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Cb says
Reporting back from Legoland / Lego House was Lego House Denmark! So much fun, my 6-year-old had never been on anything more adventurous than bumper cars, so we assumed we would have less to do at Legoland, but he surprised us. We only skipped the roller coasters. Andunreal, the staff was so, so lovely, and the tech was amazing.
Cb says
Sorry, dragged and dropped a sentence there… and “Lego House was unreal….”
Anon says
So glad you had a good time! We went to Legoland Florida for my kid’s 5th birthday last year and she enjoyed it so much we’re planning a San Diego trip for this fall to visit the Legoland in southern CA. We will have to keep the Denmark one in mind if we’re ever in that part of Europe.
Anon says
And we had an excellent time at Legoland NY last summer. They really are perfect parks for ages 5-11ish, and even kids older and younger can have fun.
NYCer says
My kids are big Legoland fans too! Have been to NY and San Diego.
GCA says
That sounds wonderful! Glad you had a good time.
Anon says
Did any of you do anything during pregnancy that other people/doctors/books advised you not to do? Kind of curious how much educated women are pushing the boundaries – it seems like a fair number of women I know are. The general feel seems to be that many women feel that the guidance (especially for food and exercise) is overly conservative. What have you done?
GCA says
Mostly common sense stuff, I guess. A decade ago, if I had followed the (now outdated and debunked) advice not to raise my heart rate above 140 during pregnancy, I’m pretty sure my mental and emotional health would have suffered disproportionately. Or raw fish – the sushi that we’d been eating at our monthly date-night spot in our large, bustling fishing-port city was fine, but I wouldn’t have attempted ceviche in a rural, inland part of the country. That sort of thing. This isn’t an ‘oh it could never happen to me’ attitude of exceptionalism, more a ‘I understand the size of these risks and their relative impact and am willing to take this specific risk’. The published guidance has to be more conservative and expansive to address the former sort of attitude, I think.
Anon says
This is very much how I operated. Oysters and sushi at well regarded coastal city restaurants, and weekly, I had a large sub from a very well known Italian deli that was next to the hospital (which was one of the few things I didn’t puke up). Skipped pre-cut fruit at my local grocery store. Drank up to 3 cups of coffee a day. I did skip all alcohol, on the very respectful request of my husband (who made it clear it was ultimately my choice), as he works in the alcohol industry and felt uncomfortable with the risk. I ran until I was too big to run comfortably. I had three full term pregnancies, including a twin pregnancy in there.
Anon says
I drank a cup of coffee throughout two pregnancies because I still needed to function as a human in my Big Job, and I continued to work out (heated yoga) until around week 34 (with modifications – no twisting, no ab crunching). Also flew for my job 2-3 days a week until the end of second semester. I didn’t change my diet much except to add more protein but it wasn’t the healthiest diet overall. They’re now elem aged and thriving.
Anon says
1-2 cups of drip coffee per day is “allowed”, so you followed that rule! For me coffee is one of my first aversions, so I give it up until I can stomach it again toward the end
Anon says
I continued drinking coffee! And not sure about the exercise guidance, I thought the general consensus was you can and should exercise as long as you feel well? I ran until I was about 30 weeks and it got uncomfortable.
Anon says
Coffee is allowed, I think the advice to avoid it is really outdated. My OB said up to 2 cups a day was ok.
Anony says
Yeah, so did my very intense reproductive endocrinologist. I had a cappuccino every morning, including before going to the hospital on the day my water broke. (The on call midwife was laughing because I was like “okay, how urgent is this, do we need to go RIGHT NOW or can I make some coffee first?)
Anon says
I do 1-2 cups a day of Americano (espresso + hot water). I prefer the taste (did this for years pre-pregnancy) and it has less caffeine than drip, so there’s more wiggle room if I want to have chocolate that day or something. We also do a mix of half decaf, half caf beans.
Anon says
Emily Oster has a great book on this topic: Expecting Better. I drank coffee and the occasional glass of wine throughout my pregnancy.
anon says
I appreciated Emily Oster’s advice, which laid out the “why” behind the recommendations, as well as the evidence for certain recommendations. To me, a recommendation where the risk is that I may feel like crap and have to go to the hospital for something very treatable, where baby and I will both be fine, is very different from a risk that baby will be left with lifelong disabilities.
It’s really unhelpful that everywhere else (at least when I was pregnant) lumped these two categories together.
AwayEmily says
Well put.
anon says
Same. I read her book and appreciated the “why” behind the policies so I could decide what I was comfortable with. I drank coffee and occasional half glass of wine with a hearty meal. I ran for my first trimester. After about 20 weeks, I started getting faint just going for walks so I stopped jogging and saw a cardiologist. All the tests were fine and it stopped after about a week, but it was a little scary. Cardiologist speculated it was just my sons position in relation so some of my major arteries at the time. I ate turkey sandwich a couple days a week but toasted it first.
Anonymous says
a half glass of wine is 2 oz – what’s the point of even drinking at that amount?
Anon says
If you enjoy the taste? I don’t know, I’m not a big wine drinker but it makes sense to me that someone could enjoy a few sips.
anon 1:23 says
Because it was a simple thing that made me feel like my normal self and not just a baby incubator. Same reason some people choose to do their higher risk sports. It’s cool if you don’t want to and feel strongly about it. Not for you. Ok for me.
Anonymous says
ok for you. Likely not ok for baby but #priorities
Anony says
Ha, I posted below about weighing out exactly 2 oz of wine three times while I was pregnant as a special treat. I love the taste, and picked a wine that went really well with what I was having for dinner. It’s been years but I’m pretty sure I was taking tiny sips to savor the combination!
Anonymous says
I ate turkey sandwiches (deli meat). I kept up my workout regimen but modified the exercises for comfort (no burpees, lol). I did stop riding my bike at the advice of my doctor by the end of first trimester, because I was worried about a fall or an accident and I knew my sense of balance was changing.
Anon says
I’m planning to ride my bike as long as I feel good doing so (if I notice balance issues, I’ll stop), but only on paths well within my skill level. I’ve had no desire to “progress” my skills during pregnancy – just being out doing my favorite sport in some fashion is enough.
Anon says
I will occasionally have half a beer or a small glass of wine in the third trimester, but other than that I’m pretty “by the book”. I abide by the food restrictions, and the exercise restrictions seem to be not to increase intensity/take up anything new, but you can continue at the level you were before for much of the pregnancy, which doesn’t seem crazy restrictive. With everything else, the risk may be very small but it is there, and it’s not worth it to me. Pregnancy is a slog but is really a blip in time, so I power through (and I’m on my fourth pregnancy now, so I am definitely not dismissing that it can be hard when going through it. I hate pregnancy!)
Anon says
I followed the rules strictly once I had a positive test (not while TTC) because it wasn’t a big hardship for me. When not pregnant, I enjoy occasional alcohol and sushi but going without them for 9 months is just not a big deal for me, so I figured better safe than sorry. If chocolate were on the list of banned substances I definitely would have played fast and loose with the rules. I think you have to weigh the costs vs benefits to you, and the cost depends on how much you enjoy these things.
Anon says
+1. Same. Drinking alcohol or not is a non-issue for me so I didn’t need to waste any mental energy calculating how much I could *probably* have. Abstaining is easier and safer.
NYCer says
+2. I did exercise and drink a cup of coffee a day throughout, but those were both fine by my doctor.
Anon says
I drank coffee, but never more than 2 cups a day which my doctor said was fine. I did occasionally have a turkey sandwich or smoked salmon bagel from respectable places. I had a tiny sip of wine for a few festive occasions. I kept exercising, but didn’t do the things I like to do that were high risk (skiing and horseback riding). Everyone I know was aware of the guidelines but made a few choices that might of been 100% in line with them because yes, the guidelines are super conservative.
Anon says
I got in one day of skiing before I knew I was pregnant and I’m glad for it – now I get the “cool points” but won’t be taking any real risks. I know other women who have skied throughout pregnancy and I think that’s generally OK (every single one took precautions and discussed reasonable risk-taking with their doctors), but it’s outside my personal risk tolerance.
Anonymous says
LOL at the “cool points.” Taking these sorts of risks during pregnancy definitely seems to be the cool thing for older well-off moms these days.
Anon says
I don’t mean it in a public cool points way – I don’t have social media anymore and it’s not for public bragging purposes. It just makes ME feel more cool. I’ve skied all my life and I love it and do awesome things out there, so it feels extra cool with a 3-week baby on board. What’s cooler than introducing my future baby to what I love?
anon says
I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom!
Some of these discussions are so weird to me. Is it that much of a hardship to not drink during pregnancy?
Anonymous says
This. FASD has 4 types:
FAS
pFAS (Partial fetal alcohol syndrome)
ARND (Alcohol related neurodevelopmental disorder)
ND-PAE (Neurobehavioral disorder associated with prenatal alcohol exposure)
Poor moms get the ND-PAE diagnosis. It’s always ADHD in wealthy white women because they are smart enough not to admit to drinking. Symptoms of ARND and ND-PAE are very similar to ADHD. I’ve had a doctor change a diagnosis from ADHD to ND-PAE on the stand when confronted with evidence of maternal alcohol consumption (which had been denied).
4oz of wine is considered one serving. Many people think of an 8oz glass as ‘glass of wine’. Two glasses a week at 8oz each can easily be 4 servings. Try measuring 4 oz of wine into a glass. It’s not much.
Anonymous says
I didn’t have a drop of alcohol while pregnant and both my kids have ADHD diagnoses and at least one has some other neuro issues. You can go out of here with that mom shaming.
Anonymous says
The statistics are clear that the rate of white wealthy women who report some level of drinking in pregnancy is much higher than the diagnosed rate of ND-PAE and the symptoms are not dissimilar from ADHD which has a proportionally higher diagnosis relatively the overall population. It’s not mom shaming to know that poor and BIPOC women are disproportionately involved with the CPS system and due to a variety of biases and therefore there is more likely to be documentation of any maternal drinking which provides evidence for a ND-PAE vs ADHD diagnosis. Wealthy white women have a much easier time hiding their drinking and thus avoiding an FASD diagnosis.
That has nothing to do with kids who have ADHD whose moms did not drink. Alcohol does not cause ADHD.
Anonymous says
I picked a doctor whose guidelines I found sensible and followed them. My nutty anxious friend did stuff like avoid grapes and soft cheese (which is fine as long as it isn’t raw milk) but my doctor didn’t suggest any of that nonsense.
Anon says
I got a massage in the first trimester and didn’t tell them I was pregnant. It was great, would do it again.
Anon says
no. not worth it to me.
Anonymous says
My body forced me to follow all the recommendations. I had hyperemesis for all nine months and couldn’t eat or drink much of anything, get overheated, or exercise beyond an easy walk without vomiting.
Anony says
As others have said, there is no longer blanket advice to avoid coffee, so I don’t count that as pushing a boundary and had some everyday. In terms of more borderline things, I had smoked salmon on my bagels pretty regularly, and three times during my pregnancy I gave myself a “fun day,” got sushi from a fancy place that I trusted, and weighed out exactly 2 ounces of wine. Oh, and I suspect I had a few baths that got too hot? I tried to be mindful of it, but I wasn’t sitting there with a thermometer either.
Vicky Austin says
If a cheese was pasteurized, I ate it. People would see me eating blue cheese and lose their everlovin minds, but for me pasteurization was enough for it to be safe for me.
I did avoid things like grocery store deli soups and stuff, probably out of an abundance of caution, since I think the actual rule is to be careful of grocery store cold salads since you don’t know it was always kept at a safe temperature.
Anon says
I’m eating all pasteurized soft cheeses except for blue – I’ve heard there are extra considerations with that kind of mold cheese. I miss it though!! Cobb salad is not the same without it.
Anon says
My OB said any pasteurized cheese was fine.
Anonymous says
I went skiing, but I took it really easy and didn’t go on busy days. I’m a very strong skier and the risk is falling, so I only put myself in situations where falling was very unlikely.
I drank more caffeine than recommended during my 3rd pregnancy because I had a 3 year old and a 1 year old at the time!
Anon says
Rode my bike well into my 3rd trimester (I commute on great bike trails) with my OB’s non-refusal when I asked if I could continue. Occasionally ate sushi and deli meat if I really, really wanted it. Drank coffee and Diet Coke daily.
Anonymous says
I don’t think I really broke any major rules but I also don’t like a lot of things that people worry about, such as coffee, alcohol, moldy cheese, deli meat, and sushi. My diet was by no means exemplary, and I did not feel up to maintaining my pre-pregnancy HIIT/weights/running workouts for long – I switched to mostly walking by the time I was showing IIRC.
Anon says
I don’t take any liberties with alcohol and TTC based on how very many questions medical specialists have asked me about my mom’s drinking history in connection to some diagnoses I have. They did not leave me with the impression that the specialists think that even a small amount is just A-OK. My takeaway was more “it’s hard to do ethical research on the odds, but we know it can go wrong, so why take any risk?”
Anon says
I agree with you that we don’t really know what if any amount of alcohol is safe during pregnancy and it was more comfortable for me to avoid it completely. But I hate how we blame any issues a kid has on the mother’s behavior. My 6 year old has speech therapy for articulation and every form I have to fill out related to it asks if I consumed any alcohol in pregnancy. I’m sure a few sips of wine is unrelated to whether your kid can say the “r” sound well or not.
Anonymous says
I hate how every pediatric form asks about pregnancy complications and the manner of delivery. It was even on forms we had to fill out for public school enrollment. Why is my unmedicated v-delivery the school’s business? Are you going to blame me for not having a c-section if my kid acts out in the classroom?
Anon says
Yup. It’s infuriating.
SC says
Yes, but they’ll also blame you if you had a medicated vaginal delivery or a c-section.
Anonymous says
This is not because they think alcohol messes with the R sound, it’s because broadly speaking speech delay and impediment is a feature of FASD so it’s screening for that.
Having worked directly with FASD kids in child protection. Moms almost never admit to drinking any alcohol. Even when we have documented evidence via mom showing up at visitation with older kids with alcohol in her purse and slurred speech.
‘Wine mom’ culture is pervasive and a lot of people take Emily Oster’s view as permission to ignore the real harms that alcohol can cause. Many people use giant wineglasses and have no clue as to what one serving actually looks like.
I didn’t obsess about most food things, just took reasonable precautions and definitely didn’t give up my daily cup of coffee but I didn’t drink at all. The only way to know you have zero risk of FASD is to not drink.
Anon says
It’s also because alcohol brings no benefits and isn’t necessary, unlike food items that carry risk. There’s always the risk that fresh vegetables or meat will result in food poisoning, but they offer essential nutrients and we need food to survive, so we have to take the chance. Alcohol offers no essential nutrients and isn’t necessary for survival. Drinking even small amounts steals nutrients from your baby because your body uses certain vitamins to detox alcohol from your bloodstream.
anon says
I had big dreams of continuing to work out at a moderately difficult level, but my body told me pretty much immediately that it was a horrible idea. Also, that’s the last thing that sounds appealing when you’re throwing up throughout the day.
I was pretty cautious. The amount of risk might be small, but it never felt worth it. Nine months without sushi and wine and lunch meat was just not that big of a deal to me. I did drink coffee; my OB had zero concerns about that.
AwayEmily says
I drank small amounts of coffee throughout, and once I hit the third trimester had half a low-ABV beer now and again (mostly Guinness). I avoided any bagged salad or pre-cut fruit and kept a close eye on FDA listeria recalls, but did not avoid sushi at all.
The only thing I was really worried about was CMV, which none of my doctors even mentioned. I did not share ANY food with my other kids during my pregnancy (which honestly was a much bigger PITA than no alcohol or deli meat).
Anon says
I set a Google alert for “listeria recall.” A little extra, but it calmed my anxiety.
Anon says
I had deli meat once in awhile, 2-3 cups of coffee some days, and a few times had about a tablespoon total of wine (with a full stomach and sipped over around 30 minutes). I think I had sushi once or twice from a really nice place, but avoided any fish with a mercury risk.
anonn says
nope.
Anon says
I admit this was stupid but I kept cleaning my cat’s litter box. The information I found seemed to say that the risk was more for people who didn’t have previous exposure to cats, and I had an indoor cat whose box got changed daily and I always washed my hands afterwards, but ultimately the reason I did it was because I didn’t feel like it was something I could ask my husband to do or do without constant complaining, and it was part of a pattern of issues that came up during pregnancy and after birth that I’m still trying to get over.
Anonymous says
Oh, I did use pregnancy as an excuse to make my husband clean the litter box for 9 months!
Anon says
I totally used this, and my husband still cleans the cat box. My kid is five.
Betsy says
I eat sushi, but only from popular (ie, high turnover) restaurants that I’ve eaten at for years without problems. And I eat soft egg yolks basically every day, from pasture raised eggs which have a lower salmonella risk than conventional. I’ve changed the litter box a couple of times when my husband wasn’t home and the idea of smelling it until he got home was worse than the idea of changing it, but my cats are old (risk is much higher in kittens) and I’ve had cats my entire life so the likelihood I have no prior exposure to toxoplasmosis is extremely low. On the other hand, I’m very careful about avoiding pre-cut fruit and generally do a much better job washing my produce than I did before pregnancy. I also haven’t had even a sip of alcohol, which to me is all risk, no reward.
There are also things I’ve been much more conservative about than my doctors have recommended. I was at the high end of normal on my glucose test and my doctor said not to worry, normal is normal. But then I had some complications that are more common in women with gestational diabetes and started following a GD diet on my own accord, which resolved the complications, to my doctor’s surprise.
Anon says
I went beyond the scope of others listed here, but what I felt was still in line with Expecting Better and my own doc, so I wouldn’t say I went against advisement. But I definitely did not follow traditional strictures re: alcohol, exercise, cheese, sushi, etc., especially in the 2nd pregnancy. Using the Oster logic, was more wary of listeria recalls on lettuce or veggies than certain other foods that get more hype, etc.
anon says
I stopped googling every ingredient in every thing, like herbal teas. I biked a little bit in the first trimester (.7 miles to my son’s school, in a bright safety vest, before any comes at me), stopped worrying about pasturized soft cheeses or things like cold chicken salads that I felt were trustworthy, etc. Not sure how much is “against the rules” but ffs given the number of listeria recalls in things like bagged salad even, there is clearly some personal balancing of risk/health that people need to decide on their own.
Anon says
I follow my doctor’s guidelines. I am pretty conservative about what I drink and eat during pregnancy (currently 18 weeks with my second). A friend of a friend lost her baby at 38 weeks to listeria, so I really do avoid deli meats, sushi, etc… I even go as far as to avoid pre-shredded lettuce and salad kits since there are a lot of recalls on these items. This is what I am personally comfortable with! My doctor gave me the thumbs up on 1-2 cups of coffee a day and my current (modified) exercise routine, so I continue those things.
Anonymous says
Also reporting back! From an 8 hour car trip with my 5 and 7 year old (16 hours roundtrip). We did no screens because I didn’t even want to introduce the idea that screens were possible in the car, lol. They had a giant pile of library books, including the wonderbooks that are read along, a lot of their stuffies, and coloring and activity books. We listened to the Taylor Swift Eras tour soundtrack (2 hours into it, my husband was like, they sat through a whole movie of this? yup!), a pop playlist they’ve curated, and Patrick Stewart’s reading of Peter and the Wolf. We also played a game of What’s in My Grandmother’s Trunk which was a big hit. I did have an audiobook downloaded just in case but they don’t generally enjoy those so we never got to it. Only two super quick stops for dinner and bathroom. I was really happy with how well it went and how they were generally able to keep themselves entertained- brainstorming more places to go!
Ifiknew says
wow that’s seriously impressive. do your kids not do screens at home either?
Anonymous says
OP here- We do allow screens at home- they watch one episode of a tv show (usually Spidey and Friends) during the week after teeth brushing, baths, and pjs (it’s an incentive to keep them moving through the routine) and before books. On the weekend, they get about 40 minutes of shared time playing games on the ipad after lunch if we happen to be at home, and usually two episodes of Spidey or a movie at night. And unlimited on airplane rides. But we’re really careful about sticking to those limits which is why I didn’t want to introduce the idea of it in the car, because I knew if we did, the next time and one hundred times after that we got in the car for a ten minute car ride they would be begging for screens.
Anon says
+1 We’ve never allowed screens in the car for any duration and the kids deal great (mine are now 8, 6, 3). We don’t usually travel for as long as you just did, but we’ll regularly drive 3-4 hours (one way) to visit grandparents. Sometimes it’s not always pleasant, but the car is one of the best places to learn how to deal with boredom :) We fill our time with music, podcasts, Yoto player books, well-timed snacks, and just looking out the window. My oldest reads and the other sometimes do sticker books, too.
Like many other things, it can be hard at first to establish the boundary, but it makes life easier in the long run (to me)
CCLA says
FWIW we give unlimited screen time for long car rides, which I classify as about 1.5-2+ hours, with the exception that the couple of times we had 10-hour drive days, we enforced about 2 hours at the start of the day to be screen-free, just music. We’ve made it clear that this is only for road trips and flights, and we’ve never had an issue with them whining for ipads for shorter trips. Not saying OP should do any differently! Just another perspective on that concern re: what it means for shorter trips.
Anon says
Yeah it’s fine to be screen free on road trips if that’s your preference but I’m not sure how it makes life easier in the long term. Our kids get unlimited screen time on travel days and have never had any issues understanding that different rules apply at home. Kids as young as 2 can easily understand the difference between driving to school and driving to the beach.
anon says
We’ve had a similar experience. Kids get ipads on planes (not in airports) and in road trips of 3+ hours, but have no issues with those boundaries (and they are not easy compliant children by any means!).
Anon says
My point about the long term is that we are raising kids who are used to constant activity and entertainment, who don’t experience or know how to deal with being bored for extended periods. I don’t necessarily mean it will make all your car trips easier (though it does for my family), but on a bigger picture level this is an easy win for practicing boredom and growing those “self entertainment” muscles. Maybe your kids do plenty of that elsewhere and it’s not a concern, so great! But for my kids (and I suspect for many) they need as much independent play/thinking/quiet brain time as I can build in
Mary Moo Cow says
That’s awesome! We also had a long car ride split over two days and we didn’t turn on the tvs for one leg (5 hours.) I was amazed they didn’t even ask! My kids are 8 and 6 and both enjoyed The Land of Stories audiobooks (we logged something like 10 hours). An unexpected hit was license plate bingo and drawing for each other. I bought a second sketch pad already for our next road trip.
Anon says
we also do not do screens on long car rides with our 5 year old twins (with one exception). the longest we’ve done is 6ish hours, but we did make an exception for this recently when our canceled flight to disney turned into an impromptu 13+ hour road trip (no overnight stop) as we were not prepared to be in the car for so long.
Anonymous says
That’s great! When we drive to the beach (5-5.5hrs) we only do screens the last hour and the kids are totally fine. We leave early so one or both of them usually fall asleep at some point. They don’t get screens for the 2hr drive to see family and they’re fine. We do podcasts, Toniebox, and give them toys/coloring. Mine are 7 and almost 5.
Anonymous says
nice! we do allow screens on long (5+ hour) road trips, but they’re a reward for being pleasant for the first x hours. (Usually by then, DH and I are tired of kid-selected music and podcasts and want to listen to our own stuff without commentary.) I also take screens away once it’s dark both because it’s annoying to have a glow in the back seat, and I’d rather they kids just fall asleep if they’re bored.
SC says
Seeking help from those of you in the Boston area! We are traveling to Boston for a family vacation at the end of May. It’ll be me, DH, DS (9 yo), and my parents (early 70s, healthy and active). And, I have a strange request!
DS is fascinated with sheep and wants to visit a farm where we can see, and ideally pet, sheep. Does anyone have any suggestions for a farm to visit, specifically with sheep (not just goats), preferably available to pet? And, as a bonus, a farm that’s relatively close to other things worth visiting so we can make this a decent day trip for the whole family after an hour or 90 minutes at the farm?
Anonymous says
Davis farmland (sterling ma) is exactly what you want. It’s a full daytrip from Boston though. I bet you can find other stuff to do while out that way but you really could spend a day at the farm. My kids enjoy it and they are around the same age as your kiddo.
Scilady says
Drumlin farm is good too! It’s not super far from Boston and there are other animals/ a walking trail. There are sheep, and they have an inside part, and typically when we go we can pet them through the fence. If you need more reliable petting, go elsewhere.
Anon says
If you go to Drumlin, recommend a stop at Dairy Joy for soft serve ice cream down the street after. If instead you head out towards Walden Pond / Concord, recommend ice cream at Bedford Farms in Concord.
GCA says
Not a strange request! West of the city, the Mass Audubon Drumlin Farm in Lincoln is not far from a lovely sculpture park (deCordova) and Walden Pond. If you head south, the Trustees of Reservations’ Weir River farm is near World’s End (a lovely reservation), Nantasket Beach (late May would be early-season for New England beaches and probably cooler than your hometown weather) and seafood :)
Anon in Boston says
100% agree with this recommendation!!
Anon says
Help! My 3 year old won’t leave my 1 year old alone. Pushing, shoving, kicking, squeezing, touching. Both are boys. My 3 year old is NOT like this with his friends. How do I get him to stop? Or at least do it less?! It drives me crazy but I’m guessing some of this is normal.
Anonymous says
Yeh the sibling aggression is real. I’d focus on making sure he gets LOTS of positive attention during the day (so not all the attention he’s getting from you is when you’re correcting him). But I have a girl and a boy and they still get violent with each other at ages 7/almost 5. It’s actually my least favorite part of parenting so far. FWIW my kids have NEVER been aggressive with friends, so it really is just a sibling thing.
Anonymous says
Strong firm ‘no’ and immediate time out in his room for 3 minutes for physical violence like kicking/shoving where baby could get or is hurt. Excessive touching when baby says no by moving away etc. means physically separating them within the same room with redirection to different activities.
As a mom of 2 boys and 1 girl. Gender doesn’t matter. Boys needs to learn early and often that they keep hands off people if they say no or indicate no. Enforce in both directions. If baby is bothering big brother, also verbalize that baby is not allowed to keep touching when big brother says no.
There’s no reason to treat them differently on this issue because they are boys. And my boys are very ‘boy’ boys so there’s lots of wrestling and physical play but they have been taught to stop when someone says no or stop. And they will – it’s interesting to watch them hold each other to that standard without our intervention.
anonamama says
hi from maternity leave! my sleep deprived brain is having trouble figuring this out.. what kind of stroller would work for a newborn + 4 year old? 4yo will likely be biking, but we know how that goes – and still asks for stroller rides. we live in hilly neighborhood and travel often. we have had City mini GT for 3 years and love it. any help + recs appreciated!
Anon says
so you might need two strollers if your neighborhood terrain is really bumpy/hilly and in that case the Zoe and the Thule or Double Bob would work best. If you want to try to do one stroller, i’d do the city mini gt double. i love lucies list for comparisons of different strollers
anon says
We love the city mini gt double, if you plan to snap in the carseat to an adapter. If you want to do the bassinet the uppababy vista is a good pick (assuming your 4yr old is average sized).
Mine are 2 and 4 now and I love the side-by-side of the city mini double
Anon says
I currently have a 5 month old and a 4 year old. I can relate to the challenge. My 4 year old occasionally demands to be able to sit in the stroller with our baby, but rarely is.
I agree with the other commenter you might need more than one stroller if you’re looking at taking on hills. Once baby can sit up without support, I plan on using our jogging stroller a lot more on gravel paths, etc.
We’re kind of partial to graco infant car seats. So I purchased the Graco Nest2Grow DLX Travel system. It can adapt to be a double stroller, or be just a single. And is compatible with our infant car seat. It works for both our 4 year old and baby (baby in their car seat). When I did the research it seemed like a pretty good bang for the buck. It works well on relatively smooth sidewalks and in buildings.
Anon says
You may also want to consider a stroller wagon – some will have adapters for newborn carseats. They can take up a lot of trunk space, though.
Anonymous says
What about a buggy board attachment? No personal experience with this as I only have one kid, but I see a lot of people in my neighborhood with 2 kids use some kind of clamp on device for an older kid to stand and ride.
I also found a scooter + tow strap helpful for the tired 4 year old stage. My husband DIY’d something like this – https://www.etsy.com/listing/611324655/scooter-pull?gpla=1&gao=1& – it allows you to pull the scooter without bending over so far. But probably hard to do while pushing a stroller.
Anonymous says
To be honest, I just got strict with my 4 year old and made her walk, taking breaks as needed. My husband would sometimes carry her. We’ll carry the bike but make her walk the way home, assuming we’re talking about something reasonable like <15-20 min at a kid stroll. When we get home and put the baby down, I'll give her one or two pushes in our City Mini GT around the driveway just for fun. It's worked pretty well actually.