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I have been on the hunt for sunscreen that I can put on at the beginning of the day so that if I find myself walking around at lunch or caught in the sun, I can breathe a sigh of relief that I already have something on my face. I just wanted it to be non-greasy and to feel like I am not wearing anything. I bought this product and am really loving it. While waiting for it to get shipped to me, I did a little bit more googling about it, and people raved about what a good makeup primer it is. This actually makes my lightweight foundation stick to my skin better, and I find I can use less foundation and apply it with my fingers and still get a very consistent result. When it goes on, the texture makes you think it will feel weird, but it really disappears into your skin. I’ll definitely reorder this once I run out. It’s $32 at Sephora, and Nordstrom sells both sizes for $16 and $32. Unseen Sunscreen SPF 40 This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
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- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Help with 1st bday celebration says
My son’s first birthday is coming up soon. DH and I are hosting just immediate family only at our small home (all adults, no other kids). Suggestions for a sweet and memorable but low key celebration?
GCA says
For my son’s first, we did a small cookout, cupcakes and bubbles (it was mid-May but the weather cooperated well). I think there’s no need to kill yourself going all out – a quick Costco trip and we were all set on food and drink, I made a tray of cupcakes because I like baking, and the $20 bubble machine and gallon of bubbles made my son’s day. It wasn’t Pinterest-worthy but I think people appreciated it. Tie it all together with a nice (kid-friendly but not kid music) playlist?
poiu says
+1 bubble machine or bubble gun. A big hit with our 1yo daughter.
poiu says
Also, balloons (non-helium). Babies can chase them.
Anonymous says
To me, the only thing you need to make a birthday party is a cake. String up some decorations if you like, maybe have month-by-month photos of your son, but mostly just get a yummy cake and then whatever you would do for a non-birthday get-together. Food, drinks, comfortable places to sit and talk, yard games if you’re into that, etc.
Anon says
We had a very small party (just us, DH’s mom and sister so 4 adults + the baby) but we really didn’t do very much at all. I bought some decorations on Etsy and made a cake (blueberry yogurt cake because my kid hadn’t really had sweets and we weren’t sure if she would like a traditional cake). I don’t think 12 month olds have any idea what’s going on or would really get anything out of traditional party activities – at least I’m sure mine wouldn’t have. At 15 months it might have been a different story, but at 12 months she was still very much a baby who was much more entertained by people than things.
Anonymous says
We had a big bunch of helium balloons plus a cake.
Anonymous says
Dinner. Cake. Champagne. Balloons.
Anonymous says
We didn’t do a first birthday party but we did a second that I think was a success. Balloons from party city plus a $12 party decoration kit from am*zon that included a tablecloth, garland, and happy birthday sign. Ordered sandwich tray and cake from wegmans, put together a fruit salad.
I think of you want to do something sweet you could display monthly photos or put together a photo book people could look through. We used the Shutterfly service where they put together the book for you because I had no time and it worked out well.
Anon says
All we did for my son’s 1st birth is cupcakes and opening presents. We only invited family and there were no other children as well. Everyone loved watching him eat the cupcake and open presents. I think we may have had a few balloons floating around as well.
Thanks says
Thank you to everyone who responded to my question about the connectors my son was asking for – who knew there were so many different types! Zoobs were the ones he was looking for – thanks to the poster who suggested those!
anon says
sometimes our nanny buys small little things for our twins – she has bought them pajamas, a book, shovels for the sand, and today she brought alphabet flashcards and rubber bands for their hair. she brings these things at random – not near the time of their bday or anything like that. i’ve been letting her 9 year old daughter come to work with her this summer, which i haven’t loved, but we otherwise love our nanny, so it is fine. her daughter is about to go back to school and now i feel like i should be giving her a little gift or something to wish her a good school year. thoughts? i don’t want to get into the habit of buying her daughter gifts all the time or anything and realize i’ve already been doing her a huge favor, but it feels awkward to me when her daughter pulls these gifts for my kids out of her mother’s bag
Anonymous says
Buy her a cute pencil case and stop worrying
Anonymous says
I’d get some fun school supplies (a huge set of gel pens or really skinny markers is always a hit) and make it a casual thing, having your kids “give” the gift themselves if they are old enough. That would match the spirit of the impromptu gifts the nanny has been bringing for your kids.
Anonymous says
Agree, small fun school supply. And remember that the favor is to your nanny, not to her daughter!
Anon says
I survived my first solo road trip with my two year old this weekend! No major injuries, although it was a terrible drive back with three puking incidents, and she didn’t get trampled or drown or any of the other calamities I was envisioning with a fearless toddler and wide open spaces.
Anon says
3 puking incidents is pretty traumatic! Kudos on surviving.
Anon says
She just turned two, so we are trying Children’s Dramamine for our next roadtrip later this month. Never worked for me as a kid, but hoping better results for her (apparently her motion sickness is genetic and she lost the lottery).
anne-on says
FWIW I find bonine a better bet for me (and kids), just giving 1 instead of 2 tablet. Sadly you probably already know this, but tablets/books/etc. are off the table. I am SO jealous of ppl who can simply hand their kid an ipad on long trips!
anon says
rec for a baby/toddler hairbrush or comb?
Emily S. says
I like the Wet brush for both my girls. One has long, straight hair that is prone to tangles and one has short, wavy hair that is prone to tangles, and it works very well on both.
Clementine says
Same. At Target there’s a 2 pack – a standard sized hairbrush and a mini ‘travel’ one. I generally use the little one for kids and it’s perfect.
Anonymous says
Yes, travel size Wet at our house, too.
Anon says
We use a cheap plastic barber-style comb, since DD has pretty tight corkscrew curls, we only comb out tangles when wet with the wide tooth side.
Anon says
I was starting to get excited about this sunscreen, but then I read the ingredients. Booooo!
But also, is the SPF really effective at noon if you’ve put it on at 6:30am?
Anon says
It’s not ideal, but it’s a lot better than nothing. My kid gets sunscreen applied at 7 am and is outside at daycare on and off until 11:30. Very pale and has never gotten burned or even tan. (Teachers reapply sunscreen after nap).
Anonymous says
Is sunscreen effective if you don’t use it? I’m not willing to wear a mineral sunscreen daily, it doesn’t work with makeup, and I’m not reapplying for the ten minutes I spend outside getting lunch. If you want to, great! This isn’t your product. But I think it’s a lot better than nothing and am excited to try it.
Anon says
I use Neutrogena Healthy Defense Sensitive Skin SPF 50 (it’s a mineral SPF moisturizer) under my makeup daily and have for years, so you may want to give that a try. I am super pale and am prone to burning, and my face never burns with that stuff on, even if it’s been a few hours.
ElisaR says
i chuckled at “is sunscreen effective if you don’t use it?” Good point though! I use this brand (a different formulation) and I love it. If you want something you can reapply they make a powder product you could put on later in the day called invincible setting powder. I carry it in my bag all the time.
Anonanonanon says
you didn’t ask for a rec but this seemed the best spot to share one- Drunk Elephant’s mineral sunscreen goes on really well and clear and does great under makeup. Semi-hefty price tag, though.
Anonymous says
I have tried a zillion mineral-only sunscreens and none of them has actually worked. The best solution I can think of is to use a product with a combination of physical and chemical sunscreens that doesn’t include oxybenzone or avobenzone, since there seems to be some evidence that oxybenzone is harmful. I don’t love slathering my kids in chemicals that haven’t been demonstrated to be safe, but the alternative is worse.
Emily S. says
I use either this or Supergoop! Smooth and Poreless every day, and I’ve been very happy with the coverage and protection. Granted, I’m only wearing it for the commute, walking between the car and my building, out to lunch, and sometimes sitting outside for lunch, but I’ve been happy with it; no burns or tanning. It is the only sunscreen (outside of moisturizer with a low SPF) that I’ve been good about applying everyday, so I’m sticking with it.
anon says
I recommend trying the Hynt Beauty sunprep sunscreen. It goes on really smooth and has titamium dioxide (not quite as great zinc but still a mineral or physical sunscreen) instead of the chemical sunscreens.
Anonymous says
My LO is close to outgrowing the infant car seat – we had the CityGo. I want to get a convertible carseat next that we can use until it’s no longer needed. It will stay in the car in the burbs and I’d get a separate seat for travel. What is best? My neighbor recommend a Britax?
Anon says
We love our Britax but it’s not great for tall kids. DD is 1.5 and very close to outgrowing it rear-facing. If your kid is pretty tall, I’d look at Diono.
Tall Girl says
Which Britax model do you have? How has your child outgrown the seat– torso length or leg length? I’m in the market for a convertible as my 8 month old is not very comfortable in the infant seat anymore. She’s in the 95% for height, so I need something that works well for tall kids. I’ve found a lot of conflicting info about the Britax. This sight says that it’s among the best for tall kids– https://carseatblog.com/31265/best-convertible-carseats-for-extended-rear-facing-the-definitive-guide-for-savvy-shoppers/. It says “These ClickTight convertibles from Britax are so tall that there is no way any child could ever outgrow them by height before reaching the 40 lbs. RF weight maximum!” Is that just not true?
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Same boat – taller/bigger kid, about 1.5 years old, and want to do extended RF with the Britax Clicktight. From reading the manufacturer site and Car Seats for Littles, I think it’s fine as long as they are under 40 lbs and have 1+ inch from the top of the carseat when fully extended.
CPA Lady says
Our Diono Radian will probably last until kiddo is too old for it. It’s got a really long expiration date – 10 years. It goes from rear facing to forward facing, from five point to belt positioning. It’s really narrow and I love it.
FWIW, it is not at all a “travel” car-seat since it has a steel frame. It’s very heavy. We have a separate light and cheapy car seat for travel.
Sarabeth says
Agree with this. We have Dionos and love them. It’s the only seat we could find that lets an adult sit reasonably comfortably in the back as well. But only good if you won’t have to uninstall/reinstall regularly. They are heavy, and the seatbelt install (required once the kid hits 40ish pounds) is annoying.
Anonymous says
Curious why you find the seatbelt install annoying? It’s not quite as easy as my Britax, because the Diono’s back pad/fabric is one solid piece so you kind of have to reach your hand through from either side to grab the buckle (vs Britax where you can lift the flap to help thread), but it’s never really bothered me.
Agree they are very heavy, though! I wouldn’t use it as a travel carseat for that reason alone. As something that just lives in my car, I’ve been very happy with it. If people need to sit next to the car seat or walk past it to get to the back row of seats, Diono is much smaller profile and easier to maneuver around than Britax.
Sarabeth says
I just find the reach-through awkward, especially because the seat is heavy, and especially when there’s another carseat installed next to it (which there usually is, in our car). I can do it, but if I had to do it multiple times a week, I’d probably get a less annoying seat. Or one that can use the latch install through a higher weight. The limit on the latch install is lower on the Diono than most other seats, because the limiting factor is actually the total weight of carseat plus kid, and the carseat itself is significantly heavier than most other ones. My kid is pretty skinny – she’d be ready for the booster mode on some of the other options before she was too heavy for the latch install.
Quail says
+1 Love our Diono Radian. But only once we went forward facing – when it was rear-facing, it was super long and didn’t fit well (we basically lost use of our front passenger seat in our compact car.)
Anonymous says
I agree with this. Even with the angle adjuster under the car seat, the passenger seat of my minivan was closer to the dash than I would have liked.
rosie says
Related question: my tall 2-yo is close to outgrowing her Britax RF. Is it worth getting a new car seat for extended RF when the majority of driving that we do is when we are traveling, and I really don’t see lugging a big seat with us (vs FF in the Scenera)? What are you using as your travel seat?
Anon says
I’m the Anon above whose 19 month old child is outgrowing the Britax rear-facing. I think we’re just going to switch to FF. We don’t do a lot of driving at home, and it’s mostly on city streets with 25 mph speed limits. The ped said she encouraged rear-facing for longer but understood why we didn’t want to start over with brand new carseats and switching to FF was fine.
Anon says
FWIW, we switched to FF at 18 months per ped’s suggestion due to motion sickness.
rosie says
Thanks!
Anon says
We really like our Chicco NextFit Zip Air. Since my kiddo gets carsick, the zip off cover and machine washability is huge (see solo road trip above).
anon. says
We are very happy with the relatively low-priced Graco Extend2Fit. Our priority was a seat that could be rear facing as long as possible. We have it in two of our cars and in my parents’ car. It’s not super light weight but if you’re mostly using it in a suburban car, I recommend it. (Also, my coworker’s husband who is literally a rocket scientist did a ton of research and ended up with this one too based on balance of needs and costs.)
Ashley says
I love the Graco 4ever Extend2Fit. It goes from RF to FF to high back booster and backless booster. FWIW it has much “lower” sides than the Chicco Nextfit (we have both), meaning it is easier to lift a rear-facing toddler over the edge into the seat if that makes sense.
lala says
I have a tall kid (always been 98th%) but all of his height is in the torso, so he outgrows car seats much earlier than most kids. We found the Clek to have the tallest height settings (I believe Diono is similar), and it did last him a long time both RF and FF. We have a Britax Marathon, Chicco Nextfit, and Graco Extend to Fit that he grew out of more quickly.
We still ended up needing to buy a high back booster with 5pt harness for the next phase because he heighted out of the clek before he was ready for a seatbelt. So I’ve decided there really is not a forever car seat for tall kids.
Ms B says
Cosign on the Dionos for tall kids. My recommendation is a Radian for extended RF, then turn them (we turned at 3 years, 3 months). At that point, we stuck with the Radian until reaching the height/weight limit in one car and transitioned out of the Britax Roundabout (total waste, don’t get one, outgrown too fast) when outgrown into a Britax Frontier for FF in our other car.
The Kid is now over 50 inches tall and we use the Frontier and a Recaro Performance Sport as belted boosters. We have a very portable high-back booster that we use for travel or when friends ride with us and are picking up a Bubble Bum for travel over Spring Break.
anon says
If you’re a mom with anxiety, I could use your advice and coping mechanisms. Mine is flaring up badly right now, for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately, the general mess/noise/commotion of kids is further setting me on edge. I feel HORRIBLE. I’m so snappy and crabby right now, especially toward one kid in particular who is the … wilder sort, shall we say. I don’t want my kids to feel like they have to tiptoe around me. When I’m in this space, I don’t want to be around anyone because I’m easily agitated. Exercise and basic self-care is not cutting it right now. I’m on a low dose of an SSRI already.
Sara says
Sending love- it’s hard! Can you call in for a therapy session?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hugs. I can relate. I’m going through a lot of transitions right now, including semi-weaning, and I think it’s throwing my hormones off and leading to extra anxiety. Are you seeing a therapist that you can talk to about this? And it’s possible that it’s time to readjust your meds, something to discuss with your GP. Taking breaks from the kids helps – any chance you could go on a getaway with your spouse/alone, or just set up a regular date night?
octagon says
Are your kids old enough for screens? Tablets + headphones will entertain them and keep it quiet for you.
Or extended time in a kiddie pool or bath?
Or hire a babysitter to do bedtime to give yourself a break?
Anonymous says
No advice but I’m right there with you. Sending hugs!
Anonanonanon says
Re the exercise, I found regular yoga etc. did NOTHING for me anxiety-wise, but hot yoga did wonders. A relative of mine who’s a doctor told me something about exercising in heat changing cortisol levels or something that I didn’t listen closely to, but anecdotally it’s been amazing for me.
Short-term fixes I’ve found that work:
Do you have a partner at home in the evenings? I find everyone is much happier if I go “oh man, I think I have an upset stomach, I’m going to be in the bathroom for a bit” and then hide in the bathroom mindlessly scrolling on my phone for 10 minutes or so than if I wait until I can’t take the noises anymore and start snapping at everyone.
Can you send them to bed earlier than usual this week with the promise to stay up late for a movie night this weekend?
For my older child, I’ll say that I have something I really need to work on/focus on, and for a “treat” he can (watch a movie, play a video game, whatever) in the other room as long as he promises to stay quiet while I “work”. Yes, it’s a lie, but getting to watch a movie seems like a much more pleasant evening than mommy snapping at him, and saying it’s because I have something to do for work doesn’t hurt his feelings like it would if I just exiled him to another room because I couldn’t deal with the constant noises that evening.
Sometimes, just cutting it down to dealing with fewer kids at a time helps. I blame it on his younger sibling by saying something like “Hey, (little brother) is a real handful this evening and I really need to just focus on getting him to bed as quickly as possible. He loves you so much that having you around gets him really excited because he wants to play with you and do what you’re doing. Do you mind reading in your room for a bit until I can get him down for bed, and then we’ll chat about your day when I can really focus on what you’re saying? I really appreciate you being such a big helper.”
grey falcon says
Anyone have experience with the Wayne Pico car seat? Seen one in the wild?
grey falcon says
Wayb Pico. Thanks, autocorrect.
Callie says
We have two. Ordered them way way back when they were still cheap(erish) on the indigogo campaign site and then waited for them to arrive almost longer than a full length pregnancy. Used them for the first time in SC for a week with my (very small 2 1/2 year old daughter and almost 4 year old son). Now have them installed in the back row of our minivan and have already used them twice for friends’ kids on daytrips.
Pros: significantly lighter than our regular-leave-in-our-car-all-the-time cleks yet less bulky than the cosco scenaras we’ve borrowed for previous trips.
Cons: cost and my kids didn’t really seem to sleep in them as easily (this is not to say that they would sleep as easily in any forward facing travel car seat, nor is it to say that my kid didn’t sleep at all in them–in fact, my EXHAUSTED son fell asleep in the four minute drive to a restaurant one evening after a full beach day so it certainly doesn’t preclude sleep–just that there were a few times that I thought for sure my daughter would conk out and she didn’t which I attributed to her being so forward facing and upright).
grey falcon says
Thanks!
AnotherAnon says
WWYD? I am a contractor, going on two years at my current gig. I asked about becoming an employee last week: boss said they love my work and I mesh really well with the team, but there’s no budget for making me an employee and he understands if I want to pursue other options. That last part was really a shock to me. Is it time to start looking?
Anon says
Do you want to be an employee? If yes, time to start looking. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with staying a contractor long term though.
Anon says
Based on what you have said, I wouldn’t assume that your contract gig is going to end. But I would assume that you are never going to be an employee at that company, and Boss was indicating that he understands if you want to look for a company where you will be an employee. Whether it is time to start looking really depends on how much you value being an employee vs a contractor, but I’m the type of people who thinks there is no downside to looking.
Buddy Holly says
Some natural things to try:
*Magnesium Calm or any other Magnesium Threonate product
*More time outside, preferably in whatever nature really makes you feel good (beach, forest, mountains, lake, whatever). Try to think of a local natural setting that lifts you up and spend more time there.
*Get more sleep if possible
Also talk to your doctor about changing your prescription? Maybe something else would be better.
anon says
can you take magnesium calm with an ssri?
Anon says
If your kid was breastfed and had GERD, what did it look like? DD had it but was bottle fed and the symptoms were fairly textbook (arching back, refusing feeds, large amounts of spit up). Now DS is suddenly having large amounts of spit up and I’m unsure what is just lots of spit up and what’s not normal. I plan to follow up with ped later this week but just looking for any anecdata.
GCA says
How old is he & any other symptoms? As a newborn through about 2.5 months, DS was breastfed and spit up a lot, but he was a happy spitter. It looked like a large volume but really wasn’t when we mopped it all up. I finally caught on that I had a really strong letdown and that he was swallowing a lot of air. Experimented with feeding position and holding him upright for a while after feeds and it got better. If your child is a little older and this is new, definitely check with ped.
Anon says
My daughter spit up copiously from a few weeks through 6 months. At 6 months she stopped, almost overnight, and never spat up again. It always seemed like a pretty big volume, but the doctor said as long as she was a “happy spitter” not to worry. She did have gas and would cry from that sometimes, even with lots of burping, but otherwise no symptoms. She ate and gained weight very well.
Clementine says
Watch for back arching, ‘chewing’ when there’s nothing in their mouth, and if there’s a pattern between when they spit up (like if it’s always x minutes after eating or when they have 2 feedings close or just…always).
Report them to the ped.
Anonymous says
Lots of spit up. He was a “happy spitter” but due to some related complications had further testing by an ENT that confirmed the diagnosis, and was on Prilosec for 6 months or so (foggy memories).
Anon for this rant says
Remind me why, exactly, I have a job? I am completely exhausted from running all over town to handle day camp logistics, entertaining friends and family every weekend to keep my extrovert husband happy, and a totally unnecessary trip last week. I am sick for the third time this summer. Now I am stuck working from home for the next two weeks because I have no child care, and my kid is already whining that she’s bored and refusing to do the work she needs to do to prep for the start of school. To top it off, a client has decided that it wants to manipulate the results of its project to suit its political ends and is accusing me of doing a terrible job, and now my boss is demanding that I fly out there and bring a senior colleague with me, which means that she thinks I screwed up and can’t handle the big leagues and my hoped-for promotion is sunk.
I hate being a working mom, and never more than during the summer. Why can’t I just quit my job and be a SAHM? My kid and my husband would be so much happier if I were just at home making everything happen during the day while they are gone.
AwayEmily says
“My kid and my husband would be so much happier if I were just at home making everything happen during the day while they are gone.”
I think the more relevant question is whether YOU would be happier. If so, try to make it happen! But if you want to do it just to make other people happy, then maybe think through other options to lessen your mental/emotional load.
Regardless, sorry you are having a tough summer — this season can be such a pain in the a$$.
Anon says
This is such a great way of putting it. If the problem is that everyone else has demands that make you miserable and leave you with no bandwidth for work, eliminating work doesn’t really change the underlying problem.
Here’s another thought, and please ignore if I am completely off-base: you sound really negative, in a way that sounds like you should re-assess this after establishing an exercise or yoga routine, getting counseling, hanging out with your own friends, or having a mandatory quiet weekend – whatever it is on that that list that does it for you.
My husband and I have spent… (does math) sixty or seventy hours travelling for work and vacation – just travel – in these past five weeks. I’m pregnant with our first. We put a moratorium on lots of activities, have been making pizza for dinner, I’ve been going running, and are watching movies in veg-out mode… and it helps so, so much.
OP says
You are totally right that I need exercise, yoga, and quiet. I’ve had to give up all of those things over the past few months, plus sleep and healthy eating. At home I’m constantly stressed out because I’m doing such a lousy job at work and because our house is a filthy disaster, and at work I’m constantly playing catch-up instead of working on strategic priorities. Being constantly sick makes it all a thousand times harder.
The entertaining is to stop my husband from complaining that I control our lives and prevent him from doing anything fun. Since we started with the frequent entertaining, he’s been so much happier and less resentful than he’s been in many years. He helps some with the prep and does most of the cleanup, but I have to do all of the planning, cooking, and heavy cleaning because he just doesn’t get it. He handles some of the kid logistics in the evenings, but he absolutely refuses to take time off of work or to work from home, even though I have burned through all of my PTO and he has several weeks of PTO left for the year.
We can’t afford to maintain our current very ordinary lifestyle and aggressive savings rate without my income, but I think my working has made him complacent in terms of his own career advancement. He wants me to find a job that magically pays better while also requiring less of me, but won’t do anything to improve his own situation.
Anon says
Hugs.
Staying at home doesn’t make your husband into a not-passive husband.
Saw something the other day about how many husbands are more motivated by their own pain and discomfort than their wives’ pain, so they drag their feet and do the bare minimum when their wives are hurting. The key to fixing it is to make them feel the sting, too – the problem is that it takes a lot of emotional wherewithal, which is hard to muster when you’re flipping exhausted from being the only person pulling her weight. (Also, there tends to be a lot of shrieking when someone puts her foot down for the first time, so you have to grit your teeth through that.)
Anon says
You can be a SAHM if you want to be (and your spouse is supportive).
But to answer your question, I work because I like being financially independent from my husband. He is a wonderful person and I don’t think he’d be controlling with money, but there is something very freeing to me to know that I earn my own money and I can purchase things without spending money he’s earned. We’re both overall very frugal (max retirement, no non-mortgage debt, etc) but I like to splurge on things we can afford, like nice vacations. I think there’d be a lot more conflict about these things if I didn’t work outside the home – both because we’d have less money overall and also because I’d be the one pushing to spend all the money while he’d be the one earning all the money. Any time my husband whines about the cost of a vacation, I say “want me to quit my job and stay home? I work so we can travel in style. It’s a joke but also kind of not.
Also my daughter is much younger than yours, but really enjoys daycare and I think it is good for her socially and developmentally to not be with her parents 24/7.
Irish Midori says
Sounds to me like you’re doing all the home work AND all the work work. That’s not a fair gig, unless you agreed to it. If you want at career and not a job, talk to husband about what that means (probably either outsourcing or him stepping up). If you don’t, they, yeah, maybe this is the time in life you just focus on the one thing, and it’s running the house (which is a full time job by itself).
Anonymous says
Why can’t your husband find childcare for you for two weeks and stop pressuring you to entertainevery weekend? You work so that you’re an independent adult with options.
Boston Legal Eagle says
To be blunt, this sounds like a husband problem, not (just) a job problem. Why exactly are you the one hosting everyone every weekend, doing all camp stuff and WFH to cover childcare? What’s his role in this? He should be handling at least half of these logistics, even more for his family obligations. If you quit, then yeah, your husband would probably be happy to have it officially be your job to do everything. If that is what you truly want, then go for it, but if not, then I’d think about having a conversion with him about how this division of labor is not working.
P.S. Kids are kids and they complain all the time and your kid will probably complain about being bored or something else if you’re home too.
shortperson says
+1000. if he wants to entertain, great, let him. in my house, i’m usually the one that wants to entertain and my husband is definitely not whipping up meals in response to my desire. (despite the fact that i work more and earn a few times more.)
IHeartBacon says
“I hate being a working mom, and never more than during the summer.” If you hate being a working mom, and your family can afford to have you stay home, then consider staying home. I know a lot of us folks on try to encourage each other to stay in the workforce, and for good reason. But if you fundamentally hate being a working mom, I don’t know if there is much that anyone can say to get you to feel like staying in the workforce gives you a fulfilling life.
This weekend all I wanted to do was go to the beach with my LO. I feel like the summer is slipping away and we haven’t gone to the beach a single time this summer. For one reason or another (errands, visiting in laws, work), we didn’t go. I was in a terrible, terrible, terrible mood about it by Sunday evening as I was prepping for the workweek. I would even go so far as to say that I had rage about it. This morning all I had waiting for me was a ton of emails from ungrateful people who need things from me. I wish I could hit rewind and do the weekend all over again; and do it better this time around.
All that being said, I love being a working mom. Sh*tty days (weekends, weeks, months) are just part of the human condition. I won’t let how I feel during one moment on one bad day dictate how I live the rest of my life.
Sasha says
Oh my gosh, your extrovert husband needs to make his own entertainment. Now, this may require you to be flexible on things like him going out with his buddies on weeknights or weekends without you or the kids — but at least then you get to sit quietly at home (as quietly as one can with kids underfoot). Have him sign up for a charity board, organize a guys’ happy hour, play a sport, whatever.
OP says
I have suggested he try all of these things and he refuses. He says I am trying to “improve” him.
Anon says
This sounds really tough. Have you tried having a weekend event at home but he is 100% responsible – like, you do not do a thing but attend as a guest? It will be uncomfortable to you because it may be disorganized or not fun, but Sometimes people need to try and fail to realize what it takes to pull off hosting.
Anonymous says
A friend’s son was just diagnosed with cancer and will be in the hospital for some time. I don’t want to give details to respect privacy. What would you send to the child/family? I was thinking food for the family and a coloring book and stickers for the child to have in the hospital. Anyone have experience/insight about what would be most helpful?
anon says
depending on the hospital, if they have a starbucks or coffee shop in the hospital you might be able to get a gift card for that specific place. if they have other kids, offer to help with concrete suggestions. like – on saturday, why doesn’t child A come over for pizza or i’m taking my kids school supply shopping, would it be helpful if i took your other child too.
anon. says
i am so sorry. this happened to a close relative of mine. first question – are there other children? if so, the parents will appreciate small gifts to the other kid. i sent packages to the other kid from Kiwi so they would have fun/ unique projects (you can do one-offs, don’t need a subscription). as for the hospitalized child, it’s very dependent on age. if they are older, a kindle fire is not too expensive and if they don’t have it, they might want a little screen preloaded with games. if younger, i’d just send markers/ construction paper/ gel pens/ etc. second point – depending on where they are and if they are in a ronald mcdonald house, you have different needs, so i would absolutely not send food. i’d probably send as big of an ubereats gift card as you can afford right now – may $250. let them order what they want when they want when they need it .
Leaving baby says
I’m embarrassed to admit this but I’ve never left my 11 month old in the evening. We don’t have family and haven’t figured out the sitter thing yet, plus since he’s in daycare all day, I like the time with him and haven’t gotten really motivated.
Anyway, I have an event to go to that starts at 6ish with a dinner is at 7 or 7:30 (I can’t remember exactly). LO usually goes to bed at 7. I’m trying to figure out whether I should put him to bed early before I go or have the sitter do it. I worry the sitter won’t be able to get him to go to sleep, especially since I’m still nursing and that’s part of his nighttime routine. But on the other hand, if he wakes up while we are gone and only the sitter – who he’s never met – is there, I worry he might be scared.
I know I sound ridiculous, especially to moms of older kids (or those who are just better at these this) but I feel like a missed the parenting manual on a lot of things, including this!
Anonymous says
I’d leave a bottle and have the sitter try. It’s one night, it will be totally fine, if he doesn’t get a good night sleep oh well.
Anonymous says
I don’t think you’re ridiculous at all. I just left my 8 month old for the first time recently. I hadn’t done it yet for very similar reasons, and then an event came up and everything worked out fine. I personally would let the sitter put the baby to bed. Since your event starts at 6 you would have to either put him to bed super early or be very late to your event. If you put him down super early and he wakes up I think you’re right that it could be very jarring for him to meet the sitter for the first time that way. He is used to taking naps at daycare without you, so you know he CAN fall asleep without you. I would write down your nighttime routine for the sitter and sub out a nice warm bottle for the nursing session. If he ends up taking a little longer to fall asleep that night (as he most likely will), it will be ok. He might be thrown off a bit the next day, but you’ll get through it.
Anon says
Don’t be embarrassed! We still haven’t left my almost 2 year old with non-family, not because of any objection to sitters, we just haven’t had the need to yet.
With the caveat that she wasn’t in daycare yet, 11 months was pretty much peak separation anxiety for my kid. I don’t think she would have handled a new sitter well for either the bedtime routine or an unexpected wakeup. I would pay the person to come once during the day at a time when he’s normally awake and happy (between wakeup and nap?) so he can get to know the sitter before the sitter attempts the bedtime routine.
Anonimal says
If it makes you feel better I am on kid 2 and really only feel comfortable with my nanny putting my kids to bed. With other sitters I get too nervous and usually try to do bedtime myself before we leave. We don’t go out a lot, partly as a result. I do not recommend my approach – just commiserating – you are not alone! Even among more experienced parents!
rosie says
When my child was about that age, we traveled out of town and needed a sitter for when my husband and I both had work commitments. We were used to leaving kid w/our nanny, but other than that, no non-family caregivers, and there was no way to meet the sitter beforehand (but I hired someone based on a personal rec). I had the sitter come a little early so she would handle the nap (vs me putting kiddo down & then waking up to a stranger) — this was actually great because they went out for a walk and I finished getting ready in peace, I recommend doing something similar. Everything went fine, but I totally get it is stressful.
IHeartBacon says
This is what I would recommend. Have the sitter come earlier in the day so your son can get used to the sitter for an hour or two before you leave.
ElisaR says
it’s not ridiculous at all – it’s hard to leave kids with a babysitter when they are in daycare! I’m pretty sure I didn’t do it until my son was over 2. Just didn’t work for us.
Will baby go down early? Mine wouldn’t….. but if your will then do that. It’s unlikely baby would wake up while you’re gone, right? Otherwise, leave baby with a bottle and the sitter and let her put him down.
GOOD LUCK! It’s one night, and it’s hard working up to it but once it is behind you it’ll be ok!
layered bob says
This is not ridiculous. I don’t really have advice because I put my kids to bed every night of their lives until at least 18 months and my four year old has still never had anyone put her to bed except me, DH, her grandma and our long-term nanny. Whatever you decide to do will be fine but don’t feel bad that you haven’t left them yet.
anon says
does anyone know if i would be stopped by tsa for trying to bring a tv remote on a flight. my kid is obsessed with pushing buttons so i’m thinking this would provide lots of entertainment, but don’t want to try it if for some reason it would be forbidden.
Anon says
I wouldn’t think that would be a problem, especially if you took the batteries out. They do make toy remotes, but they are obnoxious sounding. But if it simply that your child likes pushing buttons, maybe you can take the batteries out of a toy remote?
Anonymous says
I can’t imagine, but if you’re concerned, get the Fisher Price one (it’s only like $9).
Anonymous says
I have that Fisher Price remote thanks to Grandma… Definitely keep the sound off for a flight. The songs are pretty grating and I have a pretty high tolerance for kid’s toy sounds.
Anon says
Take the batteries out.
Anon says
TSA has a super helpful and responsive social media team – just take a picture and reach out to them via your choice of social media channel and they’ll get back to you VERY quickly.
AnotherAnon says
When did your kid give up their nap? Any words of advice? A quick google search advised me to both ease out of the nap gradually over several weeks/months and to go completely cold turkey to avoid confusing my kid so…I’d appreciate some anecdata.
Anon says
I don’t think you really make the choice, your kiddo does when they just stop napping. My DD did this around 2.5. We still enforced quiet rest time for a year or so thereafter (at home, we would skip it when traveling).
SC says
My son stopped napping at home around 3.5 but stilled napped at daycare. We enforced quiet time until this summer, when he went to a camp that did not have nap/quiet time. He’s going back to regular daycare this week, and I know they’ll at least enforce quiet time. (He’s 4 now, but we’re delaying pre-K a year in hopes of improvement on some social/emotional issues.)
AwayEmily says
I have a 3.5 year old who just in the last month started skipping a nap about once a week (usually at school). But on most days she naps from 1 – 2 hours.
I have noticed that she takes longer to fall asleep these days, though — her bedtime is technically “be asleep by 7:30” but on days she sleeps for more than 75 minutes we often push it to 8.
Anonymous says
My son napped at daycare when he was 3 but not at preschool (he was at daycare 2 days a week and preschool 3 days starting around age 3.25). But on nap days he would often be up until 9:30 or so. He had no trouble with the difference. I just learned my cousin’s child, age 7 yesterday, still naps. I’m so jealous!!
Anon says
How on earth does a 7 year old nap!? Aren’t they in elementary school? Our schools don’t even have a naptime in K, let alone first grade.
Anonymous says
I think maybe he doesn’t on weekdays (but did on vacation)? He went to half-day kindergarden last year, but in the afternoon. My son is the same age but was in full day 1st grade + aftercare last year and the whole thing is so alien to me. Apparently her son sleeps until 7 too, although he does stay up later than mine.
Anonymous says
My 6 year old doesn’t nap at camp or elementary school but he still falls asleep during quiet time after lunch on the weekends. My 4.5 year old still naps nearly every day. Quiet time will be a fixture in our household on weekends we aren’t out and about until they move out, as far as I’m concerned. I need the break!
GCA says
I rather suspect they give up their nap when they’re ready. DS is 4 and change, and hasn’t napped at home since he was 3. On no-nap days he sleeps from 8pm-6.30am. Alas, he still naps 1+h most days at daycare (I guess he goes hard all morning!) which means he falls asleep at 9 and sleeps till 6.30.
Starting when he was 2.5, we eased out of naps at home – it started with, like, a 90% likelihood of naps and went down to a 10% chance of naps by age 3. Once he was 3, we just quit planning our weekends around a nap schedule. No quiet time either as it just meant DS climbing the walls while we attempted to enforce it in vain. (DD is 12 months and starting to transition to an all-important-single-nap so I now have to factor that schedule in once again!)
Anonymous says
Kid 1- 2.5 at home, almost 3 at daycare
Kid 2- 2.5 at home, would have kept napping at daycare but we told them not to let her and hired a nanny so she came home early.
Kid 3- 3
My kids have serious FOMO. They also all go to bed at like, 7pm.
Anonymous says
Naptime is not something you take away from your child. When he’s outgrown it, he takes it away from you.
SC says
Haha, this is perfect.
Ms B says
Truer words were never spoken.
IHeartBacon says
HA! So very very true.
Anonymous says
23 months.
Anonymous says
Mine stopped napping reliably at daycare at 2.5 when they switched to mats from pack n plays, as he won’t sleep if there’s anything remotely interesting to look at. We kept him napping at home till about 3, when (a) he wouldn’t fall asleep till 2:30 or later, (b) we switched to a bed, and (c) on days he did nap even for 20 min he would not fall asleep until close to 10 pm (and then usually not nap the next day, leading to exhaustion). We stopped letting him nap at that point. It was a rough transition for a long time. Feels like st 4.5 we are just clear of it, but the alternative was a kid staying up later than I did who was also super cranky.
Spirograph says
This is spot on!