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Curious how your baby is doing in the backseat? When my kids were younger, we had a simple mirror like this one so we could keep an eye on them.
This wide-angle, shatterproof mirror easily attaches to the rear headrest with crisscrossing straps. The mirror turns and pivots so you can get a better view through the rearview mirror. Instead of asking my oldest what her baby brother was up to, I could see for myself.
This baby car mirror is available at Amazon for under $15.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anonymous says
Anyone want to give Winter break trip reviews? I’m always looking for good places to go/stay & things to do.
Anon says
I mentioned it a while back but we went to St Martin and loved it. There’s more non-beach stuff to do there than on many Caribbean islands and the beaches were great too.
Piper Dreamer says
Interested as well! I am planning my family’s Christmas/NY trip. Flying from JFK/LGA and looking for a beach destination that is reasonably priced (read: $5-7k for a 5 day vacation), which proves to be difficult.
Anonymous says
I am very much looking forward to the time when we are not tied to school vacation schedules and can book the same vacation a week later for half the cost.
Anon says
Question about this from a not-yet-parent – can you just take the week you want or do most schools not allow you to pull kids out?
Anonymous says
Our school district does not allow you to pull kids out. You start getting threatening letters at 5 days of excused absences even with a doctor’s note. If they are absent 20 days, even with a doctor’s note, they fail the grade. It’s about state funding for bums in seats. They even want you to send them if they have covid.
Anon says
You can, and some people do. Personally it’s not something I’d do just to save money. We pull our kids out of school for family events and holidays because those things can’t be rescheduled, but my attitude is that if we can’t afford to travel on school breaks, we can’t afford the travel so we just find a destination that fits the budget.
Fwiw, Christmas/New Years week is crazy price-wise (especially in the Caribbean), like double or triple the weeks immediately before and after, but I haven’t found similarly wildly inflated prices at spring break and summer. It’s more to travel in peak season but it’s not that crazy holiday week pricing. And even with school schedules you can travel off peak if you want. We like to go to Europe at spring break and have gotten amazing deals doing that.
Anon says
I think schools are getting stricter about this. Our school district allows 15 parent-approved absences per year, which sounds like a lot but in addition to vacations it has to cover all illness without a doctor’s note and family emergencies including things like the death of a grand parent where you might need to travel for a week to attend a funeral, so it makes me nervous to burn more than a day or two on planned vacations, at least until the very end of the school year.
And even if there weren’t such a strict limit, I think it’s better for kids and teachers to try to respect the school calendar and schedule vacations when school is not in session. Of course, sometimes missing a day or two is unavoidable, but missing a week at time on a regular basis just for fun seems like a lot to me. That said, I know people who treat the 15 days like PTO and make sure they use every single day each year. One of my friend’s tries to save all the days and then pulls her kids out of school 3 weeks early so they can have a longer summer break. That’s never been our family’s philosophy though.
anon says
We will sort of split the difference and pull the kids out for a day or two around a break. For example, going to Cophenhagen over spring break and flying on Thursday night, instead of Friday night, because it saves us something like $800. I’m not sure I’d do that for high schoolers, but in elementary school my kids are going to miss half a day of review and half a day of “afternoon before break party and tv” so I don’t stress about it.
We are in a fairly lenient school district, though, so our public magnet program doesn’t threaten anything until a kid has >10 unexcused days.
Anon says
our public school is very strict and they will fail you if you miss too many days. if you get the flu or covid or more than one, you can easily miss a week or two of school just for that. some of my kids’ classmates have unenrolled and reenrolled in school to get around special family trips. also at least where we are, schools get funding based off attendance. and personally i am not ok with this, i think it is unfair to the teacher. it is one thing if it’s for a family wedding or some once in a lifetime thing (grandfather’s 100th birthday) but for a run of the mill vacation seems odd
Anon says
I think it really depends on the district. We live in a college town with two districts, one of which follows the university calendar closely and one that doesn’t. We’re in the district that aligns with the university and they’re strict about absences. Leaving on the Thursday night before a break or something like that is not a big deal, but pulling kids out for a full week for a vacation is very unusual and we know people who’ve gotten threatening calls about a one week absence even though they had what I consider a very legitimate reason (e.g., family wedding in Europe). The other district is super blase about absences, probably because they’re used to all the faculty families pulling their kids to travel on the university breaks.
anon says
I guess I’ll be the voice of dissent, I’ll pull my elementary-aged kid for special family trips.
We did Disney this school year – and wanted to work around crowds/didn’t want to go to FL in the summer…..so we pulled him for 3 days. We aren’t going to Disney every year…but the upside of going to FL in the winter at a less-crowded time was enough to do it. I agree that the time off is more like PTO, IMO. Will also pull the last 2 days of the year (they end on a Tuesday!) for an out of town family wedding.
Anonymous says
As a parent and a wife of a teacher, this is really disrespectful to the teacher. They are still responsible for teaching your kid the same amount of content whether your child is there or not, and they have to accommodate every single student’s family’s schedule. Teachers cannot just take off whenever they want to save money on travel, and they probably make a lot less than most posters on this board. It also sends a message to your kids that school is less important than saving money on airfare. Obviously, the impact varies depending on the time of year and age of the kid–not a lot gets done right before Christmas break or at the very end of the school year, for example–but I cannot recommend it.
Anon says
Anon at 12:37, I don’t think you’re really dissenting – a lot of people have said they’d pull kids for a special trip once in a while but not a routine vacation every year or multiple times per year. And missing a couple days is pretty different than missing a full week.
Anon says
*Cries in higher ed* I will never get off the academic calendar.
Although for winter break being on the university schedule isn’t so bad, because we have a much longer break than the public schools.
Anon says
I’d start by playing around on Google flights to see where you can fly affordably. We usually pay >$1k per person for Caribbean flights at that time of year, but we fly from Chicago and I believe NYC is a bit cheaper.
Anonymous says
We went to puerto rico and spent under $5k. Our kids/family need space so we prefer villas/condos to hotels. We flew direct to San Juan, landed at 2pm, picked up a car rental and drove into Old San Juan for the late afternoon and dinner. The kids (5/8/10) need to burn off energy so they loved just scampering around chasing pigeons and drinking pina coladas from the vendors by the cruise port. We got them snacks from the trucks and then grabbed dinner at the San Juan equivalent of Five Guys.
Then we drove an hour (highway driving, about 40 minutes from the airport) to our airBNB in Farjado. IT was part of the Penamar which was a great “home base” for us. We spent a day riding horses in the rainforest (and drinking icy things from coconuts), several days at the Seven Seas beach (drinking icy things from cups, hiking, climbing trees, eating fried delicious from restaurants), my older two went zip lining, and we had several great days just lounging by the pools at the airbnb complex (drinking icy things we made at home from cups poolside). Penamar is more like a condo complex than a resort, but it’s gated, has 3 pools and a “gym”, and served us well as a family that prefers to cook some meals at home vs try and find things that picky kids will eat. It’s also right down the road from the Conquistator, where we had friends staying, so we met up for a pool day there one afternoon. The restaurant at the calabari rainforest park was surprisingly good.
Flights were ~$2500 (5 people), our airbnb was $1800 for 5 nights, and our car was about $400 all in (gas, tolls, etc). We spent around $1000 on food (groceries, three trips to the paleta place, breakfast at a few different pandarias and dinner out twice)–but honestly we spend about $400/week on food at home so I’m not sure if that’s even a fair amount to include as vacation spending.
Clementine says
Also went to Puerto Rico and had very similar numbers on everything. We stayed closer to San Juan but similarly kids had a great time, we spent time doing cultural stuff and went to el yunque rainforest and into old San Juan and just chilling.
My 8 year old was overjoyed by the pigeons! Definitely a highlight for us.
Anon says
It’s $$$ but we’re going to the BahaMar for the second time. It’s basically a cruise ship on land – water park, pools, beach, arcade, kids club, lots of restaurants, a nightclub, casino, etc. You need to make dinner reservations fairly far out (3-4 months) for prime time but walking in at 5/5:30 was also fine. My kids (now 10 and 13) both loved it and it is very very easy for them to navigate solo – the water park is an easy footpath from the main pools and there are wristbands so they can charge food/drinks easily like the Disney bands. It’s also such an easy flight from MA which is a big incentive.
We’ve done Orlando, Jamaica, and Arizona in the past but for reliably warm ‘swimming’ weather you really need to go further south.
Anon says
Aren’t the Bahamas north of Jamaica?
Anon says
I ordered that list badly – Jamaica/Bahamas were both good for swimming in February/March, Orlando and Arizona were too chilly imho though my kids were happy to be popsicles as it was still ‘warm’ at 70ish compared to our winter weather.
Fwiw Jamaica’s airport was a nightmare when we went last (before Covid) and we paid up for a private escort service, it’s definitely not high on my list as a place to go back to despite being very pretty.
Anon says
Ah got it – yes Jamaica isn’t high on my list either, and I have some hesitations about safety given the State Dept Level 3 warning.
Vicky Austin says
Last January my MIL planned the family’s every-other-year beach vacation in Gulf Shores, AL, and it was really lovely and not too crowded that time of year, either.
Anon says
On topic comment for once: we loved having a mirror like this but it was the first thing to go (at pediatrician’s suggestion) when rear-facing toddler started getting car sick.
Cb says
Oof, feeling my age today. A younger colleague, in an effort to make conversation, asked me “what are your hobbies?” And I said “Erm, I have a 6-year-old, I read a lot of books, I go to yoga, I ride my bike but that’s mostly to get places…” and he definitely thought this was a dorky answer.
Does anyone have any fun hobbies to share?
Anon says
Ha i feel this. Other moms ask me what my hobbies are and I usually just say I read a lot and like to bake, and they often seem disappointed. I’ve never had interesting hobbies.
Cb says
I like to go to brunch, is brunch a hobby? He is a very cool 20 something and I felt like this answer wouldn’t fly.
Anon says
If someone told me brunch was their hobby I’d want to be their BFF! I’m not a cool 20 something guy though ;)
AwayEmily says
I dunno, that all seems totally reasonable to me and (except for the 6-year-old part) exactly how I would have answered in my 20s, too! Maybe with “trying new beers” added on. I know a fair number of people in their 20s and most of them aren’t, like, doing extreme parkour or throwing pottery or spelunking. They’re just bopping around living their lives, just like you. If he was dismissive or eye-rolly of your answer, that’s on him, not on you.
NYCer says
+1. Your answers seem like totally fine hobbies! I play tennis instead of do yoga, and walk instead of bike ride, but my answers would otherwise be very similar.
Vicky Austin says
Big same!
Anonymous says
for real, my single, child-free sister’s hobbies are playing Bridge with a local club, quilting /sewing and traveling the world. She’s an 75 year old trapped in a 30-something’s body.
Anonymous says
Those are more hobbies than many parents of 6-year-olds, or 20-something non-parents for that matter, have!
I usually say my hobby is eating so I had to take up cooking to support it. My other hobby is singing. I take voice lessons and sing in three volunteer choirs including our city’s symphony chorus. But I didn’t pick that up until my kid was older than 6.
Anonymous says
I ski in the winter, garden in the spring/summer, read, and drink wine. I also shuttle my 3 kids to 639484563 activities which includes, apparently, picking up my 10 y/o and her friend from bball practice at 7pm last night then being persuaded to take them to the HS girls game to cheer them on in the playoffs (it was fun! They are advancing!)…leaving DH to do bedtime solo with the other kids. I also coach softball for one kid and soccer for another.
GCA says
This feels a lot like my life right now. I run all year, xc ski badly when there is snow, garden in the spring/ summer, read and drink a lot of coffee. (I will take you on a bookstore-and-coffee shop crawl in my city; if this sounds like your idea of a good hobby, we should be friends.) I have only 2 kids but it feels like they also have 639484563 activities, some of which we carpool to with their cousins/ friends. One is my art museum buddy and the other is my athletic things (mostly local 5Ks) buddy! And we serve as their cub scout leaders.
Vicky Austin says
I was literally thinking the other day that for my next milestone birthday I just want a boozy, girly brunch with my sisters and BFFs, and then to do a bookstore crawl with them.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I don’t think this is that far out of the realm of what you said, but I always mention that I love to follow pop culture/celeb gossip and fashion. It IS truly a hobby for me and brings me a lot of joy.
Other than that it’s reading, TV, and spending time with loved ones in this season of life.
Anonymous says
I used to skydive! And still do, but only very occasionally, because it can be very time consuming and with my limited free time I want to spend it with my young kids! (despite the skydive itself only lasting a few minutes, preparing your equipment, getting to the airport, having appropriate weather conditions, waiting your turn, etc, can take a really long time).
Anonymous says
Can also add that this one is really a great answer for men who may be trying to make you feel small because it pretty much immediately emasculates them.
Vicky Austin says
I was wondering about this – do we suppose the guy was aiming, even subconsciously, to do that thing young men seem to do where they only ask you personal questions so they can grill you on the answers? Like, “oh you like watching football? Name the coach of the Cleveland Browns in 1982.”
And they so often seem to think this is a form of flirting, in my experience. Sigh.
Anon says
I’m the mountain biker/skier and two things are really satisfying to me: 1) when a man lays on the power to pass me on the uphill on my bike and then I come across him a few minutes later, gasping and recovering, while I continue on my way, and 2) when a man assumes I’m a beginner skier and then I leave him in the dust while he’s still fixing his boots.
Anon says
Currently TTC and planning on skiing, mountain biking, and hiking for family hobbies – my faves and something I love doing with my husband (whom I taught skiing and mountain biking). I was able to mountain bike through much of the first trimester before and it helped me feel strong and like myself. Favorite indoor hobby is reading.
Anon says
Also, unless you were to respond that your hobbies were grocery shopping or watching your kids play sports, I would never look askance at them for not being cool enough. It is a pet peeve though when women describe chores as hobbies.
Anonymous says
I used to brew beer, but now that I have kids my hobbies include getting the flu and saying no to PTO volunteer requests.
Anon says
Hahaha these are my hobbies too.
anon says
This made me LOL, felt it in my bones
busybee says
I read, play the piano, run, and garden when I can. They’re fun to me! Just because an 80 year old would also enjoy most of those activities doesn’t make them less fun!
Anon says
My husband is the one with the interesting hobbies. I am a homebody and much prefer the “boring” hobbies.
Anonymous says
IDK when it’s clearly someone just making conversation they don’t really genuinely want to know so you want to respond and give them an opening to continue. I usually say ‘The kids keep me pretty busy but I’ve been into yoga and skiing for a few years and I like to travel. How about yourself?’ Give one or two things, at least one of which is a good springboard for them (travel). Travel can spin to adventure travel/sports, RV camping, upcoming travel, semester aboard dream destinations etc. so it’s my go -to.
Anonymous says
Yeah this is not about hobbies at all but about making conversation.
Anon says
I have two kids under 6 and work in biglaw. I serve on the board of a local art center (gallery and art classes to the community). I use that as my hobby when asked this question because I get to attend monthly gallery exhibition opening parties and our annual outdoor art festival where I mingle with the local artists. I’m not an artist at all and I’ve never actually had the time to take even a beginning art class (I get them free as a board member). I also say that I enjoy live music and theater. Not sure it’s a hobby but I try to attend 5 concerts a year and I have season tickets to my city’s musical theater series (I think it’s like 7 Broadway-type national touring shows per season). I’m lucky that I have local grandparents and high school age nieces who are able to babysit several weekend nights a month so that I can pursue these “hobbies”.
Anonymous says
Just don’t be weird about it? “Yes! I love biking and yoga and I’m a big reader”. Those are hobbies you don’t need to be all like no I’m momming.
Spirograph says
ha, I had a child-free new colleague making small talk ask, “what do you do for fun, what do you do on the weekends?” and I just laughed that those are two very different questions.
Cb says
Ha! Right? I feel like I have more free time than most of my mom friends (1 easy kid) but weekends are a bit hectic.
I think it was a genuine desire to make conversation than a flex but he is very cool, so I felt like a dork. We had a good chat about books and then moved on to gossip.
Anon says
I am anticipating I might be getting a job offer at a private company after many years in govt (I’m a lawyer). What questions would you recommend asking/things to look for in the offer? Any negotiation advice?
Anon says
Anyone have a favorite brand of kids guidebooks? We have a couple trips to Europe planned this year and my 8yo would love getting to read about the cities we’re going to and plan things to do, but I think most adult guidebooks are written a little more densely than she’d prefer.
Anon says
I like the “Kids Travel Guide” series: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08L82LXZL
I also highly recommend a travel journal for kids that age.
Anonymous says
Thank you for asking this! My kids have come with us to Europe a bunch and I never knew that kid specific guidebooks were a thing!
Anonymous says
I posted that we went to puerto rico over break and to get my kids interested, we went to the children’s section of the library and found some books. My 8 year old now knows ALL THE FACTS about the endangered puerto rican parrot, can tell you about the native tribes there, and was happy to draw a map of all the places we would visit.
Anon says
one of my 5.5 year olds (who has some big sensory challenges, perhaps adhd) gets VERY VERY jealous when sibling is sick and gets more time with mom. i try very hard to give non sick kid lots of attention. on sunday i spent a lot of time with kiddo – went to lunch, the park, etc. and shortly after getting home kid is clearly SO jealous and takes it out on their sibling. she is otherwise the sweetest kid (on sunday we ran into someone she knew at a park who gave her a sticker with a cat, which is her favorite and she then proceeded to give it away to another little girl while we were waiting in line for snow cones. i asked her why and she tried to explain the whole paying it forward concept), but when her sister gets more time with mom, more tv or more sweets, she is then cruel to her sister. we talk a lot about how it’s ok to feel jealous, how fair does not mean equal, etc. any other tips? just keep doing what we’re doing and she’ll get it as she gets older?
Anonymous says
Sounds pretty average for that age. Keep doing what you’re doing re messaging that fair and equal are not the same thing and to take a longer term view. At some point they will be sick and have to stay home and get to watch extra tv too.
Use examples that are centered on the child who is struggling, not ones that require empathy for their sister if that is an area where they are struggling. So like ‘it would be equal if you and your sister both didn’t go to Suzie’s birthday party but it wouldn’t be fair because sister is sick and has to stay home and you are healthy and can go.”
Part of children learning resilience is to struggle with difficult situations and learn that they are still okay even when they don’t get what they want and resilience is excellent for long term mental health because life is full of challenges and struggles so it’s important to learn early on easier things like sweets and tv times.
OP says
thanks! somehow this has gotten worse with age, though maybe its nearing it’s peak and will go down again. somehow one of my twins gets sick much more frequently than the other.
Anonymous says
If it’s a frequent ongoing issue of a disparity, I would do some reading about how to deal when one kid is sick and the other is generally healthy. I’m sure this comes up with families where one kid has colitis or diabetes or whatever.
Agree below re consequences for meanness/cruelty. Sibling who was home sick should also not be bragging about watching tv or anything. Hang in there.
Anonymous says
Are you also doing consequences for being mean to her sister?
Anon says
I agree with this. I grew up in a setting where my sibling did NOT face consequences for cruelty (there was always some excuse for why not) and it was very damaging.
Anonymous says
Speaking of hobbies, how can I convince my husband that he really needs one? He is an extrovert who sits at home all weekend while I’m running around doing all sorts of things. He will go to church or a concert if I plan it and drives one kid to one activity, but most of the weekend he’s just sitting on the couch listening to podcasts or staring into space after he’s finished his chores. By the end of the weekend he is an angry resentful mess. His proposed solution is that I should entertain him all weekend, but that’s not exactly feasible. How can I convince him that for his own sanity and everyone else’s he needs to put down the phone and engage with the real world, ideally without my making it happen?
Lily says
What sorts of things are you running around doing on the weekend? Can you involve him in that? YMMV but in my family we really try to spend the weekends all together as a family. We tend to take the kids to parties together, run errands together, go to the gym together. Of course sometimes we do things solo (whether because it’s an activity with a friend or just an activity only one of us likes) but that tends to be the exception.
Anonymous says
I can’t really involve him in most of what I’m doing because it’s things like me & kid taking ballet class at the same time, singing in the church choir, doing our taxes, etc. He wants to come along when I run errands but I have to wait for him to finish up with whatever he’s doing, and then he gets in my way and is annoying. When we were younger he did various rec sports, but he’s slowing down in middle age and refuses to play now that his abilities have begun to decline.
Anon says
Do you even like this man? I’m not trying to be snarky but if you always find it annoying being around him, do you really want to stay married?
OP says
I like being around him when he is acting normal, not weird and clingy. We both used to work in the office and are now WFH so we are just together too much. When he went to his office and played sports and I went to my office and traveled and had my hobbies we actually had interesting things to share with each other at the end of the day.
Anonymous says
Can he get involved in coaching those sports?
Anon says
It’s great if that works for your family, but I don’t think this is the norm and I don’t think it’s reasonable for OP’s husband to expect to be entertained by her all weekend.
Anon says
We do the same. We love to make errands more fun by going together. My aunt was in a bad marriage and she said “that’s so funny you guys like to do errands together – I’d never do that with my Bob” and then she later remarried the love of her life and runs errands with him. She came back to me and said “now I see what you meant by saying it’s more fun.”
Anon says
Friendly counterpoint that running errands with my DH and kids does not sound fun AT ALL to me, and I don’t think I’m unique in this.
Caveat that we get our groceries delivered, have outsourced many other things in this realm (delivery, hired help), and if needed still, divide and conquer any other errands while someone is with one or both kids. I also don’t think DH or I enjoy errands in the limited weekend time that we have. Like we don’t do regular “T*rget runs” in our household, and I’d like to keep it that way.
Anon says
We are similar – we don’t have a lot of errands and what we have (weekly grocery pickup, occasional Target runs) we generally do separately because it’s more efficient. I don’t think it’s weird to not want to run errands with your spouse, but I do feel like there’s some contempt for the husband coming through in OP’s post and I think that’s a red flag. Gottman’s four horseman and all that.
Anon says
I’m the one running errands with my husband and I totally agree on not wanting “Target runs” to be a precious weekend activity – we’d far prefer to go biking or to the beach or anything else. However, if errands HAVE to happen, it’s a lot more fun to go together. He can make anything fun and I think he’d say the same about me. Of course we have our weaknesses (like any couple), but this is one of our strengths.
Anon says
Yikes, that sounds terrible. Is he depressed? I don’t think it’s normal for an extrovert who thrives on time with others – or anyone really! – to spend an entire weekend sitting on the couch staring into space. And I say that as a homebody introvert who would be perfectly spending an entire weekend reading and baking.
On a more practical note does he play any sports? My husband’s main form of social interaction is sports. He has regular pickup basketball and ultimate frisbee games, and he runs in our neighborhood where he sees a lot of people we know. A lot of adults play golf and tennis as a way to be both social and active.
Anon says
*perfectly happy
Anon says
how many kids do you have? ages? and how did he spend his time pre kids?
Anonymous says
“KenBob, can we talk? You’re angry mess by the end of the weekend, every weekend. And your only solution is that I entertain you. I want to be very clear- it is not my job to entertain you, and I’m tired of you taking out your bad mood on me. What is your plan to change this? Do you want to go to therapy or shall I book couples counseling.”
anon says
This. You have zero obligation to entertain him; that is absurd.
Anon says
Ugh, no way to this – it’s so hostile. OP, I’d try “I finish the weekend feeling happy and fulfilled after my ballet class/pottery class/Peloton workouts. It’s hard to come home and find you upset and bored on the couch. I think you might benefit from considering what you like to do and what hobbies might interest you at this stage in our lives – that’s totally up to you. I’d love to work together to fix our family schedule so we both have time to pursue some hobbies.”
Anonymous says
Eh, I got too much to do to coddle a grumpy man baby.
Anon says
It’s not coddling. It’s treating a spouse respectfully. If you’re OP, then it sounds like you don’t actually like this man. Do you want to improve your marriage or get a divorce? Either choice is valid.
Anon says
I think this is well said. I’ve found many people on this board can be harsh with their spouses and it all works for them (they likely consider anything not super direct “coddling” or “enabling”), but being super harsh wouldn’t work on me, or my DH in this scenario.
Mary Moo Cow says
Gently, I don’t think you are going to be the one to convince him. I think it would be more persuasive from a buddy or sibling, from a therapist or physician, or from within. He has to be the one to want to change…it sounds like he might be getting there but not at the stage where he knows what to do. What did he do pre-kids? Would he be open to starting an old hobby again?
Anonymous says
Careful what you wish for! He might pick up golf and start disappearing all weekend every weekend haha
But more seriously, one idea might be to meet him halfway as a starting point. It sounds like more than a hobby he needs a regular date night. And guess what–he should organize it. Tell him you’d like to find a babysitter who can come every Friday or Saturday, and that he should be in charge of planning your dates. For fun, you might try to avoid doing the same date twice.
As a side benefit, I’ve realized that having a regular babysitter on weekends has made it so much easier for us to socialize with other couples. If someone mentions getting dinner at the last minute–we can actually go! And that might be to his benefit as well, if he needs that kind of interaction.
Vicky Austin says
I’m cutting down to one pump per workday because DS appears to prefer solids while at home with DH all day, and I did not expect to be so emotional about it. I swear this whole journey just got started, and now it’s already winding down? (I’ll probably nurse evenings/weekends for a while yet, but oof!)
DLC says
I feel this. My youngest is four and I still have frozen milk in the freezer because I can’t seem to let go of that part of my life.
anon says
I felt like anything less than 3 feeds was bad for me, emotionally. You may not be able to assess this until hindsight, but for me it was better once I just fully weaned.
Anon says
On the other hand, I stopped pumping around 6 months and nursed morning and evening for a whole year after that. I hated pumping but loved nursing and dropping pumping early (we used formula) but continuing a little nursing worked perfect for me and baby.
Anonymous says
This was my experience. Pumped to about 10 months (once a day for last month), and then nursed morning and night until 15-18 months depending on the kid at which point they mostly self-weaned.
Anonymous says
Y’all, we saw the Gerald and Piggie musical this past weekend with our 4 year old, and it was a huge hit. Highly recommend!
Anon says
Aw fun! I haven’t heard of this one (Is it touring? Or only in certain locations?) but I enjoyed taking my daughter to kids shows like Bluey’s Big Play when she was in preschool. I know it’s not everyone’s jam, but it was fun for me to see her excitement and I think it’s a good gateway to theater that’s more interesting for the adults.
New HEre says
We went to Bluey’s Big Play last fall and it was a great first show for my then almost (now) 4-year old.
I really loved how much the parents in the audience cheered when Mum and Dad were introduced in the little dance intro :)
Anon says
I was a big fan of the Keepy Uppy game at the end. We’ve seen a bunch of the preschool TV stage shows (Daniel Tiger, Peppa, Paw Patrol, PJ Masks) but Bluey was definitely the best.
Anon says
I work 100% remote except for very occasional in person stuff. We have an in-person full day team building event tomorrow and it’s been emphasized for months how important and obligatory this is. And now I’m sick. I think it’s just a cold (Covid test was negative and I have no fever) but it’s a pretty bad one, and I feel like crap. But I think it will go over like a lead balloon if I miss this, especially without proof of a serious illness like Covid. I have to go, right? I’ll wear a mask of course.
Ugh. I’m low key hoping my kid, who seems to have the same thing, can’t go to school tomorrow, since they’d have to accept that as an excuse. She’s way too young to be left home alone, and my husband is out of town.
anon says
Personally, I would take as much cold medicine as tolerable and gut it out.
Anon NYC says
I agree.
Anon says
I agree – take cold meds and go. Don’t necessarily have to wear a mask if you are confident it’s not covid.
Anonymous says
Are you people all sociopaths? If the pandemic taught us anything, it should have been to stay home when we are sick. Your appearing dedicated is just not worth the costs that everyone else will bear when they get sick. I spent most of 2019 with bronchitis because rude self-centered people insisted on coming to work and events and getting on planes with “just a cold.”
Anonymous says
Actually you need to wear a mask no matter what. Covid is not the only really nasty bug out there. Flu and RSV are still rampant, and this year’s flu shot was a poor match for the circulating strains. And for many people a cold is not “just a cold” but can lead to long-lasting complications.
Anon says
This is what dayquil and sudafed are for. Wear a mask, take the meds, and show up. Yes, it will not go over well if you ditch this for a cold, even a bad cold. I’d also seriously consider if your bosses will be ok skipping it if your child is sick – do you have no backup care at all? As a manager I’d be pretty ticked if a direct report couldn’t figure out ‘normal’ (snotty cold, not like a kid in the hospital) childcare for one day with all that advance warning.
Anon says
I’m not in an industry or pay scale where backup care is expected. I make mid five figures, and people miss work for kid illness all the time.
Anonymous says
In my industry/huge organization people either don’t have back up sick child care at all or rely on grandparents, and most grandparents are less willing to do sick child care than pre Covid. I don’t even know what other options would possibly exist in our medium sized city. There aren’t that many SAHPs so you can’t get a neighbor to watch your kid. People are not paid well enough to use nanny agencies just on retainer. For something really important, if you have a spouse or co-parent, you negotiate whose day is more important.
Anon says
Yeah, this is basically it. We’re not paid enough to have nannies on standby and I don’t know anyone short of the exec level who would even contemplate that. We have friends and neighbors but I wouldn’t foist a sick kid on them.
Since I’m remote all but a couple days per year, my “backup childcare” is working home with a sick kid, which normally works fine. She’s 5 so she can play independently and especially if I use screens, I can basically get a normal work day in. But you obviously can’t leave a 5 year old home alone.
Anonymous says
If you showed up sick to this and I were your co-worker I would be incredibly angry. Even if you mask, there will be lunch etc. and you will be touching things. And don’t just cover it up with cold medicine.
In February of 2020 our entire department caught a very bad “flu” when someone showed up sick to an all-day meeting.
Anon says
I was planning to eat lunch outdoors alone and have my mask on 100% of the time indoors. It’s unseasonably warm in my area so this is doable.
Anonymous says
OMG how is this even a question? You are sick. Stay home and keep your germs to yourself.
Anon says
I want to! But I’m already not in great standing, and I’m worried this will push me over the brink to getting fired. If I had a positive Covid or flu test it would be one thing, but since a cold isn’t really something you can “prove” I think people will just suspect I’m lying to get out of the event.
Anonymous says
Go
Anonymous says
+1 I think this group skews really cautious about illness. In real life I don’t know anyone who would expect someone to stay home from an important work event because of a cold, or be angry at someone for giving them a cold. And the managers I know would not be happy with an employee who begged out of an important event because of a cold. If someone is very concerned about catching viruses, they can wear a mask in public. Getting colds is a normal part of life, and most people won’t even be able to trace the source if they do get sick because you are exposed to colds and other viruses every time you leave your house. And I’m in a liberal, pro-science community where many people continued to mask until 2022 and did not do indoor dining for a long time.
Anon says
I’m with Anonymousnat 6:28. Echo all of it. Go.
Anonymous says
If you get everyone sick, they aren’t going to be grateful that you made the effort to come. Especially since you don’t see them in person often, you will forever be thought of as “rude selfish Anon who got everyone sick at the team-building event.” If you stay home, no one will even remember in a few weeks.
Anon says
OP here. I…. really don’t think that’s true. People in my work have mostly had Covid 3 or 4 times and don’t care about it at all. I doubt they would care if I gave them Covid, let alone a cold. It will definitely be A Thing if I miss this event. I think that would probably be true of any employee (without a good excuse), but I think it’s especially true of me since I’m unfortunately not well-liked by upper management, and the fact that I’m fully remote has already made me a bit isolated and seen as not a team player. :(
Anonymous says
If that’s the case, nothing you do will satisfy management anyway. I speak from experience.
CCLA says
I’m sympathetic here – a lot of people are making great points about the value of staying home and didn’t we all learn anything. But there is also the reality of some workplaces (and it sounds like yours is one) where things are basically back to pre-2020 practices. Is it great? No, but you recognize the reality that there could be an impact to you and your career. I’m sorry, that’s a tough position.
White lies are always an option. No one’s going to come check if you actually have a fever, if you think your workplace would be more understanding of that.
Anon says
I’m high-risk and get angry at people who show up sick – my office has dealt with a TON of contagious illness from that. In your case, I would not hesitate to stay home if I felt bad. If I felt I HAD to go, I’d wear an N95 the entire time as basic courtesy – not a loose surgical.
Anonymous says
I am extremely skeptical of N95 and similar masks because no one (except for health care workers with training and professionally fitted masks), wears them properly. A cloth mask that fits well is going to provide better protection than an N95 that gaps at the nose, which is how everyone wears them partly out of laziness and partly because even if you can find one in a small size it’s still too big for the average woman’s face. If OP is sick a properly worn N95 will also be extremely uncomfortable and difficult to breathe through, and people will think she’s acting weird and uncomfortable. She should just stay home.
Anon says
LITERALLY none of that is true but ok.
Anon says
Yeah, I don’t think any of this is accurate. Lots of good studies have shown N95s and KN95s and the equivalents like FFP2s to be better than cloth and surgical masks in terms of protecting both the wearer and others. This is anecdata, but my family wore KN95s everywhere and we all avoided Covid until late 2023 when we did indoor dining without masks, even though we did plenty of risky things in masks (large indoor theater and sports events, dozens of plane trips and hotel stays). The people I know who wore cloth masks got Covid pretty much immediately.
Also I’m admittedly not a petite woman, but I’ve never felt like N95s and KN95s don’t fit my face. There are children’s KN95 masks that might fit if you’re ultra petite?
Anonymous says
It is February and several things are going around, 1/3 of the invitees to this meeting will be sick too (either staying home, or muddling through). Definitely don’t beat yourself up too much if you end up staying home.
Maybe suggest a team lunch or get-together in a few weeks so you can still get some face time?
anon says
Can you go for half? Like pop in for the morning, be seen and head out around lunch once you “prove” you’re sick?