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It’s only mid-August, but the fashion calendar is squarely in fall. M.M.LaFleur’s fall collection is full of favorite silhouettes in rich new colors and prints, like this blouse.
One of my first M.M. purchases was a basic black Didion. I absolutely love this washable silk version in their “faded print.” The rich colors work with both browns and blacks, so I can wear it with countless pants and skirts I already have.
Wear it now solo and add a jacket as temps drop.
This blouse is $275 and available in sizes XS–XXL. It also comes in two other versions for $195 (lucky sizes only).
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anon says
Does anyone have a recommendation for an heirloom-quality baby book (a memory book)? I’ve been doing some Googling and some of the options look pretty hokey or have those terrible AI-generated cursive fonts. I’m looking for something with more of a classic, understated vibe that we can fill out out and paste a few pictures in. Any recs welcome.
Also, I’d also take recommendations for nice pens to use in it! I’ve never owned a nice pen before and our daily ones are smudgy.
Anonymous says
I thought the Artifact Uprising Story of You baby book that we got was beautiful and high-quality, although I will admit that my experience was limited because I spent 20 minutes once making three pages and then never touched it again. (Sorry to my baby.)
Anonymous says
That is how baby books work.
Nashville says
+1. I am convinced that a photo album you can write notes in the margin of will always be superior to a baby book!
TheElms says
I have 2 from Peachly (on Amazon) that aren’t heirloom quality but they are fairly unobjectionable in terms of design and the paper is nice quality. I wrote in them with a sharpie and that seemed to work and not smudge or fade.
Anonymous says
If you are at all concerned about something lasting, I would look for acid-free paper and use an acid-free pen. SAKURA Pigma Micron Fineliner Pens would be a good choice I think. Or Prismacolor Premier Fine Line Markers.
anon says
Second this advice, as a historical archive enthusiast and a recovering Mormon ;)
Scilady says
I got Promptly Child History Journals for my two children, and gave to my friends. I liked more of a journal prompt – it asks questions for each month throughout the first year, and then each year until 18. It also has places for thoughts, as well as incorporating several pictures or artwork.
anon says
I like “The Short Years” enough to use it again for Kid #2. I wouldn’t say it’s exceptionally nice, but it isn’t crazily stylized either. I actually filled the whole first year, mainly by filling it out on my phone while pumping.
Anon says
My 3-year old daughter is in the horrible process of dropping her nap. My 6-year old was always more of an easy sell on quiet time, but the three-year old is not having it. What would you do/did you do? I think we need to do it though – when we let her sleep, she’ll sleep for like three hours and then fall asleep around 10pm. When we cap her nap at an hour, she screams & cries for an hour when we wake her up and then falls asleep at 9:30pm. I really can’t take either of those anymore. The last couple of days we are doing 6:30pm fall asleep and 6am wake up, which seems ok??
Anon says
That seems like a lot of grief to go through for just an extra half an hour of her sleeping at night. Do you really need to cap the nap? That said, I admit to being confused as to the tension between the “sleep begets more sleep” camp and the “cap the nap” camp – everyone seems to be experiencing different things.
Anon says
it’s different at different stages. as babies, sleep begets more sleep. as they need less sleep you kind of have to move more to the cap the nap territory
Anon says
+1
although I think there’s an element of “sleep begets sleep” for older kids too. We’ve noticed that when our daughter goes to bed late, she wakes up too early (I’m envious of everyone with kids who will sleep in after a late night). But naps definitely needed to be capped beginning around age 2.5-3.
Anon says
Honestly, if I could have eliminated the nap for my 3 year old and got her to bed at 6:30pm, I would have jumped for joy. Unfortunately, my kid was at daycare and would fall asleep when they did quiet time (they had to try to get them to sleep due to regs and she would always fall asleep), and they were not allowed to wake them up once they were asleep. When she would nap, she wouldn’t fall asleep until 8:30-9pm. We tried to do quiet time at home, but my kid never really was sold on it either. If no quiet time, no nap, bed at 6:30pm and wake up at 6am is the least stressful to you, I’d just roll with it.
GCA says
This was my experience too, with both kids. Daycare naps and 9:30pm bedtimes during the week, quiet-time refusal and 7pm bedtime at home on the weekends. Sometimes we did a stroller or car nap on the go during the weekend. Hang in there — that nap-dropping process is hard.
Anonymous says
We dealt with the transition by capping the nap around 30-45 mins. Would try to do a gentle wake up like picking up and cuddling for a bit then a favorite snack in the kitchen. Often didn’t nap at daycare and then did nap on the weekend.
Anon2 says
A 6:30pm bedtime would not work for our life, so when my kids are in that stage I often plan car naps for the early afternoon on the way somewhere. Kiddo gets to sleep for 20ish min, then we are at the library and he’s distracted/excited enough to wake up and go in without a fuss (or a playground, or the grocery store to get a lollipop, etc)
But re quiet time, get a visual timer and start small. 10 min, then 20 next week, and gradually work up. Let her bring a special toy to her room to play with, or pull out some new sticker books so she enjoys the time at first
Anonymous says
This. We often drove the long way home from an activity to allow a 20-30 min car nap and then took our time unpacking the car on arrival.
Anon says
I’m pretty convinced that my kid started reading so young due to quiet time.
She dropped her nap really young – 2.5 or so. It was right when her brother was born and we needed her to have quiet time.
We would do ~1 hour in the afternoons (first hour of her brother’s nap). Rules were she had to stay in her bed (she was already in a bed after climbing out of the crib a few weeks after she turned 2!) and could have books or stuffed animals in bed with her but no toys, had to be quiet (no signing in bed, for example), and had to stay there til we came and got her. Then we’d have 1:1 time for the rest of her brother’s nap.
I think the key was giving her something to do so she’s stay in bed, but not something so stimulating that it’d keep her from resting. She complained about being bored, but we knew she needed downtime.
She started reading in pre K and was onto chapter books by age 6 (she started the little house on the prairie series in 1st grade and finished it in 2nd).
I know she started reading during quiet time because when I went to go get her up one day she told me she could read Hop on Pop, and then she showed me and she was right – she could read it!
I think she’d be an early reader regardless, he verbal skills have always been strong, but keeping an active kid in bed for an hour when she was bored definitely sped it up.
She’s now a teenager who still has low sleep needs, loves and is skilled at reading / writing, and is high energy.
Anon says
quiet time did not work for us, largely bc we have twins who share a room and one wouldn’t stop talking/singing, the other one was kind of tired and maybe wanted to sleep, then they would throw stuff out of their cribs, etc. and at the time we did not have another room to separate them. we did bedtime at 6:30 and they basically slept 6:30-7. that last hour they were awake they were GRUMPY, but sometimes i miss having that whole evening to myself
Nashville says
I’d 100% take the 3 hour nap and 10 pm bedtime, haha. That sounds kind of sweet to me? 6:30 bedtime seems crazy early for a 3 year old.
Anon says
I’d probably try to push it back and get on a 7-7 schedule (which I think is a pretty typical schedule for preschoolers who don’t nap) but I would 100% prefer a 6:30 pm bedtime to 10. I’m asleep before 10 pm myself most days and need at least an hour after kid bedtime to unwind; I would be completely dysfunctional if I had a young child going to bed that late!!
Nashville says
But it sounds like the other option the child is giving her if she does a short nap is 9:30, and that skipping a nap is truly awful for everyone? I just personally wouldn’t turn down three hours off in the middle of the day to gain 30 minutes at night and peace the rest of the day. I might *prefer* a certain bedtime, but if the kid isn’t showing any capacity for that bedtime, I think you have to roll with the kid you have, not the kid you want.
Anon says
It sounds like the kid is sleeping fine (6:30-6) with no nap. It was a shortened nap that was causing screaming and crying and still resulting in a 9:30 bedtime, so I agree that seems like the worst option. Unless you’re a SAHM you don’t really reap the nap benefits though; an early bedtime is way more time “off” and I don’t think there’s anything weird about a 3 year old going to bed at 6:30. It’s on the early side but not way out of the normal range.
Nashville says
Ah, if the kid was fine 6:30-6, then I think there’s no question at all here! I assumed that was causing issues—otherwise, I don’t know what was being asked.
I WFH, and not hearing my child through the walls for several consecutive hours does wonders for me in terms of deep work, even though I’m not the primary caretaker during those hours. But if the nap is happening at an outside the home care facility or preschool, agree that there’s no benefit to the parents of a longer nap.
Anon says
My 3yo sleeps 9-6:30 or 9:30-7. My kids have all been low sleep needs; I can barely fathom having kids who sleep 11+ hours!
Nashville says
Same here! I don’t think my kid has gone to bed before 8 since they learned to walk…jealous of the people who are saying 12ish hours seems normal!
Anon says
Lots of good advice here, so won’t pile on. What I will say as a parent to a 3.5 year old is………3 is the worst.
Anon says
The woooooorst
Anonymous says
We are in the camp of cutting the nap and early bedtime. My 7yo still sleeps like 7:15pm-7am every night. My oldest did quiet time fine, youngest is super extroverted and acts like time alone in his room is a human rights violation sooooo he watches TV for a bit in the afternoon. DH and I enjoy the kids going to bed early.
Anonymous says
Our kid dropped her nap before age 2 and we never bothered with quiet time after that. Since yours wants to nap I think quiet time is more of a risk than it’s worth. Just let her stay up all day and sleep all night.
Cb says
First day of school and my son was so happy to be back. We took our annual photo with T and his best friend and then nearly sobbed looking at how grown up they’ve become between primary 1 and primary 3. And my husband and I took our annual long cycle ride to brunch after drop off.
TheElms says
https://www.amazon.com/Peachly-Minimalist-Keepsake-Milestones-Scrapbook/dp/B099ZGGC9K?ref_=ast_sto_dp
Anon says
Paging twin moms, or I guess moms of kids close in age….I have b/g twin 5 year olds who are just LOUD, like ALL the time…I feel like such a grinch because they are so happy, but it’s like constant nonsense noise when they are around. A lot of time it’s nonsense noises – like one will make a silly sound or make a silly face, then they both erupt in laughter, then the other one tries to do something silly back. They wrestle, they play, they sing, but they are just constantly making noise :) I find myself asking them to quiet down bc the noise stresses me out (and sometimes it’s hard to have a conversation with anyone else in the room – husband or older child). Or, if they aren’t interested in the dinner conversation, they’ll make faces at each other across the table, and just be cracking up the whole meal. I’m …glad they love each other a whole bunch, but I can’t figure out how to get some peace and quiet without killing their joy to be with each other. They want to be near us, so if we move, they typically move with us (and our house isn’t huge, so there aren’t that many places to go).
HSAL says
My b/g twins are 6 (and an 8 girl). Serious suggestion, noise canceling earbuds. Not during dinner or when you’re engaging but if they’re playing well together? Sure.
Anon says
When I’m in this headspace, it’s a sign I need more time at home with no one else there. Is it possible that that’s a need for you that isn’t getting met?
H13 says
Does anyone have a book or resources for teaching kids environmental/body awareness in public places? (Not even sure those are the right terms!) My 11yo in particular tends to be lost in his head A LOT and, try as he might (and he does!) , he struggles with being cognizant of things like the flow of traffic, passing appropriately, etc. I find that when we are out, there is already so much going on that it feels hard to focus on teaching/reinforcing. I’ve thought about taking an outing to focus on it exclusively and then ending with a treat of some kind. Other ideas? He’s matured a lot in the last year but this still needs work and modelling the behaviors isn’t cutting it.
anon says
No book recs, but can you fit in little bits of practice/teaching, even if it’s not the focus?That way you can get more reinforcement in than you would from just the occasional devoted practice.
When I’m driving, I’ll point out safe behavior and unsafe behavior (“that car went even though it had a red light, but luckily the pedestrian looked and waited to go even though they had a green light”). Out and about on foot, I’ll ask my child if it’s safe to walk before crossing the street. For something like concerning behavior from someone else, I’ll talk to them after about why we crossed the street to avoid the man with no shirt loudly talking to himself.
Anonymous says
Does he have ADHD? If so, medication may be the answer.
Anon says
i realize it’s only the beginning of the year, but how do i help my 1st grader not become ‘obsessed’ with one particular kiddo. last year all i heard about was “Jane.” I hope I am in Jane’s class again and after learning she is not, I am going to look for Jane at recess, etc. Now kiddo is obsessed with “Mary” who is in her class this year. I played with Mary at recess, I want to bring a friendship bracelet to school for Mary, etc. and kiddo has not mentioned Jane at all. I think it is wonderful to meet new friends and expand one’s circle, but I also don’t like the idea of dropping one kid like a hot potato/only focusing so much on one kid.
Anon says
Just let your kid be. It’s good she’s making friends. As long as she isn’t being mean to anyone, let her navigate this. Is “Jane” feeling left out?
Anonymous says
+1 This is not a big deal in first grade.
Nashville says
I would not intervene in this situation as you are describing it.
Anon says
I would not majorly intervene, but would probably remind kiddo she can be friends with both Jane and Mary and there’s no reason to drop Jane out of the blue. My first grader needs that reminder sometimes.
Anon says
I think this is very normal at this age. My daughter who is going into Kindergarten can be similar. Friendships are still often a function of circumstances at this age – Mary is in her class, so she sees her more, so it makes sense she is more focused on her now. But as another poster mentioned, I think it is fine to remind her that she can be friends with both Mary and Jane (and other kids) at the same time.
Anonymous says
I think I had a new bestie every year until like 4th or 5th grade? It’s usually just who is in your class. My enduring friendships were 2 girls in my neighborhood. Then in middle/high school developed deeper and more long term friendships
Anonymous says
I’d have playdates with lots of classmates.
Anon says
I remember a poster sharing that their 10-year-old DD who has a mild ND diagnosis was struggling with social interaction with peers, and that they were navigating getting some help/support lined up for DD. I’ve been thinking about you/sending good vibes as the school year starts in various places – please share an update if you are around and feel inclined.
FVNC says
Anon, you may be referring to me…my daughter fits this description and I posted about her a few weeks ago. Thanks for the good vibes! She has an appointment scheduled in a bit with a neurodevelopmental pediatrician (after a 6+ mo wait, which I consider short for this specialty!) and I’m hopeful that will help us understand her particular situation and identify resources that can help. She’s had a great summer at various day camps and I hope that will give her confidence to go into the school year and make new friends if indeed her friends from last school year have moved on from her.
Anonymous says
What should I eat for dinner the night before the 3-hr GD test?
Anon says
Something you normally eat – that’s what I’m planning to do for my 2-hour test coming up. I want the representation to be as accurate as possible for my normal diet, so I’m picking a meal that I eat often and not making any alterations. I won’t be specifically restricting anything.
Anonymous says
+1 The goal is not to ‘pass the test’, it’s to understand if you have or are at risk of having GD. Eat normally.
Betsy says
Agree with this! You want an accurate result from this test, not to “pass”. There are so many complications from untreated GD that can make your pregnancy and birth a lot more difficult. Whereas if you have it and know, you can control through diet (and meds if diet isn’t enough) and bring your risks way down. Eat what you’re normally eating, regardless of what that may be.
Anon says
Drink lots of water! My mom told me that helps, and while I’m not sure it is 100% accurate, I did pass my 3-hour after failing my 1-hour and the only downside was that I had to go to the bathroom a lot.
Anon says
Is that supposed to game the test or make it easier to draw from the vein? I don’t think it’s a good idea to game the test in any way – if you have GD, you need to know.
Nashville says
This is 100% true. GD isn’t like cancer, where you have it or you don’t. There’s just a cutoff above which glucose levels are worth the costs of medical intervention. Trying to game the test to just duck under that cutoff doesn’t make sense, because then you have the risk but no additional support in managing it.
That being said, as a small vein haver, the multiple sticks really are easier if you’re hydrated, so I’m all for hydrating well from that perspective!
Anonymous says
I would eat protein in an attempt to do anything I could to reduce the chances of barfing.
Anon says
In my experience (and what I’ve gleaned from talking to others) little dietary or fasting changes seem to make a difference only in the 1-hr test. If you fail the 3-hr you have GD, and if you don’t then you won’t fail with your normal diet. I do believe you have to fast starting 8 hours ahead of time, though.
Anon says
Wow, I just caught up on yesterday’s thread about “are you where you expected to be.” It’s eye-opening to read how many women approaching age 40 feel like their careers are not as rewarding as they expected, and quite a few women feel like their jobs are just “good enough”or disappointing in some ways. I often felt like I should have accomplished more (have a better employer, higher level job, higher pay) yet my priorities have changed now that I have kids, so I’m just treading water at work trying to juggle. It’s reassuring to know how common that is.
ifiknew says
Same. I actually have the opposite experience professionally. I always thought I’d be a SAHM to the point where I decided I couldn’t be a doctor when I was 15 because it required so much schooling and I knew i wanted to be a SAHM. However, I fell into a equally “big career” and became really good at before kids and was able to negotiate a highly paid part-time position that feels like the best of both worlds most days.
Happily married with two kids. Having kids has been a lot more anxiety inducing and so much more work than I could have ever envisioned, but being a mom is the greatest honor and privilege of my life. It’s been the only natural outlet for what I consider to be my strongest personality traits given my career doesn’t use any of those traits.
It’s never lost on me how much luck, hard work, planning etc. all have to come together to have a full and happy life. I am working on practicing more gratitude. It’s difficult to think about how much I complain about such trivial things on a regular basis, when I step back like this and realize how lucky I am.
Waffles says
I wonder how men in similar situations would answer the same question. Maybe similarly, as only so many people can end up in leadership positions.
My husband would likely answer that he got his dream job, and that he would like to have had one more child, but it wasn’t feasible.
Anonymous says
My husband would answer that nothing in his life turned out remotely as he had envisioned it in his early twenties, when he imagined that he would work at an ad agency and live in a cool loft apartment until he got married and moved out of the city to a farm, where he would have a golden retriever and raise four strapping boys who ran around outside playing ball all day and were on a zillion sports teams. His wife would have a glamorous high-powered high-paying career for him to brag about but also do all the parenting and housework invisibly. Not sure where he was going to work after he bought the farm–maybe take a train into the city every day? Anyway, he ended up working in IT from our guest room in the suburbs in a part of the country that he barely knew existed before we moved here. We have one artsy girl who has never once played outdoors by herself, refuses to play any sport involving a ball, and enjoys rock climbing and math. I work for a nonprofit and he does at least half of the housework. We do have a dog that was advertised by the rescue as a golden retriever but turned out not to be. And he does brag about me.
Anon says
My husband’s life turned out pretty much how he envisioned, I think, except we had two kids instead of one but that was a mutual decision after our first child was born and I think today he actually feels more strongly about being one and done than I do. I’m very happy with one but could have been talked into a second if he felt very strongly. He has his dream job (tenured prof at a top research university), but he had a passion for his career that I never did, so I don’t know how much it can be chalked up to sexism in the workplace (although I’ve certainly experienced it).
Anon says
I mean, one kid instead of two! He originally envisioned two (just based on his own childhood, I think) and we had one.
Anonymous says
I’ve shared this before, but sharing again in case it is helpful – I found this article about mid-life career regrets (or just ennui) really insightful. And I think it applies to more than just careers; in midlife, it is natural to reflect on the road not taken and realize we no longer have limitless potential or choices. https://hbr.org/2019/03/facing-your-mid-career-crisis
Anon says
Yes, I’m very happy with all parts of my life except my career, but I do think there’s something about having all your major life milestones and decisions behind you that can feel kind of sad and limiting.
Anon says
this is a VERY first world question – how do you decide where to vacation with your kids? we could afford to take our kids to Europe, but neither DH or I went on vacations with our families to Europe as kids. I was fortunate to go on a summer program and spent a month in a small town in Spain when I was 16. I was in absolute awe of the architecture. I took rolls of film of ceilings of a castle (I literally took one roll per day I was there). It was such a special experience. I have to think that if I had gone to Europe on a regular basis, I would not have been so excited by the experience. I want there to still be new things for my kids to experience.
Anon says
Europe is a very large place and, just like the US, changes all the time. I wouldn’t worry that you’re somehow going to deprive your child of exciting travel experiences by exposing them as a kid! I could go to Paris every year and not run out of new things to do. Plus as they get older they’ll appreciate different things.
That said, I’m currently trying to pick a european destination myself and can’t decide, so no specific advice! (My sibling lives in London, so combining a family visit with a trip makes Europe a good destination for my family).
Anonymous says
It’s basically a venn diagram of our interests, what we have time for, what we can afford, what’s a good destination weather-wise for when we can take time off work, and what our kid (4 yo) is reasonably going to be able to handle. Kiddo loves being outside, hates being stuck in a seat for a long time, and isn’t yet interested in history/museums, so our trips this year were all US-based road trips to hiking destinations with many stops at rest stops with playgrounds. Spouse and I only did relatively short family vacations as children for various reasons, and definitely nothing international. I wouldn’t worry too much about spending time finding new things – we regularly take an off-season long weekend trip or two to a vacation destination in our state, and kiddo finds new things each time.
Anonymous says
+ 1 to basing it on your own interests and kids interests no matter where you are. Our kids have been to Europe a lot but have done far more hiking and swimming than anything else. We did go to the Science Museum in London this year so might try more museums in the future.
I often google ‘ten best playgrounds in X’ before trips whether here or internationally. Germany generally has fantastic playgrounds.
Anonymous says
You’re not going to run out of things to see. If anything it will make them dream bigger. When I was a kid I went to Europe once with my parents and once on a school trip. I never thought places like South America or Asia were options. My kids are used to travelling to different countries in Europe and have bucket lists with places like Japan and Australia and South Africa.
I love travel and DH is from Europe so we take the kids every year and add on some nearby city or new place. I love that it makes it normal for them that people speak multiple languages, and they are competitive with each other on their Babbel scores in random languages.
We don’t spend a lot of time in bigger cities when in Europe. You don’t have to do expensive tours or wait in line for hours. Usually we do one classic/iconic stop per trip and then chill in a week long rental in a smaller city.
Anon says
I mostly agree with your first paragraph, although I do think there can come a point when you can get a bit jaded about travel and feel like there’s nothing jaw-dropping left to see. I feel like I’m getting there a bit myself, but I’ve been to 60-something countries. I don’t think it happens to kids just because they’ve been to Europe a few times.
Travel says
I get inspiration all around, but I try to match the destination with the kids’ current stage. We did go to Europe when the kids’ were 4 and below and therefore a bit more portable to carry along as we soaked up the atmosphere and random playgrounds. As they got into early elementary, the focus has become more outdoors, beach/nature/animals as they don’t have the temperament for a city vacation nor plentiful museums and it would be an exercise in frustration on both sides. Will likely revisit as they are in middle school and starting to do more history classes or may be into city destinations.
I don’t worry about spoiling them by taking them to destinations, but I am more cautious on HOW we get there, so it is all economy flights and generally decent yet not extravagant hotels. it also helps our travel budget stretch further afield.
Anon says
My kid is only 6 so we pretty much go where DH and I want to go. We’ll give her more planning input as she gets older. We try to plan activities she’ll enjoy but at this age she doesn’t know Paris from Istanbul so asking for her input on international destinations would be kind of meaningless.
We did stick to Europe and North America/Caribbean when she was 5 and under, and have only recently started traveling outside that zone.
1st day blues says
First day of 2nd grade and kid is a mess. Her bff and all the other girls she regularly plays with were put in the other class, and she got stuck with the mean girls, and new kids. She’s so upset and I kind of am too. I think there were some politics at play, like she was left in the other class to keep average test scores up or something like that. How are all these excited happy kids in back to school photos even real? praying someone is nicer to her today than she deserves due to her horrible attitude about it all.
Anon says
private or public school? if public and you only have two classes per grade – wow! it is hard. I am the OP above with a first grader. my kid was initially upset that her twin sister is in a class with a lot of girls they already know, while most of the girls in her class are new (there are also only 8 girls in a class of 22)…and as my post might indicate, in two days she’s made some new friends. that is super hard though and only natural for your kiddo to feel left out. i think you should validate her feelings, offer to schedule playdates with the other kids, and uch as a parent it really sucks watching your kids learn lessons, like sometimes stuff is unfair, bc it is not fun as a parent to be stuck with a grumpy kid. this is why i miss having a 2 year old.
Anon says
My public elementary only had two classes per grade. Some elementary schools in our district only had one class. My daughter’s elementary has 8, which seems giant.
Anon says
Admittedly private school, but lower school is 2 classes each with about 15-17 kids.
Anonymous says
yep, my niece’s public school only has one class per grade after K (where they had 2 classes of 7 kids)
anonn says
is that a rural school?
Anon says
This is easier said than done but when things like this happen to my kids I try to remind myself that sometimes life is going to be tough for my kids and that it’s important for them to learn they can handle it. How else will she develop confidence that she can navigate being in new groups down the road if she doesn’t have the chance to grow those skills? Or survive rocky social times in middle school or high school (which every kid has) without going through a lower-stakes disruption when she’s younger? I’d try to manage my own anxiety so that I’m not projecting or making things worse. It’s one year, she’ll find kids she likes and if not she’ll develop some inner strength.
anon says
This. It sucks and it’s hard, but this is part of growing up and developing resilience.
Anon says
It’s not the case that toughing it out through negative social experiences in school always leads to confidence, inner strength, or resilience in adulthood, even in supportive families. I wish schools would just work harder on helping kids stay with classmates since it matters to kids and adults would care too.
Anon says
I personally like the mixing up of classes every year. It disrupts bad social dynamics, which can be far more harmful.
My son is a little socially awkward and tends to attract a lot of emotionally needy/disruptive kids. The teachers may see them as “friends” because my son puts up with it (and they don’t seem to have any other real friends) but I am glad when they are put in separate classes.
(And yes I feel for kids who are having a hard time, but it doesn’t mean I want my 8yo hearing the F word all day every day, and I want him to have space to make friends with others.)
Anonymous says
+1 I do think it’s problematic if the school puts all but one kid in a close social group in the same class, and our district avoids that. But generally I like the mixing too for the reasons you mention. I also think good districts make an effort to pair kids with teachers who are a good fit for them, and that often necessitates separating friendships. I’ve been incredibly impressed with the teachers my kid has had; they’ve all been perfect for her. Could I have gotten her in class with a BFF if I’d pushed, probably. But then who knows what the teacher dynamic would have been like.
OP says
yes! I think I’m feeling both of these things. I want her to have grit, but also not hate life so much
Nashville says
Strong co-sign. What a wonderful opportunity to help your daughter develop emotional regulation and resilience skills that will last her her whole life. Be soft, listen well, and if the situation devolves into cruelty, intervene—but otherwise, this is such a great way for your kid to face a surmountable obstacle in a safe space.
OP says
I think I’m more concerned about the academic side. I want her to stay with the “nerdy” girls as opposed to the drama/tik tok girls.
Anon says
That will self select as academic tracking begins in upper elementary or middle school. I actually have a preference for my kid being exposed to the kids who aren’t at the top of the class in elementary because I know soon she’ll only be around the kids with good grades, and I think there’s value in meeting people who aren’t like you.
Nashville says
Gently, while I totally get the instinct, I don’t know that it’s healthy for parents to try to influence their kids’ friends (other than trying to steer your child away from children who participate in actually dangerous activities, obviously). Let her see if she can find common ground with any of these girls (or the other girls in the class); at this age, interests and cliques form and dissolve so quickly that she may well find friends who are even better suited for her interests than the friends she had last year.
It sounds like she is pretty good at articulating her feelings and concerns and feels comfortable sharing them with you, which is a wonderful thing. I think reflecting calm and hope and being an always open ear (which is what I’m guessing you’ve been doing this whole time!) will give her the space to mature through this well.
Anon says
I’m sorry. We just went through a smaller scale version of this with my first grader. 3 of her 4 closest friends from last year are all in the same class, and she and the fifth girl are both in separate classes (not together). The first week went better than expected. There’s a girl from Girl Scouts and a girl on her soccer team in her class so she has people she knows, and she still sees the besties in various contexts (one is in Girl Scouts, one does aftercare with her, etc.) plus they all get to see each other at lunch recess.
I’d try to set up play dates with the new girls (their families will probably really appreciate it!) and also continue trying to see the besties outside of school. I think it’s likely that by the time the besties drift from her (if that even happens) she’ll have a solid new friend group.
Anon says
My second grader got put in a class with kids she didn’t know last year and it took half the school year before she really felt like she had friends and was happy with school. The first month was the hardest, but it took longer than I expected for her to turn a corner.
The silver lining is that this year I’m far less worried about who will be in her 3rd grade class, as she’s now friends or friendly with most of the girls in the grade so there’s no chance that she won’t be placed with friends this year.
op says
public. we are lucky to have a smaller school in a big city, kind of a unicorn. I tell her she’s good at making friends, the new kids will need friends. Try and role play ” Hi my name is Jane, want to play?” Very much miss having a happy kid. spent the morning looking up private school options, but jeez not willing to sacrifice all that money and a crazy commute for unknown differences.
Anonymous says
New kid could be the new best friend. My rising 5th grader’s best friend is a kid who just joined their class last year.
Anonymous says
It’s been one day, right? Give it some time.
Anon says
+1 this seems like a pretty extreme reaction before you even see how the year is going
OP says
oh yes, I think my own PMS is playing an outsized role here too. DH talked me down, it’s been a weird few weeks, routine has been non-existent, poor sleep, lots of excitement, etc.
2-year-old sleep woes says
My 2.5 year old (a previously an amazing sleeper) has stopped sleeping through the night, and for the last month, has now getting up 3-4 times per night and coming to find us or into our room. She will walk or be carried back to her room calmly and lay down in her bed, but then is up with the same request again, sometimes in a few hours, sometimes in 10 minutes. Last night, I did this dance with her from 3:45am – 5:30am until she finally fell asleep again, and I find a better solution. I’m at a loss and hoping some of you may be able to help me!
This all seems to have started during/after a trip where she shared a room with her older brother and began climbing out of the pack n’ play. Upon returning home, she started hoisting herself out of her crib, so we transitioned her into a toddler bed. We’ve explained to her that when her nightlight is red, she needs to stay in bed. She verbalizes her understanding, but she does not care. We’ve let her sleep in our bed, but that’s but then we don’t sleep while being whacked in the head or kicked in the stomach. We’ve stayed in her room until she’s fallen asleep, but when she wakes up, she leaves her room. I’ve let her have her Tonie box in bed ; I’ve given her a melatonin gummy at bedtime… Other than locking her in her room, which I’d prefer not to do, I’m at a loss. She’s been potty trained for about two months, but other than that, nothing has changed in her daily life/normal routine. Is there something I’m missing? Does she have some emotional need we’re failing to meet during the day? Does anyone have any ideas to help me solve these nighttime woes? Thank you for reading and any advice you might be able to share!
Vicky Austin says
This may not work since it sounds like she is such a climber (sympathy, my 16 mo is secretly Spiderman), but what about a regular baby gate in her door? This way you haven’t locked her in and she can call for you, but she can’t – maybe – get out.
Anon says
We used baby fences (like a playard thing?) around my toddler’s floor bed, until she learned how to unlatch it. Ditto with a baby gate on her door. This is technically locking her in, but may feel less extreme?
GCA says
Will she sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor? My 6yo still does this on occasion, citing ‘bad dreams’. Sometimes we don’t even notice, she just goes to the potty, crawls into the sleeping bag, and quietly goes back to sleep.
Another thought – you say she is recently potty-trained. When kid 1 was day-trained but not dry overnight, he started waking up and freaking out in the middle of the night. Eventually we realized his body was sending a signal that he needed to pee.
anon says
two things you could try that have worked for us with different kids:
1) Explain the day before what your new rule is and talk through how she wants to handle it. Then that night, bring her back to her bed every time, hug and kiss (or whatever you agreed on with her – short song, 10 second backrub), shut the door. Do this as often as necessary for the entire night. Do not relent at any point. Accept that you just won’t sleep.
2) Tell her that you understand she might need to get up in the night for some reason (potty, a bad dream, whatever) and give her two or three paper tickets. She can choose when to use her tickets but that is all; after they are gone you will lock the door. When she gets up make sure to collect a ticket and remind her of the policy. I found that in time, they stopped using all the tickets and just wanted to know they had the option to. Eventually we discontinued tickets without fanfare.
You may need to get a child lock to lock the door from the outside if necessary; I have also spent a night outside the child’s bedroom to return them immediately to bed before they even made it out of the bedroom. Don’t be angry with them, just super neutral, almost bored with the whole proceeding (easier said then done when you’re exhausted at 3am, I know).