CorporetteMoms

Updated: Dec 4, 2023 124 Comments · by

Makeup & Beauty Monday: The Jet Set

Recent Recs

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Five lipsticks, four standing up and one sideways; one open

I find the easiest way to take my holiday look to the next level is to add a swipe of lipstick. I just bought a few of these universally flattering shades and cannot wait to debut them at my next party.

This collection of three lipsticks includes a statement red, bold pink, and everyday neutral. Wear alone or mix these colors for the perfect shade. These satin lipsticks feature antibacterial Manuka honey; shea butter; and avocado, sunflower, and rosemary oils. Their clean formula marries rich color with nourishing moisture.

Madame Gabriela’s Jet Set lipstick collection is $95. Add a clear lip liner like this (30% off!) to prevent feathering.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Anon says

    Very eventful morning over here – my almost 6 year old lost her first tooth!! What’s the going rate for the Tooth Fairy these days?

    • AwayEmily says

      For some reason I can’t remember, our tooth fairy pays in chocolate coins — one chocolate coin per tooth. Plus an extra one for the sibling.

      • octagon says

        Salt water? That’s new to me, what’s the story there?

        We leave $1 per tooth, except for the one time the tooth fairy forgot and left $2 as an apology.

        • Anonymous says

          Idk that’s how the tooth fairy has always worked in my family! When I was growing up it was 4 quarters and now it is 5 dollar coins because the tooth fairy recognizes inflation. Maybe it’s an Australian thing?

        • Anonymous says

          My guess is that the tooth fairy was planning to save the tooth and wanted it clean?

    • Anonymous says

      We do $5 (in dollar coins) for the first tooth and a gold dollar coin for every tooth after.

        • FVNC says

          Same! Or, sometimes a smattering of random coins depending on how much cash I have on hand, haha.

        • Anon says

          Ha fair point. It started because I had no dollar bills, just a random $2 I’d been “saving” when the first tooth fell out. I am very sure to keep $1s around now

    • rakma says

      First tooth gets a spin brush and a $1 coin, all others get the $1 coin. (Don’t remember which show had the tooth fairy bring a toothbrush, but we watched it about 2 days before the oldest lost her first tooth, so it became part of the tradition)

    • Anon says

      We do $1. It’s occasionally been in dollar coins when we’ve had some around, but usually is just 4 quarters. We travel a lot and between my 2 kids there are currently 6 wiggly teeth, so I prefer to use things that are easy findable wherever we happen to be when they fall out, rather than having to pack dollar coins with me every time.

    • Anon says

      ours is a $1. i did not even realize my daughter had one loose when she lost her first one and DH was out of town and fortunately I found a crumpled bill in the bottom of a purse bc i never have cash

    • Anonymous says

      PSA for NYCers – the MTA vending machines will give golden dollars as change. (Or did when my son–now 11–was losing teeth).

    • anon says

      Whatever cash we have on hand + a trinket (hair clips, toothbrush, nail polish, etc…).

    • Anon says

      $2 for the first tooth (first tooth was lost when we only had a $2 bill in the house, so the other two kids also got $2), plus $1 for each extra tooth. Once the tooth fairy got stuck in Canada and had to give a toonie.

  2. Anon says

    Gut check! I picked up a gift tag and the description is exactly: “Pillow Set with decor Pillows 4 year old boy.” Does this mean I am buying two normal pillows and an accent pillow? That’s currently what I have in my cart — two regular pillows, plus a decor pillow in the shape of a firetruck. Or should I go more generic and get like a teddy bear decor pillow? I’d like to default to more generous, but want to make sure I’m getting the right thing.

    • anon says

      That sounds right to me, I’d do exactly that – 2 regular/bed pillows and some fun accent pillows. My 4yr old boy loves all trucks, spiderman, paw patrol, etc. Without any specific character requests a fire truck, outer space or some construction vehicle sounds good. Might do 2 different accent pillows in case he’s a construction guy not a fireman guy.

  3. Baby shower help says

    Hi everyone – need objective input on timing of a baby shower. I am pregnant with my first and trying to plan my shower for early March when I will be 31 or 32 weeks. I am trying to avoid February since people will be traveling from out of state and the risk of bad weather will be higher. My MIL just informed me she’s got an out of the country vacation planned for early March and doesn’t return until I’m already 33 weeks. I am very nervous about pushing back the baby shower to accommodate her schedule because of the risk of the baby coming early and because I know I will be getting increasingly uncomfortable later in pregnancy. My sibling was born around 32 weeks and suffered from severe disabilities as a result, so I am already primed to be stressed during this period.

    I don’t get along well with my MIL and I recognize my health anxiety is based on my personal history, so I need objective input on whether I’m being unnecessarily rigid in refusing to push back the date. FWIW my MIL’s trip is to a country in the Middle East/North Africa and may (probably) end up cancelled anyway due to the ongoing Israel/Palestine conflict, which makes it even harder for me to see her position as reasonable. She does not work and travels frequently, so this is not something that’s been specially planned as a once in a lifetime experience.

    • Anon says

      There isn’t a very meaningful difference between 32 weeks (your preferred timing) and 33 weeks (when your MIL comes home). I’d schedule for 33 weeks. I would feel differently if it were 32 vs. 36 weeks. I’m sorry for the anxiety you’re feeling.

      • NYCer says

        I agree with this. It doesn’t seem worth it to strain your relationship with MIL over 1-2 weeks.

        I also think you could have the shower in February if you really don’t want to do it at 33 weeks. The difference in bad weather flight delays in February vs. March seems negligible as well.

    • anon says

      Do you have risk factors making an early delivery likely? I would schedule for 33 weeks. Also, most 32 weekers have excellent outcomes. I know that your personal history affects your outlook but it sounds like you’re priming yourself needlessly for a very anxious two months, especially if there’s nothing indicating you’re at risk for preterm labor.

    • Anonymous says

      There is zero difference between 32 and 33 weeks. If 33 weeks works for the grandmas then that is when whoever is planning the shower for you should have it. Don’t mess up your relationship with her over this nothing burger

      • Anonymous says

        It’s not a ‘nothing burger’ to be stressed about this issue. OP has clearly seen what her parents have been through and is scared for that for herself.

        OP – neonatal medicine has come a long way so even if you have an early delivery the outcomes may not be the same. Hang in there.

    • Anonymous says

      Even if scientifically there isn’t a meaningful difference between 32 and 33 weeks it’s okay to listen yourself about your stress levels.

      There also isn’t a big difference between late February and early March weather wise. I would just schedule it for as close to the start of MIL’s trip as possible. Like if she leaves on a Monday you can have it the Saturday right before she goes.

    • OOO says

      Are the out-of-state guests very close relatives (i.e. parents and siblings)? If not then I vote to have the baby shower in February. There is not much difference between 32 and 33 weeks, and odds are your baby will be healthy even if they arrive early, but if you are going to be anxious during your baby shower then don’t have it during that time. Plus having it in Feb will be a good way to keep the number of guests small. Some people may RSVP no and mail their gift to you, which is easier for everyone.

    • Anon says

      Somewhat off topic, but unless the trip is to Israel, Gaza, the West Bank or Lebanon I don’t think it’s likely to get canceled. I know people who’ve traveled to Jordan and Egypt since the conflict began. The war is impacting travel in a very limited area, not the whole region (similarly to the Ukraine war).

    • Emma says

      Gently, I think you’re overthinking this. I understand 32 weeks is symbolic for you, but in practice, the difference between 32 and 33 weeks is negligible and I think you need to include you MIL in this. So I would either wait until she’s back or do it a bit earlier – the risk of a bad weather is also not that drastically different between the end of February and the beginning of March. Anecdotally, I got very uncomfortable around 30 weeks until I gave birth at 37 (but it was also the summer and hot as all hell). A shower is a pretty chill event though, you should mostly be sitting down and hopefully someone is helping with the logistics, otherwise keep it very simple!

    • Anon for this says

      Hah, funny you should have these dates. My shower was scheduled for when I was just about 33 weeks on a Saturday and Kiddo was born at 32 weeks and change on Thursday. I actually got discharged from the hospital (kid was obvi still in the NICU) around noon, went home and put on a dress and was at my shower around 2PM. It sucked but having it a week earlier wouldn’t have made it suck less.

      33 vs. 32 wouldn’t make the difference. FWIW – sending love and holding space for your experience. As a counterpoint, that tiny little 32 week baby is now a giant elementary schooler who people don’t believe was a preemie. He grew almost 6 inches in a year and is now one of the tallest kids in his grade.

    • Anon says

      It’s your shower, and you should be able to have it when you want it. You will never be able to accommodate everyone. And pregnancies are not predictable. You could change your plans for her, and there could be a late winter storm that cancels everyone else’s flight the weekend of the new date. Or you could change it for her, and her trip would be cancelled anyway. Do what will be the least stressful for you.

    • Anonymous says

      If you are stressed out about the 32-week mark, why is it more stressful to have the shower at 33 weeks than at 32 weeks?

    • Spirograph says

      I’m a little confused… are you planning your own shower? MIL should be working this out with whomever is actually hosting. You shouldn’t be stressing about this!

      • Anon says

        IME, it’s very common for the mom to be to pick the date, with input from the party planners and family she wants to attend.

    • Anon says

      I’’m be the voice of dissent t, and say to do it in late February before her trip. Although there are major storms, it’s unlikely that there will be one the weekend of your party. Even if some people are unable to make it, I think the lower stress for you will be worth it. If you are worried about delivering early, you don’t wanna have to be waiting to set up the nursery and get the remaining items you need that your don’t receive at your shower.

      But I’m based by the fact that I was admitted to the hospital at 33 and a half weeks and my baby was born at 34 weeks. I was so happy that my shower had been when I was 29 weeks, and that I had therefore had time to get everything set up and buy the items I still needed. I decided to do mine in the earlier side because I knew two women who had those scheduled for around 32 to 34 weeks and the baby was born before the shower. FWIW, I know 5 kids born before 35 weeks and they are now healthy toddlers/kids. I assume that there have been a lot of advances in neonatal medicine over the past 30 years.

      • anonM says

        +1. And this avoids the drama of picking the one week your MIL is gone.

  4. Anon says

    Ideas for activities for 2nd grade boys? My son is making a friend at school, his mom had invited us to do something all together but it was during the week affter school when I’m at work; i tried to set upa play date and she didn’t really seem into that (like maybe he doesn’t do playdates in people’s homes? I’ve heard such families exist?) so I’m trying to come up with some kind of fun “outing” for them. Complicating matters he has severe food allergies. any ideas?

    • octagon says

      Movies, or a ninja gym type place? Or if they both swim, an indoor pool at a rec center is a great way to burn off energy. Arcades are fun but your parental tolerance for the noise may be an issue (I avoid those places at all costs).

    • anon says

      Bounce park? Climbing gym? My 2nd grader would be happy to just meet up at a playground, too.

    • Anonymous says

      Movie, zoo, play space, light show, pottery painting, go carts, climbing wall

    • Anonymous says

      We don’t usually do drop off play dates as a first play date with people we don’t know (hazards of working in Justice system – you see way too much stuff). We’ve also offered to host and have the parents stay if they felt more comfortable.

      Maybe suggest meeting up to go to a holiday movie or a trampoline park or something? What do the boys like to do?

      I wouldn’t worry about the food allergy part – the mom can give you whatever info you need.

      • anon says

        I don’t work in the justice system, but same. I want to know a parent at least a bit before I drop my elementary-age kid off. It’s less concern about the possibility of crime than the possibility of really big differences in handling supervising children. I’m pretty laid back, but I’ve seen the occasional adult behave outside the bounds of what I’d be comfortable with for my children.

        • Anon says

          Same. I also like to get to know a family a bit before we jump into drop off playdates at a person’s house after an uncomfortable, but thankfully not dangerous or really bad situation. My middle son had a drop off playdate where an older sibling and a friend of an older sibling were extremely unkind to him, and the babysitter at the house didn’t speak English. My son wasn’t able to effectively communicate with the babysitter that he wanted to call me, and for better or worse, didn’t really want to ask his buddy to translate for him. The older kids were honestly just being really mean and unkind — thank goodness nothing to do with showing inappropriate images or anything more nefarious. It was a learning experience for all of us — since then, all the kids have practiced how to tell another kid (or parent – but they all agree it’s harder to tell the kid) they want to get picked up early, and we now have what we lovingly call our “mobile landline” — which is just a flip phone that the kids can tuck in a bag and text/call if they need to contact us immediately from a play date or after school thing or other activity.
          Anyway, not a reason not to do drop offs, we do now show a little more caution before jumping into dropping off an elementary kid at an unknown person’s house — where the kids are old enough that they probably aren’t being closely supervised, but the trouble they can get into can be worse than a playdate for a 4 or 5 year old. I’d be fine with a movie, activity center, etc. Just homes are where other random people, screens, and other stuff is lying around.

    • Anonymous says

      Kicking around a ball at the park? They are young enough that meeting up at a playground seems viable.

    • Anonymous says

      bowling, go to the school playground on the weekend and bring a (basket, soccer) ball, trampoline park, zoo if it’s nice where you live, mini golf, arcade, etc.

    • Anon says

      Indoor playgrounds, trampoline parks, kids museum and the arcade are all popular cold weather play date places for early elementary kids. I’ve found people unenthused about meeting at home too. I find it really annoying because a home-based play date is a lot less work for me (in most cases), but it is what it is.

    • Anonymous says

      My experience is that he bigger the outing, the less the kids actually play together. For that reason if it’s a kid my kid is getting to know, and I want to give them more time to actually interact, I usually acknowledge that to the parent and suggest the playground (or home, but it sounds like you already tried that). YMMV because we live in the PNW and people are used to playing outside even if it’s wet.

      • anon says

        +1 that a playground or nature area would probably allow the most interaction. They’re my go-to, though I live in a place that doesn’t get too cold.

    • Anonymous says

      I would avoid encouraging this friendship because your families don’t seem compatible.

      • Anon says

        That seems a little dramatic. Families don’t really have to be compatible for kids to be friends after a certain age.

        • Anonymous says

          The kids are 7. If the other kid has a severe food allergy and his parents don’t allow playdates, that seems awfully high-maintenance compared with OP’s style.

          • Anonymous says

            It would be super unusual in my area to do a drop off playdate when you don’t know the parents with 7 year olds. Food allergy or not.

  5. Anonymous says

    Where are y’all putting money that your parents give to your kids? My parents give each kids $500 for xmas AND birthdays and it’s adding up – I’d like to invest it, keep it separate from my own accounts, and not have it automatically be theirs at 18 or count against college $ or whatever. Thank you in advance!

    • Anon says

      Smaller gifts from extended family go in the 529 we set up when our child was born. Our 529 is well-funded at this point, so my parents (who give us a larger amount) have started buying I-bonds.
      Any money you have outside of retirement accounts “counts against college” in the sense that it reduces financial aid, but in most cases it’s still worth saving.

    • Anonymous says

      Why do you think it shouldn’t have to go towards paying for college?

      • Anon says

        Maybe that’s not the relatives’ intent? I don’t have this issue – everyone who gives us money wants it to be earmarked for the kids’ college – but I know some families do cash gifts to kids with the idea that kids have it when they’re older to do whatever they want with it.

        • Anonymous says

          Yeah but that’s not how financial aid works. The formula takes the kid’s money and some of the parents’ money whether they want to use that money for college or not. If you have tens of thousands of dollars lying around, you are more able to pay for college than someone who doesn’t.

          Now I am off to co tinge being bitter about the fact that I have worked for my entire career to pay for student loans + child care and now upcoming college tuition. We would have been better off financially if I’d become a SAHM instead of going to law school.

          • Anon says

            I didn’t read it as a financial aid question, but more that OP was saying she didn’t want the money specifically tied up for college (e.g., in a 529 account, where there are penalties for not using the money on education). Like maybe she wants the option for the kid to buy a car with the money or whatever.

          • Anonymous says

            Right. You don’t get to have money, decide you’d prefer not to have to spend that money, keep it, and get someone else to give you more money

          • Anonymous says

            She said she didn’t want it to “count against college,” so it’s clearly a financial aid question.

    • Anonymous says

      If you keep it in your own names rather than the kids’ names then the financial aid formula will take much less of it.

    • Anon says

      I’d probably let them keep a small portion of it for fun money (if that’s the intent of the gift) and put the rest in either a 529 and/or a high-yield savings account.

      As your kid gets older you can think of parameters for them accessing it (if in a savings account), eg, they may want to buy a car, or to go on a big class trip, or spend it on extra curriculars. It also makes sense to me that it could be used for college expenses like books and food.

    • Anon says

      Unless I’m overlooking another mainstream option, investing it can be done (1) under your name in a separate account from your personal accounts, (2) with you as a custodian for them via an UTMA / UGMA, (3) in a 529, or (4) via an IRA in their name if they are working. 1 is unadvisable for gifting reasons once they are an adult and before then will be subject to your tax rate and be part of your tax bill if there are gains. 2 will mean its their’s at 18. 3 will mean it’s treated as college funds or have a penalty applied. For 4, they need to be working and have a record of their income, and you could only invest up to the amount they earn each year (and below the annual threshold) that way – not sure how that compares to the gift, and this really only is relevant if they are not already doing that with their earnings.

    • Anonymous says

      What are they expecting the kids do with it? That’s a lot of money for little kids. If the intent is to have the kids spend it, figure out how to let the kids spend it.

      Is it supposed to be saved up? If so, for what? A car? Park it in a utma and have them spend it before they get to college.

      If your kids have $30k in cash when they apply to college…I would not hold out hope for financial aid!

      FWIW our kids (all elem age) have ~$200 in a capital one online account. They use that as an extension of their piggy bank, usually for random crap at Target. The rest (about $1-$1500) is in a utma at Schwab and it’s all in an s&p index fund.

  6. Ifiknew says

    I’ve posted a few times now about my 4.5 year old getting in trouble the last 4 to 6 weeks at prek for aggressive behavior, not keeping his hands to himself etc. We have withdrawn from the school and are starting at a new one in January (with only 10 kids and 2 experienced teachers and im really hoping it will help).

    if anyone has been through anything similar, do I need to explore therapy for this behavior if it’s related to adhd? I’m so hopeful it’s something related to this environment and large 28 kid class size but I don’t know how to best help him. we talk a lot about it, we role play, we have stickers charts to encourage positive behavior and heap on the praise when he’s doing well but I’m not sure what else to do to best help him.

    • Anon says

      You haven’t noticed these concerning behaviors at home, or in social settings outside of this school, right? I would honestly lean into rest, connection and taking a breath this month, and see what January brings. The new school sounds like a much better situation.

      4.5 is young to jump to ADHD evaluations, especially if this is an isolated set of incidents. Nothing you’ve shared seems out of the ordinary for a 4yo boy (especially in a stressful situation).

      • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

        +1 – I love this advice. I’d also maybe prioritize what you need for your own self-care (therapy, time alone, etc.) if you can before January/new school starts.

        I will say I didn’t realize in your previous posts it was 28 kids! That sounds really, really hard for all the kids and the teachers, especially at that age.

    • Anonymous says

      It won’t hurt. It will likely give you some extra parenting strategies/tools.

      Also, 28 kids is a ZOO. Our PK never had more than 16, and often was just 12 kids.

      28 kids is more than all my kids have in elementary school! My kindergartener has 20 kids, a teacher, a full time aid, and two ABAs in her class.

    • OP says

      Thanks all, this is really helpful. No, i have not noticed these behaviors at home. I do notice that when he gets around a bunch of boys roughhousing, he doesn’t know his limits and someone ends up crying, but I dont know how to coach him to roughouse in a “nice way”. That is not something that regularly happens though and he plays nicely with sister at home and they do not play rough. That’s why this is all very concerning, but really appreciate the comments here educating me on the class size.

      They called me last week saying he kicked a kid at 9 and punched a girl at 11 and I needed to come pick him up. The school said she wasnt doing anything and he just randomly punched him. He told me he told her twice to not be in the space where he was playing with his bff and she wasnt listening and he punched her. I asked him why he didnt ask the teacher for help because he tells us at home when this kind of thing happens with sister and he said the teachers dont care. I immediately withdrew him after this last incident. Maybe he should have the skills already on working through these situations, but he doesn’t consistently and needs some coaching. I’m hopeful that at a smaller class size, the teachers can help both him and the girl figure out a more reasonable solution. Crossing my fingers.

      • Anonymous says

        Huge hugs. A different school might make a world of difference.

        Hitting isn’t an adhd behavior. But OT can only help so make an appt and decide to keep it when the time comes.

        • Anon says

          Hitting can be an ADHD behavior, though at 4.5 it’s probably also common in NT kids. It’s related to the lack of impulse control and emotional regulation–kids intellectually know they aren’t supposed to hit, but can’t stop themselves in the moment.

      • Anonymous says

        The fact that he punched a girl because he and his buddy wanted to exclude her from a space pushes it over the edge from “probably just too big of a class” to “issue of concern.”

        • Op says

          how would you address? we role play and talk about what to do but he can’t consistently do it. short of medicating him, I don’t know what kind of therapy is most helpful. sounds like OT focused on social skills might help

    • ALC says

      Wow I had to read this again to make sure I didn’t write this! We are in this exact same situation, so hugs and soldarity. We have our kid in occupational theraphy twice a week, where they work on taking turns, playing appropriately, and doing classroom-like activities (there are a couple of other kids there to interact with). Out occupational therapist is really great and we’ve seen improvement at home at least, not sure how it will be when we go back to school (he’s been at home for 6 weeks now, which has been a lot). We also just started seeing a developmental pediatrician, who is helping us navigate getting a neuropsych evaluation and exploring other possible therapies.

      My best advice is that I started seeing my own therapist who has experience with ADHD kids and family therapy, and she’s been so helpful for bouncing ideas off of and just giving me validation that I’m on the right track.

      • OP says

        what kinds of things are yall seeing at home? we had an OT evaluation but it seemed focused on gross and fine motor skills and not social skills? is this common to have OT focused on social skills? hugs.

        • Anon says

          It’s not common for OT to focus on social skills or behavior, in my experience. It’s traditionally much more focused on gross motor, fine motor and sensory stuff. We did some OT for some behavioral issues (different than yours) and the OT did say that a kid’s frustration about their body not doing what they want it to often leads to acting out. It sort of made sense to me at the time but in hindsight I’m not sure I really agree. My kid is still way below average in terms of gross motor stuff (I think it’s just genetics) but has mostly grown out of the behavioral issues with time and maturity. I think the OT was pretty much useless, although my kid enjoyed it a lot so it didn’t cause any harm.

        • Anonymous says

          In addition to behaviors at school, he was having difficulty with transitions, and that has gotten a lot better. He’s gotten to practice things like identifying emotions, playing turn-based games, and following directions, which are all hopefully going to help him at school. I think it is becoming more common for OT to provide help with social skills, at least in our area.

          • TheElms says

            This is very similar to the sort of stuff that DD is working on in OT. Doing anything that is not what she wants to be doing in the moment is our biggest issue at the moment. It is infuriating because she can tell you exactly what you want to do, has great understanding, can execute the task, but just refuses to do it. And when pushed (because its non negotiable) becomes uncontrollable/explosive and it can take a very long time to get her to regulate. Worse yet if something happens that she didn’t want (she cut the paper wrong for example because no amount of fixing it or offering to do it over is acceptable).

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t think you have an ice berg’s chance in h311 of even getting an appointment with any provider before he starts the new school anyway. I’d prioritize really optimizing your at home routines. If there is anyway you can get to a park or a playground or your backyard for even 15 minutes on your way to drop off that can be very helpful

    • TheElms says

      We had a similar situation. It became clear that our last preschool was not a good fit for DD. DD isn’t aggressive but she is uncontrollable and explosive. It was initially just at school and other social settings, but we see it at home too now. We moved schools (still bigger than I would like – 15 kids 2 teachers in prek – but it was on the smaller end of what we could find) and they seem much more willing to work with her than the last school. We also had a neuropsychological exam done. She was diagnosed with anxiety and suspected adhd (but they want to wait to confirm the diagnosis because she’s still 4) and want to follow her for a potential autism diagnosis, but thought given the other things going on and her age it might be premature to make a diagnosis now. We also started OT for social skills and helping her with her rigid/ inflexible thinking patterns, and better coping skills for her uncontrollable/explosive behavior. She’s going once a week but I think we plan to up it to twice a week and possibly have her OT provider go to school with her once a week if the school is willing to accommodate that. School says it is starting to help, and we are about 2 months in so that is good. We aren’t seeing any difference at home, but hopefully that will come in time.

      • Anonymous says

        Thanks for sharing. This is interesting to read. I had a girl who sounds very similar – extremely rigid in certain situations and can be explosive when she doesn’t get her way. I assumed it was rooted in anxiety (and we some other signs of anxiety from a very young age like unusual fears and overly dramatic reactions to minor injuries), although we never pursued an official diagnosis. We did OT for about 6 months between 4 and 4.5, and we saw some progress but I felt like it was due to the passing of time and increased maturity more than anything the OT was doing (and that was sort of confirmed by the fact that we discontinued OT and the improvement between 4.5 and 5 and then between 5 and 5.5 was even more significant). She is 6 now and so much better at regulating emotions than she was a couple years ago, but is still way more emotional than most of her peers I think. Sometimes I feel like we should be doing something to help her, although I don’t know exactly what. Doctors and teachers have both basically said “this is just her personality, it is what it is.”

    • anonM says

      My son got in trouble in preschool for various things. I would recommend a few things. Make sure the new school has some things in place for helping kids regulate, like a “calm corner” (voluntary, not a punishment). We did OT at 5, which showed gross motor planning and verbal processing delays, and helped us understand more of what was going on, and now in K he has gotten an ADHD diagnosis. I’d read up on on ADHD and what helps. If any of these things are at the root of the issue, many of the strategies are the same and overlap. Short, direct instructions preferably close by and face to face, etc. Again, if the issues are similar anyways, you’re not going to be able to just yell out a 4-step series of instructions and have your kiddo comply. Also, try some techniques now to see what helps- different breathing ideas (look up ones that relate it to animals for kids, like bunny breaths), pressure (teaching them to squeeze their fingers when upset), etc. OT was helpful for us because we then could go to kindergarten with a professional opinion and give that to the teacher. OT also suggested an ADHD evaluation after a few weeks of treatment. In K, we quickly realized we needed a 504 plan, but for some kids maybe the OT suggestions and the teacher having some background info is enough. Either way, I’m glad we did it because each step takes time and energy, and no kid is hurt by learning to self-regulate! I’d also look at district-provided preschool to see if it available, what he’d need to qualify. In our district, it is well-regarded and the teachers are very equipped for a range of things like ADHD, autism, etc.

    • Chl says

      This sounds like a great move! We had our son in an OT therapy play group that helped him deal with emotions and social stuff and it was really great. It was at Kids unlimited in oak park IL if you want to check out the description and see if you might have something similar near you.

  7. Anonymous says

    Can we have a thread about all of things that folks hire out to lessen the load? Bonus points if you’ll give an idea of how much it costs and/or where you find the service. Thanks!

    • Anon says

      We have a biweekly cleaning service at $200 per visit and a bi-yearly landscaping cleanup at ~$300 each time. We do grocery pickup, which we for us is about as easy as delivery and is free (but we’re in suburbia with a car and live half a mile from the grocery store – would obviously be different in a city or rural area). My parents are local and provide us with a lot of free babysitting, so we’ve never paid a babysitter. We do sometimes do “kids night out” programs, but more because our kid enjoys it than because we need childcare.

      • Anon says

        Oh and I forgot about food delivery and takeout. We have a Doordash premium plan (free with a credit card) and order Doordash probably twice a week to the tune of ~$75-100/week. It’s not really a necessity, but I dislike cooking and get really sick of my husband’s cooking, so it’s a convenience I really appreciate. I also have a Panera coffee membership for $5/month so I get all my coffee there and frequently end up adding a bakery item (which I assume is why they offer these memberships at such a cheap price!)

    • Anon says

      Following because I need to outsource more. Currently, weekly cleaning ($150 per week +$20 tip for 2 br apartment in VHCL area) and grocery delivery/pickup. I tried a housekeeper for laundry and random other household tasks but it was too expensive ($40/hr) to justify continuing. We have 1 and 3-year-old and have never hired a sitter. We only rely on grandparents. We really need to start hiring sitters…

    • Clementine says

      Monthy Cleaning – $150/month – just the kitchen, bathrooms, mopping and dusting really. We do a lot of cleaning in between but this is so nice with kids.

      Lawn service – $50/week + $350 spring/fall cleanup (he does several houses on the block so we all get a better price.

      AuPair – $35-40K/year. Helps with drop offs, pick-ups, random days off, etc. Primary childcare for 3.5 who is in part time 3K, before/after care for other kids in full time school. Covers for minor sick days, helps drive kids to activities, helps with kids’ laundry.

    • Anon says

      House cleaning – $130/week, yard service – $80/week, dogwalker – $125 for 5 days, 20 min walk with 2 dogs (all of these are referrals)
      We also have a nanny who does laundry, groceries and errands – through an agency, and she is $$
      Extra help with rides – we’re using the Kango app

      • CCLA says

        Very similar here. house cleaning every other week, $130/session and higher every quarter for a super deep clean session, yard is $260/mo (small yard)…the house cleaner we found by using an online company and then when someone better than average came, we just started booking with her directly. Yard service I think DH asked around after trying but not being happy with the service that had done work for the prior owners.

        We also have a nanny/fam assistant that I’ve posted here about before, she is full time and $$$ but worth it – laundry, light tidying, errands – including, blessedly, keeping track of the staples we’re out of and stocking accordingly, meal prep and some cooking, and then in the afternoons is on kid duty including driving to activities or playdates; we went through an agency to find her. We could get away with fewer hours on some days, but since she also covers sick days and random days where school is closed, I’m happy to have her on board for that coverage. She also does long days when I’m traveling.

    • Anonymous says

      Bi-weekly cleaning – $135/clean which I think is a deal! I actually do have time but they do a better job than me haha.

      Weekly mowing – $35/week, then $350 for spring/fall cleanups. My husband can do it but it will eat up like 2hrs every Saturday.

      I’ve also paid extra for someone to put new tires on my car IN MY DRIVEWAY which was well worth it. I’m in the DC suburbs and found that you can pretty much pay anyone to do any service at your house if you want to. Like get your haircut at home or a blow out or whatever.

    • Anon says

      bi monthly cleaners – $175
      nanny ~$40k/year (does kid laundry, this year started doing adult laundry, light meal prep, empties dishwasher, washes dishes, light cleaning, other random household tasks, we’ve had the same nanny for 5+ years now, she started when our twins were ~3 months old and her responsibilities have shifted a bit as they’ve gotten older)
      weekly or biweekly yard guys (i’m embarrassed to admit i have no clue how much this costs)
      I realize we are very very lucky to be able to afford this kind of help. i don’t earn a lot of money, and basically pay to go to work, but DH has a ‘big’ job that can be travel heavy and we have no local family. i am very very grateful.

      • GCA says

        Currently: grocery delivery, summer camp (I estimate this will be maybe $100-500/week for two kids if we are on top of things), nothing else except the occasional sitter ($20-25/h, 2 kids, MCOL area). Maybe occasional ad hoc things like pest control, duct cleaning, snow removal after a really big storm? I am not a tremendously handy person. We look at Yelp or ask family and friends for recs. I’ve also seen people ask for recs on the local neighborhood Facebook group or group text.

        Also, we’ve had a lot of financial and life transitions in the last few years so I want to say to everyone here, don’t feel bad if you are barely holding it together with childcare that just covers your work hours. When DH was in grad school and I was working ft, we had no family nearby and less-than-zero spare cash for sitters other than daycare. When he graduated and we had additional budget for an occasional date night or just extra help, it was incredible.

    • Emma says

      House cleaning – $120 every two weeks.
      Grocery delivery – every week, $5 per delivery. Local store that probably isn’t the cheapest but has good stuff and an efficient website. We get things at the farmer’s market and/or Costco too, but this is the bulk of our groceries.
      Doggy daycare – once every 2 weeks so I show my face at the office (usually WFH) – $35 per day.
      And, well, daycare.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Every other week cleaners – $180/session. Landscapers who do seeding, spring and fall cleanup, and I think some other services – not sure on price, maybe $1,200/year (husband handles this one)? We occasionally find sitters for the kids (5 and 7), but have also been lucky to have my parents nearby and willing and able to help. Twice a week grubhub – $100ish each time. 3 meals a week Hello Fresh deliveries – $100ish/wk. We spend lots of money on groceries too (around $350/week), fortunately it’s not something we have to worry about budgeting for. I guess we spend a lot on food in general!

      Therapy for me and kid/family. $$$ (thanks America), but very worth it, and will be in the future too.

        • Anonymous says

          Therapy is an expensive indulgent personal service that most people cannot afford. Not exactly outsourcing but close.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      I have a FT job that can swing pretty intense but is mostly contained during business hours, and DH is in leadership in BigLaw and travels often. Right now it feels very odd (in a good way!) as we’re both calmer at work (rare for both of us, even during the holidays) and DH isn’t traveling until January.

      – House cleaning – $150 every 3 weeks
      – Yard – $50 every 2 weeks (I think…)
      – Grocery Delivery – weekly – The fee is usually $6 flat, plus the upcharge on items and the tip
      – House Manager/House Keeper – ~$300 for ~12 hours every week – this is new to us and is already creating a lot of relief! We’ve tasked her with the following when she’s with us: warming up/plating dinner, packing DS #1’s lunch, chopping up veg for the next day’s dinner, cleaning up/re-set kitchen after dinner, laundry, pick-up and drop-off of returns/online orders/donations, watering plants, organizing kids’ rooms (switching/donating clothes, purging toys). If needed I may ask her to wrap gifts (got the idea here!).

      I also use Amazon Prime (including subscribe-and-save) more than I’d like. I try to keep it to one delivery day, as I rarely need everything in 24 hours-2 days.

      • anon says

        We have a similar job situation, but we outsource wayyyyyy more than you do, so I am impressed! (We do have 3 kids, with a 4th on the way, but I will admit that some of it is just preferring to spend the money to get the time back.)

        All of the below is in HCOL but not VHCOL city.

        – We have a twice-weekly housekeeper who does adult and big kid laundry ($380/week, found on Care.com)
        – FT nanny who does the preschooler’s laundry and also does grocery shopping/errands/home organizing while he’s at school ($60k/year, including employer-paid taxes, found on Care.com)
        – Weekly yard service (not sure how much it costs, referral from neighbors)
        – Weekly pool cleaning (ditto)
        – Instacart when the nanny’s not able to do the grocery run
        – Handyman for random other stuff

        • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

          Your post made me remember a few more things! Do not be impressed! We have 2 kids, local family help (my kids do at least one overnight a month at my parents’), and a relatively small front/backyard (we live in the inner part of our city), so that is probably also the reason we outsource a touch less. I’m 100% with you in spending money for time!

          One thing I didn’t mention that is huge for us (MCOL turning HCOL city but not VHCOL) is the Y. I’m not sure if it’s traditional “outsourcing” but it’s really improved our lives. We have a family membership for about $100/month. This allows DH and I to workout on Saturdays (kids go in the childcare) and then we use the Y’s facility for something active with kids (e.g. DH and DS #1 shoot hoops, DS #2 gets to run amok on the toddler/preschooler playground). We use it on long weekends and holidays this way, too. We’ve booked out all the holiday camps for DS #1, which he seems to like. We haven’t used the parents night out, but we will once DS #2 is a touch older. Our kids also have taken various weekend classes there – we haven’t had the need/desire to do any weeknight activities (yet).

          Also, we absolutely use a handyman or service for tasks that need to get done – DH is handy but doesn’t typically enjoy that type of tinkering, so it is often best outsourced.

  8. Anon says

    $160/week for cleaners; $40/week for lawn mowing in season; ~$1,200 biannual yard cleanup/mulching; free grocery delivery (instant cart), ~$1,000/year on services for our fish pond (opening it in the spring, closing it for the winter, occasionally cleaning of filtration system).

    We also just hired someone to put up holiday lights on our roofline which my husband would have endangered his life or spent way too much time doing – $500.

    We have only hired a sitter twice, we are lucky to have local and local-ish grandparents who will babysit for date nights and the very occasional 1-2 night trip away. When we did hire a sitter (assistant teacher from our preschool), it was $25/hour. While we don’t pay our moms for babysitting, we are pretty generous with them generally (always pay for dinners out, generous holiday/birthday/mother’s day gifts, etc). I don’t view that as a transaction, but we make sure they know they are appreciated.

    I am considering looking into some kind of after-school help once our youngest goes to kindergarten next year, but we will also look into aftercare at the school, which is what I did as a kid and didn’t mind. We have always been daycare-not-nanny people and for some reason I hate the idea of having someone taking care of my kids in my own house. Like I feel like I should be doing it if we are all home (one of us is usually working from home every day). I also just don’t like having people in my space (obviously make an exception for the weekly cleaners).

  9. anonamama says

    Gift Rec Needed: What would you get a seven year old girl, who has more of a tinkering style of play – like, a year to do a lego set type of kid. The craft sets I bought, she already has. She loves using her mom’s phone to play games, and really marches to her own beat. This is my niece and I’m stumped!

    • Anonymous says

      A box of freestyle legos, a pogo stick, origami paper and washi tape, a gift card to a craft store, a bead kit to make Taylor swift bracelets, a big cuddly blanket, a squishmellow, slippers, a board or card game (sorry, life, spot it, sleeping queens), rollerblades, reusable water balloons, graphic novels, a kids cookbook and cooking tools, American girl accessories if she has a doll.

      – mom if 3 girls including one tinkery 7 year old

    • Clementine says

      I love getting kids this age gifts that are very ‘grown up’… so I would get her a funky sustainably made/thrifted/crafted tote bag with a moleskin dotted grid journal and a pack of gel pens.

      Alternatively, a book on calligraphy, a writing notebook and calligraphy pens.

      • CCLA says

        Yeah my 7yo crafty kid would go nuts for that. Love journals, notebooks, pens, etc. Since they’re not a specific “project” they can be used and put away etc. Ditto on the special paper and washi tape idea above, which she would love even more than stickers.

    • Anon says

      I’m a little confused about the issue with craft kits – there are so many options, I’m sure you can find something new she doesn’t already have. Craft kids are a hit with my 6 year old girl and anecdotally are the most popular thing among 6-7 year old girls who come to our house for play dates. My daughter also likes dolls and doll accessories/clothes, as well as pretend play dress up clothes, but I think those things a little bit less universal.

      • Anonymous says

        I am sick of craft kits and science kits because they either sit around unused taking up space, or they generate a bunch of junk that the kids want to display forever. They don’t have the same attachment to open-ended crafts they make themselves out of random boxes and paper towel tubes.

        • Anon says

          I guess it’s YMMV. We usually get a bunch of them at holidays and birthdays and save them and bring them out on snow days, play dates or lazy weekends, and it’s always a huge thrill when they come out. My kid has a hard time parting with stuff in general, but it’s not unique to the craft kits and if anything I think she has more attachment to stuff she makes from random household items (which actually makes sense to me – it’s more uniquely “her”).

      • Anonymous says

        My 7 year old that sent super into legos has these and it’s hit or miss. She doesn’t always have the patience for the instructions and you can’t freestyle.

        She does have and loved her own toolbox.

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