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- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
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Clementine says
WWYD – Bedroom edition. Our house has 3 (large) bedrooms upstairs, one (small) bedroom downstairs which is more of an office/occasional guest room, and a finished basement with egress (so… could be a bedroom if we wanted but would rather have it as a family room).
We have 3 kids (if you’re around, you might remember that the baby was a total surprise) and an au pair. Current bedroom setup is Baby + Parents in one upstairs bedroom, Au pair in another upstairs bedroom, and 7 and 3 year old in the largest bedroom. I want to move the baby out but am thinking about long term arrangements. We like having an au pair and plan to for at least the next few years.
Options: All 3 kids in the big bedroom. Possibly get a bunkbed for the boys with a twin on top and a full on the bottom (looking at the CB Kids Abridged Kids bunk bed). Daughter (3) has a good bed and dresser. Get the boys a sleeker dresser.
Option 2: Put the au pair in the office bedroom downstairs and accept that she has a smaller living space. Move the current office stuff into the basement (I like this idea, husband doesn’t).
Option 3: Move one of the kids into the downstairs bedroom and move the office stuff into the basement.
some other option I’m not considering. FWIW, the only addition option is going to be $100K+ to add a bedroom and we love our location, so a comparable house with slightly more room is almost impossible to find and goes into a bidding war every time.
Cb says
Could the au pair move to the basement? With the benefit of giving them a bit more space and privacy? You’ll probably use it more as the kids get bigger?
Clementine says
This is an option which would give the au pair a huge living space (like, the size of many studio apartments); however, she would need to go up to the second floor to shower. Selfishly, (newly finished) basement is a really nice room that we’d like to use, but I’m putting this one on the list.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Instead of a full on addition, any chance you can add a bathroom into the basement so that the au pair can use it (and eventually one of your kids might have this room)? I’m assuming you have the 1 or 2 full bathrooms only upstairs with all the bedrooms? And the main floor has a half bath?
Clementine says
Yup, 2 full baths upstairs, half bath on the first floor. We did look into a basement bathroom and it’s not out of the picture long-term, but husband is hesitant to add another bathroom.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Is au pair required to have easy access to a bathroom on the same level (as part of their au pair arrangement)? Or could she be in the basement and use the main floor? I do still think long term that making the basement a truly usable room with a bathroom would be ideal, as your oldest might want his own room and that can be it.
Anonymous says
If you want to use the basement then I’d do au pair on the first floor and office stuff in part of the basement. Idk why your husband would care about that.
Clementine says
Husband is happy with how everything went with the au pair this year and wants to make sure they have enough room. Downstairs bedroom is substantially smaller and he thinks we should put the 3 kids in the big bedroom for the next year or two.
Anonymous says
He wants your three kids to share a bedroom in a 5 bed house? That’s so weird.
Anonymous says
If you are solo parenting for long stretches of time I think your opinion outweighs your husband’s. If he’s not being asked to give up an office where he is WFH for a substantial amount of time I think he’s being very silly. Put a kid downstairs and put the desk in the basement.
NYCer says
If you truly expect to have an au pair for 10 more years, then I would add a bathroom to the basement ASAP, and use that as an au pair suite.
Next best option, give her the office downstairs and move your office to the basement.
Anon says
I think the basement is the nicest setup for the au pair. I don’t think not having a shower on the same floor is a big deal.
Anonymous says
I would move the office into the basement no matter what as long as you have an au pair. For the au pair, I’d lean towards the first-floor bedroom for more privacy, but if there isn’t a full bathroom on that floor it might be better to keep her upstairs. Assuming that the two youngest have compatible sleep schedules I’d keep them together for now. When the middle girl hits elementary school I’d switch it so the boys are together and the girl is by herself. For now I would put the oldest downstairs if the au pair stays upstairs.
If you move the au pair I’d do it at an au pair transition point so you aren’t downsizing the current au pair’s room.
Clementine says
OH, would 100% do at au pair shift. Our current au pair has been a dream and is super happy with her space. Her room probably has the best light in the house and is roomy and comfortable.
Anonymous says
I agree with giving the au pair more privacy if possible.
Clementine says
So the most privacy is either her current bedroom or the basement. The downstairs bedroom is more private for like, coming and going at night, but during the day on the weekends it’s close to the kitchen.
I like that you all are encouraging me to put a kid in that room or move the AP to the basement… we could actually very easily set it up as basically a studio apartment.
Anonymous says
If the au pair’s current bedroom provides enough privacy and is close to the bathroom, I’d leave her there, move the office to the basement, and put the oldest kid downstairs.
Clementine says
Thanks! You know, talking it through, I think this is a solid alternative if husband wants to keep the au pair’s room as is.
Anon2 says
+1 this is also a good option
Anonymous says
Turn the basement into an au pair room, have the two boys share a room upstairs and give the girl the smaller upstairs room, make the ground floor space the office/guest room.
Anonymous says
It’s truly baffling to me that you’d consider having three children share a room whilst living in a 5 bedroom house.
Clementine says
Appreciate your feedback, but husband firmly believes (and states) that this is a 3 bedroom house. Technically the downstairs room is a bedroom because it has a closet; however, it’s always been used as an office/study. Basement is not a bedroom but could add a wardrobe to make it one, but think of it as a big open space.
The other thing to note is that the kids’ bedroom is really truly massive. Like, has two closets in it and is something like 17×20? The only issue with fitting all the furniture in there is that I don’t want to block doorways or windows.
Anonymous says
He barely lives there!
Anonymous says
Uh, if it’s got a door, a window, and a closet, it’s a bedroom whether or not you’ve been using it as one.
Clementine says
(That’s what I say!). Husband says ‘this was clearly designed as an office and just because it technically meets the definition of a bedroom doesn’t mean it is a bedroom.
Anonymous says
I don’t understand why he is so bent on keeping three kids in the same bedroom!
Anon says
Yeah it’s a bedroom. FWIW I have a house that sounds similar except our first floor den does not have a door or a closet and is not a bedroom (it’s my home office). I still think if we added a door we could get away with using it for a bedroom. Yours sounds much more bedroom-like.
Anonymous says
It is not an office. It’s a bedroom you have been using as an office.
Anon says
How does your husband imagine it working with the three kids in one room? Blocking doorways sounds unsafe, and blocking windows sounds unpleasant.
Any chance you could split that room in two? Does the configuration work to put up a wall and add a door?
Anonymous says
This–I’d definitely give up the basement for the au pair or combine the basement and office.
Anon2 says
Option 2, no question. Three kids in a room is doable (huge families do it…) but does not seem desirable. Also, I don’t know how old your baby is, but my youngest is 2 and because he’s a huge climber I don’t want him in a room with a bunk bed unsupervised. (Middle brother has bunk beds and maybe he’ll move in next year). And maybe your 7yo is a cool cucumber, but mine likes his space!
Clementine says
Thank you! My 7 yo loves to chill out with a book on tape and some legos, but doesn’t really care where that is. He’ll sleep anywhere and is my best sleeper.
Man, when we moved into this house it seemed massive. I couldn’t imagine even what to do with all the rooms. Now? Every setup has a little bit of pro and con and I keep thinking I could really use another (proper) bedroom.
Anonymous says
It is massive.
Anon2 says
Adding: maybe I’m biased because we just spent a lot of money to finish our basement, but I would want to use that as family space! AP could use it too, of course, and during the day when she’s off duty she may like it as an alternative hang out to get out of her room but still have some privacy.
Clementine says
You sound like my husband. :-)
Cb says
Haha, we moved from a 700 square foot flat to a 1000 square foot house, with a shed and a sun room, and a tiny, tiny garage and we thought it was massive. We didn’t realize the rooms were absurdly shaped and the storage was weird. I’m pretty minimalist but my project this summer is basically to hugely downsize our stuff.
Anonymous says
It is massive. Come on.
octagon says
1000 SF is not massive for a family of 5 plus an AP — I feel you Clementine. Though every single place I’ve lived, after a few years I think “if I only had just ONE more room…..”
I think your best bet is to move the AP to the basement and figure out some bathroom solution for her. Even if it is rustic. Would you want to be a 20-something going up two flights of stairs just to shower? If you expect that, at least give her a nice robe.
Anon says
I think OP’s house is much bigger than 1,000 SF. It was a different person who said she moved to 1000 SF.
Anon says
i think it is a bit strange to put au pair in basement if there is no bathroom there. i would 100% look into adding a bathroom down there. my parents have one in their house and it is a game changer (i live in an area prone to flooding with no basements or i’d have one too). obviously it is your husband’s house too and I know he is home for long stints at a time, but given his travel schedule, i kind of feel like if it is at a standstill you should have the final say?
Clementine says
Oh, he very much will defer to me but is also a very practical person and often has good points. For example, he feels like if your entire living space in a foreign country is one room, it should at least be a nice big room.(That’s why he doesn’t want to put the AP in the downstairs bedroom.). But he also feels like we just spent $$$ to refinish this big basement space, it should be something the family gets to use and can be a place the AP can hang out with friends or hide from the kids outside of her bedroom.
Anonymous says
Those are good points, which is why you should keep AP where she is and put one of the kids in the bedroom that’s currently being used as an office.
Anonymous says
Isn’t this the same person who thought you should just do a better job of getting the kids to put away their coats and backpacks in their bedrooms instead of figuring out a workable kitchen or mudroom drop zone?
Clementine says
Hah! Good memory! In fairness to him, we ended up changing our table and he helped me create a drop zone in the garage area right outside of the door and it solved the problem for a couple hundred bucks, rather than the $80-100K renovation I was suggesting.
And I got those ideas here! Which is one of the reasons I appreciate talking it through. I tend to have ‘more space’ solutions while husband has ‘less stuff’ solutions. In reality, the answer is usually in the middle.
Clementine says
Thanks for talking this through, internet friends!
So, if you may recall, we only found out that Baby was coming on the day we were called to pick him up from the hospital (adoption is weird guys). We had already made all the arrangements with the au pair and figured out our lives in a house where we had 2 kids. We’ve been so busy that we haven’t really stopped to talk through what we’re going to do next year logistically, so this is super helpful.
Also, as somebody put above – it may make sense to put the au pair in the basement but it’s such a nice, newly finished space that we would like it to be a communal space for at least a little while. We did put in egress windows specifically so it could eventually be a bedroom for one of the kids, so we do have that in mind long term. It’s totally different putting a 12 year old in a basement bedroom than a 7 year old though…
Lil says
where are the toys living? we have an au pair and opted to have her in the small bedroom,have two kids share a room, and keep our basement for the TV, kids toys, sports gear, bikes, and occasional guest space with pull out couch. we all get to enjoy the basement this way and there is less kid stuff on the main level. our house is smaller (1600 sq feet) and we di t have a garage but it is working out so far. I would move your oldest to the small bedroom and baby in the middle for now.
Anonymous says
+1 to toys in the basement! When the kids are just a little older it’s also fantastic to have a big separate space for play dates, sleepovers, etc.
Anon says
Are your kids likely to use the basement to play in independently yet? If they are, I would definitely keep the basement for a family room. Does the 7 year old have many play dates (and, does he want to be away from siblings during those playdates?)? If they’d rather play closer to you, then I’d consider giving the au pair the basement. I love, love, love having the basement as a family room / playroom (it’s where the kids play when friends come over, it’s where the toys all live, it keeps the mess / rougher play / louder play out of my living room).
Additionally, what’s your family culture or kids’ individual preferences about hangout space? Do kids play or do HW in their rooms or are they really just a place to sleep and keep things? If people tend to hang out in common spaces, then I’d definitely keep the basement as a common space. If kids prefer hanging out in their bedrooms, then I’d prioritize giving kids separate or larger (depending on different factors) bedrooms.
If the kids do use the basement, then I’d consider moving the 7 year old to the first floor bedroom. Two caveats with that: you mention it’s not as private so if you’re cleaning up the kitchen or hanging out downstairs after bedtime, is that likely to be loud enough to bother him? Would he be nervous sleeping on a different floor than everyone? What’s the plan for nightmares or when he’s sick?
Also, you mention he’s your best sleeper. In that case, would it make more sense to pair him with the baby if he’s a heavy sleeper. If the baby would keep your daughter awake, that’s something to consider. I know there’s one school of thought that at any age bedrooms should be shared with same-gender siblings and another school of thought that bedrooms should be shared with closest in age siblings, but I think a lot depends on who siblings are. Obviously, as kids get older you’d separate by gender, but as young kids it doesn’t matter. Likewise, my friend has 4 kids (3 boys, 1 girl) and her eldest (senior in high school) and youngest (6th grader) share because they’re the best matched personality wise among the 3 boys.
How much longer do you plan on having an au pair? That may also be a factor in my decision making.
Unless you give her the basement, I would keep the au pair where she is. And, I would not put 3 kids in one room.
Clementine says
Great framework of thinking through this, thank you!
I just talked through with Husband – found out in part that he has a deep emotional/sentimental connection to oldest kid staying in the big bedroom because it was a room that my husband redid for kiddo when we were expecting our first baby. (This is very sweet and I didn’t realize that.)
I think we’re going to move oldest kid to the downstairs bedroom because then AP still has a desirable bedroom, we can split the basement easily has half office/half family room and be able to have more ‘family’ space, and then the only issue is needing to move a pull out couch out of the office/downstairs bedroom and into the basement.
(Side note – anyone else have a husband who decided once they turned 40 that they were no longer moving furniture?)
Anonymous says
Aw, that’s sweet! This is a good reminder that it’s always important to understand people’s underlying interests and motivations. I think the solution you’ve decided on makes the most sense.
This spring my husband decided that at his age he is no longer spreading mulch. That resulted in a very expensive debacle hiring someone to do a terrible job of mulching the yard for us. Grrr.
You’re in the Boston area, right? A number of years ago we hired Gentle Giant for a couple of hours to move furniture between two apartments in the same building. Highly recommend.
Anon says
Why don’t you ask your current au pair? Not that your going to move her but her perspective may be really different than your own. For example, losing the basement as a space she can play with the kids and not be under the parents watch all the time may be really undesirable even if otherwise that would be a great bedroom space for her.
Anon says
Next au pair might have a totally different opinion though. Unless you’re asking this au pair to move, I don’t think you should give her opinion much weight.
Anon says
We’ve had an au pair for 5 years. Here’s what I’d do.
I’d put the au pair in the small, ground floor bedroom. Set up the basement with a TV and couch so she can use it as private space to have friends over or chill when off duty.
If the baby’s room will be big, put a bed in there that guests can use. Have the baby bunk with you when guests are in town.
Leave the two other kids in the big bedroom, if that’s working. Add some toy storage and a play space to make good use of the space.
Also consider if you can make the ground floor half bath into a full bath instead of adding a basement bath. It can be nice to have a ground floor bed and bath if anyone is ever sick or injured. That way there would be a full bath near the au pair room and the upstairs could be more private for your family when she’s off duty.
DLC says
FWIW, I have three kids sharing a bedroom in a 4 bedroom house. They have a twin over full bunk bed and also a full bed in the room, two dressers and that’s it. (There are drawers in the bunk beds). The kids are 11, 6, and 3.5 (girl, boy, girl) and have been doing this for the past two years and I do think they hang out together more than if they all had their own room. I feel like I might be able to squeeze one more year out of it before the 11 year old has a full on revolt about it, though.
All to say, option 1 might be great and the most minimal amount of change, but probably not a long term solution. It might be a good solution for now while you assess needs and personalities.
Cb says
We’re going on our normal beach holiday with the cousins (staying separately), but they have just taken in two long-term foster placements. They are both the same age as my son (nearly 6) but one has global developmental delays, with a developmental age of 18 months or so.
We’re doing a meet and greet pre-holiday in a few weeks so we are familiar faces to them. This is a long-term placement until the children age out of foster care, so we’re keen to support a really good relationship. I’m not sure my son has encountered this before, and want to do a bit of preparation. He understands foster placements, as he’s met and loved all their previous placements. Any books or videos folks would recommend?
Anonymous says
I don’t think you need a book. Just say “Aunt/Uncle will have two new foster children with them. Their names are A and B. They are both your age. B can’t [XYZ] but can {QRS].” And brief him on any safety rules [B can’t go in the water etc.] as necessary.
My daughter was in an activity with a child with a relatively severe developmental disability. The leader just told the kids “A is different so let her set the expectations for how you interact” and they all learned to get along together as they went.
Redux says
I agree with this, unless you have some reason to believe that will not be enough for your kids to be kind/safe. I would just be direct and very practical as the poster above suggests, giving your kid very concrete useful information to guide their expectations and influence their behavior.
Anon says
Honestly I think the prep here is more for the adults. Your kid will surely ask questions like why can X not do this? Or why did X make that noise? Or whatever that are totally reasonable and developmentally appropriate but make adults uncomfortable. So I’d think through how you want to handle with your spouse and maybe also the other family – give matter of fact answers is probably best approach.
anon says
My kid is about to be 7 and I’m thinking about giving her an allowance. It wouldnt’ be tied to chores, which she is supposed to do anyway. Thing is, she never really wants to buy anything, or if she does, its a momentary because-its-in-front-of-me thing and she forgets about it pretty quickly. We don’t have a TV so she only watches streaming shows on her tablet without commercials and I rarely take her with me to Target or stores like that where she might see something she wants. I’m reading Ron Lieber’s book about teaching kids about money and he recommends a spend, save, give approach, which I like in theory but again, not really sure what she’d be spending on or saving towards at this age. I can see this being more of a thing when she’s maybe 10 or 12 but it just doesn’t seem very necessary now? What are your kids saving for or spending on at that age?
Cb says
We have a UBI allowance of £2 a week for my son. He blows it all on Lego magazines despite me offering a very high interest rate for savings… I told him I’d give him 50% interest if he saved up for a big Lego figure he wanted instead of spending it on silly things. But I think it’s an important lesson to learn at this age.
I need a better way of tracking it though, the app we downloaded didn’t work and the UK is practically cashless at this point.
Anon says
We keep an old-fashioned paper ledger. The US isn’t cashless, but my husband and I are. We tried in the beginning to get cash but we couldn’t keep it up and the ledger seems to work fine for our kid.
Anonymous says
Same except I use Excel.
Anonymous says
Give her the money and find out! I benchmark
it to the cost of a book a month and an ice cream a week at that age. Not that my kids have to spend it on that but it’s enough they could buy something if they wanted.
Clementine says
Saving for big lego sets. Spending on Pokemon cards and clothing that he wants which mom and dad offer to pay 50% of (mostly character shirts or underwear. I don’t really want to spend $12 on a Pokemon shirt, but if he’s willing to pay half, I’m in.)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same situation here and I just read that book too! My 7 year old just spent some of his money on fancy soccer jerseys, and has also saved money in the past for fancier lego sets. We probably buy him way too much stuff on a normal basis though, that he’s not incentivized to save, but he also doesn’t ask us for random knickknacks so it’s been ok so far. He doesn’t have an allowance yet either, although gets money from the tooth fairy and for birthdays and holidays.
Anon says
We started my daughter with $3 per week at age 4 and increased it to $5 at age 5. When she was 4 it was just fun money, but when she turned 5 we took one small step towards having her budget for things, and told her that she has to save her allowance if she wants to buy a souvenir on a vacation (which we used to always do for her). On our recent vacation she didn’t have very much saved and had to buy something small instead of the thing she really wanted. She was disappointed but not crushed and we had a good conversation about how she can save more for the next trip, and the local stuff she wants will always be there but the trip is just a one time thing and more special. My husband takes her grocery shopping every week and she always sees something she wants in the store, so she’s never had a problem spending. The saving is what’s been an issue, but I feel like she’s making progress. Probably in the next year or two we’ll start a charity “matching” program.
Fwiw a lot of people seemed to think we started an allowance too young, but we were buying her souvenirs on vacation anyway (and my husband was regularly buying her junk at the store) so it hasn’t really been a net increase in costs to us and I like that she’s getting some experience with managing money. It also makes her feel like a big kid and she thinks it’s really exciting.
Cb says
The allowance mostly lets me say no to the middle of Lidl. “Do you want to use your pocket money? Thought not!”
But I’ll always happily buy books for him.
Mary Moo Cow says
Same here! More often than not, the princess lip balm hanging off the cereal shelf (why?!) stays there because I’m not paying and she’s not willing to part with it.
Anon says
Same, at this age we buy books and mostly buy clothes and food, including treats. The allowance is really for toys. I’d like to eventually move towards the allowance covering everything except books and educational expenses though.
Clementine says
Same! And with clothes – I’ll pay half. The best one was Jurassic World underwear. I was offering to buy the normal (Target brand) boxer briefs, but kiddo really REALLY wanted these jurassic world ones. I told him, ‘Okay buddy. If you want them, I’ll pay half.’
Those and his Pokemon bed spread (cringe) are two things that truly spark joy and helped him understand what purchases were ‘worth it’ long-term.
Cb says
Oh gosh, I’m glad my son doesn’t know character bedding exists yet. I can’t have a Ninjago bedspread. He has some quite classy H&M kids duvet covers but is currently using my very 80s applique quilt my nana made me. Mustard yellow with brown floral backing, with all sorts of animals appliqued on it.
Mary Moo Cow says
My kids are almost 8 and almost 6. I’ve read that book, too, and loosely tried to implement most of it.
We’re probably super cheap with allowance, and it isn’t tied to chores, either. We started at age 5 with 50 cents/week and she kept losing it, so we paused and started it again at 6. At 7, she earned $1/week. At 8, she’ll get $2. Younger daughter will blow all her money on toys at Target (even if she has $2 from doing extra chores, she’ll clean out the dollar spot). Older daughter used to spend it all, but over age 7-8, has started saving some money back from Christmas and birthday presents so she can buy bigger doll stuff or art supplies. Kids can earn money by doing extra chores or helping me with projects, but they are pretty lazy and usually don’t take me up on it. We give cash and each kid has some kind of piggy bank in her room to keep it.
DH and I have talked with both kids about saving, but usually in the moment like, you could spend all $50 falling out of a card from Great Grandma now or you can wait and see if you get some gift cards for your birthday and combine it. We haven’t really talked about long term saving. I think that’s a continuous conversation that really sinks in when kids are making their own money.
Redux says
FWIW we’re super cheap too in part for reasons OP discussed — our kid rarely goes to stores and doesn’t have much to buy. We give our kindergartener 1$/week and our 3rd grader 3$/week. Currently they are both rich from hoarding. I’m not really sure how to get over the hump of them saving vs. spending when they truly don’t want anything. (I ask, what are you saving up for? And they say, I’m not sure yet.) I hate to make them pay for necessities but its going to have to come to that if this lesson is going to go anywhere!
Anonymous says
When they get to middle school you can absolutely give them a bigger allowance and make them pay for their own necessities.
Anon says
Start taking them to the store? It won’t be hard for kids that age to find things they want.
Anonymous says
My now 8 year old had tremendous anxiety about spending, to the point we couldn’t even get him to bring his wallet to the store. In part this was because we had had to be very Covid cautious ages 5-6 for him and he basically didn’t go in a store during that time. What was really helpful for him was requiring him to divide his allowance into save/spend/charity. That really helped him get over the hump. He gets $1.50 a week and divides it three ways so we’re not talking about loads of money here – he even has to save his spend money for a couple weeks to buy anything, mostly gum – but it was so helpful to start him building those skills of taking your purchase to the register, completing the transaction with the cashier, etc.
Anonymous says
I have never mandated a save/spend/give ratio. The point of an allowance is to let them learn to prioritize for themselves. I let my daughter buy junk from Target until she realized that blowing her allowance on stuff that ended up breaking or not being very entertaining was dumb. Then she saved up for months to buy herself an American Girl doll and was so proud. For giving, when her school has a charity drive I let her decide how much to give from her allowance and I match it dollar for dollar as an incentive.
It’s a little more difficult to use an allowance to teach good spending habits if they don’t have the desire or opportunity to spend. If this is truly the case I don’t think there’s any harm in waiting a couple more years. Until then you could give them a set amount of money to spend as they please on souvenirs on vacation, at the amusement park, etc.
Cb says
Oh I like the matching for charity. We’ve been trying to talk more about how we help with money and time, etc. He takes things to donations with me, hand-me-downs, we’ll drop off outgrown books at the library, but I wasn’t sure how to do the money side of things.
Anonymous says
My kid always wants to donate to the school charity drives–jump rope for heart, walkathon for whatever, Thanksgiving canned food collection–so I just make her use her own money for those with parental matching.
AwayEmily says
Following — we are in the exact same situation. Kid only watches shows on TV via streaming, so no ad exposure. We do Target pickup and don’t take kids grocery shopping so no store exposure. When we asked her what she wanted for her birthday she took two days to think of something and then asked for “a keychain for her backpack.” I’ve actually considered deliberately subscribing to a toy catalog or two so she could have a sense of what toys existed and what they cost. I like the idea of teaching her about money but it would seem to require some kind of additional exposure to Things One Can Buy.
Cb says
My dad and son go to the big toy shop every year to get the catalogue and it’s the best car entertainment for months afterwards. He’ll flip through it, noting the cool things. But weirdly, not many of them end up on his Christmas/birthday list.
Anon says
yes, this is us too. i’d have to start taking kiddos with me on errands to stores, which i currently prefer to do by myself, though at the same time i do agree it is important to teach about money. right now, when kids see something they want we mostly say we can add it to their birthday list.
Anonymous says
I think that by age 9 or 10 they start hearing about things they want–video games, makeup, expensive shoes–from their friends even if they don’t go to the store or see commercials.
Anon says
I think it starts younger than 9 or 10.
Anon2 says
Well, what are you for buying her now? Any extras that could now be her responsibility? All of those things she sees in a store are a good start – candy, a T-shirt, a toy, a necklace, etc. Or if you go places she could bring money for her own souvenirs or movie theater candy or pool snacks, etc.
My son is 7 and we just started this a couple months ago. I’m giving him $10 a month and he is saving for Lego sets and video games, primarily. There have actually been many times when he has planned what he’ll spend it on and then thought of something else and decided to wait and think about it, so it’s already teaching good lessons! And like CB mentioned, whenever we are out and he asks for something I tell him he can spend his own money – I think before I would fall into the trap of adding a little something to the cart if he asked.
I am going to introduce a mandated “giving” category of 10%, so $1 month. It’s not so much that I’m controlling his money, but charitable giving is a value for our family so I want to start him thinking about that.
Anon says
We did a really low allowance ($5-10/mo) when kids were younger. We paid for just about everything, I really think the only thing they used it on was the ice cream truck. Kids did chores that were not tied to the allowance (which I feel strongly about! Everyone just needs to help out in a family!), but could do extra chores for money.
We didn’t really focus on spending vs saving until the kids were older and working (combo of extra chores / odd jobs at home and for grandparents, babysitting, and a summer job somewhere “official”). We did stop providing spending money at 13 (they were already staring to do the odd jobs / babysitting by then), but we always provided clothes (though kids are in catholic school so “fun clothes” are pretty minimal since they wear a uniform to school), educational and sports expenses, special requests from the grocery store, toiletries, gas, etc. Fun money is really for going out with their friends or something special that they want.
With money they earn, we encourage saving for both short-term (i.e.: concert tickets) and long-term expenses (i.e. college or post-college expenses), but we also encourage putting money into a Roth (if they have a W-2 job). We encourage this by matching long-term saving and Roth savings 50%. I work at a state university, and as a benefit they get free tuition to any state university. We will cover 1 semester of study abroad (if they want to) and 4 years of room & board and books, but other expenses (non-covered program fees, Greek life, additional study abroad or travel, day to day spending money, etc) will be on them. Our goal is for each kid to graduate college debt-free with a nest egg for whatever they may need: deposit on an apartment, car, furniture, moving expenses.
anon says
If you are in a two parent home where both parents work full time and you have two or more kids under 8-9, can you talk about how you divide time for exercising? Especially if you don’t get up at 5am to do so?! I’ve tried the early morning work out and its just not an option for me (or my husband). Specifically looking for how many times a week you work out, who watches the kids, how you ensure both of your needs/goals are met?
Anonymous says
Some people handle this by using gym child care.
Anon says
+1 We joined a gym mainly because my kid thinks going to the gym daycare is awesome. I am not an athlete and to the extent I exercise (mainly walk) I prefer doing it outside so I usually end up reading a book during this time but I could totally exercise if I wanted to. I only have one kid, but don’t see why it would be different with two. The gym daycare takes kids from 6 weeks to 12. We always run into lots of kids from her school and our neighborhood, so seems like lots of families do this.
Clementine says
I try to work out at least 5 days/week. I have a Peloton and get a lot of workouts in on that – often after my kids go to sleep (so 8PM workouts).
Lately, I’ve been back into running which I do either during my lunch break or right when I get off work. On Sunday mornings, husband usually watches the kids while I do a long run or go to a barre class or bootcamp style class.
Some runs I’ve been known to have a double stroller with oldest kid on a bike or a scooter. If you’ve seen a crazy lady sprinting down the bike path screaming ‘BUDDY. RED LIGHT’ at a small child zooming on a bicycle, you’ve known me. What we do is pick landmarks he can bike to and then I meet him at those points.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I usually do a walk or light jog when I WFH during the week, and end up walking a decent amount when I go in to the office. On Sundays, I do a long run in the morning while kids watch TV. Husband mostly WFH, so can do workouts in the morning. He goes in and out of wanting to work out, and currently is not into it, but it doesn’t affect his mood or anything.
Anon says
On weeknights I work out at night, usually during or after bedtime for my oldest. It’s a bit late but works fine. Sometimes we’ll work out together when the kids are both asleep. We go down to the living room and watch tv together while we both exercise.
AwayEmily says
I have 3 kids (7,5,1) and I do not work out. I walk both to and from work and evening walks with friends — about 12k steps a day. I would love to make it to the gym to lift a few days a week but it’s not in the cards right now. Season of life — I am not that worried about it; walking is just as good for my mental health and I know that I’ll get back to it in a few years.
Mary Moo Cow says
We invested in a squat rack and small rowing machine for the garage and I gave up my gym membership a few years ago. DH and I each work out three days a week. Sunday afternoons together, while the kids watch TV or play outside. I do a work out on Tuesday and Thursday morning, as soon as I get home from school drop off; DH fits his in at some point during the week, but usually during the school day. When I was WFH full time, I did a fourth day during the work day, and I really miss that. We also take some walks in the evenings and I’m hoping to add a video yoga class one night a week after the kids go to bed.
Anonymous says
I try to do lunchtime workouts at my gym 2 times a week (so kids are at school), and an early morning workout one time a week (get up at 6:15 for a 6:30 class- husband gets the kids up and feed them and then I jump in to help out when I get home). I also bike to work twice a week so that counts too.
Husband runs a few times a week during lunch time (so kids are at school), and then usually once on the weekend when we have some down time- he’s usually only gone about a half hour.
Basically we take advantage of working from home and somewhat flexible schedules.
NYCer says
I exercise during the work day on the days I work from home (usually two days, occasionally three). I also generally try to go for a run on both weekend days. I walk to and from the office on the days I go in, so that counts as my exercise for those days.
My husband goes to his office every day. He usually goes for a run one morning per week early (6am), and both weekend days. If my mom is in town, we will usually go for a run together on the weekend. Otherwise, we alternate (like he goes at 7, and I go at 8, or vice versa). We are both naturally early risers.
Anon says
We have a Peloton and weights so we can workout while the kids are doing HW / playing / watching TV / sleeping. I like to trail run, so try to fit that in on weekends but it’s not nearly as often as I’d like. I also will drop the kids off at soccer / t ball and run in the park during their practice. I usually do 1-2 half marathons a year. I don’t train for them like I used to, but I seem to fit in enough running that it works fine.
We also do a lot of active family activities. They’re not a workout in the sense of my normal workouts, but at least I’m up and moving and not sitting on the couch. Kids play soccer, t ball, and basketball so we will go play soccer in the yard, shoot hoops or play 1 on 1 in the driveway, play running bases. We also like to go for family bike rides and occasional hikes on weekends. Obviously the hikes / rides are shorter and slower when the kids are with us, but it’s better than nothing!
Anonymous says
Our rule is we each give each other 90 minutes (enough time to workout and shower) each weekend day to work out. Weekdays you have to fit in without the other person covering. I work out 3x a week for 30 minutes on weekdays after the baby goes to bed. My husband works out for 90 minutes at lunch on his 1 day he works from home.
My friends with older children have a similar system. They also make use of childcare at the local YMCA or drop in playplaces (e.g., a friend takes her two kids to childcare, she works out for an hour and then she works for an hour and then they all go home).
Anon says
Sorry, we each get up 3 mornings a week to workout. Weekends are more flexible.
Anon says
At 5am
Anon says
I walk several miles during the workday almost every day. I consider it my lunch hour (I eat desk lunch) although it doesn’t always happen at lunch time. The scheduling of it depends on meetings and weather.
anon says
twice a week during my lunch break i do weights nearby for 30 minutes. and that’s it. but honestly it makes a huge difference. DH used to work out at our house with a trainer before kids were up – he may go back to that in the fall but he’s been too busy recently.
Anon says
Two working parents (both in senior-level jobs and one with lots of travel). Two kids, 5 + 3.
We’re West Coast-based but my husband works a lot of East Coast or European hours, so he usually ducks out to the gym for an hour or so in the afternoons when most of his colleagues are done for the day and he’s already put in a solid 8-10 hours. He can usually swing this 2-3 times a week when he’s home and once a weekend. If he’s on the road, he hits the hotel gym.
I have more traditional working hours and I work an 80% schedule already, so it’s hard for me to fit in exercise during my work day. I try to take a handful of internal calls each week as “walking calls” and walk and talk vs. sit on Zoom. If my husband is home, I try to make it to a Pilates or dance class at a local studio once a week (twice if I’m feeling ambitious). I’ll usually schedule a class for a weekend morning or a weekend evening (6 PM or later) and my husband will put the kids to bed. If he’s gone, I’ll do a quick Peloton app workout (not the bike, just the app on my TV) like barre or yoga. It’s hard for me to get motivated for at home workouts, so these are usually a max of 20 minutes, but it’s better than nothing! Lastly, I try to schedule 1-2 walking dates with friends each month, instead of going to brunch or something like that. It’s cheaper and healthier.
It’s definitely not as much as I’d like to work out but a 5 AM wakeup doesn’t work for me, as I have an autoimmune disease that has taught me to prioritize sleep over all else. I fit in where I can, try to get my steps in as best I can, and let go of the guilt when I can’t.
AwayEmily says
Yes! I love walking dates. I do a them after kid bedtime — I’ll meet a friend at 8 and we’ll walk the neighborhood and chat for an hour. It’s lovely (especially now that it’s light for longer).
And also agreed on sleep — it is my number one priority. When I have enough sleep, everything in my life (parenting, work, eating, emotional state) goes better. If I have to choose between working out and getting enough sleep, it’s not even a choice — I will pick sleep every time.
Anonymous says
We have two kids, preK and second grade. We belong to a gym which is five blocks from our home in the building where my husband works (free family membership is a job benefit for him) and we have a basic home gym acquired piecemeal from freecycle- weights and weight bench, elliptical, lots of resistance bands, pull up bar. I work flexible but usually from home. Husband works in person. I exercise either at lunch, on a random slow afternoon, at 5 pm (if husband is with the kids at activities or if it’s his turn to make dinner) or after the kids go to bed (after 8:30 pm). I aim for 3 days of weights (20-30 min full body, lift heavy so not many reps) plus 2 days of cardio (usually aerobics intervals, 24min), plus 20-45 min of other movement like walking the kids to school, or ellipticalling with a book from 9:30-10 pm. On weekends either my husband will be on point while I exercise or the kids will be occupied with something like an audio book (or exercising with me… not always smooth). My husband tries to go to the gym during the work day and succeeds some of the time. He is a serious weight lifter. He will also go running at 8 pm on the days he puts the preK kid to bed or do a home weights work out at that time. He plays sports 1-2 days a week – one league is weekday evenings but late, and one is Sunday afternoons.
Anonymous says
With the caveat that I WFH and have a pretty flexible schedule (as long as I get my billable hours in and am generally available for clients, no one cares when I really work), here goes. We own a treadmill and dumbells. DH has one of his bikes on a pretty nice trainer. I get up early mornings, but I rarely work out then. I typically work at my desk for a few hours until kiddo gets up. DH walks kiddo to the bus stop around 7:30 a.m. At that time, I work out, shower, and go back to work. DH typically works out after kiddo goes to bed or if he has time over lunch (he rarely works from home, but works close to home so will come home and ride his bike). We give each other time on the weekends to work out.
SF says
I wake up to work out/do strength around 6. My husband is in charge (if the kids wake up) until 7/715. We have to get them out the door by 8. I got a walking desk that I do for 1-2 hours most days while I have internal meetings. My husband doesn’t work out but if he wanted to we would split mornings or he would do it during work breaks. Peloton has lots of 10-20 minute workouts that I can usually piece together throughout the day if the morning doesn’t work out for some reason.
Anon says
I get up at 6 and walk for 30 minutes before kids wake up – enough to get my heart rate up but not sweat since I then don’t have time to shower. On days I work at the office I try to get lots of steps in, take the stairs, and if I go for lunch or meet someone try to make it walking distance. When I work from home I get in a 20 minute weight/ab routine or if Inhave time do a Beachbody video midday. Sometimes after the little one goes to bed at 8:30 I do a run. On weekends we are active with the kids and if we have childcare from family I’ll use it for a yoga class or hike. When they’re older I’m considering YMCA for family activities so they can do an activity while I do my own sport. Husband doesn’t work out though I can sometimes get him to hike with me.
Mm says
Professional sporting events with LOs – yay or nay? We took our three year old to a baseball game this weekend and it was okay? Had low expectations but was hard to stay in our seats so we just did a lot of trading off to go for walks and get snacks. Not eager to do it again soon.
Anonymous says
Nay. Three is way too young for me. They don’t care at that age
TheElms says
Its a nay for me. Some friends with older 4 year olds that are really into a sport have had reasonable luck going to a game of the favored sport, but most friends say it didn’t get worthwhile from a parent perspective until 6-7, especially for more expensive sports.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, agree with 6-7. We took our kids to a baseball game last year when they were 6 and 3.5, and while the older kid probably could have lasted longer, we made it through 2 innings and there were a lot of tantrums about snacks (and it was wayyy too crowded).
Husband is taking the 7 year old to a soccer game this summer and I think it will go well, despite it being late and about 2 hours. Kid is also much more into the sport now.
Anon says
It seems deeply unpleasant to me.
anon says
3 is way too young to have fun at this type of event, imo.
Anonymous says
Minor leagues, enthusiastic yes. Major leagues, no way. I don’t even think major league games are that much fun for grown-ups.
AwayEmily says
We had an AMAZING time at our minor league game earlier this summer! There’s a special place for kids to run around, free hot dogs, and kids got to run the bases after the game.
Anonymous says
This! We’re taking kids to minor league games this summer. We’ll only bring them to major league if it’s with my husband’s company suite because then it’s free and the food is right there.
Anon says
Was coming on here to say this. We have a minor league baseball team which husband and I really enjoy. Kids are $20/year (!) and our tickets are like $18 per game so it’s about $75/game for our whole family when you include food. Our toddler usually lasts 4-5 innings and then we stretch another inning or two out of her with screens.
Anon says
3 seems very young, especially for a baseball game, which is long. We took our daughter to a minor league game last summer when she was 4.5 and she was pretty bored. We did last the whole time I think, but she was whining a lot. I doubt we’ll attempt it again, at least not any time soon. None of us are huge sports fans so I kind of feel like been there, done that.
Anonymous says
Yes, we live near a major league stadium and go often. Things that make it work- there is a playground at the stadium we spend time at before going to our seats. They love the mascots and there is a picture opportunity in the 5th inning, so that breaks up the game. Youngest loves cuddling and enjoys the uninterrupted lap sitting time. We bring a bag of peanuts and they get a kick out of shelling them and making a mess. There is a break for dinner, and then we usually get some sort of dessert.
That said if I didn’t live near a stadium and it was a hassle to get there, we definitely wouldn’t go as often.
anon says
Big nope. Just did an MLB game at 5 and it was amazing. The pitch clock has the games around 2 hrs (vs 3.5+) and all the snacks… we will do this again in a heart beat. We did a trial run with a minor league game last year at 4 years old and it was …ok. 5 seems like the sweet spot.
Anonymous says
Yes to events with an indoor venue, no to events with an outdoor venue. I think basketball is perfect because it’s times and will be right around 2 hours. Same with hockey. Also; there is a lot of constant action in these sports. Soccer and baseball are too open ended and the weather provides too many variables (Albright I haven’t been to a MLB game with the pitch clock yet). Baseball, football and soccer have stuff going on, but I think on the larger/macro level (slash what a three year old/four year old will most likely see) there is a lot of periods of non action. My son just turned four, and we’ve had amazing times at big time college basketball, NBA, and NFL/minor league hockey games. Haven’t attempted NFL yet, and I don’t think he’d like the less back and forth action of our MLS team. The issue with MLB games in the start times are all 7:00 and that’s his bedtime…
Anon says
On the other hand, indoor venues (especially college basketball) can be REALLY loud which is probably not great for a little kid’s ears. I like outdoor because you don’t have to worry about ear protection.
Anonymous says
Yeah, even as an adult I find basketball games uncomfortably loud and crowded. Minor league hockey is much better as far as indoor sports go.
Anonymous says
I don’t think I’d take my toddler to a professional sporting event, but I also live a 90-min drive from any pro teams, so that would have to be factored in. We are in a major college town, but I don’t think I would do a football or basketball game just yet. There’s an amateur college summer baseball team in town, and I think that might be doable this summer at 2.5-almost 3.
Anon says
…do we live in the same college town? All of this describes my town exactly, down to the summer college baseball league.
EDAnon says
Same here
Anonymous says
Lol! The baseball team is the Mallards.
Anonymous says
It’s totally know your child and know your preferences. My older one has ha better attention span and could have managed ok around 5, if it were important to me to go. My younger one is nearly 5 and is very much not ready, unless I want to spend the whole time walking around a feeding him snacks. We’ve had two really not amazing experiences at a middle school basketball game (to be fair it was at his bedtime but it was non stop impulsive behavior and tantrums ) and at a non-professional roller derby match for which I ended up having to read a book to him the whole time.
GCA says
Don’t do it unless there is space to run around and be loud (aka be a normal toddler) and the stakes (ticket prices) are low!
Just took 8yo to his first professional games this past month (well, if you don’t count marathon spectating every year) — a Sox game with other Scout families, and a MLS soccer game. He engaged more with the soccer, I think because he plays on our in-town league and it was faster-moving, but enjoyed both. I think 6-8 is the right age.
Spirograph says
yay, because we like sports and sometimes it’s more practical than a babysitter. but definitely ear protection for young kids and be willing to cut your losses and leave before the game is over.
minor league games are more enjoyable for and with young kids than major league.
Anon says
how do you know if your kid’s tantrums/acting out are a poor coping mechanism for anxiety? and has anyone found play therapy for a 5 year old to address anxiety helpful?
Anon says
First, look for any low hanging fruit: is he getting enough sleep, downtime, nutrition and attention? Is screen time playing a role? Are there any particular triggers you can identify? Address those.
Then, it’s still hard to tell…it could be a spicy temperament, neurodivergence, or just being 5. If you trust your pediatrician you could start there. There are also checklists online for childhood anxiety; you could review those and see if they sound like your child.
People talk about toddler tantrums, but they are still well within the realm of normal for grade schoolers. If you’ve done everything you can think of and it’s still disrupting the family’s peace, though, it’s worth asking a medical professional.
Anonymous says
Maybe ask when they’re calm and see what kid says about their thoughts mood just before and during the acting out or tantrums. Might give you nothing but they might have some insights for you. How useful depends on what the kid’s emotional awareness is like.
Anon says
I think meltdowns (which are different than tantrums) were largely anxiety-driven for my kid, although she largely outgrew them by age 5. I think if your child is 5 and still having regular meltdowns it’s probably worth a conversation with a ped.
OP says
well idk if i’d categorize all of them as meltdowns or some as tantrums, there is definitely some overlap.
Anonymous says
It’s been a long road to that realization. What helped us is that more and more it’s clear the issue sparking the meltdown is indecision about something. Choices like whether to scoot or walk, what pants to wear, what shoes to wear (especially since the tie shoes are hard to tie). I think we only really got to this conclusion around 7. We have a talk therapist and were thinking to explore a formal anxiety f diagnosis and maybe meds, but a recent conversation with the therapist is maybe making us reconsider (ie while meltdowns are still daily and can be 15+ minutes long, that’s actually not necessarily outside the normal range! I was shocked.) What really helps are scripts we find in books or sites like gozenlove that give you language to help talk with kids – “all feelings will pass, I am safe” etc.
brick wall says
Ugh, I need some encouragement today. Work has been an absolute $hitfest due to management failures above me, and I am drowning in work and not doing a great job of managing my own staff. I am job-hunting but it’s slow going and I may have to change careers in order to find something. At the beginning of the year I was quite unexpectedly asked to take on the top volunteer leadership position with a nonprofit org I’m affiliated with. I said yes assuming that the head paid staff person would guide me through at least the first year of the three-year term. On my first day I found out that the head staff person was retiring and I’d be responsible for supporting his replacement’s onboarding. Five months in I have figured out that the org is totally dysfunctional and needs a huge administrative restructuring, but because my predecessors in this office have done absolutely nothing and none of the in-crowd knows me I am completely incapable of effecting any change. People are deliberately shutting me out of meetings I need to be in, etc. I should have been the first person introduced to the new head staff person and I still haven’t been allowed to make contact despite the fact that 20 members of minor committees have already met her. I am meeting with the retiring head staffer tomorrow to discuss resigning. On top of all this, my serious hobby that was once upon a time my actual career has stalled out, and my parenting and housekeeping are not going well either. I just want to be successful at one thing in life. When do you accept that you are just a mediocre failure and give up striving to excel?
Clementine says
That sucks.
I vote you take a personal day, go somewhere with a nice deck and sit down and decide what your game plan is. Take a few hours to do this and then go for it. Start with thinking about what your priorities are in this season of life. Just because they are one set of priorities now, that doesn’t mean that it’s always been like this or will always be like this, but write it out.
The only way out is through.
Anonymous says
Yes absolutely resign! Tomorrow! Firmly. And then hire a cleaning lady and give yourself a breather.
Boston Legal Eagle says
You’re not a mediocre failure – you’re doing too much with not enough time. As a first step, can you stop the volunteer position? I know it’s important to give back, but there are seasons of life for that, and this just may not be it.
Anon says
There’s a lot to unpack here. I think you should quit the volunteer position ASAP. I volunteer because it’s important but also because it brings me joy and I have time for it. If it’s not adding to your life, quit and either give money or line up a different volunteer position.
One thing that jumped out at me is that “mediocre” and “failure” aren’t synonymous. I’m a decidedly mediocre employee (who is paid and promoted accordingly) and housekeeper, but I don’t feel like a failure. I feel like an adult who’s made a conscious choice to focus on my family and (relatively low key) hobbies and volunteer work over my paid job and housekeeping because they bring me more joy. From reading your post, it almost sounds like you’re depressed. I would see your doctor.
Mary Moo Cow says
You have permission from this internet stranger to resign from the nonprofit gig (and I’m someone who feels guilty not finishing a book! because commitment!) But it sounds like it is giving you no joy, it needs much more than you can give, there is a natural transition point because the head staff person is retiring, and the current board is freezing you out. Resign firmly but kindly and don’t look back. That should give you some headspace.
Can you hire a cleaning service, either as a temporary Band-Aid or a long term solution? And go out to dinner or order take out the night they come, so you have a clean kitchen for a night.
As for your hobby, can you call on a coach? Are there boards or groups you can follow or an individual you can reach out to and have a phone call or a meeting and get some advice and a jolt of energy? A networking group in the industry you can attend, even a one off?
I know the feeling of “I’m a failure at everything and just want to be successful at one thing.” For me, it’s a slow climb out of it, but it starts with letting go of something that isn’t going well, getting some fresh air and moving my body for a few days in a row, treating myself a few times (like sitting on the couch with TV and dessert and not feeling guilty, a walk to get a really good coffee during the work day, making a haircut appointment, etc.), and tackling one of my perceived failures (by ordering DH to get the kids out of the house for 2 hours on a Saturday so I can clean the house, usually.)
brick wall says
You are so right about all of this.
On the hobby front, I have an excellent coach and another mentor-type person who has been pretty generous with amateur opportunities. The issue is that I am ready and wanting to take it back up to the semi-pro level and there are just no opportunities at present. It’s something where age-related performance decline is likely to begin soon, so biding my time is hard. This hobby has always been my one true passion in life, and I think the failure in other areas is making me want to lean in more here.
I am leaning heavily towards resigning from the volunteer position unless I can immediately meet the new head staff person, who takes over July 1, and determine that there’s some potential to work together successfully. If it’s going to continue in the same vein I’m out. I took the position because the org is important to me and my family and I thought it was a golden opportunity to make some concrete improvements that many people have been anxious to see, but I’m not willing to keep pounding my head against a wall.
Your last paragraph does seem like the place to start. With a rainy holiday weekend coming up I think I will plan to deep-clean the house. Reducing entropy always helps to clear my head.
Thanks to everyone for the thoughts so far.
Anonymous says
Girl. Quit the volunteer thing.
An.On. says
Another swim lesson question: If you have the option of either swim lessons at the Y once on the weekend or swim lessons at the city pool 2x during the week, which would you choose?
Additional factors: kid is only 2 years old, so they’re just doing water acclimation, the schedule of the city classes doesn’t match the days the kid will be nearby that pool (although I might be able to switch some days around), and the Y is indoors so lessons are less likely to be cancelled, but also 3x as expensive, but I do have a credit for the Y. Should I just do city swim for the summer, and save the credit for when it’s colder and we need an indoor activity? Or just swim as available during the summer and not worry about lessons? They love being in the water so far and frankly I love going to the pool so I’m good with adding either swim class to our schedule.
Anon says
Unpopular opinion I think but at age 2 I wouldn’t pay for lessons. Just go swimming together. They’re not going to get much out of group lessons at the Y at this age.
Anon says
Same. My kids are fish but we didn’t’ start swim lessons til they were older (and actually learning to swim). At the “water acclimation” stage, we just took them to the pool a bunch.
I am a former lifeguard and current risk manager, so while I’m very out of practice I’m also very water and safety aware, so I was never going to be lackadaisical with them and the water.
Anonymous says
+1. Swim lessons at age 2 are really just to make the parents feel accomplished.
Anon says
+1 I skip the levels when parents have to be in the water, too; I can go swimming and play with my baby for free on my own schedule. Work on comfort with getting her face wet – until that point there is no progress to be had with actual swimming
Anonymous says
Same. We don’t start swim until 3.5, even then I don’t think they pick up on much until 4. We started DD at 3.5 because she was afraid of water (even though we had taken her swimming a lot). At 6 she’s doing backstroke and swimming very well.
Anon says
Does your kid show signs of being anxious around water / are you able to swim with them every once and a while? I took my older one to swim classes when he was around that age for water acclimation and he learned nothing, then my daughter was a toddler during the pandemic, had very little exposure to water, but never had an issue once she was 4 and it made sense to do actual lessons. So, I agree I recommend probably saving you rmoney honestly.
Anon says
YMMV but I really hated getting my wet toddler and myself out of our suits and into winter clothes during winter swim lessons. At this age, I’d look at the swim lessons as much for your enjoyment as the children’s since they really don’t learn much (unless you are doing those classes where they throw them in fully clothed to teach them to float, turn, etc.), and go with what will make the experience better/easier/more enjoyable for you. I liked the classes because there was structure and other parents/kids specifically doing the same thing, so I think there is value to doing a class/lessons even if it is just acclimation. Are there other programs/lessons that you think you would get involved with at the Y later? I have no problem throwing money at Y programs because we really like everything that our local Y has for kids (swim, gymnastics, soccer, day camp during summer, day programs for day/weeks when school is closed), and we plan on using many of those things in the future.
Anon says
This. TBH I’m still avoiding winter/”spring” (spring comes late in my area) swim lessons with my 5 year old because I hate leaving the pool when it’s freezing out.
EDAnon says
I live somewhere cold and love swim lessons for little ones. I would definitely save indoor for the bad weather. My only caveat is that we found the city lessons in our city to be terrible and set our kids back in terms of swimming.
To the other posters, my kids so far have not learned to swim faster than anyone else but they’re super safety conscious around water ;
(and we live near open water) and they gained critical safety skills like holding onto the edge when you fall in (which one of my kids did successfully after falling into water! A grown up was right there but it was still cool and made extricating him easier).
Anon says
Did anyone have sciatic pain during late pregnancy? I already go to the chiropractor 2x-3x a week and try to rest as much as possible. But, during the last few days, since the baby has moved much lower. Fortunately, I’m close to my due date. I’ve had horrible pain that shoots from my lower back and then both down the back of the leg and around to the pelvis and down the inside of the leg as well. It hurts to bear weight on that leg unless I’ve been lying on my side for a period of time restin. Any tips for sitting position (such as at a desk) and other pain relief would be appreciated.
anon says
I had it HORRIBLY in pregnancy #1. I could barely move. I found sitting up right/straight to be the best, but it still wasn’t great. I’m now 13 weeks w/ #2 and it’s already flaring up. My doctor is going to get me in PT next week to try to stay ahead of it. IS it too late for PT to offer any relief? For what it’s worth, it went away instantly upon delivery for me. Hang in there!
Anon says
Have you tried a TENS unit? That was really what made the biggest difference for me. My chiro showed me where to place the pads and I bought a home unit. Epsom salt baths helped way more than I anticipated. Has your chiro talked to you about what is causing the pain? My sciatic pain was from my muscles being stretched and pulled, not from a disc issue. My sessions with him did involve some adjustments, but he mostly focused on using TENS and heating pads. If you are having a disc issue, these things may not work for you. I was also hunting for a pressure pillow for my work chair, but I ended up not needing it once I started using the TENS regularly. They sell ones specially for sciatic pain.
Mrs. Jones says
I did and it sucked. The only thing that helped was walking/waddling as much as I could.
quad stretch says
I got it especially bad when getting out of bed. My doula told me to pull my heal to my bottom and stretch out my quad upon standing, something about stretching the quad can release the sciatic pain. it worked for me
Anon says
Thoughts on Girl Scouts for younger elementary schoolers? I had signed my incoming K-er up, thinking it would be a good way to help her make friends in her new school, particularly girls (she tends to naturally click better with boys), but am now second guessing myself and wondering if we’re better off waiting until first grade or later. She’s high energy and loves playing with peers, but does not typically love more structured activities and isn’t very into things like arts & crafts. We also already have two activities (dance, which she really wants to do, and swimming lessons, which we need to do) and adding a third feels like a lot for a new kindergartner, even an extroverted one. I’m hoping we can alternate the swim lessons with something else like basketball or theater when the weather gets bad, but it can’t be Girl Scouts because that’s a full-year thing.
avocado says
My daughter did Girl Scouts from K through middle school. I thought it had most value in the youngest grades and became less fun as they got older. In our area, if you don’t join a troop in K it can be hard to find a place later on.
AwayEmily says
My first-grader started in kindergarten and it’s been a nice way to meet some new people. It only meets twice a month, and it’s directly after school (the leaders just pick the kids up from their classroom) so it is zero effort on my part. It’s been super low-key and she enjoys it.
OP says
That’s nice! I think I’d be more open to it if that were the schedule, but pretty sure it will be weeknight evenings every week for us. Three weeknight activities just feels like way too much for a first semester kindergartner and I don’t want to make her drop dance (which she loves and is really the only activity she’s ever been self-motivated about) or swim lessons (which are important for safety reasons). On the other hand, she’s an only child so sibling schedules aren’t an issue and my job is flexible enough that she could potentially skip aftercare most days she has activities. But I think given the choice between aftercare and Girl Scouts, she’d probably pick aftercare. She’s very big on unstructured play with other kids and I think is really going to miss that when she switches from play-based preschool to K.
Mary Moo Cow says
I have fond memories of being a Brownie and I’m happy that Girl Scouts exists, but it hasn’t been the right thing for either of my girls. I know I’m speaking generally from a personal experience, but my Kindergarten daughter did not want to do Girl Scouts and loves Cub Scouts (and she’s one of 3 girls in a 4 kid den! Ha!) For my troops, GS is more sedentary and craft based learning; Cub Scouts is more outdoors and active learning. (Selfishly, I also like Cub Scouts because we meet twice a month for an hour in the early evening and GS meets twice a month for an hour and a half at dinnertime. So that could be something to consider for you, too — what’s the time commitment and is it going to be too much for you?) Also, we didn’t join Scouts until early Spring, and the Den Leader got her all caught up, so perhaps you can ask your Scout leader if you could see how the first weeks of school go before signing up.
OP says
Good thoughts, thanks! I did have the thought that Cub scout activities might be a better fit for her personality, but one of the reasons I’m specifically interested in Girl Scouts was to help her connect with other girls. Maybe that’s fruitless though. I also have to admit I’m not wild about the historical legacy of the Boy Scouts organization even though I know things are more inclusive now. I did co-ed Campfire as a kid and loved it, but it doesn’t appear to be an option in my area and I think activity-wise it was more similar to GS than BS anyway.
Anonymous says
There are some all-girl BSA troops–that might be worth looking into. BSA is going to be more time-intensive than Girl Scouts, though.
anon a mouse says
It’s worth finding out about the troop(s) in your area and how they are run. GS is much less standardized than Boy Scouts – leaders have a lot more flexibility. My troop met monthly in K/1 and is going to twice monthly in 2nd grade. We are not a badge-driven troop. The girls want to go camping and do things outside and with animals, so most of our activities and badges are planned around what the girls are interested in. This year the major events were going to an animal shelter and doing a stream cleanup activity with a local group. It’s been a great way to meet other families – our troop pulls from three schools.
anon says
Troops vary a lot, so I’d say try it out and see, but also if the leaders are new given them a few meetings to get the hang of it. I ran a troop of 12 Ks this year and we had a mix of super energetic kids who loved playing games and much quieter kids who thrived on arts & crafts. We definitely had a little bit of a bumpy road trying to figure out how to accommodate all of that, but all 12 kids had a good enough time over all that they signed up again for next year. And even though it’s somewhat structured, they’ve been able to become friends despite most of them not knowing each other at the start of the year and being scattered across 6 different elementary schools.
Anon says
I think you’re overthinking this. Our girl scout troop at that age didn’t meet often. It was a nice low key activity at that age.
Anonymous says
This is super troop dependent. I have a very young first grader and she started this year with a troop that started in K.
Our troop is all kids at her school. It’s run very casually, by working moms/parents (my husband does it for our family), as a co-op. They barely know the Girl Scout promise, hated selling cookies, but basically have a playdate and get a badge every 3-4 weeks.
So Anon says
Celebrate with me! I’m giving notice today and taking the job in the practice area that I really enjoy with a great boss in Europe. I was so nervous this morning to talk to my boss, but knowing that it is coming to an end is such a great feeling.
I’m going to take a few weeks in between this job and the start of the next. Beyond sleeping, any tips or great ideas of things to do or tackle so that I can hit the ground running when I start my new job?
Clementine says
HUZZAH!!!
Yes, go through all your linen closets and purge. Go through your storage areas and organize and inventory. Go to Costco and stock up on what you need.
Also, take a day where you just go and get yourself a solo lunch or brunch out and read a book and celebrate.
GCA says
Woohoo! Congratulations. Hope that conversation went well!
LinkedIn – clean up your contacts, add anyone from your old job with whom you want to stay in touch.
Personal – enjoy the late spring/ start of summer — take on a garden project, read some good books, go on long weekday hikes, and basically decompress. Sometimes you carry all the emotional and mental stress of your old job in your body and you don’t realize it till later. Also, if there are any old work traumas you need to process so you can go in with a clean slate, a chat with your therapist never huts.
Mary Moo Cow says
Not so fun list: eye doctor, getting new glasses/contacts, dermatologist, annual physical, etc. (all the stuff that eats up PTO and usually must be done during normal working hours), logistics planning for the first few weeks of the new job (like getting a meal delivery service or house cleaning scheduled), booking any handyman or home repair tasks.
Fun stuff: getting a haircut, manicure and pedicure right before you start, doing a big clothing try on and purge and shopping for some new work clothes or accessories, shopping for fun new desk or office supplies or decorations, surprising your kids with a special outing or mini adventure.
Anon says
It can be hard to do all the medical stuff in between jobs if you don’t have regular health insurance though. COBRA is expensive and really intended for emergencies, not visits to your PCP and eye doctor. Yet another example of why tying health coverage to employment is st*pid…
Anon says
I understand half day camps serve a need in the community, even if they’re not geared towards working parents. But what I don’t understand is the camps that are like 9-10:30 TWR or 10-11:15 M-Thur. Even if you’re a SAHM or have a nanny, it seems like it’s more trouble than it’s worth to keep track of schedules and commute for such a short camp. Just a vent, but it’s so baffling to me why places don’t make their camps at least 9-12 M-F.
Anonymous says
I use the ones you describe! They are for:
– when you have a nanny but it gives the kids something else to do.
– when your family does long weekend trips and you don’t want Friday or Monday camp
– when you don’t need camp every day but need to get the kids out of the house