Nursing/Postpartum Tuesday: Reusable Nursing Pads

It’s starting to look like my child’s father is moving out of state. Looks like I will be a solo parent of a toddler most of the time. This is of course going to be stressful and hard, but I think it will be SO much better than the current situation, in which child’s father is living with us, with untreated depression and a drinking problem. He hates where we are right now, but I can’t move at this time due to job reasons (and I’m the primary/only breadwinner).

I think I have the legal side mostly figured out (have a lawyer and we will file a custody agreement with the court once he moves, and we’re not married), but I would love to hear from any other solo moms with big jobs who are making it work. It’s clear to me that I will have to throw some money at the situation. I’m thinking of holding on to the nanny through the end of the year instead of having our girl start pre-school in August as originally planned (with the nanny I have much more flexibility if I have to work late, etc., and of course I don’t have the problem of drop-offs/pick-ups). I could get meals delivered weekly. I can get groceries delivered. I think I will line up a regular Saturday morning sitter (or offer this to the nanny) so I can have a sliver of time to get out and exercise or run errands.

My work is actually not too stressful at least at this time (we’re not busy) but it’s a cutthroat environment and if they knew I was doing the solo mom thing that would affect how I’m viewed even if it didn’t affect my productivity/performance. So I’m thinking of keeping it on the down low. I don’t have family nearby but my mom will likely be up for visiting for extended periods.
Any tips or encouragement? Have you been in a similar situation and how did you make it work?

My 5 year old has recently ditched her (female) long time BFF (N) in favor of a boy in her class (A). I think in some ways it’s mutual, they have increasingly divergent interests, but N seems more interested in continuing to play with my kid than the other way around. My husband told me this morning at drop-off N asked my kid if she could play today and she said “no, I want to play with A.” We’ve had some conversations about how you can play with more than one person (either together, or in succession) and how it’s ok to tell someone you don’t want to play with them, but you shouldn’t put them down or say things like “you’re not my friend.” Is there more we should be doing? When we tried to talk to her about how she can make new friends and that’s great but she shouldn’t completely forget about old friends like N, she burst into tears and said “I’ve played with only N for MY WHOLE LIFE AND I WANT A NEW FRIEND.” She’s obviously exaggerating (we get photos of her playing with nearly every kid in the class) but I do think N was a little more into their BFF status and could be possessive, and some of this is probably pushback about that.

I will also admit I’m kind of worried about the gender aspect of this. N is really the only girl my daughter has ever connected with, and the waning of their friendship is definitely part of a bigger pattern of my daughter preferring boys and “boy” toys (I don’t personally feel like Legos are gendered but it does seem in my daughter’s class like the girls do art and play with dolls and the boys play with Legos and pretend to be superheroes). N is going to a different elementary school in the fall, so it’s not like I expected to sustain the friendship with that particular kid necessarily, but I’m worried about what’s to come for my kid in elementary school as gender lines get sharper and people start doing single sex birthday parties, etc. Any thoughts on that? Anyone have a similar kid who seems to prefer the opposite sex?

moms of dancers and/or kids with sensory issues:

I’m looking for tights that are acceptable for ballet that are less constricting. My 7 year old is having issues with the ones we have, and we are in a sort of goldilocks situation (too tight, too loose, toe seam is too much, etc). She is getting of the age that tights are becoming non-negotiable at her dance studio barring special accommodations, which she does not qualify for (nor does she need).

We’ve talked about this quite a bit and she’s open to trying different sizes, pairs, etc. She doesn’t like the convertible tights. Footless tights aren’t an option nor do they solve the constricting problem. Sizing up makes everything “too bunchy”. She’s a kid on the slimmer end of the size spectrum–if “husky” fit tights existed maybe they might work as they’d be a little looser without being too long? Sizing up also creates a super high rise (like she can pull the waist band all the way up to her n*ipples).

Her solution for next year is to switch to hip-hop, which doesn’t require tights, and that’s a very reasonable solution IMO, but it doesn’t get us through the rest of this year which is another 2.5 months.

Ideas?

This is my most spirited kid who, once she has in her head that something is an issue, is very hard to convince otherwise.

A thing I wish someone had told me pre-kids was that breastfeeeding in the first two months (ie when you would need those nursing pads) is just a totally different animal from what comes after. The baby is still figuring it all out, you’re leaking milk everywhere, you’re super engorged, you’re nursing CONSTANTLy, etc. I remember when I was in the thick of that with my first kid I was like “wait, I’m supposed to tolerate this for an ENTIRE YEAR??” And then the baby learns to nurse, does it less often, everything stops hurting and leaking, and it’s just…normal.

Anyway, maybe everyone else already knew this but I can still remember how confusing it all was for me.

I need a place to be heard and understood today. Life is hard right now. First world hard, but hard nonetheless. DH just got a nice promotion at work, and I am very happy for him. But he is much busier. It has really messed with the balance of duties at home, and it is starting to really wear on me. I feel like my work, schedule, and needs consistently come last just becuase my work is more flexible. I’m a WFH attorney with control over my calendar. But, I also don’t want to work less – I like my work and the money I make. I’m worn out. I’m pretty confident that the answer is to sit down and reassign dutues from scratch, outsource more, etc. But I just feel too exhausted to even have the conversation. But I also shouldn’t let resentment build up. I really don’t think life is going to slow down for either of us anytime soon.

Flashback! I still find these in random spots in my linen closet or back of a dresser drawer sometimes. They’re great. But I wouldn’t leave them to wash till laundry day – they will smell and it will not come out in the wash if you let them sit too long. If I didn’t have other laundry to wash that day, I would just fill up a sink with warm soapy water, let them sit a bit and then rinse and dry. You can use a little hanger with clips to hang them.