I recently went away for a long weekend and forgot lip balm. I should have stopped at Sephora and picked this one up.
This lip balm from Fresh contains rose flower and emollient oils along with Vitamin E to soften, moisturize, and protect your lips.
This “Clean at Sephora” product is also formulated without ingredients that may be harmful to your health and the environment — I find this reassuring for anything I put on my face, especially my mouth.
This Rose Petal-Soft Deep Hydration Lip Balm is $24 at Sephora.
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We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Mm says
On last week’s laundry topic, adding “check every single toddler pocket” to my list after this weekend. Ran several crayons through the dryer and made a rainbow. Fortunately it was mostly just kid clothes harmed. Wishing everyone a bright week ahead!
Cb says
Stones, Mm, stones! I couldn’t figure out why the washing machine was banging. Stones in my son’s jacket pockets. “But they were very good stones, mom!”
Anon says
Ohhh, the stones and the nuts (acorns). I feel ya, and so does my washing machine – and sometimes, dryer!
GCA says
Last fall we went to the park and I saw my 3yo picking up acorns and putting them in her jacket pockets. I thought she had picked up maybe 10 of them. I shook the jacket when we got home, and over 50 acorns fell out.
AwayEmily says
actual LOL at this. 3-year-olds are amazing.
Anon says
Anytime our toddler is bored, we go in the backyard and collect acorns. We converted an old leaky water table into the acorn receptacle.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Both of my kids now fill their jacket pockets with rocks. These have definitely gone through the dryer – I just thought the loud noise was zippers!
Cb says
My son has the stereotypical Primary rainbow puffer and I couldn’t figure out why it was so heavy. Because both pockets are full of rocks.
ElisaR says
oh man…. i like what you did there btw…. a bright week ha ha
anonM says
My son loves tools. Couldn’t figure out why the dryer was suddenly super loud. DH takes it a part. Various drill bits and screws stuck. Now I have to check DH and DS’s pockets for drill bits. DS is 4.
Anon says
Oh no! My husband washed a disposable diaper last night but crayons sound way worse.
Anon says
Diapers are surprisingly fine in the washing machine. At least when we did it, the diaper just got huge with water but didn’t make a mess.
Anon says
Not for us, it disintegrated into a million teeny tiny white gel bead things that covered everything. I had to deep clean the washer to make it usable again and shake out all the wet clothe outside.
ElisaR says
yup, that mess was our experience the first time i did it, the second time i did it AND the third time i did it.
Cb says
A follow-up on the discussion re. passports from last week. We were passing the US consulate yesterday (en route to the Lego store!) and my son got very excited by the sight of the American flag… because he thinks it is the NASA flag and was very excited by the “NASA office!” I get the feeling I’m not doing very well raising this half American, half English, Scotland-raised child.
As a political scientist who works on nationalist politics and national identity, I’m looking forward to using him as a future research subject.
GCA says
oh! I offer my half Italian-American, half ethnic Chinese and Mandarin-speaking but any Chinese national identity or citizenship absent from our background since before the Cultural Revolution, semi-third culture kids up as research subjects. Have fun designing that survey :)
NLD in NYC says
If you need to increase your sample size, I’ll also offer up my half-Black, have-Dominican (i.e. Blactino) child. Data nerds, unite! lol
Cb says
We were at a playdate yesterday, and laughed at the little mini-EU of children, all with very confusing accents.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids are half “full” American (various European ancestry) and half Russian-American (with various other Soviet ancestry). Needless to say, this last week has been terrifying.
Anon says
Hi there – I am one of the commenters that was due with a baby soon. Baby arrived about a month early on 2/22/22! I was induced due to preeclampsia that popped up suddenly – my pregnancy had been very “boring” per my OB and I’ve never had BP issues in my life, so this was quite a disappointing development and I had no symptoms other than the high BP at my check-up that sent me to the hospital. Things escalated quickly from there, but we are all healthy and at home now, so feeling very lucky!
Because I plan for this to be my last maternity leave, I’m looking for ideas for things that made your own maternity leaves great. My last one was completely derailed due to covid, so I’m hoping to “do it right” this time around. I am completely cut off from work until July. Outside of the obvious — getting used to an additional family member, helping my other two (7yo and 2yo) adjust to baby, resting and recovering, dealing with all of the baby things — is there something you did on your leave that you really look back on and thought it was a great idea? Or maybe something that was not-so-great? We’re hoping to move soon and I was thinking about trying to go through about one room per week to clean and purge in anticipation of that. Is this a horrible idea? I am also looking forward to daily stroller walks with baby once temperatures go up a smidge. Thanks for any ideas!
Anon says
I’m due soon and hope to do some sort of outdoor mommy and me exercise class this summer – yoga if I can find anywhere that still does it. I am also thinking about joining a local botanical garden to walk around in. Otherwise I made our wedding photo album and did a baby book during my last leave – it was nice to have time to devote to those things. Cleaning and purging sounds very useful!
Anonymous says
I was on maternity leave from law school when I had my baby, so we had zero extra money. I joined the botanical garden so I’d have a place to get out of the house that wasn’t the coffee shop, Target, or the mall, where I wouldn’t spend money. It was so nice and relaxing. Highly recommend!
anonM says
Any nearby friends working from home? My friend on mat leave came with baby for a late lunch. I made her lunch, but she drove to me. I held baby so she could eat a full meal with both hands. Such a win win. Are you keeping 2yo in daycare at least part of the week? I found that helpful for sanity/bonding with little sibling.
Anon says
Congrats! I have a Feb. 22nd bday baby too, although she didn’t get the awesome 2/22/22 birthdate. :) I feel like the first six weeks of my maternity were about physical recovery, catching up on sleep, and dealing with visiting family members, but the last eight weeks (I had 14 total) were pretty relaxing. I read a lot, watched a lot of TV, did a lot of stroller walks as the weather got nicer, slept a lot. I look back on it very fondly, especially the couple weeks in May when my husband had started his leave (we stacked them, but overlapped for a few weeks) and we were all home as a family with nice weather. Cleaning a room each week if you’re trying to move sounds reasonable to me.
Anonymous says
If you have the time and energy, organizing and deep cleaning is a great idea. Having an organized space always makes me feel more relaxed. I would extend that to electronic files, especially photos. If you are like me and way behind on photo albums and scrapbooks, you could work on those too.
Spirograph says
I did nothing constructive during my maternity leaves, and I stand by that decision as a great idea. :) I went for lots of walks, visited parks, met up with friends or mom groups occasionally, ran errands, listened to audiobooks and watched tv. For my second and third kids, the older one(s) stayed in daycare, and I handled both drop-off and pick-up, but otherwise I didn’t take on any additional responsibility or projects. There’s plenty of go-go-go coming your way with 3 kids and a career, never mind moving! Unless it would actually make you happy to clean and purge, I would take the breather while you can.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1! Binge all the shows and take walks, but I didn’t set any projects for myself for my second leave (my first was stressful due to looking for a new job) and it was great.
AwayEmily says
With my first I went back to work after two weeks. With my second I was so overwhelmed with a baby plus toddler that I remember nothing of it. Now I’m a couple weeks into leave with my third and am trying to do exactly what Spirograph suggests and just relaxing, and it is absolutely lovely. I may start trying to do Actual Things in a few weeks if I get bored but for now I am leaning into the lap naps and mystery novels.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sounds like your older two are back in school!! (throws confetti) Glad you can enjoy the time with just baby. Hope everyone is doing well.
AwayEmily says
Yes! As of today, they are both back! I woke up this morning and it felt like being a kid on Christmas. I had a vague sleepy feeling like “something special is happening today….” and then slowly realized that the special thing was SCHOOL! The house is so, so quiet and I am so, so happy.
Spirograph says
yaaaay, school!
Also, congrats to the OP, to AwayEmily, and anyone else out there with a new baby. Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and relaxing maternity leave. Like many of us here, I get itchy to *do* things, but especially for my third (and final) maternity leave, I really leaned into the idea that time just lounging around snuggling a new baby is time well-spent. No regrets at all.
Pogo says
Stroller walk to the coffee shop while listening to podcasts. Grab a pastry and coffee and read The New Yorker. The. best.
I watched all of Schitt’s Creek.
Let the baby nap on you as much as possible.
Cb says
I read so many books. I’d go to a cafe, the baby would fall asleep while nursing, I’d read, the barista would bring me another cup of tea.
Anonymous says
Yes, I ready many books too, although I regret not doing your cafe thing… that sounds lovely! Babies turned me into an e-reader convert. I still love paper books, but my kindle was so great for nursing or reading one-handed in the dark while holding the baby.
Anon says
I hate e-readers but even I used one while nursing. It’s definitely more convenient than a physical book if you’re holding a book.
Anonymous says
This is my dream leave. Walks for coffee, reading all the books, and all the cuddle-naps. Also second meeting friends for lunch as you’re comfortable doing so.
EDAnon says
I did daily stroller walks. Once I was up to it, I did a long one to my husband’s work for lunch, which I still reminisce about. With my second, I spent a huge amount of time just holding him and reading while he slept in my arms, which i also loved and remember fondly.
Anon says
Baby boot camp and an official paid-for moms group with a leader type thing during both my maternity leaves were the best things I did by far.
I also spent down time making back logs of
photo albums, I’m surprised to see what a popular answer that is on here!
Anon says
Honestly, the best thing I did on my last maternity leave was hire a night nurse. If it’s in your budget, I’d highly recommend. We only had her for about 14 nights total spread over the first four weeks postpartum, but that extra sleep and help with a new baby was a huge game changer in how I felt the second time around vs. the first.
CCLA says
This, and daytime help, again budget permitting. I hired someone for a few hours a day, she would usually watch baby while I got in a workout, long shower, and maybe a nap or a lunch away from home. Sometimes I wanted to hang with baby so she ran errands for me instead. I realize that was a big privilege, but pointing out here because honestly it didn’t occur to me as something that I could until a few weeks in and I wish I had done it sooner!
Also loved the daily walks to coffee shop patio with baby to read, and powered through a lot of tv and audio books.
SC says
I had a preemie who was also born one month early, and we were able to take him home from the hospital immediately. I do think there are, or can be, some differences when you have a preemie, especially in the first 3 months. Baby may not be as skilled at eating (the suck/swallow reflex is one of the last to develop), so that whole process may take longer, especially if you’re nursing. Baby also may sleep a lot throughout your maternity leave.
As I remember it, my maternity leave had 3 phases. Everything’s a little blurry, so I have no real idea how long each phase lasted, and I’m sure they ran together a bit. I never woke up and announced a new phase. Things just got easier, and I had more energy and headspace over time.
Phase 1: Feed the baby. Since he didn’t know how to eat, this took up about 1 hour and 20 minutes out of every 2 hours. We also had daily weigh-ins at the pediatrician’s office for 2 weeks, appointments with lactation consultants, and then weekly weigh-ins for a while. When I was home, I was nursing or pumping or bottle feeding or washing bottle or pump parts. I listened to YouTube videos almost the whole time.
Phase 2: Take care of myself. I had been on bed rest for about 5 weeks before Baby was born, so that probably changed what I needed out of maternity leave. Once I had a little extra energy, I spent it taking care of myself for a minute. I took gentle walks around the neighborhood with baby in a sling. I went to the grocery store and bought healthy food. I got my hair cut and colored. I found a mommy-and-baby yoga class on Saturday mornings.
Phase 3: Get ready to go back to work. I found a nanny. I cleaned out my closet and tried on all my clothes. I went to an outlet mall with a friend and Baby and bought clothes where I had gaps in my wardrobe. I took care of stuff like car maintenance. We had renovated while I was pregnant, so I organized my house.
Somewhere in there, I read Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie and Bossypants by Tina Fey. Very different books, but both were really good.
DLC says
Our movie theatre has baby friendly movies and I loved going to those. I mean it depends on your comfort level these days, but it was a fun outing.
I did a lot of “tourist in my own city” type adventures.
Parents’ groups and meet ups and lunch dates with other friends.
Also – taking time to go on daytime dates with your older kids might be fun. I sort of regret not spending time with my oldest solo before I got back into the thick of work. Even if baby came along it would have been fun. I think my oldest is still, at age ten, trying to recover from having two siblings after being an only child for the first five years of her life.
Cleaning and purging sounds great to me, but I know it’s not everyone’s jam.
Taking time to journal.
AwayEmily says
Any recommendations for the best time to start pumping if you are prone to oversupply? With my last two kids I started really early, at around a week, but I worry that early start contributed to my oversupply issues. I’d really like to avoid that this time. On the other hand it would be good to have some extra milk on hand so I can go on errands, etc. Baby is now 2 weeks old and will be starting daycare at around 10 weeks.
Anon says
I started at 4 weeks and originally only added an extra pumping session (really just 10 minutes after mid-morning feed) every other day. It was enough to start a freezer stash and have a bottle for Dad to give her from time to time, but any more than that and my body was like OH DO YOU NEED MORE MILK? Ouch.
Anonymous says
Try just using a haaka while you nurse. My friend with oversupply did this and had enough milk to never really need to pump, even after returning to work.
Pogo says
This.
Anon says
I started at two weeks. I used a haakaa to get a small stash for initial bottles and then pumped only during bottle feeding time.
Anon says
I had oversupply and never pumped until I went back to work. My kid was able to go a relatively long time between feeds pretty quickly though, so going out to run an errand or meet a friend for lunch wasn’t a problem as long as I fed her first. We had also used formula in her first couple of weeks so although I believe she only drank b-milk from 2 weeks old until she started solids, we had some formula on hand and it wouldn’t have been a big deal for my husband to use it if she’d acted hungry while I was out.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! This is helpful. I think next week I’ll start doing a single session every other day after the AM feed. I tried the haaka with my last kid and found it to be super annoying to use, but I think I still have it so maybe I will give it another try.
Anon says
I think the Elvie Curve is like a Haakaa, but with a much better form factor. You can stick it in your bra instead of having a giant thing dangle off your chest. I haven’t tried it yet but I’m intrigued.
Anonymous says
No advice but marveling you could find daycare at 10 weeks. In our city there are barely any daycare slots at all right now much less for newborns. Two women on my team recently returned from maternity leave at 16-18 weeks and neither could find any daycare options. Both are having extended family watch the babies.
Kauai photos says
Any recommendations for family photography shoots in Kauai (Lihue)? Looking for an affordable package deal – a set rate for a 30 minute shoot, gallery of say 15 photos, and you get the digital file and not just prints. We are not picky. Thank you for any recommendations.
octagon says
Keri Cooper does beautiful work around Kauai — she primarily does weddings but I’d definitely reach out and see if she can work with you.
Anonymous says
Thank you!
Esquinkle says
There have been some great conversations about toxic family members in the past weeks–my situation is (luckily!) very different, but I’m hoping for advice that can help me reframe my interactions/relationship with my sister. I feel that she really does love me in her way, but her way means that she’ll see me twice a year at major holidays. I’m stuck in this pattern where I end up doing the vast majority of reaching out and relationship maintenance, and it will be fine for six months or so, and then she’ll cancel again and I get hurt. I want to stop this cycle of getting hurt and just accept that she is who she is, but I haven’t been able to get there.
Part of this predated me having children, but now that I have two young ones, it’s amplified it. (Ok fine, you don’t really want to hang out with me, but my kids are cool and also the only niblings you have.) For context, she’s my younger sister and while we live in the same city, our lives are extremely different. She’s in a creative, non traditional industry, while I’m a lawyer. As a result, it can be hard to find times that work for both of us. The last time she saw my kiddos/came to my house was on Thanksgiving. She was supposed to come over this weekend but cancelled the day before because something came up with work. Frankly, my kids only kind of know who she and her partner are, and I feel sad about that. I do also make time to see her kid-free; I’ve visited her apartment once in the covid-era because she is quite covid-cautious. We actually seemed to get a bit closer during the pandemic, but now I think that’s kind of because her industry shut down and she didn’t have anything better to do. FWIW, my husband thinks I give her a hard time (which is not something I want to do). I’ve accepted that I can’t change her, and that raising it with her doesn’t really change anything, but how do I get over having my feelings hurt? Feeling like a 15 year old!
Anonymous says
I have a similar relationship with my sister. We don’t have a whole lot in common other than family stuff. She also lives on the other side of the country while I live in the same area as our mom. We text maybe once a month or less. We don’t even really see each other on major holidays because she usually doesn’t come back to our home town. I definitely felt more hurt by this level of relationship once I had kids. I was super, super close with my mom’s sister growing up and I felt sad that she had no real interest in being close with my daughter. My SILs would constantly text asking about my daughter, meanwhile my own sister never did.
I don’t have any advice, just commiseration. I have basically come to accept that this is just who she is/what our relationship is. I love her and care for her, and I believe she feels the same way, but we will likely never be close.
Spirograph says
Your feelings are your feelings, and I totally understand why they get hurt! I think you just to stick with your last sentence. You can’t change her. You can reach out, you can issue invites, you can be pleasantly surprised if she shows up. But you have to let go of the expectations. My sister is a little similar; she lives by for now, but leaving again this summer and has been a plane flight away for most of my kids’ lives. She doesn’t really prioritize family holidays or reunions, so we see her sporadically. It is what it is… you have to let people make their choices. My sister is a big letter-writer, though. She travels a lot and always sends postcards to my kids, which is sweet. My kids send artwork and are now getting old enough to write short letters, and we all have correspondence going in fits and starts. Maybe that’s another way you and your kids could connect with your sister? This also will probably evolve as your kids grow up. Maybe your sister is the type of person who enjoys elementary kids but not toddlers, etc.
Side note, big internet high-five for using”niblings.” I just learned this word a few months ago and love it.
Anon says
I guess I’m coming at this more from your sister’s side of things, but seeing an adult sibling a few times a year seems pretty normal to me. Thanksgiving was only three months ago. Even before the pandemic, I would sometimes go three months without seeing local friends that I consider very close friends (one was my MOH). We talked more frequently than that, but we were both busy with work and family stuff and it was hard to schedule get togethers in person even before Covid was a complicating factor. I know there are people who see their friends a lot more frequently, but I don’t think it necessarily indicates a lack of closeness or affection.
I also find it hard to believe your kids barely know who she is, unless your kids are babies/young toddlers. My 4 year old sees her aunt and uncle at most twice a year and definitely knows who they are and talks about them all the time.
Anonymous says
This also seems normal to me. I am frankly puzzled by the people who have time to see their families of origin frequently, or even to text or call a lot. We are quite close to two of my husband’s siblings and their spouses. We talk to them maybe once a month, share photos and news on the family text thread once or twice a week, and see one set 1-2 times a year and the other set 3-4 times a year. I talk to my mom every month or so, see her once or twice a year, and text her weekly. It doesn’t mean we aren’t close or don’t care about one another. We are all just so busy with jobs and our own families that none of us has the the bandwidth to connect more often. I am going nonstop from 5:30 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. every weekday and most weekends, and after that I am just too tired to talk to anyone.
Anon says
We see my parents multiple times per week. But they’re semi-retired and are extremely interested in spending time with our kid. I wouldn’t expect anyone who’s not a grandparent to have anywhere near that level of interest in someone else’s young child. And even for local grandparents, I think mine are more involved in our lives than most. We basically think of them as part of our household even though we have two separate homes a mile apart. We definitely would not have the bandwidth for this level of involvement with other relatives, even if they were local.
Anon Lawyer says
I feel like there’s a lot of middle ground between a few times a week (we also see my parents that often for similar reasons) and twice a year at major holidays for siblings who live in the same city. Like once a month seems pretty reasonable as a ballpark? I’m a little surprised people think that it’s weird to make time like that for your family.
Anonymous says
How old is she? If she’s like 23-24 I would chalk it up to immaturity and age. Most people are still so self-centered at that age. If she’s 30+ I’d give it a different response.
Spirograph says
I dunno, my sister is 35. But she’s single with a lot of disposable income and paid time off, and hobbies and friends. I can’t fault her for wanting to go to [fill in literally any country here, she’s been to 6 continents] rather than hanging out at home with me and my family. Rather than getting upset about it, I just try to tag along on vacations with her when I can and invite her when we go somewhere (so far, she’s only come on a couple long weekend trips with us in the last 2.5 years). Like I said in my response above, she does interact with us, just asynchronously! Her love language is gifts, not quality time. My kids think she’s awesome because she sends them currency and souvenirs from all over the world and writes to them about her adventures.
We also do “dates” with her rather than having her come over just to hang out at our house. For example, my daughter (7) and I invited her to a ballet, and we all got dressed up and had a fancy night out.
Anon says
Yeah, I don’t think it’s “self-centered” to not want to spend a ton of kids that aren’t your own.
Anonymous says
+1. The degree of entitlement people here have with regard to family support is truly mind-boggling. OP’s sister isn’t mean or manipulative, she just wants to have her own life instead of being a supporting player in OP’s life. There is nothing wrong with that.
Anonymous says
The letters, currency collection, and dates all sound like a wonderful and personalized way to connect. When I was growing up we saw my grandparents only once a year, so my grandpa would record stories on tape and mail them for me to listen to. I still have those tapes.
GCA says
I agree, I wouldn’t say sis is self-centered – more that she has her own life. Spirograph, your sister clearly interacts with your kids in really cool ways!
I think OP and her sister just have very different expectations for their relationship, and perhaps instead of leaning on sister for the kind of relationship OP needs, she might seek it out elsewhere (family friends, for instance – I have a good friend who is single and lives nearby and is honorary auntie to my kids). As for the kids, it’s possible they will manage to build their own relationship with their aunt, especially as they get older and she can relate to them more. I see threads on the main s*te by those cool, thoughtful aunts all the time.
Anon says
It’s okay to be sad but you know it’s not going to change. My sibling is the same way and our relationship has really improved since I accepted who they are and what they want out of this relationship. We text a few times a month, talk a few times a year, and see each other maybe twice a year — but the interactions are really nice and not fraught with wanting more. I also have noticed they ask ways hang up the photos and kid art I send them. I’ve focused on other relationships with friends that are more auntie-like for my kids. Community can look a lot of different ways.
anonM says
Hm, I have a lot of thoughts on this, as I grew up with extremely close extended family, but that has changed a lot for many reasons, including family members moving out of state, death, and disowning people. It’s hard when the reality doesn’t align with what you hoped for. And, I really do think that it is human to want a community to support you and your kids (and not “entitled,” sigh). However, I’ve also seen family members so hurt over their family members moving away that they really have damaged those relationships horribly because they spend so much of the time interacting with guilt trips and drama. On the other hand, while my sister is out of state, she sees my kids more frequently than some of my in laws, which irritates me tbh. I’d try hard to meet your sister where she is — can you invite her on a family vacation, even if it is just part of the trip, where she just has to show up at the air bnb and hang out? Have you tried asking her to babysit? Our family often won’t initiate, but they never turn down babysitting. And while I feel like odd man out sometimes being the only cousin with kids, I recently found out my cousins who live in the same state hung out, they spent some of the time swapping videos of my kids. It really meant a lot to hear how much they love my little ones, even if they don’t see them in person much. So, now I know to send more short videos.
Other than her relationship with the kids, maybe try making clear that you’d like to talk more and give her a good go-to time. For me, friends and family all know that the best time to catch me to chat is about 8:30 on weekdays after kids sleep but before I’m too exhausted. I’ll put on my headphones and chat while I do a light workout or fold laundry.
Anon says
I think there’s a lot of inflammatory rhetoric here on both sides. I don’t think OP is entitled for wanting a closer relationship with her sibling, but I also don’t think the sibling is self-centered for being busy with her own job, hobbies and friends and only wanting to get together with her sister’s family every few months.
Anonymous says
To quote Elsa, let it gooooooo. If you can let go of your expectations, which frankly seem unrealistic given your differing lifestyles and your husband’s perspective, you will be free to enjoy the time your sister does have to share.
Anon says
Did you all see the news about the efficacy of the Pfizer vaccine on kids 5-11? I just saw it reported in the NY Times this morning. I’m very disappointed with the results. I don’t have a child in that age range (mine are younger), but it seems like the relief parents felt at getting their child vaccinated will be severely limited now that we know it is almost completely ineffective at preventing infection (though still effective at preventing hospitalization).
Anon says
But isn’t that true of adults too? Basically none of the vaccines do much against Omicron, except as far as severe illness goes. I feel like comparing adult vaccine efficacy vs Delta and kid vaccine efficacy against Omicron is apples and oranges.
Spirograph says
Also, this.
Anonymous says
Boosted adults have a much better shot at foiling any infection; the efficacy for kids is a lot lower. But I generally agree that omicron was a game changer and we can no longer count on our existing vaccines to prevent infection.
Anonymous says
Not really. The difference even between 11 and 12 year olds was extremely stark. Something like 11% effectiveness for the 11-year-olds compared with 67% in 12-year-olds. It showed that it was very much dose-related because 12 year olds got a dose that was 3 times larger than the 11 year olds.
Anonymous says
A great illustration of the motivation behind the regression discontinuity design!
I am a methods nerd and can’t help myself.
Anonymous says
I tried to google this but would love an explanation for those who went to law school because math hurts our brain.
Anonymous says
I went to law school! The idea is that 11-year-olds and 12-year-olds are very, very similar. If you give the two groups different vaccines, you can be pretty confident that any differences in outcomes are explained by the differences in the “treatment” (vaccine) and not by any underlying differences, observed or unobserved, between 11-year-olds and 12-year-olds.
Anon says
“The idea is that 11-year-olds and 12-year-olds are very, very similar.”
Is this really true? My ped told me (in the context of the vaccine not being effective in 2-4 year olds) that 4 and 5 year olds are biologically very similar, but 11 and 12 year olds are not. Apparently there are puberty-related hormonal changes around that age (on average) that are pretty significant re: vaccine dosing.
Spirograph says
Eh, I don’t have feelings left for this. I know there are many people here who are worried about long covid, etc, and you do you, but I’m just… not. To me, risk was low for 5-11 year olds even without vaccines, and improvement around the edges effective in preventing hospitalization is good enough for me. If we can get to a place as a society where you just stay home if you’re sick rather than for 10 days afterward and if you live with someone was sick a week ago, I don’t care at all whether the vaccines are effective at preventing all infection, as long as they prevent bad outcomes.
Anon says
+1. I AM actually pretty worried about long Covid, but I don’t see an alternative here. We’re not going to wait years for a hypothetical better vaccine for children. We’ve lost two years of our lives waiting for our whole family to be vaccinated, now we are and the vaccines substantially reduce the already low hospitalization risk, there’s nothing left to wait for. Hopefully there will be a booster soon and of course we’ll get it for our kids as soon as we can.
Anon says
This is me. I can’t wait for perfect. My kids have lost years of time with cousins and grandparents. DH and I have struggled with depression, older kid really struggled being at home for a year and a half, work suffered, and I missed so many family and friend milestones, both good and bad – births, deaths, wedding celebrations … We’ve gone from low risk of serious illness to lower risk now that all but the baby are vaccinated. It’s unrealistic to expect or demand no risk, and definitely not worth the ongoing sacrifices.
anon says
All of this. We have put our lives on hold. I am incredibly sad about all the time I feel like we’ve lost. I’m just not willing to postpone my kids’ childhoods indefinitely. And this is coming from someone who lost a family member to Covid and it was absolutely devastating to us all. We did our part and hunkered down and I just can’t do it anymore.
NYCer says
+2.
Anon says
Didn’t really bother or surprise me? Of course mine DID get infected, but my two vaccinated kids were completely asymptomatic (and the younger two without vaccines did have symptoms). So it felt like it provided some protection!
Anon says
That’s good to hear. Omicron?
Anon says
I wish there were a further age breakdown. It seems like the 5-11 year old group was underdosed too. But does this mean the vaccine is more effective in 5 year olds than 11 year olds? They’re biologically quite different. Or is that just wishful thinking?
Anonymous says
FWIW, my 5 year old tested positive for omicron. My 7 and 9 year olds didn’t. All freshly fully-vaccinated at the time of exposure.
Anonymous says
To me what this means is that we shouldn’t be so quick to ditch the masks. The vaccines are not armor–they are just one layer of swiss cheese.
Anon says
This is really underselling the vaccine.
Anonymous says
How is it underselling the vaccine to acknowledge that it is demonstrated not to confer anywhere near 100% protection and should therefore be combined with other protective measures?
anon says
Eh, scientists are doing their best. The scientists at these companies all want their kids back in school and safe from covid, too. Hopefully this data will let them do better with the next round.
I’m still really glad my 5-11 yos were able to be vaccinated before the Omicron wave, as it does provide protection against serious disease.
Anonymous says
The article suggested that one reason for the a low dose was a fear of fever as a side effect. Which makes very little sense to me. 5-year-olds are not infants, and a fever is not terribly dangerous at this age. Many of my relatives who had breakthrough COVID infections got fevers, so any kid has a high likelihood of getting a fever either from the vaccine or from the virus itself. I’d rather they get that fever preventing infection with a higher vaccine dose than a fever from a bad breakthrough infection.
Anon says
Yes I think they were excessively paranoid about not giving kids any side effects, and as a result they don’t have good protection against the virus. It’s very frustrating. I would much rather my kid feel blah and stay in bed for a day or two in exchange for lower odds of actually catching the virus. I wondered how effective it was when it seemed like no kids in the 5-11 age group had any side effects.
anon says
Given the really low vaccination rates in 5-11 yo kids, were they really wrong to shoot for a vaccine that would have minimal side effects? Those of us who are comfortable with vaccinations may disagree with that decision, but millions of Americans are on the other side of that fence. They think any side effects from a vaccine are too burdensome for kids.
Anon says
I don’t believe catering to the vaccine hesitant is the way to go and the FDA and CDC have done so way too much IMO. They’re unlikely to be convinced by anything the federal govt does, and it hurts the people who have done everything right and gotten vaccinated. See also the CDC announcing everyone could ditch masks right before the Delta variant hit.
Anonymous says
If the strategy was to increase vaccination rates by minimizing side effects, that sure backfired.
anon says
If you know better than the scientists, perhaps you should get a PhD in immunology and go run trials?
It’s easy to second guess after you have data. Before you have data you don’t want to do anything that could injure a child.
Anonymous says
The risk tolerance for side effects v. lack of protection was absolutely a political decision, not a scientific one.
Anon says
Yeah, I’m not suggesting I know more about science than scientists working at Pfizer, but the FDA was heavily involved in these decisions and they were absolutely politicized. It’s not a coincidence that Moderna, which was much less influenced by the FDA, used a higher dose.
Anon says
I’m not going to believe some conspiracy theory that politics somehow convinced the FDA and scientists to make an ineffective vaccine for kids. That’s nonsense. Everyone was doing their best with the info they had. If you know better, maybe next time you should loan them your crystal ball?
Anonymous says
It’s not a conspiracy theory. It has been openly stated that minimizing side effects was the priority in selecting the dosage. It’s not that the intention was to make an ineffective vaccine, but that the vaccine was tested in a rush and a decision was made to proceed with a low dose to minimize side effects and hope it was effective enough. With different priorities, a higher dose would have been selected to ensure effectiveness and some side effects would have been tolerated.
HSAL says
Anecdotally, we all had Covid earlier this month. My 6 year old is vaxxed and had an extremely minor cough for four days. My three year olds (one with viral-induced asthma) both had a fever for 30 hours. No other symptoms for the kids. My cold symptoms lasted the longest of everyone. I was surprised to see how different the vaxxed vs non-vaxxed experiences were, and one of the twins was practically asymptomatic (fever never went over 99.5, even without medication).
Pogo says
My 4yo had a fever for like 18 hours total also only about 100-101. That and fatigue were his only symptoms.
Husband and I (triple-vaxxed) had it the worst. So I’m definitely glad we got vaxxed because I can’t imagine it without the vaccine.
AIMS says
I didn’t read the article but did it talk about the spacing of the dosage? Because other things I have read suggest that spacing of the two doses plays a big role and it seems the immune response is much stronger when you space them out much more than the US-recommended 3 weeks. I was actually really miffed when I read that the day after my kid got her second dose (and having been told nothing about this by our doctor or pharmacist), but on the other hand she got her second dose in the middle of the omicron wave so maybe waiting wasn’t really a good option either. But I think this is all more complicated than just dosage.
Anon says
But 3 weeks was the standard Pfizer spacing for everyone in the US, so I don’t see how this could make a difference if you’re comparing different age groups within the US, which this article is.
AIMS says
My point is less about the comparison and more about the spacing – you don’t necessarily need a bigger dose or the risk of side effects. Now, maybe it was still a sound decision to recommend doses 3 weeks apart given what was coming with Omicron but that should be disclosed and assessed individually – not everyone was in the middle of a wave when the vaccines were 1st made available.
Anon says
I’m not disputing that 8 weeks is a more optimal spacing than 3 weeks, but the article compares the 5-11 year old age group to the 12-17 year old age group and found the vaccines were far more effective in teens than younger kids. And both age groups had the same spacing in the US, so that’s not a reason for higher vaccine efficacy in teens. It seems like in this direct comparison between the different age groups, the explanation lies in the different dosage.
Anonymous says
It did talk about spacing. 8 weeks was suggested to be more effective than 3.
Anon says
We’re taking our just turned 4 year old to Europe in a couple weeks. We haven’t used a stroller at home or when flying domestically in over a year, but I feel like we should bring it with us on this trip, right? We normally walk a lot in European cities.
Anonymous says
I would try it out beforehand. Will kiddo even agree to get into the stroller? How hard is it to maneuver with a big preschooler in it? Does it work on the types of streets and sidewalks you expect to encounter? FWIW, we did Disney without a stroller at age 3.5 and it was totally fine. Kiddo would never have deigned to ride in a stroller at that age.
Pogo says
This is so funny to me, my 4.5 yo still rides in a stroller all the time! Mostly to go running with me or go to the park. He would not walk the whole way, that’s for sure.
CCLA says
Same, Disney sans stroller at 3.5 and really appreciated not having to deal with one! But since you’re not getting on and off rides, maybe less hassle to just bring one along…I’d probably get one of the strollers that goes on like a backpack so it’s easy to carry if not needed, I think Zoe has one.
Anon says
Strollers on cobblestone streets aren’t great, but we’ve done it before when she was younger so I’m not worried about that aspect of it. I do think there might be some initial resistance to getting in it, but I think if the choice is between being dragged all over a city on tired legs and riding in the stroller, she’ll eventually choose the stroller. I don’t know anything about Disneyland but our normal mileage in a European city is 5-7 miles a day, and I can’t imagine many 4 year olds doing that. Certainly not mine, lol.