Having nursed and pumped for two babies, I went through countless nursing pads. Here’s a 14-pack of washable pads you can reuse again and again.
This convenient pack has enough pads to last until laundry day. It even comes with a wet bag for changing them on the go, and a laundry bag for washing. There are three plush layers to ensure maximum absorbency and comfort, while a fourth waterproof one keeps you (and your clothes) dry.
KeaBabies nursing pads are $22.96 at Kohl’s. This set includes a range of pastel and neutral colors. They also come in packs of neutrals, black, and white.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
Cb says
Be sure to put them in a zipped pouch for washing….otherwise the washing machine repairperson will just shake their head at you…
Anonymous says
lol, thanks for this!!
AIMS says
Flashback! I still find these in random spots in my linen closet or back of a dresser drawer sometimes. They’re great. But I wouldn’t leave them to wash till laundry day – they will smell and it will not come out in the wash if you let them sit too long. If I didn’t have other laundry to wash that day, I would just fill up a sink with warm soapy water, let them sit a bit and then rinse and dry. You can use a little hanger with clips to hang them.
Anon says
I just washed once a week on laundry day, but I made sure they could dry out fully in between. Otherwise they’d get moldy.
Anon says
family picture help. links coming in comments. family consists of me, DH and twin girls who will wear the same dress. i know that light colors are often recommended, but i’ve somehow ended up in white for all of our other family photos to date. not sure if this is too busy, but thought that maybe the pink in the girls’ dresses will pull out the pink in the dress i’m considering for myself.
OP says
girls’ dress: https://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/girls-pink-ditsy-smocked-dress-h3060.html
my dress: https://poshmark.com/listing/Hill-House-Moody-Floral-Ellie-Nap-Dress-630d63a66149735b6aba9779
and then DH would wear either a white, light pink or light blue shirt with either khaki, light pink or light blue shorts
thoughts?
Mary Moo Cow says
I think that’s lovely! My photographer just says no plaids because it jumps but she loves color and pattern in photos, and these colors are so perfect for spring photos. I would probably ask DH to wear white or blue for contrast with your dresses.
Anonymous says
Your dress and the twins’ seem complimentary. I would put DH in light blue, safe green or navy with khaki shorts. I would not put him in pink: it’s too matchy matchy and will compete with the twins visually.
Anonymous says
SAGE not safe, oy.
Anon says
In this case, sage is also safe! lol
Anonymous says
These dresses will look great together! My strategy is always to make DH wear the most basic of our outfits. In this case, I would put him in a white button-down (bring a spare) and navy pants (like something from Bonobos). He should not wear shorts.
Anonymous says
DH always gets the boring outfit at our house too. I was thinking maybe this year, I should pick his outfit first and then the rest of us can plan around it, lol.
NYCer says
Pretty dresses! I would have your husband wear a white shirt and khaki pants.
ElisaR says
very pretty! love it! I think it will photograph well. Small print and complementary colors.
Anon says
I’ve never heard to wear white! I think it makes most people look larger than they are, which usually isn’t the goal in photos. We wear a lot of jewel tones.
Anon says
pastels look great with spring lighting
Anonymous says
I need a place to be heard and understood today. Life is hard right now. First world hard, but hard nonetheless. DH just got a nice promotion at work, and I am very happy for him. But he is much busier. It has really messed with the balance of duties at home, and it is starting to really wear on me. I feel like my work, schedule, and needs consistently come last just becuase my work is more flexible. I’m a WFH attorney with control over my calendar. But, I also don’t want to work less – I like my work and the money I make. I’m worn out. I’m pretty confident that the answer is to sit down and reassign dutues from scratch, outsource more, etc. But I just feel too exhausted to even have the conversation. But I also shouldn’t let resentment build up. I really don’t think life is going to slow down for either of us anytime soon.
Anon says
you are completely understood! and yes, you’re ideas on how to fix are correct. is there any way for DH to manage the kids for half a day this weekend so you can get a break?
Anonymous says
Hello internet friend- I’m here for you, listening and in a similar boat. (In my situation, DH started his own company which has been all consuming and I stepped back from an exec in house job to an individual contributor WFH lawyer job.) I did let the resentment build up and dragged my feet having important conversations and it deeply affected my mental health. Some things that helped us:
– DH has a therapist, and I have one. I wished we had done this sooner. Pride I guess. We were talking about shifting roles and responsibilities but finding that many topics became touchy and were really deeper issues in our marriage and personal lives.
– Make a master list of all duties big and small. Then work together to assign them. Work together to continue rediscussing. We have been at it for 6 months now and still not to equilibrium yet, but just talking and recalibrating helps. We do get upset with each other sometimes, Me-“Why didn’t you do the dishes, that’s your job now!” DH “Why are you so upset with me? I had more meetings than expected.” Me- “But why didn’t you tell me that, even just a text msg would have been nice.” It’s a process.
– As part of the reassignment of roles and responsibilities, figure out which ones you both want to outsource and which ones to quit doing entirely. There are amazing options out there. I discovered that our maid service also offers in-home laundry. And a new pickup/delivery laundry service is available in our area. And there are corner cutting options-literally a frozen meal, mac and cheese, and pizza are on the menu every single week. On the quit doing list for me- tidying constantly (house will just need to be messier), kids each have only 1 activity for the week, gymnastics or scouts.
Hugs! You and DH have got this!
Anonymous says
I completely understand. We’ve just messed up our summer schedule big time, and it’s because we’re just too exhausted to figure things out. Or we thought we had things figured out, but clearly didn’t do enough research in terms of talking to other parents, because now we’re royally, you know. It is SO hard. When you’re barely holding on, relationships suffer and things fall through the cracks. I wish I had an answer. I’m seriously considering leaving my job for the second summer in a row.
Anonymous says
Ugh! I’m sorry you are going through this.
anon says
I’m really sorry. Summer is tough, and it’s not made any easier by the need to plan so many months in advance, before you really know how work may shift.
octagon says
I see you, and I hear you. Can you take a mental health day and use the time to take yourself to lunch, have a glass of whatever beverage you prefer, reflect on this and think about what would make it easier for you? (Recognizing that it would be great if your husband would be proactive on this, but if he is in a new role he probably isn’t thinking about it.)
CCLA says
I hear you, I was you. It doesn’t have to be one mega conversation, which is totally daunting. Have a starter conversation to get on the same page – it was a big change for me when we finally got to the point where DH seemed to grasp what the underlying issues were and that we needed to make some big changes. The changes themselves have come gradually, with lots of regular discussion (including weekly Sunday night chats, and couples therapy). But we’re in a really good place now about 6-8 months later, after years of imbalance and resentment. We also hired more help recently, which may be on the table for you if his promotion came with a raise? We liked the fair play deck of cards to start the conversation, though it wasn’t a total fix in and of itself. In case this resonates with you, I found that as the person with the flexible but busy lawyer job, my needs always came last because everything was flexible. Part of the fix was me setting more boundaries and not taking on non-urgent things like kid dentist appts just because I could – those could be scheduled around DH’s rare days off, much like meeting the HVAC quarterly check person, etc., and DH could take full ownership of those things with zero involvement from me.
Big echo to taking a day of personal time soon, which won’t fix the big issues but will hopefully be a good reset for you.
Anonymous says
This is a hard moment. In some ways, it’s even harder because you both like and are doing well at your work! Maybe one way to think about it is to focus on the things that you both like – as an example, say you both like your work, you both like hanging with your kids, neither of you like cooking, you both hate laundry. Right now, it sounds like you’re compromising on work to get the laundry done, but what if you flip it so you compromise on laundry to get the work done? That could mean outsourcing, hiring someone to help around the house, or something else. There’s a limited amount of time in the day, you collectively have less time as a unit thanks to his job, and the answer is to find a solution, not to just tap you until you’re drained.
SC says
I hear you. I would definitely outsource more. I recently started a new job, and we have about $2500 per month more in disposable income. After I received my first paycheck, I immediately hired a housekeeper to come every 2 weeks and someone to maintain the yard, which together cost about $500 per month. We’ve also had groceries delivered a few times and have used a meal kit service for about a month. And my husband is a SAHP. We’d outsource much more if he had a full-time job.
Anony says
Have to jump in and flag that Amazon Fresh delivery is free for orders over $150 (which any of us with kids easily spends in a week). Grocery delivery is no longer a luxury; it is a no-brainer.
Anony says
This is challenging, but it’s also a math problem. Your family made the decision to trade more of your husband’s hours to his workplace in exchange for more money. So as a family unit, you now have fewer hours for the family, but more money. It sounds like the current solution is that you are spending more of your own hours to compensate for fewer hours from your husband. But as you flagged in your OP, the better solution is probably to spend some of that “more money” on outsourcing.
You say you’re too exhausted to have the conversation, but I’m not really sure there’s a conversation to be had with DH about this, unless you want him to handle the outsourcing instead of you. But if not, just do it. Hire a cleaner. Hire part-time help to drive the kids around. Buy a meal-delivery service for a few months until you settle into the new routine. Pay for laundry pickup/wash n fold service.
CCLA says
Respectfully disagree on the conversation. There’s still a conversation to be had and still work to be allocated even if the work is recognizing what needs to get done and then hiring someone else to do it and managing that person or service. I mean sure I’d throw money at the problem right away if it’s available, but I’d be salty if I were OP and there were no realignment of who is in charge of said outsourcing.
Anonymous says
A conversation is definitely in order, but also because one person can’t just go and spend hundreds of dollars a month outsourcing chores without both spouses’ agreement!
Anon says
This definitely depends on your finances and marriage. I regularly spend hundreds of dollars on something without specifically clearing it with my husband. It’s not a secret and if he asked I would be happy to show him bank or credit card statements, but I don’t need permission from him to spend the money. In fact, this is the primary reason I work outside the home, so that I don’t feel like I need him to approve my purchases. YMMV.
Anonymous says
I regularly spend hundreds of dollars on something without consulting my husband, but hundreds of dollars a month is thousands of dollars a year, and outsourcing chores also involves having strangers in your home. I just can’t imagine that anyone here would be okay with their husband’s hiring someone to work at their home without some sort of discussion.
Anonyy says
I mean, “some sort of discussion,” sure, but the “discussion” can be, “Honey, I’m spending tons more time doing housework since you got your promotion, so I’ve found a cleaning service that costs $150 that’s going to come every 2 weeks to take some of the load off – does that work?” If the man has two brain cells to rub together, his response will be, “Sure!” No big energy-draining conversation necessary.
Also, the “thousands of dollars” a year thing is silly. You don’t prepay up front for a year’s worth of wash-n-fold. Do it to release the pressure valve now, spend the $80 or whatever, and let DH know, “Oh my gosh, that was $80 well spent. I’m thinking of making it a weekly thing, any issues?”
By the way, if husband’s promotion didn’t come with enough of a pay rise to cover the costs of the necessary outsourcing and then some, it was a bad decision.
My impression was that OP wants to avoid the “how dare u not have as much time for chores now” conversation, understandably so because it’s going to cause defensiveness and conflict. It’s the difference between coming with a problem and coming with a solution.
Anon says
This is going to sound silly I feel like there are lots of travel with kid questions all the time and there is always great input.
I’m flying with my 3 year old for the first time next weekend.
I’ve never seen a toddler in a carseat on a domestic flight. So I’m comfortable just skipping the hassle of trying to use a carseat on the airplane. Our flight is only a direct 2 hr flight.
We are renting a car at the airport. I know rental carseats are sketchy. DH thinks we should just check one of our normal Graco carseats instead of buying a new one.
I’m thinking buying a cheap cosco carseat from Walmart is a safer bet. I’d be less annoyed if luggage handling broke a $60 car seat versus a $200. And I think we could use an extra car seat for grandma this summer.
Something that could also be a factor, I’m currently expecting with kiddo #2, so I am guessing this might be the only trip my kid takes that involves air travel for at least a year or two.
From experience, would a using a cheap carseat be a wise choice? Or should we take our chances and check a “normal” carseat?
Anon says
I would not check her normal seat. There can be unnoticed cracks and damage and I’m not willing to risk my kid’s life for years in the future (using that seat) to save $100. But the Cosco seats can also be tricky to install, IME. Honestly, I’d bring the seat on the plane.
GCA says
In your shoes I think I would buy the Cosco carseat and check it. (I am team ‘won’t bother with carseats for short domestic flights’, especially with a 3yo who can stay in their seat.) It will work as a spare for grandma’s car, and your second kid will be able to use it, if all goes well. Caveat – how large is your 3yo? I think the Scenera Next has a 40lb weight limit.
Anon says
OP – Luckily my 3 year old is pretty small for her age. She’s only 30 lbs. So I think she’d fit in it for a while.
Anon says
My kid outgrew the Scenera Next by height first and she’s fairly chunky. She wasn’t close to the official height limit, but there’s something about how the straps have to be above the shoulders.
“This seat is often outgrown forward facing before it’s outgrown rear facing, because the straps must be above the shoulders for forward facing and the Scenera NEXT has some pretty low top harness slots.” https://csftl.org/cosco-scenera-next-review-update/
AIMS says
I like the cheap car seat b/c it’s much lighter than our regular car seat so easier to schlepp. I think with a baby on the way, you may be able to use it in a few years for baby (a booster for the older kid), and it will be handy to have for grandma or whoever if they want to take the older kid for a day or two to give you a break. My mom took my oldest a fair amount when my little one was born and it was nice for me to get a little break and oldest to get one on one attention.
That said, depending on how big your 3 year old is, a booster may also work for you and they are cheaper and easier to bring. Just a thought (i know not for everyone).
Anon says
I think I’d probably buy the Cosco (check measurements – you may need the Finale instead of the Scenera Next) seat because it’s a good backup seat to have around, but I would also be comfortable checking the regular carseat. To me the biggest risk here is that the carseat is lost or seriously delayed and you have to start your trip going to a Walmart to buy a carseat, and that’s pretty unlikely on a direct flight in the US. Car seats get tagged for special handling and don’t get thrown around the way normal baggage does.
I’ve said this on other threads but I really cannot imagine a 3 year old in a carseat on a plane. I’ve never seen it, and at that age my kid would have been furious about it and screamed for the entire plane flight.
Anon says
Our oldest is 2.5 and we havent flown with her yet, but can you elaborate on the last point? Since a 3 year old has to be in a car seat in a car, why would they be furious if they had to do the same on a plane?
Anonymous says
Anecdotally, my kid is almost 4 and we always had him in a car seat on the plane until our most recent trip a few weeks ago. He was always fine in the car seat, though as he got bigger he was more able to kick the seat in front of him which annoyed people and turned into a fight. So that, plus he’s plenty big now, led us to stop using the car seat on the plane and just check it or get one at our destination.
As to why we used it, (1) we thought it would be better than checking the seat, where it might get damaged; (2) safety in case of turbulence; (3) keeping a squirmy kid from sliding out of his seat. Again, he never had an attitude about it at all (aside from the kicking).
Anon says
I think the main issue is that the positioning and comfort of the seat is quite different on the plane vs. in the car. We used the cheap Cosco seats for travel and maybe other more expensive seats are better on this front, but my kid was always pretty uncomfortable in car seats on the plane and it definitely got worse as she got older and bigger. Another factor is that they may see other toddlers on the plane not in carseats, which obviously doesn’t happen in the car. This is not necessarily a reason not to do it if you believe it’s safer, but it’s another reason they may be mad about being in a car seat on a plane but not in a car.
Anon says
I’ve always responded back to your comments that I’ve always put my 3 year olds in a car seat on planes. I have petite, squirmy toddlers who don’t grow out of non-sensical movements until they are 4+. The car seat helps keep them from running up and down the aisle, and happily in place until we are able to deplane. They are used to being in a car seat from being in a car, and have never complained about it on a plane. I have 4 kids, and we fly at least 3 times a year to see family, travel internationally, and ski.
Anon says
After much overthinking for your same reasons, I got the Cosco Finale for a flight recently with my 4 yo who is on the small side and was happy with the decision. It can be used as a booster seat too without the 5 point harness so figured it will be useful as a back up seat for a few years. We gate checked it, and it was very light and not an issue to drag it through the airport.
TheElms says
In this circumstance we used a Ride Safer Travel Vest. It packs small and can go in your carry on luggage avoiding the need to check a car seat at all (which isn’t recommended).
CCLA says
Similarly, the wayb pico if it’s in budget and kid won’t outgrow it soon. It’s bulkier than the vest but does pop in its own backpack and fits in the overhead bin on airplanes. We use it when traveling and while I think you can put it in the airline seat, I haven’t bothered since she 3 but appreciate having the seat at hand and not having to check.
startup lawyer says
We flew with the Wayb and it was great.
Anon says
+1. I love the Wayb. Light, easy, and I used it on the plane between 2.5 to 3.5 years for my twins. Easy to check from 3.5 until now (5ish).
NYCer says
We have gotten great use out of our wayb pico too. Highly recommend. We generally check it vs. carry it on though (only use it for cars at the destination, not for the plane).
Bette says
I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here, but when faced with the same question we went ahead and bought the $60 Cosco seat from Walmart. A few reasons:
1. It’s much more lightweight so waaay easier to travel with. In fact, with a combo of stroller hooks and luggage straps we’ve found a way to clip it to our Uppababy travel stroller so it’s really easy to get through the airport and around cities without having to carry the car seat separately. This was the primary reason for buying a car seat just for travel.
2. Having an extra car seat around is pretty handy for babysitters, visiting grandparents, etc.
3. If something goes wrong in travel (damage, theft, lost luggage, etc), you’re only missing a $60 car seat, not a $200+ one.
Anon says
My in laws are a 2 hour flight so we’ve flown quite a bit already with our 3 year old. We have a Cosco seat specifically so our nice graco doesn’t get smashed or lost. I would suggest using it on the plane. It’s so much easier and safer to have kid strapped in instead of climbing all over you.
They make backpack covers, but I found a way to loop it over the stroller handles like a backpack so it’s not hard to haul it. Or there are bases you can get too.
anon says
I always check my kids’ giant regular carseats (in a lightly padded carseat bag).
It’s hard enough to install a carseat in an unfamiliar car in a rental car garage at the airport with a waiting kid who has been dealing with travel all day (getting to the airport, lines, plane, etc) that I don’t want the extra complication of installing an unfamiliar carseat.
Out of many trips, I’ve had a carseat damaged once. I filled out the airline’s form I found online, attached photos and receipt (from my email), and got reimbursed the full amount I’d paid years ago.
Anonymous says
The Cosco height/weight limits are low- no way would mine have fit in it at 3.
Anon says
There’s another Cosco seat once they outgrow the Scenera Next, the Finale.
Anon says
I seem to be the outlier but we got the Cosco car seat for Grandparent’s house and HATED it. I’m pretty good at car seat installation and I just could not get that darn thing to work. We wound up buying them a Graco slim fit that we love much more.
anon says
If she’s at least 30 lbs and you want to FF in the car, I’d buy the Cosco Finale and check it in a padded carseat bag. This is what we do for my 5yos, now that we no longer bring the carseat on the plane, and the seats have held up fine on 8 flights over the past year.
Anon says
OP – Thanks everyone for the input! I really appreciate the advice. This is making me lean towards buying an inexpensive car seat is the way to go!
Anony says
If the airline breaks your carseat, you can file a claim and get reimbursed. We always checked our kids’ carseats when traveling at that age and never thought twice about it. Obviously put it in one of the car seat travel bags you see, to minimize the risk of damage and make it easier for the baggage handlers to move around.
no need for a travel seat says
If you’re planning to take a stroller to the airport just bring your regular car seat, use the stroller to schlepp it through the airport and then use it on the plane, it’s really not that big of a hassle, and he might sleep on the flight in him comfy car seat. We just did this twice on a less than 2-hour flight to Houston with our 27-month-old, and a maxi-cosi pria 85. We checked our 5 year old’s Graco car seat for like the 10th time and it was fine too. we have a padded car seat back pack that’s we’ve used a ton.
AwayEmily says
A thing I wish someone had told me pre-kids was that breastfeeeding in the first two months (ie when you would need those nursing pads) is just a totally different animal from what comes after. The baby is still figuring it all out, you’re leaking milk everywhere, you’re super engorged, you’re nursing CONSTANTLy, etc. I remember when I was in the thick of that with my first kid I was like “wait, I’m supposed to tolerate this for an ENTIRE YEAR??” And then the baby learns to nurse, does it less often, everything stops hurting and leaking, and it’s just…normal.
Anyway, maybe everyone else already knew this but I can still remember how confusing it all was for me.
anon says
Yeah. I was a ridiculous leaker, washing reusable pads constantly, and I remember looking up out of a haze four months in and going . . . wait . . . I don’t need these pads anymore? And haven’t for a while? Why have I been doing this extra task?
Anon says
Am I the only one who just used the disposable pads? I know it’s not good for the environment, but it doesn’t seem much different than disposable diapers or any other “bad” decision we make for convenience, and I really did not need another thing to wash and sort in the newborn period. And it’s a short phase, as you noted.
Anon says
YMMV, but for something like these pads where there’s no serious sorting or folding required, the extra lift of throwing them in the washing machine seems similar to throwing disposables into a trash can. It can’t take more than a few extra minutes at the most to grab the clean ones out of the dryer and set them in a pile separate from your other clothes. It’s not like cloth diapers where it’s a whole huge process.
Anonymous says
I used disposables and don’t feel bad about it at all.
anon says
Same. I refuse to feel bad about using disposable hygiene products, particularly those I need because my reproductive system or my children need because they’re babies.
I liked the Johnson & Johnson ones for fit and because they weren’t individually packaged, so they were faster to use.
Anon says
Same.
Anon says
I used both. With my second kid, I think I leaked so much that the disposables would get stuck to my bra and separate when I ripped them out.
anon says
I didn’t like the feel of the disposable ones. They stuck to my skin in a way that was really uncomfortable.
Anonymous says
For me, the disposable ones seemed to not “breathe” and felt hotter/sweatier to. Likely a coincidence, but the few times I got a clogged duct was while using a disposable pad.
Isabella says
That’s not how it is for everyone. I still leak through my nursing bra a year pp. Pads like this reduce my stinky laundry.
Anon says
+1 unfortunately for me, I also leaked and exploded breastmilk all over my clothes until I stopped breastfeeding and pumping around 7 months. Second time around it’s the same story—leaking boob, fire hydrant-like letdowns, etc etc.
No issue with disposable ones but I surprisingly preferred the reusable ones because I found them easier to use. The disposable ones got bunched up and sometimes I needed to move them around but couldn’t.
AwayEmily says
Oh totally, I didn’t meant to imply it never happens. I’m the OP and I still leak sometimes (I’m 13 months PP)…but it’s nowhere near the deluge it was in those first two months.
Anonymous says
Yeah, the statement that nursing is easy and mess-free and nursing pads are unnecessary after the first two months is … not universal.
Not okay says
Is anyone else having a hard time with how business as usual everything is today?
Anonymous says
Yes. For Sandy Hook it felt like the world stopped or at least paused. It’s so disturbing how we shrug and move on.
Spirograph says
A million times this. I have a 9 year old. Those kids, and all kids, deserve better.
Anonymous says
Sandy Hook was a very large number of people (it’s still the largest K-12 school shooting) and the fact that the victis were mostly tiny kindergartners shocked the collective conscious. This is sadly just one of many similar school shootings this year.
No says
BS. It’s an elementary school. This is such a bad take.
Anonymous says
Not that this is any better, but I’m fairly certain they were 1st graders, it happened in December and they were mostly 6 years old. My 6 year old is in 1st grade. It was the first elementary school shooting I remember, but of course there was also Uvalde and now this one. I don’t think the PP is trying to say this isn’t tragic, but by definition “newsworthiness” is based on how rarely something happens, and school shootings aren’t rare in the US (although elementary school mass shootings are more rare than high school mass shootings). Which should embarrass and appall everyone to the point of doing something about it, but of course it doesn’t. See also: ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
Anon says
Yes. It scares me how numb we’ve become to mass shootings. I’m also really worried about the poor mental health of teen girls and young women.
Anonymous says
+1 This. I am an older millennial and I feel like the problems of the 90s and 2000s are not the problems of today. Shootings and mental health generally. And shootings are related to the way we handle mental health is the epidemic we are facing. It’s devastating and sometimes I feel so powerless about it.
Anonymous says
I actually forgot about it until you just said that. It’s hard to keep track when no one seems to care because the only real solution is to take away guns and apparently we have all decided that it’s impossible.
Ugh says
So the answer is give up and accept that elementary school kids will be gunned down at school?
I’m really angry at people on the left who are throwing up their hands and saying there’s nothing to do.
Anon says
I am too. I don’t recognize the left these days. I feel politically homeless – I can never, ever vote for the morally bankrupt right, but I see no one looking out for women, children, or the poor on the left. Dems pretend to care in election years and then it’s crickets. Meanwhile, women are dying from anti-abortion restrictions and children are dying at school.
Anon says
Who is doing that? I don’t see anyone saying they’re doing nothing, just saying (correctly, imo) that it’s unlikely anything will change.
Anon says
Believing nothing will change is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anon says
+1 to Anon at 11:55. Completely a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anon says
That’s a cute soundbite, but I don’t agree. I volunteer for and obviously vote for gun sense candidates but I still think it’s very unlikely anything will change. For my own mental health it’s important not to give myself false hopes that will get repeatedly crushed, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with protecting your mental health. It’s your actions that matter.
Anonymous says
11:21 Poster here. Wasn’t saying people should give up, was saying that it feels like a lot of the country has given up. Look at this thread relative to others even – no one is saying they called their representatives, or donated money to groups fighting to get guns regulated, or did anything else.
Anon says
+1 I agree with this. I read what you’re saying not as “I’m not going to do anything about it” but that no matter what, nothing seems to change.
I live in a red state/blue city. State has deep gun culture. I have a family member that committed suicide by a gun that the parent owned (he figured out where the key was…) It’s not my thing at all. Nor is it DH’s. I vote consistently Democrat. I wish I could take all guns away, but I also know there are nuances.
I think the left painting all gun owners as Jan 6 apologists on the national stage isn’t really helpful to the cause of decreasing gun access to the public. I’m probably hyperbolic, but after living in many “coastal” cities, this is what it has often felt like. Cue the (paraphrased) monologue Ainsley Hayes has about gun owners for my West Wing fans – “You don’t hate guns, you hate the people that own guns”.
I also think most responsible gun owners, like most Americans, would be fine with a ban on assault weapons but the Rs get too much money from the NRA and play too many identity politics about “2nd amendment”.
As any actual person who hunts for sport (again not my thing) will tell you – any actual sportsperson doesn’t need an assault weapon for their hobby.
Anonymous says
moms of dancers and/or kids with sensory issues:
I’m looking for tights that are acceptable for ballet that are less constricting. My 7 year old is having issues with the ones we have, and we are in a sort of goldilocks situation (too tight, too loose, toe seam is too much, etc). She is getting of the age that tights are becoming non-negotiable at her dance studio barring special accommodations, which she does not qualify for (nor does she need).
We’ve talked about this quite a bit and she’s open to trying different sizes, pairs, etc. She doesn’t like the convertible tights. Footless tights aren’t an option nor do they solve the constricting problem. Sizing up makes everything “too bunchy”. She’s a kid on the slimmer end of the size spectrum–if “husky” fit tights existed maybe they might work as they’d be a little looser without being too long? Sizing up also creates a super high rise (like she can pull the waist band all the way up to her n*ipples).
Her solution for next year is to switch to hip-hop, which doesn’t require tights, and that’s a very reasonable solution IMO, but it doesn’t get us through the rest of this year which is another 2.5 months.
Ideas?
This is my most spirited kid who, once she has in her head that something is an issue, is very hard to convince otherwise.
Anonymous says
These are the best have you tried them:
https://www.capezio.com/ultra-soft-footed-tight-girls
Anonymous says
These look great! The sizing is either 4-6 or 8-12. My kid is a slim not quite 7….I’m assuming I size up?
anon in brooklyn says
I always size up in dance wear, it all seems tiny.
Anon says
I always used to cut the waistband out of my tights. Would that work for her? Capezio might make ultra-soft ballet tights, if you haven’t looked into that yet. You might also look for cheap off brands on Amazon. Sometimes they’re cut for short people (so they’re wider) or are not as thick because they’re cheap.
anon says
How the heck do the tights stay on? I’m so confused.
Anon says
They’re tight everywhere, so they can’t slide down. Cutting the top only makes the stomach looser.
Anonymous says
Don’t they unravel if you cut the top?
Anonymous says
+1 cut a TINY bit at the top band. Like 1/4 inch.
GCA says
Seconding the Capezio rec. Or might the studio let her use the boys’ ballet uniform? At that age that’s usually just a white shirt and black bike shorts.
Anon says
Your comment made my day. I was a very skilled ballet dancer as a child, but quit (!) because I couldn’t stand the feel of the tights. Seriously. I took up gymnastics because tights were not required, but missed ballet for years. Thanks for taking your daughter’s concerns seriously, and trying to find a solution. Your child is really lucky.
Anon says
Do they have to wear tights? My daughter is 5 and we just put her in black leggings under her dance outfit. Sole reason is lazy me, tights are a pain.
Anonymous says
It’s the dress code. They are flexible with younger kids but enforce it at age 8/3rd grade.
For my boundary pushing kid, it’s important we figure out how to follow the rules so we don’t run into big issues in a year or two.
Anonymous says
If she’s a boundary pusher, in general, is serious ballet training really a good fit for her? Ballet is all about structure and discipline. Stand in line, take corrections, don’t talk, look exactly the same as everyone else at all times. There are other forms of dance and many sports that are less rigid. Or perhaps theatre would be a great fit–boundary-pushing kids tend to stand out and get positive attention there. I would not try gymnastics, though–that’s just as rigid as ballet, but in a different way.
Anonymous says
Not the question but thanks for your opinion!
Anonymous says
Yeah welcome to ballet
SC says
I’m a mom of a kid with sensory issues. I’d try a few of the recommendations here. If none of those work over the next month, I’d try to get a special accommodation for the last 1.5 months, then let her switch to hip-hop if that’s what she wants. They may be more willing to accommodate for 6 weeks if they think that means you’ll make the problem go away and stay in their dance school next year.
anonamommy says
Would love thoughts on dealing with a kid with increasing perfectionism. She is very bright, 8 yo, and very meticulous in everything. Her desire to get everything just so leads to late assignments, not finishing work in class, etc. She also has had a couple of meltdowns over not knowing which minor choices to make (think, do you want to do art camp or soccer camp over spring break, she likes both topics). Any resources for parents are welcome. And is this something that OT would help with for her? Or maybe some sort of therapy? She is generally a well-adjusted and happy kid but I really struggled with perfectionism and anxiety in high school and college and I’d love for her to not walk that same road.
Anonymous says
I was a perfectionist child, and am a perfectionist adult. I think back to what would have helped me along the way- maybe a therapist that specializes in CBT? Some resources about positive self talk? An outlet to express negative emotions?
Anon says
this is something OT can work on with her, or a therapist. A have a friend whose kid just started OT with a similar issue. Dr. Becky also has a podcast that talks about this that I recently listened to.
Anon says
What do you do in OT for this sort of issue? I have always thought of OT as learning physical skills, like coordination to open a thermos or things like that.
Anonymous says
My son has a lot of meltdowns over making choices, including non consequential choices like what shirt to wear or does he want to play in the playroom or outside. OT was not the right forum for this (we got evaluated) BUT anxiety treatment is. Currently we are doing talk therapy (they do a lot of playing games together and working through disappointments and such) and i whole lot of parenting strategies. Dr Becky is very helpful and if you look up gozenlove on social media, she has these awesome videos of kids using self-talk phrases like “this feeling will pass” and “I’m uncomfortable but not in danger” that have been REALLY REALLY helpful.
Anonymous says
We did somewhere between 8-10 therapy sessions with our perfectionist, anxious kid, and it was incredibly helpful. We did it as family therapy – with both parents plus kid – and we really learned so much about ourselves, our family systems, and how to talk about these things. Highly recommended.
CCLA says
How did you find this therapist? I can see this being helpful and wondering if it was something a pedi referred or if it was more of a wade through psychology today situation.
Anon says
My 5 year old has recently ditched her (female) long time BFF (N) in favor of a boy in her class (A). I think in some ways it’s mutual, they have increasingly divergent interests, but N seems more interested in continuing to play with my kid than the other way around. My husband told me this morning at drop-off N asked my kid if she could play today and she said “no, I want to play with A.” We’ve had some conversations about how you can play with more than one person (either together, or in succession) and how it’s ok to tell someone you don’t want to play with them, but you shouldn’t put them down or say things like “you’re not my friend.” Is there more we should be doing? When we tried to talk to her about how she can make new friends and that’s great but she shouldn’t completely forget about old friends like N, she burst into tears and said “I’ve played with only N for MY WHOLE LIFE AND I WANT A NEW FRIEND.” She’s obviously exaggerating (we get photos of her playing with nearly every kid in the class) but I do think N was a little more into their BFF status and could be possessive, and some of this is probably pushback about that.
I will also admit I’m kind of worried about the gender aspect of this. N is really the only girl my daughter has ever connected with, and the waning of their friendship is definitely part of a bigger pattern of my daughter preferring boys and “boy” toys (I don’t personally feel like Legos are gendered but it does seem in my daughter’s class like the girls do art and play with dolls and the boys play with Legos and pretend to be superheroes). N is going to a different elementary school in the fall, so it’s not like I expected to sustain the friendship with that particular kid necessarily, but I’m worried about what’s to come for my kid in elementary school as gender lines get sharper and people start doing single sex birthday parties, etc. Any thoughts on that? Anyone have a similar kid who seems to prefer the opposite sex?
Anonymous says
I love that you are trying to fix this. My 9 year old comments how some girls in her grade will only play with their “best” friend, and it’s tiresome and silly. My kid has a best friend, but they long ago decided they need to play with lots of people in case one of them is absent or has a conflict or forgets her snow boots ;).
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t worry about the gender lines issue. One of my boy twin’s favorite kids to play with is a girl who is into ninjas and lego. They have an older sister and the kid they play with next door a lot is a girl so for them it’s totally ordinary to play with girls. Other twin is actually obsessed with Dav Pilkey and spends more time drawing with some of the girls. Though I suspect they are not drawing poop jokes as much. I actually think cross gender friendships are really beneficial for kids through the elementary school years because it avoids them vs us thinking about girls vs boys and encourages seeing people as individuals.
Anonymous says
I was only friends with boys in elementary school, but switched to girl friendships when I switched to a new middle school. I don’t think there’s anything to worry about necessarily. I sort of recall that the girls in my 3rd/4th grade class were kind of clique-y and boy crazy, and I liked my quiet nerdy guy friends who wanted to talk about dragons or whatever.
AwayEmily says
All my (male) 5yo’s close friends are female, and I am not concerned at all. I think those just happen to be the kids he gets along well with. He won’t be in the same school as most of his daycare friends when he starts kindergarten in the fall, so who knows what his friend group will look like then. Maybe all girls, maybe all boys, maybe a mix. I don’t see any need to worry about it since he seems happy and social. Also, gender splitting is not inevitable. My daughter just had her 7th birthday party and it was pretty split 50/50, and she has regular playdates with both boys and girls. I’m sure it will become more gendered eventually — it’s hard to avoid entirely — but I think especially if they do mixed-gender activities (e.g. school play) then it’s possible to not be 100% gender-tracked.
Anon says
My 5 year old was for a while the number two to a girl who said stuff like I won’t be your friend. I wrote here about it. We empowered her to say she doesn’t like when people say those things and told her they hurt feelings. She has moved on to playing a lot with two boys and not this girl which we are viewing as a positive development. She is into girly things but also bugs and animals, interests shared by at least one of these boys. This could all change next week.
Anonymous says
Not sure what to tell you but all my friends were boys at that age. I didn’t play pretend with dolls. I was only interested in drawing, painting, and building elaborate houses out of shoeboxes and cardboard and random little things, or running around outside. I turned out fine, and now have both male and female close friends. I’ve always had a hard time being friends with girls who were into middle/high-school style girl drama because I was not interested in lengthy discussions of interpersonal relations, but at each life stage I found my people.
Anon says
Your concerns in paragraph 2 seem to be driving your concerns in paragraph 1, which are overblown. The shifting friendship thing is age appropriate and a good thing for a preschooler. Kids are supposed to try out different friendships, and your job as a parent is to teach them to be kind (as you are), but not control the relationships.
Anon says
I would encourage your daughter to understand that girls can play with any toys they like, dress however they like, and have any friends they like. Of course she’s picked up on lots of stereotypes due to the culture we live in, but that’s an area where you can provide education. Girls can do and be anything, and that includes making her own friends and deciding who she wants to spend time with.
anonM says
I think you’re overlooking some upsides here, which is much easier to see as the internet stranger who doesn’t have to worry constantly about your child! Your girl is standing up for herself, setting her own boundaries, making her own friends! Some kids have trouble making friends period, so these are some good things. No, she shouldn’t be mean, but I also think for girls it is especially important to give them autonomy. And legos are great for learning — I’d let this go. There are so many big worries with kids, don’t make more where there don’t have to be. Are you worried she might be trans/gender-nonconforming one day? If so, the best thing you can do now is just let her explore and not try to force stereotypes.
OP says
No, it has never occurred to me that she’s tr@ns or nonbinary (though certainly we would support her if she was), and actually it’s kind of a pet peeve for me when people suggest children with non-gender stereotypical interests are tr@ns because I think girls should be allowed to like action figures and boys should be allowed to like ballerina dolls without any suggestion that they’re questioning their gender. She regularly talks about being a girl and has never expressed any confusion or unhappiness about her body. I wouldn’t even really call her a “tomboy” (which may not be a PC term today but was used a lot when I was a kid). She likes to wear dresses and likes some “girly” things like unicorns and pink and sparkles. Was just thinking more about social dynamics given her apparent preference for playing with boys, which is something we’ve observed outside of her school setting too. Maybe it’s regional (I’m in a deep red state, although our school district and friend group are pretty liberal), but I’ve been told by multiple people that single gender parties are common starting in kindergarten, so just kind of wondering how she could fit in if she’s left out of boy parties and gatherings but doesn’t click as well with girls. And I will say I’ve noticed already that although there are several boys she plays one-on-one with very well she does seem to be sort of on the edge of the group when it’s a big group of boys. But you’re right that she seems to make friends easily and I probably don’t need to worry too much about the particulars of individual friendships at this age.
Anon says
Society can pry the word “tomboy” from my cold, dead hands. Tomboys in literature are a time-honored transition. I was one and I’m so glad I was allowed to be and wasn’t told there was anything “wrong” with me.
Anonymous says
I suspect this is like our school where the technical rule is no handing out invites at school unless you invite the whole class but in practice the teachers will allow invites for single sex parties where all of one gender is invited. Drives me nuts because it encourages single sex parties.
The reality is most people only do ‘at school’ invites for the first party or two because then you usually have contact info from the rsvps so you can invite directly.
Anonymous says
It is 100% normal for girls of all ages to have individual friends who are boys but to stay off to the side in a large group of boys.
Anonymous says
I have 3 girls and the youngest is heading to K this fall. Don’t worry about birthday parties; kids will make sure their friends are invited.
My oldest had only girlfriends. Still does. Hasn’t been to a boy’s bday party since PK and has only ever had all girl parties.
My middle, in 2nd, was invited to boys’ parties starting in K and still is. She plays with a mix of boys and girls at recess. She tends to be friends with the higher end edgy, sporty girls.
My youngest, recently 5, has two BFFs, one boy and one girl. They are thick as thieves and do some “boy” stuff (super hero’s, dinosaurs, trains) and some “girl” stuff (crafts, role play, etc) and just honestly whatever they want. Mostly running and climbing and driving me bonkers.
Anonymous says
Just leave it alone
Anony says
I think you’re worrying about this too much. My daughter was the only girl at an otherwise all-boys bday party this weekend because she’s friends with the boys and tends to hang out with them. Kids know who their friends are and will invite them to hang out and play regardless of gender. Inviting “all the boys/girls in the class” while excluding the other gender isn’t really a done thing in my experience – either you invite the whole class, or your kid invites specific friends by name and you text their parents the invite.
I definitely don’t think you should at age 5 be trying to guide your friend to “not completely forget about old friends.” That’s a very mature concept. Yes, your child should be nice, but they shouldn’t feel pressure to play with or spend time with someone they don’t want to play with. What if N is a little jerk?
DLC says
Packing for an eight hour flight- kids 6 and 3.5 (i think our 11 year old will be plenty occupied with tablet and books).
The little kids have earphones for in flight entertainment, though they don’t have their own tablets. I’d love to hear all your favorite snacks and activity suggestions, bonus for activities both kids can do together. Hopefully there will be some sleeping- fingers crossed! Suggestions on the sleep front welcome too.
It’s our first time flying since January 2019, so I’m feeling out of practice, but excited for the adventure.
Anon says
For an 8 hour flight, I’d rent (?) or buy a cheap Amazon tablet and pre-load with downloaded shows for the little kids. That’s a REALLY long flight if the in flight system fails or they run out of shows. I just had a really long travel day with my 3.5 year old, and we didn’t have a tablet for the second flight bc the batteries died. Longest hour of my life. She also wasn’t big enough to manipulate the inflight screen without help (or just absolutely annoying the crud out of the person in front of her). Also, there wasn’t enough age appropriate content on the in flight screen for more than an hour or two.
I think you can get the Amazon tablet for like $35, then purchase a larger storage system for more tv shows.
NYCer says
Would you consider buying tablets for the younger kids? That would be my number 1 recommendation. In my experience, it makes traveling way (way!) easier if all the kids have their own, especially for such a long flight.
Anon says
is this an overnight flight? i’m a fan of drugging kids (benadryl, melatonin, etc.). For snacks I like filling a large ziplock bag with cheerios and adding other things to it (raisins, nuts, mini marshmallows, chocolate, etc.) and my kids usually end up picking out the “good” stuff, but then ultimately eat the cheerios as well — and this takes time! for activities, i always get a few new things from the target dollar spot. last year when we flew with my then 3.5 year old twins, these little figurines with mini erasers as food were a big hit, and i asked for an extra plastic cup from the stewardess that they used to coral those items, as well as a notepad with crayons/markers/stickers to color
Anon says
I think the 6 and 3.5 year old will probably be entertained perfectly well by movies and TV. Age 3 was when the screentime entertainment really clicked for long flights and car rides. I would also suggest getting the younger ones cheap tablets so you have a backup if the in-flight system isn’t working or is frustrating the kid (has happened to us).
AwayEmily says
Following this with interest — we are flying to Europe this summer with a 7 and 5yo. They don’t currently have tablets and I don’t particularly want to buy some just for this purpose…do you think that they could make do with old phones, or are tablets a must?
NYCer says
We travel a lot with our kids, and tbh I cannot imagine doing it without each of them having their own tablet (we have iPads, but I am sure there are cheaper options that are sufficient). YMMV.
AwayEmily says
You think the bigger screen makes enough of a difference to make the $$ worth it? I have no objection to them being on devices for the whole flight (indeed, i would prefer it) — I’m just reluctant to spend $280 (the cost of two Fire Kids) for something we are only going to use on one trip. But I will if it makes for a substantially smoother travel experience!
anon says
We bought a second tablet when we knew we had two Europe trips within a 6 month span. It was 100% worth it just for the 8-hour flight back home after Christmas. Each almost-6-yo had their own tablet and could watch shows or play games (in addition to our usual collection of sticker books, coloring books, etc.). Maybe the novelty of screens would wear off after a while, but that was the quite possibly the easiest flight I’ve ever taken with them. In your shoes, I’d think it was worth it to give each kid a tablet so that you can only worry about the baby.
AwayEmily says
Thanks. This is super helpful — definitely makes me think it may be worth the investment. Travel is hard (especially when you don’t live in a hub and have to take several flights to get anywhere) and I’m willing to spend some money to make it easier.
Anon says
I think as long as it can store kid specific entertainment, you are fine, regardless of screen size. I also swear you can buy cheaper tablets, but add an external storage system that can hold just hours and hours of entertainment.
My kids aren’t allowed to have tablets unless we are traveling, but I put zero restrictions on screen time when we travel. It’s better for everyone involved. Like NYCer, we travel a lot, and this is one area where I just lean heavily into keeping everyone happier.
Anon says
so my kids don’t have their own tablets, but we have one old kindle fire and one old ipad that the kids use to watch shows on planes. somehow my kids have not yet caught onto the fact that you can do other things on said tablets like games, etc. and that you can use them anywhere other than planes. like we also have gone on long car rides, and they don’t ask for them then
AwayEmily says
this would be ideal….unfortunately we just don’t have any old devices other than phones and regular Kindles — my husband and I are not tablet people.
Anon says
I think we got something like this for our kids — it is currently $60 on Amazon.
Amazon Fire 7 tablet, 7” display, 16 GB, 10 hours battery life, light and portable for entertainment at home or on-the-go, (2022 release), Black
And then added this:
Made for Amazon SanDisk 128GB microSD Memory Card for Fire Tablets and Fire -TV
For $13.
The system is pretty clunky — these are not tablets that gamers would want to use, but the night before we leave, I can download like 20 hours (?) of Fireman Sam, Octonauts, and whatever else they are into on these things and not worry about a mid-flight meltdown from my 3.5 year old.
Here’s another version for $60 — 10 Inch Tablet, Google Android 11 Tablet, Quad-Core Processor Tableta Computer with 32GB ROM 2GB RAM 8MP Camera WiFi BT 10.1 in HD Display, 6000mAh Long Battery Life Tablet.
It’s not zero cost, but feels like a very well spent drop in the cost bucket of a big trip.
AwayEmily says
THANK YOU! This specific advice is so so helpful.
TheElms says
My almost 4 year old happily watches Netflix on a phone when that is the option presented. She has never complained about screen size. The Kids Fire 7 tablet new is $99 but comes with a case which makes it indestructible. You can get a Fire 7 tablet refurbished with no case for $39. They usually go on sale for prime day too so depending on when you travel you might be able to get something for less. We bought a Kids Fire 8 with extra storage for $69 last year or 2 years ago in a prime day sale
Anon says
I’ve done a lot of 8+ hour flights with my 5 year old, including some just her and me. She has a tablet (a cheap kids Kindle fire) but on long flights mostly uses the in-flight entertainment system. The only reason I see to get a tablet is if you want to limit the # of hours it’s used, because it’s obviously much easier to take away a table than to take away something that’s built into the plane. If you’re fine with unlimited screentime on the plane, I don’t really see a downside to just using the seatback entertainment system. It’s come a long way from when we were kids and typically has hundreds of hours of kid-friendly movies and TV shows.
TheElms says
I would buy a kindle fire tablet (the cheap one is $99) and preload it with movies / shows they both like and have a headphone splitter so they can both listen.
Otherwise for activities – coloring book and crayons, or crayola magic makers and coloring sheets (the ones that only draw on the special paper), a magnetic scene activity book or sticker activity book, magnetic tanagrams, go fish cards (which they could play together), playdoh (plan to throw it out after the plane ride) and some little plastic toys, Spot it cards, magnetic checkers (3 year old plays with a parent to help), wikisticks.
DLC says
These are such great thoughts.
I guess I’m reluctant on the tablet front because the oldest didn’t get a tablet until she was 9, and she already has a bank of things she is resentful about not being able to do when she was her siblings’ age. That might be a lame reason to not get the littles tablets, though.
I do have an iPad – I’m a little reluctant about giving up my iPad to the kids, but maybe I’ll just bring a book and use the in flight for myself.
When our oldest was four, we flew to Asia and she watched the same five episode of Doc McStuffins over and over and over again via the in flight system … laughing uproariously every time. The idea of the inflight system not working is kind of terrifying now that folks have mentioned that!
get a tablet says
We got a fire tablet for our 2.5 year old after being stranded in airports for 2 5+ hour delays. It is only for flights or very long car rides. It sits dead in cabinet the rest of the time.
Anon says
This seems like a line in the sand that punishes you more than your oldest! Have the conversation with your oldest, and maybe work in a special thing only s/he gets on the trip? For a 2 hour trip, I get it, but for longer trips, it doesn’t seem worth it. My oldest also would have been capable of going with 3 shows on an 8 hr flight, but she also had a parent focused only on her – not managing 3 kids, with 3 different needs. And if your kiddos haven’t traveled since 2019, they still will need guidance from you, even if they used to be pretty savvy travelers.
Anon says
It would be very unusual for the in-flight entertainment system to break on a longhaul international flight. The jumbo jets that go across the Atlantic are newer and better maintained (customer experience-wise, not safety-wise) than domestic planes. I feel like half the time I’m in a domestic economy seat the in-seat power doesn’t work, but I’ve never had the power not work on a Europe flight. If that’s the only reason you want tablets, I wouldn’t do it. Of course tablets are useful in other situations like airports and car rides, and you have more ability to take a tablet away if a child is misbehaving or needs to go to sleep. But personally my kid loves the in-flight entertainment system and has always preferred that to a tablet on plane rides. The huge variety of new shows and movies available is really thrilling. We do tablet time every day with breakfast/getting ready and she’s seen every episode of her favorite TV shows many times, so that’s kind of lost its luster a bit and the plane entertainment system is definitely a lot more exciting and different.
anon says
It’s starting to look like my child’s father is moving out of state. Looks like I will be a solo parent of a toddler most of the time. This is of course going to be stressful and hard, but I think it will be SO much better than the current situation, in which child’s father is living with us, with untreated depression and a drinking problem. He hates where we are right now, but I can’t move at this time due to job reasons (and I’m the primary/only breadwinner).
I think I have the legal side mostly figured out (have a lawyer and we will file a custody agreement with the court once he moves, and we’re not married), but I would love to hear from any other solo moms with big jobs who are making it work. It’s clear to me that I will have to throw some money at the situation. I’m thinking of holding on to the nanny through the end of the year instead of having our girl start pre-school in August as originally planned (with the nanny I have much more flexibility if I have to work late, etc., and of course I don’t have the problem of drop-offs/pick-ups). I could get meals delivered weekly. I can get groceries delivered. I think I will line up a regular Saturday morning sitter (or offer this to the nanny) so I can have a sliver of time to get out and exercise or run errands.
My work is actually not too stressful at least at this time (we’re not busy) but it’s a cutthroat environment and if they knew I was doing the solo mom thing that would affect how I’m viewed even if it didn’t affect my productivity/performance. So I’m thinking of keeping it on the down low. I don’t have family nearby but my mom will likely be up for visiting for extended periods.
Any tips or encouragement? Have you been in a similar situation and how did you make it work?
Anonymous says
You don’t need to tell work your live in boyfriend moved out.
Anon says
i have not been in a similar situation, but lots of hugs. sounds like even if he doesn’t leave the state, your child’s father should leave the house. how old is your toddler? do you have a local friend network? and yes, meal delivery or frozen meals are a great idea. sounds like you are doing mostly everything right now anyway, or is kid’s dad doing some stuff?
Anonymous says
So this is just being a single mom and I think you’ll love it actually. Not dealing with a no hope man makes life easier. If you can afford all of this outsourcing fantastic. Sounds great!
Anony says
I think your best bet is probably to do a nanny AND preschool, and shift the nanny’s hours later so you have evening coverage when needed, if you can afford it.
Anonymous says
+1 – especially if the nanny is willing to do some housekeeping work if there are extra hours leftover.
GCA says
this! if they can throw some money at the problem, my single-parent friends have daycare AND a nanny. they have weekend sitters and gym childcare. they have backups to the backups. they have sitters and family friends who can pick up kids and drive them home and hang out for an hour or two. other than that, your plans sound good.
Anonymous says
This. You might even have luck finding an older lady interested in working as a live-in nanny if the child is at part time or full time preschool all day.
Anon says
Dying at the idea that this would be remotely feasible for 99/100 single-parent families. Come on. Even on this site that’s ridic, I say as a relatively high-earning single mom.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I think you have a great plan. Wishing you so much luck and happiness in this next chapter. It sounds like your daughter will get a lot of care and love.
FWIW, although my workplace is very flexible and understanding, I realize my own boss tends to hold personal things against her employees in the most passive aggressive way, so I now just don’t share much and block my calendar as needed and don’t offer up information.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Highlight of my day – DS #1’s teacher emailed me because DS told teacher to tell Mum that he wants a certain series of books from the library. While part of me is raising my eyebrows at the precociousness (I’m not your personal assistant, kid…or am I?), the general request makes me so happy! And of course I found them and put them on hold ASAP, because I’m a good personal assistant ;)
An.On. says
Aww! I think I’ve posted before about trying to cut out the last bottle before bedtime, and it turned out the answer was: send the kid to bed clutching a book! Even though they can’t read yet or even see the pages in the dark, haha. Here’s to our little readers!