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I love everything about this blazer. I love how it’s so summery yet can still work for a more conservative environment. I love how there are several different elements — the colored threads, the peplum in the back, the three-quarter sleeves with the cut detail, the round neck — but it all somehow works together without looking crazy. I can’t tell from the photos, but since it’s called “shimmer thread,” I’m assuming that that there’s a muted sparkle to it as well, and I welcome it. I’m not usually a fan of fabric that has that element to it, but I think the way this is constructed and the fact that the other threads are a more sophisticated jewel tone will keep it from looking cheesy. It’s $49.90 at Zara in sizes XS–XL. Shimmer Thread Peplum Blazer
Nordstrom has a couple of options in plus sizes.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
lawsuited says
Yikes! The plus size options are $500 and $1000 CAD! Not exactly a dupe for an $50 blazer.
Anonymous says
No, but for $50 I love this!
lawsuited says
I love the $50 blazer too (which is why I clicked on the plus size options)!
LadyNFS says
Just wanted to chime in that I ordered this blazer after seeing it yesterday, and it’s already arrived! Hopefully it fits and looks just as great IRL.
Anonymous says
Forgive me if this is a silly question but I’m a first time mom who honestly doesn’t know – what is the etiquette around a crying baby in public places like a mall? DH and I were eating in a mall restaurant last weekend. The baby had a meltdown almost as soon as we’d ordered. We asked for the food to go but it took the restaurant 15-20 minutes to pack it up so I walked the baby around the mall where he would get calm for a minute or two and then cry again for a couple minutes. It was raining so we couldn’t walk outside. I could have taken the baby to the car but he liked the motion of walking. I know you have to remove crying babies from restaurants and theaters ASAP but does the same thing apply to malls or other public spaces where people have more freedom to move away from you?
J says
I might be a little biased, because I have a toddler and like to eat out…but I think what you did was absolutely perfect. However, I’ve never been one to notice crying kids in public spaces. I have a pretty high tolerance for it.
GCA says
In my experience, people will readily forgive a tiny crying baby or young toddler in a relatively noisy restaurant and definitely in a mall’s public spaces – you’re fine!
AIMS says
I think if you’re moving and they can move, you’re fine.
CPA Lady says
I think people get bent out of shape in places where they are expecting quiet or where they cant get away from it. A mall is not one of those places. I don’t go to a mall expecting it to be quiet.
Random unsolicited eating out with a baby tip: ask for them to bring your bill out with your food (you could ask for a to go box too), that way you can pay immediately and don’t have to wait for your check if your kid starts melting down and you have to leave. This is not so much an issue when you have two parents, but if you’re ever alone at a restaurant with your kid, it comes in handy.
lawsuited says
Yes, you and your baby are allowed to be in public spaces just like everybody else. I would leave a theatre immediately and a fine dining restaurant if LO didn’t settle within a few minutes, but I probably wouldn’t leave a family restaurant or food court until it became clear that LO wouldn’t settle and eating a meal wouldn’t be feasible anyway.
Anon says
I agree there’s no expectation of general quiet/calm in a public space so you’re fine. But in general, I think people just want to see that you’re trying. So getting up and walking around, moving them to a less obnoxious area (like an entryway to a restaurant or restroom in a theater or the hallways in a mall instead of a store), talking to them in a calm voice, doing SOMETHING so it looks like you’re aware of the kid, is all it really takes.
I was alone on a 4 hour flight with a toddler and a baby, and they both had a meltdown at the same time. I put the baby in the carrier and held the toddler on my hip, and paced up and down the aisle (and the flight attendant area) until they calmed down. Multiple people thanked me for “trying my best” and “not just sitting there letting them cry”, some older ladies even offered to rock the baby for me. Even though theoretically, being in the aisle was more disruptive than hiding in my seat, they seemed to appreciate that I was doing something. That’s an extreme example, but it seems to be true even in restaurants and stores and such.
Blueberries says
I agree that in most situations, showing that you’re trying is what counts (though, removing a crying baby from a theater or fine dining is important too).
Jen says
100% the right thing to do. You were trying. You were even moving around, where you spread the noise around (ie one person sitting trying to have a calm meal didn’t have to hear the screaming the whole time).
100% the wrong thing to do is continue to eat your meal while your baby has a total and complete meltdown, or while your toddler throws everything from the table to the floor and runs around as you sip your beverage.
J says
Looking for Puddle Jumper advice, please. The pool opens this weekend and it will be high 80s in my neck of the woods, maybe even 90! My child is 31 months, but pretty small for her age. She is around 25 pounds. The minimum weight for Puddle Jumpers is 30 pounds. I’ve read reviews that they definitely don’t run small and are huge on smaller kids.
Is that the experience of those here?
Any good alternatives where my daughter can start to have some freedom in the water to gain confidence? We’ll always be right beside her. She does have an infant life jacket but it is pretty constricting. Thanks, everyone!
anon says
I have a 24 month old who weighs 29 lbs and she’s been using a puddle jumper for about 2 months. I think it’s a little less comfortable for her than if she was bigger, but she really likes kicking around the pool and jumping in. We still always keep her in arms reach because she’s not always able to keep her balance as well as she might if she was a bit bigger. I would get one and she’ll grow into it this summer.
GCA says
Could she hold on to a pool noodle instead? My son is built the same way and Puddle Jumpers flap around on him – the chest strap doesn’t get tight enough for it to do anything. So we use a pool noodle or nothing. We’re always right there and in any case he has a death grip on one of us half the time.
Anonymous says
Yeah. My kid’s swim class ties a pool noodle around her waist.
mascot says
Speedo makes a version of the puddle jumper that has a shoulder/vest piece. Try that and also maybe a regular kids life vest that has a crotch strap.
anon says
IMO, you don’t want to mess around with weight limits for flotation devices. They are there for a reason, and a big life vest (or Puddle Jumper) will not adequately protect your kiddo. I second the advice to look for a smaller life vest with crotch strap. I haven’t seen the Speedo version with the shoulder/vest piece, but that may work, too.
FWIW, my daughter wore a Puddle Jumper for the first time last summer, and she was around 31-33 pounds at the time. If she was any smaller, I wouldn’t have used it. I believe the jumpers go up to 50 pounds, so they definitely don’t run small!
Source: Kayaker/swimmer/avid water enthusiast
anon says
Also, I realized this comment sounded kind of judgy, so I’m sorry I took that tone. I do feel your pain. My oldest kiddo is tall and thin, and finding him a life jacket that actually fits is HARD.
Anon says
So maybe I’m an outlier, but I put my very tiny for their age kids in Puddle Jumpers the summers that they were 1.5. My theory is that most people with kids that age don’t put them in anything and just hold them, so I’m being marginally safer by holding them but adding extra flotation. I still hold the kids tight and hover like crazy but let them practice walking on the wall or jumping into my arms or floating on their backs.
I will say I don’t do this at all when the pool is really crowded. I ended up finding a local splash pad instead, and a farther pool that has a baby section with early “toddler” hours so I could let them enjoy the water without fear that they’d get knocked out of my hands.
Anon says
I should add, that’s only for pools. For boating we absolutely use the Stearns infant life jacket and Stearns child vest with every single strap fastened and tightened.
I think the confusion comes in because people get confused between passive safety (like kids on a boat who could fall overboard quickly, or kids playing in a pool by themselves) and active safety (kids within arms reach of an alert parent who is actively watching and not distracted). For passive safety, obviously follow the correct precautions. For active safety, they’re fine even without any flotation at all – that’s how you learn to swim!!! But if you’re not in swim-teaching mode and just want to play but still will be actively watching, I think puddle jumpers are fine under 30 lbs.
Jen says
YES. This is a huge nuance. Will you be holding onto your kid in the pool and just looking for something to move beyond holding her? If so, anything she’s comfortable in is fine: puddle jumper, pool noodle, inflatable with a seat, etc. But this assumes you are NOT LETTING GO OF HER and grabbing a beer.
If you are trying to teach her to swim, try the back flotation (our pool calls them “bubbles” but I call them floatie backpacks). My 21 month old has made great progress with these swim-wise.
If you are on a boat and need actual flotation/life saving, you need to have your kid in an infant life vest with all straps fully tightened. Puddle jumpers do not count for any kind of real flotation and are in fact not allowed in many settings where live vests are required (eg. our town pool bans them. If you need assistance, you need a coast guard II or above vest)
shortperson says
since you are in a warm climate with access to pools, i would encourage you to consider skipping the puddle jumper and going to swim lessons instead. we started at this age, twice a week, and she did remember the next summer. IME puddle jumpers are counterproductive in teaching kids to swim because they swim differently with them, and they actually lower kids’ confidence in the water without them. i know a few 5yo who grew up using puddle jumpers and are now scared of swimming.
i think that these make sense for folks, for example, who dont have normal access to pools but are taking one vacation a year to a pool place and just want to relax with their toddler. but here in socal my kids are in the minority going without puddle jumpers so this is obviously not a popular opinion.
lala says
A friend of mine’s daughter almost drowned with a puddle jumper on. She was under the weight limit and got stuck with her head under water where she couldn’t touch. It was very scary, and happened very quickly. So I wouldn’t recommend them until your kid reaches the weight limit.
We ordered one of those thinner “swimming” vests for our small two year old.
anon says
Last night I was reading yesterday’s morning post on the main page and I was astounded at the attitude that BigLaw is no problem as long as you have enough au pairs and nannies to watch your kid(s), a supportive husband, and don’t have too many kids. That wasn’t my experience at all. Even with a flexible office, I found that it was impossible to be a parent when things got busy. I could manage well enough during standards times, but there are often months long periods in Biglaw when things are just crazy. Lots of 20 hours days. Lots of travel. I would be expected to be working at all times, and still wouldn’t get it all done. That just doesn’t work when you have kids. The examples that come to mind for me:
I left Biglaw after a three month stint of billing 250 hours months while pregnant and with a toddler. My toddler was a mess and acting out from me being gone so much. My husband was a wreck from dealing with the toddler’s behaviors. I was so sick and rundown. It was a breaking point.
I have a friend with a baby who is still in my old group who has been traveling out of the country for depos for 8 weeks so far this year. She has three more weeks of international travel coming up. Her parents come to watch her (now) toddler, but the toddler is acting out from being left by mom so frequently. She has a nanny and family help but is still looking for options outside of Biglaw. She can’t do it any more.
Another mother I worked with was sent to Switzerland for an undetermined time (which ended up being 4 weeks) with 6 hours of notice. She didn’t even get to say goodbye to her school aged kids before she left. Her husband had to scramble to figure it all out with zero notice.
I guess what I’m saying is that the women leaving Biglaw aren’t stupid and aren’t quitters. It’s not just that they haven’t found enough child care or don’t have a helpful husband. It’s not facetime requirements or a lack of part time schedules or reduced advancement opportunities. There are aspects of Biglaw that just aren’t compatible with being an engaged parent. I had a father who was absent for big chunks of my childhood due to work and I don’t want to be that parent. I refuse to blame women who make the decision to leave. I also don’t 100% blame Biglaw because sometimes sh!t just has to get done. It’s one thing to weather “busy” Biglaw when you don’t have kids (though it sucks), but so so much harder to do when you have kids.
Anonymous says
I completely agree. I knew I couldn’t handle kids and Big Law. I now work in house in a 40-45 hr/week role and even with full time childcare and a supportive husband, it’s not always easy. I can’t imagine pulling 90 hour workweeks like I used to.
lawsuited says
I was also stunned by the responses to that post. It must be that everyone else is using a lot of hired help, because nobody in my office ever assumes that I have any involvement in the day-to-day childcare tasks. Partners want me to stay late to talk about a file (no pending deadlines, they’re just in the mood to talk about it) and are visibly shocked when I say “Okay, but I need to leave by 5 because it’s my day to pick up baby from daycare”. I told a partner that I needed to know definitively if I was going to second chair a trial so that I could arrange for 4 weeks of childcare, and he seemed confused by my request. When I’m out of the office because baby is sick and DH can’t stay home (he takes more than 50% of the sick days, I only do it when he was an important event), I get comments like “Oh, I wanted you to be in the office yesterday so we could discuss X but you weren’t” like I wasn’t at work because I took a spontaneous trip to the beach. I also haven’t received raises in the last 2 years (i.e. since I disclosed I was pregnant) although I received the largest merit raises in our group in previous years. Anyone who think having children doesn’t impact the careers of women is living in a dream world.
AIMS says
There’s a peace in the NY Post (of all places) about a recent study showing just how bad it is for working mothers: https://nypost.com/2018/05/23/how-america-has-gotten-worse-for-working-mothers/
AIMS says
The NYT also had an op-ed about anti-mother bias at work: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/16/opinion/workplace-discrimination-mothers.html
(and that should be piece, not peace, but I was up 3 times last night with a baby and am super exhausted!)
Anonymous says
To my ear, it is so much better to say “I need to leave by 5” than to say “I need to leave by 5 because it’s my day to pick up baby from daycare.”
Anon says
I think this depends a lot on your practice area in Biglaw. I left as a 5th year (to go to a smaller firm with much more reasonable hours) but my husband is still in it as an 8th year. Neither of our practice areas involves heavy travel, and the deadlines are very predictable. I was in a regulatory practice, he is in appellate. Both of our jobs involved long hours, but the all-nighters are very occasional – definitely not “lots” of 20 hour days. I wasn’t able to review the thread from yesterday, but I would be surprised if people said that you can work the hours you set forth and have a happy family life too.
Anon says
Why don’t you go back and read the thread rather than just telling me that I’m wrong? The poster above me said she was stunned by the responses. You would indeed be surprised.
Anon says
I didn’t say you were wrong, just trying to offer a possible explanation. I will take a look tonight if I get a chance.
Anonymous says
Maybe try not being so defensive. Obviously not everyone has had your same experience; that doesn’t mean you are wrong because they say so.
anon says
I agree. I’ve been in biglaw for 8 years and while it hasnt been a picnic every day, it’s been manageable and it has a lot of benefits — not just pay, but day to day flexibility and telecommuting outside of busy periods. I would still consider myself as the primary parent although dh steps up when he has to.
I know there are very difficult places to be and i would never judge someone who left as “not able to cut it.” however, there are more livable places and i encourage law students/younger associates to look around and pick their firm carefully. and in general i find things better on the west coast.
i summered at two firms. at one, i noticed that we did not have summer associate events that associates were expected to attend regularly, and although people worked hard the office cleared of parents (male and female) by 530 pm. at the other it was the opposite. i was nowhere close to having kids at that point but i took these as good signs for firm 1 and it has turned out well.
Anonymous says
I have the opposite experience. I just had a 250 hour month and signed up a billion dollar deal, and the partners I was working with were constantly checking in to see if it was okay for me to stay late, etc. (and respectful if the answer was no). We traded off late nights and I worked from home after baby went to sleep several nights. I maintained my once a week work from home day. They were really considerate of the fact that even with a SAHH, I share parenting duties. I really think it depends on your office and practice group – and for many of my friends and peers, their offices and practice groups are not family friendly or supportive. We have a housekeeper who comes twice a month and my husband stays at home with the baby, but that’s the extent of my “help”. And the partners made it known to the powers that be that I was one of the lead lawyers. My practice also involves limited travel – 2 trips in the last 6 years.
anon says
It’s great that your group is supportive. It’s also great that you have a SAHH as support. I did find that it got much much hard to pull those sorts of hours once my kid was big enough to notice my absence, starting around 2.5 yo. Lots of acting out when I was gone too much. My DD didn’t have enough of a sense of time for me just to tell her when I’d see her next. I never came up with a way to reassure her other than to cut my hours (or lose sleep) to spend time with her.
lawsuited says
I’m so glad that you’ve had that experience and that it’s working for you – I mean it, I’m SO GLAD. But it’s a problem that it’s only possible if you have an extremely (possibly unusually?) supportive firm/practice group and a SAHH and a housekeeper. With student loans in a HCOL area, none of those things are feasible for me but I still want to work as a lawyer! The women I went to school with are leaving the profession in droves because your experience is not the experience most of us are having at all. I have reached out to and spoken with some of the very few women I see who are 15 years my senior and still working in the profession and I hear that it is possible if you 1) don’t have kids or 2) have max 2 kids and a lot of hired help.
Anon says
Having a true SAHH is an enormous amount of “help.” If something suddenly comes up (late night, travel, etc) you don’t need to scramble to rearrange childcare because there is e a parent whose job is to be available for the kids. You may want to do certain childcare duties, and it probably is better for your marriage and family when you are home more, but you have a huge cushion. I don’t say this condescendingly – I think it’s great you structured your family life in such a way. In fact, I recently became a SAHM because my husband has these sorts of long, unpredictable work days. (And we don’t even have a housekeeper.) But it’s a little disingenuous not to admit that a SAH spouse makes the juggle possible.
anon says
I agree but I’m not even in biglaw. In regional midlaw with a husband who also works full time and a special needs kid and I feel like we’re always drowning. I agree that I see women leaving all the time because even in smaller law, it’s just not supportive.
Anon In-House says
I agree that Biglaw is definitely a difficult place to navigate once you have children. I’m in-house now but worked in Biglaw for 6 years before making the jump. I do want to say that i agree with others who say it is very practice group specific and office specific. The practice i worked in certainly could get busy but i had virtually no travel required (as compared to my litigator husband who travels constantly with very little notice). I also was incredibly lucky that i worked with very understanding partners who also generally wanted to be home with their families. I actually made the switch to in-house pretty soon after i had my first kid and i know it would have been a challenge, esp with a spouse who also works in Biglaw, but i do think i could have lasted and eventually made partner had i really wanted it. Ultimately in-house was and is the way to go for me (and not just b/c of hours) but i do know that i was really lucky with the practice and people i worked in at Biglaw.
Pretty Primadonna says
I have never been in BigLaw but none of this sounds appetizing, worth it, or feasible to me. I cannot believe people are out there living like this.
Wow says
BigLaw is very tough on moms but some are worse than others. When I worked at my last one, there were numerous female partners whose spouses also worked. They definitely had nannies/au pairs but I also think they genuinely made every effort to see their kids too. Lots of women leaving at 5:30 pm to have dinner with the kids, and then they logged on later. Several of them took at least a one week vacation in the summer and often two weeks. Of course, there is travel and trials and 20 hour days too, but it was good to see that at least some women were able to make it work. Personally I could never live that life long term which is why I left but — good for them, not for me.
BigLaw Part time says
I tend to agree — I think the Big Law moms/parents who are also engaged parents have had a unicorn set of circumstances. Some combination of the right practice group, significant unpaid or paid support, and even kid personalities. This is primarily a mom issue, because moms still are (by choice or default) the primary parent, but I also see this with dads to some extent. I can see it with my own husband and our daughter already — he’s significantly less engaged with our child due to work and it does affect their relationship.
I’ve been able to juggle it so far, but due to the type of law I do (not coasting, that statement ticked me off), having one fairly easy going preschooler and a reliable daycare, not because I’m some sort of amazing powerhouse of a working mom.
I also think that this is the nature of Big Law, and as long as there are people who are willing to keep the crazy schedule, it’s going to stay that way. The best one can expect is that the demands are kept at a minimum and there is enough work-backup to step in when there’s a family crisis.
anon says
I agree with the unicorn circumstances persons. There are those who manage to find a situation that works. Kudos to them.
As far as women being the primary parent, in my case that wasn’t actually the issue. My husband is mostly the primary. He does all of the cooking, shopping, daycare pickups, and much of the planning. With my job in Biglaw, we were shooting for a 60/40 split of responsibilities, with him taking the lead. Our issue was that for months on end the split would end up being 95/5 because I would be full out at work. That didn’t work for my husband or kid, even if I could make up for it during slower times. If I’d had a SAHH maybe it would have been more okay for my husband, but my kid still wouldn’t have been happy not seeing me. (And my husband loves his job, so SAHH was not an option for us.)
Anonymous says
I had a reply and then it got eaten.
But yes, that’s a good point, and something I was trying to figure out how to phrase — not necessarily being primary parent, but being an involved parent, which at 40%, one would be, but at 5%, maybe not so much.
Anonymous says
I am in Canadian “big law” which seems from the comments I read here to be much different than in the USA (i.e. billable requirement for associates is 1700/year +200 non-billable). Even with these huge differences I still feel like I found a unicorn situation (work with/for great partners and am in an area of law not typically done by biglaw firms) AND my husband does more than 50% of the day-to-day childcare tasks (i.e. he does daycare pickup and dropoff every day).
COtoNY says
Can anyone recommend a daycare (infant) on the Upper East Side? Most interested in anything from 50th to 86th and 1st to Park but I’m flexible.
Anonymous says
Try the Upper East Side Moms group on FB. You’ll probably get a lot more responses.
Anonymous says
Also, no personal experience, but I’ve heard good things about the Bright Horizons in the east 70s. It’s pricey but otherwise seems good.
Preggo says
I knew daycare was expensive and familiarized myself with the costs before getting pregnant – but I’m still having crazy sticker shock now that it’s going to be a reality. I live in Brooklyn (HCOL), and even home daycares in my low-SEC neighborhood are like $2k+ a month. We are relatively high income (HHI alike $190k), but carving an extra $2k out of our monthly budget is still going to be a struggle.
What I don’t understand – how do people who make lower incomes manage this?? What do they do? My husband earns about what we’ll pay a year in daycare, and it’s hard to justify him staying at work, but I know he won’t be happy as a stay-at-home dad (neither would I). Please just re-assure me that you got through these years! Maybe I should go into the daycare business…
Anonymous says
I’m not going to lie, daycare costs are tough – even in non-NYC. I am in the SEUS and pay around $3000 a month for two kids in daycare. I am so looking forward to the raise I’m going to get when my oldest starts (public) kindergarten. I’m not sure how others do it/have done it, but we’ve had to cut back on savings, including retirement, and re-direct it towards daycare. We’ve also cut back heavily on travel and haven’t done any big renovations or house projects. I wouldn’t trade how we do things for the world, and I love our daycare (which is so important!) but it does make me ill that we pay more for care than our mortgage.
Anon says
+1. Chicago suburbs here and paid $3000/month for two kids in daycare. Public school isn’t THAT much cheaper since we need before and after care (school runs 8-2:30), plus summer care, but it did bring it down to not quite $1000/month for two kids during the school year. (Summer camps run about the same cost as daycare when you add in the before/after care for those as well.) So it’s saving us something like $18K/year which is still significant.
We did the same as Anonymous – cut back on savings and travel and house upkeep and most non-essential things. We also “froze” our budget at the level it was when our first kid started daycare, so all raises since then have gone to the increased costs of a second kid, and are now helping us get back on track with savings and house maintenance.
I know many lower income families at our center got a substantial discount, but it was still astronomical compared to their take home and they struggled to afford it as well. It’s hard all around. We’re not set up as a society to accommodate two working parents, and it’s a secret that you don’t hear much about until you’re in the thick of it.
Anonymous says
It is crazy – it’s a little cheaper just outside of the city. I’m 20 miles out and I pay $1500 a month per kid. I think people with lower incomes either don’t live in the city or rely on family.
Anonymous says
I live in Brooklyn and $2K+ a month seems a little high for “in-home” to me – have you shopped around a lot. I think we paid $7/hr for over 40 hrs a week – it was definitely under $20K/year before we started preschool. My son is almost 6 so this was a few years ago, but I did find a fairly wide range of prices for in-home places in my neighborhood. When my son was born our gross HHI was about $140K. We were living in a rent-stabilized 1 bedroom apartment and weren’t saving much at all. We moved to a 2 bedroom when my son was 6 months old, but our financial picture did not significantly ease up until I got a 20K raise and we started free preK. Just get through the next few years as best you can – universal preK is the best! The good part of Brooklyn’s population density is you can get lots of baby stuff free or very cheap.
Plenty of people with lower incomes live in within the city limits, albeit not in expensive neighborhoods. Many immigrants are not only living here, with large families sharing 1 bedroom apartments, but are also sending money home to family in other countries. I try to remind myself of this whenever i feel remotely “poor” – it’s all relative.
GCA says
Never eat out, travel, or spend on housecleaning or on any other form of household service ever. :) If it makes you feel better, our HHI is just over $100K in Boston, and PhD students (husband) don’t get subsidies for the university daycare. What makes it possible is that we both have very, very time- and location-flexible jobs.
Anonymous says
Where I am in a HCOL city in Canada, “regular” people (ie, not earning 6 figures) rely on daycares funded by the city or province that are meant for lower income people. Unfortunately they are not as good quality.
lawsuited says
I’m in Toronto, and I don’t know of any day cares funded by the city or province. The City of Toronto and YMCA day cares accept subsidies provided to low income families but are still over $1500 a month for infant care (the private daycare near me that does not accept subsidies is $2600 a month for infant care). The waitlists are so long at City of Toronto and YMCA that my sister has still not received a call for her 2 year old.
Anonymous says
What is really amazing to me is that people do it for even 2 or 3 kids at the same time and the cost goes up pretty much linearly with each child. $2000 a month is doable in our budget (we have a slighter lower HHI than you), but $4000 per month is simply not. With one daycare bill we do cut back on a lot of luxuries but we are still able to afford things that are really important to our future and our sanity (contributions to retirement, a cleaning service, a modest family vacation every year). With two daycare bills, all of that would have to go plus we’d probably have to raid our savings for the bigger bills that periodically come up and that would be really scary to me.
We want one kid for several reasons, but a big factor is that for financial reasons we’d have to wait for a second until our first is in kindergarten and I don’t want such a large gap (plus I suspect by the time I have a kindergartner I won’t be eager to go back to nursing, diapers and a baby/toddler who is totally dependent on us…not that 5 year olds are super independent but much more so than 2 year olds).
Jen says
We have 3 kids. I’m on mat leave with #3 and my oldest will NOT be in kindergarten next year (just misses the cutoff). We’re moving from 2 in daycare to nanny + part time preschool for the older two (very reduced hours). We’d been paying about $3700/mo in daycare, and it would have been OVER FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH for 3 in FT daycare. We’re paying $31k/year for the nanny, plus what works out to about $10k/year for the two preschool programs (4.5 y/o is in 3 mornings a week 9-1, 2 y/o is 2 mornings 9:30-12:30) but those programs are school year only. In the summer it’ll be all 3 for the nanny, maybe a few weeks of camps or weeks at various grandparents mixed in.
Then, sweet sweet kindergarten and we’re back to <$4000/mo. And in two years we'll be down to $1500/mo plus some aftercare. Our marvelous town has a great aftercare program that is $200/mo.
Anonymous says
Yup, $4700/ month for 3 in a center . My oldest goes to K this year, and before and after care is $500/month vs the $1200ish we pay now. I am excited!
anon for this says
We have two kids and pay $6000 a month in childcare (full time Montessori plus mother’s helper 3 hours a day). 72K a year. It is astronomical and clearly we are not saving as much as we would want to. We keep telling ourselves that things will dramatically change when kids start public school. Yes, we will need to pay for the summer camps and what not but it won’t be anything close to what we pay now. HHI $400 K.
Legally Brunette says
This brings up an interesting point. I have often heard people say that you shouldn’t underestimate the cost of public school between after care and summer camps. And I get that but clearly it can’t be anywhere close to paying for private preschool/daycare all year round? We pay about $5k a month in childcare currently and I can’t imagine how that wouldn’t drastically go down when even one of my kids starts public school next year.
Anonymous says
So if I was to use both before and after school care in our public school next year, it would be $56/week. So less than $250 a month. I am going to be saving over $1000 a month. And yes, summers are likely going to be more in line with what I’m paying now, but honestly, even my friends who stay home often enroll their children in multiple summer camps/programs, so it’s not as though it’s an all-or-nothing deal.
Anonymous says
Yeah infant daycare in my area is $1800/month. After care is $200/month. HUGE difference even if it’s only 9 months/year.
Anonymous says
In my area the licensed daycares are about $1500 per month but you can find unlicensed ones – including some that are supposedly quite good – for as little as $400. Lower income people send their children to these unlicensed places.
Boston Legal Eagle says
From what I’ve seen among my friends and coworkers – some rely on grandparents to watch the kids either part or full time, if they are close enough and willing to do so, some get nannies for multiple kids as it’s somewhat cheaper than 2 in daycare, especially if they are close in age, and many end up with one parent (usually mom) working part time and do part-time daycare. Unfortunately, those that go part-time often get stuck in their roles with no promotions and minimal raises even after they return to full-time, but it’s a trade off, of course.
We can afford one in daycare with just our current take home salaries, while still saving for retirement and some other savings, but we’re about to pay for two and we have a savings fund set up just to cover the extra right now. And this is with a high HHI.
AIMS says
I’m in NY, too, and I wonder this all the time. I was just looking into this for my daughter and one of the “cheaper” centers I called would have been $2,500/mo. for full time 9-5 care, slightly more for infants, and there is a huge wait list! Another center closer to home is $3500! On a whim, I looked up the tuition for a private school near our house and nursery school there is $32K/yr. A Montessori pre-school is about $28K for basically a half day program.
I think some people get family help, others cut back on other things like buying a place or saving for retirement, and a lot of people rely on a patchwork of other solutions like nanny share, etc. Honestly, I don’t know. I have two kids now and I cannot afford to have them both in day care.
Anonymous says
What are you doing with them?
AIMS says
They’re home at the moment. We have some family help, which makes it easier but it may not be logistically feasible for much longer because two is harder than one and also my oldest probably needs to be in some kind of preschool for social reasons soon. I’m just trying to explore our options and it’s all very overwhelming!
Anon in NYC says
This was the primary reason why we hadn’t really started trying for #2 in earnest until basically, now. We calculated that the duration of a pregnancy + maternity and paternity leave would just get us to a point where my daughter would be in free pre-k when we needed childcare for the baby.
Right now, we’re sending my daughter to a year round, full time preschool. It’s $2,350/mo. For the first 2 years we used a Bright Horizons that was closer to like $2700/mo for full time care. If we have a second, we’ll probably wind up doing some sort of nanny or nanny share to manage infant + after school care for my oldest.
All in all, having kids is a huge financial hit!
H13 says
I’ve wondered the same thing. We have no room in our budget with two in daycare (approx $2900/month in a MCOL city). I know we choose to send to a more expensive place but there are some that are even more expensive in our area. I don’t know how people make it work.
We have cut back on savings and I try to be mindful of things like our eating out budget and travel. Our first is entering public kindergarten in the fall and I feel like we will finally have some breathing room to get some things done to the house, upgrade some purchases, etc.
Anonymous says
We’re legitimately in debt from day care and I’m hoping it pays off by the time they’re in pre-K or so. We had twins. I make ~45K per year pretax, my husband makes maybe ~55K. We pay about 26K/year in cash for day care. It’s twice our mortgage! We generally cut back on everything (no cable, date nights about once per year) but we are carrying a small credit card balance that we haven’t gotten in front of yet (needed a new furnace for $6K, car repairs…). I’m just reminding myself that I’m still putting money away in retirement, I’m getting raises every year, this cost is temporary… but it’s no joke. I really, really want more kids and we aren’t even considering it until the twins are in kindergarten ONLY due to the cost of childcare.
Childless says
I am with you in not understanding this. We are pretty high HHI (~$250k). Even though we both want a child, we have decided to not do so for financial reasons. It makes me sad, but we’re keeping open the option of adopting a child when we are older.
Anonymous says
I mean this kindly but there is nowhere in the United States that you truly can’t afford a child at that income. You are in the top 5% of earners in the country. Obviously far more than 5% of the country has children. Will you be able to have a child who does an expensive sport and goes to Europe every year? Maybe not. But many children whose parents earn far far less have happy childhoods. My parents made about $50k for most of my childhood which is maybe like $75k in todays dollars at most. Our house was 900 sq feet and we didn’t have a lot of luxuries but there was always food on the table, I attended very good public schools (and had big scholarships for college) and there were always books and toys even if they were purchased secondhand at garage sales or library fundraisers instead of Toys R Us or Barnes and Noble. I was babysat by a SAHM neighbor of my parents and I’m sure it was way less than $2k per month.
Of course if you don’t want to have a kid that’s perfectly fine. But if you want a kid this is a silly reason not to have one.
GCA says
Thank you for the much-needed perspective. This is my husband’s experience, too. (I didn’t grow up in the US.) The median household income in the US is roughly $60K, and even in a HCOL city like Boston it is just over $100K.
Anonymous says
Ladies, I’m a second time mom, but have a first time problem with my 18 month old – she’s decided that 4:30 am is the appropriate time to wake up. And I’m dying. I haven’t slept passed 5am in weeks (including mother’s day, but that’s another story). It’s still dark here up until close to 5:30 or so, so I don’t think it’s light. Suggestions? Same bedtime as usual (around 7:30/7:45), no other big changes. She’s had some stomach issues lately, but the wake ups preceded that. HELP!
S says
Ferber? Your comfort level may vary, but it is likely to work if you stick with it religiously.
Anonymous says
Does that work in the morning? I did it at night with our first, but this LO goes down without any issues on her own drowsy but awake. Same theory in morning? Just cry it out?
S says
I imagine it depends on the kid but works well for us. She knows we will not get her until 6:35 even though she can’t tell time. We have a video monitor and set our alarm for 6:35 and are very quick to go in as soon as she’s up at or after that time (before she cries) so that we’ve entirely de-coupled crying and parents arriving. YMMV but if you’re willing I think it’s well worth a shot. I’d explain it to you LO first.
Anonymous says
How late/much is she napping? It may be interfering with how much night time sleep she needs. I would try capping the nap (i.e if right now she sleeps as long as she wants, cut it to 2 hours). Re Ferber, yes, our rule was (is) that it’s night time until 6:00 a.m.
Anonymous says
She’s in school 5 days a week, and the nap period is from about noon to 2. She usually sleeps the entire 2 hours, but that’s certainly a late nap by any means. I guess I’m just going to need to embrace ferber-ing in the morning.
Anonymous says
certainly *not a late nap, I mean…
Anonymous says
Agree that nap probably isn’t the culprit. Is there consistency with the time she is waking up such that maybe it’s an exterior noise (neighbour leaving super early)? Sound machine may help if you aren’t already using one. You can also try introducing an OK to wake clock which I think we did sometime between 18 – 24 months.
Marilla says
Mine went through a phase of waking up hungry at that time. I just rolled with it against all sleep training advice and gave her milk and a banana and back to sleep. Could that be going on? If not, I’d probably go in, maybe change diaper if it’s really wet, and tell her it’s still sleeping time, tuck her back in and sing some of her bedtime songs again. And if that doesn’t work then I would let her cry a little until she settles down.
At 18 months I don’t think a 12-2 nap is likely to be interfering that much. If anything it might be worth also trying to get her in bed a little earlier and see if it helps.
Anonymous says
Is she napping too much in the day? I know that lots of people say that frequent, long naps are important for a good nights sleep but we’ve seen the opposite with our 13 month old. If she doesn’t nap much (2 half hour naps or 1 one hour nap), she will do a great 12 hour sleep overnight. If she takes a two hour mid-day nap, she won’t even sleep 10 hours overnight.
Anonymous says
Oh also, it might be controversial but what about putting her to bed later? If my baby was only going to sleep 9 hours at night, I’d much rather have it be 9 to 6 than 7:30 to 4:30.
lawsuited says
Try moving her bedtime 30 minutes earlier. I just tried that with our 14 month old who was habitually waking up between 5 and 5:30, and he’s started waking up after 6 now (which feels like a huuuuge win!) I totally subscribe to the theory that overtired children don’t sleep as well.
Anon says
oh it’s a phase. it will pass. My second is almost 22 months and for 2 months (19-21 months) she had AWFUL sleep. Nothing helped. Moving bedtime, playing with naps, the works. Nothing.
What helped a little: an OK to wake clock (she didn’t really “get” it, but she liked “mine own clock” and got into a habit of saying goodnight to it). More exercise before bed.
I think it was a combo of a growth spurt (she ate so much during this time!), some teething, daylight savings, and Life.
But CIO didn’t work (it worked on her as a baby and I’m not afraid of using it ;). Dh and I were going INSANE because I’m pregnant and due with #3 and it just wrecked our entire family, including our preschooler. But it passed. She’s sleeping until 6am again, and occasionally 7pm. She’s actually going to bed a little earlier– more like asleep by 8 vs asleep by 8:30, and going to bed easier (“reads” to herself vs screams herself to sleep). Hang in there.
Anon says
Just to be clear, “awful” sleep means went to bed late, got up 2-3 times overnight screaming and refusing to go back to sleep, waking for good between 4:30 and 5am.
DH and I took turns: one of us would go to sleep at 8pm and take the early shift (any wakeups after 1am); the other would stay up late and do bedtime plus the pre-1am wakeup). We got my preschooler a white noise machine.
Sam says
I went through months of this (youngest is now a preschooler and sleeps better) and my suggestion is for YOU.
Go to sleep at 7 or 7:30 or 8, the soonest you can manage to after kiddo is down. That’s the way I survived this for months. No downtime, no reading or TV and no waiting to clean up the kitchen, I handed it off to DH and snuggled up and was out with my little one.
1st timer says
I feel naive asking this but I really have no idea– with a brand-new baby, how long can you leave her/him alone? Some examples- my bathroom is upstairs in my apt, the laundry room is in the basement of my apartment building. Can I run to the bathroom and leave her alone in the living room for 3 minutes? Run to the laundry room and leave her alone for 5 minutes? Is this just something you figure out once you actually have a kid?
POSITA says
Anything where you are within reach of a baby monitor is absolutely okay in my book. How big is your building?
POSITA says
*Anywhere
1st timer says
Smallish– if for some reason the elevator was broken and I needed to get from the basement to my floor (the top floor) it would take about 3 minutes.
So, I guess there exist baby monitors that people bring with them? Maybe even one that connects to an iPhone app?
SG says
We bought a wi-fi camera that has an app from amazon. You can certainly buy a baby monitor with it’s own screen but we liked the stand alone because it’s cheaper and we always have our phones on us to check in. At night we set up the app on an old phone that’s kept plugged in.
Anonymous says
There definitely are baby monitors that connect to iPhone apps. We also have an app called Baby Monitor that works with 2 iPhones, one as the monitor and one as the receiver. It has an audio-only and a video function, and it works with either wireless or data. We can either set it up with DH’s and my phones, or we can use an old iPhone (as long as we stay within our wireless range).
I wouldn’t use this app for a regular baby monitor if I needed one every night. But it’s cheap and it’s perfect for when we go out in the yard during nap time, or if Kiddo is sick and we’re worried we might not be able to hear him.
Anonymous says
I think you figure out what you’re comfortable with. Certainly 3 minutes to the bathroom is fine. When my first was born I brought the rock and play into the bathroom with me while I showered so I could peek out. With my 2nd I just left him in the bedroom in there while I did what I had to. I’m not sure about your laundry room – is it outside of your apartment? I might bring baby in a carrier down but I haven’t dealt with that. Conceptually I’d be hesitant to leave baby in the apartment without me. But think if you’re just in the next room….. I’ve left my son there for 20 minutes in the mamaroo and he’s content….
Anonymous says
I think the running upstairs to the bathroom is fine since it’s in your apartment, but I probably wouldn’t leave her alone in your apartment to run to the laundry room in the basement. Can you put her in a baby carrier for that amount of time? I think the baby would be fine, but I’d be afraid a nosy neighbor would think I was negligent. I may be paranoid, but in the past 10 years people have started calling child protective services for much less.
Wow says
+ 1
HRHNYC says
This isn’t the “right” answer, but I (and others I know) would do the laundry thing and run to the basement to do the laundry. I’d only do it when my child was sleeping and highly unlikely to wake up (so at night or during a solid nap). With an infant I’d wear him/her and just take him/her along for the laundry trips. You can definitely leave baby alone while you go to the bathroom (assuming you’re going to the bathroom in your own apartment!). As they get older they may be unhappy with the idea of you going to the bathroom alone, but that’s a different story. I think you’ll just feel it out as you go.
Anonymous says
I live in a house not an apartment so probably a slightly different situation. I was comfortable going anywhere in my house, including to the bathroom or to take a shower, as long as the baby was in a safe sleep place like a crib. If she was in a swing or something like that that is less safe for sleep, I would try to stay in the same room but would often turn my back to her (e.g. prepping dinner with her in a swing on the kitchen floor). I would not have left my house with the baby inside, mainly because I am a giant space cadet (especially right after the baby) and I was worried I’d somehow lock myself out and not be able to get back in to baby for hours. We never had a baby monitor, fwiw, our house isn’t that big and when she really cried we could hear it anywhere.
AIMS says
Agree that this is highly personal. I think that as long as baby is somewhere “safe,” the question is how long would you be comfortable with them crying? Like if you go to take a shower and they wake up, it will take you let’s say 2 minutes to go get them. For me, laundry would have been hard because it would be 5-7 minutes before I could get back up the way our laundry was located so I just waited on that, but I did leave the apartment to get packages downstairs (3-5 min) and I left a few times to take the dog out to poop when he had some major stomach issues and baby was asleep. Funny story: I never went more than 10 feet past our building entrance and still ran upstairs like a madwoman after to make sure baby was still there after!
All of this, btw, goes out the window as they get bigger because a crying 3 month old is very different from a baby that can stand up in the crib and bang her head against the sides.
SF says
I’m also in an apartment and I have a 16 month old. My judgement is if the distance is as far as I could go if I lived in a big house, it’s okay (and always bring the monitor). We have friends that live a few doors down but in the same building – after he goes to sleep I’m fine going there for dinner. And we’ve also gone up to the roof on occasion. I think a lot depends on how solidly your baby sleeps and your own comfort level.
Anonymous says
There were a few times I left my baby in the apartment while I ran to the laundry room, but I never felt entirely comfortable doing so. Because one load of laundry equals at least two trips outside the apartment, more if you use the dryer. My husband and I found we much preferred saving laundry for the weekend or evening when both of us were home. If there was a blowout or other major mess, we had a Rubbermaid tub we would soak things in with Oxyclean until we could get to the laundry. Another thing to consider with shared laundry, sometimes the baby is eating or needs a diaper change and you can’t get to the machine when it stops. How kind are your neighbors about that sort of thing? I recommend putting a basket in front of the machine, with a post-it note saying “feel free to unload into basket” and possibly your apartment number. Sometimes a good samaritan will return it to your door if they know you are tending to a newborn!
AwayEmily says
I’m sure I’m the gazillionth person to ask a variant on this question, but…aaauuughhh potty training! My 26-month-old has been talking a LOT about the potty for the past month. This morning she cried because we wouldn’t let her sit on the potty. She definitely knows when she is about to pee and poop (though does not seek out privacy for pooping) and is very verbal. We’d been tentatively planning on training her in July, when she’s 2.5, but I just realized it’s a long weekend and it’s supposed to be beautiful out, so…maybe we should do it now? It seems so early to me, but maybe that’s just because I sometimes still think she’s a newborn. I’ve read the “Oh Crap” book and I think we’ll just take that approach. I guess my question is…how do I know it’s time?
Anonymous says
I say go with it! We used the oh crap method at 25 months.
Sassyfras says
My daughter was potty-trained before 2, she was ready and excited to do it. Capitalize on her interest or you might find yourself regretting it later when you can’t tempt her with anything to get her to sit on the potty.
Anon in NYC says
It seems like she’s ready – she is talking about the potty, and was upset because she couldn’t sit on it. Go for it this weekend!
FWIW, we had some success with the Oh Crap method at around 29 months. It took about 3 weeks to really be consistent with pee. Poop is a whole other story – good news is that my kid is no longer withholding. Bad news is that she’ll only poop in a diaper. So we’ll have to revisit that at some point.
Anonymous says
If you’re willing and she’s interested, there’s likely no harm in going for it. Just be realistic that it may not work this time or be a complete training (#s 1 and 2 and both consistently).
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’re in a similar boat! Son is 25 months and has been talking about sitting on the potty, but he doesn’t really tell us when he’s about to pee or poop yet. Sounds like yours is more than ready. We’re going to wait until July because we’ve got some trips coming up at the end of this month and June, and don’t want to worry about potty training then. For those of you who did the “Oh Crap” method and use daycare, what did you do for daycare days? Would you really send them in w/o diapers or pull-ups or anything like that? I feel like ours would request at least some back-ups, but not sure.
Anon in NYC says
Told daycare that we were potty training, brought in lots of backup clothes, and just left it at that. We told them to continue using diapers for naps, but that otherwise she was now in undies.
GCA says
We used training underwear for daycare and sent in a lot of backup clothes; kiddo didn’t get confused as Oh Crap! warned (which I personally think might be a bit of scaremongering).
I just realized it’s been almost a year since kiddo potty trained (also around 25 months), because we did it Memorial Day weekend last year! Diapers now seem like a distant memory. Crazy.
Anonymous says
we also did oh crap! at daycare around 25 months and found that all the “daycare will ruin this” nonsense in the book was…nonsense. otherwise the method worked very well for us.
Anonymous says
We started oh crap type method Saturday afternoon of a holiday weekend and just sent him to school in undies on Tuesday. Emailed his teacher Monday to let her know. (Pull ups for naps for this sound sleeper.) I sent about five changes of clothes and he only had one accident that entire week, if I recall. Daycare are PROS.
Anonymous says
Should clarify that we never did the naked part of oh crap– just the cold turkey 3 day part. We started with undies from the get-go. We did wait till almost 3 but by doing so it has been a basically painless process.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all! This was super encouraging. I just ordered a stepstool and potty seat and some Elmo underwear, so I guess we are doing this thing!
LittleBigLaw says
Good luck to you! We used this method at 23 months with great success! It was HARD for about 2 days and then it just seemed to click on the third day. Months later when our DD’s “independence” really started to assert itself we were very thankful we didn’t wait longer. (Not saying everyone should train early, just that IMHO training before the toddler stubbornness really kicked in seemed to help us a lot.)
Pretty Primadonna says
I am so glad to hear the Oh Crap! method worked. I have an almost 23 month old who is in PullUps and sometimes goes on the potty at home and at daycare, but I want to officically train her over this long weekend. Wish me luck!
Type A Mom-to-Be says
First time mom-to-be here (eek!) and trying to plan ahead. At what point did you start buying maternity clothes? Any advice on the best places to shop for professional maternity clothes? I’ll be bigger in the cooler months. Everything I look at is jersey, clingy, etc. and just not suitable for my office. Help much appreciated. Bonus if the clothes are built for tall women.
Anonymous says
My work-horse pieces were from Gap and ON of all places, but bought in solid colors (black and navy mainly). Honestly, even the nicer maternity stuff is mostly jersey or ponte. You need (and want) the give to accommodate a pregnant body – both the curve of it and the continuously changing size of it. I promise that even in the most staid offices, what isn’t suitable normally gets more of a pass while pregnant.
AIMS says
Yep! I had almost exclusively ON, Loft and some Gap. A lot of stuff is definitely too clingy but you can also find stuff that is thicker material. I didn’t start buying/wearing maternity clothes until about 22 weeks but everyone is different. I work in a conservative environment and was able to be fine with separates in dark colors: some dresses that I could pair with existing blazers, pants that I could wear with long blouses and a couple of more casual items. Don’t worry too much if you don’t see stuff now, I found retailers to be very seasonal with this stuff so there wasn’t much good office wear until September. It’s like they just expect you to wear maxi dresses if you’re super pregnant in summer.
Anonymous says
Congratulations! It really depends on how early you show. I’m on the taller side (5’8″) but lost weight in my first trimester due to all-day-every-day morning sickness, and am on the normal-slimmer side, so I actually showed pretty early (although a lot of people will say skinny people show late?). I had to wear maternity jeans starting at 11-12 weeks, and maternity work pants at 15 weeks. People at work guessed I was pregnant (rude!) at 14 weeks. I’d have at least one pair of pants on hand by 10-11 weeks just in case you wake up one morning having “popped” and your pants suddenly don’t fit.
In terms of brands it really depends on your budget. If you have money I’d go with seraphine or isabella olivier (found at Nordstroms). I pieced together stuff from motherhood maternity and some dresses from seraphine, it just took some hunting. I assume that you are still early in your first trimester if you’ll be bigger in the cooler months. You can wait to buy most of that stuff come fall/winter then.
Anon says
Second the recs for seraphine or isabella olivier if they run in your size. I’m a 14-16 and found most of their stuff, even in the biggest size, were too small for me.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m on my second so I feel like I showed wayyy early and ended up wearing my maternity pants starting at around 8 weeks or so. I continued to wear my loose blouses with cardigans, which hid the bump for a while (these will also be great when you’re postpartum!). I would pick up a few maternity pants and continue wearing your regular shirts for now. You likely won’t need the full-on maternity sweaters until much later. I also bought some regular loose tops in a size bigger, and that worked for the 2nd trimester for the most part. I was in my third trimester during the worst of winter last time but just got a puffy coat in a bigger size, so don’t feel like you need to shell out for a maternity-specific coat (unless you want to).
Type A Mom-to-Be says
Thanks all! Very helpful feedback. I’m hoping to keep an eye on sales over the next few months (hello Nordstrom Semi-Annual!).
Anonymous says
I bought several of my maternity work horses, especially dresses and sweaters, at Nordstrom (or, really, my mom bought them for me for Christmas). I can’t remember what brands, but I had one faux-wrap dress with a beautiful pattern that I wish came in standard sizes.
Anonymous says
First: Congrats! Very exciting. I loved shopping for maternity clothes which sounds weird. I didn’t need them until around 18 weeks. Definitely started using a bellaband around then with my regular pants.
I subscribed to LeTote for my first pregnancy and found they had a lot of dresses and jackets that were professional. I also had several dresses from Seraphine that worked on their own or would have worked with a black jacket.
I would also recommend maternity tights early on – I got mine from Seraphine.
Last thought: check out ThredUp for used mat clothes. I bought some dresses on there that were great and I sold all my stuff to them when I was done.
Anon says
Old Navy and Gap were some of the only places I could find full length pants in tall or long. Because in the dead of winter, ankle length doesn’t cut it in my office. I had 1 gray pair of “khakis”, 1 black pair, 3-5 maternity dresses for the summer (due in August, so by the end of summer it was straight dresses) and probably 5-10 maternity tops because I do not do laundry that often. I finally caved and got a pair of maternity shorts, which I loved. And then I lived in maternity yoga pants on weekends (and post-partum). I bloated a lot and then showed super early but was able to hide it the first few months with non-maternity clothes in the next size up (which were helpful post-partum).
lawsuited says
I started wearing maternity pants at about 20 weeks because waistbands were really starting to bother me. I wore sized-up non-maternity blouses rather than maternity blouses because I didn’t like the quality/style of maternity clothes I found.I wore a sized-up non-maternity swing coat through the fall and winter. My workhorse item of clothing in the winter months was a (non-maternity) ponte knit dress with long sleeves from Talbots that I wore once if not twice a week from about 30 weeks onwards. After 38 weeks, I basically started wearing leggings, tunics and a bad attitude to work unless I was scheduled to be in court.
The only “maternity” clothes I bought were pants and tights. Sized-up non-maternity clothes will give you more choice and be useful after the baby comes.
LawMom2Be says
I’m just starting my 2nd trimester and already bought some maternity clothes that don’t really look maternity on me yet. I’ve put on a few pounds and my body has just changed so much that I couldn’t wear most of my old pants/skirts/tailored dresses any more. Rather than wear too-tight clothes, I just bit the bullet and got some maternity pieces. But everyone is different– I have a co-worker who was able to keep wearing her regular clothes for what seemed like an eternity to me (I’m jealous). As far as where to shop, I had some pretty good luck at Macy’s and Gap so far. By the way, I’m fairly tall at 5’8″ and have been happy that the hemlines have all worked for me so far. I was also pleasantly surprised at the cost, but the quality is not that great (to be expected at the price point). There will probably be good sales this weekend if you want to get some things for later this summer! When are you due?
Type A Mom-to-Be says
I’m due in December and everything is looking good (fingers crossed!) so far with the pregnancy. I haven’t really gained any noticeable weight yet (although my husband said my top was “filling in nicely,” lol). This has all been really helpful advice. We aren’t telling anyone yet (nearly there), and it’s been a bummer not to have GFs to bounce all of this off of. I know it is perhaps a little soon to start thinking clothes and nursery, etc. etc., but we are so excited!
lawsuited says
I’m due in December too! Yay!
Anonymous says
I know everyone says first time moms don’t show until about 20 weeks but I bloated early – my jeans and dress pants were uncomfortable by about 8 weeks and simply would not button by about 12 weeks. (Fwiw, I only gained 18 pounds total so it’s not like I was giant whale when pregnant). I was due in February, so in the summer months I lived in looser dresses in my normal size and running shorts on the weekends. In the fall and winter I made due with two pairs of maternity jeans, two pairs of maternity dress pants and an assortment of maternity tops and sweaters. I got my pants at Old Navy, which has tall sizes in maternity, and most of my tops at Target or Motherhood Maternity. I also got a pair of Old Navy maternity tights and a couple of Seraphine dresses, which were long enough for me (I’m 6’0″) and not too fitted. I got and returned several dresses from Target and Old Navy because they were way too form-fitting and made me self-conscious.
Cheap black cardigans says
I have recently purged my closet during a move, and now find myself with lots of sleeveless tops and no cardigans in good shape. Can anyone recommend a cheapie black cardigan that I can buy in multiples? I’m so tired of the morning search for a clean shoulder-coverer…
AIMS says
Uniqlo. I just got their “lightweight” cardigan in black and love it. Be warned it’s somewhat sheer (fine for my purposes but not sure about yours :)) It’s $29 so not sure if it counts as a “cheapie” but Uniqlo also has two cotton versions on sale for $15 right now in v neck and crew. I’ve had very good experiences with them quality-wise.
Anonymous says
Wait for a sale and go with the “Ann Cardigan” at Ann Taylor. I love them and they hold up much better than the cheaper cardigans I have tried over the years. I can usually get them for $25-$30 on sale. They come in both full length sleeve and 3/4 length (maybe depending on season).
Pigpen's Mama says
I just got a few cardigans at H&M — less than $20, seems to be okay, with the caveat that I haven’t washed them yet. They had a good variety of colors as well.
Anonymous says
Lands End Supima can be inexpensive, esp on sale
Anonymous says
+1 to Isabella Oliver if you can afford it, especially if you plan on having more than one kid. I bought mostly Gap and ON stuff for my first pregnancy and by my third, it was really not in good shape to wear to work any more, and I splurged on some Isabella Oliver stuff that made me feel like I looked a bit more put together. I typically would wear a maternity dress plus a non-maternity blazer. I think clingier than would otherwise be acceptable at the office is okay for maternity clothes.
SBJ says
Any suggestions for floor coverings in a kids room with wall-to-wall carpet? We’re moving into a new rental and the bedrooms have carpet (not my favorite). I’d like to put something down in the kids room for the inevitable spills/accidents/etc that’s easy to clean and avoids needing to steam clean a carpet. Are foam tiles my best bet here?
NewMomAnon says
When kiddo was a newborn and still in the spit-up, blow-out phase, we put a cheap (Ikea) area rug down in her bedroom. Just make sure that the edges are secured under furniture to prevent tripping. When it got gross, I threw it out. Now that she’s older, I don’t allow food or beverage (other than water) in her bedroom, and other than a brief potty training stint, there hasn’t been a risk of toilet accidents on the rug either.
The foam tiles are cute, but I don’t know how well they would protect against actual stains; they have gaps between the tiles where liquid could get under them, which seems worse than just cleaning up the rug after a spill.
AwayEmily says
+1. We’ve also had good luck with cheap rugs from Rugs USA. Basically, we decided that until our kids are older we are only buying rugs that we are not super-attached to (for all our rooms, not just the kids’ rooms).
lawsuited says
We have a Skip Hop foam rubber playmat in our LO’s nursery that is easy to clean and useful for playtime as well. The Skip Hop ones are $$$, but there are cheaper alternatives on amazon.
Summer Schedule says
It is kind of late in the day to be asking (so I may re-ask tomorrow)…but I’m curious if anyone adopts an official or unofficial summer work schedule that differs from their regular schedules. I work in the billable hour world and, provided I am available for scheduled meetings/conference calls (which are actually rare for me), don’t miss deadlines, and actually get my hours in, I have quite a bit of freedom on when to work. I’m considering some scheduled early out days each week where I make up the time later in the evening after my child goes to bed.
Anonymous says
Kat linked to a whole post about this the other day so there are probably more responses there (although I think a lot more people read this page now than a year or so ago). Personally I have a pretty inflexible 9-5 office gig, but people do take more vacation time in the summer months and work is slower (I work in higher ed). I have a lot of vacation time and I try to take a three day weekend every 2-3 weeks from Memorial Day to Labor Day.
OP says
Oh wow – I hadn’t noticed the link. Thanks!