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A more affordable option is this lovely Franco Sarto wedge at DSW.
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
AwayEmily says
I’m sure this has been asked before but I couldn’t find it. My 7-week-old is refusing the bottle – HELP! This is totally our fault for not practicing more…we tried one at 3 weeks and he was fine with it so we got complacent. He won’t drink from it at *all* — just gags like it’s the most disgusting thing in the world (he does the same thing with pacifiers, actually). So far his father (who is a much more experienced bottle-giver than I am; our other kid was a bottle champ) and I have both tried — no dice.
What worked for your bottle skeptic? I don’t really want to buy a million types of bottles but will if I must. Ugh I feel so dumb — every piece of advice out there is “make sure to practice a lot during the early days so they get used to the bottle” and we did not do that because we are lazy idiots.
Anonymous says
I have no advice about bottles but girl. Chill. You didn’t break your baby by being lazy. Stop telling yourself mean horrible untrue things about yourself. Babies are idiots.
AwayEmily says
Aw, thanks. It’s true; babies are pretty dumb. Good thing they are also adorable.
Stop says
Anon at 9:10, I just want to tell you that your comment is completely pointless and not helpful. OP does not really believe she is a lazy idiot. She’s just venting her frustration that she didn’t try the bottle earlier. That is ok to do. She came here for help and advice, not for “Girl. Chill.” You may be new to the mom’s s i t e, but we don’t do that here. Be helpful, be nice, or be quiet.
Anonymous says
It was intended as supportive – that’s how OP read it (as demonstrated by her response an hour before your post) and that’s how I read it. One of the most frequent things we do around here is to remind each other not to be so hard on ourselves. I get that we’re trying to keep it supportive over here, but OP clearly found the response supportive so the follow up criticism of the other poster’s comment wasn’t necessary.
Anon 10:30 says
I’m not Anon 9:10 just to be clear.
Anonymous says
That was supportive! And the OP read it as supportive!
EB0220 says
Has your husband tried with you completely out of the house? What type of bottle are you using now? I assume you’re using the slowest flow nipple. Maybe try with freshly pumped milk so it’s body temperature? (My oldest hated bottles and was super picky about the temperature.) Bottle skeptics are tough.
Bottles and babies says
Hugs – this is hard. We just went through this and tried everything we could think of, starting around when baby was a month old – dad or grandma giving a bottle when I was out of the house, all sorts of different bottles and even a sippy cup (at 4 months when our ped suggested we try it), baby facing outward while standing and swaying, milk at different temperatures… I was getting really worried as she still didn’t take a bottle when she started daycare at 4.5 months. But within 2 days our daycare had it figured out – they initially put the bottle more towards the corner of her mouth (like you would for giving medicine, at least how I do it), really warm, and she would fuss some but eventually drink it. Now she’s 7 months old and a champ at the bottle. So it was super frustrating while I was on mat leave but did resolve eventually. In terms of bottles, she actually really hated the ones that were supposed to be boob-shaped (like the Minbie) and ended up liking the Mam. (We’re now using Mam nipples with Philips Avent bottles since those bottles have fewer parts.) I too resisted buying lots of bottles before ultimately caving, and am still not sure if the specialty ones really made a difference or it was just about circumstances – but now that she’s taking the Mam I’m not trying anything else!
Clementine says
I think this has happened to all of us. Also, definitely not your fault!
Go online. Order a Comotomo silicone bottle. It’s the only thing that worked for a little while for my BF baby, by BFF’s BF baby, and a panicked college friend’s BF baby.
See, my kid didn’t like to take a bottle if I was around. We joked that he did that thing you do at a coffee shop – ‘Oh? You’re making a fresh pot? I’ll wait.’
anon says
Also if it persists, consider a visit to the doctor. DD would go through periods of refusing the bottle that was due to reflux that required medication to be controlled.
Anonymous says
Don’t panic. If you’re not back to work until 12 weeks, and you’re starting a bottle for when you’re back to work, I’d actually take a break for a couple weeks so everyone can destress a bit. 7-8 weeks is prime fussiness and growth spurt time. I’d try the Playtex drop in nurser – that was the favorite of all my babies and other friends whose babies were combo fed.
Also, after I had my second, I found this article a helpful refresh on how to bottle feed a BF baby. DH may be remembering what it’s like to bottle feed an older baby who is used to taking a bottle. https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/
Anonymous says
Also, try motion – my middle baby would only nurse or drink from a bottle if he was being rocked in a rocking chair or being walked around.
Pogo says
First of all you’re not lazy and babies are strange creatures. Ours loved the bottle from about 0w – 8w, when we stopped supplementing with any formula or pumped milk and he got 100% b00b. So, way more bottle experience than your little, and he STILL refused it when he started daycare at 14w.
My mom and husband varied how they gave kiddo the bottle (on the boppy, held like he was nursing, held more upright, etc) until they found something that worked for them. Also vary the temperature.
However, kiddo still protests every time there is a changeup in his bottle routine. It takes about a week each time before he gets in his groove. I went away on business recently and he took bottles at daycare like normal, but was super picky about his bottle from DH or my mom until day 4 when he starting chugging just like he does at daycare.
EB0220 says
This jogged my memory that my oldest would only take a bottle in the bouncy chair for a while. She absolutely refused to be held. Babies are definitely strange.
S says
We’ve all been there. What finally worked for me (and several friends since) was my husband giving the bottle while I was out of the house with the baby in the bouncy seat. No clue why the bouncy seat worked when nothing else did.
Anon in NYC says
Are you using the absolute slowest flow nipple? In the early days, my daughter would choke if we used anything other than the slowest one. And not all nipple flows are created equal. My friend said that her bottle averse kid only liked Tommee Tippee so we bought those and the slowest flow was still too fast. We switched to Avent bottles and it got much better.
Anon says
Ours only refused the bottle when I went back to work at 5 months (and she had been taking 1-2 a week like a champ before that, so clearly just stubbornness). We use the doctor brown’s bottles and also the nuk naturals ones, but she likes the Dr. Brown’s better. Those first few weeks my pediatrician assured me she wouldn’t starve and that she would eat if she got hungry enough (sometimes that was only 3 oz. in a day, but she made up for it when I got home). For my husband, he has to lean her on her back against his shoulder, and the bottle absolutely positively must be warm (I had been giving her cold-barely lukewarm bottles before, but she wouldn’t take it from him). A few days he also gave her BM in a sippy cup with some success. Hang in there. They won’t starve themselves. She generally takes bottles like a champ now after that first month.
Anon in NYC says
Such a good point about the temperature – my friend’s kid would only drink out of a bottle of the milk was 98.3 degrees. Anything lower than that, and the kid would refuse!
Delta Dawn says
This is so frustrating– but it is going to work out. It’s just getting from here to there that’s the trouble. We had this problem, and we purposely didn’t try until 8 weeks to avoid latch issues, so I don’t think you’re lazy at all for not doing bottles yet. I finally took a variety of bottles to my lactation consultant, who, after about a two-hour bottle bootcamp session, got him to take the bottle. Here is what worked for us:
She made me leave the room– similar to the coffeepot theory above. He still gets perplexed when I try to give him a bottle, but other people can. We tried several bottles including the one she most recommended, Playtex (not the drop ins, but the angled neck kind). That one didn’t work; Dr. Brown’s didn’t work; we settled on Avent with the wide mouth. It makes sense to me because it does look most like the b reast. Slowest flow, 0-3 months or whatever the lowest one is.
She also figured out that he prefers skin to skin while eating, so she made sure to place her fingers on his face while offering the bottle. That seemed to help, too. And he’s very very sensitive to the temperature of the milk AND the temperature of the nip ple. We run the mouth part under warm water, and he’s more likely to take it. The IBCLC said some babies are more likely to take it when hungry (because they’re hungry enough to get over their preference) and some are more likely to take it when not as hungry (because they’re not so worked up and can calmly experiment with it). Didn’t make much difference for ours, but might for you.
AwayEmily says
THANK YOU! I’m writing down all your advice and we are going to take it one day at a time until something works. It was also reassuring to hear that a lot of you had this problem as well and that you figured out how to solve it. Definitely makes everything feel less overwhelming. I really appreciate this community.
FVNC says
As annoying as it may be, I do suggest trying a few different bottles. My first HATED (like, screamed, thrashed, gagged) when I tried to feed her from Born Free bottles. She loved the cheap-o, no frills Medela bottles that came with my pump. My second HATED the Medela bottles, and also Avent and several other brands. He will only take the Born Free bottles. Go figure. Good luck!
Moms Solo says
I tried persistently starting at 3 weeks and he gagged every day until he magically started taking a kindee fast flow nipple around 9 weeks very consistently (two weeks after I went back to work — those were a stressful two weeks). I tried Comotomo and everything in between and he gagged on them all. Kindee was the first fast flow we tried, so that may have been this issue (switching to fast flow did not result in nipple confusion at all btw). But once he took that we didn’t look back or try any other fast flows. I had a pretty strong flow, so I suspect that was the culprit. Good luck! Incidentally, he didn’t take a paci until 5.5 ish months. I tried those every day too — It’s not you; it’s your babe ;)
Pogo says
I forgot we had this problem too!!! In the early days, slow flow was the way to go (he gagged if it was too fast). Then after my supply established and flow was stronger, kiddo got super frustrated on slow flow. We moved to size 2 around 3-4 months and have stayed there since.
AwayEmily says
this is interesting — I definitely have a super fast flow, so maybe trying a fast flow nipple (currently we have the slowest one) could work.
Anon says
Try Munchkin Latch bottles – the n*pples are huge and b00b shaped, my little guy suckles on them just like he does on me when he’s nursing. We had to try four different bottles before this one and it was the only one he’d take.
anon says
Just to add, one of my kids refused to take a bottle unless I was gone for more than 24 hours. If they are hungry, they will eat eventually (usually). When he was at daycare, he ate solids and then nursed (a lot) at night.
Anonynous says
At seven weeks you’ve got a pretty good chance of retraining. Maybe ask around if any moms you know will loan/give you different types of bottles until you can figure out if there’s one your kid prefers.
Just offer a bottle before every feeding. That’ll give you four to six practices a day.
Anonymous says
The only thing that worked for us was my husband’s stubborn persistence. He just kept trying. We bought some different bottles, but that didn’t seem to matter – he ended up getting my son to take the ones we started with. Good luck, I know it is terrifying when you are planning to go back to work. You’ll figure it out eventually.
(And we were kicking ourselves too -my son was in the NICU for his first week so had lots of bottles early on, and then when we finally got him home I didn’t want to deal with pumping and washing bottles. Oh how I regretted it! Hindsight is always 20/20, and you know babies like to play tricks on you, so if it wasn’t this it would be something else. Hugs!)
Pogo says
Breakfast at daycare or breakfast at home?
Do you send kiddo’s breakfast to daycare or feed them at home before you drop them off? I’m just starting to give my guy yogurt or oatmeal in the morning, but his morning nursing session already takes 20-30 min. I don’t really want to spend another 20 min fighting the spoon war with him, but when I brought his breakfast to daycare yesterday, she mentioned the other moms feed their kids breakfast at home. Hm.
I think she would give it to him if I insisted, but I don’t want to be difficult I guess. Do most people do breakfast at home?
EB0220 says
When my kiddo was still nursing in the morning, that counted as breakfast. After they dropped the morning nursing session, we’ve always fed them breakfast at home. Caveats are: 1) My kids wake up hangry and need something right away and b) We have typically dropped them off at daycare on the later side (between 8 and 9).
Anon says
Same. Does your daycare do a midmorning snack? When my LO was nursing, he’d get a bottle from daddy (he does morning) in the morning and a snack at school. Then the bottle was replaced with breakfast.
Cornellian says
Honestly, whether I feed my 14 month old breakfast at home depends on when I wake up that morning, etc. He nurses, and if there is time, I will put him in his high chair with some fruit or something while I bustle around the kitchen. He has a bottle at 9:30 and the first “meal” at 10 at daycare, so I figure he’s okay either way.
That said, I think my supply is dwindling and this morning he found a food pouch and cried until I opened it for him, so it may be time for real breakfast.
Anonymous says
Don’t add work for yourself just because your daycare provider complained a bit. Just say “With his nursing schedule, it works best for us to do breakfast at daycare. We’ll start doing breakfast at home when he’s older.”
If you do want to do something at home. Just sit him up in a highchair with a few cheerios on his tray to self feed while you finish getting ready (drink coffee/pack lunches etc).
GCA says
We’ve always done breakfast at home since starting solids, but kiddo is a relatively early riser (6am…or, on bad days, 5.30) and our daycare doesn’t even open till 8. So he’d nurse and then get something small (a spoonful of my oatmeal, a few bits of fruit or veggies from whatever we were sending for snack anyway, some Cheerios) with ample time to clean up.
How much time do you have in the morning, typically? How long is your commute and how old is kid? If he was older I’d suggest a yogurt pouch or fruit and veggie pouch in the car or stroller, but it sounds like he’s just started solids. If you go by the ‘food before one is just for fun’ (and practice, and maybe a few extra nutrients from whatever they manage to get into themselves) rule, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He *might* drink more at daycare in the morning to keep going till snack or lunchtime, though.
Marilla says
Both daycares we’ve sent to have always offered breakfast there. When my kid was still nursing in the morning, I didn’t give her another breakfast at home before daycare. Now that nursing isn’t in the picture anymore, she always has a sippy cup of milk at home and about 60% of the time will also eat a small to medium breakfast at home – she used to sit in her high chair and eat but now she just wants to run around, so she might eat half a banana or a handful of oatmeal squares or a rice cake or waffle. I also figure she’s like her mom – I don’t like to eat the second I wake up either :) She always has cereal at daycare.
Anonymous says
Our twins had liquid breakfast only (a huge bottle, like 8-10 oz) until we switched to solid breakfast only. We made the switch at around 15 months, so they already had practice picking up pieces of egg or banana and could drink out of a sippy cup when necessary. And one day we just gave them those solids and a sippy cup instead of their bottle. It was for exactly your reasons… I have time to give one breakfast a day, not multiples!
Anon says
We’ve always done breakfast at daycare, but kiddo (now 2.5) usually asks for a snack when she first wakes up. We give her a little bowl of peanuts, raisins, and dry cereal to munch on or an applesauce pouch. When she was first starting solids, her daycare had a routine to feed all the babies some solids late morning. She’s in a different daycare now and her daycare serves breakfast. We’re in a less wealthy area now, and her daycare takes part in the state program to provide breakfast and lunch to children.
Pogo says
Thanks all for the perspectives. We started solids a few months ago, first with dinner, then lunch, snack and now adding in breakfast. He’s 7.5mo so still major nutrition is all BM.
He’s a late riser most days (today I had to wake him up around 7, for example) so that’s why mornings are kind of a rush. And I’m solo parenting 75% this month so I’m really feeling it.
I didn’t want to be super contrary if everyone else in the world actually feeds their kid at home, but it sounds like a mix so I’ll ask the provider again. There’s only two other babies at the daycare (small, in-home) so just because they do breakfast at home doesn’t mean I have to! Those kids must wake up at 5am. Sometimes they are literally at daycare before my child has even woken up! (based on the sign in sheet)
Anon says
Maybe just feed him on the mornings when it works? It sounds like he is getting lots of solids practice, so missing “breakfast” isn’t a big deal in my mind. My first didn’t have three meals of solids until closer to a year… and my 6-month-old gets at most one solids meal per day. Primary nutrition source is still BM, so fit in the solids when it is convenient for you.
Redux says
I think it’s totally reasonable for your daycare provider to have a cut-off time for breakfast, e.g., we stop serving breakfast at 8:30 and if you arrive after that we expect that the child has eaten breakfast at home. It can be really hard to get the day going when children all arrive at different times and need to be fed at different times. Our daycare recently implemented a cut-off time and I was surprised at first, but now I totally get it– and have seen the result being that the kids all start an activity (go outside, set up the sensory table, etc.) at that time instead of milling around waiting for all the late arrivals to finish their breakfast.
Pogo says
This is what I was wondering, too, to make sure there wasn’t a reason you’d want to make sure kiddo ate at home as opposed to at daycare. I know she has a whole system/schedule for them and I try not to get in the way!
Anon in NYC says
You gotta do what works for you. I feed my kid breakfast at home (she is also a late riser), and then she gets a mid morning snack at school. But when I’ve had to drop my kid off at daycare really early and she hasn’t had a chance to eat, I send her breakfast to school. This is one of those things where IDGAF – my kid needs to get fed, however it happens.
Unless it is a huge burden on the daycare to feed him breakfast, I’d keep sending it.
EP-er says
We had a ~15-20 minute ride to day care. Day care opened at 6:30, so there was always an option for breakfast there if we dropped off before 8:30. (I am so happy our center provided food — I didn’t even know that wasn’t a thing until reading about packing your own food here!) Sometimes we would give a frozen waffle or fruit pouch in the car on the way — maximized the time, keep the hangry at bay. Sometimes there would be a second breakfast at day care, too!
KateMiddletown says
Dude our daycare was open 6:30-6:30. Most of the kids in the 2s and 3s on up were still crusty eyed when I had to drop off that early. In our public school before-care experience they offered breakfast for the kids dropped off between 6:30-7:30.
Once my daughter could feed herself I let her eat breakfast while I did my makeup and hair in the kitchen. Before that was such a blur I couldn’t tell you what I did.
KateMiddletown says
Also, ask day care lady, Is it a problem for kid to eat here? If they say, no, it’s just not typical, I wouldn’t give it another thought. If they say yes, maybe you can work out something special. Our daycare was super accommodating in that regard.
Anon says
For our 1yo we do a sippy cup of milk when he wakes up at 6:45 and then he gets breakfast at daycare at 9am. Sometimes we offer him Cheerios at home, but we need to be out the door at 7:10 and it’s so not worth it to try and give him a real breakfast before daycare. Caveat: our daycare provides food and has free range to feed him whatever, so if he’s asking for food before official breakfast time they’ll give him a handful of dry cereal or some pieces of fruit to tide him over.
Infant Sleeping says
My husband and I are expecting our first baby next month and I’m am curious how long the baby should sleep in our room (we’re planning to co-sleep with the baby in a bassinet, rather than sharing the bed with us). I plan to discuss this with my pediatrician – but since no baby yet, no pediatrician! I’d love to hear what worked (or didn’t work) for your families, any advice you might have, and recommended resources. Also, a related question: if the baby is sleeping in our room at night, does that also mean she will sleep in our room when she naps during the day? Thanks!
Anonymous says
We did 8 months in our room. First 3 months in a bassinette next to our bed and then move the crib in there after. Baby napped in our room in the crib or downstairs in the pack and play or in the swing or stroller depending on the day/time/mood. I also had a second pack and play borrowed from a friend in baby’s room so I had somewhere to put baby down in there as well. Either for napping or playing or just to park baby while I showered etc. At 8 months, crib moved out to baby’s room.
I found it great because after the first 4 weeks, I never had to get out of bed to nurse baby at night. Scooped baby out, nursed baby sidelying in bed and then put baby back in crib. For the first 4 weeks I nursed sitting up in the rocking chair in our room because I found that easier.
Anonymous says
Adding that we took turns getting up with baby and whoever wasn’t getting up wore ear plugs and an eye mask. I raised the eye mask slightly to nurse when DH woke me to nurse.
Mama Llama says
My baby slept in the rock n play in our room at night until she was two months old, when we transitioned her to her crib in her own room. Before the transition she napped in various places including the crib, the rock n play around the house, a swing, a stroller, or while being worn. That said, baby sleep is very dependent on the baby in question, so this will largely be a function of seeing what your particular baby likes.
AwayEmily says
This is such a personal decision and also depends on the baby. We originally planned to keep our first in our room for six months but ended up moving her after three weeks because she was SO loud that nobody was getting any sleep. Everyone slept better once she was in the nursery. With our second we moved him at four weeks.
That being said, I can imagine waiting longer if they were waking up a ton at night to eat — by 3 weeks both of ours started regularly sleeping for 4 hour stretches at night so it made more sense to move them. But my sister’s kids were constant snackers so she ended up keeping them in her room for much longer.
We had a moveable bassinet, and that was super useful during the first few weeks because sometimes the baby would sleep in my husband’s study while he worked from 8pm – midnight (with my husband bringing her to me to nurse and then putting her back down). Then we’d move her into our room once he went to bed, and I would be on “baby duty.” This helped me get some higher-quality sleep during the first part of the night.
Sabba says
+1. One of my biggest and earliest lessons as a mother is that you cannot force another human being to eat, sleep, or pee/poop. You can create the right conditions for those things to happen, but they are never under your control. My plan was to have baby sleep in our room in her bassinet for 6 months. Ha. I got one of those babies that forces you into co-sleeping. No one could have been more against co-sleeping and all about the safe sleeping practices than me, but we had to do it for a short time. Turns out, if baby won’t sleep except being held, then you eventually have to cosleep or hire overnight nanny care ($$$). I think these babies are not the norm, but they certainly aren’t extremely rare either. I now believe that the medical community’s stance on co-sleeping is just as bad as abstinence-only education. Sure, we know what works best in a perfect world you created in your mind, but now let’s deal with the real world. So I encourage all mothers to educate themselves on safe co-sleeping practices before birth, just in case. Don’t wait to research it after being up 72 hours straight and hallucinating and in an extreme emotional breakdown like I did. Be prepared so that you don’t start sleeping with your baby in the glider or on the couch or other unsafe scenario.
Anyway, we coslept, then moved baby to a bassinet in our room, then moved her to a crib at 4.5 months in her room, and then sleep trained shortly after that. It was a journey and each family finds their own way. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was our bible for the first 6 months. No other author seemed to “get” the colicky, forced-cosleeping issues.
Anon says
+1. I had a colicky will only sleep while held or will scream for 6+ hours straight one too!
AwayEmily says
Sabba’s advice is so smart — I love the co-sleeping/abstinence metaphor.
Anon says
+1. My first wasn’t colicky but insisted on night nursing/ cosleeping for six months. There was no other option for her. My second insisted on cosleeping for 3 months then accepted a rock n play/ side crib as long as my hand was on him at all times. When I say insist, I mean that the alternative was 6+ hours of screaming, every night, for weeks on end. (Cry it out was not an option. We tried it. Two WEEKS later, we gave up out of sheer exhaustion.) For both of them, we knew co-sleeping was over because they suddenly stopped sleeping soundly. We cautiously tried a crib the next night and they slept through the night with no problems. It was like they just had to decide they were okay on their own, and then they were.
Both are completely independent lovely sleepers as preschoolers and haven’t spent a single night in my bed since that time (other than severe sickness). They are strong-willed beyond measure and total tension increasers, even today. I totally agree to research safe co-sleeping while you’re still relatively coherent, just in case.
Katala says
This is good advice. We decided early on that we would co-sleep initially. A friend sent us their snuggle nest (hard, flat mattress with plastic/mesh sides to keep from being able to roll onto baby). It worked out really well for us. For our first, it was partly a space issue (1-bdrm with no space for a crib) and partly because we both felt more comfortable having him right there. I wanted to nurse on demand and still get to sleep. We researched ahead of time and felt secure in our safe co-sleeping practices.
#1 moved to a crib in our room after 9 months or so and to his own room shortly thereafter. We knew it was time when he went from being an awesome sleeper to waking multiple times. We were disturbing him! For #2, he was and still is not as good a sleeper, so he went to his crib around 6 months or so for sleep training. Ultimately, I think it depends so much on the kid so the best thing to do is be prepared with several safe sleeping arrangement options and use what works while it works, maintaining flexibility to adapt to the baby.
Mrs. Jones says
We had baby in our room for one week. Then he was in his crib in his room down the hall.
mascot says
This was our experience too. For naps, baby mostly slept in his swing, sometimes the pack n play, in the family room and then we finally moved to crib naps. He’d also sleep in the car sometimes. Some good advice I got was to resist the urge to keep conditions perfect for daytime sleep. My kid went to daycare at 4 months where he further honed his skills at sleeping in a less than dark room with some movement and noise going on around him.
Anonymous says
Us too. One or two weeks; I was so sleep deprived I can’t remember. Baby was a loud sleeper and also a light sleeper; I am a light sleeper. Neither of us got any sleep in the same room.
Anon in NYC says
2 months in a bassinet. When she outgrew the bassinet, we moved her into her crib in her own room. It was an easy transition from the bassinet to the crib, and as a bonus, she started sleeping better through the night! When she still fit in the bassinet, she did naps in the bassinet, the rock and play, or her crib. After she outgrew the bassinet, it was naps in her crib in her own room.
Honestly, though, do what works for you and your family! I know people who have unintentionally become co-sleepers because their kids just wouldn’t sleep in their own room, and are still doing it 2-3 years later. People who thought they would definitely co-sleep who couldn’t do it after a few months, and baby went into his/her own bed. There really is no right or wrong answer here.
blueridge29 says
Agree 100% that there is no right or wrong answer on this issue.
We moved both kids out of our room around 2 months. The kids both started sleeping longer stretches after we moved them. I nursed both and I think it helped that they weren’t smelling me all night…also they both sounded like tiny warthogs so everyone slept better once they were out of our room.
Pogo says
lol +1 to the tiny warthogs!!
We did basically the same – bassinet for ~2 months, then crib in our room. Naps in the first 2-3 months were wherever they happened (and I wouldn’t call them naps I’d call them… baby slept constantly waking only to eat, and when he ate it might be one nursing session and then 3 hours of sleep or clusterfeeding for 2 hours). Around 3 months he got into a groove, and I tried getting him to nap in his crib a bit.
Then the 4 month regression happened and he stopped sleeping, but I did actually keep all the sleeping locations and routines the same (so, 100% crib at this point).
Pogo says
crib in *HIS* room that should say.
Anon says
Ours slept in the napper that came with the pack n play for the first 2 weeks downstairs with me (I slept on a recliner downstairs after my c-section with my mom to help me so husband could get some sleep while working) and then moved to our room in a halo bassinest for the first 3 months, at which point she was pushing the weight limit and throwing her feet over the rail, so we moved her to the crib. Months 3-4 were glorious and then the 4 month regression kicked in. Now at 7 months she usually sleeps in her crib at night, but when she is sick or has gas (former colic now just super gassy) or whatever, I sometimes pull her in with us for a few hours if it is after 5 am (since I get up at 7:30 or 8 and if I spend an hour rocking her back down, I will just be up for the day) – and I swore I would never be a co-sleeper. She generally sleeps from 10-8 with 1-2 wakeups (which is a nontraditional schedule but works for us). For naps, ours naps on one of us, or (formerly, before she maxed the weight on that too) in the swing, or (rarely) in her pack n play or the crib, or sometimes when she fights it so hard, on the living room floor where she just passes out. But our child is a terrible, terrible napper and has serious FOMO. The longest nap of her life was 2 hours on vacation last week when my sister was wearing her!
Moms Solo says
However long it’s working for you.
We did bassinet bedside until he was rolling and then moved the crib into our room. Then one night (around 5 months) I just wanted him in his own room. He didn’t sleep through the night until 11.5 months, so that meant trecking to his room 1-2 times a night for nursing, but I still preferred it to the crib in our room. We did naps in the rock n play as long as possible (honestly usually in a bathroom — dark and built in white noise) and then he did naps in his crib, in our room until he graduated to his room.
S says
We did 4 1/2 months and sleep trained.
Anonymous says
Twins here. Ours were in rolling bassinets– daytime we rolled them in the living room with us, night time we rolled them back into our bedroom, one on each side of the bed. We transitioned them to separate cribs in the nursery at 4 months old and started giving them naps in there a little before that. Ours were grunty sleepers and driving us mad, and this is when they started sleeping through the night. Keep an eye on weight limits for your bassinet– ours only went up to 15 lbs.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our son slept in the pack n play bassinet portion for about 6 weeks, then we moved him to his own room in his crib. He was (and still is!) generally a good sleeper and transitioned fine to his own room. Naps at the beginning were mostly in the rock n play or pack n play, and then gradually moved to the crib.
As everyone says, it is so individual for both baby and parents, and you do whatever works to get the most amount of sleep for the most amount of people.
Anon says
We did about 4 months in a pack and play in our room and then moved her to her crib in her own room. Our pediatrician gives this advice: use the sleeping arrangement that provides everyone with the most sleep. We were pretty open-ended about it. We moved her when we decided we’d all get more sleep with her in her room. For us that felt like 4 months. There were times I felt she would have gone back to sleep on her own if she wasn’t so near to us. And times I felt like I tended to her because I was right there but wouldn’t have gotten up so fast if she wasn’t right beside me. Mostly it was me, not her ;)
Naps were a free for all in our house until kiddo was about 8 months. I can’t offer any advice other than sleep begets sleep. Do what you can to help little one sleep. Sleep = more sleep = more sleep.
Anon says
One comment. I didn’t get more sleep when we moved kiddo. But the sleep I did get was higher quality. But that will vary so much from person to person. Just one perspective.
Em says
6 1/2 months in our room. 3 1/2 in the RNP then another 3 months in a bassinet. At that point we moved him to his crib in the nursery and sleep trained him.
anon says
DD slept in a bassinet and occasionally a RnP until about 8-10 weeks then we moved her to crib. She napped in RnP until we felt she was too big for it – so maybe 5 or 6 months? I really think whatever arrangement works for you for nighttime sleeping is fine, but one caution about naps – DD then would nap on us, which was lovely, but has been a hard habit to break. She’s 14 months now and we’re just not starting to be able to get her to nap somewhere other than on us on the weekends and it’s a struggle.
Anonymous says
Depends on the baby! Our baby was SUPER noisy in the bassinet (Halo) and didn’t seem to like it, so we switched her to the rock’n’play after 2 weeks. She slept in that (I know, I know, not safe sleep guidelines but better than in bed with us and pillows/blankets) until 3 months, then she was in pack’n’play bassinet for about another month. Transitioned her to the crib at 4 months when she outgrew that. She would’ve been too long for the Halo as well. She transitioned to the crib super easily, but I slept in her room for 2-3 weeks because I was nervous and felt weird sleeping away from her.
Sabba says
Just wanted to also chime in, you may be able to ask your pediatrician about this soon. If you are interviewing pediatricians now, you can ask questions like this or what resources they have for new parents. Our pediatrician had a nurse hotline, you could always talk to a nurse during office hours about any issue. The office had an after hours line for emergencies. I’m pretty sure I could have called the nurse’s hotline for questions like this before baby was born, and I asked a few questions like this during our pediatrician interview to get a sense of our doctor’s take on things. She was wonderful in the interview and we still love her now.
Anon says
Agree that this really depends on what you are comfortable with and how your baby is. We had our baby in our room for 8 weeks, in a pack n play, then he slept in his room in the crib. But he was sleeping for about 6 hours at night by that point. If he had been waking up more frequently, I probably would have kept him in our room longer, just for ease of nursing. For naps, he rarely slept in the pack n play or crib. Naps were mostly in the bouncy seat (supervised).
Anonymous says
In the last year or so, the AAP put out a highly publicized recommendation to keep baby in your room for the first year. I read the study at the time and remember thinking there was little or no evidence to support that recommendation and that they had conflated keeping baby with the parents with other, evidence-backed safe sleep practices, like the ABCs. (Baby should be put down Alone, on its Back, in a Crib or other safe, flat surface.) I haven’t gone back and reread it, but obviously you may want to read it yourself and decide.
Personally, we kept our twins in a crib in our bedroom for 3 months, then moved to separate cribs in the nursery. Naps happened anywhere but the crib (in the stroller, carseat, carrier, RnP, etc.) until they were 6-8 months or so when we transitioned to napping in the crib.
Anonymous says
Hugs! I felt the same way before coming back to work at 14 weeks. For me, the anticipation was much, much worse than the reality. The first day was tough and involved lots of tears (on my part, not theirs!), but fairly quickly I realized that I like my job and that I’m a better parent for having that part of my life.
I agree to give it time and reassess. Most of my friends have felt the same way while on leave, but they’ve all had different responses to being back at work. Some want to work full time, others part time, others not at all. So I think it’s worth giving it a try and seeing which camp you fall into when you’re actually doing it.
Anonymous says
Ugh, I accidentally re-posted my reply to a diff post instead of the long reply I typed out to this one.
Check out the AAP’s recent recommendation that baby sleep in parents’ room for 6-12 months. Personally, I thought that recommendation wasn’t supported by sufficient evidence to be worth it for us to follow (unlike other, evidence-backed recommendations, like the ABCs of infant sleep), but YMMV. We kept the twins in a crib in our bedroom for 3 months.
SC says
We started with Baby in the rock-n-play next to our bed. He would sleep there until his early-morning nursing session, then we would co-sleep for another hour or two until we all got up. He was a premie, and at first he napped everywhere, all the time–in the rock-n-play, in the mommaroo, in the baby sling I was wearing.
Around 12 weeks, he moved to a bassinet in our room. By then, he could sleep longer periods, but we all woke each other up multiple times a night.
Around 4 months, we moved Baby to his room, and we sleep-trained about a week later.
biglawanon says
We did something different than others here. We set up a nursery with two cribs (twins) and a queen bed in it. During my maternity leave, I slept in the nursery and handled the kids at night so my husband could sleep normally. He had no paternity leave. Once I went back to work, we alternated sleeping in the nursery based on who was busier at work/taking turns. I would like to take credit for this idea, but it was my husband’s idea.
Anonynous says
We had our kiddo in the Arms Reach Co-sleeper attached to the bed. She also had a Montessori-style floor bed in her room (which actually worked fine when she was a baby, when she was a toddler however…. if there’s #2 she’s going in a crib). But she napped mostly on us, in a carrier or in a stroller at first.
When she napped twice a day she usually did once in her bed and once in her stroller.
She started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks (according to my mom, so did I). We did do all the French stuff from “Bringing Up Bebe,” but who knows. She moved into her own room at 9 weeks.
Anon says
People are really different about this, and I think you’ll get a lot of different answers. I thought I would have baby sleep by my bed until he was done nursing, maybe about a year, or sooner if he dropped night feedings. I thought I would do that so I could just scoop him up, nurse him, and put him back in his bassinet.
Turns out nursing was a huge fail, so that timeline didn’t matter, and also turns out baby was a loud sleeper, like made adorable little noises all. night. long. to where neither DH nor I could sleep. So baby ended up in his nursery after about six weeks. We had a monitor and the room was also right by our room, so we could hear if he cried or needed us.
Naps are really up to you– for the first few weeks you may want her to nap in your room while you are also napping!
K says
We have a kindergartner and are expecting twins, so we need a new vehicle that can fit 2 infant seats and a booster. I would rather not get a minivan. Is the only option an SUV with a third row? Any recs for something reliable and affordable?
Anonymous says
NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR: Lease a minivan for 3-4 years. Then buy the car you actually want.
KateMiddletown says
Why lease? The kids are only going to get bigger + more stuff. We’re in a similar boat and it didn’t occur to me to make it a temporary thing.
Anonymous says
I know you don’t want a minivan but it makes life so much easier. My oldest was 4 when we had twins. Minivan with two captains chairs in second row makes life way easier. Sliding doors are huge when you have three. Kindergartener can load herself while you’re carrying a bucket seat in each hand. Original set up was oldest in middle of third row and babies in captains chairs. Now twins are forward facing in third row, oldest is in captains’s chair behind driver and other captain’s chair behind is folded into the floor to create a loading zone. I can slide the door open, put all three in, close door and then buckle them up one at a time. Super helpful if you’re somewhere with snow and winter clothing to deal with too. We pop up the extra captains’ chair if we have a long drive and I need to sit near them to feed snacks etc or if grandma wants to come along with us, it’s easy and comfortable for her to fit in. Do not underestimate the number of times you’ll want a third adult to tag along to help.
We also managed to do three across in a small car so that we had options for daycare pick up/drop off but it was a pain.
I got a Dodge Caravan because I’m in the ‘I hate driving a minivan and I will not spend one cent more than I need to on it’ club. My sister drives a Honda Odyssey with all the top of the line features because she’s in the ‘I hate driving a minivan so I’m going to make it as nice as possible’ club.
Pogo says
Sorry to threadjack, but to the minivan owners: what is your other car? We’re actually going to need to get two new vehicles in the next 5 years when we’ll be adding 1-2 additional kiddos beyond the baby. I’m pretty much sold on the idea of a minivan (based on comments like this which I hear over and over again) but not sure if the other car should be a sedan? Is it overkill to have an SUV as well?
Anonymous says
We have a Suzuki Sx 4 – will probably replace with a Mazda 5 because I’m obsessed with sliding doors in parking lots. Canada through so not sure if the models are available in the US. Both our commutes are less than 20 minutes though so it’s not bad if it’s tight just for drop off/pick up. We used Cleks to get the three across fit. Shorter seat pitch than dionos when rearfacing so front passenger seat was still usable with extended rearfacting.
Anonymous says
Our other car is a Yukon. It’s not for me and I don’t like driving it in my parking garage at work. It also doesn’t have a backup camera and the blind spots are awful. It doesn’t have that much storage and the third row is over the drive wheels (so OK for small kids but not comfy for teens / grownups). If you go Yukon, get a Yukon XL or a Suburban.
I was happy in a car previously and am a car person but so love the minivan (my kids are in school now and they have friends and it is just so much better to throw everyone in one car and go). In a pinch, I could live in it; I swear my first city apartment was not that much larger (so it is awesome for car camping).
If you need 4WD or AWD, I think that the Odyssey doesn’t have that (or didn’t in 2011) but I is otherwise the best kid gear thing I ever got. [The Sienna has some variety of that but I test drove one and had one as a rental and it was OK but I’d never switch from the Odyssey.] It is live-changing. I do not understand the derision for minivans as a vehicle class — it’s like you get judged by the worse minivan person anyone has ever seen.
anon says
We got a minivan and an SUV, but I think it depends on how you drive on a daily basis. When we bought the two cars, we were driving all of them to preschool (I dropped off, DH picked up, so we needed two big cars). But after a year, my oldest started elementary school, and we could walk. So now we really only need one big car (for the weekends). If I had realized that, I might have tried to stretch or lease. But, we did want AWD, which the SUV has. Also, we rented a Sienna last month, and I agree with anon @ 12:58, the Odyssey is so much better.
Anonymous says
GMC Acadia, but we take the minivan whenever going anywhere as a family, even if my husband is driving. It really is that much easier. We have the Odyssey and I kind of love it, at least for my current life phase.
Anonymous says
Oh, I should add the GMC is leased, and we’ll get a sedan once we don’t have car seats to deal with. We bought the minivan and will probably keep it til it dies or the kids have their own cars.
rockin' the Odyssey says
Yes to all of this. Even with 2 kids, we took the plunge into minivan world and have zero regrets. I mean, nobody WANTS to drive a minivan, but it’s the most practical, affordable option for this stage in life. But I don’t care much about looking cool.
Anonymous says
We have twins (no older kiddo) and we got Diono Radians so they could fit three across in case we have more. We do have a third-row SUV but don’t use the third row.
Anonymous says
We had giant children close together and an older child and they would not fit 3 across.
Anonymous says
You can get slim carseats so you could theoretically fit 3 carseats in a backrow, my sister does it in her subaru. They’re expensive but you can do it. I would go with a full-size SUV. I just think it will be hard to load the middle baby in the infant seat once they start to get heavy. People get minivans because its so much easier to step in/out of the car with the two captains seats in the middle row. But I understand not wanting a minivan.
shortperson says
you can fit three across in almost any car if you pick your carseats right and willing to put up with some discomfort. i think the issue is more the stuff — what kind of stroller will you have for your twins? our double stroller will not fit in my prius.
my friend really likes her chevy traverse with bucket seats which is technically not a minivan. but tbh if i were you id lease the minivan until the stroller days are done.
Anonymous says
I doesn’t really work for long sometimes. If your kids flip to forward-facing sooner than you think and depending on the size of your other kid, they may only work in a row if 2 face the rear. I’ve only seen it work with kids <2.
K says
Thanks for all the suggestions. ::sigh:: I suppose logistically speaking a minivan makes the most sense at this point, even just for a few years. I thought about trying to fit 3 seats across one row (I have a small SUV now), but I would likely put the kindergartner in the middle and I’m not sure how easy it would be to get in and out with the infant seats/bases on each side. You definitely gave me some food for thought though, so thanks again for the input.
Anonymous says
We realized the almost-hard way that our kid couldn’t really work the buckle in the middle with car seats on either side. He flew out as we were rounding a turn b/c it hadn’t really clicked all the way (something had engaged, but not all the way). It is so, so hard to see with 2 baby car seats on either side and lots of straps / fastener things. IMO not worth it at all; we have a van now and can verify that everyone is safely in and they can do it themselves.
HSAL says
We’re in a similar situation (expecting twins in June and my oldest will be 2 3/4). We have an Elantra and a Fit and are trading in the Elantra and getting a minivan. Your kindergartner is probably better at getting buckled in than my daughter will be, but making sure we had good access to get all three kids situated without going crazy was a priority for me. We’re getting the Odyssey – the new model has sliding captains’ chairs in the second row so you can really easily handle a forward-facing child (or an infant bucket seat). We managed to go three across in the Fit (and not the Elantra, despite the bigger backseat) by switching my daughter to be front facing in her convertible seat and having the infant seats in the middle and side. It’s not amazing but it’s way better than two new cars, so give some thought to putting the kindergartner on the side if you want to try for three across – it’s probably even easier with a booster. I would have had problems getting mine properly buckled with even just the base in the way.
Maternity Leave Dread says
Was anyone else dreading the end of their maternity leave, but then found that going back to work went better than expected? I’m due back in a month or so when DD will be 4.5 months old, and I want to cry whenever I think about going back to work and being away from her. I never thought I’d be like this but I really love being a mom and being with my daughter all day. I’m tempted not to go back at all, but I want to give working a shot because I invested so much in my career for so long and I believe I owe it to myself to give going back a serious chance.
Any words of advice/encouragement?
Anonymous says
Yup, totally normal, it gets easier. I would give it a few weeks/a few months to see how it is and then re-assess. If you are back for 6 months and still hate it then you’ll know what you want to do. But honestly, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to stay home with a child if that’s what you want to do. That’s why they say you won’t know how you’ll feel until the baby is born.
Pogo says
First, definitely search the archives because I know there is some great content on this s1te already. I remember reading when I was on maternity leave.
Second, I think it depends on how much you love your job. For me, the initial going back was softened so much by being excited to get back into my work, by super supportive colleagues, and all the check in emails I got while I was out asking about me and the baby. I would also get texts and emails during the early days back from coworkers saying how glad they were I was back and how much they missed me.
However. I’ve had jobs that I hated or just barely tolerated and I can’t imagine going back to those after maternity leave. I think that is huge.
I think everyone will tell you that you never stop missing the baby while you’re at work! I miss him constantly! I love watching videos of him while I pump. My husband and I will text during the day stupid stuff like “can you believe how cute he was with the octopus toy?? that video cracks me up!!” And this is just the baby stage – I know it only gets harder when they’re older and having their own little life out there. But, I do love my work and it’s been easier than I thought coming back, tbh.
Cornellian says
I buy a copy for every expecting mother I know: check out the Fifth Trimester. I think you should definitely give going back a chance, and that this book will help you think through maybe asking for another month off, or coming back 75%, etc. I was terrified to go back, but by the time he was 7 or 8 months my kid was just THRIVING on the social environment in daycare, and it’s not something I could have come close to reproducing if I stayed at home. If you can find a way to get comfortable with the interim couple of months (or stay at home a bit longer, or have your partner stay home, or go back part time), I think you’ll have a similar experience. Good luck!
EB0220 says
My two cents: I dreaded going back with my first. It was really, really hard for her first year. I stuck it out, though, and it got progressively easier every year after that. It was much, much easier for me to return from my second maternity leave. I actually just wrote a whole post about my experience – you’ll see it if you click on my link. Good luck and hugs! It is really hard, but as other posters mentioned, I think you should try for at least 6 months to a year. Then allow yourself to reassess. Hugs. I still remember that feeling like it was yesterday.
AIMS says
With the caveat that I never considered not working, I totally went thru this with my daughter, also on the sa,e time frame: going back to work when she was about that age and in the spring. I think it was a combination of her getting to be more fun, me finally feeling like I was getting the hang of things and the weather getting better but I just couldn’t imagine how I would go back. But it was surprisingly fine. And going to work made me better when I was at home, I think.
Two unsolicited suggestions: 1) if you can ease in slowly, it helps (I think I went back on a Wednesday or Thursday) & took Fridays off for a bit, and 2) expect for it to be emotional because I think low expectations help. Also, somewhat related, try to figure out as much as you can ahead of time so you’re not stressed by what to wear or cook or whatever that first week back. I know a lot of people have their mom or other helper stay with them when they first have the baby, which I never did, but my mom stayed with me when I first went back to work and it was super helpful to have that support while I got the kinks worked out.
Anonymous says
Hugs! I felt the same way before coming back to work at 14 weeks. For me, the anticipation was much, much worse than the reality. The first day was tough and involved lots of tears (on my part, not theirs!), but fairly quickly I realized that I like my job and that I’m a better parent for having that part of my life.
I agree to give it time and reassess. Most of my friends have felt the same way while on leave, but they’ve all had different responses to being back at work. Some want to work full time, others part time, others not at all. So I think it’s worth giving it a try and seeing which camp you fall into when you’re actually doing it.
LSC says
Going back to work at that age was hard in some ways, but I distinctly remember sending a text message to my mother saying “It feels so good to feel like I know what I am doing for a change!” Going back to work, if you like your career path, can be affirming as a mother and a human.
Anon. says
Before having baby I was convinced that of course I would want to go back to work and I could never be a SAHM. During the end of maternity leave I was ready to quit my job and stay home full time. I’ve been back at work for four months now and it is absolutely the right choice for me. This was 100% affirmed after spending 2 solid weeks off during the Christmas holidays (some time traveling, some at home). That first day taking him back to daycare in January felt like this massive stress weight being lifted and we were both so much happier. Now I’m still missing him at work and sprinting out of the office at exactly 5:00 so excited to spend time with him. But I’m so glad I went back to work and gave it a chance.
And I’ll second Cornellian, my little guy at 8 months old is LOVING daycare. He has friends, they do art projects and have ‘science’ time. All things I could not have given him nearly as well if I had chosen to stay home.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Totally normal feelings. I agree that you should definitely go back to work and give it at least 6 months – 1 year. I didn’t feel totally adjusted until over a year being back at work (but I started a new job, so that may have been part of it). Once you get into a routine of work + baby time at night and weekends, then you can evaluate whether you want something different.
And just keep in mind that being home with a baby and then toddler (especially toddlers for me!!) is not all fun and games. You’ll probably start to see some of this on the weekends, especially as your daughter gets older. I personally enjoy my son a lot more when we all spend time together as a family, and when it’s balanced with other things that I do. Really think about whether you want to become the default caregiver/housekeeper and how this might change the power dynamics in your relationship. But save this for when you are back for a bit. Good luck!
Anon says
I totally understand. I was devastated when we took my daughter to daycare. However, if I was going to go back, it didn’t really make sense to delay the inevitable. I would love to be a SAHM, but the truth is that it just isn’t the lifestyle we want. My compromise has been reducing my billable hour requirement and getting off the partner track. At my firm (about 35 attorneys), being a partner means really needing your own clients. I don’t have the time or the desire to network like that at this stage of my life. It’s provided us with the happy medium of me being able to pick my daughter up around 4:00 every day (sometimes earlier), take vacations, take our daughter to visit grandparents, take time off when she is sick, cook dinner for my family, etc. I would recommend something like that. I hate that she goes to daycare, but I also don’t think I’d be happy at home all day once she started school. A six year gap in my resume would be sketchy. We also wouldn’t be able to save as much for her education, and I have student loans from law school. Long-term, it really makes sense for me to work (and nearly full time, it’s like 83% and I actually bill more than some lower performing full time associates). But the reduction in my hours and setting clear boundaries has made it work really well. And this does make sense for us long term. And she does great at day care. Everything’s a balance or compromise, including this.
Hugs to you. Whatever you decide, you’re an amazing mom and woman!
Delta Dawn says
I felt absolutely like this with my first. I was ready to call and quit. And I LOVE my job! But I could not imagine sending baby to daycare… what if he misses me, what if these “strangers” don’t hold him the way he likes, etc. Daycare turned out to be the very best thing I’ve done for my child. He knows how to play with other kids, how to talk to people beyond Mama and Daddy, how to adapt, and also things like names of colors, could count to ten pretty early, many letters of the alphabet… all things I could have tried to do with him at home but would have definitely not had this level of success. I remember one day at dinner, we gave him a spoon to see what would happen… and he knew how to use it and ate a whole bowl of puree. Neither DH nor I had ever taught him to use a spoon. Even independently of the benefits for me personally going back to work, daycare is just such a wonderful thing for our child that I would want him in at least part time care even if I stayed home.
Consider that this is probably the most emotional time in your parenting “career.” Probably, once you go back to work and baby goes to daycare, you won’t have such strong feelings and will instead be able to evaluate more objectively. And, if at that time you decide you still would like to stay home, you can always do so. Going back to work now doesn’t mean you can never stay home, if you want to later. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I had a variety of minivans when mine was in the shop (sideswiped in the parking deck). The Odyssey is, hands-down, the best thing ever. Get the EX-L for the leather, which is so much easier to clean. They hold their value pretty well, so if you get one that is a couple of years old, you can sell it in 2-3 years if you really don’t want it as your forever car and recoup much of your cost. But the sliding doors are awesome when your kids are old enough to get themselves in/out of the car (school dropoffs when they go to elementary school). And it is big enough for easy diaper changes / having a small car potty when they are old enough to potty train (but you don’t want to lug a bunch of kids across a mall parking lot to look for a bathroom).
My husband has an SUV with 3 rows and I hate it. I can’t get into/out of it in a ladylike manner when either pregnant or in a skirt. And kids really struggle with big heavy doors (pinched fingers / me worrying about them ramming their door into another car b/c of the weird momentum it takes to get them to move if you are a kid).
If you needed similar in a car, the GMC Acadia is nice but so much harder to move around in which you need to do all the time with tiny kids.
CapHIllAnon says
For question re sleeping arrangements: agree with others to make a plan and then be flexible. It depends on your baby and your circumstances. For us,
First Baby slept in crib in own room, naps and nights, from the first day onward;
Second Baby slept in bassinet in our room for 4 months, then moved to crib in own room for all sleeping;
Third Baby was in bassinet in our room for 3 months, then crib (also in our room) still now, at 21 months. We are rearranging things to move Third Baby to one of the older siblings rooms (small house!), but in no huge rush. Third Baby is a good, quiet sleeper, unlike the older siblings were at that age.
Good luck!
Exterminator? says
Do you use an exterminator in your home? We have had a quarterly treatments at our house for the past few years and my spouse wants to up to the amount of treatments. I haven’t given it much thought up til now, but is it common to actually spray in your home? We have two toddlers and while we don’t spray their rooms we do spray the playroom.
Anon says
We have an exterminator. We live on the edge of town in a more rural area than most on here. We first got it for mice in the winter, but decided to go with year-round service. They do boxes for the mice in the winter and then spray outside around our home only in the warmer months. We also have a bunch of wasps in our neighborhood, so they spray regularly (and sometimes extra) for those. I’ve only had an exterminator spray in my home once when we had an ant issue before children (but with a pet). For us, spraying outside is sufficient and there is a noticeable decrease in bugs in this house from anywhere I’ve ever lived (and I assure you it isn’t because the house is built better…see mice issue above).
I do think there are plenty of people who spray inside regularly. We don’t need it. My sister lives in the SW where scorpions are very common, has a child, and has the inside of her home sprayed regularly. You do what you have to do! FWIW, I’m no expert, but I do think most of the stuff they use has been pretty well tested for safety and is specific to insect physiology. Our exterminator said they do not treat mice indoors other than traps. All of that is outside and in safe, locked boxes.
Mama Llama says
I’m not comfortable spray inside. We get ants sometimes and putting baits up high usually works – we will spray outside if it doesn’t.
Anon says
We back to wooded parkland and have an exterminator. Once I was pregnant our company would not spray inside, and once baby arrived our tech strongly recommended against it. We have traps in the basement and garage for mice (and occasionally they catch snakes too) (and now a box outside the crawlspace, since one was stopped, yeck). Prebaby I had them spray inside once a quarter. Even with the outside spraying only, after 2 years of that I am definitely seeing a noticeable decrease in the number of bugs and spiders. My general experience (and that of friends) is that with the outside spraying it takes about a year to sort of build up a pretty solid perimeter. If I notice an uptick in pests, I call and have them come out and spray again (outside), which can sometimes be once a month in the summer. For me it’s totally worth it to have someone to call when there is a mouse, snake or other rodent and have it removed.
Pogo says
We have an exterminator, he is an orange kitty. Mostly kid safe unless kid pulls his tail.
I live in the NE, though, and tbh I don’t know anyone who sprays. I think it’s because we just don’t have the same issues as in the South? We have bugs of course, but rarely have issues with them inside. I worry more about West Nile and Lyme.
In all seriousness, the cat really does help with rodents.
Anon says
I would be 100% pro cat exterminator, if my husband and I weren’t both allergic! And a dog for all the food crumbs that come with young people. Sigh.
Anonymous says
Ha, I have 2 cats and have only seen one rodent in my house (and I took pity on it when the cats had it cornered and caught it myself and released it outside. My cats are useless against insects, though. Even big ones like crickets (although they do think they’re fun to play with). I use Advion for ants, and it works great for well-defined trails. Less well for the little ants that show up in ones and twos in the bathrooms… I never even considered a regular exterminator service, I honestly did not know that was A Service!
Anon says
Yes. It’s not really an option not to have someone come in my part of the country. That said, I usually only have someone come once at the beginning of summer. He does the inside (can’t remember which rooms specifically…), the attic, and the outside perimeter of the house. It pretty much lasts throughout the whole summer. And we still see bugs from time to time, but it is so much better than if no one came.
mascot says
I live in the South. We’ve got copious amounts of massive bugs that will invade your house. Our pest control company is “green” for whatever that’s worth and comes about every other month. They spray in the kitchen, the bathrooms, and around the doors, plus the outside perimeter. We also have to annually do termite prevention (buried bait outside). Fortunately, we do not have rodent issues.