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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Hello, it is I, the mom of two from last Wednesday with the sob story about how it was my birthday and we had a covid exposure and my kids had to stay home through Thanksgiving break and my husband and I had to work. We all had negative rapid tests at that time but I was diagnosed with covid via a PCR test on Friday evening. Yes, I’m fully vaccinated and got a booster a month ago (same with my husband, and our 7yo had one dose two weeks ago). Luckily my kids and husband had negative PCRs on Friday and Saturday, and also negative at-home rapids since Friday. Complicating factor for me is that I’m 6 months pregnant.
I’ve been in locked in a hotel room since Saturday in an effort to stay away from anyone else and maybe keep my family healthy, and golly, it’s really lonely. This is my situation for now until either someone else in my family tests positive (if it’s my husband I’m going home, or if it’s a kid they’re joining me here) or we hit Thanksgiving (which is 5 days from me leaving for the hotel) and no one else tests positive, at which case I’ll maybe head to my parents’ house because they all have it too and I’ll stay there until 10 days after diagnosis. My dad is the one who started this whole thing with truly baffling behavior when he was feeling sick for a week but didn’t tell anyone and we all went over there for Sunday night dinner. I don’t blame him for getting sick in the first place — he was exposed at a business lunch I 100% would have gone to in the same situation — but to not be proactive once he was feeling ill shows such disregard for everyone else and I have never been so angry with him. Since then my mom and one of my sisters have also tested positive, and they’re also feeling mildly sick but okay. My dad had a couple of rough days but is feeling better. All of them were fully vaccinated but they didn’t get boosters.
I don’t say this to scare anyone. We take an Emily Oster approach to covid risk and we recognize that covid is likely here to stay. We have had dinner in restaurants indoors a couple of times and take our kids to the library and swimming lessons with our “risk dollars”, and obviously had an indoor dinner with grandparents, but were planning to skip Thanksgiving with extended family this year because people weren’t interested in rapid testing at home immediately before. I imagine we’re a little more risk-seeking than some on this board but less so than many people in our area (I live near Detroit). I have nothing more than what feels like a very light head cold, I’m 100% confident my vaccinations are helping to keep this mild, and I was able to find a monoclonal antibody treatment yesterday, so I’m thinking everything will be fine for me illness-wise.
However, I believe that if we had a more solid plan in place for one of us testing positive instead of a single vague discussion about this a year ago, it would have made that time after receiving my positive test result less chatotic and stressful and upsetting for our 7yo. I’d urge you to think through steps now if you haven’t already. Figuring it out in the moment was very stressful in our tiny house. I’m also really angry and sad at the thought of being alone and away from my family for the next week. My husband is keeping on, but solo parenting our 7yo and 2yo alone is so much work (as it would be for anyone!).
I’d appreciate any anecdotes of a parent testing positive and not infecting anyone else at home. I’m wondering if s*it hits the fan and I need to go home before day 10 after diagnosis if masking all the time and sleeping in a separate room will help or if it’s just theater and they’re all going to get it anyway. I also would appreciate any advice for anything having to do with my situation, especially processing such intense anger at my dad for putting me and my family in this position. Also good thoughts and virtual hugs. I wanted a few nights away in a hotel for peace and quiet but now I’m here and this sucks and I’m currently throwing myself quite the pity party. Thanks.
Anonymous says
Oh, my goodness. Sending all the virtual hugs your way. It is absolutely infuriating that we have apparently learned nothing and people have so quickly reverted to their old ways of hiding or minimizing illness and going out in public while contagious.
My SIL (fully vaccinated, a week shy of her booster) had a breakthrough case. She and her wife stayed on different floors of the house, and her wife managed to avoid catching it. I wouldn’t rely on anecdata, though, and in your shoes I’d stay out of the house if at all possible until you are no longer contagious.
OP says
Thanks, this is helpful. My concern is that the only reason I’d go back is if my husband for some reason needed help with kids, and in that case I wouldn’t be able to isolate in that way. I do wish that we had bought a bigger house last year when we thought about moving, which could have facilitated better isolation — right now we’re stuck in our 1200 sqft house. Obviously not a reason to buy a house but I’m sure you understand what I’m getting at!
Anonymous says
If you need to go home, yes, wearing masks, eating separately, and sleeping separately absolutely do all help.
AIMS says
Agree. I have a family member whose teenager had covid last year and they did the full isolation and no one else got it (two other kids in their teens, my friend and her husband).
Hugs to you. I can only imagine how stressful this must be for your whole family but if you can make lemonade out of this – i would try to treat the hotel stay as a mini break and watch all the movies, binge all the shows, download all the fluffy books, and order all the room service. Here’s hoping you have a very speedy recovery.
Anon says
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but anecdotes like this were WAY more last year. Delta is many times more infectious than OG Covid or even the Alpha variant that became dominant last spring.
Cb says
Oh my goodness, you poor thing! That’s horrific. Thanks for the reminder to think through a plan, I work away and we test before I leave and come back to avoid exposing my family / anyone en route but we haven’t actually thought about what happens if one of us tests positive.
Anonymous says
Maybe it would help to spin this positive:
You are pregnant. You are sick. You get to spend 5+ days alone in a hotel with room service and time to focus on work as needed!
Don’t get me wrong. This sucks. But…maybe there’s a lense where it isn’t so bad (for you)?
FWIW all 3 of my kids have had a nasty cold all week. They have been PCR tested. I have spent like $150 in rapid tests testing them daily. I was super paranoid that someone had COVID and they’d miss thanksgiving and their dance recital (Sunday) that all of them are in and they’ve been working toward since August. They are clear but OMG when will this end and a cold can just be a cold again?!?!
OP says
Thanks, definitely trying to spin the positive for sure — very little beats a hotel bed with quality blackout shades to keep the room really dark! But the anger, frustration and loneliness are really setting in. Trying to fight those off for sure. It’s not even Thanksgiving I’m mad about – I don’t really care about the holiday – but I miss my kids and being around other people.
Curious says
Being alone always stinks after a few days, and it’s particularly hard while pregnant. I hear you.
Jz says
I was in this situation. I didn’t know I had COVID for probably 3-4 days and did not quarantine until I got test results back. I then immediately went into quarantine for 10 days. My husband and 1 year old both did not get it (they got tested the day I tested positive and then again 10 days later and negative all the way through despite my husband and I sleeping in the same bed during the 3-4 days and my 1 year old obviously being all over me). This was pre-vaccine.
Anon says
You asked for anecdata – my 7 year old brought it home from school, and no one else in the family got it, including his Dad who went to stay alone with Covid Kid for the week. Kid was at (vaccinated) grandparents’ house when he started feeling sick (we were on an anniversary weekend trip – came home early. Sigh.) and they both tested negative as well. So it’s possible no one else will get it.
I’m so sorry about the rest of it and have no advice on the anger piece. I am still angry with my kid’s teacher, who I”m pretty sure is the one who brought it in to the school and infected half the class.
Anon says
Sorry you went through that. Was the teacher masked? I know masks were pretty effective in schools last year, I don’t have a sense of how they work in the Delta era.
OP says
Thanks, this is helpful! So sorry you went through this.
Anon says
So sorry you’re in this situation but glad you’re feeling ok and thanks for the reminder that even boosted people can get breakthroughs. We’d asked my SIL and BIL to test before visiting us for Thanksgiving and they emailed us yesterday that they got negative results from a test taken on Thursday. We rolled our eyes (because obviously a test taken 7 days before is worthless) but we weren’t going to fight them about it, but after reading your comment I’m going to push back and make them take another test closer to when they come here.
OP says
Yes, please push back! If they don’t want to do a PCR on Wednesday, have them buy them a rapid test to do at home the morning of – they’re $24 for two tests in a box by me and take 10-15 min depending on which one you buy. They’re so easy. I would feel comfortable with negatives from those that day. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
Anonymous says
Just give them a nose swab at you door.
Kyla says
A friend who is a doctor was exposed multiple times and eventually had covid, and isolated at home from her family, always wore masks etc and her husband and young adult kids did not get it.
OP says
Thanks, this is hopeful anecdata. Do you now if the rest of her family wore masks too, or just her? My 2yo (really, like 20 months…) doesn’t wear masks so that would be a new thing if we needed it. My 7yo is fine with masks at school so I think that would be fine.
Anonymous says
This virus is like a lot of other highly contagious viruses that we fight off all the time. Strep throat. Flu. Hand washing, distance, and lysol really can work.
if you want actual anedata on covid…my sister had it pre-vaccines. She slept in the same bed as her husband and he never got it. At the time neither were vaccinated. Neither wore masks.
My neighbor’s kid had it. Parents didn’t get it, two of the 3 siblings did. Of the two sibs that got it, one was asymptomatic and the other got a runny nose.
Anon. says
Why are you still saying Covid is “like other viruses”? It’s not. Asymptomatic spread is not a thing with influenza (“flu”). And strep throat is caused by bacteria, not viruses.
Jeez.
Anon. says
Why are you saying coronavirus is “like other viruses”? It’s not. Asymptomatic spread doesn’t happen for influenza the same way it does for SARS-Cov2. Also, strep throat is caused by bacteria, not viruses.
Jeez.
AIMS says
Anon. – it’s like other viruses in that sometimes people get it when exposed, and sometimes they don’t. One of my kids just had strep, the other didn’t. Sometimes this happens with Covid – even factoring in for asymptomatic spread (as in, we are not just saying, “so and so didn’t get it b/c no symptoms”).
Anon says
Covid is way more infectious than other viruses, up to 10 times more infectious than flu. Hand-washing etc isn’t worthless but far less effective against this virus than against flu and colds.
Anonymous says
@Anon@ 10:40- I’m not here to be a COVID denier, or tell you masks are worthless. I am saying that COVID-19 is, in fact, a virus that shares some similarities with other transmissible diseases. Some people don’t get it despite exposure. Keeping your distance, covering your mouth, and washing your hands *do* actually work. Masks cover your mouth.
Of course COVID is not the same. But reminding the OP that in many, many cases a disease enters a home and does not infect everyone is exactly what she asked for.
My house just got walloped by a virus for the past week and a half. 4 year old had a runny nose and fever. 8 year old had a sore throat, congestion, fatigue and fever. 5 year old had congestion and a deep chest cough and a high fever. DH had the sniffles and I had nothing. None of us had COVID-19.
Kyla says
The rest of the family did not consistently wear masks. The most important thing is that the person who is infected wears a mask, and that anyone who is taking care of them (feeding, showering, sitting right next to) wears a mask. Otherwise other family members didn’t. She always sat 6-10 feet away from them if they were in the house, but really isolated as much as possible.
AnonFTM says
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And I would feel really angry too. And thank you so much for sharing your story. I have an infant and I feel like I’m the only one taking precautions against breakthrough covid whereas everyone seems to just be doing normal things and I feel like a freak but this a good reminder that breakthroughs can happen even when still being cautious. I know it sucks but agree with the other poster to try to view it in a different light, especially since it sounds like your symptoms aren’t so bad–you finally get some quiet time and peace and sleep (though I know it’s hard to take a positive spin on things when you do actually have covid).
Anon says
Fellow freak here. I have a 13 month old and she hasn’t been anywhere indoors apart from our home and the pediatrician’s office, we stay 6 feet away from others at the outdoor playground, no restaurant patio dining or air travel. Anyone who can’t quarantine for a week before they come to see us gets to see us outside on our porch, masked, irrespective of vaccine status.
I feel like an outlier and also sad when I see babies at grocery stores, families posting travel etc., but my primary job is to keep her safe and healthy and we’re so close to a vaccine for her age group.
AnonFTM says
Thanks so much for sharing as well. I feel less freakish knowing you are doing the same so thank you! We also haven’t done any air travel (and I want to so bad), only do outdoor activities with non-family (we do patio dining though but only with vaccinated people), we still work from mainly from home, when I do go to the office (which has been like a handful of times since March 2020) or indoors at a party I wear a mask (which makes me feel like a freak since others with babies show up at the office or indoor parties maskless, which makes me start to wonder if I am just being too overly cautious). I’m also just waiting for the vaccines for infants to go back to pre-pandemic activities. Hang in there and I will too!
Anon says
i’m with you both! definitely on the more conservative side of things. hang in there!
Anon Lawyer says
I mean, most people just straight out don’t have the ability to be that isolated. I’m not going to be guilted for taking my toddler to the grocery store as a single mom or sending her to daycare. There’s more than one hazard in the world and it’s my job to balance them; it doesn’t mean I’m not prioritizing keeping her safe.
Anon says
Absolutely, 100%. I’m Anon at 10:13am, and did not mean to lay guilt on anyone who doesn’t have the ability to do this. I’m just saying that, since I’m in a two parent household, one of us stays home with baby while the other shops. We wouldn’t both shop together and take her with us because there is no need to take that risk. If either of us was a single parent, then obviously that risk calculation would change because food has to happen somehow.
Anonymous says
Yes. This is like my friends who in summer of 2020 told me they would NEVER take their kid to the store after I mentioned it. My husbands in the military. Check your privilege.
Anonymous says
Ugh, hugs. One reassuring thing to keep in mind – from what I have read, people who are vaccinated stop being infections more quickly – their viral load drops pretty fast. So if you do have to go home at some point before day 10, you may be able to avoid passing it on. But I would stay put as long as you can – having a kid with COVID is logistically miserable even if they aren’t very sick. (My son got it in August and passed it on to me and my husband, both vaccinated, although it happened pretty fast for us).
https://yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/p/how-vaccines-reduce-transmission
https://yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/p/role-in-the-transmission-chain-vaccinated
Anon says
here is some anecdata. one of my best friends was indoors with her parents, brother’s family which includes a baby and her family which is 2 adults + 3 kids. they spent quite some time together. her vaccinated brother tested positive for covid and no one else did. obviously no one knows this for sure, but she said they had a fire going in the fire place, which she thinks perhaps impacted the air circulation in the room? all the adults were vaccinated. i have another friend who both husband and wife (both with boosters) tested positive and felt sick enough that they got antibodies, but both unvaccinated kids stayed negative. i believe they masked around their kids while at home. i am not an expert by any means, but it seems like maybe the vaccine is making people less contagious? also sending all the hugs to you and your family! and i dont really get why people were refusing rapid tests before thanksgiving. is that really such a big deal?
A says
I am so sorry. I am also in Michigan, and things have been brutal these past few weeks. We know a ton of people who have gotten Covid or been quarantined. My anecdata is that our 3-year-old tested positive in late October and none of the rest of us got it (including my unvaccinated at the time 7-year-old). We didn’t attempt to isolate anyone, so I truly do not know how we all escaped it.
I completely understand your anger. This is an exhausting slog with no end in sight. We are asking everyone to take rapid tests on Thanksgiving morning and are getting some pushback about it, but I am very much not interested in quarantining with small kids again. Sending peace and good health to you.
Anon says
We have friends in MI and their nanny who works maskless tested positive in October but either a) their kid didn’t get it or b) the kid got it but was asymptomatic and the vaccinated parents didn’t get it (they didn’t test their kid but he never had symptoms).
Anonymous says
Mom hack of the day: You can use a wide-mouth canning funnel to fill your kid’s soup thermos with much less mess.
Fallen says
Sanity check – what are your kid ages and what are their bedtimes? I have the suspicion that my kids are going to bed way too late – they are waking up at 9:30 on the weekends! My 3 year old goes to bed at 9 and my 8 year old at 10-10:30. They wake up at 8 on weekdays.
Jz says
my 2 yo goes to bed around 830-9 which is on the later end for a kid his age. he wakes up at 8 on weekdays
Anonymous says
Omg that’s so late. I’d do 7 for the 3 year old and 8 for the 8 year old.
Anon says
Eh if the child only needs 11 hours of sleep (which is not unusual at age 3), a 9 pm bedtime sounds pretty reasonable. I would much rather have my kid waking up at 8 am than 6 am, but I’m not a morning person.
Anon says
Yeah, that sounds pretty late. 1 year old goes to be around 7 – 7:30 and gets up at 6; 7 year old is supposed to be lights off by 8:30 and gets up around the same time.
Anon says
Some kids are just night owls, so a late bed/late wake isn’t inherently concerning. If you have to wake them on weekdays and they sleep in on weekends, that’s a sign they’re not getting enough sleep though. My 3 year old goes to bed around 6:30-7 and usually wakes up around 7-7:30 but she doesn’t nap and has always been at the very high sleep needs end of the spectrum. We do such an early bedtime because she’s always losing it at the end of the day. If she could hold it together better I would prefer a later bedtime and wake time because I’m a night owl myself.
TheElms says
30ish years ago when I was 8 I remember lobbying my parents to move my bed time to 8pm since it was my age. I got up around 7am. And then when I turned 10 I remember getting a 9pm bedtime and at 12 it moved to 9:30pm. I generally got up around 7am throughout that time period. Your kids bedtimes seem late to me but if they are getting enough sleep (not tired during the day and not too cranky in the evenings) and it works for your family, I don’t see a huge problem.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’re on the opposite end in that my kids wake up very early: 5.5 year old is in bed/asleep by 7:30, often 7:00 and 3 year old is in crib by 7:30, asleep by 7:45 or so. They wake up by 6am, often earlier for the older one. 3 year old still naps – often 2 hours home with us and around 1-1.5 hours at daycare.
Anon says
My 4YO goes to bed around 10 (most nights) and wakes up around 8 on weekdays and 8:30 on weekends.
Cb says
Oh my goodness, are you also a night owl? I go to bed at 9:30/10 so would struggle not to have any alone time.
My 4 year old goes to bed at 7:15 (asleep by 7:45) and gets up at 6:30, typically sleeps until 7:45/8:00 on the weekends.
Anon says
I am a night owl as is my husband, so we lucked out! This morning I had an 8am work call (which I took from home thankfully), but there was much grumbling when I turned on the lights after my shower at 7:45 this morning to make sure the sleepyheads (DH and DD who would normally get up between 8 and 8:15 but on rainy mornings like this are prone to snoozing) were actually up in time to leave for preschool drop off at 8:40.
Anon says
My 4 and 6 year olds go to bed between 8:15-9, usually 8:30 on weeknights and a little later on the weekends. We are all pretty much night owls, but I would think that after 9 is late if they have to be up early. When they were toddlers taking naps they were regularly up until 9:30 or later and slept in until 8ish.
Anonymous says
9 year old, goes to sleep 8:45-9 and wakes up between 6-6:30, occasionally a bit later.
Anonymous says
my 8 year old (2nd grader) goes to bed 8/8:30 (sometimes 9) and wakes up at 6:30 to catch a 7:15 bus. She is super active (2-3 sports/activities) and also has generally high sleep needs. Many of her friends go to bed closer to 8:30/9 but 10/10:30 seems pretty late for a kid that young. What does s/he do all night?? Mine goes to bed at 7:45 and is allowed to read herself to sleep, which is usually around 8:30. On weekends we let her watch TV until 8:30/9.
Anon says
2.5 and 5 year old go to bed at 7:30 and wake up at 7. The 2.5 year old naps, the 5 year old doesn’t.
CPA Lady says
My 7 year old goes to bed at 7:30.
Spirograph says
That’s later than my kids! My kids are 5-8.5 and we aim for 8:30 for all of them. Sometimes earlier, especially for the 5 year old, if they seem like they need it. Sometimes we start reading stories at 8:30 and they don’t actually get in bed until 9. 9 is a hard, HARD stop on week nights. They wake up between 7 and 7:30, almost always on their own.
None of them naps consistently, but occasionally will conk out in late afternoon after a busy day on the weekend, or if we have a long car ride.
Anonymous says
Sounds like my kids have different sleep needs than yours. But as a data point, 6 year old turns out light by 8:05 (falls asleep between 8:10-8:45) and wakes between 6:30-7:30 depending on if he has to pee.
3 year old falls asleep by 7:30 (lights out by 7:15) and wakes around 7. No nap.
anon says
4 year old: 7:30pm and 6-month old: 6:30pm.
SC says
My son is 6. We start our bedtime routine at 7:30, and I usually turn the lights out at 8:30. He wakes up at 6 on weekdays. So, he’s getting the same amount of sleep (9.5 hours) as your 8 year old.
So Anon says
My 10 yo morning guy goes to bed by 8:15/8:30 and is happily up by 6am every day. My 8yo night owl is generally asleep by 9 but would easily stay up later if permitted, and she wakes up around 7.
KW says
That’s consistent with my kids – 3 year old lucky to be asleep by 9:30 and 10 year old lucky to be asleep by 10-10:30.
AwayEmily says
Echoing what other people say — kids have different sleep needs and natural clocks and so if they are happy and seem well-rested, that’s the important thing. And overall I would focus on how many hours they get rather than the specific time they go to bed. My kids both need about 10.5 – 11 hours of sleep . My 3.5yo gets it via a 1 hour nap and 9.5 hours at night, and my 5yo gets it all at night (she falls asleep much earlier than her brother even though they share a room). We do make a pretty active effort to make up sleep the following night if some gets lost (e.g. if someone skips a nap/gets woken up early/has a nightmare and is up a bunch/stays up late), if necessary by using a small dose of melatonin.
TheElms says
25 weeks, 1 hour glucose test today. Baby is measuring big, so not super optimistic I will pass, but fingers crossed nonetheless. I really don’t want to do the 3 hour test (I’m a really hard blood draw so it would just be really miserable – but obviously manageable and science is great that we can catch and manage these types of issues during pregnancy).
Anon says
Fingers crossed – I grew a giant baby (over 8 pounds at 2 weeks early) but did not have GD (even though they tested me twice because she was so big). She’s still a giant at 4YO.
AIMS says
I had one giant kid (close to 10 lbs) and one larger side of “normal” kid, failed both 1 hr glucose tests each time, and passed the 3 hr test each time. My doctor was convinced I really did have GD with the giant baby (2nd pregnancy) and would fail the 3 hr but it was fine. The experience was miserable though. That drink is literal torture for me. Fingers crossed you pass on the first go round!
Anon says
Same. Failed the 1-hour and passed the 3-hour for both of my 9.5 lb kids.
Anon says
Hi there, I am the covid-stricken mom from above :) I am about as far along as you are. I had GDM with my second child and everything turned out okay – both for baby and me, and I used the GDM theories to help propel me into a healthier lifestyle after baby was born. Check out Lily Nichols’s book if you end up being diagnosed.
FWIW, my first was measuring big at 20 weeks and I didn’t have GDM with that pregnancy, and my second was measuring small at 20 weeks and I had GDM then – sometimes babies are just big, and ultrasounds can be off in terms of sizing especially when it comes to weight measurements. The 3 hour is not fun but it’s tolerable. You can do it, and it’s all about figuring out the best way to take care of you and keep baby healthy. Fingers crossed for you.
Anon says
I had a 9 lb-er and passed my 1 hour glucose. Good vibes to you.
Anon says
My daughter failed the 1-hour but passed her 3 hour with no ambiguity. Baby was big though, under 9 pounds but close. Hopefully you pass the 1 hour and don’t need to do this again.
Anon says
I had GDM (very clearly failed the 3 hour test) but was diet controlled and had a healthy 8 pound baby at 39 weeks. The 3 hour test is not fun but it’s doable. (I have difficult veins to draw blood from but I think the increased blood volume in pregnancy helped.) Hopefully you’ll pass the 1 hour test but if you don’t, know that it’s very manageable (and I think my eating habits improved after I had to be super strict after diagnosis.)
PistachioLemon says
Drink a lot of water before you go! That helps.
Anon says
My first was born on his due date and was under 7lbs. My second was born three weeks early and was 8lbs 7oz – and yes, the dates were correct. He was, and still is, an absolute beast of a kid. No GD either time. Some babies are just overall bigger than others! Crossing my fingers for you. And I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to stress about it until you have something concrete to stress about!
TheElms says
My first was 9lbs and I didn’t have GB with her, but she also never measured big. Hopefully I pass! Trying to be optimistic.
I do drink all the water and pregnancy does help with my veins but it’s still hard. I usually need 2-3 sticks to hit a vein even when pregnant. When I was in labor with my first and had already had several liters of fluid when I needed a c-section it took several attempts to place a second line. I’m (unfortunately) a really really hard stick.
Anon says
I had a 9 pound second baby and passed the 3-hour GD test (my doctor required the 3 hour vs. the 1-hour, so that was sadly my only option). The test itself made me feel terrible but I did pass.
Anonymous says
My second baby was measuring huge at that point, so big that my OB was surprised I passed the 1 hour glucose test.
Anon says
Do any other moms here have a kid on the autism spectrum? We have a kid who is ASD-1. Kid is able to go to regular school (but has no friends; says this is OK; hates the teasing and bullying). I know for being on the spectrum, this is good. And yet, we get lulled into thinking that al is OK because is able to do mainstream school and associated schoolwork. But still, the autism and its associated meltdowns creep in randomly, so far 2x this months (and yes, always something that perhaps would roll off the back of a neurotypical kid, but don’t and require the full attention and focus for an hour or two from a parents to help the kid course-correct and not overly disrupt the surrounding other people (e.g., other kid’s soccer game; family dinner). I am not sure where to go to help me learn more how to deal with this and worry that my kid will always need a parent on deck to be begrudgingly allowed to participate in extracurricular activities (and school trips, if those ever restart). There is no manual or anything (and my local autism groups really were frosty, as if my kid weren’t disabled enough to warrant inclusion there). I feel like we’d get a lot more sympathy and understanding if it were an obvious physical disability, but it isn’t and it’s not going away (despite having meltdown free months, especially as schools were closed last year and life was a lot simpler).
Anonymous says
A child psychologist, therapy for your kid.
Cb says
No direct experience but I wanted to send you good wishes for being such an amazing parent and advocate for your kiddo. My husband’s on the spectrum and wasn’t diagnosed until he was 30! His mom says she always knew something was “wrong”, but didn’t do anything. Help was of course more limited back then, but parents who took some time to understand things would have made a world of difference.
Anon says
I am finding that awareness is higher than it used to be, but I am not finding that actual help is available now (in a big US city, by people who could actually pay), nor are school settings that are really able to deal with anything but the most vanilla of students.
Anon says
I don’t have a kid with autism, but my 19 year old nephew is ASD-1. His family lives in the middle of nowhere outside of my city but he really bloomed in high school when he got involved in an extracurricular club for special needs kids (mostly kids with autism). I don’t know all the details, I know they did some behavioral coaching, but he also was able to get a better handle on meltdowns as he aged. He made friends (who he needs coaching to see, but still) and he also finally found his people online, watching anime and writing fanfic. I think it was pretty hard to find that program though – is there a special needs parents group in your city? Even just one on Facebook might help you connect with some of this stuff that kind of flies under the radar.
If his needs aren’t being met at school you might explore private and see if the school district can pay. You may need a lawyer and other parents are great resources for how to navigate that whole process. My nephew’s district had nothing but our district has an autism program. I think other public districts may send kids to it but I’m honestly not sure, this is all via gossip from family and I am not personally involved in navigating the system. I do know thought that it is common here to get legal assistance if an IEP is not satisfactory and the district is not being accommodating.
Anonymous says
Same experience here. TBH, I think there’s not help available because there’s nothing that really makes a difference at the end of the day. Anti-anxiety meds (first Zoloft, now duoloxetine) helped some with duration on the meltdowns, but not the frequency or intensity.
So Anon says
There is help available, but that help is not necessarily about changing the person who is autistic. If the goal is to have someone get up the stairs who is wheel-chair bound, then there is no “help” in terms of teaching that person to walk, but you can absolutely build a ramp. For autistic individuals, the help needs to come from those who are not autistic to understand those who are by listening to autistic adults and their experiences with the world, similar to other marginalized groups. We don’t teach women to cope better with cat-calling, we teach men to stop cat-calling. You don’t teach autistics to look someone in the eye during class, you teach the teacher that an autistic child may need to fidget and look down in order to learn. Also, ASD states that autism is a disorder; the autistic community does not agree with that label.
Anonymous says
“We don’t teach women to cope better with cat-calling, we teach men to stop cat-calling.” No, actually we still do put the burden on women to prevent and cope with male misbehavior.
So Anon says
My 10 yo son is autistic, and we first officially learned that when he was in 2nd grade. I encourage you to seek out the voices of autistic adults because their perspective is eye opening and provides great insight into what may be occurring with your child. Neurodivergent rebel is great and has a full list of resources on their page. Other resouces: Autism Inclusivity, Autistic Self Advocacy Network, Autism Level Up. Great Books: Uniquely Human by Barry Prizant and the Explosive Child by Ross Greene. I discourage Autism Speaks or similar groups as they speak about autistics without their consent or input.
We found autism positive OT to be a huge help in terms of learning to regulate emotions and manage transitions. OT also helped with relating to peers.
In terms of sympathy from others or participating in extracurriculars – maybe those aren’t the best goals for right now. If your child need an IEP or 504, then pursue that through school. In terms of people you meet on the street, their sympathy doesn’t matter. Find the actually autistic community and you will find understanding for yourself and your child. People don’t always get why my son has noise-blocking headphones on while in a crowd or other particular behaviors, and that’s ok. He doesn’t participate in team sports, but chess with its very precise rules is his thing. He loves gaming and has found a few other boys his age who do too, and they are his group. He and I are a team now with managing expectations. He has the occasional meltdown, but now he and I both have strategies to manage those big feelings.
Anonymous says
Can you share what strategies you use?
Concerned b/c kiddo had a meltdown with a nature / hiking club he loves (he can’t handle formal sports and is at the age when kids are weeded out if too low-skilled). Losing face with those kids and having those parents now act wary is devastating to both of us. I’m never sure how high to waive the autism flag, given what I perceive as a lot of prejudice and pre-conceived notions of what it is like and how broad the spectrum is, but then people assume the worst when something like that happens. I truly don’t know what to try to manage in advance vs what to do after the fact. And the meltdowns are not predictable to me, so managing those would be helpful (or just a list of things to try).
Anonymous says
I will share with you the story of two families from our Girl Scout troop. Girl #1 has autism and ADHD and has significant difficulty communicating. Her mom is very open and matter-of-fact about her issues and attends all meetings and functions to facilitate her daughter’s participation to the maximum of her capacity and ensure that any behavioral issues do not disrupt the other kids. The mom seems to have worked closely with her daughter’s care team to learn these strategies. The other girls take pains to include the girl, and she is well liked. She has been in the troop for nine years now.
Girl #2 is academically gifted but also exhibits behavior similar to what I’ve seen from kids with attachment disorders and oppositional defiant disorder. In elementary school she was the class bully and received some sort of services from the school. In Girl Scouts, her parents never took any steps to manage her behavior or to tell the parent volunteers what her issues were or how to handle them. Her mom chaperoned exactly one campout, during which the girl destroyed some of her mother’s belongings and made her cry. After that, neither parent ever chaperoned an outing again; instead, they basically dumped their child on a bunch of parent volunteers who were wholly unequipped to handle the situation so they could have a break. She ruined many trips and campouts with her deliberately manipulative and selfish behavior and meltdowns (very different in nature from autistic behaviors, but similarly disruptive). Several girls quit the troop because of her. Finally she decided she was done with Girl Scouts and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
TLDR: Find a good OT and other appropriate therapists and have them teach you behavior management strategies. Be open and up-front with the other parents and kids and take responsibility for ensuring that your child’s behavior does not wreck the experience for everyone else. If you can do this, you and your child will be welcomed with open arms in appropriate activities such as hiking club.
Anonymous says
+1 this is a very good list although I just unfollowed Neurodivergent Rebel since they had so many anti-parenting posts. My guy is 7, he was first diagnosed just before his 3rd birthday.
The sensory stuff is huge with them — the sooner you get a handle on those issues the happier your child will be. Also look up “restraint collapse” for after school misbehaving, and the “all out of spoons” meme. We’ve just started medicating for GAD (Zoloft, now Celexa) so we’ll see.
I haven’t read The Explosive Child yet but everyone says that’s a game changer.
anonamommy says
Seeking recommendations for cute and durable mommy & me aprons. I had my eye on a set at Hedley and Bennett but now the kids ones are all sold out. Priority is well-made and functional over style — we use ours all the time.
AIMS says
Sur La Table has tartan ones for kids/adults. Williams Sonoma, too. More options at WS, I think. I have aprons from both and find they wear well.
Anon says
I have the polka dot one and am so sad it is sold out for my kiddo (as were the two floral ones I liked and was going to get matching). I love my H&B one so much I am looking at a second, even though it is absurd in my mind to pay that much for an apron (which is why I wanted to try it before getting a matching one for DD). Williams sonoma aprons are decent quality and you might be able to find matching ones, and I just saw some on a baking show by Tilit that look very similar to the H&B ones but no personal experience.
FP says
If you are set on the Hedley & Bennett brand, they are selling an adult/kid set through Blue Apron that’s currently on sale. Good luck!
Anon says
Bapron Baby?
Anon says
I just ordered this one from Williams Sonoma over the weekend for my daughter and I! I’m going to give it for St. Nick’s Day, so we will have them for baking Christmas cookies.
https://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/hostess-adult-and-kid-aprons/?pkey=s~adult%20and%20kid%20aprons~11&sbkey=default
Insurance Disaster says
Guys, I tried to add my newborn to our insurance five weeks ago. Thought today it was weird it hadn’t shown up. Apparently email never sent and I didn’t add her… and she was born 63 days ago (you only have 60 days to add).
Has anyone failed to enroll a dependent for a year? Are there other ways to get her insured. This is such a stupid disaster but I was definitely not operating right at three weeks post birth and our home internet is terrible!
anonamommy says
This happened to a friend. Raise hell immediately and go up as many levels as you have to in your company’s HR to help you out.
When is your open season? If it’s soon you can also add her during your open season.
Anonymous says
Did YOU never send the email or HR? If HR never sent it, then it’s HR’s screw-up to fix and they will fix it. Follow up.
NYCer says
It sounds like OP didn’t send the email. That being said, I would still talk to your HR person and explain the situation. Hopefully they will be able to help. I agree with a prior poster who said go up as many levels as necessary in your HR department.
AnonATL says
We had a similar issue where we called and requested it but it never got processed. They had records that we called, so insurance was able to back date it to the correct day.
We noticed because we started getting full price bills from the hospital.
But yeah just keep bugging them
Anon says
I had a similar issue but it was work that had failed to notify insurance after I had notified work (that was the step I was told to take). My insurance was able to backdate it and add him as of the date of birth (and he was automatically covered for 30 days from birth anyway, but I didn’t discover the mixup until around 2 months out). I was actually having the amount of additional premiums for a child deducted from my paycheck without him being on my insurance, so this would have been on my employer to fix. The only way I found out was because I received a $12k bill for his neonatal hospital care.
AnonFTM says
Definitely talk to HR or your benefits team. I was also told 60 days to enroll but there was some extension that could apply if somehow couldn’t get it done in that timeframe due to covid. So I would ask! Otherwise, I think the open enrollment idea that another poster mentioned is good since you should always be able to add/make changes during open enrollment.
OP says
Thanks all! It was me who didn’t send the email and unfortunately our open enrollment ended last month! Worst possible timing.
I work in a small family office so we outsource HR – it was actually my email to them (insperity) that wasn’t sent. I’m going to talk to my office manager about who our rep is there and try to get it escalated ASAP! This is one time where being in a small office may be tricky. Ughhhh.
Anon says
When is your husband’s open enrollment period? Your enrollment period should technically open back up when his opens as well. Fingers crossed for you.
Anon says
There’s usually a correction period so definitely reach out.
anon says
Any tips on changing little ones (and yourselves) after the pool? We went for the first time in a long while (ages 2 and 4), and even with both of us parents being there and a family bathroom with a shower, it still was a stressful hot mess with towels falling on the gross floor etc etc. (There’s a small bench and only one hook, and BYO towels, and we are in the midwest so I don’t see how I can avoid bringing in the kids coats — I’ll leave mine in the car next time but it’s just a lot of stuff). Maybe there just is no hack, but if someone has one I figured it’s this board.
Anon says
We don’t swim in the winter for this reason.
Anonymous says
You need multiple giant tote bags that you can set on the floor, including a separate one for the coats. Let the towels fall on the nasty floor after drying off and use them as a place to stand. Gather them up into a laundry bag or plastic bag and wash them once you get home.
Or let the kids air-dry for a few minutes, put sweatsuits over their swim clothes, and change at home.
Anonymous says
Ikea bags, so they don’t get soaked and the contents stay dry.
Anonymous says
Oh god, this gave me a flashback of my infant son crawling toward the nasty drain in the floor of the locker room in the Brooklyn public high school locker room, making beeline to put a clump of human hair in his mouth. I generally changed first. IKEA bags to keep everything dry. It’s rough!
Anonymous says
Also, no showers.
Anonymous says
I wanted to be on Team No Showers, but there is so much chlorine in the pool that I want to get it off their skin immediately. Like it makes my eyes burn but b/c there could be poop / pee in the pool they really have to keep the levels very high. Our summer pool, very different.
anon says
UGH ewwww….but thanks for the laugh. Our experience seemed like straight out of a bad sitcom — complete with dropping towels, the kids opening the door while I was changing, the 2yo fully dressed deciding to SIT right in the wet (basically a puddle) floor, and the 4yo leaving his favorite baby doll in a random locker so DH had to run in right at closing time, open every locker, and run out with a baby doll. Haha!
Anonymous says
Step 1: Don’t let them bring toys!
Anonymous says
Sounds like your kids are not ready for the locker room experience. Are they used to going out or are they mostly at home because of the pandemic? At a minimum, they need to be able to handle a regular public restroom without opening the stall door or crawling on the floor before you can expect them to be able to deal with the shower and changing room at the pool. I’d practice taking them out a lot in less complex environments before attempting the pool again.
anon says
Just when I thought I could ask a pretty light-hearted question on this site, I was proven wrong again. Folks, I wasn’t going to get into all of this BUT I was advised that water/swimming could help my preschool aged kid with self-regulation, as he’s having problems in preschool. So, I wanted to try. I guess I could wait in my home until my kids are 10 to leave the house, but that’s not my approach to life. And thank you to Hindsight 2020, anonymous at 1:53, so very helpful and kind of you to point out the obvious! (He sneaks his beloved baby doll anywhere he can, because he isn’t allowed to take it to school, see above, having behavior/emotion problems).
Spirograph says
Hard disagree, anonymous at 4:29. There’s no amount of practicing in public restrooms in “less complex environments” that will make the “locker room experience” easy with a 2 and 4 year old. There’s no way around a certain amount of chaos when you’re trying to shower and change everyone at once. And it is NOT a good reason to just… not take them swimming.
OP, you’re doing great. Your kids are fine and 100% normal (or at least sound very much the same as mine, who were 2 and 4 pre pandemic, so didn’t even have that as an excuse for their lack of locker room etiquette). I don’t know about self-regulation, but pool time has always been one of my kids’ favorite Fun Things and sets me up for easy bedtime because it wipes them out. :)
Anon says
Anon at 4:29, would love to know # of kids and ages.
anon says
There isn’t a great hack, really. I stopped bringing the heavy winter coats and just had them wear fleeces. Takes up less space, and the car ride isn’t that long. Winter swimming just requires a lot of STUFF.
anon says
That’s a good idea. Then if they still drop on the nasty floor it is at least easier to wash than the bulky winter coats.
Anonymous says
When my kids were this age and we did swim, I put the kids in the shower with me, showered them, showered me. I got dressed, then took them out of the shower one by one to dry and dress them
What if you did the main locker room vs the family setup?
TheElms says
How long is the drive home? If its 20 minutes or less I just wouldn’t change yourself or the 4 year old (if they are potty trained). Just dry off well and put on sweatpants/sweatshirt and winter boots (no socks) that you wore to the pool over the swimsuits. While you are swimming all the clothes go in an Ikea bag. I grew up as a swimmer in the Northeast so this is what pretty much the whole team did unless they had to be somewhere else immediately after swimming or had a really long drive home. I realize for the 2 year old, they likely need a fresh diaper so I’d strip them, towel off, put on a clean diaper, sweatpants or fleece pjs and winter boots and then go to the car and drive home. All the wet swimsuits/towels go home in the Ikea bag. If its really really cold keep blankets in the car to throw over them once they are buckled into car seats.
Anonymous says
This. I never feel like I get really clean in a locker room shower anyway. I much prefer to shower at home.
DLC says
I started using a wearable hooded towel with my kids at the pool (the ones that look like a poncho). so after we shower, they can just wear it, i dress them under it so they don’t complain about the cold, and it doesn’t fall off. Ince they are dry and dressed, I try not to care that it ends up on the gross floor. The kind that looks like a poncho. I take my two year old solo to the pool and I find it easier than a regular towel.
Spirograph says
I found it easier to use the regular locker rooms vs the family bathroom. There are more hooks, more benches, lockers to shove the coats in, and just more space in general. DH and I would divide and conquer the kids if we went together, but I definitely did 3 kids in the women’s locker room by myself on a couple occasions.
Yes to towels on the floor once kids dry off. In fact, I did that on purpose and told everyone they needed to stay on their own towel while they were getting dressed (I didn’t attempt shower shoes for kids anyway). I usually dressed myself first, then helped the kids. We just made a big line along the lockers with me in the middle-ish and people were always very nice/sympathetic/helpful if we were in the way of their locker.
The main thing you need to watch out for is making sure they don’t climb on the benches, because a topple onto tile floor is bad news, and crying echoes horribly in a locker room.
anon says
Thanks for this idea. It’s a new facility so haven’t even checked out the women’s locker room. Divide and conquer may be better next time.
TY for the warning about the benches. That’s very true, and my LO is a climber.
The things we do for kids! They were so happy and I am hoping it is good for DS’s self-regulation; I’ve read it can really help. At the very least they were tired and ready for bed on time, so makes this part worth it.
Anonymous says
If your facility allows it, bring an umbrella stroller to help with stuff shlepping stuff and as a place to set down stuff.
Anonymous says
I’m with you on the need to shower right after. When we did lessons as a family in the winter we actually all showered in our bathing suits. Really it was just a rinse off. We all wore sweats to and from over our bathing suits. Sweats would get somewhat wet on the way home, but everyone was fine. We had very short walk to the car, so this could understandably not work for your situation. We found the key was just minimizing the time in the locker room.
If there is one near you I would consider a swim school – like a chain. They are designed to make swim lessons for kids as easy as possible. I think aqua tots offered classes for kids as young as 2 without a parent? That was by far the easiest – they actually rinsed all the kids at the end of the lesson, we changed the kids in their utilitarian changing rooms.
Anonymous says
IDK if there are any 12-16 year old kid parents here, but if so, do you know any info re how there immunity is waning (or not) now that they may be 6 months out from getting shots? By my math, the prior shots wane in adults, but IDK re kids and at least the older teens will age into getting a booster when they turn 18. But if you kid is just 12? Is anyone even studying this?
Had I known that so few tweens would get shots and we’d have another winter surge, and the best immunity lasts 6 months in adults, I would have held off and gotten shots timed for now. But I went as soon as I could and am now wishing I’d at least delayed that first and second shot a bit or spread them out longer. I know that the death risk is low, but another round of family quarantine where even if no one gets it may be the final nail in my career coffin. Working through rounds of exposure over the past year and change has been surreal and heroic and I’m exhausted. I’m getting my booster this week but just feeling like there is no plan for kids.
Anon says
I don’t have a teen but If I did I would 100% get them an unauthorized booster. Immunity wanes faster in older adults, but there’s clear data it’s waning in all adult age groups including 20-somethings and I don’t see why teens would be way different than 20 year olds.
Anonymous says
It is pretty much impossible to obtain an unauthorized shot without committing some type of health care fraud. Our state has a vaccine registry, so you can’t get an extra shot at any public or private vaccination site if you give the child’s correct identity. The only possible way would be to go to another state, to a public vaccination site or a pharmacy chain where neither the parent or the child had ever been before so no insurance information would be on file, and claim to be uninsured.
Anon says
I realize you may need to go to another state, but that’s not illegal. I don’t know why you have to lie about being uninsured. I know multiple people who got boosters before they were authorized and they provided their insurance info. Your insurance may deny the claim and you might have to pay something out of pocket. But insurance should not interfere with you actually getting the shot.
Anonymous says
Federal law states that you cannot be charged for a COVID shot. If your insurer refuses to cover it, the pharmacy will not administer it.
Anonymous says
The insurance records tell the pharmacy that the child already had a COVID shot. Since boosters are not authorized for people under 18, the pharmacy will then refuse to administer the shot. You have to go somewhere that cannot find any record of the primary series.
Anon says
But the insurance denial would happen after the shot is already administered? The people I know who did it provided insurance and didn’t have any issues. They did go out of out state.
Anon says
The pharmacist doesn’t see your complete medical history when they enter your insurance info. They might see basic info like your name/birthday so if you’re lying about that it’s a problem, but they can’t immediately see that insurance already covered the shots.
Anonymous says
No, the pharmacist definitely sees the date of the previous immunization when determining eligibility. I went to Walmart for my second dose of a non-COVID vaccine. I had received the first dose at Walgreens. The Walmart pharmacist queried the insurance system and came up with the date and brand of the first dose.
Anonymous says
No, the pharmacist looks up insurance eligibility before administering the vaccine. I can’t find it now, but there was an article in the NYT this summer about the difficulty of getting Pfizer or Moderna after getting J&J. People were getting turned away from pharmacies if the insurer had already paid the administration fee for J&J.
Anon says
Is Canada vaccinating non-residents? If so they might let an American pay out of pocket since we don’t have their national health insurance.
Anonymous says
But people who may have gotten boosters before they were eligible were all adults, right? Boosters/third doses have been authorized for awhile for people with certain medical conditions, and pharmacies weren’t doing much to verify that someone’s doctor said they were eligible. At least when I went to Walgreens, the form had a checkbox for “my doctor told me to get a third dose because I have one of the following underlying medical conditions…”
I don’t know how you prove your 12-year-old is over 18. That’s what’s going to show up in my state’s vaccine registry.
Anon says
I know high risk people who went out of state for a “first dose” booster before it was authorized for immunocompromised adults. No one is suggesting a 12 year old can pass for 18, but I don’t think it’s hard to get a “first dose” booster as long as you’re willing to go out of state.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry you’re continuing to feel such anxiety about this but the answer is still the same as the last half dozen times you have posted. Getting your kids vaccinated when they were eligible was the right call. No one has forgotten them but, for now, they are not eligible for a booster. That may change.
Anonymous says
Actually, yes, there is no plan for kids 12-18 because there are no booster trials underway for this age group. Which is surprising because it seems like the vaccine companies could make a ton of money off of boosters, but whatever.
Anonymous says
I have a kid in the 12-16 age group. It does not appear that boosters are even being studied in ages 12-18, which means that there is currently no path towards authorization. Teens’ immune systems are supposedly more similar to adults’ than to kids’, so I’d imagine immunity is waning for the kids who were fully vaxxed in June. There was a discussion on the main page last week in which multiple posters suggested just getting a second “first shot” for a kid 12-18, which is laughable. Our state has a vaccine registry, and if you go to a pharmacy in a neighboring state they ask for your health insurance information and will find out that way. The only conceivable way to do it would be to go to another state and lie about insurance coverage.
EP-er says
I have a teenager and don’t regret vaccinating him May — it made my summer so nice! I had no regrets about sending him a few weeks of sleep away summer camp. And now, we are just being cautious — but we are in an area of high vaccine rates with the teen population and masks in schools & at indoor activities, so I am okay with it for now. I am hoping for annual boosters like the flu for next year.
Another covid question says
I don’t know if I’m looking for a reality check or support, but I’ve been getting pressure to let some “closer than actual family” friends of my in-laws see our six month old, even though they haven’t been vaccinated. They’ve been told by their doctor they don’t need to be vaccinated because they have the antibodies from actually getting COVID. Even though everyone in my immediate in-laws is all vaccinated, they have a more casual approach than my family, and I feel like the bad guy for saying no. My husband pointed out she’s more likely to get COVID from daycare – they just had an outbreak in the toddler room – which is true, but also, we need her at daycare so we can work, so it’s a necessary risk. No one has been mean about it, but I’m tired of feeling like the unreasonable one. Now that I’ve typed it all out, I’ve realized I can ask our pediatrician to weigh in, but does anyone else have similar experiences or tips?
anon says
I’d continue being the bad guy, honestly.
AnonFTM says
+1.
Anonymous says
Say no, refuse to discuss it again. We’re they treated with monoclonal antibodies within the last 90 days? If not, they can get vaccinated and if they want to see your kid so badly they’ll have to. Too bad, not even actually sad.
Anon says
you are not unreasonable. their doctor is an idiot. how about you point them to the CDC website, which says: “Yes, you should be vaccinated regardless of whether you already had COVID-19 because:
Research has not yet shown how long you are protected from getting COVID-19 again after you recover from COVID-19.
Vaccination helps protect you even if you’ve already had COVID-19.
Evidence is emerging that people get better protection by being fully vaccinated compared with having had COVID-19. One study showed that unvaccinated people who already had COVID-19 are more than 2 times as likely than fully vaccinated people to get COVID-19 again.
If you were treated for COVID-19 with monoclonal antibodies or convalescent plasma, you should wait 90 days before getting a COVID-19 vaccine.”
Anonymous says
“We are not exposing our child to unvaccinated adults at this time.”
FWIW, I think your husband is right and / or that there is a middle ground (rapid tests?) but if you feel strongly, then use the language above.
Anonymous says
There is no middle ground. Refusing to be vaccinated if you are eligible is morally wrong and should result in consequences.
Anon says
I would tell them that the advice from the CDC hasn’t changed. You’re not telling them what vaccine choice to make and they’re free to make their choice, but you’re just going to keep following standard medical advice and avoid contact with unvaccinated adults.
Anonymous says
This is insane. Nobody but you and your husband has any sort of right to see your baby. As the parent, you can grant permission to see the baby on whatever terms you deem fit.
Anon says
I would stand your ground. I’m highly skeptical their doctor actually told them not to get vaccinated. All the doctors I know believe in vaccination even for those who already had Covid. Recovering from Covid offers some protection, but not as good as vaccines.
NYCer says
You are 100% being reasonable.
That being said, if I were in your shoes, I would probably let them visit. Especially if they took a test the day before / day of.
Anonymous says
Here, I am having flashbacks to every dating s*x negotiation I ever had (even though is is NOT that). If I say NO, how is that not an answer. Even if it were unreasonable (and this is completely reasonable), it is my decision and I already told you the answer. I hate, HATE that if a woman draws a line where she has autonomy, it is seen as fair game to subject it to negotiation based on what someone else merely wants and in disregard of what you just said. The counter could be “waive through a window” but now. They just pushed back because its seen as what people do. People need to stop. You have your answer.
NYCer says
Just to clarify, I wasn’t implying that OP should change her answer because I said I would do it differently. She is being 100% reasonable, and like you said, if that is her answer that is her answer.
ElisaR says
wow, yeah they decide not to get the vaccine, they don’t get to visit babies. that’s how it goes.
i know it feels awkward, but it’s a pretty straightforward conversation. when you’re a parent, your job is to protect your child at all costs, even if it feels awkward.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes to what everyone said here – we told our parents and in-laws that they had to get the whooping cough and other vaccines before seeing our then first baby when he was a few months old. There was some hemming and hawing from the in-laws, but that was our hard line. No vaccines = no seeing baby.
Anon says
Yup. And this will actually encourage people to get vaccinated. My FIL peed and moaned about getting the TDap and flu shots for months before our baby was born, but he eventually did it, and then he ended up realizing it was NBD and now he gets a flu vaccine every year.
SC says
+1. Years ago, I posted here about my in-laws, who had a dog with a history of biting. In-laws refused to crate the dog, keep it outside, or keep it in a bedroom while we visited their house with our toddler. The dog typically bit out out of a protective instinct, and I worried she would bite if my son hit or pushed or grabbed a toy. DH’s step-mom insisted the dog wouldn’t bite as long as she was in the room, and she basically blamed DH for the dog biting while DH was walking her and shook a neighbor’s hand. DH’s step-brother also had a toddler at the time, and they weren’t worried about the dog, which made things more awkward for us to draw a line.
Someone here replied along the lines of, “when you’re a parent, your job is to protect your child at all costs, even if it feels awkward.” Several holidays were disrupted because we insisted on staying in the formal living and dining room, where the dog wasn’t allowed, instead of the kitchen, family room, and porch, where the family typically gathers. On a few occasions, DH and I took turns sitting with our son while the other visited with family who gravitated to the kitchen. For about a year, we only visited on major holidays and birthdays, even though in-laws lived 5 minutes away from us, and we kept those visits quite short.
The dog never bit a child, thank goodness, but she did bite a man who came into the house to repair the AC, while DH’s step-mom was in the room. In-laws had to put her down. DH’s step-mom apologized to us, and particularly to DH. So, it sucked, but we did our job, and we know we did the right thing.
anon1 says
Time to put on your big girl pants and stand your ground. It’s your job as parents to protect your kids, not give in to social niceties and avoid hurt feelings. No one sees my baby without covid vaccine. No one with covid vaccine sees my baby unless they quarantine + test prior to visit. Yes, that means only close family members have seen her. Too bad, see if I care what anyone else thinks. Do they care what I think about their exposure risk tolerance and vaccine status? Why should I care what they think of my protocols?
Anonymous says
Does anyone know where I can get the illustrated edition of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as a solo purchase, not as a first-three-books package? I can’t find it at my favorite non-Amazon sources and I’m hoping to avoid Amazon if I can. TIA!
Anonymous says
This one?
https://bookshop.org/books/harry-potter-and-the-chamber-of-secrets-minalima-edition/9781338716535
An.On. says
It looks like Barnes & Noble has an illustrated version, is that it?
Spirograph says
Following. We were gifted the first one and my kids love it, but I can’t seem to find 2 and 3 as stand-alones.
Anonymous says
Update – I found them at Target! Thanks for the suggestions from the others, too, but it turned out Target somehow had them now. I wanted the Kay illustrated version to match the first book I already bought.
Spirograph says
Thank you! That’s the one we have too.
Curious says
Has anyone frozen embryos? We are talking about it as an option for fertility preservation if I have to have chemo, and I don’t even know where to start. Will it be a separate clinic? Do I have to do anesthesia? What is egg retrieval like? Are the odds good enough to be worth it?
anon says
You should post this tomorrow on the main site, because you will likely get more responses. I’ve done three IVF cycles (including one egg freezing), and the short answer is yes, you need to go to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist), who will perform the ultrasounds, blood draws, monitoring, and ultimately egg retrieval (typically about a month long process including birth control at the outset, which is the most common protocol). You will be under anesthesia for the retrieval itself, but it is very quick (15-30 minutes). As for the odds, that honestly depends on your age and hormone levels, but I would say it is definitely worth looking into! Also, since you are a cancer patient looking to preserve fertility, many REs will get you in earlier since time is truly of the essence. Good luck and hugs to you. I remember during one of my blood draws for my IVF cycle, the woman sitting next to me was freezing her eggs after getting a brain tumor diagnosed (she was talking to the nurse about it). I thought she was so incredibly brave and I wish I had told her that at the time.
Curious says
Thank you. This is a moving response.
Anonymous says
Yes definitely do it. Find the best fertility clinic in your area and go there.
Anon says
Where do you live? If you are in Boston, my reproductive endocrinologist at MGH Fertility (Dr. Morris, formerly Sabatini) specializes in fertility preservation for cancer patients. That wasn’t why we went there (no cancer, just straight up difficulty getting pregnant and needed IVF), but she’s great.
To answer your questions:
– same clinic as the regular IVF clinic
– you are under anesthesia for egg retrieval
– the procedure itself is easy. You are under anesthesia for about 20-30 minutes. You wake up and have ginger ale and head home to rest for the rest of the day. People have varying degrees of side effects during the stimulation period leading up to egg retrieval (which is anywhere from 5 to 15 days of shots, depending on individual circumstances and how your body is responding to the meds) and for the days following egg retrieval. I had almost no side effects at all and found it physically easy, emotionally more challenging b/c it’s soooo many things out of your control and I like control :)
– for anecdata only – we did five retrievals when I was 39 years old. Out of all of the eggs retrieved and embryos created, we ended up with a rate of 20% euploid (chromosomally normal) embryos, which is about right for my age. It’s totally law of small numbers though – we had one cycle where we had 6 embryos and 0 were euploid, and another where we had 4 embryos and 3 were euploid. Total rollercoaster.
Curious says
Thank you! This is so thorough and helpful.
TheElms says
I’m so sorry you have to think about this. Hugs. You need to go see a RE. Your GYN can likely recommend a RE practice in your area if you don’t know where to start. Or if you post your geographic location people might have recommendations for you. In case it helps, two well regarded RE practices in the DC area are CCRM (in Tysons and they also other locations nationwide) and Shady Grove Fertility (locations throughout the DC/MD/VA region), but there are several others as well. Once you go see the RE they will run a bunch of baseline tests on you and your partner that will give you the information you need to understand what the potential outcomes are and how long the process will be. You may need to do multiple egg retrievals to get enough embryos to freeze (especially if you do plan to do genetic testing, which the doctor can discuss the pros/cons of with you). Lastly a lot of REs are backed up in terms of scheduling and it could take a month plus to get an appointment and your first appointment typically needs to be timed with the first few days of your monthly cycle.
Curious says
Thank you! For what it’s worth, I’m in Seattle.
anon says
Seattle-specific: the entire team at Pacific Northwest Facility is terrific. Maybe see if you can get in with Julie Lamb?
Not sure if you are the same poster who was wondering about whether to go to the Hutch/SCCA for lymphoma care, but if so, I responded to that thread, too. I really hope you’re doing well and getting great care!
Curious says
Yes, and our first appointment with SCCA is next Monday, so long as pathology gets back in time. Thank you so much!
Pogo says
Echoing yes to all the other comments but get started on your insurance pre-auth early. As a cancer patient, depending on your state and your plan, you may be entitled to additional coverage due to your diagnosis. In MA, all insurers have to provide coverage for fertility issues, but certain things were elective unless you have other diagnoses. If you know your cancer mutation, for example, you can be covered for PGS/PGD whereas others may have to pay partially or fully out of pocket (we are still debating doing this because my mom had genetic testing for her cancer and I got myself tested for the same mutation after we had frozen my embryos and conceived my first two children). The freezing storage fee may be covered. etc.
Best of luck and big hugs! you got this.
Curious says
Thank you so much! I’ll chat with our insurance today.