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Here is a wallet for someone on the go!
This minimal, thin wallet has room for all of your essentials and then some — there are a myriad of pockets and card slots, room for a passport, and a zipper closure to keep everything secure. It comes in both scratch- and weather-resistant Saffiano and buttery soft Nappa leather.
There are enough hardware and color combinations to please even the most discerning.
This wallet from Lo & Sons is currently 50% off at $94.
✨✨✨Sales of note for Cyber Monday 2023✨✨✨
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Black Friday deals have started! 1,800+ sale items! Shop designer, get bonus notes up to $1200. Markdowns include big deals on UGG, Natori, Barefoot Dreams, Marc Fisher LTD, Vionic and more!
- & Other Stories – Today only, up to 50% off + free standard shipping
- Ann Taylor – 50% off everything plus extra 15% off your $200+ purchase! Great time to stock up on their basic suiting
- Amour Vert – 50% off sitewide with code – readers love this short-sleeved silk blouse
- Athleta – Today only, up to 70% off – Readers particularly love this wrap, these linen shorts, these shorts, these joggers, and their skorts in general
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase, including cashmere; up to 60% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 60% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Brooks Brothers – 30% off sitewide + extra 10% off your entire purchase & free shipping
- Club Monaco – 40% off your purchase
- Cuyana – Select styles marked 30% off; Classic Totes down to $187
- Design Within Reach – “Best Sale Ever”: 25% off Herman Miller, Knoll, HAY, Muuto, DWR Collection; 20% off everything else (readers love the Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl for office chairs)
- Eloquii – 50% everything; $19+ holiday steals; extra 50% off all sale
- Evereve – Up to 70% off clearance
- The Fold – Free global shipping today only! Up to 25% off everything + extra 10% off through Monday 11/27 – readers love this top, their suits in general but especially this one
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off almost everything; up to 50% off suiting & chinos; up to 40% off cashmere; extra 50% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 60% off everything, no exclusions + extra 15% off orders $100+- readers love the schoolboy sweater blazer
- Lands’ End – 50% off sitewide (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase, including new arrivals
- Lululemon – Black Friday sales! Prices marked 30-60% off from my rough estimate.
- M.M.LaFleur – 25% off sitewide with code
- Quince – 5 days of deals! Saturday’s deals: silk blouses 2 for $100! Also sales on puffer jackets and select cashmere.
- Rag & Bone – 30% off everything, up to 80% off (readers love this blazer)
- Rothy’s – 30% off sitewide 11/20-11/27 — this is their first sitewide sale ever!
- Sarah Flint – 30% off sitewide plus get a $100 gift card for your next purchase on your purchase over $500 (ends 11/28)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off (this reader favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Steelcase – Up to 20% off sitewide (readers love the Leap and the Gesture for office chairs)
- Stuart Weitzman – Extra 25% off full-price and sale styles with code
- Talbots – 50% off entire site + free shipping — readers love this cashmere boatneck and this cashmere cardigan, as well as their sweater blazers in general
- Theory – 25% off sitewide + extra 10% off
- Zappos – 29,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Amazon – Up to 25% off car seats, strollers and more from Britax & BOB Gear
- BabyJogger – 25% off everything
- Bloomingdale’s – 20% off on select UppaBaby, Maxi-Cosi, Stokke, Bugaboo, Thule, and more
- Carter’s – 50-60% off entire site; extra 20% off cyber deals with code
- Crate & Kids – Up to 50% off everything plus free shipping sitewide; save 10% off full price items
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 50% off everything + free shipping
- Hanna Andersson – 50% off everything + extra 20% off clearance
- ErgoBaby – 40% off Omni Breeze Carrier, 25% off Evolve 3-in-1 bouncer, $100 off Metro+Stroller
- Graco – Up to 30% off car seats
- Nordstrom – Big deals on CRANE BABY, Joolz, Baby Jogger Summit, Petunia Pickle Bottom, TWELVElittle and Posh Peanut
- Old Navy – 50% off everything, ends today
- SNOO / Happiest Baby – 35% off SNOO, up to 60% sitewide (ends today)
- Target – Up to 40% off nursery furniture, plus sales on HALO Innovations, Graco, activity gyms, and Safety 1st strollers and cribs
- Pottery Barn Baby – Up to 70% off toys, gifts, plyaroom furniture and more
- Strolleria – Save 20% on select UPPABaby strollers, up to 25% off Bugaboo, up to 50% off Joolz, and additional deals on Silver Cross, Veer, Doona, Wonderfold, dadada, Clek, and Thule
- Walmart – Savings on Maxi-Cosi car seats, adventure wagons, rocker recliners, security cameras and more!
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
This is lovely but the pandemic has killed my wallet habit and I’m not sure if I’ll ever go back. A phone with a few card pockets, and the Stocard app.
Anonymous says
I have this exact wallet and I don’t know how I could get by with one much smaller. I always carry cash, my driver’s license, my ATM card, two credit cards in case someplace doesn’t take AmEx, my AAA card, my insurance cards, and my kid’s insurance cards. You never know when you’ll get a flat tire, be in an accident, have your credit card declined for suspected fraud because you’re buying gas at a weird place and need to pay cash, etc. When I traveled for work I used to keep subway passes for a couple of cities I visited frequently in there too so I wouldn’t have to remember to pack them.
The phone card pockets scare me. I’ve seen people’s cards fall out too many times, and you’re a lot more likely to leave your phone somewhere than a wallet that stays in your bag.
TheElms says
You can take pictures of your AAA card, insurance cards, and kids insurance cards and just leave the actual cards at home.
Anonymous says
That has not worked for me. Doctors’ offices still want to scan the actual card, even when they have an on-line system where they ask you to submit a photo.
anon says
Really? I don’t think any of my medical offices would accept that.
TheElms says
Interesting. Mine have moved everything online since Covid and no longer want to exchange anything at the office. But still a scan would work for an unexpected emergency and you could just remember to bring the card to an annual appointment (if you wanted).
Anon Lawyer says
Yeah, ours have been totally fine with scans to.
Anonymous says
Anyone have suggestions for a phone case they like that has those card pockets? would love to just grab my phone and also have an ID and credit card.
Anonymous says
My husband likes the magnetic card case that Apple sells that will stick to your iphone (I bet you can also get them from other stores for less money).
Anonymous says
Is this safe for credit cards? I have had a lot of problems with hotel room key cards getting deactivated when I put them in a pocket next to my phone. For this reason, I never put credit cards next to my phone.
Anonymous says
I believe it’s shielded so it’s safe for credit cards.
HSAL says
I use it and there are no issues with demagnetization. It’s great for my usual purposes (need my license and a credit card when leaving the house) but I don’t think it’s super secure if you’re going to be getting it out a lot. It pops off fairly easily. For travel I prefer the cloth stickers that I keep on another case, so I just swap.
Cb says
I have a Case Me one. It fits my staff ID, provisional drivers license (which makes me feel like a teenager), a few credit cards, my coffee stamp cards. Cash is a bit tricky, but I’ve only used cash 2x in the last 2 years. The pockets do stretch after awhile but that’s normally when I upgrade my (refurbished) phones anyways.
Anonymous says
I don’t understand how people get by with minimalist wallets. I have 8 health insurance ID cards for my son and me alone (our insurance is good but weird), among many other things in mine.
Anonymous says
I would not call this wallet minimalist. It is huge.
Anonymous says
I know but it looks too small for me!
Cb says
Ah, yet another advantage of socialised medicine, a lighter wallet :)
minimalist says
My company has a benefits app where I can pull up our insurance cards when needed. I think women have a need to carry anything they could possibly need at all times. We really don’t, especially if you have a smartphone.
Anonymous says
I learned to carry my actual health insurance card in college. The university announced to students that anyone who needed emergency medical attention and did not have proof of insurance would be transported to the public hospital miles away instead of the university’s own excellent hospital. Ever since then, I haven’t wanted to be caught anywhere without easily accessible proof of insurance that didn’t require unlocking a phone, just in case.
Anonymous says
P.S. I am probably biased towards preparedness because I’ve already had to make three 911 calls that resulted in ambulance rides for other people. YMMV if the universe has not designated you the fixer of everyone else’s emergencies, the way it has me.
maternity leggings (as pants) says
Does anyone have recommendations for totally opaque full-length maternity leggings, ideally cotton or cotton-y rather than a shiny workout fabric? If you know of something in tall sizes I will be in your debt forever.
Anon says
I got a pair like this from Old Navy or Gap last year. I’m not sure if they still carry them though. They were fold over waist I believe.
Anon says
I bought Lululemon Align leggings in my first trimester and wore them throughout pregnancy, home from the hospital, postpartum etc. Currently wearing them for WFH and my baby is 13 months. They retain their shape. I get the regular length (28 inches, I think?) and am 5-8, but pretty sure they come in a taller option.
TheElms says
I’m generally a 12-14 in pants or a size Large at places like Ann Taylor. I typically buy curvy cuts when I’m not pregnant. Do you have any thought on what size Align leggings I should buy? I’m 27 weeks and would love to wear them to the bitter end and postpartum. Looking at the size chart if I weren’t pregnant I think I’d buy a 12. So would I get a 14, maybe a 16? I want them to be supportive but not constricting if that makes sense.
Anon @ 9:24 says
I wear an 8 at J.Crew/BR/AT in non-pregnant times. I have no idea what I wear in pregnant times because my one pregnancy was during COVID and I only wore athleisure and some maxi dresses :)
I bought the Aligns in a 10, figuring I also wanted supportive but not constricting. They’ve been super comfortable at every stage.
Anon says
Gap has cotton maternity leggings but their stock has been hit and miss lately. I swear they used to have tall but I don’t think they do anymore. I’ve also had success with leggings from Victoria’s Secret – their cotton foldover yoga type leggings (they might be called essential leggings or something like that) work for maternity and they definitely come in long.
Anon says
I loved my GAP leggings through my last pregnancy (and for many months postpartum). Very comfortable and they held up to daily wear.
AwayEmily says
The Old Navy cotton ones are quite opaque.
AnonTall says
GapFit blackout leggings! Come in maternity and talls.
Anonymous says
I know LOFT had these a few years ago, not sure what their selection is like now.
Anonymous says
Sorry, this was a reply to maternity leggings (as pants).
anon says
Recommendations for chapter books at a similar level to Princess in Black for a new reader who is intimidated by books without copious illustrations? Should I be looking at Mercy Watson? Magic Treehouse?
Anonymous says
Magic Treehouse is deadly dull. Ivy and Bean has a lot of illustrations. Nancy Clancy is also very accessible.
OP says
Oh yeah, I should try her on Ivy and Bean! We’ve read some of them to her, but haven’t suggested them as an independent reading option yet.
anon says
I so agree that Magic Treehouse is dull. Every book is literally the same, and the siblings are kind of … drippy? IDK. Not a fan.
Anon says
The Clementine series has a black and white illustration maybe twice a chapter? Not sure if that is enough, but I will say I find them absolutely delightful (I read aloud to my 4YO).
Cb says
The Paula Harrison books are really lovely, I also like Isadora Moon. And maybe some of the classics? My 4 year old son is loving the Mouse and the Motorcycle, which makes me laugh because he doesn’t have context for much of it as it’s distinctly American and his understanding of what school is is vague.
Anonymous says
For independent reading or for listening to a parent read? Dragon Masters is slightly more advanced (and a tad bit scarier) than Princess in Black, but my newly six year old loves them. There are illustrations on every page. Mercy Watson is very similar to PIB. My kids adore Magic Treehouse but I don’t enjoy reading them.
OP says
For independent reading, both alone at school and aloud to an adult at home. (I wouldn’t get her Magic Treehouse if I had to read them, for fear of driving myself insane!)
octagon says
Dragon Masters and Unicorn Diaries are huge hits in our house.
GCA says
I am so glad my 6.5yo has finally started reading on his own so he can read Magic Treehouse to himself! Those things are deathly dull and formulaic but my kids love them for some reason. (At Thanksgiving, kid was sitting on a couch reading Dragon Masters while the grownups were chatting, and at one point he stood up and said ‘Mom, can you please speak softer? I’m trying to read IN MY HEAD!’)
Anon says
The bad guys series is like a graphic novel type book, has a movie coming out soon too
anon says
Roughly in order of increasing difficulty:
Katie Woo (a bit easier than Princess in Black)
Kingdom of Wrenly
Mia Mayhem
Dragon Masters (my kids are obsessed with this series, including having had a Dragon Masters birthday party and Halloween costumes)
The Last Firehawk
My Weird School
Dragon Girls
Dory Fantasmagory
Ivy and Bean
All the Scholastic Branches series are great too, IMO.
OP says
This is a great list, thank you! I hadn’t heard of the Scholastic Branches books, but many of them look perfect.
Anonymous says
Anna Hibiscus
Mary Moo Cow says
My first grader recently enjoyed an I Can Read version of The Little Princess. She also likes the Zelda and Ivy series (only 3 chapters, tho), Cora and the Crocodile (not a series) and was meh on Fergus and Zeke. Mercy Watson is great, and the Deckawoo Drive series is a good one to have in reserve when your reader is ready for more text and black and white pictures. PSA: I asked our school librarian for recommendations lately, and she was very enthusiastic and helpful. Your school librarian might be a good resource, too.
Anonymous says
My daughter loves Zoey and Sassafras and the Kitty series by Paula Harrison. I was not a fan of Ivy and Bean at the first read. It seemed a little crass for my 4 year old from what I recall.
Anonymous says
The Kitty series is great!
Anon says
My 7 year old likes the Bad Kitty chapter books.
Anon says
in case anyone is still looking for gift ideas for the older toddler/preschooler crowd, thought i’d share my 3.5 year old twins’ favorites from Hannukah this year. They love their potato head family (it says 2+, and it is also great for fine motor skills if you have a kid who struggles with that), their melissa & doug dentist play kit, and their magnatiles safari/jungle sets.
Anon says
Our Hanukkah biggest hit for a 3.5 year old was a set of simple puzzles. It’s the first puzzle we’ve bought and it’s provided hours of independent play time.
Anonymous says
Maternity clothes help, please!
Any good links for maternity fleece-lined leggings?
Also any good underwear that don’t have VPL? Last preganancy I wore ultra low rise, but this time I’m wanting something more shaped like the ants-in-the-pants game.
Anon says
For the underwear, Chantelle soft stretch. I like the high rise ones but there are many cuts. They’re one size fits all and they have worked well for me at sizes 8-12.
dentist anxiety says
Switching to a new dentist after mine retired and after extensive Xrays and pictures they tell me I need to have like 10 fillings replaced. most because the old silver fillings are “leaking”. I can see what she means in the pictures, and I trust her, but that’s a lot of time, pain and money and my teeth feel ok. they describe it as a ticking time bomb. Does anyone else have experience with this? Should I get a 2nd opinion? I’m thinking any dentist who graduated in the last 20 years is going to say the same thing though.
anon says
I would absolutely get a second opinion, and also ask what the dentist thinks would happen if you delay. Dentists have really varying views on what needs to be done.
Anonymous says
+1 – I’m cynical about this but I absolutely think some recommend work because they will make more money.
DonutDay says
Agree. Just because they are younger doesn’t mean they are right. I had a dentist tell me I had to have 2 root canals. I have never had them done and never had another dentist recommend or had pain.
Anon says
Definitely get a second opinion. Try to find a dentist with a reputation for being “low intervention” for the second opinion if you can. Dentists seem to have a much wider spectrum than doctors in terms of what treatments they suggest.
Anon says
Definitely get a second opinion, preferably from a dentist based on a personal recommendation. My dentist of a decade who I had previously had no issues with suddenly decided that my new intermittent tooth pain would necessitate a crown which would be $2500 after insurance (I could have gotten a root canal for less than that; apparently our new office development also necessitated increases in her prices). I got a second opinion from a friend’s dentist and she said she could see no evidence of needing a crown, was unable to replicate my tooth pain in office and in any event wanted to take a wait and see approach and try a night guard. Night guard resolved the tooth pain (and apparently I’ve become a clencher in my sleep, so much stress), I still have my mostly healthy tooth with a still fine filling, and I have a new dentist!
OP says
A root canal is super invasive though, wouldn’t you pay more to avoid that? Did you call the other dentist and ask for a 2nd opinion, or just a new patient consult? Did you bring records from the 1st dentist?
This new office is way fancier with a lot more technology! does that mean they have to charge more, or just that they catch more stuff early?
The hygenist flagged a bunch of stuff and then the dentist wanted to move on about 80% of it, she was comfortable waiting on about 20% because I wear a mouthguard. At least this was during open enrollment so I picked the fancy dental plan for 2022.
Anon says
My point was a crown should not cost more than a root canal, someone was price gouging (e.g., most other places told me a crown would be around $500-700 after insurance which covers half in my plan). I called the other dentist and said I wanted a second opinion. They set it up as a new patient limited exam (no teeth cleaning since I had just had that done). Insurance didn’t cover it because it was two weeks after my prior visit, but it was like $75 out of pocket. I had asked my old dentist for a copy of my latest xrays (bitewings and panoramic) when I told her I wanted to get a second opinion and sent those to the new dentist. My old dentist and new dentist both have latest technology as far as I can tell (they scanned my mouth for the nightguard, no chalky trays!) and new dentist is substantially cheaper (and apparently much more trustworthy).
OP says
thank you so much for the clarification!
Anonymous says
I just had four replaced yesterday. I’m not sure that silver fillings leak? That sounds weird. But you can have tooth decay around the fillings, and that’s what I had to address. I didn’t get a second opinion, but I did wait about six months before getting the work done. In my case I’m glad I didn’t wait too long, because the decay was quite bad in one tooth and I might need to get it capped. So that’s the potential downside to waiting: more decay –> more expensive intervention to save the teeth, like capping.
OP says
yes this is what she was telling me, replace the filing and avoid a crown. I can see where the silver has retracted a bit, and there are gaps under it. also it’s turning my mouth guard black so it’s clearly coming off.
Anonymous says
I’ve had to have fillings replaced before, it’s a thing. If you need a dentist for a second opinion and you’re in NYC, try Wei Li-Cavallo. She’s honest and will lay out your options, and she works with people to space out work if it’s a financial issue.
Anonymous says
Absolutely get a second opinion. This article from the Atlantic is very eye-opening about the business end of dentistry and insurance. The article’s tagline speaks volumes: “The Truth About Dentistry: It’s much less scientific—and more prone to gratuitous procedures—than you may think.”
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/05/the-trouble-with-dentistry/586039/
anon says
At what point do you let your kid quit an activity, particularly one that he’s actually good at and has an aptitude for? DS12 wants to quit the school band. He’s in his second year of playing. Several of his reasons seem to be related to logistics and being stressed out by the rehearsal schedule. (It’s a long story and related to the weird way that our middle school handles 6th-grade activities.) But he also keeps banging on about not being “passionate” about his instrument. Sigh. I feel like if we could get him through this school year, the logistical headaches would resolve but he’s adamant that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. I’m probably taking this harder than I should because DH and I both were involved in music. DH continued through college; I did band through HS. DS wants to stick with choir, so he wouldn’t be giving up music entirely. This is outside my experience. When I asked to quit things, it was because I sucked at the activity and wasn’t having fun. He has actual ability here, according to both of the instrumental teachers that have taught him. Will he be angry and stressed if we make him keep doing an instrument? Or will he be disappointed in the future if he gives up too soon and the door is closed to picking it up in the future? What else should I be thinking about here?
Anon says
commiseration – I feel like the decision of when to let your kid quit is really hard. could he take a break and rejoin in the fall if he wants to? maybe if he took some time off he’d realize he misse dit. Also is any of this socially motivated? I feel like around that age kids get self conscious about things and maybe for a boy being in the band is “less cool” than sports or whatever. if that was the issue would you consider enocuraging him to keep taking lessons even if he didn’t want to do band?
anon says
I’m not sure about taking a break. We have offered to go the private lesson route, and he’s not very interested. :(
Anon says
Would he give it a chance? If he clicked with the private instructor, he might change his mind.
Also, is he good enough that he can keep playing/learning pieces/practicing without forming bad habits?
Spirograph says
For many people, a band instrument is fun because you play it in band with your friends. Private lessons would have felt like more work for less reward, to me. I was comparatively very good at my band instrument (2nd chair in a large HS program), but was never interested in playing it as a soloist. Maybe because I scratched the soloist itch with piano, but for band, choir, and orchestra, the social aspect and group music was the draw, not the instrument itself.
Anonymous says
Would he be interested in quitting band and just doing private lessons?
Anonymous says
We went through this with our daughter and piano. We are a musical family, my bachelor’s degree is in performance and I still do musical stuff recreationally, our daughter is very talented, etc. etc. She loved piano at first but started resisting when she got past the point where she could sight-read everything perfectly and actually had to practice. We finally let her quit at the end of a semester because the constant screaming just wasn’t worth it. Later on she gained a bit of maturity, picked up choir, and is loving it.
I think the “passion” argument might be a bit disingenuous, but if he’s just not that into it I wouldn’t force him to continue after this school year. I wouldn’t let him quit in the middle of the year, though, and if band is a class at school I don’t know how that would even be possible. If he likes the instrument but not middle school band (which is understandable–many middle school band programs are torture), can he continue with private lessons? You are correct that it’s really difficult to pick up an instrument after middle school and be able to join a decent band or orchestra, but if he continues with choir he’ll be fine there. As a practical matter it’s difficult to participate in both band and choir in high school anyway. I was able to do instrumental music seriously and choir recreationally in college for a couple of years, but I had to quit choir when it conflicted with orchestra.
In high school I sat second chair through my junior year to a girl who was a year older and considered something of a child prodigy. At one point I think she came in third in a national solo competition on our instrument. She dutifully obeyed her parents’ demands to practice and was truly amazing, but it was a little sad because she didn’t actually enjoy anything about music except winning. She finally quit at some point during college, where she was premed. I wouldn’t want to put my own child in that position by forcing them to play an instrument they didn’t love.
Spirograph says
Eh, he can always come back if he’s interested. I mean, like, forever. I know tons of adult beginners & adults who’re taking another try at an instrument they last played in elementary or middle school.
Particularly if he has an aptitude for music or that particular instrument, he could re-join later in middle school, or even pick it back up in high school if marching band is a social draw. I would probably let him quit, and I say that as a former band, choir, and orchestra nerd through high school and college. However, I am anti-quitting things midstream and would make him stick it out until the end of the semester. Music is a fairly transferrable skill if you’re good at it. There’s nothing special about playing an instrument vs your voice being the instrument, although I totally get that it stings for your kid to reject band when it that was such a huge part of your own youth.
anon says
If scheduling is the big issue, could he drop it at school and keep up private lessons for now? Then he could reconsider the school group next year, or consider outside opportunities. I really enjoyed playing in external ensembles and at music summer camps, which were at a higher level than the school band. Those were much more inspiring to me than the school band.
Anonymous says
One thing to keep in mind is that outside ensembles may require participation in school ensembles. Our city’s youth orchestra, for example, requires participation in school band or orchestra. Same with every honor band and orchestra I ever played in.
anon says
Locally, we have a couple of music schools that also set up and teach small ensembles. One is the School of Rock and it does rock bands, even down to 3rd and 4th graders. Another does quartets and quintets for strings, woodwinds, and brass. They strongly encourage these groups to start gigging once they hit a certain level of competency to get practice performing. These groups can be really fun and may support an ongoing interest.
anon says
This is the confusing thing to me. He went to a band camp over the summer (operated by our school district) and loved it. Came home every day super excited about it. So this about-face in one semester is sort of surprising to me.
Anonymous says
Honestly, in my house it’s “you committed to this for the year. You have to do it. You do not have to sign up next [semester/season/year].”
Then when they complain, “hey, only X more until it’s over!”
Anon says
I’d let him quit – what’s the point of being in the school band if you don’t enjoy it? There’s no real value in playing the trombone or whatever. I wasn’t in the school band and there have been exactly 0 times in my life when I wished I knew how to play any instrument that might feature in a marching band. School band music also isn’t enjoyable for most people to listen to. Not sure why he’d be disappointed in the future.
EP-er says
Sharing my experience with middle schooler: DS started piano in first grade and has a very good ear. Band/orchestra is required in 5th grade in our district, so he added violin. Band/orchestra is a class in our district, so he signed up to continue in 6th grade. Then pandemic hit & we stopped piano. Orchestra was… bad remote. But he had already turned in the schedule for 7th grade. And 7th grade was also remote and it was a disaster for orchestra. He really needed private lessons to get caught up, and in 8th grade we let him drop. I am a little sad, because I enjoyed listening to him. He still plays the piano sometimes, but I don’t have a lot of regrets about letting him stop. He has a great musical foundation and lots of other interests now. I didn’t want to fight about practicing any more. And honestly, he can pick it up again with private lessons if he wants, and we will support that. I don’t have any good answers on when is the right time to leave an activity. I think that at his age, your son should have a voice in the decision. And this decision is different than leaving a sports team or something with a season….
One more musical story: my DD also started piano in first grade. She liked it in the beginning, but then started crying at lessons & practice. She wasn’t ready and wasn’t happy. We told her she had to stick with it for one year. And she happily quit. And now, three years later, we told her she needed to start an activity again (we has stopped everything with COVID.) And much to my surprise, she picked piano, which wasn’t even one of the choices I gave her! And she loves it (for now) and I never have to ask her to practice.
Anonymous says
If you really want him to stick with band and he’s not “passionate” about this instrument, is there another one he’d like to try? You know your son best, but this sounds to me like a 6th grader’s way of saying, “all my friends are playing trumpet” or “everyone makes fun of me because I play the oboe.” Or “[instrument] lesson makes me miss xyz fun thing that the rest of the class is doing.”
Anonymous says
My partner quit band in the middle of HS because he had severe performance anxiety. He did not tell anyone the reason and didn’t really understand that that’s why he wanted to quit until years later when he got help for his severe social anxiety. In retrospect he thinks if he understood what was going on and was able to get help for it, he could have stuck with it. He was also very talented and misses playing music but it’s still anxiety provoking for him.
Not saying that this is your son, but that you should consider alternative reasons he wants to quit, other than ones he’s naming.
anon says
That’s an interesting thought. DS has dealt with some social anxiety this year, but it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that the two could be connected. Hmm. I will think on that and ask some questions.
Anonymous says
How would the door be closed to him picking it up again in the future? Do you think he’s going to be a professional classical musician? That is extremely unrealistic, just statistically speaking, and almost any other kind of serious involvement with music that I can imagine could withstand a break from playing at age 12 (and honestly, he would probably already be doing private lessons if he was going that route anyway). I work in the arts—I’m a former visual artist and now have an administrative job for a theater—so I’m a big believer in the value of artistic pursuits and the arts in general. But very, very few people can sustain careers as artists of any kind, and those who do have to be self-motivated to get through living on minimum wage or less for the first half of their career. Let him develop a passion for something else for a bit. If he really loves music he will come back to it. If walking away makes it harder, that’s a lesson too. My answer might be different if he was younger, but at 12 I think he deserves more ownership.
anon says
No, I definitely do not have aspirations of him being a professional musician. But even with school band, once you’re behind in learning the instrument, I would think it would be much harder to re-join at a later time.
roxie says
Let your kid quit.
This board sometimes, I swear.
Anon says
+1 this is one of the most baffling things to me about this s1te. I grew up in a culture where kids chose their activities (within limit like finances) and quit when it wasn’t fun anymore (possibly finishing a session that the parents had pre-paid) and I have the same attitude for my own kids. I can see forcing a kid to stick with something that’s very important to your family’s values, like religious school or a second language spoken by extended family members, but other than that, let them quit when they want to quit.
Anonymous says
TBH, music is a family value in my mom’s family, and for me. I won’t force my kids if they really hate it, but there’s a certain amount of normal kid resistance I absolutely will push them through because it’s important to me.
Anon says
But he wants to keep doing choir! Music isn’t synonymous with school band, and he’s not giving up music entirely by asking to drop out of the school band.
And I also tend to think that forcing a kid to do something you reduce the odds they’ll enjoy the activity as an adult (e.g., my dad who was forced to eat vegetables is a kid is the only adult member of our family who won’t touch them), so to the extent your values around music relate to cultivating a lifelong love of music, it’s probably best to listen to your kid when they say they want to stop something.
Spirograph says
It depends on how important it is to him to be good at his instrument and what the music program in your school district is like. My HS marching band had 400-odd people. For concert band season, there were three ability-based tiers. There were seniors in the lowest level who played about as well as I did in 6th grade, but they didn’t care because they enjoyed the experience. (Or because they were majorettes, and were required to sign up for a full year of band in order to twirl, so needed to passably play an instrument once the football season ended.) The program was designed to meet people where they were, and welcomed dabblers.
Anonymous says
He doesn’t like school band. He likes choir. Let him do choir.
Playing a band instrument isn’t a great path towards lifelong enjoyment of music. It takes more practice time than most working adults have available to stay in shape to play recreationally, and there just aren’t a lot of opportunities for adult amateurs to play in ensembles. Even community ensembles are typically dominated by professionals or quasi-professionals, depending on the instrument. If you want him to be able to enjoy music as an adult, keep him in choir and add piano or guitar lessons if he’s interested. If you insist on a band or orchestra instrument, make it oboe, bassoon, or viola. At least there’s some demand for those.
anon says
There’s a demand for oboe and bassoon? That’s … news to me.
anon says
More so than clarinet or flute. It’s all relative.
Anonymous says
If he had real interest, he’d be demanding private lessons already.
Everyone thinks their child is musically talented, just like everyone thinks their child is academically gifted. And even if your child does have the innate talent to be the next Yo-Yo Ma, he won’t get anywhere if he doesn’t have the intrinsic drive.
anon says
I don’t think that’s true. 6th grade is really early for a woodwind or brass player. They’re just getting started. Playing in a band or orchestra doesn’t start to get really fun until at least 8th grade or even high school when the quality of the ensemble improves. I wouldn’t ever judge whether someone is passionate about music based on 6th grade band–ick. Sticking with it can be worth it, but he wouldn’t even know that yet.
Personally, my school district didn’t even start band until 7th grade, so that’s when I started. I didn’t start private lessons until 9th, and ended up first chair in our All State orchestra both my junior and senior years. The second chair player (who scored just under me both years) at All State went on to play for the Boston Symphony Orchestra. I opted to major in STEM instead of music, but still really appreciate all of my experiences.
anon says
Thank you for the first paragraph. That’s exactly what I’m trying and failing to get at. I don’t believe my son is a prodigy or want him to go pro someday or even play extensively as an adult, sheesh. I just want him to have a fair chance of doing something that might be enjoyable *to him,* including having the chops to be in marching band if he wants. But there’s a lot to push through in those early years until it gets truly fun. Isn’t it that way with most instruments?
Here, school band lessons start in 5th grade. He’s just now starting to play in an ensemble as a 6th grader, thanks to covid.
Anon says
I get it, but then also there are other things he could do that he’d find enjoyable right now. Why is it so important that he be in the band?
Anon says
It’s ok if he’s not in the band and never rejoins. It’s ok not to play an instrument. :)
Anon says
Yup, I’ve never played an instrument except recorder in fourth grade when everyone had to learn recorder and can confirm I’m not scared for life. I did about three months of piano lessons when I was 5, was completely terrible at it, and am glad my parents let me quit.
Anon says
*scarred for life. but also not scared lol
Anonymous says
I still dislike Tuesdays because my parents made me take 5 years of piano lessons. My kids only do activities they want to do. In theory, They have to complete the set of lessons they are registered for. But I would probably let them pull out earlier if the schedule was adding stress.
Fallen says
So my 3.5 years old behavior has been completely out of control since after Thanksgiving. I am not sure if it’s related to potty training (he got #1 down in half a day but still struggles with #2/has accidents/gets frustrated) or just going back to daycare after a break.
He is whining/tantrum constantly. About irrational things (eg he wants candy for dinner, every transition, etc). I am constantly on edge around him, like it’s like half the weekend/evenings It’s whining/tantrum. Help? How do I get through this without losing my sanity? Or any books to teach him to behave better/tantrum less?
Anon says
Not to be flip but I think this is just being 3.5? It describes my 3.5 year old, that’s for sure.
Anon says
This is DD at 4. I find the whining is substantially worse when she hasn’t gotten enough sleep (so we push bedtime an hour earlier or insist on a nap for a few days until the whining improves) or she hasn’t gotten enough mommy time (so I try to schedule time for just playing one on one or even snuggling together reading or watching TV; she just wants my attention focused on her along with lots of physical touching, a true barnacle). Other than that I have had success with “I can’t understand you when you whine, please try again in a normal voice” and offering a hug, giving her a few minutes and then telling her “If you are going to keep whining or crying like that, you can do so in your room”. Sometimes she stops, sometimes she goes and has a good cry in her room and we’ll check on her in 30 minutes and then she is usually fine.
Anon says
Yeah physical touch is big for us too. I’ve started letting her sit on my lap at dinner and it seems to have a real impact on her behavior. I don’t love it but I tell myself someday she’ll be a tween who wants nothing to do with me and I’ll miss my barnacle.
Anonymous says
My extremely large 6.5 year old still wants to sit on my lap every dinner and while he’s big enough it’s little uncomfortable, ONE DAY HE WON’T WANT TO!!!
Anonymous says
This is a tough time of year for kids. There is so much excitement, so much sugar, etc. I’d go back to basics and focus on routine and communicating the routine in advance. With a clear routine, he might also have less anxiety about going #2.
Anon says
well i am losing my sanity, so glad it’s not just me! some switch flipped in my previously delightful 3 year old twins in mid-August and since then it has been lots of tantrums, whining, etc. they are now 3.5 and while i love them, they are driving me bonkers. in addition to the tantrums, they both want to be with me 24/7 while they are awake and fight over mommy (i give them each alone time with me though it doesn’t seem to do much) yesterday after school we were outside on our swing set and I said I had to go inside to use the bathroom, and suddenly both kids also had to go to the bathroom… it is exhausting! they have also recently started getting more physical when they don’t get their way. i miss my sweet 2 year olds, who definitely had terrible and challenging moments, but never pulled anyone’s hair or scratched. somehow my kids were better at independent play when they were younger and now just follow me around. i’ve read many books – how to talk so little kids will listen, siblings without rivalry, etc. and follow big little feelings, dr. becky etc. and somehow i need to figure out how to adjust my mindset so i dont lose my mind
Anonymous says
My towns are 10 months, but their older brother was exactly like this. It gets better! At 2.5 I thought “is this the terrible twos? Hmm” but at 3.5 he was fully in tantrum, grumpy, meltdown over every little thing mode. By 4 he was back to being sweet. Hang in there!
Anonymous says
I literally made a plan last night to write in around “how to I deal emotionally with my 3.5 year old’s constant boundary pushing” so you beat me to it. My older child has a different personality and had different struggles at 3.5 so OMG I was not prepared. I know it’s a developmental phase and I’m trying to just compartmentalize…
Anon2 says
I am so freakin done with school quarantines. My children were in back to back quarantines in November and now the first kid is in another one. Our school has such a broad definition of exposure (ride the bus, fully masked, for 20 minutes together? Whole bus is quarantined!) and it gets reported to the state so child is literally confined to our house for 10 days with an official quarantine letter. There is no option to test out. Remote school is even harder this year. My son is currently in his bed crying rather than be on the computer.
Generally, I’m glad to live in an area that takes this seriously, but this is ridiculous.
Anon says
Wow that is strict. In our district they’re not required to quarantine if everyone was masked and they remain asymptomatic.
Anonymous says
Wow. I’m in a very COVID cautious town in MA. My kids have been close contacts 3x now at school but have yet to miss a day- they do test-and-stay. Once they are fully vaxxed in a few weeks they won’t even have to do that.
We’ve missed school for a few days here and there waiting on PCR results for the sniffles but that’s about it. Fingers crossed.
Anon2 says
We are in Westchester NY…I get the sense there is a wide variety of responses in the tri-state area, which is making me feel even more annoyed. I know I’m lucky no one in my family has actually gotten sick etc etc but I’m feeling like these quarantines are more hygiene theater than evidence-based (the kids have desk shields and masks). One of my kids is almost fully vaccinated, but if they keep quarantining whole classes I fear we’ll still have to deal with remote.
Anonymous says
Desk shields are hygiene theater.
Anon says
It’s worse than that – there’s actually evidence they’re harmful because they interfere with normal ventilation and increase the amount of time it takes the air in the room to fully be replaced with fresh air: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/19/well/live/coronavirus-restaurants-classrooms-salons.html
Anonymous says
In MA the education secretary said remote learning doesn’t count toward the required 180 days. So when they close a school, they have to make it up in the summer. They also pushed hard to get districts to adopt test and stay, which ours has. We also do weekly pool testing and have caught many asymptomatic cases that way.
Anonymous says
Come to VA. It’s the freaking wild west down here. No quarantine unless the kids were unmasked and within three feet of each other for at least 15 minutes.
Anon2 says
I want to cry. Just got a call that my other son’s class is now quarantined and I have to pick him up.
TBH it’s less the missing school and more the “confined in our house” part that is getting to me.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry. My son had to quarantine the 2nd week of school, which was less than 2 weeks after he recovered from actual COVID. It nearly broke me. I’m just so over it at this point.
M in DC says
For what it’s worth, we got a notice on Friday night that my son had a close contact at school, so Saturday did both rapid anti-gen and (slower) PCR test – anti-gen was negative but on Monday we got a positive result on the PCR test. Absolutely no symptoms. So in our case, the quarantine was actually effective in keeping my son from going to school while contagious…
Anon says
Just signed the form for daycare to supplement my kiddo with formula when needed. Logically, I know it’s the right choice for both of us and I bet by next week I’ll be totally fine/slightly relieved but today I’m a little bummed.
anon says
Supplementing with formula at daycare was one of the best decisions we made when we had infants. No stressing about if we didn’t have quite enough milk in the morning; we just sent whatever we had and knew they’d make up the difference. So freeing!
Anon says
I combo-fed from the start. Pregnancy was hard; despite being very long in the torso, I carried so high that I could barely eat for the last three months. It was such a relief to know that once kiddo was born, the brilliant scientists at Abbott Labs had the feeding part all figured out. No more needing to shove food down my throat so that he could get enough – he could eat without it first having to pass through my body.
Anonymous says
A consent form to give your baby formula? Sounds like yet another mom-shaming tactic that the lactation industry uses to keep women chained to their pumps.
Anonymous says
Or it’s something to have on hand so all the daycare providers know how each family wants their baby fed.
Anon says
Probably a stupid question but how do you discipline preschool misbehavior? My almost 4 year old has obviously had meltdowns and stuff like that for years but for the first time is starting to be willfully defiant (e.g., I say “Please pick up those two toys that we’re done using” “No, I won’t! And you can’t make me”!) And I’m not sure what to do. Is there a natural consequence here? Am I supposed to be giving time-outs? My husband will also offer her a deal like she picks up one toy and he picks up the other and it kind of feels like that’s undermining me when I’ve already asked her to pick up both but I don’t know if I’m overreacting to that.
Anon says
The natural consequence is the toys stay on the floor and maybe get stepped on/broken. A logical consequence could be taking the toys away for a day. However, I am learning to pick my battles very carefully so I would not make toys on the floor a hill to die on. I tend towards your husband’s approach – for whatever reason, your child is feeling unable to comply (tired? Hungry? Testing limits of her power?) so instead of turning it into a power struggle, I help my kid. “You really don’t want to pick up those toys. We have to take care of our things and clear off this floor; how about I help you?”
Three kids in, my biggest parenting regrets are making big deals over little moments and stressing about discipline. Try to evaluate each moment for itself instead of spiraling about your kid never obeying, choose the path of least resistance that allows both of you to “save face”, and move on
Anon says
We count backwards from 3 and if we hit zero it’s time out. If you’re not a fan of kid time outs (we have used them since 2, they are very effective for us, except on the rare occasion my child puts herself in timeout because she would rather sit on the stairs than actually do the thing you ask), you can put the toys in time out. If she is generally being “rude” (which captures a whole world of defiant behavior in our house), we sometimes send her to her room for a while (she has toys and books in there, not like it is Siberia, but removing her from people is what seems to be impactful). We also use a lot of coercion; if she wants to do something (take out a new toy, color, go outside, have dessert, go to swim class) we say you can’t do fun thing until task XYZ is finished. On this one though, you have to mean it, so don’t pick something that has to be done (like go to school) because they can tell when you don’t mean it.
Anon says
I try to avoid this but if they are being defiant and there is no natural consequence, I will take things away. So in your scenario (and I guess this is hte natural consequence) I’d say if you won’t put the toys away I will have to take them away for the rest of the day (or two days or whatever). My son usually avoids cleaning up and I will make a deal like your husband and help him and talk to him about how working togethe rmakes it go faster. But if it was two toys and he was just being defiant to test boundaries, i’d impose a consequence.
take all of abvoe with a grain of salt as I have no idea what I’m doing.
Anonymous says
Yup. Toys not getting picked up after a warning get put in a bag in my closet and kid has to earn them back (by having a clean room at bedtime). Started this when she was 4 and now that she’s 6, I haven’t had to do more than remind her about the closet.
Mary Moo Cow says
Not a stupid question. We had a hard time with this issue for a months long stretch around the time our youngest turned 4. It has calmed down in the past month, now that’s almost 4 and 3 months, but still flares at dinner time, bed time, and after too much TV. So, first, is this happening at a consistent time or can you identify a trigger? Maybe switching to “you have to clean up before dinner” instead of right before bed would help. Another thing that has helped me is to just not care so much. When she sees me tell her to pick up the toys or they are getting thrown away and then walk away, she is more apt to pick up. It is not 100% and we’ve thrown some stuff away, but it gets better with consistent application. FWIW, we don’t do time outs but “calm downs” if she pitches a fit, and this morning, out of the blue, she told me that when she gets upset she goes to her room to read and she calms down. So, if she doesn’t pick up but pitches a fit, if I’m in the generous mood, I take her to her room to calm down and let her try again. We also do the same as your husband and share the load. Good luck. It takes the patience of Job.
Anonymous says
Have you read 1-2-3 Magic? I don’t use it as consistently as I could, but highly recommend.
AwayEmily says
I have a 3.5 and 5.5yo and here’s our strategy. First, this may sound counter-intuitive but we’ve had the best luck with preschool chore compliance when we are as polite and reasonable as possible in the request. Basically, treating my kids like I would treat adults — for example, “I see you’re in the middle of something right now, but when you’re done would you mind picking up your toys? I’d like to get everything cleaned before we head upstairs to bed” and then leaving the room and trusting they’ll do it. And if they don’t, then still trying to assume the best (“oh, looks like a few things still need picking up. Shall I put some music on to clean by?”). My goal is always to avoid a power struggle.
Then if they still don’t comply: natural consequences. We rely heavily on natural consequences that relate to time. So, “if those toys aren’t put away soon, then we won’t have time for stories before bed.” And we always, always follow through (even if it results in a lot of crying).
EDAnon says
We are not as consistent as I want to be but this approach works well with our kids of similar ages.
DLC says
Oh, I reallyI like this interpretation of “natural consequences.” So often I’ve thought of natural consequences as something I don’t control (ie the thing not put away gets lost next time they are wanting it.) but I guess there are many consequences I can control without it seeming like a randomly punitive thing. I’ll have to implement that more.
One thing we do (which I learned from my best friend who is a preschool teacher) is that if my preschooler refuses to do something I will make them sit down and say, “It sounds like you are not ready to [do the thing], so we’ll just sit here until you are ready to [do the thing].” Usually after a couple minutes he will say, “Okay, I’m ready.” I guess it’s like a time out, but it’s a time out that the child can control.
Of course once in a while my kid will happily sit on the step for hours rather than do the thing….
Anonymous says
Any book recommendations for parenting spirited children? My oldest is an easy kid, and so is one of my twins. The other is a sweet, happy baby most of the time. But he seems to feel feelings very deeply, and I want to learn how to help him process feelings instead of shutting down (how I was raised).
Anon says
I know Dr. Becky has a seminar on deeply feeling kids – I’ve found her content useful in the past.
Anon says
Raising your Spirited Child (book) and Mary Van Geffen on Instagram
Anon says
I don’t know if it really gave me any concrete strategies (although I generally have a really hard time implementing advice from parenting books in my real life) but I definitely recommend Raising Your Spirited Child. It’s very empathetic to both kids and parents and made me feel better about both my kid and myself.
anon says
What do you do when your kid is the mean girl?
Apparently my 12-year-old stepdaughter (who is an absolute darling at home but for normal sibling stuff) is a big ol’ jerk at school. The school has told us that she is a major gossip and instigator of social drama and that there’s also some bullying going on (verbal, not physical – not because that’s okay but to be specific about the problem) of girls she perceives as below her in the social hierarchy. She has been getting in trouble for this at school (rightly) and is also losing friendships and becoming socially isolated. She is not herself part of the most popular group in the school, but a lot of this activity appears to be aimed at trying to ingratiate herself into that group.
Her mom is in denial about this and says it’s “normal girl stuff,” but the school has now called us in for a second meeting about it and the school counselor has also asked to meet with my SD’s therapist. And I’ve spoken to some other moms who have been willing to be candid with me and who have confirmed it. When we speak to my stepdaughter she always has an explanation (namely, that someone else started it, that she was just being honest by sharing with Girl A what Girl B said about her, that the mean thing she said about Girl C was accurate and everybody knows it)…so it’s all excuses and no acceptance of responsibility.
Obviously we’ll meet with the school and see her therapist for a family meeting as well, but any guidance from moms who have been there? I am horrified and honestly her behavior at home would never have caused me to suspect this. We were concerned that she didn’t seem to have close friends anymore…and it turns out it was for good reason.
Anonymous says
Dad and mom have to get on the same page about the discipline part. Your role here is not to discipline but to be a caring adult in your stepdaughter’s life. Can you schedule some regular low-key one-on-one time with your stepdaughter, like driving her to her extracurriculars or walking the dog? Don’t initiate conversation about what is going on at school, but if she brings it up let her talk and ask open-ended non-judgmental questions that encourage her to go on. You may have to institute a rule about putting away her cell phone and headphones during your time together, but after several outings she’ll start wanting to connect.
anon says
Ooof, this is hard. Part of me feels like she is facing the natural consequences of being a jerk. And yet social isolation is really not good for tweens and teens.
Step one is that the parents need to be on the same page. The mom sounds like she’s in denial, so good luck. If the family is getting called in for a second meeting, it must be pretty bad. I do think SD needs to be served some very blunt talk about what her mean-girl behavior has done to others and that amends need to be made.
I think you could be a very good support person to talk to her about the costs of trying to get in with the cool-girl crowd. Not just the effect she’s having on others, but what it’s doing to her inside. Remind her of her good qualities and what she has to offer a friend group.
AwayEmily says
No advice but she’s lucky to have you on her team. It’s clear you think she’s a fundamentally really good person who is struggling right now, and having someone who believes in you like that is invaluable.
Anon says
So this might be weird advice, but could she just be bored? I was really drawn to drama in middle school because I was so bored all the time and media painted a picture of a social environment that didn’t really exist at my school. I’m sure she knows she’s losing friends and I bet some frank talks will help her realize that she wants to change, even if she seems like she’s not listening.
Anon says
It concerns me that she’s sweet as pie at home but such a mean girl at the school that the school has repeatedly had to get involved. Then, at home, she has a ready explanation. No advice – just from an outsider’s perspective, there are often some character issues involved in that.
anon says
Yeah … that kinda describes a girl that my kid had run-ins with throughout 5th/6th grade. Sweet as pie to adults, but she was a manipulative little mean girl to her peers. The mom completely would NOT believe that her dear daughter was causing such misery. Ugh. Finally some school staff caught her in the act.
Anon says
Not a child development expert but I think it’s pretty normal for “mean girls” to be sweet to adults and hard on peers. Not saying it’s great, it’s obviously not, but I also don’t think it’s that abnormal.
Anon says
I didn’t say it was “abnormal;” I said it was indicative of a character issue. Bad people act in rather consistent ways.
Anon says
I posted yesterday about the overall stress of having a kid wake up with a cough after having played with the neighbors over the weekend.
Well, as discussed, I had texted the mom to give her a heads up that the rapid was negative and then texted her again that kid’s PCR test was also negative. She was awesome about it and mostly wanted the details on where I had such a rapid turnaround with the PCR test because her doctor is still taking 4 days for results.
We’re all dealing with the struggle, even though it comes in different flavors. Thanks for letting me yell into the void yesterday.
Work Travel says
Who else is traveling for work right now? I’ve been on multiple trips recently for things that could have been handled remotely in my opinion, and I’m worn down. Not only do I have unvaccinated kids at home, I keep catching non-covid colds on these trips that inevitably run through the family and blow up our lives temporarily. I know there are people here who say they miss work travel, but right now it just feels like thing that is going to break me.
Anonymous says
I used to be 25% travel. I am currently not traveling and don’t look forward to going back to travel because of the inevitable colds.
Anonymous says
I am getting pressure to travel, mostly internally. A client just asked me when he’d see me at his office. Sigh. One of my kids is in quarantine, both my kids are still only one shot into their vax, I just finished cancer treatment…I can’t do it all. Plus, work is short staffed, and the time suck that is travel just stinks.
Anon says
I am traveling for work here and there for about a week at a time. Also working in the office most of the time when not traveling. I’ve also found work travel to be pretty tough lately. I’d love to say I plan on just pushing through, but I’m starting to look into shifting my career to a role with less travel. I have gotten better about keeping at home COVID tests stocked to help give me some peace of mind with post travel colds hit. But I can relate that travel in this time, with small kids, is tough for anyone.
Virtual hugs from an internet stranger.
Anon says
I feel like my 3 year old is way too sedentary on weekends and vacations/quarantines. It’s impacting her sleep and I think also worsening her natural tendency towards constipation. Any suggestions for getting her to move more? We do go outside a lot but she’d generally rather sit down and play pretend than run around. Or should I just let this go since normally she’s in daycare 5 days a week? She has so little free play time that I hate the idea of forcing her to do an activity she isn’t really into, but I’m really getting concerned by how little she moves when she’s home with us. She’s also overweight by BMI fwiw but her pediatrician says we shouldn’t be super concerned since she’s so young.
Anon says
First of all, BMI at this age doesn’t mean an ton and I’m glad your pediatrician isn’t throwing nutrition stuff at you like mine did. We were shamed and told repeatedly to not give my son juice as though that was the reason he weighed more. He doesn’t even like juice! You showing concern about this right now means you care a lot and you’re a good parent.
For movement, if you want her to move you need to provide the opportunities. Is there anything you’re willing to try for classes? Swim, junior tennis lessons, dance, anything? My son loved Go Noodle videos at home at that age. Is there a storybook trail at a park by you? Could you combine a trip to the library with the park next door/nearby? What about venturing out to a new park near you?
Sounds like you’re not looking into the nutrition aspect but in case you’re leaning that way, I urge you to look at Kids Eat in Color’s stuff about children and BMI. I think most of the time the idea for young kids is you want to focus on providing a variety of nutritious foods while also providing the opportunity to have “fun” foods, and let kids grow as they grow.
OP says
We go to parks and playgrounds a lot, the issue is just that she prefers imaginative play over running around, so she’ll just invent a pretend game to play that doesn’t involve much movement. I realize that’s probably just her personality (and likely genetic – I was that kid that stayed inside at recess to read). We’re avoiding anything indoors until she’s vaccine eligible (no masks/very low vax rates here) but hopefully we can start some of that stuff next fall after the 2-4 vaccines arrive in the summer. We have done yoga videos at home together. We could probably do more.
Anonymous says
Is there a destination you can walk to? Park, store, Little Free Library, etc.?
OP says
She does not have much willingness/ability to walk, which is another thing that kind of concerns me. She will walk to the park two blocks from our house and sometimes we can convince her to walk to the park about a half mile away although we usually end up carrying her at least part of the way home. I feel like others kid her age will walk farther, but I’m not sure how to increase her stamina without turning it into a huge battle and I’m not really interested in doing that. We have enough tantrums about stuff that is more important. I think they do longer walks at school but I don’t know how to replicate that peer pressure at home.
anon says
A big part of getting kids to walk is to distract them. They get bored before they are tired, so try making it a scavenger hunt or part of a pretend game. You can add flashlights for a twilight or night walk. Or a ribbon wand or scooter for a day walk. My kids would also be distracted by pushing a baby stroller or packing their animals in a backpack for a picnic. On other occasions we’ve packed up sidewalk chalk and snuck through the neighborhood to leave chalk pictures for friends. This time of year it’s also fun to go for a walk to look at holiday decorations. Etc.
Anon says
There’s an episode of Bluey, I think called Piggyback, where Bingo’s legs get tired on a walk. The parents keep inventing new things to get her to walk instead of being carried. The scooter was part of it, but lots of inventive games too. It might give you a couple ideas on things your daughter might be distracted by?
Anonymous says
We go outside
If there are complaints about the hike distance, the hike gets longer. ‘ I see you are having a hard time hiking, if you don’t keep moving we will have to go further so you get more practice.’
A mile in 2 hours is pretty reasonable for a 3 year old. Aim for a couple hours of out of breath physical activity each weekend day. It’s much easier when they are young – trying to tire out a 10 year old playing tag or riding bikes takes a lot more energy.
Anonymous says
For hiking, we had really good luck telling my kids that the trees with trail blazes on them were “monster trees.” they had to find the monster trees and swordfight against them with sticks. Granted, I had sword-loving boys, but I bet you could make an imagination game that your daughter would like!
Anonymous says
As an aside, there’s not really anything scientific about BMI in children, it’s just been extrapolated downward from the adult version, which has a ton of its own problems already.
Anonymous says
My oldest (8) has a BMI that puts her as overweight. She is extremely fit to the point where her pedi double checks her weight and jokes that she has lead bones.
My youngest (4) is a squishy rolly polly with a belly, but a normal BMI.
OP says
Yeah, I know. She’s also barely over the line (was 86th percentile at her last appointment and the cutoff is 85th) so it’s not a huge concern in and of itself.
anon says
Perhaps get her a micro mini scooter? It’s a great way to get some physical activity.
Stomp rockets are also great for chasing after the rockets. Or little parachute men to use from the top of the playground set.
She’s also big enough to do weekend swim lessons or gymnastics lessons, if you need something formal.
OP says
We have a scooter (and a trike) and she has little interest in either of them. I will look into the stomp rockets, thanks! I think gymnastics would be great for her (she loves to pretend curbs are balance beams and the one semi-physical thing she does at home is climbing on our furniture) but we are holding off until she can get vaccinated because Covid precautions in our area are awful and cases are incredibly high. Hopefully by next fall she can start that.
Anon says
One of my twins is kind of like this. Literally yesterday Twin A is running around asking the visiting grandparent to chase her while Twin B sits on the floor. Twin B is also much bigger than Twin A and has food preferences which society considers ‘unhealthy’ which of course invites comments that i quickly shut down, but it is definitely hard given that the more sedentary carb focused twin is larger. Our kids could probably be bff. I will say that she is much better at walking when I’m not around. Like our nanny takes them to the zoo without a stroller, but if i take them a stroller would be needed. I’m not so worried right now but trying not to borrow worry for the future bc i think in general it’s important to find a way you enjoy to move your body whatever it may be.
Anonymous says
This. Don’t worry about the BMI. Everyone needs to move their body everyday to stay healthy. Just focus on finding what she likes – an hour of biking or soccer or whatever.
OP says
Yeah we asked at daycare if they’ve observed the same thing and they were like “what!? she never stops moving!” It definitely seems like much more of an issue at home, so maybe the issue is not worrying about it given that she spends so much of her life at daycare. We’ve just been home a lot recently due to a Covid quarantines and holidays and are noticing it more.