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It’s air conditioner season, and my desk cardigan needs an upgrade.
I love cotton cardigans for the warmer months, and this one from Universal Standard looks pretty close to my ideal. Made from soft, Peruvian pima cotton, it has a V-neck opening secured with three tonal buttons, raglan sleeves, and large pockets (hello ID badge). After work, take it out to dinner al fresco in case things cool down.
This cardigan is $82 and available in sizes 4XS (00–0) to 4XL (38–40). It comes in five colors: black, dove gray, lavender, navy, and sea moss (a mellow jade).
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
Return to work says
What is the ideal return-to-work schedule from maternity leave? I am trying to decide how to ramp back after having my first child. I am extending my leave with accrued vacation, so I can save what I don’t use, but I also have enough time and family support that I don’t need to save more time for daycare bugs, etc. I currently have two weeks between the start of daycare and my return to work – should I keep that time off so we can set new routines at a slower pace and just dive back in full time on the following Monday? Or do partial days or partial weeks before a full return? I am in a job with similar intensity, hours, and client urgency as Big Law and historically have found half days and partial weeks to be quite hard to protect but maybe with a kid I’ll have an easier time drawing boundaries. I’ll largely be working from the office, not home. I’ve already got lots of emotions about diving back in…
Anon says
I returned in the middle of the week, which I recommend, and also spent that full week getting adjusted to new routines. So, MT were spent getting adjusted to sending baby to daycare and preparing emotionally for the separation (I think the first day I could only bear leaving baby at daycare 2 hrs lol), and W-F was easing myself back into work while juggling pickup and drop off. I spent the first half week trying to remember all my passwords.
FWIW I am a lawyer, not big law, WFH.
EDAnon says
Not a lawyer and don’t have the intensity of big law. And I also recommend a midweek return (I started back on a Thursday). I was also near Thanksgiving so knowing I had to work 1-2 weeks and then have another extended time off was nice. You could have something similar with the 4th.
Mary Moo Cow says
That was me, too. I came back on the Wednesday in the week before Thanksgiving, and then my office was closed next Wednesday – Friday for Thanksgiving. I worked a few full weeks in early December, then had about a week off between Christmas and New Year’s holidays. January and February brought more federal holidays, and it was so nice to ease into work and know that I had at least one day off for a few months to adjust/spend time for myself, guilt free while baby was in care, or keep baby home.
Allie says
Agree with starting mid-week, disagree with starting back anything less than full time — I unfortunately just don’t think it works.
Anon says
Can you start a week or two from home? I returned to work in September 2021 and it was so nice to not have to worry about getting myself showered/dressed/out the door at first. It also made for a slightly slower ramp up period because not everyone realized I was back. Also agree with returning midweek
Anonanonanon says
I caution you to leave a few more days of PTO in place than you think you’ll need. Yes, family can care for your kid when they’re sick, but if it means extra doctor’s appointments you may want to be present for those more than you think you will. (My husband handles well appts but I handle sick)
I 100% agree with starting mid-week. If you can, schedule one-on-one catch-up coffees or lunches with people you missed. It’s a good way to get the scoop on what happened while you were gone and gives you something to look forward to!
Agree with others, and your previous experience, that accepting less-than-full-time work usually means working full-time and getting paid for less.
Aunt Jamesina says
+1. Also, keep in mind that YOU might get sick from daycare bugs! I had to take off two days due to an awful stomach virus soon after I returned to work.
Anonymous says
The day care bugs always made me sicker than my baby, and for longer.
Pogo says
Does your partner have any leave? Both times I returned, my husband took his leave for my first month. This really helped because I wasn’t handing baby off to a “stranger”, I could get updates and pictures easily during the day, etc. Otherwise I think the schedule itself doesn’t matter – I pretty much went back full time right away. Rip the band aid off.
Anonymous says
For me, updates and photos during the day would have been distracting. It was easiest to be in work mode at work and baby mode at home.
Pogo says
true, that’s definitely a personal choice. I was also further pp (5mos) so less hormonal. At 8 weeks, I would have been a sobbing mess looking at pictures probably.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, I think the ideal return to work is having your partner take their leave after you go back. That has lots of benefits for everyone. I’m not in biglaw but I’m not sure that you’ll really be able to have these half days with your type of job – if you’re back, people will expect you to be back full time.
EDAnon says
That is true! My husband took 2+ months (his remaining FMLA leave after birth and being home with us) for both kids and it was amazing. We both talk about how great it was 3 and 5 years later.
Anonymous says
First day of day care Monday back to work Tuesday. I couldn’t afford to pay for day care while I sat at home and didn’t think a long drawn out process would help me.
Anon says
I went back cold turkey (on a Monday, full time) and it was totally fine, but my job isn’t super intense and baby was home with my husband on his paternity leave, not at daycare. I would not recommend doing half days or partial weeks except for the first week, especially if you find it hard to protect your time. I think if you want to ease into it the suggestion to start mid-week is a good one. If you start on a Wednesday you could have baby do short days at daycare on Monday and Tuesday so that transition is more gradual and you get to separate the daycare transition from the work transition a little bit.
Anonymous says
I work in consulting and it was not possible to come back part time (maybe technically but not in reality). Echo other recommendations to come back mid week or close to a holiday/long weekend. If you plan on pumping, practice a fully day of pumping for a few days before returning (and have someone else give baby bottles at those times). I didn’t do this first time around but will this time (I’m due in July). Good luck!
Anon. says
Echoing the crowd, start midweek and if possible, have your partner take leave for your first week (or longer). Leaving baby with my husband meant less stress both logistically (getting everyone dressed and out of the house) and emotionally (kid is with daddy). And it was equally good for my husband to have solo time with baby.
Anon says
How old do your kids have to be before you start separating briefly from them in public? I don’t mean leaving them at home alone, but like leaving them sitting at a patio restaurant table while you go inside to grab a to-go box or leaving them in a theater seat to go ask the usher a question (both recent examples from my life). Is the answer different if you can see them at all times? I have a very responsible, cautious 4 year old (also very strong-willed and argumentative, but if she tells me she’ll cooperate and follow the rules, she will) and already feel comfortable with this kind of thing but have avoided it because I can’t stop thinking about that woman who had to deal with a years long CPS investigation because she left her kid alone in a car on a cool day for a few minutes.
EDAnon says
I worry about that too. I have a kid that matches that description. I started doing it so super briefly that I could see him and be back fast. He’s 5 now and I have no concerns about leaving him for short times. He’s super verbal and extroverted which helps. He would totally tell someone what’s up if they asked.
I also worry about that story and that someone wouldn’t even speak to him before calling the police. But I think it’s good for him to have the trust and independence.
As an aside, why don’t people just talk to the kids? Or hang out for a minute and see what up? When I see a (possibly) unattended kid, I say hi to the kid. I see where they look and how stressed they seem. If it’s unclear from that what’s going on, I ask “Is your grownup nearby?” I understand that I can do that as a small woman but it seems like a lot of the calls are also made by women who would likely be viewed as not intimidating.
Anonymous says
Nobody who is making one of these CPS calls is worried about the child’s well-being. They are enjoying a power trip. Actually taking the time to figure out what the situation is would run contrary to their goals.
Anon says
Yup.
I once left my dog in the car (on a cool, rainy day) to run into CVS. I was in the store less than 10 minutes and when I came back a stranger was trying to break into my car to “rescue” my dog. Instead of being relieved that I was back and my dog was fine, she just wanted to lecture me about being a bad dog owner. It’s not about the child or pet’s health and safety. It’s just a power trip and a chance to mom shame another woman (this basically never happens to men).
Anonanonanon says
I was just going to say, I’d feel the same way if I had a pet. I just KNOW 5 minutes in a car would lead to a stranger breaking in my car window to “save” them.
Anonymous says
If you are talking purely about the risk of judgment or action from others (not the risk of anything the kid might do), I would not step more than a few yards away until the kid looks at least 9 or 10.
Anonanonanon says
^This. My son is almost 12 but is 2nd percentile in height and I STILL worry someone’s going to call CPS on me because people usually guess that he’s 8. I give him the independence anyway at this point, but it’s definitely a worry.
With that in mind, I would not leave a kid under 9 or so out of my eyesight.
Allie says
I’m fine sending my five year old in somewhere where I can see her the whole time (i.e. have her run back into the restaurant from the patio and grab a napkin). I am not okay having her be anywhere she could be taken, so no on the she stays on the patio, I run back into the restaurant. For the usher scenario if the usher is inward from where I’m seating, I’d be fine sending her, if it were outward (i.e. she’d be closer to the exit) then I’m not fine, I wouldn’t go to the usher myself in either scenario.
NYCer says
This is where I fall as well.
Redux says
Same. Irrational, maybe, but I am a child of the 80s and thereby raised to be terrified of stranger kidnappings. I know very well that the odds of that happening are so small as to be nearly zero, but it’s a hardwired fear at this point.
Realist says
+1 same. And I will follow a lonesome kid under age 5 or 6 until I’m sure they are with their parent. If they are crying or panicked and obviously lost, I stop to help them. And twice I have loudly and rudely asked “Is that your child Sir? Wait, no, I think their mom is over there” to men that were looking at children that were obviously not theirs (once at a zoo and once at a park) in a way that completely creeped me out.
Anonymous says
This is my approach–I want to be closer to the exit than the kid.
Anon says
Check out Let Grow (letgrow.org). It was started by a mother who allowed her kids moments/stretches of independence, one of which resulted in a call to CPS and huge brouhaha. In response, she started this nonprofit to encourage kids’ independence.
Pogo says
I only do it if the surroundings would be such that no one would notice – like on the playground, I might leave my almost 5yo while I go to the bathroom (bc dozens of kids playing – no one is going to notice his grownup walked away). But I agree I am always worried someone is going to freak out that he’s alone (even though I am probably still within shouting distance).
Realist says
Maybe I’m weird but I wouldn’t do this with a 5yo. A creepy stranger seems to be the most likely to notice you are gone, your kid is alone, and now is when no one will notice if thIs is the moment your kid disappears. I know it is a 1 in a hundred thousand chance, or whatever, but my kid is a 1 in 8 billion special person to me and not worth the risk.
Amy says
You’re not weird. I also would not leave a 5 year old alone in this situation. Just make them come in the bathroom with you – it’s two minutes. They could probably use a potty trip too. (Basically any time I have to go when we’re in public, the kids have to come with me and have to try.)
Anon says
I get the point about taking them with you, but I think it’s weird to make a 5 year old try on the potty when they say they don’t have to just because you have to use the bathroom. I pee all the time without making my kid go – she has a bigger bladder than me.
Anon says
I wouldn’t do it, but mainly because my kid would notice my absence and start screaming. She gets upset if I try to read a book when I’m supposed to be watching her play.
Pogo says
Yeah, I mean I tell him exactly where I’m going and that I’ll be right back. I don’t just slip away without warning. And it is just a porta potty on the edge of the playground – so I can in fact hear him if he starts yelling for me.
My mom is paranoid about him getting kidnapped, to the point she thinks we shouldn’t let him play in our yard alone (again within yelling range – window or screen door open). I saw this expressed below in the thread about babysitter’s boyfriend, but I’m much more inclined to worry about people close my son in his life – coaches and boy scout leaders or whatever – than stranger danger. Based on statistics and actual personal experience.
Anon says
Oh it wasn’t critical. I was mostly just trying to say I’m jealous you have a kid who doesn’t demand you watch their every move on the playground ;)
Anonymous says
Scouts, sports, etc. usually have strict rules to eliminate the opportunity for a child to be alone with an unrelated adult. In Girl Scouts we can’t even have a carpool without a second adult. You can always ask what the rules are before registering for an activity. If you get a weird reaction then it’s probably not an activity you want your kid involved in.
Anonymous says
It’s more often that I need to take one kid to the bathroom and don’t want to herd all of them. If we’re the only people on the playground, I’d probably make them all come with me, but that never happens. Tell the kid you’re leaving for a minute, tell another mom or dad you’ll be right back and ask them to keep an eye out to make sure the kid doesn’t leave or do themselves grievous bodily harm.
anon says
I let my 5.5 and 8 yos go to the women’s room together at restaurants out of my sight where I can see the entrance to the bathroom. They know to stick together.
I’ve also sent them up to the register to order at a fast food restaurant where I could see them. (One kid dropped her meal on the gross ground so was ordering a replacement.)
I also expect them to speak to librarians and waitresses by themselves.
I’ll let my 8 yo go order at the snack bar at our pool, which is out of sight. (I can see the pool for the drowning risk, but not the snack bar).
By the middle to end of 4th grade our elementary school starts letting kids walk to school on their own. We’ve been working towards that goal.
I wouldn’t let a 4 yo out of sight yet. I think that responsibility starts more with the second half of kindergarten at the earliest. I also think that being left in a car is different than being elsewhere. I won’t leave my kids alone in a car in a parking lot at all (though I will in our driveway if I need to grab something from the house).
GCA says
This is about where I fall as well. When we went camping a couple of weeks ago, my now 7yo would go to the bathroom on his own at the campsite but a parent is nearby and says ‘we’ll come in after x time’. Kids (7 and almost 4) can be all the way across the playground from me but in my line of sight, or walking round the corner on a familiar route to our local splash pad.
It sort of depends on a number of factors – is there a specific task they need to focus on (going to the bathroom, ordering at a food court counter); is the alone stint time-bound (‘I’ll be back in five minutes’); is it a familiar and/ or contained environment (neighborhood playground vs playground somewhere else; inside a familiar ice cream store vs unfamiliar restaurant patio; hard no on the car in parking lot); is it in my line of sight; do they know who is ok to speak to and what (not) to say. All of these things would factor in, for me.
Anonymous says
If I saw a 4 year old alone, as a passerby, I would be very concerned.
Anonymous says
4 is too young if you are not quite close I think. Like a couple tables away is fine but I wouldn’t be out of sight for sure. 8 is fine for going the bathroom by themselves at a restaurant or similar. We’re more flexible when we visit DH’s family in Europe as expectations are different for kids there (e.g no school buses – kids take public transport or walk home from age 7)
re pets in cars – I keep a piece of paper and a pencil in my glove box to leave a note if I need to leave the dog in the car for a minute. The note says ‘hi – my dog mom went to the store at X time and will be back in 5 minutes. I’m happy waiting in the car’ or similar. I use the pencil to update the time.
Anonymous says
First, this depends entirely on the child. I have 3 and one may not stay home alone until she is 18. Second, check the laws in your state as there are some bonkers rules out there.
In our house, my oldest (a mature, rule following 8.5 year old girl) is allowed to stay home for short periods. No eating or cooking. We started mid-pandemic when she was just shy of 8. We have a home phone that she can use that is set to speed dial all the important numbers. She knows my phone number by heart. We also have an Alexa Dot that will call me if she says “alexa, call mom!” She’s allowed to roam our suburban neighborhood on her bike if she’s wearing her watch and comes home at certain times to check in.
I leave my youngest (newly 4) at tables in restaurants, would leave her in the movie theater briefly like in your example, and I let her go into small bathrooms (eg. a restaurant where I’m near the door) alone. She can go into the target bathroom with an older sibling (I’m not afraid of abductions but she often needs help reaching toilet paper etc).
I let my older two (newly 6, 8.5) wander target alone, together. They both know the store layout, how to get to the bathroom, etc and we have set plans on where to meet if we can’t find each other. I will sometimes leave all 3 in the toy aisle with explicit instructions to stay there (only exception is the bathroom, and they have to go together) while I run and get a few other things. Not for more than 5-10 min max.
I leave all 3 in the car together all the time. I do not generally leave my y/o in the car alone (even to run in and grab starbucks) as she likes to get out of her carseat and push buttons. I do leave her with a sibling- and in most cases just leave the TV on in the car.
Redux says
why no eating? allergies?
Anonymous says
Honestly I just didn’t want to deal with it. She might leave the fridge open. She might choke. She might spill or make a mess. She might eat something i don’t want her eating. I don’t leave her for long so if she wants a snack, she can wait 15 minutes until i get back to ask for one.
She’s old enough now that I don’t really care but it seemed like a good boundary when we first started.
Anonanonanon says
I was weird about the eating thing when my son was first staying home alone for a few hours at a time during COVID when he was 9 or 10. I had a probably-irrational fear of a choking incident or a putting metal in the microwave without realizing incident (saw this happen more than once when I was a kid). I left him lunchables so he had a lunch that didn’t require cooking.
Cell phones and nest cams make it a bit easier these days. We were also in a townhouse at that time with nextdoor neighbors we knew well who teleworked, so he had their number in his cell phone. He had to stay where the nest cam could see him, which is also a great backup to the cell phone because I could talk to him through it if he wasn’t answering his phone or had let it die. I was also able to give my mom access to the stream and ask her to keep an eye on him when I was in a work situation where I couldn’t. It was cool to have her able to help even from another state.
Mary Moo Cow says
6, for my oldest child. I let her use her own stall in a public restroom and stay at the table if I go up to the counter to order ice cream. She’s quiet and self-possessed and pretty attune to danger. I’m not sure the rule will be the same for my youngest child, who is extremely outgoing and pretty wiggly at 4. The few times I’ve left her at a table with her older sister, I could hear her making fart noises from the counter. Sigh.
Anonymous says
At 6, my kiddo doesn’t want to be left alone or go do things alone. I’m not all that comfortable with leting her out of my eyesight anyway. There are a few small places I’d be okay with it, but she isn’t interested. And I’m fine with that at this stage.
Anon says
Hmmm I’ve thought about this too. I drove to the library and the toddler fell asleep in the car, but we had a hold the 5 year old desperately wanted. We’ve been going to this library for her whole life and she knows all the librarians. So I sent her in and told her to go, pick up the hold and check out the book with the librarian while I was parked literally outside the front door. I told her if she got confused, just to ask the librarian for help. Honestly? She was thrilled with this solo adventure. She was so excited to be independent and check out her own book that it has made me rethink if I’m being too smothering.
anon says
Well done. This sounds like an excellent opportunity to let her test her wings. The adults already know her, she knows them, and she’s a kid on a mission.
Anon says
OP here, I really like this idea and I think I will encourage my kiddo to go into the library solo soon. My kid is also very eager for independence, which is part of why I asked.
Anonymous says
To build independence, I started having my kid do these types of tasks on her own while I watched from a short distance away. For instance, she can check out her own library books while you stand at the door, or order her own ice cream at a fast food restaurant while you watch from the table. While grocery shopping, task her with finding a specific item in the aisle where you are shopping.
Anon says
We already do that kind of stuff.
EDAnon says
Similarly, we let our kid go to the neighbor’s house to drop things off. They’re next door and have kids. We watch from the window. He is out of sight briefly but he loves it and it works well. He loves the independence.
CCLA says
I’ve left my 3 and 5 (almost 4 and 6) a few times at an outdoor table briefly while popping inside a cafe to order, or back to the car for a jacket. Caveat all of these times, they were nearby and I could see them (save for maybe 20 seconds of my jog to the car, which was down the street from the outdoor cafe) and in a super safe familiar part of town. This is highly dependent on location and visibility, and like others very much about what could happen to my kids rather than what they might do. 5.5 yo is extraordinarily responsible. I WANT to be one of the parents that gives her more freedom but it’s definitely hard. Pretty sure at 5, I was walking to school with a group of 5-8yos and no adults. Times are different and I’m an anxious parent but am trying (although I’m surprised that it sounds like I’m not on the conservative end in this group based on other responses). Interesting question and I’m appreciating all of the answers.
Anon says
Times are different, but only because people are so much more paranoid now. The world is actually statistically much safer than it was in the 1980s and 1990s. Except for mass shootings, but a parent without military training likely couldn’t do much in that situation anyway. Honestly, I think the fact that I’m very aware that we could be shot and die any time we leave our house makes me a lot less worried about much smaller risks like abduction.
Aunt Jamesina says
Yes, and while school shootings are absolutely horrifying and should never, ever happen, they are statistically very rare. The real risk of guns for children is if you have them in your home (or if they’re in a friend’s home).
CCLA says
This is a really fair point and to clarify about times are different, I don’t necessarily think things are riskier, more that we have hyperawareness of things in the news cycle, and more CPS call risk. Good reminder though, thanks.
Amy says
I think when you have two, it’s easier, because you can more or less “assign” the age of the older kid to the younger one, and if something went wrong with either of them, the other could run in and get you. A solo 4 year old is very different from a 3 and 5 year old together.
Anon says
I actually think it’s the opposite. Asking a 5 year old to take care of themselves and a 3 year old is a much bigger ask than asking a 5 year old to take care of themselves. I agree that at this age kids are changing so fast that and there’s a big difference between 4 and 5. But personally I would give far more freedom to a solo 5 year old than to a 5 year old with a 3 year old in tow. But I may be biased because I’m an only child raised with parents who had the attitude that I could get more independence than other kids my age because I was an only child.
CCLA says
I do agree that I would assign more freedom to 5 to alone vs with younger sib in tow, but also that while I would never leave the 3/4 yo alone, I’m fine leaving her at the table with big sis.
Amy says
Do you have two kids?
Anonymous says
So the law in our state is kids can’t stay home without supervision till TEN. But, at age 5 we started encouraging to walk around the block alone. Due to personality and having been with adults all the time due to covid my oldest was not ready to do the whole block till he was 6 and not really comfortable till almost 7 (super different from my own non pandemic upbringing!). At 6-7 he is allowed to wander around the neighborhood with our pack of neighbor kids or alone but has rules about which streets not to cross. At 5 I’d have left him outside a business for a minute if I could see him (but he wouldn’t have wanted that). At this age he can wait no problem. My 3 year old thinks all these rules apply to her but SHE IS SADLY MISTAKEN. No you may not walk down to neighbor friend’s house on a very busy street corner all by yourself!!
Amy says
I think when it’s right, you know it’s right. 4 sounds too young to me. Some states have laws or guidelines about when kids can be left unsupervised. In TX, it’s illegal to leave a kid under 7 in a car alone. In VA, the state recommends supervising kids 8 and under at all times.
We started letting our girls, for example, go to the bathroom in a restaurant alone when they were 7 and 5 but they had to stay together, or they can go grab a table at a fast food restaurant while we’re waiting in line. But typically they’re still within sight. I would not let a 4 year old out of my sight in public with no adult supervision.
Anon says
Note though that you can get in trouble with CPS even if you’re following state law. State laws are rules you get in trouble for breaking, not safe harbors that protect you if you’re following them.
Anon says
I think that’s the thing I’m struggling with though. It really does feel completely ok to me to leave my kid at a table on a restaurant patio while I run inside or to my car briefly. I don’t believe stranger abduction is a risk that anyone needs to worry about. Kids get struck by lighting far more than they get abducted by strangers. The only real safety risk in that scenario would be my kid getting up and walking into the street and we’re at the point where I fully trust her not to leave the table and especially not to go anywhere near the street. It’s really just the fear of someone seeing and reporting me that’s holding me back.
Anonymous says
Getting reported is a real risk, though. The fact that you feel it shouldn’t be a risk doesn’t mean it isn’t one. We live in the real world and need to adapt our behavior to it.
Anon says
Oh I agree. I was responding to the “I think when it’s right, you know it’s right” statement which I read as implying that if your kid is ready you’ll feel totally confident doing it and I don’t think that’s true because of the risk of getting reported.
Anonymous says
The risk of stranger abduction is incredibly low, but it’s also 100% preventable just by keeping an eye on your kids. I always think of the parents of Madeleine McCann. How can they live with themselves? You can build independence in all sorts of ways without leaving a 4-year-old alone in public.
Anon says
The Madeline McCann thing was so different. She was asleep in their hotel room while they were having drinks at a hotel restaurant. I feel terrible for the parents, but what they did seems much riskier than anything people are discussing on this thread.
Spirograph says
This is an interesting discussion. I honestly don’t remember when I let my kids start doing things out of my sight, and it was probably earlier with kid #3 than it was with kid #1. I’m definitely ok with being separated from all of them in public, when I’m still nearby, in a place that feels safe, for a short period of time. Especially if they are together. The youngest is 5. I started letting him use public bathrooms by himself at least a year ago when he preferred to go in the men’s room rather than come in the women’s room with me, but I do wait by the door and check if he’s in there too long.
Anon says
Any tips for keeping elementary school-aged kids happy during a long and boring event? We have to attend a church ceremony this weekend that I’m told may last up to 2.5 hours, with my 7 and 9 year old. This is a really big deal for a family member (ordination), so we’re obligated to go, and several similarly aged cousins will be there, too. But the cousins are at least regular church-goers, while we are not, and it seems like this will be much longer then a normal mass.
If they were preschool aged, I would pull out all the stops with quiet toys and frequent breaks, but they’re old enough that they’re sort of expected to deal with this stuff most of the time. Would it be rude to let them read, do activity books, or similar quiet activities for some of the time? Any other suggestions or advice? (As you can tell, I’m not super-excited about this either, but it’s a huge deal for the relative.)
octagon says
Does the church have a cry room or a parents’ room? I wouldn’t think twice about letting my kids go to a room like that and read or do a quiet activity, at any age.
Spirograph says
Yes. I posted below that I think reading while sitting in the service is rude, but I agree it would be 100% OK for the kids to quietly dip out to a different space and read. or take extended bathroom breaks, or whatever. To me, it’s more polite to excuse yourself than it is to be visibly not paying attention. (This is also how I feel about interacting with a phone when you’re ostensibly interacting with people around you.)
Amy says
+1 to this. That’s what those rooms are for. Anyone who thinks a 7 and 9 year old should have to pay attention for 2.5 hours in a church service (when the family isn’t regularly churchgoing and it’s not a family value of theirs) is not someone whose opinion is worth caring about.
Anonymous says
Oh, no. Super rude.
Anon says
Why is this rude?
Anonymous says
Because the kids are 7 and 9! Those rooms are for parents with infants, not elementary school kids.
Anon says
I don’t think the parents with infants would care? I certainly wouldn’t.
Anonymous says
I mean the relative who was being ordained would care if they found out that the 7- and 9-year-olds had been goofing off in the mothers’ room instead of sitting in the service.
Anonymous says
I would care if I were a mom feeding my baby in the room. I don’t want a 9-year-old boy staring at me.
Anonymous says
The cry rooms at churches, at least any church I’ve ever been to are not like pumping rooms in an office. They’re just a separate fellowship hall sorta near the sanctuary. If you are nursing your baby in there, totally fine, but you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on being upset that other kids were in the room.
Pogo says
I think books and even coloring are totally fine. Stickers too.
For that long of a ceremony, I would intentionally give them bathroom breaks maybe every half hour to 45min to stretch their legs and recollect themselves even if they don’t have to pee that often.
Anonymous says
Every 30 – 45 minutes is a lot of up and down. If you are planning to have them coming in and out, I’d sit near the back door and have them leave no more than twice during the whole service. Plan ahead so they are not moving or missing during the important parts.
Pogo says
Maybe I was thinking of a normal mass, but there are plenty of up and down/people leaving/moving opportunities in general that I sneak my kid out twice (when they bring the gifts up, or when the lectors go up for the readings – there’s kind of a normal pause in things, like getting up between innings at baseball).
Anona says
Some of it is kid dependent — but I think the absolute most important thing you can do is PREPARE THEM BEFORE GOING IN. I have the same aged kids and they are very different, but what would work best for both of them is a few solid conversations going in. I would start with what explaining what is going to happen and be really blunt — (1) this is a long service, (2) this is really important to your family member, (3) you are going to get bored and antsy, and then I’d ask them, it’s important that we keep as quiet and respectful as possible. How do you want to do that? Let them specifically suggest what activities they want, and though I tend to be pretty anti-bribe, I’d let them pick a treat that they can get afterwards if they are respectful during the whole service. Also have them suggest/brainstorm what they will do if they start to feel bored.
For my 9 year old daughter, she’d be fine with a few new chapter books, and an activity book. For my 7 year old son, he’d do okay with coloring for a while, but would probably need something quietly tactile. I would let them pick it out, and hold it back until the service. I would also provide some sort of way to mark the time – my daughter would be fine to follow along with a program, my son would need a watch. Depending on the family member, I would also consider iPads and headphones as a last resort scenario for my son, who would really struggle with this.
Finally, sit in the back, near an exit, and just plan to get up and take extended bathroom breaks. My son has sensory issues and he just wouldn’t be able to sit in a pew for this long period. His body would start to wiggle/squirm, and he’d be more of a distraction bc he’d be on the floor, etc.
Other “know your kid” option is to hire a high school kid (maybe there’s another family member?) who can keep an eye on them on site for some period of time during the service. GL!
Anonymous says
At 2.5 hours I don’t think silent reading is rude for a 7 and 9 year old. If the 7 year old isn’t reading a lot yet, you can also do seek and find books because those can be used fairly silently.
Spirograph says
I have a 7 and 9 year old, too, and I would bribe them. I would tell them ahead of time, “this is going to be really long and not very interesting, but it’s very important to [family member] and I need you to sit quietly. If you do a good job we can do a special treat afterward [let the kids suggest the treat – new lego set, ice cream, whatever]. Here are some things *I* do when I’m bored and sitting quietly in a church:
count the panes in the stained glass windows
count the number of pews
count the number of people who are wearing red/are bald/have hats
make up a story in my head
read the program/order of service
draw pictures on the program/order of service”
etc etc. They are old enough that it’s not unreasonable to expect them to sit still, even though it’s tough, and I would look askance at parents letting their kids read a book in an ordination service. It’s really impolite, IMHO.
Anonymous says
We always got to read in church but only books available in the pew: bibles and hymnals! Doodling, hangman, tic tac toe on the program was also ok.
Anonymous says
I sit next to our pastor’s wife in the choir loft. She “takes notes” in the bulletin to keep herself occupied during the long, rambling sermons, which the choir has to hear twice.
Anonymous says
haha yup, I was in choir in high school and while we only had to sit through the sermons once… sermons are like essays. read the first paragraph and the last paragraph and you’ve basically go the gist. My Bible knowledge comes from 1. singing a bunch of the new testament that was set to music in hymns, and 2. reading the old testament (which is wild!) instead of listening to the full sermon.
SC says
I also played a lot of hangman and tic tac toe on church programs. Also a game that google tells me is called “dots and boxes.”
If you’re into the bribes, my grandmother, a life-long teacher, once told my cousins and I that after church, she was going to quiz us on the sermon. Each child had to answer their own question, without help. Each correct answer earned a quarter, up to a dollar per child. We were legends. Members of her church told her how well behaved we were for years. Members of her church reminisced to teenage me about how well behaved we’d been as kids. Nobody ever knew that she’d bribed us. (Also, I still remember that the sermon that day was about the prodigal son.)
Anonymous says
Hahaha your grandmother is my kind of lady.
SC says
My grandmother was a gifted educator, a blessing to all who knew her, a keeper of secrets, and a complete bad*ss :-)
Anon. says
I have spent hours of my life playing Dots and Boxes in church pews.
To the OP, my BILs ordination was actually a really interesting ceremony. As a lifelong protestant, I was super skeptical going in, but really enjoyed it.
Amy says
Haha yep! Children’s bible all the way! I seem to remember sometimes the church bulletin or our Sunday school handouts even had a little games section.
Anonymous says
This. Ordination is a huge deal and, absent special needs, a 7-year-old and a 9-year-old are old enough to sit quietly without reading a book. I would do my best to go through a detailed explanation of the ceremony with them ahead of time–even for adults, these things are a lot more interesting if you know what’s happening and why.
I see kids this age sit quietly and relatively attentively through long, boring things like piano recitals all the time. Supporting family and friends at these events is an important skill to learn. I see a few older kids who have not been taught to behave respectfully at these events and their behavior is a constant source of stress and embarrassment to their parents and everyone around them. Best to teach them now while a few mistakes will be tolerated.
Anonymous says
Yes, great idea to prep them on what to expect with the ceremony.
OP, If it gives you hope: my almost-6 and 9 year old made it through nearly 2 hours of a dance recital (whyyyy was there no intermission?!) recently, and I promise it was not any more interesting than an ordination. The younger one got wiggly and ended up on my lap after an hour, but otherwise I was pleasantly surprised how well they did. We talked about it beforehand and said that families support each other, sister goes to your sport games, you are going to go to her dance recital. I expect you to act like the respectful kids that you are, and stay in your seat, keep your body to yourself, and be quiet. You don’t have to pay attention, but you are not allowed to be disruptive. The audience was full of wiggly younger brothers and I was just glad my kid wasn’t one of the ones loudly complaining (although I don’t hold that against their parents at all).
anon says
Doodling on a church bulletin would be OK. In fact, lots of churches specifically have doodle pads for the kids. I would not allow reading for pleasure; that would be pretty rude.
Aunt Jamesina says
Totally agree with this. Kids need to learn how to cope with boredom (and adults too, in this age of screens!). If your child can’t handle 2.5 hours without reading or activities, I think it would be more respectful to leave them at home.
Anonymous says
I’d let them bring quiet activities. It’ll keep everyone involved sane. If you’re concerned, sit near the back. But one thing I’ve learned over years of taking my now 6 year old to church…everyone’s just glad they’re there. They don’t care much beyond that.
Anonymous says
+1 that everyone will just be happy they are there, although it may depend on the denomination and level of formality. Last Sunday my 4-year-old nephew stood on a pew and yelled “That’s my cousin!” and my 1.5-year-old niece threw a hymnal while my daughter was singing a solo and nobody batted an eye except their own mortified parents. Maybe people would have been more annoyed during an ordination service.
Aunt Jamesina says
1.5 and 4 is totally different from 7 and 9, though.
NYCer says
+2.
Anonymous says
I am getting itchy thinking about sitting through something like this with my 6 y/o. What I would do with her is sit next to her and get her really engaged in what’s happening. I think quiet whispers of explanation are better than a kid reading a book ignoring what is happening. I’d help her learn how to read the songs/music in the hymnal, perhaps read the program together, follow along, etc.
I grew up going to a LOT of boring church. We’ve never had my kids attend.
Anon says
Hopefully there is enough pageantry that will occupy them for a portion of the time. I agree with the others that reading seems rude, but I would certainly bring them a pad to doodle in and maybe some fidget toys. We are regular churchgoers and my oldest is 6, but we bring notepads and crayons every week. Once he spent the time drawing a picture of the church and we gave it to the priest after Mass, so a very “appropriate” activity. Maybe you can have your kids sketch some scenes (or just make nice drawings) that they can give to your family member as a gift/souvenir?
And this may go without saying, but please no snacks or screens (you would be amazed at the number of iPads I’ve seen for older children who don’t regularly attend church…)
Pogo says
good point on the pageantry, I assume they’ll be bishops and maybe even cardinals? in their full regalia and everything. Honestly I have never been to an ordination, might be good to look up things like incense, if you or your kids have allergies, that can be a tough one to deal with and may want to strategically avoid (if it’s just during processional or something) or bring plenty of tissues. Holy water sprinkling on the other hand is fun (at least for my kid – he gets psyched when he catches a drop lol) unless you don’t want to be blessed.
Anonymous says
You said it yourself: they are old enough that they are expected to deal with this stuff. They can quietly read the pew bible or hymnal, look up hymns or verses, or doodle on the program. Give them a snack right before the event so they don’t get hangry, which is a huge source of impatience even for adults.
Anonymous says
Wow. This is possibly the most important even in your family member’s life. Do you not like this family member? Certainly you and your kids can suck it up and pay attention for one afternoon.
Anon says
And obviously we intend to. I am just asking for tips on how to make it easier. No one else is being a jerk about it, and there’s no reason for you to, either.
Anonymous says
OP realizes how important it is. That’s why she wants to be prepared to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible for said family member.
Anonymous says
So, before you get snippy with the OP, bear in mind that sitting still and quiet is a learned skill, and that for many there have been scant opportunities to practice this skill in the last two years. Maybe some parts of the country but I don’t know anyone who has been taking kids to big group events regularly since 2020 (except a few church goers, but our congregation didn’t even have in person services again till quite recently). I can tell you my preschooler is way behind where my older child was at the same age in this skill.
Anonymous says
What got me was the put-upon attitude. OMG I don’t even want to sit through this; why am I being expected to make my kids sit through it as well?
Anon says
I mean, I think a lot of us only do certain family things because they feel an obligation to support a loved one. I haven’t loved spending tons of $$ to attend cousins’ wedding is distant cities but we showed up because we care about the people getting married. OP is going to show up and support her family member through this milestone because she cares about them. The fact that she’s not jumping for joy about it doesn’t make her a bad person.
Aunt Jamesina says
You seem to have read a very different post than I did.
Anon says
Um do you actually have kids? Because there are many young elementary age kids who would struggle to sit through an event like this. I don’t even think it’s a pandemic kid thing, I think it’s just a kid thing.
Anonymous says
The world has been back to most events like this for a year now. No one has had to sit through a preschool graduation, or a piano recital, or a school play?
Anon says
These events don’t last for 2.5 hours! There are many 7 and 9 year olds who couldn’t sit through a Broadway show. Also many people are still being cautious to some degree and not attending this stuff or at least being more selective about what they attend. My kids have not been to an event like this since before the pandemic.
Anonymous says
Clearly you have never been to one of our local piano recitals, ha. Those things routinely last 2.5-3 hours with no intermission. It’s torture even for the parents, but you sit through it because that’s what one does.
Anonymous says
Can they sit with their cousins? Peer pressure or an example might help them sit still. At our church the kids and teens often sit with friends.
Girl trouble says
My almost-7 year old daughter has 2 close friends in the neighborhood- 1 lives across the street and they’ve pretty frequently just floated between each other’s houses since they were toddlers. We’re friendly with 1’s family and do things together a bit, too. 2 is a newer friend from school/bus. One or both girls, along with 2’s kindergarten-aged sister, often come over and play for hours.
But 1 does not like 2. A few days ago, i overheard 1 going on about 2 ( who was not around), making fun of her in a song-sing way, and told her not to talk meanly about people, but I know this is a regular thing. A few days later, 1 wound up leaving in a huff because my daughter told her to stop making fun of 2 (who again wasn’t there). (Also, my daughter rocks.). My daughter told me that kids on the bus make fun of 2 all the time, that she stands up for her, but it’s “hard not to cry.”
But here’s the thing – it’s definitely not OK for kids to make fun, but I’m not shocked they do. 2’s social skills are really bad. She’s selfish and greedy, she constantly tells stories that are obviously not true, she picks fights with her sister and my son, she makes a huge mess and gets smart when asked to help pick up. The girls play together great 90% of the time, but daughter always has stories about her misbehavior and my husband has sent her home early a few times.
So, I’m really really proud of my daughter for standing up for her friend, but at the same time, I can see that other kids are going to keep on not liking 2, and that breaks my heart. School’s out for summer, so anything about the bus is out for now. Any advice for what to say to daughter, or anything else to do here? Or just let it be?
Anon says
Oof I feel bad for kid 2. Maybe she’s badly behaved because she’s picked on and not the other way around? Kids are usually cruel about appearance and social awkwardness, not bossiness or other “bad” traits.
In any event, I think your daughter is handling it well and I wouldn’t intervene.
Anonymous says
I think your daughter is doing great nothing else to be done.
Anonymous says
I have a daughter sort of like 2, and I’m super curious about the answers you get. In our case it’s a mix of that she really doesn’t know how to socialize well AND her personality seems like she “likes what she likes and has no interest in the rest.” She’s the kind of kid that pretends not to hear you when you ask her to do something other than the exact thing she wants to be doing. Some of the parents of her friends are magical and have just the right rapport with her. Others she acts like you describe above. I would say generally in our case mine doesn’t “misbehave” she just has annoying behavior.
We are working hard on trying to help her grow her social skills but sometimes I just don’t know what else we can do. Perhaps if your daughter has 1 & 2 over you can help them find common ground and all play nicely together?
Mary Moo Cow says
I posted a novel below, but I want to chime in to say that if you shared this information about your daughter, I would really want to talk to you about it and ask for advice/suggestions and be more willing to keep her in the social fold. If I know the reason for the behavior then I can check my reaction to it and strive to be magical.
Anonymous says
+1, sorry not helpful OP (but your daughter does rock for standing up for her friend). My 5 y/o son makes up all kinds of stories and his two best friend have started calling him a liar, which hurts his feelings so much. But he does lie, so I am having a hard time knowing how to guide him. I’m hoping this will all blow over during the summer while they have a break from each other.
Mary Moo Cow says
Hmm. I have a similar dynamic playing out in my neighborhood, with a few key differences, so take what you want from how we’re handling it. Other kids don’t make fun of Neighbor, that I know of, but other parents complain about her to each other. Our plan for the summer is let things unfold organically, with some social engineering. Neighbor can only play at our house if they play outside (I don’t need that mess in my house and there is less to do outside, which usually cuts playdates short.) Kids never have to play with Neighbor, and if they don’t want to play, they are free to say so. If they are feeling too shy to do so, DH or I will be the bad guy: “she can’t play because she hasn’t done her chores yet; it is too close to dinner; we’re leaving on an outing soon,” etc. But if they choose to have her over, they have to be polite and share toys. When Neighbor insists on lying (she does not go to my kids’ school but insists she does, for example) I simply raise my eyebrows and change the subject/don’t engage. I keep my distance but let my kids know I’m hovering in the background to be a referee and after playdates or an upsetting event with Neighbor, we talk about how she might be feeling or what’s driving the behavior and I praise the standing up for others/against a bully behavior. Our goal is to keep Neighbor in the loop so she’s not ostracized, but give kids some autonomy to decide who they want to spend time with. This is a sensitive issue, to be sure. Are you friendly with 2’s parents so you can suss out if she has a safe place to land at home? I’m not advising complaining about her behavior to the parents, but knowing a bit of her parents could help you decide how to approach the situation. For example, I know Neighbor’s parents; I like the mother and have observed she has no control over Neighbor and it frustrates her; Father and Neighbor are very much alike and he is totally indulgent; Neighbor has two older siblings who get a lot of attention. All of this has led me to believe she can get away with this behavior at home and doesn’t understand why it doesn’t fly at our house and I am more sympathetic to her needing to be out of the house and asserting her independence.
Anonymous says
Just wanted to say this sounds like a tough situation, and sounds like you’re handling it sensitively and kindly.
anon says
The answer is pretty simple. You don’t have 1 and 2 over at the same time. But please keep inviting 2 over if your daughter enjoys her company.
One of my kids has really poor social skills. We have tried very hard to coach him, but some of this is pretty ingrained and related to ADHD, which not everyone knows about. He rarely gets invited to anything, and it breaks my heart. It’s also very hard for him to learn age-appropriate behaviors when his peers want nothing to do with him.
Anonymous says
I’d put limits on your daughter’s interactions with 2. My daughter was the “nice” one who always stood up for the unpopular kids, and as a result teachers always assigned her to be “friends” with the bossy, manipulative bullies that no one else would interact with. It made her miserable but she was too afraid to stand up for herself and tell the teachers no.
Girl trouble says
I don’t think I want to go that route at this point – for a lot of the reasons others have said, I am sympathetic to 2, even though she’s a bit of a pain. But hypothetically if we did decide to do that, how would we phrase it? We don’t have formal play dates; the kids just wander over and ask if so-and-so can play, and parents know to just text when they need the kid back. So I’m not sure how I would tell my daughter she can’t play when there’s no obvious reason not to.
(One thing I hadn’t thought of until now – the lies don’t seem malicious, more stupid stories to try to make everything about her. But if they ever turned malicious, that could become a big problem for everyone.)
Thanks for all the replies -these are really great perspectives!
Redux says
Would you let a(n adult) babysitter bring her significant other over? The first sitter who asked this I thought was just off-base, but now that it’s come up twice I wonder if I’m the one off-base. Would it matter if the significant other were another woman?
We only have adult babysitters, usually college age or older, for our two kids who are now 5 and 8. A few years ago, we had a sitter who was a teacher at our daycare. She had a child of her own whom she would bring with her to babysit, which my kids thought was great because it was like a playdate (and the kid was so chill, she would go to bed on time on the couch and be easily moved when we came home for the night). Anyhow, sitter was in her 20s and engaged to a man we’d never met who did not live with her and child. Before coming over one night she asked if it was ok for fiance to come, too, as he was spending the weekend at their place. I said no, that we would love to meet him some time, but tonight was not the appropriate time for that. She said ok and even apologized. It never came up again. Fast forward to last week, different adult babysitter, also in her 20s, asked if her girlfriend could come over, that she was great with kids, and that they didnt get to see each other much during the workweek because they were on opposite schedules. Again, I said we’d love to meet her but not for babysitting. I’m still mulling it over though, admittedly in part because it’s another woman, but also because having two adults around to play and take care of the kids seems like a net benefit to us, and it is indeed nice to have another person around for the two or more hours after bedtime. I wonder if my rule No Boyfriends! is for a different teeage babysitter context that needn’t apply here. So… have you/ would you?
anon says
I would not be comfortable with having another adult, that I hadn’t vetted and met, join their SO for babysitting.
OP says
Yes, I should note that almost all of our babysitters (and certainly the two examples above) come from the daycare so they are fully background checked and vetted and have direct experience with our kids via the daycare. Not so for the SOs.
Anonymous says
No way, nohow. Babysitting is work, not social or personal time.
anon says
+1. This has always seemed super weird to me. Why does that extra person need to be there?
Anon says
Agreed. Don’t commit to work during a time and expect to have that time to socialize with your partner. It’s fine if you say in advance that you don’t want to work that night because you have plans.
Pogo says
agreed. our babysitters have never even asked. If you want to see your SO during that time, don’t accept hours at your job.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Caveat that I haven’t had this experience but I don’t love it. The babysitter is obviously vetted, but the extra adult is not. Bringing an extra child is a different scenario.
Anonymous says
My BIL occasionally watches my kids. He once asked if his girlfriend could accompany him and I said no. Reasons: I have not met this young lady but he’s told me some things about her that make me think she’s probably not a safe person for my kids to be around. OTOH if my nanny wanted her husband to come with her while we went on date night, I’d be fine with that. I’ve met him and he’s good with my kids.
Tl:dr – it depends on the individual.
Anonymous says
Absolutely not and I’d consider it bad judgment to ask. If it’s like your sister and she wants to bring her fiancé fine but a regular paid babysitter? This is your job. No boyfriends or girlfriends hanging out with you at work.
Anon says
i agree. it might also make me think twice about hiring this person as a babysitter.
Spirograph says
Exactly this. If you’re paying the babysitter an hourly rate, no way. If it’s a family member or friend doing you a favor, I would probably be open to it.
CCLA says
absolutely this
Anon says
No way. I’m the OP from the question above about leaving kids alone and honestly I have zero fear about my kid getting snatched by a stranger in public, but would be totally freaked about her being home with an adult (especially male) present that we didn’t know well. Sadly the vast majority of children who are victims of abuse are hurt by people in their circle of friends/family/caregivers, not random people on the street.
NLD in NYC says
+1 This
Aunt Jamesina says
Yes. I was surprised by the stranger kidnapping comments above since it’s just not a real risk. I have way too many women in my life who were abused by men when they were children.
Anon says
Yeah, I think the pandemic has demonstrated that many people are very, very bad at correctly assessing risk.
Redux says
Ha, sadly very true.
Anon says
There are still businesses in my town that require you to sanitize your hands on entry but don’t require masks. I’m sorry, have you read the news at all since March 2020?
anonM says
YUP this.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Nope, I wouldn’t allow it. This babysitter is at work – most jobs don’t allow you to have your SO there with you hanging out.
Anonanonanon says
No. It’s a job. I don’t bring my husband to work to hang out with me.
Anonymous says
Hard nope.
anon says
NFW
BlueAlma says
Ditto
BlueAlma says
Ditto
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s surprising that they are asking, as babysitters don’t tend to have a lot of exposure to “professional” behavior and norms. But I would most definitely say no. You don’t bring your significant other to work, especially not when your job is caring for other people’s children.
Anon says
No, definitely not. Okay with their bringing an older kid along.
FP says
I have but only in a very specific instance. I am a professor and had a summer nanny from my college (she had just graduated and was not my student). Her boyfriend was a very lovely student on campus and well known, very active in the community, etc. As an example, he came to my son’s birthday party and helped my nanny set up, just because he was a nice kid and I think liked being helpful. Our kids went to bed early so we had no problem with him joining her if we were out for the evening or stopping by during the day because I knew and really trusted that they both had excellent judgment and were great with kids. He worked over the summer at a pizza place and a few times the nanny took the kids for lunch at his restaurant which was a cute thing to do.
Anon says
Our nanny’s (female) best friend comes over sometimes to help take the kids swimming or to hang out if both my husband and I are traveling and our nanny’s going to be alone with the kids for a whole day by herself.
In your circumstance, I think I’d be fine with it if the other adult was someone I had met previously and felt comfortable with, but I’d probably decline a spur of the moment request. I do remember one of our babysitters having her boyfriend come with her when I was a kid, but she was a neighbor that we were very close with and my parents spent a lot of time with said boyfriend at social events before he was allowed over during babysitting gigs.
Amy says
Absolutely not, and I would never hire a babysitter who would ask this. That’s insane. Having a male adult stranger around your children in the privacy of your home is so obviously a bad idea that it reflects horribly on the judgment of someone who would think it’s even okay to ask about.
Anonymous says
On the other hand, at least she asked…
ANon says
Absolutely 100% NO EFFING WAY. See: https://sports.yahoo.com/news/california-police-arrest-babysitter-boyfriend-205023641.html. I was in the courthouse when this case was being tried.
Anonymous says
I am 28 weeks pregnant and going on a short business trip next week. The travel is only an hour, so I’m not worried about that, but I could use some advice on eating during two long meeting days. I want to fill my laptop bag with snacks, but I’m not sure what to bring. So far I have protein bars, fruit and dried nuts on the list, but I’m open to anything.
Anonymous says
Apple slices.
Anonymous says
I would bring some berries, cheese, and crackers. I can only eat so many protein bars.
Anoon says
No shade, but this is obviously your first child otherwise you would have what-to-pack-for-snack on lock!
Anonymous says
Yes, haha. I guess it does make the lack of older kids pretty obvious.
Anon says
Really? I have one child already but if I were pregnant again I can definitely see asking for snack advice. I didn’t really ever pack snacks during my first pregnancy. I worked from home a lot and when I wasn’t home I was at my office in a downtown area surrounded by restaurants and I’d just go out and buy whatever sounded good in the moment. This kind of advance planning is hard when you’re pregnant and cravings change all the time!
Anon says
I usually bring peanut butter crackers, dried fruit, jerky, durable fresh veggies (like baby carrots), or a smoothie like one of those Odwalla drinks. If you have access to a fridge, yogurt or hummus (with cut up veggies or crackers) are also great options
Anon says
Almost the entire time I was pregnant I kept “Gin Gins” candies in my bag incase I started to feel nauseas. Especially while traveling or in all day meetings. At 28 weeks hopefully that’s not happening to you too much. Good luck with your trip.
Anonymous says
Zofran. All the Zofran.
NLD in NYC says
Wise hive, need some organizing advice. How long did you keep your baby clothes once they outgrew them? DS is ~2.5. Would love to have another one, but with endo and needing to cough up $$$ for another round of IVF, it might be a while. I’ve been saving clothes for a another brother or sister but it’s starting to feel overwhelming in my apt.
Anon says
i think it is harder in an NYC apartment. i have twins and knew we were done, but my parents insisted (even though they did not pay for them) we save all the clothes in case my sister (who does actually live in NYC) has a baby, so i’ve been saving my twins clothes for the past 4 years even though we live across the country. i have it all in 3 fairly large storage bins so it is pretty well contained and I should have twice as much stuff as you do, though I know that storage is at a premium in NYC. do you have any family within driving distance who lives in a larger space and you could leave some storage bins at their house if you aren’t ready to part? I lived in NYC as a kid and we used to keep our offseason clothing at our great aunt/uncle’s place in the burbs
NLD in NYC says
Thanks! Maybe family in Jersey…
Anon says
I’m the “Hot Mess Express” poster from yesterday, 2.5 years in to IVF for #2. DD just turned 4.
I can’t bring myself to throw out/donate/sell/whatever anything. It’s just an emotional step I cannot take. That said, we did just rent a storage unit and for like $60/month we put all the baby gear and now-too-small clothes there. I won’t keep it forever. I think we’ll try for #2 for another year-ish, “ish” because we got oddly lucky and got 6 genetically/PGS normal/ICSI embryos in February’s retrieval (PCOS, baby…) so it’s hard to say if we’ll pull the plug without using all of them first. But there will be no more retrievals definitively. I’ve set that deadline, and that’s the same deadline I’ll use for eventually cleaning house. Not sure if that’s in the budget, but could be a good, temporary solution.
NLD in NYC says
Sending a virtual hug. Congrats on the 6 healthy embryos. Getting rid of the clothes (and associated baby gear) feels too much like giving up and I’m not there yet. A small storage unit is probably the best solution but my frugal/wannabe minimalist self balks. I’ll tell her to calm down. Thanks for the suggestion.
Aunt Jamesina says
Best wishes to you with your IVF!
NLD in NYC says
Thanks auntie! : )
Aunt Jamesina says
I’m in a suburban home with more storage, but we’re very on the fence about having a second and I don’t want to keep every last thing just in case. I decided that I’m dedicating a set amount of storage space (two bins) and am only keeping what will fit in there. This way I’m only keeping a few favorites.
Anon says
I’d keep your favorites and more expensive stuff like winter coats, but give away random Target onesies or things that feel more replaceable. If you have a Buy Nothing group, someone will surely want them and likely you can get replacements for free down the road when it’s time.
Anonymous says
In NYC, not long at all – IIRC I got rid of most things as soon as they were outgrown. Most of my son’s clothes when he was tiny were hand me downs we got for free anyway. It is really easy to get used baby clothes (and gear) here for next to nothing given the population density and universal lack of storage. For older kids it gets harder as they wear things out.
Anon says
this is my first summer having kids at camp where they get wet/wear a bathing suit every day. do you send a wet/dry bag to hold the wet stuff? a plastic bag? does the wet/dry bag dry overnight so can be used again the next day or do you need more than one? tips?
Aunt Jamesina says
We use wet bags daily for cloth diapers at daycare. I ordered a few cheap ones from Alva Baby to have in rotation. IME, they can take a full 24 hours to completely dry out, so you might want more than one.
Aunt Jamesina says
I have a comment in the cue, but check out Alva baby for good wet bags that are inexpensive (order directly from their website, not Amazon for cheaper pricing). I have a couple in rotation since they can take a full day to dry out.
Aunt Jamesina says
Yikes! I meant “queue”, obviously.
Spirograph says
We just send everything in a backpack and it comes back damp in the same backpack. The backpack and lunchbox also get damp, but dry by the next morning. Repeat ad nauseum. You need to consolidate everything into one bag to the maximum extent possible. You’ll still have to visit the lost and found every week, but it helps a little.
Spirograph says
PS. Teach your kids to roll their wet swimsuit up in the towel rather than just shoving both in the backpack in a wad.
Anonymous says
A plastic bag from Target. It gets recycled after use.
Anonymous says
My kids swim at camp. They actually swim twice. I send a wet bag and a spare bathing suit in case for some reason they need to change.
When they get home the wet towel & suit goes in the wash and the bag is packed for the next day with a new suit.
We have about 4-5 suits per kid.
Anonanonanon says
I have a wet/dry bag with my kid’s name embroidered on it from pottery barn that does the trick. If I take the stuff out as soon as it comes home it’s dry by the next day.
DLC says
I send a swim bag- one of those mesh ones. It dries pretty fast.
ElisaR says
the cardigan in the post is terrible. shapeless. sloppy looking.
Anon says
I don’t hate it but I agree it looks a little dowdy as styled. I think it would be much better with a more fitted lower layer, like a tight tee and jeans.