In May, it turns into shorts weather around here. These linen maternity shorts are a step above your typical pair.
These surprisingly versatile lavender shorts are made from 100% breathable linen. They have a bump-friendly elastic waist, self-tie belt, and a Goldilocks not-too-long-not-too-short 6-inch inseam. Add a pretty cotton eyelet shirt or crisp button-down when you want a relaxed, yet put-together look. (Shorts aren’t appropriate at every office, of course, so know yours!)
These maternity shorts are $49.95 at Nordstrom and come in sizes XS–XL.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
anon says
Gosh, these shorts seem so unfortunate to me. I can’t imagine any world where they are flattering.
Anon says
Yeah I was thinking the same. But maybe it’s just the styling? It’s a weird look with the shirt tucked in I think. In real life I wear linen shorts a lot and think they’re flattering.
Clementine says
With a fitted tank top?
I think the proportion doesn’t work because it’s baggy on top of baggy. One of the items needs to have less volume to make the balance work. So – a fitted tank or scoop neck tee on top, possibly with an open gauze shirt as a topper, with these on the bottom and sandals?
Anonymous says
For maternity wear I don’t think the fitted + baggy rule applies. To the contrary, the problem here is that the top is tucked in and looks too fitted.
Anon says
That’s what I was thinking.
Anonymous says
I had some tie-waist wide-leg linen maternity pants similar to this and they were very cute. I wore them lower on the belly and did not tuck in the top.
Emma says
I wore shorts like this last summer when I was in my 3rd trimester and it was a million degrees. Mostly with a loose top. It probably wasn’t my most stylish look, but I was pregnant enough that I think no one cared, and I was comfortable. I think the styling is awkward and the model’s belly is at the awkward “could be a baby, could be a little belly fat” stage which makes it look odd.
Anon says
The model is also in that awkward “pregnant or plump” stage. I think they’d be more flattering on someone in the third trimester.
Anonymous says
Tbh the shoes are what’s throwing me off. They’re super cute but just don’t go with this outfit at all.
Cb says
A recommendation – Everyday Reading did a GORGEOUS summer reading challenge. I’ve had it printed and am looking forward to filling it out with kiddo this summer.
He seems keen to advance through the next few levels of the phonics scheme, mostly so he can stop reading the boring books, so that’s our project.
Clementine says
Ooo! Let me check this out!
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing!
Anonymous says
I have tweens who have learned to do a bit of cooking in scouts and when schools were closed learned how to use the microwave, heat leftovers, make a basic sandwich, and make a grilled cheese or quesadilla. A neighbor who is a SAHM of 4 posted in desperation for meal kit delivery options for her family or how on earth to feed people. I get that; every day we push the food boulder up a mountain just to do it again. BUT it also made me super-depressed, like there is never an end in sight. Her kids are all teens and 2 of them drive. One is home from college. All of these people need a mom still needing to feed them? I was hoping I’d cook maybe 3 nights or so and people would even eventually pitch in or go to the store or get their own takeout or figure out something from leftovers and what is on hand. Maybe it is all learned and teachable, but I need the hope of feeling like my kids will be adulting but by bit and I won’t always be on duty. I want them to be independent and not trying on me.
Anon says
I think you’re conflating two separate issues: the burden on mom and teaching kids’ independence. If you feel overwhelmed, you can make your teenage kids pitch in. But the vast majority of teens don’t do any real cooking until they leave home, many don’t cook until they graduate college, and they turn out fine, so I wouldn’t worry about the kids.
Cb says
Yeah, I’m not sure I ate a vegetable that wasn’t iceberg lettuce, carrot, or cucumber until I was about 19 and moved to France. When I met my husband, I was calling 2 apples and a few scoops of PB dinner.
And I’m mostly OK now :)
GCA says
Yeah, agree with this. Maybe your neighbor’s priority is ‘someone cooks a family meal and we try to eat together’. That family meal still needs to happen somehow, and as a teen I definitely wouldn’t have managed homework, extracurriculars and cooking for the family on any given weeknight, so the burden falls to the at-home parent. And when you’re feeding a large family, it’s often more efficient to make a big family meal than to have everyone find their own dinner. (I grew up with 7 people in the household and my grandma in the SAHP function; as a teen, when I got home late from activities I either had leftovers or made myself spaghetti or cereal.) At the same time I wouldn’t assume your neighbor isn’t fostering her kids’ independence – she might be doing it in other ways that look different from meal prep. Chances are the kids are fine.
But what does that imply for your own family? Nothing – you can certainly start to build in a ‘kids pitch in’ system for family dinners if you want, when you want, and scaffold your kids’ participation that way.
AwayEmily says
YES well put on the priorities thing. That has been one of my biggest realizations as a parent, is that at some point you need to figure out what your family’s priorities are and you literally cannot do everything. If your priority is eating together, that may mean outsourcing meals. If your priority is sleep, that may mean less time reading with your kids before bed. Etc etc. At some point everyone has to make some tradeoffs, and everyone is going to make different choices about what those are. To take a very small example, we prioritize easy, conflict-free mornings, which means we let our kids get dressed in front of the TV and do a lot for them that they could probably do themselves (e.g. make breakfast). Other families I know prioritize independence, and their mornings might be a little harder for awhile but their kids develop the ability to get themselves ready way earlier than mine will. I’m okay with that!
Clementine says
First, I think that different families have different priorities and for some, that means ‘Mom cooks a family meal every night and the goal is that at least most of us eat it together.’ In other families, the goal is ‘We all eat at some point and have time to relax together.’
Don’t get discouraged from one post – I think that both things are true. Yes, it can be a slog to cook dinner for a family AND it is highly likely that as your kids get older, they will be more independent and require less hands-on cooking type parenting activities.
Cb says
My friend had a policy that kids cook on Sundays, from 12, and I thought this was really smart. Her son was responsible for the shopping list, deciding what to eat, and cooking. They ate a lot of scrambled eggs the first few months, but by the end, he was making some really cool (and fancy) meals. And now he’s in his first year at uni and seems to be a really capable, confident adult.
I’d like to do something similar, and realised I need to start involving my son (5) in the cooking. We made stovetop popcorn yesterday and I’m going to teach him how to do scrambled eggs at the weekend.
My parents were AMAZING but I was coddled and left home with so few practical life skills. It made my early 20s so much harder. I’m a competent, creative cook now, but that was a trial by fire, when I met my husband and realised I didn’t want to eat beans on toast for the rest of my life (neither of us could cook).
EDAnon says
My mom had us each take a turn cooking once per week starting around 12. She stopped when we had jobs and activities in the evening (probably around 15), but it only took a handful of times before we knew how to cook and then got creative with the meals.
Anonymous says
HA yes we do sometimes have the 8 year old make dinner and yes, it is eggs. Worth it. (But I probably won’t be relying on him to make a week night dinner in high school because , as someone noted, of homework/activities/job).
NYCer says
I don’t think it is unusual for parents to cook (or provide) dinner for teenaged kids. Sure the kids may chip to varying extents depending on interest and time (and may be busy with their own plans other days), but I think it is more unusual to expect that a teenaged child would be responsible for their own meals.
Anon says
+1 Kids can forage for breakfast and lunch but it seems very common to prepare and serve a family meal. Maybe the teen helps or plans a certain number per week, or maybe adults cook and teens do all the dishes, but it’s still one meal for the family. Especially since teens are pretty exhausted by the end of a day and may still have hours of homework ahead of then (and, tbh, have a brain more similar to a toddler than an adult in terms of big feelings and needing a tender touch). I think it sounds strange to have everyone in the family get their own takeout on the regular.
Anonymous says
Yeah, family dinners are supposed to be one of the best things parents can do to keep teens grounded.
Anonymous says
Yes, but it doesn’t have to be something overwhelming. Pizza or spaghetti are fine family dinners. Especially during the week.
Anonymous says
How do you handle when 4 people have 4 schedules and get home at 4:30, 5, 5:30, and 7? The 4:30 one has the most homework and wants to eat and get to work. When we were in daycare, we had kid dinner with a parent at the table at 5 and then adults eat together. Friday-Saturday-Sunday we often eat two dinners together and often lunch after church (which the church provides at cost, and which is a huge win for our family).
Anon says
I would eat at 7. 4:30 kid can get started on HW and then take a break to eat with the family. People who get home before and get hungry 7 can have a snack (or a mini meal, if needed).
anon says
I don’t find it weird at all that an adult would still be cooking a family meal for teens. That seems normal? Desirable? I have one teen, and while there’s a lot of leeway for breakfast and lunch, I still want us to have a family meal in the evening whenever possible. It’s grounding. And takeout is fine now and then, but I sure wouldn’t want to be doing it all the time.
avocado says
My 16-year-old has been cooking full meals independently for a few years, but she is so busy that she rarely has time to cook for herself or the family. It’s something she does for fun if she has time on the weekend. The most she can usually manage is prepping breakfast for herself for the week on Sunday. She is at school and after-school activities until 6:00 every day, with more activities and homework after that. Think about it–if as busy working moms we struggle to get a healthy balanced dinner on the table, why would it be any easier for a busy teen?
Anon says
Definitely conflating two issues here. Weeknights are in many ways harder with older kids than with tweens — between homework and after school activities, the hours are short and evenings fly by. If she has 4 kids, there are probably lots of competing events every single evening, so it’s a time issue, not a competence one. If having your kids cook for your family is a priority, then you can just prioritize that over other involvement or activities.
Anonymous says
Like come on. This just feels like an excuse to judge someone else. Of course there are other options, and maybe for her own reasons they aren’t working for her family. If you don’t want to cook for 19 year old kids no one is coming to make you.
Anon says
It does feel a little judgy. I’ll also say that I think for many SAHMs (especially those with all their kids in school) putting dinner on the table is more a part of their identity than it is for working moms.
Anonymous says
It’s a lofty standard to be held to as a working mom though.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I agree with everyone else that most teens aren’t cooking full meals for themselves – they can probably put together a sandwich or similar. Most people learn to cook when they live in their own apartments, or with roommates, during or after college, by necessity. But even if they use meal kits then to start, then so what? Those kits are a nice stepping stone!
Anonymous says
Are people making full meals at home generally? At our house, it is often an entre. Maybe a vegetable. And maybe some fruit. The entre may be reheated.
Anon says
We usually do a protein, a vegetable, a salad, and a grain. So, it’s a full meal in that it has all of the components, but it’s usually 4 separate entities. Like we’ll grill chicken, steam some broccoli, make a side of brown rice, and have a salad. It all goes together, but it’s not a planed meal.
One of the few recipes in our arsenal that’s a cohesive meal is stir fry over rice.
Anonymous says
I do mostly one-dish meals or an entree + side of roasted veg.
Anonymous says
I think it’s weird not to serve a family dinner unless the kids have moved back home to live in the basement apartment after college or something like that.
Anonymous says
I’m wondering — how often do you all have family dinner during the week? We did that when our kids were little and during COVID when there were no activities and just zoom school for about a year. Now, 1 kid has a violin lesson and one kid has a sport and then one needs math tutoring twice a week and the school buses are often very late, so one starting kid arrives home to an empty house and often eats solo. Then, an adult arrives and takes that kid to an activity and then the other parent/kid return from a lesson. We would all always be home at 8 (too late for us on a weekday) or at various times b/w 5 and 6:30. Often a kid and parent dine together. One day a week 3 of us have a lunch that we look forward to at Jersey Mike’s after yet another activity. After years of nothing, my kids love what they do and are finding their identities. We have supper together on weekends but during the week I don’t want them to give up stuff so we can eat a hectic meal together. IDK what other do and now I’m curious (but I guess I do expect them to feed themselves if they are starving or at least snack so they aren’t hangry).
Anon says
Every night but we only have one kid is still young (5) and my husband and I often work from home with flexible schedules. She does have one weeknight activity, dance from 6-7 pm, and we do normally eat together that night but it can be a bit of a rush. It’s often a leftover or pizza night so we can have dinner on the table at 5:15. She has to get ready at 5:30 so we can leave by 5:40. I would much prefer weekend activities only but she’s really enjoying dance and there’s no option for weekend classes.
Anonymous says
I have kids at two schools and one is special needs, so they each need different things, often in different directions, often at the same time. Dinner is food, not some Donna Reed production.
Cb says
Same-aged singleton, and when I’m home, we eat together every night. Sometimes it’s fancy, sometimes it’s eggs. My parents always made an effort to eat together, even if it was that weird microwaved sloppy joe mix, and we do too.
On the rare occasions my husband isn’t home, my son and I eat a nibble dinner (bread, veggies, fruit, meat) on the sofa, reading our books and it is a treat. My husband would starve to death so it’s a special treat when we’re solo.
Anonymous says
I feel like we had family dinner (simple suppers! not a big production) when my kids were <10. Now they are older but can't drive, so we are in motion from 4-6 every night, so have managed to just have a lot of pasta, pasta with chicken left over from weekend dinner, etc. It requires thought, but once you've got some basics, it's just rinse and repeat. If someone gets bored, I show them the cookbooks and invite them to solve their problem.
Anon says
How old are your kids? I think it’s easier when they’re younger (we were every weeknight with kids under 11 or so; activities were on weekends or early enough we could eat family dinner after ) and when they’re in high school (and activities are at school and done by 6PM or so), but it’s harder from 11-14 or so.’
Usually my husband gets home by 5 or 5:30 and starts making dinner. The kids and I get home around 6:15 and dinner is usually ready by 6:30.
Kids don’t cook much (but help out on occasion. I know they can make the basics!) but they do all of the clean up after dinner.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Every night now (kids are 7 and 4.5) but with activities getting to be on the later side starting in late elementary, I know that won’t always be the case.
anon says
Every night, but my kids are only 6 and only have one after school activity, so usually everyone’s home by 5 and dinner is 5:45/6. On the activity night everyone is home by 6:15 and dinner is something super simple (nachos, pasta, etc) that we can have on the table by 6:30.
Anonymous says
We have family dinner every night except the ones where people literally will not be home at the same time until after 8:00. On those nights we have something like pasta salad that is easy to grab as people come in or rush out the door.
Seafinch says
We eat a family dinner together every night. Five kids from 12 down to newborn. Only the eldest two have activities. But the 12 year old is a competitive athlete and has 3-5 practices a week at night (plus weekends) and the nine year old does wrestling once during the week, bag piping during the week, and one tutoring session during the week from 2:00-3:00. (He also has additional wrestling and tutoring on the weekend ). if I am home like mat leave or WFH, I pick away at the meal during the day and prep everything in five minute increments. It’s frequently three to five different dishes: some thing like last Thursday: homemade kafta, herbed rice, homemade hummus, store bought tzatziki, steamed green beans, marinated tomatoes and cucumbers, grilled flatbread. When I am in the office it gets simplified, something more one pot focused like last Wednesday: white bean chicken chili, tortilla chips, salad, homemade dressing. We just adjust the timing to when there is a free period, occasionally it’s only a half hour. the earliest activity requires a 6:00 p.m. departure so those nights we just bump it up and eat by about 5:15 or 5:30. (Both of us are home by 5:00 if not home already during the day).
Anon says
In my experience, tweens and teens are usually responsible for weekday breakfasts and packing a lunch for school, but parents provide dinner for teens (and usually college kids home on breaks). I recall making a list of what I wanted for breakfast/lunch supplies and then making my own breakfast and lunch in elementary school (3rd or 4th grade!). Honestly, even now we just do grab and go options like granola bars, an apple, or drinkable yogurt (eaten in the car, usually) for the kids’ breakfasts on weekdays, so it doesn’t take much effort from me.
Looking back on my teenage years, I was getting home from sports practice around 6PM and still had 3-4 hours of HW to do, so if my parents’ hadn’t cooked dinner, I probably would have survived off of a bowl of cereal every night because I wouldn’t have had the time or energy to cook. And, a bowl of cereal would not have provided the nutrition that a growing body + athlete + student needs. Also, as a busy teenager, often the only time I had quality time with my parents and siblings was during family dinner. If I was fending for myself for dinner, I would have eaten in my room while doing HW and not at the table talking with my family.
I was capable of cooking as a teenager; on weekends or school breaks my parents would have me help in the kitchen. However, my dad was a teacher so he was also off on school breaks so we weren’t usually asked to fully cook a meal. My mom worked a 7-3 shift at the hospital, so she was home in time to make dinner. So, while I had two working parents, they had family-friendly schedules and we weren’t asked to take on making dinner as teenagers because there wasn’t really a need.
Growing up we’d have “fend for yourself nights” maybe 2x a month. Leftovers, a sandwich, running out to grab something (once I could drive), or heating up a can of soup were pretty common solutions, but I wouldn’t have wanted to do frequently!
If you prefer everyone to get their own takeout, you should definitely be paying for it for teenagers (and I’d say college kids too). If a teen wants to order takeout, they can pay for it, but if the option provided for dinner that night is “fend for yourself takeout”, then it should be paid for.
SC says
This was my experience as a teen and college student–dinner was planned and prepared (or paid for) by the adults. I was often busy until pretty late with extracurricular activities, and on those nights, my mom would leave a plate for me. I learned how to cook some things a little as a teenager, mostly on weekends or during the summer, some from my mom and some from my friends’ parents. Mostly, I figured out how to budget, meal plan, grocery shop, and cook after graduating from college.
Spirograph says
My kids are too young for this, yet (although they do like to “help” in the kitchen), but I got inspo from a colleague with a teenager recently — she gives her son a Greenlight card with a certain amount for groceries and he is responsible for 2 family meals a week, planning, shopping and cooking. He gets to keep any money he doesn’t spend on the groceries, therefore encouraging smart budgeting. There are parameters on the meals – must be at least “semi-homemade” and contain a fresh vegetable, etc etc. Apparently he’s become quite the cook!
Anyway, all that to say, you can 100% encourage your kids to feed themselves independently or meaningfully contribute to family meals by the time they’re tweens and teens. It’s not a moral failing not to, just reflects different focus/priorities.
Anonymous says
When I was a teen, I was often starving the moment I walked in the door. Once my mom (former teacher) switched to non-teaching, she and my dad commuted together during the week and she left leftovers in tupperware for us to reheat. I was a driving senior in high school and could have spent $ for takeout, but having mom’s leftovers tasted like love, so it can be “all of the above.”
OOO says
For Xmas last year DH and I sent each other lists of gift ideas for ourselves. It worked out well because DH is not great at gift giving and usually gives me things I don’t want and end up in the donation bin. I sent DH a gift list this year a few weeks before Mother’s Day. He ignored the list and got me something else, a digital picture frame that my sister suggested. It’s ok but not what I wanted. (It wasn’t preloaded wit pics or anything, so it can be returned). I feel disappointed but not sure I am justified in feeling this way.
Cb says
Eh, I’d keep my disappointment to myself but also swap it for something else?
Anonymous says
My husband managed simultaneously to knock it out of the park and strike out for Mother’s Day. I told him I didn’t need a gift because I am sick of getting bad gifts, and he managed to come up with something thoughtful that I am actually excited about. What I did ask for was for him to plan parking and dinner within walking distance of an event we had to attend last night. That was a giant disaster–the mediocre restaurant that ChatGPT recommended was miles away from the venue, which he did not discover until yesterday morning when he asked me where we should park. Then I got blamed for asking him to plan when “you know I am not good at that.” Sigh.
Anon says
Are you the same person who used ChatGPT to find a spa that turned out to be closed? I’m confused about why you’re turning to ChatGPT for this kind of thing. It’s not really a good AI use case, as you’ve seen twice now. Finding well-rated spas and restaurants in certain locations is the entire point of Yelp and similar webs1tes, and at least in the US Yelp is typically pretty up to date on closures.
Anon says
Presumably it was her husband who used chatGPT and she doesn’t need the rando lecturing her.
Anon says
She said she did on the other thread.
Anon says
And you know it’s the same anonymous poster because?
Anonymous says
Correct. I am annoyed that he relied on ChatGPT.
Cerulean says
Chat GPT’s background data is all from a couple of years ago too, right? So it makes sense it would recommend something that could be closed. Definitely the wrong tool for this type of task.
Anon says
Yeah, I’m not into AI myself (I hate the idea of it using my data to train its algorithms) but I get why someone would use it for something like “Plan X days in Y city” where it can synthesize lots of info and present it to you in an easily digestible format, and potentially save you lots for time you’d spend researching. But if you just need to find a spa or restaurant in a particular location Yelp is much more accurate and really no more effort.
Bean74 says
I think you’re fine to feel justified in feeling disappointed! It seems like it’s not necessarily about the gift but the fact that he didn’t listen to you and instead went with someone else’s suggestion. I’ve felt similarly when my husband took suggestions from his sister (who I wasn’t particularly close to at the time) rather than go with something else.
I’m sorry – it stinks to feel this way.
Clementine says
Okay, so. I had to come to grips with the fact that even if my husband gives me a ‘good’ gift, if it’s not what I explicitly want, I’ll be disappointed. Like, I would rather have the exact thing I’ve been looking at rather than a ‘good’ gift that I don’t really want.
Case in point: I really wanted a pair of casual sneakers. He bought me a pair a friend of his recommended. I hate them. Like, truly loathe them. They’re a brand recommended on here frequently! A favorite blogger likes them! I hate them and he tried so hard. This year, I sent him a link, got exactly what I wanted and am THRILLED.
anonM says
Haha! One year I made my DH return the not-exactly-what-I-wanted waffle maker, and have no regrets. I researched it, wanted it to last forever, and wanted dishwasher-safe plates, ok?! :)
Anon says
+1 other than a few times in high school when I wanted to show off my home ec cooking skills (remember home ec, lol?) my mom provided all our meals until I graduated high school. Even when I went back home in college and behind she’d normally cook for me. I don’t think that’s terribly unusual nor does it make me a dysfunctional adult.
Anon says
Meant to be +1 to NYCer sorry!
Mothersday says
How was everyone’s mothers day/what did everyone do?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had most of the day to myself – went to get my nails done, got lunch out, then walked around the mall in peace. It reminded me of weekend days pre-kids, when Sundays were actually relaxing!
Anonymous says
I always find it so interesting that on Mother’s Day, I see moms alone and dads with kids (alone), and on Father’s Day it’s always the whole family. Says so much about parenting and how that workload is shared!
Anon says
The majority of people I know want to spend Mother’s Day with their kids, and I see tons of families together on MD. I think this s i t e skews a little more into self-care than the people I know in real life.
Anonymous says
12:28 poster. I was commenting on the people I see on the street in NYC. Not saying people don’t spend time with their kids, of course they do. But the “gift” is some time for mom to be alone at some point in the day whereas for dads the default is dad is spending day with his kids because that isn’t as much of a given the rest of the week.
Anon says
Yeah I get that, just saying this is not something I’ve observed. If I saw a dad out alone with his kids on Mother’s Day, I’d assume he was divorced or widowed, that’s how uncommon it is in my area. I don’t live in NYC though, totally possible there are regional differences.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I think it may be personality vs. regional. I live in a major city in a red state and most of my friends here who are mums wanted some type of alone time – whether for part of the day or the whole thing.
Most people on this board work FT and those who have partners tend to have FT jobs, too, so I imagine in this segment the alone time piece is highly valued!
FWIW, DH and I switch off on weekends a few times – Sat AMs I take the kids to the Y (I work out and then take the little one to swim) and come back home for lunch, Sun AMs he takes the kids for breakfast and an outing. This is how we both get a few hours to fill our own cups and it works right now for us. I do not think that this is not the norm for this community.
Anon says
I think tons of people here trade childcare with their partner on weekends.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hmm maybe this is my bias then because I do a lot of solo-parenting in the evenings (e.g. dinner is me + kids).
Anonymous says
My husband took our 3 year old to get bagels on Sunday morning, but made this mistake of going to a place that’s run out of an old trolley car. My 3 year old was convinced that they would get to ride the trolley once they got to the front of the line and had a huge meltdown when he found out there was no ride. He was kind of bummed the whole day and kept talking about the bagel trolley… luckily we could laugh about it, but lesson learned!
Cb says
Oh no! My son would have been talking about that for ages.
Anon says
That’s a very 3 year old thing to do.
Clementine says
I went out on a big solo run and then got my fav coffee using rewards points (so it was free!). I then got to take an epic shower, so that was the lovely part.
Then we did a slightly ‘be nice to mom’ version of normal family activities. The dumb thing I did was decide we should invite family over for dinner so my mother would be happy. I ended up making homemade hummus (don’t ask for my recipe, was told on the main page it was a ‘hard pass’ and yes, I am overthinking that comment) and tzatziki and doing some Mediterranean style grilling, the highlight of which was a big platter of grilled eggplant and peppers and warm pita. We had a fire on the patio and husband and I sat outside chatting after the kids went to bed.
Anon says
Your recipe sounded lovely. I bet that comment got mis-threaded!
Anon says
Maybe they just meant homemade hummus is a hard pass for them in general? Nothing personal against you or your recipe, which I’m sure is great, but homemade hummus is a pass for me because I hate using the blender and I like the store bought stuff so much. But I’m sure your recipe tastes great!
anon says
We went to my niece’s birthday party in the morning. The theme was “fancy unicorn tea party.” There were macarons from a fancy bakery. In the afternoon, I had time on the couch to read, and later DH and I played a video game together. DH made dinner, and nobody cleaned up.
GCA says
Long run for me, then husband took the kids to the Y for swim class / kicking a ball around and I got to do a mini-purge of the kids’ room in peace. (We are officially moving this summer so the purging has begun!) Then we went out for hot pot with half spicy and half regular broth; the spicy side did an excellent job of clearing out my allergy-congested sinuses, but also did an unfortunate job of clearing out DH’s sensitive gut.
Spirograph says
it was great! Solo trip to the pool for lap swimming, yardwork, then met up with some friends at a local winery with a playground & space for the kids to run around and had picnic + tapas dinner
Mary Moo Cow says
Mine was not great, but you know what? It ended better than it started, so I’m working on leaving it in the past. Kids were in rare form and the threat-whispers from DH to keep it together because it is mom’s day did not, in fact, convince them to dial it down. When DH took them to a birthday party in the afternoon and I did my workout and grocery shopped by myself with a big treat coffee, it started to turn around. When my MIL came over for dinner and for the umpteenth year in a row said, “I didn’t buy you flowers because I figured DH would,” I simply responded, as I do every year, that nope, those flowers were for her, and internally chuckled and we had a pleasant dinner. Next year: even lower expectations because happiness is just the difference between expectations and reality.
Anonie says
Does it bother you that your husband buys his mom flowers and not you?
Mary Moo Cow says
Oh, I buy the flowers. And no. I willingly take on all the gift buying responsibilities. It wouldn’t work for some, but I like planning and buying and wrapping, so I take it on, for everyone on both sides of the family.
Anon says
I feel like your day tracks with how my day went. Our 3 year old was in rare form all weekend. They only “special” thing we did was invite my MIL and FIL over for pastries and coffee in the morning. In a perfect world, I would have liked to not been hosting my In-Laws on Mother’s day. But given MIL has had a tough several years and for several other reasons, I now it was the right thing to do. I especially didn’t appreciate when MIL offered to cut my daughters hair because she thought it looked a little wild. I would say my kid’s hair at 3 is no different that old pictures of me. Sun bleach blond, curly ends, always a little messy, it’s fine for a young kid. I just politely declined.
I’m making a mental note for next year to specifically make a plan on what I want to do and spoon feed it to husband to execute.
Anon says
well DD #1 was up puking Thursday night and by Saturday night/Sunday morning it was my turn, and then DH and DD #2, so I spent mothers day throwing up and cleaning up other people’s throw up. my dad bought me an apple watch, which i suppose is nice, but i have no interest and have less than two weeks to return it, so it is another thing to make time for on my to do list. DH got me real flowers and also made one of those lego flower bouquets with the kids, which i thought was super creative. we were also sick on mothers day last year. perhaps in 2024 we’ll be healthy.
Anonymous says
It was actually pretty good. I kept my standards low. I asked for Saturday morning off kid duty to run errands, which was granted. But then I decided on my own to take my oldest with me. It was fun but not relaxing, if that makes sense. I bought myself flowers. Sunday, DH surprised me by buying me clothes, which I loved. Then he made breakfast. Which I had to clean up. And the rest of the day was a normal weekend day of cleaning and child care. But no one majorly tantrummed, we ended the day with a bike ride to the park. It was a pretty good day.
Anon says
The best part of it was spending a slow Sunday morning with my toddler after I was traveling for work all of last week. We snuggled in bed and read books and watched Elmo together before we got up, and he said “I love you, mama” (he’s 22 months so this is a new sentence for this week!). It was everything.
AwayEmily says
Best part: when the big kids surprised me with a full nap setup (made my bed, turned out the lights, brought me extra soft blankets and stuffies, sang me a lullaby).
Worst part: Baby vomiting during lunch and then running a fever. Probably strep; we have a doctor’s appointment in a half hour.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I also kept expectations low and communication clear and it worked out well! DH was flying out for a work-trip midday so I had the AM to myself – worked out and read. Once DH left, had more quiet time once kids were napping/resting. Made cookies with the kids for my Mom and Grandmother and then took cookies to my Uncle’s house (Grandmother lives there) for a quick drop-off and the entire extended family had also decided to drop by then to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. Got some sweet cards from the kids and a lovely flower bouquet from DH.
Originally, Mom, Grandma, sibling, kids, and I were going to do dinner but the weather seemed like it was going to be terrible so we postponed. Of course it ended up being fine by dinner time, but c’est la vie. Will go out to dinner tomorrow with my Mom and kids.
I was so tired at the end of the day but definitely happy with how the day went.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Oh, and we did mother’s day dinner on Saturday night and we tried a new-to-us burger place which was awesome and I cannot wait to go back!
Seafinch says
It was a grind. My newborn still has feeding challenges which require a lot of extra work and management and my husband was away with my twelve year old at a provincial championship tournament. Kids had no idea it was Mother’s Day (so I guess schools aren’t doing the crafts anymore?). Totally uncharacteristically, my husband had an absolutely stunning bouquet delivered from my favourite German florist (the German aesthetic is unique …and expensive!). He’s been less stellar than normal since the new baby arrived so maybe it was a tacit mea culpa. I was feeling a bit pitiful until our dear friend grabbed his kids out of our backyard to go buy new plants to plant in memory of his wife (and their mom) who died in August….so perspective. Maybe next year!
Anon says
This year: DS has had a stomach bug since Tuesday. By the weekend, he was down to having 1-2 diarrhea blowouts in the morning. Sunday, since it was Mother’s Day, I got reprieved from dealing with most of the blowout but was still doing laundry, etc. DH then grumbled about how tired he was (valid tbh) and was in a bad mood for most of the day bc of said stomach bug.
Last year: DS had mild Covid, which we didn’t realize at the time, and ended up vomiting in the middle of Mother’s Day brunch at a nice restaurant. I had bronchitis and was on steroids.
Maybe next year we will be healthy?
So Anon says
My day started with my 9 year old waking me up to ask at 7:05 exactly how late I wanted to sleep in and ended with being on hold for 25 minutes with ADT because my alarm system was chirping at 10:30 last night. My ex is doing his thing, which is the equivalent of a 17 year old boy. My mom was out of the country, and she is generally the one who helps my kids get presents. The result is that I did not receive anything for Mother’s Day. I knew that ahead of time and thought I was ok with it, but I really wasn’t. It hurt. I know that my kids love me, but it was hard not receiving anything from anyone. I stayed off of all social media, but made the mistake of going to the grocery store, and even that was tough. At the end of the day, I just wanted to crawl into bed and play a game on my phone while watching reruns of the Good Place, but I ended up crying to the guy from ADT about my alarm.
anon says
Any amazing kid Mother’s Day cards this weekend? My 9 yo wrote: “Thank you so much for raising me. You did a good job.” It was all I could do not to laugh out loud at her very sincere sentiments.
Anonymous says
I got a card with a pink paint smear. Apparently she was not in a mood to cooperate with hand prints.
FVNC says
My kindergartner is learning to read and spell using whatever the 2023 equivalent of Hooked on Phonics is. His mother’s day card to me included some very adorable mispellings, very similar to ones I made at the same age (as evidenced by my own mother saving all my kinder musings :)
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m laughing at the past tense. Like, your job is done now, Mom. Good work, project completed, go have fun.
Anon says
Hahaha I love the past tense. We’re currently flying home from a vacation (hi from somewhere over the Atlantic) and it was lovely but I’m bummed I missed the cute card they always have the kids make at daycare.
Anonymous says
My 3-yo painted a potted plant in daycare and they put a little card in it that says “your love helps me grow,” which tbh feels like a bit of an understatement since it wasn’t so long ago that she was literally growing in my uterus and just last week she verbalized that she wants to nurse just to suck even if nothing comes out, but hey, it was very sweet.
Anonymous says
The TWW is torture
OOO says
Insight Timer has a guided meditation that helped me get through the TWW
Anonymous says
Thank you!! This looks right up my ally.
anon says
It really, really is. FWIW, I’m someone that tested during the TWW. Testing is a slippery slope for sure. One transfer, I didn’t test and I went out of freaking mind waiting. Another, I watched the line get dark, and then lighter and disappear by the time I had my beta. That one wasn’t good, either, but somehow mentally fared better than no information at all. Most recently, I watched it get dark and just darker still (today is day 1 of my second trimester!).
I don’t think there’s any one right answer. Some people have strong opinions one way or the other. Take it day by day. Good luck to you!
Anon says
I feel like such a cliche for posting mother’s day drama today, but ugh, my first mother’s day was not what I had hoped. We had agreed to host my MIL, SIL and BIL in the afternoon, which I was ok with, but I’m an introvert, so I was really looking forward to our quiet morning of just us. I told DH I wanted “nothing fancy, just breakfast from [local favorite] to go and eat in the park across the street while the dog and the baby play on a blanket” I think DH took “nothing fancy” to mean “I don’t care”, but I was actually really looking forward to it. Well, around 9am as we were about to leave, FIL came by to surprise me with flowers. Which was nice, really, I like FIL generally. But then of course he was like “oh I could get breakfast too” and tagged along, and then they both decided the line at my breakfast place was too long and went somewhere else, and honestly I was in a foul mood by then but plastered a smile on my face all day. So of course DH and I got into an argument last night which wasn’t ideal, and he was feeling like he tried to do all the right things – he did get me flowers and made a very nice toast in the afternoon – and I know he means well but also, my in-laws showing up unannounced and inserting themselves into our plans is an issue and I was really hoping it wouldn’t happen on this particular day. I’ll be more explicit about what I want next year, but yeah, just venting here.
Anon says
Sorry. Are your in laws always this proactive about inserting themselves into your plans? This seems like maybe a bigger picture issue. My parents live a mile from us but basically never expect they can join our family on an activity without an explicit invitation — which is a big part of why having them so close works.
Anon says
Yeah, it’s one of the biggest issues in our otherwise happy marriage. He is from a big, cozy, loving family, and I’m from a typical WASP we-like-each-other-but-from-afar kind of family. I genuinely love his people but they are also really exhausting to be around and prone to showing up unannounced. They do help out a lot with the baby, etc but we definitely need better boundaries. FIL and MIL are somewhat recently divorced and DH worries that they might be lonely, so he isn’t the best at enforcing boundaries. And the truth is, they are probably kind of lonely – like FIL clearly didn’t have any other plans and was thrilled to hang out with us. Which I understand, but sometimes I just want to be with my gang and there is no polite way for me to voice that once he’s just..there.
Anon says
I think marriage counseling could help with this.
anon says
Have you said this to him? Like, exactly this way? Balanced, rational, clear?
Anon says
Good question. I’ve tried, but we often end up in slightly emotional arguments about this (ie last night – I was tapped out from too much social interaction, my feelings were hurt, it all come out in a messy way). We’ve had good conversations about boundaries, things get better for a bit, then they creep back in a little and we have to re-establish them. It’s an ongoing process I guess.
Anon says
Totally justified vent. A 1st mother’s day is really special. And it’s not fun when your plans get diverted. If you haven’t already, it sounds like you and DH need to plan for do-over soon. If anything maybe the breakfast place will be less busy on a non-holiday.
anon says
I remember how sucky my 1st Mother’s Day was, carting an infant to two different crowded restaurant locations with mediocre food and trying to find a place to discretely nurse him because I wasn’t comfortable doing it in front of my ILs. I was so incredibly lonely, on a day that was supposedly about me.
OOO says
I’m sorry, OP. I know so many new moms who end up disappointed on their first Mother’s Day (or their 3rd…see my post above.) You have the right idea to be very explicit next year. Also, I like my ILs but I generally don’t think ILs should be part of your Mother’s Day, unless it’s for babysitting or visiting while you do your own thing. Or visit ILs on Mother’s Day Eve, but the day itself is all about you. Hugs!
Anon123 says
Best place for maternity pants for work? looking for simple and black. I’m a pear – big-ish behind. Curvy is a must and I’m also borderline tall at 5’8″. I don’t like the crop look so I often get ankle pants in long sizing. TIA.
Anon says
Pea in the pod. They have an over belly ankle fit stretchy pant. It’s about $125 I think, but worth it. It looks so great.
Anon says
Any suggestions for how to deal with a**hole neighbors?
I had a group of five 9-10 yos over to my house this weekend to practice a skit for an upcoming performance. Their cardboard box set was in our garage, so they were rehearsing in our front yard mid-afternoon on a Sunday for about an hour. Nothing super loud. Just 5 kids doing their kid thing with some boxes.
Across the street the neighbors were sitting on their front porch blasting music. They had two 60-something yo parents, their two mid-20s sons and the sons’ gfs present. It was a nice day and not weird for them to be on their porch.
Parents showed up to pick up the 9-10 yos and the kids went inside to take off costumes while parents chatted in front of our house. I was helping with costumes inside, but apparently the two sons and one gf pulled down their pants and mooned our house, with a very very full show. Then one son stripped off his shirt, was lathered with soap and hosed down in some ridiculous show, presumably also directed at us. We kept the kids inside so they didn’t see any of this, but everyone was super uncomfortable.
I probably should have called the cops, but didn’t have evidence, didn’t see it myself and don’t really want to start a war with the neighbors. But now I’m super uncomfortable at my own house. I have a 7 yo and 9 yo and don’t want them exposed to male parts and don’t want to worry about aggressive neighbors or them yelling lewd things at my kids or guests. I’m not sure the other parents will ever let their kids come back to my house.
I really have no idea what’s up with the neighbors. They are super aggressive about people parking in front of their house so we don’t park there ourselves, but occasionally our cleaners or guests or repair people do briefly. But it’s a public street in a condensed suburban area–you have to park in front of someone’s house. It happens.
Any suggestions for how to resolve this? I’m not sure I’m up for confrontation. The 60-something parents who own the house were there and apparently thought it was funny, so they’re not going to be any help. I really just want to feel safe in front of my house.
anon says
WTAF. I have no suggestions but wanted to validate that this is really bizarre behavior. And people like this are not likely to change after a confrontation.
Anon says
+1
NYCer says
+2. This is beyond weird. Not sure a conversation will help at all.
Spirograph says
+3. I’m sorry this happened to you. This takes the cake with weird neighbor stories I have any first or secondhand experience with!
I hope they were all inebriated and are embarrassed looking back. Maybe you’ll get an apology, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.
Anonymous says
That is awful, I’m so sorry you have to go through this! Is there a neighborhood association you can turn to? If not, any nicer neighbors nearby you can talk to about it? Maybe if you band together with some other folks on your street who are annoyed by their behavior as well, you can get them to take your concerns seriously. And then if you do have to call the cops, you’ll have others to back you up.
EDAnon says
Do you have a ring doorbell? I don’t like them but, in this case, I would get one so you have evidence next time.
Anon says
We don’t and I’m not sure the angle is right to capture their house as our houses are staggered. A Ring doorbell would likely just point at their shrubs. I’d rather not escalate things with a more explicit camera.
Anonymous says
I’d suggest putting a camera pointed out in an upstairs window (in the corner or something) that covers your front bc these neighbors sound like they have extremely poor judgment and I’d just want peace of mind of knowing if something bizarre happens in front of the house you have video evidence.
Anon says
Oh man. That situation sounds terrible and I am really sorry. That’s disgusting and you’re right to be upset.
You’re also right that the parents thinking it’s funny is problematic. And they are your neighbors so you don’t want to escalate.
Other than the car parking stuff, do you talk to the neighbors at all? As awful as it sounds, you might try being nice. Drop off “extra” cookies and other friendly things. If they feel connected to you, they might behave better.
Another approach might be to do it more innocent questioning: “This weekend, you family seemed to be engaged in some bathing activities on the front lawn. Is everything okay at the house? I know when we had our bathroom remodeled, it was sometimes a challenge the find a place to get everyone showered!” I am guessing they were drunk and maybe not drunk, they will realize how gross that was.
Anonymous says
Holy cow. What kind of brownies were those neighbors eating?
Anon says
This sounds way more like drunk behavior than stoned behavior.
Cb says
WTF, that is awful! I’m so sorry. We used to live in a pretty rough neighbourhood (regularly had the police out) but no one was mooning children! That is awful and I’m sorry you encountered that. Any chance one of your guests had a dashcam running? Some sort of public shaming is in order.
Anon says
This really isn’t a rough neighborhood. Houses sell for $1.5-$2.5m+. Think Bethesda or N. Arlington. No HOA or neighborhood association.
The family drives expensive Audi and BMW SUVs. Their kids attended expensive private schools and universities. One of the kids is in management consulting, I believe. There’s really no excuse for the lack of sense or this behavior.
Anon says
I think this explains it. Entitlement and thinking quite highly of themselves
Anonymous says
+1 affluenza. bleh
Anon says
100% agree that confrontation will not fix it. While I’m very pro “talk it out”, that was so inappropriate and demonstrated such a significant lack of judgment/reason, I’m not sure I’d take that route here.
I think I’d arm my home with cameras so should anything else happen, you have recorded evidence to bring to the police.
Mary Moo Cow says
Yikes. Across the street limits your fencing options, but I would still consider some screening landscaping like a mix of hedges, dwarf trees, and taller trees, so you don’t have to see them. Also keep kids inside or to the backyard, which, yeah, I know makes their problem now your problem and is unfair.
I wouldn’t worry too much about other parents not letting kids come over. Reasonable adults will understand you have no control over your neighbors and that you were mortified.
Anonymous says
Was the whole family (60 y/o parents) outside when the nudity happened?!
Anon says
Yes.
anon says
Another screen time question. I have two kids, 13 and 8. 13-year-old is home for several hours after school, except on days when he has after-school activities. The 8-year-old attends an after care program. When both get home, the first thing they want to do is zone out in front of a TV show. Which I get. They’re tired, have had a long day, and just want to veg. That, I don’t care about so much. But then, in the evening, the teen goes back to the screens after he finishes homework (which is typically done on a Chromebook). I’ve noticed that when my 8-year-old gets bored, she defaults to the screen. She also spends a lot of time outside and doing creative things, but her screen time goes way up on the weekends we don’t have much planned. And sometimes I let it happen because I need a break and want to veg!
IDK. I can’t decide if this is okay, or if I need to set some boundaries around screen use. It seems like, cumulatively, they are getting a lot of screen time. 30 minutes here, 30 minutes there, and before you know it, they’ve spent 3-4 hours on screens. And Friday and Saturday nights are already designated movie nights.
I’ll admit that we built some of these habits during the pandemic and that DH & I have definitely used screens as a means to get some peace and quiet on the weekends. But I don’t love it and wish they would do other activities instead, whether that’s reading or art or whatever.
Anon says
That would be too much for me and from the sounds of it, your 8-year-old needs a nudge to not default to screens. It sounds like she does have hobbies/interests outside of screens, but we all know how tempting it is to give in to the easy choice of screen-based entertainment, especially when it’s RIGHT there. I think you don’t need to do anything drastic and that you would likely see good results with a “no computer after 7 pm” rule or similar.
What it comes down to for me is that screens can be fine in moderation, but when you find that you or your kids are using them as a “default” rather than an occasional or third-choice activity, that’s when it’s time for a course correction.
Anon says
The “ok amount” is going to be different for every family and age, but a good rule of thumb about whether something needs to change is when you start to see behavioral changes that don’t jive with your family’s goals and values. It seems you are starting to notice a decrease in creativity, initiative and independent play, but is there anything else cropping up? Poor sleep, poor attitudes, etc.?
For my family that would be too much, and we restrict screen time to certain times on weekends. I’ve found that on weekdays, after they get over the initial hump of being restless during the transition back home, their creativity and ability to entertain themselves skyrockets, they play together, go outside, read, etc because they know screens aren’t an option. And all those activities have been shown to be more restorative to growing brains than screentime, even if they look like they are resting by watching TV. On weekends they spend a lot of time talking about what they are going to watch in the evening, and this confirms for me that a limited amount of screen time is best for them developmentally and us as a family right now. I’m actually gearing up for a screentime reset this summer, because we definitely have seen some creep lately and it’s pricking my mom instincts/conscience that there are better ways we could be spending our time.
Anon says
I’m more lax about many things, including screen time than others here. We also allow right after school screen time to give them a break before HW or other activities.
How much screen time do they have after HW/dinner and what kind of screen time is it? By age 13 I assume he’s watching popular prime-time TV shows (even if its not on TV, that’s the kid of TV I’m talking about) and/or playing video games? I am okay with those in moderation because I know how they are cultural touchpoints for teenagers. Could you limit to 30 mins after school and 1 show/45 mins of video games after HW?
What else does the 13 year old do for fun? Could you encourage him to spend his evenings doing other fun things?
As for the 8 year old, I think on weekends I’d set a limit (2 hours?) for screen time and enforce playing outside/art projects/games for the rest of the day.
Do they play with each other much (recognizing that this age gap at this phase in life might not be super conducive to playing together)? Have nearby friends they could do informal or further away friends for planned play dates / sleepovers with?
You mention them having some activities, but also lots of unstructured free time (which, tbh I think is great). Depending on the activities they do, can they practice those on their own during their free time?
Anonymous says
Are there any video games they could play together or shows they could watch together, or with a parent? In our house, screen time rules don’t apply if two people are enjoying something together — talking/overanalyzing/asking questions is encouraged.
anonamommy says
I have made it to the promised land! A birthday party invitation that explicitly states it is drop-off. (Kid is 7.) Now to figure out what to do with myself with two hours of solitude….
Cb says
Dropoff is the best! Ours are normally dropoff (6th birthdays) but the last one, they requested the parents stayed on site. I was very antisocial and pretended to need to “work” and then read my book in the cafe.
And this weekend, we offered to carpool as the party was 40 minutes away, assuming it was just the kid but the mom wanted to come. Can’t fit two high-backed boosters and my bum in the backseat of the Civic, so I got to stay home guiltfree.
Mary Moo Cow says
Ahh! I have wandered Target, coffee and snack in a bookstore cafe, arranged to drop off and have DH to pick up and raced home and mucked out a closet for 2.5 hours, and gone grocery shopping all by myself. Enjoy!
Ugh ugh ugh Monday says
And so it begins. My adhd/nd 4 year old is clearly not being invited to parties or playdates and is being excluded from play with peers at preschool. We are doing social groups and therapy with him and taking all the actions, but it’s still heartbreaking. He doesn’t seem to “care” yet, but that’s probably not too far away. I just didn’t expect this to happen so young. Any suggestions/commiseration?
anon says
Nothing but commiseration. I have almost no connection with the other parents in DS’s class because, well, they never wanted to include him. And I get it. When he was younger, especially, his energy and hyperactivity was A LOT. But unfortunately, he eventually did realize that other kids were having fun without him, and it’s hurtful. When I’ve confided in my friends about this, it was obvious that they really didn’t get it or believe that it was happening. So my only advice is to try to find support from other parents with neurodiverse kids.
We did do the occasional playdate with parents we knew well (and that we knew wouldn’t ditch us or our kid). That helped some. 1 on 1 was much better than group activities, which just increased DS’s hyperactivity elevenfold.
Anonymous says
Our school has a policy that you invite everyone or no one in your class to your birthday. The consequence is potentially expulsion. I’m sure there are people who violate the rule, but it does set expectations.
Anon says
Yeesh this is horrible. Why can’t families make their own decisions? Not everyone wants to have 20 kids + parents for a birthday party. And I’m sorry for kids who may have hurt feelings, but it’s awfully steamroller parent-y. Much better for kids to experience low-stakes disappointment now and their parents to help them process. (My kids have barely been invited to any parties – 0-2 per year – but they are for true close friends.)
Spirograph says
I don’t think it’s horrible for preschool, or even K, honestly. Kids that age have zero discretion. Older elementary school kids will understand that it’s not nice to talk about a party in front of people who weren’t invited, but you can’t expect that of a <6 year old.
Anon says
That seems extreme! I’ve heard of saying you can only pass out invites at school if everyone is invited, which I think is logical and fair, but this policy seems draconian and also really hard to enforce.
Anon says
Im so sorry. :/ But are you sure the parties and play dates are happening without you? 4 isn’t really an age at which most kids have a solid “crew” and birthday parties tend to be entire class or just family/close friends of the parents. Even if people are doing small parties, it’s not necessarily a reflection on your kid. And I think a lot of people just don’t have that much interest in play dates at this age. Are you hosting play dates? We have a very social kid but do almost 100% of the play date initiating and hosting. It’s not a great feeling and sometimes I get sad about it, but I try to remind myself that it’s not necessarily personal to my kid (the kids we host always seem to have a fantastic time) and likely has more to do with it just not being a priority for the parents.
anon says
I know you mean well with this advice, but sometimes? It really is personal. Even at age 4.
Anon says
Yah, I pretty much hate playdates and birthday parties until drop off age, unless I am friends with the parents. My Kindergartener is just starting to go to parties (and has not yet had a friend party of his own) and his only playdates have been with a neighbor. My 7 yo has only started having playdates in the last year, with no parents involved.
If you are worried, you may want to figure out who is the nicest kid(s) with parents you may gel with and suggest a park meetup or an hour at hour house or something similar. But I wouldn’t worry SO much, four is very young for making a big deal over friendships.
Anon says
We started drop off play dates at age 4-5, both hosting and being hosted, but even so many people don’t seem to have much interest. Many kids have older siblings whose activities and social calendars take priority and I think some people take the view that daycare serves the purpose of a play date and it’s not as important until they’re in K-12 school.
Anon 11:42 says
Yes, I would have been comfortable with my middle son attending play dates on his own from even age 3 but it seems many parents assume parental involvement until grade school.
Thinking about the OP, though, my oldest son is intense (I also suspect ADHD/anxiety, though likely less severe than what she’s going through) and there is no way I could’ve trusted his impulse control or aggression level that young. I’m betting OP also would want to shadow her son on play dates for that reason, and/or other parents with calmer kids are hesitant to have him over.
Again, my son has no official diagnosis but he has always been a handful and a challenge, but I want to say that he has gotten MUCH BETTER socially with time and maturity (home life is still touch and go). Play dates were so stressful until the last year or so, and now I am confident in sending him to play and he is finding his niche with friends.
Cerulean says
I think we should believe OP here.
Anon says
I wasn’t trying to imply I don’t believe her, but personally I have a tendency to overthink sometimes, especially about kid social dynamics which seems to be a bit of a sore point for me. I don’t know if that’s the case for her, she knows that better than me. But sometimes it’s helpful for me to hear that whatever I’m worrying about is pretty normal.
Anon says
i have twin just turned 5 year olds and while one is much more social than the other, neither have really been invited for playdates. idk if it is because people think they need to invite both, but honestly i think it is almost harder for me when i see little girls going home together after school or pics on social media and mine aren’t included. at this stage almost all bday parties have been the whole class or all girls or all boys, so i think it is actually strange the parties arent more inclusive, but i also don’t think the kids really notice. one of my twins i think has adhd, but hasnt been diagnosed yet, and seems to have more trouble making friends so i do worry next year when we start kindergarden at public school one twin is going to be invited a lot and the other isn’t. (at their smaller private preschool most people know they are twins). one thing i am trying to do as a parent, though admittedly don’t always succeed, but trying not t o let things bother me if they don’t bother my kid. parenting is hard, and dealing with all of this social dynamic stuff as they get older is super hard. whoever told me little kids, little problems, big kids bigger problems, was totally right and mine are still fairly little and i feel like the problems are still getting bigger
Anon says
+1 mine is 5 and hasn’t been invited to many play dates and I think only one birthday party that wasn’t a whole class party. More than half the kids did whole class parties this year (including us). I assume most of the rest did family only parties or invited a different social group like church. Maybe I’m being naive but I don’t feel like my kid is a social outcast because of the lack of play dates and personalized birthday invites. Kids always seem happy to see her at school.
Anon says
Your kid is fine. The amount of hand-wringing on this board over birthday invites is crazy. If your kid seems happy with kids at school, that’s awesome. Don’t put adult social insecurities onto children. I never invite the whole class (that’s so many people and so much money), so I wouldn’t read into that or expect it as a standard.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – I don’t think we’ve ever been invited to a playdate by parents of kids’ school-friends and only when DS #1 was 4 and really cared did we start the classroom birthday scene. DS #2 has not been to a class-based birthday party; I don’t think he’ll care until he’s 4ish.
Our focus is making sure they spend time with our extended family and friends’ kids.
Anonymous says
My twin girls are in second grade and one has been formally diagnosed with ADHD (I’ll call her Twin A). Twin B has more friends and is invited solo to playdates and sleepovers. They are in different classes, so they get invited to different kids’ bday parties. For parties, if Twin A also knows the child and it is an activity that accommodates more kids (park, rollerskating, etc), I will reach out to the parent and ask if A can come too and offer to pay her way. If it is a playdate or small party, I don’t ask and just Twin B goes. I often try to find something special for A to do at the same time – invite someone over for a playdate with her, take her to a different park/arcade, but she notices that she isn’t invited as much. She goes to a weekly social skills class and says she wants to make friends, but it’s harder for her in the wild.
Anon says
this sounds so tough. any tips to help me navigate as my twins get older?
Anonymous says
I try to give Twin A opportunities where she can find her people, without Twin B. For example, she loves Pokemon and I found a local Pokemon meetup group that has both kids and adults. I take her almost weekly and Twin B does something else. It gives her a chance to interact with other kids about something she is really passionate about, so she’s in her element. There have been a few times where it seemed like Twin A found a friend, but Twin B Bart Simpsoned her way into the scene and the friend likes the twin package deal better.
Anon says
My 7YO has been taking piano lessons since hte start of the school year. The piano teacher is setting up a small “recital.” I know my kid will not want to participate due to anxiety. Should I force it or leave it alone?
Anon says
Leave it alone if he doesn’t want to do it, but give him the option. He might surprise you.
Spirograph says
Is this the first performance opportunity your child has had? I would strongly encourage, but not require performance, I would require going as a spectator. It sounds like the teacher is independent, so this will likely be pretty small and non-threatening. Maybe after watching it once and de-mystifying, he or she will be willing to perform in the next one.
Maybe also talk to the teacher — see if your child can be “penciled in” and make a game-day decision? I do think that working toward a performance is a really valuable experience when you’re learning an instrument, but if this is a clinical anxiety type situation, it’s not worth potentially setting up such a bad experience that it turns the child off the instrument all together.
Anonymous says
As an amateur musician with lifelong stage fright who performs frequently, I would not advise making a day-of decision about participation. I would first let the teacher present it as something that is going to happen: yay! we are having a recital! Let’s choose your piece! If he objects, then I’d offer him the choice to participate or to attend as part of the audience. Then no changing the plan once the programs are printed. If he shows up on the day of the recital and his name is in the program but he knows he has the option to bow out, he’ll feel like a failure if he doesn’t participate and pressured into it if he decides to.
What you do NOT want to do is to signal that he should be nervous by offering the choice up front. What if he isn’t? You do want to build up a history of low-key, successful performances, with the definition of “successful” including “overcame obstacles.”
If he chooses not to perform, so be it. Don’t make a big deal of trying to convince him otherwise. If he chooses to perform, work with the teacher to choose an easy piece and have him overprepare. Remind him that musicality is more important than hitting all the notes exactly right. Nerves are easier to deal with on piano than on a wind instrument or singing because the physical effects (trembling, shortness of breath) do not have as much impact on the performance.
Avoid overhyping the experience, lots of pep talks, etc. My preference before solo performances is to hide out backstage and not talk to anyone with the exception of a quick word from my teacher or the conductor (if I know the conductor well) to the effect of “You’re prepared. Now it comes out how it comes out” and maybe a reminder about one aspect of the performance to focus on. No pep talks from spouse, kids, fellow performers, etc.
Spirograph says
That’s a good point that the choice on performance day may do more harm than good. I assumed the teacher had already done the “yay, recital!” part and the child was resistant, but if not, that is definitely the first step.
I’m another lifelong amateur musician who forces myself to perform regularly, and I agree 100% with the last paragraph. I work hard on prep, but day-of… I never want more than a quick “you’re prepared, good luck” from anyone, and I certainly don’t want to engage in any real conversation before the recital starts. The time to talk is *after* the performance. And I’ll echo that even if the performance is not their best, it’s always worth celebrating when someone puts themself out there and gets through to the end. People are usually incredibly supportive, so even a “bad” performance can be a good experience. And you always learn something.
(As a pianist who also used to sing and play a wind instrument, HARD disagree that trembling and shortness of breath don’t impact piano as much. At least for me. I can force breath control, but trembling hands + piano is a tough combination.)
Anon says
Yeah I’m not musical at all but I feel like shaking hands would make playing piano very difficult!
Anonymous says
It must be individual! I played a wind instrument and a little piano and now sing, and breath control and vibrato have always been the first to go when I get nervous. On the wind instrument I could still hit the right keys with shaking hands, but the loss of breath control did and still does mess with my phrasing and tone quality. On the instrument I did prefer to start with a not-technically-challenging piece to sort of relax into the performance, but as a singer I like to start with something fast and flashy to burn off some adrenaline.
Anon says
I’d have him practice like he’s getting ready for the recital, even if he doesn’t perform. It’s good practice to prepare a piece.
Anonymous says
Have the teacher ask the kiddo. Then let it lie. No good will come from his love of piano if you force a recital!!
Anon says
Do you remind DH to do something for MIL on Mother’s Day (e.g. send a card or flowers?) Or do you send them to her yourself? Or do you do nothing for MIL and leave it up to DH?
anonM says
I remind DH of his tradition – buying flowers for his mom and step-mom. I also buy all our moms and his grandma’s, as well as one for me, a shutterfly magnet wit the kid’s school picture and text saying the year and Happy Mother’s Day. Because we do the same thing pretty much every year, it isn’t a huge deal (and I love my own magnet/seeing them on everyone’s fridges, so this doesn’t feel like a burden to me).
anon says
100% leave it to DH. And we do not have an egalitarian marriage – gifts and holidays and stuff like that are usually my province. But it’s his mom and his thing to do (or not), IMO.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Nope. This year we ended up ordering the flowers for MIL and SIL together just because I happened to be in front of my computer when we were chatting about it.
Partly because my MIL annoys me for Reasons, this is something I don’t put on my plate. I do send a nice text the day-of. I’ve definitely tried to do the nicey nice things for her and realized I was getting resentful (see Reasons), so there’s a boundary there.
anon says
I do nothing.
Anon says
I procure cards for the mothers and have DH write to his mom. If he is busy at work or otherwise forgets and it’s time to mail them, I write a generic message. DH thinks cards are so dumb, but his mom sends cards for literally everything (St Patrick’s Day, Halloween, Valentine’s Day lol…) so I know they are important to her and she’s my family now, too, so it’s the least I can do. I don’t get a gift unless I happen to see something perfect or we will be with her in person to celebrate (happened once in 10 years of marriage).
Anon says
My MiL is tough because she doesn’t like the easy affordable things like flowers and chocolates and isn’t local. I’m not sure what we could give her that she’d like. I guess we could send a card but DH doesn’t and I don’t feel like doing that because it would be a fair amount of extra work for me. I’d order her flowers when I order them for my own mom but she hates flowers.
anon says
Whatttt lol. Sounds like a super duper fun MIL.
Anon says
She’s a lovely person! Just not into these particular things that I buy my own mom and it’s hard for me to think beyond the basics since I don’t know her well (I see her at most twice a year for a couple days at a time and she’s pretty reserved).
Anon says
My MiL is tough because she doesn’t like the easy affordable things like flowers and chocolates and isn’t local. I’m not sure what we could give her that she’d like. I guess we could send a card but DH doesn’t and I don’t feel like doing that because it would be a fair amount of extra work for me. I’d order her flowers when I order them for my own mom but she hates flowers.
Anonymous says
DH did a wonderful job with the kids on Mother’s Day. I reminded him around dinner time to call his mom, which he did. He had not sent flowers or anything but that has long been not my problem.
Anonymous says
I buy cards for both of our mothers and he writes them because I am good at logistics and he is good at sentimental cr@p. It works for us.
Anon says
I do nothing. One of the best (accidental) divisions of labor I did when we started dating/got married was not pick up his family tasks. He did all his family’s holidays and birthdays before he met me, he can continue to do them now (and same goes for me). Your family, your problem, is amazing for our marriage.
AIMS says
I have kids send cards to all grandmothers, which solves the problem of “commemoration” and helps them work on their manners and penmanship.