CorporetteMoms

85 Comments · by

Accessory Tuesday: The Day Loafer

Everyone· Recent Recs

These shoes from Everlane have been in my cart for the last few days, and I’m about to order them. I hesitate because I have a really hard foot to fit (narrow, flat arch, narrow heels) and it’s rare that shoes I order online actually fit comfortably. What makes me optimistic about these is the elastic back, like on my favorite flats, the Sam Edelman Felicia, and they’re advertised as soft leather with no break-in period. I know that’s probably just marketing, but I’m crossing my fingers! I like these in the black, which has a brown sole, but the reddish color is also pretty tempting. If they are like the Felicias, then I anticipate having them in several colors! They are $155 and come in sizes 5–11. (Note that they run small.) The Day Loafer

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    What are those things called that let you wear your pants a little longer before you need maternity pants?

    • Anonymous says

      BellaBand was the original, but I think there are Target knockoffs.

    • Lana Del Raygun says

      Besides the bands, you can get a thing with a button on one side and a button-loop on the other, and a fabric panel below to tuck in and cover your underwear. It’s called a … “pants extender,” I think? “Waistband extender??

    • TheElms says

      A hair tie will also work while you wait for your belly band to come.

    • Anonymous says

      YMMV, but I found the band (Target knockoff version) to not be very helpful and felt like my pants were falling down. I ended up doing a lot of skirts/ dresses during the period where my pants no longer buttoned but maternity pants didn’t stay up.

      • AwayEmily says

        It’s so interesting what works and what doesn’t depending on the shape of your particular pregnant body. I also could never get the bands to work at all. I also couldn’t wear the under-belly pants — they NEVER stayed up. But I know other people who found the over-belly pants super uncomfortable and swore by the under-belly ones. Goes to show that recommendations can only take you so far — at some point you need to just see what works. Thank god for return policies!

      • Pogo says

        +1 to what AwayEmily said, although I was on Team Belly Band. They really worked well for me and I used them even in much later stages to avoid buying maternity shorts. I wonder if that was due to me carrying high? Like the band itself didn’t need to do much work – my waistband area didn’t change shape much. I distinctly remember using the band at like 8mos pregnant to wear jean shorts, because I was adamant I did not need to own maternity jean shorts.

      • Anonymous says

        I actually used my Belly Band (Target version) more after pregnancy on my way back down. I liked that I could get back into some old clothes with it, and it felt like it smoothed out my tummy without getting in the way of nursing.

  2. octagon says

    A dear friend has just been put on full bedrest at 24 weeks for placenta previa. She’s a SAHM to an almost-2-year-old girl. She’s in a different city so sadly I cannot just pop in and lend a hand, though I’m contemplating taking a few days to go help out. I’d like to send her some interactive books, activities or toys for the toddler that she can do while lying on the couch. Suggestions?

    • Anonymous says

      Lots and lots of stickers and paper to stick them on. Maybe some fancy crayons or washable markers, too.

    • Anonymous says

      I would recommend one of those magnetic drawing boards – no mess :) I was in your friend’s position – on bedrest with a 20 month old toddler. If you could visit her and enlist others to help that would mean the most. Services were the top items on my wish list- babysitting, meal prep/grocery delivery and dog walker.

      • Anonymous says

        Oooh, that made me think of magnets. One of our friends had a small white board (think of the kind you had on your dorm room door) with a bunch of cool magnets for her kiddo to play with.

        You could also search on Google or Pinterest for Toddler Busy Bags. We have 5-6 of those that we used for travel. Threading cut up straws on pipecleaners was a big hit.

    • Anon says

      Reusable sticker books – they’re like vinyl clings. Magic Stickers is one brand, I think Melissa & Doug makes them too. Also suggest a remote control car for toddler. Cartoon RC Race Car I think is the one that my mom got my kiddo when she was 18 months and it’s still going strong months (and lots of abuse later). The build quality and sturdiness was definitely designed with toddlers in mind (and at a recent dinner party, I witnessed multiple adults playing with it, ostensibly for their children).

    • Anonymous says

      I would definitely go to help out if you can!! I had placenta previa earlier in my pregnancy and bed rest with a toddler was my biggest fear. Hopefully her parents can come help or they can afford to put the toddler in some sort of PT daycare.

    • CCLA says

      In addition to services, if she doesn’t already have them I suggest magnets (we got the hollow magformers at the rec of daycare teacher). We ordered a set for when new baby came as gift for our then just turned 2-year old, and she was mesmerized and self-entertained for like an hour+ as long as someone was nearby on the couch.

  3. anon says

    OK, fair warning. My feet are long and skinny and should be perfect for Everlane shoes. But I splurged on a pair last spring and it was such a regrettable purchase. They HURT! They squeeze my pinky toes and the elastic is almost too good — it really cuts into my heel, even in the next size up. Annoyingly, they seemed fine when I tried them on at home. They just didn’t cut it in my real-life activities.

    • FVNC says

      Thanks for the reminder about elastic-heeled shoes. I was tempted by these, but then remembered every pair of shoes I’ve owned with elastic in the back has cut into my heel!

  4. Anonymous says

    Piggybacking off the shoe comment above– does anyone have any recommendations for dress shoes/ brands that work well for a wide forefoot and narrow heel? For reference, Asics fit me well as running shoes. Thanks!

    • lsw says

      I wish I knew, too! I have been trying to go a half size up or get wides, then add a pad underneath the …what is the front part of your foot called? Basically in the toebox of the shoe. I learned once at a shoe store that a pad there (in the front) vs. anything in the back helps keep your heel in the shoe. That really works for me.

  5. lawsuited says

    Thanks to those who weighed in last week about going in-house. I accepted the offer today, and the relief I feel is huge. It’s definitely the right move for my family. 10 minute commute! No docketing! 4 weeks vacation I can actually take because there’s no billable target!

    • Anonymous says

      Congratulations! I am trying like h*ll to get in-house and keeping the faith during the job search Is wearing me out. I hope to get to write this post some day soon.

    • Anonymous says

      Congratulations, that sounds like heaven! I remember your story from last week. Do you mind sharing if your firm has any rules on paying back maternity leave benefits if you leave before a year? I posted this question last week, but it was late in the day.

      • lawsuited says

        I live in Canada so I collected federal “unemployment” benefits during my 12 week maternity leave. My firm did not pay me at all during my maternity leave, which is fairly common here because of the availability of the federal benefits, so there’s nothing to pay back.

      • Anon says

        If you’re trying to get anecdata, my biglaw firm (one of the biggest) didn’t require mat leave benefits to be paid back when I left within a year of mat leave.

        I have the impression that many firms are happy to see associates who have additional demands at home leave voluntarily—more pleasant and cheaper than trying to force them out. Requiring repayment of mat leave would make it harder to get associates to leave voluntarily.

        • Anon says

          +1. I think it’s pretty rare in Big law to make you pay it back. I agree they don’t want to discourage associates who are already leaning out from quitting.

          • Anonymous says

            OP from above. That is my thinking, but this is what our handbook says: Any attorney who voluntarily separates from the firm within 12 months following a paid parental leave, will be required to pay back the firm a pro rata amount of the leave based on the separation date, e.g. an attorney takes 10 weeks of paid leave and voluntarily separates from the firm six months following return from leave would be required to repay 5 weeks of leave pay.

  6. Tea Recommendation says

    I’d like to give a coworker some nice tea as a small gift while she’s going through a rough time. I know she is a tea-drinker, but I am not. Could anyone recommend a nice brand of tea to give in this situation? Bagged, not loose please.

  7. Anon says

    How do you respond to your partner saying, “Why should this be my responsibility?”

    • Anon says

      Hard to say without more context…is it because he doesn’t believe the task needs to be done? Because he thinks he already does 50% and doesn’t believe he should have more on his plate? Because he thinks you’re better suited to doing it than he is? (Note: not saying these excuses are valid – but it’s hard to know how to respond without knowing why he’s pushing back.)

      • Anon says

        Sorry to all, I didn’t realize how vague that sounded (it’s playing very loud in my head). He definitely believes the task needs to be done – in fact he is much more worried about it getting done than I am, but won’t do it, which is why it’s an issue. I think he doesn’t believe he should have more on his plate because the task should be “my job.” I am not sure what he is counting as already on his plate, or why he’s concluded that some things are just “my job.” I guess I’m just looking for language that gets through the “well it’s your job, you’re the wife” fog.

        • Anon says

          Caveat – he hasn’t actually said “well it’s your job, you’re the wife.” I just have a strong sense that if I asked why it’s “just my job,” we’d drill down to some deeply internalized gender role crap. Trying to figure out how to get his attention that I need that answer to change, I guess?

          • Anon says

            Depends very much on what this task is. From your comments it sounds like it’s a “typically” wife-assigned task (“it’s your job, you’re the wife”), so is this a laundry/cooking/cleaning thing? If he refuses to do (task) because “wives do (task),” call him on it and tell him to eff right off with his sexist expectations. But it’s hard to say for sure if we don’t know what the task is.

          • Anon says

            OP – yes, it’s laundry. Basically the deal is that I don’t mind wrinkles in clothes, so I don’t always get up and get the clothes out of the dryer right when they’re done. Husband likes his shirts to be wrinkle free, so I’ve tried to get them out on time or give them an air dry to get the wrinkles out if I forget. We moved this weekend (!) and I had a basket of laundry that had been done at the old house but had sat in the dryer there, so wrinkly. I threw it in the dryer at the new house for a quick air spin last night, and then promptly got the shirts out and hung them up. Apparently this wasn’t enough, because this morning he took the shirts out of his closet, came into the other room where I was dressing, and threw them into the laundry basket. I said, “Hey, I just hung those up,” he said, “They were too wrinkled,” I said, “well we own an iron,” and he said, “and?” I just stared, he left to finish getting ready, and we both went to work without saying anything else. I would also like to add that I have been sick with a nasty cold for a week and not slept well, and he’s also felt sick off and on. I plan to talk to him about it and I definitely think this is fixable, but I need help with the phrasing.

          • Anon says

            Yeah, that’s ridiculous. I would just stop doing his laundry completely, honestly.

          • Anonymous says

            Honestly talk more. If laundry is your job, to me that means you get all the clothes from dirty to wearable, and hanging up shirts too wrinkly to be worn isn’t helpful. If ironing his button downs isn’t something you are going to do, then you need to renegotiate what laundry means as a task.

          • Anonymous says

            If you don’t get the laundry out of the dryer right away, fluff it for 10-15 minutes when you’re ready to get it out. I’m not saying that you don’t need to have a division of labor discussion. But if the problem is wrinkly clothes, there is a solution.

        • AIMS says

          It’s his job if he wants it done a certain way. It’s that simple. If you delegate you give up having control over exactly how something should be done (obviously within reason, you don’t get to do a crap job of something on purpose).

          But a possible solution for your very specific issue: non iron shirts. Mr AIMS buys the brooks brothers non iron ones and we just hang them to dry on a hanger, no dryer, and they always de-wrinkle perfectly within minutes of him putting them on.

          • rakma says

            Other possible solution: my Dad didn’t like the way Mom did his dress shirts, so they went to the dry cleaner. Since the dry cleaning was his responsibility, he wasn’t adding another task to her pile, but he got his crisply ironed shirts.

            Also, rewashing clean clothes is my personal pet peeve, and I’d be livid if anyone put clean clothes in the hamper because they were wrinkled.

    • Anonymous says

      Probably extremely angrily, but I think I would need more details in this case to formulate a coherent response. Are you juggling too much? Is this something that makes more logical sense for them to do?

    • Anonymous says

      Usually by explaining why I think it should be his responsibility. But also what’s the point of context free posts like this?

    • Cb says

      With yelling, but seriously, we need more information here. We have a policy of your family = your problem but otherwise, try to split along strengths as much as we can. So I do all kid shopping but have no idea how to turn on the vacuum cleaner, etc. The only hiccup comes when it is something only one (let’s be real – me) cares about something.

      But we have a safe word which ensures that we take each other seriously when we raise concerns.

      • Anonymous says

        Just saw your comment above about

        Okay so I just saw your response above. My Dad wrote his bar exam in 1976 and has ironed his own shirts my entire life. It didn’t occur to me that anyone would think my mom should do it until MIL made a comment at some point. DH would be lucky if I didn’t laugh in his face because he suggested that I should iron his shirts. I’ve ironed his stuff plenty of times but always because I offered, usually when he was getting ready for a rare business trip.

        Ironing is a separate task from laundry because everyone has different views on what needs to be ironed and how it needs to be done. DH rarely irons his stuff but when he does, it’s perfection. I iron my stuff all the time and don’t care if it’s perfect as long as it is mostly wrinkle free.

    • anon says

      If you are the laundry doer in your house, but he prefers his shirts to be less wrinkly, there are a few options.
      -switch up the division of labor so that he does the laundry and you take on a different task
      -you are each responsible for your own laundry
      -you can still wash the clothes and do your best to get them out in time, but if they are still too wrinkly for him, then he can iron/steam them
      -if it’s in the budget – outsource this!

      it also sounds like you have had a lot going on with illness, the stress of a move, etc. though i would still be super annoyed with my husband if he responded to me like that.

    • Pogo says

      We have this specific conflict in our house. I either (1) don’t do his laundry or (2) do it to his specification, but only putting into it that extra loving care for his stuff and am less concerned about mine (meaning, I hang his stuff up immediately but leave mine in a pile until I get to it, that way the whole process doesn’t take forever). I have realized part of it is the way men’s shirts are vs women’s synthetic knits (which are what most of my washables are), in that I can let them sit a bit longer before they’re wrinkly.

      I also set a timer on my phone so I know when the laundry is going to go off and get it immediately.

      However, my husband doesn’t think it’s my job – if I don’t do his laundry, he will. But if I do it, he wants it done how he would do it. Which is annoying to me, but it’s fair.

    • Walnut says

      Similar. Laundry is my task and if stuff sits in the dryer too long, I add a wet towel and refresh the load. If that doesn’t do the trick, I toss the whole works back in the wash machine on the quickest cycle. I would be annoyed with my husband if he did his tasks halfway, so same goes for me.

    • rosie says

      Is laundry your job because you have allocated chores between you and laundry is yours, or because you are the wife?

      If the former (your allocated chore), I do think you need to figure out how to do your designated chore in a way that everyone can live with. My husband generally does dishes and I generally do laundry — if I noticed he wasn’t cleaning things all the way, I would definitely say something and expect him to correct (or discuss if he’s not able to do so right now, like wrist hurts too much to scrub pots, then we should rearrange responsibilities). Do you have a steam setting on your dryer? Mine has this and can be good to get the wrinkles out if clothes have been sitting. Maybe getting some no-iron shirts would be good for marital harmony as well. Brooks Brothers makes them, I’m sure there are others.

      If the latter (you’re the wife), stop doing his laundry.

      • anon says

        This. Also, if you do not have a steam setting, I will sometimes wet a rag and add it to the dryer on the fluff setting. I HATE ironing and most of my stuff will come out of the dryer very well without it, but may be too wrinkled to wear if I’ve left it in the dryer for too long.

    • SC says

      We’e had a similar conflict in my house. My husband mostly does the laundry, but I have my own basket of laundry, which I wash on the delicate cycle and hang to dry. Until I started handling that laundry on my own, we had a lot of conflict with my husband leaving wet clothes in the washing machine to mildew, or putting in a bunch of other stuff with it and then improperly sorting the clothes that I hang up. Now, I just get my own hamper, and DH leaves it alone. He still does plenty of laundry between his stuff, my non-delicates, kid’s laundry, and sheets and towels.

  8. anon says

    one of my 10 month old twins suddenly hates having his diaper changed and tries to roll over on the changing table and cries as if you are inflicting torture. any tips? past strategies of giving him something to hold/play with are failing. is this just a phase?

    • Ducky36 says

      Slip-on diapers helped us with this. It might be hard to find the right size for a very young child though.

    • mascot says

      An annoying phase- you wouldn’t be the first parent to move diaper changes to the floor so you can (gently) hold a leg over his torso so he can’t flip or escape. If he can stand, you may be able to change wet diapers standing up.

    • Anonymous says

      Buckle him in! Our changing pad has a buckle and there’s a strap on the changing pad to screw into the back of the dresser. Of course never leave a child unattended buckled on a changing pad. But we go through this phase on and off. It usually doesn’t last that long. I just state firmly “I’m going to change your diaper now”. Adults are stronger than babies for a reason

      • ElisaR says

        supposedly i’m stronger than my 16 month old but the way he flips and flops and squirms as I hold him down on the changing table tells me otherwise.

    • HSAL says

      Oh god I hope so. Mine are 9 1/2 months and sometimes it’s a two person job to change my son.

    • anon says

      Went through this also with my son. I had to change him on the floor because he was so wiggly. Something that worked for a brief time was putting a dab of lotion on his hands. He got distracted with that and I was able to change his diaper.

    • Anon says

      My daughter went through a phase around that age when she would scream bloody murder when we would lay her down for a diaper change. Handing her a book – it had to be a book, not a toy or random household object – seemed to help. I think she was just frustrated at being moved in a way she didn’t want to be moved and having a distraction helped (although I have to admit that more than once she dropped the book on her face and cried hysterically, so…). I also found that around that age it really started to help if we’d talk through things with her (“Ok, I need to change your diaper now.” “This will just take a minute and then you can go play.” “I”m done changing the diaper, let me just zip up your pants” etc). She’s not particularly advanced verbally and didn’t seem to understand much at that age (commands like “come here” were ignored) but I think somehow it did help to try to talk her through it. Maybe it was just the soothing tone of my voice.

    • Anoner says

      I have a tip! Put a pillow under his head. This helped my little guy during diaper changes. He got cozy. Also slip on diapers are good.

    • FVNC says

      Here’s what’s helped us when we’ve met resistance: talking about it beforehand, acknowledging that kiddo doesn’t want his play (or whatever) interrupted, and reassuring kiddo that he can go back to playing (or whatever) after the diaper change. I’m pretty sure I learned all that on this s i te — and I think it’s helped kiddo to realize that there’s a reason he’s being whisked away from whatever enjoyable thing he’d rather be doing than getting his diaper changed. Not perfect, but it’s helped.

    • Anon says

      Just a phase. Recommend distraction (phone, changing table only book, etc.). My SAHD husband got fed up with the wriggling and ordered the Poopoose wiggle free diaper pad for our changing table. Eventually they figure out the velcro, but it at least slows them down long enough for a quick change and reduces the full body wrestling required.

    • Pogo says

      It is a phase, and unfortunately it lasted many months for us. The above suggestions are good, but it does end eventually.

    • lawsuited says

      We did diaper changes standing up whenever possible (and gritted our teeth during the screaming for number twos) during that phase. Involving my son in the diaper change process (“get mummy a wipe, please” or “which diaper would you like? dinosaurs or spaceships?”) helped when he was fussy but not tantruming.

  9. Strategy Mom says

    Firing our nanny when I get home from work today – she’s going to be blindsided, but it’s well deserved (thank you nanny cam). Saw something yesterday that led to a tough discussion this morning and then overheard her speaking really inappropriately about it to my 3 year old. I know she’s got personal stuff going on, and we were trying to be patient, but she crossed the line. Any pro tips on letting her go? My husbands coming home and my moms going to get our son out since he’s old enough to understand. We’ll give 2 weeks severance. Need to get the key and car seats from her.I’m just hoping it stays civil… would love any advice! Not how I saw my week playing out…
    Thanks!

    • Chi Squared says

      Sorry for your situation. We went through a sort-of termination situation with our first nanny.
      Basically, she applied for unemployment even though she quit early after giving us notice. We had to contest her unemployment claim because it was undeserved, and also would have made the payroll taxes we paid go up. So, if you paid your nanny on the books, you may want to document that the termination was for cause, and the underlying reasons. This may help you contest a claim for unemployment benefits.

      Good luck!

    • Anon says

      Consider getting a consult from employment counsel, particularly to find out: if there’s anything you’re supposed to give to terminated employees (in California, at time of discharge, there’s some paperwork that’s required, as is a payout of vacation and final pay) and whether a release would be prudent in exchange for severance (and to get a suitable release).

  10. Pogo says

    When is this neverending winter and more importantly, neverending illness, going to be over?
    -signed, Day 3 of antibiotics (me) & Day 2 home from daycare (toddler)

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I’m sorry. I had a monster cold/flu/whatever that lasted for 2 weeks. It was awful. I think you’re in Boston so at least it’s supposed to warm up later this week!

    • Anonymous says

      I was going to write the same thing. I’m on my third (bizarre, rare) illness in 3 weeks, out of sick time thanks to maternity leave, and my kids had 4 doctors appointments between them last week, one of which I had to cancel due to my own urgent illness/doctor’s appointment . CAN IT BE SPRING NOW PLEASE?? I need to put in my a-game right now and just… can’t.

    • socal says

      sorry to rub it in but southern california is amazingly perfect right now.

ABOUT

WORK WITH US

Serious Stuff

  • Copyright 2014-2022 Katfry LLC.
  • Corporette® is a Registered mark in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
  • Terms of Use
  • Privacy Policy