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Anon says
Is it okay to give out favor bags if you tell guests not to bring gifts?
AIMS says
It’s frequently done this way at the parties we’ve attended lately.
Anon says
Yep.
Anonymous says
It’s fine. IME favor bags are a way to politely tell kids to GTFO the party ;).
Anon says
This.
Anon says
Yes, I don’t see them as connected. (Though if you’re asking for no gifts because you don’t want more crap in your house…why are you giving the guests more crap for their house?) I like the perspective that it signals an end to the party and time to go home, but keep it simple!
Anonymous says
I agree with this comment. Can the favor goody bag be something consumable, like a themed iced sugar cookie so there isn’t more stuff? Or maybe stickers?
Anon says
When we had a ‘no gifts’ party it was because the party was last minute and very low key, with minimal food and entertainment and I didn’t want people to have to scramble to get us a gift on short notice or spend their money on a gift when we weren’t spending much money on hosting. Somewhat unique circumstances, but there are other reasons to have no gifts parties besides not wanting stuff.
Mary Moo Cow says
Yes! Favorite favors we’ve received over the years are helium balloons and books. When we give favors, it is one or two hopefully useful or consumable tied to the theme: bookmark and pencil for 1st graders, sunglasses for a pool party, bag of candy from the pinata.
AwayEmily says
We do helium balloons as favor. They start out as decor, and then are MAGICALLY CLEANED UP as kids leave and take them home! win-win!
Teacher appreciation week says
Next week is teacher appreciation week at preschool. They have of course suggested things like candles, flowers, little spa packs, etc. This is a totally acceptable time to just give them maybe $20 each and a card signed by kid?
Anon says
Yes. Nobody wants candles. Your idea is the best.
anon says
My mom is a teacher and 100% appreciates cash/gift cards over things.
EJF says
Absolutely. We always do cards with cash. We do more for the main teacher and closer to $15 to $20 for the floaters. And a heartfelt note.
Anonymous says
Cash is king. The lead parent volunteer in our daycare class actually asked our two teachers what their likes/dislikes are in terms of teacher gifts. The dislikes, verbatim, are – “any teacher themed gifts (already have too many), coffee mugs (already have too many), and any food gifts.” I think the scents people like in candles and the lotions/products they put on their body (so, spa stuff) are so personal that I don’t venture down that path. I’d bet that cash/generic Amazon/target gift card and a card with a note expressing your appreciation (possibly, depending on your child’s age, with them writing or scribbling something to include with the card) will be very, very well received.
i look at it like the discussion above about goody bags/other discussions about “no gifts please” at a kids birthday – I think the teacher really does not want another thing in their house that was generically picked.
Spirograph says
Yes. I usually wrote thank-you notes (from myself/DH) to the teachers, and just gave $$. And participated in whatever the room parents were organizing which was usually very extra with a different theme each day, but daycare/preK teachers are the unsung heroes that enabled me to keep my job and my sanity in those years, so I felt like they deserved the effort.
(I just realized I have gotten zero communication about TAW from the elementary school. Thanks for the reminder this is coming up!)
Anon says
Yes I take the approach that they probably want cash. I estimate how much I would have spent on all the knick knacks, put it on a gift card, and add a signed card from the kid. I also do a card and gift card to the aftercare teachers.
anon says
Do you have class parents? I’m a class parent for my kid’s daycare. I coordinated a voluntary collection among all the parents and we got the teacher a local restaurant gift card as well as a day pass to a local zoo. Our daycare director asked teachers what they’d like, and our room teacher specifically said she likes taking her family to restaurants and family friendly things.
Anon says
I think it’s fine to give cash if that’s what you want.
I will say we have never given cash at teacher appreciation week and I don’t think many people at our preschool do either. They have a theme each day and it does seem like most people follow the theme, so that’s what we do too. That said, all the themes are consumable (food, flowers) or handmade by kid (letters, pictures, etc.) I would hesitate to give someone a mug or candle because I know so many people hate that kind of clutter. We give cash at the holidays (through an organized fund) and the end of the year (directly) and I would feel kind of awkward about giving cash at this time when everyone else is doing the themes. I think it really depends on the culture of your school though.
Mary Moo Cow says
Yes. The teachers in my circle say they appreciate a note more than any tangible thing.
If there are theme days, I do a small consumable each theme day and a card with a gift card on either Monday or Friday. For example, last year each kid was asked to bring in a single flower and the PTO provided vases for each teacher; another day was send in your teacher’s favorite drink, snack, or candy, and the room parent sent out an email with teacher favorites so it was easy to send in a bag of chips.
Anonymous says
Do you have any practical strategies for combating resentment in marriage?
Anonymous says
I feel resentment when I don’t feel I have agency. So I focus on reminding myself of the choices I am making that are leading to this spot.
Anon says
+1. It sounds counterintuitive, but it works. For example, next time you’re mad that your husband’s job has better hours than yours and he gets more time with the kids, you can tell yourself “I chose the job I have because of __ and ___. It’s possible to get a different job if that’s no longer working for me, though. Maybe I’ll update my resume this weekend.”
The other thing that works is inventing a counternarrative in your head. If you see that your husband didn’t take the trash out again, you could tell yourself “ugh he doesn’t care at all about me and I’ve told him 40,000 times” OR you could say “I know he knows to take out the trash, but something must’ve happened to make him forget – I bet his boss moved up that deadline and he was freaking out. Anyone would’ve forgotten the trash!” It doesn’t have to be at all true to have a calming effect in your head.
Cerulean says
What are you feeling resentful about?
Anon says
+1 I feel like this question is hard to answer in a vacuum. Depending on what he’s doing my answer could be anything from “DTMFA” to “get over it.”
Anonymous says
I try to think logically about things and really see all the way my husband contributes and all the annoying things I ask him to do that he does without complaint. Right now my DH is out of the country for almost a year. I COULD be resentful that he has time to work out, go out to eat, see different parts of the world while I’m at home with the kids. He went to the beach, alone!, last weekend. Or I could think about how he misses our home and family and is making this enormous sacrifice for our long term financial success, and that I don’t miss any moments with our kids.
Also realizing that I myself am annoying or quick to speak too and he has to put up with all my quirks. If resentment is truly because you’re unevenly sharing the load and he’s actually a jerk…then that’s a different conversation!
Anon says
We’re flying overnight from the Eastern US to Europe in a few weeks. Any advice for getting kids to sleep on the plane? We have a 2 year old and 6 year old.
Anonymous says
Melatonin only if you test it out before, travel in pajamas, bring distractions, and prayer.
Spirograph says
What time of day is the flight? IME, kids don’t sleep on planes. I don’t sleep well on planes either, so I don’t blame them. You can try bringing eye masks and giving them melatonin, but I would plan travel day activities with the assumption that they will *not* sleep and be pleasantly surprised if they do. Just let them watch movies and hope they nod off.
Anon says
I wouldn’t expect much sleep from a 2 year old, but around age 3-4 they usually develop more ability to sleep when they’re told to. I would expect a 6 year old to sleep. It’s not that long of a flight though, so I would still expect everyone to be exhausted the next day. Unless we can get into the hotel room very early and nap, my kid and I typically go to bed about 5-6 pm on the first night in Europe and sleep through until the following morning (my husband, who has less ability to sleep 12+ hours at a time, stays up later).
Spirograph says
reading comprehension fail. I see the “overnight” now :)
Anon says
The biggest issue on redyes to Europe from the east coast is that they’re really not that long and often leave kind of early. It’s usually scheduled as ~8 hours, which means ~7 hours in the air and when you subtract the time for dinner service and breakfast service, you’re looking at *maybe* 4 hours of sleep if you’re doing really well. If you can afford it, business class is worth it both for the flatbed seat and to avoid 2+ hours of jangling dinner cart noise. I can actually sleep fine in an upright seat, but in economy, the carts keep me awake until the end of dinner service even if we’re at the front of the economy cabin and get our food early, so being in business buys me a couple hours of sleep. The difference between 4 and 6 hours is pretty significant, at least for me.
I’d probably try to have the 2 year old sleep horizontally on the lap of one adult + their own seat. By 6 I think most kids can sleep upright. I don’t know how comfortable you are medicating kids and/or yourself but I know people who use melatonin and/or benadryl.
Anonymous says
Who can afford business class for a family of 4?! That’s easily 10k and likely closer to 20. I cannot imagine being rich enough to suggest this.
Anon says
Yeah it’s probably around that amount now, although sometimes there are deals (we went to Italy in business class in spring 2022 for $1,500 per person, which is less than I paid for economy tickets this summer) and airlines do offer discounted upgrades at the last minute if many seats are open. It’s certainly not something everyone can afford and not something I do all the time but for me it’s very worth it if I can get a good price. I think a lot of people don’t know that you can buy discounted upgrades last minute, so it’s something to keep your eyes open for.
And everyone has different priorities. My husband and I spend way more money on travel than the average family, but we own a 24 year old car, which I’m sure is unimaginable to many people. No need to be snarky.
Cerulean says
Meanwhile, I bought tickets to Europe for $1700 per person for economy seats this summer. I’ve never seen business tickets to Europe for that little in the past decade, sounds like you had perfect timing!
Anon says
It was definitely very lucky – we waited to buy spring break ’22 tickets until after my kid got vaccinated, and it happened to be right as Omicron was surging across the US and I think the airlines must have been banking on a steep pullback in business travel as a result of that wave (even though it ended up being basically over by our March travel date). Things are much different now for sure! My husband and I wanted to go to Switzerland this summer but we couldn’t find economy tickets under $2k so we changed our plans. And I’m buying business class tickets to Australia for next year using miles but the cash price would be over $15k per person. That flight is over twice as long as east coast to Europe, but still.
GCA says
I am not the target market for business-class family travel suggestions so ignoring that, lol. but +1 to this — the red-eye is not all that long and either takes off quite late for kids (10pm) or lands very early (5am Central Europe time, etc). My go-to long-flights-with-kids recs:
– Steel yourself that they might not sleep much but be pleasantly surprised if they do. They may be tired enough to doze off for a few hours. Any sleep is good.
– Don’t rely on airline food. Feed kids beforehand at their regular dinner time, bring snacks and breakfast on the plane.
– Depending on where you’re headed, there might be a nice culture of siesta+late nights — lean in to it with jetlagged kids and get out & about in the evening. Or: lots of natural light exposure in the daytime and melatonin in the evening on your first day there.
Finally, have fun! Lean into the adventure. For little kids, air travel is an adventure in itself.
Anonymous says
We just had a good experience with this with our 10 year old who never naps or sleeps in cars or planes. I booked a flight that left after his normal bedtime to try to ensure we weren’t just falling asleep when we landed. We gave him the window seat so he could lean on that, and a pile of his coats for pillows. He rejected the sleep mask I brought as uncomfortable. I did give him melatonin (for the first time ever, living dangerously) and I think it knocked him out. He fell asleep before we took off and woke up periodically but definitely got a fair amount of sleep; enough to be functional the next day. Good luck!
Anon says
My kids don’t sleep in cars, but we’ve had good luck on US to Europe flights. Like someone said earlier, the worst part is that there’s not that much quiet dark time between dinner and breakfast, so be prepared for no one getting more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep in the absolute best case scenario.
At 2, we brought on carseats and the kids were able to lean their heads on the side of that. Draping them with a muslin blanket meant we could block out a little bit of the light and chaos and they could fall asleep earlier. We’d also change them into pjs in the airport, but ymmv on that.
At 6, they will sometimes fall asleep sitting up in their seat if they’re really exhausted, but if we’re trying to encourage sleep we’ll have them curl up in their seat and put their heads in our laps, plus cover them with a blanket to send more “sleep” signals. We don’t do pjs, but dress them in comfy outfits (leggings and loose shirts). We will also just let them watch tv or read or whatever until the dinner service is done, rather than trying to force them to sleep through the chaos.
Also, know your kids and what waking them up to get off the plane will be like. One of mine is pretty horrible about waking up, so we try to have something exciting to motivate her. “We’re about to land, so time to wake up, but once you’re up I have a box of fruit loops for you!” etc.
Upon arrival we’ll either do a quick nap and then get out into the sun to help with jetlag, or if like on our most recent trip where we didn’t have access to our room until 3pm, we just power through and do early (6:30) bedtime. For my kids, they’re tired enough from the flight over than they’ll sleep 13 or 14 hours that first night, which means even early bedtime doesn’t mean super early wake ups.
Anon says
Yep, all of this is pretty much exactly what we do with my 5 year old. Dress in comfy clothes but not PJs, tablets until the end of dinner service, then she sleeps curled up on us with a blanket on top, nap or early bedtime depending on when we can get into the hotel room.
AwayEmily says
this is all so helpful! not the OP but we’re taking a 7, 5, and 1yo to Europe this summer and I am saving all of this advice.
AwayEmily says
Do they still give out pillows on overnight flights?
Cerulean says
I feel like I haven’t seen the pillows since Covid.
Anon says
All my flights to Europe and from Hawaii in the last two years have had pillows and blankets.
Cerulean says
Hah, maybe I’ve just overlooked this because I never want to use them!
Anon says
Yes, at least on United and American.
Anonymous says
We got pillows and blankets on Lufthansa and Austrian airlines in the cheapest economy earlier this month.
Preschool timing says
For those of you who had an early childcare option other than daycare (so, nanny/au-pair/family watching/stayed home), when did you have your child start preschool?
Our oldest will be 3 in October, and we have had a nanny since she was 4 months old. I recently had another baby so will be keeping nanny regardless. Should I be sending her to preschool starting in September (when she’ll be almost 3) or is waiting another year okay?
I admit that I kind of dropped the ball on thinking about this and it seems like a lot of local options are already full for September start…
Anon says
Either way is fine.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s a big deal, but for me it would probably depend on your K-12 school cutoff. If it’s August or September and she’ll go to K at almost 6, I’d wait until almost 4 for preschool. If you have a late cutoff so she’ll go to K before turning 5, I would be more inclined to send her at almost 3 so she can get two years in. I think two years of preschool is good if you can do it.
anonM says
You’re ok waiting another year. Maybe have the nanny take her to some kind regular music/dance/storytime thing, but my aunt is a preschool teacher and always tells parents it is ok to wait. Also, just FWIW, I found out our local nature center has “nature preschool,” which wouldn’t work for us because we need FT care, but what a nice option to consider if you can do it.
Anon says
They might have summer camps that are more compatible with a fulltime work schedule. Ours does.
Anon says
(“They” being the nature center in case it wasn’t clear)
EP-er says
We did a program based out of the public school, so it was tied to that scheduled. 3 year old preschool (3 days/week, 3 hours?) started when DS was 3 years, 9 months, followed by 4 year old preschool (4 days, 4 hours?) at 4 years 9 months, followed by Kinder the following year. I agree it depends on when you think she’ll start kindergarten!
anon says
We started our kid in a two mornings/week program when he was just over a year. In part this was because we wanted to apply him to a specific private preschool that started at age 2 (which is a feeder to our preferred private elementary school), and we knew that preschool had a slight preference for children who had prior experience in a childcare environment. Even outside of that situation, personally I would want my child to be in a “school” setting by age 3, but you may be out of luck at this point anyway – in my area, as you’re finding, the preschools fill their fall classes in Jan/Feb. There are a few spaces in church-run programs at this point, but not many.
Anon says
In that scenario I think you really only “have” to do the year before kindergarten because it is good for building social skills and independence, learning how to behave in a classroom and follow instructions from a teacher, learning how to resolve conflicts with peers, etc. Also I am a HUGE proponent of play-based preschools and we were lucky enough to find an awesome one based at a church 10 minutes from our house and my kid came out of it knowing most of what she was supposed to know to pass kindergarten (which was a bonus but not the point).
That being said, DD had speech delays, so we put her in a 2 day half-day preschool at 2 (derailed by Covid), moved up to 3 half-days at 3 (only the spring semester) and then 4 half days at 4 (her only full year) and she started public K (which is full day, 5* days a week). I feel like we have at least 2 four-day weeks a month, so theoretically 5 days but lord the holiday schedule is ridiculous. It was something like $300 a month IIRC and was good for her to build friendships and do all the fun group things (the dentist visited, the firefighters visited, they had a carnival, they raised butterflies, played with worms, hatched chicks, etc.).
Anonymous says
+1 to they only really need one year of preschool before K. In that scenario you might want to go with a program that’s geared towards kids who have not been in full-time group care in the past (e.g., a half-day program). My nephew started full-time day care in a pre-K class with kids who had been in day care their whole lives and had a hard time acclimating because he was not used to following a routine etc. the way the other kids were.
NY says
We have always had a nanny. Our kids did a 2s program starting at roughly age 2.5 for each of them at a preschool that is run on a normal private school calendar (so no summers, 2 weeks at Christmas, 2 week spring break etc). It was three mornings a week from 915-12 for 2s. For 3s and 4s, it was/is everyday from 9-12 for 3s and 845-1215 for 4s. Our nanny still works full time.
Anon says
I wouldn’t send her this year. 2 is really young, even if she’s turning 3. I am a SAHM and kept my kids home until 4yo preK. It worked out great (and they are not “behind” at all, socially or academically…they are generally ahead). I’d have your nanny lean into library story times and/or maybe there’s a casual once-a-week art or music activity she’d like to do. But since you have the option, let her have one last year at home.
Anonymous says
+1 I put one child in at 2, and I put our second child in at 3. 2 is soooo young and most of them cry for the first 3 weeks. Seriously. The 3yos do much better.
AwayEmily says
Does she need to go at all? I’m no expert (my kids all started daycare as babies) but several of my daughter’s friends in kindergarten had never been in any child care setting before and they adjusted just fine.
I mean, clearly there are lots of benefits (nanny gets a break, she makes friends, she learns routines, etc etc) but if it’s $$$ to do on top of a nanny I feel like you could just opt out, right?
Anon says
I think that would be a mistake. It may work ok for some individual kids, but it’s hard to know if your kid will be one of the lucky ones or if they’re a kid who could really benefit from the extra prep. Part-time preschool is not that big an expense for anyone who can afford a nanny. It costs much less than full-tine daycare. I see very little downside to doing it and a big potential upside. I don’t think you need to do it for more than a year though.
Anon says
Also I’m surprised you know so many kids who had never done any kind of school setting before K. I live in an area that is very SAHM-heavy and many, if not most, kids here don’t go to daycare, but I don’t know anyone that didn’t do at least preschool a few mornings a week or something like that. All the churches offer affordable part-time preschool and the SAHMs understandably want a bit of a break (and usually have younger kids to care for by the time the first kid is 4).
Anon says
Maybe it depends on location…I’m in NYC suburbs and even the church preschools are $3K+ for a few mornings a week!
Anon says
Monthly?? OMG. Church preschool is less than that annually where I live.
Anonymous says
I’m in the Boston burbs in a wealthy down and we pay $950/mo for M-Thursday 9-1. She stays til 3 twice a week so our total bill is more like $1200/mo.
Anonymous says
Skipping preschool altogether is very risky. You can teach some of the necessary skills for kindergarten at home–using a pencil and scissors, which end of a book to start with, etc.–but you can’t really teach how to get along in a group setting without a group. If there is some pressing reason to skip pre-K I would at least sign the kid up for ballet or martial arts or some other parent-free activity that involves lining up, standing still at times, being quiet, following directions, and not getting constant one-on-one interaction from the teacher.
Anon says
I agree about the social-emotional stuff said above, but I also think preschool has academic value. I’m vehemently opposed to things like worksheets in pre-K, but I’ve been surprised by how much my kid has learned at her play-based preschool and I’m not sure she would have been academically prepared for kindergarten without this school year or a lot of prep from us at home (which we emphatically did NOT want to do, because knowing my kid’s personality there would have been lots of fighting and tears). I’m sure there are some super bright kids who naturally absorb letters and counting and other things you need to know before kindergarten, but many kids like my own benefit from being taught these concepts in a slightly more formal, but still very fun, way.
AwayEmily says
I totally agree on preschool having lots of social and academic value! It just seems like a fair amount of money on top of a nanny. And I don’t know, maybe my area is weird but there aren’t a ton of part-time preschools around here that I know of. People either send their kids full time, or a parent is home with the kids (fwiw I do not know anyone who has had a nanny, either). I just googled for church ones…a couple offer childcare on Sunday mornings but that’s it. My kids’ current preschool requires full-time enrollment, as did their previous one (the JCC).
Anyway, sounds like the OP can afford it so great! I was just trying to offer some positive examples of kids NOT going and still succeeding in case it was a financial burden for them.
Anon says
Do you have MyGym or Gymboree or something like that? In my area the SAHMs who don’t do church preschool put their kid in preschool programs there. To be fair, it’s only a few hours a week and presumably not very academic, so probably not anything you couldn’t get through a combination of activities, but it is technically a preschool
Anon says
A good friend told me they are starting their 3-in-August boy at preschool this year even though they have also said they intend to red-shirt him for K. I think the goal is just to get him a little more time with other kids, because he’s been very isolated.
Anonymous says
This is so know-your-kid. My oldest is an October bday in a district with a 9/30 cutoff.
She started PK at 2 and was in the “2.9” class, which is fall and winter birthday kids. She went to the 3s class when she was almost 4 and the 4s class at almost 5. Her PK aligns their classroom cutoffs to the elem school so cohorts stay together.
My younger two are both July birthdays and they started at 3.
If you think kiddo would benefit socially, start her now. If not, keep her home esp if she has 3 years of PK.
Anon says
I’d say totally up to you! We had almost the exact same scenario with my 2 year old and newborn and opted to put the 2 year old into a part time preK/toddler class. Our reasons were: we loved the school; financially it was fine; our 2 year old seemed like she would benefit from socialization after COVID; and kiddo and our nanny used to do a ton of classes together that they wouldn’t be able to do with the baby because the classes required a 1:1 kid adult ratio (think swimming, gymnastics etc) so I was worried kiddo would be bored.
The school has been great for our whole family (great to meet other working and SAHM moms for me!) so no regrets, but I’m sure it also would have been fine if we’d kept kiddo out for another year or two.