Here I go again on the virtues of the shirtdress. This black one from Thakoon has some outstanding details.
This (machine washable!) dress has all the traditional features of a button-front style, including cinched cuffs and a rounded hem. However, the maxi length and smocked waist set it apart from your typical shirtdress.
Wear it with a heeled shoe to balance out the length and add a colorful necklace or silk scarf for a finishing touch.
Thakoon’s Solid Smocked Waist Maxi Dress is $225 and comes in sizes 0–12. It’s also available in a blue-and-white striped version. Here are two more options with additional sizes from White House Black Market ($150) and Banana Republic Factory ($43.99).
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Up to 50% off everything
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off dresses; 30% off full-price styles; extra 40% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Talbots – Everything is buy 1 get 1 50% off
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ camp styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; 40% off new baby essentials
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; $13 kid/toddler jeans
- Target – Up to 60% off PlayStation games; kids’ summer styles from $6; outdoor toys from $3
GCA says
I think I have misunderstood this brand’s definition of ‘maxi’, but no matter. I’m short, regular midis are all maxis on me.
Anon says
I’m tall so this would be like knee length on me… in no way shape or form “maxi”
Strat mom says
Any advice? I have to tell two people on my team that their target bonus % is dropping by 5% and their titles are dropping from director to sr manager as part of a corporate releveling exercise. My boss fought it but lost the fight. These guys have been around forever and I’m younger than both and I hate this for them even if I rationally understand why the company is doing it.
Strat mom says
Sorry meant advice for how to tell them and break the news
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would be matter of fact and not apologize, but fully expect them to leave soon. That is not a good way for your company to keep employees.
anon says
Yep, this. Be straightforward and sympathetic, but keep your feelings out of it. Don’t put them in the position of having to make you feel better about having to give them bad news. And yeah, if they have any sense, they’ll leave, so be gracious when the time comes.
EDAnon says
I second this and see it not as “keeping your feelings out of it” but keeping your feelings *about yourself* out of it. Being kind and understanding and sympathetic to them is important. You don’t want to deliver bad news and make them feel like they work for a monster.
Anon says
Are you and your manager’s titles and bonuses also being adjusted?
anonymous says
Agree about being matter of fact. I would also appreciate knowing that your boss tried to fight for the change.
Anon says
As direct and straight-forward as possible.
I have some unfortunate news to share. Company had determined they are going to be reallocating your position from A to B. The decision was made by corporate due to __, and is effective as of __. If you have questions, I can get additional information from (boss) and report back.
Tell them after lunch, and let them take the rest of the day off if they need it. If true, reassure them it’s not due to performance. Acknowledge it’s not great news, and let them know you’ll support them if this changes how / whether they want to seek something else.
GCA says
Yes, this. Directly and humanely. I wouldn’t try to justify corporate’s decisions, but instead acknowledge it doesn’t feel good and that you will support them no matter what.
They may look elsewhere and eventually leave, or they may decide to stick around and retire earlier than planned, and if they’ve been good to work with, you can call in those connections one day. They may become contractors or new business leads or even provide recommendations.
Pogo says
+1 I’m always super prepared for people to push back in the moment, but I think often people are caught off guard and are just kinda like… OK, anything else? Bye.
I would offer a path for them to get to the next level if that exists – I assume they were moved to down because they do not meet the new criteria for director, so be ready with that information if you can obtain it.
anonamommy says
+1 on having information that is forward looking. If they didn’t meet the criteria for director, is there any way for them to get back there, and can you and your boss help with that? I think it would also help to know, if possible, just how many people were “releveled” in this exercise. Misery loves company.
Anonymous says
Is there anything that you can offer, such as trying to get their base salary up higher at the next review cycle?
Otherwise, I agree, it’s demoralizing and I’d expect them to leave. I’ve had to re-level /title people in the past but we’ve been able to make them whole on the comp piece. Eg a VP making 100k and a 25% bonus becomes a sr director making $120k and a 5% bonus or $110 and a 10% bonus. (Numbers for easy math only!).
anon says
Ughhh that’s awful.
What? says
Wow, that’s ridiculous and I hope they leave. Sorry you have to be in the position of bearing this news. Luckily they will probably find new jobs soon.
Anonymous says
I’m glad you all work for such altruistic companies… I’ve had to tell people their salaries and bonus were cut before. I’ve had to communicate layoffs. It sucks, but we’re running a business, and end of the day, my job is to provide the best return to the shareholder. Sorry you’re in this position OP but you’re not alone!
Gift for New Parents in Toronto says
Need a gift idea for a relative who recently moved to Toronto and had a baby yesterday. I live in the US.
Anonymous says
Any suggestions on getting rid of ants? They just started coming through our back door/porch area. I tried vinegar, but they came right back after a few hours. I’m looking into getting a better door sweep to stop them coming in, but any other suggestions?
Ants says
The only thing that reliably works for us is those terro liquid ant baits. It takes a few days to work while the ants carry it back to their nest but it does work.
Anonymous says
This, plus I find the ant trails on the outside of the house and spray them with ant killer.
anon says
We use the Terro ant baits too. They work for us.
Anon says
Terro liquid traps all the way. They are disgusting. It looks like the ants set up a massive party. But just let them do their thing, don’t wipe away the ants (you want them to create a trail and take it all back to their nest!). We have a pest company that sprays and dusts outside which solves most of our ant problems, but I think there is a prime nesting site under our front porch slab that is inaccessible to humans but we have to clean it out with terro traps every other year or so when they find it again.
In the meantime, get serious about sweeping for crumbs and cleaning up for spills. Makes a difference in my experience.
GCA says
Diatomaceous earth?
Anonymous says
You can buy a kid and pet friendly version of Raid, which is what we use. Spray it a few times on the door jam when you see them and that should end it. There’s no way a door sweep will keep them out, ants are tiny.
anonamommy says
Terro is amazing, but we’ve had the best luck when we take a multipronged approach. The bait stakes outdoors in the ground near the foundation. The liquid baits anywhere you see ants (be warned, there is a really gross swarm in the first day or two after you place it). Also some baits outside the door should help as well. It takes 4-7 days for things to die down because they have to carry the poison back to the nest. Be prepared to have to do it a few times but it does work.
Anon says
yes I learned about Terro from this board and it was great
blueberries says
If you know where they’re coming from, my experience has been that ants won’t cross powdered cinnamon.
Spirograph says
I’d never heard this before, but interesting!
We’ve had good luck with Terro and also with Advion, but that doesn’t come in a nice covered trap. If you need to cover it, my mom’s ingenious idea is to put the gel inside a “straw of death”
Patio furniture says
Any tips on where to buy new patio furniture these days?
Anon says
I just got some new rocking chairs from polywood. Absurdly expensive, but I have high hopes they will be out there for 20 years. I also love my all-weather adirondack chairs from costco (leisure line brand). They are 7 years old, spend all year outside uncovered and still look as good as the day I got them.
Anonymous says
We recently got a dining set from Polywood, and I’m happy with it so far. Probably took about a month for the order to arrive.
On the cheaper end of things, Target is having an outdoor sale.
AwayEmily says
I hear there’s often a long wait time for IKEA these days but we got the APPLARO “conversation set” a few years ago and it’s held up wonderfully. I especially like that the cushion covers are removable.
Anonymous says
I just bought several APPLARO items. My sister has a set and theyre great. Acacia wood, nice and sturdy, and I love the styling.
BlueAlma says
BluDot or FatBoy. We love our FatBoy table and chairs. Super comfy, lightweight, and fun colors
Chl says
I really like all our stuff from yardbird and they’re very good on customer service.
AwayEmily says
Related to Boston Legal Eagle’s question yesterday about how people are handling COVID precautions, I’m wondering what everyone’s plan is if one person in your family tests positive. Will you isolate that person? Everyone masks up? Is it different if it’s a kid versus an adult? And if you’ve had COVID, how did you make these decisions?
For us, it’s almost certainly going to be one of our kids (6, 4, and 3.5 months) who gets it first — they are all in school, but my husband and I work from home. It’s hard to imagine how it would work logistically to isolate one of the kids in our small house. So we’re considering just not worrying about isolating anyone…but then, the baby is still so little, sigh.
Anyway, we figured we’d start thinking about it BEFORE it actually happened. FWIW I don’t think there’s one “correct” answer, it’s obviously going to depend on your housing setup, your kids’ (and your) health, etc.
anon says
My sister got it last month and did not isolate but wore an N95 around husband (a triple vaxxed firefighter) and her unvaxxed 2 and 4 year olds for 10 days. She had cold symptoms, maybe 1/2 day of being truly down for the count, but otherwise was fine and no one else got it. She didn’t isolate from anyone but slept in a different bed from husband at night. Sister is a nurse practitioner and has worked her tail off all pandemic, and hasn’t tested positive before now. She swears masks are why.
With that approach in mind, I wouldn’t expect my 4 year old to wear an N95 or even a mask at home if she tested positive. But I think if she tested positive mom and dad would wear masks, we’d try to make a game of it/,make it work but if seeing mom and dad in masks ended up being too much and Big Feelings resulted, we’d probably just cave or only one of us would mask in hopes of preventing all of us going down. I do know is that we will not isolate from one another.
We had it in March for the first time. I tested positive first after spending a long weekend together in a hotel room so I figured our outcome was inevitable so isolating wasn’t worth it. We were all positive within 3 days of one another so the logistics of trying to isolate were not even close to worth it. The month earlier I had a friend isolate the whole family, (2 kids under 4), and each time someone tested positive they were moved to the basement for isolation. Logistics were terrible, as you could imagine, mom was pulling her hair out, stressed with no child care, having to parent 2 kids while dad was in the basement (he got it first)… and then everyone tested positive after three weeks anyway. Definitely not worth it to me.
Anon says
My husband got it first. We didn’t bother isolating him because we had all been together in the days and hours leading up to his positive test, so figured we had all been exposed anyways (plus logistics of trying to isolate didn’t seem worth it). FWIW, we all got it, and we are all fine.
That being said, we don’t have a baby, so our calculus might be different than yours (but we do have an unvaccinated toddler). If one adult tests positive first, I might try to keep that adult away from kids in your case. Easier said than done though when kids are involved, I think, unless the positive person leaves the house (or vice versa – the positive person stays and everyone else leaves).
Anon says
If our kid tested positive, we would not isolate but would mask up. If an adult tested positive that person would isolate (likely at my parents’ apartment if they weren’t in town).
Amy says
We just went through this – DD1 tested positive first, clearly brought it home from school. We sort of had her stay in her room watching ipad. Then DD2 got it. At that point, it was too hard to bother isolating both of them – they’re young elementary and they just need us too much and don’t want to wear masks in the house (understandably). So we basically carried on as usual. DH got COVID from them. So far I’m fine, but we’ll see. Symptoms have been mild for everyone, so we were willing to take the risk. We also don’t have a guest room or a place for me to isolate from the rest of them, so, what am I gonna do, sleep on the couch? /shrug
Anon says
symptoms seem to range so much. for some people it is like a bad cold and then others are high fevers. also most of my friends have kids under 5 who haven’t figured out how to blow their noses yet and aren’t very self sufficient, so even if it is ‘just’ a bad cold, it still has resulted in major sleep disruptions for everyone. and where we live it is already very very very hot, so hard to go outside with kids who aren’t feeling well.
Anon says
have your thoughts on this changed over the past year? for us this somewhat depends on timing. if an adult tests positive first, we will probably try to isolate that adult because our kids are both too young to be vaccinated and this is their second to last week of school, then they have a week off and then 3 weeks of camp back at their school and they LOVE school and would be very sad to miss it. if a kid tests positive first, we probably won’t even try bc our kids are twins who share a room. covid seems to be everywhere again in our community (just got a message that the bday party we were supposed to attend outdoors this weekend at a playground is canceled because mom has covid and the party is for two of her kids who are under the age of 5). i will say anecdotally, one of my best friends the whole family recently had covid, including a 6 year old, 4 year old and 8 month old. mom is vaccinated + boosted and is breastfeeding and the person in the family who got the sickest was the 4 year old, who is the only one without any vaccine or antibodies. we also have a trip planned in July that involves meeting my first niece or nephew (baby isn’t born yet) and am trying to do what we can to make that happen. honestly, what is hard right now is figuring out my PTO situation. I have a certain number of days I have to use up by August 1 and while I have a bunch of vacation planned, I’d like to take some other days here or there, but don’t know if I should be saving them in case we all get sick (no separate sick days). and while yes, i realize that most people aren’t getting super sick from covid and people have differing opinions on whether to be nervous about long covid, etc. the general disruption to life of having an entire family that is sick is so annoying
Anon says
I also have a 6, 4, and 1 and feel like we’re living on borrowed time right now wrt Covid…though, our neighbors are a family of SAHM, work from home dad, and two unmasked schoolchildren and the mom got it first! She tried to isolate but it did spread to the whole family. I’d be inclined to isolate if it were an adult down first…but if a kid, I’d kind of rather it go through us quickly. I would probably keep the baby away as much as possible, though, and definitely mask myself near baby if I were to be sick.
Anon says
We just had an exposure (thankfully appears to be negative) for DD (4) but would take the same approach for a positive. Both of us quarantined with her (as required by CDC and her doctor since she is unvaccinated as well as by her preschool) in order to avoid exposing anyone else given how quickly omicron spreads and because we are able to (also my office is pushing in-person attendance and does not want to have to announce yet another covid positive person in the office, so they were all in favor of me staying home until DD cleared quarantine). I cranked all the air purifiers in the house to high and I wore a KN95 mask if I was in the same room as her. I frequently asked her to stay on the other side of the room from me and we did as much outside time as possible (in our backyard). If it were not peak pollen season I probably would have opened windows too. DH generally tried to keep his distance but did not mask (he is less high risk than me) and took on the brunt of interacting with her, but there are some tasks I am the only one physically capable of doing so I masked and did them quickly. We let her sleep with her tablet so that if she woke up in the middle of the night she could just watch it until she fell back asleep rather than sleeping with us (her typical MO). If she actually tested positive I would have probably asked her to wear a mask too but did not for just the exposure, and if she or DH tested positive I would sleep in our guest bedroom and claim a separate bathroom and try to isolate myself even more so.
Boston Legal Eagle says
As far as I know, we haven’t had Covid yet, but in our case, I go in to the office 2x/week now, on public transit, and the kids are in school/daycare so it could be any of us who gets it. I don’t think we would isolate anyone (impossible to isolate the kids at 6 (a needy 6 too!) and 3.5), but we adults may wear masks and eat separately. And would try to be outside as much as possible, as we’re in our warmer months now. We’ve got a fenced yard, which helps, and will likely buy all the things for inside/outside to get through it, and take the April-June 2020 approach of switching off childcare between mom and dad while working, assuming we’re not too ill ourselves.
Anonymous says
We had Covid in the house twice and this is what we did.
Round 1: spouse and both kids positive. kid 1 had symptoms and tested positive. Within 12 hours spouse and other kid tested positive. Spouse got sick, kid 2 asymptomatic. I did not attempt to isolate away from kids because I took care of them. Didn’t even wear a mask! Never got it – and I ended up taking 7 PCR tests.
Round 2: I had symptoms, tested positive (3 months after rest of family had Covid). I isolated from family, spouse slept in different room. I wore mask when out of my room.
TLDR – isolate positive adult if kids are negative. Won’t isolate positive kid if parent negative. Would TRY to isolate siblings from each other if only one is positive, but have little hope that will be successful!
Anonymous says
Easier for us because we only have one kid. She had Omicron during the last wave. She’s unvaxxed and too young to mask. I’m WFH full time, and DH has a hybrid schedule in a small office with everyone masked and spread out, so kiddo is the most likely one to bring any germs home. We found out she’d been exposed maybe 36 hrs before she tested positive, and we figured that we’d already been exposed by that point, and that would’ve been when she was most contagious. Since the daycare rules at the time said that she’d have to stay home for 10 days AFTER everyone in the house was through their isolation period, we didn’t bother masking. We figured it would be better to get it all over with quickly. The rule about her quarantining after her isolation period until everyone in the house is done with their isolation periods is thankfully no more, but I don’t know if that’s going to change our strategy. It’s not going to be practical for either one of us to take 8 days off from work, and our house is small, so I think our strategy is going to be the same with this wave.
Spirograph says
My husband and I got it first in our house. My symptoms started a day before his, but his were worse (because he hadn’t been boosted, despite my nagging!) and lasted longer. Obviously it is not practical for both adults to isolate themselves from the kids, so we didn’t do that, although DH spent a day or two mostly in bed. All kids were fully vaccinated and otherwise healthy, so we didn’t wear masks at home because we figured everyone was already exposed anyway (and cynically I kinda though that if they were going to get it, it would be better for everyone to get it at once and minimize the childcare hassles). A couple weeks later, one kid tested positive on a PCR but remained asymptomatic. We moved him out of the shared kids’ bedroom and he slept in a sleeping bag in another room for two weeks, which he loved. We still didn’t wear masks at home, and the positive kid otherwise ate dinner and interacted with the rest of us like normal. The other two kids have been PCR tested weekly at school and have never had covid.
Pogo says
We masked up when 4yo brought it home, tried to isolate the baby from him. Didn’t work, we all got it (baby never tested positive, but he was 110% exposed). In retrospect I wouldn’t have bothered with the masking.
As another data point, a family I know masked up when their 4yo brought it home and they all stayed negative. Only to be taken down a few months later by a different variant, where the dad brought it home. So in some ways they should have just gotten it over with, would be less overall quarantine days/disruption to work/school.
Cornellian says
It’s me, my husband and a freshly five year old (finally vaccinated!)
I think husband and I would mask/eat separately to protect the kid, but probably not go too wild.
Now that I’m pregnant, if one of the other two got it, I may find a hotel for a few days while they test.
Once baby comes, I guess I’d probably leave with baby if I wasn’t the obvious source, and mask. Heartbreaking.
Formula Shortage says
How’s everyone managing with this? I think of all of the women I know who (even before the shortage) felt guilt and shame about not breastfeeding; this has to be brutal. I’ve been using it as an excuse to tell man-splainers why women can’t just up and start breastfeeding kids who’ve been on formula for a while, or why breastfeeding is not an option for lots of women, for reasons that (frankly) no one elses’ business.
Anonymous says
I’m more disturbed by all the social media posts of “make your own formula!!”. This is deadly advice and people should visit every single store within 500 miles before they do this. I do hope that the importance of breastfeeding is stressed on mothers with newborns within the next few months.
Anonymous says
WTF? Of course “the importance of bfing is stressed on mothers with newborns” already, often to the point of coercion.
Anon says
Yeah, what planet have you been living on?
Anon says
Yeah. And knowing you “should” breastfeed doesn’t do any good if you literally can’t make enough to keep your kid alive. Kids died before formula, and some have even died after because of the pressure to breastfeed and the medical attitude that everything’s fine if a baby hasn’t lost >10% of birthweight.
Spirograph says
Yeah, I don’t think most women feeding their babies formula did it because they were unaware that breastfeeding is a good option. If people want to stress how important breastfeeding is, I hope they also have a plan to give moms the time and resources to have a fighting chance at success.
I’m well past BF/formula years, but my heart goes out to the moms struggling from this shortage. I really hope that they’re not getting messages that it’s their fault for not breastfeeding from the get-go.
Anon says
I think the experiences of this are colored by our own choices. I had the opposite experience. I had a lot of trouble bfing my first (exclusively pumped for 11 weeks, etc) but I was determined, and I felt like I got no support. Everyone in my life told me to “just use formula” and my pediatrician was urging me to supplement from the first visit. I had to seek out support on my own and was finally able to successfully breastfeed around 3 months old.
Anon says
Adding: I have now bfed three babies well past a year and many people imply I am so weird for not ever giving formula (my mom and sister included!) Shortages aside, society seems set up for formula-feeding, and the marketing is strong! There is so much judgement for either choice, and I think which way we think is more problematic/prevalent depends on the choice we made.
Anonymous says
This. There is lots of push to BF but basically no support to work through the challenges. Like I learned most of my tips and tricks from friends or through trial and error.
EDAnon says
On the flip side, I was unable to produce enough breastmilk and I was given tons of “support” to make breastfeeding work – to the detriment of my kid who just needed to be fed!
I think this is likely regionally dependent. Where I live, there are tons of lactation consultants, breastfeeding support groups, postnatal yoga (which is like 50% breastfeeding), etc.
Anon says
+1 to EDAnon, although I’m in a very red state and not a “crunchy” area at all. I was also told using formula would mean the end of nursing, which was not true at all for me. Even if a kid’s not going to starve to death why should they suffer waiting for mom’s milk to come in? In the end my kid got almost 100% breastmilk for 6 months, I don’t think the fact that she had mostly formula for the first week mattered.
busybee says
Hi, mother of a six month old here who was born with a physical defect in her mouth that made her unable to suck. Exclusively pumped for two months so she could drink out of her special bottle that she needed, but then it turns out she has a cows milk allergy and soy allergy. Between those two and me having celiac disease, it left me with such a limited diet I knew it was unsustainable. Switched her to a hypoallergenic formula and she’s been thriving. I felt enormous guilt for this, and finding the hypoallergenic formula she needs is extremely stressful and scary. Breastfeeding is pushed HARD on mothers of newborns and I suspect you haven’t had a baby in a long time, or ever.
Will you pay for my gas money when we have to drive these 500 miles to find formula? And will you do it for me so I don’t have to take off work, risking my job? Thanks so much! I’ll send you a burner email so we can coordinate that
Anonymous says
I’m not that poster, but there are people who are helping find formula. We are a 6-8 hour drive from Canada but people are taking orders from local folks who need it and driving up there.
busybee says
Yes and those people are wonderful! I’d bet my last penny OP isn’t one of them
Anonymous says
I mean, my hospital wouldn’t let me eat the two days after I gave birth because they insisted I had to be BFing at all times because something was clearly wrong with me because my milk didn’t come in the second the baby popped out (baby had an undiagnosed oral-motor issue at the time and could not latch and swallow). Between not being able to eat and severe dehydration, I lost all the baby weight in about 3 days. I had to sign a form saying that I understood that if I gave my baby any formula, I would be going against pediatrician recommendations.
I think the nurses and pediatricians made their feelings about the importance of BFing quite clear, and I am still struggling with PPD because of it, two years later. IF I have another kid, and that’s a big if, I doubt I will be nursing. I think having to deal with a formula shortage at the same time as all of this would’ve completely broken me. (FWIW, I actually had an oversupply and baby finally received a diagnosis and referral for OT two months after birth. I could not go back to nursing and EPed for most of the first year).
Aunt Jamesina says
Wow, I’m so sorry you went through that! And WTF, it’s normal for it to take a few days before milk comes in (and how does withholding food from you help in that scenario?).
Anonymous says
Well, according to one person who’s asked why we’re not trying to have a second kid right now, I should just have a home birth to avoid going through all that again. LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
anon says
Get out of here. Like, come on.
Anonymous says
Also, you realize that most of the studies that are used to justify this obsession with coercing moms into breastfeeding are utter crap, unless you live somewhere without access to clean water?
Well says
That’s not true. And I don’t think we need to ignore the science or pretend there are no proven benefits to breastfeeding. But there are also real and proven benefits to having a mother who is not struggling with her mental and emotional health, and breastfeeding (especially in our society that offers so little support to new mothers) takes a real toll. And that’s assuming it is even possible, which it often isn’t.
Anonymous says
I’m not ignoring the science. I’m an epidemiologist and have extensive training in study design. These studies largely fail to control for socioeconomic status. You know who has the time and resources to feed breastmilk? Wealthy women. So, are their kids benefitting from breastmilk or their parents’ greater resources? (Including higher quality childcare, longer parental leaves/starting daycare later, etc.)
There are also huge issues with recall bias in many of these studies. Do you remember every single detail of your kid’s (or kids’) early months? I certainly don’t, and my BFing days aren’t that long ago.
And some of the studies were done in developing counties where parents don’t always have access to clean water for mixing formula. No wonder the formula-fed babies in those countries have higher rates of diarrheal illnesses!
busybee says
It is true though. Check out Emily Oster’s publications summarizing the data. It’s true that in the US, breastfed children tend to outperform formula fed children on IQ tests. But that’s due to the demographics of breastfeeding moms vs formula feeding moms. There might be a slight decrease in eczema and diarrhea among breastfed children, but that’s about it.
Anon says
For the (questionable) benefits of breastfeeding, it’s the presence of breastmilk that matters, not the absence of formula. A kid getting 90/10 formula/breastmilk is getting many of the benefits of 100% EBF despite having a diet that is mostly formula.
Anonymous says
Our county health department posted on f-book suggesting relactation as a solution to the formula shortage. It took all my willpower to avoid replying.
Anon says
It is just another giant f*** you from society to families with young kids, particularly mothers and I continue to be very ragey about all of it.
Anonymous says
Yup. 1000x this.
Cornellian says
Yup.
Anon says
What does this even mean? It points to an overall issue with capitalism and supply monopolies, sure…but this victimhood complex (of cis, white women, generally, around here) is a little much
Anon says
It means that if this was a shortage caused by capitalism and supply monopolies that affected whether wealthy, white cis men could eat, it would have been dealt with long before it ever reached the crisis level that the formula shortage has reached. Good luck with your internalized misogyny. Or if you are a man, get the h*** off this board, this space isn’t meant for you.
Anon says
I feel so awful for every parent who needs formula right now. It must be so scary.
My doctor said a lot of doctors offices still have their free samples in stock, so its worth asking any pediatricians you know if you’re looking for formula.
Anonymous says
There is a great piece about this in today’s NY Times:
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/18/opinion/formula-shortage-breastfeeding-mothers.html
Boston Legal Eagle says
“That perverse calculus comes from the enduring belief, which often comes wrapped in the religious justifications on the right, that women exist primarily to be wives and mothers.” Yep, this right here. The end goal of the right is to see women not as whole people, but as vessels/supporting actors for others.
Momofthree says
I read this article as well and wanted to send it to all the current and future mothers I know.
One of the pieces of advice I give to new moms is to bring formula with you to the hospital because they can be awful about giving you formula and (especially for 1st time moms) your milk may not come in for a few days. I’m sad that I have to give that advice, but I hope it helps someone.
The lack of support for breastfeeding in hospitals (as in actually helping you beyond “pop them on there”) was incredible, despite them pushing breastfeeding hard. I also had to fight for nipple shields/ bring my own b/c they thought it would interfere with feeding.
I also strongly related to the point about how moms are expected to sacrifice/suffer 90% for a 1% improvement for their babies. I distinctly remember sobbing after leaving the ENT’s office when he told me the only reason to do a revision on my 2nd’s tongue tie was if I was in pain. What a horrible decision- do I suffer or do I make my child suffer?
I’ve gotten over that but man so much guilt & judgment around breastfeeding
anono says
Like many new moms, I had such a hard time breastfeeding my first. Following advice from my doctor, I ended up pumping exclusively for a while to let my tissue heal (I had open wounds), and my baby was borderline colicky and needed constant soothing, so having to pump eight times a day felt impossible because how could I soothe my baby adequately while hooked up to a machine for 25 minute stretches? I remember looking at the pumped milk I had in the fridge and feeling a sense of doom that there wouldn’t be enough. In those early stages of motherhood, it’s all too easy to be so overwhelmed, exhausted, and guess what, everyone gives you conflicting advice about how to care for your baby, so it can feel impossible to move forward or feel confident in your decisions. I feel so sad for mothers who feel pressure to breastfeed, not out of fear that formula may not be the “best” for their child, but out of fear that there won’t be any formula available at all! That is so wrong on so many levels. Our society has failed.
Anon says
I feel awful. I did like 75% formula. My SIL formula fed due to severe baby allergies. I went to target the other week and it was terrifying.
We can band together and make a formula network if anyone needs a specific type shipped to them. I’m always on the formula aisle look for toddler diapers and snacks and happy to ship what I can find locally if you need.
EDAnon says
I can do this too!
My kiddo need hypoallergenic formula. One note: the peds office usually had extra of that since most babies didn’t use it. They would give us like 4 bottles per visit. Make sure you check in with peds if you need it!
Back to Work says
I returned to work early April after a 4 month maternity leave. I am having SO much trouble feeling motivated during the work day. I am working a hybrid schedule and feel the same whether working from home or in office. Has anyone else experienced this? Did you gradually feel more engaged at work over time?
anonM says
Same. No great advice but commiseration. Usually, a day with no childcare/juggling due to kid colds will snap me back into being productive again when I do have childcare. I’ll follow for tips.
Anon says
It never really went away for me. Since having a kid work has just been doing the minimum to collect my paycheck. I wish I had more motivation but I don’t.
Mary Moo Cow says
This is me a few years after kid 2. When they were in daycare, I didn’t mind it so much, but now, missing the afterschool time and especially the summer time, very little motivation.
AwayEmily says
Yes, this happened to me but I definitely felt more engaged after a few months! Give yourself some grace; it’s tough to get back into the swing of things, especially with the first baby.
RDC says
My youngest is now 16 months and I’m just now finding I have more energy and mental capacity to be engaged beyond the minimum at work (and more generally). The whole first year with each of my kids was just a fog, somewhere after that I begin to feel a bit like my old self. But I don’t think I ever did/will get back to pre-kid motivation levels; my priorities have shifted.
Anon in SF says
I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Confirmation that my thoughts are valid?
My boss is leaving – announced last week. Just found out that someone else was chosen to be her successor, when I thought it would be me. The other choice makes sense. However, I’m getting an expanded role and a title bump and a retention bonus (because they are worried I’ll leave – which is a valid concern I think).
I’m 5 weeks pregnant with our second child, which I’m thrilled about. If I’d gotten the “top job”, I would have to do more travel, which I can’t do right now (high risk pregnancy). And which frankly I don’t want for my life with small children, even if I wasn’t pregnant (nothing wrong with it! just not for me personally).
So, my ego is bruised that I didn’t get “top job”. But I also feel like I won, in that I got all the things I wanted (bigger role, bigger title, more $$, extra $$) and didn’t get the thing I didn’t want (travel, dealing with higher level shenanigans).
Boston Legal Eagle says
It does sounds like you won! Congrats on the title and the baby! And personally, I found have 2 small children vs. 1 small children much much harder with all hands on deck needed, so travel would have been a no-go for either me or my husband.
Spirograph says
+1 to all of this. Congrats!
Anon says
Yeah definitely seems like you got a good deal! Congrats on the pay bump and promotion!
Anon says
Sounds amazing. Congrats! You definitely win.
DLC says
I think you’re combination of feelings is definitely valid! I just turned down a job that would have been great and which they were going to pay me quite a big above the original rate, but it would have been more time away in another part of the country, and my Husband and I decided that wasn’t the right thing for our family right now. But it still feels a little bit like a fail on my part. There is definitely a part of me that can’t separate what the world defines as a successful work move vs. what is a great life/family choice in the bigger picture of what I feel makes me successful. Rejection is hard for me no matter what scale and what the side benefits.
Anon says
i think many of the readers on this site have always been programmed to think that success/happiness = big job, rather than thinking of the bigger picture of what actually makes you happy and how everything in life has tradeoffs.
EDAnon says
It is definitely valid to feel both. Give yourself a little time, though, and I think the happy part of you will overtake the sad part. It really does sound like you got the best option, even if it wasn’t the “best” in every sense. I find there is rarely an option that is best in every sense.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure how your relationship is with your former boss, but perhaps s/he arranged this for you? I had a situation like this- my boss was getting the F out and told me she’d do right by me to the extent she could.
anono says
I know this is an annoying cliche, but I think sometimes these things really do work out for the best! Congrats to you. I hope you enjoy the new role.
Anonymous says
I totally understand the bruised ego; it doesn’t feel good to be passed over and to have someone else get the thing you wanted and thought was yours. And I understand how it can feel like “settling” or “giving in to them” to stay and be happy and content. Yet, think of it this way: If your boss had stayed and these other things had happened — more $, bigger role, etc., you’d be over-the-moon happy.
Try to tap into the happy, as you come to terms with the other side of it as well (the bruised ego part).
H13 says
Is there a latest and greatest baby carrier these days? I had my last kid five years ago and bought/liked the Lillebaby. Need to buy a carrier for a gift and the couple isn’t registered anywhere but likes the idea of us getting them a carrier.
Anon says
I really loved the bjorn newborn carrier that’s kind of new. Super easy to use. Only works for first six months or so but it was great for us recently. (I used lillebaby on older kids)
Anon says
+1 That one was our favorite. Also super easy to adjust so that DH and I could alternate using it. (I currently use an Ergo, and adjusting is a pain so we can’t share it.)
NYCer says
+2 for Baby Bjorn mini. I knew I wasn’t going to be a fan of baby wearing a bigger baby/toddler, so this was perfect for us.
Anonymous says
We’ve liked the Ergobaby omni 360.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, the Ergo is a workhorse. We have the “cool air mesh” one. And FWIW I never bothered with an infant insert (if they still even make those; mine is 6 years old) — when the babies were super tiny (less than 6 weeks) I used a baby KTan, and then switched to the Ergo with a folded towel underneath their butt.
The other nice thing about the Ergo is that it has a little head cover thing built in, which is fantastic since all my kids hated hats as babies (and also it keeps it a bit darker for carrier naps).
Anonymous says
I used the head cover as a crumb catcher so I could eat while my kid napped. :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
+2 for Ergo.
Spirograph says
My kids are too old for me to be up on latest and greatest carriers, but +3 for Ergo. I loved that thing. I got it when my oldest outgrew the Bjorn at around 5 months and used it for all my kids until they maxed out the weight limit.
Scilady says
I still loved the Lillebaby. Good for newborn to toddler. I liked it so much I got the toddler version so my older could use that while the younger got the normal one.
Anonymous says
Neither of these is new, but baby ktan for newborn to about 12-15 lb then kinderpack! So much more comfortable than the ergo.
Anon says
K’tan was the MVP of postpartum with my third baby. So easy to pop him in and go. Once he got big enough for the Ergo (4-5ish months) we loved that, too. I hadn’t really been a huge carrier person with my first two, but really loved them this time around
EDAnon says
I really liked the ktan for my little babies.
Anon says
Carriers are tricky to buy for others because a lot of it depends on one’s size and body shape as well as the baby’s preference. I have over the years used a k’tan, moby, ring sling, Boba Air, Beco Gemini, and the Classic Ergo (yes, I do have a bit of a baby carrier problem…). I used them all, depending on the situation. The K’tan was probably my most used over three babies- for me it was the right blend of ease and comfort, but it is sized to the wearer, so each parent needs their own. The Gemini was the most comfortable for me, and the Ergo the most comfortable for the baby, though neither was as easy to put on as the k’tan. But they could be used for back carrying, and they are adjustable for size.The Ring sling was the simplest for when I needed to just pop the baby into something to walk my oldest kid from the car to the school door. My Boba Air is the one I still use now with my 2.5 year old because it packs up super small so I can just have it in my bag for those times when she just decides she doesn’t want to walk anymore.
I spent three hours at Buy Buy Baby one afternoon wearing my baby in different carriers and wandering around the store… for me it was the best way to figure out what would work for us.