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In the Before Times, I always kept a travel-sized bottle of Fresh’s Soy Makeup Removing Face Wash in my suitcase. Even though I haven’t gone anywhere requiring a suitcase in months, using it reminds me of more adventurous times.
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The face wash is $15–$69 at Sephora, depending on the size.
Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
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- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon says
Weekend highs and lows?
High: The weather was beautiful and we spent a lot of time outdoors. We got to see the grandparents because we could be outdoors together, which was fantastic. Older kid did his chores without complaint, which is a miracle. Younger kid was wiped out from all the fresh air and slept hard.
Low: I still am feeling so burned out by pandemic parenting. I hit a wall several times this weekend where I thought I would lose my mind if anyone asked for anything/couldn’t handle the noise and mess/etc. DH gave me some time alone Sunday afternoon, but it still wasn’t enough. :/
Anon says
Highs: I got my vaccine, relieving tons of worries because I’m high risk. Yay! So happy to see vaccinations rolling out more quickly.
Lows: The vaccine made me feel pretty crappy all weekend so I wasn’t much fun for my kids.
Cb says
Oh lucky duck! Our letters informing of us of our appointment come in a bright blue envelope because #scotland and I open the mailbox with such excitement every day. I’m high risk as well and would love to just feel safer.
Jeffiner says
When she got her notification, one of my friends said she has never been so excited to feel so crappy.
Clementine says
Highs: (this is going to sound silly, but) Got a PR on a peloton workout and just really CRUSHED it. Super proud of myself because it’s not easy to fit in workouts with 3 kids under 5, but I’ve prioritized it and really can see how strong I’ve gotten.
Lows: Attempted to take the kids for a walk (outdoor, masked) with relatives we haven’t see in a while and it was probably too cold… thus, my children alternated who screamed bloody murder, who refused their mittens, and who was generally just… being a pill. Honestly – probably should have cancelled because of the cold.
Spirograph says
That doesn’t sound silly at all. I’ve been there with 3 kids under 5 and I wasn’t PRing anything at that time. Cheer your wins, I’m proud of you, too!
GCA says
That doesn’t sound silly! Virtual high five. Good on you for prioritizing your strength and health. Putting on one’s own metaphorical oxygen mask first is always easier said than done.
Pogo says
That’s amazing – fitting in workouts is one of my biggest challenges right now. I’m not hitting any PRs!
Anonanonanon says
That’s not silly at all! Good for you, that’s great!!
GCA says
Highs:
– Almost had an overstimulated introvert meltdown on Friday evening, with two kids under 6 running around and bouncing off the walls and husband playing his podcast on our speaker while doing the dishes. Realized in time what was going on and told my husband, who put his headphones in, and then I retreated to our room to read for half an hour before running the bedtime gauntlet.
– Ran *twice* this weekend!
– Hauled kids outdoors on Sunday for a forced march — I mean a heavily bundled up walk around the park.
Lows:
– Also burned out by pandemic parenting and the endless cycle of going nowhere, walks in the cold, board games and jigsaw puzzles, playing ‘zoo’ or ‘school’ for the x millionth time, kid art or baking or science projects (and the cleanup afterwards). My home country has handled the pandemic relatively well (not perfect and deeply unequal, but community spread is super low) and it’s so depressing to scroll through social media and see friends and family there going out to eat, hanging out in small groups, going on staycations and doing otherwise normal things.
Cb says
Lows first for context: My husband had to self-isolate and had a minor surgery yesterday and I am so, so tired from doing everything. Going to need my own convalescence when this is done.
Highs: Desperate to get out of the house, I put my son on my bike and we cycled to a walled garden. It was sadly closed but we spent 2 hours wandering around outside with his adventure kit, pretending to be detectives. He loves nature and it was really fun to just play with no distractions. And my husband is home from the hospital and feeling pretty well, so hopefully it won’t be too long of recovery period.
Anonymous says
We had our first (masked) weekend playdate with a friend from daycare! It went really well. It was so nice to see my kid playing with another kid, something we haven’t seen for a whole year.
Anonymous says
Highs: My parents are fully vaxxed and arrived for a 10 day visit. My 3 year old is overjoyed.
Lows: Another daycare mom told me that a different classroom closed for 2 weeks bc of Covid a few days ago and a kid in DD’s class has a sibling in that room and has still been attending school despite her sibling being quarantined. Rationally I feel like the risk is low (would require spread within the other room, sibling to sibling spread and then spread within my kid’s classroom) but with high risk grandparents here and DH and me not yet having the protection of the vaccine, we freaked and pulled kiddo from school so now I have no childcare for the week. My parents are helping a lot but it’s still so hard for me to work with my kid around. I’m also really p!ssed about school not telling us there were positive cases. They used to announce every positive case. Silver lining: DH and I got first shots last a couple days ago so hopefully in 6 weeks this kind of thing won’t be as big a deal.
SC says
Highs: We got to visit with the grandparents this weekend, and both visits went great. MIL and Kiddo played with Legos for several hours on Saturday. FIL, DH step-mom, DH, Kiddo and I all put together a 500 piece puzzle in under 2 hours yesterday. Also, I got my hair colored and cut on Saturday.
Lows: Pretty much the whole time grandparents weren’t around, Kiddo was a huge pill. He suffered from existential boredom but absolutely refused to do anything or go anywhere. He repeatedly asked us to spend time with him, then used that attention to complain and yell at us.
Anon says
Highs: Did less than an hour of work on the weekend for the first time in two months. Slept more than 8 hours each night. Had friends over for a masked outdoor playdate and fire pit and s’mores session for the first time since November (we all prioritized seeing family over the holidays) and listening to three little kids giggling so happily together while we chatted with adults who are not related to us warmed my heart in ways I didn’t think were possible. Yay to numbers being down lower and the weather trending warmer so we can do more of these (and for vaccines, which DH and I are scheduled to get this week which is such a relief since we are both high risk). Also my 3.5YO is a pro at roasting marshmallows and looked like such a big kid.
Lows: Migraine on Sunday, precipitated (likely) by a mix of hormones and a 5am accident all over my back because DD crawled in our bed at 3am. Nothing like getting the whole house up for clothes changes and sponge baths for all involved (DH helpfully rolled over into the wet spot in all the commotion) and changing the sheets. I dozed a bit until 8 but never really fell back asleep. Also yet another negative pregnancy test, sigh (could have tested too early, but the migraine suggests otherwise to me).
Pogo says
Highs: good self care on all weekend nights, which I haven’t had in awhile (just simple stuff – taking a bath, watching Netflix, wine). Makes a huge difference.
Lows: general burnout and exhaustion. Sad that normally LO would be in gymnastics and swim, we’d have church on Sunday, brunch with friends … and instead, playing the same games over and over again cooped up in or house.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Highs: My older kid’s friend from daycare and his family were walking around the neighborhood and stopped by our place and hung out for most of Saturday afternoon. It was sooo nice to have an outdoor playdate again. Everyone was masked and we stayed outside and I feel like the benefits of this (both for my older kid’s socialization and for us to speak to other parents who we like a lot) outweigh the risks at this point. As the weather gets better, I think we’ll do this more often.
Lows: Said older kid seems to go crazy anytime we’re inside and he’s not watching TV. Particularly that half hour or so after lunch but before younger kid goes down for a nap (when we’re all inside after coming back from some outdoor thing) – he just has so much energy and it definitely doesn’t fit my own energy levels! I also feel myself being completely drained by Sunday afternoon from parenting and housework, even though we have the assistance of my parents for a few hours (outdoors, masked) on Sunday mornings. These ages are just still exhausting to me and it doesn’t help when every weekend feels pretty much the same.
Jeffiner says
High: Despite DH getting food poisoning and being out of commission Saturday, I parented alone with no struggles. DD is usually loathe to leave the house, but she went with me for a walk along the lakeshore, and then to the nursery where we bought a lot of plants for the front yard. We had to rake tons of leaves that fell after the freeze (Texas), and she opened all the leaf bags for me.
Low: I avoided doing all the things that need to get done online. I have a for-fun-only online class I’m two weeks behind on, and an organization that I volunteer for where I needed to do a lot of research. Instead I played a new computer game DH introduced to me.
Anokha says
High: The weather was lovely and we spent a morning biking in the park, which we never really do.
Low: I did six loads of laundry last week. (Packing/unpacking clothes that no longer fit the kids.) By the end, I thought I would scream.
Anonymous says
High: the kids had a great time playing together, it was sunny, and we did some good outdoor activities. My mom planned a beach trip without endless back and forth about where, when and how much. She just said this is what’s available and when, and that she was paying. SO NICE, and so nice to have that to look forward too.
Low: SO OVER THE COLD.
Anonymous says
I’m jealous of how your mom plans travel. Now that my parents and I are vaccinated, they want to start planning multi-generational trips again and I forgot how much I dislike travel planning (and traveling, tbh) with them. I’m ready for the pandemic to be over but there are some things I will miss and not feeling obligated to travel with my parents is one of them.
Megan says
Highs: Went to the dog park with some friends and our pups. Continued to organize the babies nursery.
Lows: Organizing this nursery feels like a never ending and continually expanding project. Baby is due at the end of the month and I keep alternating between I’ll never finish and just being happy we are making progress.
Anon says
my 2.75 year old previously angel of a sleeper – like would lay quietly in the morning waiting for us, slept an 8+ hour stretch by 9 weeks (this was my saving grace at the time since her twin still woke up) has become a hot mess at bedtime. She doesn’t resist going to bed, even says she is tired. Happily brushes her teeth, puts on her pjs, reads a story, sleep sack etc. but then like 5 minutes or less after we leave the room she starts crying that her leg is stuck, her diaper hurts, or just crying. last night she cried for an hour! i’ve been trying to check once, and then do CIO. what’s hard is that when she cries that her leg is stuck (which it is not), her twin started yelling for someone to come to help (i guess it’s nice they care about each other). is this just testing boundaries? i thought she’d pass out last night since she did a lot of physical activity and didn’t nap
Anon says
If she didn’t nap, she may be overtired. I’d try pushing bedtime earlier, even by 20 minutes, to see if it makes a difference.
OP says
did that. we put them to bed earlier last night. this wasn’t just last night. i would say this pattern started about a week ago, but intensified over the past 4 nights where she just cries for like an hour before going to sleep
Pogo says
Definitely testing boundaries. It sounds like they are in the same – that’s tough. My advice based on what I’ve done with my 3yo is to really stick to the boundaries and ‘sleep rules’ (stay in bed, be quiet, try to sleep, etc). So like last night at the last minute mine decided he wanted to switch pjs (after picking one pair, was totally in bed and we were doing songs he decided he wanted different ones). Since that was totally just boundary testing I stuck to my guns.
If he does need help with potty or finding his blankey, I do intervene. But it has to be real, not imagined.
Anon says
Any big (to her) changes in her life recently? It could be testing boundaries but it could also be a phase of needing extra cuddles/attention. Sometimes I do give in and sit with my kids or rub their back and sing extra songs because I can tell they need that connection (and it gets overtired kids to sleep quicker than CIO, which is sometimes the main goal).
AwayEmily says
+1…I used CIO for training both my kids and am very supportive of it in general. But for these weird developmental blips (of which we have also had a few), I tend to figure out a strategy that gives them some extra attention while still setting boundaries. A couple of ideas that have worked at various times: check-ins every 5 minutes (I like this one because it shows them you keep promises), helping her remake her bed area in a way that feels safe (eg setting stuffies all around her crib to “protect” her), reading in their room with a kindle after the lights go off (with the rule that they are not allowed to talk to you). But again, as per the “boundaries” comment above, lay out what the “rules” are and then stick to them (eg if you say you will come back in 5 minutes, don’t come back before then because they start crying, or if you say you’ll leave if they talk to you, then follow through).
And as reassurance i’ll say that I never had to do any of these for more than a week. I think if they’re basically solid sleepers (which it sounds like she is), it’s really just a temporary solution to help her get through a tough period, and then things will go back to normal.
OP says
the only bigish change was that we live in TX where we didn’t have power for a few nights and DH slept in their room, but that was 3 weeks ago and since then she had slept fine until the past few days.
AwayEmily says
for mine it’s rarely tied to actual external events…more like some random switch in their brain goes off and they need some extra attention for a week.
GCA says
Same, I mentioned this in a different thread last week but a long stretch of interrupted nights usually means mental (and/ or physical!) developmental fireworks in there. (We are going on two weeks of the 2.5yo showing up in our room at 3am saying things like “Do mooses wear snowpants?” and “Do sharks eat oatmeal?” It’s cute but I am tired.)
AwayEmily says
oh man our toddlers should hang out, GCA. Last night at 1:30am my 3yo called me into his room because he desperately needed to know whether bears can climb stairs.
Anon says
Any books or strategies to try to help a 5 year old be less sensitive? My daughter is highly sensitive to anything that she perceives to be a slight. If other kids want to play something she doesn’t want to or if she says something and it gets ignored (not intentionally but because the other kids are talking or playing and just not paying attention), then she gets her feelings hurt and gets disproportionally upset. She had a friend come over this weekend and the friend got to do something “first”–the friend wasn’t mean at all about it, she was just ready to start something before my daughter was so she went ahead. My daughter ran to the bathroom, locked herself in and was very upset. And then tried to run to her room saying she didn’t want to play anymore. I managed to calm her down and then they went back to playing and she was fine, but this is part of a larger pattern where my daughter has extreme reactions to what she feels are personal slights. To be clear, I don’t think this is just about her not getting her way, I think it’s more about her feeling like she’s not being listened to or treated fairly. Maybe? I guess I’m not sure. The thing is, my husband and I are both super sensitive as well! We also are very particular about things and feel frustrated when things don’t go exactly the way we imagined or when we feel we’re not being listened to. Obviously we’ve been able to handle this maturely as we’ve gotten older but I guess I’d say that my strategy as a teen/adult has been more of a staying silent approach, rather than actively dealing with it. I hoping I can teach my daughter to handle these situations better–to be able to speak up and feel heard but also understand that not everything is going to go exactly the way she wants it to and she needs to learn to accept that, move on, and find a different path forward. Sorry, this is long but I really want to support her, I just don’t know that my husband and I are equipped to since this is something we struggle with as well.
Anon says
Play therapy.
I’m sort of over the idea that we have to wait for something to be a total disaster before we get help. This is minor so a few sessions to give her and you a new perspective/tools to deal with it sounds perfect.
CHL says
My son did well (at age 7 so hopefully not too far off) with this – and strategies for cooling off (deep breath and blow out your fingers like candles, breath and squeeze – give yourself a big.
This book is about the difference between big, medium and small problems and the appropriate reaction.
hut)https://www.socialthinking.com/Products/superflex-thinkable-kool-q-cumber
Spirograph says
Not to pathologize, but rejection sensitive dysphoria is a thing– does she have any other ADHD symptoms?
For my very sensitive ADHD son, we’ve done similar things to what CHL mentions, basically reminding him of a menu of calming things to choose from when needs them. He has a cozy corner to calm down in, counts backwards, does deep breaths, and plays with a fidget that can take some aggressive manipulation. Then, we redirect. He’s almost 8 now and has gotten a lot better in the last few years. I can see him wanting to explode, but isntead just pausing for a sec and resetting. Just like you and your husband, your daughter will outgrow this as she gets better at executive function and moderating her display of emotions in general.
Teaching “I feel” statements is a good way to train kids to be assertive, and naming emotions is a huge step to managing them. I remember making fun of these a little when the guidance counselor taught them in school, but the phrasing “when you do X, I feel Y” is important, because it frames things totally differently and denotes more ability to control your own reaction than “you *made me* Y”
Friday says
I had two interactions with acquaintances this weekend where I said something and I wish I would have just kept my mouth shut. Nothing overtly rude, just like “why did I bring that up?” I feel like I’m very out of practice at interacting with adults. Any advice or commiseration? I feel like the pandemic has reverted me to my awkward junior high self.
Anonymous says
Totally same. I have been feeling that every time we talk with my in-laws. I don’t mean to be combative with them, I just forgot how to talk with people other than my husband!
Anon says
You are probably overly self conscious because you’re out of practice – I bet nothing you said rang as bad to the listener as it did in your head! Go easy on yourself. I have some mild social anxiety and find that dwelling on it only makes it worse, i.e. if I’m worried about saying something dumb or insensitive worrying about it somehow makes it that much more likely. Generally if I’m in a socially anxious moment I just try to avoid nervous talking, i.e. try to be comfortable being quieter and that way will naturally only say things that I’ve kind of thought about for a second.
yes says
Same! It’s not just you.
Anon. says
Yep, I felt the same coming back from maternity leave too. So awkward.
anon says
Has anyone’s kid sort of suddenly developed a dairy intolerance and did they grow out of it? 20 mo old started having diaper issues recently – ped suggested we try cutting out dairy and magically that fixed everything. Just curious if anyone else’s kid had this and if they ever grew out of it. We eat a lot of dairy so it’s just an adjustment with his meals and my other kid has never had these issues so I don’t know what to expect.
Clementine says
Allergies – no. Lactose intolerence? Yes, absolutely.
I might experiment introducing lactose free (or low lactose) foods and seeing if that works. Aged cheeses, natural yogurt, and kefir are all naturally low or no lactose (the fermentation process eats the milk sugar – aka lactose – and thus, makes it easier to digest). I would try maybe some cheddar cheese and see if that works. You can buy lactose free milk and it’s pretty easy to work around.
Sincerely – became lactose intolerent in college and was really freaked out because every morning (the only time i regularly ate dairy) I was super nauseous… what would you have thought?
Anonymous says
My kids both had milk protein allergy as babies – but for them it started much earlier, like at 2 months. I had to cut all dairy out of my diet (and wheat too, actually) but they grew out of it at around a year old. I haven’t heard of milk protein allergy starting as late as yours – so maybe it is lactose intolerance? My son seems to have a touch of that (I do too, it’s very common) and he’s generally okay except that we do lactose free milk, he’s fine with cheese (naturally low lactose) and yogurt (same).
TheElms says
I think I developed lactose intolerance in older adulthood (late 30s). But its a quantity issue for me. I can still have milk in my coffee, milk in cereal, cheese and yogurt. But I notice it if I eat a lot of ice cream ( I can have a small scoop and generally be fine, expecially if I haven’t had other dairy that day) or if I have a milkshake. It gives me diarrhea. I would try lactose free milk and slowly add in yogurt / cheese and see if that works for your kiddo. Hopefully you can find a level they can tolerate that doesn’t require you to cut out dairy entirely. Signed a cheese lover who struggles to imagine life without cheese.
Anonymous says
My daughter and I both have issues with some ice cream and milkshakes, along with some other highly processed foods. When I was younger, I thought it might be lactose intolerance but was confused because it didn’t happen when I drank milk. By reading grocery labels and googling ingredients for restaurant food, I was eventually able to determine that every food that caused us issues contained carrageenan, which is known to cause digestive upsets. Since I stopped buying foods with carrageenan and we quit eating at most chain restaurants, neither of us has had an issue.
TheElms says
Thanks! I don’t drink milk (because I don’t like it on its own), but I’ll look into this. I assumed it was the lactose, but if not I can probably find ice cream without it!
EP-er says
Hi — I posted last fall about my youngest possibly needing surgery for strabismus. Thanks again for all who shared stories. Surgery was the end of last week and looks like it went well! She was most nervous about the IV, after her experience with getting one for her MRI. The anesthesiologist came in and told her that she would get a mask with gas to fall asleep & then they would put in the IV. It was all smiles after that! The first two days post surgery were rough, but she’s back to normal. (Other then the creepy, bloodshot eyes – haha! School pictures next week might be interesting…) And the best news is that she is seeing single vision again immediately post-surgery. Thanks again for the support!
Pogo says
aw so glad to hear!
Anonymous says
So glad to hear it! As someone with strabismus myself, I highly, highly support addressing these issues promptly and just getting the surgery right away. Your daughter’s eyes will look better by 2 weeks, probably plenty faster. Really great she is having single-vision, too!
Anon says
Glad it went well! My brother had it done at age 2 in the 1960s, but my daughter’s wasn’t diagnosed and treated until she was 20. The surgeon did say it runs in families, so that’s just something to keep in the back of your mind.
mean girls says
TL/DR: How can I counteract my child being bullied at school?
There are five girls out of 12 total kids in my daughter’s class and thanks to cohorting, they’re the only kids she ever interacts with at school or on the playground. She is good friends with one of them (A), but dislikes two of the other three, so when A plays with them, my daughter is left out. I’ve been hearing snippets for a while, but just encouraged her to keep her cool and play with some of the other kids rather than being so reliant on only one friend. Then I saw all of this first-hand at a class playground meetup over the weekend, and wow these girls are awful when they’re together. They were sneering at me and my son (“ugh, look, that’s [daughter]’s mom/brother”), sneering at my daughter for playing by herself, just a bunch of catty back-handed girl stuff. After we got home, daughter cried for a while that no one likes her, no one thinks she’s special, no one wants to be her friend. It was heartbreaking!
I have a call scheduled with the teacher to share this and hear her observations, including whether she’s recognized these other girls as instigators or if my daughter is the only one getting in trouble once they needle her enough that she blows up. I’m upset that this has been going on while the teacher is acting shocked and asking me if anything has changed at home because my daughter’s behavior at school has gone so precipitously downhill in the last couple months, and disappointed in myself for not getting to the bottom of it sooner. In parent-teacher conferences, he teacher talked about difficult dynamic among the girls in a way that I thought was mutual, but that is not what I saw. I’m not sure what to ask for, though. I can’t make anyone be my daughter’s friend, I don’t really want her moved to a different class this late in the year, and I’m not sure how this gets solved without putting a bigger target on her.
I spent a lot of one on one time with her this weekend, and set up a playdate with a neighborhood friend, and that seemed to help. But she still didn’t want to go to school this morning. Ugh. Any ideas?
Anonymous says
How old is she? Do the boys all refuse to play with her? My closet friends until 4th grade were all boys but maybe the boy/girl segregation starts earlier now. Just seems a little weird to me that this discussion is entirely about the girls when over half the class is boys.
I’m sorry she and you are going through that, hopefully the discussion with the teacher is helpful.
Anonanonanon says
My first question is how old she is/what grade is she in, as well.
Also, you mentioned she doesn’t like the two other girls. Gently, could she have accidentally (I say that because children lack tact) offended those girls and now they’re being rude in response? To be clear, I’m NOT saying their behavior is OK, but it’s something to consider before you talk to the teacher. Is it possible she said something like “I don’t like you I only want to play with A” not realizing that could have made things a bit adversarial?
Kids don’t always give us the full story because they don’t see the full story. For example, a couple of times in early elementary my son felt left out and it turned out it’s because he thought everyone should play exactly what/how he wanted to play.
OP says
She’s in kindergarten.
And yes, I’m sure there is back story here. She got along with the other girls earlier in the year, and I don’t know the cause of their falling out. I suspect a lot of it has to do with the fact that they’re trapped together without much outlet and grating on each other. Honestly, though, it doesn’t really change anything for me. I don’t care if they don’t want to play with her. It sucks when it’s such a small group and she doesn’t have many other options, but not everyone enjoys each other’s company and that’s life. I do care if they’re picking on her, and that’s what I want to stop.
Anonymous says
At that age a lot of it comes down to the teacher more closely supervising and providing guidance on appropriate play.
When my oldest was in a rough (not mean but a lot of exhausting drama) friendship group, I increased her weekend time with other non-school friends. Having social interactions outside of school helped take the pressure off the school ones.
Anon says
The teacher needs to step in and step up. There should be a visit from the guidance counselor to her class to talk about bullying. Adults supervising recess need to pay attention and intervene.
If the whole group can’t get along, there needs to be some social engineering to improve the dynamic. Outlaw problematic games. Introduce new games (e.g., sidewalk chalk or hoopla hoops) to distract. You can’t expect kindergartners to handle this on their own.
You should consider setting up 1:1 outdoor playdates between your daughter and other kids in the class. Not the ringleader(s), but kids who she might form friendships with that could carry over into school.
Anonanonanon says
Wow I assumed she was older. The teacher definitely needs to be intervening here! And the fact they were snarky when you walked up speaks volumes, that needs to be shut down.
NYCer says
How old is she? I would encourage her to try to play with the boys in the class. I had lots of friends who were boys when I was a kid.
Anon says
+1 my kindergarten son talks about the boys and girls in his class equally. His “best” friend right now seems to be a girl (who is quite sassy and not always nice to him, either!) It’s different in your daughter’s case because she seems affected, but the past couple years my son seems to attach to kids who maybe think he’s annoying and aren’t always kind. I just make sure not to proactively socialize with them out of school and not focus on it besides the times he brings them up, and the “friendships” rearrange themselves all the time
Anonymous says
I have a first grader and an incoming K kiddo. I would suggest, if possible, to have 1:1 playdates with the “mean girls” outside of school. I know COVID complicates this but if they are doing playground meetups, it seems feasible you could arrange a 1:1 playground meetup with any kid in the class (other than A)- boy or girl.
My 1st grader had ONE girl in her K class of 20 last year that she really just didn’t get along with. The girl was polar opposite to my daughter in terms of personality and maturity. I later found out she was ESL (relevant only because my kid isn’t a great communicator to begin with. I’m sure the language barrier made it worse). I got the girls together at some point over the summer and you’d have never known they were “not friends.” They are in the same cohort now and they are 2 of 4 total girls. They get along just fine (both self-reported and I asked the teacher).
OP says
Thanks all. I’m sure they’ll outgrow this over the summer (maybe even over spring break if I’m lucky!) but I don’t want her to feel this way until June. A complicating factor is that this is a mixed-age group where the kindergarteners are the oldest, and the two girls she dislikes are sisters (one her age, one younger). The K boys mostly stick together from the sound of it. She gets along with the younger boys and one girl when separated from the pack, but that seems to scratch a different itch than peer acceptance, so I don’t know if one-on-one playdates with them would do much. It might help break the cycle if my daughter and the older sister could spend time together alone, though. That’s an interesting idea.
Anonymous says
What about the 5th girl? There’s your daughter, A, and the two sisters-but what about #5?
I would do 1:1 play dates with each girl. I would 100% NOT do 2:1 play date with the sisters (so no “meet us at the playground”). I’d email the parent(s) and say your daughter would like to get to know C and D better individually and can you have C over this weekend and pick up D for a playground trip next weekend. Or whatever is most COVID-ly appropriate.
Two Questions says
Hi All. Two unrelated questions:
1) We’ll going on a (driving, socially distant, etc.) spring break trip, and our 18 year old neighbor will be stopping in to check on our cat. Suggestions on how much to pay her?
2) We’re advertising for a summer nanny for our 5 year old. I’m surprised by how many applicant’s have children. Ideally, we’ll find a college student without kids looking for a summer job. Do lots of nannies have kids? How does that typically play out? I don’t know why, but it feels odd to me.
Anonanonanon says
I got FLAMED on an area nanny fb group when I asked about this, but personally, I don’t think it’s fair for a nanny to expect to get a full normal rate AND bring her kid to work. I feel for them, I truly do, I was once a broke single mom myself in my younger days, but I also would have recognized the value of free child care and not expected to get paid the same as someone who is not bringing their kid.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with it if they were asking for the full payrate that is common in our area. If the kid is younger and needs naps, for example, that will impact your kid’s playtime.
Anonymous says
100% agree. I have 3 children and would never allow a nanny to bring her child, barring it being the mother of one of my kid’s best buddies in which case it would be a discussion we’d have to have.
If I had only one child, I might consider it but I would discuss compensating the nanny more like a nanny share.
Then again, these are crazy times and it’s really a seller’s market in terms of nannies.
Anonymous says
I completely agree. Plus nannies are not impoverished by any means. In our area the going rate is about $70-80k/year. That’s certainly not Big Law money, but it’s well above the national average salary and is more than I make as a white collar professional with an advanced degree. There are many people in lower-paying professions (including daycare and K-12 teachers!) who don’t expect to bring their children to work for free.
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t necessarily think it’s bad to account for bringing an additional child in the pay. but that’s definitely not the going rate everywhere. It’s probably closer to $40k IF you get full time hours in my MCOL area, and a ton of families want fewer than 40 hours a week.
Anonymous says
It’s still more than many teachers make. The point is not that nannies are wealthy, the point is that many people are paid a lot less than nannies and don’t get to bring their kids to work.
Anonymous says
Re: Summer Nanny: It depends where you live, but my guess is that the church/YMCA/park department (read: cheapest options where I live) are closed this summer. They operate on shoestring budgets and are in old buildings, rely on volunteers, etc. I mean, isn’t that the reason you work 75-hours a week? So you can hire a nanny to pretend she doesn’t have kids and your kid doesn’t have to interact with her kids at “places like that”.
It’s global pandemic. Colleges aren’t in person. Get over yourself.
Anonymous says
I don’t understand this comment at all. Colleges are in person in most of the country and at least in my area (a red state, but one that is taking the virus pretty seriously with a mask mandate, etc.) the YMCA and parks dept childcare programs are all fully operational and have been since last summer.
No Face says
What is happening with this comment? This type of response is normal on the main site, but people tend to post in good faith here. There are many reasons to hire a nanny over group care that have nothing to do with being uppity, or whatever it is you are implying. Inability to drop off and pickup because of scheduling issues, high risk person in the household and covid exposure, etc. No need to assume the worst of working mothers with demanding jobs. We get enough of that out in the world.
As far as nannies with kids, it would be a red light for me unless I actually knew them well already. As a kid, I went to an in home daycare where the owner’s daughter was the biggest bully. I don’t remember her discipling her own daughter once, and I was scared and miserable. Never told my mom either.
ElisaR says
agree, i feel like this is one person each day trying to stir the pot.
Anonymous says
I’m very confused by this comment, as it doesn’t actually address anything in the question. The OP didn’t say she’s trying to avoid contact with other kids, just that she wasn’t expecting people to be asking to bring their own kids to work.
OP, it comes down to what you’re comfortable with. In your situation, I’d be willing to consider a nanny with one or two similar-age kids. We’d have to have some very detailed conversations about what that would look like, but it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me. I’m also sure you will be able to find a college student with no kids if that’s what you’d prefer, and there’s no problem at all with that preference.
anon says
haha. wow, bitter much? yikes
anon says
So in my blue state all the summer camps are open as usually, including the park department…
Anon says
This really varies by region. Many of our camps are opening, but a camp that would have had 25 kids with two counselors in the past may only have 8 kids with two counselors this year. There is much less available.
Anonanonanon says
…Huh?
ElisaR says
the last month or so I haven’t been keeping up with this site due to…..life. I love this group, most people are so helpful and I genuinely have benefited from this group. However, I have been reading the last week or so and I’ve noticed a new nasty vibe. I’m guessing it’s just one troll. Comments like “get over yourself” are not the way we generally speak to each other here.
Please troll. Go away. We have a good and respectful thing going on here on corporettemoms. You’re not contributing meaningfully. you’re just mean.
Anonymous says
It isn’t. You’ve accused me of tro11ing in the past. And this post is not me! Many of them aren’t!
Anon says
In the pandemic world where playdates are limited, it could be really nice to have a playmate for your 5 yo. I’d only consider a nanny with a kid of a similar age, but wouldn’t necessarily consider it to be a negative.
Anon says
For the record, we had a nanny who brought her same aged kid on occasion and it was fine. The kid was usually home with a grandmother but came whenever the grandmother had an appointment. A full time playmate might be tougher, but we’ve done a nannyshare with a same age playmate and that was great. I might actually prefer the lower risk of the kid being in our bubble instead of bringing in covid risk from a childcare center.
OP says
Is it just assumed that nanny brings her child? My kiddo has multiple kids her age in the neighborhood who will be home all summer (with nannies or SAHMs), which is a big reason why we’re conisdering this. If she’d have no social interaction, it would be a lot different.
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t think it’s assumed a nanny with kids brings her kids, no. I think that’s something you discuss. They might be mentioning it to show experience with child rearing or they might want to bring along their kid in an emergency but not regularly or something else.
Anon says
It can be negotiated, like everything. But I still wouldn’t consider it necessarily to be a negative. Having to compromise and get along with another kid for an extended period of time is a good skill.
Anon says
If she’s not bringing her child, why do you care if she has kids?
Anonymous says
I think it’s a little early to get a summer nanny, especially if you are looking for a college kid. Through this winter there has been a lot of competition for nannies, so “tag alongs allowed” is more common. (tag alongside – what I have heard kids brought by nannies called here). So while it might be more common under the current circumstances, it is not preferred by many families. I also recall pre-pandemic it was often reflected in pay. However, again due to the competition and the fact that tag alongs have some potential benefits during covid (new playmates without increasing covid bubble) it isn’t really showing up as a reduction in hourly rate.
All that said, in my area all of the summer camps are opening back up. It’s not clear yet whether this is going to greatly reduce the demand for summer nannies or not. Some of the pandemic changes for nannies pay and work environments might continue to go forward (just like my work has changed) but I think it is too early to tell.
As for summer nannies, my understanding is a lot of college kids start looking for summer jobs after their spring break. That might be a local thing, or just our experience. I think you can delay hiring for a bit and keep looking if you aren’t finding nannies that meet your families needs.
Spirograph says
As for your first question, what are the cat expectations? If she’s just stopping in once a day for 5-10 min to refresh food and water and change the litter box a couple times during the week, $20, or maybe just a gift, unless you somehow implied that she would be paid. I do this for my neighbors when they’re on vacation and they do the same for me. We usually “pay” each other in saltwater taffy or fudge or something.
Anonymous says
I think for an adult neighbor a gift and a return of the favor are appropriate, but I’d pay a teenager a little something.
Katala says
I believe I got $5/day doing this as a 10 year old 30 years ago. I’d probably do more than $20 for a week. You’d likely pay $20/visit for a professional petsitter. Maybe $40-50 for the week?
ustoo says
2) We were surprised at this as well. We actually feel like we found a very good situation – we were very impressed with a nanny who had a son about 2 months older than our son. We’re very pleased our kiddo is getting at least some socialization. We negotiated that her child wouldn’t come for the first week (so our kid and the nanny could get to know each other). We’re also paying on the bottom end of the usual range – both because she has the perk of being able to bring her child and because she doesn’t have much experience. From the nanny’s perspective I think it makes a lot of sense. Our nanny is a very bright young woman without much formal education or training. She had a child young and needs to support her small family and have the child cared for while she is working. I don’t know that she’ll be a nanny in 5 years (when her son is in elementary school) but it’s a great fit for her now.
So Anon says
My 10yo son had his sleep study Thursday night. I tried to make it a special adventure, complete with macaroons from whole foods. It took a solid 1-1.5hrs to hook up all the wires and belts. We played video games for a while, and I became super schooled at popping balloons on a balloon battle app (but not good enough to play against my son). He did manage to fall asleep, complete with snoring that I could hear across the room. I barely slept at all, especially when his nose thing kept falling out. No idea when we will hear results – maybe a week or two?
Does it make sense to say that I am equally nervous that it will come back as entirely behavioral versus an underlying cause?
Anonymous says
hi! I posted when you asked what to expect about my then 3.5 y/o. For better or worse, our study came back normal. It was all behavioral. She’s 5 now and it has improved somewhat but not gone away. The working theory is that it is linked to anxiety– I never would have thought about my kid as anxious but once we talked it through, it makes sense. She’s the kind of kid who will focus hard until something is done and I can see how waking up and focusing too hard on sleeping…prevents her from falling asleep.
Good luck!!
Anonymous says
If he’s snoring loudly, I would worry more that lack of sound sleep is causing behavioral issues than the other way round.
Realist says
think we have a lot of “behavioral” issues that really trace back to a physiological cause that they just haven’t found yet. Science published a study last year about a tire chemical that was washing off the roads and running into the rivers to kill the salmon. It took them years to track down what was going on and identify the link between the chemical compound and the harm to the salmon. Humans add 10,000+ new chemicals to the environment each year, with many accumulating at higher and higher concentrations as time marches on. It would be more surprising if all of these new chemical compounds were completely harmless/benign versus some having unintended health consequences, which would logically show up first in babies and children. Subtle effects–like sleep disturbances- are even harder to discover. Obviously we would notice if something were killing off children, but making them sleep terribly and increasing their ADHD rates, now that is a lot harder to tease out. Anyway, if it comes back as “behavioral,” I would suggest you keep looking for other doctors and try different interventions (possibly even with discussion with your son on what he might like to try) to improve sleep. Potentially including referrals to a functional medicine doctor, as they are more likely to look at the holistic picture and suggest things you may not have tried yet after the allopathic physicians have run out of ideas.
Anonymous says
Please reassure me my kid will be ok without playdates or one-on-one time with other kids? A lot of adults we know (including us) have been vaccinated and I’ve reached out people about outdoor, masked playdates but haven’t been able to schedule even one. It seems like daycare families mostly want to stick to socializing with families they knew before the pandemic, and the few people we saw socially before this have all opted to keep their kids home with a nanny and are worried about their kids getting Covid from our daycare kid, since the kids can’t be vaccinated. I’m just feeling kind of blue today because it was a beautiful weekend and we spent it outside and saw so many groups of kids and families playing together and it made me feel like a failure for not being able to give her that.
ifiknew says
I so understand. We are in the same boat. My child is almost 4 and has never been to a birthday party and I have tried SO hard to get to know people. SHe started school at 2 and that daycare just didn’t really do parties. We got our first invites right as the pandemic hit. She’s just starting school again, but no one is doing these types of things. Hang in there, i’m hoping in the next 6-12 months, things will look different.
Anonymous says
Thanks. Yeah, we’ve never been to a birthday party either. The kids in her class were only turning 2 when the pandemic hit, and everyone told us the invites would start at 3. From talking to people casually, it seems like the era of whole class birthday parties is done for good. And I fear she’ll never make the cut for a smaller party if we can’t foster friendships outside of school. :/
Anonymous says
Preschool birthday parties were the absolute worst. It seemed like there was one every weekend, and parents were expected to stay. I had to start recruiting the grandparents to go sometimes because otherwise I’d never get anything done around the house. Plus that, half of the parties were at disgusting germ factories like the bouncy place.
Anon says
+1 when do parents get to drop and leave? That’s the only way it was back in the 90s…
Anonymous says
How old is she? Around me in MA, kids are back at playgrounds (in masks). Could you do something like that?
Even if kiddo doesn’t have a Bestie, the value of playdates is learning to play together and work out differences. That can be done with playground friends, too.
Anonymous says
3.5. We go to the playground, but I don’t feel like it replaces playdates with kids she knows. It’s useful for practicing stuff like taking turns on the slide, but I think she gets plenty of that at school. She’s never really engaged in interactive play with random kids she met at a playground. Also mask compliance in our area is terrible and she knows not to approach strangers unless both people are in masks so she usually goes out of her way to avoid other kids at the playground since they’re never in masks.
Jeffiner says
I think 3.5 is pretty young for a one-on-one playdate. Even my super-extroverted-will-play-with-anyone kid didn’t really get into interactive play until closer to 5. She preferred to play with me and my husband on playgrounds. We never scheduled playdates, we figured she played enough with kids at daycare. We did have parties, but the kids either played together like at daycare, or hid behind their parents and didn’t like the new environment.
My daughter is now 6, and I can tell she really needs the playdates now vs when she was younger. I think your daughter will be fine, things will open up in another 6-12 months, and she’ll be ready for playdates and parties then.
Anon says
This. I’m in MD and we have one family that we do outdoor, masked playdates with but also go to playgrounds A LOT and my 3 and 4 yos clearly enjoy getting to play without other masked kids in those situations.
AwayEmily says
My kids are 3 and 4 and I see the whole point of daycare as NOT having to worry about playdates. Your kid is getting plenty of experience with other kids at daycare! Honestly, I think of playdates as for me, not for my kid — to the extent I schedule them it’s usually with parents who I see as potential friends (eg who live within walking distance of my house or seem snarky/fun at dropoff/pickup).
Now that it’s getting darker later, we often stop by a playground for an hour after school, and I will sometimes text other daycare parents to see if they want to meet up. If they do, awesome, if they can’t, NBD. It’s a nice low-pressure way of doing things.
anon says
Agree with this! We have not started playdates until the kids are in elementary school. When they’re playing together all day at daycare, I do not see the point.
Anon says
Absolutely, totally okay. My 3.5-year-old doesn’t go to school and has no “friends”, but he does have a brother, and I am not worried in the least. We only just started going to birthday parties for his 5-year-old brother when things shut down, and honestly they are no big deal to miss. Before pandemic we got together with neighbors occasionally and saw cousins about once a month; I expect we’ll return to that soonish, and he’ll go to preK in the fall.
Kids that young need *some* social interaction but not a ton, and definitely don’t need best friends and dedicated play dates. I agree running around with random children on a playground occasionally is just fine. Weekend play dates really are for the parents.
Anon says
how nice it must be to live in a place where people where masks to playgrounds. people already didn’t wear masks to playgrounds, and since apparently covid is over in TX starting this week we don’t even have that.
anyway – your daughter is in daycare so she is getting a lot of socialization with other kids. do you think this is more of an issue for you than it is for her? we are in a similar boat in that we decided to keep our twins home with a nanny this year, but were going to send them to preschool and we are newish to where we live (not actually that new anymore, but it is hard making friends as an adult and were really hoping we’d meet some more people through the kids), so it is more like DH and I are kind of lonely/have FOMO and wish we had other adults to talk to more frequently
Anon says
My 3.5YO is on only child with a SAHD and in the last year has had a whopping 4 masked outdoor play dates. She regularly interacts with us, family (all adults) in our bubble, and extended (adult) family via videochat. She’s still doing fine (confirmed by her (virtual) speech therapist and doctor). Your kid is getting all the socialization she needs from daycare, and she probably really values the 1 on 1 time with you on the weekends!
peloton? says
Does anyone here have a peloton and do you think it’d be worth getting one at this point, realizing that I’m super late to this party? I’m a former runner but with a 2 year old and an infant, it hasn’t been happening. I made up my mind to buy one, but the delivery is 8-10 weeks out and I’m having trouble deciding whether it will be worth it by then with nicer weather, etc.
GCA says
If you aren’t getting out at the moment, what will change in 8-10 weeks that will enable you to do so? More daylight, nicer weather? Seasonal fluctuation in workload? Although I would probably get the indoor exercise equipment, you may want it next winter anyway.
Also, if you have space for a spin bike, do you have space for a treadmill? (Unless there are health reasons you can’t be running at the moment, eg. postpartum pelvic floor recovery.) Knowing my own preferences and habits I’m much more likely to enjoy hopping on a treadmill for a quick mile or two than taking a spin class.
Spirograph says
I do! I like it. I do not enjoy running and bike mostly for pleasure with my kids rather than for exercise, so the peloton is my actual intense cardio. I also just think it’s fun and it’s what passes for Me Time these days. I usually get up and do a quick workout before my kids wake up. My husband leaves for work before I wake up, and I wouldn’t want to leave them sleeping alone in the house, so this is my best option. I also enjoy the strength and yoga workouts, but you can get those with the app alone and don’t need to spend $2k+ on the equipment.
Anonymous says
Check out the Echelon (the version from Walmart). We bought one for ~$500 and there are live and on demand classes, it hooks to your phone, can monitor heart rate etc. It works well, seems to be good quality (my husband weighs 240 and it works fine for him) and is just way less of an investment. I’m not a workout from home person, but like it.
Ifiknew says
Does anyone have tips for managing my 21 month old and 3 years and 9 month old at the playground? My 1 year old is always trying to touch other kids, touch their scooters, scoop up woodchips etc. It just seems like all I can do is keep him safe and can’t really engage with my almost 4 year old at all. Is this normal? my daughter seemed to better understand boundaries by 22 months, he understands no, just doesn’t really seem to care.. :sigh:
Spirograph says
Normal. IMO, 18-36ish months is the worst age for playgrounds, because they’re very curious and mobile, but don’t have good enough gross motor skills for you to really trust them to safely climb. At those ages, I followed the 1 year old fairly closely and just kept half an eye on the older one. Is your older kid feeling sad that you’re not engaging, or do you just feel like you should?
Op says
Thank you. No she just asks me to. Play tag or watch her do x y z and I can’t do much because th younger one needs a lot of supervision. This happens at home too, whoever says 2 is no harder than 1 is full of s*** lol
Spirograph says
hahaha yes, definitely not true at these ages, but you’ll get there! I remember going to playgrounds when my kids were that age and just turning green with envy because parents of bigger kids were chillin’ on the park bench, reading a book, and just glancing up every once in a while. Now I am one of those parents and it is glorious.
Until then, baby swings are the answer for containing a one year old and still being able to watch your older kid demonstrate monkey bars skills or whatever.
Anon says
Agree, normal. If she doesn’t mind, just let her go off and play. (Honestly, it’s “better” for kids to self-direct than to always be engaging with their parent. A playground is the perfect place to do that.)
Anonymous says
TBH I like barely, sorta, keep an eye on my 4yo at the playground while I follow my insanely strong 19 month old around at arms length. I choose playgrounds very wisely – nothing too big or spread out where I can’t see the 4yo. We only do playgrounds with separate big kid/little kid areas if my DH is with me. I figure hearing “sorry, I can’t look right now I’m helping your brother” is just all part of being a big sibling.
Anon Lawyer says
I’m pretty sure (couldn’t quite see even though I was standing right there because it was a tube slide) my 15-month-old straight out pushed a slightly older kid who was hesitating down the slide yesterday. Then she dove headfirst after her. So I’m definitely failing.
Anonymous says
This is advice from non-covid times, but I just picked a playground with a gate/fence and focused on the baby. My kids were 6 months, 2.5 and 5. I let the 5 y/o roam free and the 2.5 y/o either played with me or another kid. Baby was in my arms, the stroller, or a swing. I brought them to the playground to play with other kids, not me ;)
Anon says
no tips, but yes, going to the playground solo with my twins from when they started walking until now (though they turned 2 right as covid started and we haven’t really gone to playgrounds since). they of course would often go in opposite directions and mostly i’d have heart palpitations trying to make sure no one broke any limbs. my goal is generally to make it out alive