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Anon says
Any recent reports from delivering at baby-friendly hospitals? I just found out that my local hospital where I planned to deliver has that designation and I’m disappointed. I’ve only heard negative things about how mothers are treated, especially if they plan to use formula or want to get an hour of sleep with the baby at the nursery. I know the data show that those behaviors can be safety risks as well. Any anecdata for me?
Anon says
With the caveat that I didn’t ask about formula, I delivered at baby friendly hospitals (3 times) and had good experiences. In fact, when they’d take my babies for tests or baths or procedures they’d be gone for hours! It seemed they were always coming in needing the baby for something. I can’t imagine it would’ve been a problem to send him to the nursery for a period. The nurses were very caring and focused on me.
In fact, now that I think about it, my sister also delivered at one just under two years ago. She had a hard c-section recovery and did send the baby to the nursery. Maybe ask your provider for insight into your specific hospital.
Anon says
I just texted my sister for additional clarification and she sent both her boys to the nursery all night, every night. The nurses brought them back to eat.
Anon says
just tell them upfront and it can be ok. i know of people who weren’t breastfeeding for various reasons and they told their doctor in advance, had it added to their chart and also informed the nurses. i delivered at a baby friendly hospital and they happily took my baby to the nursery. you might just have to advocate for yourself a bit.
Anonymous says
Anecdotes from other hospitals won’t help. Take the tour. Ask the questions.
Anon says
They’re only doing virtual tours still “due to COVID” – despite the fact that ALL other precautions have been dropped for two years. It does have a good reputation in the community as far as I can tell, but my community is also extremely pro-breastfeeding and might not be bothered by institutional pressure to succeed at it.
Anonymous says
Is there another hospital
Anon says
Another baby-friendly one, sadly! I need a certain level of high-risk care so there isn’t much choice.
Anon says
What is the hospital?
Anony says
I tried to respond on the main page but my comment is awaiting moderation there, so let’s see if it works here:
1. If you plan to use formula, write that on your pre-admission paperwork. I was really worried I would get a ton of breastfeeding pressure (because of my medical history, I didn’t realistically expect to be able to nurse exclusively and didn’t want to spend all my time and emotional effort trying). I talked about it to my gyn when I was 28-ish weeks, and she told me that a big way the hospital’s “success” as baby-friendly is measured is if moms who say at the outset that they want to breastfeed are exclusively breastfeeding at discharge, and that the situation is different if you say right away that you plan to feed formula. I actually brought my own ready-to-feed formula with me just in case but didn’t end up using it as the nurses happily brought us formula, and I didn’t get pressured.
2. There was no nursery. My baby was late pre-term so they took him to the special care nursery for a car seat check (and kindly did it around 9 pm so we could get a stretch of sleep), but there was no healthy baby nursery.
3. Will you have a partner or other support person with you who can take on the primary responsibility for baby care? Realistically, that is the most helpful thing. I delivered around 11:30 p.m. and by the time we got to the postpartum floor it was like 1 am. My husband was like “I’ve got the baby” and told me to go to sleep for the night. I needed the rest after delivery, and it was a lovely way to start their bond.
Anon says
I posted on the other page but I’m revising my response.
Baby #1 was baby friendly and it was absolutely terrible. I can get in to specifics I you want them because there are countless reasons – and not just needing a nursery or a little formula here and there, which would have been nice, too! Baby #2 was not born at a baby friendly hospital (I swore it was – was told by friends it was – but after posting on other page and reflecting on how vastly different the experiences were, I did some searching and evidently it’s not true!). I would never have anyone deliver at Baby #1 hospital, and it’s why we looked for a new one with #2. Baby #2’s experience compared to #1 was night and day, and it was everything I didn’t know I was denied from #1. For #1 we just went to the local hospital, which is large and nationally ranked year after year. Maybe some baby friendly hospitals “do it right” and mine was extra bad, but I’m still angry about #1’s delivery and postpartum care (6 years later).
Anon says
Would love more details if you’re willing to share…
TheElms says
I delivered one kid at a baby friendly hospital and one at a hospital without the designation. Both were unscheduled c-sections and the experience was better at the hospital without the designation. At the baby friendly hospital my baby lost more than 10% of her body weight before we left and we weren’t offered formula or evaluated for any type of nursing issues so by the time we went to the pediatrician it was borderline crisis. Offering formula to supplement while my milk was coming in would have prevented the whole situation. Also, having a csection and no well baby nursery is in my opinion just dangerous. I was on opioid painkillers and holding and nursing a baby after having been awake for more than 48 hours, at times unsupervised because my husband had left to pick up food or stepped out of the room to find the charge nurse because he was concerned things weren’t going well. At the non baby friendly hospital I got formula to supplement, and a chance for the baby to go to the nursery so I could rest and recover a bit. I also knew enough to advocate for myself and decline the opioid painkillers.
Anon says
No personal experience but I took advantage of both hospital-supplied formula and the night nursery, so I would not have wanted to deliver at a baby friendly hospital.
Anon says
I had two babies at a baby-friendly hospital (White Plains in NY, if relevant).
I had a great experience both times. I will say that I went into it 1) wanting to deliver vaginally without an epidural, and 2) wanting to breastfeed, and had success on both fronts both times, so I can’t speak to other delivery methods or formula (which are all awesome choices, btw). But I did send the baby to the nursery 1 or 2 times a night so my husband and I could get an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep before baby was hungry again, and I got zero pushback.
Anon says
I posted upthread, but I also delivered two at White Plains Hospital! I agree it was a great experience. I had similar goals as you (and was successful) but the nurses were so caring about me and my experience that I didn’t feel pressured into anything. I am expecting again but we moved to CT, so I’ll be at another hospital and hoping for the best
Anon says
Thanks all, this is helpful.
Anon says
Bring your own formula, the pre-mix kind, in a couple different brands with the screw on tops and feed that baby the way you want to. Get your partner and/or doula to help reinforce this message if you’re not going breastfeed. You don’t own the hospital an explanation why.
I had a huge c-section baby that didn’t get enough milk from me in the hospital and lost almost a pound in three days. Ate formula like a champ once we got home; wish we could have started earlier.
Anonymous says
But know that you have to bring a lot. The little premixes are 2 oz; a newborn will eat a small fraction of that but you’ll have to throw the rest out UNLESS you bring bottles to separate AND can store the unused portion in a fridge (good for up to 24 hours).
If you’ve never used formula, make sure you are reading the directions to feed baby safely. Formula can only be at room temp for an hour and you don’t “reuse” those little unfinished bottles.
Betsy says
I haven’t given birth yet, but my birth preferences are on the opposite end of the spectrum from yours and I am traveling to a slightly further hospital that has a baby friendly designation. Friends have delivered at the closer hospitals and really had to advocate for their preferences and I didn’t want that. I had my birth education session and I really can’t tell you how relaxing and stress reducing it was to have the birth educator suggesting and supporting all the things I already wanted. So I think in order for you to have that same relaxed feeling instead of feeling like your hackles are up the whole time, you should really compare the hospitals available to you and pick the one that will support your preferences the best. If the closest hospital isn’t doing tours, then who can you meet with to talk through your preferences and make sure you’ll be comfortable? And if the answer is no one, then maybe that’s your sign to reach out to the next closest hospital and see what they say.
Anonymous says
A friend wants to do a beach trip to Florida this summer (driving from Texas). I’ve never been to Florida: what’s your favorite beach? We have five kids between us: ages 3-7. PS I know it’s super late to make these plans but she just sprang this on me.
Anonymous says
If you are going in the summer, I would go to the east coast – the Gulf is shallow so gets uncomfortably hot and often is unsafe to swim in due to red tide during the summer. (This may be less true up near the panhandle; I grew up in SW Florida).
Anon says
We love the Destin/Miramar Beach area but have only been in winter and fall. I think it does get very hot in the summer.
SC says
I live in New Orleans, and we go to Destin every summer. The entire stretch between Destin and Rosemary Beach is very popular and honestly seems relatively interchangeable. The beach is beautiful, and the water is clear and calm. Destin has lots of grocery stores, restaurants, and family activities on and off the beach. We go in late July or August, and it does get very hot, though the water has always been safe to swim in and refreshing. We rent chairs and umbrellas and tend to swim in the morning and late afternoon, with a break in the middle of the day.
If you’re driving, I don’t think it’s worth the extra hours to go to somewhere other than the Gulf Coast. If you’re flying, it’s not particularly easy to fly to the Gulf Coast from most locations. In that case, depending on your flight options, I’d probably look into Amelia Island, if you can fly into Jacksonville. South Florida is just too dang hot.
OP says
This is very helpful, thank you!
Anonymous says
I have not been to other Florida beaches but like the Space Coast area. We stay on Melbourne Beach, which is quiet and clean and goes on for miles and miles, and drive 45 minutes up to Cocoa Beach just for surf lessons. We have also gone kayaking on the Indian River, visited Kennedy Space Center, and seen manatees at a nature preserve near KSC.
Anonymous says
I suppose my mood is 95% driven by being back at work after a very relaxing family vacation and my kid being back at daycare… but does anyone else not get the eclipse hype? The whatsapp parent group for my kid’s daycare had multiple messages about whether anyone was taking their kids out to see the eclipse (btw- they’re all 4 years old), annoyed that the school wasn’t going to do a special eclipse event, how many pairs of eclipse glasses people had…. We don’t live in a city that is the direct path of the eclipse or anything.
I suppose for me this is just is one of those things that doesn’t “stick” in my brain. I’ll see a report about the eclipse/someone will mention something and then 4 second later I’ve forgotten about it. I was unaware that people made such a big deal about it. That’s all (and also I don’t think the daycare teachers want to deal with a lot of 4 year olds accidentally looking at the sun/taking off the special glasses). I hope everyone who wants to see the eclipse gets to do whatever one does with the eclipse.
Anon says
Same. I’m literally like “eh”.
Anon says
Personally, I like being around people who make a big deal out of special opportunities like this. I find that introduce more fun and awe into my life. It’s nice to make an ordinary Monday special and to get hyped up for something unusual like this.
ifiknew says
I kind of feel the way OP does, but i also am trying to be like this comment. I’m pulling the kids out at noon today, we have a special lunch planned and plan to enjoy some time together for something unique and special. However, we are in the direct path.
Anonymous says
Me too! I have no particular plans but I’m happy others are excited. It’s like a religious holiday I don’t celebrate, still happy for folks who are.
anon says
With you! I literally could not care less. I just asked daycare if kids will be kept inside, they will. The end.
Anonymous says
I pulled my kids out of school and traveled for it. The last time there was an eclipse in the US, I shared your attitude (and my kids were about that age), but my brother described it as really magical and immediately got the family excited for the next one. This one is fairly close for us (8 hours drive), my kids are a bit older, and how many times do you get to share a magical natural experience with them?
Anonymous says
Just let other people be excited about things! You don’t need to share all of your feelings.
Anon says
I tend to agree. You don’t need to make an announcement that you’re going to be a downer about something others are excited about. Why spread negativity or cynicism?
GCA says
I think it’s a great practical science teaching moment – for elementary school and up. I wouldn’t trust a dozen 4yos with eclipse glasses. I do think some of the hype is potentially amplified by social media, again telling us this is one of those ‘making memories’ special experiences. (I think it is special and very cool to observe totality, but I have other things on my lifetime bucket list, and that is completely fine!) And if people are going to make a big deal about it, I hope they can also explain how eclipses occur, and explain other contextual knowledge for kids – for instance, you might want to observe animal behavior; read the Chinese legend about a dragon ‘eating’ the sun; or understand current Indigenous cultural beliefs about eclipses.)
GCA says
eta – I’m not annoyed by people getting jazzed about it (hey, I get super excited about things too – you should’ve seen my family at the air & space museum last week!) – but what actually annoys me is the barrage of marketing emails in my inbox trying to use the eclipse to sell more stuff.
Anonymous says
This.
Anon says
I’m in the path of totality and will be watching at an organized site, but I still don’t get the hype. It’s cool but it’s not that cool and I can’t imagine traveling hours for it. (Yes I’ve seen a total solar eclipse before, not just a partial.)
Anonymous says
I’m generally don’t yuck other people’s yum, but I don’t get the hype either.
SC says
For the last eclipse, my son was 2. We traveled to see family (my husband’s aunt, uncle, and cousins) who lived in Nashville, which was in the path of totality. It actually is a really special memory for me and my husband. The actual eclipse was pretty magical. Even though my son doesn’t remember it now, he did for several years, and I wonder if reinforced his love of science and nature. It also established a relationship between us and the family members we stayed with. We started facetiming with DH’s aunt and one of his cousins, and we visited two more times, when we’d been mostly out of touch before. DH’s aunt sent my son books that are some of his absolute favorites, with long notes in the front covers about how her kids read them. They also exchanged artwork. I’m so glad the eclipse was a reason to go visit because DH’s aunt passed away just before Christmas of 2022, and we would probably not have these memories otherwise.
For this one, I wanted to travel but couldn’t make it work because of other plans later this month. DS’s school organized an event for them to watch it. It’s so cloudy here that you can’t see the sun anyways.
Anon says
I hear you on the family connections. My aunt and uncle are big eclipse chasers and visited us in the path of totality for this one. The last time we saw them was 2017 when my daughter was a newborn. It was nice to reconnect with them and see them establish a relationship with my kid now that she’s a real human.
I could take or leave the actual eclipse (it was fun since it was right here, but not anything I would have gone out of my way for) but the family element of it was special.
anon says
My son changed classrooms at daycare, and I’m concerned that after a couple months he still isn’t acting like himself in the new room. His behavior in the previous classroom was very similar to behavior at home: lots of running and jumping, but also good focus on quiet activities. And also constant chatter; at home he’s using sentences, and probably 500-1000 words.
When I see him in the new classroom, at pickup and occasional midday visits, he is often laying on the couch doing nothing. His language seems to have regressed to only using “I want” and “no”. The teachers seem satisfied because he’s fairly obedient and doesn’t cry. But to me it seems clear he’s not thriving.
Any ideas how I can help him? Moving to a different daycare isn’t a good option–this is by far the cleanest, safest place in town, and by far the most convenient.
Anonymous says
Move him. Either to a different room or a different day care. This isn’t the best option for him! He isn’t thriving!
OP says
Literally the only option that might be better for him would be if I quit my job to be a SAHM. And I don’t want to do that unless things get worse.
Anon says
I hate the knee jerk “move him” reaction. It wasn’t an option for us and it sounds like it isn’t an option for you. I got that advice a couple times here when I posted about issues and we never moved our kid and – spoiler alert – she’s now thriving in elementary school.
I agree with talking to the teacher as a good first step.
OP says
I know some situations need immediate intervention, no matter if it’s very hard for the parents. But I’m not worried about true abuse or neglect here, just a kid who needs some extra attention and advocacy.
Anonymous says
I mean you said this was the most convenient daycare not the only one in town. So yeah, I thought that meant there was another day care in town? Can you hire a nanny? Idk I just feel like this is an emergency
OP says
There are a few other daycares, but they all have serious red flags. Hiring a nanny would cost much more than my income, so being a SAHM is truly the back-up option if the daycare situation doesn’t turn around.
Anon says
Calling it an emergency seems dramatic. It’s not like she witnessed them hitting her kid.
KO says
how old is he? has he dropped a nap that maybe he wasn’t ready for? has he lost a bunch of friends. At one point (Just over 2) we had to move daycares and initially had a “regression” – in part because the room our son ended up in had a lot of “younger” kiddos. There is a big difference between 18 and 26 months! After a few weeks he settled in and became like the room big brother? [i.e. helping the kid that couldn’t reach the taps etc.]
OP says
No change in the nap or meal schedules–he knows the older kids too, but I supposed he might be missing his younger friends. I was fully expecting a transition period but after 9 weeks I’m starting to worry.
anon says
Have you spoken with his teachers? Do they have any feedback? Did his friends move with him? Did his nap schedule change? Just a few potential levers to inquire about/pull if needed.
OP says
I’m not sure how to bring it up with the teachers. They have been receptive when I ask about specific issues (like constipation) but big picture they just say “he’s doing great” and “he had a good day”. If anyone can suggest diplomatic wording to open a conversation, I would be grateful.
anon says
I would approach it like problem solving. Hey teacher, thanks for sharing that he’s doing great. Son seems off, and isn’t happy/interested in coming to school. Are you seeing this? Can you tell me a little bit about who he plays with, what his favorite toys are, what makes him happiest?
You’re asking for two reasons -1) to really understand what if he warms up and plays at school and 2) to suss out if they know him/uncover any potential red flags.
If he has a close friend ask the school to share your contact info with the other parents. then you can at least chat with them/potentially grow his friendship.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Those are great questions. Thank you.
Anonymous says
I would say exactly what you said here: “hey I’ve observed that often when I visit son is lying on the couch. I’m curious about that. What do you think??” And “I’ve noticed his vocabulary has decreased dramatically at home. Is that something you’ve noticed here as well?” You might also mix up when you visit, if that’s possible. From all your pushback, it’s hard to tell if you’re actually looking for a solution or if you just want an excuse to stay home with him. And if that’s what you’re gibbing for that’s fine, but that won’t necessarily help with vocabulary or socialization. It seems like there may be something deeper here. Could he be ill?
OP says
I’m not looking to stay home. I really looking for suggestions about how to talk to/work with the daycare.
Anonymous says
“I’m concerned about BenJohn. He’s often just laying on the couch when I arrive, he isn’t engaged in activities, and his language is regressing. Are you noticing this as well?”
need a travel agent. says
So a friend just sprang her Late August wedding in Ireland on us. (I thought it would be where she lives in North America). I know it is last minute to book London / Ireland, but what would you do in Ireland with a 6 year old?
Wedding is in a smaller town near the middle. How many days would you spend in Ireland? THANK YOU
** yes – this is short notice, but her entire family is in Ireland, and i have the luxury to pay for the flights if i so please. I love this friend dearly and a good excuse for a family adventure. Currently thinking start with ~5 days in London (Tower of London? Hop on / Hop off, St. James? Premier League? Parks galore? Harry Potter? Natural History? Changing of the Guard obviously tons to do)
Anonymous says
It’s 5 months away! This isn’t short notice and shouldn’t be hard.
anon says
It’s short notice if you already have summer travel booked and if you expected it to be in the US.
need a travel agent says
I like your spirit!! It feels short when you have already finished the delicate dance of summer camps and i am worried about accommodation / flight prices by now….But good point. I have booked trips on way shorter notice than this!
Anon says
I work in the travel industry. It’s pretty late to be planning trips to major tourist destinations in August. It doesn’t mean it’s not doable, but it’s completely reasonable for OP to call this “short notice.”
Vicky Austin says
I have no advice but I love your attitude! I hope you get loads of great advice and have a splendid time.
Anon says
I wouldn’t try to combine London with Ireland unless you have two weeks or more to travel. There’s a ton to see in both places. Many major airlines fly to Dublin and although it’s not the most exciting city in the world it’s a good jumping off point for touring Ireland.
Cb says
Dublin = more expensive, less pretty Edinburgh. But the rest of Ireland is gorgeous!
S says
I would spend two days in London and the rest in Ireland — London will always be a travel hub you may never go back to Ireland.
anon says
If I were going to Dublin, I would go to the Viking museum and maybe visit some archaeological sites. But that’s just personal interest.
Anon says
We used One Fine Stay for a recent London trip with kids and HIGHLY recommend it. We opted for Kensington/lower Notting Hill and could walk to Kensington Park every night, which was amazing. Still centrally located but felt like ‘locals’ vs. being in the heart of the city center.
In terms of activities we did the typical kid stuff – Science Museum, Natural History Museum, Tower of London, trip to Hamleys, lots of park visits, etc. Palaces were a snooze according to my two boys but the Tower of London and the Imperial War Museum were HUGE hits. We did the Westminster Abbey tour which was just ‘ok’ imho even for my kid who read all of the ‘horrible history’ books during lockdown. I loved Dublin and it is SO easy to do passport control there vs. in the US so I’d definitely fly in/out of Ireland for that aspect.
Mary Moo Cow says
Caveat that I’ve been to Ireland twice and London once, but I would stick with Ireland. There’s so much to explore! Galway is a nice alternative to Dublin; smaller cities offer uniquely Irish stuff to do and see; there are cool parks, manors, hiking destinations all over. My friend grew up in County Donegal and her sister lives in Belfast, and they visit in August almost every year because of the weather (usually warm-ish and blooming flowers.) I hope you have a wonderful trip!
Anonymous says
+1 from someone who admittedly has not been to London but spent a semester in rural County Clare (so take this for what it is worth). If you like outdoors/nature/ancient history, Ireland is unearthly beautiful. I agree that Galway is a lovely small city and close to some really beautiful areas such as the Burren, Connemara, the Dingle Peninsula, Cliffs of Moher, etc. Northern Ireland is also really interesting, and Dublin has some more city-type museums and sites.
OP says
Thank you all
Anon says
I am picking my kids up from school towards the beginning of the eclipse. Should I just come with glasses for them (I only have 2) and not stare at the sun myself? I am trying to figure out how to play this safe! Or pull out of school early?
Anon says
Potty training question/reassurance. My DS is 3.25, we started potty training in Mid-Jan. He’s doing pretty good overall, although on weekends when we’re on the move getting him to pee before leaving is sometimes tough (he’s not as motivated by Daniel Tiger, maybe that’ll change with time – so we use other motivators – “it’s time to go eat pancakes, let’s pee so we can leave!”). During nap and overnight he’s in a pull-up, which is fine with me.
I think he still has a few #1 accidents at school a week – not quite daily. School is happy to deal with this. It’s usually when he’s super into some puzzles/a toy or they are outside. Anyone else have kids with this experience, any any advice to help him, or is it just a let them handle it/let-it-be type thing?
Also, he will need to go when we’re in public places, and won’t want to sit on the toilet. He’s fine at our house, at my parents’ house – both places where he a his potty insert. I’m wondering if it’s even worth trying one of the travel inserts. Since DS #1 was trained during the COVID years, we weren’t going anywhere and this was not an issue. Thoughts?
Anonymous says
My almost five year old is still pretty defiant about going to the potty on command. Like, he doesn’t have accidents but absolutely will wait until the last possible second to go (in the instances where we’re just home on a weekend hanging out) especially if he’s doing a puzzle or building something with his magnatiles. We made a rule that any time we’re leaving the house, the whole family has to use the potty. We also have started doing “okay, you don’t have to actually go when you’re on the potty (maybe you don’t have to) but you have to sit for a count of “X” when he doesn’t want to go before we are leaving the house. In our case, I took the concept of counting “1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi” and will change it to “okay, you just have to sit for a count of 6 chocolate doughnuts/basketball games/lacrosse sticks/grilled cheese sandwiches!” It always me to count fairly slowly, and usually by the time we get to three he’s actually going. I’ll sometimes let him pick what we’re counting. My son is really stubborn (gets it from me), so it gives him some control over the situation.
At home, I honestly got really, really, really frustrated with my son not wanting to go. After about a month and a half of just fighting to get him on the seat, I just said to myself “fine, let him have an accident. We’re at home, what do I care.” and gave up trying to force it. You now will just hear his little feet running, rather than walking toward the bathroom.
Since you’re still in the newer end of this, if you really think he needs to go, then I’d just set a time on your phone for like 1 minute and said “well, son, the timer went off so you have to at least try to go.”
Anon says
Yes. My 3.25 year old pees in his pants when he’s too engrossed in an activity. I try to prompt him to pee. If he keeps touching his crotch or is fidgety I will pick him up and go to the bathroom. It happens at school, but they make him go every 2 hrs. I did pick him up from school once and he was wet—the teachers didn’t notice :(
We hold our son over the toilet when we are in public. He’s basically parallel to the floor when we hold him. We taught him how to stand to pee, and this is what they do at school too. It works really well!
OP says
In the early weeks of potty training, once his class would combine with others and his teachers were gone for the day, I picked him up and there were a few times he was soaking wet, one or twice he was without any underwear or a pull-up (?!). Some communication/coordination with the school quickly resolved that from happening again.
CCLA says
I’d get a travel insert. I liked the oxo one, which could either be a standalone one that went into a bag, or flattened to use on a big toilet. It wasn’t exactly tiny but it fit into our diaper bag backpack when folded. If there is a big enough stall area, you can just post it up there on the floor as a standalone tiny potty, which was less intimidating for the kids in the early training days (or I definitely a couple of times had them use it in the back of the SUV).
Anon says
A travel potty seat will help him get over his fear of public toilets. I wouldn’t want to pee while someone hovers me over a toilet, either. We used the Jool folding travel potty seat and it was great for our road trip a couple weeks ago.
For reminders to pee, have you tried a potty watch?