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Do you have any tips on how to handle a mother-in-law that gets on your nerves? Mine came to visit for a long weekend. Every morning a feeling of dread would come over me knowing that I had to spend another day with her. I’m due to have my first baby in a couple months, and I’m worried about being annoyed and resentful when she visits us for a longer period of time during my maternity leave (even a week might be difficult for me to endure) when I may be feeling more emotional and tired as a mom of a newborn, and I won’t have other work obligations or many activities to give me an escape during her visit. I’m an introvert and like to have downtime, but it’s hard to get that when my in-laws visit without it seeming like I’m avoiding them.

I normally would not have a problem with someone like her. She’s a kind, normal person. I think it’s just the burden of having to chit chat with her all day and feed her and entertain her and have her constantly in my space. The main problem is that she has an irritating habit of offering unsolicited advice and being the authority on everything. She constantly interrupts people. During a conversation, she always jumps in and talks about herself but rarely directs the conversation back to other people or seems interested in what they have to say other than how it relates to herself. She also gives us a lot of her old stuff, like dirty-looking, stained 30-year-old furniture, and I find that to be burdensome as well. She assumes we will be happy to have these things. But she doesn’t want this old ugly furniture displayed in her house anymore, so why would we? I’m afraid this pattern will only increase. She’s started bringing us old baby things (literally from when she was a child 60 years ago). We plan on giving some of it to Goodwill, but that’s just another task in our already busy lives, and some of this stuff is sentimental to her, so we’ll feel pressured to keep items we do not want.

None of this is terrible compared to what other people deal with, but I find myself resenting her and then feeling guilty about it. My husband can get snippy around her because she is irritating, and that can make things really uncomfortable for me too because of the tension in the air. Please share any tips you may have, especially related to dealing with mother-in-laws as a new mom during the maternity leave stage.

My advice: set boundaries now. Talk with your husband about what boundaries you are comfortable with and then he can communicate those to his parents. If you don’t like receiving unwanted furniture/baby items, then you shouldn’t do that. But you (your husband) needs to let his family know.

As for your MIL being self-centered in conversations– I’ve found that to be increasingly the case with my parent’s and my in-laws. It seems to be something that happens with age. It is unfortunate, but I’m not sure there’s much we can do except trying to redirect the conversation to other topics.

I’m a year post partum and carry most of my weight in my stomach area. Has anyone found good underwear that provide light shaping? I don’t want anything as serious as spanx, but wouldn’t mind a little bit of hold. Super light hold, as I want them to be comfortable. Looking for something cotton and available in cusp sizes. Does this exist?

Any advice for planning postpartum visitors around my due date besides “let it go / it’s out of your control”?

My mom wants to come as soon as baby’s born (left up to her she’d be in the delivery room!) and wants to stay at our house to help 24/7. I’ve let her know I’d really like about a week with my husband for us to settle in. Baby will be sleeping in our room (which mom thinks is crazy), so night-time help feels just a bit too intimate. We’ll put her up at an air bnb across the street.

Husband will go back to work after a week or less. I want my mom to be here that week he goes back.

But my mom lives a flight away and we’ve decided it makes most sense from a financial perspective to pre-book flight/hotel rather than wait until the last minute. How do I plan this?

When my sister had her first babies, I flew down around her due date and was there for a long weekend, but she never gave birth! It was disappointing and expensive, as I had to go back a few weeks later.

Baby due Nov. 1 based on LMP but the ultrasound folks have my due date as Nov 4. Midwives will let me go two full weeks before inducing, so she could be here as late as the 14th! I’m thinking we book around the 10th, and if baby comes way early we can re-arrange. If baby comes later, I guess worst-case is my mom is here for that first week and just a little in the way of our nuclear family time.

I know I’m overthinking this and there’s no way to predict when baby comes but…any advice for letting it go?

Anyone have late talkers? My 18 month old only has a few words although he babbles and sings constantly. And points and screeches. I know it’s all normal but I can’t help but compare especially when he doesn’t even say Mama! My husband is speaking to him in his native language which may be adding to his confusion? Thanks for any advice.

This is going to make me sound like a bonkers helicopter mom, but so be it. I have a kid going into third grade this year, and the beginning of the school year is kicking my anxiety into high gear. The backstory is that while DS has always done well academically, he’s had behavioral issues since kindergarten. (He was finally diagnosed with ADHD about six months ago, which explains a whole lot.) Anyway, since the time he’s started elementary school, the beginning of the school year has been ROUGH. Emails from teachers and phone calls from the principal, all with concerns about his inability to control his impulses, age-inappropriate behaviors, aggressiveness/over-excitability. The absolute worst beginning was in first grade, when the lady who was providing before/after school care told me 4 days into the school year that she couldn’t handle him and we needed to find another option. It was freaking awful. She told me this in a text message during the workday, and I still have to see this woman occasionally because she lives in our neighborhood.

All this to say, the start of the school year has been enormously stressful for our whole family. Getting an ADHD diagnosis has honestly been a relief, and with therapy and meds, DS is doing much better. But, he still lags behind his peers socially and has gotten a bit of a reputation as “that kid.” Which kills me, because we are working so hard at home to guide him and manage the ADHD. We have a therapy session scheduled for a few days before school starts, but I’m a wreck and my attitude is on the verge of ruining our last few weeks of summer. I just want my kid to make real, lasting friendships and to not freak the eff out in the classroom. He’s a fun kid, but his intensity ends up wearing people out after awhile. As a result, he doesn’t really have any close friendships.

I think my anxiety stems from never being able to relax and believe that he’s OK at school, behaviorally and socially. I dread seeing the school’s number on my caller ID, because it’s never good news. Knowing that he’s never going to be the kid who easily blends in with the group is just hard sometimes. Even being around other parents is stressful because they’re having such a different school experience than we are. We already have a meeting lined up with his teacher, so she knows what she’s dealing with, and hopefully that makes a difference. Every year I worry that he’s going to get kicked out of his before/aftercare program, which would be a huge mess to deal with.

Help? Has anyone else experienced school anxiety? What helped? How did you just … let go, and let your kid live his/her own life?

Agree with this. I had people to play with in K-3 but people started separating into cliques by 4th grade and I had no friends. I had people to sit with at lunch in middle school and high school but I rarely saw them outside of school and am not in touch with them currently. Plenty of close friends from college and beyond. I wouldn’t sweat the close friendships thing too much. And I agree about supporting him and not making him feel like a weirdo. Many of my college friends had similar upbringings and those of us with parents who made us feel normal (even if we weren’t really) were much happier.