This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Bucket bags have been popular for a while thanks to their functionality and versatility. Their shape allows them to hold more than you’d expect, and they work just about anywhere.
If you’re looking for a classic bucket bag that won’t break the bank, consider this one from Gap. This bag has a detachable shoulder strap, drawcord closure, and inner pocket. Made from vegan leather, it comes in both brown and black.
This bucket bag is on sale for $49 (marked down from $55) at Gap.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anonymous says
I just got diagnosed with gestational diabetes, and I’m meeting with an MFM to work out a plan. My question is not really about GD, but rather about the info packet they sent me and whether I should say anything about it. They sent me a packet with advice for meal planning, and a lot of it contains generic “diet” advice like avoiding salad dressing, avoiding cheese, and limiting meat consumption to 4-6 oz of lean meats a day. This conflicts with the GD advice I’ve seen, which focuses on limiting carbs and sugars and emphasizes including more proteins and fats alongside any carbs. It also had a calorie-limiting bent (the sample day of meals it showed only added up to 1000 calories) and this packet is supposed to be specifically for pregnant people. Anyway I’m leaning toward not saying anything and just ignoring it (not ignoring the carb/glucose advice, to be clear! just the extraneous diet stuff), but should I mention something to the MFM when I see them? I’m not any kind of nutrition expert but it kind of shocked me. Thoughts?
Betsy says
Yes, say something! It’s inexcusable to be giving such crap advice for GD management in this day. Honestly it would have me considering switching practices – if they haven’t updated their GD care since 1992, what else aren’t they up to date on?
Anon says
Yes, I’d give them that feedback! I’ve given similar feedback when given an inappropriate post-surgery care packet.
cheese in particular is a great GD food, sidenote!
Anonymous says
My kid is like 90% cheese for that reason.
Anon says
Get the book Real Food for Gestational Diabetes by Lily Nichols. I’ve heard it’s really good and I liked the author’s general pregnancy nutrition book. You might also check out the recent articles in the Guardian about diabetes and how the whole industry is ignoring the evidence in favor of a low carbohydrate diet.
Anon says
+1000 for this rec! I had GDM with my second (not with my first or third). I was really anxious/sad about it all, but followed her plan and was successful in keeping everything in check without insulin.
Glucose Goddess on instagram would also be a good follow, but she does not focus on GDM.
Anon says
Yes, this, although her diet doesn’t work for all bodies (mine needed significantly more carbs, because I run). But it will help you understand the research and also things like glycemic intake, calorie density, nutrient density, etc. View it as a starting point, not a gospel, and it’ll take you far.
SBJ says
Does your practice have a dietician who specializes in GD? I had it with my second (not first or third), and was immediately set up with a dietician. She gave me exactly the advice everyone here has said, helped me figure out how to manage everything as a vegetarian, and was generally amazing at making it all feel very manageable, which was a total 180 from how I first felt getting the diagnosis. It really took a big mental load off to have her helping me plan. I would push to get set up with a dietician who knows this stuff-they’ll be your best resource here. And yes absolutely tell the MFM the packet isn’t helpful!
Anon says
I saw my MFM this week, who told me to eat 450 more calories a day in the 3rd trimester. I can’t imagine restricting to 1000 calories?
Anon says
Curious for feedback if you would have handled this differently. A few weeks ago, my kids (3 and 1) were having a particularly rough post-dinner evening and behaving very poorly during a time when DH was swamped and stressed at work. I was putting the screaming 1 YO to bed and DH just put the 3YO in bed, still whining and yelling from his room. When DH returned to the kitchen, he was trying to shut a cabinet door that kept getting stuck on a kid’s plastic plate. DH threw the plate, which hit and exploded the glass on our china cabinet. I was furious, but that wasn’t the time to scold DH, and he dutifully cleaned it up. It took about two months for him to get the glass fixed on the cabinet. I’ve asked him to pay to fix the glass out of his pocket money. (We’re on a tight budget, so all money goes into a big pot, then divided out for bills, daycare, etc. and we each have a chunk of pocket money to spend on clothes, books, coffee, etc for ourselves.) DH thinks I’m punishing him like a child by insisting he pay for the broken glass. I’m mad that he thinks we should treat the broken glass as a common expense when it’s due to his poor control of his anger. I don’t blame him for being angry, but he should take responsibility for the resulting action of physically breaking something. For context, I generally have low tolerance for anger (I’m working on acknowledging that feeling angry is okay, I’m still uncomfortable with most expressions of it though) and DH has had a lot of pent up anger the past year due a move that I wanted and he did not. I suspect this dynamic is at play in the background.
Anon says
Sounds like there is a lot going on, and big hug to you. This isn’t answering your question, but I suspect your DH is dealing with feelings of overwhelm and resentment – both of which can bubble up (maybe they already have) and have negative impacts to your marriage.
I’d actually think about marriage counseling so you both can work through this together – your post makes me think there’s more than a one-off expression of anger for you both to discuss, but I could also be projecting from the hard times I’ve been through in my own marriage.
Also, if there’s a bunch of deeper stuff going on in the background, who pays for the fix isn’t something I’d really put much focus on. Just get it fixed, and then focus on the bigger stuff between you two.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, this. You’re in a very challenging time, OP. Those ages of kids is hard. Moving is hard. Work stress is hard. Budget concerns are hard. These won’t be solved by him paying for this with his free money. I would also suggest counseling to give you both a set time and space to talk through what you’re going through.
Anon says
I also have a lot tolerance for anger / rarely thing showing anger is okay. Even so, I’d make this a joint expense. I agree that it feels punitive and childish to make him pay with his free money. Yes, throwing the plate was a bad choice but it happens. And I’d much rather my spouse take out his anger on objects than by yelling or snapping at me.
How much pocket money do you each get each month and how much is the repair?
How urgent is the repair? If money is tight than maybe it can wait?
How far away did you move and why did you move? Leaving a community when you have young kids is HARD. It’s not the right approach but I know if I was your husband I’d probably blame every little house thing on the move for a while.
Anon says
+1 to all of this.
This says
+1
Anon says
“I’d much rather my spouse take out his anger on objects than by yelling or snapping at me.”
Um, these are not the only two options to deal with stressful situations. You walk away from the cabinet and decompress in another room. You go for a walk. That is how adults handle stress.
Anon says
Yeah, I’d make it joint. He’s clearly dealing with a lot, you can easily avoid piling on. Honestly I’d reevaluate your current budgeting system if this type of event puts pressure on it. Can more things be joint/can there be more flexibility?
Anon says
The fact that everyone here is rushing to DH’s defense is wild.
Anon says
No, you never ask your spouse to pay for a household thing like that out of pocket money. Sorry, but that is incredibly infantilizing. He’s not one of the kids.
Anon says
I’m surprised by the responses above. He should pay for china cabinet glass replacement out of his own pocket money. He deserves to be treated like a child if he acts like one. And yes, if he has a pattern of this type of behavior then an intervention from a third party is necessary – anger management classes, therapy, marriage counseling, whatever he will agree to.
Anon says
Uh treating your spouse like a child is a great way to build resentment. Sure, husband acted childish but no need to stoop to that level.
We all make mistakes and I hope that my spouse is the first one to extend grace to me when I make a mistake. And vice versa.
An eye for an eye is a terrible way to approach marriage, especially with young kids.
Anon says
There’s honestly never a time when it’s appropriate to treat your spouse as a child. When will that EVER help a situation? I can’t think of one.
Anon says
Throwing things and breaking things is a great way to build resentment.
Anon says
I think the fact that they each have “pocket money” means they already treat each other like children. DH’s actions were childish and he should pay the consequence.
Anonymous says
This is such a weird take on a reasonable budgeting solution. DH and I have a shared account and credit card but we also set a monthly ‘fun money’ budget to keep us on track with savings goals for vacations and college. IDGAF if he saves it up and buys a new video game widget and he IDGAF if I use it for a weekly manicure but having a family budget and shared financial goals isn’t childish, it’s responsible.
Anon says
Yeah I would not be ok with my husband essentially putting me on an allowance. It’s very childlike. There are ways to budget strictly that don’t include each adult being treated like a child who gets a little bit of pocket change every week to buy toys.
Anon says
It happened a few weeks ago but it took 2 months to get fixed? Is this a hypothetical?
OP says
OP here. It happened a few months ago. My bad! It just got fixed, which is why we’re debating who pays.
OP says
OP here. Thanks for the gut checks. Sounds like maybe I’m in the wrong here, which is humbling. We had been in marriage counseling for months after the move, which was initiated because we had a second kid, mostly to discuss how we both handle anger. I feel like breaking stuff is not an acceptable expression of anger, period. But maybe I’m being too hard on DH for a mistake when this kind of thing rarely happens.
Anon says
It is awesome for you to see the other side with perspective from this group. I’ve been humbled here before, and with time, it is usually the right call even if it stung to read it here at first.
I can offer this — I am a fabulous mom. I have 3 amazing kids who do not bicker or fight with each other or me. My husband and I have a really happy, solid marriage (at times, our marriage is just fine, at times it is phenomenal). During the very little kid years, I once threw a baby bottle, and I once threw a diaper. Height of frustration, everyone doing the best we can. This stuff is hard. My husband never, in one million years, would have thought to “scold” me anymore than I would have thought to “scold” him for anything similar. I also cannot imagine a world where he’d try to punish me or get me to take responsibility by having to pay for something I did in a moment like that. I would not tell you these things if you said that he was frequently angry or whatever, but only to say even really good parents and partners slip up and get angry and have a hard time. Knowing you have a partner that won’t infantilize you helps push through to the better times, and dare I say it, later find very much humor in these moments.
Anon says
I would expect the same as you: if I/my husband breaks something through anger or lack of proper care, I expect that person to be responsible for fixing it. But I will also acknowledge that my husband and I operate in separate financial spheres more than most couples, and our approach isn’t necessarily the right one either. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
I had a similar experience recently and I came down very hard on my husband because I didn’t want to go down a slippery slope of accepting that type of outburst, but with hindsight, I think I could have been kinder to him. I will admit that it was very out of nature for him, and he was dealing with difficult physical issues that were affecting his mental health too. But my reaction was also caused by how much I was struggling too, feeling like I was doing so much for no appreciation, and so I don’t think either of us handled it optimally. I don’t think I was wrong to tell him it was unacceptable, but I don’t think how I handled it was the best response, either. In retrospect, I really wish we’d been able to have a honest and open conversation about how each of us was struggling and be able to take some of that burden off each other.
MomOfThree says
It’s all one pot anyways. Instead of spending time arguing about the allocation of cost, could you spend the time on some couples counseling around the anger issues and communication?
Anon says
Yeah I confess I don’t even really understand the whole concept of “pocket money” in a marriage because all earnings and expenses are ultimately shared, even if you assign it to one person only.
anon says
Not OP, but the idea is that each person has to limit their discretionary spending. So if the cabinet repairs come from husband’s pocket money, he cannot afford as many toys.
Anonymous says
With kids those ages it’s all about grace, grace, grace. I had a LOT of anger when I had a toddler and an infant (and later learned that irrational anger can be a sign of postpartum depression). I’m still grateful to my DH for being so understanding instead of turning me into a villain.
If your finance system turns money into a weapon in your relationship, then you need to revisit the system.
Anonymous says
Have you thought about splitting the cost? This acknowledges that it was unintentional but a foreseeable consequence of DH losing his temper. I would focus on connecting with the idea that you know he doesn’t want to be the kind of guy that gets mad about small kids and breaks stuff and that this is a tough season of life. Maybe some individual therapy to learn healthier coping techniques when he needs a physical outlet. My DH took up running. Sometimes when he’s struggling I’ll ask if he needs a run and he often says yes. Sometimes the dishes can wait a half hour while he goes for a run around the block.
Anon says
I guess I’m a little different than the crowd here, but yes for inappropriate anger response causing a broken item, I would think it’s reasonable for that person to fix it. If it was just that he was tired from work and dinged the mailbox backing into the driveway (or something of that nature that was the outcome of the stress), I’d agree to split. But the fact that it was a pretty violent act (throwing a plate? seriously?!) and apparently you’ve been discussing anger management issues for a while, I don’t think you’re in the wrong.
anon says
Throwing a plastic plate, though. So yeah, not great that it’s a physical expression of anger, but he probably really didn’t expect a plastic kids plate to shatter a glass cupboard (I know I wouldn’t think it could!).
Anon says
+1. To me this is different from deliberately putting his fist through the cabinet. I wouldn’t expect a plastic plate to cause damage.
Anon says
But he threw it at a glass china cabinet! Of course it would cause damage! If he absolutely had to throw it to get out his frustration, then he could have thrown it on the floor, or counter, or any surface that was not GLASS. Even someone in the throes of rage would know not to take out his frustration on a glass cabinet because broken glass is dangerous, time-consuming to clean up and costly to fix. I still think he needs to pay for it.
Anon says
She’s not talking about a disposable plastic plate. She’s talking about a melamine (or heavier/thicker) kids plate – like the kind that a college dining hall or even some restaurants would use. That should definitely be expected to cause damage. And husband presumably knew there was a glass cabinet nearby. Nobody throws a feather when they’re mad, husband definitely knew that it had at least some weight to it, otherwise throwing it wouldn’t have been cathartic!
Anon says
Most adults don’t throw things in anger ever. I am genuinely shocked by these comments.
Anon says
/shrug/ I’m not.
Anon says
I am too. And I’m not in the “yelling is ab*se” camp at all. I yell, more than I would like, and my husband yells too. It’s not ideal but I don’t think it’s horrible. But neither of us has ever thrown anything at a glass cabinet in anger. That seems like a big f-ing deal to me and a sign of serious anger management issues.
Anon says
Yeah, and someone is like “well he didn’t put his fist through a piece of furniture so it’s fine”????
OP, you are not crazy for being upset about this. But I also don’t think that cloaking your legitimate anger and concern in a financial conversation is healthy or productive. Separate the conversations — one about what expressions of anger are and aren’t okay in your marriage, one about the (legitimate!) emotional issues you’re both navigating, and one about finances. Focusing on one topic at a time will help keep emotions down.
busybee says
While I was figuring out childcare (we got it worked out, hooray!) I contacted Bright Horizons. My company touts its “backup care” as one of our perks. I called and got more info and we’d have to book a date and pay the $48 fee without choosing or even seeing who the care provider would be. The guy on the phone told me they “permit” cancellations in “certain circumstances” but I definitely had to pay the fee upfront.
Do people really hire strangers to show up at their door to care for their children without vetting them or speaking to them at all? I couldn’t even see profiles without confirming a booking. This was nuts to me but evidently they stay in business so maybe I’m an outlier.
Anon says
I think part of the concept is that the provider would vet the caregivers for you.
Anon says
Yeah, they’re prevetted. The only way you can have a person you’ve vetted to be available whenever you need backup care is $$$$ or nearby retired family.
In home care is different than daycare, but it’s not like you met everyone at your kids daycare before you signed them up.
busybee says
Yes, he touted that they vet their candidates, though wouldn’t tell me how they verified anything. I spent 7 years as a child abuse prosecutor so admittedly I’m more skeptical than many.
anon says
This service is just lip service imho. It’s to make companies think they’re helping working parents (moms, let’s be real) and it’s really not all that helpful. My coworker tried to use the service and it was hugely unreliable. Sitters cancelled morning of, left early, signed on to cover a week and only stayed for two days. I know some people have had SOME success with it, I think especially if you go to a daycare center vs having someone come to your house where you’re relying on a single individual, but I think it’s pretty BS.
Anon says
+1 – This has been my exact experience. The backup daycare center was solid in a pinch, the sitter coming to the house flaked.
GCA says
Agree. We had a ‘backup care’ benefit through DH’s program at one point when he was a PhD student and it was a completely useless sitter service. Later we went to a Bright Horizons that was in a backup care benefit network, and occasionally some of the kids in DD’s class were ‘backup care friends’, particularly during summer-camp shoulder weeks or on public-school holidays (some preschools/ daycares follow the public-school calendar) – that seemed like it worked well for those families.
Anonymous says
We’ve used the BH backup care, and yes, a stranger did show up at our door to take care of our kid, who was I think 3 at that time. We felt comfortable with it because my husband was working from home that day so was able to monitor the situation. Actually, the nanny was great! Towards the end of the day my husband felt so comfortable with her that he gave the ok to take our kid to the neighborhood playground.
Anonymous says
This. It’s a solid option if you can pair it with WFH. WFH with toddlers and babies is hard.
Anon says
I have friends who have used BH back up care like this as well (i.e., with one parent working at home). They have all had positive things to say.
Anonymous says
Yes, I use Bright Horizons backup care to hire strangers to show up at my door and care for my child. I’ve posted about this, possibly on the main page. I use Bright Horizons for truly last minute backup care (e.g., nanny got sick at 7pm and I need coverage for the next day). I live in NYC where there are lots of nannies available so they are always able to send someone. I book them to come an hour before I start work so I can see how they interact with my child/what they are like in person/etc. If you like someone, you can request them again in the future (although it’s not guaranteed they will accept). But generally if they like you, and aren’t busy that day, they’ll pick it up. I work from home so I can help trouble shoot during the day.
Generally, they’ve been excellent. I now directly book the nannies I’ve liked through their agencies (not Bright Horizons) for backup care. Usually one of the 5 or so is available. I instead use Bright Horizons for date night sitting – we put our kid to bed and then they watch the monitor while we go out for drinks/dinner.
anon says
I had a similar benefit and a few times wasted a bunch of time trying to schedule someone for same-day or next-day care and BH never came through with anyone.
When I absolutely needed backup care, I used a local nanny agency that was super expensive, but always came through. They’d let me review a thorough dossier on the candidate before booking (often these would be nannies in between jobs they place every 5-10 years as their previous family ages out of needing a nanny).
Anonymous says
What’s the current thinking on kids BMI? I have 3 kids, with 3 different builds, and they all have basically the same BMi, which is just over the line between normal and overweight.
Kid 1 is what I’d call just between normal and overweight- she’s always been a little squishy, and this BMI makes sense to me.
Kid 2 eats like an elite athlete (by choice; she’s 8!), is a very active kid with rock solid arm and leg muscles- she doesn’t do team sports but does girls on the run, climbs, dances, ergs during DH’a CrossFit class for fun- and in a bathing suit she has a very lean figure. She is, however, heavy!
Kid 3 has always been like this but it’s like her bones are made of lead. She is in great shape, looks as fit as all her sporty friends, but somehow is like 30lbs heavier. Her doctor has messaged to her from like kindergarten that bmi doesn’t apply to some kids.
I suspect they get this from their dad, who is in excellent shape but weighs 200lbs at 6’. My brother in contrast is 6’3” and 195lbs and is pudgy with a little gut.
This came up because my 8 year old saw that she was registering as overweight while playing around on our old Wii fit and was absurdly incensed. And I checked her stats and, well, technically she is but nobody would look at her and think that.
Anyway, it’s tricky and I’m confused since I have one kiddo that likely does fit into that category, and two that don’t, but they all have a similar height tonight ratio. And my 11 year old weighs 108lbs, and her friend that visually looks like she weighs significantly more weighs 92lbs! This came up when they were discussing life jackets on a recent boating trip; the recommended weight for a kids jacket is <90 and nobody could believe my oldest weighted more than that.
Lily says
You need to stop discussing weight around your kids, period. That includes not entering their weight on the Wii fit. Seriously. Why are you allowing people to discuss how much your oldest kid weighs?? Why do you know how much your kids’ friends weigh? This whole post is so disturbing.
Anon says
+1000.
Anon says
+2000. All of the current public health research indicates that BMI is a poor metric for measuring health.
Anon says
I agree.
I will also say that I’m a doughy couch potato and have a normal BMI and my husband is a trim serious athlete who is obese by BMI. He does not look fat and he runs probably 75-100 miles a week, in addition to playing several other sports. He’s just literally wide and very dense. So I think BMI as a metric of health is limited at best.
Anonymous says
I would just listen to any input their doctor(s) have. FWIW, my concern in life is body fat percentage and not BMI.
Anon says
Yeah, I think inevitably they may know how much they weigh but that’s not data that ever comes up in my kids’ lives. I have no idea any of their BMIs and neither do they. I think you can avoid it/shut it down if necessary. I give them the appropriate life jacket and would shut down any discussion with anyone else where weight came up real fast (my oldest is 10, I get it may get increasingly harder). I don’t think they should be discussing it with friends, even if there’s context.
And for answer, I don’t know my kids BMIs so no idea current thinking! I’d ask the ped.
Cb says
Yeah, I have a rough sense for life jacket / carseat purposes and my son occasionally gets on the scale at my parents’ house, but it’s not something we ever discuss. The kids get weighed at school and if I knew it was coming (they never tell us), I’d opt out.
We don’t talk about weight in the house, we talk about what we can do with our strong bodies, and how nice mumma’s soft belly is for cuddling. If I had girls, I’d be even more cautious.
AwayEmily says
I don’t even know any of my kids’ weights. We don’t have a scale in the house at all, and I guess they are weighed at their yearly pediatrician appointments but I’ve never paid attention and the pediatrician never mentions it.
Anon says
+1, and seconding Cb and AwayEmily here. I know broadly what they weigh for safety reasons only.
And, as someone who is currently watching my 13 year old daughter’s friends getting sucked into the vortex that is teen weight loss/watching what you eat, I can’t think of a scenario where monitoring BMI is helpful, healthy, or needed.
Anonymous says
My daughter has always known her height because she’s intent on growing taller than me, and sometimes knows her weight if she’s recently been weighed, but doesn’t know what other kids weigh or what her BMI is. BMI is a worthless metric for adults and even more worthless for children because it doesn’t differentiate by sex and doesn’t account for body composition or age. How on earth are your kids accessing BMI metrics on the Wii Fit, and why is the pediatrician discussing their BMI with them?
That said, I think the “body positivity” movement has gone too far even with kids. Little kids should all be fit. Some are naturally scrawny and some will naturally be a little squishier, but there is no excuse for kids’ not getting regular exercise of some type and being strong and fit. Never again in their lives will they have as much opportunity to have fun running around, playing sports, etc.
Anon says
How does the body positivity movement encourage kids to not be active? My understanding is it promotes all bodies as worthy, not just 1 (hard to achieve) ideal. I wish that concept were around when I was a kid. I was an extremely active kid and youth, a 3 season HS athlete, who competed at the state level.
My BMI was always slightly overweight in HS because I was cross training in the gym lifting weights, and it caused severe body dysmorphia and ED that I sometimes still struggle with. All over being >10 lb “overweight”, though I would always be the girl in my class who could do the most pushups and situps and what not during the stupid 90’s “Presidential Fitness Exam Competition”.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, if anything I’d think the body positivity movement has increased participation in sports. My friend who self-identifies as fat said that she feels much more comfortable doing team sports/running/etc now than she did as a kid because there’s so much more acceptance around different body types, and less of the idea that you “can’t” do a particular sport just because you have a bigger body (which she encountered a ton as a fat kid).
Anon says
I agree
Anonymous says
I have read that BMIs are not very useful as a measurement for kids, because they were never meant to apply to kids. Our ped only tracks it as a relative number so we can see if the kids are following their growth chart — i.e. a big jump or fall from year to year would be concerning, but the number itself is not.
Anon318 says
This is what our ped said. OP, my almost nine year old is noticing his body relative to his peers and expressed discomfort with changes over the last 12+ months. His pediatrician was extremely reassuring that bodies are weird in this pre-pubescent/adolescent stage and not to make a big deal out of height or weight metrics. Some kids are solid muscle, some kids will gain a bunch of weight before growing tall, some kids will grow tall and be uncomfortable with being skinny. Growing up is hard!
MomOfThree says
Your kids all sound fine physically. Some people are just “denser” than others. No one should be overly focused on BMI. Your doctors messaging was correct. It’s a measure but the numbers don’t line up across ethnicities for example.
anon says
Yep. I noticed my lean muscular 6 yo daughter (all muscle, not an ounce of squish) is “overweight” according her her school (via the parent login to see “fitness”). Just barely, but there it is. Its BS. I have always also been muscular too (was a college athlete myself). Different bodies are different! Personally I hope gym did not share that with her, she never mentioned it, and I do not plan to mention weight around my daughter or bodies beyond people are different, its healthy to move, and we eat fruits, veg and protein because thats what our bodies need to grow and be strong (treats are OK but moderation).
GCA says
If your ped is already saying that BMI is a poor metric for health, they are correct and up to date. Kids weigh what they weigh, their growth curve is their growth curve, and there’s no substitute for getting plenty of activity in whatever form works best for your family. You can apply that in your day to day life and your messaging and role modeling to kids! Keep being active, be proud of your own shape and size, shrug and say ‘we’ll be using the life jacket that is safe for kid’, etc.
That said, the language you use around leanness and squishiness, even alongside language about strength and activity, suggests there’s some subconscious value judgement going on around conventionally ‘fit’ body shape. I don’t know how to overcome that because it’s years of conditioning (growing up in 90s diet culture, for me…) but i’m sure people will have good suggestions on body neutrality and body positivity resources?
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t just plug your ears and pretend weight doesn’t exist. That’s not helpful. But it’s only one measure of health. What about blood pressure? Strength? Lung capacity? Speed? The pediatrician may not track all these types of things, but you can use them as tools for kids to understand that their bodies are strong and healthy.
Anonymous says
We measure up everyone’s height/weight/shoe size every few months because it’s useful for various sports – ski sizing and binding setting, life jackets for water activities, car seat/booster seat/no booster transitions and skates/dance shoes/new clothes with back to school shopping.
DH and I are physically active, plan family outings that involve physical activities and talk about different challenges we want to take on as a family. Like if they want to do a longer hike when their older cousins visit at the end of the summer, then we need to do some prep hikes. And we talk about how to fuel our bodies for physical activity.
We do pay attention if a particular kid is starting to gain a bunch of weight and make adjustments. Like we cracked down on screen time while eating for everyone when we realized middle kid was defaulting to watching youtube while eating his after school snack and wasn’t registering what or how much he was eating.
Anon says
Looking for any induction experiences! I’m a high risk 40 year old FTM, and my MFM told me I may be induced early for health reasons plus baby consistently measuring in the 98-99th%. I really want to avoid a C section as this will be my one and only pregnancy. I’ve been reading so many stories of painful or failed inductions…
Anon says
A friend of a friend just had a successful sub-24 hour induction at age 45!
Anon says
I was younger but my induction was less than 12 hours
Anon says
I was induced at 35 weeks because of preeclampsia, and had a vaginal delivery after 36 hours of labor. I was 38 at the time. It was only painful once I hit 6/7cm dilated. I had two failed epidurals and back labor, so I accepted a dose of morphine once I hit that point. I was still able to push two hours later. I was confined to my bed because I was on a magnesium drip so it was not the labor experience I had envisioned, but I was happy with the outcome. It is possible.
Anon says
I was induced, did not successfully labor and had a c-section and honestly, not so bad. Obviously people have all different experiences but thought at least one happy ending story about the outcome you’re afraid of might ease your anxiety. I had a hard time getting around for a couple days but was on non-prescription pain meds by the time I went home.
Anon says
I appreciate hearing this! Glad it worked out ok for you!
busybee says
I read those too and was terrified. I had two great inductions. First one took about 36 hours start to finish but the first 24 hours was basically nothing. Watched a lot of HGTV and ate lots of snacks. Mostly we were bored. The second was 7 hours, still watched HGTV and ate snacks. I was high risk with the second due to twins so they had me on the continual fetal monitor which was a little annoying but not really a big deal.
Got epidurals with both, though didn’t need it with the second birth and kind of wished I hadn’t. Easy recovery. Also really liked having the date scheduled because it made wrapping things up at work easier. Everyone is of course very different and I don’t mean to invalidate negative experiences, but mine were great.
Anon456 says
I had two inductions. One was at 41+3 and age 34, so that one was because I was past due with no signs of labor progress. Baby was out in about 20 hours from first dose of meds to delivery. Easy peasy. No issues at all.
I had a second induction at 39 years old (in November) for my now 9 month old. That one was “elective” at 39 weeks – I was also in MFM and it was encouraged but not deemed medically necessary. Given the easy first induction and the severe physical pain I was in (omg sciatica – I was basically bedridden…), I went for it. I ended up having a crash c-section. I’m going to be really honest – baby #2/crash c-section was extremely, extremely traumatic. Essentially they swept my membrane because I was progressing so slowly and it led to cord prolapse. Baby was out in under 4 minutes from the time they made the call. I don’t talk about it (this is the most I’ve said about it to anyone since the day I left the hospital), but baby is 9 months and we’re all doing great. It’s a bad memory, but an increasingly distant one.
I will say, the physical recovery from the csection was LIGHTYEARS better than v-birth. Lightyears and lightyears.
#2 was always going to be my last, so I haven’t had to think much about what I’d do for my next pregnancy. Though, knowing what I know now, I think I would ask a boatload more questions on what led to the slow progress (was I just really not ready at 39 weeks?) or the prolapse (membrane sweeps can be a cause, I’ve read, should we have skipped that? what were alternatives?). Short of having those answers from a doctor, my gut says I’d probably not do the 39 week elective induction but would agree to it if I got to 41 weeks like #1.
Good luck to you. You’ll do great.
Anon says
Only thing I’d say is don’t feel bad if you have to have a c-section! Be open to it, especially if you’re high risk. Four kids, four c-sections. It really doesn’t matter how your kid gets here. Recovery will be worse with a c-section, but it is what it is. I was high risk and that’s just how it happened and it’s totally fine.
AwayEmily says
I had two inductions — once because my water broke before active labor started, and once because I was 40+ and asked for it. They were both fine. The second one took like three days. I found it really helped to read a TON of Reddit induction threads beforehand to get a sense of the huge range of possibilities, different tools/meds the doctor might use, etc. It was good to go into it feeling really informed. The one thing I would suggest is not waiting too long to get the epidural — for one of my inductions, things happened FAST towards the end and it was too late for an epidural and I was NOT happy about that (to put it mildly).
Anon says
The reddit rabbit hole has really frightened me, with a lot of “don’t do it, you must be in a practice that wants to rush babies along” or “your doctor just wants to do it before going on vacation”. I’m seen in MFM so I don’t have just 1 doctor, so I don’t think that’s a factor, and I’m at a nationally ranked hospital in a large city, so I don’t think I’m with quacks. The CS rate is lower than state and national there too.
How long is waiting too long for the epidural?
Anon says
I don’t think r3ddit is ever a good place for medical stuff because you only hear the horror stories. They spun me into a tizzy about having my wisdom teeth out and my recovery has been a breeze (knock on wood).
AwayEmily says
I should have been more specific. What I did on reddit was go to the BabyBumps forum and searched for “birth story induction.” That pulled up tons of birth stories, and the norm on the site is to explicitly label positive birth stories as “Positive” so you can make sure to only read the happy ones if that’s what you are looking for (which I was!). So basically I read like thirty positive induction stories, all of which were very different but all of which ended with happy babies and happy moms. It gave me tons of confidence going in. But YMMV — I feel better having lots and lots of info (I also read a bunch of peer-reviewed articles about induction approaches).
Anon says
Not AwayEmily, but I was warned it’d would take an hour between asking for the epidural and me actually getting it. So when I started feeling pain I toughed it out for an hour and then asked for it. That was too long.
ps- 8 hour induction over here! I was also nervous and it wound up being a great experience! My second one wound up being a c-section after a 17 hour spontaneous labor the c-section truly wasn’t bad either. Honestly, my recovery was a lot better because we took it a lot more seriously. My advice now for new moms is however the baby comes out, you should be in pajamas and lounging for the first 2 weeks.
Anonymous says
I had an induction due to low amniotic fluid, and it went totally fine. Started the induction meds at 7 pm (I was already naturally about 3-4 cm dilated), chilled out for a few hours, started feeling major contractions around 10 pm and baby was born at 11:47 pm. It actually went too fast for us to get an epidural, so I accidentally had a “natural” birth. I did tear a small amount and I remember the stitches being about as painful as the birth.
My BFF also had a scheduled induction for pre-eclampsia, and she reported that it went fine as well — about 10 hours start to finish. She did not want pain relief and used hypnobirthing techniques, which she says worked great!
Been there says
I’ve had three inductions (three kiddos!) and all went smoothly every time. The internet had me scared the first time, but after that I actually liked that you get to go in calmly at a scheduled time instead of rushing while in labor.
Anonymous says
I was scheduled to be induced with my first at 40+9; she came naturally the morning of my scheduled induction. My second was induced at 40+12 and I was so nervous and frustrated- and it was so smooth. She was already so overdue that by the time I was induced it was like someone gave her a little slap in the butt and she was like OH OKAY! (FWIW she is my pokiest child to this day). Both kids were over 9lbs; one was nearly 10.
Betty says
I had two scheduled inductions (over 40 also) and am currently pregnant with my third.
Both inductions were great – very easy deliveries.
I also had my membranes stripped at 39 weeks (also no problem there, basically just felt like a regular cervical check). I think that helped to get the process going.
Anonymous says
I was induced because of PPROM (just mentioning the reason because it meant the induction was only with pitocin; I think starting with a manual method is more common for scheduled inductions, and I’m not sure how it affects timing). It took not quite 12 hours from starting the pitocin drip to delivery. There were some complications and I think if it had taken a half hour longer, I probably would have had a c-section, but the induction was not the reason for those issues, and I had a vaginal birth and straightforward recovery.
Anonymous says
Do the health reasons prevent trying some non-medical methods like walking or $ex? I accidentally induced myself by taking a 2 mile walk at 38 weeks after not exercising in the previous month. The pressure broke my water that night and I went into labour a few hours later.
Anon says
I had to be induced for medical reasons at 40+3 and it was a dream even though I was 0% dilated or effaced or anything like that. My doctor kept going on and on about how unripe my cervix was and how induction would be tough, but it was so easy. Got the cytotec placed around 5 pm and a very low dose of pitocin, mild contractions started that got increasingly more intense, around 10 pm I was 4 or 5 cm dilated and still not in that much pain but decided to get an epidural because I wanted one eventually, got fully dilated within an hour (so much for epidurals slowing down labor!), was told to hold off on pushing until the doctor was available, started pushing around 3:30 am and baby was out just after 4 am.
It was only 11 hours beginning to end. I only have one kid, but it was so easy and smooth we probably would have scheduled 39 week inductions with any future kids. Good luck to you.
Former Junior Associate says
I was induced at 41 weeks, labored, pushed, and ended up with a C section. Labor wasn’t, you know, fun, but was fine (not comfortable, and I did have an epidural, but again–totally fine), and the C and recovery were pretty easy for me. There’s some possibility that an earlier induction would give you better odds of avoiding a c section since the baby will, fundamentally, be smaller, and if I’d wanted to attempt a VBAC in my second pregnancy, they would have suggested induction no later than 39 weeks for that reason (I chose a scheduled C at 39 weeks instead, and was happy to have done so).
Anon says
Just wanted to say that in case you need a C section, they are not the devil that the natural birth movement has made them out to be. Yes there are drawbacks, but there are also some benefits. I really hope you get the birth you want and can avoid it, but if it happens, you can still have a good experience.
Anonymous says
I think the general consensus is that a planned c-section is much easier and has a smoother recovery than a c-section after prolonged labor, though.
Anon says
It is. There’s also a difference in getting a c-section because your labor is not progressing rather than getting once because the baby is stuck while pushing.
anon says
Just wanted to chime in that the line between an induction and not an induction is really unclear! I think this is why they don’t really track how many deliveries are induced. I wasn’t induced, but the baby’s positioning and the fact that labor started with my water breaking meant I needed boatloads of pitocin (the max) to get her out, and my labor still took 36 hours. I was terrified of being induced. But ultimately an induction *is* really similar to spontaneous labor. It’s just started with stuff that is a lot more likely to start labor, as opposed to things like sniffy clary sage oil (which I did, I thought it smelled nice lmao). I think it’s often painted that either you have an induction and it is awful and progresses to a c-section or you have this beautiful natural labor and painlessly breathe the baby down while in a bathtub. The reality is honestly probably somewhere in the middle. Just because my labor began spontaneously, I still needed pitocin, the baby didn’t rotate into the ideal position like our doula said it would, etc. In hindsight I shouldn’t have been so terrified of it.
Also, I’ve always wondered if the reason we associate an induction with emergency c-sections is because some of the people who have to be induced have health issues that make them more likely to have a c-section in the first place.
In the meantime though, I do think eating copious dates helped soften my cervix (but I had evidence that they would from IUD insertions).
Anonymous says
I had two inductions that led to vaginal births. The first, my water broke somewhere around my due date but labor did not ensue, thus induction. Took about 18 hours. The second was an elective induction at 39ish weeks based on data available at that time, which took more like 26 hours. The first was a little more complicated likely due to my water having broken (I had a fever/infection) and pushing took longer and required foreclosure likely because it was my first/giant head/I was exhausted from fever, but both were successful healthy vaginal deliveries. If you have the option to not start your induction at midnight, I suggest not starting it at midnight.
Anon says
I don’t have induction experience but i had two ‘geriatric pregnancies’ and with my first, i was dismayed at 36 weeks to find out that a c-section was recommended due to baby measuring 99th% and increased risk of shoulder dystocia. I got over the disappointment and honestly a planned c-section went great – from what I’ve been told, it’s totally different experience than an unplanned c-section after laboring for a while. i was up and walking within the day, took only OTC painkillers after the first 48 hours, and had fewer post-birth complications than many of the moms I know who had a v birth. pretty sure a traditional birth would have come with its own complications as kid came out at 38.5 weeks and was almost 10 lbs! no issues with b-feeding, and you can’t even see the scar. i opted for a planned c-section with my second kid and had a similarly great experience (and she too topped the scales at 9.75 lbs.)
tl/dr – c sections don’t have to be terrible, if you end up in that space.
Anon says
I had a great induction as a high risk 35 FTM! It took a couple days, but active labor was quick and easy.
911 / Kids / Cell Phones says
The question about phones on the main page has me thinking about this. How do you deal with teaching kids to dial 911 in an emergency?
As an 80s baby, it was easy – a landline was in every major room in the house basically, and you learned to dial it. Now with cell phones, really little kids and a lock screen on the iphone…. it’s not as straight forward. Plus, if I can’t find my iphone on an average day around the house, how can I expect my 5 year old to? The beauty of the landline was that it was always in the same place.
Do people have landlines for this? We do actually have one that is on mute and sits in a dark corner of a closet – I was a spectator of the Boston Marathon bom bing and will never forget the immense fear of not being able to connect with immediate family because the cell circuits were down/jammed, so I’m a landline for life person. So, for me I suppose the answer is easy – move the phone to a more obvious place and teach kids how to dial… but is that what everyone else is doing? I feel like I’m in the super minority still having a landline.
anon says
I’m a landline person! We pay *way* too much for it but it sits in the living room and is really nice – kids could dial 911, and they can also call their grandparents, call a friend’s house, and their old nanny calls them sometimes to chat while she’s driving. It is such a hit that several friends’ families got a landline too. It is, again, very expensive but worth it for us because we don’t plan to give the kids cell phones for a long time. Kids are 9, 6, and 3 currently.
Cb says
We don’t have a landline but we’ve practiced calling 999. They also do this in my son’s Beavers troop with a little simulation, practice calling, saying their address, etc.
Mary Moo Cow says
I don’t have a good answer, but commiseration. I always thought I would have a landline with kids, but my oldest is now 9 and we don’t have one. For one, at least a few years ago, they were stupidly expensive! In our old house, you had one provider option and had to subscribe to a bundle of cable, internet, and phone, with a high promo price and ridiculous after-promo price. Then, when we built our new house, we had to pay per phone outlet (and it was an option; not even included!) so we only paid for one, we don’t have cable, and I still haven’t gotten around to asking DH to contact providers about a landline.
DH and I have shown our kids the Emergency button on our iPhones and they do know my passcode, but that’s a good point about it doing no good if they can’t find the phone.
Anonymous says
We still have a VOIP “landline.” We taught the kids to dial 911 and review the procedure regularly. If it weren’t so ridiculously expensive and service were more reliable (we have a lot of static and outages, which is one reason we switched to VOIP), I’d still have an actual landline. Many years ago I had to dial 911 in a medical emergency when the power was out and boy was I glad to have a landline.
anon says
My kid is only 4, but it does seem like a valuable skill he should learn soon. There is/ was an SOS feature on the iphone if you hit the lock button a certain number of times it will call 911. Even if the phone is passcode protected. Doesn’t solve the problem of the kid actually being able to find the phone
Anonymous says
We have an Alexa on each floor that will call emergency services. Also, all of my kids know how to dial 911 from our cell phones.
Anonymous says
Also a landline for life person. Simple old school phone on each floor that rarely gets picked up. Kid with severe food allergy so we always need to be able to call 911 immediately and so do the kids.
If we’re not home, our kids will call us on their ipads or phones but I never want to rely on that for 911 given how often the battery runs out and the kids are scrambling for chargers.
Anon2 says
We also have a landline. I specifically got it because it transmits your house’s location directly to 911 without you having to talk, which would be key in situations of choking, a child who blanks on their address, an intruder, etc. We have one phone in our bedroom and one in the den. My kids can also use it to call me when they are home alone.
Anon says
Any recommendations for resorts for a two grandparents, two parents, and two kids under five? We want to go someplace warm for Thanksgiving, over seventy degrees, like the US virgin islands. We’d prefer not to use passports because one kid doesn’t have one, but that’s not a strict requirement. Most important is finding a mid-range place that is great for small kids and has options like two bedrooms off a shared living room.
Anon says
Not sure what you consider mid range, but Grand Case Beach Club in St. Martin is on a beautiful beach and has 1 and 2 bedroom apartments with full kitchens. The beach is really calm and great for toddlers. It’s not cheap (we paid ~$500/night for a 1 bedroom) but is cheaper than a lot of the big name luxury resorts and you get more space than you typically do in a hotel. The island is kind of quiet that time of year but there should be a decent number of restaurants open by Thanksgiving.
If you want to stick to no passport required, my guess is you’ll find more options in Puerto Rico than the USVIs. South Florida is also reliably 70+ that time of year and will be cheaper than anywhere in the Caribbean.
Anonymous says
Have any of you struggled with postpartum intrusive thoughts that started after one year? No depression or anything, and I don’t feel particularly anxious. It seems to have come out of nowhere and it’s pretty distressing.
I know to see a doctor, etc., but I wanted to see other people’s experiences with this.
MomOfThree says
100%
I started having very very disturbing intrusive thoughts after my first child was born, and thought I was going crazy. I saw a therapist which wasn’t that helpful because they overly focused on the thoughts and what they might mean. I have done some reading on intrusive thoughts and have come to see them as “just noise” that I just block out. They’ve diminished over time. Not getting enough sleep makes the worse. And being up between the hours of midnight to 4 make them worse so I try to get adequate sleep. Exercise diminishes them too.
Cb says
Yes, this was me. I think it crept up gradually and might of coincided with weaning. I did 6 months of antidepressants and felt better almost immediately – I think largely because I confided to my best friend and my husband, and the fact I was going to the doctor about it made them realise how serious it was. The EAP therapist on the other hand… told me anxious mums raise anxious kids and I went back to my office and sobbed.
Anon says
I have OCD so am no stranger to intrusive thoughts, but postpartum they take on a particularly violent flavor. It can be scary, but I remember learning that (re OCD) ruminating and worrying about them is indicative that you would never actually carry them out. I agree that lack of sleep makes them worse.
Did you recently wean, or cut back on breastfeeding, or have your cycles return? Those would be times of major hormone upheaval that could trigger them a year out
Anon says
+1. My son has diagnosed OCD, and I have found many of the techniques he has been taught to manage his OCD have been useful for my own intrusive thoughts. There are really good visualization techniques that I find are very useful to quiet my intrusive thoughts. Honestly, I found the activities in kid OCD workbooks to be more helpful than therapy. Anti-depressants + OCD work book were super helpful for me.
Also, I’m on a campaign to relabel PPD as Post Partum Anxiety or for me, Post Partum Rage.
Anonymous says
OP: Thank you so much, all. Your replies help and mean a lot.
Anon says
Do you run around with your kids at the park? My 4-year old always wants to play tag with me and other silly games of pretend, like superhero and villain, or his own made up game where I hide and taunt him (nanana booboo) until he finds me, then I run away, etc. If I want to sit down and take a break or chat with the other parents at the park he will scream and pull on me until I play with him again. If there are other kids around his age at the park who want to play with him then he will eventually warm up to them, but I am his preferred playmate. If I see parents running around with their kids at the park it’s usally dads, while the moms stand and chat with each other. And I almost never see parents engage in the silly pretend play that I describe above, which makes me self-conscious.
AwayEmily says
Do you like it? If you enjoy it, keep doing it, and don’t worry about what other people are doing. If you don’t like it, then you will likely have to tolerate some screaming/pulling while you calmly say “no, I’m not going to play with you right now. You can play on your own, or else we will have to go home” (and then follow through on going home). After a couple of times, he will get it.
I do not enjoy that kind of play with my kids and generally take my kids to the playground because I want a break (and to sit on a bench and read a book) and so did the training exercise above to de-cling my children.
But again, you should do what YOU want!
anon says
no, I never play with my children. Play is the work of the child.
I read with my kids and do lots of activities with them (bake, do chores together, go on hikes, go to museums, work on our hobbies (knitting, watercolor), and play chess). But playing at the park like you described is not my job and I’ve never done it; they should be responsible for their own play.
Anonymous says
Found the montessori zealot!
anon says
that’s me! can you guess my other influences? give you a hint: when I watercolor with my children, they start with a single color.
I knew we had found the right Montessori school when it smelled like beeswax and lavender when we walked in and there were no mirrors.
Anon says
Wait, what? Why? I’m genuinely confused here – why do you start with one watercolor? Why no mirrors?
Anon says
Mirrors are a Montessori thing. I think they are not a Waldorf thing, though, assuming this post is even sincere. :)
Anonymous says
No mirrors because of the vampires, obviously! :)
Anonymous says
I always ran around and climbed on the equipment with them when they asked, but did encourage them to play with other kids when available.
Anon says
This. And after ~20 mins I’ll say I’m done playing
Anon says
This is my approach as well.
anon says
Same. I have an only so it’s a bit trickier. Definitely made a fool of myself a few times flying down the slides
MomOfThree says
I’ve done both. Sometimes, the kids want me to play with them… yes it does require you to act like a kid too, which can either be embarrassing or fun depending on your perspective. I also enjoy chatting with the moms though. Most moms I’ve seen are either or though.
Anon says
I have the same dilemma! My kid is shy, too, so I have to very gently encourage him to play with the other kids without him shutting down and asking to go home. It’s unfathomable to me that other parents can read a book or chat! I guess it just takes practice. I am self-conscious, but I think that’s the nature of adults at play! I don’t let my self-consciousness turn to embarrassment, because I don’t want my sensitive kid to see or internalize that.
GCA says
I do both (run around, and sit and chat). My inner child often enjoys imaginative play and goofing around with my kids – and honestly being a scout leader provides room for some sanctioned silliness with kids. But I also reserve the right to take breaks and chat with friends. Sometimes the latter happens organically when my kids find and run off with their friends at the park, but they’re a bit older and less cling-prone than a 4yo – you might have to hold some firm lines at first.
Anon says
I do not. I play pretend sometimes (though not a lot) but running around the park is not my thing.
Anonymous says
Usually a mix. It’s a stage. In a couple years, they are more interested in playing with other kids.
Anon says
I hate all forms of pretend play but will happily do any activity with my kid (have a catch, play a board game, craft, read, nature walk, run in the sprinkler). So, I’ll play a real playground game (red light green light, hide and seek) but talk my way out of pretend play
Anon318 says
Podcast recs that will appeal to kids in grades 2-5? Carpool with sensitive younger kids and too-cool-for-school older kids is driving me nuts!
AwayEmily says
Greeking Out is uniformly a great hit with all kids I’ve tried it with from age 5 to 10.
anon says
My son loves Greeking Out, but my girls 5 and 7 don’t like it and say parts of it scare them (they’re scared of a lot of things though) but their brother has to listen to it in his room for this reason. Not a podcast, but we just do a stream of Kid Bop Kidz for the drive as a crowdpleaser for all.
SBJ says
Smash Boom Best! It’s a funny debate show (e.g., blobfish bs naked mole rat, Batman vs Spider-Man, sneezing vs farting) and is always a hit with my kids. Anything else we’ve tried from the Brains On! Universe is also good (Forever Ago is a particular hit).
Other hits: Story Pirates, Circle Round, Journey with Story (more of a bedtime/calming one).
Spirograph says
+a million to Smash Boom Best and Forever Ago, Brains On (all around 25-30 min), and Moment of Um (short, 5 min).
Also Million Bazillion from Marketplace (25-30 min). Based on recommendations here, I listened to Greeking Out recently with my 3rd grader and he liked it, so that will go in regular rotation, too.
MomOfThree says
My kids introduced me to Scratch Garden and I’m loving it. The song Going to the Beach reminds me of every trip our family has ever taken. It’s now our get ready in the morning song and my kids all chime in with “Don’t forget the XYZ.”
Vicarious shopping request says
I’m expecting an October baby but I still want to keep our family Halloween tradition of trick-r-treating plus professional photos. I’m supposed to dress up as a fox, which I think will be a dress plus ears and tail, but I’m really struggling to find a flattering dress.
Obviously, I need something that will accommodate chest and tummy. The bigger issue is that I am very cool-toned and look like death warmed over in orange, which is not helpful when I’m already going to be a sleep-deprived zombie. I was thinking some kind of blue and orange print?
Suggestions please?
Anonymous says
I suggest going with brown instead of orange. A brown sweater dress paired with ears, tail, and face paint would be perfect. Depending on your preferred cut, the Nom Maternity Hudson dress in taupe may work.
Anonymous says
+2 for taupe or another cool brown.
Anon says
I will admit that I don’t really know what colors look good on someone cool, but if black works for you, I’d find a really cute black jump suit or dress and add a ridiculous faux orange fur coat. If you google that exact phrase, you’ll see a bunch of really awesome results. The black will be next to your face for coloring purposes, and the faux coat will be bright and fun. Add ears and a tail, and now I kinda want to wear this :)
Anon says
My reply is in mod! But I would get a really wild, loud f a u x fur orange coat that I would wear over a flattering outfit in a flattering color on bottom. Black — like a fun jumpsuit or a dress — if you look good in black would probably blend the most, but you could also do tan or brown or another neutral color. Then add ears and a tail and it would be a super fun costume. If you google exactly ” f a u x fur orange coat”, you’ll get a ton of options in various price points.
Anon says
if your kid wants to wear something that you don’t allow how do you explain it in a way that doesn’t make it sound like other families are doing something “wrong.” in this example, one of my 6 year olds wants a bikini. i don’t wear one, but she sees other kids at the pool wearing them. i have my kids wear long sleeved or short sleeved bathing suit tops cause it’s so much easier with sunscreen. i explained to her as this way we don’t need to remember to put sunscreen on your tummy since you dont like putting on sunscreen and that different families do different things. how do you then answer the “whys” that come next? like why is this our family rule and not someone elses
Anon says
Different families have different rules
anon says
Yep, this. It’s going to come up a lot as your kids get bigger, so easier if you just start out with that explanation from the beginning.
Mary Moo Cow says
+1. Rinse and repeat. I get sick of saying it, but they weren’t listening to my earnest and long winded explanation, either (and it was the same situation as yours!)
Anon says
+3
Anonymous says
Yes on different families have different rules. But FWIW, if this is not a modesty issue then your 6yo actually is capable of rubbing sunscreen into her belly.
Anon says
Clothing is much more effective than sunscreen though, and doesn’t need to be constantly reapplied. Not OP, but I also have my similar age kids wear long sleeved swim shirts at outdoor pools for sun protection.
Anon says
+1. I don’t even allow my boys to go topless when the sun is strong (evenings they can take off the rash guard). Sun protection is a big priority for us, as I have about 40 moles on each arm, leg and torso. I appreciate that rash guard culture is so strong these days.
Another way to position it is that we dress for the activity we are doing. A bikini is less conducive to childlike playing IMO (takes more adjusting to keep it in place, jumping off the diving board can push the top out of place, etc). If your objective is to lay out and get a tan, a bikini is great. If your plan is to flip and dive all around the water, you’ll probably be more comfortable in a rash guard or tanking top.
Anon says
*tankini
anon says
Where something is being done for my convenience or for ease of logistics (which is often), I’ll tell my kids, we are doing this because it makes my life easier. They’ve connected the dots that making life easy on mom is a good thing- better mood for the whole family, more order, less chaos…. more likelihood they’ll get screen time.
Anonymous says
Do you ever just want to throw in the towel and walk away from your family? I am so effing sick of being the dumping ground for everyone else’s issues, of not being allowed to sleep or work or do what I need to get done without being interrupted, of being expected to fill everyone else’s needs without having needs of my own.
Anon says
No, and that sounds like depression. have you seen a doctor?
OP says
Depression is when you can’t enjoy anything. Burnout is when you are still capable of feeling enjoyment but don’t have the energy to do things you enjoy because the world is sucking the life out of you. In my case it’s the second. When I’m not around my family and am doing my own thing or even just working without interruption I’m perfectly happy. This makes me think the problem is not me but my family. They are so incredibly needy. Because mom is the one who doesn’t have any “issues” she’s the one who gets dumped on and has to keep everything running and support everyone else.
Or maybe I’m just selfish and should just suck it up. I don’t know.
Anon says
I don’t think you’re selfish, but I think depression manifests in a lot of ways beyond “can’t enjoy anything” (that’s the trope but is rarely the reality, in my experience) and it would be worth talking to a doctor or therapist.
Anon says
i think it does sound like burnout. i sometimes feel as you are describing. i also realize i can’t necessarily change my family, but can change my reaction to them.
anon says
I have been there! There were times when my 3 were under 5 and I was working 80 hrs a week, where I would just lose it and say some choice words to DH, then walk out and go to a yoga class, get a manicure, or just sit in the car and cry. And I would feel exactly how you described. Looking back there were a lot of factors at play that I couldn’t articulate, but that impacted me without my knowledge that therapy and just life have made me aware of- DHs ADHD, my perfectionism, parental emotional neglect, lack of boundaries, people pleasing.
((Hugs))
Are you able to see a therapist?
GCA says
How old are your kids and how many of them?
Do you have another parent with whom to split the load, and are they taking on their fair share?
How temporary is this state? Are you struggling with summer camps and their short hours until school starts again?
What are you doing to fill your own cup?
And right now, which do you feel you need more: advice or a safe place to vent?
OP says
Thank you for the kind response. I have one older kid who is flipping out about starting at a new school next week. The daily meltdowns have been happening for weeks. My husband is an equal partner in terms of household work but does not really get along with the kid so I do all of the parenting beyond providing for physical needs. He also has the typical masculine sense that his job is somehow more important than mine, so he can’t be interrupted or take time off even though he has more PTO than I do, but he can barge in and interrupt me even during meetings with VIPs.
I am looking mostly to vent but also to gauge whether I am being unreasonable.
Anon says
I don’t have any sage advice or great wisdom, other than to tell you that this sounds really hard.
I’m really sorry.
To answer your questions, I have a busy life, and I get frustrated, but no – I’ve never wanted to walk away and never look back. However, both my husband and I (and him more than me) have taken tremendous value from regularly scheduled, solo trips away from our kids and each other. Can be just a hotel down the road, or a longer trip away. I really value this time, and so does he.
Last word from me, and I know this is hard, but might be worth hearing. My mom worked with a population of kids whose parents did walk away from them. It did horrible, lasting, awful damage to them, and very few (none) came out truly okay on the other side. Do what you have to do to help yourself so you can be a stable, present presence in their lives. Kids don’t ask to be born, and you are the adult who needs to figure out how to structure your life to be able to be a parent for them.
Anon says
My last paragraph came off harsher than I intended! Just heard too many sad stories, I guess. My intent was to convey that your kids do need YOU, so everyone will lose if you are pushing so hard that you get to a place where you feel like your only option is to peace out.
I *don’t* get to that place because I try to relieve the pressure as I feel it building. Can’t handle emotional shenanigans from my kids means that I just need to leave and let DH and the kids figure it out for 48 hours. I can come back and be a better listener/emotional support for everyone. I don’t know exactly what that looks like for you, only that I hope you are able to get it — but if you feel like you want to walk away and never come back, it’s definitely time to relieve pressure in some way that is meaningful to you.
Anon says
this sounds like the dynamic in my family as well to a degree. DH cannot handle the emotional stuff well at all. Mine are still younger, but one in particular sits on me as if she is trying to climb back into the womb. i have twins so if one is going through a major transition, they both are and they both want mommy alone to themselves and it’s like DH might as well not even be there. everyone asking me for a million things, i’ve been tempted to just yell ‘shut up’ at everyone. i think the relationship between DH and child is harder to address, but since that is the case for now, the second part about DH feeling like he can just interrupt you should be dealt with/solved first. also if you are going to take on more of the emotional work, DH should take on more of the physical stuff.
Anon says
big +1 to “if you are going to take on more of the emotional work, DH should take on more of the physical stuff.”
I don’t think actually think you have an equitable split at all if you do 100% of the parenting and 50% of the housework. I do more of the hands-on parenting, but my DH does more housework.
Anonymous says
You’re not being unreasonable. Especially around the work piece. For the barraging in, I would have a calm discussion about it at a separate time. Explain that it is disrespectful to your work and that if he needs to speak to you, then he should first assess how he would deal with it if you were working in an office. Would he drive to your office and walk in past other staff and interrupt an in person meeting? If not, then it is not okay to do it at home. Maybe put on the table that if you cannot work uninterrupted at home then you will need to look at renting office space.
I work a part time job and could push to WFH but I work in office because it helps with boundaries. And sometimes buys me the 10 minutes to sit in my car by myself with a diet coke at the end of a long day before facing the home front.
GCA says
Oof, all that sounds really hard. I don’t think you are unreasonable to need time and space for yourself, either. Agree that 1. your husband needs to respect the boundaries of your job – ‘do unto others’ applies here and 2. he should take on more of the physical work if you are doing 100% of the emotional work.
Is kid of an age where therapy might be useful? Daily anxious meltdowns over weeks sounds like it requires more support than you can provide. (I have slightly anxious kids.)
And finally, in the immediate term, it sounds like you need a bit of an emergency reset break. Even a mental health half-day could help a little if you are feeling incredibly burned out. Plus, it will role-model for your child how to care for your mental well-being.
Anon says
It sounds like you have an adult-side problem that is draining your emotional tank so you don’t have the reserves to respond to the kid-side problems.
Anon says
It sounds like you could benefit from truly dedicated, unreachable time to yourself. Have you ever considered mountain biking? I truly think it’s one of the best activities for this – you get nature, fresh air, exercise, it lends itself to social time with friends, and your hands stay on the handlebars so you have a built-in excuse for not texting back when family is demanding more and more of you. There are other activities that would fit the bill too. You need and deserve time when no one is asking anything of you.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, alone time for you. And working away from home. It would give your kid an opportunity to bond with dad too – the needs of older kids are more emotional and he should be in the trenches with you. It sounds like he’s on the page of the “traditional” mindset of dad does the paid work and mom does the brunt of the work at home and caring for others but you’re not on board with that. Make that abundantly clear to him.
Anon says
I hear this. Especially this week, when camps are closed and school hasn’t started yet so kids are home all day long and i’m working from home (which i hate – i strongly prefer being at the office). house is a mess, kids are terrible, husband similarly thinks his work as a lawyer is more important than my job leading a division with 250 people in it. I’m not depressed – I’m annoyed.
I cope by calendaring time to be away during times when DH can’t use work as an excuse – early morning yoga when kids are sleeping or allowed some screen time, volunteering to walk to dog during times i know no one else wants to go, etc. I also volunteer for pretty optional work travel for a little time alone every 3 to 4 months.
See if you can offload more non-kid stuff to husband, and white knuckle it until school starts again. When you have the time and brain space to deal with it, sounds you and your partner should talk about redistribution of duties but that’s not likely going to be a productive discussion at this time.
Anon says
I hear you on this. I’m the poster about a month ago who’s baby had an anaphylactic reaction to eggs at his first exposure. We’re still in the thick of waiting for allergy test results from the allergist. In the mean time my son’s skin keeps reacting all the time to who knows what. For the last several weeks, I’ve cut out all major allergens from my diet because I’m breastfeeding. Already lost about 10 pounds and my appetite for most food is basically gone.
I’m the one researching, juggling new specialist appointments, and trying to figure out our options going forward. Husband is just along for the ride and has done zero research this new facet of our life. I’d be tempted with the idea of walking away right now and just spending time on my interests and eating what I want without fear. I’m tired and I wish I could just fast forward past this time where a lot seems unknown.
I realize a lot of this is a unhealthy mindset and I do have an appointment booked with a therapist.
Anon says
Hi, I was one of the people who responded to you. My kid has a lot of food allergies, and it is tough to manage that phase where they’re still emerging. It’s both anxiety-inducing and crazy-making, and I have so much sympathy for where you are. I think people whose kids don’t have allergies really don’t get it, and people whose kids have only one allergy only kind of get it. It’s like, what’s the last shoe that’ll drop and when will it drop? Will this food be okay today? Why don’t I have results back yet?
I did the elimination diet during breastfeeding as well. I only eliminated dairy, soy, and egg, but even that was really tough! If I can offer one piece of unsolicited advice, I wish I had stayed on top of taking my multivitamins/continuing my prenatal, because I’m sure I had a bunch of micronutrient deficiencies by the end. And also…I also had the losing too much weight thing going on, too, and I ultimately had to just intentionally eat ultra-calorically dense foods (liberally using olive oil in pasta, overdressing a salad, eating an entire pint of vegan ice cream 4-5 times a week, etc.)
Last thought…it’s okay to be tired. It really is tough. You are not overreacting or overdramatizing. It is as hard as it feels like it is. The uncertainty is so painful. But at the same time, it does get better. I promise it gets better. When there is a plan and a routine, life is manageable, even if it looks different from your friends’ lives. Things feel pretty normal now. You will get to normal, too, and just sending all of my kindness and best wishes to you while you are in this awful phase.