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A lot of my workwear is machine- or hand-washable, but not dryer-friendly. So, I’m always on the hunt for more drying space.
This wall-mounted laundry rack would be a great addition for tight spaces. This wooden, six-slot rack folds up flat when not in use. Mount one in your laundry room, bathroom, or anywhere you need something to hang wet laundry or towels.
This drying rack is $64.99 at Target.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Anonymous says
My kids are middle-school teens. We just found out that their grandmother is dying (bad cancer prognosis). We don’t know how long it will be and will be going up to visit soon (a flight away) before school starts. This may be the last time they see her (if not, any next time she is likely to be significantly sicker and look different — hair loss, possibly swollen, possibly on high doses of pain meds). I’ve never broached this with them before. People have died (but due to COVID, they have only been to two funerals, and for one, they hadn’t ever met that relative (more like they were brought because they are too young to leave for a funeral you travel to)). My plan is to tell them sometime this weekend (one kid is currently away at camp, to be picked up tomorrow). The grandmother may live 6-18 months and parental travel to help out may mean that our household runs significantly differently at times over that period. Advice?
Anonymous says
I’m sorry to hear that. With teens, you need to be honest about what is happening, including the uncertainties, and allow them to visit and to participate in the funeral. My grandfather died unexpectedly when I was a teenager and I was not allowed to see him in the hospital during his short illness or to attend the funeral (my parents told me it was “just for the neighbors”). It was extremely hurtful and irreparably damaged my relationship with my parents and my surviving grandmother.
Anonymous says
I agree. At 16 I was not treated like an adult when my grandfather died and I was so confused. My mom wouldn’t let me go to the hospital and was so cagey about what was happening. I finally was like “is he dying? If he is, I want to say goodbye, even if he can’t hear me or doesn’t know who I am.” My dad agreed with me but deferred to my mom whose father it was, and mom wouldn’t let me. I am still very bitter about it and I’m 40.
My kids just lost their great grandmother. mIL tried to sugar cost things. My 5 year old saw right through it, just started crying and said “I’m sad she’s dead because I won’t be able to hug her anymore but I will always remember her.” Damn kids are so great sometimes.
“Grandma is sick with cancer. She will get worse quickly so we want to spend as much time with her now as we can. (Later) we are not sure if we will be able to come back to see grandma again so make sure you make the most of this trip.”
Take photos, maybe make special memories if mom is up to it (even if it’s just watching movies together).
I’m so sorry for your family.
Anonymous says
Don’t borrow problems or say too much. Don’t get into you travelling or the house running differently. Grandma is sick, she has cancer, and she’s not going to get better.
TheElms says
I’m so sorry. My mother got quite sick when I was in high school and ultimately passed right after I graduated college. I think what was hardest for me was not knowing what to do with my feelings. I didn’t feel like I could share with my dad how upset I was because he was already managing his own feelings about his wife and was shouldering all of the caretaking burden so I just bottled it all up, which wasn’t great. And I was an only child and my aunts/uncles that I’m close to all lived in other countries. So, I’d make sure to mention that whatever feelings they have are valid (even if they don’t feel much – it might hit them a lot later) and see if there is someone they can talk to you (even if its not you or your partner).
And I agree with being as up front as possible about what the next 6-18 months might look like for your family. Even if that is only to say that you don’t know yet, but its possible that you or your partner may need to go be with them for some periods. And that its ok to have feelings about that as well.
This is hard but the fact that you’re thinking about how it will affect your kids means you’re doing a great job. Hugs from this internet stranger to your whole family.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just want to say, I’m sorry for the loss of your mom, theElms. I’m also an only child with extended family far away. My parents were pretty much it for a long time.
Agree with the advice about being upfront and acknowledging there may be many feelings that come up, even months/years down the line. I still grieve a grandmother I lost 7 years ago, but it hit me more as the years went on.
anonM says
So sorry you are going through this. I’d be direct, honest, and answer questions. Expect that they might seem overly dramatic to you as the adult, but if it’s the first close death it can be a lot for a kid. I think for middle school it is entirely appropriate to say you expect them to help the family during that time, including being flexible. I also think at that age, they will know something bad is going on anyways so I’d be upfront. As others have said, when you hide what is going on in a family from a kid that age, it can be very confusing and lead to frustrations later. It’s a hard truth but also part of life and you can help them see/model healthy coping skills as well as how you support your family in times of crisis. Also, I’m not sure how grandma is doing currently, but if well enough to pick out some simple gifts online, or write a card for a future date, I’d help her do that (and try to steer to something timeless, not necessarily a normal “middle schooler” gift, and/or a card for their one-day graduation/marriage). I absolutely cherish the glass vase from my grandmother that she picked before her death. So sorry again.
Anonymous says
Grandma could also start doling out heirlooms, if appropriate. My grandmother chose which grandchild would get which jewelry and it’s nice to know that she specifically wanted me to have this particular bracelet and necklace. Doesn’t have to be jewelry—it’s the “picking out” that’s important, as anonM said.
Angry Mom says
My husband and I were happily married for 10 years. Then we had a baby and things got weird. He’s a great parent who is generally happy to help. I’d say he gets things right 90-95% of the time. The rest of the time he ignores things because he’s tired or busy. Sometimes it’s kinda important things. But the real problem is my response. I’ve never been an angry person but after the baby would have periods of pure rage after he screwed something up (sometimes even minor things). Our daughter is 18 months now and things have calmed down but I’m still more angry than I’d like to be and I definitely say mean things when I’m frustrated. I still like him and want our marriage to stay happy. He’s patient with me but for how long? He’s human and getting 90% of it right is great! I need to better manage this situation. Would anger management be helpful here? Or going back to therapy? Lobotomy? I realize I’m holding both of us to very high standards and need to relax.
Anon says
I’ve been in therapy over pretty much the same issue. Can’t say it’s helped all that much tbh! But, I do think this “oozing” as my therapist calls it of misplaced stress/emotion pretty much is just a result of my being overwhelmed, not sufficiently managing my emotions generally, then it overflows onto my family. I’ve been trying some meditation, more exercise etc. If you find a lobotomy effective, let me know?
One thing I’d say is 18 months is still…an intense age. It got a lot better for me once our youngest was 3.
Anonymous says
When I’m overwhelmed by stress I get very angry at little things because my capacity to roll with the punches has been used up. The solution seems to be to reduce the external sources of stress, by quitting a toxic job, hiring more household help, etc.
Anon318 says
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that – you are not alone! Anger can be the main or only symptom of PPA/D, so I highly recommend you talk to your PCP or OB/GYN about whether this may be a symptom of something very addressable. Good luck!
Anon says
‘mom rage’ is a thing and can also be part of PPD/PPA or general depression. The hormones in our body completely change things during and after pregnancy. I think therapy is a good start for you and then depending on how important the things are that you’re husband is forgetting to develop better systems
Anonymous says
“Drop the Ball” is a great book. It may not fix your issues, but is a worthy read on the couple dynamics with kids.
Anonymous says
+1 to this. I’m an anxious overachiever and having kids has humbled me so much. Gently girl, you have got to learn to let stuff go. No one cares if your house is clean (preaching to myself). Also, my dad died when I was 24; two weeks after I got engaged. Over the next ten years, I learned that my grief is expressed mainly though anger. Therapy has helped by teaching me how to feel my feelings. Maybe give that a try? I’ve been married 13 years and it’s still a work in progress. Having kids brought up a lot of anger for me because I was stressed. Not sure if this is helpful but you’re not alone or a bad person. Hope you get some help.
Anonymous says
I had this too. What works for me is focusing on how I would want him to react to me if I made the same mistake. Absent major safety issues, most things are minor and most people are trying.
Young kids is a hard season of life. Give yourself and him some grace.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hard to say whether the anger is justified (did he forget to pick her up or feed her?) or a symptom of PPD/PPA (i.e. not cleaning a bottle “right”), but therapy is a good place to start. Try medication too if needed.
Anon says
Yeah, I think we need a bit more information here. I suppose anger isn’t productive either way, but it would be easier to understand if it were for something serious like forgetting her in the car while running into a shop quickly.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Also, if it’s the latter, keep repeating to yourself that “perfection” (whatever that means) cannot be the goal. It’s unfair that generally moms are blamed for everything that happens with kids, but moms are going to be blamed no matter what! Surround yourself with people who support you and not bring you down. The longer you do this parenting thing, the more you realize most of what you do has no bearing on how your individual child turns out. Beyond basic safety and love, everything else is details.
Anon says
Regular poster but Anon for this – I had posted here when this happened.
Your situation isn’t my situation – but years 0-2 of DS #1’s life, DH did/asked to do things that I didn’t like (e.g. “Hey is it okay if I go meet X after work for HH?” – when I really just needed help after work putting DS #1 down, getting bottles ready, etc.) but I let go, and just was like “Oh he’s so stressed because of [insert reason here], I can manage.”
Turns out I didn’t let anything go – I was just building resentment. I thought it never came across, and guess what? I was wrong. He also had his own work/realization, etc.
Our marriage imploded in April 2020 (yes, great timing), around the time I was SURPRISE pregnant with DS #2. It took a lot of pain, therapy, and time to right the ship and find our new normal.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
So, OP – for your own sake – get that therapy. Make sure you’re talking to DH. Make sure he’s talking to you. Sometimes if one partner is angry, the other can can internalize it – even if it’s not about them – and walk on eggshells when they don’t feel safe – I’m the eggshell walker in my relationship.
Congratulate yourself for being self-aware and wanting to be better – I know many women who are fine being the “angry” version of themselves and think it’s okay that their partner is scared of them (and it works for them apparently!).
Anonymous says
Rage in women is a symptom of depression. It’s worth exploring with your doctor.
RR says
I posted this but am stuck in moderation. Rage is the primary symptom of anxiety/depression for me. It was a game changer realizing that and being able to treat it.
anonM says
18 mo is still often a tough age, while super magical and funny it is busy. It seems like therapy, couple/family therapy, or even talking with a trusted friend may help. In my own observations, couples that assume the worst in each other and have very different parenting styles/standards have a hard time. As others have said, it is hard to tell from this short post whether your DH is actually doing things objectively wrong-wrong or if it’s simply not your way/preference. We all have them, this isn’t a dig on you. But if your standard, for example, is changing a wet diaper that is even a little wet vs. DH changes once an hour, neither is really “wrong” or unsafe. I’ve really seen couples with hugely different standards, like one helicopters and the other is fine with free-range. That would be very hard and won’t go away anytime soon. Some reframing may help — DH didn’t do it wrong, he did it his way. Therapy or talking to another trusted mom friend could help you sort that out a bit. Kiddo is also at an age where your modeling becomes more and more important, and I will tell you from my own experience how humbling and motivating it is to change some of my own patterns when you hear the same tone and words coming out of your favorite little human’s mouth. Reading between the lines, it also sounds like you might be feeling like YOU can never, ever mess up even a little. No matter how perfect your partner is, that type of pressure on you is not healthy. Have you had any time away from home where DH is solely in charge? It could help you get a mental break to have a night away and also help you remember that DH can be trusted to keep your kiddo safe and healthy and it doesn’t have to be all on you. How are you sleeping? When I get crap sleep, I get so much angrier. Again, this is all from a short post and I’m assuming from your post that DH is a capable and safe parent. You’re very self-aware, and you clearly care very deeply for your child. Wishing you the best, and that you can give yourself some grace too!
CCLA says
Also consider couples therapy. I was very skeptical but it’s improved our marriage. Many sessions are like guided conversations between DH and me, and we fight better (he doesn’t clam up as much, I don’t get as angry, and while we still end up having disagreements, we handle them more productively). Also your language around his “helping” struck me – if like most of us here you and DH both work outside the home, he doesn’t get to just help, he needs to take a share of ownership of the parenting, and maybe try reframing around that. I like the Fair Play book/cards, of which my favorite takeaway was agreeing on a minimum standard of care for each item, which helps immensely when people have different ways of doing things.
Anonymous says
Idk, my husband and I had a pretty rough patch from when my 2nd was born until my 3rd was 3- that’s about 6 years.
One thing I picked up in what you wrote is that he’s “happy to help” and “gets things right 90-95% of the time.” I used to say the same things. To grow as parents you need to think as a team. Your right isn’t always right. You are both parents. Let him grow into being his own kind of parent even if it’s different than you.
It’s…not easy. DH recently took over grocery shopping and meal planning and BY GOD is is not right. But it’s getting better! And nobody has died and it’s not my problem anymore.
Do my kids eat chicken nuggets more days per week than they should? Yes. Do I have to plan it or cook them? Also no. Is my grocery bill 30% higher? Yep. But I bring it up at a neutral time and he asks for my thoughts on what might be causing it.
RR says
Consider whether you have anxiety. Rage over minor things is a major symptom of anxiety for me. I don’t have panic attacks and the stereotypical symptoms. I have rage.
Lexapro is my friend.
Anon318 says
Low stakes question for the day: DS (age 8, 50”/4’2”) has asked for a desk in his bedroom. Any recommendations? Things to consider other than height?
Anonymous says
Get a real desk, not a little kid one. If he isn’t quite tall enough for it now, get an adjustable desk chair and a footstool. Make sure the desktop will accommodate a laptop, textbook, paper notebook, and mouse all at the same time; nowadays a lot of schoolwork requires all of the above to be used simultaneously. Get something to protect the desktop from damage–leather or fake leather pad, clear acrylic topper, etc. If you are anti-clutter, avoid desks and desktop storage with a million little cubbies and compartments. Kids will just stuff those full of old pens and notebooks they never use. Do make sure there is adequate storage for school supplies he actually uses, electronics cables, and a bunch of school binders and at least a few textbooks or study guides. A bookcase next to the desk is good for this.
PinkKeyboard says
We got both kids the Ikea desks you can combine with the Alex components to add signifigant storage drawers to both sides (holds pens, pencils, markers, gel pens, coloring books, stickers, toys, EVERYTHING). We got adult sized and normal desk chairs and they have been fine with it. (6 and 8 year old girls).
Anon says
Does anyone have something like this drying rack? We kind of need something like this for our small mud/laundry room
Anonymous says
TBH I don’t hang anything to dry: I put it on top of my dryer. I’m probably #adulting wrong.
AwayEmily says
I took it one step further and stopped buying anything that needs to air dry (granted I am able to do this partly because I don’t need to dress super formally for my job!).
Anon says
+1 I don’t own clothes that can’t go in the dryer
Anonymous says
Don’t you own any br@s? Mine would be wrecked if I put them in the dryer.
Anonymous says
I put towel bars in our half-bath for drying swimsuits, laundry, etc. and wish I had one of these instead.
Anon says
We put a hanging bar in our laundry room. We just drape things over hangers. It’s more flexible than a drying rack.
Vicky Austin says
I did this with a tension rod between two cabinets in my laundry room.
Anne-on says
We use a standing drying rack but our contractor (Irish expat) has installed a ton of the ceiling mounted ‘clothes airers’ and he says people love them: https://pulleymaid.com/unitedstates/index.htm
Anon says
We have one because the former owners installed it and I haven’t touched it. Our laundry room is in our finished basement, which I don’t spend much time in except for getting things in and out of the washers. I do have a folding drying/hanging rack that I have upstairs which gets more mileage. I think if the laundry was on the first or second floor I’d use the rack that’s installed on the wall.
Mrs. Jones says
We have one in our closet and I use it all the time.
Anonymous says
We have something like this and have been pretty happy w/it: https://www.homedepot.com/p/STEP-UP-40-in-Indoor-Outdoor-White-Retractable-Wall-Mount-Drying-Rack-Rack40White/313810798
Anonymous says
Very low stakes question. What time of day do your kids watch tv on the weekend? My kids (5 and 3) currently get 20 mins each of tv time each weekend day. The kids like each others shows so it works out to 40 mins total for them.
Typically we do it just before nap to wind them down but now the older one doesn’t nap so it doesn’t matter as much.
I’m just wondering if I should shift them to the morning or evening before bed?
Anon says
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But FWIW, I’ve observed that TV first thing in the morning doesn’t set up the day well for many kids or parents.
AwayEmily says
Do whatever makes YOUR life easiest. When do you need them occupied? My kids are now 5 and 7 but since they were around your kids’ age we did 20 minutes of TV every morning while they get dressed/we prep everything before school. Mornings are super hectic at our house and it makes life a million times easier. They never complain about it getting turned off because (1) it’s what we always do and (2) they know if they DO complain, they lose it for the next day. They also watch a movie on Sunday nights (and eat in front of the TV) while we clean the house and do food prep for the week.
For me this particular schedule had zero to do with what I think is best for them and everything to do with what is best for US, the parents. So think about how TV can make your life easier and do that (within reason) would be my recommendation.
Anon says
+1. I do (and have done) TV every single morning of my kids’ lives because I am *not* a morning person who somehow gave birth to only morning people. I need 20 minutes to drink coffee and relax, and not talk to anyone for a bit. Same thing – tv has always gone off when breakfast is out, and no one complains because that’s just what we’ve always done.
Anonymous says
The proper time for TV is when 1) the parents need it most and 2) when it won’t wreck the rest of the day. If you need some screen time in the morning or evening to get things done or have a breather, move TV time as long as morning TV doesn’t turn them into monsters for the rest of the day or evening TV doesn’t make them resist bedtime. Otherwise if it’s working leave it alone.
Anonymous says
+100 to this characterization. I use TV to occupy them when we’re trying to get ready (showered, dressed, packed) for a weekend hike, museum trip, simply library errand lol. I also use it in the nap hour for older son as his calm-down time.
I don’t love it in the evenings, as I find it can be hard to get them to turn it off (“one more episode mom!”), so we keep that mostly to weeknights for calm down time (after they finish dinner) but weekends we usually transition from post-nap activity straight to dinner and bed.
CCLA says
Agree with above – what works for one may not work for another. Ours are almost 5 and 7 and for the last ~3 years our rule has been no TV until the afternoon. I find that they’re more interested in creative play in the morning and once the TV seal has broken, the other things become less attractive and even if they’re cool turning the TV off they are more easily bored after they’ve had TV that day. We are pretty lax on the amount come afternoon though, and let them do 2-3 hours sometimes on weekend days, especially if we’ve been out and active all morning. Many days the amount is zero (they’ve gotten better at understanding that “up to” doesn’t mean “guaranteed” amount and that some days we’re out and about all day and that means no TV, oh well).
Anonymous says
5-5:30 pm
Anonymous says
Anyone have any tips on how to ease the transition to kinder and aftercare?
My oldest is nearly 6 and starting K next month (bday after the cut off). She will go to half day K followed by after care (so about 8-5). She has been at daycare since she was an infant so she is good with classroom settings and I don’t anticipate much of a struggle there. She has also expressed excitement with the new transition.
But I still anticipate some MOODS as she adjusts to no naps (yes, she still naps at daycare but they’re short) and new friends and new teachers.
How can I help support her through the transition besides keep her schedule light on the weekends to decompress?
Anonymous says
Start now with the school schedule.
Anonymous says
This. Also, don’t signal any of your apprehension to her. No Daniel Tiger or books on the transition to K that set it up to be a big stressful thing.
CCLA says
OMG yes. PreK read a ton of these and I am convinced it made my kid way more anxious than she otherwise would have been. We’re big on talking about feelings but a lot of those going off to kinder books make it into a scary thing when I don’t feel like it needed to be, esp for my kids who were used to being away at daycare all day.
Anon says
Following. My 5.5 starts K in two weeks and alternates between excited and crying about how she doesn’t want to leave her beloved daycare.
Anonymous says
If possible, I’d separate the transition out of day care from the transition to school by taking a few days off in between.
Anon says
Yes we have a week off in between. Daycare is on an academic year calendar and ends next week and K doesn’t start until the week of the 7th. But they are very linked in my kid’s mind. Not inaccurately…
Anonymous says
We went through this. Lots of big feelings about missing his buddies from daycare, compounded with the fact that SOME kids stayed at the daycare for aftercare and SOME OTHER kids stayed there all day for private K. “That didn’t work for our family” is the truth but it had to be repeated many times.
The lack of nap/quiet time was the hardest for us. VERY early bedtimes for the first several months, for sure. We did do some playdates with daycare buds. He finalllly made a couple new besties at school, including one at aftercare who he really clicked with. You just have to give it time.
Anon318 says
If you can, plan for easy dinners she likes and get her to bed early for the first few weeks. You’re probably right to anticipate exhaustion and moodiness in the first few weeks, but this too shall pass! Kindergarten was the greatest sleep intervention we ever implemented :D
anon says
+1 on planning for quick, easy dinners and extra early bedtime. My kids found kindergarten to be exhausting, even though they went to full-day child care from infancy onward.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same with my older kid. He passed out by 7pm, and honestly, we should have put him to bed at 6:30pm. Skip the shower/bath most nights and just do dinner + bed, for at least the first few months.
octagon says
Move bedtime up by 30 minutes or so for a few weeks. Each kid is different, but mine really really needed lots of physical touch for comfort and reassurance at the beginning, even though he said K was fun. We did lots of snuggles immediately after we got home, and extra stories at bedtime sitting next to each other. (This is largely how I figured out that kiddo’s love language is touch.)
Anon says
When do you feel like your kid went from a “toddler” to more of a “preschooler?” Right now, I have one boy who turns 4 in about a month who still feels very, very toddler-y. He is speech delayed (we’re working on it), so I’m sure that didn’t help anything, but his behavior still feels super young to me. Things like – I still don’t really trust him not to aimlessly wander into the street when we are walking on a side walk, or if I’m talking to a neighbor (as I was this morning), he still throws a crying fit if I don’t walk away when he’s ready to go. Is that just 3? Do some of these behaviors taper off as he turns 4? I’m really struggling with feeling like he hasn’t made a ton of independent progress, and in a lot of ways, he still feels very, very young to me. Ped isn’t worried – he probably did lose a little being a COVID baby, but in the last year, has been extensively (EXTENSIVELY) socialized with a hyper social nanny and a great 4 day a week preschool. The teachers flagged the language delay, but says he otherwise is on the young end of normal. I guess I’m just —- tired of toddlering, and am longing for stories of how your toddler eventually leveled up to more of a preschooler…as in, less crying, and more able to do things independently (playing or putting on clothing, etc.).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I am following with interest – I feel like you are describing my DS #2! He is 2.5.
Anon says
No advise just commiseration. My 3 year old (turns 4 in Nov) has a lot of behaviors that remind me of a toddler still. I just got a note from daycare this afternoon that she’s having a hard time “calming her body” when asked or helping clean up when asked. Which is typical for us at home. She’s also been a nightmare to put to bed lately, as I am suspecting she’s just needing less sleep than she needed 6 months ago.
The only things I’ve noticed lately that make me realize she’s starting depart toddler world is more of her hand dexterity (coloring, scissors, etc.) and imaginative play. Both are getting more detailed and controlled. Behaviors, I feel like we’re still in toddler world.
Anon says
My kid was at least average verbally when calm, so felt like a preschooler to me at age 3. “Toddler” (age 1/2) to me was much less verbal, (mostly) eager to please and quite easily distractible, which definitely did not describe my 3 year old! But 3 was my most hated age by far. Not being a “toddler” didn’t make it any better or change the non-stop meltdowns. 4 was much much better and 5 was a dream.
Anon says
okay, so not getting caught up in the terminology, and just talking about behavior – 4 felt more independent with fewer irrational meltdowns for you than 3? Like you could go to a restaurant and sit for a meal or into a store and not have them grab every single item at the checkout line?
Anon says
My kid was never a grabber or a runner, but yes irrational meltdowns decreased dramatically between 3.75 and 4.25 I think 3-3.75 was peak meltdown.
Anonymous says
Sorry to kill the dream but one of my kids is about to turn 7 and there are some days when she still grabs all the items line. Checkout line and can’t make it through dinner at a restaurant. She probably has adhd though (being evaluated).
My other kids have been able to do those things since ~3/4.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids have very different personalities but I hated age 3 with both of them (at least relative to the other ages I’ve experienced). 3 just sucks. 4 is better, but it’s not overnight. I would not describe my now 4.5 year old as a toddler. But the big emotions did come back for my older kid in K, so if you have a more sensitive, intense one, just be forewarned. At 7 though, he now feels like a “big little kid.”
Anon says
When I meet someone who says they like 3 year olds I instantly distrust them.
Anon says
Ha, this is how I feel. And re-reading my responses here make me realize I really need a break from this beautiful kid who I love dearly. I just asked our nanny to stay late tonight, and I’m going to get a glass of wine with a friend.
Anon says
Thanks. I’m generally okay with big emotions, especially if linked to a specific event or trigger — I’m just so frustrated with knowing that every time I walk into a store he’s going to grab something and then meltdown when we have to put it back. Or that I’m counting the seconds from the moment I enter a restaurant knowing he’s either going to be hysterical at some point or he’s going to wander off to the table next to him….My good friends have older kids and one has big emotions, and a 6 year old crying because he’s tired or hungry, fine, but I am just so tired of waiting out the inability to keep your behavior appropriate for a social or public setting (again, restaurant, store, etc.). Probably some COVID related PTSD — just when eating out and shopping became a thing again, I had an unruly toddler that has made those activities feel insurmountable.
Anonymous says
I think a lot of this behavior is less toddler v. preschooler than personality. I have a nephew who is still like this at 5. Honestly it’s easier if you stop trying to wait for them to outgrow the behavior and just find some workarounds, like finding ways to contain him so he can’t run off (strap into high chair or shopping cart) and just letting him scream, eating outside where people won’t mind the screaming as much, etc.
Anon says
Personality is definitely a factor but highly sensitive, anxious kids normally do mature a lot between 3 and 5. The change in my kid’s ability to control her emotions between 3.5 and 4.5 was truly incredible. She went from losing it literally every time something went wrong to losing it maybe one time in 20.
Pumping question says
How old was your baby when you stopped pumping at work? I’m so tired of doing this.
Anon says
Granted “at work” is at home for me (and babies are also home, with a nanny) but for my first baby I pumped for 12 months – once daily (for freezer) plus again for any feed where I was busy and nanny or dad had to give baby a bottle. I stopped pumping at 12 months and then weaned at 14 months. Plan is the same for second baby (currently 6 months).
Anon says
Around 8 months. I continued morning and night nursing until 18 months though I suspect it was more for comfort than nourishment, especially after a year. It worked out great for me. I loved nursing and hated pumping.
anon says
Mine is 7 months and I decided I’m weaning in Sept when she’s 9 months.
I wake up at 4am to pump because my supply crashes when I go all night without pumping and I get my biggest pump of the day at that time. Pumping when wfh is annoying but doable as I just re-angle my camera (I’m b2b most days so hard to truly take a break). It’s so, so hard when in the office or traveling and I work for a company that makes it pretty easy. I’m constantly stepping out of meetings or coming late in order to pump, plus my supply noticeably decreased around 6 months.
On the flip side, DD loves nursing to sleep and its so convenient on the weekends. We have a few trips coming up including a beach vacation and I decided I’d partially weaning her after that. I’d like to keep nursing to sleep after but many women tell me their supply craters and they can’t keep it up.
TheElms says
9 months for kid 1; 6 months for kid 2 (I went back to work at 5 months both times and with kid 2 my supply just tanked and I didn’t have the mental space or time to do all the power pumping it would have required to try and keep it going).
Anon says
8 weeks. I wasn’t a good pumper, and I hated being partially naked in my office setting (even in a nice pumping room). I hereby give you permission to stop. Your baby will be fine with formula.
Vicky Austin says
No advice for you, but chiming in to hopefully make you feel less alone in the trenches. Pumping is SUCH a chore.
An.On. says
3 months! And I’d been back at work for three-four weeks by then. I would like to add that if it’s awful and you hate it, just stop.
SC says
6 months. I had a hard time maintaining a schedule and ended up skipping pumping sessions for last-minute meetings or people just coming by my office to talk about work. I’d also work a little late and miss the 6 pm nursing session, at which point nanny would feed the baby a bottle (she always texted me first to make sure I wasn’t super close to home and get my permission). When I got home, I’d have to start the evening routine and miss that nursing/pumping session too. Not surprisingly, I had a hard time maintaining production, and when it started to drop, it was an all-or-nothing situation for my body. We went through what was in the freezer by 7 months and then switched to formula.
anon says
12 months
Anonymous says
I never pumped at work because I couldn’t deal with it. I continued to BF at home until baby self-weaned at 9 months. BF activists will tell you that the reason my baby weaned early was that I let my supply go by combo feeding, but if I’d had to pump during the workday I am pretty sure that either I or my marriage would not have survived.
Anon says
A little before 9 months for our first. We had our honeymoon when she was 9 months old and I weaned for that. Currently pregnant with our second and I’m not sure what my plan is, but 9 months is going to be my max, and I’m eying closer to 6 months. I hate pumping with a passion.
anonM says
I think around 8 months with my first, where I was pumping at work 5 days/week. I hated it, and also transitioned to formula before a year when I started to feel worn out physically from not being able to keep up with the kiddo’s nursing demands. I was able to keep nursing at night/in the am. Highly recommend at least dropping to one pump per work day – might keep enough supply then to keep night nursing if you want, but it felt like soooo much less of a burden than 3x/day.
GCA says
Unfortunately, I did not optimize my pumping setup until I went back to work with kid 2. I hated pumping but enjoyed nursing, so decided to pump at least once during the workday to maintain supply.
I pumped for nearly a year with kid 1 before throwing in the towel (he was my stubborn baby who absolutely flat-out refused formula, but also was low weight for length, leading to lots of anxiety on my part). Then I pumped for 9 or 10 months with kid 2 (the one with the milk protein sensitivity who would happily drink her expensive Hipp formula – clearly I just can’t win). Combo feeding turned out to be right for us and I actually nursed her, mostly for comfort, till she was 2.
Promotion says
I can’t tell anyone IRL yet because I haven’t told my husband (bc he is in the middle of a crazy 2 days of work event that he spent about a year planning, so I’m waiting until after) but I’m getting promoted due to a resignation – more responsibility, 1 level down from C-suite, 50% increase in comp. And I have a toddler and an infant. I feel like a bad*ass, and superwoman, and excited, and also very nervous and imposter-y.
Anon says
Congrats!! You are a bada$$!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Congrats!! Use that 50% to get as much help as you need.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And agreed, that 50% should go towards help and…whatever makes you feel good because you deserve a treat.
Vicky Austin says
You ARE a badass and a superwoman!!! W2FG!
anonM says
Nice!
An.On. says
That’s amazing! Congratulations!
GCA says
Congratulations! That’s awesome!!
EDAnon says
Awesome! Congratulations! I got promoted with little kids and made it my mission to tell everyone that I have kids, need time off for kids, etc. to help normalize it for everyone. Congrats to you and WOW to the 50%!!!!
Anon says
Another low stakes question – I’m hosting a get together for incoming freshman. 20 families are on the invite list. We’re keeping it simple with potluck snacks at a nearby park, but any suggestions for icebreaker games that 14 year olds won’t be totally bored with, and also silly prizes as incentives? One potentially complicating factor is that 15 are boys, so I’m trying to figure out how to make sure the girls are engaged. (Also, 5 of the boys are good friends, so if you have any ideas on how to split up the boys other than me yelling at them, please let me know.)
Anonymous says
I read somewhere recently about an icebreaker where everyone shared one UNINTERESTING fact about themselves. Examples were “I like turkey sandwiches.” “I have a golden retriever”. I thought this was genius – gets people talking, but there’s no pressure to try and come up with something interesting. I would have vastly preferred this at my high school orientation, and any other team building activities I’ve had to do. At a minimum, it could be the first of multiple ice breakers.
Anonymous says
I like the uninteresting fact idea!
Build a tower from marshmallows and dried spaghetti. Create groups with random criteria: shirt color, birthday month, etc. Tallest tower wins a Starbucks gift card, those little decorations for Crocs, a school shirt, cheap headphones, chapstick, candy, etc.
Anonymous says
How do you get over the guilt that you maybe should have 2 kids? Guilty that you’re taking the easy way out? I feel like I had all these friends that were saying they were one and done with me, and now they have two or three kids. If I could guarantee I’d have a duplicate of my son now (genuinely happy 90% if the time, amazing sleeper, eats everything), then I’d have another. But I know we’d likely have the exact opposite of what we have now, and it would make life more difficult in every way. But sometimes, when my son is being especially cute, I think how great it would be to have another.
Anon says
The honest answer is I don’t have any guilt. I enjoy my easy life with one kid, and politely listen to my friends complain while thinking “I’m so glad it’s not me.”
I don’t believed in doing things just because I “should.” If I wanted a second kid I would have one despite the challenges. But I’m not going to have a second child just because that’s what’s “normal.” I’m also an only child myself so I have that perspective and have never seen only child status as bad or something that needs to be fixed.
But yes, one and done families drop like flies, even well into elementary school and it can be lonely and isolating to not have many families that look like yours anymore. I think that’s different than guilt though.
Anonymous says
+1 to all of this from another one-and-done mom. Why should you feel guilty for doing what’s best for your family and yourself? The guilt seems like another symptom of our out-of-control “hustle” culture. Moms of two kids aren’t any better than moms of one kid, and you certainly shouldn’t have a second child just to prove that you can handle it.
anon says
+100. Zero guilt. I didn’t even know we were “supposed” to feel guilty about this!
Anonymous says
I think you need to separate whether you truly WANT one more or you think you SHOULD have one more. I was in the latter camp, largely fueled by the fact that my first was and is an easy kid. Now I have 3 kids (second time we got twins) and I while I love my life; we are on a very different trajectory than if we were one and done. But before the twins were born I was in therapy grieving not being able to have another kid, so I guess the grass is always greener.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’m a very happy Mom of 2 kids AND MAN – DS #2 (2.5) is taking me on a ride – very different than DS #1 (5.5).
I was open for this, but not prepared.