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Ughhh, clipping newborn babies’ nails! It’s the worst of every world: time consuming, detail oriented, a safety issue if not taken care of, and scary to do.
There were times when I noticed my son’s nails getting long and I would avoid cutting them, and of course then he would scratch himself on the face. There’s no cutting corners/procrastinating with a newborn!
When he was really new, I would use one of my nail files and file his nails instead. Now that he’s a squirmy toddler, he doesn’t have the patience for me to sit and give him a full manicure and I have to get in and get out while he watches his favorite show (Little Baby Bum).
I like using these because they’re sized for little fingers, and the light on the end does really help. Look, I’m not saying that these clippers are going to make the job much easier or fun, but it’s a necessary evil and these work.
They are $4.94 and available as an Add-on item (eligible for Prime with a 2-pack) with free returns. Sleepy Baby Nail Clipper
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
HM says
LO has the FP Sit Me Up seat and LOVES it and is ready for a step up. Has anyone had good luck putting a 5 month old in a jumper? Jumper in question is the Baby Einstein Neptune’s Ocean Discovery Jumper, if that matters. He has excellent head and neck control but I’m wondering how much core/trunk strength he needs for it. I’m scared off because the manufacturer says 6 months and up. Thoughts? Or, do you have any recommendations for a good middle ground between the Sit Me Up and the jumper?
AwayEmily says
We had an exersaucer (same basic concept as the jumper you linked to). You can usually get one for super cheap on a listserv (I recommend posting that you want one — when I did this, I received like six different responses from people begging me to get theirs out of their house). It has a pretty limited time use (both my kids got sick of it by 10 months or so) but was AMAZING for the time period that they used it — and yes, we started both kids at around 5 months.
AIMS says
We used the bjorn bouncer at that point.
Katarina says
I used an exersaucer, which had a limit of 4 months. I started using it around then for both kids. My kids were tall and outgrew it pretty early (they should not be able to lock their legs), although they continued to play with the toys. I never used a sit me up or similar.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old is a little prickly pear. She doesn’t like talking to strangers, she’s mean to grandparents, she won’t acknowledge our neighbors or, e.g., our housekeeper, and it’s just a bit much for us at this point. We try to model good behavior, we try to respect her autonomy, but at this point I feel like I’m raising an a-hole. Help me have some perspective. This is just a phase? What else can we do to teach good manners?
Anonymous says
In my experience all three year olds are a-holes a significant portion of the time.
Walnut says
Truer words have never been spoken.
Spirograph says
Truth! Is your daughter an a-hole all the time? My kids are perfectly pleasant when they’re fed and well-rested, but if we’re getting out of the car pushing dinner time after a long day, they sulk and grunt at people.
I agree with others that it’s OK to feel shy, but it’s not OK to be rude. Greetings & goodbyes are all I expect from my kids, and we’ll talk about it ahead of time if I know we’re going to be in that situation. I’ll prompt with “[kid], please say hello/goodbye to [whoever]” If they don’t, I’ll remind once that it’s polite to greet people, just like we greet our friends at school (our daycare is really good at pushing this, and we obviously also model the behavior), but after that it’s a battle of wills I don’t want to get into, and most adults are understanding. I try to keep my language really neutral “sorry, [kid] is feeling a little shy right now” and just move on, otherwise we get into mean/meltdown territory.
Grandparents are tough, because you want the kid to actually interact, not just go sulk in the corner. The thing that works best for us is to just ignore sulky 3 year old, have a snack/start doing something she likes, and invite her to join us. But, as noted, sometimes nothing works.
Anonymous says
Is she shy or rude? I wouldn’t worry about her being shy.
Anonymous says
Well, I have a kid that had this behavior at 3 and everyone a cept d t because she was shy…and she turned rude. She’s 5 and doesn’t look at people when they walk to her or speak when spoken to (“hi! (Name)!”- she would ignore them. We had to work a lot on this at age 4 and it has improved but it’s a fine line. We went with “it is ok to be shy, but is not ok to be rude” and went a sticker chart route for positive behavior.
Anonymous says
5 is still so, so young. I was extremely shy when I was little–our neighbor didn’t know I could talk for a while–and turned out okay.
Anonymous says
You sound like the a-hole here, not your kid. It’s completely possible for a 5 year old to still be very shy.
Anonymous says
Maybe, but this was not my own perception. It was an overall strategy we developed with her preschool teachers, who were a bit concerned (rightfully). The idea is you can be “feeling shy right now” but not use shyness as an overall personality trait “I am shy” as an excuse for rudeness.
Carine says
I like this distinction.
Anon says
To some extent, 3 year olds are a-holes. But you can also work on this a bit. Take some time to come up with your family rules, and then articulate them to her.
In our house, you control your own body. You do not have to hug or kiss anyone, even parents or grandparents. If you say no, or if they say no, that is the end of the story. However, you must say hi to everyone who comes in our house, and you must say goodbye when they leave. That means you must look them in the eye, say hello, and have a brief conversation (how are you, are you staying for dinner, etc). If you don’t want to talk after that, you can say excuse me and then walk away. You must also look them in the eye to say goodbye, and then say something like thanks for coming or drive safe or i liked playing with you.
We practiced this over and over, and we enforce it for every guest. We had to talk to grandparents separately about not trying to guilt the kids into hugs, but they eventually got it, and I could tell the kids were listening when we said “Grandma, Daughter said no thank you to a hug. She is in control of her body, please don’t ask her again. But Daughter, you still have not asked Grandma a question. Please do that before you say excuse me.”
OP says
How do you enforce this? We try practicing but she just doesn’t do it when push comes to shove and it’s awkward to keep pushing it in front of people at some point. Other 3 year olds I know say things like ‘thanks for coming to my party’ or ‘thanks for my present,’ our kid just turns her head and at best mumbles something before running away.
Anonymous says
I have been to a lot of 3 year olds’ birthday parties and it is definitely not universal that they say thank you, or even goodbye. Not because the parents don’t try, just because they’re preschoolers. It’s so kid-specific, and mood-specific, I really wouldn’t worry too much about it. I bring my son with me to say, “goodbye and thank you for having us, we had a wonderful time” to both the parent host and the birthday kid when we leave a party. I encourage him to say it herself, but it’s hit or miss. To me, the more important thing is that he sees that it needs to be done.
Anon at 9:50, I really like that you add on a question or thank you to your greetings, I will start trying to implement that, too.
OP, the fact that you’re concerned about this makes it unlikely your kid will grow up to be an a hole, it’s just a phase! Maybe try practicing with stuffed animals or puppets doing pretend play. Sometimes that makes it more fun. My kids love to practice handshakes, toasts, and all kids of “grown up” behavior. Someday I’ll get them to consistently apply it in public.
Anon says
+1. I’m Anon at 9:50 and it’s very mood-specific. I remind/ prompt at every single interaction, and if they refuse to do it, I pick them up and say it myself. They have to watch me (or DH) do it, at the very least. As Anonymous said, the important part is seeing that it needs to be done. My 6 year old now is good about it, but she’s also pretty social so her temperament might have something to do with it. My 3yo is very hit and miss, but he hears it every single time and is getting better. We’ve had a lot of people visit this year so I think the repetition has helped.
Yes to the role playing. That’s the main way we practice. My kids want to role play at least every week in my house, and one of the most frequent they want to play is “friend came over for a sleepover” so it’s easy to build it into those scenarios. We also prep and brainstorm questions/ comments ahead of time, which makes it more likely they’ll actually ask it. “My friend Jess is coming over. Do you remember her? She has a little dog, Chuy, remember?” They’ll usually ask me a question like “is she bringing her dog? can we play with him?” and I say “Oh that’s a good question when you say hello to her. If she brought Chuy, you can ask to play. If she didn’t, you can ask where he is today.”
SC says
I’ve found that when parenting/teaching my kid how to behave, sometimes I have to accept some conflict with my kid and let it be awkward in front of guests so that I can enforce an expectation consistently. This applies to appropriate greetings and goodbyes, but also sharing, interrupting, appropriate (non-bathroom) language at the dinner table, and all sorts of social norms.
Especially if the guest is a close friend or family member, I’ll catch their eye and try to signal “Please hang in there,” and say something like, “We’ve been practicing saying hello and goodbye,” or “He’s been learning different ways to share at school.” Most of the time, our guests understand what we’re doing and wait for us to get through it. I hope it will pay off, and that it will be way less awkward to take a minute now to parent my 3-year-old who is still learning (and testing) social norms than it will be to have a 13-year-old who is actually an a-hole.
Anonymous says
At age 3 I would take less of a hard line than some of the other respondents. I wouldn’t make her interact with people if she doesn’t want to, but I would prohibit being actively mean. So she doesn’t have to say hello to Grandma or make eye contact, but she also isn’t allowed to yell, “Go away!” Then I’d model polite interactions for her. This includes YOU saying hello to her friends, even if they don’t greet you in return. Sometimes I think the way you interact with other kids makes more of an impression on your own kid than the way you interact with adults.
anon says
What about a 2 year old who yells “go away” – I am not sure how to handle because he’s still pretty young. we tell him that’s not nice every time but haven’t been actively doing time out or anything like that…
Anon says
At 2, I didn’t always have the energy to do this perfectly. But we talk a lot about being kind and making good choices. So when 2yo yelled “go away” one of us went and talked to the kid. Explained that wasn’t a kind thing to say, came up with alternatives (hence our “excuse me” phrase if you want to walk away from an adult) and asked if they wanted a do-over to make a good choice. Didn’t always push the do-over if we had a high chance of meltdown, but still. The point was to help them name the emotion, figure out a proper way to express it, and then give them a chance to try again if they wanted.
Paging Anonon says
Paging Anonon from yesterday who just found out she is pregnant with a second child. I just saw your post, and wanted to share that I felt the same way when I found out I was pregnant with our second. My first had just turned 1 and I felt like DH and I were finally getting the hang of juggling 2 jobs and commuting and family life. Work was on an even keel again and I had upcoming projects that I was really invested in and excited about. DH and I had just decided to wait at least another year before revisiting whether to try for a second child. I didn’t have the same thoughts about miscarrying (I’m fortunate not to have had that experience so my mind doesn’t go there) but the first part of my pregnancy was marked by grief more than joy. My second pregnancy has been even worse than the first so I’m still not the excited, joyful, glowing pregnant lady people expect me to be, but over the months I have come to feel more at peace that things are working out this way. We likely would have had wanted a second child, and there are benefits to completing our family now. My mantra is “this is the last time I’m doing this. I’m completing our family. I’m nearly done”.
Walnut says
On this note, I discovered I was pregnant with my third child mere weeks into a brand new job that my family moved cross country for. I went through every emotion in the book and lamented at how this was NOT what I wanted for my career and impacted literally every aspect of the fun of moving to a brand new city and all the fun I wanted to be having with my two toddlers.
I’m now in my third trimester, my office has been great (and has shockingly amazing maternity benefits. Better than my first two kids…combined). I remind myself daily that this is my last pregnancy rodeo and that I’m already on the back half of my toddler rearing life.
I suggest allowing yourself to feel all of the feels, and make sure you have someone you can verbalize those feeling to. My work besties took a lot of the emotional load when I wasn’t excited about having my first and my husband has been really supportive in my less than excited reaction to #3.
anon says
Thank you both for your kind words. I’m the anon from yesterday. It’s just nice to know that it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for everyone.
It turns out that I am likely miscarrying. I’m feeling a lot of feelings of all sorts about it but mostly sad and disappointed. Even though I was frustrated over what the next few months would’ve brought, we realized this is something we ultimately want for our family. I feel embarrassed to have written what I did yesterday but it was how I responded to the stress. Thank you all for your kindness.
Anon says
I’m so sorry. Please don’t be embarrassed about what you posted yesterday. Feelings are just feelings – the fact that you were not thrilled about the pregnancy in no way means you don’t have a right to grieve this miscarriage.
Anonymous says
Co-signing and repeating: the fact that you were not thrilled about the pregnancy in no way means you don’t have a right to grieve this miscarriage. I’m sorry, OP. Be gentle with yourself.
Redux says
Co-signing and repeating: the fact that you were not thrilled about the pregnancy in no way means you don’t have a right to grieve this miscarriage. I’m sorry, OP. Be gentle with yourself.
Spirograph says
I’m sorry to hear this, and wish you and your family the best. Pregnancy and parenthood brings out such a complex mix of emotions in all of us. Please be kind to yourself, and don’t judge your feelings. It’s OK and even understandable to be both upset at the idea of a pregnancy, and sad about a non-pregnancy. I know I’ve been there, too.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry. I had a friend go through the exact same roller coaster you described – dismay at being pregnant, then miscarriage, then sadness. Feelings about parenthood can be so complicated.
Carine says
I’m sorry. Feel all the feelings and be kind to yourself.
RR says
Don’t be embarrassed! You are a human being. You have human feelings. And I’m so sorry for your loss.
CPA Lady says
My 4 year old has started to refuse to participate in her extracurriculars. She has a half hour of soccer at daycare on one day and a half hour ballet class on another. This refusal to participate started when there was a new girl in her ballet class who refused to participate. I think before then it didn’t even occur to her that she could just refuse to do what the teacher asked. Luckily soccer is over this week, but I’ve pre-paid ballet through February, so I hate to pull her out now.
Nothing “bad” happened and she used to enjoy these classes and participate willingly. She talks about ballet in a positive way and will show me ballet positions and moves when she’s at home, unprompted. I’m theoretically okay with her quitting these activities, but I’m not okay with her refusing to participate once she’s in class. I think it’s rude to the teacher and distracting to the other students. She can be a little bit slow to warm up to things, but she’s been in this ballet class for almost a year and one of her friends does it too, so she’s not by herself. I get the feeling that she’s just testing boundaries by refusing to participate.
What do I do?
Anonymous says
Is soccer done for everyone, or is there another session starting up that you didn’t register her for? If you explain to her that you didn’t sign her up for the next session of soccer because you only sign up for activities in which she actually participates, then she sees her friends leave her behind to go to soccer class, that might have a big impact.
Is the ballet class at school too? For an outside ballet class, you could easily ask the teacher before or after class about the nonparticipation and how the teacher is handling it.
I agree that she is probably picking up on the idea of refusing to participate from the other kids and testing her own boundaries. I saw this type of thing happen in my daughter’s preschool extracurriculars, where kids who had gone to day care their whole lives and were accustomed to separating from their parents and participating in group activities without resistance first encountered kids who hadn’t been to day care and didn’t know how to function in a group setting.
Anon says
Have you listened to Angela Duckworth at all? She wrote about Grit. https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance/transcript?language=en . In some podcast somewhere, I can’t find it this morning she talks about how in her family everyone tries an activity every semester and they have to stick through to the end of the semester and then if they didn’t like ti they can switch (both parents and kids), but they have to stick through the end of the session. I thought it was an interesting perspective.
Anonymous says
I agree with this if child chooses the activity. OP didn’t say whether her kiddo did. If parent signs kiddo up without their input, I’d be hesitant to require kiddo to stick it out.
CPA Lady says
She chose the activities.
Anonymous says
Talk to the ballet teacher. My kid had been in ballet starting at 2.9 and went through a phase like this at 3.5. Teacher suggested letting her go, sit on the side, and join when ready. It took FOUR classes of just sitting and watching (no amount of bribes on my end helped) and then she got upnand did it! And has been fine ever since (she’s 5.5 and still dancing).
RR says
Both of my daughters (one now 10, one now 5) went through an extended period of not really participating. Both are still happily dancing. I think the sitting on the side watching is a perfect solution. Eventually, she will want to get up and join her friends. And, in the meantime, she’s still learning.
CPA Lady says
This is interesting. It had never even occurred to me to let her do this. It seems like a perfect way to call her bluff. Because I think she’s doing it to get a reaction out of me, which is what is currently happening. Thank you!
Butter says
This came up on “I’m Sorry,” when her daughter goes to ballet every week but refuses to do anything but color during class, but she still takes her every week to teach her about commitment. Hilarious show on Netflix btw. (No actual advice, just wanted to make the reference.)
avocado says
I love that show so much.
ElisaR says
so my 2.5 year old still drinks quite a bit of milk throughout the day. I’m ok with this but he is drinking out of the nuk sippy cup that we transitioned to when he was a year old. I feel like he might be too big for this. Is drinking milk out of a normal cup the next step? I can’t send that to daycare…. I don’t think. What does everybody use for milk at daycare?
Anonymous says
Our day care had them all drinking out of regular cups without lids in the 2-year-old room. They provided the cups.
If regular cups aren’t allowed, I’d switch to a straw cup.
Anonymous says
+1 with the comment that I’d be really disappointed if my daycare didn’t encourage the use of regular cups at that age. It is definitely age appropriate.
Is he drinking it with meals or throughout the day. At that age I’d object to drinking milk all day long.
ElisaR says
just with meals. it’s not like he’s nursing it….. maybe they’re ok with regular cups. i’m not sure where i assumed it wouldn’t work. I think just the transporting aspect of it but I can figure that out.
Anonymous says
Our daycare has both milk and cups, so we aren’t transporting anything. Is that an option for you? I’d just let daycare do their thing, TBH.
ElisaR says
i provide the milk and cups so it’s on me to figure it out…. if they had it i would certainly just go with it!
FVNC says
Talk to the daycare teachers. I’ve had some that are very pro-active in terms of letting me know it’s time for kiddo to be doing x, y, z thing. Others wait for the parent to take action — so while they may think it’s time for a 2.5 yr old to drink from a regular cup, they won’t make any changes unless the parent gives her okay. I’d say something like, “I’ve been thinking [kid] may be ready to try drinking from [type of cup]. What do you think, and how do we go about making that transition?”
anon says
We really liked the oxo transition cup. I honestly don’t remember what our daycare did, but maybe yours would be ok with something like that?
Anonymous says
Our daycare provided food/drink and honestly I have no idea in what vessels it was served, but when my son started preschool at three we just sent him with a water bottle and did milk at home only to make life easier.
Anonymous says
Our daycare provides both milk and cups, but in the 1-2 room they used take-n-toss and in the 2-3 room they used paper Dixie cups. I think they started practicing with Dixie cups for water in the 1-2 room. Our 3.5 year old can obviously drink from an open cup now but at home still uses a take n toss for milk with meals – not a battle we’ve chosen to pick at present since he drinks from an open cup just fine for everything else. I think you can send whatever your kid is comfortable using or take the opportunity to say “hey! in this class we send open cups! how exciting!” if you are working to switch from sippy cups.
Anon says
My 9 month old loves finger food and will try just about anything we put in front of her, but it never seems to fill her up the way milk and pureed solids do. She will spend half an hour eating a pretty decent helping of finger foods (admittedly, quite a bit goes on the floor) and then she’ll act hungry again about 10 minutes later. She’s always been a bit of a “snacker” (likes to nurse frequently for a short time) but she doesn’t get hungry 10 minutes after nursing or having a pureed food. Is this normal? What if anything do we need to do about this? I know within the next few months she needs to transition to getting most of her calories from solids foods and I’ve heard from friends that our days of having her happily take purees are numbered. And I just don’t see how it’s going to work without purees.
Anonymous says
Yogurt pouches, applesauce pouches, calorie-dense finger foods such as cheese, eggs, and avocado, and letting her learn to use a spoon.
Anonanonanon says
No idea what to do about it, but my 9 month old is the same way. She seems like a bottomless pit when it comes to actual food. We usually do purees first and then finger food, and it’s like she never gets full. We usually do a bottle right after and that seems to fill her up.
I haven’t been worried about it, and don’t know that there’s anything to do about it if her weight is within recommended limits. There’s no rule that at exactly 12 months of age she MUST be getting all of her calories and nutrients from solid food. We’ll probably use a toddler formula of some sort (wasn’t needed with my first, he seemed to do better with food) if we’re still having an issue at that point.
I think they’re just swallowing way less than we think they are. They’re still learning to eat, so the chewing and swallowing seems like such a big production, but in reality a lot is ending up in their lap/on the floor. I think it’s still more about learning to eat than actually getting full off of finger foods at this point.
Anon says
Thanks, yeah I think it’s a combination of not really getting that much in her mouth and also all her finger foods are pretty low calorie. For some weird reason she doesn’t seem to like bread products (!? definitely not my kid) so her finger foods are pretty much just meats, fish and vegetables (she likes fruit but other than bananas and blueberries, we don’t eat fruits that are soft enough to be finger foods, so she mostly gets her fruit in pouch form). She used to eat a TON of plain yogurt but I stopped it because I felt like it wasn’t adding much to her diet nutritionally since she gets so much milk/formula. I should probably keep it in rotation though to make sure she doesn’t lose her taste for it.
Anonanonanon says
This is definitely one of those things that I obsessed about/stressed over with my first, and now I can’t really remember the timeline of it all except that he’s 8 and he eats food so it must have turned out OK. Trying to let that comfort me this time around :)
Anonymous says
Our LO started eating cooked pasta – spaghetti and macaroni – around 9 mo, but his favourite carb was pancakes or waffles with maple syrup, so hello calories! At 9 mo he also ate 2 snack containers of full fat yoghurt per day and a lot of fruit – banana, raspberries, halved blueberries, halved grapes, and quartered strawberries. He never liked plain bread, but around 12 mo started eating peanut butter sandwiches and now it’s one of his favourite foods.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t do anything. At 9 months, milk (BM or formula) should be her main source of nutrition anyway. Also at that age, I’d be pretty skeptical about how much of the finger foods are actually making it into her body/stomach to even work on filling her up.
Anon says
+1
From what I remember, the rule of thumb was food was just for fun until one.
lawsuited says
At 9 mo my LO was still eating purees at every meal. He only got really efficient at regular food around 15 mo, and ate purees most meals up until that time. The guideline I got from my paed was that by 12 mo LO should be getting his calories from food rather than formula, but didn’t have an issue with continuing with purees at all.
Anonymous says
We have used these nail clippers for both kids. I tried cutting kid #1’s nails once and cut her, and 3.5 years (and kid#2 later) have never cut another kid’s nail. It has been 100 percent delegated to dad.
Anon says
We use these but without the light. I took a chunk of a baby toe off maybe once in the first few months, but haven’t since. I do all the cutting – DH is not so good with delicate tasks. I used to do it while she was nursing (one hand per side), but once we got to toddler acrobatic nursing and now hopefully have weaned (10+ days and counting, although she still asks for it occasionally I have managed to distract her), I started doing clipping with Sesame Street on (the only way she sits still enough for it).
Canuck says
I’m pregnant with my second kid and now I have to decide on my maternity leave. With my first kid, I did the standard Canadian leave – 1 year. However, now I’m able to take up to 18 months. The money is the same either way with my work top-up (i.e. you get $x for leave and it is paid over the time period you are off) I’m going to take at least a year (in my office it is strange to not do this). Men in my office take at least six months. But many of my coworkers and friends are now taking 18 months leave. But any thoughts on the benefits/drawbacks of the longer leave? I was getting pretty restless by 12 months of no work. I also felt like I was missing out on career development because I wasn’t, you know, working. But it’s only an additional six months. Financially, I’m not concerned – we have a strong savings net.
AwayEmily says
Do you have to take it all at once? Like, could you take part of it when the kid is older? I guess this is a “know yourself” thing — personally I was VERY ready to not be watching my kid 24/7 starting at around five months, so even a year seems like too much to me.
Anonymous says
I’m in the US, so I don’t have this happy problem, but I was ready to be back at work by 5-6 months. I’m just not cut out to be at home. I also have a great support system including grandparents and child care and flexible work, so going back hasn’t been a drain. How is your support system? Will taking the longer time allow you for example, to consolidate drop off/pick up of the baby and toddler vs having two if you go back earlier? That’s the kind of questions I’d be asking.
Is there any option to use parental leave in chunks over time like they can in Europe? That’s the other thing I’d rather do than 18 months straight.
Anon says
I would definitely take the full 18 months but I would probably put your baby in some kind of part-time preschool by a year or get a mother’s helper to come so you have a few hours/week for yourself. Maybe I’m just not that in love with my job (I definitely don’t hate it though) but I had no problem being away for a year and would have loved to have had a longer leave. The first few months were hard, but once I got out of the newborn fog, I spent a lot of time on my hobbies, did some professional development stuff and spent a lot of time with my kid. It was glorious and going back to work was really hard and sad for me.
Anonanonanon says
American here- so messed up perspective, but I don’t think I could handle taking more than a year (honestly I don’t think I could make it that long!). I find my career to be very fulfilling and it validates me in away that parenting doesn’t.
Someone mentioned this above, but our system is called FMLA (it’s unpaid but it’s “protected” time off) and you can do what’s called “intermittent FMLA”- meaning you can stagger it or save some for the child’s doctor appointments etc. Is that an option for you? If so, I would go back at 12 months and either pre-schedule week-long chunks of time off here and there, or save the “protected” time off for medical appointments.
Anonymous says
I’m Canadian. With my first I went back at 10.5 months and my husband took the balance. Currently on my second leave and I am taking 9 months and my husband is taking 3 months. I know from my first mat leave that by about 9 months I’m ready to go back.
What industry are you in? I’m a lawyer in Toronto and I haven’t heard of any lawyers actually taking 18 months. I personally can’t imagine being off that long. Can your partner take months 12-18 off?
Seafinch says
Canadian Federal Gov lawyer here. I am expecting my fourth baby in three months. I am doing the old style 12 months with full top up. We could possibly cash manage the extra six months but it would hurt us financially and I don’t usually mind going back at 12 months. I did an accompanied spousal foreign posting and was off for an extra year recently so this upcoming year will be my fifth year off since having my first baby, eight years ago. Rather unique situation but there you have it. If my husband was available to take the extra six months, we would have been more inclined to take the financial hit but he will be on a year long language course….so he can’t duck out. I think for me it would matter most where you are in life with your family planning. If you intend for this to be your last, and can afford it, I would take the 18 months. A huge benefit of my previous leaves was the times spent with the older kids. I wouldn’t undo that for anything now. If you think you might have a third or fourth….going back after 12 months is less is significant.
lawsuited says
The people I know who are taking 18 months are doing it because it’s easier to find a daycare spot for an 18 month old than a 12 month old. That’s the major plus I can think of, or splitting the time with your spouse so you each take 9 months each which is a really nice chunk of time for each of you.
Anon says
Can you donate some to me? (Kidding… sort of.)
Anonymous says
Canadian here – I would do 12-15 months and have DH take the balance. I would worry about Mommy tracking if taking the full 18 months. It’s pretty new. 12 months is very accepted, even for private practice lawyers in my city but 18 months isn’t common. My DH was home for 6 months after I went back on our first, and 12 months after I went back on our second (unpaid both times). It’s been invaluable to my work-life balance that he’s a true partner on all the kid/house stuff.
lawsuited says
+1 to partner taking time off as well. My husband took off more time than I did and it has reaped huge rewards for me because he is truly competent and capable with our son and able to solo parent happily without input from me. I honestly think that widespread acceptance of paternity leave is the key to workplace equality for women.
Anon says
+2. I’m in the US but it worked out that my DH was able to take 8 months of paternity leave, while I was only able to take 3.5 months. DH took his leave after me (although we had an almost one month overlap at the end of my leave where we just hung out as a family all the time, which was so awesome). I’ve never understood any of the “helpless dad” or “kids hate dad” memes because that hasn’t been our experience at all. He has way more hands-on parenting experience than I do (especially with stuff like feeding solid foods that I didn’t have to deal with on my leave) and our kiddo is super attached to him.
aelle says
German contract here, so I had similar questions. I went back at 13 months and that was just right for me (DH took 4 months throughout that first year). Does the season of your birth impact things for you? Keeping an active toddler busy in the dead of winter would have driven me crazy, and I am so glad I had daycare then. But if she had been a spring baby, we would have been able to hang out outside a lot more and 12-18mo would have been enjoyable at home, I suspect.
Daycare gifts says
How much do you all spend on gifts for daycare teachers? I’m thinking Target gift cards and I realize the teachers probably don’t get paid well, so I’d like to be decently generous without going overboard. My LO only started daycare last week, so this is all new. He has two teachers in his room, and is assigned to one of them as his “main” teacher but it seems like they both work with him. Any advice is appreciated!
Em says
We are in a LCOL area and we always gave cash. We gave $50 to the main teacher (1 teacher) and $25 to assistant teachers (2-3 teachers) when he was in the infant room. In his toddler room there wasn’t a head teacher due to staffing issues, so we gave them all $30 (3-4 teachers).
HSAL says
Same quantities to the same people in Target gift cards.
lawsuited says
I give $50 to each teacher – this year LO was in both the infant room and the toddler room so it’s double the teachers.
anon says
I plan on doing target gift cards: $50 for the main teacher, and $25 for the assistant. I would give the assistant $50 also, but she’s only been there about a month.
AwayEmily says
Similar — LCOL area. We give $50 each, which comes out to $250 total (the baby has two main teachers but the toddler has three in her room) . But I would strongly recommend cash over a gift card.
Daycare gifts says
Why cash over a gift card? Both of these teachers have specifically said that they love Target, and I figure they can get gifts for themselves there or practical items (even groceries). I feel weird giving cash for some reason.
AwayEmily says
For ElisaR’s reasons below…this way if they want to use the cash to put in their kids’ savings account, or buy gas, or treat themselves to a manicure, they can do any of those things. They can still spend it at Target if they want, but I feel like it gives them more options. Plus, I always find gift cards a bit of an albatross. I have to remember to carry it around, and remember to use it, and then sometimes there’s just $3.18 left on it and I end up losing it…cash just seems easier for everyone.
Anon says
I feel like this is one of those things that would work most places, but in my midwestern city I think giving cash would seem a little odd. Maybe I’m wrong.
Anon says
I’d do cash even if it feels a little odd. You don’t get your annual bonus in cash and they would probably prefer cash, too. Cash can be used for rent, gas, or groceries at the cheapest place. Gift cards can’t be used for rent or credit card payments, and you have to remember to use them.
ElisaR says
to me it feels less odd (again i’m a crass Northeasterner but still) if I write something in the card along the lines of “I hope you can use the enclosed gift to buy a little something for yourself or your family!”
For some reason that makes it ok in my book
ElisaR says
what age is the child? I ask because of the child/teacher ratio affects how much I give. With the baby room, there’s only a few parents gifting and there’s really a serious emotional trust you’re putting in these people….I gave them each $100 in cash (3 of them). I haven’t decided what to do now that my older son is in a room with many other children. maybe i’ll do $75 each? I always do cash over gift cards. Yes, they may just bring the cash to target and buy something. Or maybe they will use it to buy their family groceries. Or take them out to dinner. Cash is much more usable. I get that people in certain parts of the country may find it crass but I’m in NJ and it’s the norm here.
Anon says
When my kids were younger, I did $50 Target gift card to each teacher and $25 to the floaters. Now that they’re older (and I’m not paying a mortgage and a half for daycare) I give $100 to teachers and $50 to floaters. Always a Target gift card because they’re plentiful in my area – there’s one literally in our neighborhood so I know the teachers often run there over lunch or after school. Cash would of course be best, but I feel like it’s more easily stolen than a gift card. Also Target has one day each year where they sell gift cards for 10% off (it was just last weekend this year) so I can get more for my money.
AwayEmily says
Out of curiosity…stolen by who?
Anon says
We’re in a very mixed socio-economic community. Personal items are stolen from schools and daycares all the time. At our daycare, the assumption is that it’s after school age kids who know that phones and cash are valuable, but don’t quite understand that a gift card can be worth the same. That may not be a fair assumption, but when I spoke to the director she suggested gift cards are “safer” so that’s what I go with.
Anonymous says
In NYC, we gave cash exclusively and tried to give approx 1 week’s fee, but divided between the teachers.
Anonymous says
In NYC. $100 cash in a card to each teacher. Two kids times three teachers equals . . . $600. Sigh. They are underpaid and I want to recognize their work, but combined with all of the other end of the year gifts . . . we are feeling the pinch.
Anon says
Tooting my own horn: I realized this morning that since my kid was born three years ago I have doubled my salary. A few months after he was born I took a new job with a significant increase, and then got a promotion this past year that also came with a nice increase. It’s been really tough at times but I’m also pretty proud of the trajectory I’ve had over the last few years. Just wanted to share since I feel like we don’t always hear about career successes in this context.
Anonanonanon says
Awesome work!
I’m going to join in- I too have doubled my salary in the past 4 years (I entered my career as a single mother of a small child, and have since gotten married and had a second child). I will say 55% of it is me, and 45% of it has been luck (jobs opening up at exactly the right time and being desperate enough to meet my salary demands) and a very supportive partner (that not all women have in their corner, or not all women have a partner whose career will allow them to pick up 50% of the burden). I don’t want to downplay how hard I’ve worked or my accomplishments, but I do want to recognize that I’ve been d*** lucky as well!
Anonymous says
Congratulations! I’ll join in, too with a promotion earlier this year, I’ve done the same since my first was born 5 years ago. I’ll take credit for about half of that, the rest is luck and a supportive partner. High-five, fellow moms who are killing it at work.
Carine says
Congratulations! What an accomplishment!
In the spirit of amplifying, I’ll add that I asked for and received a major promotion a month after returning from leave with my third this year. I worked really hard before I went out on leave and like anonanonanon, couldn’t have devoted the time and attention to those projects without my husband’s support. He works full time, too, so it’s been a tough year but like Tina Fey said, we’re managing to do the impossible.
Govtattymom says
Congrats! Amazing that you have thrived at your job while juggling a lot at home. That’s awesome!
ElisaR says
well done!
H13 says
Congrats! I love hearing these stories. It both motivates me and makes me proud to share this space with all of you.
anon says
Good gender-neutral books for second grade? Our class is doing a book exchange, and I just realized that the book I ordered is one my fourth grader likes (Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing) and therefore is probably not the right reading level.
Anonymous says
Any of the Humphrey the Hamster books
Anon says
My first grader likes Humphrey the Hamster, Roald Dahl, Magic Tree House, Nate the Great, Ramona, Alien in my Pocket, and Mercy Watson.
KW says
My first grader likes Magic Tree House, Magic School Bus, and Junie B. Jones.
Anonymous says
Can anyone reassure me that it’s normal for babies to go through phases where they babble less? My DD started babbling at a normal age (6.5 months) and it gradually improved and got more word-like until we were hearing tons of babas and dadas around 8 months. But she’s 9.5 months now and in the last couple of weeks I’ve hardly heard any consonant sounds from her. She makes a lot of noise but lately it’s mostly ahhhh or ehhhh. Sometimes ahh-yuh, but usually just the vowel. She is pretty good with non-verbal communication. She imitates gestures, waves, claps and points (I think? It’s hard for me to tell between a reach and a point, but she makes a gesture that looks like pointing). Clapping seems to be her way of telling us she wants to eat.
I googled it and it seems like it’s common for babbling to slow down when they’re approaching or going through a physical leap, but she’s not (already crawling well and she’s shown absolutely no interest in pulling up or cruising). I do think she might be on the cusp of some new sounds though – she’s been blowing a lot of raspberries which she did right before she started babbling in the beginning. Could that be the source of her not saying ba and da as much? Eg, she’s trying to practice her new sounds?
sadsally says
Feeling bummed. Got a below average raise this year. Came back from maternity leave in March and I know I haven’t been crushing it, but I’m still really sad about how I seem to be floundering in my career… I feel like my ambitions are slipping through my fingers.
Anon says
I’m sorry, that really sucks.
Spirograph says
Sorry, that must be disappointing. FWIW, it took me about a year after returning from work to feel like my brain worked at close to pre-pregnancy capacity again. Someone here or on the main s1te once gave the wise advice not to judge your work or your career by a bad year, and the year after you have a baby is definitely not one to judge your professional capacity by! Careers are long, and you have lots of time to turn it around.
sadsally says
thank you for this reminder
personalized cup? says
The above thread reminded me– we’ve been slacking on making our 2.5 year old twins drink out of an open cup because the Munchkin 360s are convenient and our other glasses are too unwieldy for little kids. I was hoping to get them metal cups with handles engraved with their names for Christmas and cannot find ANY that are dishwasher safe! Help! Why must everything be silver?
Anon says
Maybe looking for camping cups and have them engraved locally?
ElisaR says
posting a link to cups i recently bought. they have plain ones but i got the numbered ones so i could tell them apart if 2 kids have them…..i just got them- haven’t used them yet but they are dishwasher safe.
ElisaR says
https://www.amazon.com/Better-Your-Stainless-Tumblers-Numbers/dp/B01M09OK1P/ref=sr_1_67_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1543954751&sr=8-67-spons&keywords=metal%2Bcups%2Bnumbers&th=1
Anon says
+1. We’ve had these for almost 2 years now, use them ALL the time, and love them!!!! I throw them in the dishwasher constantly and haven’t noticed any adverse effects. Ours don’t have handles but since most cups out and about don’t have handles, it’s actually better for them to learn.