reason given weather/occasion, obviously), try out different activities, etc. My kid now wants to be a duck, so…
Cornellian says
Me, too, kid!
mine used to say he was a girl, and if we dug a bit, it was sometimes because he liked dresses or had longer hair, but it was just as often “girls are kind and helpful and boys hit each other”. Yikes.
Anon says
I’m the OP to this thread and I just want to say how grateful I am to this community. I’m so worried about doing something ‘wrong’ given the very public and heated discussions at the national (and local) level.
I grew up in a conservative area and know plenty of “not in my house” types that would immediately shut down any gender-nonconforming behavior. But now live in a super liberal area where some parents try to prove their progressive bona fides by announcing their 6 month is t r a n s or forbidding their boys or girls from any activities that are too closely aligned with stereotypical gender rolls (no dolls, no guns, no gymnastics, no football). I’m aiming for whatever happy medium there is that gives my kids the time and space to figure stuff.
Anonymous says
Does anyone here have a child diagnosed with autism, but much older than usual? This is probably partially because of COVID and partially because she is smart girl who has been doing OK in regular school (but has been bullied for her social awkwardness) and hit all of her milestones. Now that we are in middle school, it is clear that she is having ongoing social challenges, but she is doing OK academically, and no one is sure what she needs (other than: something). Our local autism society deals with kids who have very different issues (which are likely obvious enough that kids get diagnosed very early on — we don’t have issues with haircuts or toileting or feeding or being nonverbal or being in a self-contained classroom). Like I read a stat that 80% of autistic adults are unemployed and many die young (30s?) and I don’t want that for my daughter but no one knows how to help.
Cb says
Oof, I don’t have direct experience but can I offer a bit of reassurance from the young adult side? I teach uni and see loads of college students across the spectrum and most are doing just fine. I appreciate that’s the kids who managed to get through high school and into university (I’ve taught across competitive/less competitive institutions and seen similar dynamics at each), but if she’s done find academically at this point, then there’s no reason she couldn’t have the same success. Social skills groups might be a good place to start?
Anon says
second social skills groups. the other kids participating will also not have severe autism/be non verbal etc. so it will be other kids on her wavelength. might also be good to see if there are books or tv shows about neurodiverse people designed for kids that depict folks in a positive light/leading “normal” lives; like that new amy schumer show (but not as it’s certainly not for kids).
Anon says
Not Dead Yet (ABC sitcom) has a main character that has autism and is a successful lawyer (though who is a bit rough in social situations). Ditto with Attorney Woo on Netflix.
Anon says
+1 to starting with social skills. It is so very typical for girls (especially smart or pretty girls) to not be diagnosed. There are pretty good resources/stories about what to look for from autism advocates (autistic adults, not the creepy autism moms) on tiktok/instagram.
Teaching her how to stay safe from same age bullies and avoid creepy boys/adults is also something to keep in mind – autistic girls tend to get a lot of ‘you’re an old soul’ ‘nobody understands me like you do’ ‘manic pixie dream girl’ fetishizing from men for things that are actually the autism (overly long eye contact, deep questions vs. superficial ones, special interests that are often ‘boy’ things, etc.).
Anonymous says
Do you see those kids getting jobs or entering careers? My understanding is that schools have a lot of supports and need tuition dollars but kids then don’t have those when they go out and try to get hired and can’t navigate things like interviewing, etc except in places actively seeking high-performing neurodiverse hires.
Anon says
I think support mitigates a lot of this. I have a cousin who is on the spectrum and very bright and coasted through school because of her high IQ but has really struggled in the real world. But her parents basically refuse to acknowledge her autism and have done zero to help her. They’ve also had no hesitation about continued financial support (she lived at home until 30 and has done a series of graduate programs on their dime) which means she has no motivation to enter the real world, and that would be true of many kids, not just autistic ones. If you start with supports like social skills groups from a young age I think it’s likely your kid will be fine.
Anonymous says
OP here — this is exactly my fear, especially since we’re not starting from a young age (we are halfway through middle school). Social skills groups seem to so far be theoretical — some are only for boys (reading between the exhausting euphemisms, they think that kiddo needs a higher-skilled skills group and might regress if mixed into a same-age boy group tackling different issues; IDK that that is how it works but defer to the people running them). Some are not at times we can make it or are already full. I just feel so behind and so sad that I have failed my daughter.
Anon says
OP you have not failed your child. Kids are diagnosed at different times with a myriad of conditions and sometimes the diagnosis happens “late” for a variety of reasons. perhaps if you post your location someone might have some ideas or resources for you.
Anon says
Sorry! I was trying to be reassuring — I think there’s a huge difference between getting support starting in middle school and getting zero support well into adulthood. Girls with ASD-1 (what used to be Asperger’s) are often diagnosed late, I would guess middle school is probably around the median age, if not on the younger side? And the pandemic has no doubt delayed things further for the current generation of kids. So I don’t think you should feel guilty or be too stressed about it.
anon says
Yes, many high-functioning autistic people have jobs and successful careers. Some are really good at masking, though it is emotionally exhausting and can be taxing on mental health. (Masking is especially common for autistic girls and women.) Some develop unique skills that suit their strengths and give them the power to have their needs met, either within a company or working for themselves.
Vicky Austin says
A dear friend was not diagnosed until the week after graduating college. Friend is nonbinary, but was born/presents female, and this almost certainly played a role in their delayed diagnosis.
Where did you get that statistic? It seems designed to scare, which makes me mistrust it. Your daughter will be okay – she has you looking out for her and considering how to support her early in her life.
Vicky Austin says
And I will gladly add, re some of the worries above, that my friend is a respected marketing professional, in a wonderful long-term relationship, and has a social/hobby life that puts mine to shame because of the sheer effort they put into it.
Anon says
Autism is a huge spectrum and now that the ‘Aspergers’ was eliminated as a technical diagnosis, statistics like that are not helpful to anyone, especially you. ignore the statistics and the autism label and think about what her challenges are – is it that she needs help with social interactions? – social skills groups, some kind of activity outside of school where maybe she can have social interactions with other kids who are more like her, etc. does she have any executive functioning challenges? then perhaps someone to help with that. a therapist to help her process all of this stuff. my best friend’s child is in 5th grade and was diagnosed in the fall. he falls into the 2 E category (GT + autistic) already sees a therapist and is about to start a social skills group. Theater has also been a really great activity for him. i realize these are TV shows, but both Parenthood and The Good Doctor deal with characters with varying degrees of autism. we have a close family friend with an autistic son and the son went to college, though I believe started at community college, and went on to get a masters degree and lives independently but in the same city as his parents. i might also post on the main board, i believe there are some readers who’ve been diagnosed themselves and/or have partners who have been and perhaps they have suggestions as to what did/didn’t help them
Anonymous says
From what I’ve seen, many of the problems teen girls with high-functioning autism encounter are due in large part to low expectations and limitations placed on them by the parents and/or the school.
Anonymous says
Could you elaborate? Is it that they are seen as disruptive and not welcomed in mainstreamed classrooms? Or excluded out of college-prep type classes and activities? I think most parents don’t want to push their kids too hard, but this subgroup really has to walk the walk of pushing a kid who could be independent as an adult to be independent (and all of the in-between steps).
Anonymous says
One family I know discouraged their very bright daughter with autism + ADHD from taking honors courses after her freshman year of high school because it was “too stressful.” She was consigned to the regular classes full of disruptive, obnoxious kids, doing meaningless busy work. She had every bit as much trouble keeping up with her work as she had in honors courses, but was much more miserable because now she was bored in addition to being stressed out.
Another family has a daughter with autism who took all AP courses and was at the top of her class. The parents discouraged her from going away to college and enabled her when she was too intimidated to learn to drive or get a job. She spent three years living at home and taking a part-time load of too-easy courses at the local community college, still not learning to drive or getting a job even when her brother who was several years younger was expected to do both. She finally transferred to a 4-year college and began to flourish when she realized that yes, she was entirely capable of managing her own life and living independently.
The same thing happens with kids with ADHD. The school will tell them AP and IB courses are too demanding. If they insist on taking the courses they end up doing extremely well.
Anon says
Do you have your kids do thank you notes for class birthday parties? In several years of attending large parties, we’ve only ever received one thank you note and it was a form letter with nothing personal (“thank you for the wonderful gift. I enjoyed it.”) so I felt like it was almost worse than nothing. But at the same time I was raised that a thank you note is expected and I want to teach my kid gratitude and appreciation.
Fwiw, we didn’t open presents at the party, which is normal in our area. If we did, I would not even think about thank you notes since even Miss Manners say they’re not required if you open the gift in front of the gift giver.
Anon says
We don’t do class parties and this is a big reason why. I do have my kids write thank you notes to friends who send them gifts, so they have small parties. When they are young (4-6) I will have them dictate something they like about the gift and I’ll write it and have them sign it, but that is mostly for family gifts because we also don’t do friend parties until first grade or older (aside from small casual gatherings with neighbors when they were toddlers, and I still sent a thank you text after).
I am a big believer in thank you notes, though I know not everyone is anymore. We also don’t receive them for class parties. I’m not offended as the gift giver; my POV is more about teaching my kids gratitude and respect for the time and effort of others.
OP says
Yeah, I hear you. Large parties are not my favorite either and I’m hoping this is the last one (she just turned 6) but this year she really wanted to invite her whole class and we can comfortably afford it and “be more exclusionary” didn’t feel like a message I should be sending her.
She does have long distance family (older generation) who sent gifts and expect handwritten thank you notes, so she will get some practice doing them (with help from me, obviously). I guess I feel like 90% of party guests probably don’t expect them, but we should do them so as not to offend the 10% who do.
Anon says
*should be friends who “give” them gifts. Adding: another benefit of small parties is that I do have my kids open the gifts. Kids love to see others open what they picked out, and being gracious is another soft social skill that I want to work on with my kids. I understand why it’s not done with 20 kids around, though
AwayEmily says
Yeah our rule is that if you want to have more than 4 people to your party, it has to be a no-gifts party. If four or fewer people, we open gifts AT the party and say thank you to their face.
OP says
I share your thoughts on opening gifts at the party, but it’s Not Done in our area. The venues we have parties at mostly don’t even allow it.
I will say that this year my kid got some clothes, jewelry and decorate your own water bottles and she got to wear/take those things to school and share in the joy with the gift giver which was really nice!
Anon says
Second correction: I realize my comment may sound sanctimonious. I don’t mean that, just sharing how we do it. For your exact question I don’t think you need to send thank you notes. But if the principle of thank you notes is important to you, you could think of how to make that happen going forward – maybe it’s smaller parties, maybe it’s asking for no gifts so there’s fewer to write, maybe it’s being sure to send them to relatives if there’s too many friends. At the core, I do think it’s important to build a habit for thanking people for every gift you receive
Anon says
so yes, i have had my kids write thank you notes for the two class birthday parties they’ve had so far. one of the parties was for their 4th birthday, so it basically was a form letter and they signed their name and drew a picture (since they didn’t really know how to write). For the 5th birthday party, I got one of those fill in the blank cards and had them write the other kid’s name and sign their own name. Have not yet decided what we are doing for their 6th birthday party. I have twins, and so full class for us is two classes and even though I’ve specified no gifts so far each year, about 75% of the guests bring them. This year we are inviting A LOT of kids to their bday party (i posted here recently, but we are inviting both K classes, plus some old friends, so ~70 kids) and while I don’t expect all to come or for most to bring gifts, I don’t think it’s reasonable to have my kids write a letter to that many people, so I will probably do fill in the blank ones again. I feel strongly they should write a thank you note to at least some of the people who give them gifts – whether it is for family gifts or friend gifts, but something to teach them the practice/etiquette of writing thank you notes, though I also realize in the age of cell phones/email that might become a thing of the past.
anon says
I make my kids write thank you notes for presents, which contributes to them agreeing to “no presents, please” on the invitations. It’s not the only factor, though.
Anonymous says
We’ve only had one class party and the majority of the gifts didn’t have tags or they fell off and I’d say about half of people brought gifts. We ended up not doing thank you notes because I couldn’t figure out a way to do it. We haven’t received any either so I figure it’s not a big deal either way for young kids.
Mary Moo Cow says
I do. To make it easier, I buy the kind with fill in the blanks. I started in pre-K by making them write their own name and I filled in the rest; next step was their friend’s name and their own name; now, for 1st and 3rd grader, they have to fill it all out. I don’t care about spelling or about lengthy descriptions of why they like it, I just want to practice handwriting and have them think about the joy of getting a handwritten note of thanks in the actual mail.
Redux says
I am so curious how in the world a note that says “thank you for the wonderful gift. I enjoyed it.” is WORSE in your estimation than nothing.
FWIW, we instituted thank you notes once the kids were old enough to write them themselves– 1st grade in our case. But at 6 years old, writing is a challenge, so our nothing-personal thank you notes were in fact quite an effort. I wince to think someone on the receiving end of that would think that was “worse than nothing.” yikes.
OP says
This was written by a mom, fwiw, not a kid.
I wasn’t angry about it or anything, but it was so impersonal and suggested to me that they had no idea what we actually gave their kid. If you can’t pair gifts with people and thank people for the specific gift they gave, I think it’s generally better to not say anything at all. Especially for kid parties where a lot of people (including me) feel like thank yous aren’t obligatory.
Anon says
I agree. And it’s no harder to write “book” or “doll” instead of gift or toy, so it can still be simple while being personal. It does seem insulting to think the family has no idea what you gave them, which means it isn’t really appreciated , and is just trying to check a box
Anonymous says
It’s gauche to write a thank you note that doesn’t acknowledge what was actually given. Fill in the blank notes are fine for kids, but you’re supposed to fill in the blanks.”Thank you for the doctor Barbie. I love playing with it.” is a perfect thank you note from a little kid. But “Thank you for the gift. I enjoyed it.” is not.
anon says
lol
Anon says
Why is this lol? It takes no more effort to say “thanks for the doll” than “thanks for the gift.” No one is suggesting kids need to write a multi-paragraph essay with sparkling prose, but making no mention of the gift makes it seem like you don’t know and don’t care what gift they gave, which is really rude when someone has gone to time and effort to pick out something they think your kid would like.
Anonymous says
Maybe that stat is for all kids with an autism diagnoses (so ASD-1, ASD-2, ASD-3), so not a representative slice of kids with an autism diagnosis who were caught late b/c they are able to function in typical environments? Like in my SEUS state, a LOT of kids drown because they wander into the ocean, lakes, water impoundments, and swimming pools. Most aren’t autistic, but “wandering” can be a trait some kids have and if they can’t swim, it often ends tragically where there is plenty of water and pools. So maybe it’s definitely not apples-to-apples. Underemployment is likely a legitimate thing to be afraid of and to work now on soft skills. 5
Pumping help! says
Repost from main page… I need help needed finding place to pump in NYC! I go into the city for client meetings in restaurants, coffee shops, etc. So far I’ve only had short days so I can stretch time between pumps and use the Mamava pod at Penn Station on my way in/out of the city. Where can I pump between 3-4:30 pm between meetings in midtown East? I feel like even bathrooms are in such short supply. Any suggestions welcome.
Pumping in the City says
I feel like things have improved in the 9 yrs since I last pumped, but I’d usually try the bathrooms at luxury business hotels that tend to have an antechamber before the stalls. Palace Hotel for example.
I also had to frequently ask clients if they had a lactation room in their building, but I understand if that’s less helpful if you are meeting them at a restaurant.
most WeWorks also have a lactation room that is bookable (and worse case scenario, clean bathrooms). it may be worth looking into a drop in membership if it’s frequent enough
Anon says
Some department stores have lounge spaces adjacent to bathrooms. I don’t know about NYC, but I’ve pumped in a Nordstrom bathroom lounge elsewhere.
Anon says
You could try a fitting room at a department store, especially if it’s quiet.
Anonymous says
Bloomingdales
NYCer says
I don’t have personal experience with this, but I would try a higher end hotel (e.g., the Peninsula if you are in that area of Midtown). They usually have nice bathrooms in the lobby.
anon says
I once had to do a quick change in midtown east before going to a Yankee game and walked into a store (I think a LOFT?) and asked very nicely if I could please use their fitting room, and they were very friendly and accommodating. Pumping obviously takes more time, but it might work.
Anon says
What age did you start doing drop off play dates and what are your parameters for them? My daughter is now almost 6.5 years old but only in K (just after the cut off bday). She was invited to a play date and the mom offered to have me stay or drop off in advance. I said I’d stay this time for my kid’s comfort and then future play dates she’d probably be more open to staying solo. The truth is it was more for my own comfort. I’ve only known the mom since September. We’ve interacted at birthday parties and school events a handful of times and our girls play together daily. There are no red flags and their house is less than a mile away. Still, leaving her with people I don’t know well is new to me but I know it will be more commonplace as she gets older.
I talked to my daughter about prepping for this. She is pretty shy and while I know she’d have fun I want her to be able to effectively communicate her needs to the other parent, especially if she was feeling uncomfortable and wants to come home.
Any tips or general thoughts?
Anon says
I think this page skews cautious about this, at least relative to the people I know in real life.
We started drop off play dates at 4.5 at the beginning of the Pre-K year and it was pretty normal in our daycare even though none of the parents really knew each other at all (birthday parties hadn’t really resumed due to Covid, so our interaction with other parents was limited to waving high at drop off). When I offered drop offs, about half the moms stayed the first time and then subsequently dropped off, and the other half dropped immediately. We were in the latter group when people invited us. Those who stayed seemed more concerned that their child would be shy or need them than that our house wouldn’t be a safe environment. No one has ever asked me about guns or stuff like that, although I certainly wouldn’t be offended if they did (we don’t have any).
Anon says
i have twins in K who aren’t even 6 yet, but so far I am behaving similarly. they have each done 1 drop off playdate with a friend from their preschool when i’d known the families for a while. i also did ask and make sure the families did not have any firearms at home and these particular families did not have pools. one of my twins would have no trouble telling a parent her needs, but the other would. i think you staying is perfectly fine, especially for the first time. i’d probably extend a similar invitation. i also like getting to know the parents of my kids’ friends. maybe i’ll make a new friend, have someone i can ask for a favor with pick up/drop off if needed, etc. this is also probably very judgmental of me, but I grew up in a bit of a bubble, attended liberal private schools in blue states and now live in TX and my kids attend public school. i think some concerns i have probably never crossed my parents’ minds
Cornellian says
I don’t think I’ve figured it out, but I have a first grader and this is what I do.
-Ask about weapons in the house. So far everyone either has none or has them in a safe, but that is one news article I do not want to become.
-Ask/tell about allergies/food. I always ask parents if they’re ok with me giving their kids snacks and if there are any allergies.
-He and two other neighborhood sibling sets roam among our three houses occasionally. The second graders and first graders come and go as they please on foot, and the second grader walks her 4 year old brother around.
-Make sure all parents have all other parents’ contact info (even if one parent is at work or whatever), just in case.
-If you host, point out the bathroom, soap, water cups, everything a kid might need to access.
I think 6 year olds can probably communicate their needs pretty well, maybe just keep the first drop off play date short in case she’s unhappy, and have an open line of communication with her about how it went.
One thing I haven’t had to deal with yet, and that I’m not sure how I would deal with, is older siblings. I remember being on the receiving end of friends’ mean older siblings as a young kid.
octagon says
I have a 9 yo and as his friend circle widens, the one non-negotiable for me is the weapons question. I also set a pickup time at dropoff, but my kid and I talk on the way over and he knows that he can always ask to come home earlier, either directly or by saying he doesn’t feel well and needs to go home.
FVNC says
Play dates in my area for K and now 1st grade seem pretty evenly split between parents who stay and parents who drop off, so you certainly wouldn’t be an outlier in our area.
On the other hand, I was quite surprised when my 5th grader had a sleepover bday party last fall and most parents (some of whom we’d never met) just dropped their kids in our driveway and didn’t come in / meet us at all. These kids were 10 and 11 yrs old.
Anon says
Your plan sounds fine, but per your question we started doing drop off play dates in K, as long as I “knew” the kid from my child talking about them (aka they were a real friend) and had met them and their mom at least in passing. I always go in and chat for 5-10 min at first, so I can get a feel for things. Play dates are mostly on weekends these days, and I’m not interested in using that time for me to attend the play date, too. It’s a chance for free babysitting for a couple hours (or for my kid to be occupied at my house for a couple hours), so I take it.
(I also resent that people are still having parents attend birthday parties for 7 and 8 yos — please stop the pool parties at Goldfish Swim School — but I digress…)
Anon says
We’ve never been invited to a pool party and I’m so glad. Not only does it significantly raise the bar for drop-offs, with a young kid who isn’t a confident swimmer yet, I would be nervous about even focusing on adult conversation.
Anon says
I’m 1:39 and we went to one. I basically sat just watching my kid the whole hour he was in the pool because it was a lot of people. A grandma sat next to me and we chatted a bit, but I definitely didn’t really socialize with anyone. My son had fun, and we went because it was winter and something to do, but pool parties for young kids who can’t swim are nuts.
I’m projecting big “get off my lawn” energy here, but my favorites to host and attend are when they are at the kid’s house for a couple hours with low-key games and cake and parents can drop and run
Anonymous says
I drop off at swimming parties but only because my 7 year old is an excellent swimmer. She’s tall enough to stand in a 4′ shallow end, she can swim 50 meters without stopping in under 2 minutes, can tread water for two minutes, etc. She’s passed the swim test at every public pool she’s been to. Also, every single party that involves a pool has lifeguards, including backyard ones. Our neighborhood pool has the strictest swim test and it took her forever to pass…but she passed last June and I’m not at all worried about her in pools now (assuming there is some level of supervision- obviously anything can happen!).
Anonymous says
I have 3. My oldest did drop off playdates in preschool, but with preschool friends we knew well. She would go home with another kid’s mom after PK for an hour or two and I’d pick her up. Sometimes I’d stay and hang out with the mom and socialize, sometimes I’d use the time to go grocery shop. For my middle, she has some behavioral issues so I stayed at playdates until kindergarten. Even then I invited friends to us first, or offered a neutral playdate, until I was sure the other parent felt OK having my kid over. My youngest is just now in K and has been doing dropoffs since she was like 3, but it’s because they are with families we’ve known for years (eg. the little sister of one of my other kid’s friends).
I think for us, we started younger but we had a network of “preschool families” and we knew each other. I still text some of those moms for rides for my kids–one of which is in 5th grade!
My kindergartener has been having playdates with new friends from girl scouts, but I’ve met those parents before. She wants a playdate with a friend from the bus whose family I don’t know but they live down the road a bit. I’ll drop her but linger a bit. I know their neighbors and asked about them; they passed muster :).
Anon says
Did our first last week! We invited kid’s BFF (both 4 yo) for 2 hours on a morning during break. I’ve been to their house and they’ve been to mine. I know the mom works and tries to work from home with kid when school is off. The key for us was that she ran into our kid with our nanny at the playground the weekend prior. She texted me that nanny is so nice, and so I offered the playdate (nanny supervising).
snarkclerk says
What are the best websites to buy used kid (boy) clothes in bundles? FB Marketplace is easy for baby stuff but I am looking for 5T bundles and they are so hard to find.
Anon says
I’ve bought mostly from mercari. You can ask sellers to bundle things for you.
Anonymous says
Unfortunately my experience is that the amount of secondhand clothes available in 4-6 or 4-7 size range for boys is poor, particularly for play clothes. They seem to really wear out clothes. Our older one put holes in ALL his size 4 and 5 pants which wasn’t a thing that happened earlier or later in life.
Anon says
+1 – all of my stuff is hand-me-downs (2 boys) until about 4-5T – the friend I inherited the wonderful 2T-4T clothes told me that things just got roughed up/worn out more and weren’t in quality that she’d want to pass down.
Anonymous says
+1 my kids destroyed clothes, especially pants at this age. the only things that survived were “church clothes” that didn’t typically get played in as hard.