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My oldest got her ears pierced a few months ago and received several pairs of earrings for Christmas, including these delicate hoops from new-to-me Linjer Jewelry.
These hoops come in three sizes (12, 20, and 30 mm) and are made from recycled metals. The gold ones are gold vermeil with recycled 925 silver at their core. The silver ones are sterling silver and plated in rhodium. And, if you can’t decide, the price makes it easy to order more than one pair.
These hoops are on sale and start at $18 depending on the finish and size. They are also available in 14k gold.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anon says
My town has a seasonal ice rink that I think it would be fun for kiddo at some point. What age is appropriate to have fun with it? How much time should I expect before he gets the hang of it?
Anon says
Really depends on the kid, but I would say in my area (we also have a seasonal rink) the most common age to introduce a kid to ice skating is 4-6. If you just want to have fun with it and skate a few times a year as a family there’s no need for lessons, but if you want your kid (especially at the younger end of that range) to learn to skate well, I’d recommend group or private lessons from the rink staff. Kids typically learn better from an instructor that’s not their parent.
Anon says
I’d also say 6, if you’re just going together and not doing formal lessons. At 6 they will probably be wobbly for a while, but have the ability to figure out balance and push away from the boards to have fun skating in a loop. If your kid is very agile and athletic, maybe sooner; if less coordinated, maybe later.
Anon says
Anytime after age 4, as long as the rink isn’t crazy crowded. It helps a ton of the rink has a push device for new skaters to help keep them upright.
Once they can stand, you could consider lessons. But lessons before they can stand are an exercise is falling and learning to stand up again (that literally the goal for the first level of lessons at our rink). This first level turns many kids off to skating, so our rink recommend learning the basics of standing with an adult helping, rather than lessons, so kids can start in level two with learning actual skating skills.
Spirograph says
Caveat that my family is a bunch of hockey players and figure skaters, so I’m an ice snob, but…
Your kid probably won’t get the hang of skating from puttering around a seasonal ice rink. But it’s fun starting around 3-4. I don’t want to generalize too much, but the seasonal rink in my town does not maintain their ice very well (infrequent zamboni with drivers who don’t really know what they’re doing, they don’t clear the snow) and is often packed with people who have no idea how to ice skate, so it can be a frustrating mess of people bumping and falling and hanging onto the wall for dear life. They do have little penguins/cones for beginning skaters to push around — you will never learn skating with one of these, but they help really little kids stay on their feet.
I’d sign up for a 6 week session of once-a-week lessons. Sometimes seasonal rinks offer them, or you can look for a more permanent program. They usually have classes for age 3 and up, and after one session, the kids can march around the ice and glide a little and will enjoy public skating rinks a lot more.
TheElms says
Really? I feel like this is how all my friends and I learned to ice skate in the late 80s. My elementary school used to do a once a year trip to the ice rink as a family/community event for K-6 grades. And then my family and other families used to go for open skate on the weekends a handful of times a winter. We could all skate decently enough by 1st/2nd grade (like forward, backwards decently fast and stop). Obviously it wasn’t like the kids that played ice hockey or figure skated but we could all go and have fun as a group. And none of us were particularly athletic/coordinated.
Anon says
Yeah I’m a former figure skater and I learned how to skate (like, just skate circles around the rink) on public sessions I attended with school and/or family. Then my parents put me in classes to learn the figure skating moves. I started later though, 7 or 8, and I think it’s definitely true that older kids pick things up faster than little ones.
Spirograph says
Fair! My school did this too, and I had skating parties for my birthday a few years in elementary school — my friends who didn’t skate could go forward and backward and stop against the wall after a few minutes. I was imagining the OP’s kid being younger… I do think an averagely coordinated elementary schooler could skate well enough to have fun with no prior experience (at that point it’s more about being brave enough to let go of the wall).
Anonymous says
I learned to skate on my grandparents’ frozen pond. WALKING UP HILL BOTH WAYS.. jk jk. I also learned to swim in their pool, no lessons (and it shows).
Anonymous says
I agree that an outdoor town ice rink is just about the worst place to learn to skate because it will be crowded and bumpy. I always find outdoor skating to be a huge disappointment and would strongly recommend going to a properly maintained indoor rink during a less crowded public session. On the other hand, I do think a 6-year-old can figure out how to skate around on their own and agree with another poster that classes will be a waste until they can remain vertical long enough to make it across the rink. Once they hit that point, I’d put them one session of class for the sole purpose of learning to stop, unless you can teach them a snowplow stop and a hockey stop yourself. (T-stops are more challenging and I wouldn’t bother learning those unless you are a serious skater.) The biggest menace in public sessions is always the little kids who can skate fast but can only stop themselves by slamming into the boards or another skater.
Emma says
With the caveat that I’m in Canada and everyone skates, 3 seems to be the popular age here, but I think 4-5 would make it easier. Make sure the ice rink has some sort of helper structure for beginners. And if you are not a good skater yourself, you may want lessons with a pro (signed, I am a terrible skater and 4 year-olds regularly whizz past me, but my husband is Canadian so he’s in charge of skating instruction).
Anonymous says
My husband is Canadian and we have a photo of him on hockey skates at age 2. They moved to the States when he was 4, so alas the skating skills mostly didn’t stick.
Anonymous says
Just took my 5yo for the first time last Saturday. She used a plastic-walker device to stay on her feet. She LOVED it (so much so that we went back on Sunday). She’s not skating properly, obviously, but I think you can have a good time with a 5yo at an ice rink. I suggest going as early as you can manage because, at least for our rink, the earlier sessions are much less crowded than later sessions.
Anonymous says
My kids figured out ice skating naturally after they could ski and roller skate/blade. For mine that was age 4/5ish, except my oldest who learned to ski, skate, and blade at 7…at the same time as her 4.5 year old little sister ;)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thank you all – especially SC – for the awesome NOLA reccs! I’ll definitely post more specific questions as the trip (hopefully) comes together.
We live in a city that shares a lot (but certainly not ALL) of the cultural stuff as NOLA, and has a lot of NOLA and Louisiana natives that live here. In fact one of my colleagues has family that works at Cafe Du Monde ;) NOLA has SUCH a special vibe and I’m excited to introduce it to our kids.
SC says
You’re welcome! I hope you have a great trip! Responding to your post made me look forward to spring! And I’m happy to give recommendations for food once you know where you’re staying.
Daycare staffing says
Has your daycare ever required your child to stay home for a day due to inadequate staffing? Between sick days and weather closures and scheduled holidays, I don’t know how I’m supposed to cover staff illnesses.
This is a highly rated center that’s part of a big chain so I’m surprised this is the policy? They definitely did not tell us this during the tour.
FP says
Yes, but it was during the height of Covid and I really felt for them. We were at a University daycare and the University had some pretty strict quarantine / testing requirements for staff (which was great! but meant that a lot of people were out a lot of the time). They tried to have half day care by sharing classrooms but found that parents would rather just take the full day instead of rotating exposure across the center. I am assuming your center is asking your child to stay home because they don’t have the staffing to keep up with ratios, which obviously they should try to be more prepared for, but it really sucks and childcare in this country is so broken that I’m not sure what the alternative is.
Anon says
USA is currently in the second largest COVID transmission wave yet. I think a lot of businesses weren’t prepared for it since this was supposed to be over!
Daycare Staffing says
Only one staff member is out sick. The staffing issues are due to people quitting and new hires not showing up. It’s very odd.
Anon says
That’s concerning. I’ve heard the “new hires no showing” issue from a number of people who work in caretaking, and I am not sure what it’s all about.
anon says
Our daycare also had a string of new hires not showing up somewhat recently.
anonn says
Ours has threatened and also begged us to pick up sooner. it’s hard to find and keep good people. they told us to pick up our kids early the other day, the weather was bad and I think several people called in. They also told us they might have to make us wait to drop off until more staff arrives. Childcare is a mess in the US.
Anon says
Isn’t that just based on wastewater? I think there is some evidence (or at least people have hypothesized) that maybe the current variants affect the gut more, so there could be higher wastewater levels even without more virus.
That said, I do know quite a few people who have it now or had it recently, so it’s certainly going around.
Anonymous says
Not since winter 2022 when everyone had Covid, and since they had ARPA or maybe CARES Act funding at the time, we got a refund for those days. This is a small center that’s not part of a chain, and they’ve done a lot in the past couple years (including raise tuition – but it’s still in line with other centers in the area) so that they have more teachers in every classroom than required by state ratios, so worst case scenario, they’ll be at the state-required ratios.
Anon says
Yes, once in about 18 months of care. I know the daycare has excellent ratios including generous leave for employees, so I understood it was just an unavoidable thing that happens.
Anonymous says
No but I know it happens. And I’d personally be making sure that I communicate repeatedly to the director that I find this unacceptable.
Emma says
No, but yesterday we had a major snowstorm and the teacher was alone with a lot of kids when I dropped my daughter off. I actually offered to stay with her for a bit but I guess I’m not allowed in the room (which I totally understand! But it also seemed weird to leave her alone with way more kids that regulations allow). She assured me that the other teacher was just running a little late because of the snow, but I was wondering what the best way to handle this is. It must be tough for centers to manage this kind of stuff.
ratios says
What?! they absolutely should not have let people leave their kids when they were over-ratio. they’re risking their license. Our center got cited for being 1 child over ratio for 5 minutes.
Anon says
No, but once they sent out an SOS asking for parent volunteers to pick kids up early because several staff members suddenly came down with a stomach bug. I know this has been a problem with another daycare in my area (a big chain), though. It seems like they don’t have enough extra staff to buffer when people are sick.
Anony says
This happened with us last year, flu and noro hit at the same time and close to half the teachers were out the Friday that it peaked. Our daycare practices lower ratios than the state requires so they have a buffer and can go to state ratios if needed, and I think they even called in a few former teachers to help, but you just can’t buffer 40-50%.
Anon says
Not once in 4 years. Although like a few others said, they had strict Covid quarantine policies for most of our time there, so when staff were out with Covid the room was shut anyway.
Anon says
First time this happened was about a month ago for us when we were turned away at the door. Every one called out sick and they couldn’t get anyone in. They did get coverage about an hour and a half after my drop off time, but I had already returned home and cancelled everything (small miracle I didn’t have a court appearance that day!).
Anon says
Not in the 10 years we’ve been at a large-ish center.
Anonymous says
Ugh, I’m sorry, that’s hugely frustrating.
This never happened when my kids were in daycare, but my youngest aged out of preK after the 2020-2021 school year. For a large center, especially a chain, I’d expect them to have ratio buffer + subs on call and contingency plans to manage anything short of an illness surge taking out half the center’s teachers at the same time. (That said, my understanding is that tons of daycare teachers left the profession in the last few years, so it’s probably a lot harder than it used to be)
Anonymous says
Yes and I would write a novel on the saga. We go to a fantastic co-op preschool. For a variety of reasons, a number of staff were fired, quit, left for other roles, whatever. The new director had not kept up with hiring and essentially was not getting to the resumes in a timely manner. The fact that so many people no showed or didn’t respond to our interview requests or just didn’t meet our standards didn’t help. It reached a crisis point and our parent board had to step in. We had to hire an outside hiring company to help us staff up and in the interim each classroom closed one day per week. It was rough at the time and a lot of people left but I’m glad we stuck it out and we’ve ended up with some really great staff, a new and really great director, and full time hours. I’ve had family whose daycares have experienced similar issues so I don’t just think it’s mismanagement, there is absolutely an industry wide staffing shortage.
Covid progression? says
I’m years late to this “party” but I have Covid for the first time and am wondering how your progression went, if you had a “standard” mild, symptomatic case.
I really don’t know when my symptoms started, because I could be conflating things, but I had a sore throat for four days, then came down with pink eye, which turned into mild congestion three days later. The next day I felt awful, like a flu, and that is when I had an immediate, dark positive test. (Didn’t test before, thought it was just pink eye and winter blah.) The next day my chest felt better and my energy was improving, but felt like a bad head cold. Today, I’m much improved, but have a lot of snot and slight pressure in my head.
I plan to test again Saturday, and continue til negative (per advice of my doctor and my own knowledge.) But, does the snot stage continue indefinitely?? I’m more than a week past my initial sore throat, so possibly approaching end of contagious period?
(And this is why return to school and daycare should have a hard metric, lol.)
Anon says
It was a slow progression at first for my husband (I somehow escaped it), but by the time the home test went positive, he started feeling “sick” versus the “allergies/tired” feeling before. He took about 11 days to test negative but felt a lot better after 6-7.
Anon says
I had it for the first time this summer. My progression was kind of weird because I had strep throat first via my kid (confirmed by culture on both her and me). We both had numerous negative Covid tests in this time. The strep improved quickly once I got antibiotics, but four days after the strep throat had first begun I still had a lingering mild sore throat, which in hindsight was probably the beginning of Covid. At the time I thought it was just the tail end of strep. (The Covid sore throat was much less painful than the strep throat.) I tested because we’d been traveling, and was negative that day. The next day I woke up and I had a lot of snot, and I thought that was odd because strep doesn’t normally involve any nasal symptoms. But I felt fine other than being a snot fountain so I went about my day (thankfully masked). Then for some reason I decided to take another Covid test that afternoon, and it was immediately flaming positive. For the 2 days after that I had a lot of snot, low grade fever and mild fatigue but it was pretty indistinguishable from allergies or a mild cold for me. The symptoms were gone within about 3 days, except for a lingering dry cough, but I continued to test positive for 12 days, which was the worst part.
I wouldn’t assume your earliest symptoms were Covid, fwiw – my doctor said they see this pretty often, that you get a different infection first, immediately followed by Covid. I guess the first illness suppresses your immune system and makes you more vulnerable to catching Covid.
I hope you continue feeling better!
Covid progression? says
Interesting! My kids also had strep the week before, so I got tested on day 4 of my sore throat and it was negative. They didn’t test for Covid and told me it was probably allergies.
It’s possible the sore throat was something different, though it’s continued this whole time. And none of the other four people in my house seem sick at all, even though I’m sure I was spreading germs for days before my positive test. Though, I’m wondering if maybe the kids had covid wrapped up in their strep/pink eye/illness muddle of 1-2 weeks ago and I got it from them.
My doctor said keep masking until two negative home tests, 48 hours apart, so good to know if could take a while.
Anonymous says
I just got over COVID and my experience was identical (strep days beforehand included) except I tested negative after about 6 days.
Anonymous says
Glad to hear you’re feeling better!
I feel like covid experiences really run the gamut based on my own experiences and that of friends I’ve talked to. I’ve had covid several times, the first (holidays 2020) was almost exactly like yours: started with a sore throat for a day or two and feeling a little tired by the end of the day (hard to pin down what was illness vs physical exertion and weather, because I was also skiing those days), the next day I was solidly flu-y feeling, but the day following I was on the mend with just some residual cough, sniffles, and mild tiredness for another day or two.
The other times, I had super mild symptoms that I wouldn’t have paid any attention to in The Before Times. Basically a mild cold: a little sore throat/cough, a little congestion, a little run-down, but still physically capable of going about my normal day.
Anon says
I have it for the second time currently and it sounds a lot like OPs progression.
govtattymom says
Does anyone have suggestions for not getting bored as a remote worker? I’ve been mostly remote for several years but was commuting to an office in another city several times per month. Now I am fully remote. This is a great development but I’m missing the hotels, train rides, office interaction, etc. I’m loving the extra time with the kids and the simplified schedule but welcome suggestions to make my remote employee life a bit more engaging. What helps you stay engaged? Thanks so much in advance!
FVNC says
For staying engaged, I have recently started reaching out to contacts on Linkedin that live near me for catch up coffees. It’s infrequent, but better than nothing. I also try to get outside during the day for a walk, sometimes listening in on a call if needed. My new years resolution last year was to be less of a hermit :)
SC says
I’ve been fully remote for about a year. I transitioned from being fully in office. I have a lot of Zoom meetings, so I stay engaged with colleagues that way. I often log into Zooms 2-3 minutes early and chat with whoever else logged in early, the same way I would in the break room. For in-person peopling, I try to set up lunch meetings with former colleagues or others about once a week (in reality, it’s twice a month, and I was so busy at the end of the year, I didn’t do it at all in November or December. If all else fails, I take a long lunch break and go to Target.
Anonymous says
I don’t feel engaged or socially connected via remote work. I get my connection through in-person volunteer work.
Anon says
Yeah, I feel like one of the best parts of remote work is that you’re so much more present in your local community. I volunteer in the schools, take walks with neighbor friends, work out of the local coffee shop, chat with other moms at school pickup, etc. All of that is what fills my cup, so 2020-21 was very tough but things are good now.
Anonymous says
I recently learned about something that’s essentially virtual coworking. It’s called Club Flow and you book sessions to work alongside people remotely with cameras on. In my experience it’s mostly women and the groups cap out at 8 people. I know it sounds very odd but I found it very helpful with my productivity
Kate says
I love Focusmate for this reason and wrote a post about it on Corporette! https://corporette.com/body-doubling-tips/
Anon says
does anyone else have a kid who is like a completely different kid during the school year. my daughter loves kindergarten, but she is a total monster before/after school. challenging in the morning, hard to get to bed before 9pm, then exhausted in the morning, etc. has these meltdowns every night and basically cannot go to sleep until she has a sobbing meltdown, sometimes brief ~5ish minutes like some kind of release, but other times 45 min. usually these meltdowns begin with her bothering her twin sister. while traveling over winter break she was her sweet self again and i felt like i got to actually enjoy her.
Anon says
I think this is likely related to sleep. Your school starts early, right? I know it’s easier said than done, but is there any way to get her more sleep in the morning, or an earlier bedtime? I would prioritize that over all activities and social stuff at this age.
Anonymous says
+ 1 on the sleep
9pm seems really late for a kindergartener esp if they have an early school start. Our 9 year old 4th graders are lights out by 9:30pm for a 7:30am wake up and a 8:30 school start.
Is there some flashlight reading after lights out? Occasionally but I shut that down by 10pm so they still get at least 9 hours.
anon says
Agreed. This might be controversal, but have you tried melatonin? It really helps one of my kids when she just can’t get her brain to shut off enough to let her sleep.
Anon says
Yeah, my K-er is high sleep needs but we have an 8 pm bedtime and she doesn’t wake up before 7 (and can sleep as late as 8 if she needs to, which she does once in a while).
Anonymous says
Is she in aftercare, and if so what is the environment like? My daughter found aftercare much more exhausting than school because aftercare was noisy and chaotic and the kids were rowdy and mean.
HSAL says
My kids have to get up by 6:30 for school so everyone is in bed by 7:30. My 2nd grader is usually up reading later, but for the K twins they get 20 minutes of an audio book and are usually asleep by the end of it. Honestly my boy twin sometimes even goes to bed at 7 if he needs it and it makes mornings so much better. A bedtime meltdown means we’ve gone to bed way too late.
anon says
+1 on the 7:30pm bedtime, and my kids are somewhat older, but still in elementary. It means we don’t do certain activities and social events, but everyone is a whole lot happier and even-keeled.
OP says
we are ready for bed/bedtime at 7:30, but then there are a lot of shenanigans/meltdowns/etc. which means the actually falling asleep doesn’t happen until 8:30/9. Melatonin works, but i dont love the idea of doing it every single day
Anon says
If they’re melting down at bedtime, they’re probably already overtired. Can you try even earlier bedtimes (just as a reset, not forever) or starting a quiet reading time before the actual bedtime? How early do they get home from aftercare or activities? Is picking them up 15-30 minutes earlier an option?
Anon says
I think I’ve posted this before, but the best thing we found for cutting down shenanigans was letting my kids read in bed after lights out. Bedtime is at 7:30 but they’re allowed to read until 8:15. 90% of the time, this means they’re chill enough by 8:15 that they go straight to sleep (there are some nights where they’re very chatty or argumentative and we have to separate them to get them to sleep). I’ve also found that if they know they’re exhausted, they’ll choose not to read or stop reading early to go to sleep, so I think it’s helpful for giving them that option without making them feel like they’re missing out on playtime.
Anonymous says
Can you streamline the bedtime routine at all? Bath every second day maybe? Just wash face and brush teeth then pyjamas as bed. A big motivator for our kids is a designated reading time so if they dawdle with pjs/bathroom then they run out of reading time. Like up for bed at 7:30, reading time at 8-8:15pm. We also remind the kids that even if their minds cannot sleep they need to rest their bodies and their eyes by lying in bed with their eyes closed.
try OT says
your daughter sounds very similar to mine. Melatonin worked,but gave her night terrors so we stopped when she was 4. My therapist and GP thought maybe ADHD, just being exhausted from masking it all day, but then got her an Occupational Therapy eval because of a suggestion here and a friend. We’re 6 weeks in and I think it’s helping some, and I can see a path forward. We’re working on her moro-reflex, and self-regulation and such. We’ve started doing “heavy work” about 15-20 minutes before bedtime, you can look up examples. They’re exercises that wear them out without spinning them up. For example she really likes walking like a wheelbarrow on her hands while I hold her legs up. for calming, audio books have been good, we’re also taking a daily magnesium gummy and limiting screen time.
Anon says
I wanted to post something sensitive (that may be hard to read) because it has been so isolating and I want other women in this position to know they are not alone. I’m willing to run the risk of notoriety or getting badly flamed – I feel that it’s important if it helps one woman.
I just terminated a wanted, planned pregnancy because we found out it was twins (spontaneous twins, no family history). The characteristics of the twin pregnancy also introduced substantial high-risk elements, although I was already considered high-risk for other reasons.
We had spent years considering whether to have a child and we finally decided we were ready to have one (and done). We made this heartbreaking decision because we know our limits and that we would not be the kind of parents (or partners) we want to be with twins. Maybe if our family support or where we live or my health status were totally different, it would be different – but they aren’t. We also didn’t feel safe assuming the added high-risk elements of this pregnancy in light of the other challenges I face. The thought of all the risks and monitoring my doctor named caused me massive distress and fear that I never felt in my first pregnancy.
I never thought I would be in this position or that we would feel so sure that having twins wasn’t right for us – in the abstract, twins sounded special. I have had a very hard time finding similar stories online and I feel that it’s important for others to know that there are some women in this position who do choose to terminate. This pregnancy was so wanted, especially after our first attempt ended in a late first trimester miscarriage during a really hard 2023. But I don’t feel any regret, and the protestors yelling at me outside the clinic didn’t change my mind – I just feel deep sadness.
Anon says
So many hugs to you. I’m so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing. And so sorry you had to deal with protesters at the clinic. There is no shame at all in knowing your limits, and it’s much better for a kid to not have an overextended parent. I’m also one and done and although I wasn’t in your shoes I can see myself making the same choice if I had been. You’re not alone.
anon says
+1 hugs and thank you for sharing, OP. I had a different tough experience in this area of health and can tell you years later I still appreciate the one blog post I found on the whole internet on the topic.
AwayEmily says
Yes, well put. Thank you for sharing and I agree there are people for whom hearing this story might be a balm — we are not alone in these tough decisions.
CCLA says
Well said. Thanks to OP for sharing, it certainly could help someone know they’re not alone.
Anonymous says
The protesters thing is so scary. A local mom acquaintance went through something similar (she’d had HG w/ two pregnancies, super high risk, etc – she knew what she wanted to do, but was very emotionally conflicted). The clinic staff took safety super seriously and shielded her as much as possible but it sounded super traumatic because of all the security measures they had to take. Like her husband wasn’t allowed to be with her for part of it for some reason? I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m glad you have some peace now. As my RE always says, “our goal is one healthy baby” (she rarely transfers 2 embryos for this reason) – I hope that for you some day <3
Anonymous says
Good job making the decision that was right for your family. Twin pregnancy has a lot of risks (esp if momo or modi, which I’m guessing yours were) and raising twins is hard, even if you want multiple kids.
Anonymous says
having twins is very difficult. my partner and I would be better parents to a singleton, but we do our best. I respect your decision and hope you feel better soon.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I see you as brave for sharing and I found your post very thoughtful and nuanced. I’m so sorry you are going through this, and also glad you were able to make the right decision for you. We are all here for you.
Anon says
this is such a brave decision and brave to share. i encourage you to also share on the main page if comfortable. i wish every person put as much thought into how many children they think they could handle as a parent. i wasn’t sure if i wanted one or two, but ended up pregnant with twins. for us this was a good thing because i am super indecisive, but one of my twins in particular i think might be happier as an only. i am curious and no need to respond – was terminating one an option or you had to terminate both? sending you lots of love and positive thoughts.
Anon says
Thank you (and thank you to everyone else for your kind words – it means a lot). I wouldn’t share on the main page in a million years (I’ve been roasted for far less), but I find this page so helpful and supportive.
Selective reduction likely wasn’t going to be an option (because the twins were monochorionic), but beyond that, it just didn’t feel right for us. We were worried about any risks to the remaining twin and emotionally, something felt off about it. I wouldn’t want to look at one child in the future and always see the missing one too, if that makes sense? I was almost relieved when the doctor said that selective reduction probably wasn’t possible.
Anon says
I wrote out a very long comment that I deleted. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable here. You did the right thing for lots of reasons. All the love to you and yours.
Spirograph says
Hugs to you, OP. There are so many factors that go into these decisions, and they’re so deeply personal. I wish you peace and good health, and I hope you sharing your story helps someone else who needs it, too.
Anonymous says
Hugs and support for you. Thank you for sharing your story.
OOO says
Your story resonates with me. Thank you for your bravery and honesty.
Anon says
Thank you so much for posting. You’ve been through two very hard events. You made the right decision. You will feel better eventually. The protesters taking the time out of their day to make mine somehow even worse stuck with me as well. I rationalized it as mentally ill people grasping at last staws to deny reality.
Anonymous says
I posted a few times about my 2nd grader with ?ADHD and our upcoming neuropsych eval. Backstory is that we had been having Major Life Impacting Problems with her behavior from basically birth-1st grade, were at the point where we were considering medication or other interventions, her teacher encouraged us to explore this- she wasn’t struggling academically but she was essentially getting all the accommodations the kid in class with ADHD got despite nothing in her file. She was even to the point where when we had our spring conference, her teacher told us, “She’s meeting grade level for reading. She really could be much more advanced, but she got silly during the testing and I wasn’t’ able to measure after X point, she didn’t want to continue, not that she couldn’t….but X is definitely above grade level so I have no concerns about her reading.” We got referrals and made an appointment (6 month wait list) for a neuropsych eval and then basically the day she started 2nd grade she had MAJOR changes and we have been much, much better ever since. She gets up early on weekdays to give herself time to get ready, packs her own lunch and snack so make sure it’s what she likes, and is the only one of our 3 kids to regularly make the bus on time (or early). Unless she gets distracted…in which case all bets are off but she made her own personal checklist to stop this from happening. This was the kid who was late at least weekly last year and who had to be driven because she couldn’t/wouldn’t get up and ready on time.
Well, we had the first meeting yesterday, which was a parent intake meeting with us and the doctor. I felt so strange–like some overanxious parent trying to convince him my very normal kid was “not normal enough.” If this meeting were last spring, I’d have a laundry list of concerns. But when we met yesterday so much of it was “well it used to be that_________” Thing is, we strongly believe that the core underlying issues of inattention, emotional dysregulation etc are there–we just don’t know anymore how much of it she will grow out of, or need some coaching/tools/supports to get through life successfully and happily (this being the most important). We don’t know if she just had an emotional growth spurt + a teacher that she respects and a good set of classmates this year, or if this is her true new normal. We don’t want her to hit upper elem or middle school when she needs to be a “self starter” or keep track of assignments/homework and be completely overwhelmed. Driving a lot of this is my husband, who is the tree from which our little ADHD apple fell, and he feels strongly that if he had known “what brain he was working with” as a young kid he would have been happier–“I would have learned to work with it, not fight it every step of the way.”
Anyway, I think there are some of you that have kids with (or with suspected) ADHD that are now “in a good place”– can you talk to how this may or may not have changed over time? Advice as we move through this process, which is 2 long sessions of evaluation with the kiddo over the next couple weeks? Things to make sure we include?
Also, separately, is it typical for kids to not give a flying F about sports or other competitive outcomes? I have 3 kids and the other two aren’t Elite Athletes at all, but they play sports and are happily part of a team. They are bummed when they lose a game and happy when they win. This kiddo…she just DNGAF. Like, she’ll do the sport if she likes playing but if they are down she doesn’t care and doesn’t’ try harder (sometimes just decides she’s done playing, thanks!). This kiddo doesn’t care what other kids do, or how she measures up in any way. On the one hand, that seems awesome…but also, I never played sports but still have a competitive streak in me that she seems to just…not have. Is it odd for me to think this is odd?
Anonymous says
I think a lot of second-graders don’t care about sports or competition, independent of ADHD. Many kids never care even when they get older. If you are a type A competitive person it’s very difficult to parent a type B noncompetitive kid, especially if you think they have potential they aren’t bothering to tap.
Anon says
I can’t comment on most of this (my kid is younger and checks some ADHD boxes but doesn’t have any issues in school settings and we’ve not – yet, at least – pursued a diagnosis), but with respect to your last paragraph, this seems completely normal. Of course some kids don’t have a competitive streak and don’t care about team sports. I never did any team sports and I turned out fine. Candidly, I do think it’s kind of odd that you’re super concerned about this aspect of her personality, and it makes me wonder if you’re pathologizing other normal behavior.
Anon says
+1 I have four kids. Two are competitive. One couldn’t care less. TBD on the third.
My one that I would say displays signs of ADHD is one of the competitive ones. Interestingly, your description of your daughter fit mine quite closely! She wakes up early to get herself ready and makes checklists for herself. We actually haven’t pursued a diagnosis because she’s already using these types of strategies. She remains by far the hardest to parent (and definitely has major life impacting problems that mess with everyone at times), but she’s also very self aware. I don’t know what the diagnosis would do for us since I don’t want to medicate her. I have ADHD that was diagnosed in college and I’m not sure I agree with your husband here. I think it’s pretty easy to implement adhd strategies without a diagnosis, and I think it sounds like she has a sense of how her brain works already. I don’t know that you need to label it. I don’t think a late diagnosis changed things really for me – I would have gotten even better grades younger if I’d been medicated, but I’m glad I wasn’t medicated because for me the medicine does impact my sleep and diet.
anonM says
Counter- I do think it can be related to ADHD/related issues. My son (6, diagnosed with ADHD as well as motor planning/auditor processing delays) is more extreme about sports. I think there is some personality at play, but he definitely DNGAF about sports. I’m not “pathologizing other normal behavior” as this was part of what we discussed in his OT extensively. He has outright refused to participate for weeks on end at various sports/activities (soccer, swim, etc.), and part of this is that his tactic when getting overwhelmed is to totally disengage. Too many directions from too many people? He’ll just sit it out. Learning a new skill (like roller blading) that isn’t clicking? He’s done with it. I don’t think it is necessarily a lack of competitiveness but more of a defense mechanism/it is not fun if you are understanding what is expected of you because you can’t process all the instructions at once. Sometimes, I think he’s just totally spent after focusing all day at school so after-school lessons were a bridge too far for him.
Anon says
“Learning a new skill (like roller blading) that isn’t clicking? He’s done with it. I don’t think it is necessarily a lack of competitiveness but more of a defense mechanism”
I think this is a LOT of kids though, not just ones with ADHD. It was definitely me and I don’t have ADHD that I know of, and it appears to be my kid too. It’s perfectionism, anxiety and/or low frustration tolerance, and those things may be linked with ADHD but having those things doesn’t mean you have ADHD.
Also it sounded to me like in OP’s case it isn’t the kid refusing to do things that don’t come easily, but more just not feeling particularly competitive and not being intrinsically motivated to try harder when the team is losing. I don’t see the latter as linked to ADHD at all. I think it’s just Type B personality vs Type A which is more competitive.
Anonymous says
OP here and it’s kind of both. Upon reflection, she’s the only one of my kids that took forever to learn to ski or bike…and it’s because she kept quitting when she was nervous or it was hard. She only learned to ski because my youngest did and she didn’t want to be left in the daycare. She also wouldn’t read for a long time…and then she busted out big books and I think she didn’t want to do it until she was really comfortable. We also flagged anxiety as a potential issue, I just don’t know. It’s that gut parent feeling that something is still off, but I also feel kind of crazy for thinking this way given that she could just be a different kind of very normal kid!! I do know a lot of kids and she is for sure different…but I’m not sure that it’s different in any kind of clinically relevant way. Anyhoo, I’ll report back once we get through all the testing for anyone interested.
anonM says
TBH I commented because this board overwhelmingly chimes in, whenever there is an adhd-related question, with comments about how it is all normal. Which is fine, but the comment that this is “pathologizing other normal behavior” irritates me. Sure, there are spectrums of “normal” etc. But, my son is the only kid I know that sat on the sidelines through 6 weeks of soccer (as in, literally refused to participate at all), about the same amount of swim lessons, etc. He’s not just Type B. And avoiding challenging tasks is quite literally in the report from his OT as part of how his delays may present, so this isn’t me just drawing a correlation on my own.
Anonymous says
Why would you take a kid to 6 weeks of soccer if they don’t want to play? Don’t make kids do activities they don’t want to do.
Anon says
I have followed your story, as we have a similar one. My 3rd grade boy (I’ve written about him here — he’s the guy who gets “stuck”) has dipped in and out of periods that are easier/harder. He found a sport he loves, and has all kinds of systems in place to organize all the gear he needs, which we never saw him do with school stuff. He is excelling at school; teachers remain shocked that we are having him tested. But he also ticks differently — at home, he has a hard time not moving, crashing into things constantly, etc. (I’m short-handing symptoms here, bottom line, when your parent gut knows something is off, you know).
Anyway, like you, we pushed our private testing six months because he was doing so well especially when his sport was in season, then finally went through with the appointments bc we had already paid out of pocket (ugh). He was also tested when things were Just Fine, and it still came back with a clear ADHD diagnosis. I’m so glad we have it and went through with it, even though I haven’t done anything with it yet. It feels like it’s just behind us — if/when he does struggle again, it’s done and I won’t have to wait 6 months to get in to see a provider or get assistance at school. If executive functioning support is enough, and we never use it, then that’s fine too. Given his own self-awareness, he knows his brain works differently, and he liked having a word for it.
Regarding the interest in sports, I might out myself, but whatever — my husband and I met playing a highly competitive sport at a Big Ten university that just won a Major Award (go blue!). We were both recruited, and played all 4 years on scholarship. It’s fair to say that we are pretty competitive, skilled athletes, and were both ranked at various points in the top 50 athletes in the country in our sport in college. Our oldest and youngest have never met a sport they like. My oldest tried whatever her friends were doing, really didn’t care one way or the other whether they played, lost, won, whatever, and my youngest hasn’t really even tried many. All that to say, “genetically” these kids should be tiny competitor robots, and they totally are not. It’s completely unexpected, and also extremely refreshing and fun. I feel like I get to watch a totally separate childhood than what I grew up with.
Anon says
Yeah, I know people have different philosophies about activities, but I have a somewhat similar (it sounds like) kid and I don’t see any value in organized activities at this age unless the child is enjoying it and actively participating. I do think it’s important to work on pushing through frustration and practicing not giving up when things get hard, but it can be done at home in a more low key way and doesn’t have to involve sports if the kid isn’t into them.
I’m the one who made the “pathologizing normal behaviors” comment and I’m sorry if I offended. I’m not trying to suggest that all ADHD-type behavior is normal and should be ignored. From what I remember you saying about your son’s situation, I think evaluation makes sense. But what OP described in her last paragraph about the kid not really caring if the team is losing is very normal. I personally know plenty of kids like that. Obviously there’s more going on than just what she described in that paragraph, but the fact that she finds that behavior so odd suggests to me that maybe she is just not used to kids who have a very different personality than she does. Which is a common struggle and something I can sympathize with – I think accepting that your kids can be wildly different than you is one of the harder parts of parenting, imo – but it doesn’t mean the kid has a disorder.
Anonymous says
Not competitive at all, or not competitive/into sports? I’m the OP and I’ve been around a lot of kids that play sports and there’s a huge spectrum…my other two kids are “I’m here for the snack break” level interested in sports, but they will actually play (often poorly, but with some degree of effort). My 3rd just…sits down/wanders off when she’s tired of playing and she’s almost 8 which strikes me as noticeably different. When she did summer swim team, there were some meets where she just…wasn’t feeling it, wasn’t gonna, and didn’t race. Which drove her coach crazy since when she swam she always placed, and on many days she was there and ready to roll.
Anon says
Just to your last paragraph – yes, I have this kid. It baffles my husband but warms my old-hippie heart. He tests very well but does just ok academically because he can’t be bothered to learn stuff he has no interest in. He wears whatever he wants (tuxedo with combat boots? Spiderman costume? Socks that don’t match? He’s done it all) and is super supportive of others because he never feels in competition with them. He’ll play the sports we ask him to but sometimes doesn’t even know if they won or lost. Very curious to see where life will take him. I’m guessing not to law school, despite having two lawyer-parents …
Anon says
Yes, many kids don’t give a flying F about sports or other competitive outcomes like grades.
Some people get diagnosed with stuff like pathological demand avoidance (depending on country) when there’s a ND context, but I think it’s considered a misdiagnosis if it’s just an issue of a child not being easy to peer pressure or otherwise influence (that is only really pathological from the perspective of systems that try to control people with relevant incentives!).
Anonymous says
OP here, I googled that term and it is 100% the behavior we see. I’m not going to dig any further into it, and she’s getting evaluated over the next few weeks, but that is textbook what we see. You want me to do it? Then I don’t want to do it. I know all kids can be like this but with her, it’s extreme. Some adults just elicit this reaction in her and it’s very hard to watch.
Anon says
Her evaluator may or may not be familiar with PDA profiles, but I think they worry more about it when it’s internalized (like not being able to follow through on one’s own commitments, or take medications or follow medical advice because of the habit of resisting anything that feels obligatory or pressured).
To me it also matters if it’s mostly a school and authorities thing because sometimes I think it’s just a coping strategy for more independent personalities to get through the heavily controlled environments of childhood? If it’s an “everywhere and all contexts” thing, that can be harder.
CCLA says
Thursday morning vent to those who will get it. The school called me this morning shortly after I dropped off the kids. It’s the nurse (note: does not lead with “kids are fine” – who does that?). Turns out my youngest had forgotten her jacket in the car at dropoff and was in the nurse’s office crying. They had a spare jacket for her but she didn’t want to use it. We live in SoCal, the temps will be around 60 most of the day and she’s in a long sleeve.
I very unabashedly told the nurse that DD would be fine and I was not worried about her if she didn’t get into the spare jacket, and that I was on my way to a meeting and no I could not come back to bring the jacket. In what world does this warrant a nurse call?? Also note, you can bet your a$$ they did not call DH during his workday after I said I wasn’t coming. Apparently it’s important enough to call me but not him (it would also have been ridiculous to call him, but still, ugh).
Anonymous says
This is ridiculous but I can also see the school’s side of it. The nurse is probably in charge of spare clothing, which is how kiddo ended up in the nurse’s office. The nurse now has a hysterical child on her hands refusing to wear the extra jacket and worries that if she sends that child back to class in tears the teacher will be annoyed by the disruption and/or she’ll get a call from an angry parent tomorrow. There is a good chance she is just covering her @$$.
Anonymous says
No this is silly. It’s her job to handle this and get the kid back to class.
Anonymous says
OMG. I guess the only thing I can imagine is she was unconsollable in the nurses’s office so the nurse called you to make her stop crying.
FWIW, I live in MA and my kids refuse to wear jackets. The teachers had to send home Official Policies such as “if it’s under 40 degrees, we will insist the children bring jackets outside to recess, so please make sure they have one” and “if your child does not have long sleeve on and the temperature is under 50 degrees, we will ask them to wear another layer.”
My 10 year old diligently checked the weather, saw that there is a high of 41 (and cloudy), and went to the bus in shorts, long socks, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. She insists she will be fine. “I brought gloves.”
Anon says
Ha! We are in CT and our school’s policy is along the lines of “we go out to recess every day we can, and we will assume that you are comfortable with the clothing your kid comes to school with”, which I like. My third grader hates jackets but will wear a thick zip sweatshirt. I’d hate to get into semantics with the school over what constitutes a “jacket”
Anon says
When did 100th day of school become such A Thing? I don’t remember it from my childhood at all, but seems like every parent I know has to do something for it. Anyway it’s upon us now (Midwest, we started school at the very beginning of August). My 5 year old’s teacher has instructed them to wear an item with 100 of something on it. She suggested buttons. WTF? Who has time to sew 100 buttons on a shirt? Ugh. Any brilliant ideas that weren’t too time-consuming? My husband said we should just buy our kid a bunch of stickers and have her put them on a shirt but I feel like they won’t stay.
JTM says
I had the same question when my daughter had to do this last year. And it was for a grade so we couldn’t opt out completely!
We had various options from the teacher & my daughter chose the “dress as a 100 year old person” option. We had a dress, sweater & shoes already in her closet. I ordered a costume kit from Am*zon that had a gray wig, glasses (no lenses) and a cane. She wore it to school and got full marks. Apparently this is A THING now because Am*zon had a ton of kits available at different price points for this.
Anon says
For a grade!? OMG. That is crazy!
Turtlemania says
This is so random but my kids’ 100 Day celebration is explicitly centered around dressing like an old person and I find it incredibly weird and ageist.
anonM says
felt or foam stickers or cut out some basic felt shapes (or googly eyes or pom-poms or feathers) and hot-glue on with a mini hot glue gun (if you don’t have one, they come in handy and are small. Good to have on hand for Halloween/projects). Enough should stay on for one day that no one will notice there are only 99 pom-poms. Don’t sew on 100 buttons! Ugh. Hot glue or special stickers for sure.
FWIW, I don’t remember this as a kid either.
Anonymous says
The first time I heard of the 100th day of school was in the late ’90s when I was working as a tutor. I like the idea of taking the opportunity to focus on counting by 10s and place value in a fun way, but the silly outfits and the projects with 100 of something are just annoying. I would get a cheap sweatshirt and a fabric marker and let her draw 100 dots or stars or whatever on the sweatshirt. Or 100 pieces of painter’s tape, for something temporary that will hold better than stickers.
Anon says
We marked it in my kindergarten class in the 90s, but that was because it relates to the K skill of counting — we had to bring in 100 of anything we wanted.
In my son’s preK class they did something similar for the same reason — they all brought in 100 of some snack item (marshmallow, pretzel) and made a class trail mix. (Idea being that kid will count out the items himself for practice).
I don’t like the big elaborate dress up requirements that are becoming more mainstream (though, that’s with every “event”) but I don’t mind marking a special number with an in-class activity.
FVNC says
My 5th grader has attended four different elementary schools in various parts of the country, and thankfully it’s only been a thing in one of them. We dressed her as a little old lady from items we cobbled together at home and it was pretty cute. But glad it was only a one-time thing.
My nieces’ school does it but only for kindergarten. Last year my younger niece decorated a t-shirt with fabric pen and drew 100 polka dots or flowers or something quick like that. Stickers would work too.
Anonymous says
our kids “celebrate” but not with silly projects like this. Make a necklace out of pipe cleaners and have the kid put 100 beads on it. Alone.
Anon says
Yup this is what our school does.
Anon says
I remember it from the late 90s/early 00s as a K student. We read Miss Bindergarten celebrates the 100th day of Kindergarten and probably did a themed lesson and had a themed snack. Maybe we brought in 100 of something but it was relatively low key and most of the effort was on the teacher, not the parents.
Chl says
We had made a giant C on a shirt out of tape or something (for Roman numeral). It was a hit.
Anon says
Oh I love that! Along the same lines, I’ve heard of kids taping a dollar bill to their clothing (100 cents).
AwayEmily says
A shirt with 100 of something is nuts!
My kid celebrated it in K but all it required was bringing in 100 of something. Like 75% of the kids (including her) brought baggies of painstakingly counted Cheerios.
TheElms says
Plain white t shirt and have kid put 100 dots on it with a fabric marker/sharpie?
Anon says
no one is telling you to sew…glue them on. i did this last year with my twins and got foamy heart stickers and shirts at michaels and they stayed fine. some people glued on pom poms. it actually wasn’t that hard.
Pregnancy Podcasts? says
Hi,
Did anyone listen to podcasts about pregnancy, birth, or early (like 1st ish year) babyhood? I don’t always want to read after work, but I feel like I should know more about what is happening to my body, what will happen, how to recover and how to care for this new human!
Side note: how do you search the comments on this site? I wonder if this question has been asked and answered before. Thanks!
Anon says
google this:
site:corporettemoms.com “search terms”
Anon says
I don’t have a podcast rec, but just giving you permission to skip reading about pregnancy and parenting if you don’t want to. I skimmed the Mayo Clinic guide to pregnancy and Heading Home with Your Newborn, both of which were informative but could have been a pamphlet instead of a book (especially the latter). If you’re getting regular prenatal care and seeing a pediatrician you don’t need to do a ton of reading. The nurses in the hospital will show you all the basics about postpartum care and newborn care. Many hospitals also have classes you can take while you’re pregnant although beware that they can be extremely pushy about not formula feeding (I wanted to try breastfeeding, and did successfully breastfeed, but I still found the extreme anti-formula stance of the lactation consultant teaching the class to be very off-putting).
Cerulean says
My coping mechanism for any life change is to read all the books about that topic. Having read so many pregnancy and baby parenting books that have been published in the past decade, this is exactly what I recommend.
NYC says
This advice was given to me by this board when I was pregnant with my first and it lifted a huge sense of guilt about reading enough on the topic. I basically read nothing except took a CPR class, a very basic online infant sleep class, and had a breastfeeding book handy as reference.
Anon says
I signed up for a baby care class at the hospital because I had zero experience with babies. But then I was induced before the class happened and ended up just watching a like 2 hour video online. I gave me all the knowledge I needed.
Anony says
They stopped recording after a few years ago so some information might be slightly out of date, but one of my friends was a host of Baby Doctor Mamas (from two neonatologists who are also moms), and I found it really helpful when I was pregnant.
MNF says
I love the birth hour, which skews homebirth/midwifey. I had 2 hospital births and am done, but still love listening because it’s women telling their own stories. Also, not a podcast, but follow Taking Cara Babies to learn about baby sleep. Bringing up Bebe is a good audiobook.
Anon says
My friend love the Birth Hour podcast and said she also liked Evidence-Based Birth.
Betsy says
My favorite is Yoga Birth Babies.
DLC says
hello Bump is nice. I like all the podcasts from the Mamamia network- they approach things with candor and a sense of humour.
birth says
Loved the Birth Hour, even the like “birthing in the woods” ones.
Anon says
Late in the day, but does anyone have suggestions for read aloud books for a 4-year-old ? We’ve done Zoey and Sassafras and all the Heidi Heckelbeck books available at the library (ugh). Then we did Charlotte’s Web and the Wild Robot books – the latter mostly held her interest but were maybe a bit too advanced. Would love new ideas.
Anon says
My daughter loved Princess in Black at that age.
Mary Moo Cow says
Berenstain Bears! Toot and Puddle are also beloved in our house.
anon says
All things Mo Willems for us right now.
anon says
This.
TheElms says
Here is a list of things I’ve read or listened to with my 4 year old: Princess in Black series, The Mercy Watson series, Dragon Masters series, The Last Firehawk series, Once Upon a Fairytale series (really anything from the Scholastic Branches or Acorn range that is on a topic your child would enjoy), Magic Treehouse Series, The Kingdom of Wrenly series, The Borrowers, Paddington, Narwhal the Unicorn of the Sea, The Collected Stories of Winnie the Pooh, Frog and Toad, The Mouse and the Motorcycle, Rosie Revere and the Raucous Riveters, Upside Down Magic.
Anon says
Is anyone else’s school lunch impacted by the US Foods strike? I’m not worried about my kids, who can bring a lunch if necessary, but I feel for all the kids and parents who really count on school lunch.
Anonymous says
I hadn’t heard about this strike, but I was sad to see so many states refused to opt in to the federal summer lunch program, which has a similar outcome.
My kids’ elementary school hosts a food pantry once a month, and I helped with food distribution the other day. I knew there were many kids in need in our community, but actually seeing the rush of families come in was a humbling experience. All kids deserve access to nutritious food, especially in a country like the US that has it in abundance.