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I’ve spent most of the summer in T-shirts and tanks — with back-to-school in the air, I’m looking to freshen up my early fall wardrobe.
This flowy top from M.M.LaFleur is exactly what I’m looking for. It sports a bright and colorful abstract print (aptly named “City Lights”), is made from machine-washable silk, and has a flattering boatneck neckline and dolman sleeves.
I particularly love its versatility — you can pair it with the matching skirt for a complete head-to-toe set, a pencil skirt, or even dark jeans as pictured.
The Wren Top is $225 and available in XS–L. It’s also available in Dijon (a golden yellow color) and Ivory in sizes XS–XXL for $210.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Looking into daycare, because we’re expecting our first, and I’m thrilled to find out my office offers daycare for employees. The explicit but vague plan has been that DH will handle morning drop-off and I will handle pick-up, because our work schedules are slightly staggered, but we both assumed daycare would be near his office. Would it be reasonable that I still ask him to handle drop-offs when it adds an extra 10 min driving to his commute, but 0 extra driving to mine?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes. Start the expectation that you’re both responsible for daycare drop offs and pickups early! Otherwise it will just be you who has to cut their work hours short on both ends and will be the default for baby. One thing to keep in mind is that we’ve always chosen daycares near our house as we didn’t want to have to drive all the way to the office if we were WFH (especially good now during the pandemic!) However, if your work offers a big subsidy, it’s probably worth it. Especially if your offices are reasonably close to your home (we’ve got at least 30 min commutes over here in the Boston burbs).
Anonymous says
What if day care were at the husband’s office? In that case, wouldn’t all the answers be that of course he should do both drop-off and pickup?
IHeartBacon says
No, that wouldn’t be my answer, especially since it only adds 10 minutes to the commute. One person needs to be responsible for drop off and the other person needs to be responsible for pick up. That way, each person always knows which end of their day (every day) they can extend if work, or other obligations, requires it.
CCLA says
This to me is the big important piece – having each person know which end of their day, always, they can build in extra time would IMO be invaluable. It’s not just the amount of time it takes to do the drop off of pickup but the fact that you cannot decide to stay a little late or start a little early if needed, your day is always bookended and any extra you have to add in happens in the evening then. If you’re in a gig that is truly 9-5 maybe this would work, but otherwise I’d try like heck to split morning and afternoon with spouse.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to childcare always near the house because it (in theory) neutralizes who does drop off and pick-up – of course if the commute part doesn’t affect you and you’re getting a deal through work, go for it!
OP says
Yeah, unfortunately there is definitely no daycare near home (unless I can persuade family, which we’re not counting on). It’s either 30 min away near DH or 25 min away near me, so I guess we’re fortunate the offices are only about 10 min apart.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Gotcha. Will either of you be WFH at all? Ideally, you’d each be able to do a few days at home and the other parent would be responsible for drop off and pick up those days and you’d each get the benefit of no commutes and longer days (at home). That might a way to make it more equitable. If you’re both planning to go in 5 days a week, then I’d still want one parent in charge of drop off (especially if you’re thinking of having that parent be in charge of getting baby ready) while the other parent goes in early, and vice versa in the afternoon.
But I agree with trying something now and if it seems like it’s not working, talk about it and switch it up.
OP says
WFH could change the logic in ways I hadn’t thought about, so thanks for pointing that out (also thanks to other commenters who did). I don’t think it’s likely to happen long term as a regular thing, but who knows what exactly will be happening next year.
Anonymous says
It’s not just the driving–it’s the extra parking, getting in and out of the car, etc. It will probably add 1/2 hour to his day but only 10 minutes to yours.
Pogo says
only good part of COVID – I throw the kids out the door basically! Takes 1 min max now.
Anonymous says
Not around here! You still have to park and take the kids to the door.
Pogo says
Yes. If DH is on dropoff, but I’m working from home so technically I have more “free” time because I’m not commuting, I don’t offer to do it. This is how each of you carves out time for yourself – by dividing and conquering.
Anonymous says
OP’s proposal is inefficient, though. It’s 10 (or 30) minutes of wasted time that he could be dedicating to packing the day care bag, making dinner, etc., freeing up time for both of them.
Anonymous says
+1. This is inefficient and will lead to resentment – how could it not? I’d propose that OP do both pick-up and drop-off, but then DH steps in to take something else that wasn’t originally on his plate.
Anonymous says
I agree with this. Especially if downtown daycare has parking challenges. If you have to wait in line etc. When we were in downtown daycare it was so much better when we didn’t move the car for pick up!! I recommend you do both. BUT yes – recruit dad to make the rest of the morning easier.
how close together are your offices?
Is the issue that you start work too early for daycare to be open? Our friends who commuted together because parking is our city is ridiculous, used to do the following. Everyone drove downtown together – Dad went straight to work. Mom fed kiddo breakfast downtown (having literally just thrown clothes on at home and then dropped him off at daycare when it opened at 7. Dad leaves work earlier pick kiddo up and get everyone in the car and picked mom up at her office. If mom had to work later than when dad or kiddo were ready she could take Uber or transit home. (Uber MUCH cheaper than parking a car all day).
Realist says
+1. DH should take on other tasks. I would suggest that DH be 100% responsible for daily packing of the daycare bag and also set an expectation that DH will exhaust sick days first when the baby has to be home.
Covid makes this harder, but plan a trip to leave DH responsible for 100% of baby tasks as soon as you are able so that there isn’t any hidden work that you are picking up without DH realizing the extent of it (including drop off and pick up). If something isn’t feeling equitable, it is a good time to renegotiate after DH has handled all of it on his own.
GCA says
There’s efficient, and there’s equitable, though. As Jennifer Petriglieri points out in Couples That Work, many couples overweight the economics of their lean in/ out decisions, and underestimate the non-financial and long-term value each partner gets from working. We all know that many more families would have mom stay home after kids if the decision was based on a snapshot of who earns more in that moment. When it comes to the time efficiency of daycare drop-off/ pick-up, there’s no one right way, you find the right balance of efficient and equitable. And you can always change it up! For instance, due to our work schedules, DH handles daycare and school/ camp drop-off while I handle pickup, and each of us has a more predictable schedule (I can reliably be on calls at 7 or 8am, he can do 5pm or 6pm ones). Before last year, he did both on his way to the office/ lab and I (WFH) did everything else (packing bags, getting kids ready, cooking dinner). Some families have parents trade off days of the week. Some families have one parent do both drop-off and pickup.
But honestly, with a daycare near either parent’s office, my only issues would be:
– If the parent changes jobs, you may lose a subsidy or a spot
– If you want to take a day off or you’re out sick and need childcare, you’re going out of your way towards the office to drop off the kid
Anonymous says
“Equitable” and “equal” are not the same. Equal is one parent doing drop-off and the other doing pick-up. That arrangement might not be equitable at all.
Anonymous says
Exactly. “Equal” is splitting the drop-off/pick-up, but equitable would be OP doing both and then DH doing something else that makes the family’s life easier. Just don’t overestimate how annoying and disruptive duplicative driving/parking can be.
GCA says
Yep, I did mean efficient vs equitable. As other folks have said, there’s never going to be a 100% precisely equal setup. I’ve seen people choose what appears to be time-efficient, and then some resentment arises when it doesn’t feel equitable to them. If the most time-efficient setup also feels the most equitable, great. It might not.
Pogo says
I mean, it’s more “efficient” for me to do every single thing with both kids because they have a mommy preference (and the baby still nurses), but I don’t think that’s fair. Sometimes I want to or need to do other things, so my husband has to defrost milk, prep a bottle, etc. It’s a slippery slope argument to say whoever is more “efficient” has to do the parenting thing.
Anon says
I agree!! Often it’s the woman who’s more “efficient” at a lot of the household management things because we’ve been socialized to have these skills and have practice.
OP- the original assumption that daycare would be closer to his office meant you’d be adding to your commute more than he would be adding to his, correct? And the plan was still a 50/50 split? If so, I’d start off with that and then make adjustments as needed. Don’t forget it doesn’t need to an every day thing- I do drop offs every morning and then pick ups on Tuesdays and Thursdays because that’s what works for us. But I would strongly encourage both parents being somehow involved in the daycare driving routine, so both are “tuned in” to the needs.
Anon says
i would say it depends. if you are WFH for the day, then it could make sense for DH to handle drop off, but if you are going to the same place, i would think it makes more sense for DH to be in charge of getting bags ready, getting kiddo ready and putting kiddo in car and then you drive there? sounds like your day starts earlier? in some ways the getting the kid ready is as much of the heavy lifting as the actual drop off, so might make more sense to think of other responsibilities for DH
OP says
I guess I was thinking of the packing/getting ready as part of being responsible for drop-off because that way if either parent drops the ball, they are the ones feeling the pinch of running late. We both already struggle to get ourselves out the door on time, and I hate to imagine the emotional dynamic if I were ready to go and ended up late because he hadn’t gotten kiddo ready.
Spirograph says
Oh no, rookie mistake! Always prep the bag the night before. Otherwise you’re guaranteed to forget something, or baby will have a poop explosion you need to address during the time you had allotted to get the bag ready. I used to struggle to get out the door on time, but having kids made me so much more organized about this stuff. :)
OP says
Fair enough! Not even a rookie yet, just overthinking things way ahead of time ;)
TheElms says
Division of childcare/ household responsibilities will never be exactly equal, what matters is that you find a balance that works for your family and feels fair to you both overall (as opposed to task by task potentially). I think its reasonable to ask DH to do drop off if that is what works for your schedule. Like if you need to be in earlier because of work commitments, then it makes sense for him to do drop off. If you decide it works better for the family for you to do dropoff and pickup because daycare is at your office and its doable with your work schedule, then DH should pick up a different task like packing the daycare bag, bedtime, cooking dinner, etc.
Pre-pandemic DH and I drove downtown together with kiddo and daycare was closer to DH’s office. I did drop off and then walked to my office, DH went straight to his office from the garage. I started my day about 20 minutes later than DH (15 minutes to drop off, 10 minutes to walk to my office; DH had a 5 minute walk to his office from the garage under the daycare). In the evening he did pick up and drove by my office to pick me up. Driving straight home probably would have saved DH 10 minutes and pick up took about 15 minutes (5 minute walk, 10 minutes to do pick up and talk to teacher). So while it was even, we could have saved time if we drove separately, but we liked commuting together because it was basically our quality time together in the early days.
And keep in mind the division may change as kiddo gets older. Today, with a toddler who screams in the car and gets carsick, we’d probably elect to drive separately because we wouldn’t get any benefit from being in the car together.
Spirograph says
If I were going to pick one, I would have him handle pick-ups rather than drop-offs. Yes, getting out the door in the morning can be annoying, but pick-up responsibility is much more disruptive to my work. Partly my company culture, partly my own personal productivity rhythm, but it’s not a big deal for me to start work 15 minutes late. It *is* often frustrating when I have a hard stop in the afternoon.
It’s great that your office has an on-site daycare, but I would still shop around. We decided not to use my office’s on-site daycare because 1. it was more expensive than other options, 2. packed lunch was required (nbd for babies, but SUCH a time suck later), and 3. it was inconvenient for my husband to get to.
If you’re not planning to get the benefit of no-extra-stops-required by doing both drop-off and pick-up, yourself, it may make more sense to choose a neutral third party close to home. The suggestion of having your husband be responsible for other aspects of daycare (bag prep, etc) rather than dividing transportation responsibility is also a good one.
Anonymous says
When we first put our baby in daycare, the center was right next to my husband’s office, but he had a set morning start time and I didn’t (law firm, people rarely wanted to talk to me before 9:30) so I did drop off and he did pick up. It worked out really well, and for the few times one of us couldn’t make our time slot we switched. Now I’ve changed jobs and we’ve moved to a center that’s right next to my new office, and I think I will probably end up doing both drop off and pick up. But we’ll see how it goes.
Anonymous says
Kids were at daycare next to my work and DH’s work is about 20 minutes away but he can drive past my work if taking the route that takes 25 minutes. We split drop offs and pick ups. Default was that he did 2 drop offs and 3 pick ups and I did 3 drop offs and 2 pick ups but we varied evenly based on meeting schedules etc.
It was a fair trade because I was nearby and dealt with the pick ups if a kid was getting sent home sick. We traded off taking care of sick days once kid was home but I did the actual bringing home.
If he gets drop offs and you do all pick ups you are already doing more because it’s much harder to have a hard stop in your day vs. start a couple minutes later or leave for work a few minutes earlier to accommodate the drive.
Nan says
In the same situation, we split drop off and pickup. I started off trying to do both because it just made sense, but it quickly became draining.
EB0220 says
My kid went to onsite daycare at my office for 5 years until she started school. My husband WFH for that time and it just seemed silly to have him do any of the dropoff or pickup. If I was traveling or WFH or something then he could do it. To me it just seemed like a waste of time since it would add 0 minutes to my commute.
ElisaR says
your original question uses the word “reasonable”. Yes it’s reasonable. I see a lot of suggestions on splitting and I can appreciate value in that. My situation didn’t allow for split. I did drop off and pick up. And it was a lot, but it was the only thing that could work for our family. So if it’s a rational reason due to your situation, you do not HAVE to split things down the middle as suggested below. Your marriage and life can go on just fine without a perfect split of responsibilities.
anon says
Same for us. I did all drop-offs and 90% of pick-ups and yes, not at all equal, but it was what made the most sense for our situation.
Anonymous says
I did all drop offs (DHs work starts at 6am) and 3 pickups a week. I WFH’d one day a week (in home daycare 5 mins from our house) and came home later on DH’s pickup evenings. It sucked those nights because I’d see the baby for like 15 mins. But you do what you have to. FWIW we found dropoff/pickup a quick process but that may have been because it was in-home daycare.
Anonymous says
There are other life tasks to play around with, not just this one: meal prep, errands / store, dog walking.
In the summer, I do 80% of the camp driving when I can’t carpool due to a flex-ish work schedule, but I refuse to do the morning or lunch dog walk then and he has to do those. He picks up dinner if I pick up the kids (or vice versa).
EDAnon says
My situation was different in that the child care was 5 minutes from my office and 25 minutes from my husband’s (it was an hour round-trip since he worked near our house). I always did both unless I couldn’t, then he did. He is one of the most equal partners in all things, but it was a huge waste of family time for him to drive an hour every day to share in drop off/pickup. I did bring my son back to the office once to finish work, but otherwise, I wrapped up at home if needed. Sometimes it was stressful, but I liked having the excuse to leave on time! Drop off was easier because the center opened way before my start time and my start time was super flexible.
I will note though that we only had to do it for about six months. Right when our son hit 1, we got into a center near our house and switched. Then, he probably did more than I did in drop off and pickup since his office was closer (he also did all emergency pickups unless he had a hearing).
Anon says
10 minutes is such a marginal extra commute to get to daycare – you two are really lucky. I’d split drop offs and pickups in some way. It doesn’t necessarily need to be 50/50 but I would never want to be fully responsible for both – it’s really hard to have zero flexibility on when you start and end your day and can be disruptive to your career so I wouldn’t want one person to take that on entirely.
Anon says
Can anyone recommend maternity bras? And how do I choose a size? Right now my normal bras are just starting to feel extra annoying, so I’m sure there are more changes to come, but I don’t know what to expect.
Anonymous says
Don’t buy a lot and just keep buying what feels good in the moment. Accept that your size will continue to change (pre and post baby)
For me I wore selection of my bras the entire pregnancy (and then freaked out because I read an article about how if your boobs don’t grow you may have supply issues)….. I bought some nursing bras in that size that were then useless until I was wearning and had to shop all over again once babe was here because bam – boobs grew.
Anonymous says
I got a bunch of stretchy nursing bras from Amazon (dupes of the Kindred Bravely) and wore them from mid-pregnancy through the nursing stage.
Anonymous says
+1 I am a small B – so YMMV, but I loved the bralette style that was stretchy and forgiving – especially once I was nursing and I swear I changed a cup size morning to night.
I think my favourite ones were from somewhere basic like motherhood maternity. I also had a couple of “sports bras” which were also motherhood maternity. I wouldn’t have actually jogged in them but I did wear then for baby barre.
(Barre with babies in carriers – HIGHLY recommend if you have this options in COVID world. Babies laughed at each other in the mirror. Mom’s got a bit of a workout).
AnonATL says
I liked the motherhood maternity ones full coverage seamless type. Extremely comfortable even to sleep in.
I’m like a D-DD when nursing and these felt supportive enough for everyday wear.
Anon says
I would just buy a size up in your normal bra unless you’re really at the end of pregnancy, or you are just really uncomfortable in regular bras. (You will probably go up a cup size when your milk initially comes in, and then it will go down again. This is easier to deal with with a nursing bra.) Everyone is different, but I went up 4-5 sizes while pregnant. I started buying nursing bras pretty early and actually ended up buying two sets of sizes. I ended up not nursing due to supply issues, and my bra size has been gradually going back to normal as I’ve lost weight. So, postpartum, I had to buy all new non-nursing bras as my size goes back to normal…
Anonymous says
if the cups still fit but band is snug, you can buy extenders that worked for me for a while.
Also, just a tip for anyone who can’t find their size in nursing bras– I went to get fitted at a bra shop (I am G when not nursing so stretchy bralettes were not comfortable). They only had one nursing bra that worked for me, but they worked with a tailor who altered regular bras into nursing bras for like $10 each.
OP says
Thanks all. The cup size is already getting tight at 10 weeks, and family history suggests there will be major size changes, so I guess I’ll just have to budget for shopping repeatedly.
Anonymous says
The Cosabella busty bralettes have been extremely accommodating for me, with a single size working from a DD through a G. YMMV but I also found I was able and happy to just push them aside to nurse. I also have specific nursing bras, but it doesn’t make sense to buy them now–in my experience they’re less flexible with regard to size, so you may end up way off the mark.
Curious says
34D or DD pre-pregnancy, gained 2-3 cup sizes and 1 band size in pregnancy. A lot of my growth happened in 1st trimester. I bought Kindred bravely nursing bras around week 12, and they grew well with me. The nice thing about nursing and pumping bras is they expect a daily pattern of engorgement/ let down, so they’re shockingly forgiving.
Anonymous says
First pregnancy, I got away with band extenders and buying cheapo larger bras from Nordstrom Rack.
Second pregnancy, I bought an inexpensive package of Hofish brand maternity-nursing bras from AMZ. Liked that they came with band extenders (I went up 3 band sizes with second kiddo, but stayed A-B even through nursing). But size up up up—my 34A self needed size larges.
Related pro hint: get under-the-bump maternity underwear. So amazing not to have bands digging in! Again, bought an inexpensive pack from AMZ. Only regret that I didn’t do so with my first. Though side note: I remember it was super slim pickings back in 2014-15 even online, not like today.
Anon in Boston says
+1 Hofish!!
Anon4This says
Hi, I’m the poster from yesterday venting about a cranky husband.
Update: It was, in fact, a SQUIRREL that defecated on his shirt. The lot next door has a bunch of pecan trees and…the squirrel was just doing his (I am going to guess it was a dude) morning business.
This morning I was like “hey, no squirrel crap – life is good!”
Anonymous says
I am sorry your husband was grumpy, but I love the squirrel cr@p story so much. Some days it just feels like a squirrel cr@pped all over you.
OP says
I mean…he had a DAY yesterday and was working almost straight until 11 PM.
That being said…this community was great to remind me that squirrel crap is a good reason to be in a MOOD.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I hope he can laugh about it today! Because life, especially with two small kids, often is metaphorically just a bunch of squirrels crapping on you and the best way to get through it is to have a partner to laugh about it with.
Anonymous says
I very much appreciate this update!
IHeartBacon says
Me too!!
Spirograph says
as do I! There are only two reasonable reactions to being crapped on by a squirrel: 1. Hysterical laughter, 2. FURY! (and hysterical laughter once that wears off). I hope your husband can laugh about it today, and that today is better in general.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
DH is leaving for 10 days on a work trip next weekend. I have a local grandparent to help with home and kids, but we have an…unruly…puppy and I’ll need some help. Usually this is 100% DH’s territory. I don’t want to board the dog, but debating between hiring a walker or setting up a few doggie daycare days. Any thoughts? And yes, DH will help with the coordination, I’m just trying to figure out what I need. :)
Anonymous says
IME the cost of doggie day care and hiring a dog walker are similar, doggie day care is easier to arrange, and doggie day care is much more useful for tiring them out so they behave in the evening and overnight. If your puppy meets the day care vaccination and spay/neuter requirements, and you can handle the drop off and pickup, I’d definitely go with day care.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Good point! We have a local place where the pup is all set up. This is probably the way we’ll go per your points.
IHeartBacon says
Agreed. The doggy daycare will definitely help with tiring out the door so it comes home exhausted. You can probably drop it off for the whole day every once in a while whereas a dog walker will probably only get the dog out of the house for an hour or so.
anne-on says
I would 100% board the dog. Heck we boarded our lab puppy for all big holidays that we hosted for our first two years of having her. I could not cook, clean up, AND wrangle the dog and I knew some relative would wind up feeding her something she shouldn’t have/rile her up/etc.
Removing the pressure of having to feed/walk/water/play with the dog will be HUGE.
Anon says
Often doggy daycares will board as well, I’d consider doing a day or two of daycare with one or two overnights. Maybe even two sets of those. It’ll give you some relief and unless your puppy has separation issues, it’ll probably enjoy the attention and socialization, while not being away from the family for a full 10 days.
EB0220 says
Agreed. As long as your puppy is old enough and is spayed/neutered I would do daycare. It’s easier, usually cheaper, and more tiring. Keep in mind that there is usually an evaluation day to make sure your dog plays well with others and you will need to show vaccination records. You may also have to do an extra dewormer or kennel cough. You will still have to do some walking on the non-daycare days too. How unruly exactly is your puppy? Is he/she large? If I were you I might try to recruit a local high schooler to do a few walks a day, assuming your dog is reasonably OK on leash. Surely cheaper than doggy daycare or a dog walker every day.
Daycare Woes says
We have the best in-home daycare situation. My son gets so much love and attention. The other kids are super cool. It’s convenient and affordable. Well it was… Our poor caretaker is getting divorced. Her soon to be ex husband owns the house, and he hasn’t been paying the mortgage so it’s going into foreclosure.
I feel super selfish because of course caretaker’s life is hard now, but I am frustrated by this whole situation. We worked really hard to find a good spot for him and now it’s falling apart. There’s a lot of uncertainty about where she’s moving to, and if she will be able to watch any of the kids there. DH and I have to try to see if any daycares have openings or call in the grandma reinforcements for temporary coverage. I hate to abandon her too because this is her source of income. Fingers crossed she is open to some sort of nanny share with one of the other families who has similarly aged kids.
Frustrating start to my day
Anon says
uch, that is so so frustrating. and such a shame for your caregiver. hope it all works out!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry. This is extremely frustrating. Childcare is so hard to find, especially now, and when you find a good one it feels like a loss when it suddenly ends. I can relate somewhat – our oldest’s first daycare (where we loved everyone) had to close suddenly with about a month’s notice due to some landlord disputes and it was such a stressful time. I hope things work out with the nanny share but it’s probably worth looking at other daycares now, just in case.
IHeartBacon says
Is hiring her as a nanny an option for you? Perhaps you can speak to the other parents to see if any of them are willing to do a nanny share to help curb the cost.
OP says
That’s the hope! There’s a family with a 2 yo and 4 mo that we have met and like. Plus caretaker’s 4yo. Seems totally doable for a nanny share depending on what the other family’s preferences are.
Pogo says
This is such a bummer!! I give you full permission to feel some feelings about this – you feel bad for the caregiver, you’re worried about your childcare, it will be a disruption to your kiddo’s routine… it’s a lot.
CPA Lady says
Just wanted to check in and say hi since I haven’t been around much recently. I got diagnosed w adhd and properly medicated, and WOW. Yeah. I think someone asked me to report back on that ages ago when I said I was thinking of getting assessed, so I’m happy to answer any questions. :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
How did you know it was ADHD and not just the fact of having to pay attention to multiple things at once when you have a busy job and small kids? I remember being so focused when I was in law school but now I get so distracted even when reading for work.
Anonymous says
Agree. Interested in how diagnosis went. I’ve done a couple of the online ‘tests’ and keep getting borderline results. I’ve always done everything with hyperfocus at the last minute and post 3 kids I can’t seem to summon that anymore. Currently on wellbutrin which is probably what I’d get post diagnosis anyway I assume.
CPA Lady says
It’s something I’ve been dealing with my whole life, and I didn’t get diagnosed for a long time for a lot of reasons — as a kid because my mom didn’t believe that adhd was real, and then as an adult because I’ve been able to compensate and have a successful life because (frankly) I’m very intelligent. But I have been spacey, forgetful, tend to zone out, and also extremely distractible for as long as I can remember. It got to the point where I didn’t feel like I could force my way through it anymore recently– the breaking point was trying to work from home while getting my kid through online school last year. I decided to get help this past winter, but it took a while to get an appointment with my doctor and then there was a six month wait to get the appointment with the psychologist to get tested, and then I had to have a follow up appointment with my doctor to discuss medication.
My sister has been suggesting I get evaluated for years and I ignored her because my life looks pretty together from the outside, even though I felt like I was always really stressed from constantly dropping the ball and playing whack a mole with self-created minor disaster after minor disaster. In retrospect, I can also see how I’ve made major decisions in my life based on my limitations. For instance, there have been times when I’ve wanted to go back to work at a larger firm, but I didn’t think I was capable of doing that level of work when I’ve felt like I’m barely keeping my head above water at a smaller firm.
I will also say that while it has been amazing, medication does not take the place of coping skills. I already had a bunch of coping skills in place since I’m in my late 30s and a decade into my career, but the medication is helping me actually be capable of consistently using the coping skills. I have also found that adhd specific resources are much more helpful to me than general “get organized” resources. I just read this book called “order from chaos” that is written by a woman with adhd and it was much more helpful than every other well meaning “just get a planner!” or “just stop procrastinating!” from people who don’t understand what executive dysfunction is.
IHeartBacon says
I have no questions really, but I wanted to chime in to say how wonderful it is to read when someone on here takes steps to take care of themself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I’m happy to read your update!
LittleBigLaw says
Thanks for the update! Really glad to hear that you are doing well!
Anon this time says
So glad you’re doing well! I strongly suspect I may have this as well. How did you go about getting a diagnosis and starting treatment?
CPA Lady says
I started with my pcp and she referred me to a psychologist for testing. I did two different sessions of tests, each took about an hour and a half. At the end, the psychologist sent a report to my doctor, who then prescribed me a very common stimulant medication that comes in a generic formula to try first. I have my follow up appointment next week to discuss whether or not this medication is working. I was nervous to take it at first because I get jittery with coffee and was expecting this to be 1,000 times worse, but when I took it, suddenly my chaotic mind became very quiet and still and focused. It’s been amazing.
Anon says
Another daycare question from a new mom! How long did it take before your little one got sick the first time? My 6mo starts next week and I’m trying to plan ahead for backup coverage.
TheElms says
2 weeks, but that was pre-covid. Might be longer if your 6 mo is not mobile, but as soon as they start to crawl I think there is a noticeable uptick in the rate of sickness.
Anon says
Honestly it was pretty quick, a week or two, but since covid we’ve rarely gotten sick. I think it was related to the enrollment drop.
Anonymous says
I think it depends on the other kids in the room, how mobile they are etc.
Pre 1 year old we (by chance not design) were in a baby room with 3 – 4 other kiddos ALL of whom were only children at the time. Because they weren’t walking, they were largely segregated from the other kiddos in the toddler room. It was also spring / summer. I think LO got one or two minor colds in the first 2-3 months. (8 months – 11 months). Kiddo was crawling around and they were definitely grabbing toys from each other.
THEN we moved to the 1 year old – 18 month room and within a week were sick for the next 6 months straight. :)
Anonymous says
+1 to how mobile the kids are. Covid restrictions lifted around the same time my LO and her friends started scooting/crawling and passing toys back and forth.
Anonymous says
2 days! It was very mild sniffles for a day, though. That was pretty much it, though, until covid restrictions lifted this summer. It’s been a steady stream of snot since then. There are lots of kids’ respiratory viruses circulating right now.
OP says
Thanks, all! More specifically, how long did it take got your kid to be sick enough to keep them home?
Boston Legal Eagle says
That will depend a lot on your daycare’s Covid policies. Pre-Covid, I think we had to keep kids home until they were fever-free for 24hrs (so if no fever, ok to send them in). During the height of Covid, they had to be home for any Covid-symptom (cough, fever, nausea, etc.) until they were symptom free for 72hrs, and then eventually I think they accepted a negative test to come back.
I’d plan for backup from day 1 – whether that’s you and partner switching off sick days, or grandparent or someone else.
anon says
Yup, this. My daycare’s covid policies are still very strict. No sniffles at all. And summer colds are worse this year per our peditrician. Plan for day 2 sniffles and find out about their covid policies asap. We really have been sent home for a single cough (no joke).
anon says
I think this varies so much! My twins started daycare at 8 weeks and they’ve been sick enough to stay home from daycare basically three times: at 11.5 months (the first winter they were in daycare), 15 months (HFM went around their room), and 2.5 (one got bronchiolitis). In contrast, their cousin was probably home at least 1 day a month for her first few years of daycare.
As a caveat, this was pre-covid, so they were able to still go in when they had a slightly runny nose, and they haven’t been in care at all from ages 3-4.5 because covid, so I’d expect them to get sent home more often these days.
Anonymous says
I agree about checking your daycare’s COVID policies. Don’t forget you might also come down with your baby’s illness, and COVID policies might cause further daycare exclusions when household members are sick. I’m currently home sick with the cold my 7 month old baby missed daycare for last week (first time she had to stay home since starting a month earlier). It’s been inconvenient to wait for negative COVID test results as each successive member of the family gets sick!
Pogo says
Our youngest started this January at 5mos and he has not had to be kept home. Two incidents of the sniffles, never ran a fever.
With my first, I think it was about a month b/f he needed to be kept home due to puking and fever. Same age (~5mos). Definitely significantly more illnesses pre-COVID.
GCA says
When my second started daycare at 3+ months, it was November and it was about two weeks before she was home with a minor cold. (She was a terrible napper there, other kids in the infant room were crawling, and she was also probably exposed to anything going around her older sib’s preschool room.)
Anon. says
Looking back at the COVID testing history for my littlest from last fall – 2.5 months. She started daycare late July at 8 mo old and had her first negative test mid October. At our center, pretty much everything that would keep you home requires a COVID test.
New Here says
They called on Day 3 for us to come get her because she had a fever.
Anonymous says
In January, we enrolled my now-10 month old in a daycare with very strict COVID policies. He’s been excluded from school EIGHT times now, often for something like a runny nose or vomiting (like throwing up after a meal, not puking all day long). Good luck.
Anonymous says
My kid didn’t go to school for awhile, but got her first cold precisely five days after her first library story time. (At four months).
So sometime between five days and two weeks probably.
Anon says
Just put my three month old in daycare and it took less than three days for her to catch a cold. They said as long as she wasn’t running a fever she could go in, but in an abundance of caution (also, felt very bad for my snotty infant) kept her home all the next week until she wasn’t so congested. Grandparents took some extra shifts and I stayed home a day and a half with her. If she’d been older I would have sent her back sooner.
anonymous says
Just a combo vent/WOW moment before I take a long lunch and vent to my husband later. We’re in the middle of our yearly reviews/raise/bonus conversations. My comp numbers were totally normal/in line with what I expected BUT during my call with my boss she also mentioned that I should take into account that the business ‘let me’ take a sabbatical during covid when I had no child care. This was a ~10 week, only partially paid sabbatical during which I worked (during the unpaid portion) to keep a project on track. I am FURIOUS that this is (obviously in her mind) a ‘vacation’ and not a reasonable accommodation that was offered to employees in order to keep them long term during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Unfortunately this is totally in line with other remarks/attitudes she has about childcare/work life balance (other people should handle it, and you should have none). Just goes to show that being a working mom does not make you a better boss to other working moms. ARGH.
Anonymous says
Ugh, I’m sorry. It’s always 1 step forward 2 steps back, isn’t it? Yay, you were able to take a sabbatical, but boo that this is how your boss views it. Reasonably accommodating extraordinary circumstances should be a minimum bar for employers to clear, not something deserving of undying gratitude and devotion.
Boston Legal Eagle says
The patriarchy and capitalism at work. I’ve seen that a lot of (not all!) working moms are harsher because they are trying to prove that they can be just as good as the old men with the SAH wives and no responsibilities, while also knowing about the toll of childcare (unlike a lot of unaware men) and having to plan for constant coverage.
Nannyshare says
I’m the OP above most likely losing her in home daycare and considering a nanny share. Lots of questions for those who do/have done one.
Can anyone give me some tips on a nanny share? Do you find alternating days or full weeks work best? Who provides the toys? I know food is also a consideration.
I know this is all negotiable, I just want to be prepared with options if we go that route.
Anonymous says
We split hosting each week, so MT was at one family, ThF was the other family, Wednesdays we switched. We liked having the house empty at least a few days a week to make working from home easier, have housecleaners, etc. I know some people who have alternated months. It’s really whatever works best for you.
My answers to your other questions are assuming some shared hosting duties, if one family hosted all the time, I could see some things being different:
– Toys are whatever there are at the host’s house.
– Give diapers, wipes, extra clothes, sleep sack to leave at other family’s house.
– Milk (once on whole milk) the host provides for both — we figured this evened out since we split hosting.
– Host family provides sleeping space for the other kid. In ours, the kid whose house it was slept in their own crib, and the other kid slept in a pack n play or travel crib.
– We typically provided all of our child’s food (snacks & lunch) with the understanding that they’d probably be sharing stuff on occasion. Send over a lunchbox like you would to daycare on days you’re not hosting.
– Double stroller went from house to house, parents responsible for dropping it off w/kid if it was the first day at the other family’s house.
DLC says
I found this Nanny Share Guide by Park Slope Parents really helpful when we were considering a nanny share. (We ultimately went with an in Home daycare, so I have no real life advice, unfortunately)
https://www.parkslopeparents.com/images/The_PSP_Guide_to_a_Nanny_Share_2017_09.pdf.pagespeed.ce.e3zMQ73hq6.pdf
Quarantined again says
Home for the next two weeks (at least) with a toddler after covid exposure at daycare. How do we do this again? I’ve missed so much work already – billable hours so I don’t even get PTO.
I don’t want to leave my job, but I already felt like I was failing on all fronts and this might actually be the straw that breaks my situation.
CCLA says
Coming at you from the tail end of quarantine with two kiddos in a billable hour environment. DH and I split as much as possible – I watch them in the mornings and he does afternoons (he traded his cases at the hospital to be shorter this week…if I didn’t have a partner to split it would be admittedly more miserable). I basically start working around lunchtime and work late into the night. Not fun, but doable. I put out fires in the morning only as minimally necessary. Kids are watching a lot of tv. I find it better if I don’t really try to work during the morning other than aforementioned fire fighting. The output is poor and then I’m basically working 16 hours. Instead I take them on a drive or head into the yard for a while or even read a book while they play so I have a little time to myself. I’m a partner and so I realize I have way more control than an associated, but fwiw I have a male associate with a kid similarly home right now and he is likewise splitting duties with his (also attorney) wife. I see he’s getting docs out at midnight or so, but he’s getting his stuff done and so I have no qualms with the fact that he’s tied up in the morning (ymmv by workplace but I appreciated that he told me so I knew what was going on).
EDAnon says
We haven’t had to do it for awhile (thankfully) and don’t have billable jobs. But we both have busy jobs that had a lot of covid work so we were swamped: Some tricks I remember are a lot of time outside (we have a fenced yard) which usually resulted in better naps, lots of calls (that require mostly listening and/or participation points) coupled with a long stroller walk, and loads of extra TV. We also did a lot of day to day strategizing for calls which was hard. If you can split days that would work better.
Oh and working at night.
New to School says
Both of my kids start school for the first time next week (pre-K and K). They were previously at home with a nanny who will be staying on part-time and doing school pickups and after care. Is there anything you wish you had known before making the transition to school-aged kids? Any tips or tricks for the first few weeks? Strategies for getting stains out of masks when your new pre-K-er inevitably does a poor job of cleaning her mouth after lunch but dutifully puts her mask back on?
Realist says
If you really love your nanny, make sure your job stays attractive to her and meets her needs. When I was interviewing infant nannies, several were looking to leave a part-time situation because they needed more money. In Covid times, I think it is probably even more important to figure out how to hang on to a good nanny (eg, upgrade her to household manager to fill in hours, help her find another part time gig during school hours, bump up pay, offer to pay for classes she is interested in so she can go to school during school hours, etc).