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Through some trial and error over the years (i.e., my son complaining and then no longer complaining), I’ve found the perfect winter boot for kids: the Kamik Kids Snobuster 1. I’ve been a fan of Kamik for a while (many readers have, too!), and this waterproof boot is very sturdy (but comfortable) and has a great design to keep snow out — an adjustable closure at the top.
Unfortunately, the cord on one of my son’s boots came all the way out soon after purchasing (I am NOT good at fixing that kind of thing), and when I emailed Zappos, they sent a new pair free of charge — and told me to keep the originals. (We haven’t had a problem since then.)
This boot comes in several colors/designs in Toddler, Little Kid, and Big Kid Sizes and is $42 and up at Zappos. It’s also available at Amazon for $39 and up. Snobuster 1 Boot
P.S. I really like my own Kamik boots, which are $80 and up at Amazon. They are so warm!
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think it’s time that I invested in some new snow boots for myself, especially with the long winter ahead, as my Sorels are pretty old and worn at this point. The Kamiks linked look nice. Does anyone have any experience with the adult Bogs? I like them for my kids, and I also like the idea of easy slip on boots for myself!
AwayEmily says
I have a pair of slip-on Kamiks that I adore — I just checked and they don’t sell them any more, but they are basically an all-black version of the Chelsea Bean boots (the ones with the elastic gore on the side). I find that above-the-ankle is the perfect height for wearing with lots of different pants, and slipping on easily without also taking off my socks.
AwayEmily says
(and I will note that when I moved to the snowiest metropolitan area in the country, I accepted that I would need multiple winter shoes, so in addition to the slip-on Kamiks I also have a pair of high lace-up Sorel boots for playing in deep snow, plus a pair of waterproof sneakers for walks in the slush).
anne-on says
Agreed with Emily – we live in New England and take ski vacations so I have boots for ‘real’ snow (for wear in deep snow, snow shoeing, /etc.). I like the kid’s version of the Sorel Tofino or Joan of Arc (if you’re a women’s size 7.5 or under you can wear the kids sized). The women’s version of the Joan of Arc comes up too high for me and is really heavy/chunky.
For walking around in snow/moderate hikes/running around town in winter I like these:
https://www.zappos.com/p/sorel-lennox-lace-cozy-blackened-brown/product/9400627/color/870083
Anon says
My 15 year old pair of sorels is no longer waterproof (wet mid-Atlantic snow here), so I just caved and bought a new pair of caribous. I also bought last year a pair of the mid-calf height hunter rain boots, and they are so much more comfortable than the 10 year old knee-high ones I have. With some fleece liners, and wool socks, they will be my “slip on” snow boots for mucky days rather than bitterly cold ones.
anon says
PSA: Primary is having a 40% off sale on some of their stuff today! I bought my daughter several pairs of cozy leggings for $10.50 each and one of the cozy dresses for $14.
Also, these Snowbuster boots are AWESOME. Super easy to put on, and the only boots that seem truly waterproof and don’t let stuff inside. I can usually get two seasons out of them. Worth every penny.
Anonymous says
Totally agree! These are my favourite boots for the kids in our wet Canadian winters. Best of all you can order extra liners! I have at least two sets of liners per boot so I never have to worry about wet liners or if I forget to dry them in the evening. My kids always seem to get snow inside their boots despite snowpants cuffs being over their boots. Being able to swap out the liners for dry ones, or for the extra warm ones on really cold days is the best.
anon says
That’s a great tip! Seriously, there are few kids’ clothing items that I love as much as these boots. I’m very grateful they are available in big-kid sizes. I just replace them as they’re outgrown and pass the other ones onto cousins.
Anonymous says
What does “spoiled” look like in a 3 year old? How do you fix it?
I know kids this age are inherently self centered and get frustrated when they don’t get their way. But it feels like my daughter throws a fit literally every time something doesn’t go her way or she gets told no. I’ve had multiple people, strangers and family members alike, make remarks like “Wow, this child must never hear the world ‘no'” or “you must cater to her every whim” and I feel like the implication is that she’s spoiled, but…she hears the word no all the time! We never give into tantrums or rude demands. We do generally agree to polite requests that are reasonably easy for us to accommodate even if they seem arbitrary to us (eg., giving her a particular color of plate for dinner if she asks politely). We don’t let her dictate our lives or break the rules we’ve set (eg., no matter how politely she asks, she can’t exceed her screen time limits for the day or stay home from school on a weekday). Should we stop being so accommodating of the silly things like the plates? I feel like all the parenting books say “give your kids some control to avoid tantrums” but trying to avoid tantrums seems to have landed us squarely in spoiled rotten territory (and we still have plenty of tantrums!).
AwayEmily says
Those people are jerks! That is just how 3 year olds are sometimes. It sounds like you are doing a great job, and she’ll grow out of it. That being said, I have found that not giving into the small whines (plate color, etc) can have some beneficial effects, partly because it gets them more used to low-stakes disappointment. With my kids it helps to deliver the “no” cheerfully and with zero drama. “I don’t WANT the blue cup.” “Well, the blue cup is what you have, so you can drink out of it or you can just give it REALLY MEAN looks for the rest of dinner.” With the joke being made not in a “I am trying to minimize your feelings” way but in a “this is NBD and I fully expect that you will be fine with it” way.
anne-on says
Agreed – these people sound like the lovely breed of ‘When I have kids they will be perfect angels’ or “I remember back in MY day that kids were seen and not heard/MY kids never acted like that/etc.’. I bet they also walk up to moms with screaming infants and tell them condescendingly to enjoy these years.
You sound like you’re doing fine. This was the same tack we took – firm limits on things that mattered (no you don’t get to have dessert if you didn’t eat your dinner, you don’t get to have screen time if you had a massive tantrum, etc.) but there is no harm in giving them control of small things (what outfit to wear, what plate they want, etc.) if you’re able to. I agree with the advice below though about limiting choices to reasonably acceptable ones (do you want toast or cereal for breakfast vs. what do you want for breakfast).
Anonymous says
We have a child who builds elaborate routines, struggles with anxiety when any little routine is broken and has major meltdowns about things like “you gave me the wrong spoon.” Therapist did actually recommend practicing those small disappointments (different spoon, beverage at a different temperature – Apple juice instead Of orange juice was the example he gave). At the same time, we are stuck at home with kiddo in a pandemic and he doesn’t get much choice these days/I can’t manage wrong spoon meltdowns while I am in meetings. So, we give a choice where possible but not where not possible (if only wrong spoons are clean I won’t go wash one, will heat up beverage if I have time but not if I don’t, etc). Trying to intentionally create more small disappointments but honestly don’t have time to think through them!
Anonymous says
There’s a whole book about adults not understanding about favorite colors being important to kids (Red is Best). Identifying with a favorite color is one of the ways they start to assert their own identity. Stick with saying yes to the small things when you can.
I have twins and can tell you for sure that some kids just have a harder time learning emotional regulation. One of the twins is much more emotional when things don’t go his way. He tends towards being a bit anxious and thinking about things more than his twin which contributes because he seems to think about what will happen more and then is more upset when it doesn’t work out the way he expects.
What has helped is focusing on how to deal with the upset when it happens. For him, things in front of family/strangers are harder because the commentary from others or even the presence of others contributes to the feeling overwhelmed. Things like ‘I know you are upset, do you want to go out to the hallway and have a hug’. Or distraction – we can’t have a second cupcake but it’s time to help decorate the tree – which ornament do you want to hang?
Anon says
Good point. OP, sounds like you setting and holding boundaries, which is great. The missing piece of the puzzle might be how you respond to the outbursts. Punishment, time-out, or minimizing the child’s feelings (“oh don’t be sad, it’s fine”) generally aren’t helpful. Lean into it and empathize, and let her be sad and angry – this is the only way she can express herself, and you being there without judging will help her learn to acknowledge and process whatever is going on. It takes a lot of parental energy upfront, but hopefully leads to more emotionally aware and secure children.
OP says
So this is another concern of mine… The more we try to empathize and validate her feelings, the madder she gets. I’ve read a lot of books about how to talk to kids during meltdowns (“I know you’re mad about X…” etc) but honestly it just does not work for us and never has. I’m not sure if my husband and I are just terrible at this, or if our kid is abnormal, but literally the only thing that works for her meltdowns is leaving her alone. It’s been like this since she had her earliest tantrums at ~15 months, and now she’s at the point where she’s able to verbalize “Get out and leave me alone!” and so we do. Anything we say or do except leaving the room just escalates a tantrum dramatically. We definitely don’t minimize or mock her feelings, we just calmly tell her we’re going to leave her alone because it seems like that’s what she wants and we’ll be available for comfort when she wants it, and things usually resolve very soon after we leave that room. But yeah…. this definitely does not feel normal to me, and I don’t know anyone else who isn’t able to soothe or comfort their child during tantrums.
anon says
So I just commented below, and I want to validate that this is a real thing. With our stronger-willed kiddo, empathizing really just p!ssed him off and made things worse during the preschool years.
Anonymous says
This is totally fine. My calmer twin is like this. He rarely gets upset but when he does, he just wants to be left alone and gets more overwhelmed if people try to talk to him. I usually just say, ‘ I’m in my bedroom/the kitchen/wherever when you want a hug.’
SC says
My son does not like us trying to talk through things, naming the emotion, or anything to address his tantrum in the moment. It really just made things worse. Any attempt at physical contact made things much worse. When he gets upset, the thing he needs is a safe space to calm down in. Most of the time, he goes to his room and crawls under the covers and snuggles his stuffed animal. We do not follow, but we check to make sure he’s safe after a minute or two, then let him come out when he’s ready.
If you haven’t read Raising Your Spirited Child yet, I would check that out. Its advice worked much better for my son at preventing tantrums and responding to them (though it seems like we still had plenty).
Anonymous says
Is she your only kid? My middle has this personality and if she were my only I’d question my parenting. Somehow my other two are not at all like this.
Middle is just Strong Willed and Opinionated. She was born that way. I wake up every day fearing her teenage years.
anon says
For Anon@12:12, I was strong-willed and opinionated and not easy to parent when I was 3-5 years old (so I’ve been told, at least). My grandmother, a middle school teacher, reassured my parents that my teenage years would be easy because I wouldn’t be affected by peer pressure. Sure enough, I was a driven, independent, free-thinking teenager. Any trouble I got in was 100% my idea and was relatively minor. All those personality traits that made me difficult at 3 made their lives much easier between 14 and 18.
OP says
Thanks, it makes me feel better to know other kids are the same way with wanting to be alone when they’re upset. She is my only, which also makes me hyper aware of avoiding spoiled behavior. I can definitely see the point that this is genetic to some degree. My BFF’s oldest is so calm and laidback, and although he has younger siblings now, it was clear even when he was an only child that his innate personality was just very easygoing. Mine was a pretty easy baby (mostly because she was a great sleeper) but it was clear even when she was an infant that she was very strong-willed and opinionated and that has only gotten more pronounced as she gets older. I will check out the books, thanks for the recs.
Anonymous says
Agree. I use some of the other things in “how to talk” but empathy in the face a meltdown has not generally helped for me.
Pogo says
I was going to say, I’m on team “say yes when you can”. I always do whatever color he wants or at least give a choice – sometimes he surprises me by changing it up!
There was a discussion on here recently about trying to inspire gratefulness in young kids and I think this is in a similar vein- when they’re too young it’s just not developmentally possible. All three year olds think the world revolves around them.
I generally just try to create awareness when I can – “isn’t so great than Grammy and Grampa got you all these nice toys?” “Isn’t it fun we have so many shirts with dinos on them to choose from?” He’s always super enthusiastic in his affirmative response so for a 3 year old, I’m calling that a win.
anon says
So I hear you, because I have one kid, who, even at age 11, pushes every boundary possible even though we hold firm and give choices when appropriate. Our other kid is not like this — she definitely has her preferences, but will generally do what is asked of her. So this is partly an innate personality thing, and I kind of want to punch those people who imply your parenting is the problem.
Have you read The Strong-Willed Child? You may pick up some more useful pointers in there about setting boundaries with a kid who is bound and determined to do her own thing.
Pogo says
agree about innate personality. My MIL loves to highlight how I say No to my kid and implies that SIL never did to hers. Which is false. Her kids are more spirited and strong willed than my child, I don’t think it was anything she did. Her daughter would lay face-down on the floor on cry for tantrums and there was literally nothing you could do. Moral of the story, don’t listen to your MIL or these other people for validation or criticism of your parenting.
SC says
Keep on keeping on. Keep accommodating small requests that don’t break any rules when she asks reasonably. In my opinion, children should receive positive reinforcement for asking for a reasonable thing in a polite way, especially (for slightly older kids) if they have a solid argument. That’s how we get what we want/need as adults.
3 year olds have tantrums. It’s what they do. Setting and enforcing boundaries, and teaching emotional regulation, are long-term projects. You’re just in the middle of that project. 3 is too young for a label like “spoiled” to be useful (if it ever is). Your 3 year old is pushing boundaries and struggling with emotional regulation, like every other 3 year old. People who are judging you are either not parents or have faulty memories.
Anonymous says
She’s fine, you’re doing fine, people are rude.
rosie says
This behavior sounds totally normal and those people need to keep their judgments to themselves.
Anon says
I don’t think the idea of “spoiled” is helpful here. This sounds more like she’s still working on resilience, not feeling overwhelmed, and generally emotional regulation? I think spoiled/entitled/selfish looks different from this.
OP says
What do you think spoiled/entitled/selfish looks like in a preschooler? Some of her behaviors do feel pretty entitled to me – eg., she feels entitled to whatever she wants in the moment and pitches a fit when she can’t have it. She can be pretty bratty with talking back and things like that too. I have no experience with other kids this age, except for the kids of a few close friends who generally behave a lot better, but I know that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with mine. I’m well aware that behavior that would get a 6 year old labeled spoiled can be totally normal in a 3 year old. I’m just not sure what spoiled looks like among younger kids.
Anon says
The spoiled kids I know are more manipulative. They are genuinely used to getting their way and are sure they are going to get their way, so they don’t panic, and if they act out, it’s just a tactic to get their way. They can turn it on and off on a dime. They just do whatever works.
So far, what you’re describing and especially the “leave me alone!” sounds more like genuine distress, like she’s overwhelmed by her emotions and needs time and space to process them. She sounds more sensitive than confident that she’ll get her way.
Anon says
Also be aware that you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. My daughter is “the most wonderful child ever” in front of other people. Is she that way all the time, at home? LORD NO. She has the tantrums you’re describing, so try to avoid comparing your daughter to the neighbor, etc. Our kids are most comfortable with us and therefore we’re the ones who have to deal with tantrums the most.
Sipping wine while pregnant says
I’m currently pregnant with my first (22 weeks) and have gotten into a bad habit of taking a sip of my husband’s wine at dinner. I do this probably 4-5 times a week, only a sip, and usually at the end of the meal so not drinking on empty stomach. I know the official medical guidance is to abstain completely but realistically, how bad is what I’m doing? I still eat sushi and runny eggs at brunch, is this that much worse?
Also separate question: doing annual enrollment at work today. Other than maxing out my FSA, any other changes I should be making in anticipation of baby? Thanks!
Anon says
A lot of people here are cool with alcohol in pregnancy so you’ll probably get a lot of encouraging responses. I had a grandfather who worked in the NICU who put the fear of g-d in me about alcohol while pregnant. Fetal alcohol syndrome is a large spectrum and, yes, it generally takes a lot of alcohol to get to the end of the spectrum where the baby is dead or severely intellectually impaired. But even small amounts of alcohol have been linked to all sorts of neonatal health problems that may not be immediately apparent, like ADHD. Sushi and eggs are different in that either they cause a problem (rare) or they don’t, it’s not a spectrum like alcohol. It’s also slightly eyebrow raising to me that you’re doing this every night – it’s almost like you can’t give it up? Having a glass or two at a celebratory event seems less concerning to me even if it’s the same total volume of alcohol that reaching for a sip almost every day.
I never put any money in my FSA but I also had an HSA and was able to cover my medical costs out of that.
Anonymous says
Basically this. I used to work in child protection and had a lot of cases with mild FAS teenagers who were violent towards their parents (poor impulse control is common even in milder cases). It’s a lifelong condition that can be hard to manage. The main problem is that the trigger point for how much alcohol cases mild FAS is unclear. And many women do not want to admit they drank at all during pregnancy so it can be misdiagnosed as ADHD.
I fully admit I had 3 sips of wine during my baby moon in Tuscany but I didn’t have anything other times. It’s not the 4-5 sips of wine a week, it’s the fact that it is an ongoing thing that is problematic. I had a hard time watching DH drink wine with dinner when I couldn’t so he gave up wine with dinner in solidarity. He still had a few beers on the weekend watching sportsball but it really helped that I didn’t have to watch him enjoy wine at dinner. In your shoes, I’d dial it back as you still have 18 weeks to go.
AwayEmily says
First, I don’t think a lot of people here are “cool with alcohol in pregnancy,” I think a number of people here have read the research and made the decision that extremely small amounts of alcohol are highly unlikely to cause issues with the fetus. Not COMPLETELY unlikely — there is certainly a risk, as there is with most things in life — but the evidence suggests that the risk is very small. I would not characterize this as being “cool with alcohol in pregnancy.”
Second, I would be far more concerned with the potential effects of two glasses of wine at a celebratory event than with one sip (a single sip!) 4-5 times a week. The evidence suggests it’s much more dangerous to drink a substantial amount all at once than part of a glass spread out over an entire week.
In terms of my own take on it, I think it’s fine. I wouldn’t do it in the first trimester, but a single sip an evening in the second and third trimesters seems completely reasonable.
Anon says
I mean, if you’re fine drinking nearly daily while pregnant I don’t think it’s a huge stretch to say you’re “cool with alcohol in pregnancy.” That’s what being “cool” with something means…that you do it or support others doing it. It wasn’t a judgment, and I never said there isn’t any research that supports your conclusion. Although I’d point out there’s also an abundance of research that suggests even small amounts of alcohol may be harmful, and I’ve read several great pieces by actual MDs debunking Emily Oster’s characterizations of the data. You’re free to draw your own conclusions, but I strongly disagree with your conclusion that small amounts of alcohol are “highly unlikely” to do harm.
AwayEmily says
I don’t know who Emily Oster is, but I am an actual doctor :-)
And I wanted to push back on the “cool with alcohol in pregnancy” thing because I think it IS super dangerous to drink a lot in pregnancy (especially 2 glasses in a sitting) and there’s a real danger in even tossing around phrases that suggest there are large segments of people who think it’s not dangerous. Descriptive norms are a powerful force for shapine behavior, and it’s possible to unintentionally cause damage with them.
Anon says
You’re an MD? Emily Oster is a PhD social scientist, not a medical doctor, I never said she wasn’t a “doctor” although the only people with PhDs who insist on being called “Dr. So and So” are pretentious AF. :)
AwayEmily says
I don’t understand why we are arguing about a person I’ve never met and whether or not she wants to be called “Dr.” and why that’s pretentious. My point is: I don’t think it’s a good idea to spread around the idea that lots of people think it’s cool to drink during pregnancy. That is a very fringe view and should not be normalized. I totally agree with you that drinking a lot during pregnancy is bad! we are on the same side here.
Anon says
Even if the risks are small, aren’t the benefits also very small? To me, risk assessment is not about absolute risk, it’s about weighing risk vs. benefit (hence why I have my kids in daycare despite the non-trivial Covid risks). The “benefits” of daily sips of wine just seem non-existent to me. You have the rest of your life to enjoy wine, why do you need to have it regularly during these 9 months? And the anxiety about what you’re doing is another element that I imagine reduces any benefits. The OP clearly has some doubts about her alcohol consumption, so doesn’t that nagging worry reduce any “benefit” of getting to drink to near zero?
I understand that life isn’t zero risk. I take plenty of risks, some that I’m sure other people wouldn’t take. But they all give me a clear benefit, and I just don’t understand what the benefit is here. And I say that as someone who really enjoys wine while not pregnant.
AwayEmily says
That’s a great way of thinking about it.
NYCer says
I am sure you will get plenty of people who agree that sipping wine most days is fine, but to me that seems like a lot. I would not have had a sip of wine 4-5 times per week while I was pregnant. (FWIW, I did not drink at all while I was pregnant, but have zero judgment toward people who did.) I can’t tell if you want to cut back or not, but if you do, maybe your husband can skip wine with dinner too right now?
Allie says
This. It seems like an easy solution is for your husband to cut back a fair amount and then you have a sip far less often when he does drink.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m not a doctor but I highly doubt a sip of wine every now is going to affect the baby at all. I had the occasional glass during both of my pregnancies. Read Emily Oster’s Expecting Better if you haven’t already for a risk assessment of various foods and other things that you’re told to avoid during pregnancy.
If you’re planning to put baby in daycare next year, sign up for the Dependent Care account – you’ll get $5,000 tax free (which, is only a fraction of daycare bills, but still something). You’ll be able to add baby to your insurance once they’re born. Also, check your insurance to see which pump is covered, in case you’d like to order that early.
blueberries says
+1 on reading Expecting Better. I love Emily Oster for treating pregnant women as smart individuals who can make their own risk calculations on all all sorts of things.
Personally, based on her lit review, I was much more concerned about the listeria risk of lunchmeat in a catered office sandwich than of the occasional second/third trimester sip of wine.
Anon says
Please read criticisms of Emily Oster’s book as well.
Anon says
+1 I am a fan of Emily Oster but both this book and her recent work on school reopenings in the Covid era are controversial and have generated a substantial amount of criticism. I think it’s important to engage with the other side’s argument, even if you ultimately choose to follow her advice.
Anon says
Probably not the most popular opinion, but I would occasionally have a half glass of wine with dinner during my second and third trimester. Always slowly and with food and I would literally measure it out with a measuring cup. I read the research in both expecting better and the informed parent and felt comfortable with the risk. Over the course of my entire pregnancy I probably had at most 4 glasses of wine. My kid is totally fine.
The reason the guidance is no alcohol, is because they truly don’t know what the safe level of alcohol is, but several studies cited in the books above find that even moderate drinking has little to no impact. A few sips here and there should be totally fine, but if it’s going to stress you out and make you feel guilty it may not be worth it.
I also ate unsteamed deli meat, soft cheese, and runny eggs every now and then. I believe most of the pregnancy guidance these days is overly cautious, and I would try to follow the guidance most of the time.
Anon says
ETA- I would need to double check the studies referenced in those books to see what the definition of “moderate drinking” is. I want to say it’s a couple of drinks a week, but not positive.
TheElms says
I personally wouldn’t do this, because the risk (albeit one that was small) wasn’t worth it to me. I also think there is some chance that a sip becomes more than a sip and the risk would escalate quite quickly at that point because you’re doing it 4-5 days a week. For context, I did have a small glass of champagne to celebrate with my husband on the day he found out he made partner while I was pregnant.
Pogo says
+1 This was my take on it. I felt like it was so much easier to just totally give up alcohol than to stress about how much was too much. I would stop doing it because it sounds like you’re making it a habit.
I replaced alcohol with lime La Croix this pregnancy. I joked that I might actually just birth a giant lime La Croix I drank so much of it. In my first my morning sickness was worse so I drank ice water with a splash of lemon or watered down ginger ale. Either way I think it’s good to pick something as your “wine alternative” that you can have with dinner. There’s a component to the habit that’s ritual – pouring the glass, etc – and replacing it helps. Plus I like to drink something other than water.
Gently, if you truly cannot give it up, I would talk to someone.
Anon says
I’m pretty conservative on most things pregnancy, but I think that is fine. One sip can’t possibly raise your BAC to any significant level. Fifty years ago pregnant women had plenty of alcohol during pregnancy…and today women throughout Europe drink during pregnancy (and honestly the Europeans seem to have more sense than Americans, so the alcohol can’t be impeding them that much :) I had a small glass of wine on election night (second trimester) and likely will have a little with my Thanksgiving dinner.
Anonymous says
This is not true at all re Europe. DH is European, all his family and friends still live there. I visited on each of my pregnancies. His friendslive in Austria, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium and England. I have never seen a pregnant woman drink either amongst family and friends ( at least 25 pregnancies over the last 15 years) or when out at restaurants even though some form of alcohol is served almost daily at lunch and dinner. My SIL is a doctor and we have expressly discussed how pregnancy norms have changed compared to our parents generation. It is just as rare for European women to drink during pregnancy as it is for American women.
My MIL constantly uses a woman turning down wine as a reason to gossip that she may be pregnant.
Anon says
Yes! My BFF lives in France where wine is like a religion, and she’s so irritated by the “Europeans all do it!” attitude. She told me all the women she knows abstained completely. The government has undertaken huge campaigns about FAS and not drinking while pregnant and apparently it has brought the rates of alcohol use in pregnancy way, way down. I think this stereotype about laissez-faire Europeans drinking while pregnant is from the 1990s or earlier.
Anon says
Maybe it’s not as common these days, but Google will show you it’s not uncommon…a recent study indicates 16% of women drink while pregnant across Europe, and nearly 30% in the UK. Those most likely to drink were older and more highly educated. I’m not saying it’s *good* to drink, but that a tiny bit spread over 9 months maybe isn’t as bad as many make it out to be
Anon says
But I think studies also show that more than 10% of Americans drink while pregnant, so it’s not this huge difference between the US and the EU. I’m not saying no one does it. I’m saying that it’s not this hugely common thing in Europe and it doesn’t make sense to use “Europeans do it!” as a justification when rates of alcohol use in pregnancy in the EU aren’t that much higher than in the US and it’s clear the vast majority of women in both the EU and the US don’t do it.
Aunt Jamesina says
Yup. Definitely not “normal” in Europe. When I lived in France, I remember an acquaintance having a literal sip of champagne at Christmas just for a taste. And that was it. Husband’s eastern European family (who are by and large heavy drinkers) would be horrified to see a pregnant woman drinking.
Anonymous says
Agree that things have changed a lot in France. I went on my honeymoon there when i was JUST visibly pregnant and most people assumed i wouldn’t drink (hesitancy more around not wanting to offend if i wasn’t pregnant vs. thinking i would drink).
Cheesemongers even recognized the desire for pasturized cheese. (Get into Compte ladies!)
i think the sushi / egg thing is totally different risk because it isn’t a known risk from consumption, but a worse outcome if you have a bad batch. In the 20 + years i have been eating sushi i have never had a “bad batch” so that was a risk I was ok taking on. (Including to hide pregnancy from colleagues early on!)
NYCer says
+1. My husband is French and his extended family all still lives in France. Neither of his sisters (one of whom is a doctor) drank wine during pregnancy. It is not common amongst his friends or their wives either.
Anon says
I didn’t think BAC was all that relevant to concerns about fetal development. The question isn’t whether Mom becomes impaired, but the effect of even miniscule amounts of alcohol on the fetus’s developing neurology.
Anon says
This.
Aunt Jamesina says
I’m not sure that this is true, it’s just that they haven’t been able to ethically study it in-depth and don’t want to give definitive amounts that are “okay” because that opens up so many cans of worms, so medical experts stick with a blanket “no drinking is safest”. If BAC truly didn’t matter and even small amounts could be dangerous, they’d advise pregnant women to also stay away from drinking much fruit juice, eating foods with extracts, and small amounts of alcohol cooked in dishes (because alcohol doesn’t cook off that much most of the time).
Anon says
They’ve studied this in vitro and in animals, and in these studies, they have not found an amount “too low” to have any detrimental effects.
Aunt Jamesina says
Wait, are you saying it’s been studied in vitro in people? Do you have a link? All I’ve ever read is that alcohol consumption has barely been able to be studied because you can’t ethically control for alcohol consumption in pregnancy, so all they have to go on is reported use and FAS outcomes. I’m not at all disputing that alcohol isn’t detrimental, just thinking that very small amounts like a sip should have a proportionally smaller effects.
Aunt Jamesina says
… and to add to that, I think they say there is “no safe amount” because they don’t want to appear to be giving permission to drink since there isn’t a definitive answer and it depends on so many variables, not because a literal sip while eating is dangerous.
Anon says
Fwiw, my OB did advise me (and I followed her advice) to not eat dishes prepared with alcohol, because as you noted the alcohol often does not fully cook off. I wouldn’t dispute that she and I were at the more cautious end of the spectrum, but there are definitely doctors out there who think any alcohol is too much alcohol. A food bl0gger I used to follow is an MD and did the same thing when she was pregnant.
Anon says
They can’t ask pregnant women to drink alcohol, but they can measure the amount of alcohol that makes it through placenta. They can also expose cells to that same amount of alcohol to see what happens. My understanding is that these studies have been done and there’s no amount that didn’t have measurable detrimental effects. I don’t have a link, but I really don’t think we treat alcohol differently from other potential teratogens that we aren’t as cautious about or that this is just an abundance of caution in the absence of evidence. A sip of alcohol will not cause fetal alcohol syndrome, but there are a lot of other effects that alcohol can have.
anon says
I know it’s only a sip, but the ongoing nature is more risky than I would personally be comfortable with.
Spirograph says
Sipping wine occasionally while pregnant is within my risk tolerance, and (although I’m not a doctor) I can’t imagine such a small amount of wine, even frequently, is going to harm your baby’s development. That said, are you worried about it? Will you second guess yourself if anything goes wrong? I did some best practices when pregnant not so much because I thought it would actually make a difference, but as an investment in my future mental health to know that I did “everything right.”
Having a baby is an eligible life event so you can make changes to your insurance enrollment after the baby is born, and babies are covered as an extension of your insurance for a certain amount of time after birth. You shouldn’t need to make any other changes now.
AnonATL says
Something we learned the hard way, is when you add baby to insurance make sure they back date it to the birthday.
We had to have several claims reprocessed from pediatrician appointments because the coverage date was whatever day we called and added him, not his birthday.
I think the standard period to add your baby is 30 days.
Anon says
I guess to me while pregnant my thought was that there are many things that could go wrong totally outside my control, so i want to do whatever i can that’s in my control to have a healthy baby. I had one sip of wine for a Jewish holiday and half a piece of swordfish at my cousin’s wedding before i knew i was pregnant and actually messaged my doctor (who probably thought i was nuts) to ask if my kid was going to be ok. My personal level of risk tolerance with this stuff was zero. I just didn’t see the point
Anon says
This. I commented above, but to me it’s about risk vs benefit. Sure, the risk is likely very low, but the benefit also seems incredibly low to me because you’ll be pregnant for such a tiny part of your life (unless you’re a Duggar and plan to have 10 kids or something like that). I had two glasses of wine at a girls night before I found out I was pregnant the first time (my doctor was also very reassuring that it was ok because the baby isn’t even sharing your blood at that point), but after that it was a trivial decision to abstain completely because I saw no clear benefit to not pausing my drinking for 8 months.
Brooke Coplon says
Also currently pregnant and I agree with the others that recommended reading Expecting Better– Emily Oster’s book. Even though her thoughts on drinking alcohol are a bit controversial, I do think her book helps you think about the risk of any of these things better and to understand what the risk actually is. For runny eggs and sushi, the risk is salmonella. The risk of harm to you is the same as it was pre-pregnancy. I’ve been eating runny eggs, especially when I prepare them myself but avoid anything at a restaurant that says it’s made with raw egg like a caesar dressing. I also have been sticking to my favorite restaurants instead of trying anything divier. Listeria is a real thing– I absolutely follow the rules on that. With alcohol, I decided at the beginning of pregnancy that if I wanted something, I would let myself have it… but I have not wanted beer or wine since I was pregnant (and it actually sounds gross to me most days). I drink coffee every day, which my OBGYN supports and actually recommended doing at one point in my pregnancy.
Anon says
Can you try just smelling the wine instead of drinking it? That’s what I do. It is an “ahhhh” moment where I can enjoy the aroma and look forward to the day when I can indulge again but is otherwise harmless.
Anon says
Also try other substitutes for a wind-down ritual. Spin-drift seltzer water or a small size ginger ale are my faves.
layered bob says
Read about how your body metabolizes alcohol if you’re worried about it. Consider how the sip of wine mixes with the food in your stomach, follow where it would go in your body and at what concentrations. Though I’ve read the research and I know there is “no safe level,” it seems very unlikely to me that there is a realistic biological pathway for a sip of wine, metabolized over time, distributed through your blood, and then making its way through the placenta, to cause harm.
As to the “benefit,” I never drink more than half a beer or three sips of a cocktail even when I’m not pregnant, so I’m not drinking for any “effect” of the alcohol – I just like learning about different wines, I enjoy making cocktails …. I like the way a sip of beer tastes after eating a slice of pizza… I may be curious to see what a favorite brewery is putting out lately… there are many reasons or benefits to having a sip of something containing alcohol, even during pregnancy, including my own pleasure and curiosity, with are worth something.
Anon says
It really does not sound as though you’ve read the research on alcohol and pregnancy specifically. Since there is no safe level, and since alcohol does cross the placenta, whether it causes damage is partly about the timing, i.e., exactly what is going on developmentally when the alcohol shows up. That would be my concern about sips on many different days.
We think it’s possible to get lucky with timing, but the risk of ADHD and anxiety/depression does statistically rise with even light maternal drinking. It’s not all about FAS. Neurologists who specialize developmental disorders take this seriously.
Anonymous says
There are worth something but I don’t know anyone who has worked directly with FAS kids who thinks it is even remotely close to worth the smallest risk. I feel like if it was Autism, everyone would be like ‘yeah, don’t drink’. Autism is very analogous in that it is a lifelong condition of varying severity but it is so much better diagnosed, managed and resourced than FAS.
Anon says
I’m pretty sure there’s a maternal drinking/ASD correlation anyway. That may mean that really mild FAS is being misdiagnosed as ASD, but still.
Anonymous says
100% to this. When you have a sip of wine, the alcohol is not going straight to your placenta, any more than it’s going straight to any other part of your body. That’s of course IF (and an important if) you’re drinking at a rate that allows your body to metabolize the booze. Feeling tipsy, etc.,is a clear sign that you’ve pushed it too far.
In my first pregnancy, I had one glass of wine during a multi-course anniversary dinner. This time around, starting about midway through, I’ve been having a few sips of wine or beer with dinner every 2-3 weeks. And when I say few sips, I mean just that: I have a three (small) sip rule. After that, or even before that, I’m done.
After reading Oster’s book, doing my own research, talking to friends who are doctors and also moms, this is what I feel comfortable with. It’s hard for me to imagine that three sips once or twice a month will have any negative effect.
But I would cut back if I were you, just because I think the frequency could make it easy to fall into a more problematic habit. I don’t really see how one sip matters biologically, but as a mindset, I think it’s best to make alcohol during pregnancy something special and infrequent.
layered bob says
I once took a digital kitchen scale to church because I wanted to weigh a serving of communion wine to calculate the number of grams of alcohol it likely contained; I am a curious/data-oriented person so that kind of inquiry is pretty routine for me. (Based on the type of wine my church uses, I calculated that the sip of communion wine contains less than 1 gram of alcohol, if anyone is curious. One of my “sips” from a glass of wine contains slightly more than 2 grams of alcohol, based on before/after weighing).
A fetus can’t metabolize alcohol the way an adult does, so fetal BAC stays higher, longer than adult BAC. But a healthy adult can metabolize 2 grams of alcohol, dispersed through food, basically as soon as it reaches the liver, so my BAC after a sip of wine is close to zero and so it the baby’s. I know “close to zero” is not the same as “actually zero”, but there are so many other things to worry abut in pregnancy (plastics! wow they are really bad! I was part of a medical study re BPA during my first pregnancy and couldn’t believe how high the fetal BPA levels were, even though I am a glass+stainless steel devotee and thought I was really careful about plastic exposure! and so many other things).
I agree that “every day” is more frequent than I personally would be comfortable with, especially if it’s a bigger amount than one single sip, but it could certainly be within someone else’s risk tolerance.
Anon says
I thought communion wine was enough to count for a lot of medicinal contraindications (not just in theory either). I guess people who take medicines aren’t healthy adults though.
Help! :) says
I’m working on ordering gifts for an adopted family and my task is to buy for a 7 year old girl. Two of her needs are hats and gloves. I’m ordering a coat for her from Lands’ End, and I’d love to also order a hat and gloves from there. They’re likely higher quality than what I’d get locally (small town). But I’m hesitant because I need to indicate sizes. At this point, I’m thinking I will just do my best to order the right size, include a gift receipt, and also include an inexpensive locally-purchased set. Everyone can use a spare set anyway. Anyway, my question. Does anyone have a recommendation on which size to order for a seven year old second grader who is a size 8 in shirts/pants? Here are my options:
Hats: XS/S = 18.25-20 inch diameter or M/L = 20.25-22.25 inch diameter
Gloves (measured from the from the wrist to the middle fingertip): S = 4.625-5.25 inches; M = 5.3.75-6 inches; L = 6.125-6.75 inches.
I know I’m making this too complicated, and it is probably impossible to judge. But I have a little kiddo and don’t have a good sense of sizes as kids get older. FWIW, her coat will be a size small, so maybe the small would follow across to other items, too? I’m guessing a small hat? Maybe I should just get small and medium gloves and she can grow with them. They’re on sale right now.
anon says
For the hat, I would go with the M/L. Even if it’s a little bit big, it’ll probably be OK, and it’s better to have some room to grow. Gloves are actually trickier, but I think I’d do the medium. Are you sure about the size small for the coat? My average size 6-year-old is wearing a small in LE coats.
Anonymous says
The size stuff says that a small is an 8, which is her size. My 5 year old is in a size 4 Thermoplume – the 5 was huge on her. So I felt like it runs big???
anon says
Huh. Maybe there’s a difference in the little kid vs. big kid sizing.
Anonymous says
Would Lands End help if you called?
Aunt Jamesina says
Could you contact the charity running it to see if they could ask that family for her size?
Patricia Gardiner says
First year with a nanny (in a share with one other family)! What is a good amount for a holiday bonus? MHCOL city, wondering what a typical bonus would be… 1x weekly salary? Less? More? Thanks!
Anonymous says
1x week salary (your portion) is pretty standard
Pogo says
I think a week’s pay is standard. Though I might do more this year since our provider has been so amazing with COVID and she didn’t take any of her paid vacation.
Lily says
In our share in HCOL city, each family has given 1x weekly salary. Be aware if you are paying on the books they will be taxed on the bonus. If possible, it can be kind to give the bonus early in December. Our long-term nanny told me she appreciates this because it gives accurate budget for her own festivities.
Patricia Gardiner says
Thanks, all!
Anon says
HCOL area. We did 1 week’s salary in cash for her first year bonus, and now do closer to 2 since she’s been with us for multiple years now.
3am to 7am sleeping says
How do I get my twins to sleep from three in the morning onwards? They are 4 months old. Last feeding at 7, down at 8, wake up for feedings at midnight and 3 AM. I can’t get them back down after the 3 AM feeding without putting them in our bed on a Boppy and basically being awake with them the rest of the night until wake up time at 7. We’ve tried shushing, rocking, setting them back in the crib over and over again. they’re not hungry and don’t want to eat. They will be asleep in the crib for 10-15 min and then wake up. Over and over again. they just want to be with us and won’t stay back in their cribs. Is this phase? What can I do differently?
Anonymous says
How long are they napping in the daytime? Are you on two or three naps a day? We went to the 2-3-4 schedule around that age with my twins.
OP says
We aim for two naps but there is sometimes a short nap after the 3pm feeding.
Anon says
This sounds way too young for only two naps. I’m normally not so into Facebook but there is a great group called Respectful Sleep Training/Learning that has good info on wake times.
Anon says
Yeah it’s counter intuitive because as adults we sleep in when we’re exhausted, but apparently in babies a very common cause of early morning waking is being overtired. I would definitely try a third nap. My kid quit all her naps on the early side and I think we dropped from three naps to two at 6 months.
rosie says
Agree this sounds too young for 2 naps.
Around this age, we tried to get into a schedule:
Wake up
Nap #1 2hrs after wake up time
Nap #2 2.5hrs after wake up time from nap #1
Nap #3 2.5hrs after wake up time from nap #2
Bedtime at least 2.5hrs after wake up time from nap #3
You also may be hitting the four-month sleep regression and it might be worth reading it a bit about that, and talking to your peds about sleep training if that’s something you’re interested in doing.
Pogo says
Sounds like the 4mo regression, though I will say sometimes around that time mine has gas and needs to be up for a bit before fully falling back asleep. Are you in any kind of swaddle or Merlin suit at this point? I’d try taking them out and letting them move around a bit if so, in case it is gas.
Otherwise, it’s common at 4mo for baby’s sleep patterns to change and night wakings to increase. This is why a lot of people sleep train at this point, because it teaches self-soothing and helps baby connect the sleep cycles which are causing their waking (and then there’s this other theory that when they fall asleep with you holding them and wake up in their crib, they’re freaked out and that’s why they wake up so that’s the whole drowsy but awake thing).
It IS a phase for most kids and while I tried valiantly to sleep train my first, he sorted himself out eventually (dropped that first feeding around 6.5mo and then the dreaded 3am around 7 mos to sleep through the night) and I’m not sure anything I really did helped. Other kids do really well with sleep training and might cry for an hour the first night but then sleep the whole night through. Still others will not respond well at all and just escalate the screaming and so co-sleeping becomes the solution until the phase passes. Whatever you can mentally tolerate and maximizes sleep (assuming you’re both working?) is the way to go. And coffee.
Anon says
I recommend the book The Good Sleeper. It walks you through options that are appropriate for each phase of development. It’s also a fairly quick read. You are nearing the point where sleep training could be a game changer, but this book could help you understand the why behind different approaches and feel more confident about your choices.
Postpartum weight loss says
I need a pep talk and/or reality check. I am 4 months postpartum and also have a toddler. I gained 60 lbs this pregnancy but lost most of it in the first month or so without really even trying. I was then losing about a pound a week, but the last several weeks it’s completely stalled out. I still have 10ish pounds to lose. How long did it take you to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight and/or did you eventually just accept that some of the weight stuck around?
With my first I lost all but 5 lbs without much effort, and ultimately just decided I was ok with the extra 5 lbs. But if you add this to that, it’s an extra 15 lbs in 3 years which seems like a lot.
Pogo says
Maybe it’s wishful thinking but after #2 I’m trying to tell myself this is finally the time to get fully back to pre-#1 weight? But I’m also pushing it out time wise since I don’t want to tank my milk supply.
Fwiw my numbers are about the same – was about 5lbs above pre-#1 weight when I got pregnant with #2, and immediately lost almost all of it but that last bit is soooo stubborn. Pandemic stress eating does not help either, I will say. For me it’s not a whole dress size or anything (though I do have some pre-#1 jeans hanging around that are a bit of a dream), just feeling more comfortable in my body and not looking slightly pregnant at all times.
AwayEmily says
I’m also in the exact same position — about 10 pounds up after two kids. And COVID hasn’t helped. I just feel like my body isn’t quite mine any more, and I don’t like that feeling. Am I taking action to make things better? Eh, not really.
Anonymous says
+1 here! 10-15 pounds up after #3. Not feeling great about it (and my face has been a mess since getting a new IUD) but am also doing lots of comfort-eating and not leaving my house.
OP says
Yes, this is exactly how I feel though I couldn’t quite put it into words.
Pogo says
Hugs. It’s so much these days. So, so much. Being in the house with a stocked fridge and pantry instead of at the office. Missing my lunch time runs with my running buddies and the positive reinforcement of workouts amongst my colleagues. Fatigue about the election and the state of the world. I’m just trying to focus on adding – adding workouts, adding fruits and veggies – and then will commit to other changes if/when I feel ready.
Anonymous says
Exactly this. My youngest is 4 and I’m 10-15 lbs up from my pre-baby weight. 5 of that is legitimate baby weight, but the rest is comfort-eating and losing the activity I used to get from my commute and walking around a large office building. I don’t like how my body feels, but I’m working on accepting that of course my late-30s body after 3 kids is not my late 20s body, nor do I have the time and energy to put into fitness that I did pre kids, much as I would enjoy it. I can’t make any progress unless and until I take over grocery shopping from my husband. I have pleaded with him not to buy carb-y snacks — my willpower sucks and I do not have the luxury of working in an office with only my packed healthy food — but he keeps buying them “for the kids’ lunches.” The kids can have effing carrots, keep the goldfish crackers and oreos out of my house!
Anon says
I have one kid who’s in preschool and I’m 10-15 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. I actually weigh almost as much as I did the day I gave birth, because I gained very little weight while pregnant. I have a thyroid disorder, which plays a part (I technically got below my pre-pregnancy weight when I was very sick and then gained it all back and then some when I got on meds) but from friends it seems like it’s very common for 10 or so extra pounds to stick around each time. Be kind to yourself, especially with everything that’s going on in 2020.
Anonymous says
Oh my god chill. It’s 10 pounds. Congrats on losing 50 lbs easily but this is a major #humblebrag
OP says
That was not my intention at all. I’ve assumed the early weight loss was all water weight. Maybe I should have said that (but tbh I figured most people would realize that, especially those who have been pregnant – My understanding is that fast early weight loss post-baby is generally water weight and not actual fat loss.
I’m also not sure how admitting that I gained 60+ lbs in my pregnancy could be construed as a humble brag. I’m definitely not proud of that.
OP says
FWIW, I’m also not a thin person to begin with. So we aren’t talking about going from a size 6 to a size 10 or something like that.
Clementine says
Probably not what you’re looking for, but I added a third one to the mix and then got stuck in an impossible situation of working from home during a pandemic with no supports and didn’t have time to eat? I lost all the ‘baby weight’.
Oh, add the fact that long walks were basically the only thing I could do to get my kids out of the house and so we took about 5 long walks a day. I did get myself a peloton which has helped keep the loss off while making me feel fantastic (love those endorphins).
Alternately: weight watchers has been a good reset for me in the past.
anon says
You’re only four months postpartum! Seriously, give yourself a break. The last 10 pounds could easily take 10 months to lose; postpartum weight loss is not a linear thing, in my experience.
Anonymous says
+1. You are doing great.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My youngest is 2 and I am just now back to within 10 lbs of my pre baby weight, and this was after going up and down a lot over the last 5 years (including pregnancy with first). I feel really happy with where I am now, and the habits I’ve incorporated this past year following some very stressful Covid times earlier in the year. I don’t expect to weigh or look the same as pre-baby – my stomach will probably never be flat for example, and I’m just trying to accept that this body has done a lot and is a different size/shape now and that’s ok.
For 4 months postpartum, you’re just barely out of the just had a baby phase and you may still be nursing so I wouldn’t worry until the baby is at least a year or so. But even then, 10 lbs seems so small and if you feel healthy and able to keep up with the kids, I would work on accepting your new body.
OP says
Thank you, this is helpful perspective.
Anon says
Both so gracious – this is a healthy perspective!
Anonymous says
Basically this. It took a year post nursing for my body to get back to the pre- baby situation.
Anon says
It took me nine months to a year with each of my three kids and I thought I was doing pretty well. Gently this does feel pretty out of touch with most peoples experiences? I now weigh less than I did pre-kids (just by a couple lbs) but that didn’t happen until youngest was around 18 months.
Anon says
Agreed. It’s understandable you want to eventually lose all the weight, but really out of touch to expect that would happen easily by 4 months. Losing 50+ pounds in 4 months is an incredible achievement! Why aren’t you celebrating that instead of beating yourself up about the last 10 lbs? At 4 months PP many women still look visibly pregnant. Heck, I was still bleeding lightly at my 12 week appointment. It takes time for your body to heal and for the weight to come off. Also pretty common to hang onto extra weight while nursing. The lactation hormones help your body store fat so you can produce more milk.
OP says
Thanks, I think this is what I needed to hear. I’m not worried about the 10 lbs so much as I am worried that I’m suddenly going backwards. As far as the 50 lbs, I think the majority of that was water weight – so much puffiness!
OP says
Well, if it makes a difference I was not a thin person to begin with. And the extra 15 lbs feels like a lot on my frame. I do feel like I look “worse” than other postpartum women I know who had babies around the same time, but based on the comments here maybe they’re also retaining more weight than I realized. The that I’m now not losing and even gaining slowly was what was concerning me, but maybe you’re right that I’m being unrealistic.
OP says
All of which is to say – I think you’re right that I’m out of touch with what is normal. It felt easier with #1 so my expectations were probably unrealistic this time.
Anon says
I only gained 17 pounds while pregnant and 8 and a half of those were the baby (I was overweight to start and had HG, diclegis is the only reason I was able to gain any weight at all), but then while BFing and postpartum dropped that plus another 40 pounds (mostly due to long walks and a distrust of most food after terrible reflux and puking for 9 months). Once I quit BFing, though, over the course of about 5 months every single one of those 40 pounds came back and have not budged (and I had just plateaued back at my pre-pregnancy weight for 18 months, plus now another 10 for COVID). I’ve just accepted that that’s where I am, and in this season of life I am OK with it. We’re also trying for number 2 and I am disinclined to make myself crazy when my body is just going to go through this again hopefully. For me, buying new clothes was the best thing I could do for my mental health, since in addition to gaining all the weight back, I am also shaped completely differently than I was pre-baby, and the sheath dresses and pencil skirts of yore are just completely unflattering on me now.
AnonATL says
Are you me? :)
I gained somewhere between 40 and 50 pounds, lost 30 pounds in like the first two weeks and then nothing since then.
I think I’m currently 10 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and it shows. I’m still nursing, and I’m just telling myself it has a lot to do with that. I exercise and eat the way I did pre-baby when I was trying to lose weight and that’s still not helping.
Sorry no advice really. Just solidarity… I have seen WW recommended on here for this type of weightloss.
Anonymous says
I would look ahead to 6 months or 9 months post-birth, and think about incorporating a new form of exercise that you feel excited about and challenged by around then. Just doing one great (virtual) class once a week can do wonders for your sense of self, even if your weight doesn’t budge for a while. For now, you’re really still in the recovery phase, where I would say it’s mostly about surviving and eating healthy as much as possible.
ElisaR says
i think i wrote the same post 2 years ago. I had an easy time with the weight for my first child, and the 2nd….. well it was just totally different. not sure if age (i was now 40) or what but I will never go back to that weight i was after the first one. i’ve lost a little doing intermittent fasting but i will always be 10 lbs heavier than i want to be.
Anonymous says
After my first I never got down to my pre-pregnancy weight, I got within 10 pounds sometime after a year (I got serious about losing weight at 9 months). After my second I got down to my pre-second pregnancy weight by 9 months and down to my pre-first pregnancy weight sometime around a year and a half (I got serious about losing weight at 6 months). With my third I got within 5 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight by six months, but at 1.5 years am a few pounds heavier, and finally getting serious about losing weight.
I don’t have the will power to get serious about losing weight at least until my baby SSTN almost always. I have an easier time losing weight when I am not breastfeeding, both because of supply issues and hunger. I also find that my body shape improves after weaning.
Even though I am only about five pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, I am probably over a size bigger. Most of my weight is in my stomach.
MNF says
I’ve only had one so ymmv, but I was very surprised at how quickly I lost weight after I stopped nursing completely around 14 months. I had lost most of my weight quickly like you and then felt like, eh – close enough. I thought nursing had helped me lose everything so it was a nice surprise that I lost a few bonus pounds after stopping.
Tea/Coffee says
FWIW the last 10 lbs of my baby weight from #2 is still around and he’s in kindergarten :-(
I think it’s harder to lose the last bit from subsequent pregnancies bc you are chasing older kids, even more tired, and less likely to be rested, eating as healthfully as possible, etc.
anon mom says
I’ve been either pregnant or nursing continuously since 2014, and there are about 10 pounds that haven’t shifted. I fantasize on the regular about going to one of those fancy “wellness” resorts, when my kids are all weaned and old enough to be without me for an extended period, to just hike, do yoga, get massages and eat healthy food that I don’t have to think about… for like an entire month. Until then those 10 pounds are probably going to stay put.