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Whoa: I didn’t know the makers of the uber-popular banana toothbrush now have a bunch of teething products available in other shapes. I like this electric blue shark (because of course I do), but they also have an octopus-shaped teether, a corn cob teether, and a banana brush in pink and blue. (They’re all linked on the product page on Amazon.) They’re all 100% food grade silicone, dishwasher and freezer safe, and free of “BPA, latex, phthalate, and toxins.” This little sharky is an Add-On item at Amazon for $4.67. Sharky Brush
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Pumping room -- what works and what doesn't says
We’ve never had a pumping room at work (I used my office and a cooler + ice packs). We’re going to convert an unused external office to one (I checked — it does have full window coverings). I think it’s more for staff without offices, but we’ve never had to set one up before.
If you’ve used one, what makes a good one? I’m thinking that fed govt and accounting firms probably have these (and they probably range from the bare minimum (a lock) to fancy (like a spa locker room with private rooms and a shared refrigerator and sink and place to store pump bags).
Chime in — this is your chance to make history!
HSAL says
I only pumped in my office, but I used the mothers’ room at a firm I was visiting and it was very nice. It had a small fridge and a sink and a comfortable chair and ottoman (not cloth in case of leaks). Outlet access is nice in case people want to work/charge while they’re pumping.
I really liked the sink – I mainly used the Medela wipes and stored my parts in my fridge, but I would have rinsed them each time if I had a sink in my office. Depending on how many people would be using it, maybe some cabinets/shelves where people can organize their supplies if they want to leave them in the room?
I’ve also heard of places that provide hospital-grade pumps and people just provide their own supplies. I only ever used the PISA so I don’t know what that entails, but it seems like a nice benefit.
anne-on says
How large is the office? Is it possible to put in cubicles on one wall with desks/chairs/plugs/etc. so that if multiple women need to use it at the same time there is a bit of privacy? Or is this room going to be able to be reserved via an in-office system?
In my dream pumping room I’d want plenty of shelves/cubbies or locking gym cubbies to leave my pump/stuff there, a sink, a good sized fridge, a microwave (in case anyone is steam cleaning their supplies), loads of outlets, and comfy but easily wipable chairs. Bonus points for shawls/pillows to cover up or make your pumping more comfortable. Oh! and a water fountain or drinks – hydration is so key.
Anonymous says
Lordy — I would not have been comfortable sharing a space like that. And what happens when a latecomer needs to come or go when people aren’t covered up? I assume that these are single-user spaces.
Meg Murry says
The ones that I have seen it that were shared spaces ranged from spa-like to more utilitarian. The spa-like ones had a central room that had fridge, sink and storage and then individual small rooms with real doors off of the central room. Like nice but small offices, about the size of a handicapped dressing room. One section of the rooms even had windows (with curtains in case you felt uncomfortable, but since they were 10+ stories up and not near another office tower no one could see it). I think they also had glass block or transom windows above the doors (looking into the central room) to let more light in and make the rooms seem not so small.
The more utilitarian room had an outer space that was just big enough for a bank of small lockers/cubbies, a fridge and a chair, and then the pumping rooms were sectioned off by walls in between them but curtains instead of doors. You could sometimes hear your neighbor’s pump going, but you couldn’t see them, and you could set the chair to face away from the curtain/doorway. Most people wore headphones in there just to give themselves some noise privacy.
Anonymous says
My pumping room was also a supply room, so I would have liked a good way to signal that the room is in use. Simple, but helpful.
Also: (1) maybe some kind of working surface, like one of those little desktops with wheels that you could pull toward yourself while pumping, (2) a convenient outlet, (3) a mini-fridge, (4) a thermostat!
I love the idea of a hospital grade pump too!
Anonymous says
How do you make sure it (or the rest of the room for that matter) stays clean? I get a bit squicked out when I think of pumping in a bathroom (or on a plane) b/c of the germiness. But I’m not sure how you can be sure that a pumping room doesn’t have a lot of bodily-fluid issues? Does the cleaning crew clean? Vigorously?
I think of how daycares used pumped milk (special labels / heaters / hospital glove to handle) and am not sure that businesses with pumping rooms / having people store milk in common refrigerators / etc. will be able to keep to that standard. Thoughts?
Anonymous says
I am out of my depth here, but I assume since the hospital grade pumps are meant to be recycled they have a closed system (not sure what it’s really called), which makes them more sanitary. I got a Hygeia pump for this reason. Not really sure what I’m talking about here, so take this all with a grain of salt.
With respect to the rest of the room — I don’t think it needs to be much cleaner than a typical room. My house is a mess, and so is my office (where I typically pumped), and I stored my milk in the common kitchen fridge, but I don’t think I ever came close to causing problems for my kids’ health due to lack of sanitation.
Anonymous says
Or I can think of concerns of the next pumper. I certainly had spillage issues during my times pumping. I just wiped down (my office (which had a locking door), occasionally at home, t00) with the cleaning wipes.
Yikes — once I had everything hooked up but the bottles, so it was like a tornado once I turned everything on. I wouldn’t want to be the person coming into a communal space after that.
Anon says
Ours was a converted office as well, but with no windows.
Locking door with the ability to book as a private meeting in Outlook (labeled as a “mothers room”). Comfy armchair. Mini fridge. Sink with soap and paper towels. Full length mirror to rearrange yourself. Various first aid/ sewing kit type things for wardrobe emergencies. Small bowl of hard candies for energy. Shelving with personal bins to store spare parts.
I would have also enjoyed: a water cooler. A footstool. A white noise machine to help drown out the pumping sound or the sounds of the office next door. Multiple outlets for charging laptop and phone while you pump. One of those sliding lap trays to put my laptop on while I pumped. A coat rack or somewhere to hang clothes. Baby-ish decorations to help it feel more like a nursery and less like a random storage area converted to an office converted to a pump room.
Anonymous says
I mentioned white noise b/c there are active office on either side and they’re pretty non-sound proof.
But I hadn’t thought of the mirror — a good, cheap idea that doesn’t need a plumbing overhaul like some other spaces have had.
Betty says
My prior biglaw firm had a dedicated pumping room. Generally, there was just one woman at a time who needed to use it, so there were no issues with scheduling. The room had a microwave, sink and mini-fridge/freezer combo. The microwave was great for those steamer disinfecting bags, and the sink was used every day. We had a large, comfy chair that had a desk thing that could be pulled around so that you could pump and work. The room was an interior space with a door that locked. You couldn’t hear the pump from outside the room. Oh and the fridge was stocked with water bottles, juice and snacks. You could also dim the light in the room, and there were places to put pictures of your baby.
In contrast, my federal government job had a “pumping space,” which was a closet with an outlet and chair. There was a sink and fridge nearby. You could hear the pump outside of the room, which could make one feel self-conscious.
Anonymous says
I think that’s why I only pumped in my office. I was on a Bro Floor and didn’t want to deal anyone noting what I was up to in that dept. And also not using any microwave / refrigerator and relying on a cooler / icepacks.
TMI for me to share.
POSITA says
I don’t have a full length mirror in my current space and I really wish that it had one. I’m always nervous that some item of clothing is askew after pumping.
Anon in NOVA says
The mirror is a great idea that I would not have thought of on my own if tasked with creating a pumping room.
Anon says
I work in a large engineering corporation. Our pumping room has: lockers, mini-fridge, microwave, sink, full length mirror, coat hook, comfy chair with stool, & hospital grade pump (I found the hospital grade pump to be amazing compared to my pisa, but I also had supply issues).
For a room that will be used by 3+ women, some sort of room scheduler is key (i.e., Outlook calendar for room). Would also be nice to have a bulletin board to put up baby pictures & communicate with the other women in room (i.e., if scheduling adjustments need to be made)
Walnut says
If you end up with a sink, fridge, microwave, etc, make certain that it is understood that this is a room for lactating mothers – it is not a room for others in the department to also heat up and store their lunch.
There’s nothing worse than someone kvetching that they have to wait to eat lunch because a mother is using the room for it’s designated purpose.
Edna Mazur says
Been there done that. Solidarity.
TK says
Temperature control. Some of the mothers’ rooms I’ve used are freezing. I understand the safety risk of having a space heater, but if the room could be independently kept at a higher-than-average-office temp (since people need to disrobe) that would be super.
Anonymous says
This is going to sound weird, but in a former job, two women that I supervised had babies within a month of each other. The owner of the company wanted them to pump in the bathroom, but state law required us to provide them with a space that wasn’t a bathroom. I surveyed the entire building, and came up with a bunch of random spaces that had privacy and a door that locked. Then I took both women on a tour of the available spaces and asked which one they preferred.
They went with our server room. Door that locked, out of the way of general traffic in the building, plenty of outlets, a computer so they could surf the net or work, a desk if they needed/wanted it, and (this was deciding factor) it was very warm because of all the servers crammed into the room. I managed to get a more comfortable chair in there, and everyone was happy.
EBMom says
I will just add that make sure the Caller ID for the room is something that does NOT designate it as a pumping room. Our IT folks ever so helpfully designated the room as “Mother’s Room” on the phone system and this somehow showed up on external caller ID when one of the moms called a client while she was pumping. She was not amused when the client asked “Why does it say you are calling from the Mother’s Room?”
Kim says
The best pumping room I ever saw is at the Army JAG school. It was a single user, but was cute, painted yellow and gray, with a carpet and glider, side table, clock radio, framed photo posters of baby animals, sink, fridge, cubbies, full length mirror, hooks for bags, sink, dish drying rack. Everything was spotless, even the glider cover and drying rack.
The one thing was it was a smallish dorm fridge. Ensure the fridge is big enough!!! Smaller than kitchen size, larger than dorm/bar sized. More than two coolers will fill up a dorm sized fridge.
LegalMomma says
Time to contact HR. What they are providing is not adequate.
Anon. says
I did. HR is not onsite. Their take was that I had a room with a lock and the ability to book it so I am covered.
Meg Murry says
Even if it’s a single person at a time space, some kind of divider between the chair and the door so that if someone with a key *does* open the door (like the after hours janitors when you are working late and they are used to the room being empty) you aren’t sitting right in front of the door with your shirt off. A folding screen could work – and it could also allow the room to be doubled up in an emergency. Because while people generally don’t *want* to share the space, when it came down to it sometimes women in my office chose to double up if the alternative was pumping in the bathroom or missing a session altogether. Is it fun to sit around with your co-workers with your b**bs out? No, but at that point you’ve usually lost all sense of privacy/modesty, and are both trying to do what is best for your career and family – so if you are both scheduled to be in the same all day meeting with bigwigs, you both wind up pumping together during the 15 minute break to avoid drawing attention to yourselves by missing big chunks of the meeting.
At a minimum, if is best if there is a separation between the fridge/sink/storage area and the actual pumping area, so that people can do their washing up/setting up, etc when someone else is pumping. I ran into an issue more than once where my pump and milk were locked in the pumping room while it was occupied, and I had to leave to go pick up a sick baby. So my choices were either to stand outside the room and wait 20 minutes for the occupant to finish so I could get my stuff out of there, or knock on the door and say “would you mind pausing and covering up so I can come get my cooler and pump out of the room?”
What we found at my company where we had 4-6 people trying to share one room was that each person needed about 30 minutes in the *room* at a time, but only 15-20 minutes of that was actually pumping, and the rest was setup up parts, transferring milk between bottles, washing up afterwards etc. So if there had been a way for me to go into an outer room and put together my pump parts while I was waiting for the room to clear, or to be able to wash up at the sink and pack up my parts afterwards freeing up the private space for the next person, we would have been able to get a lot more use out of the room.
Other things on my wish list: a deadbolt lock like on airplane bathrooms that said “occupied/vacant”so you didn’t have to knock to know if the room was in use, comfortable chairs and footstool, dimmable or otherwise adjustable lights so you don’t have to choose between only blindingly bright or pitch black.
SBJ says
Getting a hospital grade pump is an AMAZING benefit! My company has one and it makes the whole experience so much more pleasant. I used one when my son was born (preemie) and was so happy to see one at my office, too. It’s miles better than the PISA. And totally safe to use across multiple people; you just need to have your own pumping kit. (A super nice benefit would also be to provide new moms with a kit, too! I know for an individual, it’s like $70; maybe less if you can buy in bulk?)
We have a lock on the door that is a keypad with a code that only new moms have. On the inside, there’s also a lock so you can have the door locked even if the code is entered, open with code, or always open, so you can have it set such that you’re not walked in on.
A sink, a fridge (and I agree–bigger than a dorm fridge is key), a comfortable chair, outlets, a floor lamp so that you don’t just have overhead fluorescent lighting, encouraging putting up pictures of your kid, and enough storage space that everyone can leave things like lanolin, a sweater/wrap/warm item, Symphony kit parts, etc. are all good to have.
Our rooms are in the company Outlook system, so you go in and book on your calendar. This works just fine, and there’s also one room per floor, so there’s not a lot of competition for them.
I also know that depending on the floor in our office, people aren’t shy about posting a sign saying that the room is for expressing milk and that the fridge is only for human breastmilk–I wouldn’t hold back on doing that if there’s any misunderstanding about what the room is for. Clearly non-bfing folks can be clueless….
Hope that helps!
Anonymous says
We have windowless, interior rooms. Only nursing mothers have access to the room with a key. They are painted a nice color and have a big comfy chair and ottoman (chair is facing away from the door just in case). Sink, mini fridge, and mirror. People schedule the room usage via outlook and there’s a clear do not disturb sign on the door (again, only nursing mothers have access to this room in Outlook). Sometimes people *do* run over their scheduled time by 5 mins or so, but this is usually first-time moms just returning to work so people are understanding.
In House Lobbyist says
The company I worked for had several at the large 15,000 employee HQ. I only pumped there a few times when I was visiting because the offices were all glass. The room I used required a key card to enter and has a curtain up as soon as you opened the door. It was a shared room with a sink, microwave, shelves and a full fridge. There were 6 spots I believe that had outlets and chairs. There was a huge bulletin board with baby pictures which I though was cute. It was not really a happy place but at least it was warm and clean and better than most people in cube land had access to and made me appreciate my office with a locking door.
avocado paging School Age from yesterday says
I missed yesterday’s question on early kindergarten entry but wanted to offer a contrasting opinion. Our daughter missed the kindergarten cut-off by a few months but was well prepared for kindergarten in terms of academic, social, and fine motor skills. We sent her to private kindergarten at a preschool and transferred her into first grade at our local public school the following year. For her, it was absolutely the right choice. She is now in fifth grade and doing well socially and academically. She has been elected to student government. Her best friend is almost exactly one year older than she is. She is in the gifted program and every advanced class or group offered, and she is still not always adequately challenged by the pace of instruction. We are convinced that if we’d held her back until traditional kindergarten age, she would have been so bored that she would have been at risk for behavioral, social, and academic problems.
We did not make this decision lightly. We would not have done it if she hadn’t been doing well socially in preschool. We also didn’t rely on our own judgment–we had professional advice to inform us.
We were extremely fortunate that our public school accepted our daughter into first grade. In our district, underage children are never accepted into kindergarten, and underage children who have completed an accredited kindergarten program are only accepted into first grade at the principal’s discretion. Out of about fifteen kids in her private kindergarten class, only two actually went straight to first grade without repeating kindergarten. Several didn’t have the option because their principals didn’t allow it, and most of the other kids’ parents decided to repeat them for various reasons. Repeating kindergarten in public school after attending a preschool-based private kindergarten program is very common, and doesn’t have to be a negative experience. Our school’s public kindergarten is academically more rigorous than the private kindergarten program our daughter attended, and if your child ends up repeating it’s easy to frame it as a different thing than private kindergarten.
Finally, we were advised that private school might not be a good choice for our daughter because none of the private schools in our area will accept underage children or allow grade advancement. If we had gone the private school route, she would have had to repeat kindergarten. So investigate all of your private and public school options carefully ahead of time.
avocado says
P.S. I became a financially independent college student at age 17 and had zero issues, other than not being able to vote. That was back before everyone had credit cards, though, and I never tried to book a hotel room until I was older. With a little parental support, I think a 17-year-old would still be just fine for a few months in college. And the gap year is becoming increasingly popular.
School Age says
Thank you Avocado for all your input! Basically, I need to explore all the options available in the area and decide then based on the readiness of my child. Great idea regarding repeating kindergarten in public school.
If you do not mind me asking, when did you realize she needs to be in a gifted program? Do they have these programs in daycares? And most importantly, do you feel that you spent more time working with her on school projects and various developmental activities at home compared to other parents?
avocado says
We realized she was …. different very early on, well before kindergarten, based on a variety of factors. I have never heard of a preschool that offered a gifted program, as it’s difficult to identify children as gifted at that age. We had a private evaluation when she was in kindergarten to give us a sense of what we were dealing with. We then had her tested for gifted program eligibility by the school district at the end of kindergarten as we were preparing to transfer her. In first grade, she was one of only two kids in the whole school who’d been identified as gifted. That number has risen substantially over the years.
Most school districts have very restrictive rules about eligibility for gifted education. They may not accept outside tests, and there may be only one short window each year to request testing. In some places (Los Angeles comes to mind), waiting lists for testing are very long. If you think your child may need gifted services, then these policies should be part of your research.
Gifted services are not always all they’re cracked up to be. In our district, they are very limited and of little value. In elementary school and middle school, the gifted students are broken up into “clusters” that can only make up a small fraction of a class. In elementary school, the gifted resource teacher visits each class with a cluster for about an hour a week, and all the kids in the class participate in the lesson, so there is nothing special for the gifted kids. The only real differentiation happens outside of the gifted program when all the kids are broken up into reading and spelling groups, and some kids are accelerated in math beginning in fourth grade. In middle school it’s the same, except that instead of visiting the “cluster” classes the gifted resource teacher teaches an elective workshop for gifted kids, which displaces an elective like foreign language or music so it’s counterproductive. In high school, anyone who qualifies can take IB and AP courses.
We did some developmental activities at home when she was tiny, but nothing that most highly educated involved parents don’t do (reading together, little science experiments, Signing Time, talking to her constantly when she was an infant, etc.). We now do virtually zero enrichment at home, as compared with the tons of enrichment the SAHMs are doing. We have opted to let her pursue an extremely demanding and time-consuming sport, and between that and my job we just don’t have the time. I do spend time “scaffolding” her school projects but have been pulling back on that as she gets older and more capable of organizing her own work. She also does a few enrichment camps in the summer, but again it’s nothing more (and probably much less) than other families are doing.
School Age says
Very interesting. Thanks for sharing your story. You have a very smart and independent daughter. It is encouraging to see that there are academically successful and emotionally stable children whose moms work full time. Congrats to you!
Anon says
I know you meant this to be encouraging to the poster above, but isn’t it standard that working moms raise happy and successful children.
“It is encouraging to see that there are academically successful and emotionally stable children whose moms work full time.”
I’m in a smaller city with relatively short commute – so not exactly BigLaw territory but it’s standard here for moms to work full time and kind of looked down upon if you have a university education and don’t work full time (I don’t agree with the SAHM judgment but it’s there). Kids all seem to be turning out fine.
Anonymous says
I get where she is coming from.
I work in BigLaw, so 100% of the time where I leave and am with my kids before bedtime are still working hours and I am really more stressed then (and they can sense it, sort of like how you dog knows how you feel). I worry about my kids and think I’d be a better parent if I were just at something like 70% of my current schedule. I’m looking to lean out b/c my Mom job is more important (but important doesn’t pay the bills . . .) and I feel like one kid will really need me and I’m not there enough for her.
anne-on says
FWIW in NYC when I was a kid, children were able to be enrolled up until December of that year, so plenty of kids in my class growing up had October/November/December birthdays. Going to college before I was 18 wasn’t a big deal, I was able to set up a bank account/get an ID/etc. with my birth certificate. I think ‘late’ kids tend to work better if your kid is more mature OR if everyone else sends their kids to school on the young side to so that there is a range of ages throughout the yea.
NY says
Yes, in NY, the cutoff is still Dec 31s or Dec 1st in most, if not all, school districts. There are a good number of fall babies held back. I have August babies who should be the middle of the pack, but will end up as some of the youngest as a result.
bluefield says
Late to the party. I’m in NY and have a fall birthday, so I went to college when I was 17. The only downside that I can remember is that I couldn’t buy cigarettes. Not the worst thing.
Anon says
This. Investigate the specific policies in your town or where you would move. My son is a Sep birthday and I felt strongly that I wanted him to be the youngest in his class rather than the oldest. (He’s big for his age, socially and academically mature, and extremely ornery. I wanted him to be challenged to keep up rather than bored and leading a pack of smaller kids. Daycare had already proven this was the wisest scenario.) Our town had different date cutoffs for private vs public schools, and there was no mercy if you switched between the two. We chose to go private specifically to ensure he was the youngest, and it’s been the best decision.
Know your kid and what is best for him/her, and then research policies to make sure you can make that happen.
Other says
Thanks for this perspective — I know this sounds crazy, but it makes me feel a little better about red shirting my son. He is smaller, somewhat shy – but blossoming at a new daycare, and has an incredible capacity to concentrate. Academically, we’ve gotten some indication he’ll excel, but socially, he can struggle in new groups. We moved him out of a Montessori school to a play-based daycare with a focus on social-emotional development. He’s gotten much more confident with the skills he’s learned at the new daycare, but when I compare him to some of the other kids — especially boys — in his class, I still think he’d benefit from another year of play and social development.
I think he’d do fine academically, so I worry he’ll be a little bored — but I don’t see him being disruprtive if he gets bored (more likely to refocus on reading). Listening to you describe your son sounds a lot like my younger daughter, who also thrives on challenge to stay focused.
Sarabeth says
Our daughter sounds similar, although she is only 3.5 so far, so things may change in the next 1.5 years. We are lucky that our district will allow early kindergarten enrollment. She misses the late-summer cutoff by two weeks, and I am pretty sure that she will be fine in kindergarten the year that she turns 5. She’s the youngest person in her daycare class, and is more than fine there socially. I do kind of wish we could keep her in daycare for an extra year for the play stuff, but our district is the opposite of yours – early K is fine, but going direct into 1st is difficult (we have a choice-based placement situation, so if you are entering in 1st, you have very limited options).
lucy stone says
I missed this yesterday too, but am going to follow along with interest. My husband is a June baby who was held back and started kindergarten at 6, I am a July baby who started kindergarten a month after turning 5, and now we have an August baby. He and I both went to law school on full academic scholarships, although he graduated at 27 and I graduated at 24, so I’m not sure we were hurt academically.
Oh my says
This shape makes it look like a bizarre version of . . . something else.
#gettingmyheadoutofthegutternow
Anon in NOVA says
BAHAHAHA I didn’t think of that (which is odd, I WOULD be the person to make that joke).
It’s super cute! I wish I had a need for it! (the toothbrush, not the other thing…)
anon says
I totally went there right away. (Always in the gutter).
Pogo says
100% my first thought too.
Edna Mazur says
Same here
Spirograph says
So glad it wasn’t just me.
Nail Polish says
What nail polish do you use if any? It would be nice to have a neat manicure. Any recommendations for nail polish that lasts the entire work week? Something I can use at home. TIA!
mascot says
Have you looked into any of the home gel lines? I have a Deborah Lippman base/top coat set that I can use with regular nail polish (I usually use OPI colors). Works pretty well for my toes. Also, Sally Hansen has a line of gel polishes that aren’t too expensive.
Pogo says
I love Essie. I don’t do gel because it ruins my nails, and you always have to go back to get it taken off.
My go-to color is Barefoot & Topless (lol) which is a little more taupe-y than pure neutral. Mademoiselle is best for that (depending on your skin tone). Both look OK even as they start to chip – which for me is typically 6+ days, so I can easily make it through a workweek with no chipping.
CHL says
I just got the Sally Hansen “Re-newed” color (but spelled like a word that I think might get caught in moderation.” It’s not gel but I use the Essie home gel topcoat on top and it lasts almost a week and is shiny.
When you're feeling frustrated says
For those of you who have taken more flexible positions or dropped back to part-time or otherwise leaned out, how do you get through the frustration of feeling like you have less rather than more you time? I’m fortunate to have a generally pretty flexible but otherwise full time job where there is no facetime requirement because I work remote from my team. It’s generally wonderful and gives me extra time to spend with the kids, but I feel that it is more stressful than my husband’s where he works more but has less solo parenting responsibilities.
If I’m traveling, he has no issues paying the nanny extra to work later, but I would feel guilty doing the same. And it is much more a guilt thing than a money thing at the moment.
I’m reminded of that series of ambition articles in the Atlantic where the most stressed out women were those trying to meet expectations of home and work.
anne-on says
Mostly commiseration, along with some advice. Try to focus on all the positive things you have with your current role – you don’t have to commute! you can work in sweats or take a nap if you’re sick! you can throw in a load of laundry during your boring conference calls! you save $$ on professional clothing/shoes/grooming because you have to do it less often!
And then have a talk with your partner to discuss how you’re divvying up the home-stuff. Just because you’re more flexible doesn’t mean you need to handle everything – I’ve had to make a conscious effort to ask my husband to handle sick days or school breaks or doctor’s appointments – just because I work from home doesn’t make that all automatically ‘my’ job.
And, on days when I feel like all my other mom friends who work have so much more kick-butt jobs, I remind myself that this to, is a stage, and will pass. I am still working, still progressing, and I am able to go after a more high powered role when it better suits our family. But, hugs, it is hard, and frustrating at times.
CPA Lady says
I had a really enlightening conversation with my husband about this last week. He works Sundays. I asked him if he felt bad not getting to see our kid as much as I do. He said no, because (these aren’t his exact words) she’s not old enough to really interact with.
Basically, he was thinking about it in terms of them having an interactive relationship, and she doesn’t really bring much to the table yet, so there’s not much for him to miss. Whereas I think about my relationship with her to be instructional at this point. Like why do some women want to stay home with their kids? It’s not because they think spending time with a 1 year old is super fun and awesome 24/7, it’s because they think that something about that intensive one on one relationship is good for the child.
So things that I feel guilty about, like being 15 minutes later than normal to pick up my kid from daycare, he would not even consider to be guilt-inducing. It might be a logistical hassle for him, because she’ll be more tired and cranky if she’s picked up 15 minutes later, but for me, I feel like I’m failing at my relationship with her because I’m putting a completely different type of pressure on myself– the pressure to be present and useful to her.
I don’t really know what to do about it, but I do intellectually know that guilt is a waste of time, and I know that I’m happier and better at parenting the way I want to parent if I do sometimes take time for myself, even if it means taking time away from her. I’m starting small right now. I take a lesson once a week that makes me a little later than usual to pick her up from daycare. And I’m going to start taking some time to myself on a Saturday once a month. Leaving kid with husband and going and doing what I want while breathing through the guilt and trying to let it go.
CPA Lady says
Oh, and when I occasionally put myself first, I’m happier and less resentful in my marriage too. Which is a big deal both for us and for our kid. I mentioned the other day asking my husband to take yesterday off with our kid because I didn’t want to solo parent multiple days in a row. Him saying yes and doing it was like a ray of sunshine breaking through the cloud of resentment I’ve been carrying around lately.
EBMom says
No advice, but commiseration. My standards for myself as a professional, as a wife, as a mother, and as a friend are impossible to meet all at once. So I just work on accepting that I need to make daily priorities and that I’m not going to be the 100% ideal worker, wife, mother and friend 100% of the time. It helps if I crystallize my goals and ensure that I am allocating my time appropriately, and to consider whether I can’t dump something that isn’t adding enough value to my life. But its hard and I’m rarely in a place where I don’t feel myself behind on something that is important to me. Preach!
Kindergarten in NYC? says
Hi ladies,
Piggybacking on all the kindergarten talk yesterday, does anyone have input on whether parents in NYC, which has a December 31 cut-off, actually send their not-qute-5s to kindergarten or hold them back? We are probably moving there over the summer, and looking at options for our 4 year old son. He is currently the youngest, and by far the smallest, in his PreK 4 class (early September birthday in a city with a September 1 cut-off, long story) but seems to thrive on it – he is a highly extroverted, very social and very athletic kid who is doing very well socially and emotionally, and his teacher says he should be ok academically in K. So we are inclined to see the December 31 cutoff as a good thing for him but on the other hand if he will actually be 18 months younger, 6 inches shorter and 30 pounds lighter than all the other kids, that would be very helpful to be able to take into account.
FWIW we are looking at parochial schools, public or charter if we can’t get a spot elsewhere, probably in the Bronx.
Thanks!
anne-on says
I’d say yes, and honestly, September isn’t even that late really. I grew up in NYC and while red-shirting wasn’t as much of a thing in the 70s/80s, none of the parents were willing to keep paying for private daycare when good quality pre-K is available.
anon says
I’m an NYC parent of a 4.5 year old, and my understanding is that red shirting is basically no longer possible in public schools here. So your son should have plenty of company. My son’s preK class has a LOT of kids with November and December birthdays, and I only know 1 family going private, and he will still be going to kindergarden – they just want to send him to a jewish day school.
Jdubs says
Parent of a current NYC kindergartner here. NYC strictly goes by the calendar year for kindergarten and doesn’t really allow redshirting. My understanding is that a child, young or otherwise, who doesn’t thrive in kindergarten would instead repeat the kindergarten year, but it isn’t your option to “red shirt” prior to kindergarten. To your original comment, he won’t be 18months younger than anyone in kindergarten since everyone will be born in the same calendar year, so with a september birthday he would be at most 9 months younger.
Other says
Genuinely curious – how does that “work” exactly? Like, if I don’t sign up my kid (born, for example, on Nov. 30) for K and just keep him at his daycare, when I go to sign up for school the next year, would they require him to go to 1st grade?
Caveat that I’m not in NYC – but I am in another state and considering red-shirting my August-born child for a year in a district that cuts off on Sept. 1, but don’t know how all this really works.
Jdubs says
This is very NYC specific, but my understanding is that the decision comes into play going into 1st grade, not K. So if you don’t send your child to K, at the end of the what would have been the K year, whether you attend kindergarten or not, the decision is made by the school principal and the district superintendent and if they decide that your child is ready for 1st grade, then you end up with a young child in 1st grade without even having the preparation of Kindergarten. And just note, I’m not defending this! Just giving the facts.
Other says
Got it! Thanks for explaining – that definitely makes sense. If you weren’t aware going in, that would be quite a shock if you intended for your child to start K, but they were put in 1st grade instead!
Jdubs says
Also, obviously just an anecdote, but in my daughter’s class, she is the 3rd oldest with a May birthday. I would say 50% of the class has birthdays between september and december. Obviously that won’t happen in every class, but I found the distribution interesting.
Kindergarten in NYC? says
Thanks :) I am from an area where redshirting was already pretty common for boys when I was a kid in the early-mid 90s, and knew a lot of boys with spring and summer birthdays who started late, hence the fears of a huge age gap.
Jdubs says
Separate from the age issue, if you are moving here this summer, you should pay attention to your zoned elementary school when house/apartment hunting. Kindergarten applications were due last week, so as a late entry you would be guaranteed a spot at your zoned school (with rare exceptions), but will have a harder time gaining a spot at a different zone school or a charter. Just an FYI if you are moving from another part of the country, NYC schools entry systems are totally different animal!
Kindergarten in NYC? says
Thank you all so much for the input! It helps a lot to hear from people who are actually using the schools there.
JDubs, thank you for the heads up on the zoning. We will not know if we are moving for another 4-8 weeks.
SBJ says
Help. My previously good sleeper (13 months) is going through a really rough patch. As in multiple wake ups each night screaming like I’ve never heard him scream and just inconsolable when we pick him up. The only thing that seems to help is co-sleeping, though no one sleeps very well that way. He won’t go back into his crib and wakes up and freaks out if you try to get him back in once he’s asleep. He’s clearly going through something that’s causing him some anxiety and I’m fine doing what we need to do to get through this. Just wondering what could be at the root of the anxiety. He’s learning to walk and is extremely cautious about it (like he physically could walk but he doesn’t want to let go). We also dropped bottles and daytime nursing, which I suspect is at least part of the issue. Maybe we went too fast on that? Would it be irreparable backsliding to add back in a daytime bottle? We still nurse morning and night, so didn’t cut it out completely. Any advice appreciated. We’re sleep deprived like the early days. Oh and I’m about to solo parent and I’m coming down with a cold….
Anonymous says
I would get his ears checked. Disturbed sleep out of nowhere is often the only symptom of an ear infection.
anon says
+1. Could also be molars coming in, or maybe night terrors?
Anon in NYC says
YES. First year molars were really, really awful for my LO who otherwise can sleep through teething. The only thing she wanted was physical closeness.
And, SBJ, what you’re describing (dropping nursing, physical milestones, separation anxiety) sounds like the perfect storm for interrupted sleep. Months 14-16 were really hard for us.
Marilla says
+1 to ears, teeth, and general adjusting to all these transitions and new skills. Get the ears checked and other than that it should all pass with some extra mommy cuddles as needed. I wouldn’t go back to bottles or daytime nursing if you’re done!
AnonMN says
Does he have his canines (eye teeth) yet? I remember my son getting them around that age and it was TERRIBLE. Everyone warns you about the molars, but those canines had him up inconsolable screaming bloody murder every few hours, even with tylenol.
Other than that, I tend to give sleep regressions a week or two before worrying about it/changing anything. It is typically something that comes to light within a week or two (tooth, cold, ear infection, developmental leap) and then solves itself. Sorry that doesn’t help at all with your immediate situation though.
SBJ says
Thanks, everyone. I suspect it’s a perfect storm of teething (really, really slow teething compared to what we’ve had before), night terrors/newly vivid dreams, and developmental milestones. I don’t suspect ear infection only because of what we’ve experienced with past ear infections–he wakes up happy as a clam once it’s morning, and will go to sleep happily at the beginning of the night–but it’s been on my radar as something to check on soon if there’s no progress. I think this is karma for thinking that sleeping was going so well….
FTMinFL says
My little guy went through 3-4 weeks of the same thing at 13 months. It turns out he was hungry – he would eat almost a full meal in the middle of the night! The phase passed and he started sleeping much longer overnight and at naptime. Within three weeks of the end of the phase he had grown two inches!
Maybe your situation is a combination of all sorts of things, but maybe try giving him a snack or cup of milk when he wakes? That was the only way we got out of co-sleeping. Good luck!
SBJ says
Yes! I think that’s part of it, too. He’s been eating these monster dinners, so I suspect there’s also some growth spurt activity as a component. Why do all these things hit at once? Why is there no instruction manual???
Walnut says
We keep applesauce packets and juice boxes in 15 month old kiddo’s bedroom for the middle of the night wakeups. It’s been helpful to have a quick snack and then back to bed.
Anon says
Alternative for middle of the night wakeups is to keep a lunch box size cooler bag with a bottle or sippy of milk in it. I find juice/applesauce wakes toddler up but milk will help him sleep.
Pogo says
Placenta previa – success stories??
Did anyone have early placenta previa (I’m 12w) and have it move up and out of the way sooner rather than later? Besides all the activity restrictions (I was having bleeding, so I don’t think they were being overly cautious), I’m worried I will be grounded and have to miss every business trip for the rest of my pregnancy.
I have a call in to my doctor to see what her recommendation is as far as air travel, but I’m bummed. Bleeding is so scary even though I know what’s causing it and that the likelihood that the placenta remains in the wrong place at full term is low.
Of my two friends who have had it, one ended up with a scheduled C because it never moved, and the other delivered normally but suffered from awful bleeding the whole time. Is it all doom and gloom??
Anonymous says
They should be able to tell you with an US if the previa is on your tummy side or on your back side. If on the tummy side, it may move up by the time you delivery (mine was and mine did). I think I knew it had moved mid-second trimester, so enough notice to plan and take work trips before I was too pregnant to fly commercial (and no one volunteered the company jet).
Pogo says
Ah, thanks! That’s good to know, I will ask which side it’s on (last time the tech just said it was right on my cervix).
and lol at the company jet – I will remember to make that joke when I’m super pregnant and they want me to go somewhere.
Anonymous says
I will say that my previa presented as first trimester bleeding (and my pg before that I lost), so I was very white knuckle until it moved up. But I had a routine (non-c-section) delivery.
Pogo says
Yep. It’s less about the delivery – if it’s a scheduled C, so be it, people have them all the time – and more about white knuckling. I’ve bled three times and it just drops your heart into your stomach.
Anon in NOVA says
Oh jeez that sounds terrifying. I would freak out every single time! I can’t even imagine the stress level. (Knowing logically that something is OK is different than “knowing” it emotionally)
Previa Anon says
I was diagnosed with placenta previa at 20 weeks, it didn’t move, and had scheduled C section. I had no bleeding or other symptoms that required intervention, but I was closely monitored. I think I took extra iron as a precaution against excessive bleeding during delivery (my iron is on the low side anyway).
FWIW, my OB said no to travel, not because of the dangers of air travel, but because of the possibility of having bleeding in another city and having to be hospitalized for the remainder of the pregnancy in another city without my spouse and support network. Also, if the baby required NICU, that stay would also be in the other city.
12 weeks is really early though- there is a ton of time for it to move. If there is no symptoms, previa doesn’t usually get diagnosed until 20 weeks because there is so much movement/growth in early pregnancy. Good luck! I know it’s scary, but it is manageable.
Pogo says
Thanks for the reassurance!
I know in the grand scheme of things it’s a really mild complication, but any bleeding is just so scary. The doctor said domestic travel was probably fine, but that before letting me travel internationally she’d want to check to see exactly where it is again (basically, let’s hope it moves).
PhilanthropyGirl says
I had PP early, although it was less a concern for me as I was a scheduled C for other medical reasons. Nonetheless mine did move by about 22-24 weeks. Mine was only identified because I had a significant number of early US for above mentioned medical reasons. I was reassured by my OB and my perinatologist that early PP often moves, but of course every woman is different.
Hang in there – you have a lot of time!
Em says
Does anyone have finger food meal ideas for an 11-month old who cannot use a spoon/fork and is not willing to be fed? He has an egg allergy/sensitivity so eggs are out (although he can eat them baked into stuff, like bread) and peanut butter isn’t allowed at daycare. We have fallen into a pancakes for breakfast and mac and cheese for lunch rut. I throw fruits and veggies into both, but I would still like some variety.
anon says
Mushed up beans, cheese cubes, toast, cereal, crackers, pasta with tomato sauce, meatballs, all kinds of vegetables and fruits (cooked, cut up), pouches
Walnut says
Most soups with the broth strained out work well at my house (chicken, carrot and noodle chunks, hamburger/sausage, beans, bell peppers and tomato chunks). We also have snacky meals with meat, cheese, crackers, blueberries, and grapes that kiddo loves a ton. Applesauce packets where the applesauce can be slurped out of the packet.
Anonymous says
crock pot bbq? messy but yummy
cut-up meatballs?
cut-up pizza?
tortellini with shredded cheese
shredded cheese in general?
anne-on says
Breakfast – all sorts of fruit cut small, cheerios along with freeze dried banana or strawberry chips, muffins or other quick breads that can be pinched into small pieces. Yogurt or oatmeal/cream of wheat if you can do a cold/hot thermos.
Lunch – we tried to do 1 protein, 1 fruit/veg, and 1 grain. Crackers/bread/tortillas for grains usually. Proteins – hummus, mushed up beans, sun butter, meatballs, shredded chicken, pork loin or beef (slow cooker for prepping these).
The lunch ‘formula’ is pretty much how we handle dinner as well since my husband and I eat later than our son.
ChiLaw says
We did a lot of stew type foods at that age — there’s a Moroccan chicken stew over rice that was a huge hit (she loves cinnamon), or any sort of cooked-for-a-long-time meat. We mixed it in with rice.
We also made a lot of patties. Ours were bound w eggs but I’m sure you could skip/replace it. What if you left out the sugar and shredded zucchini and cheese into your pancakes? What about a baked patty with broccoli, cheese, and breadcrumbs? What about meatballs (cut into little cubes) or tofu?
SBJ says
We do a ton of roast veggies (carrots with cumin or garam masala or za’atar have all been popular, brussels sprouts with a little balsamic vinegar, zucchini, eggplant, sweet potato… I keep trying potatoes, broccoli, and cauliflower, but those usually are refused).
Roasted or grilled tofu? Meatballs? Shredded chicken?
Quesadillas are hugely popular, especially sweet potato and black bean (I spice the black beans with cumin, coriander, chili powder and smoked paprika) mashed lightly plus some cheese.
Pasta with peas and cream cheese (sounds weird but is actually not bad!).
Pasta with tomato sauce and mozzarella.
Straight black beans (spiced as above).
Is sunflower seed butter or soynut butter allowed at daycare? That plus mashed banana in a sandwich usually goes over well.
Hummus on pita.
Avocado? (Currently rejected in our house, but used to be popular… If it’s too slippery, coated with baby cereal or puff crumbs to give it a little grip).
Greek yogurt is firm enough to eat with hands if you’re up for the mess…. Mine likes it with spices stirred in (cardamom, garam masala, or za’atar all are hits).
Generally I’ve found that adding flavor with spices is key for my LO, so definitely something to explore!
Anon in NOVA says
as obnoxious as I found some of her cookbook to be, weelicious is a good recipe resource for kids.
PinkKeyboard says
Beans, hummus roll ups (we use ww tortilla), sunbutter sandwich cut into small pieces, meat and cheese roll ups, grilled cheese cut up (mine will eat room temp/cold and I sneak in spinach), pastas, meatballs (turkey, chicken, beef, pork- I sneak in zucchini and spinach), salmon cakes, zucchini cakes, falafel, sweet potato tots/patties, tofu (fake) egg salad, soups strained to just be solids.
PinkKeyboard says
Stir fry with minimal seasoning, disassembled tacos with unspiced meat, dumplings (mine loves the trader joes gyoza in all flavors), lasagna, ravioli.
Em says
Thanks everyone for the suggestions! I am definitely trying the quesadillas with sweet potatoes and the broccoli/cheese/bread crumb patties, as those are two veggies I have had a hard time working in since he quit eating purees.
H says
When my LO was that age, he loved peas and practicing his pincer grab.
Anonymous says
On the subject of today’s toothbrush… I need some serious help with teeth brushing for my 19 month old. We got him an electric toothbrush for xmas thinking that would make it fun and exciting (initially it did), but he’s really digging in his heels now (again – same as pre-xmas) when we try to move it around in his mouth – he just wants to put it on his lower teeth and not move it anywhere. He gets MAD when we try to help and the last several nights it has been a very big battle with high emotions. I have tried to model for him, tried lots of praise, and tried to just be firm, but it always results in a battle. Any ideas for a reset on this or other tricks to motivate? Maybe there are some easy tricks that haven’t occurred to us – I’m open to any ideas. Thanks in advance!
GCA says
Following, since my 20 month old basically just wants to chew on the brush and eat the tiny dab of toothpaste off and roundly rejects any help…
Pogo says
That is consistent with every toddler whose teeth I’ve been tasked with brushing. My tactic was always to hold their mouth open like a tiny alligator, get in and get out fast doing the best job possible, which is at least better than what they do themselves.
anne-on says
Ha, yes, totally agree. We also paid out of pocket to have baby teeth sealed once I had to hold a 2-yr old down to have a cavity filled….which was the WORST.
Pogo says
RE: cavity – that sounds like an actual nightmare for both you and kiddo. I didn’t even know they did fillings on baby teeth??
PhilanthropyGirl says
This. After encouragement from my ped, we did a long time of pretty much holding him down and holding his mouth open. At 28 months, we now take turns – usually I brush properly first and then let him do whatever he wants to do. The taking turns has reduced the fighting and tantrums – I let him pick who goes first (usually “mama do it fuwst”); then he gets free reign to wiggle his brush around in his mouth as long as he wants.
Pogo says
Sticker chart?
NewMomAnon says
My daughter HATED having her teeth brushed until sometime after 2. We had to hold her down and force the issue. At her last dental checkup, we asked the dentist and he said it usually gets better by age 3, which was accurate. So there is hope!
A few things that helped a bit, and that I still do:
1. Stickers for good brushing
2. Hold the kid upside down while brushing (seriously, try it)
3. Use the toothbrush to hunt for bunnies in kiddo’s teeth (or dinosaurs, Elmos, whatever)
4. Use a soft finger toothbrush instead of a traditional toothbrush
5. Alternate who gets to brush; kiddo gets a count of 10 to brush (or chew on the brush), then you get a count of 10 to brush
TBK says
My kids will be three in two months, and the tooth brushing has gotten much better in the last few weeks. They actually hold their mouths open for me most of the time.
As for the soft finger brush, just make sure your kid doesn’t bite it. Little jaws are surprisingly strong (ask me how I know).
Meg Murry says
We used 2, 3 and 5 pretty often with our kids and it generally worked.
Other thoughts:
-Try to move toothbrushing earlier in the bedtime routine if possible. My kids will always fight the last step before going into the beds as a way of fighting the transition, no matter what it is. If there is time, consider allowing an extra 15 minutes of “free play” after teeth/jammies/etc as a motivation to get it done quickly.
-Take turns – let kiddo brush your teeth for a few minutes, then you do theirs
-Have you been to the dentist or pediatrician lately? My kiddo took the directive of “you have to let a grown up check your teeth to make sure you got them clean” much better from the ped/dentist, and then I was able to trot out “remember what the dentist said?”when he started to get cranky.
-2 toothbrushes – he gets to hold his in his hand, you go to town with the other. Then you don’t have to wrestle the toothbrush out of his hand.
Anonymous says
Lol at holding the kid upside down. This has been done in my house too. Making him laugh hysterically by brushing other parts of his body sometimes works too.
GCA says
The holding kid upside down is making me shake uncontrollably with silent laughter at my desk. I am sitting across from my boss today. Awkward.
Anon says
I’m pretty attachment parenting in many ways but teeth brushing is one where I often just hold their mouth open and brush if nothing else works. Rarely necessary, usually they’ll let me brush no problem because they know they don’t get to touch/hold/play with the toothbrush until I’m done. Then they get to ‘brush’ themselves while I put their pyjamas on.
Kids are like 5/6 before they can reliably brush properly on their own.
anon says
Mine always wants more toothpaste, so after he sucks some of the toothpaste off his “first serving”, he knows he has to let me brush him before he can have his second serving, which is pretty miniscule. Working so far (he’s 2 and 2 months…)
H says
Have you been to the dentist yet? I just took my two year old for the first time last week and the dentist said as long as it is in his mouth and he’s chewing on it, it’s fine. I was relieved because I can successfully brush his teach maybe half of the week and the other half, he just wants to eat the toothpaste.
HSAL says
I’m so glad to read this – mine is 15 months and I’ve been feeling like a failure because everything I’ve read says within 6 months after the first tooth or a year, whichever is earlier. She’s actually really great about letting us brush her (for not at least) but I just haven’t had time to make an appointment.
S says
My 3.5 yo watches a short video on YouTube while we brush her teeth. (Lots of the Sesame Street music videos are between 2-4 minutes long.) She doesn’t get to watch those videos otherwise, so as long as we prop up the phone against the wall behind the sink, she’ll stand there and open her mouth while we brush her teeth. We usually give her the toothbrush after 1-1.5 minutes or so to practice brushing on her own.
PEN says
Advice I got from this community that has worked for us: watching the Daniel Tiger teeth brushing clip and “looking for bunnies”–the 2.5 year old does a pretty good job now and then is excited to let me see if there are any bunnies in his teeth. Also: strawberry toothpaste from Toms
SC says
This may be kid-specific, but my son LOVES the Elmo teeth brushing song. We play it twice. The first time, I brush his teeth correctly. If he doesn’t cooperate, I pause the video until he does. The second time, he brushes his teeth, which is just gnawing on the toothbrush. Since he loves the video, he loves brushing his teeth.
Edna Mazur says
This is going to sound weird, but when my kids fought brushing I’d lay them on the floor with their head between my thighs and their arms pinned under my knees (so their feet were by my feet). That way they couldn’t turn their head, push my hands away, or wiggle. They love brushing now and know that mama goes first and then it’s their turn. Grandmas think it is a little strange that you get out their toothbrushes and they excitedly lay on the ground spread eagle, but it’s worked for us.
Incidentally this position also works well for kids that don’t like to take medicine…
shortperson says
my 2yo is very compliant. every night she picks the color of her toothbrush (we have four) and she goes first. and i comment, oh, you chose red today! and then i announce my color choice and she lets me brush hers. we started with a bunny hunt but now it’s a general animal hunt. she tells me what animals she finds and what colors they are, and i tell her what i see. she’s always happy to brush. to be fair, she’s a very easy kid.
when she was younger, i would brush her teeth and then the teeth of all the animals in the bathroom — i.e. the mobile, the animals on the wall, her stuffed animal she was holding, etc. that was enough peer pressure for her to comply.
Tired Mommy says
My son is really into inanimate objects that talk, so the toothbrush talks alot. He tells my son he’s so sad and lonely, won’t he let him hug his teeth. Or he says, “let me get those sugar bugs out of there for you!” Or be silly, I say “scream like you see a ghost!” and then brush the heck out of the back teeth while his mouth is wide. (my kid loves screaming and this is his free pass to scream as loud as he wants). Basically, try to make it fun and not so much a chore your dreading. If you can get him on board, he may be more cooperative.
TBK says
Looking for some guidance on au pair car usage. Our old au pair never showed any interest in driving and was happy to use public transportation, walk, or get rides from friends. Our new au pair is…the opposite. We have two vehicles: a minivan that has the car seats in it plus has room for our giant double stroller and was bought expressly because we were having twins; a very new BMW 340i. The au pair is on the insurance for the van but not the car. (I’m still nervous driving the car. I’m used to practical Japanese cars, not German luxury sedans.) We’ve never driven the kids in the car (or in the car that the new one replaced) because their car seats are giant Britax things and there’s the double stroller plus all the cracker crumbs etc that accompany twin toddlers. I’m happy to let the au pair use the van whenever I’m not using it, which includes almost every weeknight evening. But she just texted to ask to use it basically all weekend (to be fair I think she was listing things she’d like to do, and then letting us say yes or no to as much or as little of the list). While I’m okay with her using it if we’re not, I don’t want to feel like I have to plan out my weekend in detail around whether the van will be available. Also, we do live in the suburbs, but we’re also literally right on a bus route plus are only 1 mile from a Metro station. Our old au pair didn’t seem too stifled by the lack of car, but she also made choices that made a car unnecessary. For example, she chose to take English classes at the Metro-accessible school, not at the school that requires a car (the new au pair wants to take her classes at the car-accessible school, which would require transportation every Saturday).
I’m just trying to figure out what’s reasonable. On the one hand, I don’t want to tell her no and claim to need the car, but then have her feel resentful if I don’t wind up going out. On the other, I don’t want to be stranded because I said she could use it. Life with small children can be unpredictable. My husband sometimes works weekends and I’ll either up and decide the kids and I have to get out of the house NOW before I go crazy, or I’ll decide that the last thing on earth I want to do is wrestle two kids into a car and drag them around a store or whatever. (We would LOVE to get a third car — just a little econobox I could take to the Metro station during the week and the au pair could have on the weekend — but it is really not in the budget at the moment.)
anne-on says
We leased a 3rd car for our au pair (cheap toyota camry) for basically this reason – weekend class requirements plus basic ease of getting around town. We’re in the burbs, but I do think its reasonable for her to ask to use the car to get to/from classes on the weekend as I assume you’d rather not have to cover her doing so on a weeknight or weekday?
Beyond that – can you tell her she can use the car in blocks, and only when one car is free? So, say from 12-3 (when your kiddos might be napping?) or after 6pm? I think needing to have a car on hand for small children emergencies is totally reasonable and trumps her desire to use it, especially if you work with her. Some ideas – can you drop her off/pick her up from the metro at pre-set times? Can she trade off driving with a friend so she only has to use the car every other weekend? Can you ask her to Uber, or give her some extra ‘bonus’ cash to use towards Uber as a thank you from time to time? Or you can always go old school and sit down and plot out ‘family car schedules’ like we did when I was home from college and there were 2 teenagers and 2 adults with only 2 cars.
Anon in NOVA says
This adds nothing to the discussion, but I wanted to share that I’ve always been VERY curious about how people deal with the au pair/car situation. When you said leasing it was a big “DUH” moment for me!
I wish we were the type to be OK with having an au pair, but neither of us could handle having someone we don’t know well living in our house all.the.time. without a completely separate living space (like a studio apartment over a detached garage). Which we don’t have.
anne-on says
One good point to the lease – it has mileage limits which also lets us have a natural discussion for how much the au pair is allowed to drive on their own aside from their ‘work hours’. We’ve definitely heard some horror stories about au pairs assuming they can drive the car as much as they want to on their off days…like down to FL from NY. Um, no.
Anon in NOVA says
Oh jeez. So much to think about!
Again, the reason we are not a good fit to host an au pair. I don’t want to come home and feel like I’m still managing employees/having to have difficult conversations.
TBK says
Curious — what’s the cost to lease a car like a Toyota?
anne-on says
The camry lease was something like $210/month all in with the low mileage option. Honestly adding a 19-yr old driver to our insurance, and insuring a third car was a much bigger hit than the lease in and of itself. That said, its worth it to us to not have to juggle cars. And the au pair uses the car so infrequently we’re planning on buying it at the end of the lease as the mileage is so low.
Anon says
what about adding a set of car seats to your existing second car? If your DH needs to work weekends, he can take metro, you take kids in fancy car, and aupair uses minivan?
TBK says
I guess so except that that totally negates the whole point of buying the minivan in the first place, which was to tote around the kids and their gear on the weekends.
Anon says
In this scenario though I’m assuming she doesn’t have unlimited access to the van all weekend. That’s a bit much. Maybe she has van access Saturday mornings? Or both days at nap time (2 hrs/day) and she has to work with metro otherwise? Then you’d only be stuck using fancy car if you need to get out during one of those times when she had the van (I have twins, so I know that sometimes you just need to leave the house asap).
Longer term, a cheap third car or leased third car will give you more flexibility. But for under $200 (cosco scenara at walmart)- you could add car seats to the fancy car this weekend to make do for a bit.
Other says
+1. Set reasonable limits on weekend use of the van, but don’t wholesale deny the request. Buy cheap seats for back-up car, and just don’t let them eat in fancy car. Also buy a cheap double umbrella stroller for the trunk, and you have the problem solved for under $150 (two Cosco scenara + $50 double umbrella stroller). We still use the double umbrella for 4 year olds, and it is fine as long as we aren’t hiking or going jogging, which you could do from your house.
anne-on says
FWIW, if you can swing it, I’d try to have cheap backup car seats for the fancy car, just in case of an emergency/accident with the person using the first car.
NewMomAnon says
Do you have HourCar or Zipcar? If so, are there locations she could access from the bus line? Maybe you could give her some cash toward that or pay the subscription.
I don’t know the general expectations about au pairs and driving, but I would be really surprised if I hired someone who expected to be able to use my car for a bunch of things, if I hadn’t offered that up in advance.
TBK says
I think it depends on the family. Many families have an au pair car. I think I’m a little frustrated because I thought I was up front on this — we have a car and you can probably use it sometimes, but let me emphasize again that we have lots of public transportation literally right outside our front door. I think because our last au pair never even asked about the car in the 1yr 9mo she was with us, I figured the new au pair would at least be more willing to choose Metro accessible options. (They’re from near the same city, too, so it’s not a cultural difference.)
I’ll look into ZipCar. We might give her an Uber allowance while we look into leasing a car cheaply. Ugh. We have a bunch of medical expenses that we just found out aren’t covered (or are covered only a little bit) and were already re-arranging our finances to cover that. It’s also frustrating because if we’d known she would really want/need a car, and if we’d known about the medical stuff we wouldn’t have bought the new car.
Msj says
Like anne-on my solution was a third car, so not a huge help. Most days we could juggle two cars, but there are sometimes where it’s impossible and I want to encourage her to take the kids out of the house
Do you have anything in your handbook addressing usage? Id definitely feel trapped without a car, so I know where you’re coming from. Would getting a second set of carseats and seat covers for you to use in the new car help at all ? I’ve heard too many stories of au pairs and car accidents that I’d generally trust twin toddlers with the bmw over a new AP
All that being said, there are plenty of host families who don’t give their au pair any car access or very limited off duty car access, so it’s not at all unheard of. You just might end up with a very grumpy au pair if the original expectation was something different.
Betty says
We bought a true POS car as a third car for our au pair, which my husband fell in love with and adopted as his own. I looked at leasing, but it was more expensive than forking over 2-3K for an old car (not to mention the insurance payment).
If that is not doable, I would first think about what you need and what you can give up that will not drive you mad. Au pair access to the car after 6pm on Saturdays, but not from 9am -noon or 3pm-6pm on Saturdays, for example. I would then sit down and go over the schedule and help your au pair come up with alternate ways of getting around.
TBK says
What can you buy for so little money? We looked briefly at used cars but they were like $12,000.
Pogo says
My husband sold his 2001 Jetta a few years ago for like $2K. It ran fine, just had like 160,000 miles on it and we were upgrading.
NewMomAnon says
I had several friends who always bought used Hyundais – I guess they don’t retain value very well, but are safe and reliable.
Betty says
We bought an old Jeep Cherokee with more than 100,000 miles on it from the mechanic that we have been using for 4+ years.
anon says
Craigslist. I sold my first car on Craigslist for under $1K several years ago, at which point I remember thinking I knew people were buying strollers that cost more.
S says
We sold our very solid and well-maintained ten-year-old honda for $1400 on craigslist.
Pogo says
This is a good point on buying a cheap old car. Cheaper to insure, less excise tax, less concern in general about AP driving it. Plus if she’s European I’d think an old stick shift would be like coming home!
TBK says
Ha! She’s Brazilian and yes she drives stick at home, but these two Americans are totally clueless when it comes to manual transmission! She’d be the only one who could drive it.
Anonymous says
If she will take the kids in this new car, you might want more safety features than a POS car.
NewMomAnon says
So I am pretty confident that posting will trigger a sleep regression, but I wanted to post some updates on kiddo’s sleep in case it helps any other parents with rotten sleepers.
Since my last plea for help, I’ve instituted a number of changes. As a preliminary matter, I now try to have lights off by 8 pm if she took a nap during the day, and lights out by 7 if no nap. That’s about half an hour earlier on nap days and generally seems to get her in bed before the overly tired crazies begin.
I’ve moved the bedtime routine (book, song, gratefuls) from the glider to her bed – all sorts of things were going sideways during the transition from glider to bed, so it made sense to simplify. I now give her a “last call” for potty time before she climbs into bed; if she asks to go potty after that, we keep the bathroom lights off and I won’t join her in the bathroom. Last night she demanded potty after lights out and then didn’t do anything in the potty, so she got a time out for lying to mama. We’ll see how that plays out tonight.
I’ve also made some physical changes to her sleeping space – she now has a twin bed that seems to be helping (no more bonking her head or getting an arm stuck in the toddler bed slats at night), I’ve removed all toys and books from her bed except for a couple comfort animals, and we’ve been using a weighted blanket. The weighted blanket isn’t a magic bullet, but I swear it has cut the post-book falling asleep period by half. The blanket is also hot, so I discovered I have to turn down the thermostat at night or she’ll kick it off and wake up.
Finally, and maybe most importantly – I try hard to get her half an hour of physical exertion after dinner and before bed. We’ve been swimming, biking in the apartment building hallways, running laps in the hallways, climbing stairs, etc. It definitely helps.
Just some thoughts for mamas struggling with toddler and preschooler sleep. It isn’t perfect, but we’re generally down to 45 minutes from starting bedtime routine (pjs, teeth brushing, etc) to falling asleep and one or no night wake ups. The OK to Wake clock keeps her in bed until 6:30 am, which works for me.
Anon in NOVA says
I’m so glad to see that things are going better!! Sounds like you have a great system going!
The “getting her arm stuck in the toddler bed slats at night” part made me actually chuckle out loud. Sounds like me as a kid! She sounds fun :)
This is completely anecdotal- but as my child got older the transition between houses affected his sleep less. Once we had a routine (which we STILL have to stick to or he will be messed up, and he’s almost 7 now) he was great about bedtime at my house. He understood that at mama’s house, that is the expectation/routine. I hope that continues to work well for you.
PEN says
Things I should not be spending time worrying about: should we get the au pair a twin bed or a full size one? Full size is roomier for sleeping, but takes up more space in her room—thoughts, wise ones?
TBK says
Depends on the size of the room. Also on the au pair. For example, we have a twin bed because our au pair room is small. But our old au pair loved to snuggle up in bed and watch movies, so I think she would have preferred the bigger bed. Our new au pair loves to have friends stay over and we got her an air mattress so her friends could sleep over on the floor. I think she’d prefer the extra room to be sure there’s room for a friend. That said, for anyone who’s lived in dorms in college, we were the same age and did just fine in twin beds.
bluefield says
and often with other people in them with us…
anon says
Are au pairs allowed significant others? This is all I can think of (see comment above about mind in gutter). Seriously I have no advice — other than which would you rather if the room becomes a guest room in the future — but this just reminds me of when, shortly after college, one of my friends was buying her first bed. She wanted a full, and her parents were convinced she didn’t want a twin because she had some secret boyfriend. She did not but of course hoped to someday, and also did not want to discuss her hypothetical s_x life with her parents. So they kept badgering her to tell them why she wanted a full, like they would trick her into confessing, e.g., “Fill in the blank, I want a full size bed BECAUSE ______ “
Pogo says
I’d probably go with full, since that was what I always preferred as a teen. But as TBK points out we all slept in twin beds in college and sucked it up.
If we ever get an au pair she’ll get the full size bed that used to be in the nursery (formerly small spare bedroom), because we wouldn’t buy another bed specifically for her. But our in law apartment is also really spacious so a full size bed wouldn’t take up too much room – TBK’s point about that is relevant as well.
anne-on says
I’d go with a full. In a few years, you can use a full as a guest bed in a pinch, not so much with a twin. Plus, your au pair may want to have friends sleep over, or may enjoy watching tv in bed (or watching on a tablet).
Betty says
I’d go with a full, but also want to validate that I worried about a ton of stuff before our au pair arrived! And just want to add that whatever you go with will be fine!
PEN says
Thanks everyone. We already have a full size bed in our guest room. Kid #2’s room is becoming the au pair’s. And if we go with a twin, I think I will get a trundle too—or I will at least be looking for one secondhand
EBMom says
I was going to suggest a trundle. It leaves space in the room but also an extra bed for a guest. They are often cheap. The only downside is if the au pair wants to lay in bed and watch movies, then there won’t be as much room for her to lounge.
Anonymous says
How interconnected have your decisions about work and family been? Is it possible to separate one from the other? Did your opinion of this change after you decided you were ready to have children?