I have a super old version of this alarm clock and I’m not sure I’d make my morning workouts without it.
Instead of a jarring alarm, this clock simulates a sunrise (as well as sunset for winding down) with sounds of your choice (for example, I use chirping birds) to help you wake up more naturally. It also has a host of other practical features like an FM radio, charging dock, power backup, and 25 personalized brightness settings.
Instead of feeling simultaneously groggy and startled, I feel ready (usually) to start my day.
Philips Smartsleep Sleep and Wake-Up Light is $179.95 at Walmart and also available at Amazon.
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Artkive says
Has anyone used Artkive or another service to turn kid art into a book? Wondering if it’s that much better than photos I could take at home.
Anonymous says
Photographing art is actually very difficult, mostly because you need lots of evenly reflected white light. I’m never happy with the results I can get at home. But I’ve never gotten around to sending in my Artkive box either, so I can’t say how well they do either.
Anonymous says
+1. Do you have access to a scanner, maybe at work? That will probably be easier than taking actual photos because even lighting (and getting everything parallel) is so tricky, especially without a tripod and multiple lights. Photographing artwork is basically an art in itself.
Mary Moo Cow says
I wasn’t happy with it Artkive. The quality of the photos was about what I could do at home (setting up an easel in front of an open window on a sunny day) and the quality of the book was less than Shutterfly. For example, they didn’t correctly orient all the art (like, a landscape with my child’s name signed at the bottom would be printed as a portrait, either cutting off some of the image or so that the name was on the side), there were weird white margins on quite a few pages where they had not resized the image to fit the page, etc. I only did it once. Since then I’ve culled my favorite kid art, photographed it, and then used the Shutterfly make my book service.
EDAnon says
I have an Artkive box now and you’re making me hesitate sending it in. I don’t have tons of time to take photos. Did you have the ability to reorient the images during the review process? Or was it that the photos just sucked?
Mary Moo Cow says
I don’t remember having the option to preview or edit it, or ask to make changes, but the process could have changed or maybe I could have if I had asked.
AwayEmily says
Totally not what you are asking so please ignore at will but I used Framebridge to get a couple of my kids’ pieces framed (float mount) and it looks so good. Basically we decided that instead of saving a lot of art (eg in a book) we would just focus on a few. I also have a Chatbooks subscription and include a couple photos of kid art each month.
Anon says
That’s our approach as well – framing a few pieces instead of putting them all in a book.
Anon says
OP these are all helpful comments. We have framed a few pieces of kid art and I love it! Glad to hear the reviews of Artkive before I invest.
Photo book? says
What photo book services have held up well? We have used Shutterfly a few times but binding fell apart and pages got loose fairly quickly.
Anon says
We use Printique fka Adoramapix. It’s $$ but they hold up well.
Walnut says
Yes – Adoramapix pics books have held up exceptionally well.
Anonymous says
Mpix has great quality linen photo books. Sometimes they have 40% off sales
Anonymous says
We’ve done several Mpix books and they’ve held up well. Agree to wait for a sale if possible.
Anon says
I always default to Mpix for photo projects. Fast, great service, high quality products. Sales occur frequently.
Pogo says
Blurb
FP says
I use Artifact Uprising for my annual photo albums. They are lovely qualtiy and often have a 10-20% off coupon if you’re not in a rush.
Lydia says
I actually love the free photo books app…just pay for the upgrade to 8×8 and hardcover. They’re quite nice! and my toddler loves the free 6×6 paperback books for grandparent photos, etc. I order with the iphone app.
AwayEmily says
We do Chatbooks and they have held up to a lot of toddler pawing.
Anon says
I use Mixbook for the annual photo books. Have used for three years in a row now and no complaints.
Anon says
Something about the hole in this, the color, and the shininess reminds me of an ear… not in a good way (if there is any good way to resemble an ear)
Anonymous says
Definitely thought this was some sort of brea$t pump when I opened this page. And I haven’t pumped in a year!
Anon says
It reminds me of lifesaver candy.
Anonymous says
So did I!
Spirograph says
Same. The shape of this is just really off-putting to me!
EDAnon says
Me too
anon says
So did I! And I haven’t pumped since 2015, haha.
Mrs. Jones says
I immediately thought this was something inappropriate to have in a house with kids. LOL
Anon says
Lol I clicked on the comments to post this. What a design choice! Though I do like my wake up light.
Anonymous says
DH is great at handling nearly every diaper change whenever he’s home. He frequently asks, “Daddy do a diaper?”
Except about 3 am, daddy didn’t do a diaper. He took the old one off and forgot to put the new one on…
Anonymous says
Oh nooooo!
Pogo says
omg noooo
OP says
I guess I forgot to add an emoji expressing how funny I think it is (in a gross way…now that I’ve gotten over the surprise…). I helped clean up but Daddy did morning bathtime!
anonM says
It’ll be a funny family story in a few years :P Just like the hour we spent scrubbing poo off the crib when DS was about 2… not funny then. Now, kinda funny. I’m sure it’ll get funnier with time haha.
Anon says
Hahahahaha, when my daughter was a newborn my younger brother thoughtfully did a diaper change and cuddled her to sleep. Except apparently he didn’t know you had to undo the Velcro straps and then stick them on. Which I realized at 3 am.
Anon says
I’m looking for perspective on what is standard operation, life with young kids/getting older with respect to memory and what is…more serious decline in cognitive function? Lately I feel like I have some many days where I try to work and it feels like I’m moving through molasses. I feel this with work where I’m just moving so slowly. I feel this when I catch up with friends and I think, I can’t keep track of anything that they’ve told me is going on in their lives (I can barely keep track of mine!). I find typos in work emails and texts to friends, making grammatical errors I know I know better than to do or just typing the wrong word completely. Mondays especially, I feel like I’m burnt out from a busy weekend with the kids, I have trouble jumping into work mode (I think working from home makes this worse).
I had a day off to myself with the kids in daycare this week. I enjoyed the day, but I’m feeling a little demoralized that I don’t feel any more restored after that.
So Anon says
How old are your kids? I distinctly remember this feeling when I had two little kids, especially when my kids were 1 yr and 3yrs to 3yrs and 5yrs. Those years are physically and emotionally demanding. It is hands on parenting with little time to relax or physically and mentally recover.
OP says
Yes, children are 2 and 4! My 4 year old is going through a difficult phase especially. I think I’m starting to worry about it since I feel like I should be feeling more relaxed and less frazzled since I am out of the newborn/young toddler stage.
Spirograph says
Hang in there! There’s the post-partum brain fog from just straight up sleep deprivation, and then there’s the overload that comes with having two or more toddler/pre-K kids (maybe it also happens if you have just one, but that is out of my experience). I feel like I’ve settled into a rhythm now and it got a lot better when my youngest was around 4. I have tough weeks/months when things get extra crazy at work or home, but I distinctly remember a long phase when I said out loud multiple times that I felt like my brain was just not firing on all cylinders or that the gears were rusty, and I don’t feel like that anymore.
That said, I absolutely rely on writing things down, now, whereas in my pre-kid days I had a great short-term memory. I chalk that up to the fact that I was usually focused on only one or two things (work, and whatever I was planning to do for fun that week) at a time. There’s just much more stuff trying to fit in my head than there was back then, so things “fall out” faster.
Anon says
Oh gosh 2 and 4 are still in the thick of it! You don’t have much farther to go until things start to get a little easier, but it’s too soon to expect that. (Obviously making generalizations here that won’t apply to everyone but probably majority?).
So Anon says
From my experience, you are still in the thick of it! As others have said, it may not be the straight up sleep deprivation of the infant years, but it is still so tough. When my kids were that age, it was 50/50 whether I received a solid night of sleep – not as bad as an infant but also not great or restorative. I also remember feeling like things *should* be easier by “now”, right?! and then beating myself up because I still felt harried. I remember going into the office on Monday mornings and feeling like I finally had a chance to sit down for an extended stretch. At those ages, kids are getting more independent, but aren’t there yet. They can kind of do stuff on their own, but not really. They still require active supervision and may occasionally put their lives in danger, and, for fun, they can also straight up tell you “no” or refuse to cooperate. When my daughter was 2 (my youngest), I remember feeling like I was dealing with a version of myself that was devoid of reason, had an inability to delay gratification and yet had a feisty personality with which I was very familiar. In short, hang in there….
Anne-on says
+1 to this. My brain felt like melted popsicle sludge until my kid was closer to 4.5/5. There is just SO much mental and physical drain in those years. I would give yourself some grace.
That being said – I realized I had ADHD in my late 30s but I first ‘noticed’ when I was parenting young kids as my working memory was just GONE. I took a course on executive functioning skills through work and a lot of the tips and tricks I learned there are tremendously helpful for my ADHD (though meds helped more!).
Anon says
That sounds like burnout not cognitive decline and I’m in the same boat (with one 4 year old, so not a crazy hard stage of parenting).
anon says
I remember the feeling of finally getting a break, and realizing that the break wasn’t long enough to totally restore me. It’s so incredibly frustrating. I don’t know how old your kids are, but for me, getting more sleep was really the only thing that helped. Naps on the weekend were mandatory for a while. Not just for the kids, but for me! I’d also recommend giving yourself some sort of ritual to mark the beginning/end of the workday, especially if you’re working from home.
Anon says
I think this is pretty normal? For the thing about having a hard time remembering what is going on in friends lives that is totally me too. And I hate it because it means a lot to me when my friends remember things about me. It has even gotten to a point where if I hang out with a good friend I will sometimes jot down in their “contact” card in my phone a couple of major things they told me that I know I would feel guilty if we hung out next time and I forgot to ask about. Or before I’m about to see someone, I will try take a few minutes to really be mindful ahead of it to try to remember what we talked about last time, what I should immediately ask about, mental review that I can recall their kids names quickly in conversation etc. instead of just assuming it will all come to me when I see them like it would have in our 20s.
FVNC says
I’m glad you asked the question. I don’t have the molasses feeling (although interestingly, I did during the entire year I breastfed my first) but I have basically NO memory. For example, occasionally coworkers will follow up with me on projects from a month or more ago, and I have no memory of them. I scramble to find the emails and notes etc. and can usually piece things together, but my ability to recall without written record is basically nonexistent. I also have very little ability to focus on deep thinking. This all pre-dates pandemic stress. I blame it on prolonged sleep deprivation — both of my kids were awful sleepers for 1+ years, then I had horrible insomnia bouts when they finally did sleep — but that’s my own theory and not validated by any doctors. Recently, I have noticed some incremental improvement as I’m able to finally get consistent time for exercise and decent sleep. Kids are 5 and 8.
Anon says
Things that help that feeling for me or are coping mechanisms I use
– all the extra sleep. Some of this is burnout and some of this is probably sleep deprivation. My almost 5YO just started sleeping through the night about a month ago and while I have quite the hole to dig out of with 5 years of interrupted sleep, already I am feeling better with a month of restful nights. I have now set a sleep alarm on my watch, tried to move every early morning appointment I have to a later time to allow me to sleep in more and really focus on getting sleep. Naps leave me more groggy than rested, but if they are helpful to you I highly encourage adding in weekend naps (assuming they do not interfere with your nighttime sleep).
– Adding movement as a reset button. If I am just swimming in circles trying to get a task (or a thought!) started, I do a lap around the office (or house) and then go get a drink, use the bathroom, etc. and then focus on starting it as soon as I sit down again. Something about the physical activity and change of scenery even if only for a few minutes helps me focus better.
-Everything gets written down. My brain is incapable of reliably remembering everything which can be frustrating because pre-baby me was like an elephant. So I have lists everywhere.
-I have to triple proofread emails and texts and even then sometimes typos slip by. This I just try to let go and just be “average” rather than my prior stickler self.
– I can’t multitask the way I used to. I really need to focus on the task I am doing.
Also have you had Covid? This sounds like the brain fog some of my coworkers have experienced (for me it’s just sleep deprivation and had pre-dated the pandemic) and they said it took them a few months to feel like they had their thoughts back together again.
AwayEmily says
+1 to sleep. I am so much more competent when I get enough sleep, which for me means requires being asleep by 9:30. I make it the early bedtime more palatable by always having a super fun book to read in bed.
Anon says
N of 1, but I mentioned this to my OB at my annual appointment (my daughter is 1) and she ran some labs and I had low vitamin D and iron. I’m taking supplements now and feel much better. Not pre-kid better but definitely an improvement and I feel normal. I think she checked a blood count, vitamins D and B12, thyroid and iron. She also had me do a depression screen.
Anonymous says
Iron deficiency really did this to me too!
And if you are not sleeping full nights that is definitely contributing. I lost things daily until a few months after my youngest stopped waking at night.
Anonymous says
A very lovely, blunt woman I know told me she lost half her brain when she had kids. So far I’d say that feels accurate.
Anonymous says
A counselor literally diagnosed me with mental exhaustion a few years ago (before LO, but I was working 3 jobs, in grad school, and in a serious long distance relationship). She reassured me I wasn’t suddenly stupid, but also set my expectation that it would take months or years of reduced stress to get back to my usual self. I think I felt significantly better maybe 4 months after I quit the worst job? So no, don’t expect yourself to bounce back after 1 partial day off, but also don’t worry to much that it’s permanent decline either.
EDAnon says
That’s good to know. I keep trying to get enough sleep, etc. And a week goes by with no improvement and I wonder what is wrong with me. Just take time!
Anonymous says
We’re in the process of buying and selling homes. A house came up in our beloved neighborhood that had nearly everything we want in a long-term home in our city. We had our offer accepted at the end of May (bidding war) and will close end of July. We needed to do a few projects and clean up in our current home before listing it, so it went on the market early this week. And I’m on the ledge that it is too late and it’ll sit on the market forever and/or we won’t sell it for nearly as much as expected. I just need new people to be anxious about it to. So that’s all.
Pogo says
At least where I am, the market is insane, everything is going over asking with cash offers. I give you permission to come down off the ledge.
anon says
House buying/selling is incredibly stressful, so I don’t think your feelings are unusual! I also think that in most areas right now, houses are going relatively quickly. People who want to move are more likely to do it during the summer before the school year begins, so timing is still on your side!
Anonymous says
Good luck! We listed right after Memorial Day and were worried it was too late in the season, but we got an offer at asking in 1 week and decided to go with it. I think in most markets things are still pretty hot right now, fingers crossed for you!
SC says
I’ve been hearing from real estate friends in the Southeast, DC area, Northeast, and Midwest that inventory is still low, and prices are still high. Overall volume is down, but the housing market is still a sellers’ market.
EDAnon says
Our neighbors listed their home right as interest rates went up and it sold more slowly than expected. They did lower the price but they were asking for waaaay too much. Ultimately, they still sold it for a lot more than you’d expect based on improvements and time alone.
Anonymous says
OP. I think this is probably us. Our realtor was honest that it was a bit hard to suggest a price on our house because the timing is such that it just slowed, but houses in our neighborhood were going for over list just before this. So we really just don’t know how much last week’s interest rate events will impact things. We decided to go for the top of the range and see what happens. Now, of course, I’m second guessing our approach. Three other realtors have shown the house. Two think it is right priced, and the third thinks it is priced too high. The problem is that the one who thinks it is priced too high is representing a big percentage of the potential buyers. So maybe we’ll end up lowering the price soon. Such is life.
EDAnon says
I think you’ll be okay. When our neighbor’s lowered, it sold immediately. They had a ton of interest – the price was just a bit too high. It will all work out!
Anon says
The houses that are maintained well, mostly updated, cleaned, and decluttered are still going fast and high near me (northeast). The houses that aren’t are starting to sit and have price drops.
Anonymous says
FWIW, we are still half-heartedly looking, but what we want costs ~$1-1.3M. We could afford that with interest rates 6 months ago, but not anymore. Prices in my area (greater DC) have not adjusted for the rate hikes yet, and a lot of people must be in our same boat, because I’ve noticed good houses in good areas do seem to be staying on the market a lot longer. I’ve also seen at least 2 houses that came back on the market when financing fell through (according to the realtor) in the last month. The bottom has fallen out of the “luxury homes” market, but if you’re at a lower price point, you’re probably still OK. Good luck!
anononononono45 says
Need some attorney career input. I’m at a mid-sized family friendly firm (making fine but not great $) with 2 kids (4 and 2). While the flexibility has been great, I’m treated like a junior (but have 10+ years experience). Moving up here would take forever (although that might not be the worst thing as I do get a lot of time with my kids and we are fine on my salary). Just finding it stifling.
Thought about making the move in-house but I have no public company experience so really limited to commercial contracts roles. Has anyone taken a role like that? Would it be worth it to explore going to another firm (big or mid) to learn public company work?
Do I coast or try to move? If I wait, would I be so senior no one would want me? :( We are thinking of TTC#3 so feels like it’s time to make a decision.
Anon says
I’m in house at a large public company. We wouldn’t hire you as you are too senior already. There’s lots of internal talent that gets promoted into leadership roles within legal. We can’t bring in someone with no in house experience at more than a senior counsel level, which is going to be a step down for you.
If you want to move in house, I’d keep your eye out and apply to anything interesting. It could take a while or may never pan out, or maybe you’ll get lucky and find a great option.
Anonymous says
Just apply to everything you see. Unlike the poster above there’s no such thing as too senior for us!
Anon says
I am in a similar situation and have done some job searching recently. In my area of law, there are actually quite a few in-house counsel jobs that will hire someone at 8-10 years experience with no previous in-house experience, but they expect you to have senior to partner-level experience. They would not hire someone that is not in a supervisory/management role. I would recommend trying to get more senior experience at your firm and then decide whether you want to stay or leave.
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t have any advice, but I find these responses so depressing.
Anon says
for those of you who work in jobs with super intense periods – like litigation and you’re in trial, or working on a deal, etc. or your spouse does – are you just MIA for the entire time? what do you do (if anything) to support your solo parenting partner? obviously i realize there are people who are single parents or military spouses (you are all truly amazing), but DH has been traveling/working on a deal for the past 3 weeks and i’m just so exhausted. we have a nanny, but the reason i’m exhausted is more like due to current sleep issues with our kids and i’ve been handling all of them. the only way i am surviving is bc i’m currently WFH and I am able to go back to sleep for an hour once our nanny arrives, but soon that won’t be an option. tips? ideas?
Anon says
Not normally in this situation but it happened that my husband was out of town for 3 weeks straight last month. My biggest tip is prioritize sleep over everything else. I found that it was so easy to fill the time between kid bedtime and my bedtime with chores and then I’d stay up way past my bedtime so I could have some downtime. Short term sleep deprivation is manageable, but if I had to do this for months I would have to be way stricter about my own bedtime even if it came at the expense of cleaning and cooking.
Anon says
it’s more that my kids are not sleeping. they are waking up earlier than usual. waking up in the middle of the night, etc. (and they are 4). any consequence i follow through with – like forcing them into separate rooms is for me to deal with solo, which would result in less sleep and i dont have the mental fortitude to do it solo when i’m already sleep deprived. and then i just get grumpy with DH when the intense stint ends like and feel like he needs to kind of swoop in and take over, which is also unfair to him bc it’s not like he’s been on vacation.
Anon says
Every mom I know still stays involved, like taking over things that can be done remotely or at random times (ordering grocery delivery or scheduling babysitter for example). I haven’t seen dads pick up the same load, and that’s a problem.
Anon says
My husband is one who does pick up the load even when he’s gone. He stocks us up on groceries and will even fill the fridge and freezer with homemade meals before he leaves as he know how hard it can be to solo parent and make dinner by yourself night after night. He’s a gem.
Anon says
What does your husband do? I ask because while I think this is awesome and he is absolutely a gem, it’s just not always feasible pending the job.
Mine is in a leadership position in BigLaw and he simply just doesn’t have a lot of the bandwidth to make the time to actually do a lot of the helpful things (when he’s not working/on call to work for a client, we prioritize time together/relaxing), so we just throw money at things when he and/or I are in a busy sprint at work (which is usually always).
anon says
He works a 45+ hour a week job that can be intense as he’s in a leadership role. His big thing is that he can only work at work–no taking things home ever. He also doesn’t have access to a phone or personal email at work.
He has zero flexibility in that he’d have to take time off from work to register for kid camps during the online window or even answer a call from the schools–those are no gos. Instead, he grocery shops on the way home from work and stays up after kid bedtime to meal prep.
I did BigLaw for a long time and was responsible for all scheduling of childcare, camps, doctor appointments, etc. Those are pretty easy to do between other tasks. I also filled out all health forms for camps, booked all trips, etc. Lots of life admin.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi – DH has some sprints like this with work and/or travel. Even with a currently live-in grandparent and FT childcare, I am TIRED after these blocks because more is naturally on my plate.
Honestly I prioritize rest/self-care over everything else pertaining to household management, and outsource/throw money at stuff often. DH is out of town next week and I already plan for us to eat out 2x (early dinner at a restaurant, generous tip, no home cleanup). DH does a few things to help prep before he leaves – takes care of laundry, makes sure various odds and ends are in place, but really when you’re IN it is when you need to know you can move things to cruise control.
Anon says
This is one reason we have an au pair. She very much fills in as an extra pair of hands when one of us is busy or traveling for work. She’s helpful from everything from letting me run to the store for a missing meal ingredient without dragging along grumpy kids to popping them in the bath while I make dinner. She won’t do overnight wakeups, but I can sleep later while she does the morning routine with the kids. She’s key to our sanity.
OP says
ok flipping to a different problem, bc i know i sound like a broken record, but when a 4 year old wakes up a lot in the middle of the night due to bad dreams what do you do? she sleeps with a million stuffies, i just got her a dream catcher, she has a sound machine etc. i told her instead of sitting up in her bed and screaming/crying (thus waking her sister) she should come out of her bed and give me a hug. well that’s great and all if it were to happen once, but 4-5 times a night is too much. and they have a hatch light and are supposed to play quietly until it turns green, but this morning they were fighting. and i know you are ideally supposed to use natural or logical consequences, but the natural consequence is that everyone is tired, the logical consequence seems to involve having her scream and wake up the whole household. i’d love to take away screen time later in the day or something, but i dont know that i have the bandwidth to deal with a tantruming 4 year old solo when running on little sleep
Different Anon says
I co-sleep. Most sleep for most number of people is the rule in our house. There was nothing wrong with my 4YO, she just gets scared and lonely in the middle of the night. So she knows that if she wakes up, she can either crawl in our bed or in a sleeping bag on the floor and she is supposed to try and not wake me up. Even if she does, I fall back asleep much faster if I don’t actually have to get out of bed. Last night she was fighting bedtime, so rather than continue fight, she curled up on DH’s side and was out in 15 minutes (presumably because she felt warm, safe and comfortable and she will match DH’s slow even breathing when they are snuggled, which I often do as well when I can’t sleep in the middle of the night after a bad dream). She won’t still be sleeping in our room when she goes off to college, so I’m not overly worried about it.
Anon says
this is not a viable solution for us. 4 year old shares room with twin sister. the 4 year old with sleeping issues is a decent co sleeper (we’ve done it when sick), but twin needs to sleep in her own bed, but will not sleep alone in a room. i am also a light sleeper and dont do well with cosleeping
So Anon says
Can you try placing a sleeping bag on the floor of your bedroom and telling kiddo to come sleep in the sleeping bad if they wake up? That way, you all have your own sleeping space but are in the same room. – Signed, a single parent who goes through stretches where kids sleep horribly when in their own rooms.
OP says
yes, this is my plan once we get a rug for our bedroom. i recall my mom doing that with my sister. and then i can just pray the other twin doesn’t wake up to an empty room and lose it
Anonymous says
I let her sleep in my bed
Anonymous says
Also idk why you’d punish a kid for having bad dreams. She’s not doing anything wrong.
Anon says
Yeah our issues were not as extreme as yours, but when my kid went through a night-waking phase around 3.5-4 we just brought her into our bed at the first wake-up and she would happily spend the rest of her night there. She is back in her bed now so it doesn’t seem to have done any permanent damage.
OP says
our problem with this is the twin sister room sharing aspect. other twin wakes up, gets upset, wants to sleep in our bed too which is a disaster.
and bc this week needs to get worse, twin A was sick and missed a day of camp earlier this week, and now camp just called and twin B is sick. i guess I can sleep when they go to college…
AwayEmily says
We have a mattress on the floor of the kids’ room. Mostly it is used for forts and jumping, but if one kid is struggling at night then a a parent will bunk in there on the mattress with them for a bit. I actually sleep really well in there since it’s dark and the noise machine is on.
AwayEmily says
And “for a bit” I mean “for a few hours,” though my husband often just stays in there til morning (he doesn’t pee 2x a night like I do).
Anon says
So I am the lawyer and DH is a SAHD. When I am slammed on a deal it’s not pretty; I’m typically billing upwards of 14 hours a day (sometimes 18-20). TBH, even dealing with wakeups, DH sleeps more than I do. There is no universe in which I am dealing with wakeups on top of both being up all night for work and having to be super sharp for long, tough negotiating days. That being said, not every single minute of every single day for weeks on end is at that level, so I try to help out where I can when I have a few minutes. It’s not planned in advance and is taking advantage of pockets I have. Sometimes that is supervising bathtime (thankfully not super hands on, kid likes to soak) while on a conference call or reading a document in the bathroom. Sometimes that is doing the dishes while waiting for a document turn from a junior at 1AM. Getting kiddo dressed in the morning and plopping her with a quick breakfast in front of the TV so DH can sleep in a bit if he was up late with her and I’m up in the morning anyways for a call. If there are a quiet few hours on the weekend, I will take kiddo to the park or out of the house to run errands so DH can get some alone time. Other than that, for all the terrible hours I’m working, he’s on deck for parenting during those hours.
lawyermom says
When I am in Trial, my husband picks up the entire load. Fortunately, my trials are typically a week or less but during that time period if I come home at all, it is just to sleep. Once I am done with Trial, he takes some time for self care. The only thing that helps him is relaxing standards and either buying quick meals to cook or just ordering out. Try seeing if there is a high school girl in the neighborhood that can come over on the weekend. That would enable you to rest/relax while they play with the kids.
Bette says
I travel a lot for work (typically one night a week, but I can do through stretches where I travel 3-4 nights a week for 8 weeks in a row.)
Things we do –
– Throw money at the problem
– lots of take out/restaurants/frozen dinners
– hire a babysitter periodically from 4-8 to do daycare pickup, dinner, bedtime and my wife goes out to dinner with a friend
– drop cleaning standards dramatically, have the place be destroyed except for when the cleaning lady comes biweekly
– board the dog if it’s a busy time at work for her too
– she goes to her parents on the weekend, they are too old to watch the kids solo but she can at least leave the house during naps for errands or alone time
– meets another parent at the playground and has a beer and pizza delivery after preschool
-skip baths and tooth brushing for kids on days that they or she is tired
Things I do to help –
Make sure laundry is up to date on weekends (particularly folding which we both hate)
Do online grocery orders so she can pick it up on her way home from work
Arrange dog boarding/house cleaning logistics
Encourage her to prioritize herself and don’t stress about extra spending, dirty house, super healthy kid meals
Do more solo bedtimes and mornings so my wife can relax on weekends
Plan date nights (schedule babysitter, make reservation) when I am home so we can reconnect
Also, having been in both roles, being the at home parent is WAY harder than being the really busy work parent IMO. So I try to step up a lot when I am home to take the load off her, even if I am tired from travel.
Cb says
I’m gone Sunday PM – Wednesday PM during term time. I do bedtime when I’m home rather than our alternating system (when I’m home for longer stints), kiddo and husband eat appetizer dinners, and I try and catch up on laundry when I’m home so husband doesn’t have to do it during the week. We also have a cleaner for 1 hour a week (3 bed house) so there isn’t any real cleaning beyond dishes + kitchen clean up to do.
Sad Auntie says
How do you help someone from afar? I’ve been struggling with a lot of feelings about a family situation. My sibling and their spouse, and nine month old twins, are not only divorcing but moving across the country for the in-law spouse to be closer to their family. The sibling has rejected any legal intervention and settled on drawing up their own agreement before moving states. It misses a lot of items and we have tried so many times to tell him this could backfire down the road. But it’s done and the move is happening, with the sibling getting a place and job in the area to ensure they are present for their children . Due to a lot of factors, I won’t be able to see them for another three months – which breaks my heart entirely that I’ll miss the rest of their baby stage. I’m left feeling sad and just helpless. What could I do?
Anon says
so your brother and SIL are divorcing with 9 month old twins? wow, that’s a lot for everyone and really quite sad that they couldn’t figure this out before having the kids. do they currently live near you? you missing the rest of their baby stage is the least of the problem (no offense). i’m not an attorney, but maybe someone who is would know whether such an agreement would even hold up in court.
anon says
That’s a lot of unwelcome change. Try to separate how you feel about the living situation and divorce agreement from how you curb the loneliness. I know it’s not the same, but FaceTime a few times a week. Talk your sibling often. Make plans to go to visit when the time is right. And let yourself mourn what used to be, but find a safe person (i.e., not your sibling) to do that with.
My sister is also going through a divorce with small kids, and I have to bite my tongue a LOT on how I wish she were handling the legal aspects differently. In the end, this is not something I can control.
So Anon says
I think the best support you can give is to listen without judgment. Ask sibling if there are any practical tasks that you can take on from afar to help out, like research daycares, or if sibling will need items for the new house, you can buy some that are within your price range. Honestly, if sibling isn’t asking you to provide advice, then I would stay away from offering solutions. Going through a divorce is so very difficult, and not a decision people enter into lightly, especially with little kids involved.
Anonymous says
It sounds like all you can do right now is offer to listen and be a sounding board for your sibling. Sounds like they don’t want advice. Definitely visit in 3 months, and plan some check-in phone calls or texts in the meantime.
anonM says
Even just letting your sibling (and their ex, if that relationship is ok) know how much you love getting pictures/videos might help encourage them to keep you in the loop. I have a lot of out-of-state relatives, but I send a lot of pictures, videos, and even voice memos to my sister, and frequently facetime even for 5 minutes at a time so the kids get to see her. She’s responsive and actively encourages this.
Anonymous says
In addition to being generally supportive, I would also consider things you would do to make life easier for anyone with 9 month old twins who is moving and going through a crisis – e.g. getting him meal or grocery delivery, cleaning service, send flowers or a housewarming gift, get him the baby gear he needs, etc.
And I am sure you are probably doing this already but please don’t talk to him about your sadness about missing his babies’ babyhood – he can’t be managing your heartbreak right now.
OP says
I’m glad I finally posted about this, because this group always nails what we need to hear. My sadness aside, this collective advice is what I needed to hear. I feel a little bit better and definitely have some ideas on what to do. thanks hive <3
Anon says
I guess one other question to consider is your ongoing relationship with your soon-to-be-ex-SIL. Having a relationship with her (even if just cordial but not close) can be helpful for you maintaining a relationship with your nieces. It can be hard not to pick sides while still supporting your family, but burned bridges are hard to mend.
baby vax says
Anyone found a vaccine for an under 3 kiddo yet? If so, where/when? Our health department is saying only for uninsured or CHIP/Medicaid, Walgreens is only over 3, and our doc says they can’t get it because “its in the governments hands”. I think our doc is being lazy. I’m in Kansas.
Anonymous says
In DC, getting it from a vaccination clinic set up by our ped this Saturday.
Anon says
in Houston, TX and they’ve been available all week. the only reason we haven’t gotten one yet is bc we just got covid (we almost made it covid free until the vaccine!), but many of my friends have already gotten their kids their first shots. I think it is mostly at the Children’s Hospital here for kids of all ages. Our peds office will have them too, but I’m not sure if they do yet (our peds office is also affiliated with the hospital and geographically not very far away) Do you have a local children’s hospital?
AnonTX says
+1 also in Houston, and it’s everywhere. Texas Children’s, my health system-employer, my ped office, etc. I haven’t checked Walgreens or CVS yet.
DS #2 has an appointment Monday for a check-up and I am going to see if I can get both kids their first dose at that time.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry it’s hard! You may need to Google or use one of the state specific vax finding Facebook groups. In our state all the big health systems have it (got ours today!) and they all accept people with other insurance. Is there a big hospital system in your city?
Anon says
CVS will go down to 18 months in the minute clinic. My kid is 4 so it was relatively easy, but my friends with super little ones have mostly been doing county health department (which is now a little overwhelmed by the demand) or signing up for their pediatricians who have slots a few weeks out.
Anon says
CVS is vaccinating 18 months and up in MinuteClinics. They have Pfizer only. My state’s county health departments are giving it to anyone 6 months and up, and our county has both P and M. I’m in Indiana. It’s frustrating that your state is being weird and saying the county clinics are only for the uninsured. Are you near the Missouri border? Most states are happy to vax out of state residents at this point.
op says
yeah I’m pretty shocked by what I’m finding. We don’t have Minute Clinics apparently, kid is almost 18 months, and we have a tripped to Missouri planned in a few weeks. So I’ll keep that option in my pocket. It’s been 2 days so I guess I’ll be patient and hope more pop up. Silly me thought my doc/health department would be all over it.
Anon says
Doctors are slow to get it everywhere (children’s hospitals seem to be the exception). Mine told us mid July, and many friends seemed to hear the same thing from their peds. But I’m surprised your health department is so choosy about who they’ll vaccinate.
Lily says
Made an appt for my 1 year old and 3.5 year old for Monday at our regular pediatrician’s office. Moderna.
Anon. says
I’m in downstate Illinois. As of this morning, neither county health department nor my pediatricians office that is affiliated with the large hospital system in town have doses available yet. Both say it’s coming soon, watch this site for updates. Closest CVS Minute Clinic is an hour drive. I’m annoyed, but it’s also been less than a week so I’m trying to calm down and have some patience.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry :(
If anyone is in CT and looking, check out the Griffin/DPH mobile clinics. 6+months, you choose Moderna or Pfizer.
Anonymous says
My state dragged its feet on officially adopting the CDC’s recommendations for a couple days, but earlier this week I found an appointment at an independent pharmacy in the next town over for a couple weeks out for a kid under 3. My local health department opened up appointment scheduling yesterday evening, and I somehow managed to get one for next week. Appointments were gone within minutes – I felt like I was trying to get concert tickets. Peds offices in my county still aren’t scheduling appointments, and it doesn’t look like any MinuteClinics are, either.
Anon says
Metro atlanta. CVS this morning for a 22 month old.
Walgreens is only doing 3y+
Ped didn’t have them yet.
Didn’t check county health because we found cvs