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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Fallen says
I have little kids at home (well, not even so little.. the oldest is 8!! the youngest is 3.5), and this weekend was just hard (and so is every other weekend these days). It is cold and COVID cases are up so we don’t go out quite as much as in the summer, and there’s just so much screaming and tantrums and fighting and mess. I feel terrible to say this, but I am so happy that it is Monday . I wonder who else feels the same, or if anyone has any advice on how to make weekends more enjoyable with young kids. My husband is super involved so I get quite a bit of solo time during weekends, we plan lots of things (two playdates this weekend and two other outings!), I try to do things I love with them etc, but both of my kids are glued to me and/or my husband the whole time and they are just so much and everything is a production with them (bath, leaving the house, etc – lots of fighting/tantrum/whining/etc), and I guess sometimes I miss the peace and quiet. Feel bad to say this, but I am dreading the holiday break at this point, how we are going to get through 10 days of these shenanigans!!
Anonymous says
Two playdates and two outings in one weekend is a lot! Is it possible that they are overscheduled and overstimulated? Would more quiet downtime make them less overwhelmed and therefore less of a handful at bathtime, bedtime, etc.?
anon says
Yeah, I was going to suggest seeing if scaling back some of this would help. My kids are disasters at bathtime, so we just don’t do baths every night or even every other night. For us, it’s not worth the stress and frustration. Similarly, if getting the kids out of the house is a stressful point, maybe try to only do that once a day on the weekends?
Cb says
Yeah, we realised after a grumpy outing on Saturday that my son really just wants unstructured playtime on Saturday mornings. He’s tired from the week and just wants to do Lego and play trains and trying to persuade him otherwise is an exercise in frustration.
Anon says
This. We have a rule that we generally have one outing per weekend, in part because *I* can’t handle more than that, much less my kid. The rest of the weekend is reserved for lounging around the house, free play in the backyard, adult errands which children may or may not accompany on, laundry, watching football, etc. This weekend was rough because we had an outing both Friday night and Saturday afternoon, and by Sunday night we’d talked about impromptu going out to eat for dinner on Sunday because the weather was nice (we’re outdoor dining only right now) and we canceled it because it was just going to be too much (takeout was delicious). My kid is much more agreeable when she gets lots of unstructured time and isn’t going out and about in the world alot on weekends. Your kids may be different, but it might be worth trying.
Anon says
I don’t mind it so much when I’m off work, but we just finished a two week quarantine with one 3.5 year old and it was so miserable.
anon says
My kids are similar ages and have been like this lately. I get grief over everything from putting on their shoes to brushing their teeth to playing nicely. I think they’re a bit burnt out from a semester of school and in need of a break. I’m hoping that extra time over break will mellow them out a bit.
ElisaR says
i feel ya fallen!
I agree that fewer plans might help, but I could also see that being ok until it spins into more fighting at home. The only suggestion I have is changing bath time. We already bathe the kids only 2-3x per week but due to a disasterous gingerbread house icing episode this weekend, we bathed the kids early–before dinner. It was great, much less stress than doing it before bed. Maybe give that a try to help just the bathing aspect of things?
Anonymous says
Our baths got much more pleasant when we used them as incentive to get TV time. We generally try not to bribe kids, but feel OK about it when phrased as just how the daily schedule will work, e.g.: “when we get back from the park, we’re going to take a bath. After you take a bath, we will watch a movie.” Same thing with dessert during the week.
Mary Moo Cow says
If it makes you feel better/not alone, I had a hard time this weekend, too, and am really looking forward to being out of my house for a few days over school break and handing my kids off to their grandparents for a few days so they can be someone else’s problem. My kids are closer in age, but I have some of the same issues with barnacle kids and leaving the house is a darn show. Are your kids craving some one on one time with you? Maybe the 8 year old is getting bored with the activities for the 3.5 year old, and the 3.5 year old can’t keep up with the 8 year old. DH and I let our oldest hang out with us around the firepit after Little Sister’s bedtime last weekend, and she was charming and pleasant; I realized she likes to be out from Little Sister’s big shadow sometimes. Could that be happening in your house, too? We also have been known to force physical activity outside when they are whiny and fighting — scooter around the neighborhood, walk the dog, etc. DH has taken each of them for a miles long hike around a local battlefield when the behavior was egregious. They get tired out and the nature seems to calm them. It is harder in winter, but sometimes we have to bundle up and shut up and do it. Some ideas to get through the next few weeks at home: baking, a giant cardboard gingerbread house to color, a holiday scavenger hunt walk in the neighborhood (I bought a gameboard from Etsy), nature walks, playdates at playgrounds, surprise and delight with ice cream or a special dessert outing, helping address holiday cards, helping wrap gifts, holiday movie and pizza night at home, daytrip to a new town or attraction, quiet crafts and new books for the 8 year old to do by themselves, trips to the library to refresh the book stack, a new board game, Door Pong, create an obstacle course, fort building, reading cave day. The best advice I’ve gotten about getting through the tough times is try not to care so much, which is so hard. Good luck getting through to January 3!
Anonymous says
I agree with divide and conquer, if only because one kid is easier to wrangle than two. Split them up and take one to do curbside pickup errands or to the park while the other parent stays home with the second, then swap after a couple of hours.
Anon says
i could’ve written this post. well except i don’t have an 8 year old, instead i have two 3.5 year olds. it is almost comical how much they are attached to me at the hip when i’m home. last year we had a delightful holiday break with them when they were 2.5, but this is one of our least fun hardest phases yet. nothing is fun with them. they just whine and want to be held the whole time or the whole day even fi we are home
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think this is life with small kids. They’re not going to be peaceful and quiet all day – you may get pockets of this (for us, our kids seem to be so much easier one on one so we do a lot of divide and conquer). My kids are younger (5 and 3) but we can’t do free play at home all weekend as they also start fighting and running around acting crazy. So we get through getting them ready to go outside and the change of scenery helps. I don’t think these have to be structured events – just getting outside for a walk or playground is probably best.
If you need to stay inside – our older one likes to build those lego sets so we consider it money well spent to buy those and occupy him. Does your older one have something he/she likes that can’t be done with younger sibling?
But I hear you on waiting for Monday and a day WFH after a long weekend feeling easier. I think that’s normal in this season of life.
Anonymous says
Pray for snow.
Anon says
Go on a hike. Bundle them up and get outside. Seriously.
However much time out of the house made summer bearable is how much time you need to spend out of the house. It doesn’t change, just the amount/kind of clothes.
Also, of course you feel this way and it’s terrible! Our entire society is not designed to make kids happy, but we demand parents do it anyway. Our schools and institutions demand quiet children who like to sit indoors.
AwayEmily says
I won’t offer advice because other people have said lots of smart things, just sympathy. There are these moments of pure joy when the kids are playing together and everyone is happy, and then there are the times when they are screaming at each other over who gets to hold the [robot/water bottle/piece of trash], and dealing with that emotional pendulum swinging back and forth all weekend is EXHAUSTING. Hang in there.
GCA says
Oof, I feel you. You’re not alone and this is normal with little kids.
This is somewhat kid-dependent, but things that fairly reliably work for my kids (6.5 and 3) are time outdoors and one-on-one parent time (even if it’s just to pick up groceries; oldest is big enough this winter for DH to try and teach him to ski, etc). We also do: baking, board games (for very disparate ages, sometimes I find myself playing two different board games at the same time, one with each kid), video games with dad, random crafts (yesterday we got out some old craft supplies and improvised Christmas ornaments), a ton of reading, movie night with pjs and popcorn (but even then there is initial bickering over what gets watched!), indoor hopscotch or hopscotch at the park with chalk, and nature walks. Sometimes kid 1 will take a book to read in his room so then we only have to keep an eye on kid 2.
Anonymous says
I posted below but have kids those same ages- we are struggling now because the 3 year old stopped napping, which is when we had 1:1 big kid time. We can sort of make him rest in his room for 30-60 min but it’s a huge emotional endeavor keep putting him back in, and it’s not the 3 hours we used to have. Tips for dividing and conquering??? My spouse usually needs to work about 5-6 hours on Sundays but we are thinking of moving that to the morning from the afternoon…
GCA says
On divide and conquer – one of us will take one child for an outdoor playdate/ grocery pickup or some other errand or fun thing, and that’s the only way it works. My 3yo doesn’t nap at home, but the kids do get a little screen time for quiet time. If the big kid is doing an intense Lego project, the little kid usually stays out of his way (or can be lured out of his way with, say, a favorite book or an interesting water play setup).
anon says
I have the same age gap between my kids and have experienced many of the same issues at times. All this to say: solidarity, and you’re not doing this wrong. It’s hard. I don’t know if this applies to your kids, but mine (especially the oldest) seem to do best when they get some quality 1:1 time with a parent. I think sometimes the oldest needs to feel like a bigger kid and not be subjected to the whims of a younger sibling whose needs are much different.
Anonymous says
This weekend was particularly hard. I had a long text thread with a friend about it yesterday afternoon. It was 37 and raining all weekend(which is quite possibly the worst weather), super dark, high energy little boys here… we are still not doing indoor stuff for the most part so just really running out of things to do. Other preschool parents are not excited about outdoor 37 and raining play dates ?. My kids are 3 and 6, and usually okay together well, but were just at each other’s throats all weekend and the little one was pushing too many boundaries to really do art or a game successfully (throwing things etc). Finally went to the park but it turns out basketball is pretty cold in that weather and both kids fell in mud/got injured. So this morning I am happily wfh with every light on in the house as well as candles and SAD lamp, with tea, enjoying the quiet for 10 min till my meetings start. Working on more play dates for the next few weekends as some parks have covered areas.
Anonymous says
37 and raining is definitely much worse than 30 and snowing.
DLC says
Our divide and conquer strategy often involves sending our oldest (9) across the street to play with the neighbor’s kids. Then one parent either takes both younger kids (2 and 4) to a park or on a play date or on an errand, or we each take one of the littles. It depends on your kid, obviously, but being able to drop and run with the older kid helps a lot, I think. Another thing is that with the four year old, I will often take gim to his lesson/activity and fit in a run while waiting for him to get done.
And totally agree on lots of outdoor time. Preferably outdoor time where the kids know they are not allowed to draw me into playing with them.
Lean out says
Looking for reassurance about saying no to a work opportunity. It’s a really awesome speaking opportunity that I’ve never had and most people don’t get to do. But it would also mean intense stress for several weeks at a time when I’m at my wit’s end with work and kids. I’ve pretty much never declined an opportunity like this and always moved full force forward so feeling anxious about the decision. I don’t believe I’ll be penalized for saying no.
Anonymous says
Is this the kind of opportunity where you could recommend someone else for the gig? If so, if you can recommend someone else for this, you’ll get points both with the people organizing the event and with the person you recommend. Even if not, I give you full permission to turn it down and let it go fully so you can focus on what you need to focus on right now.
EDAnon says
You can turn it down! And I would try to refer them to someone else when you do so.
GCA says
C-Mom roll call: who else is dealing with childcare closure due to Covid exposure? Day 4 post exposure here and our preschool classroom is closed till at least next Tuesday. I’m already burned out from this year (life kicking me in the face for the last six months for a variety of family/ health/ work reasons), and I’m dreading the upcoming December break when older kid’s elementary school is closed as well.
Yes, I’m in MA with a high community vax rate, all eligible family members are vaccinated and/ or boosted, but cases are climbing again and I’ve just heard some depressing news – half my team in the UK tested positive after an office gathering last week, even though they all tested negative at home with lateral flow tests (per UK guidelines) hours beforehand.
I’m taking it one day at a time, and the actual time at home with kiddo is fine, but the uncertainty and anticipation are getting to me.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not currently on quarantine but every day I wake up with a sense of dread that we’ll be called about a positive case in my younger son’s case. The last time this happened was the week before Thanksgiving – we got a call that day at like 6:30am that he couldn’t go in, and then was out through Thanksgiving due to the health board rules. My husband and I took next week off, with the kids presumably in school, but who knows if our plans will work out. I’m grateful that my older one now at least is fully vaxxed and they haven’t had to close his school yet. I’m honestly less worried about us catching Covid than having to deal with these repeated quarantines. Is it too much to hope for to think that we won’t have to close everything once everyone (including under 5) are eligible for vaccines?
Anonymous says
I know nobody talks about “flattening the curve” anymore, but in most places it’s still a real problem. Unless the federal government is going to make a massive push for paying for more hospital space built and free tuition/training for nurses/PAs and demanding that some of the restrictions around med school admissions are eased Covid will just keep filling up hospitals for years and burning out doctors and nurses.
Anon says
I think there is hope that once everyone has been infected or vaccinated the severe disease burden will be much lower. My understanding is that the vast majority of people in US hospitals are immunologically naive., i.e., not vaccinated or previously infected. We’re running out of those people pretty fast. Pfizer has super effective antivirals coming on the market late this month or next month too, and those should reduce the number of people in the hospital by a lot.
SC says
I live in Louisiana, and this seems to have been the case with the Delta variant–we got hit hard in August and September, and despite low vaccination rates, removal of mask mandates, in-person school, and risky behaviors (conferences, large sporting events, low rates of voluntary masking), the case numbers, hospitalizations, and fatalities in Louisiana have all stayed low while Delta is surging in many parts of the US. The big question is the impact of variants–if you want to see what Omicron will do in your communities in 6 months, keep an eye on Louisiana over the next 2-3 months.
Anon says
But even if Omicron takes off in terms of case numbers, it may not lead to a huge strain on the hospital system. Based on what’s happening in South Africa, Omicron seems to cause far fewer hospitalizations relative to case rates than Delta did. It could be that the virus itself is milder, but most experts seem to think it’s just that everyone in South Africa has immunity now and re-infections/breakthrough infections generally don’t lead to severe disease. They had essentially reached herd immunity with Delta just like Louisiana did (cases were near zero before Omicron popped up).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I think about what Realist said a year or more ago with “No one is coming to save us” on the regular. I did think the change in administration would lead to some type of better COVID-19 management in red states like mine, but the majority of Red State governors are too entrenched in Trumpism/anti-science rhetoric to do the right thing. Our governor has basically made it impossible for our blue city/county officials to enforce anything preventive. It’s infuriating.
Anonymous says
What really gets my goat is that it just isn’t that no one’s coming to save us, it’s that the government is actively out to harm us. I can’t just suck it up and force my kid to do on-line school once the mask mandate is dropped from schools in January, because there is no more on-line school. My only choices are full-on home school, which absolutely will not work for us, and sending her into a miasma of germs deliberately created by our state and local governments.
SC says
Louisiana is a red state with a Democratic governor, thanks to the incompetence of Bobby Jindal and the craziness of the Trumpian candidate who ran against Edwards at a low point in Trump’s popularity. Edwards has done all the reasonable, Democratic-governor things, and the numbers don’t really support a conclusion that it’s made a difference state-wide. New Orleans’ mayor has been quite aggressive in school closures, mask mandates, and vaccination requirements in public spaces, and it seems to have made some difference, but not as large as you’d think. Louisiana still ranks in the top 5 or so states in Covid cases and deaths per capita, and has worse outcomes than Florida and Texas.
I’m not saying that masks and vaccines don’t work. It’s just that political leadership seems not to have made much of a difference in individuals’ decisions to wear masks and get vaccinated.
Anon says
i think the rhetoric of the previous administration (its a little flu, masks are for liberals) made it really really really hard for the new administration to come in and do much. i don’t spend time dwelling on it because i can’t change the past, but i can’t help but wonder if we’d had a president at the time who took covid more seriously and encouraged mask wearing from the get go, there would be a different attitude across the country ( i know there would still be deniers and anti-vaxxers). in my red state, two more conservative candidates just won two new school board seats (one by as few as 40 votes), and i am really scared for 2022 elections
Agreed says
I feel this so much with respect to the fear of constant quarantines. We were very covid cautious for a long time. Now what occupies the most mental space for me is fear of being quarantined, again.
Our youngest is under 2 so every time there is an exposure in his class it is a 14 day quarantine with no test out option since he can’t mask. It’s unreal. Since the quarantine/exposure rules have lightened (or been eliminated) for most people, it’s becoming a bigger and bigger issue with work too. I don’t know what the answer is but I’m worn down.
Anon says
My 3.5 year old wasn’t actually exposed but we just finished a two week classroom closure. Our first ever, so I guess I should be grateful for that. Red state with terrible vaccine rates, but our daycare is run by a university and only faculty families attend so we’re thankfully in a little pro-vaccine bubble (campus is over 90% vaccinated).
I’m kind of confused about why our preschool is still closing classrooms given that the infected person was a staff member who was masked at all times, and our public schools don’t require quarantine if masked. There are also a bunch of 5 year olds in this class who already got second doses, and our schools and health dept say fully vaxxed people don’t ha s to quarantine. Daycare has said they won’t be changing their classroom closure policy when under 5s get the vaccine. At least we only have another 1.5 years of this and then we’ll be in public school with less strict rules. Also no one else got infected, so yay for masks working.
GCA says
Oof, sorry. I can only imagine the daycare classroom might be smaller than a public school classroom, and certainly 3 year olds are not the greatest with mask compliance (my kid goes in with her mask on and then it is utterly absent from most of the photos we get – I think it comes off at snack time), and they spend all day with each other. So maybe they’re closing out of an abundance of caution?
I’m also hoping that we can end the closures and/ or test out of closures once young children are eligible to be vaccinated, sort of like current daycare policies for non-Covid illness – everyone stays in class unless symptomatic, then you’re out until you’re symptom-free for 24 hours, or something like that.
anon says
In my state, preschools are under different licensing regs than schools. The regulator of preschools tends to run really behind on updating Covid policies, so my preschool’s hands are tied at lessening things like closures in response to a positive test even though schools can do test to stay.
anon says
currently in quarantine now (covid at school), 2 more days of it. Work is blowing up, drama after drama and while I have delegated as much of it as possible, i am in a role where i really need to be involved in some stuff. This morning I seriously thought about quitting my job. Public sector underpaid job that it is (good benefits though). I just think of the winter with the increasing cases there will be more and more of these – and my office is insisting we work on site, unless you are quarantined then you can telework. My kid is almost 4, super high energy, my husband pitches in but he works too (fully remote). It all seems so pointless and stressful. House is a mess and all I want to do is take a day off and clean, which is just sad.
So Anon says
My kids’ school had an outbreak the week before Thanksgiving, resulting in multiple close contacts for my kids. It was like watching dominos fall. The infection rate was high in school and there was evidence of school-based transmission, picked up via pooled testing and despite a mask mandate. The result was that their school (both my kids go to the same school this year) moved to remote for a week. I made it through the week – ok? I guess? Not really. But what other option was there? I told my boss, but I have so few coworkers at my level with young kids, that it seems like this reality is not even on their radar any longer.
I feel like I’m waiting for the school closure to come again. Even though vaccination rates are high in my community, it feels like waiting for the inevitable after so many gatherings at Thanksgiving and upcoming for Christmas. My kids’ school is grades 3-5, so all should be eligible for vaccines. However, if not all parents are participating in pooled testing, I would guess a decreased willingness to vaccinate.
I spent this weekend realizing just how spent I am. Like really. Its not a matter of mustering reserves. There are no reserves. I fully understand that no one is coming to save us, but I feel like I am at my most base operating system.
AwayEmily says
I am legit nervous about Omicron. I have a number of friends in South Africa. One is currently hospitalized (she was double-vaxxed), another’s 5yo is currently in the hospital. Both are families where where they are super careful — Omicron is just much, much more contagious. Another SA friend had COVID last year and was just re-infected with symptomatic Omicron. It looks like both the kid and adult will be fine, but I’m deeply concerned about the strain on the hospital system once this hits the U.S. Even if does turn out to be milder (and I definitely think that’s a possibility), there are just going to be a LOT of people getting sick at the same time.
So yes, I do think we’re all going to get this. Most of us are going to be fine, especially if we’re vaccinated. My worry is the overload on the hospital system (this is partially selfish — I’m due on Feb 8 and I suspect that’s when Omicron will really be hitting its stride here).
Anon says
Do your South African friends have any insight into whether it’s actually hitting kids worse than previous variants? The anecdotal reports we’re hearing here are all over the place. One hospital system is saying Omicron is mild and most of the kid hospitalizations are incidental (ie they were hospitalized for something else and tested positive through routine testing) but another ICU doctor is saying she’s seeing lots of kids under 5 with severe illness caused by Covid. Seems likes 2-4 year olds won’t be vaccine eligible until late spring, under 2s even later than that, and we’re all going to get Omicron before then, so I’m worried about my 3 year old.
AwayEmily says
Unfortunately I/they have no insights about kiddos. I feel like we probably won’t know for another few weeks. Fingers crossed it turns out to be mild (I also have an under-5, plus another one on the way).
It’s just been really startling to me to see so many people I know who avoided COVID in South Africa for almost two years suddenly all get it at once, over the course of just a few weeks. It brings home how different this variant is.
Anon says
I don’t know if this is comforting or not, but it seems like a lot of experts Omicron might just be way more immune-evasive, not inherently more transmissible. Delta is pretty darn infectious (like chicken pox) and the reason it hasn’t surged through the community even faster is that we have a decent immunity wall with something like ~80-90% of adults having some degree of immunity already. Not to say they’re aren’t Delta breakthroughs, there are, but the vaccines are working to prevent many, many cases every day. When that immunity wall crumbles, everyone would get Covid pretty much instantly even if Omicron weren’t any more infectious than Delta.
Anonymous says
I am really worried about Omicron. I have a teenager who is more than 6 months post-vaxx but not eligible for a booster. Our schools are not doing a great job of enforcing masking, there is no contact tracing or quarantining, and the mask mandate goes away in January. She’s going to get Omicron and pass it along to the rest of the household, although her dad and I probably won’t get as sick because we have boosters. Best case, she’ll get behind in school and have a hard time catching up. More likely, she fails all her courses and has to repeat the grade because of our school’s draconian attendance policy (she’s already used up 3 of her 10 allotted excused absences, so if she gets COVID and is quarantined for 10 days she’s done for). Worst-case scenario, she gets long COVID and the rest of the year is a total lost, or she’s cognitively disabled for life.
Anonymous says
Are they planning to hold back half or more of the grade????
Anon says
+1. Plus has no one ever challenged this insane attendance policy in court? I feel like it must be a violation of the ADA or some other law? I thought public schools generally had to accommodate the health needs of their students and failing (!?!) and holding back a student who is otherwise doing well does not seem like a reasonable consequence of missing 10 days after testing positive for Covid.
Anonymous says
I don’t know! The policy has always been insane, but it’s even more so in Covid times. They’ve gotten around it so far by mostly not quarantining exposed kids, but I don’t know what they are doing about the kids who have actually been infected. I also know a lot of parents are not testing their sick kids and sending them to school with “colds.”
Anonymous says
Omicron prompted me to lie and get my 4 year old vaccinated. For a variety of reasons I wanted to wait and do it on the up and up but the risks to an unvaccinated kid with some underlying health issues just seem too great at this point.
anonn says
a pediatrician told my husband to do this for our 4 year old. Our only reason for not at this point is because of the vaccine record system, I assume it identifies people by birthdate, so if we added 7 months to her age it wouldn’t attach to her record. Am I wrong?
Anonymous says
Pediatricians can’t officially sanction it for liability reasons. Our ped told us not to. But a pediatrician friend vaccinated her own 4 year old and told me ‘off the record’ that I should do it, and that was enough for me. We live in a red state where proof of vaccine is not required so I only anticipate it being an issue for international travel and cruises and things like that and we have no plans to do that stuff any time soon. I figure that six months from now we’ll want to re-vaccinate her as a booster anyway, so she’ll get a CDC card with the correct birthday at that time and then we’ll be set.
FVNC says
Friday night we received notice of a positive test in my 4 yr old’s daycare class, so he’s home until Dec 27. Thankfully I’d already planned to take off next week, so it’s just this week that we have to scramble for coverage. Work seems to be blessedly and unexpectedly slow but with a high energy kid and awful weather (cold rain) it’s going to be a long couple weeks. Honestly, I’m grateful that this is only our third quarantine since August 2020 between 2 kids. Our daycare is crediting the cost of the two weeks they’re closed, so yay for saving some money?
anon says
We don’t have a kid home due to closure but I am just waiting for my 4yo’s turn. They already have rotating closures due to staff shortages and have closed entire classrooms permanently. I cannot wait for him to turn five so that we can get him vaccinated. It can’t come soon enough! My 8yo’s school had a full 10% of the kids test positive for COVID just before Thanksgiving. I am just so done. My work has really suffered and I don’t know how to claw my way out of this hole.
Birthday parties says
Can we talk about children’s birthday parties when the parents harbor beliefs that you find repugnant? My neighbors – who are hardcore and vocal Trumpers – invited us to a birthday party for their children, who are the same age as my daughter (Kindergarten). We don’t interact with them at all, but I imagine a lot of the neighborhood kids (who my daughter plays with) will be there. Would you go? Really tempted to skip it based on the parents’ views, but maybe I’m being overly sensitive.
No Face says
I would go without hesitation. But I interact with people who disagree with me all the time. I also don’t have facebook, so I am blissfully unaware of most people’s political views.
Anonymous says
My 1st grader was invited to a birthday party by a family we don’t know. We RSVP’d yes and after that the family sent out info confirming that the (indoor) venue would not be checking vaccination status for kids because the party was booked before our area’s vaccine mandate for indoor activities was announced. I don’t know what to do. So I’m with you.
Anon says
that doesn’t make sense to me. don’t the rules apply to already booked events
Anonymous says
It makes sense to me, otherwise venues would potentially lose pre-booked business. If people can cancel with a refund, that’s not going to accomplish the mandate’s goal of driving additional vaccinations, it’s just going to hurt business owners.
Although, if this is an activity that’s open for walk-ins, and the party guests will be mingling with the public who showed up thinking that everyone’s vaccine status was checked at the door, that’s not great
Anonymous says
Your first grader is vaccinated, though, right? To me, that’s just a housekeeping thing; people need to know if they need to bring their CDC vaccine card, not, “yay, this is an anti-science-friendly venue! bring your mask so we can have a bonfire!”
Anonymous says
It’s not just housekeeping to want to know that the other kids have been vaxxed.
Anonymous says
I meant that it’s just housekeeping for the host to send that info out. Other people might want to know for decision-making purposes, but if it were that important to me, I’d refrain from RSVPing until I was sure.
*disclaimer* my entire family is fully vaccinated, I live in a high vax area, and I am much less risk-averse than most of the vocal people on this board. I’m more interested in mask requirements than vaccine status for an indoor birthday party.
NYCer says
Is your daughter friends with their daughter? You said you don’t interact with them at all, so I am guessing no? If that is the case, I would 100% skip it.
If your daughter is friends with their daughter, then I would decide whether to go based on party logistics. Is it outdoors or indoors, how many people, etc.
NYCer says
Oh, and I agree with later posters that if your issue is just with the parents being Republicans, then you should definitely get over that and let your daughter go. I thought you were worried about Covid in general, but if the kids are friends and you are otherwise comfortable with the party plans, then by all means, I would plan on going.
Anonymous says
Putting aside safety concerns (which you haven’t mentioned, so assuming you feel comfortable), I would go for two reasons: you might get to know the parents as people and parents, instead of just “Trumpers,” and two, putting your personal feelings aside to let your kid do something with friends and having your kid watch you navigate a situation with grace and tact is a valuable lesson for me that can start as early as Kindergarten. I’m a big kid birthday party person, tho: I know how it feels when you invite the whole class and only 3 kids show up. I always err on the side of let kids be kids and I will grit my teeth and go for the kids’ sake. Finally, if it is a party where there will be other parents, you can always stick to the sidelines and chat with them and limit your interaction with the hosts. If you put the shoe on the other foot, how would you feel if another parent was tempted to skip your kid’s party because they thought of you as “solely your political persuasion?”
anon says
+1 to all of this. I found myself in a similar situation when I took my DD to an outdoor party and the family’s very fancy garage was lined with Trump flags and various paraphernalia. It made me REALLY uncomfortable, and I made a mental note to be polite to the parents but not expect them to become part of our trusted circle of people. But, I’m not going to put that on my kid. She was there for a party with her friend. Also, little kid friendships change all.the.time. A year later, and my DD never even mentions this girl and I’ve seen the parents only a handful of times since the party.
Anonymous says
Is the issue covid or that you disagree with the parents? If the second, I would not let your feelings about the parent’s political beliefs be the deciding factor. Having everyone only socializing with like-minded individuals is a recipe for polarization. And, at some point you’ll have to teach your daughter how to disagree politely, or at least that not everyone sees the world the same way her parents do.
Anonymous says
If you don’t have health/safety concerns related to the pandemic or otherwise feel personally threatened by them, I would consider going. I feel like the only our democracy is to going to survive is if we can find ways to connect with people with different political beliefs. It’s not like you going or not going is going to benefit Trump. Go and consume mass quantities.
Anonymous says
Agree- I would go for the same reasons as well.
anon says
+1, plus it’s better to be on the good side of neighbors than bad, coming from someone who lived in a neighborhood with horrendous neighbors for a long time. It’s one day, a couple hours if that. Go for the kids.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t go just because many of the adults and kids are not likely to be vaccinated or wearing masks.
Spirograph says
Would you not go because you don’t agree with the parents’ politics, or because you’re concerned about how the parents’ politics would manifest in a risk to your child’s health? If you’re concerned about health risk, that’s one thing, but I would not reinforce your echo chamber or limit your kids’ social interaction by refusing to spend time with people who don’t agree with you. I would *hope* that politics don’t come up in conversation at a Kindergartener’s birthday party, and I’ve found that “Trumpers” can be perfectly pleasant people to interact with as long as you stick with neutral topics. And like others have said, it’s good to know your neighbors as human beings, not just their yard signs.
anon says
Do you teach your daughter that she should understand that other people might be different from her? And that people like different things and we should try to get along anyway? If so, you’d be a hypocrite to not let her attend the party.
jz says
I’m sorry. Am I crazy or is the idea that “Trumpers” simply have political differences a way too neat way of putting things? By going to a Trumpers’ party, you’re not celebrating difference in the same way that like going to a party of a friend with a different cultural or racial background. As an immigrant and a person of color, this wouldn’t even be a question. I wouldn’t go. Being at a party of someone who is actively hostile to my existence would make me really uncomfortable but it must be nice to not have to just think of that as a “point of view”
Anon Lawyer says
FWIW, I don’t think of it as just a “point of view” but I do think that white people who aren’t direct targets cutting off all Trump people isn’t necessarily going to deradicalize them in the long term. Having some of those lines of communications open might ultimately be important.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s going to de-radicalize them. I think I don’t want people like this in my life and exposing my kid to their repugnant values. To Spirograph’s point above, I think it’s very naive to think politics won’t come up at the party at all. They may not be discussing the nuances of what’s happening in the halls of Congress, but in my experience subtle racist, sexist and homophobic remarks and even pro-Trump, anti-Biden comments absolutely do come up on a regular basis with this crowd, including around young kids. The OP says they’re loud and proud Trumpers and that’s a very different category of people than the “nice white people” who held their noses and quietly voted for him.
Anon says
I’m with you. I’m white (albeit a minority religion) but am kind of stunned by how many people are just writing it off as political differences, like there’s a policy disagreement about the tax code and not Trumpers’ actively trying to destroy the lives of women and POC. Even in a red state I have met plenty of people who share my progressive values to be friends with. That doesn’t mean I can avoid the MAGA crowd completely – my automechanic has a Let’s Go Brandon sign, but I go to him because he’s a good mechanic and cutting him off would hurt me as much as him. And I’m pretty sure some if not all of our daycare teachers are in the 53% of white women that quietly voted for Trump, but quitting that daycare would only hurt my kid who is thriving there. But absent a reason like that, I see no reason to choose to be friends with people who have these abhorrent views. If my kid were close friends with the other kid, it would be a different story. But to choose to socialize with these people absent an existing friendship between the kids? No way. You can be civil to your neighbors without being friends and I see no reason for anything more than civility in this situation.
Cb says
How is everyone feeling about Christmas plans?
Currently keeping my fingers and toes crossed for our flight to Portugal on Friday – husband and I working from home, kiddo in nursery so he’s our weak link. I’m semi-confident we’ll get there and am not super worried about the plane (3 hours, everyone will have a negative test to board). Less confident on whether we’ll get back but if the borders are closed, school is likely closed as well so we’ll just stay with grandma and papa. I’m desperate to get off this plague island and get some sunshine.
Anon says
I hope it works out and you can enjoy the sunshine and grandparents!
We don’t celebrate Christmas and are just back from a (driving) vacation to Florida so Christmas break will be low key. Grandparents are visiting, school and work are closed and the weather will likely be cr*ppy, so likely a lot of art, board games, screentime, baking and maybe some sledding or ice skating if the weather cooperates.
Cb says
Ooh, that sounds like a nice chill time off.
Anonymous says
How is your husband feeling about the trip?
Cb says
He has chilled. Someone helpfully reminded me that flying wasn’t scary to me because I have been doing it weekly for 3 months, versus he’s had one flight in the last two years. We talked it through and honestly I think the prospect of being here with everything closed sounded so grim he’s facing his fears. We also snuck in a few days early for our booster appointments.
octagon says
How much do you and your family adhere to designated “times” in the day for certain things? DH has always had a lackadaisical approach to the clock — it drives me nuts but is what it is. But it’s becoming a real issue with keeping our 6yo on a schedule. Eg, bedtime is at 8:30, but I was out the other night and came home at 9:15 and kiddo was just then getting ready for bed! DH said that he lost track of time and forgot to give dinner until 8 (instead of 7) so everything else got pushed back. I got really upset because part of parenting is remembering to Feed Your Kid but his point was that so, it’s an hour, what does it really matter?
Obviously this is rooted in bigger issues but curious as to how other households manage this outside of making it to school on time (which is its own issue).
What time is it? says
We don’t adhere to any designated “times” just general parts of the day. Like, breakfast could be at 730 or 830, lunch is after nap, dinner is somewhere between 5 and 7(depending on how late nap and lunch went), and bedtime 8 or 9. It works fine for now. Our kid doesn’t go to daycare, he just goes over his grandparents house so we might be more strict if he did go to daycare.
rakma says
We’re pretty good about keeping to the schedule, in part because the kids (5 and 8) know it and like sticking to it. The exception is the start of the bedtime routine, about 2 or 3 times a week it gets pushed back by 15-30 minutes because the time between adults getting home and kids going to bed is just so short and sometimes we all need a little more down time before the pajama routine starts.
The 8yo would be OK with dinner being an hour later, and adjusts well if we push bedtime a little. The 5yo is an understandable mess after a full day of Kindergarten and really needs the schedule to keep her from a full on meltdown every night. Even that 15-30 minutes can be too much for her and usually results in tears and regressive behavior, so we know that going in. So basically, we stick to the routine because the routine works for us.
anon says
I have two high sleep-needs kids, so we are really determined to stick with the evening routine. This means that unless it is a really special occasion, my kids are getting in bed between no later than 6:45. This usually means dinner at 5:3, but occasionally dinner gets pushed back to 6:00 or we have lots of snacks with friends at 4:30 and skip real dinner; those changes aren’t an issue.
Beyond bedtime, everything else is more flexible. Kids need feeding in the morning, but that can be at 7:45 on a school day or at 9:30 on a weekend. Kids need lunch somewhere between 11 and 1 and ideally a quiet period in their room from 1-3, but that can be adjusted depending on other activities. But bedtime needs to happen.
What time is it? says
I don’t know what happened to my other comment – We don’t have set times for anything, we have approximate times depending on the activities of the day. So, breakfast could be at 730 or 830, lunch is after nap, dinner is between 5 and 7 (depending on how late nap was), bedtime is 8 or 9.
It works fine for us. Our kid isn’t in daycare, he goes to a family members house so we might have been more strict if we had more concrete start times like they have in daycare.
AwayEmily says
oh my goodness this would drive me nuts. We are very regimented. Both our kids are disasters if they don’t get enough sleep (and they wake up at 6:15 no matter what time we put them to bed), so we have a deep interest in keeping the dinner/bedtime routine on a strict schedule. Of course there are exceptions — my favorite night this summer was when we let the kids stay up late to make s’mores and watch the stars on my birthday. But in general, we are on the same page about timeliness. That being said, if I had kids who could deal on less sleep, then I can imagine being more relaxed about timing. Maybe our third kid will be one of those unicorns.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same here. I think our strict routines are driven by our first kid – we needed a nap and bedtime schedule otherwise he was a mess. We don’t deviate much from the bedtime routine of in bed by 7/7:30, as he’s up by 6 no matter what. This pushes dinner to around 5:30. Our younger one is a little more flexible and while we generally aim for a nap by 1, he’s ok if it starts later or is shorter. He could probably stay up later too, but he’s on our older one’s schedule as we enjoy those few hours to ourselves at night!
anon says
We were able to be much more flexible when my kids were babies and toddlers and still napping. Now that they’re 4 and 5 and can’t nap because of school, bedtime happening on time is much more important.
Anon says
I think we’re in between the two extremes? My 3 year old is high sleep needs and doesn’t nap at school, so we generally aim for a 6:30 bedtime on weeknights which of course requires doing things very efficiently between school pickup and bedtime. We frequently miss it by 15-30 minutes if she dawdles or something happens that makes any part of the routine take longer than normal, but it’s incredibly rare that she goes to bed later than 7 on a weekday. But on weekends when she naps we frequently push bedtime and of course when we’re traveling or out doing something routines go out the window. I know people who literally won’t travel because it would mess with their kids’ schedules, and that is wild to me. That said, it would be weird to me if I came home and my husband had just forgotten to feed her dinner, or pushed bedtime back by an hour.
Pogo says
I’m with you. If the timing gets off on bedtime, kid is a disaster the next day. My DH is also like yours on the time issue – not just with kids but with life and it drives me bonkers. We have very different views on punctuality, but only one of us has missed a transatlantic flight and had to sleep in a budget hotel at Charles de Gaulle. Guess who.
I solve this by delegating to the nanny who sticks to the letter of the law and always remembers to check how long kiddo napped for and adjust accordingly.
Anon says
LOL to the CDG story. Oh how I miss flying!
Spirograph says
We have windows rather than times (dinner is sometime between 6 and 7, lights out is 8:30 by default but give or take a half hour depending on how the day/week has gone), but 9pm is an absolute max for school night bedtime. Dinner at 8 would mean that it’s a quick dinner and unless someone is really dirty, we’re skipping shower and probably stories, too.
Weekends are more flexible, other than any scheduled activities. This is pretty kid-dependent, I suspect. Mine are old enough to hang for some timing shifts as long as we keep them fed. It was more important to be strict with sleeping times when they were younger.
Anonymous says
This is how we do it. If we didn’t build in some flexibility, we’d never be able to do anything. I have relatives who are absolute slaves to nap and bedtime schedules and they are always complaining about how stressed out they are, even as they lecture us about how a lack of structure is ruining our kids (it’s not).
NYCer says
+2.
OP, was this a weekend or a weekday? A one time thing or a pattern? If it was a one off and/or a weekend, I wouldn’t be worried about it at all. They could have been playing a really fun game/activity and legitimately lost track of time (though 8pm dinner is super late – I am surprised that neither your child nor your husband was starving at that point). This is obviously kid dependent, but one day of 9:30 bedtime is not going to cause a big issue for most 6 year olds.
Anonymous says
I have 3 kids. With 2 of them, it doesn’t matter and I’m much more like your DH. But my 3rd kiddo is so tied to routine that we really need to stick to a tight schedule or she goes sideways.
Anon says
My kids started asking if it’s dinner time at like 4pm so i think wwIII would break loose if it was delayed an hour. I too would be super annoyed especially bc I’d probably be the one dealing with the fallout the next day
GCA says
We’re moderates on sleep. Older kid (6.5) is low-ish sleep needs, he will routinely not fall asleep till 8.45 and then wake up around 5.30 or right before 6. Younger (3) has more ‘normal’ sleep needs (8pm-7am if no nap). Both are happy, energetic kids on their respective sleep schedules so we try to stick roughly to those.
The older they get, the more flexible I’m willing to be if we don’t have commitments the next morning – for example, we went to a winter holiday lights exhibit a few weekends ago so dinner and bedtime were late. But an hour late for something special is one thing, an hour for no particular reason at all other than ‘lost track of time and dinner was late’ would drive me a bit nuts.
Anon says
“But an hour late for something special is one thing, an hour for no particular reason at all other than ‘lost track of time and dinner was late’ would drive me a bit nuts.”
Agreed.
DLC says
I feel like I have an idea in my head what the schedule looks like, and it often is centered around how much longer I can bear to be with my children in a evening. (Like when I solo parent, bedtime is about 15 minutes earlier than normal) My husband has a different schedule in his head. But… for us, when one parent is solo parenting, the other parent generally doesn’t get to have a say in what the solo parent does (within reason). I just assume good intent and trust that my spouse is doing the best he can. Of course, I think we are lucky in that our kids happen to roll with things pretty easily and don’t get thrown off too much by shifts in the schedule.
Anonymous says
Kiddo is on the 3rd ear infection in <3 mos, and we just got an ENT referral. Any advice on ear tubes – what's the procedure & recovery like and did it make a big difference? It's not so much the ear infections themselves, it's the side effects from antibiotics that are wearing us all out.
Anon says
How old? First year in daycare? The year my daughter was 1 we had I think six ear infections in six months and probably would have had more except we went into Covid lockdown in March. Our ped wasn’t super eager to refer us for tubes and wanted to watch and wait. She said if it didn’t improve the following year then tubes made sense. She hasn’t had an ear infection since, despite lots of colds and other bugs like RSV. We did have reduced illness in general due to Covid precautions, but she had several colds last year that didn’t turn into ear infections whereas before every single cold resulted in an ear infection. I’m glad we didn’t put her through the surgery and recovery for something that was going to get fixed on its own.
SC says
My son had tubes placed around 22 months, so on the older side. The procedure was very easy, except Kiddo was quite disoriented and angry coming out of anesthesia, which is apparently normal. It was startling, but it didn’t last long. Recovery was fine, and he was back at school within a day or two of the procedure. It made a huge difference for our son–he had 4 ear infections in 7 months before the surgery, and has only had one since then.
Anonymous says
First non-lockdown winter in daycare, but I should add that there’s a long family history of ear infections, so I don’t expect things to improve – I still get them as an adult, as do other family members. She had a couple of mild colds last winter, but none that turned into ear infection.
anon says
My daughter had 3 sets of ear tubes (in part, because she’s genetically prediposed to ear issues). I mean this kindly but it’s really no big deal! And it will make your life much easier. Instead of wondering if it’s a cold/virus/etc and then learning it’s an ear infection after a doc appt you’ll have drops you can simply put in the ear when you see drainage. Heals faster without the unpleasant stomach side effects of oral antibiotics and avoids many trips to the doc.
FVNC says
Our now 4-yr old had tubes placed when he was 11 months, after 6 ear infections in 7 months (basically, constant ear infections once he started daycare). Super easy and quick procedure — like, 15 minutes, maybe? — and ZERO ear infections after. His tubes fell out sometime before he was 3, and there was no need to replace them by then. It was a very good decision for our family and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
anne-on says
This. Our kid had either 2 or 3 sets of tubes (11 mos, 2 yrs, and then they either replaced them or just looked at them when he had a sinus eval at 3, it’s all a bit fuzzy now). I’d do it again in a heartbeat – it wasn’t so much about the ear infections (which stunk) but about the absolute screaming night time wakings he’d have which meant none of us slept, then the 2-3 days off of daycare for the antibiotics to work, and the return check up at the pediatrician. I about cried when our ENT said sympathetically how hard that must be on a family with 2 working parents and that the disruptions to our life were important to consider too.
Anon says
Following. My son’s had 8 infections in 6 months, so he’s booked for ear tube surgery later this month. We decided to go for it because (1) constant antibiotics are bad, (2) he’s had fluid in his ears for 6+ months straight which is impacting his hearing and (3) constant disruptions in daily life, daycare, etc due to cold/fever/ear infection cycle.
anon says
How old is your kiddo? Mine had multiple ear infections in her first year and got tubes a week before turning 1. Honestly, the procedure was WAY worse for me than it was for her. It was super simple. I held her as they put her under in the OR, which admittedly was a hard thing to experience, but she was out and in the recovery room before I had recovered from that! The tubes helped so, so much. She’s had just one ear infection since the tubes but 1 in two years is pretty good relative to the 5 she had in about 6 months back in 2019.
FWIW, DD was on injectable antibiotics for her last two infections before the tube procedure. It was bad. I’d do the ear tubes a hundred times over again. It was really that simple.
Anonymous says
18 mos. The doc at our last urgent care visit mentioned injectable antibiotics, but our Ped is discouraging injectable antibiotics – she’s not convinced they’ll make much of a difference.
Team Tubes says
DO IT! Do it now. It’s a miracle.
Signed, we waited way too long to do this.
Anonymous says
Thanks, all! This is very reassuring and what I was hoping to hear!
Anonanonanon says
My son had tubes put in and adenoids removed when he was 4 or 5 and it was no big deal. It is always going to be scary to watch your kid go under anesthesia, no matter what. That was harder than I anticipated to be honest. But it did make a huge difference! One ended up having to be surgically removed but was really no big deal, almost zero recovery time needed.
Hello says
I’m on week 4 of my 12-week mat leave and it’s my first week without my husband and family help. Any advice or things you wish you knew during maternity leave?
Anon says
my advice depends if you are in freak out mode or in newborn bliss mode. I personally had a really hard time after my twins were born and honestly for me it was about surviving. I was very much taking it hour by hour, feed by feed. In retrospect i wish I’d spent more time sitting and enjoying some snuggles and not worrying so much that they’d develop bad sleep habits, but at the time i felt like i barely had time to eat and pee between feeds so if someone had suggested that to me, I’d probably have wanted to strangle them. The post partum time is very unique and a i would say my biggest advice is that there is no one right way to do maternity leave. You’re someone who can thrive on little sleep and wants to organize your whole house, cook freezer meals and read books- great. You’re someone who wants to nap while the baby naps and watch law and order reruns, that is equally great! Right now your job is to take care of your baby but also to take care of yourself
AwayEmily says
omg YES to not worrying about establishing bad sleep habits. I was so stressed out with my first about doing sleep “right” and in retrospect it was such a waste of emotional energy. With my second I knew we’d be doing CIO at ~12 weeks anyway so I just got him to sleep however I could (walk to sleep? sure! nurse to sleep? okay!) and it was so much less stressful.
Anonymous says
Agree. Spent so much time and energy trying to “get naps right,”trying cry it out for naps, etc, all of which just made me miserable.
Anon says
Good advice. You cannot set up bad habits with a 4-week-old (and, likewise, can’t really institute good habits either) so just focus on doing what works for each day. I definitely regret not making more time for TV and snuggles.
Spirograph says
Congratulations!
What I wish I knew: Schedules are not a thing for tiny infants. Don’t try to make too many plans. Sleep when your baby sleeps, and do not feel guilty about accomplishing absolutely nothing except feeding your baby. I actually found maternity leave a lot easier when no one else was around, because I didn’t feel the need to look like I was doing something, or to be generally coherent and make friendly conversation. I went for a walk around the neighborhood if the weather was nice, went grocery shopping or otherwise wandered in public if I felt like it (pre-covid, ymmv), but otherwise just kind of lounged around in comfy clothes intermittently napping and nursing while catching up on TV shows, reading and eating fruit, baby carrots, cheese, and other snack-foods that required little to no prep or cleanup. If your husband is expecting to come home to dinner on the table and a clean house because “you’ve been home with nothing to do all day,” shut that down ASAP. If your baby’s in an easy phase and you’re feeling well-rested, sure, but don’t set any precedents.
Anon says
Congratulations! I had a lot of trouble motivating myself to get out of the house and do things, but sadly Covid has probably made any related suggestions irrelevant. It helped to think of the day in terms of cycles if they got long or unbearable, but lounging around in jammies with the baby and watching Netflix isn’t a terrible way to spend leave.
Anonymous says
My advice for maternity leave is to figure out how to get a chunk of at least 6 hours’ uninterrupted sleep every night. This might mean having your husband get up with the baby in the morning, give a bottle, and get baby back to sleep before he goes to work so you can sleep 2 a.m. – 8 a.m. or something like that. Don’t let him give you any “I have to work so you need to take care of all the baby stuff and it doesn’t matter whether you sleep” nonsense.
AwayEmily says
This is really good advice. We did this by getting me my big sleep chunk early in the evening — I’d go to bed at like 8 and my husband would take the baby until 2 or so.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t know if this is possible in the Covid area, but with my first, I found those new moms/first time moms groups soo helpful. I was going through a lot at the time, on top of having my first kid, and having that support, as well as a set time and place to be somewhere once a week so helpful. Otherwise, agree to nap when the baby naps, and binge TV shows and books (I recommend the kindle app on your phone so you can read while feeding!) if you can. Depending on your weather, walks outside are nice too, just to break up the day.
Cb says
My city had buggy walks which were such a lifesaver, and are covid safe. My son was born well before covid and I went out everyday, I would take the bus and meet friends, go to the museum, or just sit in a cafe and drink tea and read. It wasn’t a schedule that would work for everyone but it kept me sane.
Anonymous says
If, like me, you have a baby who refuses to nap entirely or will only take a 15-minute nap when held, ignore all advice to nap when the baby naps. If you can go with the flow instead of trying to impose a schedule, life will be so much easier.
Likewise, if you have a baby who screams every night at the witching hour for no medical reason, don’t worry about trying to make the screaming stop once basic needs are met. Babies scream. Just let them. It’s way less stressful if you don’t feel obligated to make it stop. Again, go with the flow.
jz says
I wish I had done more outings with the baby during my leave but that was driven by PPA and just being afraid of being with the baby on my own and doing things “right.”
But also yes, generally worry less about schedules and sleep habits with a newborn (easier said than done) and not follow every baby how to instagram there is. Outsource stuff – don’t feel like just because you’re home you need to do anymore than just hanging with the baby. order takeout! get help from friends if you have it. I’m in a baby group with women who are very supportive and I wish I’d found them sooner as well.
Anonymous says
I enjoyed taking a daily walk (or two!) once I was healed. I may be odd but I always took a shower/put on makeup/got dressed everyday. It made me feel human. Towards the end of my leave i would take the baby and meet my husband for lunch. Otherwise there was a ton of binging tv or reading while the baby slept on or beside me. I’m a big fan of baby wearing. It does depend on the “type” of baby you have. My first was not fussy, my second had reflux so it was a rough first 6 months but I had learned to be kind to myself after pregnancy/childbirth.
AIMS says
Not sure where you are located but I had two winter babies and my leave (in NYC) got substantially better when I finally got a baby stroller muff for the stroller/car seat so I didn’t have to wrestle my newborn into a snow suit to go outside.
Don’t feel bad about not doing stuff. I really felt guilty that I wasn’t going to some mommy and me classes or doing some baby activity all the time but as someone else said just hanging out with your kid is fine and all you really need to do. Also, everything at this age is a phase. You’re doing great. And at around 9 weeks, your kid will not sleep and just eat an absurd amount in one night and you will think, “I can’t possibly survive this,” and then it will be over just like that.
Also, my kids are now 6 and almost 4 and all the things that seemed to matter so much in the first year – no one ever talks about or thinks about. Be gentle with yourself. Try to enjoy your leave. If you don’t always, that’s okay too.
Anon says
If you are using a baby carrier/wrap and trying to leave your house, put your shoes on first! That’s my main advice.
And if at all possible, try to get out of the house even for a short walk or to sit on your step every day. It can be hard but helps a lot with perspective.
Also, have someone cut up a bunch of fresh fruit or cucumbers for you – especially if you are nursing you get so dehydrated and helps to have something beyond all the water you’re drinking to restore that.
Anonymous says
Hahaha, so true! Although I did learn to put on my shoes and also use the bathroom while wearing the baby.
Anonymous says
And start using a baby carrier earlier!! For some reason I waited like 6 weeks with my first. Second was in the baby ktan within a week and it was SO MUCH EASIER to take walks (ymmv but my kids would never sleep in a stroller or car seat, either of them). I researched a lot on when it was safe to do the legs-out carry and was comfortable doing that early, but your pediatrician might have different advice for your baby.
Hello says
OP here: I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice!
Anon says
Thoughts on letting kids sleep in bed with you? My almost 4 year old has started asking to sleep in my bed all the time. I’ve let her do it a few times as a reward for something or for a holiday, and honestly I love it – we both sleep better and I enjoy the snuggles. Am I setting her up for bad habits for life is I let her do this on a regular basis?
Anonymous says
It’s all about what you can live with. If you can live with the constant demands to sleep with you, go ahead. Presumably she’ll want to sleep on her own soon enough. If you don’t want her sleeping with you every night, I wouldn’t allow it on special occasions either.
Anon says
If it works for both of you, do it. I have spent so much time worrying about “bad habits” that end up resolving themselves…seasons change, kids grow, and I’m always glad I made choices that prioritized connection over rigid boundaries.
If it’s starts to become a problem (for you, her or your spouse) then you can always change it. It seems a lot easier to make sleep changes with kids 4 and up than with babies – there’s some degree of logic and willing to accept bribes with older kids!
AIMS says
I slept in my mom’s bed on and off until i was about 10. I am perfectly fine as an adult.
I let my kids sleep with me when they are sick, if needed, for purely practical reasons because I don’t think that we would routinely all sleep better that way if it became a habit (and because Mr. AIMS would go sleep in their bed in that case and that seems like a weird path for our relationship to take).
Anonymous says
See, I don’t understand how people can sleep with their sick kids. Doesn’t that increase the likelihood that you will catch it, and that it will be worse if you do catch it? For so many reasons it is a disaster when I get sick, so I do everything possible to avoid it.
Anon says
I feel like you’ll catch it either way though, and co-sleeping gets you more sleep if the kid is waking frequently.