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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Meal Planning says
I do 100% of the meal planning, 95% of the cooking, and at least 75% of the grocery shopping in my household. Some of this is because my husband is not good at planning and some of it is because I arrive home first so it is logistically impossible for him to cook dinner. Then the shopping also falls in my lap since I’m the one planning and cooking. Anyway, I’m ok with this division of labor however, how much input should husband get about meal selection? My efforts to engage him at the planning stage are not successful and he never complains outright when he gets home and he isn’t thrilled with what is for dinner, but he will sometimes heat himself up something from the freezer or make a comment about how he wasn’t expecting X type of dish tonight. I get hurt over these comments since I have put so much effort into it. I work the same hours as him but my schedule is shifted earlier so I get home earlier then I cook dinner while caring for all 3 children. I recently started emailing him the week’s meal plan ahead of time so that he can comment beforehand and that does work, but its a lot of work. Some weeks I dont’ have the 45 minutes or so it takes me to put together a meal plan ahead of time in order to shop and I’m scrambling last minute for dinner. For example last night I pulled out some frozen chicken and made a stir fry last minute since nothing was planned. When he wasn’t in the mood for the stir fry so he had a frozen pizza. So, am I being unreasonable by being hurt by this? Is there any other way to approach the meal planning where he gets input without me having to chase him down? I honestly think he doesn’t understand how much work goes into this since he doesn’t every do it.
Mrs. Jones says
Not unreasonable to be hurt by that. I would be pissed.
Meal Planning says
I guess my other question too is for those of you that meal plan, how much notice/input does your partner have? Do I owe him letting him know ahead of time or does he just get to deal with it since it is my responsibility?
JayJay says
I do 100% of the meal planning and cooking and probably 95% of the shopping. I don’t mind it because my husband helps in other ways. I put a chalk-board decal on our fridge and on Sunday write out what meals we’ll have during the week. It’s a rotation of probably 10 options or so (and most rely on pantry ingredients, protein, and then whatever fresh veggies I buy that weekend), but that way no one can complain about what’s for dinner. If I’m feeling nice, I’ll ask my husband on Sunday if he has any requests for the week, but that’s not often…
Em says
I’m not exactly in your situation, as my husband does 30-40% of our cooking and probably 60% of our grocery shopping. I am the only one who “meal plans.” If my husband cooks it is usually a spur of the moment thing. He is somewhat of a picky eater and, while he tries everything I cook, I have made meals that he will take one bite of and then not eat. I used to get really pissed about it for the same reasons you do, but then I shifted my mindset. When I meal plan, I do it assuming I am the only one who will eat it. That way if he eats it, awesome! If he doesn’t, more leftovers for me! It’s a mental thing, but it has eliminated any tension between us in this area. That said, my husband gets very little input on what I make if I am the one doing the cooking. I try to have a regular rotation of stuff I know he likes, but otherwise I make whatever I want.
ChiLaw says
Yeah, I’m the “husband” in this situation — my guy does 85% of the shopping and 90% of the cooking, and while he avoids a few things I don’t love to eat (raw onions), whatever he has prepared IS what’s for dinner. I don’t think I get to negotiate.
Sometimes he buys himself a big steak and cooks it after baby goes to bed, so baby and I eat quesadillas or whatever (that he *also* makes) for regular dinner, and then he makes something indulgent for himself.
Basically I think that you only get to control what’s being eaten to the extent you’re going to do (at least a significant part of) the work.
PhilanthropyGirl says
^^ This is me as well. I keep my mouth shut unless I feel we’re not eating a well rounded diet (ie – we need to have a vegetable at every meal, in spite of what my meat & potatoes husband thinks).
October says
Yes, this is really annoying and childish behavior on his part. I’ve seen this dynamic play out in my parents’ marriage and it has (among other things) contributed to feelings of resentment. In my household, I do 100% of the shopping but my husband does probably 75% of the cooking — so I roughly meal plan, but sometimes I just buy a bunch of components and he makes what he wants (he is very creative in the kitchen and enjoys cooking so this works for us…plus, although he gets home late-ish, we only have a toddler and make dinner/eat after he goes to bed).
I know you say he’s hard to engage in the planning process, but a few ideas: can you give him the option of several general dishes at the beginning of the week and he picks a few? Eg., tacos, pasta, roast chicken and homemade pizza. Can you involve him in the shopping more (family trip on Sunday)? Can you ask him to email you a few meals he’s in the mood for on the morning of whatever day you do the shopping (put the burden on him)?
EP-er says
We do a family shopping trip on the weekend. We will go out for breakfast first so that everyone is full and then shop for the week together. This way the kids can pick out school snacks or my husband can get veggies that I don’t gravitate towards. We also have a rough rotation for the week — Monday is crock-pot, Tuesday is tacos or enchiladas, Wednesday is pasta, Thursday is eat-out-after-swim-lessons, Friday is whatever… Weekends can be longer dishes.
It sounds like you are spending time & emotion on dinner and don’t feel valued when he doesn’t eat what you make. I think that it is worth while to talk about expectations around dinner. I know some families don’t eat dinner together and the kids eat one thing earlier & the parents eat something else later. We prioritize dinner together. I am not a short order cook. If my very picky son doesn’t like what I make, he can make himself a peanut butter sandwich. But everyone needs to be on the same page, especially as the kids get older.
rakma says
Not unreasonable to be hurt, and I wonder how this plays out with your kids–are they expected to eat what you cooked while he eats frozen pizza? (In my house, that would cause a battle of wills so massive I’d consider one of those Mars colony missions)
I do most of the food-related work, and DH has said he’ll eat whatever I cook, because he recognizes it’s work, and it’s not work that he’s doing (he also gets home later than me, and tends towards complicated recipes with ingredients that aren’t staples, so he’s been constrained to weekend cooking after too many 9pm dinners). Yes, there are some nights that he’s not in the mood for what I’ve made, or doesn’t really enjoy it, and might make a sandwich before bed, but he still eats a reasonable portion of dinner (and thanks me for it)
avocado says
I do all of the meal planning, shopping, and cooking. My husband is a good sport about it and eats everything I cook. It would never occur to him to fix himself something different because he doesn’t like what I’ve made, although sometimes when I’ve planned a meal that isn’t his favorite he will try to convince me that we should go out to eat instead. If there is something he truly hates, he won’t say anything the first couple of times I make it, but if I serve it more than about twice he’ll ask me not to make it again. What really bothers him is usually not what I make, but how long it takes and how many pots it uses. I clean as I go as much as possible, but he washes the dishes after dinner and prefers menus that don’t leave him much to clean up.
I try to accommodate his preferences as well as my own. I won’t make dishes I know he hates, even if I love them. I avoid planning too many vegetarian meals in a row. I will, however, sometimes insist on using the crock-pot even though he complains bitterly about it. He has a complex about the crock-pot. He always thinks he’s going to hate the food that comes out of it and then is pleasantly surprised. He also thinks it’s going to be a pain to wash it but invariably tells me afterwards that it wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought.
I do not routinely review the menu with him or offer him a chance to veto meals, but sometimes I will mention what I’m planning or ask what he’s in the mood for. If I am planning something I think he will object to (usually things he thinks sound complicated and messy even if they aren’t), I will let him know ahead of time what I’m making and why–for example, “I am making this pasta dish to use up the hunk of fontina cheese left over from last week.”
Carrie M says
Totally reasonable to be pissed about this. My husband does 95% of the cooking, 90% of the meal planning, and we usually split shopping, though if I’m crazy busy, he’ll do it all. If there is a hot meal waiting for me when I get home (he gets home earlier), I say thank you and eat it enthusiastically (except for when I was pregnant and nauseated all the time). I think it’s childish and insensitive of your husband to do otherwise. If he wants to have an opinion about it, then he should contribute to the process.
Sorry- that’s probably not so helpful, but I just feel so annoyed on your behalf! I’d talk with him about it, let him know it hurts your feelings, and encourage him to be engaged. I like a lot of the ideas from others above.
Katala says
Similar, except H does pretty much everything right now since I work longer hours, he works from home and I’m pregnant. We often do the shopping together on the weekends, but my input usually ends up being “ooh, cookies! cereal! ice cream!” and him trying to limit me to just one of those (I asked him to help me moderate because I crave, then overeat, sweets/carbs). While trying to keep toddler from putting everything in the cart. 2 weeks ago I was set on prepping a quinoa bowl for the week, so I got those ingredients but I never did it, so he ended up using the perishable stuff for other meals.
I feel like I’m being super annoying about it as it is. But I would never complain about what he made. I always tell him how much I appreciate it and I do end up enjoying it, even if it wasn’t what I felt like eating that day, if for no other reason that I get a hot meal with no effort. I’d be pretty pissed in your situation.
Katala says
I should mention that I used to do most of the planning/shopping/cooking and we’ve talked about general philosophy on how we like to eat and are on the same page, but beyond that I don’t have input into the menu unless he asks, which he sometimes does but is not expected.
Anon says
I used to do all the planning/shopping/cooking. He complained too many times, so he got the entire job. I don’t care that he’s bad at planning, he had to learn. I showed him my method but let him come up with his own version. (We switched responsibilities. I now have main ownership for paying bills, his least-favorite “chore”.)
Now I don’t have any input to the planning, and I’m okay with that. We have some general guidelines, like each week we try to do meat 3x , non-meat 3x, and restaurants/pizza 1x. And we get enough food so we both have leftovers for the next day’s lunch. But beyond that, it’s all him. I do cook on the nights that he works late, but I stick to his plan.
Our main rule is that we’re not short-order cooks. We all eat the same meal, period. We usually have a side of fruits or veggies, and we all like those, so there’s almost always one portion of the meal that everyone will at least eat. But we model good behavior for our kids by not complaining, and definitely not making a separate meal for ourselves. If you don’t like it, then wait til the next meal. You’re not in danger of starving from missing one meal.
Sounds like your husband just earned the meal plan/shop responsibilities. Yay for him!
anon says
I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. I know when my husband cooks, he takes into account my preferences, but he makes what he wants, and I deal with it. I would not expect otherwise. But I would try to assume your husband is not aware of why/how this is hurtful. (I’d try, I might not succeed!)
Edna Mazur says
I’d be annoyed. I do 100% of all of those things. When I go to the store, I ask if he has anything to add to the list. I HATE thinking up dinner ideas so I ask him for recommendations.
At this point, I know what he likes and doesn’t. If I make something new he will always try it, eat it if he can, but give honest feedback.
If I made tacos (which he likes) and he heated up a pizza because he just wasn’t in the mood, I would be livid.
CPA Lady says
He probably doesn’t understand how incredibly difficult it is to do the meal planning. Sounds like he needs a turn doing it.
My husband does all the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking. The only time I give him my opinion is on takeout night and that’s only because he asks. Otherwise I keep my opinions to myself and happily eat what he cooks with gratitude. Even if its something weird. He cooks fish sticks? I eat fish sticks.
anne-on says
I’d be super annoyed too. If he really cares that much about what you eat, then he gets to help plan. What helped us were two things – if you can afford it, meal delivery service. We did that for a while and saved the recipe cards we liked, and now use those very often.
If that isn’t in the budget for you, we use either our stash or recipe cards or cookbooks. On Friday or Saturday I’ll give him the opportunity to pick 3 meals for the week. I’ll pick the other 1-2 meals (we usually go or order in once a week, and eat leftovers for one meal). If he hasn’t picked by the time I go to the store, I pick the recipes and he can either eat what I’ve made, or cook for himself. But 99% of the time, he just thanks me for cooking and eats what’s already prepped and in front of him.
We’ve also been married long enough that I don’t cook foods I know he hates, and save the stuff I love for when I know he’ll be out of town or eating with clients.
Anon in NYC says
I’d be annoyed, but is your husband a picky eater? I don’t like salmon and if I came home from work and my H had made salmon I’d figure something else out. If that’s not the case and he just didn’t want stir fry that particular night, I think he’s just being a baby.
I’d say that I typically do 80% of the meal planning, 60% of the cooking, and we go grocery shopping together (mostly because we’re in an urban area and don’t have groceries delivered so 1 person can’t carry all of that stuff by themselves). But my husband is typically the one who will go to the store mid-week for things we ran out of or forgot. We also plan on takeout 2-3x per week.
For meal planning, we use Cook Smarts. It has really eliminated a lot of the struggle of trying to find ideas for dinner. We will use, say, 3 recipes from there and then usually add 1-2 from our list of really easy go-tos. Since I get an email with recipes each week, I forward it to him and we will discuss whether we want to make any of them.
I think the only real solution for you is to have a conversation with him about this.
Anonymous says
I do all of the meal planning and most of the cooking. We sometimes shop together or sometimes he goes by himself. (Although our area recently got online grocery shopping/pick up and that has made things easier.)
I ask both my husband and children if they have any requests for dinner for the upcoming week. I also ask the children what they want in their lunch boxes and for snack at school. Sometimes they have requests and sometimes they don’t. If they don’t, then they get whatever I have planned for the week. We rotate through a pretty set numbers of dinners, but I do add new things sometimes.
My husband is not picky at all and 99% of the time is happy with what I have cooked for him. Only very rarely does he heat something else up and it is usually because he is not feeling well and just wants soup or something. I just try not to be offended by it because he usually doesn’t complain at all–even early in our marriage (we were still in school when we married) and I made some awful things, haha!
NewMomAnon says
On meal planning with a picky spouse – when I was still married, we had an index card file and each card had a meal on it that we both would eat. The card listed all the necessary ingredients and preparation instructions. For meal planning each week, one of us would pull out 5 cards, check the existing supplies in our pantry/freezer, and make a grocery list from the cards. I did the grocery shopping because I like grocery shopping. Then we stuck the cards on the fridge and alternated making dinner. If we weren’t feeling one of the dishes we had selected, we could shuffle between the other meals we had chosen for that week.
Anon in NOVA says
I like this. I may institute this method when I’m bored at home on leave during the holidays.
NewMomAnon says
Yep, once you get 10-15 cards in the rotation, “meal planning” becomes a 10 minute weekly endeavor and easily shared between all the cooking-age folks in the house. I plan to institute it again when kiddo is old enough to make quesadillas, pasta, grilled cheese, etc.
ER says
I put all of our weeknight meals on index cards when I was on maternity leave. It seemed like a stupid waste of time at the time. But it has been a godsend.
Anon in NOVA says
A. totally reasonable to be irritated/hurt. I’m sorry.
B. the non-confrontational (not saying it’s right, but path of least resistance) way may be to text “I’m cooking X for dinner. Do you want some or are you going to fix yourself something later?” If he doesn’t want any, fine. You can make less, keep the leftovers for lunch, or decide to freeze one portion, but then you are at least in the position to decide if it’s worth the effort. That would make me feel better, at least. You can add cold cuts, bread, and cheese to the shopping list and he can make himself a sandwich if he’s not going to eat what you cooked.
hoola hoopa says
It’s understandable to be annoyed. FWIW, my parents went through the same thing – mom would make dinner, dad would fix his own thing. Since it wasn’t any more work for him, he couldn’t understand why it bothered her. Eventually she just had to let it go and mentally prepare for him not eating the same dinner. I really like the suggestion of saying “I’m making X, are you going to share or make your own?” so that you can prep accordingly.
But to your question about meal planning: I do the meal plan and shopping. My husband does the cooking. Each weekend, I plan and shop for the entire week. Each kid (3 of them) gets to choose one dinner, and husband and I each pick two. (Rules: must be cooked at home, not have been on the plan last week, and they can choose just a dish – for example, one of my kids often requests fruit salad or my husband will want something to accompany fresh baked bread – with the understanding that I’ll fill it in so that it’s balanced).
The meal plan is then posted on the fridge for all to see. We make small accommodations (such as holding out raw vegetables for one kid – although it’s the same vegetables everyone else will each cooked in the dish) or plan in a way that people can pick and choose (such as two vegetables and they must pick at least one, or grilled cheese and tomato soup – knowing one child will skip the tomato soup and have carrot sticks instead and one adult will skip the grilled cheese and have crackers and cheese with the soup), but very rarely does someone get an entirely different dinner.
Anononymous says
My parents had a deal where they took turns cooking every other night. When they started my dad said, If you complain, I quit. My mother hasn’t complained about his cooking once in 30 years. And my dad delights in theme meals like: every food on the table has the letter y in it; everything in this meal came from a can; twice yearly liver and onions; and all of these foods came from red boxes.
Your husband is a whiny brat. But if you don’t want to give him an ultimatum, every time he complains say, If you don’t help me plan, I don’t know what you want.
Katala says
Ha, your dad’s theme meals sound adorable.
Lyn says
Totally
PEN says
I do 90% of the grocery shopping and 70% of the cooking. I would be very upset if my husband did that. He would also be upset if I did. The rule for our kiddos is you eat whatever is for dinner, no special orders. The same applies to my husband and me.
LegalMomma says
If you are the one doing the cooking, planning, and shopping – you get to decide. If he wants input on what is for dinner then he needs to be more involved. My H does the vast majority of those three things as we have the opposite schedule, he has the much shorter commute and gets home earlier therefore he (usually) gets dinner started. If he is searching for ideas he might ask me (and has asked a whole lot more since I am pregnant – cravings / ridiculous aversions are a real thing) but I would never be upset if I was unhappy with what he cooked and, unless I just cannot at the moment (see pregnancy aversions) I eat what he cooked.
If I was the one doing all the work and making dinner I would be p*ss*d that my spouse didn’t appreciate it and expected me to make what they wanted.
Short version – you plan, shop, and cook – you get to choose what’s for dinner. If you have those things done for you – be grateful and eat what you are given.
LegalMomma says
That should have been a response to Meal Planning . . .
PhilanthropyGirl says
Anyone know of a more budget-friendly shoe that would be comparable to the one above?
GCA says
I’ve had great success with the Anne Klein Petrica ballet flat – they’re leather, come in an enormous range of colours, and can be had for as low as $20-35 in lucky sizes. I own two pairs and they work for me for all-day wear.
Felicia flats says
Nordstrom Rack almost always has multiple colors/prints of the Felicia flats for $49. They’re so, so comfy.
JayJay says
Yup- I’ve bought all my Sam Edelman flats from Nordstrom Rack. Many, many options usually.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks all!
H says
I like the Me Too brand for inexpensive flats.
Katala says
+1 they have a nicely padded sole (better than these, as far as I can tell from the picture).
All the emotions says
Curious about how much emotion you show in front of kids, especially small ones. I’ve cried a couple times in front of our 2-year old, and it seems to really upset him – he says “mama sad” and gives lots of hugs, which I tell him thank you for. But he seems very concerned, to the point where hours later he’ll ask “mama sad”? And I tell him I’m ok. On the one hand, I want to teach him it’s Ok to have emotions / feel sad sometimes, but I also don’t want him to think mama is always sad or that he’s responsible for keeping mama happy.
TL/DR: Do you try to always keep your “happy face” on for little kids? Suggestions for helping them learn to express / feel their emotions in a healthy way?
Betty says
I think it is possible to teach our children that it is acceptable to have emotions (especially the darker emotions) and also teach that it is not their fault or responsibility.
I grew up in a stoic household (military), where it was “ok to cry” (but not really), anger was not ok and we were encouraged to just “move past” our bigger feelings or “deal with it” or “put them away”. I can remember my mother crying, but rarely and anger was to be feared. I have struggled with these emotions as an adult and accessing these emotions, especially during times of crisis. So, with the encouragement of my therapist, I am trying to let my kids see that these are normal parts of being human. I cried the night before my son’s procedure and told him I loved him. I cried and was angry with the election results. I do my best to be a stable force in their lives but also let them know that you can have the big, dark emotions and not let them bring you and your world to a grinding halt.
NewMomAnon says
Have you read “The Whole Brain Child”? It talks about that situation – young children process upsetting events by talking about them over and over. It doesn’t mean they are traumatized; it means they are integrating that event into their understanding of the world. When my daughter watched someone trip and hit his head, she kept talking about it for days. Each time, I walked her through what had happened, and then I ended with reminding her that he was fine (he was).
I think we have to be OK showing emotions to our kids, because otherwise how will they know how to handle their own emotions? We all have big feelings. They need to see that you can experience a big feeling without the world collapsing.
All the emotions says
Thanks, that’s helpful. It’s true he does repeat things over and over to process (e.g. one day we saw a broken down car on the road and discussed it for days!).
PhilanthropyGirl says
I cry very openly in front of my 2 year old. I raise my voice sometimes (more often than I like… but… well… that’s life). When he sees me cry, he’ll ask “mama sad?” And I’ll say yes; when it’s appropriate I might even give a simple explanation. He usually asks if dada is sad. Or if nana is sad. Or if the cat is sad. I think it’s good for him to see adults with emotions. He hasn’t learned angry yet, or happy. He will, as we help him talk about those feelings too.
My son’s emotions are HUGE – true for many toddlers and preschoolers. I feel that the best way for him to learn to deal with his emotions is to see adults who can deal with theirs. I grew up in a very “Mary Sunshine” environment – to the point I felt like crying was wrong, and that I shouldn’t ever be angry. The damage that sort of environment did has taken decades to undo.
ChiLaw says
I agree with a lot of the posters here. My childhood was very “don’t have big feelings” and it has not served me well, so I want her to know feelings are inevitable, and to be empowered to deal with them.
I remember the first time my daughter saw me crying and knew what was happening (I was holding her tight after the Pulse nightclub shooting). She touched my face and said, “mama, wawa, eyes?” and I told her I was sad. She gets it, a bit. I had a really sad weekend and she was reading w my husband and she kept pointing to the sad pumpkin in her book, “dat mama!” My heart.
She is working on understanding anger, too. “Do NOT draw on the wall.” “Mama mad?!” “Feel better?” I really want her to understand that it’s FINE to be angry and frustrated, it’s just a question about how you deal with those feelings (not hitting, etc.) — so that’s what I am trying to model.
NewMomAnon says
Can I make a confession? I am really, really struggling with the election results. And I’m personalizing the results in a way that isn’t helpful or productive. I have several male clients who became very pushy and demanded a million “urgent” (read: not really urgent) new projects starting on Monday, and some of them have been calling me every couple hours to check on my “progress.” And the work progress exists (it’s not up to my usual response time), but every e-mail or voicemail from each of my male clients feels like a dagger between the eyes.
This will too pass, right?
Anonymous says
This too will pass.
Most Americans (even if only by the slimmest of margins) voted for Clinton. Take heart in that.
ChiLaw says
This morning, a leering man I work with (as in, he’s on the Board of my org) told me he liked my dress and *winked* at me. Previously I have let it roll off my back, like “he’s from a different generation.” Today though? I want to push him down a flight of stairs.
The election WAS personal. I’ve been sexually assaulted, the women I know have been sexually assaulted, and far too many voters told me “I don’t care about that” or worse “that’s ok” by casting a vote for Trump. My Muslim friend in Texas and her beautiful daughter, the electorate told me “f*ck them.” They told them, “f*ck you.” Etc. etc. It IS personal.
I’m traveling for work and it is SO lonely. I’m hopeful that tonight I’ll finally be able to sit with a like-minded woman and vent.
ChiLaw says
OH COOL. Another Board Member was advocating for a particular location for an upcoming event by talking about how many “hot ladies” there are there, and how the “men will have to wear their sunglasses so their wives don’t see them checking out all the ladies” and it’s just so disheartening. A week ago I would’ve been able to dismiss it as the last gasp of a relic, but now I guess I have to acknowledge it’s just our culture.
RDC says
I think it’s still a relic that hopefully is on its way out. There way a twitter post going around showing how 15-24 year olds voted; the map was entirely blue. That made me feel much better for our future, if not for our next 4 years. I’ll see if I can find a link.
RDC says
https://mobile.twitter.com/EByard/status/796317753749729280
Katala says
I’m telling myself this is the extinction burst. It’s on the way out, but the last gasp is really loud. I hope.
Legally Brunette says
I’m frightened by the incidents in the news as of late, of Muslims/African Americans/Gays/Other minorities being verbally attacked/taunted and in some cases, physically assaulted by Trump supporters. And this has happened at least in a few cases is supposedly liberal bubbles. My good friend, who lives in liberal Northern Virginia, was told to go back to her country by two Trump supporters, accompanied by an exclamation to “Build that wall”.
I know that there are many good and decent Trump supporters but I’m scared that his Presidency has made it ok for the crazies to come out.
Anon says
I screwed something up yesterday morning at work because I was in shock and distracted by the election results. I am eternally grateful in the deepest level of my core for my amazingly supportive female boss who told me it was completely fine and didn’t bring it up again. It was very outside my usual performance so I’m pretty sure she “got it.”
Anon in NYC says
Yes. It will pass, but I am very much struggling with the election right now. As a woman I feel less safe and like my autonomy over my body is going to be taken away. I am also heartbroken and so so angry that it has now become “safe” to say and do horrible things. I’ve been reading Shaun King’s twitter feed (he’s sharing stories of these incidents) and I am scared that people feel emboldened to say and do these things.
NewMomAnon says
The overt stuff is very scary, but I’m so confused by the people I know or suspect voted for the Republican candidate. I counted on those people being a check on the awfulness. I need those people to be a check on the awfulness going forward. What if they aren’t going to be that shelter? It’s a scary feeling of powerlessness and dependence on what appears to be a fickle and fragile electorate.
mascot says
Because people are imperfect and complicated? Because you can be pro-choice, support gay marriage and stand up for people who don’t look or pray like you and still be really concerned about taxes, security and keeping your job. Everyone has their issues that they vote for above all others and especially when they are voting for another imperfect and complicated person. “Those people” are still the same people that they were before. Could you count on them last week?
NewMomAnon says
I thought so last week. But I also thought last week that more of America would stand up to the hate messages with at least their anonymous votes. And that didn’t happen, which either means cowardice or apathy. I’m struggling with how to parse out the issues people voted for versus the issues I needed them to vote against, I guess? And it feels like the most verbal Trump supporters did actually vote for his hate messages, and the ones who voted on other grounds aren’t saying anything (which I understand).
Spirograph says
This is exactly how I feel, NewMomAnon. My husband thinks I’m being ridiculous for being upset to have my rose-colored glasses ripped off and reminds me that people voted on other issues and/or don’t think he really means it. I think that the fact that he said it at all should have met with resounding condemnation in the polls. And I expected it to be. It’s still a very disappointing shock. I’ll get over it, and I’m still hoping he’ll appoint smart people who will keep his worst impulses in check, but my faith in humanity is a little bruised right now. And the stories coming out about trump supporters’ overt racism in their glee over his election are troubling.
Anonymous says
A distraction from the election – can anyone help me pick something for my daughter to wear for holiday pictures? She’s 15 months and generally wears a 12-18 month size. I would like a fun dress, but nothing too traditional-dressy-Christmas-plaid bc we aren’t that traditional of a family. On the other hand, I don’t want to be too casual, either.
TIA!
PhilanthropyGirl says
Janie and Jack has some adorable sweater dresses in cream that I am just dying over.
http://www.janieandjack.com/shop/dept_item.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524443483176&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374303729971&bmUID=lxdXE4e&productSizeSelected=0&fit_type=
http://www.janieandjack.com/shop/dept_item.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524443483216&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374303729971&bmUID=lxdXE3x&productSizeSelected=0&fit_type=
http://www.janieandjack.com/shop/dept_item.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374303731600&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524443483341&rrec=true
PhilanthropyGirl says
In moderation – but Janie and Jack has some adorable sweater dresses in cream, some with red trim. I’d pair them with red accessories. So cute!
Anon in NYC says
H&M has some cute dresses that you can pair with tights, a sweater and some cute shoes.
shortperson says
http://www.teacollection.com/product/6w33300/akira-embroidered-baby-dress.html#china red
Anonymous says
Hanna Andersson?
Beans says
Bella Bliss has beautiful clothes. They are timeless.
ChiLaw says
Tights and shoes can make a baby outfit really fun. Love the traditional baby look with white/cream colored tights and then mary janes and a pretty dress.
Anonymous says
Thank you all for the ideas!