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Side effects says
Have your kiddos had any side effects after getting this year’s covid shot? My son has a fever the day after getting his and I’m wondering if it could be from the shot. He’s never had vaccine side effects before, including from prior covid vaccines.
I messaged the doctor, but figured I’d ask anecdotally in the meantime because I’m curious.
Anonymous says
Soreness and maybe a headache? I got the same symptoms I always get from mine – achiness and fatigue.
Anon says
No, my kids did not (and never have), apart from a sore arm. And one of them is very prone to fevers, and will get them even with stomach bugs and colds.
I had my usual chills/aches for a night, but no fever (didn’t even have a fever when I had Covid though, stayed a steady 97.3 most of the time).
FVNC says
Yes, this past fall, my six year old had a fever, upset stomach and was extremely lethargic for much of the day after his shot. By late afternoon the day after, he was fine, it was like a switch was flipped. Same as your son — never had had side effects before (other than maybe slightly sore arm). My 10 year old was fine after her shot. Our ped said they’d seen a lot more side effects this time around. Hope your guy feels better soon.
Anon says
My kids were just over 3 years and 10 months, respectively, when they got theirs. No noticeable side effects for either. I also had no side effects from my booster this year.
TheElms says
My almost 2 and 4 year old got the booster with their flu shot and neither kid had any side effects.
Anon says
My kids have seemed fine so far, but I have gotten a fever after each Covid shot.
Anonymous says
I’ve had a fever after every Covid shot too. Each one is a little lower and shorter-lived than the last. The first one was 102 degrees for 3 days with a lower fever for a couple of days after that. This last one was only about 100 degrees and lasted only 36 hours.
Anonymous says
I would assume it’s from the shot, but I’d keep him home just to be safe. It’s not like school will take him with a fever anyway.
MBRec says
Oldest never has any response, youngest had full body aches and a fever for two days. They seem to each take after a parent. My oldest and I never react, and my husband and youngest it takes them out for two days. Youngest was pretty miserable so lots of snuggles and snoozing. It was worth it tho, both have dodged covid and flu this season even in childcare.
Anon says
Mine had no side effects from any Covid shots. I would assume a fever is a side effect though.
Anony says
Mine had a fever the day after his this year, lasting for about half a day. He didn’t have a fever after the previous doses, but I think in general a fever is a really common side effect after many vaccines. (My husband gets one after any vaccine, I never do, and my son has a handful of times.)
Anon says
Yes, a fever is a common vaccine side effect (and reassuring evidence that it’s working! although the absence of fever is not something to be worried about). My kid has never had a side effect from Covid or flu vaccines, but got fevers after both MMRs.
Anonymous says
This. Mild fever is great evidence of a solid immune response.
Anonymous says
If you had a crib that converted to a roller bed (meaning that you could take one of the crib’s sides off), how long did your child stay in the toddler bed? Or, maybe a better question is, how big were they when you moved them to a regular bed? Especially looking for answers where it was your youngest/only child so you didn’t have to reuse the crib for another child. My only is 4.5 and is currently in his toddler bed. He never gets out of bed unless it’s to use the bathroom, so part of me is hesitant to make any changes. However, I was thinking that maybe as part of him turning 5 we’d move him to a real bed.
Anonymous says
We move all 3 of our kids to beds at age 4.
I really like the Busunge bed from ikea because you can use it at the crib mattress side or super easily slide it out to the twin mattress size and it has a cozy curved headboard nook that helped with transitions.
Cb says
I’d move him when he’s 5, a cool bed/bedding as a birthday present? My son moved at 3 but we moved house and I didn’t want to bring the crib for just a few months. He still falls out of the bed (an IKEA extendable daybed) but it doesn’t seem to bother him.
Anon says
Does it have a weight limit? Most seem to be around 50lbs (so you may still have some time, depending on your kid, but maybe not much). If he’s not complaining there’s no pressing need to change it, but to answer your question we moved my youngest to a low twin bed when we moved into our current house at 1.75yo. He has his own room so there was no need to do a toddler bed (we’ve only ever done it for space saving reasons), and we lean Montessori and therefore don’t stick with the crib very long.
We moved my oldest to a regular twin bed when he was a little over two. It’s nice for us to be able to sit in bed with them to read or cuddle.
Anonymous says
I think ours was 6? After we went on vacation one summer and slept in a cabin at a state park we came home and he complained that his mattress was less comfortable than the cabin, which I am sure was true because it was still the board-like infant mattress. So then we felt guilty and got him a real bed and mattress. We just didn’t have any real impetus to before.
Anon says
Mine started complaining about the hard mattress at 3.5 so we moved her. I agree, no real reason to move unless they aren’t happy.
Anonymous says
Our crib didn’t convert so we moved her to a twin bed with no rail just after she turned 2. She actually stayed in the twin bed just fine even though she had been climbing out of the crib for months. It might have been the larger size of the bed, the more comfortable mattress, the fact that the bed had no attractive climbing features (I think she was climbing out of the crib more for the fun of the actual climb than to escape), or the fact that the bed had covers. Who knows
TheElms says
We moved our first at 2.5. We did have a new baby coming in a few months but we didn’t need the crib to make it work (we had a bassinet and a separate pack n play that we could have used). We wanted more space to make it easier for us to read books in bed at bedtime, rather than sitting on the floor to read.
anon says
We have a 3.5 yo only child. We are planning to move him around his 4th birthday this summer. He fits in the toddler bed converted from the crib still.
Main reason we want to move him is a) he’s excited about a big boy bed and b) the crib is taking up a lot of space for toys/stories.
He pretty reliably stays in his bed, but I’m expecting him to fall out of the twin bed quite a bit the first few weeks. He moves around a lot in his sleep
Mary Moo Cow says
With each of my kids, we moved at 5 as a big girl/starting kindergarten/birthday celebration. We went just to a twin so they would have more space in their bedroom to play, for a reading chair, etc. We are thinking of a full when each turns 9 or 10, because older one has asked as she approaches 9, but younger kid is perfectly happy with a twin for now.
Anon says
My kids were very happy in their toddler beds and are small for their age, so we rode it out for a long time, but moved them to twin beds the summer before kindergarten, so that any new friends who came over wouldn’t comment that they’re baby-ish (fwiw, we never had anything like that happen, it was just a concern of mine).
Anon says
We found our 4 yo was waking up a lot and I suspected it was because her crib mattress wasn’t super comfortable for a bigger person. We switched to a twin mattress on the floor and she started sleeping much better. I’d switch whenever is convenient. A twin bed is also more comfortable for parents to cuddle and read in.
Anon says
My almost 5 year old has been in a full size bed for at least a year, maybe longer. We had a crib that converted into a toddler bed (front crib railing was removed and very small rail attached to half of the front of the frame) and then, into a full size bed. We moved her fairly early into the toddler bed because she crawled out over the crib railing (we have hard wood floors), and I couldn’t take that stress. She was probably about 2.5 when we made that move. I honestly can’t recall why we moved her into the full size bed other than she didn’t seem comfortable in the smaller bed anymore (she’s long). No negative impact whatsoever to her sleep.
Cb says
Oof… my son is spending February break with my parents. My dad’s flying over to collect T, and they’ll fly together (finally found someone to notarise the travel authorisation), and I’ll come for a few days in the sun/to take him home. It’s his longest stint away from us so we are all slightly nervous. Anything we should remember?
TheElms says
Just a vote of confidence that it will go great. When I was 6.5 I spent about a month with my grandparents at their home, in England. Given that they lived in England and I lived in the US, I had spent a good amount of time with them on vacations, including at their house, but it wasn’t like having local grandparents. My nanny flew over with me and got me settled — I think she stayed 2-3 days, then I had a month on my own with them and then my parents came for a week and we flew home as a family. I don’t recall all the details but I remember weekly calls home at a preset time and that we packed a larger than normal set of toys and stuffed animals so I’d have my favorites.
Anon2 says
I think 6/7 is a great age for this! (I also have a 6yo and remember our kids are around the same age, from prior comments, I’m not weird :) I would have no qualms sending my 6yo with my parents — it’s old enough to not be too physically demanding, but young enough to think adults are still cool and fun.
You know your kid best, if he’d like daily calls or if he’s more the out of sight, out of mind, don’t rock the boat kind. Your parents seem to know him pretty well, but if it makes you comfortable you can chat about the schedule with them, and maybe remind them to build in any type of down time he might need.
Anonymous says
Just to relax. He knows your parents super well, you know they’ll take good care of him.
Anon says
It will be great!
anonM says
Remind your parents that while you expect them to break some of your normal routines/rules, like extra ice cream, etc., there are no secrets from mom/dad. And make privacy expectations explicit, like DS showers/changes on his own, sleeps in his own bed, etc., so both gparents and kid know the expectation. Give DS a code word if you don’t have it already, that means you’ll pick him up early no questions asked. You expect DS to be with one grandparent at least the whole time, and if they have anyone else watch him you need to ok it first. (Seems obvious, but you want to prevent any room for this leading to a disagreement, so I’d state the obvious. Sometimes grandparents have different views on safety matters, so just communicate even if they think you’re being overly cautious.)
Anon says
This seems excessively cautious given how much her parents have babysat. I can’t imagine telling my parents “there are no secrets from mom and dad”….that sounds like a thinly veiled threat!
anonM says
Eh, let me explain. I’m overly cautious because my grandfather committed CSA against multiple kids in our family. Secrets vs surprises are an important distinction. “Don’t tell mom/dad about this” is simply not allowed in my family. You can have a surprise (ie there’s an end date, like a birthday party). If a kid declines a hug or says to stop tickling, others are expected to respect that. IDGAF at all if anyone sees that as a threat, and I’d call it out asap. I’d rather be seen as overly cautious than have grooming behaviors hidden from me. My grandparents babysat a lot too. So, just sharing what I’m trying to do now that I know more about CSA. It’s not meant to be paranoid, but 6-7 is not too young to make sure your kid understands body boundaries and is impowered to actually establish them. Obviously this is sensitive and personal for me, but the stats on CSA are alarming.
Anon says
I can see reiterating with a 6 year old that they can and should tell you anything, and talking about body boundaries, but I think making comments like that directly the grandparents is not likely to go over well in a family without this kind of history. Given your history, maybe you’re not comfortable with grandparents babysitting, and that’s your choice to make, but a lot of us are, and micromanaging your parents this way is a great way to get them to never babysit again.
NYCer says
This is a know your parents situation, I think. I would never feel the need to tell my parents any of this FWIW.
Anonymous says
If you’re this worried your parents are going to molest your child, don’t let them go.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
I have a friend who I grew up with – families were very close, we did all kinds of sleepovers at each other’s houses, etc. Her father seemed completely normal and as far as I know never abused her; he certainly never did anything to me. But when her daughter was 12 or 13, her father molested the granddaughter. They pressed charges and he went to jail. My mother heard the family speculated that he had some kind of brain issues that led to changes in his personality/behavior; I don’t know the details. But the point is, we can’t always predict who is going to become an abuser, an it isn’t a bad idea to remind kids of basic body safety ground rules.
Anon says
I think it’s fine to remind the kid of basic body safety rules – you should be doing that regardless of whether or not they’re going away with grandparents (and by this age, they get some of it in school, at least in the US). But that’s very different than saying something directly to the grandparents as OP suggested.
Anonymous says
Sure. But you don’t need to tell normal grandparents “please don’t shower or sleep with our 6 year old child.”
Anonymous says
Yes and it’s not necessarily the grandparents themselves — they could leave the kid for an hour with the nice neighbor or friend from church, etc. They could let kid go to the bathroom at the gas station by themselves. Etc.
anonM says
Thank you for this, anon at 11:31. And to the other anons saying don’t say anything directly to your parents, please believe me when I say that the hard thing about CSA in a family is that it IS trusted adults who do this. My grandfather was a complete shock to me, and it happened around me for years, but I didn’t know until the survivors were well into adulthood. His children were shocked, and still claim he never did anything to them as kids. My parents obviously trusted him. I loved and trusted him, too. I stayed weeks with my grandparents, and nothing happened to me but it did happen to other grandkids. Finding this out changed my world, in short. So, when I say that part of being proactive to me is that I DO tell my own mother the rules, and that the rules change based on age, I’m not trying to be a micromanager. The kids need to know about body boundaries, but adults need to know YOU are aware and you won’t tolerate BS. I’m not saying tell your mom “don’t molest my kid” but you could say “Hey, I know this may all seem obvious, but a couple of things for the week. DS is now old enough to get changed and showered and sleep totally independently. He shouldn’t sleep, nap, or watch TV in your bed, and he doesn’t need help washing.” You tell DS “you know the routine, you shower yourself, and if any grownup tries to help, just let them know you can shower alone.” Just like you might not say “hey mom, don’t let my kid shoot a gun!” but you might say “just checking that you’ve double checked any guns are safely locked and stored separately than ammo- I’d rather sound paranoid than have any issues, mom!” FWIW, the people who I think would get huffy about me with these rules do not, in fact, get overnights with my kids. There’s such a stigma to this, and I’m fine being one voice saying my family seemed great and “normal” and loving, and this still happened. When you learn more, you try to do better.
Anonymous says
I think it’s fine to remind the kids, but I don’t know what good admonishing a bad adult not to behave badly would do.
Anon says
anonM, I’m so sorry for what your family experienced. Anecdotally, sitting here today, I can think of like four friends who were inappropriately touched or heard some weird stuff from a grandfather. In my family, we somewhat naively referred to my grandfather as losing his filter. Ugh. Looking back, we normalized some really weird statements that thankfully never went any further.
So, yeah, I agree with you, and tell my kids all the same things you do. I was also a gymnast in the Larry Nasser era/location (though thankfully escaped abuse), and there is tremendous value in telling your kids, again and again, don’t let a person with authority over you (coach, teacher, grandparent, priest, etc.) do something that doesn’t feel right for whatever reason. Trust your gut. No secrets. We have a code word with my kids that they can use that they know will get them immediately removed from a situation, no questions asked.
My kids are older, but I’m so glad we had these conversations starting very early, as all of this has been just good foundational stuff to have in place as they get more independence now that they are spending more time training with a travel team in their sports or want to go away with a friend for a weekend.
Anonymous says
Honestly it’s wild to me that you’re trauma dumping on a mom looking for reassurance. Like these reminders would stop a predatory. Like it’s an actual risk of kids getting molested at a gas station.
anonM says
Anonymous at 2:27 PM. Wow, this is really one of the worst things I’ve read here in a long time. I’ll be taking a break again from the site. I tried explaining why I think these reminder ARE important and DO help, as I have researched the topic a lot. Not sure what a gas station has to do with any of this??? And, you are fine to have a different approach, but I’m absolutely not willing to just throw my hands up because these reminders may be insufficient to stop predators. I’m honestly shocked that you’d bother commenting on what is very clearly very personal and upsetting to me and say it is trauma dumping. I am an actual person….anyways, bye Corporette Moms! Many of you have been wonderful, and I appreciate the largely helpful comments.
Anon says
AnonM, I’m coming to this late, but I agree with you that consistency from caretakers does matter. Grandparents do have to be informed because this knowledge wasn’t part of parenting when we were growing up!
Anonymous says
My oldest has been away from us many times, but occasionally gets homesick. I try to schedule a FaceTime in the middle of my trip to check in with him. It doesn’t always “fix” the homesickness, but it’s something. He gets a tummy ache when he’s homescick, just fyi. It really mystified me the first time it happened; that’s the only reason I mention it. I bet he will have a lovely time! Enjoy the sun!
Cb says
Thanks everyone! My dad moved over to be our nanny for 5 months before we could get a spot in daycare, but haven’t done tons of overnights.
He needs a bit of help showering (grandparents’ shower is trickier than ours) but I’ll remind him to ask for privacy when he needs it. My mother in law is visiting and he asked her for privacy when it came time to get changed which I was surprised about since he hasn’t shown any self consciousness before.
I think he’ll have a blast, just got a bit nervous as we were going from 2 nights away, T at home, to a new location. But he loves my parents’ house and feels comfortable there, his room is set up for him, they know the routine. They live pretty rurally so it’s him, mom and dad, and the neighbourhood goats/sheep.
Anon says
CB, I often feel like your life feels like a storybook, and now *I* want to go spend a week in rural Europe with goats and sheep. Your son will have a blast, and you will have a nice break!
Kids & Funeral Help says
Can anyone help me navigate talking about death/religious tradition around death to a very smart, inquisitive almost 6 year old?
DH’s grandmother passed away last week and we’re flying to their city for services in two weeks. DD knew great-grandma and knows she died. We’ve had a lot of good conversations about death since she passed last week. DD has asked some smart questions and while she is sad great-grandma is gone, she’s mostly just very matter of fact about the Q&A so far. She know great-grandma is in Heaven with grandpa (DH’s dad died right before DD was born).
DH and I are reformed Catholics. Both confirmed, I even went to Catholic HS, but did not get married in the church. We are strongly opposed to the Catholic church for a variety of probably pretty obvious reasons. We do have immediate family who still goes to Mass weekly (including DD’s own generation), are baptized (she is not), etc. I think I’m still grappling with my own faith identity, tbh, which is complicating my confidence in how I plan to talk about all of this with DD.
Here are the real questions:
(1) Great-grandma has been cremated and will be in an urn at the services. DD knows about being buried but cremation is a whole other topic. Thoughts on how to address?
(2) The Catholic funeral mass itself. DD has never been to church but for cousins’ baptisms which are more chaotic than anything, so they never generated big questions from her, plus she was younger for those. I’d say we are spiritual but not religious at this point in our lives, though DD doesn’t know what God is or the concept of a higher being (feel like that’s a major failure on my part but it just never really came up?? I feel like I really failed at this part of parenting…).
We want her to go because the whole family will be there and I just don’t think avoidance is the right answer. Plus I have a newborn that I’ll be baby wearing and she’ll hate to be the odd man out, left with a babysitter she doesn’t know. I think she’s mature enough to handle but I just am at a loss of how to talk about what she’ll be seeing at the Mass. She will have lots of questions that I’m willing to answer but need some talking points/guidance. Thoughts on 1 or 2, or just generally?
anon says
1. Being buried takes up a lot of room. Some people choose to have their bodies burned so they don’t take up so much room. (You could also say something about removing the water, if that would resonate with your kid – we’re 70% water.)
2. Mass is long and boring. Stand when people stand, sit when people sit. My kids were never really listening at Mass anyway; that’s why they have faith formation.
Cb says
My smart, inquisitive 6 year old had a death phase and gets a lot of god at (public… scotland is weird) school so I we talk about how cremation is better for the environment, and how different people believe different things about what happens when you die. Be prepared for some zany responses – my son’s religiosity is a mix of Jesus and Odin…
Emma says
On point 2, I wouldn’t worry too much. I’m the child of lapsed Catholics and went to mass for various family events. My parents answered questions as they came along the limes of “we don’t believe in this, but grandma does, so it’s important to be respectful”. I didn’t ask questions on the finer points of theology until much later. I was mostly bored in mass, so I would get something quiet to keep her busy if possible. I did like the music and had a phase of wanting to be Catholic too because my cousins were getting first communion parties and gifts. My parents were open to discussing but didn’t push it and it passed on its own.
Anon says
i have 5.5 year old twins very into discussing death. i think a lot of “different people believe different things, this is what X believes” along with asking them what they think. i actually asked my daughter’s preschool teacher about a related topic and she said it is very ok to tell your kids that you don’t know, so sometimes mine will ask me what dead people do all day and I’ll say that I’m not really sure and I don’t know if anyone knows, but what do you think? or lets imagine what they could be doing, etc.
Anonymous says
1) I think you can be straightforward. My kids have asked about cremation and seemed nonplussed when we told them.
2) Answer questions as they come up. She’ll probably think it’s interesting for a bit. I think experiencing different religious services is a great part of life and education! We are practicing protestant Christian’s (I was raised Catholic but very much align with Protestant beliefs) but sister/mom are devout Catholics. When we go to Mass for first communions etc I just explain that different religions or denominations have different beliefs or rules. My 6yo has a lot of questions, the 4yo just sees it as another church service. Sometimes the 6yo asks her cousins about specifics.
Burnt Out says
I’m drowning at work. I loved my job this time last year, but in the interim, we’ve had an opening in my (very small) department that took forever to fill (for both internal and external reasons), structure changes, multiple parental leaves and multiple special and consuming projects adding extra load to our small team. I am doing double duty covering for someone who is out on leave for the next few months and I’m going into this so burnt out already. I’ve been at my company for years and I’ve loved it up until the last 7 months.
I’ve had multiple miserable and consuming jobs (as an attorney). When I got to this company years ago, I felt that I had finally–at long long–found something stable that allowed me to have a life outside of work and balance to allow me to be present with my kids, and, unlike other places I had been, seemed to be functioning and smoothly operated. I feel like I am experiencing the loss of what I thought was a wonderful job. I’m fearful to leave this company because I’m been at some terrible companies, I don’t want to get somewhere worse. And, this was a wonderful and stable place to be until the last 7 months. I figure I should at least push through the year and see if it gets better/back to normal.
I’m not sure what I am looking for. Advice for those who have been in a similar position? Anecdotes about good jobs ebbing and flowing? Perspective from those who have been at terrible companies in the past and carry the fear of moving somewhere new? Advice to how to get through a terrible stretch that is months long, not just a few terrible weeks?
Anonymous says
Ask for support. Tell your boss you’re drowning and no, it’s not feasible for you to do two full jobs and what does she suggest changing.
Spirograph says
Sooooo I was you. I don’t know that I ever “loved” my job, but I was content with my job for years until a merger/acquisition and reorg significantly increased my workload. Intellectually, I knew I was in for turbulence and tried to tell myself that there was a light at the end of the tunnel past all the integration growing pains and consolidation work and I just needed to white knuckle through a few months, but about 15 months in I’d hit a breaking point and it didn’t see it getting better in the foreseeable future, so I talked to my boss and stepped back to a smaller role. I feel like I’m still recovering from the burnout 6 months later. My biggest regret is not saying something more forcefully, sooner.
You shouldn’t need to do double duty to cover for months of vacant positions. That’s what temporary resources are for. Or re-prioritization. Speak up and ask for help! Come with solutions, whether it’s a revised timeline, a list of projects/tasks that could be shifted to a someone else’s responsibility, staffing firms that could source a short term contractor, etc, and see what your boss says. If there’s no appetite for making some changes to alleviate an unsustainable workload… you might need to accept that your company is no longer functioning and smoothly operated. It sucks, but it’s an important data point as you decide what to do next.
Anonymous says
When this happened at my longtime employer it never got better, only worse. Eventually I was directing three times as many projects as was normal, and the org was not providing adequate staffing or tech resources to complete the projects successfully. A huge tech failure affecting a major client, over which I had zero control, got blamed on me by the client, and management steadfastly denied that the problem had even existed. I was unable to respond to requests for bids because the internal approval process had slowed to a snail’s pace, and I was continually told to push deadlines out with clients and funders because of the capacity issues. I stayed a full year beyond the point when I should have walked out, and my professional reputation took an irreparable hit. I finally quit and am in the process of making a transition to a new field. TL/DR: start looking now. It won’t ever get better. Understaffing is a negative feedback loops that is almost impossible to break.
Anonymous says
If you’re already burnt out and you have to do your work and another person’s work for the next several months . . . how is that even possible? Serious question. Their actual plan is to have you doing two full-time jobs for several months, while they are also giving you responsibilities in additional special projects?
If they don’t see any of this as an increasing emergency that needs to be solved, then yes, start looking for work. If you can see people with the authority to make decision and spend money doing everything possible to solve this, then there seems to be hope that this is temporary.
Anon says
My child is in kindergarten, and recently had a playdate with a new friend where the parent brought a small hostess gift – a whole pie. Silly question, but should I be reciprocating when I bring my kiddo to their house? Fwiw, my kiddo and I have been to the other family’s house previously and had not brought anything, because I didn’t think this was a thing on playdates, but I don’t want to be rude.
Anon says
I wouldn’t reciprocate. It’s a nice gesture but it’s not expected.
Anon says
I am not a fan of hostess gifts at all — it’s another barrier to getting together and thing to stress about. That said, twice we’ve had play dates and the other mom has sent a snack for the kids to have; in the summer one sent popsicles, another friend brought donut holes. So you could go that route if you really want…I’d worry about cementing this as a habit, but if you want to reciprocate once it might be nice.
Anonymous says
It’s not a thing but my twins have a friend whose mom did this initially. They were new in town and I think looking to make friends (which was fine with me too). I reciprocated by sending something low key and kid focused (I think decorated sugar cookies) so sort of like a snack for the kids at the playdate, and then I think the next time mentioned when we texted about the time that there was no need to send anything.
The No Club says
I don’t think there’s a “should” here. I’ve also experienced this, some parents bring snacks/gifts along to the playdate, some don’t. I tend to try to reciprocate if it’s not too much trouble, because that parent has communicated that they think bringing a snack or gift is polite/expected. But I don’t initiate it or expect it from others.
anonM says
Organized moms – please help. What’s your advise for dealing with all the papers and requests from elementary school? I’m getting overwhelmed — every day there are multiple info sheets, holiday celebrations, 100th day of school celebration, various fundraisers including a monthly penny-war type thing. It’s not so much that I mind bringing in a thing of frosting on Feb. 14 or donating spare change for xyz cause, but the mental energy of what feels like remembering something on a specific day every week and the pile of papers is just a lot. Do you volunteer for every school event, or pick a number of year to shoot for? Do you donate an item for each celebration, or do it when you have the extra energy? I’m feeling the need to have some order to this, as DS is the first of what will soon be 3 kids. (Our daycare/preschool has some special events/projects, but it is predictable and about five things a year that I now have memorized, so the change to elementary school with the apps, teacher emails, teacher app messages, school emails, PTA emails, homework and suggested homework, etc etc feels like a lot). I’ll add that DS has a 504 plan, so I’m already meeting with the teacher and handling that, so I want to be involved but also….I work and am pregnant so trying to pace myself here. I realize this is very individual and preference-based, but wondering if others have some kind of system or parameters that help them cut down on the stack of papers and decision fatigue.
Anon says
I’ve posted before that I’ve found the switch to elementary school very difficult from an organizational perspective, and I only have one kid who is not in a huge number of activities. It’s just so much “more” than daycare in many ways and I feel like I’m only now a month into second semester getting a handle on things. I use Asana and everything goes on the calendar, with multiple calendar entries for things that need to be planned in advance like the 100 days outfit. I also try not to let things linger – so if I get a request for a donation I either decide not to donate and delete or decide to donate and donate immediately before moving the email out of my inbox, etc.
I shamelessly unsubscribed from the Dojo notifications. It was really stressful for me getting notifications like “kid got a point for being kind!” “Kid lost a point for being disruptive!” I feel like if there’s any serious issue the teacher will talk to me.
Anon says
I have a Kindergartener and I am adjusting to this chaos as well. Right now I have way too many personal reminders on my work calendar, but it is what it is. We share Outlook calendar details within our team, and I guess my colleague now know what days are French Toast days at lunch, that I have to bring in 5 eggs for an Easter Egg hunt in March, that my son is still in uniform for this field trip but out of uniform for another field trip, etc. I calendar everything because I’ll miss it otherwise, and I use my work calendar because I look at that way more than my phone. I’d love to hear other answers to this as well.
Cb says
Yeah I use my outlook for everything but I am an academic and most of my colleagues couldn’t find my calendar for a million bucks…
My husband deals with aftercare, scouts, and classroom comms, I deal with uniforms, planning, and camps.
I set a volunteer target for the year and when it’s up, it’s up. For me, that’s 40 hours across community and school events. And I try to have my thing – I do some special politics sessions for the older kids, help with the uniform bank, and help with active travel related things. Our PTA is increasingly sensitive to the cost of the school day so we don’t get a lot of money requests but if we did, I’d donate £100 at the beginning of the year and ignore any small requests.
Anonymous says
I do the absolute minimum and focus on what my child will care about. So I volunteer to attend one daytime thing a year and that is it, I never volunteer to donate anything unless it is a whole class thing where everyone brings something, and we do not buy new things for Spirit Days.
anon says
Everything goes on the family calendar. Even the little things, like bring a can of frosting on the 14th. On Sunday afternoon, I have a ritual of going through the calendar and the school emails and making sure we’re on top of things.
No, I definitely don’t volunteer for everything. It is truly OK to pick and choose what works for your schedule and your interests. I aim for one event per semester.
I donate items when I have the time and energy.
Also, I promise you that nobody at school is keeping track of your involvement as much as you think they are.
What else?
Anon says
Solidarity. DD is in K and I just gave birth. Because DH and I are both on leave we’re able to do more things at school (volunteer at the library, etc), but wowza. The fall was a hot mess.
We prioritize classroom/teacher direct asks and projects. After leave, we will aim to volunteer in the classroom 1x/semester, more if work allows but it doesn’t often allow. The projects/theme days (we had 50, 80 and 100 day projects….. don’t get me started) also get done because DD looks forward to them. Thankfully her teacher gives us typically 2 weeks advance notice. The needs (costumes, art supplies) are written down on our grocery/target/whatever list and purchased that next weekend. Ideally DD would be responsible for some of this herself, but it’s just not a reality at this age. I’m hopeful that now that we’re more than halfway through our first year of elementary school we’ll be able to better anticipate for the remaining years and younger children.
For PTO stuff, I honestly just write a check and call it a day. We’ll attend the cookouts, Halloween parties and things if schedules allow but we don’t bend too far. “‘No’ is a complete sentence,” and I’ve not leaned on that phrase so hard in my life as I am right now. Second most common refrain around here is “every family does different things”, which we lean on hard when DD complains that so-and-so’s mom is in their classroom “all the time” (and there are def a few that are there a LOT). It’s a season, and I’m trusting that later in like DD will recognize that we did our best and provided in other ways.
Anonymous says
I also hate this and am the one weird parent at meetings because I bring it up. I don’t want parents in the classroom often. It’s distracting, they aren’t trained, it makes other kids sad. I’m not rude or anything but I take every opportunity to say “we need to remember that many children do not have a parent able to volunteer during the days and that not all parents can afford to participate in 7 spirit days a month.” Idk j feel like we have to start standing up for ourselves.
Anon says
except for better or worse, the schools need parent volunteers to function. in our school it is mostly not in the classroom – might be in the cafeteria or the library or you can sign up to be a reading tutor, but if the parents aren’t there – who is going to do those things? [and i say this as someone who does not want to spend a lot of time in the classrrom]
Anon says
+1
Anon says
Right, the book fairs, some of the assemblies, the class parties, etc all rely on room parents and the PTA. It’s less fair to ask teachers to take on these extra responsibilities. I agree that spirit days and buying unnecessary stuff is another question, and a valid objection. But public institutions rely on the work of volunteers, for better or worse. (And for every kid that is sad, there is a kid embarrassed their parent IS there. It’s a learning opportunity for both sides)
Anon says
I hardly ever do field trips, but chaperoned one earlier this year. My sweet 10 year old son ran around with the other kids and ignored me the entire time — UNTIL the moment I was going to leave, when he burst into tears as I was leaving, which made him feel totally embarrassed in front of his buddies. It, honestly, felt a like a huge failure in all respects!!!
Anonymous says
No they really don’t. They’ll take free labor if they can get it but schools can and do function just fine without parents all over the place all the time.
ifiknew says
I definitely just ordered a shirt on amazon for 100 days of school for my 1st grader and she was totally fine with it even though it was 2 sizes too big ha. Last year, I gave her a white shirt and dot markers and she made her own shirt. Did hers look like a 5 year old made it (yes) and her friends had way nicer ones that parents helped a lot with, but my husband is always remininding me that if i dont enjoy it and its not a core memory for my kid, let it go. I throw away everything when she brings the folder home after reviewing it and anything that needs a “to do” goes on my calendar or to do list. I only volunteer for things that involve my kid i.e. eat lunch with her, go on a once or twice a year field trip. i dont volunteer at the library or do PTA for example, even though im so glad people do..
Anon says
Tangent, but: if you can’t let your kid make their own shirt in kindergarten (that they’ll wear once with no larger consequence whatsoever), when will you back off. Bravo for letting your kid do her own work and feel pride at her own accomplishment.
Anonymous says
My oldest is in first grade and I have 3 year old twins who attend day care while I work. Day care doesn’t have a ton of extra stuff but it’s always during the day so I skip. My twins cannot handle me coming and going. We do attend their Christmas pageant since it’s held in the evening.
1. First grade papers: I review weekly and trash everything except something he’s super proud of. We don’t have homework but sometimes his teacher will send something he needs to work on. We do it together then it goes in his backpack.
2. Teacher requests: she emails the parents. I send what I can, when I can. I volunteer when work is slow. I prioritize this over PTO, if I’m being honest.
3. PTO: I write a check when asked. Our school has a ton of SAHMS who treat PTO like their job, so I don’t feel guilty. I’m happy to help when asked, but I think they have a bevy of volunteers.
4. All the extras, like 100 days of school: YMMV but we mostly ignore this stuff. I’ve told kiddo he can let me know when he wants to participate but he mostly doesn’t care. We did a bunch for Christmas but skipped 101 days of school dress like a Dalmatian. I have informed him that I do not buy clothes/accessories for activity days.
5. Everything goes on the calendar: meetings, report cards, silly sock day, birthday treats, etc.
Anon says
i have two in public K and this is my first experience with kids in elementary. i work part time. at the beginning of the school year I added all of the events/dates from the PTO calendar to our shared google calendar. I am co-class mom for one kid’s class, though that can mostly be done via email. I actually like that the school uses an app (in addition to email and paper fliers) because I can find all the info in one place. we don’t have HW this year. We’ve had a sort of uniform, so i have the free dress days on my calendar. i have been in each kid’s class three times- once to teach an art lesson that any parent can sign up for, once to teach about Hanukkah, and once for their winter party. Not all of the parents were there for the party and between the two classes, only one kid cared that their parent wasnt there. Maybe i’m a grump, but i would’ve been happy not to be invited to the party. i learned from this site the concept of ‘touch it once’ – meaning i try to handle it asap so it doesn’t get forgotten about. we are in the midst of a ‘penny war’ and so the kids remind me and have found some spare change to bring. i am trying to be somewhat involved for a few reasons – we are trying to establish community, we are in a school district currently undergoing a lot of drama and parental involvement overall seems to be what keeps schools good, i kind of feel like everyone should do their part within their own limitations (even if that part is as small as donating 1 dollar). My kids both also have speech outside of school, one is in OT and one in play therapy, so i have to manage those as well. There is no right or wrong. i will say that as class parent for one class, the only thing that has been super annoying to me is that for each class we’ve have a class directory and we ask at a minimum to fill in your kid’s tshirt size bc we are required to order class shirts. if you dont want to provide your email, phone number, etc. fine, but it is really really frustrating to me that parents can’t do something as small as that and while i don’t at all take it personally, you should at least do what you can to make the people’s lives who are volunteering their time a bit easier.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Probably not as organized as others here :) DS #1 is in K, and I have committed to a committee that meets quarterly, and then that’s it for now. I’d like to get more involved long-term, I just don’t have the bandwidth right now.
As for remembering all the things – that’s constant whack-a-mole. I agree with the calendar suggestion, but sometimes I just tackle it as it comes – e.g. got a message that teacher is asking for XYZ for ABC event – I’ll make the Amaz*on order as soon as I get the message, etc.
Anonymous says
I take care of the thing or set the reminder as soon as the request comes in. Establishing a “family” e-mail account that you use for all kid-related purposes can help with this—you can check it once a day when you have bandwidth instead of having the e-mails come in all day to your regular account.
Anonymous says
I don’t volunteer for school events — we usually have more than enough volunteers so they go to a lottery system for who gets to do it, so I feel like my help isn’t needed.
For everything else — every evening and I through the paper and either take care of the thing right away (“send in $2”), or put it on the calendar and add a reminder on my phone for an appropriate time (usually the night before or morning-of). If it’s an event I don’t care about, I just toss the paper. I also follow my kid’s lead on what’s important to her and what is not.
I figure no family is 100% at these things, and I don’t aim for that. Sometimes we forget things, and that’s fine. Not worth the stress.
blueberries says
My kids go to a public school that wouldn’t be nearly as good if parents didn’t contribute money, time, and sometimes stuff like party supplies.
I give what I can joyfully give, but not so much that I resent giving. I also give big enough contributions that I feel good that I’m doing my part, so I feel comfortable saying no to the requests that I want to say no to. Occasionally I say yes to things that I don’t want to do, but need an extra volunteer or more money.
I go a bit out of my way to make things easier on folks who are doing jobs that I really want done, but I don’t want to do, like the room parents who collect money for gifts to the teachers for winter holidays and birthday (I give promptly, generously, in the manner requested, and make no fuss if I think the gift plan isn’t great).
As for spirit days, I let my kids drive their participation in those. I’ll let them know when they need to tell me if they want me to order something, but I view spirit days as something purely for children to get into (or not), even in kindergarten.
Anon says
I do as much as I possibly can the moment that I read something. So, when I go through my inbox and I read the frosting email, I add frosting to my online grocery cart, add a calendar reminder, then delete the email, and forget about it until the day of.
I run into decision fatigue and pile up when I leave everything for later. I spend more mental energy and time seeing an email that I didn’t take care of immediately, then if I just do it right away.
I also have a note card taped to my computer with all the users/passwords for my various school accounts. Nothing stymies progress quicker than going to pay my recorder fee but I can’t remember my PTA account.
DC SMC says
I have a four month old and consistently got ads for Lovevery on Facebook and instagram. The toys look interesting and the advice about what to do with a baby at each age would be great. But it seems so expensive for what it is. Has anyone got the playkits? Was it worth it? Or are the ads just playing into my lack of self-discipline when shopping because of sleep deprivation?
Anon says
I got it with my third baby from about months 3/4 to 13/14/15. At that point he started having his own interests and playing with actual toys with his brothers, so we stopped. But I did just get the 32/33/34 month box (or whatever is just before age 3) because it had some things I thought he’d like.
I do think the materials are unique and fun for kids. Not every one is a hit, but many have been HUGE hits. I am a Montessori hobbyist and so I source a lot of materials on my own, which is another reason we stopped subscribing.
One thing to keep in mind is that Montessori focuses on materials that develop one or two particular skills – when a kid masters them, that is often it and it’s time to put the material away. Lovevery is kind of a hybrid and they bill some things as toys that can be used open-ended for longer, but that hasn’t really been our experience.
Especially if you think you’ll have more kids I think it makes sense; small babies don’t need tons more than what’s in the boxes. The quality is fantastic and stands up to a lot of chewing and tossing. Even if not, they have fantastic resale value (people pay above sticker price for the books in particular).
Anon says
I had the same experience as Anon at 12:39 pm. I bought the kits from months 3/4 up to 13/14/15. Around that age, the kits just seemed to get repetitive– they included more and more puzzles (when DS hadn’t mastered the puzzle from the kit before). The kits also included a lot of games that had little pieces, and DS went through a big throwing phase, so I thought they would just end up a mess. I am planning on buying a few of the 3 year old kits that seem like toys DS would like.
We found a lot of the infant toys to be open-ended and sturdy. DS still sometimes rediscovers them and plays with them and is close to 3 now. I also appreciated the books with suggestions of things to do with DS when he was a baby. As I mentioned, the 1-2 year old boxes have not really seemed like a good fit for DS’s interests, so we haven’t gotten them. Some of the 3 year old boxes do. Yes, they are expensive, but a lot of the items are actually more expensive to buy on your own, and I like that a lot of the items aren’t gendered. Like, I really think DS would love the dollhouse, but I’ve had a hard time finding one that is a reasonable price and isn’t pink.
Patricia Gardiner says
We got them through age 3 and I loved them – the toys are so beautiful and high quality, and many (not all) of them were extremely engaging. Still overpriced but we all really looked forward to opening each new box.
busybee says
We got the kits from month 8/9 through age 2. My daughter loved some of the toys and didn’t love others. Overall I think the kits were worth it for us. They’re well made and open ended, so the baby toys have found new uses now that she’s a toddler. Some of the toys were too advanced for her when they arrived but she grew into them. As someone else noted, there are a lot of puzzles! She’s not into puzzles so those didn’t get used much. She especially loves the books. In hindsight I wish we had started at month 5/6 and might get that kit for my now- 3 month old twins. That box seemed interesting.
Abby says
I LOVE lovevery. I actually buy the kits secondhand on FB Marketplace, but would pay full price if I didn’t find a mom who kept her kits packaged for resale. They are so well made and I anticipate either using with my future kids or reselling.
MiSight contact lense experience says
I’ve posted here before, but looking for experiences regarding MiSight, a therapeutic contact lense for kids to slow down myopia progression.
Kid is 8 yrs old, is at -3.25 and -3.75 dpt, which worsened by 0.5/1.0 dpt from last year. It is certainly genetic as I am at -6.75/-9.0 dpt, so I can see a similar path of progression.
I think compliance with contact lenses would be good as my kid is quite mature, and I have decades of experience with contacts.
Lydia says
oh I had an older version of these as a child! orthokeratology lenses — they were hard contacts. Later I had ones that were large hard contacts (the size of soft contacts but…hard). I got them in 4th grade and wore them until college. I think they slowed my myopia some, although I am still quite nearsighted (-9 in one eye, -9.5 in the other). The lenses were fine; the only thing that was hard was that some of the hard lenses had to be removed with a small plunger that suctioned them out of your eye. Also, my eyes were often red, but I did live in a very cold dry climate.
I now wear regular soft lenses and have no problems with them.
Anon says
I post occasionally, and need some reassurance today. DS (3) has been working with his current ST since early November on expressive language and articulation, and is making really solid progress. Kid is putting sentences together – still a lot of one and two-word utterances, but that’s also being a small child. I know articulation is likely a longer game, so the focus is more expressive language.
For parents with kids that had ST for minor delays – when did you feel that your kids “caught up” on expressive language?
Anonymous says
DD had a mild expressive but not receptive language delay. She caught up within about 4-6 months but YMMV of course.
OP says
Thank you. We are in the same boat – receptive is really solid (as of now), but it’s more like “conversation” that he’s working on.
Anonymous says
It’ll build – one day it will be mostly 2 words together, then it’ll be 3, then 4 etc. Starting group daycare at age 3 instead of being at home with a nanny also helped.
The biggest adjustment that DH and I had to make was to not speak to her receptive level because she would not contribute because speaking seemed to involve big long sentences that she could understand but not replicate. We made a big effort to speak in 4/5/6 word sentences as much as possible.
Hanen org. Has good info on this.
Anonymous says
We started our 4-year old son in ST in October, and just in the last 3 months there’s been huge improvement. We’ll do a check-in at 6 months and he may not need it after that.
Anonymous says
Anyone have suggestions for places on the internet to converse with others about TTC that are… sane? Trying for a second and it’s taking a while, and I would love to talk with some likeminded people, but what I remember from the forums from my first is that they were full of… gross abbreviations. I am not on FB.
Anon says
Maybe Reddit? I know it’s a huge place but the search algorithm is pretty good and I could find lots of targeted threads on topics of interest at each stage. The commenters seemed pretty normal, too. I didn’t make an account so never commented, so I can’t speak from the POV of actual conversations, but it was the best resource I found this time around
Anon says
Reddit is saner than any of those baby boards.
Anon says
I’ve posted some TTC/early pregnancy questions on the moms site and got some lovely, helpful responses.
Personally, I find some of the reddit pages a bit … negative. The sub I frequented actively won’t let you post that you’ve received a positive test lest it triggers others, which I understand and I’m sure it’s a great resource for those who are really struggling but it can get a bit overwhelming to never see success stories.
I enjoy the mumsnet forum, but it’s very UK based which might be less helpful for a US audience (although I still find this site useful as a UK reader!)
Anonymous says
Can anyone recommend a 12-pound weighted blanket with a removable microplush or minky cover? We have one from the Threshold brand at Target that is perfect, but it seems to be discontinued and we need a second one. I cannot find anything similar anywhere.
Anonymous says
We have one from Bare Home (they have a website plus Amazon) that we like, which has assorted duvet covers.
Anon says
Anyone else have a rough experience with flu this year? I have it now (yes, I got the vaccine) and I’m sicker than I’ve been in many years.
Anonymous says
A friend has it and ended up going to the doctor. Apparently the H1N1 swine flu virus from 2009 is going around right now. I had it back then, and I remember being really miserable.
Ugh yes says
YES! We have flu A in December and it was miserable. My husband and I were both sick at the same time, which made it doubly rough taking care of the kids
Anonymous says
My niece had to be (shortly) hospitalized, mother in law said it was the worst she’s had.
Anonymous says
Afternoon vent: incompetent cable company workers busted the water main and we are without water. My husband refused to go to the gym half a mile away for his afternoon constitutional, so he has already used up the single flush on one of the three toilets in the house. And he has just started the keto diet so I don’t know what kind of restaurant we will be able to find for dinner. It is going to be a long night.
Anonymous says
Ugh! You probably know this but if you can buy some bottled water, if you pour about a gallon of water – probably less – into the bowl that will flush a toilet.