CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 94 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Wearever Pleated-Back Print Dress

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a Wearever Pleated-Back Print Dress.This dress in particular (and J.Jill in general) was recommended in our last roundup of sheath dresses at Corporette, and since the dress and so much of the brand is washable I thought it would be great for a mention here. Here’s the reader’s comment: “I find they have great sheath dresses and their petite extra large fits very well. One problem with larger sizes for small people, especially sheaths, is armhole size. I find that J.Jill’s sheath dresses fit in a way that isn’t boxy. Here is one example of the kind of dress they have that works well … at least for me. I probably have half a dozen of them and wear them to meetings and even Court (for motion practice) with a structured cardigan.” Nice! I like the dress, the price (it’s marked down today!) and the fact that not only is it machine wash, it’s tumble dry as well. It’s marked to $63 today, available in regular, petite, and tall sizes. WEAREVER PLEATED-BACK PRINT DRESS (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. AIMS says

    Haha, I think of J.Jill as “mom” clothes and even though I am now a mother I can’t quite get past the mental block, although this dress does look totally fine and I’m sure its very versatile. Good to know about their petite sizes.

    An aside to Kat/Kate: is it possible to post the new threads a bit earlier? I thought that was happening for a while in response to reader requests and now we’re back to being back to later in the morning. Esp. for this s*te vs. the main, I feel like it just keeps getting later and later. Granted, my mornings start earlier now than they ever did before but I don’t think I’m alone in finding early mornings to be an easier time to read the posts.

    • JJ says

      Ha! I just looked at their website for the first time and thought to myself that there are a ton of dresses/shirts that would be perfect weekend/casual wear for me. And I fully accept that they do look like “mom” clothes. I think this is a gateway drug to mom jeans.

      I’m 6′ tall and borderline misses/plus size (16/18). Any advice on how J.Jill dresses fit?

      • AEK says

        IME dresses and tops run large. Pretty majorly, depending on what other brands you buy.

  2. nanny q's says

    Anybody have tips for getting comfortable with a nanny? In case anyone is tracking, I had the nanny with the back problems and we ended up letting her go. We have since started with someone else, and she seems great, but I am still having a hard time feeling comfortable. I think the issues I have with her are trainable, and my baby has a great time with her, but I guess I wish she had more professional training, or… something. I don’t know. She has a decent amount of experience, but I guess I just wanted someone who would make me feel like she was more of an expert. I admit my anxieties and micromanaging tendencies would probably do better in a daycare setting, but that’s not an option right now because of waitlists. I think part of it for me also is that it feels like such a high price tag to employ a nanny that I want it to be something that makes my life a lot easier and stress-free, not a source of anxiety. Do I just need to give it more time?

    • boots says

      my sense, having worked now with two nannies, one for 2 years with my first son and the other for 2 months now with my second, is that no situation is ever perfect. There will probably be one thing that annoys you, and as long as it isn’t a dealbreaker, then you should just accept it if the good things are overwhelmingly positive. With our first, it was tardiness. This would normally drive me bonkers, but we did a share with another family and it affected them more than us, and they didn’t care. There were times that it was a problem, but her care was otherwise impeccable and she did everything else we wanted and more. This ended up being something that we couldn’t get her to change and let it go (though I would have understood another family firing her over this). Our new nanny rocks our baby to sleep because she refuses to let him cry. This annoys me, but it’s out of love, and he puts himself to sleep with us no problem, so we’re letting ti go for now–otherwise her care is also impeccable. TLDR: if it’s a legit issue, talk to her about it and offer her ideas for how she can do it differently. Also totally depends on how she takes feedback. I scheduled check ins with our nanny at 2 weeks, 1 month, then quarterly to make sure everything was going well and check in about any issues that had come up.

    • Anon says

      I’ve gone through a few nannies now, and I think it take about 3 months to really and truly get into a groove with them. There is always a learning curve, and they will learn to do what you want/need them to do as you get comfortable with them and they get comfortable with you and your house. We did hire one nanny whose issues ultimately were “deal-breaker” level. I felt the same level of discomfort on day 1 as I did on the day we let her go.

  3. Edna Mazur says

    Anyone use the Arm & Hammer diaper pails? Have/are they discontinuing the refills with the four tabs that snap into the pail? I just bought a second one for a different floor a few months ago.

    • Momata says

      If you are talking about the Munchkin A&H with the blue bags – I have the bags on Amazon subscribe and save, and it looks like they are still planning on filling my order.

  4. Anon in NYC says

    Can anyone share their experience with introducing cow’s milk before 12 months? My LO is 11 months and my supply is dwindling and my freezer stash is almost gone. My daughter is still drinking 18 ounces during the day, and I can only meet about half of that during my pumping sessions. I’d really like to not have to deal with the introduction of formula and/or trying to ramp up my supply for the next month, when we’re just going to introduce milk in a month. Our pediatrician says it’s fine from about 10 months so long as other nutritional needs are being met (they are), and I know moms in my neighborhood who have done so, but I feel weirdly anxious about it.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes, we gradually transitioned to milk between 11 and 12 months. Go for it! And congrats on making it this far with BF!

    • MDMom says

      If the pediatrician days it’s fine, that’s probably a more reliable answer than the internet. But why not try formula? It might not be that a big deal. Formula I’m sure tastes more like bm than cow’s milk does, and you’ll have the peace of mind that she’s getting everything she needs. One can will probably be all you need for 9 oz/day for less than a month. I thought it was going to be a big deal to introduce formula at 7.5 months and it totally was not. Hurt my feelings a little, actually, to be so easily replaced!

    • Anonymous says

      We started a few weeks before LO turned 1. She was on BM/formula already and I was too cheap to buy a whole new thing of formula. Dr said it was totally fine so we just started mixing and she was on whole milk by her 1st bday

      • BKDC says

        + 1

        This is how we handled it and started mixing milk and formula or milk and breast milk around 11 months. We gradually increased the ratio of cow’s milk and my son didn’t seem to have any complaints. I was done buying formula!

    • Cdn Anon says

      If it makes you feel any better, the official recommendation in Canada is that it’s fine to switch them at 9 months if they are eating well.

    • Anons says

      The Science of Momhad a great chapter on eating in her book. If you really want to dive into this issue, I recommend reading that. Otherwise, go with what your pediatrician recommends and watch closely for issues like diarrhea when you introduce cows milk.

    • Meg Murry says

      Is she with a nanny or daycare? Some daycare’s won’t (or can’t by state regulations) switch them to cow’s milk until 12 months, or won’t without a note from the doctor.

      Have you confirmed with her caretaker that she’s actually finishing all the bottles you send? When my supply started tanking I asked daycare and it turned out he wasn’t finishing his bottles, or had to be encouraged to do so.

      But if your pediatrician says it ok, go for it. After all, formula is just highly processed cow’s milk with some other additional ingredients. You may need to play around with it, like offering it warmed up, mixed with b-milk, etc.

      • Anon in NYC says

        Interesting point about daycare – I didn’t know that! I will ask.

        And thank you all for the reassurance / info! I think my anxiousness is because I’m beating myself up a bit for not being able to offer exclusively bm for her first year (especially because we had to toss frozen milk that was too old to give her, and that is obviously entirely our fault). But she’s healthy and thriving, and the pediatrician said it was okay, so I’m going to focus on that!

        • anonymama says

          Don’t stress about it! I mean, she’s already eating plenty of other things besides breastmilk right now, right? So as long as she is getting some breastmilk, she is getting the benefits of breastmilk, and once they start eating regular food “exclusively breastfed” doesn’t really mean anything (I mean, if she’s eating yogurt and cheese etc as she should be, drinking regular milk is just another form of that same thing… and if she was eating food really well and started drinking less milk, it would be basically the same thing.)

        • Anonymous says

          I had a flippin’ party that we made it to 8 months of EBF. I had supply issues, traveled for work, milk protein allergy (only til 4 mos), you name it. After 8 months she basically quit nursing so I said cool, if you’re done I’m done. Then we went through the freezer stash mixed with formula and moved on to milk in the 11th month.

          She’s flourishing. Formula and cow milk are not poison :-) I know you know that, but It took me a
          while to accept I just wasn’t a great mama cow!

  5. Maria says

    Any experiences with having a breast ultrasound/mammogram while breastfeeding?

    I discovered a small lump in my left breast, saw my nurse practitioner for a first check, and will go for imaging this Friday. I know that there’s a couple of other reasonable explanations for his lump without thinking of the worst, but I am very scared. It seems that ultrasound is the gold standard for BF mothers since mammograms can be false negative? Anyone has experience with this, or some encouraging words?

    I’m 33, my son is 11 weeks old today, and I could just burst into tears when I look at this cute baby and thinking about the big scary WHAT IF… :(

    • lsw says

      I didn’t have this exact experience, but they did find a lump on my kidney when I was in for a prenatal ultrasound. I had an additional, longer ultrasound to look at the lump. It was really scary. It ended up being nothing serious for me (and I hope it is for you, too!), with the caveat that I have to go back in six months just to make sure, but I can totally relate to where your mind goes. I work in a cancer hospital, so my mind instantly went to “how in god’s name would I do treatment while pregnant.” It’s hard to keep yourself on the rails but I’m hopeful you can schedule quickly and will get information back right away. I’ll be thinking of you!

    • Betty says

      I’ve been there. When my youngest was about 8 months old and I was BFing, I discovered three small, pea sized lumps in my left breast. I had it checked by my midwife, who sent me for an ultrasound. I was scared and emotional. I remember sobbing nursing her. Day of, I had my mom come with me (DH couldn’t for some reason I can’t recall now). The ultrasound person was amazing, and very quickly allayed my fears. Turns out that the lumps were three persistent clogged ducts that went away shortly after the ultrasound.

      Ultrasound is the gold standard, and you are doing the right thing, even though it is incredibly scary. Can you have someone go with you to the ultrasound?

      • Maria says

        Yeah, the lump is about pea sized, like a little pellet. It might well be a persistent plugged duct, especially given that I’m an overproducer with a large storage capacity, and I’ve had mastitis 4 weeks ago.
        But then again my mother had breast cancer 9 years ago at the age of 50, which is apparently the cutoff age for BC that runs in the family vs randomly occurring BC.

        My husband will come with me, because we don’t have a babysitter for this time. We are internationals working in academia, moved to the US just 1 year ago, and have no family here. Also, I haven’t told anyone about this – our parents would just freak out, and I can’t manage their worries on top of mine right now.

        About ultrasound being the diagnostic method of choice: I called 3 centers, and 2 of them insisted they would do a mammogram first which would serve as a baseline since I’m over 30 and never had one, and that ultrasound would just be done if there was a suspicious mass. But everything I read about BF and breast imaging said mammograms are not conclusive while BF, so a reverse order of ultrasound, then mammogram is advised. I am now glad I could get in quickly (within 3 days) with the one facility where they immediately acknowledged this special BF situation, and said they’ll definitely do an ultrasound first.

    • SS says

      Exact same thing happened to my bff who has dense b**b tissue and is an overproducer of milk and well endowed (speaking as a jealous A cup here). She had to have a follow up or two. All was well. Don’t worry, just wait and see.

    • Anonymous2 says

      Maria, I had one also while BF’ing and the surgeon wouldn’t even biopsy it, as he said so many were from nursing and it would resolve. And it did. (It’s now 22 years later.) Hope you have the same experience.

    • Maria says

      Thank you to everyone who replied.

      It turned out to be a milk cyst, clearly visible in the ultrasound. Big relief.
      The doctor was very understanding of my emotions and fears and said it’s good that I keep track of changes of the breast tissue even while nursing, and that I did the right thing to have it checked.

      I had a big glass of wine tonight to celebrate.

  6. HSAL says

    I realize this will likely be location-specific, but this is my first time dealing with teacher appreciation week at daycare. They have different things each day, bringing food three days (for all the teachers), bringing a flower for the teacher one day, and bringing a card from your kid the last day. We’re going to bring in a breakfast thing one day, do the flower day, and then I was thinking $10 Starbucks gift cards for each of her four teachers (she just moved classes but still deals with all four). Does that seem right? Doubling the gift cards would be expensive (not prohibitive), but I’d rather err on the side of too much.

    • HSAL says

      I’m going to try to talk to other parents but I don’t want us “outbidding” ourselves.

      • DC Mom anon says

        We’re going through this also! It’s next week – we might be at the same daycare.
        Anyway, I am not sure what to bring in on the “whatever you choose” day. I was thinking gift cards, also but my kid has 7 teachers and that might be too much. I was also thinking of hitting up target to see if they have any useful items under $10, but I really don’t want to buy junk/trinkets.

    • Mrs. Jones says

      I think your plan is fine.
      Our kid’s teachers are great, but I hate the forced “appreciation” so much.

      • No name says

        Are you at our daycare? Haha. I think Starbucks is the best gift card ever. I don’t mind the forced appreciation because although we spend more than our mortgage on daycare, I know the actual teachers get paid hardly anything for what they do. And baby loves them. So yeah, I agree, if you have it, erring on the side of “too much” is nice.

    • Anonymous says

      God, I miss our old daycare. The director sent a note to parents and said the school was planning to do XYZ, and if parents wanted to add anything to their classroom’s bucket, here’s a form (payable with tuition). Also asked if anyone (parents/grandparents) was interested in volunteering and had a time slot thing. Then they told us/did cute pics every day with what they did for teachers. I believe one parent from our classroom volunteered to go in and help the kids make cards and another parent took our extra classroom $ and bought a gift card from the group.

      That was a daycare that knew working parents.

    • Spirograph says

      me too! The center is planning events – asking different classes to bring in food on different days, and one dinner where parents are invited and requested to pick up kids a bit earlier if possible so all the teachers can attend. They’re also collecting cards, so I’m planning to have kiddos go to town with crayons and construction paper this weekend, and then I’ll fold them up and write a note for each teacher and the assistants. We do pretty generous cash gifts for the holidays and whenever kids move up to a new room, so aside from contributing to the food and attending the dinner, I’m not planning on doing anything extra, money-wise, this time.

      I think your plan is fine.

    • mss says

      We do something similar ($10 gift cards). Our parent group surveyed the teachers this year, and 18 of 20 teachers wanted Target gift cards, FWIW.

  7. anon says

    Prompted by the Arm & Hammer post above — we have an Ubbi steel diaper pail, which has fabulous reviews and still fails to totally contain the smell now that our kid is on a toddler diet. Is it unrealistic to assume it will not smell at all when closed? (Obviously there is some smell when you open it, not complaining about that.) We’ve tried emptying it more frequently, putting it out in the sun, etc., with no real success (not going to empty it daily, though, so maybe that’s the issue?).

    Ideas?

    • MDMom says

      Do you put the poop in the toilet? I had to start doing this when kiddo started solids. It makes a big difference in smell. I also sprinkle baking soda in every new trash bag I put in there. I don’t have the same diaper pail, so can’t say anything specific to that.

    • Anon in NYC says

      We have the Ubbi and it doesn’t smell when it’s closed although it obviously smells when you open it (and I think the pail retains the smell a bit even after you change the bag). The baking soda idea is a good one – I’m going to try it!

    • NOVA Anon says

      We have the same pail, and I’ve found that spraying it out with Lysol disinfectant spray every week or so helps tremendously with the smell. I don’t notice the smell except right after it’s been opened or if it gets really full, and we have two toddlers using the downstairs pail (nanny share). It is emptied every 2-3 days. Maybe, though, I’ve gone “noseblind” to it. I’m unwilling to put poop in the toilet, or to ask our nanny to do the same, though I have heard of that strategy. Baking soda is a great idea, though – hadn’t thought of that!

    • Anonymous says

      1 – dump poop in the toilet. This also helps kiddo learn where poop goes whenever you begin potty training.
      2 – baking soda in the bottom of the diaper pail, in the bottom of the diaper bag, and sprinkled at the opening. Once a month, I empty it all and spray disinfectant all over the diaper pail. I don’t have the ubbi though.

    • Anonymous says

      We never do toddler poops in the diaper pail. I have a stash of grocery bags and that’s where the poop diaper goes, then straight to the outside trash can. With infant diapers this is not manageable but my toddler pooped 1x/day. When I got lazy the bag went on the back deck until I got to it.

      I also potty trained my toddler “early” (2) for this reason- I was DONE with poop. And she was ready. But mostly I was done with poop.

    • OP says

      Thanks, everyone. Toddler poops a million times a day so I am not sure we are up for taking each diaper outside, or even to the toilet, but maybe we’ll just have to see how bad it gets. Also good to hear that perhaps my expectations of the diaper pail are a bit optimistic.

      • Meg Murry says

        We gave up on the diaper pail and just went to a closed lidded container in the bathroom that was smaller and therefore changed more often. If you won’t change daily, could you move the pail to the bathroom so you can run the bathroom fan sometimes to get rid of the smell?

        Individually bagging the poop diapers (either with plastic grocery store bags or pet waste bags) also helps a lot, as does semi-regular pail clean outs or airing out outside.

  8. Anon says

    Hello ladies,

    I am expecting my baby boy in September and I was hoping to find out what magazines you read for parenting/health/family? Do you have any recommendations for subscriptions?

    Also, what are your favorite blogs about pregnancy and babies?

    Thanks in advance!

    • October says

      Through Motherhood Maternity, I got a year subscription to Family Circle, Parents and American Baby for something crazy cheap like $5 – you can see if that promo is still running if you shop there. (FWIW, I’m finding Family Circle to be pretty useless and Parents is moderately interesting with good information). I also got a free “The Bump” magazine at my OBGYN’s office.

      Online, I enjoyed following the What to Expect site for the weekly updates on how big the baby is/what milestones were taking place. I also signed up for the Lucie’s List weekly email, which I’m still receiving (baby is 9 mo) and is full of practical info for each stage of development (this week’s was on baby gates, prompting me to finally order some!).

      And congrats!!

      • Anon says

        Thank you so much! I already subscribed to Lucie’s List. It looks like a great resource. I will also look into the subscription for Parents magazine. All the best to your and your baby.

    • ELL says

      I’ve enjoyed a lot of the articles in Brain, Child (though some can be sad). Often the writing is quite good.

      Otherwise I try not to read much internet stuff about pregnancy and babies. I find it usually sucks me into unhelpful perfectionism. Though actually I do also really like AlphaMom’s pregnancy calendar for this, my second pregnancy. I also like bellybelly.au for a good basic pregnancy calendar that isn’t as fear-mongering or as commercialized as many of the big mainstream American sites.

      Congratulations!!

      • Anon says

        Thank you! I already checked the sites and I like them a lot. You are absolutely right about commercialized websites and the idea of perfectionism. It can get overwhelming sometimes.

      • ELL says

        So I had never looked at the home page for bellybelly. I’ve only used the pregnancy calendar. But I looked at the home page after posting this, and one of the stories was about a midwife floating to work on an inflatable swan! So I just want to clarify that I don’t endorse the whole site–just the informative, straightforward pregnancy calendar.

    • Anonymous says

      Parents magazine is great for the Gymboree coupon that comes every month and you can get magazine crazy cheap. It’s usually got one or two tips that make it worthwhile as a magazine but it’s really about that coupon!

      When I had my first child, it seemed almost all the bloggers I read regularly also had their first kids (guess I gravitate toward people like me!). So some of them transitioned from being style/decor blogs to mommy type blogs and that was OK with me.

      Blogs that have thought-provoking posts on parenting but don’t make me feel inadequate:
      – Cup of Jo (but so many sponsored posts are killing it)
      – Hither and Thither (same with the sponsored posts)
      – Design Mom

      Also…congrats!

  9. Lyssa says

    Question – my 3 year old has been going to a toddler gym class since he was about 10 months, and always seemed to like it. About 6 months ago, he switched from the parent/child classes to one that is just 3-4 year olds. He still seems to want to go and talks excitedly about going, but for the last couple months, he doesn’t seem to want to stay in class. He’ll go in eagerly, but a little while in, will start coming out to see us multiple times. He says he needs to use the potty (he doesn’t) or that he’s tired of playing. We send him back in, but he’s back out in a few minutes, over and over again.

    We watch the entire class (it’s in a glassed-off area), so we know that nothing bad is happening while he’s in there, and he seems to really like the teachers. We try to ask him why he doesn’t want to stay in and he just won’t answer. It’s getting really frustrating, and the classes are expensive, so we really don’t want them to just be stressful or for him to wind up not going to a lot of them.

    Any tips? We’d hate to take him out, because I think that he should be doing something and I’m not sure what else, plus we’ve really liked the place, and expect to sign his baby sister up for classes soon, too, and I expect that he’d be upset if suddenly she were going and he were not.

    • Anonymous says

      Is there any way you can wait in the car? My first thought was that he just wants to be with you AND having tons of fun, so being able to see you is distracting.

      • Lyssa says

        At least one of us needs to be around (plus it wouldn’t be practicable to stay in the car that long), but maybe we can try waiting where he can’t see us as easily. But he’s still come out a lot when I’ve been the only one there and gone to the other side of the area with the baby, so I’m not sure that will help.

    • Spirograph says

      My son is basically in the exact same situation – excited to go, reluctant once he gets there. Could it be your son is tired after a long day at daycare? In our case, his class started at 6:15, so it was the end of the day, and I think he was just done following rules, waiting in lines, and “being good” — he was burnt out, tired, probably a little hungry (we normally eat at 6:30, so he would have a snack, but later dinner after class), and just not in the most cooperative of moods. We decided to take a break from gym for the summer. I’m just as happy to have him run around outside for an extra hour since the weather’s nice and the days are long, and we’ll try to start again in the fall, when – bonus, my daughter will be old enough for the baby+parent classes. I don’t think you need to look at pulling him out as a permanent stop, but a little reset might help.

    • mascot says

      He may or not be too young for this , but what happens if you give him a warning or two, and then next time he leaves the group, you go home. He will likely pitch a hissy, but it’s a dramatic enough action to get his attention.
      I also agree that having you out of sight could help too.

      • Meg Murry says

        My son went through a similar phase at 3-4 with toddler gymnastics – he and his friends would get bored and want to use the potty, drink water, basically do anything other than gymnastics. The only thing that sometimes worked (which I copied from another parent, and then we all started doing it) was that the first time they came to us for anything other than actual potty use they got a warning that they needed to go back to class or we were going home. The second time they came out we put on shoes and carried them out, no matter what, then went home and did something totally boring like load the dishwasher, whereas if they stuck it out the whole class we would usually go to the library or playground afterward. Since there were 3-4 of us that were enforcing this (and the kids were all friends from daycare), it generally worked after each kid got taken home once, since they fed off each other (once one started acting up, they all started acting up).

        Now that it’s getting warmer, could you not sign him up for the next round of classes and just use the time to go to the playground instead? My goals with gymnastics at that age were: 1) wear them out so they would nap 2) hopefully learn to follow directions from someone other than just me or the daycare teacher.

        • TBK says

          “like load the dishwasher” I literally laughed at this.

          (Also, how things change. My two year olds are fascinated by the dishwasher and we usually have to load/unload it when they’re not around because they want to crawl inside and/or grab all the knives.)

  10. DC Wonkette says

    Just wanted to say thanks for the Lily Jade recommendation yesterday. I was finding all diaper bags to be super depressing until I found those. I ordered the Caroline in the lighter brown leather and can’t wait for it to arrive! Anyone have thoughts on how best to treat the leather since I’m guessing it’s going to be going through a lot over the next few years? Love the idea of being able to use the bag long-term. Hopefully others have had positive experiences with these bags…

  11. Anon says

    UGH – make me feel better about this. My daughter has been in a great Montessori preschool for two years now. She LOVED the first year (a small class with only 2 yr olds), and then really struggled with the transition to a primary (big, mixed age – 3 to 5) classroom. During her struggles, we started investigating other schools, as we also learned that my younger son wouldn’t make the age cut-off to enroll in Fall 2016, and would need a nanny (more $$) for another year.

    We found another program. It is closer, more convenient, and cheaper (savings of over $30K over the next 4 years we’ll need full time care). It is more “daycare” – less “school” – it offers more hours, is open more weeks during the year, and provides food. They have a spot for both of my kids starting at the beginning of this summer.

    BUT, now, my daughter is thriving at Montessori school. Loves her teachers, and has a best, sweet buddy. I now feel awful about the move, and having her leave her friend (they seem to do everything together). I worry that my daughter will be the new kid (a few other newbies will join at the same time as her), and will go back to being shy/uncomfortable in her classroom. I also will be very sad to lose our nanny, who I love, but who is expensive. The timing also will be bad for her personally.

    I also – admittedly – worry a bit my kids will miss out by not getting a Montessori education (all those required education hours have seeped into my brain, I guess). The other school is very play-based and fun, which I think will especially appeal to my rambunctious son. It is supposed to be a warm and loving environment, but I know that by online reputation only.

    I’d love to hear from other parents who transitioned shy, quiet kids, and whether it blew up or I’m overthinking (she is only 4 after all). Other things to consider?

    • Legally Brunette says

      Kids are very resilient and will adjust quickly. My son is 3 and has been in 3 different schools at this point and he is totally fine and thriving.

      With that said, I would be worried about pulling your daughter out of a school that she loves into a new one, when you’re only going on online reviews. You need to talk to parents whose children are at the second school. Do you have a neighborhood listserve you can post to inquire about the new school’s reputation?

      Finally, my son has been in both a play-based daycare and is now in Montessori, and his Montessori education far and exceeds any other daycare. You hit the nail on the head when you described daycare v. school. Montessori feels much more like a school which I greatly appreciate. The teachers are all highly educated and bright and there is a strong focus on learning, where as I felt that the daycare teachers were loving and warm but didn’t really seem to be teaching at all (I felt that their priority was making sure the kids were fed, napped and played, which is fine, but as my son grew older I knew that he needed more). I’m constantly amazed at the things my son is learning in Montessori primary school — they are studying Vincent Van Gogh in their art class, and my son was telling me the other day about osmosis (!).

      I knew very little about Montessori when I signed my son up, but I’m sold at this point.

      Sorry — I know that doesn’t make your decision easier! But just my two cents.

      • AnonOP says

        It definitely doesn’t make it any easier, ha! Yes – everything that you’ve said is true of our Montessori program, which felt less irrelevant when my daughter was struggling socially in the big classroom. Now that she’s finally found her groove, it feels like we are giving up a lot.

        As for the new program, I know its online reputation through my local neighborhood listersve, and my larger parent listserve. Now that I think more about it, I do personally know three families who have sent their kids there, and all agree that it’s a warm, loving place. Universally, it is not known as a place where the providers “teach” – but do a lot of children led learning (kids pick a subject, and they roll with it). I do know that parents whose kids have gone through the program feel like their kids were more than ready for the Kindergarten my kids will attend.

        • Meg Murry says

          Were you planning on sending her to Kindergarten next year anyway (or in the following fall 1.5 years from now), and will kids from this daycare feed into that school? If so, just look at it as getting a jump on her making friends for that experience.

          Don’t feel guilty about doing what is best for your family overall as long as it’s a “pretty good” decision (which it sounds like this is) over a “super awesome but stretching our budget too thin” option as it sounds like Montessori + nanny would be.

          It sounds to me that if she was shy initially but adjusted she’ll probably go through the same kind of experience at the new school. And there are studies that show that learning through play can be just as good (or better) than an “academic” preschool. That is how our daycare works (the official “philosophy” of the school is Reggio Emilia, but it’s really just “child directed learning through play” and doesn’t need a fancy name to make it good). We’re really happy with the “kids pick something and they roll with it” approach, because it makes the kids really exited to go to school and study their bugs or plants or “science project” or whatever they picked.

          The only thing that might give me a little bit of pause on teh move was if you had planned to send her to the Montessori for K next year or are apprehensive about your K options. But if your local K is good and especially if the daycare has an after school program she could go to after K, I’d say that is a better move now than having to do a new school for K plus a new after school care.

          • AnonOP says

            Thanks MM. The new program is an RE program as well, so that’s wonderful to hear. Regarding K, she’ll feed into our public K in Fall 2018 (3 now, turning 4 at the end of summer) regardless of where she attends. I do know that a lot of kids from the new program feed into our public K, but then, her best Montessori buddy will as well.

            I think you nailed it – we would be picking our convenience over what is known/working great for both kids, especially since we intend for them to go to public school (so the high costs are temporary). If we transition, and it goes well, it’s a win for everyone. If not, I’d feel like we threw out a great – but expensive – situation for the unknown.

          • Sarabeth says

            I also wholeheartedly LOVE our Reggio Emilia daycare/preschool. We might switch to Montessori next year (only because we are moving to a different city) and although I’m sure my daughter will do fine there too, I’m honestly sad about moving away from the more purely play-based model. And as the parent of a shy kid, I think that being in an environment with lots of free play has been really great for social/emotional skills.

            As with any daycare, the execution is everything. I’m sure there are terrible RE programs out there. But the underlying model has worked really well for us.

    • Maddie Ross says

      While there are definite positives to a Montessori education, there are drawbacks too. And I’ve often heard that a child that is on the quieter side (like it sounds like yours may be) will often have that part of them exacerbated in a Montessori environment where they aren’t forced to get out of themselves a bit more. If it was me, I’d go for overall convenience.

      • AnonOP says

        YES to THIS TOO!!!! My brain is exploding here, ha! I read the criticisms of Montessori when she was struggling, and in general, it seems like a lot of child development experts advocate for play-based social/emotional programs at this point anyway.

        I’m not sure why this decision feels so fraught to me. I don’t typically hover over decisions (or my kids) like this, but I can’t pull the trigger either way. My husband is like 51/49 to the new program, but doesn’t seem to have more clarity than me. Also unusual for him.

        • Anonymous says

          Honestly, if it isn’t a YES, don’t make the switch yet. Can you postpone the decision for September? Or ask your daughter’s best friend’s parents if there are out-of-school activities the kids can do together? The financial impact sounds huge but $30k over 4 years might be the same amount you spend on a tutor or therapist later, regardless of your decision now. (Sorry, not helping.)

    • Anonymous says

      A few things:
      1.) I’m glad to hear others say that kids adjust because I’m about to do a care swap and feeling guilt too. We moved DD from her old daycare to a new one when we moved, and she took several months to adjust (part of this I believe is a reflection on the new program). We are moving her to preschool + nanny now that she’s preschool age and #2 is here at the end of the summer. We do not want to send 2 to daycare and if we did, I do not like the infant program at toddlers daycare. But she has her little friends and I’m sad to pull her.

      2.) when I hem and haw about which preschool or daycare to choose, and if she is missing Grand Educational Opportunities I have to slap myself in the face and remember that I went to *one* year of part-time church preschool followed by public k-12 and have two Ivy League degrees. By no means do I mean to suggest there aren’t better/stronger programs, and I want to send my kid to them, but at the end of the day I am quite confident my kids can hack it on their own between me and DH, who is some kind of math genius disguised as a corporate exec. For us, the most important thing is socialization so we are making sure the kids get lots of it.

  12. Long time lurker... says

    Hi ladies!

    My husband and I recently started TTC, and over the past week and a half I have started experiencing some early pregnancy symptoms (cramping, back ache, fatigue, sore br*asts, protruding n*pples, and the presence of little sweat glands on my areolas). I took a First Response Digital Pregnancy test last night and it came back “Yes+”. I then took a Clearblue Advanced Digital Test this morning and the result stated “Pregnant 1-2 weeks”.

    I went to my local medicentre this morning for a urine pregnancy test and it came back negative! I was super surprised given how I have been feeling lately and my two tests more than 12 hours apart. I haven’t missed my period yet, but it is due in about 4-5 days. The physician I saw is sending me for a blood test on Monday and he indicated that that will be the “final word”. Ugh. I am not a fan of this clinic to begin with (not the most professional place – I made an appointment for 10:15 am today and was kept waiting in the waiting room for almost 45 mins with no apology/explanation), and I feel like their test was either not sensitive enough, or the girl doing the testing f*cked it up somehow, or the Tall Chai Latte I slurped down before the test diluted my urine too much. I know that it’s normal to feel disappointed by the result, but I don’t know if I’m just grasping at straws and coming up with reasons as to why my test is more accurate. I’m not on any meds that would give me false positive as far as I know.

    Any thoughts/commiseration?

    • BKDC says

      The level of hormones tested vary by pregnancy tests. Chances are, the clinic was probably using cheaper tests that aren’t as sensitive. You have two positives, I think that is good enough until you get your beta back next week.

      Congrats!

    • Midwest Mama says

      Since we are TTC #2, I’ve been spending (too much) time on the Fertility Friend message boards. Apparently, the OTC digital tests are now very sensitive (10 mIU/hCG) and can be more sensitive than a urine test at the dr’s office. You’re still very early, considering your period is not due for another few days. So I wouldn’t count yourself out just yet. It’s good that you’re getting bloodwork done. Good luck! I know how hard the journey can be. I have my fingers crossed for you.

      • MDMom says

        I agree. Also, try very very hard to step away from google for a bit. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, you can’t control it. I know this is hard- I speak from experience! the amount of information on the internet will make you crazy. A chem pregnancy is just a very early miscarriage. You are not safe from miscarriage no matter what your hcg is at this point. Sorry. Assuming you are pregnant, the next 36 weeks (and longer) will present a variety of anxiety provoking possibilities- miscarriage, birth defects, stillbirth, labor, SIDS, etc. It will really serve you well to figure out a way to relax in the face of all of that stuff. I hope this doesn’t come of as harsh- I’m still working on it myself. I’m just saying what I wish someone had told me at 4ish weeks. Good luck!

    • AnonOP says

      This makes me laugh – of course the blood test on Monday isn’t the “Final Word.” What’s he going to do if you are pregnant – refuse to acknowledge it? “Nope, that is definitely not a baby’s head about to emerge from you. The pregnancy test I gave you 40 weeks ago said NEGATIVE, and that was the FINAL WORD.”

      It is extremely rare for to get a false positive, so until you get your period, I’d keep the faith and keep testing at home (and allow yourself to get excited!!)

      • Long time lurker... says

        Thank you so much ladies for your quick replies and encouragement!

        Haha – AnonOP – I know, I just sort of rolled my eyes when he said the blood test would be the “final word” (according to whom exactly??). Thankfully he has requisitioned a quantitative blood test for me so I will actually know what my HCG amount is (fingers crossed for a +25, over the threshold for a chemical pregnancy), instead of just a positive or negative result.

      • MomAnon4This says

        That’s the part that made you laugh — the part that made me laugh was the clinic being nonprofessional because of a 45 minute wait time, which is often standard except at more expensive/”professional” places :(

        • Long time lurker... says

          I guess it’s all relative :) I’m in Canada so I can go to any clinic at no direct cost to me/insurer – the doctors are all competing for the business of the patients as they get paid piecemeal by the Government based on the number of patients they see/procedures they perform in a given day.

          There are so few options for good medical practitioners in my area of my city though. I should just suck it up and try to find the best practitioner available, regardless of how far I have to drive, but I when I called at 9:30 am this morning and they said they could get me in for 10:15 am, I figured that they were still running on schedule (otherwise why give me a specific timeslot?). And then when I checked in at 10:05 am, and wasn’t told that they were running behind, I figured they were still on schedule. But then I saw other people come in after me for scheduled appointments later than mine, and then get in ahead of me…that’s where I started to question their professionalism (the front desk workers are between the ages of 19-23 and ask people loud enough for everyone to hear in the whole waiting room what they’ve come in for).

          It wasn’t until I finally went to reception at 11:00 am and inquired as to what was going on that the worker advised that “oh yeah, your room has been ready for a while I just didn’t have time to come and get you”. Seriously?!?! I could hear 2-3 girls gossiping and laughing in another room the entire time I was working, yet they couldn’t get me to my room? Then I’m given a container for my urine sample and told to leave it in the adjacent examining room (unattended), which I have never had to do before and it felt weird to me(no designated location/area for samples?), and then the test comes back negative. Stranger still, on the way out of the office the doctor stopped by the room my sample was in, pointed at the strip, and was like “yup, the test is negative” (but he apparently already knew that?), and then when he was filling out the requisition form for my blood work at the front desk he asked the nurse/tech who was also manning phones if my test was negative and she said yup. Didn’t he ask her before coming to see me??

          Looking back, I guess it was more than the 45 minute wait time that was unprofessional!

          • mascot says

            This is a based on my OB experience in the US, but I found that my wait times for appointments was consistently long (and this was with multiple doctors within the same practice so not just one slowpoke). According to my doctor, it’s hard to predict how many questions the patient will have, if the baby is cooperating for imaging and such, if call gets crazy, if there is an emergency/scary situation that needs immediate attention, etc. For the most part, I haven’t experienced those consistent running late appts with other specialties.
            Just something to think about when booking appts. I’d bring a book…

    • Anonymous says

      My experience was that pregnancy symptoms hit me like a truck. A week or two after I was convinced I was pregnant (but still before my first OB appointment), I felt awful! That’s what convinced me. Here’s to hoping!

    • NewMomAnon says

      It didn’t even occur to me to have my multiple at home pregnancy tests confirmed at the doctor….I just made an appointment for the 8-10 week mark (that was when they did first ultrasound) and assumed I would cancel it if my at home tests were wrong. Which they were not.

      Ultimately, a test isn’t going to be as accurate as reality; either you are pregnant and you will continue to be pregnant until something else occurs (birth, stillbirth, miscarriage), or you are not pregnant and you will get a period soon. I guess I would just advise patience! You will need so much patience if you in fact are pregnant. And once you have a child. So much patience…..

      • MomAnon4This says

        I had a “chemical pregnancy” — a pregnancy deemed not a miscarriage because probably fertilization took place but not successful implantation, whereas a miscarriage tends to be successful implantation but then an end to growth/development. I have then gone on to have 1 (more) healthy child and am currently ~7 months pregnant.

        This is good advice.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m surprised you were able to schedule an appointment 4 or 5 days before you even missed your period. Every non-RE practice I’ve heard of or experienced holds off scheduling the first appointment until at least 6 weeks after your last period.

      I agree that a false positive is really unusual, and your digital test is more sensitive than the ones OB offices stock. Fingers crossed!

      • Long time lurker... says

        Well this is part of the issue with this clinic. I literally called this morning when I was getting ready for work (about an hour after the second test came back positive) and they just booked me in. No questions about what it was for, or anything. And even when I saw the Dr. he didn’t even ask me when my last period was! He just said “the test at our office came back negative”. Then I explained that I had taken two early results tests, and that I hadn’t missed my period yet but was experiencing what I thought were symptoms. His response was that the blood test would be the “final word”. I said that I wasn’t sure it could have been a false positive with both tests and he had no substantive response.

        Ugh…I shouldn’t complain because I live in Canada and it was free for me to go and get the test done at the drop of a hat this morning, but it is sooooo difficult to find a good family practitioner here (hence why I go to the medicentre and see a different, mostly apathetic physician, for each appointment).

        Thanks for the encouragement! Fingers and toes crossed that the blood test on Monday confirms that my little peanut is in place :)

    • Anonymous says

      It took us 1 try to get pregnant with #1 and 7 loooong months for #2 (I know 7 months is nothing but we are young/healthy/had good luck the first time!). I promised myself I would not rest until the day my period was due and until then assume no pregnancy.

      I didn’t really have any pregnancy symptoms. With #1 I had what I thought was implantation bleeding (2 weeks before period due), but then in trying to conceive #2 I had similar bleeding 5 times (and saw a doc). The cycle I was pregnant I had *slightly* more discharge by by that point I was convinced it was all in my head, until I was 2 days late and tested.

  13. EB0220 says

    Any advice on helping my husband feel more involved with our kids? He is working two jobs right now (starting a business in the evening while working his corporate job during the day) and it is starting to wear on him. He feels like he doesn’t see the kids ever and they are going to be permanently scarred. This is not the end state but it’s tough right now. Bright ideas? Any experience?

    • Maddie Ross says

      Can he keep one standing date a day with them? If not dinner, then something in the morning? My favorite time with my daughter is from about 6-6:45 am before her dad gets up when it’s just us. We cuddle or play and eat breakfast. Obviously it only works if your kids are relatively early risers, but it’s worth getting a slightly slower start for my morning for this. And it means that I get time with her even if the evening gets crazy.

    • mascot says

      They aren’t going to be permanently scarred. Think quality over quantity. In the time that he does have with them, can he focus just on them? No phone, no multi-tasking if possible. Maybe he is the one to give them their bath or maybe they have a special daddy-trip on Saturday mornings with a Home Depot run and breakfast. I’ve got several friends who travel during the week so they focus on the kids on the weekend and focus their efforts on quality time.
      My dad traveled a lot when I was growing up and I LOVED the mornings that he would take me to breakfast on the way to school as a way to spend some one on one time together.

ABOUT

WORK WITH US

SERIOUS STUFF